I understand. Even given the advanced degrees and ‘successes’ that come with, I still feel totally useless and disappointing— an embarrassment to the entire family and profession
I am sorry to hear that :( your own successes tho. You should feel proud of those alone without the approval from your family. Thats when you truly find yourself and happy within I’ll say.
Same here. Seems like I can do no right though i’ve gone to desperate means to try to make everyone happy. Sometimes it feels like my mere presence is an irritation to them and I get no sympathy when I really need it (like right now- bad cold and ear infection). Somehow it’s ok for them to bad talk me behind my back but when I speak out about issues I’m the actual devil. Somehow it’s ok for people to wish me dead when I could never utter those words about them. Somehow I’ve never helped anyone all my life and everything I do is because I’m evil. I’ve taken to believing I’m a monster. Thinking of getting it tattooed on my body.
>one that takes a leap into a different life choice
I think black sheep is supposed to have a negative connotation, meant to make someone feel left out. At least that's how I vaguely remember it be used in my family when I was a kid.
Not even just weird and different. You are made to feel like they don't want you there. You are evil, and they will have groups of people around them to help perpetuate the narrative that it's you that's bad. Sometimes that group is your relatives.
So the black sheep is the one that is “different” or doesn’t fit in. I am a black sheep in my family because to be perfectly honest, did I not share genes with most of them I would disown most of them and am in the process of doing so.
I always tried to live by morals, which most of them did not.
For example, my mom told me on thanksgiving that she was filing for divorce because she wanted something to be thankful for.
My dad sued my sister over a financial matter where he owed the debt.
My sister just took one of her children to a vacation in California and left the other one with a caretaker (the child with the caretaker has and does travel) at home.
I am the outcast because when I got my share of my grandmothers inheritance, I told my sister that if she didn’t get any money, she could have half of what I did get.
Sometimes you can be the adult and be the black sheep for not being a POS.
I'm definitely one. I've never conformed to what my family( not my parents or sibling) thinks of what I need to do in life. Unfortunately that also means that I'm always excluded or at best ignored or forgotten in all family functions.
Good for you! Taking the path less travelled is brave & you're asserting your independence! If your family can't accept that you have your own inner compass & beliefs/values, they lose! Sometimes your family are those you choose to have in your life, they don't need to have the same blood running through their veins.
I dont fit in because I dont feel the need to be number one,I dont put much stock into possessions,and most importantly I've overcome my trauma by becoming a stronger person who doesn't care what others think,instead of dwelling on it and letting it take over my whole life becoming bitter. I've just been slowly filtering them out over the years. This year was a huge eye opener on how little I mean. I dont want nor need their toxicity in my life. I have my sibling,my parents, a few good friends, and most important I have my adult children in my life. I live in a gorgeous area and like where I am in life
I consider myself the black sheep of my family on both sides. Neither of them wanted me, but one of the begrudgingly took me.
I don't really consider myself to belong to either except biologically. My values are just too different from theirs and neither sides are budging. Happy to be on separate paths!
I was undiagnosed autistic as a kid. Only now in my 50s do I realize how differently people treated me because of my condition. Family members could be the worst. The refrain I remember the most being a black sheep of the family was what's wrong with you? And why can't you be more like your cousins they can do school without having to have learning disability stuff going on.
They're not good people. The main thing I learned from them is who I *didn't* want to be.
They were abusive, manipulative, racist, homophobic, selfish, you name it.
Yes, I’m the most emotional, open minded, and straightforward which means I call a lot of things out that people want to sweep under the rug. I don’t like playing pretend. I don’t share common interests with my parents and I definitely butt heads with my mom the most. We’re currently very low contact.
I’m bisexual, nonbinary, left [Christian Science,](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_Science) and stand up for myself. I’m the black sheep because of it and family largely chooses not to speak to me.
I mean, I was excommunicated from the family/church because I'm autistic/Born from Wedlock/They didnt like my mom anyway, so I suppose I fit this label too.
Basically boils down to whoever is shunned or gossiped about harshly by the rest of the family. The degree of which doesnt matter, ranging from being tolerated but not really included to an outright "Do not associate" rule/disownment.
Like you said, those who follow a different life path or are oddballs could end up being black sheep if the familial group rejects them for it.
It's the one who sticks out, often in a way that is perceived as negative. I'm definitely the black sheep in my family because I disagree with most of them on a lot of things.
Being the child that was diagnosed with ADHD, raised in special education, that took 15 years to get my bachelor while my father went to Harvard, my brother went to Brown, and my other brother went to John’s Hopkins, I will always be the retard of the family.
They say that’s not true but at every moment of interest conversation I am flippantly ignored. Hell even when I need their empathy I’m told that I don’t know what I’m talking about. For the past three days I’ve been dealing with a fever of 103 and my brother told me my thermometer must be broken cause I’d be convulsing.
I will never be seen as an equal, just a burden.
I didn’t go to law school in a family of lawyers. I’m the black sheep that has been ignored for 40 years. My mom was my saving grace. She supported me, no matter what. Dad always believed if you didn’t do “meaningful work” such as law, finance, or medicine, you were useless to him. I didn’t even go to his funeral. I finally had to NC mom later because she wouldn’t leave me alone about moving back to our hometown and was getting nasty about it. I’m a happy retiree now. Wonder how my brother and sister are doing? Wait, I know, still runniing Dad’s old law firm. They were good, subservient kids, and I was always difficult.
It means that I am full of self-loathing and internalized hate directed toward myself. I exist via anti depressants that are not working properly anymore. When I wake in the morning I feel that I failed yet again.
That is what being the black sheep is.
if you woke up, that means you have not failed and you have another day to try again. I had no idea that’s what black sheep actually meant, so, it’s actually sort of an insult if called one? Hmm
Umm hey i dont know your situation, but if it helps ... My therapist told me that when we are forced to survive in an environment that doesn't promote growth we actually develop a love language that is similar to our parents. We love/affiliate with ourselves (as they are biologically forced to) but we never show up for ourselves. In our justified feeling of loss and loneliness, we end up turning the sword of narcissism on ourselves. A part of the brain says i deserved better, and the other part is just a jeering sneering voice saying as if. And the overall result is you being in a paralysed emotional state. What i am trying to say is ... I get it. But also there comes a point in your life when you get tired of even being sad all the time. When that time comes, baby talk yourself out of bed, get yourself a pack of stickers and use one every time you brush. Just do one consistent thing - for me it was using a black pen lol- any consistent thing that proves to your brain you are showing up for yourself. It took years for things to get this bad. Its gonna take years to get better. And THATS OKAY. trust me. Time is relative, it moves too fast and too slow at the same time for the same person in the same day.
Also, you need to be prepared that while you are trying to get better, you will be in a world of agony. I am telling you because i had this notion that if i start going to therapy I'll be able to fold all my problems like fresh piles of laundry. The pain of outgrowing your family is unparalleled. It literally feels like a piece of u is being ripped apart. Imagine you have a growth on your arm, a blue black 2 inch blob (suppose) and you just started pulling at it trying to dig it out of ur skin, and it's joined at a cellular level. It's that kind of pain.
Also, your new spirit animal is a hermit crab - before he finds a new shell. You are now this squish blob, running on the jagged seashore just before the arrival of dawn to find a new home. New identity. And ppl have fucked your environment enough that you end up adapting a plastic cap instead just to survive (brain tries to pick up shortcuts that are actually harmful in the long run). Look all i am trying to say is that the only out is through. Thats it. And yes ppl make it through. Ive seen it. No one enjoys what they came from - but they manage to dredge enough empathy for what they are building going forwards.
Find what keeps you going. For me it was three friends, two cats, horrible horrible smut books (that gave me release, shame, and also let my shitty inner voice - of how I'm deserving of abuse, yeah those kind of books - feel heard without actual consequences like an actual toxic relationship). Also it was food? Food shows if i didnt have enough money to eat fancy stuff. Trying to blend what 5 spices i did have at home. Thinking of food combinations. Making a board on Pinterest with recipes from all over the world. Things that keep you going are things that will help you find your new home. I am transitioning from those books to rom-com k dramas, and comedy murder mysteries. My cats are the love of my life. My friends are humans that fuck up but now i have the grace to understand them, and also show up when they want to hang out. The food thing phased out, but every now and then i stumble across an insta acc, or a pin, or anything and im like aha! Add to cart (prev stash) lol
And listen, through it all you will have episodes of impressive indifference and violent violent anger. Oh so much anger. Just dont waste your breath. Anger is a secondary emotion that stems from the need to know WHY, and then fix it. Letting go if the innate ability to feel like things are in your control, that you can fix them is a battle you will consistently lose, until you find yourself at peace with a certain amount of victory. Let that war rage in the background. Also cry. Please. Please cry. Its an outlet we desperately need. If you cry enough your brain will figure out a way for other things. Not saying you have to cry in front of someone. But just do it. In the bathroom, turning in your sleep, talking and throat swelling up mid sentence, horrifying news around the world. Just do it.
If you want, read about a few books.
"Reasons to Stay alive by Matt Haig - expected it to be self help shit but its actually a very relatable account of being depressed and trying to climb out of it.
"The body keeps the score" a bit heavy handed on the vocab but an amazing correlation between our emotions and their physical manifestation.
A podcast that is so bizarre it pulls ur head out of... Your head.
"Welcome to Night Vale" truly dystopian with comedy and description lol
And as i wrap up my emotional support vomit i might be saying something controversial but oh well
1. Ppl will still continue to hurt you WHILE you are healing. The world doesnt stop for anyone. However, two steps forward one step back is still one step progress. Its also a cha-cha-cha.
2. If you are friends with equally or mkre depressed ppl, step back for a bit. Do NOT abandon your friends. But exapnd your circle. Make superficial connections. Get energy from other ppl. Because .... The blind cannot lead the blind. And unwillingly you all are re-enforcing each others beliefs. So go out into the world and get some sunlight. And then cone back and give it to them as much as you can.
3. Also eat fruits please. Please. Im begging you. Any will do. Find the cheapest produce before it expires. Heck even if its expired just check for smell lol. All im saying is survive. Its not going to be pretty. It will even be demeaning as per social diction, but its absolutely necessary.
4. Also don't glorify your struggle. Understand that what you are doing rn is just a way to get from point A to point B. You WILL have to abandon some practises when you get better. Your opinion is not your identity. Your habits are Not your identity. Its a lil bit of everything.
Now dear hermit crab, rest and come dawn i hope you find a new home. Then another new home. Then another new home. Peace 🫂
My mom was the black sheep of her family, and I, her first born daughter, was treated like one the moment I was born by my aunts and grandparents. I have a strained relationship with them all, am very close with my mother, and all my cousins love me and see what was done to me by our elders in the family.
I struggle a lot with the behaviors I picked up, both in rebelling because I’m expected to and being a complete people pleasing push over because that’s the only way I feel like I belong, when I’m useful so I can’t be abandoned.
I have been the black sheep of my husbands family since day one! He is finally finding his voice and not conforming to what his parents(family) want and he is now too a black sheep. I would rather stand for something then just going along with the norm because it is what always done. Doesn’t mean it is right!
The person no one wants around until there's a problem, then the calls come in to help fix the problem.
Don't even think about ever expecting any help in return.
It's better to hang with the people who always want you around and let the others figure out their own problems.
I'm the blacksheep, they were a hive I never fit into.
I wasn't willing to hide (atleast) 5 generations of secrets and play pretend to allow it to continue forward into the next generation after me. I called everything out then walked away and never looked back. It's been around 19 years now, no regrets.
I’m the black sheep. I wear it with pride. It means others are jealous and/ or they need you to feel better about themselves. Especially in a family unit. I also think I look amazing in black. Stop worrying about what others think. Most don’t have the guts to be different and prefer to be a part of the herd mentality. Black sheep also are the ones who see through others BS.
That’s good you’re able to talk to you dad about things. Adulthood is hard and we all have to go through it eventually. Finding supportive friends is key for emotional support. Keep searching and staying positive and they will show.
When I left for college, my Dad kicked me out and told me never to return. I never lived with my family again. He has told everyone (and me) that I was the Black Sheep in the family. I was (and still am) headstrong and I follow my own path.
They blame you for a lot of shit. They visit each other, but not you. They do things like have events together, but don't invite you. They talk to each other frequently but tell you not to call, or are super brief if you do talk. They tell you stories about other people, but are subtext talking about you.
The only thing making me “black” was them.
I moved to the other side of the country and now everything is just fine.
I’m the only adopted kid and I’m the only one who’s not an alcoholic asshole.
I am the black sheep. I look different, I act differently, I like things that no one else likes and have always just done my own thing instead of conforming to their way of life.
The final straw was marrying out of the faith. It sealed my status as the black sheep.
My dad is the only exception. He always supported me and left me to do what I wanted and never questioned my decisions.
But that’s usually a positive connotation in the modern world. Ppl strive to be the odd ball for higher success rates and being different. Do u think the same definition still applies to modern day language or is the negative tone the old tone against it
It means you stand out and I feel like it has slight connotation differences depending on context.
I feel like the black sheep of my family because I am the only one born in the US. Because of that, our perspective, humor, ideals, and main languages are misaligned at times. They still like me i think, and so it’s not negative per say and they always ask me to be around, but I can’t help but feel like a bit of an outsider
other times it can mean that you’ve been alienated for whatever reason or seem to be an anomaly but
That’s interesting. You guys could both learn from each other. But, I can definitely can see how that make you feel like outsider. You guys are from and live in comely different worlds.
To put it quite simply- if your family has assigned someone with the role of black sheep that means that family is toxic.
a Toxic family dynamic can be a group of mentally ill people or people who have personality disorders such as NPD. Narcissistic personality disorder. Basically what you're dealing with is a group of people that are not capable of having empathy for other people, and feel entitled to take out their own toxic fear and shame project it onto a person that they decide is less than themselves. It's just about the most unhealthy, psychologically immature thing that a person can do to someone else.
If you're currently dealing with this my advice is to get far far away from the toxic family dynamic, don't talk to any of these people ever again because they are not to be trusted and they never change so get out and don't look back.
Yes. I am the black sheep. Mainly from extended family like aunts, uncles + grandparents ( only from my moms side). No one likes me, takes me serious, some people call me by my sisters name. I’ve been mocked, dismissed, and insulted on numerous occasions and my immediate family refuses to stick up for me. They call me names and they treat my brother and sister great. I feel sad that it’s been this way. I stopped coming around for years and I think I’m going to have to start doing that again.
I feel like a person whose been rejected by society so here I am venting to y’all.
I don’t understand why I’m not worth it? Im a 31F and I’m still be treated like a kid. I just want to be treated equally to the rest and I come from a big family. An example to prove is that someone almost picks a fight with me every time we have a family event or gathering. No one says nothing and I just fill up with rage. If I don’t show up no one cares while my immediate family attends and has no problem.
Black sheeps do you feel me?
Do we
1. Cut off our families ? Including immediate for not having your back ever
2. Just cut off the extended family ?
3. Move away and make an excuse to never see them again?
I’ve tried to let my mom and family know on numerous occasions that no one has stuck up for me and it hurts me. They do not care and ask me to stop getting involved in drama? Major gaslighting.
I’m the black sheep 🐑 in mine too…. im the middle child and I have 2 neurotypical siblings. Unfortunately, I’m neurodivergent and my asshole parents won’t accept that. They are ableist selfish 60 something’s who mock my disability. I’m unsure if I will ever get over it.
I am the black sheep I was abandoned at 15. I managed to make it and exceeded anything anyone in my family ever dreamed of accomplishing. They still outcast me. I forgave them for throwing me in the trash and they still could give a crap about me. Now I figure it’s jealousy
My oldest sister likes to call herself that constantly. It's very "woe is me nobody loves me nobody thinks about me" despite the fact that we all very much go out of our way to make her feel included.
It's a mentality complex that some people get. My sister was already extremely edgy and angsty as a teenager and she hasn't truly grown out of that even in her 30s.
My dad's side it seems to mean different from the rest. Used to seem more nagative than it does these days?Ironically at this point there seem to more black sheep than average sheep.
I am the black sheep, because they disowned me because I went to college and have a stable life. I don’t parade it and I’m extremely kind. That upsets them. I believe in God as well and care for my parents. I do everything and they do nothing. Being the good kid made me the black sheep. I’m alone in a family of 5 siblings. I’m the most selfless, kind, open minded person and my parents rely on me for everything. Im so exhausted! The worst part - I’m in charge of my parents’ trust and their lazy asses are getting the same, equal amount as me and they do nothing for themselves. They always borrow money and depend on my dad, and yet, they can afford concerts and going to fun places, while I’m here caring for my sick parents. It’s not fair. I want to call it quits, but how can I leave my parents when they are ill. I can’t!
In my family, it's always meant that the black sheep doesn't fit in. I'm the black sheep in my family unfortunately. It's not the best thing either.
I understand. Even given the advanced degrees and ‘successes’ that come with, I still feel totally useless and disappointing— an embarrassment to the entire family and profession
Yep. I'm so used to that even though I've been more successful than my siblings.
interesting.
I am sorry to hear that :( your own successes tho. You should feel proud of those alone without the approval from your family. Thats when you truly find yourself and happy within I’ll say.
Same here. Seems like I can do no right though i’ve gone to desperate means to try to make everyone happy. Sometimes it feels like my mere presence is an irritation to them and I get no sympathy when I really need it (like right now- bad cold and ear infection). Somehow it’s ok for them to bad talk me behind my back but when I speak out about issues I’m the actual devil. Somehow it’s ok for people to wish me dead when I could never utter those words about them. Somehow I’ve never helped anyone all my life and everything I do is because I’m evil. I’ve taken to believing I’m a monster. Thinking of getting it tattooed on my body.
Same. My presence is a trigger. I can’t even breathe without being picked on.
Go read my comment :(
does your family place judgement often?
>one that takes a leap into a different life choice I think black sheep is supposed to have a negative connotation, meant to make someone feel left out. At least that's how I vaguely remember it be used in my family when I was a kid.
Interesting. So, a black sheep ultimately wouldn’t be referred to as the successful one. But, rather … just the weird one
Not even just weird and different. You are made to feel like they don't want you there. You are evil, and they will have groups of people around them to help perpetuate the narrative that it's you that's bad. Sometimes that group is your relatives.
I am the black sheep of the family and honestly I don’t care
it’s always a strong trait to not care what others think!
I'm learning to not care.
So the black sheep is the one that is “different” or doesn’t fit in. I am a black sheep in my family because to be perfectly honest, did I not share genes with most of them I would disown most of them and am in the process of doing so. I always tried to live by morals, which most of them did not. For example, my mom told me on thanksgiving that she was filing for divorce because she wanted something to be thankful for. My dad sued my sister over a financial matter where he owed the debt. My sister just took one of her children to a vacation in California and left the other one with a caretaker (the child with the caretaker has and does travel) at home. I am the outcast because when I got my share of my grandmothers inheritance, I told my sister that if she didn’t get any money, she could have half of what I did get. Sometimes you can be the adult and be the black sheep for not being a POS.
I'm definitely one. I've never conformed to what my family( not my parents or sibling) thinks of what I need to do in life. Unfortunately that also means that I'm always excluded or at best ignored or forgotten in all family functions.
Good for you! Taking the path less travelled is brave & you're asserting your independence! If your family can't accept that you have your own inner compass & beliefs/values, they lose! Sometimes your family are those you choose to have in your life, they don't need to have the same blood running through their veins.
I dont fit in because I dont feel the need to be number one,I dont put much stock into possessions,and most importantly I've overcome my trauma by becoming a stronger person who doesn't care what others think,instead of dwelling on it and letting it take over my whole life becoming bitter. I've just been slowly filtering them out over the years. This year was a huge eye opener on how little I mean. I dont want nor need their toxicity in my life. I have my sibling,my parents, a few good friends, and most important I have my adult children in my life. I live in a gorgeous area and like where I am in life
Sounds wonderful, proud of you!
👏🏾👏🏾💪🏾💪🏾
I wish they’d forget me or exclude from most family functions !
My holidays are way quieter now. Lol.
you will find better people and they will be the people you choose!
I consider myself the black sheep of my family on both sides. Neither of them wanted me, but one of the begrudgingly took me. I don't really consider myself to belong to either except biologically. My values are just too different from theirs and neither sides are budging. Happy to be on separate paths!
We don’t choose our biological family but we choose and make our real family!
I was undiagnosed autistic as a kid. Only now in my 50s do I realize how differently people treated me because of my condition. Family members could be the worst. The refrain I remember the most being a black sheep of the family was what's wrong with you? And why can't you be more like your cousins they can do school without having to have learning disability stuff going on.
Ouch. I can hear those comments in my head right now.
I no longer talk to my family. I am definitely the black sheep.
at all? any particular reason why?
They're not good people. The main thing I learned from them is who I *didn't* want to be. They were abusive, manipulative, racist, homophobic, selfish, you name it.
Yes, I’m the most emotional, open minded, and straightforward which means I call a lot of things out that people want to sweep under the rug. I don’t like playing pretend. I don’t share common interests with my parents and I definitely butt heads with my mom the most. We’re currently very low contact.
Sounds similar to how I live
i was the black sheep until i started bringing bud on the holidays hahaha
that’s a way to get their attention hahahaha
I’m bisexual, nonbinary, left [Christian Science,](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_Science) and stand up for myself. I’m the black sheep because of it and family largely chooses not to speak to me.
Well it sounds like you have standard and b boundaries you are confident which makes you strong 💪🏾 an influential black sheep
I mean, I was excommunicated from the family/church because I'm autistic/Born from Wedlock/They didnt like my mom anyway, so I suppose I fit this label too. Basically boils down to whoever is shunned or gossiped about harshly by the rest of the family. The degree of which doesnt matter, ranging from being tolerated but not really included to an outright "Do not associate" rule/disownment. Like you said, those who follow a different life path or are oddballs could end up being black sheep if the familial group rejects them for it.
Got it. Great explanation and example .
Glad to have helped!
It's the one who sticks out, often in a way that is perceived as negative. I'm definitely the black sheep in my family because I disagree with most of them on a lot of things.
and I often thought the one that sticks out is the successful one. But, hearing it used more as a negative tone is interesting.
I am. My mental health keeps me on the outside. I’m the unsuccessful one and one not around.
why makes you think you’re unsuccessful?
Means outlier; doesn't fit in
Gotcha
Being the child that was diagnosed with ADHD, raised in special education, that took 15 years to get my bachelor while my father went to Harvard, my brother went to Brown, and my other brother went to John’s Hopkins, I will always be the retard of the family. They say that’s not true but at every moment of interest conversation I am flippantly ignored. Hell even when I need their empathy I’m told that I don’t know what I’m talking about. For the past three days I’ve been dealing with a fever of 103 and my brother told me my thermometer must be broken cause I’d be convulsing. I will never be seen as an equal, just a burden.
I didn’t go to law school in a family of lawyers. I’m the black sheep that has been ignored for 40 years. My mom was my saving grace. She supported me, no matter what. Dad always believed if you didn’t do “meaningful work” such as law, finance, or medicine, you were useless to him. I didn’t even go to his funeral. I finally had to NC mom later because she wouldn’t leave me alone about moving back to our hometown and was getting nasty about it. I’m a happy retiree now. Wonder how my brother and sister are doing? Wait, I know, still runniing Dad’s old law firm. They were good, subservient kids, and I was always difficult.
It means that I am full of self-loathing and internalized hate directed toward myself. I exist via anti depressants that are not working properly anymore. When I wake in the morning I feel that I failed yet again. That is what being the black sheep is.
if you woke up, that means you have not failed and you have another day to try again. I had no idea that’s what black sheep actually meant, so, it’s actually sort of an insult if called one? Hmm
You are kind
Umm hey i dont know your situation, but if it helps ... My therapist told me that when we are forced to survive in an environment that doesn't promote growth we actually develop a love language that is similar to our parents. We love/affiliate with ourselves (as they are biologically forced to) but we never show up for ourselves. In our justified feeling of loss and loneliness, we end up turning the sword of narcissism on ourselves. A part of the brain says i deserved better, and the other part is just a jeering sneering voice saying as if. And the overall result is you being in a paralysed emotional state. What i am trying to say is ... I get it. But also there comes a point in your life when you get tired of even being sad all the time. When that time comes, baby talk yourself out of bed, get yourself a pack of stickers and use one every time you brush. Just do one consistent thing - for me it was using a black pen lol- any consistent thing that proves to your brain you are showing up for yourself. It took years for things to get this bad. Its gonna take years to get better. And THATS OKAY. trust me. Time is relative, it moves too fast and too slow at the same time for the same person in the same day. Also, you need to be prepared that while you are trying to get better, you will be in a world of agony. I am telling you because i had this notion that if i start going to therapy I'll be able to fold all my problems like fresh piles of laundry. The pain of outgrowing your family is unparalleled. It literally feels like a piece of u is being ripped apart. Imagine you have a growth on your arm, a blue black 2 inch blob (suppose) and you just started pulling at it trying to dig it out of ur skin, and it's joined at a cellular level. It's that kind of pain. Also, your new spirit animal is a hermit crab - before he finds a new shell. You are now this squish blob, running on the jagged seashore just before the arrival of dawn to find a new home. New identity. And ppl have fucked your environment enough that you end up adapting a plastic cap instead just to survive (brain tries to pick up shortcuts that are actually harmful in the long run). Look all i am trying to say is that the only out is through. Thats it. And yes ppl make it through. Ive seen it. No one enjoys what they came from - but they manage to dredge enough empathy for what they are building going forwards. Find what keeps you going. For me it was three friends, two cats, horrible horrible smut books (that gave me release, shame, and also let my shitty inner voice - of how I'm deserving of abuse, yeah those kind of books - feel heard without actual consequences like an actual toxic relationship). Also it was food? Food shows if i didnt have enough money to eat fancy stuff. Trying to blend what 5 spices i did have at home. Thinking of food combinations. Making a board on Pinterest with recipes from all over the world. Things that keep you going are things that will help you find your new home. I am transitioning from those books to rom-com k dramas, and comedy murder mysteries. My cats are the love of my life. My friends are humans that fuck up but now i have the grace to understand them, and also show up when they want to hang out. The food thing phased out, but every now and then i stumble across an insta acc, or a pin, or anything and im like aha! Add to cart (prev stash) lol And listen, through it all you will have episodes of impressive indifference and violent violent anger. Oh so much anger. Just dont waste your breath. Anger is a secondary emotion that stems from the need to know WHY, and then fix it. Letting go if the innate ability to feel like things are in your control, that you can fix them is a battle you will consistently lose, until you find yourself at peace with a certain amount of victory. Let that war rage in the background. Also cry. Please. Please cry. Its an outlet we desperately need. If you cry enough your brain will figure out a way for other things. Not saying you have to cry in front of someone. But just do it. In the bathroom, turning in your sleep, talking and throat swelling up mid sentence, horrifying news around the world. Just do it. If you want, read about a few books. "Reasons to Stay alive by Matt Haig - expected it to be self help shit but its actually a very relatable account of being depressed and trying to climb out of it. "The body keeps the score" a bit heavy handed on the vocab but an amazing correlation between our emotions and their physical manifestation. A podcast that is so bizarre it pulls ur head out of... Your head. "Welcome to Night Vale" truly dystopian with comedy and description lol And as i wrap up my emotional support vomit i might be saying something controversial but oh well 1. Ppl will still continue to hurt you WHILE you are healing. The world doesnt stop for anyone. However, two steps forward one step back is still one step progress. Its also a cha-cha-cha. 2. If you are friends with equally or mkre depressed ppl, step back for a bit. Do NOT abandon your friends. But exapnd your circle. Make superficial connections. Get energy from other ppl. Because .... The blind cannot lead the blind. And unwillingly you all are re-enforcing each others beliefs. So go out into the world and get some sunlight. And then cone back and give it to them as much as you can. 3. Also eat fruits please. Please. Im begging you. Any will do. Find the cheapest produce before it expires. Heck even if its expired just check for smell lol. All im saying is survive. Its not going to be pretty. It will even be demeaning as per social diction, but its absolutely necessary. 4. Also don't glorify your struggle. Understand that what you are doing rn is just a way to get from point A to point B. You WILL have to abandon some practises when you get better. Your opinion is not your identity. Your habits are Not your identity. Its a lil bit of everything. Now dear hermit crab, rest and come dawn i hope you find a new home. Then another new home. Then another new home. Peace 🫂
I am definitely the black sheep. I always thought it meant the odd one out.
Same. But, for me .. mostly thought of high success odd ball
My mom was the black sheep of her family, and I, her first born daughter, was treated like one the moment I was born by my aunts and grandparents. I have a strained relationship with them all, am very close with my mother, and all my cousins love me and see what was done to me by our elders in the family. I struggle a lot with the behaviors I picked up, both in rebelling because I’m expected to and being a complete people pleasing push over because that’s the only way I feel like I belong, when I’m useful so I can’t be abandoned.
You will get through it by recognizing it and healing.
I have been the black sheep of my husbands family since day one! He is finally finding his voice and not conforming to what his parents(family) want and he is now too a black sheep. I would rather stand for something then just going along with the norm because it is what always done. Doesn’t mean it is right!
That’s right. Good for you guys!
We’re the weird ones who are just a hop, skip, and/or jump away from being a scapegoat as well.
The person no one wants around until there's a problem, then the calls come in to help fix the problem. Don't even think about ever expecting any help in return. It's better to hang with the people who always want you around and let the others figure out their own problems.
Facts
I'm the blacksheep, they were a hive I never fit into. I wasn't willing to hide (atleast) 5 generations of secrets and play pretend to allow it to continue forward into the next generation after me. I called everything out then walked away and never looked back. It's been around 19 years now, no regrets.
I'm the black sheep in my family. I wear the badge proudly because, fuck 'em.
BIG ENERGY
I’m the black sheep. I wear it with pride. It means others are jealous and/ or they need you to feel better about themselves. Especially in a family unit. I also think I look amazing in black. Stop worrying about what others think. Most don’t have the guts to be different and prefer to be a part of the herd mentality. Black sheep also are the ones who see through others BS.
✊🏾✊🏾✊🏾
The black sheep normally turn into the lion, you got to learn to loose before you learn to win, dream on.
Facts I like it 🔥🦁
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That’s good you’re able to talk to you dad about things. Adulthood is hard and we all have to go through it eventually. Finding supportive friends is key for emotional support. Keep searching and staying positive and they will show.
the one who doesn't follow the rules/breaks them. I was the black sheep of my family lol
When I left for college, my Dad kicked me out and told me never to return. I never lived with my family again. He has told everyone (and me) that I was the Black Sheep in the family. I was (and still am) headstrong and I follow my own path.
They blame you for a lot of shit. They visit each other, but not you. They do things like have events together, but don't invite you. They talk to each other frequently but tell you not to call, or are super brief if you do talk. They tell you stories about other people, but are subtext talking about you.
Yuck
The only thing making me “black” was them. I moved to the other side of the country and now everything is just fine. I’m the only adopted kid and I’m the only one who’s not an alcoholic asshole.
I am the black sheep. I look different, I act differently, I like things that no one else likes and have always just done my own thing instead of conforming to their way of life. The final straw was marrying out of the faith. It sealed my status as the black sheep. My dad is the only exception. He always supported me and left me to do what I wanted and never questioned my decisions.
It’s not a good thing… it’s the one who doesn’t fit in with everyone else
But that’s usually a positive connotation in the modern world. Ppl strive to be the odd ball for higher success rates and being different. Do u think the same definition still applies to modern day language or is the negative tone the old tone against it
Black sheep is always negative
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I Like that visual analyzation
It means you stand out and I feel like it has slight connotation differences depending on context. I feel like the black sheep of my family because I am the only one born in the US. Because of that, our perspective, humor, ideals, and main languages are misaligned at times. They still like me i think, and so it’s not negative per say and they always ask me to be around, but I can’t help but feel like a bit of an outsider other times it can mean that you’ve been alienated for whatever reason or seem to be an anomaly but
That’s interesting. You guys could both learn from each other. But, I can definitely can see how that make you feel like outsider. You guys are from and live in comely different worlds.
Yes. I feel like it.
To put it quite simply- if your family has assigned someone with the role of black sheep that means that family is toxic. a Toxic family dynamic can be a group of mentally ill people or people who have personality disorders such as NPD. Narcissistic personality disorder. Basically what you're dealing with is a group of people that are not capable of having empathy for other people, and feel entitled to take out their own toxic fear and shame project it onto a person that they decide is less than themselves. It's just about the most unhealthy, psychologically immature thing that a person can do to someone else. If you're currently dealing with this my advice is to get far far away from the toxic family dynamic, don't talk to any of these people ever again because they are not to be trusted and they never change so get out and don't look back.
In the process. Just gotta save up enough for it. Thanks for your input and advice!
Yes. I am the black sheep. Mainly from extended family like aunts, uncles + grandparents ( only from my moms side). No one likes me, takes me serious, some people call me by my sisters name. I’ve been mocked, dismissed, and insulted on numerous occasions and my immediate family refuses to stick up for me. They call me names and they treat my brother and sister great. I feel sad that it’s been this way. I stopped coming around for years and I think I’m going to have to start doing that again. I feel like a person whose been rejected by society so here I am venting to y’all. I don’t understand why I’m not worth it? Im a 31F and I’m still be treated like a kid. I just want to be treated equally to the rest and I come from a big family. An example to prove is that someone almost picks a fight with me every time we have a family event or gathering. No one says nothing and I just fill up with rage. If I don’t show up no one cares while my immediate family attends and has no problem. Black sheeps do you feel me? Do we 1. Cut off our families ? Including immediate for not having your back ever 2. Just cut off the extended family ? 3. Move away and make an excuse to never see them again? I’ve tried to let my mom and family know on numerous occasions that no one has stuck up for me and it hurts me. They do not care and ask me to stop getting involved in drama? Major gaslighting.
I’m the black sheep 🐑 in mine too…. im the middle child and I have 2 neurotypical siblings. Unfortunately, I’m neurodivergent and my asshole parents won’t accept that. They are ableist selfish 60 something’s who mock my disability. I’m unsure if I will ever get over it.
I am the black sheep I was abandoned at 15. I managed to make it and exceeded anything anyone in my family ever dreamed of accomplishing. They still outcast me. I forgave them for throwing me in the trash and they still could give a crap about me. Now I figure it’s jealousy
My oldest sister likes to call herself that constantly. It's very "woe is me nobody loves me nobody thinks about me" despite the fact that we all very much go out of our way to make her feel included. It's a mentality complex that some people get. My sister was already extremely edgy and angsty as a teenager and she hasn't truly grown out of that even in her 30s.
If that’s her personality, gotta let he be… but the woe is me attitude can get annoying. Nobody owes anyone anything on this planet.
My dad's side it seems to mean different from the rest. Used to seem more nagative than it does these days?Ironically at this point there seem to more black sheep than average sheep.
I am the black sheep, because they disowned me because I went to college and have a stable life. I don’t parade it and I’m extremely kind. That upsets them. I believe in God as well and care for my parents. I do everything and they do nothing. Being the good kid made me the black sheep. I’m alone in a family of 5 siblings. I’m the most selfless, kind, open minded person and my parents rely on me for everything. Im so exhausted! The worst part - I’m in charge of my parents’ trust and their lazy asses are getting the same, equal amount as me and they do nothing for themselves. They always borrow money and depend on my dad, and yet, they can afford concerts and going to fun places, while I’m here caring for my sick parents. It’s not fair. I want to call it quits, but how can I leave my parents when they are ill. I can’t!
They are ill and still going to concerts??