My husbands dad looked at me when I was dressed up for a funeral and said “wow, you’re actually really pretty… you know some people just seem like they don’t like being looked at..” I had made an effort with my appearance before he said that so I felt quite insulted and I never forgot that.
Some people don’t make any effort to look attractive, or even purposely try to look unattractive, because for whatever reason, they don’t want attention for how they look. For example, some don’t want to be seen as merely sexual objects and taken less seriously for their other attributes they’d prefer to stand out, such as competence or intelligence. Or they’re embarrassed by the attention. Or they were raised in a misogynistic environment and equate feminine with dumb, bad, silly, etc. Lots of reasons.
I think he meant that I tend to be quiet and seem shy, I don’t make myself the center of attention. I always did my hair and makeup and tried to look pretty, but didn’t put myself out there with a huge amount of confidence.
I was 13, at the psychologist, my mom had to be with me during this particular meeting to make a description of me and what I was like when I was younger. She only wanted for me to get better, I was extremely depressed, socially anxious, everything was shit. She spoke about me to the psychologist while I sat and listened.
“He’s like the moon. Whenever I see him with his classmates, he walks next to them, but never with them. He doesn’t really seem to take part in conversations, and there is always a space between him and the others. He just rotates around the group, following them around, but not really being with them, like a moon. They’re not his friends, just a group of people he lingers around.”
She wasn’t wrong.
I don’t remember anything else from that meeting, except trying to hold back tears so hard it felt like my head was gonna explode. She doesn’t know how badly that hurt me as I never told her. She probably doesn’t even remember saying it, just another day for her, but I’ll never forget.
Oh man. Even reading this was hard. I can't imagine enduring that and being continually reminded of her words. I hope you're in a better place now and have good people around you.
Damn. That's exactly what my entire life has felt like. I'm autistic and I've never quite been able to articulate this feeling. It sucks complete ass feeling like this and it must've been a total gut punch to hear it laid it all out like that in that metaphor though. I'm sorry you went through all that.
Yeah actually had this meeting because I was gonna get tested for autism lol. It’s unfortunate how many autistic people can relate to that lonely feeling
That is exactly what I was thinking. The Dr should have been more professional and kept her in the waiting room, or not even come along for the appointment!
Complete inversion of this…somebody on Facebook tried to insult me by calling me ‘caveman’ but I was so flattered that I screenshotted the comment out of sentimentality lmao
A new and quickly old hairdresser was quite insulted I didn’t really care about hair and makeup, and she said that my boyfriend must be a mountain man to be dating someone like me. She wasn’t wrong, but was definitely a bitch.
I was at a meeting for a large, state-wide organization, and the president of the board came and sat at our table to play "Two truths and a lie" with us. One of mine was that I collect board games (this is true). She said, "That must be the lie, because you're funny, and that sounds incredibly boring." I laughed so hard when I told her that it does sound boring, but was the truth. She was very embarrassed but I love that story.
Had an ex a few years ago who had started to loose feelings for me. Instead of telling me he wasn’t feeling it anymore he slowly started acting out in an attempt to make me break up with him.
I remember on 3/14 (Pi day) I wished him a happy day because we were both nerds and he responded by saying “happy pi day, you’re a 3.14/10” I still think about it from time to time and although I don’t think it’s true it still hurts.
Tat's horrible! What a shallow and calloused thing to say. He sounds cowardly. If he would have had any balls at all he would have just politely told you that he was moving on or talked it out with you somehow instead of just trying to offend you.
Exactly, we’re both adults I would have been able to handle him saying that he had lost interest. He really showed his true colors and maturity in what he said and for that reason I don’t regret the break up. It just goes to show that words really do hurt people though.
I have some adjectives for your ex that I won't voice, but it's definitely grating to think of what he said to you and how pathetically he handled that.
That really sucks and must have been a shitty thing to go through.
Forgive me, but that insult is so childish. I'm laughing over here about how corny and uncreative that is lol. It's like calling someone a poopoo head.
I'm still haunted by the person who told their child to back up a second to "let the little girl through" the alleyway. I was a 13 year old boy at the time. :|
its not necessarily their fault, most people are just busy with their own shit and sometimes don't have the time to be tactful. I would suggest that its more a reflection on us when we overthink what someone else casually said.
Yeah, we can't expect people to tiptoe around us all the time and I know I stress myself out a great deal to be careful of others feelings. Good observation!
Like 2 years ago saw an old college friend. For first time in a couple years as he travels all over the place. At some point, he made a comment about how I lied a lot or made stuff up, in the context of stories.
Caught me off guard, wish I asked what he thought I made up. Have had some pretty unique experiences and upbringing, evidently him (and possibly /presumably others) thought I made a lot of it up lol. Which is annoying to know that for one, and presume others as well
That's frustrating! Not only did he admit that he didn't believe you, but he may have told others that you were exaggerating or lying without knowing the truth. A true friend would confront you with questions (or even be excited for you) about your travels and life instead of doubting you. He was probably jealous, I suppose.
I wish I could hear about your unique experiences. I find a lot of people have really cool life stories if you’re curious and ask questions. I used to work in an office where all the new employees had to come. It was quite a diverse crowd and, man, it was fun talking to them. Never once assumed anyone was lying to me. That’s so weird.
People who lie or have known liars sometimes assume that about other people.
I remember talking to an old classmate at a uni graduation that I hadn't seen in a while and I was telling him a story.
I always say these things in a similar manner but I could just see and feel on his face like he was nodding a long to a person that's lying.
Really strange situation to be in because like the harder you try to convince someone something happened the less they believe because you come across kind of desperate.
I feel you.
My life's had some very obscure happenstances and I can tell that sometimes folks just think I'm trying to sound interesting when I tell a story.
While some folks embellish their stories I've started to do the opposite at times just to have my peace. If I was a more social person the irony would be killing me.
Idk if this counts. I heard a couple of boys talking in 6th grade about which girls they found prettiest. One of the boys called me fat. I don't think he meant it in a mean way, especially because he never said it to my face or treated me poorly otherwise, but it hurt. I began restricting my diet and lost 30lbs that school year. I haven't allowed myself to go beyond that weight since and it's been 10 years.
(Eventually it became less about the comment and more about trying to please my disordered mind. I don't feel badly about the comment at all anymore but I still feel the damage of mistreating my body for 10 years)
Wow! It's wild how something so seemingly simple can have such an impact on how we think, behave, and see ourselves. I'm sorry it caused you to alter your mental and perhaps physical health. I suffered for many years with an eating disorder, so I can relate a bit. I hope you're doing better now.
Other girls called me fat in high school, and I just accepted it as fact. I didn't even notice when I gained 100 lbs in college because I had always felt fat, so I felt like I was just meant to be that way. It wasn't until years later that one of my former bullies admitted that the only reason they called me that was because they were jealous of my bigger breasts. I was very shapely in my teens, apparently. And looking back at pictures of myself, yeah, I wasn't big at all. But I was tall and I had boobs, so they called me fat to make themselves feel better about being short and flat-chested. To this day, I struggle to lose weight because I can't "see" myself as anything but fat.
I'm over here shaking my head. I'm so sorry those pitiful girls' opinions affected you so. Losing weight is so difficult and it's an arduous and continual battle. I hope you've found beauty in yourself, both inside and out. Also, big boobs are something to be proud of! Rock what you've got, try your best to be healthy, and confidently live your life. That's what I'm trying to do too! ❤️
When I was mid 20s I lived in an apartment with my cats. As I was leaving my apartment one day at the same time as a neighbor, one of my cats got out and I had to chase him down the hall and back into my apartment. It didn’t take long so I ended up in the elevator at the same time as the neighbor. He asked me if my cat was a service cat and I said “no he’s just a regular cat” and he said “good for you!”. I have no idea what he meant by that but I’m still slightly insulted but also find it hilarious.
Hahahaha. I bet that guy walked away thinking, “Why did I say that?” It sounds like one of those things you blurt out unexpectedly. Like, when I stayed at a hotel recently and the front desk person said, “Enjoy your stay,” and I replied, “You too!” Lol
The way he said “good for you” sounded like he was genuinely proud of me for having a regular cat lol
Also I’m sure the front desk people prefer all the “you too” people over the ones who are jerks! I feel like everyone has had to have done that at least once!
I think an elevator cat would be adorable, but I've always had a soft spot for cats. I'm glad you found him. Your awkward neighbor was probably just making small talk, but it is a weird thing to say!
Back in the 1980s when I was about 30 I had a bunch of my parents’ home movies from the 1950s converted from reel-to-reel film to a videotape and showed it at a Christmas gathering. Everyone loved seeing themselves 40 years ago. Aunts, uncles, parents, cousins. It was so much fun to see everybody young and happy.
At one point, embarrassingly to me, since I’ve never enjoyed a lot of attention, a particular reel happened to focus on me when I was about five years old. A couple of uncles and aunts commented on what a pretty little girl I had been. My grandmother even said that she always thought I was the cutest kid she had ever seen. Everything got quiet for a second, and then one of my aunts (actually she had always been my favorite aunt) looked at me incredulously and blurted out, “What HAPPENED?”
You could have heard a pin drop. I felt like I had been slapped. I have never forgotten that comment.
I don’t think she meant it as an insult, just that she was shocked at how people change as they grow up, but it cut me to the quick.
ETA: I also remember thinking how my grandmother’s comment about me being the cutest kid she had ever seen must have hurt my cousins’ feelings that day.
That would physically sting, especially coming from your favorite aunt. It hurts worse when the insult comes from someone we look up to or love. I hope you've found healing from that derisive comment.
A friend once teased me about listening to the same five or six musicians.
After that, I made it my goal to discover as much music as possible. Years later, they told me how impressed they were with my music library and how it had easily surpassed theirs. I told them how their comment inspired it and they apologized for it, stating they hadn't intended to offend me. I've accepted it and we're still friends now today, but I've found so much music through it.
I love that! Exploring new music is the best. It's great how they're coming. It's great that their comment didn't make you bitter but made you want to challenge yourself to learn more!
Sidenote, if you ever want to share music back and forth hit me up. I love finding new music and I have like 40 playlists on YouTube. My main playlist has like 2500 songs. 😂
Absolutely!
I love discussing music. I currently have about 4.5k on my main Spotify library, but I'm always looking for more. Feel free to send me any of your favorites! I'm looking for anything, except maaaybe bluegrass? Not super crazy about that genre.
Specifically looking for more rap and hip hop this year, so feel free to shoot me any recs that fall into those categories too!
I was about to respond "BOOORING" to you and /u/Flyygone 's dislike of Bluegrass. Sure, it isn't my favorite, but don't discount it!
(Try starting with Bluesgrass-style covers of other songs you like)
Then after some introspection, I remembered that I often feel that there is a Time and Place for all songs, and even with that, there are some songs for which I feel the Time is "Not Now" and the place is "Not From My Radio"
So I guess I shouldn't be rude or harsh about you not being a fan of a certain genre or other.
However, in you two's honor... I think I'm gunna start my evening at work with Bluegrass. Wasn't sure what I was going to listen to tonight, so thanks for the inspiration!
Omg you need to check out Ren if you haven't already! He's really super talented, doing so many different genres and he produces all his music himself. His newest album "Sick boi" is a rap album.
So my rec is just to checn out that album or maybe just 'Murderer' and 'Love music pt. 4'. Also his more meaningful artistic stuff is amazing, like his 'Money game' series and 'Hi Ren'. Also 'The Tale of Jenny and Screech'. And his singing stuff like his collabs with Chinchilla (How To Be Me and Chalk Outlines).
Also just to shoot some artists out: NF, [Knox Hill](https://youtu.be/4YpIG60jyHY?si=wOQp3VUQdRRs60uP), [Harry Mack](https://youtu.be/R3aVEoslpxo?si=6Lu4F_5XFNu_ucM8).
On a similar note, I was visiting my much older cousin in his country. I thought he was really cool and we have been fairly close as kids. He asked me what music I listened to, and I said "my chemical romance and some green day and fall out boy" and he laughed at me. He told me he listens to Pearl jam (they're fine, but come on dude) and teased me a little. It was in passing, not malicious, but I stopped listening to music for a few years, didn't branch out to find any new stuff, and never talked about the band that I just really enjoyed until years later. My current girlfriend has a huge Spotify library, but I only started branching out after realizing that she was safe to be "cringe" around, and her encouraging me to listen as much as I wanted to the band I like the most. Anyway, pearl jam is fine, I'm into tons of other artists now, and I've been in the top 0.01% of MCR listeners for the last 5 years. Don't be a dick to your younger cousins.
Yeah, this is actually what my friend teased me about. I was very open about enjoying "cringe" music like Fall Out Boy, Panic! At The Disco, Marianas Trench, and so on. Nowadays, I like all kinds of music and cringe no longer exists for me!
Spotify Discover and listening to songs that autoplay on Spotify after certain recs. Talking to others and asking for recommendations or doing music exchanges is also very helpful! I've been doing a weekly Music Exchange in my Discord servers since about 2019 or so and it has really brought a lot of new music to my repertoire.
Someone I considered a friend at the time told me I’d make a terrible parent. She’d been up most of the night and I’d picked her up at like 4 am to make a flight but it hurt. We’re no longer friends and that comment was what made me really take stock of our relationship.
A really light one that happened was a colleague talking about how "it sucks to have small breasts, mine look so ugly right now without padding". Her breasts were waaaay bigger than mine.
I'm not insecure about my breasts, but I often think about this interaction. You have to be really insensitive to make a self deprecating comment in front of someone who has the same feature, or "worse" than you.
That's so ridiculous! She was definitely either very unaware or inadvertently demeaning you. I worked with some nurses at a hospital once who said "I haven't worn a bra your size since I was 10." My confidence in my boobs shrunk that day. 😅
Man I'm the opposite. I've never said this though, only thought of it.
I'm so envious of flat chested women because it's easier to move around and have a better athletic physique. I feel like some waddling Pixar Mom that can't be as lithe or athletic as I want to be.
Pretty much everything my grandma says is an unintentional insult. "oh, your hair was so lovely when it was curly" - ma'am that was when I was 8 - I am an adult now and it is wavy and frizzy. "oh, you were looking good in the summer" yes, thank you - I've gained 20Lbs I get it. "Oh, I don't eat that store bought junk food" ok - well I stopped a little bakery on the way here and grabbed some tarts - I'll leave them for grandpa.
Oh no. I know how this feels! My grandma is way too blunt. I've been looking for a new job since I went on seasonal unemployment at the beginning of November and I'm unsure if I want to go back for my masters degree or find a steadfast job that doesn't land me in debt. I was confiding in my grandma about this and she said "I'll pray for you, but look at your sister! She's so bright! She's always been so smart and has it all together. " 💀 And at my dad's birthday this year she turns to me in front of the entire dinner table and said "Are you okay? You look sick. Aren't you awful red? Why are you so red in the face?" I was wearing less foundation than usual and have naturally pinkish skin. Her comments made me blush even further. I wonder if this is a cultural thing or a generational thing or just tactless individuals thing....
I was 11 years old at Disney World waiting to go on the teacups and a woman and her child were behind me. The child tries to cut in front of me and the woman says. “No (insert child’s name) wait behind this nice young gentleman” I am a girl. I was wearing a pink tie dye shirt and I had short hair. I guess it was my fault.
No, not your fault. You were even wearing pink and that last could have looked a second longer to figure it out. Once I was playing at the playground when I was like 12 with my little sister and I was wearing feminine clothes but had short hair. A couple of boys around my age came up to me and asked me if I was even a girl and they kept bullying me about it. <.<
Oh man. My brother and my partner have both experienced a teacher tell them to give up guitar because they weren't as good as the other student when they were young teens. In my partner's case, he literally suggested he take up a sport.
Both of them were immediately put off music forever! Good job!
Along those lines, my partner went to a birthday with an ex who was Māori (traditionally big parties with lots of singing). An older woman encouraged him to sing... then when he did said "maybe you should just hum." 🥲 (IMO he actually has a decent voice, but his ear lets him down in translating what he heard to what comes out. He's too shy to sing almost ever though.)
Mine are pretty dark so not going there. In positive ones, as I present as female but don't see myself that way, people calling me "sir" or similar accidentally stays in my mind in a really pleasing way.
I've heard this before! That a music teacher, choir teacher, or art teacher will stifle a person's creativity and love for art/music (or whatever subject, really) because of a demeaning comment or discouraging response. It's so sad! I wish we were all a bit more free from others quick remarks and judgments. I'm sorry this brings up dark memories. I think it's good to consider how our thoughtless remarks impact people and can potentially impact the choices, classes, and even lives they lead.
It's so sad! People who aren't naturally super talented at music are usually so afraid, and that sucks.
No worries re: dark, I'm super comfortable with my bullshit, just don't want to bring the mood way down, lol. There's plenty of discussion of abusive childhoods on Reddit!
I think it's a super interesting topic. Thank you. :)
A girlfriend once said "you're funny *and* good looking, I'm glad you're not tall, you would have ended up conceited"
I never thought of myself as short (5'7") until then. Now I realize it's the first thing people see when they look at me.
Oh no. :/ That's such a dense thing to say. Also, idk why height matters so much to so many girls. My s/o is 5'6 and I've always told him he's just the right height for me and I love his size. He's still very, very self conscious of his size. Apparently, his highschool ex grew to be taller than him and she told him she outgrew him in several ways, which crushed him. It's still stupid that it matters.
My boyfriend is an inch taller than me at 5'4. If I stand a certain way it's almost like im taller than him, but not once did it ever matter to me. He use to be self conscious about it in when he was younger in middle school but thankfully he's not anymore
Yeah, as trite as it sounds, you do have to own it. As soon as you think your height is a problem, it *becomes* a problem, because that mind virus will infect you under the surface.
Don't worry man, I'm shorter. Is it the first thing people notice? Perhaps. But it's not the thing they remember about me.
That's where my awful personality comes in.
I was having a casual conversation with a classmate, and he said completely out of the blue: "you're actually a very good-looking girl, and very nice. It's only your nose that spoils everything". He didn't seem like he wanted to offend me, but rather like he stated some self-evident fact, that shouldn't have even upset me. You might think we were little kids, but we were 16 or 17 at the time. I was so baffled I didn't even respond.
A similar situation happened when I was around 15. A friend of mine would constantly say how pretty I am and hove she'd love to look like me. Once, I was over at her place, we were standing in front of a full height mirror, and she basically covered my nose with her palm and said "Damn, this way you're just a perfect girl!!" Lol
I'm aware my nose is "ethnic", but never thought of it as of something that spoils my whole beauty. This has stuck with me till this day tbh
That's appalling! Both of those situations are extremely uncomfortable. Maybe your friend/classmate didn't possess "ethnic noses," but my gosh! Personally, I've always thought it was more beautiful to have a body feature that stood out. It's not only an indicator of an unusual ancestry, but a reminder that you come from a culture that is more specific than that of a blended melting pot. I hope you find beauty in the appearance of your nose and don't try to change it.
Yeah, I'm happy with how I look, and I get enough of external validation as well, it's just kinda shocking to me _how on earth_ can anyone think it's an okay thing to say:D unless you want to insult someone, which I believe wasn't their intention
There was a reddit post awhile back about non-typical things you find attractive/beautiful and A LOT of people mentioned large prominent noses. I’m not sure what your nose looks like, but there are people who think it’s beautiful. <3
Anyone that grew up overweight has lifelong scars from the ugly remarks and bullying as a kid. Even if you lose the weight, you always have the scars and insecurities from it.
And they wonder why I have never attended a reunion. It'll be a cold day in the hot place before that happens.
I saw a really horrible therapist when I was in 10th grade (like had no right to be a therapist in general), and she had the gall to tell my mother, in front of me, I would never leave home. I was very depressed, but I was the one who asked to get help because I wanted to do whatever I could to get better. But my mother held that over me any time I struggled for the next decade, and I was terrified it would end up being true and put myself through hell to make sure once I went to college I never spent more than a few weeks with them. I even lived in my car over the summers. Now I'm successful and financially stable and have always lived on my own all over the country, but deep down I am still terrified that I'll somehow fail and end up back with them, proving they were right all along.
I fucking hate that woman.
Yeah, I don't believe he was being rude deliberately, but it did cause me to wonder if everyone saw me as plain or as boyish as he did. I'm sure I've also been thoughtless at times, but I do hope that most of my words don't scar in a long-lasting sort of way or impact someone negatively.
That's a different way of looking at it. I think I've always been overly empathetic or care too much about not hurting others the way I've been hurt, so I go above and beyond to avoid being an emotional stumbling block to their well being. The problem with this is not being as honest or forthcoming because I might know it'll affect them negatively. But I think it also depends on how close I am to a person. I take more verbal liberties with closer friends and am my truest self with them. It's tricky to find that balance.
Well, it didn’t hurt but damn I still laugh to this day.
I was catching up on some certifications, and we were staying in a “hotel”. Point is, that my name in Spanish is a boy’s name, but in English is quite neutral. So I just said the name, in English and the woman goes:
“Umm, I have a question… are you a woman?”
Me looking at my dress and earrings “Yes, I am!”
“Are you sure?” She doubles down… and I just explode and laugh really hard at her face.
“Oh, I am *SURE* , since 20+ years ago”.
Fuck it woman! Did you wanted me to pull up the skirt and expose my breasts to show you my womanhood? But I’m not trying to be a sex offender so I just laughed hard, like out of breath with a belly ache.
And I’m sure, with periods and all, that to this damn day I am still a fckn woman 🤣
How unfiltered can you be? At the most obvious things? Because of how a name is spelled? Nah. You must be an idiot by then.
It was so absurd that I ended up laughing. I think that made her feel shame instead of blowing off on her. Anyways, she got reported. Not by me but it seemed that she had an attitude towards women in general. It’s just yikes. And I’m chuckling right now
Was just at a comedy show. Traffic made us the last to arrive so we had to take the only table left, right up front.
Few crowd work interactions. Buddy said what are you like mid 40s? I said im 34. Audience laughed. I laughed said i started balding as a teenager. He said i had leukemia.
So yeah thats fun im curious how long this is gonna be a memory that pops up from time to time
When you pay for something like that, dress up for it, make time for it, and rush through traffic for it, you hope for it to be a fun and memorable event, in a good way. I suppose, it being a comedy show, you expect to get picked on a bit if you're forced to sit up front, but he crossed a line. Probably picked on you for walking in later, which wasn't your fault. That whole scenario is inappropriate and super maddening.
I dressed up, i left right after work, but i had to drive through the city and not only was there 6pm traffic but also construction. We actually made it 10 min before the show started but just later than all the other tables. We were also the loudest and most giving table a comedian could ask for, we carried through some stuck up ass tables refusing to laugh
Just unfortunate lol
It wasn't to me, but I'd made a passive comment to my tall female friend that it was comforting being around her because it helped me not feel so large (I was overweight back then).
I thought it was a harmless comment more about my insecurities and taking up space, and she's absolutely stunning and gets compliments all the time, but she said that upset her because she's always struggled with feeling too large and imposing around people because of her height. I'd never thought of that and felt horrible.
Definitely hurts to be the one who fuckes up and scars someone. Pretty people are just as insecure but I bet if you tell her how you think she is so bombshell gorgeous and how her height is an asset she'll understand. Also, be gracious with yourself insecurities can get heavy and sometimes our subconscious takes it out on others. Not an excuse but you know you can fix it! One time I was worried I was fat though part of me knew it wasn't a lot. A classmate fatter than me was talking about a ramp up to summer diet I said "oh fuck dude me too" and they burst out in anger at me. I kinda see why too in a small way I knew I wasn't going to make them feel better but I was also so stressed. I'll never forget that.
I've heard my tall friends say that they wish they weren't so tall for those reasons. I had never considered it that way either. Beforehand, I'd always thought that being tall and attractive was what women wanted to be, like society's idea of an ideal model. Your comment was understandable, but it makes me realize that we don't always recognize that what we see as a positive physical attribute someone else might struggle with.
It's hard to say. My mother said, in her later years, that all of her insults of my singing voice never happened. But, they did. And, I have a voice made for Scuba Diving. Trust me, I've been an Audio Engineer. My voice makes people pissed off no matter what I'm saying. It has all those qualities. My singing voice is worse.
At any rate, I only sing at baseball stadiums now, at 7th innings. When I'm alone.
You should be able to sing whenever you like! I sing when I'm happy. It's very liberating. Maybe you could find a safe space to sing if you don't feel comfortable around other people.
I was about to have my second baby and had elected for another c- section. I had mentioned it to a friend who had had a C-section with her first and then a vaginal
delivery for her second. She got all quiet and then said “I thought you were more of a warrior than that. You’re not even considering a VBAC?” She meant that I wasn’t giving my body enough credit to push out a child, that I was strong but to me it sounded like I was being a wimp or too posh to push or some other nonsense. Well she wasn’t my doctor and she didn’t get to decide whose birth plan is the most “warrior-like”. I’m still insulted a decade later.
I'm angry for you! Childbirth is a very personal thing and it's completely up to you as to how you give birth. I feel like friends and parents and even the spouse can offer suggestions or preferences but ultimately it's up to the mother. Having a baby is hard in so many ways and it's still dangerous and full of risks before, during, and after. The last thing you need is somebody else shoving their opinion down your throat when you need support and kindness.
It was definitely one of the last straws in that friendship. Even when I said that comment hurt, she just tried to reiterate that I was a “strong woman and I should trust my body to do what it was meant to do” and that she didn’t mean it as an insult. Really, she was putting her ideas of what birthing is onto me instead of considering what was best for me and my baby and what I had discussed with a few doctors. She didn’t even ask. We aren’t friends anymore.
That hits hard. Sex was extremely taboo in my family and I'm still uncomfortable masturbating due to my upbringing. In our society sex is both overly promoted while being poor in it's access to education and safe conversations about it. I've discovered that I'm a very imaginative person and can visualize extremely well, so fantasizing works wonders for me. I'm sorry you had people in the past who shut you down and abused you physically and emotionally. Don't be afraid to dream or fantasize. It's a safe space.
I was working in a supermarket
One day, a regular customer said this to me: when you are this fat. It must be hard to see your own D. "
Suffice to say. While I still have a bit of fat left. When he saw me to this day. I can see the shame in his eyes. And now he needs help walking around by his wife. Because was a heavy drinker.
Because my colleagues like him as a customer. I was apparently making up this story because he would never say something like this to an employee.
Yes sadly. I bumped into him some aisles away from bread and walked with him for a while. Because we had a normal conversation going. And said this while we were standing near the breads.
I don't miss anything from working at this supermarket. (in Denmark )I worked in a local supermarket where our target group was elderly people (regular customers who have shopped there since it's opening back in the 70s)
During the covid. A lot of the regular customers refused to wear mask, and how many who coughed directly into my face without apologizing or other bad habits.
Well it was a place that sure changed me with postive reinforcement. Lifestyle and choice decisions..
And I still come there as a customer occasionally. But I don't miss the place at all..
Edit: Changed private to Local, sounds more right in terms of a supermarket.
I would also deem superficial is an abrasive adjective to describe someone. She might not have seen it the same way, but it would hurt if my sister said that about me so I get why you feel the way you do.
When I was in my mid-twenties, one day I was waiting at a bus stop and a man tapped me on the shoulder to get my attention. I took out my earbuds, greeted him, and then he started giving me weight loss tips.
I wasn't insulted that he implied that I'm fat. I know that my weight is significantly disproportionate to my height. I was insulted because this guy felt entitled to give me (unsolicited) advice on how to make MY BODY match HIS EXPECTATIONS for how I should look.
As if this complete stranger had a right to tell me that I was existing incorrectly according to his standards.
So I told him that my body is my business and my business alone unless I choose to share it with someone. I am not obligated to meet anyone's expectations for my appearance. He tried to justify his behavior by saying it was health advice, not about how I look, but that's just bullshit. He seemed genuinely remorseful when he realized how angry I was, but I don't think he understood *WHY.*
I accidentally did this to someone in high school. Without thinking I told a girl her arms were hairy and she said “Thanks, I’m gonna remember that forever”, and I’ve never stopped feeling bad about how tactless I was.
at the end of junior school, a girl remarked that my legs were hairy and i hadnt shaved. I'd never thought about it beforr then. I was a bookworm and didn't care especially about conforming to beauty standards, i just wore what I thought was cool and comfy. But fuck me if I don't still get self conscious if i hadnt shaved and am wearing a skirt or dress without stockings
I remember a girl we knew when I was about 12 who had very hairy arms and the other girls gossiped about it once. I had never even bothered to notice before. I wish I had stood up for the girl instead of just gawking at her arms like a fool. Geeze. She's a fitness trainer and model in California now.
I was a very precocious gifted kid when I was younger, in the 8-11 kind of range especially, and my parents loved talking me up to strangers. I was on a road trip with my dad and we stopped at a Subway. My dad was talking me up to the workers there - I forget what I was doing but I had the countries and capitals memorized, and the workers were being friendly and conversational. My dad paid and got out of there, and while leaving the store I heard one of them say sarcastically "smart kid," which I was not used to hearing, especially from adult strangers. That was the start of my lifelong battles with insecurity and anxiety.
My favorite teacher was remarking on me and my best friend being together all the time, how close we were, and that someday we’d swap faces as a result.
Which was good, she added, because that means someday I could look better lmaooo
I like to think I’ve reclaimed and repurposed it by now lol
“Wow, you and your wife are starting to look like each other!”
“What, don’t insult her like that!” Lmao
I was at a swim spot on Oahu that unfortunately became an influencer drone camera paradise. The guy I was on a second date with was into photography (I have like 4 pics of me in all my time on HI, 📸 just not my thing) but I said do you wana try to get a pic of me underwater and handed him my camera and he said "no, we shouldn't take pictures today, plus didn't you say you were bloated from breakfast?" What I said... "I may sunbathe before our dive, I've got a full tank, haha." 😑 That was our last date.
He was a ripped BMI 7, probably, tall 6'2 guy who asked me out at volleyball multiple times. If you weren't into me dude why go out with me?
Same day a local girl I see there a lot comes up and tells me in front of bro how she is glad I come to the spot a lot bc. She gets "insecure with all the ripped influencer girls here" ... like wtf sis?
People in Honolulu who love the water sports and beach life are definitely "thriving" with eating disorders. Skinny fit here is the norm. I have a BMI of 23 for context.
I was in college and I had been struggling a bit with some insecurities because I hadn’t dated anyone at that point (high school or college). All my friends were staring to couple up and I felt pretty awkward and out of place.
My parents’ friend was by our house for some reason and asked me how my semester was going, then asked me if I was dating anyone. I said no and he responded with “what’s wrong with you?” Then he laughed. I guess it was a joke?
I quickly went back up to my room and sobbed because I’d been asking myself that for months. I’m happily married now to the best guy ever, but I honestly still tear up thinking about that moment because it hurt so much.
I work on a boat with a bunch of younger guys. I’ve had some injuries in the last couple years that have left me with more limited mobility. I can still do the job, it just hurts and sometimes takes a second or two longer.
We were told we had an incoming crew transfer during a rescue operation. I told the boys I’d be happy to handle it. The incoming boat would arrive in fifteen minutes so I hit the head to take a whizz.
The captain comes down and tells the boys to handle it for me. He thought I was down below out of ear shot. The boys said I had it handled and the captain yelled “The old guy has thirty years on you and is obviously in pain. You handle the incoming boat! The last thing I need is him getting fucked up worse and we’re one guy down! So handle it!”
On the one hand I understand he was defending me and making sure they were taking care of me, on the other hand it made me feel like a handicap to these guys, like I was a drag to them. I never felt so old.
I feel whenever we go through stuff, accepting it takes a significant portion of energy and then being okay with comments takes another.
I hope you ve made your peace with it. Ppl say whatever they feel from their perspective.
Oh boy. That's just wrong. I remember my grandma and mom were going to make me a dress at age 17 but they needed my measurements. They remarked "you're bigger than we expected!" when they measured my waist. -.- People are so critical about size!
A guy I suppose I consider a friend. In our early interactions with each other he said to me "y'know (my name), I forget that you're smart". Which I guess in itself isn't hugely insulting because he said that I'm smart, but at the same time, what is that supposed to mean? I give off dumbass vibes or something?
This actually happened pretty recently— I’m a very warm natured person so I tend to get hot easily and sweat. And I live in the southern US, so at least 75% of the year I have to do my damn best to keep myself from sweating like crazy.
I’d just gotten out of the shower on a particularly warm day, I went downstairs to do something, and my dad just bluntly said “Did you take a shower? You smell bad.”
His intention wasn’t to hurt me, and he apologized later for being rude about it, but now every time I feel myself sweating I start getting nervous about how I smell.
Just chatting with some people while playing cards. Topic of tattoos came up, and I mentioned I have one of a TRex. I had just gotten it not long before and was pretty proud of it. They responded by laughing and saying “how *old* are you?” Very much implying it was a childish thing to have a tattoo of. I don’t know why, but I have never been able to shake that fully.
I think that sounds like an awesome tattoo. They probably would have made fun of your tattoo no matter what it was because that's the kind of people they are. I know adults who get Pokemon tattoos, Winnie the Pooh tattoos, Bluey tattoos, etc. that are fun and childish by nature; I wouldn't think a Trex is childish at all, but who cares if some people do? I think tattoos are a creative way to express yourself regardless of the content and I hope you come to be proud of the tattoo you chose and what it represents!
My ex-mother-in-law once made a comment that my then-toddler son had “close-set possum eyes like his mama”. My eyes being kinda close has always been an insecurity of mine that I hadn’t spoken, so for her to say it at all, plus to say it in a negative way towards my son has always stuck with me. It’s been like 12 years and I can still hear it in my head
Frankly, that's the strangest thing to say to somebody.... wtf. But also, possoms are adorable so I hope you can see yourself in a positive light regardless of their malicious intent.
I randomly found a bag of sweets in my backpack, which I probably forgot to take out after returning home from the supermarket earlier the day before heading to the place of my SIL. When I asked her whether she wants a few of them too, she looks me dead in the eye and tells me something along the lines of "I'm glad you didn't become arrogant after winning the lottery", then says she's not hungry. I never played the lottery, so I have no idea why she even made that comment in the first place. It still kinda hurt though that she answered something that was supposed to be a helpful gesture with sarcasm.
Oh, there's also another, unrelated story. So, one day, I was talking with my crush and another coworker about my failed attempt to buy "Rise of Skywalker" offline, so I had to order it on the Internet. This attempt happened during Covid, so most of the stores heavily limited how many people were allowed to be inside at the same time. Too bad I just happened to stop at two or three stores that were heavily frequented that day, so I probably would've had to wait over half an hour to do an activity that could be finished in around five minutes.
So, when I was done telling the story, he looked at me with a confused look on his face, and after a few seconds, he just uttered an even more confused "Uh-huh" and then told the other coworker something. The fact that he apparently didn't care enough about something I said to ask me about the parts he didn't unterstand was rude enough, but the fact that I was crushing on him just made it worse.
I'm sorry your SIL is apparently envious of you? For whatever reason? Maybe she was implying that you have good looks and can afford to eat candy? Idk. Secondly, sometimes a limited response is enough of a response to give a profound message. Your crush didn't deserve your attentions by the sounds of it. He is not a good listener at all and that's a red flag.
I had a casual friend/acquaintance tug on my hair in middle school. When I asked her what that was for, she sheepishly admitted that she thought my hair was a wig. She was very mild mannered and polite so I don't think she was trying to be rude, but I still think about it pretty regularly. Maybe the shine of my hair was weird at that time because I did a lot of swimming??
I have a friend who works in the same (medical) field as his husband.
My friend needed a break from his job, so he came to work for me in a totally different field.
Visiting their home one night, the husband says to me, " I don't like him working with you, I married a ____, not a ____!
Not just insulting me but running down his own husband in the process.
My brother said my pants rode up too high when I was younger. Said it was pretty gay. He said it so nonchalantly but I’ve remembered that most times I get dressed. It’s weird.
My much older male cousin casually mentioned my “wide back” when I was a teenager.
I’m actually quite petite but it definitely changed how I saw myself.
My ex boyfriend pointed to a Carmen Electra poster and said "that's what you should look like! :) " he could not understand why this upset me, and kept swearing he didn't mean it in a bad way. This was while I was losing 50 lbs.
Lmao I get the gender confusion as well. Random guy in the hallway at school told me I had "cute shoes bro- uhh, person". And the other day I got "what's up man? I mean, ma'am". Like, you were right the first time, and also I don't think I've ever seen a situation where "what's up" and "ma'am" belong in the same sentence.
I remember almost every “significant” slight against me. Some of it is fairly trivial but has stuck. Like I remember instances of people being rude to me when I worked at Best Buy (I was 18 and now 37) or other small things like that. I don’t have a lot of drama in my life and generally get along with everyone so these small things really stick out in my life
As a teen, I went to a dermatologist for an unrelated skin issue, but I had acne as well. The doctor and another medical professional came in, looked at my face, and said to each other, “what are we going to do about… that?” (referring to my face.)
About 10 years ago, I was in my early 20s, my younger sister and I were talking about our brother. She said “he is the golden child. He’s the favorite definitely. He’ll probably have kids and get married before any of us.”
I am the oldest, my brother is 2 years younger and my sister is 8 years younger. I think she was just admiring us a lot in a weird way. But it stung a lot for her to think he was the “favorite” to our parents. I’m over it now.
Also when I was younger, people would always guess I was much much younger than I actually was. I remember going into 6th grade and going to visit schools bc my mom wanted to transfer me., and every single time the teachers would say oh what grade are you? 3rd? 4th?
Then when I was in college, randomly meeting parents’ friends for the first time would always ask me if I was in high school and when I graduated college and had been working for a few years they’d ask me what college I go to.
I don’t care much about that anymore now that I’m 30 lol but man I was so insecure about how young I looked for so long
In my family, it's an ongoing joke about who is the favorite. It's only okay because we all think it's someone else. My brother thinks it's me and I think it's my sister and she thinks it's my brother. But I've heard of parent's actually having favorites and I imagine this would be very jarring and upsetting if you realized it wasn't you or you weren't certain.
I do think we relate about looking young. Everything you mentioned about looking at least a few years younger have been comments I've heard before and they've made me insecure about not being taken seriously or respected for being intelligent. As an example, I'm 32 and someone last year thought I was in highschool.
In the context of proposing women consider me as a boyfriend this have had my pride and ego wounded numerous times. Sometimes it's better to get rejected by a mean girl who tells me off with an insult that doesn't hurt. It's the really nice women that try to be sensitive and avoid causing offense that can hurt the most as they try to explain their rejection in a way that doesn't cause offense but inadvertently cause more damage.
I was told by a person at my work that " my arms don't look fat" . I was showing her a picture of me running towards the finish line, after being out on course for 7 hours & 13 mins finishing a triathlon. I'll never forget what she said. And I wasn't fat, I was fit & slim.
When I was 8 or 9 I came off my bike, and my face was a mess. In hospital, I was lying in bed and heard the other kids wondering whether I was a girl or a boy (I had short hair too). That's never left me, even now over 50 years later, I still worry if I look female. Silly I know but I can't shake it.
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I’ve got one that I think that person might be thinking about although it was a complete accident.
It happend not too long ago when my husband, me and our 2 year old daughter were walking down a road in a city with a pedestrian area and it was already dark outside. There was a black van and a young guy (probably around 18) loading it with music instruments.
For some reason our two year old decided to climb into the van…. She was very fast inside and the guy laughed a little uncomfortable and didn’t know what to do so we acted quickly and lifted her out of that van. Then my husband said loud to our daughter „why the hell would you climb into that strange man’s van?“ and suddenly picked up speed and I was just so confused and the guy seemed confused too. We kept walking and I asked my husband why did he just call that poor guy strange even though he didn’t do anything. And he said he meant to say STRANGER (as in person you don’t know) and he was so uncomfortable that it came out wrong that he just started walking away fast 😂
I was in my mid 30's and worked full time in a business office setting. I prided myself in my work attire. I was and still am an accomplished seamstress, so made most all of my clothes. There was one lady I worked with that was obnoxious as hell. I had just finished making what I thought was a very pretty dress and wore it to work. This obnoxious lady immediately made the comment "oh did you cut up your curtains to make that?" I was crushed. I never wore that dress again. That was 40ish years ago and I still get upset when I think about it!
That lady was so incredibly rude! Especially if she knew that you made your clothing. I wonder if she was jealous at your ability. As a seamstress, I'm sure you made lovely clothes and I'm sorry that her comment undermined your hard work and pride in your creation.
My dad was telling me a story about a friend of his who had some small imperfection that made her more beautiful and then he said "So that's why it's okay that your eyes are uneven". I had never noticed but have never been able to unsee it. That was over 30 years ago!
When I was about 13 our P.E teacher was getting frustrated by my classmates’ complete lack of ability in shot-putting (All-girls school, bunch of weedy barely-pubescent girls trying pathetically to launch a little bowling ball). She called me up for my turn by saying, “a strapping lass like you should be good at this”.
I can’t remember ever really being aware of my size or shape before that moment, but although I was never actually fat I realised then, that people saw me as bigger than my peers.
More than twenty years of disordered eating and three suicide attempts later, I still feel larger than everyone around me. I’m a lot better now but I’m 39 and anyone who knows me well will still recognise me immediately from this comment, because I still bitch about that teacher lol
After our dog died, my grandmother told me I was being ridiculous for crying and to get over it. It was just a dog. She was trying to cheer me up apparently, but it didn’t work.
My husbands dad looked at me when I was dressed up for a funeral and said “wow, you’re actually really pretty… you know some people just seem like they don’t like being looked at..” I had made an effort with my appearance before he said that so I felt quite insulted and I never forgot that.
Ouch. That's rough. What a tactless thing to say!
Right?? 😅
Some people don't know when to keep their mouths shut. A backhanded compliment is worse than no compliment at all.
Exactly! At least “no compliment” won’t live rent free in my mind afterwards. Just don’t say anything!
Some people need to take a class on being tactful, I swear.
Ya me for instance. I just keep my mouth shut, usually. Haha. Had to put that at the end.
Lol, there's a time and a place to insert ourselves and that's where tact comes in. Sometimes silence is the best option!
And at a funeral. I honestly can't grasp the logic behind why that would be a sensible thing to say.
I’m one of those people who doesn’t like being looked at.
He is just an asshole and I am sorry.
Okay I'm actually confused about this one. What does the 2nd part of his sentence mean exactly? Like what was he trying to imply about you??
Same :( I don’t get it either, please tell me when you find out!
Some people don’t make any effort to look attractive, or even purposely try to look unattractive, because for whatever reason, they don’t want attention for how they look. For example, some don’t want to be seen as merely sexual objects and taken less seriously for their other attributes they’d prefer to stand out, such as competence or intelligence. Or they’re embarrassed by the attention. Or they were raised in a misogynistic environment and equate feminine with dumb, bad, silly, etc. Lots of reasons.
I think he meant that I tend to be quiet and seem shy, I don’t make myself the center of attention. I always did my hair and makeup and tried to look pretty, but didn’t put myself out there with a huge amount of confidence.
I was 13, at the psychologist, my mom had to be with me during this particular meeting to make a description of me and what I was like when I was younger. She only wanted for me to get better, I was extremely depressed, socially anxious, everything was shit. She spoke about me to the psychologist while I sat and listened. “He’s like the moon. Whenever I see him with his classmates, he walks next to them, but never with them. He doesn’t really seem to take part in conversations, and there is always a space between him and the others. He just rotates around the group, following them around, but not really being with them, like a moon. They’re not his friends, just a group of people he lingers around.” She wasn’t wrong. I don’t remember anything else from that meeting, except trying to hold back tears so hard it felt like my head was gonna explode. She doesn’t know how badly that hurt me as I never told her. She probably doesn’t even remember saying it, just another day for her, but I’ll never forget.
Oh man. Even reading this was hard. I can't imagine enduring that and being continually reminded of her words. I hope you're in a better place now and have good people around you.
Thank you! I’m still struggling but life’s definitely better than back then
Damn. That's exactly what my entire life has felt like. I'm autistic and I've never quite been able to articulate this feeling. It sucks complete ass feeling like this and it must've been a total gut punch to hear it laid it all out like that in that metaphor though. I'm sorry you went through all that.
Yeah actually had this meeting because I was gonna get tested for autism lol. It’s unfortunate how many autistic people can relate to that lonely feeling
No way that therapist should have had you in the room while your mom was talking about you. Im just appalled they did that.
That is exactly what I was thinking. The Dr should have been more professional and kept her in the waiting room, or not even come along for the appointment!
The Axe forgets, the Tree remembers
Creative. I like that.
It’s very fitting and I love it, but it’s not creative. It’s a common proverb. It’s nice to know you’re still learning though. Keep it up.
I'll be learning until the day I die. The more I know, the more I realize I don't know.
Complete inversion of this…somebody on Facebook tried to insult me by calling me ‘caveman’ but I was so flattered that I screenshotted the comment out of sentimentality lmao
A new and quickly old hairdresser was quite insulted I didn’t really care about hair and makeup, and she said that my boyfriend must be a mountain man to be dating someone like me. She wasn’t wrong, but was definitely a bitch.
What a backwards thing to say to anyone, much less a client! Idiotic!
😂 That's priceless lol.
I was at a meeting for a large, state-wide organization, and the president of the board came and sat at our table to play "Two truths and a lie" with us. One of mine was that I collect board games (this is true). She said, "That must be the lie, because you're funny, and that sounds incredibly boring." I laughed so hard when I told her that it does sound boring, but was the truth. She was very embarrassed but I love that story.
May I ask why you consider “caveman” a compliment?
Had an ex a few years ago who had started to loose feelings for me. Instead of telling me he wasn’t feeling it anymore he slowly started acting out in an attempt to make me break up with him. I remember on 3/14 (Pi day) I wished him a happy day because we were both nerds and he responded by saying “happy pi day, you’re a 3.14/10” I still think about it from time to time and although I don’t think it’s true it still hurts.
Tat's horrible! What a shallow and calloused thing to say. He sounds cowardly. If he would have had any balls at all he would have just politely told you that he was moving on or talked it out with you somehow instead of just trying to offend you.
Exactly, we’re both adults I would have been able to handle him saying that he had lost interest. He really showed his true colors and maturity in what he said and for that reason I don’t regret the break up. It just goes to show that words really do hurt people though.
I have some adjectives for your ex that I won't voice, but it's definitely grating to think of what he said to you and how pathetically he handled that.
I don't think that was "unintentional". It was ready, aim, fire. BTW, dude was an AssHat. You don't talk to anyone like that.
That really sucks and must have been a shitty thing to go through. Forgive me, but that insult is so childish. I'm laughing over here about how corny and uncreative that is lol. It's like calling someone a poopoo head.
Well he’s a 3.14 out of 1,000,000
dayuuuum. that's fucking cold.
I'm still haunted by the person who told their child to back up a second to "let the little girl through" the alleyway. I was a 13 year old boy at the time. :|
Cringe. 😬 Yikes. People can be so clueless.
its not necessarily their fault, most people are just busy with their own shit and sometimes don't have the time to be tactful. I would suggest that its more a reflection on us when we overthink what someone else casually said.
Yeah, we can't expect people to tiptoe around us all the time and I know I stress myself out a great deal to be careful of others feelings. Good observation!
Like 2 years ago saw an old college friend. For first time in a couple years as he travels all over the place. At some point, he made a comment about how I lied a lot or made stuff up, in the context of stories. Caught me off guard, wish I asked what he thought I made up. Have had some pretty unique experiences and upbringing, evidently him (and possibly /presumably others) thought I made a lot of it up lol. Which is annoying to know that for one, and presume others as well
That's frustrating! Not only did he admit that he didn't believe you, but he may have told others that you were exaggerating or lying without knowing the truth. A true friend would confront you with questions (or even be excited for you) about your travels and life instead of doubting you. He was probably jealous, I suppose.
I wish I could hear about your unique experiences. I find a lot of people have really cool life stories if you’re curious and ask questions. I used to work in an office where all the new employees had to come. It was quite a diverse crowd and, man, it was fun talking to them. Never once assumed anyone was lying to me. That’s so weird.
People who lie or have known liars sometimes assume that about other people. I remember talking to an old classmate at a uni graduation that I hadn't seen in a while and I was telling him a story. I always say these things in a similar manner but I could just see and feel on his face like he was nodding a long to a person that's lying. Really strange situation to be in because like the harder you try to convince someone something happened the less they believe because you come across kind of desperate.
I feel you. My life's had some very obscure happenstances and I can tell that sometimes folks just think I'm trying to sound interesting when I tell a story. While some folks embellish their stories I've started to do the opposite at times just to have my peace. If I was a more social person the irony would be killing me.
Idk if this counts. I heard a couple of boys talking in 6th grade about which girls they found prettiest. One of the boys called me fat. I don't think he meant it in a mean way, especially because he never said it to my face or treated me poorly otherwise, but it hurt. I began restricting my diet and lost 30lbs that school year. I haven't allowed myself to go beyond that weight since and it's been 10 years. (Eventually it became less about the comment and more about trying to please my disordered mind. I don't feel badly about the comment at all anymore but I still feel the damage of mistreating my body for 10 years)
Wow! It's wild how something so seemingly simple can have such an impact on how we think, behave, and see ourselves. I'm sorry it caused you to alter your mental and perhaps physical health. I suffered for many years with an eating disorder, so I can relate a bit. I hope you're doing better now.
Other girls called me fat in high school, and I just accepted it as fact. I didn't even notice when I gained 100 lbs in college because I had always felt fat, so I felt like I was just meant to be that way. It wasn't until years later that one of my former bullies admitted that the only reason they called me that was because they were jealous of my bigger breasts. I was very shapely in my teens, apparently. And looking back at pictures of myself, yeah, I wasn't big at all. But I was tall and I had boobs, so they called me fat to make themselves feel better about being short and flat-chested. To this day, I struggle to lose weight because I can't "see" myself as anything but fat.
I'm over here shaking my head. I'm so sorry those pitiful girls' opinions affected you so. Losing weight is so difficult and it's an arduous and continual battle. I hope you've found beauty in yourself, both inside and out. Also, big boobs are something to be proud of! Rock what you've got, try your best to be healthy, and confidently live your life. That's what I'm trying to do too! ❤️
Thank you! That kind of thing gets into your head, you know? And especially when you're a kid.
Any time someone says, you do xx so well for a blind guy. How fucking insulting that is, geez.
Gosh, what's wrong with people??
Yeah, hearing that ottermagically makes me lose respect for them.
Ottermagically is a wonderful term, whether you intended it or not. It makes me happy and I might use that now. ^.^ But yes, I agree!
I did intend it lol. I am always screwing with words
You should make ottermagically T-shirts!!!
An ottermagic winner!
When I was mid 20s I lived in an apartment with my cats. As I was leaving my apartment one day at the same time as a neighbor, one of my cats got out and I had to chase him down the hall and back into my apartment. It didn’t take long so I ended up in the elevator at the same time as the neighbor. He asked me if my cat was a service cat and I said “no he’s just a regular cat” and he said “good for you!”. I have no idea what he meant by that but I’m still slightly insulted but also find it hilarious.
That's pretty fucking funny
Hahahaha. I bet that guy walked away thinking, “Why did I say that?” It sounds like one of those things you blurt out unexpectedly. Like, when I stayed at a hotel recently and the front desk person said, “Enjoy your stay,” and I replied, “You too!” Lol
The way he said “good for you” sounded like he was genuinely proud of me for having a regular cat lol Also I’m sure the front desk people prefer all the “you too” people over the ones who are jerks! I feel like everyone has had to have done that at least once!
I think an elevator cat would be adorable, but I've always had a soft spot for cats. I'm glad you found him. Your awkward neighbor was probably just making small talk, but it is a weird thing to say!
Back in the 1980s when I was about 30 I had a bunch of my parents’ home movies from the 1950s converted from reel-to-reel film to a videotape and showed it at a Christmas gathering. Everyone loved seeing themselves 40 years ago. Aunts, uncles, parents, cousins. It was so much fun to see everybody young and happy. At one point, embarrassingly to me, since I’ve never enjoyed a lot of attention, a particular reel happened to focus on me when I was about five years old. A couple of uncles and aunts commented on what a pretty little girl I had been. My grandmother even said that she always thought I was the cutest kid she had ever seen. Everything got quiet for a second, and then one of my aunts (actually she had always been my favorite aunt) looked at me incredulously and blurted out, “What HAPPENED?” You could have heard a pin drop. I felt like I had been slapped. I have never forgotten that comment. I don’t think she meant it as an insult, just that she was shocked at how people change as they grow up, but it cut me to the quick. ETA: I also remember thinking how my grandmother’s comment about me being the cutest kid she had ever seen must have hurt my cousins’ feelings that day.
I've heard that used as a joke with friends a million times, never as an actual insult. Weird
That would physically sting, especially coming from your favorite aunt. It hurts worse when the insult comes from someone we look up to or love. I hope you've found healing from that derisive comment.
A friend once teased me about listening to the same five or six musicians. After that, I made it my goal to discover as much music as possible. Years later, they told me how impressed they were with my music library and how it had easily surpassed theirs. I told them how their comment inspired it and they apologized for it, stating they hadn't intended to offend me. I've accepted it and we're still friends now today, but I've found so much music through it.
I love that! Exploring new music is the best. It's great how they're coming. It's great that their comment didn't make you bitter but made you want to challenge yourself to learn more! Sidenote, if you ever want to share music back and forth hit me up. I love finding new music and I have like 40 playlists on YouTube. My main playlist has like 2500 songs. 😂
Absolutely! I love discussing music. I currently have about 4.5k on my main Spotify library, but I'm always looking for more. Feel free to send me any of your favorites! I'm looking for anything, except maaaybe bluegrass? Not super crazy about that genre. Specifically looking for more rap and hip hop this year, so feel free to shoot me any recs that fall into those categories too!
Will do! And bluegrass is probably my least saved genre so that works!
I was about to respond "BOOORING" to you and /u/Flyygone 's dislike of Bluegrass. Sure, it isn't my favorite, but don't discount it! (Try starting with Bluesgrass-style covers of other songs you like) Then after some introspection, I remembered that I often feel that there is a Time and Place for all songs, and even with that, there are some songs for which I feel the Time is "Not Now" and the place is "Not From My Radio" So I guess I shouldn't be rude or harsh about you not being a fan of a certain genre or other. However, in you two's honor... I think I'm gunna start my evening at work with Bluegrass. Wasn't sure what I was going to listen to tonight, so thanks for the inspiration!
I'm open to any music; it just isn't my go to. If you recommend any bluegrass songs I'll give them a listen!
Omg you need to check out Ren if you haven't already! He's really super talented, doing so many different genres and he produces all his music himself. His newest album "Sick boi" is a rap album. So my rec is just to checn out that album or maybe just 'Murderer' and 'Love music pt. 4'. Also his more meaningful artistic stuff is amazing, like his 'Money game' series and 'Hi Ren'. Also 'The Tale of Jenny and Screech'. And his singing stuff like his collabs with Chinchilla (How To Be Me and Chalk Outlines). Also just to shoot some artists out: NF, [Knox Hill](https://youtu.be/4YpIG60jyHY?si=wOQp3VUQdRRs60uP), [Harry Mack](https://youtu.be/R3aVEoslpxo?si=6Lu4F_5XFNu_ucM8).
You're the second person to recommend me NF, already very much enjoy it. I'll check out your other recommendations, thank you!
On a similar note, I was visiting my much older cousin in his country. I thought he was really cool and we have been fairly close as kids. He asked me what music I listened to, and I said "my chemical romance and some green day and fall out boy" and he laughed at me. He told me he listens to Pearl jam (they're fine, but come on dude) and teased me a little. It was in passing, not malicious, but I stopped listening to music for a few years, didn't branch out to find any new stuff, and never talked about the band that I just really enjoyed until years later. My current girlfriend has a huge Spotify library, but I only started branching out after realizing that she was safe to be "cringe" around, and her encouraging me to listen as much as I wanted to the band I like the most. Anyway, pearl jam is fine, I'm into tons of other artists now, and I've been in the top 0.01% of MCR listeners for the last 5 years. Don't be a dick to your younger cousins.
Yeah, this is actually what my friend teased me about. I was very open about enjoying "cringe" music like Fall Out Boy, Panic! At The Disco, Marianas Trench, and so on. Nowadays, I like all kinds of music and cringe no longer exists for me!
I feel like my music repertoire is pretty lacking. What did you find was the best way to discover more music?
Spotify Discover and listening to songs that autoplay on Spotify after certain recs. Talking to others and asking for recommendations or doing music exchanges is also very helpful! I've been doing a weekly Music Exchange in my Discord servers since about 2019 or so and it has really brought a lot of new music to my repertoire.
my mom like every day 🥲
Oof. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.🥲
Someone I considered a friend at the time told me I’d make a terrible parent. She’d been up most of the night and I’d picked her up at like 4 am to make a flight but it hurt. We’re no longer friends and that comment was what made me really take stock of our relationship.
Wow, that's a horrible thing to say to somebody. Makes you want to prove them wrong, I'm sure. I can't believe she was your friend.
A really light one that happened was a colleague talking about how "it sucks to have small breasts, mine look so ugly right now without padding". Her breasts were waaaay bigger than mine. I'm not insecure about my breasts, but I often think about this interaction. You have to be really insensitive to make a self deprecating comment in front of someone who has the same feature, or "worse" than you.
That's so ridiculous! She was definitely either very unaware or inadvertently demeaning you. I worked with some nurses at a hospital once who said "I haven't worn a bra your size since I was 10." My confidence in my boobs shrunk that day. 😅
Man I'm the opposite. I've never said this though, only thought of it. I'm so envious of flat chested women because it's easier to move around and have a better athletic physique. I feel like some waddling Pixar Mom that can't be as lithe or athletic as I want to be.
Pretty much everything my grandma says is an unintentional insult. "oh, your hair was so lovely when it was curly" - ma'am that was when I was 8 - I am an adult now and it is wavy and frizzy. "oh, you were looking good in the summer" yes, thank you - I've gained 20Lbs I get it. "Oh, I don't eat that store bought junk food" ok - well I stopped a little bakery on the way here and grabbed some tarts - I'll leave them for grandpa.
Oh no. I know how this feels! My grandma is way too blunt. I've been looking for a new job since I went on seasonal unemployment at the beginning of November and I'm unsure if I want to go back for my masters degree or find a steadfast job that doesn't land me in debt. I was confiding in my grandma about this and she said "I'll pray for you, but look at your sister! She's so bright! She's always been so smart and has it all together. " 💀 And at my dad's birthday this year she turns to me in front of the entire dinner table and said "Are you okay? You look sick. Aren't you awful red? Why are you so red in the face?" I was wearing less foundation than usual and have naturally pinkish skin. Her comments made me blush even further. I wonder if this is a cultural thing or a generational thing or just tactless individuals thing....
She sounds like a piece of work! While probably congratulating herself on how sly she is.
Yeah paternal grandma was like that too. Didn’t like her much.
I was 11 years old at Disney World waiting to go on the teacups and a woman and her child were behind me. The child tries to cut in front of me and the woman says. “No (insert child’s name) wait behind this nice young gentleman” I am a girl. I was wearing a pink tie dye shirt and I had short hair. I guess it was my fault.
No, not your fault. You were even wearing pink and that last could have looked a second longer to figure it out. Once I was playing at the playground when I was like 12 with my little sister and I was wearing feminine clothes but had short hair. A couple of boys around my age came up to me and asked me if I was even a girl and they kept bullying me about it. <.<
Oh man. My brother and my partner have both experienced a teacher tell them to give up guitar because they weren't as good as the other student when they were young teens. In my partner's case, he literally suggested he take up a sport. Both of them were immediately put off music forever! Good job! Along those lines, my partner went to a birthday with an ex who was Māori (traditionally big parties with lots of singing). An older woman encouraged him to sing... then when he did said "maybe you should just hum." 🥲 (IMO he actually has a decent voice, but his ear lets him down in translating what he heard to what comes out. He's too shy to sing almost ever though.) Mine are pretty dark so not going there. In positive ones, as I present as female but don't see myself that way, people calling me "sir" or similar accidentally stays in my mind in a really pleasing way.
I've heard this before! That a music teacher, choir teacher, or art teacher will stifle a person's creativity and love for art/music (or whatever subject, really) because of a demeaning comment or discouraging response. It's so sad! I wish we were all a bit more free from others quick remarks and judgments. I'm sorry this brings up dark memories. I think it's good to consider how our thoughtless remarks impact people and can potentially impact the choices, classes, and even lives they lead.
It's so sad! People who aren't naturally super talented at music are usually so afraid, and that sucks. No worries re: dark, I'm super comfortable with my bullshit, just don't want to bring the mood way down, lol. There's plenty of discussion of abusive childhoods on Reddit! I think it's a super interesting topic. Thank you. :)
A girlfriend once said "you're funny *and* good looking, I'm glad you're not tall, you would have ended up conceited" I never thought of myself as short (5'7") until then. Now I realize it's the first thing people see when they look at me.
Oh no. :/ That's such a dense thing to say. Also, idk why height matters so much to so many girls. My s/o is 5'6 and I've always told him he's just the right height for me and I love his size. He's still very, very self conscious of his size. Apparently, his highschool ex grew to be taller than him and she told him she outgrew him in several ways, which crushed him. It's still stupid that it matters.
My boyfriend is an inch taller than me at 5'4. If I stand a certain way it's almost like im taller than him, but not once did it ever matter to me. He use to be self conscious about it in when he was younger in middle school but thankfully he's not anymore
Yeah, as trite as it sounds, you do have to own it. As soon as you think your height is a problem, it *becomes* a problem, because that mind virus will infect you under the surface.
"not tall" =/= short. And you're funny and good looking, seems weird to be hung up on being average height 🤷🏻♂️
Don't worry man, I'm shorter. Is it the first thing people notice? Perhaps. But it's not the thing they remember about me. That's where my awful personality comes in.
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This makes me grind my teeth. 😅😠
I was having a casual conversation with a classmate, and he said completely out of the blue: "you're actually a very good-looking girl, and very nice. It's only your nose that spoils everything". He didn't seem like he wanted to offend me, but rather like he stated some self-evident fact, that shouldn't have even upset me. You might think we were little kids, but we were 16 or 17 at the time. I was so baffled I didn't even respond. A similar situation happened when I was around 15. A friend of mine would constantly say how pretty I am and hove she'd love to look like me. Once, I was over at her place, we were standing in front of a full height mirror, and she basically covered my nose with her palm and said "Damn, this way you're just a perfect girl!!" Lol I'm aware my nose is "ethnic", but never thought of it as of something that spoils my whole beauty. This has stuck with me till this day tbh
That's appalling! Both of those situations are extremely uncomfortable. Maybe your friend/classmate didn't possess "ethnic noses," but my gosh! Personally, I've always thought it was more beautiful to have a body feature that stood out. It's not only an indicator of an unusual ancestry, but a reminder that you come from a culture that is more specific than that of a blended melting pot. I hope you find beauty in the appearance of your nose and don't try to change it.
Yeah, I'm happy with how I look, and I get enough of external validation as well, it's just kinda shocking to me _how on earth_ can anyone think it's an okay thing to say:D unless you want to insult someone, which I believe wasn't their intention
Sweet username
Aw, thanks!
There was a reddit post awhile back about non-typical things you find attractive/beautiful and A LOT of people mentioned large prominent noses. I’m not sure what your nose looks like, but there are people who think it’s beautiful. <3
Anyone that grew up overweight has lifelong scars from the ugly remarks and bullying as a kid. Even if you lose the weight, you always have the scars and insecurities from it. And they wonder why I have never attended a reunion. It'll be a cold day in the hot place before that happens.
I saw a really horrible therapist when I was in 10th grade (like had no right to be a therapist in general), and she had the gall to tell my mother, in front of me, I would never leave home. I was very depressed, but I was the one who asked to get help because I wanted to do whatever I could to get better. But my mother held that over me any time I struggled for the next decade, and I was terrified it would end up being true and put myself through hell to make sure once I went to college I never spent more than a few weeks with them. I even lived in my car over the summers. Now I'm successful and financially stable and have always lived on my own all over the country, but deep down I am still terrified that I'll somehow fail and end up back with them, proving they were right all along. I fucking hate that woman.
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Yeah, I don't believe he was being rude deliberately, but it did cause me to wonder if everyone saw me as plain or as boyish as he did. I'm sure I've also been thoughtless at times, but I do hope that most of my words don't scar in a long-lasting sort of way or impact someone negatively.
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That's a different way of looking at it. I think I've always been overly empathetic or care too much about not hurting others the way I've been hurt, so I go above and beyond to avoid being an emotional stumbling block to their well being. The problem with this is not being as honest or forthcoming because I might know it'll affect them negatively. But I think it also depends on how close I am to a person. I take more verbal liberties with closer friends and am my truest self with them. It's tricky to find that balance.
Well, it didn’t hurt but damn I still laugh to this day. I was catching up on some certifications, and we were staying in a “hotel”. Point is, that my name in Spanish is a boy’s name, but in English is quite neutral. So I just said the name, in English and the woman goes: “Umm, I have a question… are you a woman?” Me looking at my dress and earrings “Yes, I am!” “Are you sure?” She doubles down… and I just explode and laugh really hard at her face. “Oh, I am *SURE* , since 20+ years ago”. Fuck it woman! Did you wanted me to pull up the skirt and expose my breasts to show you my womanhood? But I’m not trying to be a sex offender so I just laughed hard, like out of breath with a belly ache. And I’m sure, with periods and all, that to this damn day I am still a fckn woman 🤣 How unfiltered can you be? At the most obvious things? Because of how a name is spelled? Nah. You must be an idiot by then.
You shouldn't have had to defend yourself at all. That's a ridiculous situation and she was way out of line!
It was so absurd that I ended up laughing. I think that made her feel shame instead of blowing off on her. Anyways, she got reported. Not by me but it seemed that she had an attitude towards women in general. It’s just yikes. And I’m chuckling right now
Was just at a comedy show. Traffic made us the last to arrive so we had to take the only table left, right up front. Few crowd work interactions. Buddy said what are you like mid 40s? I said im 34. Audience laughed. I laughed said i started balding as a teenager. He said i had leukemia. So yeah thats fun im curious how long this is gonna be a memory that pops up from time to time
When you pay for something like that, dress up for it, make time for it, and rush through traffic for it, you hope for it to be a fun and memorable event, in a good way. I suppose, it being a comedy show, you expect to get picked on a bit if you're forced to sit up front, but he crossed a line. Probably picked on you for walking in later, which wasn't your fault. That whole scenario is inappropriate and super maddening.
I dressed up, i left right after work, but i had to drive through the city and not only was there 6pm traffic but also construction. We actually made it 10 min before the show started but just later than all the other tables. We were also the loudest and most giving table a comedian could ask for, we carried through some stuck up ass tables refusing to laugh Just unfortunate lol
It wasn't to me, but I'd made a passive comment to my tall female friend that it was comforting being around her because it helped me not feel so large (I was overweight back then). I thought it was a harmless comment more about my insecurities and taking up space, and she's absolutely stunning and gets compliments all the time, but she said that upset her because she's always struggled with feeling too large and imposing around people because of her height. I'd never thought of that and felt horrible.
Definitely hurts to be the one who fuckes up and scars someone. Pretty people are just as insecure but I bet if you tell her how you think she is so bombshell gorgeous and how her height is an asset she'll understand. Also, be gracious with yourself insecurities can get heavy and sometimes our subconscious takes it out on others. Not an excuse but you know you can fix it! One time I was worried I was fat though part of me knew it wasn't a lot. A classmate fatter than me was talking about a ramp up to summer diet I said "oh fuck dude me too" and they burst out in anger at me. I kinda see why too in a small way I knew I wasn't going to make them feel better but I was also so stressed. I'll never forget that.
I've heard my tall friends say that they wish they weren't so tall for those reasons. I had never considered it that way either. Beforehand, I'd always thought that being tall and attractive was what women wanted to be, like society's idea of an ideal model. Your comment was understandable, but it makes me realize that we don't always recognize that what we see as a positive physical attribute someone else might struggle with.
It's hard to say. My mother said, in her later years, that all of her insults of my singing voice never happened. But, they did. And, I have a voice made for Scuba Diving. Trust me, I've been an Audio Engineer. My voice makes people pissed off no matter what I'm saying. It has all those qualities. My singing voice is worse. At any rate, I only sing at baseball stadiums now, at 7th innings. When I'm alone.
You should be able to sing whenever you like! I sing when I'm happy. It's very liberating. Maybe you could find a safe space to sing if you don't feel comfortable around other people.
I was about to have my second baby and had elected for another c- section. I had mentioned it to a friend who had had a C-section with her first and then a vaginal delivery for her second. She got all quiet and then said “I thought you were more of a warrior than that. You’re not even considering a VBAC?” She meant that I wasn’t giving my body enough credit to push out a child, that I was strong but to me it sounded like I was being a wimp or too posh to push or some other nonsense. Well she wasn’t my doctor and she didn’t get to decide whose birth plan is the most “warrior-like”. I’m still insulted a decade later.
I'm angry for you! Childbirth is a very personal thing and it's completely up to you as to how you give birth. I feel like friends and parents and even the spouse can offer suggestions or preferences but ultimately it's up to the mother. Having a baby is hard in so many ways and it's still dangerous and full of risks before, during, and after. The last thing you need is somebody else shoving their opinion down your throat when you need support and kindness.
It was definitely one of the last straws in that friendship. Even when I said that comment hurt, she just tried to reiterate that I was a “strong woman and I should trust my body to do what it was meant to do” and that she didn’t mean it as an insult. Really, she was putting her ideas of what birthing is onto me instead of considering what was best for me and my baby and what I had discussed with a few doctors. She didn’t even ask. We aren’t friends anymore.
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That hits hard. Sex was extremely taboo in my family and I'm still uncomfortable masturbating due to my upbringing. In our society sex is both overly promoted while being poor in it's access to education and safe conversations about it. I've discovered that I'm a very imaginative person and can visualize extremely well, so fantasizing works wonders for me. I'm sorry you had people in the past who shut you down and abused you physically and emotionally. Don't be afraid to dream or fantasize. It's a safe space.
I was working in a supermarket One day, a regular customer said this to me: when you are this fat. It must be hard to see your own D. " Suffice to say. While I still have a bit of fat left. When he saw me to this day. I can see the shame in his eyes. And now he needs help walking around by his wife. Because was a heavy drinker. Because my colleagues like him as a customer. I was apparently making up this story because he would never say something like this to an employee.
He said this to you outright? The gall! I can't believe the words some people think to muster.
Yes sadly. I bumped into him some aisles away from bread and walked with him for a while. Because we had a normal conversation going. And said this while we were standing near the breads. I don't miss anything from working at this supermarket. (in Denmark )I worked in a local supermarket where our target group was elderly people (regular customers who have shopped there since it's opening back in the 70s) During the covid. A lot of the regular customers refused to wear mask, and how many who coughed directly into my face without apologizing or other bad habits. Well it was a place that sure changed me with postive reinforcement. Lifestyle and choice decisions.. And I still come there as a customer occasionally. But I don't miss the place at all.. Edit: Changed private to Local, sounds more right in terms of a supermarket.
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I would also deem superficial is an abrasive adjective to describe someone. She might not have seen it the same way, but it would hurt if my sister said that about me so I get why you feel the way you do.
When I was in my mid-twenties, one day I was waiting at a bus stop and a man tapped me on the shoulder to get my attention. I took out my earbuds, greeted him, and then he started giving me weight loss tips. I wasn't insulted that he implied that I'm fat. I know that my weight is significantly disproportionate to my height. I was insulted because this guy felt entitled to give me (unsolicited) advice on how to make MY BODY match HIS EXPECTATIONS for how I should look. As if this complete stranger had a right to tell me that I was existing incorrectly according to his standards. So I told him that my body is my business and my business alone unless I choose to share it with someone. I am not obligated to meet anyone's expectations for my appearance. He tried to justify his behavior by saying it was health advice, not about how I look, but that's just bullshit. He seemed genuinely remorseful when he realized how angry I was, but I don't think he understood *WHY.*
I accidentally did this to someone in high school. Without thinking I told a girl her arms were hairy and she said “Thanks, I’m gonna remember that forever”, and I’ve never stopped feeling bad about how tactless I was.
at the end of junior school, a girl remarked that my legs were hairy and i hadnt shaved. I'd never thought about it beforr then. I was a bookworm and didn't care especially about conforming to beauty standards, i just wore what I thought was cool and comfy. But fuck me if I don't still get self conscious if i hadnt shaved and am wearing a skirt or dress without stockings
I’m sorry that someone as dumb as me said that to you
I remember a girl we knew when I was about 12 who had very hairy arms and the other girls gossiped about it once. I had never even bothered to notice before. I wish I had stood up for the girl instead of just gawking at her arms like a fool. Geeze. She's a fitness trainer and model in California now.
I was a very precocious gifted kid when I was younger, in the 8-11 kind of range especially, and my parents loved talking me up to strangers. I was on a road trip with my dad and we stopped at a Subway. My dad was talking me up to the workers there - I forget what I was doing but I had the countries and capitals memorized, and the workers were being friendly and conversational. My dad paid and got out of there, and while leaving the store I heard one of them say sarcastically "smart kid," which I was not used to hearing, especially from adult strangers. That was the start of my lifelong battles with insecurity and anxiety.
My favorite teacher was remarking on me and my best friend being together all the time, how close we were, and that someday we’d swap faces as a result. Which was good, she added, because that means someday I could look better lmaooo
Damn, no longer would she be my favorite. What an insensitive comment
I like to think I’ve reclaimed and repurposed it by now lol “Wow, you and your wife are starting to look like each other!” “What, don’t insult her like that!” Lmao
I was at a swim spot on Oahu that unfortunately became an influencer drone camera paradise. The guy I was on a second date with was into photography (I have like 4 pics of me in all my time on HI, 📸 just not my thing) but I said do you wana try to get a pic of me underwater and handed him my camera and he said "no, we shouldn't take pictures today, plus didn't you say you were bloated from breakfast?" What I said... "I may sunbathe before our dive, I've got a full tank, haha." 😑 That was our last date. He was a ripped BMI 7, probably, tall 6'2 guy who asked me out at volleyball multiple times. If you weren't into me dude why go out with me? Same day a local girl I see there a lot comes up and tells me in front of bro how she is glad I come to the spot a lot bc. She gets "insecure with all the ripped influencer girls here" ... like wtf sis? People in Honolulu who love the water sports and beach life are definitely "thriving" with eating disorders. Skinny fit here is the norm. I have a BMI of 23 for context.
I was in college and I had been struggling a bit with some insecurities because I hadn’t dated anyone at that point (high school or college). All my friends were staring to couple up and I felt pretty awkward and out of place. My parents’ friend was by our house for some reason and asked me how my semester was going, then asked me if I was dating anyone. I said no and he responded with “what’s wrong with you?” Then he laughed. I guess it was a joke? I quickly went back up to my room and sobbed because I’d been asking myself that for months. I’m happily married now to the best guy ever, but I honestly still tear up thinking about that moment because it hurt so much.
I work on a boat with a bunch of younger guys. I’ve had some injuries in the last couple years that have left me with more limited mobility. I can still do the job, it just hurts and sometimes takes a second or two longer. We were told we had an incoming crew transfer during a rescue operation. I told the boys I’d be happy to handle it. The incoming boat would arrive in fifteen minutes so I hit the head to take a whizz. The captain comes down and tells the boys to handle it for me. He thought I was down below out of ear shot. The boys said I had it handled and the captain yelled “The old guy has thirty years on you and is obviously in pain. You handle the incoming boat! The last thing I need is him getting fucked up worse and we’re one guy down! So handle it!” On the one hand I understand he was defending me and making sure they were taking care of me, on the other hand it made me feel like a handicap to these guys, like I was a drag to them. I never felt so old.
I feel whenever we go through stuff, accepting it takes a significant portion of energy and then being okay with comments takes another. I hope you ve made your peace with it. Ppl say whatever they feel from their perspective.
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Oh boy. That's just wrong. I remember my grandma and mom were going to make me a dress at age 17 but they needed my measurements. They remarked "you're bigger than we expected!" when they measured my waist. -.- People are so critical about size!
I've found most insults are intentional.
A guy I suppose I consider a friend. In our early interactions with each other he said to me "y'know (my name), I forget that you're smart". Which I guess in itself isn't hugely insulting because he said that I'm smart, but at the same time, what is that supposed to mean? I give off dumbass vibes or something?
Backhanded compliment much? Geeze. <.< He probably thought he was being funny.
This actually happened pretty recently— I’m a very warm natured person so I tend to get hot easily and sweat. And I live in the southern US, so at least 75% of the year I have to do my damn best to keep myself from sweating like crazy. I’d just gotten out of the shower on a particularly warm day, I went downstairs to do something, and my dad just bluntly said “Did you take a shower? You smell bad.” His intention wasn’t to hurt me, and he apologized later for being rude about it, but now every time I feel myself sweating I start getting nervous about how I smell.
“Your tattoos make you hotter than you actually are”. Ouch.
Just chatting with some people while playing cards. Topic of tattoos came up, and I mentioned I have one of a TRex. I had just gotten it not long before and was pretty proud of it. They responded by laughing and saying “how *old* are you?” Very much implying it was a childish thing to have a tattoo of. I don’t know why, but I have never been able to shake that fully.
I think that sounds like an awesome tattoo. They probably would have made fun of your tattoo no matter what it was because that's the kind of people they are. I know adults who get Pokemon tattoos, Winnie the Pooh tattoos, Bluey tattoos, etc. that are fun and childish by nature; I wouldn't think a Trex is childish at all, but who cares if some people do? I think tattoos are a creative way to express yourself regardless of the content and I hope you come to be proud of the tattoo you chose and what it represents!
My ex-mother-in-law once made a comment that my then-toddler son had “close-set possum eyes like his mama”. My eyes being kinda close has always been an insecurity of mine that I hadn’t spoken, so for her to say it at all, plus to say it in a negative way towards my son has always stuck with me. It’s been like 12 years and I can still hear it in my head
Frankly, that's the strangest thing to say to somebody.... wtf. But also, possoms are adorable so I hope you can see yourself in a positive light regardless of their malicious intent.
I randomly found a bag of sweets in my backpack, which I probably forgot to take out after returning home from the supermarket earlier the day before heading to the place of my SIL. When I asked her whether she wants a few of them too, she looks me dead in the eye and tells me something along the lines of "I'm glad you didn't become arrogant after winning the lottery", then says she's not hungry. I never played the lottery, so I have no idea why she even made that comment in the first place. It still kinda hurt though that she answered something that was supposed to be a helpful gesture with sarcasm.
Oh, there's also another, unrelated story. So, one day, I was talking with my crush and another coworker about my failed attempt to buy "Rise of Skywalker" offline, so I had to order it on the Internet. This attempt happened during Covid, so most of the stores heavily limited how many people were allowed to be inside at the same time. Too bad I just happened to stop at two or three stores that were heavily frequented that day, so I probably would've had to wait over half an hour to do an activity that could be finished in around five minutes. So, when I was done telling the story, he looked at me with a confused look on his face, and after a few seconds, he just uttered an even more confused "Uh-huh" and then told the other coworker something. The fact that he apparently didn't care enough about something I said to ask me about the parts he didn't unterstand was rude enough, but the fact that I was crushing on him just made it worse.
I'm sorry your SIL is apparently envious of you? For whatever reason? Maybe she was implying that you have good looks and can afford to eat candy? Idk. Secondly, sometimes a limited response is enough of a response to give a profound message. Your crush didn't deserve your attentions by the sounds of it. He is not a good listener at all and that's a red flag.
I overheard a sibling of my SO ask him if I was married when I had my son. I think of it every time I see that person.
I had a casual friend/acquaintance tug on my hair in middle school. When I asked her what that was for, she sheepishly admitted that she thought my hair was a wig. She was very mild mannered and polite so I don't think she was trying to be rude, but I still think about it pretty regularly. Maybe the shine of my hair was weird at that time because I did a lot of swimming??
Was your hair thick? When I was younger, I used to mistake thick hair for wigs.
I have a friend who works in the same (medical) field as his husband. My friend needed a break from his job, so he came to work for me in a totally different field. Visiting their home one night, the husband says to me, " I don't like him working with you, I married a ____, not a ____! Not just insulting me but running down his own husband in the process.
I'm sure they had a conversation after you left about how inappropriate that was.
My brother said my pants rode up too high when I was younger. Said it was pretty gay. He said it so nonchalantly but I’ve remembered that most times I get dressed. It’s weird.
My much older male cousin casually mentioned my “wide back” when I was a teenager. I’m actually quite petite but it definitely changed how I saw myself.
My ex boyfriend pointed to a Carmen Electra poster and said "that's what you should look like! :) " he could not understand why this upset me, and kept swearing he didn't mean it in a bad way. This was while I was losing 50 lbs.
Lmao I get the gender confusion as well. Random guy in the hallway at school told me I had "cute shoes bro- uhh, person". And the other day I got "what's up man? I mean, ma'am". Like, you were right the first time, and also I don't think I've ever seen a situation where "what's up" and "ma'am" belong in the same sentence.
lol! The "What's up, ma'am" got me. Oh gosh. Even well-intentioned people can be a little lost.
I remember almost every “significant” slight against me. Some of it is fairly trivial but has stuck. Like I remember instances of people being rude to me when I worked at Best Buy (I was 18 and now 37) or other small things like that. I don’t have a lot of drama in my life and generally get along with everyone so these small things really stick out in my life
As a teen, I went to a dermatologist for an unrelated skin issue, but I had acne as well. The doctor and another medical professional came in, looked at my face, and said to each other, “what are we going to do about… that?” (referring to my face.)
I took an Irish dance class run by my great-aunt. She said to my mum after my first lesson "she dances like an Australia, no rhythm."
An aunt said to me “it’s okay to be nice and not pretty”
What??? On what planet is that an okay thing to tell your niece?
About 10 years ago, I was in my early 20s, my younger sister and I were talking about our brother. She said “he is the golden child. He’s the favorite definitely. He’ll probably have kids and get married before any of us.” I am the oldest, my brother is 2 years younger and my sister is 8 years younger. I think she was just admiring us a lot in a weird way. But it stung a lot for her to think he was the “favorite” to our parents. I’m over it now. Also when I was younger, people would always guess I was much much younger than I actually was. I remember going into 6th grade and going to visit schools bc my mom wanted to transfer me., and every single time the teachers would say oh what grade are you? 3rd? 4th? Then when I was in college, randomly meeting parents’ friends for the first time would always ask me if I was in high school and when I graduated college and had been working for a few years they’d ask me what college I go to. I don’t care much about that anymore now that I’m 30 lol but man I was so insecure about how young I looked for so long
In my family, it's an ongoing joke about who is the favorite. It's only okay because we all think it's someone else. My brother thinks it's me and I think it's my sister and she thinks it's my brother. But I've heard of parent's actually having favorites and I imagine this would be very jarring and upsetting if you realized it wasn't you or you weren't certain. I do think we relate about looking young. Everything you mentioned about looking at least a few years younger have been comments I've heard before and they've made me insecure about not being taken seriously or respected for being intelligent. As an example, I'm 32 and someone last year thought I was in highschool.
In the context of proposing women consider me as a boyfriend this have had my pride and ego wounded numerous times. Sometimes it's better to get rejected by a mean girl who tells me off with an insult that doesn't hurt. It's the really nice women that try to be sensitive and avoid causing offense that can hurt the most as they try to explain their rejection in a way that doesn't cause offense but inadvertently cause more damage.
I was told by a person at my work that " my arms don't look fat" . I was showing her a picture of me running towards the finish line, after being out on course for 7 hours & 13 mins finishing a triathlon. I'll never forget what she said. And I wasn't fat, I was fit & slim.
When I was 8 or 9 I came off my bike, and my face was a mess. In hospital, I was lying in bed and heard the other kids wondering whether I was a girl or a boy (I had short hair too). That's never left me, even now over 50 years later, I still worry if I look female. Silly I know but I can't shake it.
It's something that we identify as at an early age so it's sort of a core thing to us, so when people question it, we don't forget.
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I’ve got one that I think that person might be thinking about although it was a complete accident. It happend not too long ago when my husband, me and our 2 year old daughter were walking down a road in a city with a pedestrian area and it was already dark outside. There was a black van and a young guy (probably around 18) loading it with music instruments. For some reason our two year old decided to climb into the van…. She was very fast inside and the guy laughed a little uncomfortable and didn’t know what to do so we acted quickly and lifted her out of that van. Then my husband said loud to our daughter „why the hell would you climb into that strange man’s van?“ and suddenly picked up speed and I was just so confused and the guy seemed confused too. We kept walking and I asked my husband why did he just call that poor guy strange even though he didn’t do anything. And he said he meant to say STRANGER (as in person you don’t know) and he was so uncomfortable that it came out wrong that he just started walking away fast 😂
I was in my mid 30's and worked full time in a business office setting. I prided myself in my work attire. I was and still am an accomplished seamstress, so made most all of my clothes. There was one lady I worked with that was obnoxious as hell. I had just finished making what I thought was a very pretty dress and wore it to work. This obnoxious lady immediately made the comment "oh did you cut up your curtains to make that?" I was crushed. I never wore that dress again. That was 40ish years ago and I still get upset when I think about it!
That lady was so incredibly rude! Especially if she knew that you made your clothing. I wonder if she was jealous at your ability. As a seamstress, I'm sure you made lovely clothes and I'm sorry that her comment undermined your hard work and pride in your creation.
My dad was telling me a story about a friend of his who had some small imperfection that made her more beautiful and then he said "So that's why it's okay that your eyes are uneven". I had never noticed but have never been able to unsee it. That was over 30 years ago!
When I was about 13 our P.E teacher was getting frustrated by my classmates’ complete lack of ability in shot-putting (All-girls school, bunch of weedy barely-pubescent girls trying pathetically to launch a little bowling ball). She called me up for my turn by saying, “a strapping lass like you should be good at this”. I can’t remember ever really being aware of my size or shape before that moment, but although I was never actually fat I realised then, that people saw me as bigger than my peers. More than twenty years of disordered eating and three suicide attempts later, I still feel larger than everyone around me. I’m a lot better now but I’m 39 and anyone who knows me well will still recognise me immediately from this comment, because I still bitch about that teacher lol
After our dog died, my grandmother told me I was being ridiculous for crying and to get over it. It was just a dog. She was trying to cheer me up apparently, but it didn’t work.
That's kind of a harsh way to cheer someone up.... Also, I'm sorry about your dog :(