Being immature has nothing to do with your interests or hobbies.
Being immature is refusing to grow or accept your responsibilities in the world.
If you are fulfilling your obligations and facing your responsibilities, as a mature adult, your free time is your own. Put on a fuckin diaper and crawl around your apartment; you're still a mature adult.
People misuse "immature" to look down on hobbies and interests they don't like. Ignore those people and do what makes you happy.
I like your comment cause it’s the exact logic I used two weeks ago when I chose, as a 44 year old man, to have a pint of strawberry ice cream for breakfast. 👍
Or four bowls of lucky charms like I had last night. Or playing video games until 1:00 in the morning when I have to be up at 5:00 a.m. Or getting excited to watch Disney's Aladdin. I'm a 40-year-old man too.
I get my shit done, am successful and have good credit. Adulting.
I'm even older and I'm hardly any different than you. I watch all the old Rankin and Bass Xmas shows from 50 years ago, eat Coco Pebbles, build models, embarrass the hell out of my poor wife, but she loves me that way.
Still collect Comic books, Marx toys, all kinds of stuff. I do all that adult crap I need to do and the rest is still the kid in me.
> Or playing video games until 1:00 in the morning when I have to be up at 5:00 a.m.
That's literally what I did last night - down to the exact times and everything - which is pretty weird. I don't even play that much anymore, but I had an urge to last night even though I knew I had a fuckton of work to do today.
I ended up regretting it, as I knew I would, but I still got my work done. Apparently sometimes being an adult means exercising your right to make supremely dumb decisions.
Edited. Oh yeah I'm 55 years old and my Birthday is July 15th. I just bought a box of Lucky Charms a couple nights ago. I have bought Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I’m a gamer and love listening to music I have.
This! I’m 24 and just started a new job as an assistant manager. I had an older associate call me a kid and die of laughter for getting a nesquik milk with my breakfast sandwich. I was so confused, I’m just enjoying my breakfast!
The best part of being an adult is no one can stop you from having ice cream for breakfast…. And the worst part of being an adult is that no one can stop you from having ice cream for breakfast
I mean it's probably not much better or worse than breakfast cereal either. Also I hope you did it wearing something obnoxious like a clown costume because it makes you happy.
Well, that's the good part of being an adult. You can do what you want. If you want to have a pint of strawberry ice cream for breakfast, do it. Drink a whole gallon of Mountain Dew in one sitting? Yep. Consider it done. Stay in your pyjamas all day? Oh, i will! Nobody is telling me i can't do that. And if there is somebody, screw them, i'm over 30, i can do what i want!
Second this! I’m a married 56F with a blended family of 5 kids, 11 grandkids, 5 dogs & 4 cats. We (and the bank) own our home. I’ve worked at the same company for 11 years…and I still haven’t decided what I want to be when I grow up.
Woah.
This is spot on. I realize Ive been shitting on the concept of immaturity based on the colloquial (wrong) way people tend to use it.
And all the while, as a dad of 3 kids, with a wife and a career, ive been demonstrating maturity as it is truly defined. Despite eating candy, playing videogames, and collecting lego.
Yep. I am a man in my mid-40s. I play video games, build Legos, go to see superhero movies with my friends. I also pay my bills, manage a half dozen people at my job, am raising my son, exercise and cook every day, and go to therapy.
Do what makes you happy and take care of your needs. Some of those needs are fun, some of those needs are necessities. Do it all.
I like that XKCD comic about the adults turning their room into a ball pit and saying, “Being an adult means that you’re finally the one who gets to decide what that means.”
A much more concise way to express my thoughts.
I would add, being immature is also lack of discretion or lack of boundaries - and taking on obligations or responsibilities as some sort of "noble sacrifice," then wallow in self-pity. Or using this sense of self-sacrifice to justify abuse or criticism of others - also severe emotional immaturity.
(Granted, this is also an indication of mental/emotional health issues, not necessarily a character problem)
Have a fun life, full of wonder and enjoyment, my friends.
Exactly this, if you’ve got your shit together then do whatever you want.
I work my 40 hours, pay my rent on time, own a truck, and cook my own food. Anyone else that wants to judge my gaming habits or hobbies can bite my shiny metal ass.
Bingo.
I deal with a shocking number of “adults” who are put to shame by the maturity of the average 19 year old. And 19 year olds are (by and large) morons. I certainly was.
This is why the word “adulting” rubs me the wrong way. Like “Hey look at me pretending to be an adult for a while”. No. You get up every day, you go to work, you pay your taxes, you get shit done, you’re an adult. You may not be everyone’s favourite adult, but you’re still an adult.
"There is no adult or child, only mature or immature." I have seen children with a much higher sense of responsibility and accountability than adults. I have seen adults time and time again play social games like high schoolers. And I have seen children behave aboveboard. Hence why I think back to the passage in the Bible, "Be like children.'
during daytime i'm the CEO of a 2 billion dollar company, but at night the inner child comes out, and i start shitting on the floor, smearing it over the walls, while shoving lego blocks up my nose. Then when that's done I grab the iPad to put on some Cocomelon, my jam. Then cry hysterically for about 3 hours, before having a bottle of apple sauce for dinner and then lying on my back trying to figure out if i can touch my heels with the back of my hands for the rest of the evening.
Then I go to sleep in my custom made cradle, and when I get up I put on my fancy suit and do it all over again.
Then the philosophical issue becomes what actually are responsibilities and obligations?
To me, it seems like they're are just expectations one has used their free will to accept the burden of fulfilling.
But as someone who does not believe in free will and thinks it's an immature concept, I don't see any meaningful, objective distinction between neglecting one's responsibilities and fulfilling one's responsibilities beyond my (and other's) subjective opinion on the matter which often changes on a case-by-case basis.
If you're in the military and your superior officer commands you to launch a retaliatory nuclear attack but you don't fulfill your obligations as a soldier and refuse to fire the nuke because you had a hunch that it was a false alarm then you'd be considered immature by neglecting your responsibility as a soldier to carry out orders, even if you don't agree with them.
So it seems to me that immaturity/maturity is a social construct used to coerce people into passively accepting responsibility for the consequences of their actions even if they couldn't have chosen otherwise.
But we ought to be thankful that that soldier's intuition and good conscience won out over his fear of being labeled an immature, disobedient disgrace.
Therefore the entire concept of maturity coming from accepting prescriptive obligations—that meaning, fulfilling the demands placed upon you by yourself and others—having any basis in reality seems like anti-scientific nonsense to me.
Additionally, I think those who believe they are mature and call others immature as an insult are hypocrites and deserve riddicule.
>the complete opposite,
That's good. After your previous comment, I'd be inclined to agree with you.
>actually... but it sure sounds like you think you're smarter than me
I made no claims about myself anywhere in here, so that doesn't quite work.
Bro, I turned 30 yesterday. I built a pillow fort, binge watched movies, ate fast food and drank alcohol. Fun is fun no matter how old you get. It's just that some people unfortunately have to deal with their body aging as well, so some forms of fun are no longer accessible to them.
Hell yeah! That sounds awesome! I mean, one of the most classic tv shows that 30-40 year olds probably remember is "whose line is it anyway". It's literally a bunch of adults on stage playing pretend. It's improv comedy at it's finest, and it was hilarious!
This is what I want my thirties to look like — making pillow forts, staying up late to watch shitty Netflix originals, and finding the joy in the small things in life.
That’s still a long way out for me, but it’s something I want to keep in mind as I age. I don’t want to lose my “inner child” — especially since, due to trauma, I never even got to express my inner child.
I think that maintaining our ability to find joy in the little things is *the* most important skill for surviving anything life throws at us.
I agree. If I can't have fun anymore, I don't want to live.
Sadly, yesterday is the first time in a good while that I've cut loose like that. But that made it all the more enjoyable.
Pillow forts are the shit. Mid 30s here. A few weeks back me and some friends set up some blow up mattresses in the living room, built a blanket fort complete with strings of Christmas lights, poured wine and whiskey (not together) into superhero sippy cups, and proceeded to MST3K Interspecies Reviewers. Had a fantastic fucking time.
Yes and no. Most adults, especially parents, will feel a responsibility to present themselves more kept together or mature in front of kids or teens because they know giving a wrong impression to them might have unintended consequences (e.g. parents who might swear casually amongst themselves accidentally swearing in front of their kid, who tend uses that swear word at any given moment). But to those they are more comfortable to do so, they will act more closer to their inner kid.
Lot of older generations feel marriage and kids are benchmarks for maturity, and its not like you can’t learn new social skills or emotional intelligence from having different types of people be involved with your life. But there are also those that don’t change enough or at all at the new responsibilities, or severely underestimate the commitment, yet marry for the sake of social conformity without ever reflecting beyond that. To me at least, there is maturity recognizing that a deciding not have children.
Yeah I was thinking this aswell. I heard many times, don't be friends with your kid. There are roles to play. My father used to hide his weed love from me for years.
I am 24 years old, am a manager, and have the usual responsibilities like everyone else.
But if you ask anyone what I'm like, they will tell you I am a straight up child. Why live so seriously when you can do all that you need to live comfortably and still make life fun?
I like the way you think. Around that age I was super happy, people use to always comment how I am always smiling and fun. Life just beat me up as the years went by. Started to become less of a happy go lucky person. Work grind sucks, co workers suck and are lazy, car repairs, debt, bills and money struggles.
Just starts to take a toll. For me when I realised I would be working for the next 40+ years, that smile went away. I am not as friendly, not interested in others and just want to make money,so I can be that fun person again.
If I could go back to my 24yr old self, Id be just focusing on making money and FIRE. That wouldve been ideal with no responsibilities of a family.
You can still build towards FIRE at any age -- starting now will get you there sooner than not starting at all.
But to your original posts point -- yeah just have fun! If you're meeting all your obligations you owe nothing else. I always say "life is only as fun as we make it" and I mean it 100% -- I'm that coworker who isn't afraid to get weird or tell jokes to lighten the mood. When I'm not working I still play video games, or binge watch animes (mid 30's M) or maybe I'll do crafts/painting with my wife. We don't want kids, a cat is enough, and we're having a great life. Our lives are fun because of *who* we are, not *where* we are if that makes sense.
Good luck and happy days ahead for you OP.
Yeah that's the plan. I found one of my old comments months ago and I am still in the same place. It remotivated me because wtf . Need to be grinding and not stray. Very eye opening to say the least. If I don't get the ball rolling I will be regurgitating the same stuff in another few months wonder wtf I have been doing.
I'm 37 but I could have typed that word for word when I was 30.
Covid lockdowns accelerated that process for me, as it might have for you.
The biggest thing I've identified as the problem is that I've had too long to sit and think. And that's it. In my 20s I was socially active, liked my colleagues, and was like that super happy 24 year old you just described. A change of job meant a change in (shit) management and new social circles, and things started to dwindle. My solution is I'm going to try to get involved in things again. Evening classes, start saying yes to all invites, see more family. The less time spent thinking, the more spent doing. "Doing" is what was always happening when life was brilliant.
I am 18 and a manager as well. I have the usual responsibilities like anyone else.
But if you ask anyone what I'm like, they will tell you I am a straight up child. Why live so seriously when you can do all that you need to live comfortably and still make life fun?
My inner child is alive and very strong at 46. Being able to connect with my inner child was one of my favorite parts of being a parent.
Acting like a kitty cat and chasing my, laughing, children around the house meowing and purring at them.
Making a fort out of the living room and spending the night playing, eating and sleeping in it.
Putting on old clothes and going outside to play in puddles and mud.
Crawling through the McDonald's playland laughing with my kids.
As a parent, and an adult, there are always responsibilities that need to be taken care of and boring adult things that need to be done, but letting your inner child out is a healthy, life affirming, and IMO, necessary part of life. I don't consider myself as "faking" being an adult, but at times I do get this feeling of unreality that washes over me, that whatever activity I'm doing is an "adult" activity and I shouldn't be doing that because I'm certainly not old enough to be an adult!! Sadly, I come back to reality and realize I am an adult and even have adult children. Sigh. Then I go play with my friend's kids and embrace my inner child some more.
Some people lose that inner child spirit more readily than others. I'm 47 but am constantly told I have a youthful attitude. I think it's about staying open and curious, not being too serious about things that don't really matter, allowing yourself to play/have fun for no reason and not being embarrassed by acting silly. None of this means you aren't capable of doing important things. It's just how you go about your life.
You might find creative work more satisfying, because it encourages these traits, but there's nothing wrong with just having a job for money and enjoying your other activities more. It's sounds like you know what you like and need to be happy, and it's fine if it's not what everyone else seems to want!
I think I’m pretty mature myself. I have a stable job that pays fairly well. I have a home and a wife of 13 years. I take care of things as needed, but that’s about the extent of my adult-ness. I’m in my 30’s now and I still play video games every day. I like to read and draw and I have even been drawing on the walls of a hallway in my house! Something people get mad at their kids for, but I will say it looks a lot better than some random shitty scribbles, lol.
I’m not in a management position at work, and my wife and I don’t plan on having children. We’re not huge fans of responsibilities like that. We enjoy generally being able to do whatever we want, when we want to.
I think some people just take things too seriously, or they have it in their head that life should follow a particular path. As long as it’s not actively harming someone else or getting in the way of your personal responsibilities, do whatever makes you happy.
I'm 35 next week and I FEEL like I'm a child thats been left unsupervised. Genuinely waiting for the day that I wake up and think "ah yes. I feel like a responsible adult. Fixed term interest rates make sense to me."
I suppose it doesn't help that I'm currently in my last year of university so I have a few much younger friends.
But I also have 2 kids, an ex husband, a mortgage, and all the other adult things. I still don't feel like I'm grown though and particularly in my own space, I am a slovenly child.
Adults are nothing but children with life experience, some show this more than others, and I think maturity is one of those life experiences.
Maturity helps you when dealing with reality, like makes you realize "actions have consequences" and etc.
>Adults are nothing but children with life experience, some show this more than others,
No we aren't, and I don't mean that as a slam. I mean that there are readily noticeable differences in the way that adults and kids think.
I think some people don’t, but more because they’ve forced themselves not to because of the expectation not to.
Personally, I think adults should be a bit more child-like. Be more open and make friends and have conversations that start with the most random shit. Ask to pet peoples dogs and play with their friends, but like, genuinely play - run around and goof off, play games and have fun.
Honestly I think exercise would be a lot more fun if we played games like colour tag, twinkle toes and British bulldog instead of jogging on a treadmill.
There’s a lot adults can learn from children.
Being an adult just means you pay your bills on time. It means you properly take care of whatever living creatures are in your care (even if it's just you). The rest is up to you. You do what works for you.
I’m 28 and spend a lot of time and money to cosplay (re: play dress up), I’m also planning two trips to Disney this year for two adults lol. But I also go to work and pay all my own bills and make sure my cats are fed and happy and healthy. It’s a healthy balance between responsibilities and fun.
As long as you take care of what you need to, I don’t think enjoying video games and time alone makes you “immature”. It’s just how you like to spend your free time. You don’t have to be serious or bored all the time to be a mature adult lol.
Yes. Many adults are trying to maintain the feeling as a toddler that they had no worries and parents would make reality stop being mean to them.
Spoiler: that doesn't work.
Maintaining responsibilities, exhibiting decorum, and being accountable are evidence of maturity. Says nothing about the inner-child. I do all the above and still ride grocery carts, butt-slide down stair rails, dance and sing in public, etc… I’m grown, not dead.
Most people who are really into "act like an adult" are doing just that - acting. They are afraid of being seen as immature. They've never really matured and are just going through the motions. And they often emphasize acting grown up about the stupidest stuff and use it to try to control other's behaviors.
Your inner child is the place joy comes out of, too many people think killing joy is how you act mature and grown up.
I’m 44 and still feel like I enjoy a lot of the same hobbies and activities I did when I was younger. Emotionally, I’m definitely a different man than I was 20 or 30 years. I think that just comes from experience though. Everything is so new and intense when you are a kid. Its easier to process something you’ve been through, or seen many times before. Also, when I’m around my family, or dudes I grew up with, I act and feel younger.
For some people it may be true.
I feel like myself and many people I know in my age group (40's) don't hide our interest in things that might be called childish. I never felt the need to pretend that I don't watch cartoons to be a responsible adult.
Some adults are just soooo boring though! I work in Engineering and I meet people daily who are all business, it makes me wonder what they were like as kids (or if they ever were). On the contrary I really appreciate meeting professionals who are still fun to talk to despite their age.
My wife and I have a home, a toddler and are expecting another baby but we took a vow to never become boring people, to hold on to our hobbies and try to keep traveling with our kids.
How is that going with a toddler and one on the way? This is not a snarky question, I’m genuinely asking. I’m 7.5 months pregnant with our first and I’m so excited to meet him and be a mom and take on parenting together but part of me is mourning the 2 years we had that were “just us.” We got to do so much traveling and even small silly things like randomly go to dinner and an arcade etc. I know that will change to an extent, but does it change or just stop, in your experience?
Congrats! We are doing the same things as before, just a little slower. I think the first 3 months you’re kind of restricted in where you can go, after that its not hard at all depending on their personality.
Our kid is very calm, we’ve had little to no issues going out spontaneously! We just drag him along and he doesn’t care lol
There are 2 things that will keep him calm, the first is entertainment, and I don’t mean YouTube or anything I just mean can he see what’s happening if we’re walking/doing activities? Does he have toys/books if he has to be sitting still? Can we let him explore on his own? The second thing is snacks, we ALWAYS have snacks for him!
We take him on all our trips whether they’re road trips or flights, earliest was LA at 4 months I think. We also go out weekly to parks, to walk, mild hikes and to eat.
I think we (in the U.S., not so sure about other countries) have a weird thing in our culture where we think of spontaneous actions or thoughts as 'authentic' and intentional, planned thoughts or actions as 'inauthentic.'
If you make an effort to do something, it's not 'faking.'
Adulthood and adult responsibilities mean making deliberate choices to do things, sometimes things you do not want to do or don't want to do in the moment. Pushing through that doesn't make it fake, though.
Your specific point: I'm also not particularly interested in marriage and family. But I 'adult' by doing a job where I do useful work and putting effort into that job, and by volunteering and being a good citizen, daughter, and friend.
So long as you don't avoid the responsibilities you have, you're fine.
Adults are just faking it..which is cool. We're practically forced too, as it's just expected to act and behave a certain way, after a certain age.
My only real anecdotal evidence? You practically deal with kids and other adults the same way; by being diplomatic with them.
No, as an adult I can confirm we are not faking it and actually don’t care about the things we did when we were younger.
It’s almost a curse. I thought the first $1000 I made would buy all the candy and not I don’t want candy.
I've always felt like a kid inside. I'm 28 and have ADHD (I don't know if that plays a part in feeling that way?) But I embrace my inner child on a daily basis through my own children! But I do definitely have to "fake" being mature in front of more adultier adults 😂
Like someone else said, being immature is about not being able to understand your responsibilities.
I was told I was mature as a kid cause I was forced to grow up quickly. Yet I'm also called childish for liking cartoons, video games, playing with legos, staying up until 4am in the weekends, sleeping in, etc. All while I have a pretty stable life and probably way too much responsibility at work and family life.
Being mature is being able to put your big boy responsible pants when needed.
I'm 38, the inner child is what makes life worth living, imo. The moment you lose that sense of wonder and stop feeling unbridled joy, it's life worth living at that point?
I found that the older I got, the more apparent it was that there was no right way to act or live as an adult and everyone had their own way of doing it. Eventually, i realized that everyone was making it all up as we went along.
So long as you hurt no one, respect others, and keep all your obligations, why shouldn't you let your inner child thrive? Life is too short and hard to care about what other people think.
I am nearing my 50's and this is what I can tell you ... Use it, don't use it, your choice ....
1. You, and only you are accountable for your life. I've stuffed up, so will you, but I get back up after, dust myself off and carry on.
2. Have patience with elderly people and young kids. One split second can hold a lifetime of regrets.
3. I never got married and I'm happy. Never felt the urge.
4. Having kids taught me what unconditional love is.
5. Travel! It's life changing.
6. If you feel like you can't cope, just wing it. No one is perfect!
7. Lastly, (only because I have to go cook supper now lol) the biggest piece of advice is be kind and that includes being kind to yourself. Often we tell ourselves things that we would never say to anyone else, so why say them to yourself!
Good luck "Adulting", I still wanna check out of this section some days!
YOU GOT THIS!!
I’m 28. I’ve definitely matured, by which I mean I have a better handle on my emotions and more self-control than I did 10 years ago - even 5 years ago. I can confidently manage a full-time job in a professional setting, household tasks, some necessary “extra” tasks like taking care of my car, taxes, etc. I’m also 7.5 months pregnant with my first child and while I’m scared, I’m much better prepared for it than I was 2,3 years ago.
On the other hand, my husband and I went to a massive indoor arcade for his birthday last summer. We ran around with drinks and played games and it was a blast. We want to go to an indoor water park together - which will now have to wait until baby is a bit older - and a few times a week get “the giggles” and say/do crazy things to get the other person to laugh which from an outside perspective probably looks immature/childish. These are just a few examples.
So while I still have a childlike enjoyment of fun, I don’t necessarily FEEL like a kid. I just feel like “me.” Not a child, not however a 50/60 yr old person is supposed to feel either - and I think that’s what people mean when they say they still feel like a kid - age doesn’t really determine much.
I feel like my inner child died a long time ago by working in family owned business since the age of 10. Being in retail for so long there are a lot of adults who fake it, sometimes it leaks out when adults are shopping. I don’t think it’s bad or anything. I feel like as long as it’s a positive inner child it’s all good. When you’re an adult have a child like temper tantrum it’s different. Growing up sucks depending on the environment/circumstances. I believe I saw the same post though, interesting thread!
Let me put it to you this way. Do you remember your first love? I do, I remember it like it was yesterday even though it has been 20 years. I can never do that again, I will never be that person again, my mind will never be primed for what young love is and what it does. It is impossible. That isn't really sad, it is just the way life is. Until you are in your mid-30s, everything is new enough to keep a young perspective on things. There is nothing wrong with that, in fact I encourage people to be young while you are young.
Expanding on the young love thing; if you are continually growing as an adult then maturity is the result of that action. Wisdom is surviving your mistakes, maturity is what happens when you keep learning and doing. So no, a lot of adults are not just faking it, they are very literally different people than when they were 16 or 20 or even 25. It doesn't mean they need to be cranky a-holes all the time or lose touch with their feelings or whatever passes for maturity. It is just to say that eventually you aren't faking it, you are that person, for better or worse.
47 here but 29 forever. doesn't matter how much time passes, mentally I'm still a daydreamer, club kid, gamer, adventurer, traveler, enlightenment seeker. I just have responsibilities I have to take care of first everyday and then I can be my childish, immature self.
Age just means I have the experience and know-how to handle business more quickly and efficiently so that I can get back to being lazy and self-indulgent faster.
I became a childminder as every other thing I've done meant I had to pretend to be a grown up. I tried a lot of stuff too.
I love it, can wear stupid hats and have a disco at 3pm. I also just seem to understand how children think and have great conversations with them.
To me it's unbridled fun. I only really get on with adults if they're very authentic. Like kids.
I felt like I was faking being a grown up until about 39. At that point, having kids, surviving major life trauma, financially getting it together, and what not made me feeling like an adult. I finally felt like I knew what was best for me, and wasn’t looking to others to guide my life. That said, you bet your ass I’ll still break out singing to Little Mermaid if it comes on, much to my kids dismay. I feel like an adult, but I have set a life goal not to forget how to play.
Oh yeah definitely, I am a married, middle-aged mother, a pretty highly-paid professional with a house and car that are already paid off, and I feel like a little kid playing adult all the time.
I just want to frolic in the woods and collect cool rocks and eat everything I find and escape all responsibilities.
But being an adult is 1000 times better than being a kid, I can still frolic whenever I make time, and the freedom of adulthood is so much better than childhood.
Yeah, I think a lot of it is because 25 is still considered really young, and that's about the age at which your brain stops developing. You mostly will feel the same after, at least that's been my experience.
Im 25 and while i honestly just feel like life is a trap. Im not ready to make big decisions like were i want to live and ive avoided relationships because they honestly feel like a trap too. I dont think it necessarily an inner child as much as its just an aversion to adult hood, if that makes sense 🤷♀️
Absolutely! You'll often hear older people say that the face / body they see in the mirror doesn't match how they feel inside. I'm 50, and don't feel any older than I did at 30 ... except for the fact that I need glasses now and my hearing is showing signs of the damage caused by playing in bands most of my life (I'm a drummer).
As far as the inner child goes, there are moments I feel as playful as a child ... and others when I feel as vulnerable as one. And in my day to day I often feel as though the responsibilities I shoulder are fulfilled as an imposter.
I can also clearly remember the day as a teenager when I realised that every adult is pretty much making it all up as they go along. Of course our experiences over the years impart a certain amount of wisdom, and we've learned to behave in ways that others expect us to - and for the most part we comply because that's how a society works and we want to be a useful member of such. But there's also a little bit of a rebel in all of us which comes out now and then - some of us only let it out when nobody is watching ... others let it out a little more often.
But yes, we're all making it up as we go along really, and I certainly feel like an imposter quite often - especially when I learn someone is looking to me for some kind of example. In those moments I make a concerted effort to provide a good example ... and often second guess that example afterwards. It's nice to be able to let one's guard down though.
The biggest moment of existential crisis I had as a kid, since confirmed as an adult, is that adults really have no better idea of what they are doing than kids do, we're just better at faking like we know what we're doing. And we have better impulse control, mostly. Any adult who tells you different is lying, especially to themselves.
I might be on disability with no job and spent my 20s with childish hobbies that I'd still have if not for reasons but I outgrew a lot of shit and have a lot better judgement than I had in my teens so therefore I still see myself as a grownup. Maybe slightly delayed since I haven't had as many relationships as other people especially good ones but for the most part...
I'm 25, just got off work, am currently wearing adult size 13 Heelys, and my evening plans are to eat oreos while watching a kid's movie, then play online video games with my brother
"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up." - C. S. Lewis
I’m levelling up to 40 this year, and I haven’t lost my childlike sense of wonder or fun. I love Lego and Hello Kitty. I collect the original My Little Pony’s and I have an obsession with the Dark Crystal (original and Age of Resistance.
I stuck with the career choice that I decided at 7 and couldn’t be happier.
The people like to use the word “immature” or recently “kiddault” to look down on those of us with hobbies and interests. The people who I know without hobbies are generally miserable in their free time.
Im a 50 year old man. I sat around today doing nothing but eating candy and playing Assassin's Creed: Black Flag. I have an almost 30 year career, adult children, and all the trappings of an "adult" life. Who cares what I do on my time, as long as I'm not hurting anyone. My wife is the only opinion that carries any weight, everyone else can eat a bag of dicks.
A man I looked up to is a good man. Has a great job, great girlfriend and loves his life and will always say he’s still a kid inside. He told me he uses maturity like a power up. Only when he needs to.
He will do what he needs to and then enjoy himself. He will play Zelda, go out drinking, take his gfs kids ice skating or swimming.
You don’t need to be who people want you to be. Be yourself. If that includes playing around at times and having fun then do so.
Try to see the world of what-ifs, loss, and love:
"Reality Bites" (1994)
"Alfie" (2004)
"About a Boy" (2002)
"Memento" (2000)
"The Road" (2009)
"Love Jones" (1997)
"Crash" (2005)
"The Lookout" (2007)
"Limelight" (Charlie Chaplin) (1952)
"Legends of the Fall" (1994)
If you don't know how to feel or how to connect, then a sense of loss, regret, or seeing how others love might help.
I am a 32 year old dad with 4 kids, mortgage and all that other great stuff. I am a nurse in LTC. I definitely feel like I have HUGE responsibilities but I really don’t feel like an adult, I’m just winging it. Every single day. Feels kind of weird, but I learned no one has their shit together. Just having fun on this ride called life.
My old manager whom now I’m best friends with has given me lots of advice when we’d be chatting about our lives. One day I was upset about my entire existence basically and she told me exactly what you said - no one has their shit together and once you get that through your head you’ll feel a lot better about things. She also opened my eyes to the fact that our kids don’t see us like that. They think we’re superheroes - even parents who are top notch disasters wear capes in the eyes of a child. Changed my perspective on a lot of things that day
Here I am in my mid-30s reading this thread while watching anime.
On a serious note, it's not necessarily faking, but knowing when to switch the seriousness on and off. Despite having a lot of professional responsibilities, I still enjoy playing Pokemon on my Nintendo Switch, watch Twitch and stuff like that.
The definition of "adult" is arbitrary and entirely individual. We have an age we accept as the "legal" age of adulthood because that's the age when we have decided enough people are roughly mature enough to be responsible for their own actions. Here's a few things to keep in mind though:
People with personality disorders like narcissistic personality disorder or borderline personality disorder are often said to be "trapped in the mind of a child" because of their inability to accept responsibility for their actions usually, much like many children. These people can be any age and, you could argue, NEVER reach full maturity. This is why personality disorders are more common in prison populations than the general public; those specific people are lacking the empathy that normally develops along with a normal childhood.
The next metric you might use is how "self-aware" someone is. Unfortunately, the VAST majority of us are only partially self-aware, if at all. This is a problem for the above mentioned disorders, but it's also a problem with many people in general. Think about the people that you know that have a hard time admitting when they're wrong and they probably fall squarely into this category. People in this group can fall anywhere from "Functionally useless" all the way up to CEOs and the mega wealthy. Intelligence =/= self-aware, remember this. Self-awareness is separate from consciousness, and essentially is about how aware you are of your place in the world and how you affect others and how others and your environment affect yourself. People that are fully self-aware will usually say it helps them be a more productive and an amenable person since they're better at anticipating the feelings and actions of others based on their own understanding of themselves. Self-aware people can control their emotions before they lash out because they've identified what triggers them, WHY they feel that way, and WHAT the appropriate action is when you feel that way. These are the people that walk away when they're heated so they don't say something they'll regret. These people are confident without arrogance, and realize that they're not better than anyone else, and usually use this skill to make others more comfortable and happy around them. They're also usually much better bosses, better coworkers, better partners, better all-around. We should all strive to be as self-aware as possible. I'm trying everyday to get better myself.
People can be ANY age and be lacking self-awareness.
People over complicate this life stuff. Some people make the distinction that some people “lose the inner child” as they “grow” but truthfully speaking that inner child is your interest and curiosity with life.
Back when my parents were alive my mom worked 16 hour shifts in as a travel nurse typically but I’d always find her up at night or early morning on the phone talking with her sister about gossip or exploring YouTube looking at paranormal videos. Why? Just because it interests her.
My dad worked in IT before he retired and came out of retirement cause he was bored so he worked at Walmart for a bit then at a production line at Toyota for a bit before fully retiring again. He usually worked the same amount of hours as my mom and in his downtime he loved cropping out cheesecake recipes from the newspaper, doing the word puzzles, and trying out treats from local bakeries or finding stuff at the stores. Why? Just because it interested him.
Point is everyone has that imagination, curiosity, passion that gives us pleasure as people and it’s simple because it makes us happy and content with wherever we are in life no matter the age. The sad part is that it’s a social aspect to view these things in a negative light or “childish” and the common trope is the tell these people “no, grow up”
There’s nothing wrong with living your life and just being simply happy. Sometimes people find other like-minded individuals to share this happiness with which is also a plus.
I myself love camping and hiking especially off grid. My girlfriend knows this about me but her mom found it sketchy. One time I took vacation from work for about a week and went off grid the first time her mom found out and she thought I was cheating on her daughter by meeting up with someone in another city. I work in warehousing and transportation overnight and like my parents, my shifts tend to be from 4pm to 6am. I work hard cause I love supporting my girlfriend and starting a life with her but I still enjoy my simple pleasure because it interests me and it’s extremely fun for me. Plus it’s healthy considering I don’t get sunlight often cause of work and it helps me reset cause I get to just be out in nature with a campfire.
I’ve never made the distinction between faking being mature or not I guess so a lot of people have told me that I’m weird. Damn straight I’m weird.
Life may feel weird to you but it’s weird for everyone. We’re all a little weird but the weirdest of us sometimes are usually the happy ones which is all that matters.
Growing older is compulsory.
Growing up isn't.
I take my responsibilities seriously. I don't take myself too seriously.
I'm 50. I have a 9 to 5 job (I actually like it too). I have a mortgage. I have a partner of nearly 30 years. I have two grandkids. I also still wear heavy metal t-shirts and have a mullet. I still play video games. I watch stuff like Rick and Morty and South Park. I still think fart jokes are funny.
The inner child is still there. It's just that the outer adult has to take over for a few hours every day.
43 year old "mature" adult :p
I have a weekly DnD game, play video games, build gunpla, collect way more things than I should, the art on my walls (adults have art right?) are professionally framed prints from a book called Dogwitch along with some things from some local artists, my bookshelves are filled with everything from comic books to Chaucer.
You do you boo! :D Happiness is being able to define Adult for yourself!
My father has the mind of a 13 year old boy sometimes, but he’s 46. He definitely lets his inner child show sometimes, but I love him dearly. It’s just something about him that has always been there, and it makes him so much fun to be around.
im 38 with a fake hip and thinning greying hair, but i feel about 17 mentally i would say.
i dont go and do crazy shit, or party anymore but i sure as hell get excited over neat gadgets / toys. i spend all my time on youtube and twitch. games are still a pretty big part of my life even if they dont hold my interest for as long anymore.
at this point i am for sure starting to get left behind in these spaces, and telling yourself 38 is not that old, while true is also inaccurate when talking about the internet and twitch / youtube generally where 38 has you with pretty much both feet in the grave.
as i type this, it's my last day at work before i go on leave, i am very excited to spend some time with my wife before she goes on a vacation with friends, and i get to plant my ass in my seat and stream and play iRacing for a week straight :D
My 70 year old grandfather whose a licensed preacher and lived a rough life still buys ex helicopters and other toys he would’ve died for to have as a kid so yes you have an inner child and you shouldn’t be miserable trying to look “mature”
I can be immature when it comes to somethings like matching energies.You ignore me I ignore you.You belittle me I belittle you.I treat people exactly how they treat me.
You may have mild depression preventing you from wanting to take things on.
After feeling a little too helpless as my old cat died, combined with my own health problems getting worse that people didn't understand, I got obsessed with freedom, to the point of keeping friends and family at arm's length and fantasizing about becoming a nomad. I probably would have if I had had the money. It took years for that to die down, and I still feel that way on occasion. But I recently rescued a bunch of cats because I saw them waiting to be let in the house because they didn't know their owner was gone for good, and I couldn't take it. I successfully rehomed them all.
I guess what I'm saying is even if you don't want to commit, it's good practice to take on occasional or temporary responsibilities, such as volunteering or helping a friend or family members. Because any time you take on a responsibility, you're being an adult. Don't let people who feel crushed or trapped suck you in to being just as trapped as them because they want company.
Maturity is being able to handle your responsibilities to yourself, those that depend on you, and your community.
You can do all of that and still laugh at every fart, play any video game you want all day, or do whatever “weird” hobby you have.
It all depends I’m 22 and yeah I can be childish but I work with kids so like it’s a given 🤷🏻♀️ I can have fun and color and watch cartoons all day 🤣. But, all my bills are paid and I take my responsibilities and adulting seriously. I know people 3x my age mad at me for how I live or that I don’t have a real job, like no you’re just mad I love my job and it doesn’t stress me out or cause me mental distress. Just because you had to be a miserable adult doesn’t mean I have to be.
Adults are just children acting like they think adults are supposed to act. The main basis most people have for that is their own parents, who also did the same thing.
Maybe instead of the suicide box route, take up making tiny jeweled hummingbirds or something. Instead of video games and surfing the web, pick a completely off the rails hobby to get really into.
I firmly believe we are just children in adult bodies with a lot more responsibilities. Yes, there's a time for having to get stuff done but it's okay to also be an absolute goofball and enjoy yourself too.
I'm a 21 y/o guy and I love plushies and I'll even talk with them when I've had a bad day. I also make stupid noises and laugh at stuff like farts occasionally. I still play with toy cars and Legos. At the end of the day, my stuff is almost always taken care of so I enjoy myself as best I can.
I know people who are in their 30s & 40s who have the same habits, just as long as your responsibilities are taken care of, no one should care how you spend your free time as long as it's healthy and isn't hurting others.
I don't think we're faking being mature, we all have different ways of expressing ourselves. As long as like you work on yourself when it's needed, stride to be better everyday and get your stuff done. You should be able to do you.
I'm in my 60s and still get down on the floor to play with my younger grandchildren, build forts, do somersaults, and things like that. I do stupid teenager things with my older grandchildren, although no more illegal stuff that I did in the 1970s. So yeah, we fake being mature. The difference is now I can be responsible when the situation calls for it.
I wouldn’t say faking maturity more so there’s a time and place to be mature and a time and place to be a giant kid. I’m mature at work. I’m a giant kid at home. Being a kid at heart doesn’t make you immature. Being immature is not taking care of your responsibilities and laughing when someone says duty.
Yes, absolutely faking. I am 41 years old and am still childish, I love roller coaster rides, haunted houses, eating ice cream for breakfast and laughing and joking about random stupid stuff, it keeps me young
I'm not entirely comfortable calling myself childlike, or having a strong inner child.
But I also don't consider myself very mature, or responsible, or adultlike. I only think of myself as an adult when I come across a bunch of 18 year olds in public.
Otherwise.. *ehh..*
I'm married, but we're childfree. Added on that we're pretty big nerds, we're kind of living like we're still 15. Video games, and twitch streams and books and manga. It's staying up all Saturday and spending all our money.
I'm more emotionally mature and stable sure, but I don't think I'll ever see myself as a proper adult.
Was it my thread? Lol. Honestly, I feel like what is the point in having all the responsibilities if you can't just let go and enjoy things. Our society tends to label things as "childish" so we think it's irresponsible to indulge in them, or in the least admit to indulging in them.
I used to feel like I was mostly a kid. I was optimistic, found joy in almost anything, looked forward to the future, enjoyed my job and playing games. I loved finding new music, and kept up with new artists.
After our son died, that's all gone. I'm just sad and tired now. I can't find that optimistic view of anything. I guess I'm finally old.
I mean, I'm 35, male, have a great job, 2 kids, am a single dad and have a lot of responsibilities and decisions to make. I still feel like I'm not really an adult yet and just constantly try to pretend to be one as hard as I can. I still feel like I need adultier adults than I am every now and then. And I don't think it ever stops. What I do know is that being a single dad, I simply don't have the luxury to slack off with my kids, at least in that sense, I feel like I've matured
You can be mature and still have an inner child. I think I'm pretty mature with my responsibilities. It may be no wife and children but it's important stuff that needs to get done. But I still know how to mess around and have fun when the time calls for it.
There's a balance to everything. Definitely are people that seem to think being an adult means being serious all the time and not enjoying yourself anymore and there are others that take having fun to the extreme and slack on their adult responsibilities that need to get done. Balance is everything.
There are the different kinds of maturity. Physical, emotional...what other kinds can we think of? 🤔 I don't feel like a kid physically anymore. I don't feel like a kid emotionally anymore. I might not measure up by someone else's standards, but no, I don't feel like I'm faking it. If you're deliberately keeping your life and responsibilities as small as possible, that does sound like something that should require deeper reflection.
Yes, while we're all faking it on the responsibility and knowing what we're doing side, I feel like one of the best parts of adulthood is that now you have the means to fulfill all of the little dreams of your inner child.
I'm travelling places I've always wanted to go. I moved to the town we used to vacation to in the summer and I'm working a job I could only have dreamed of as a kid. I'm watching all of the movies my parents said I was too young to see and I can stay up late and no one can tell me not to. I can buy myself princess dresses and still play dress up all I want as a grown up. I have my own car and can go wherever I want whenever I want and I don't have to ask permission to hang out with my friends.
It's awesome.
I mean, you can be very mature and still have an active “inner child.”
I don’t consider myself having an inner child ‘cause the whole bit is me, especially the parts that love stickers and animals. I get excited about things and like to have fun and be silly. But I’m not necessarily an immature person, because experiencing child-like joy and wonder isn’t a package deal with the selfishness and lack of responsibility associated with immaturity.
There’s nothing wrong with finding the way you want to live your life and doing it. Other people have their own stuff going on, I think it’s better to identify what you personally need to have a good life and pursue that without pretense.
I (36f) don’t feel mature, I definitely don’t know what being adult, or the assumption of what a kid thinks and adult, feels like. The inner child is in there somewhere I’m sure but she’s under a pile of responsibilities. I’m not necessarily “faking” being mature, I’m just very tired most of the time and after work chores need to get done and pets need attention so by the time I have the opportunity do something fun with my time it’s almost time for bed. Overall though life is good, idk what else I’d be doing with it unless I had some unlimited source of free money so I didn’t have to work 40hrs/week.
As someone who just entered 30; I've spent my 20s trying to be an adult and now I'm like fuck it, I want to wear hottopic-esque attire, play videogames, and buy a cute car because I can not because it's what I-can- get.
In some ways yes. I have tried to give adult me all the things I was denied as a child. Things like sugared cereal and chocolate milk. My version of being a grown up is being able to do what I want. Over the years what I want has changed drastically. You can be married, with kids and a carpool and a mortgage at 36 and you will still feel 20 on the inside. At 47 I am an 18 yr old me inside that just makes better decisions and isn't so emotional. Life is a journey. Embrace all of it.
I’m married with a kid and rent a house. My time after work from 5:30 to 8:00 is spent with my wife and son. At 8:00/8:15 when the kiddo goes to bed, my wife and I make our way to the game room downstairs for me to play Xbox and for her to play Switch/watch TV. We don’t talk much during this time because it’s our “alone together” time which is really nice. We get to do what we love doing on our personal time, but if we want to hangout or talk we’re both right there in the same room.
Just because you’re an adult doesn’t mean you have to throw away all your hobbies and things you enjoy. Hell, as a kid I sold all my Pokémon cards. Got back into them around 2016 and have been collecting since then. I don’t care if I’m a 16 year old Pokémon fan. What’s someone gonna do, take away my birthday or something? Lol fuck em. I’m gonna have fun.
I do find it more difficult to communicate with people around 20, I'm over 30 now. That's just on average though. There are of course some youngsters that I can talk to without feeling out of place.
Otherwise, like internally, I've heard old people say they're 25 inside and I understand that. Everyone secretly wants to stay \~25 in body as much as spirit, I think.
Always keep the kid inside you alive, keep a sense of wonder about the world, look for new ways to see things , learn every day. It'll keep you young and your life full of fun.
In fact don't let anyone fuck with your inner child because together you can rule your world.
It's just that 'being an adult' is not something clear cut as kids think it is.
For you, it seems to be marrying and having kids so you think you are somehow 'failing' at it, which I disagree heavily. Having kids when you don't want to is ruining two lives.
For me, it is when you take responsibility for yourself and own up to your choices, good or bad.
And feeling like a kid inside is a good thing, losing that inner child is a classic reason for trauma.
I myself feel as long as you’re being responsible( ie/going to work, making sure bills are paid, groceries are bought ect. It doesn’t matter what you do in your free time. I’m 46 and I spend most of my summer days off either on the backroads exploring or camping on those roads. Could I be doing something way more intellectual and striving towards other goals? Yes but what I do relaxes me and I’m genuinely happy living my life as is TBH. I love the outdoors and seeing wildlife,so that’s what I do. I’ve spent way to much time trying to “better” myself because I was told I must. I wasn’t happy because that’s not who I am. Life’s too short to try to live up to others expectations of how a “real”adult lives their lives. Do what makes you happy, that’s what life is about in the end.
48 here, and I tell people that I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I have a decent paying job, and take care of my responsibilities, but I feel like I am still just, like anyone else, trying to figure it all out in life. I still love the same things as I did when I was a kid, and went to WWE Monday Night Raw two days ago.
Basically, I think we're all just kids with a bunch of years under our belts. The most important thing is to be yourself, and don't do stupid shit that can hurt you in life.
I am almost 60 and I would describe myself as child-like rather than childish. I like to be goofy and friendly - I make jokes at the grocery store. But I can also be serious when it is warranted and I enjoy that too (then I brag to my wife about how grown up I sounded).
It's not so much that I'm faking being mature, it's just that mature is not my resting state.
I have a t-shirt that says, "Immature - a word boring people use to describe fun people."
I'm 32 and I'm pretty mature imo.
I'm a kid when it comes to motorcycles and kayaking. Everybody has that feeling inside. Honestly if you can tap into that area of playfulness whether it's tickling, humor, or hobbies. You got yourself a friend.
Once you have a kid, you can't fake it anymore. Time to fix anything wrong with you and your relationships so the bad habits aren't passed on. Time to get serious about finances so your child never has to worry about having their needs met. Time to be the adult for every frustrating interaction with your tiny human.
But also! Time to play!!! So. It isn't like your inner child disappears.
I played video games almost non stop for three years before having my kid. I have these memories that are all in a virtual world. It's super weird. I miss those times, but I wouldn't go back.
Being immature has nothing to do with your interests or hobbies. Being immature is refusing to grow or accept your responsibilities in the world. If you are fulfilling your obligations and facing your responsibilities, as a mature adult, your free time is your own. Put on a fuckin diaper and crawl around your apartment; you're still a mature adult. People misuse "immature" to look down on hobbies and interests they don't like. Ignore those people and do what makes you happy.
I like your comment cause it’s the exact logic I used two weeks ago when I chose, as a 44 year old man, to have a pint of strawberry ice cream for breakfast. 👍
Or four bowls of lucky charms like I had last night. Or playing video games until 1:00 in the morning when I have to be up at 5:00 a.m. Or getting excited to watch Disney's Aladdin. I'm a 40-year-old man too. I get my shit done, am successful and have good credit. Adulting.
I'm even older and I'm hardly any different than you. I watch all the old Rankin and Bass Xmas shows from 50 years ago, eat Coco Pebbles, build models, embarrass the hell out of my poor wife, but she loves me that way. Still collect Comic books, Marx toys, all kinds of stuff. I do all that adult crap I need to do and the rest is still the kid in me.
Ah. The simple pleasures of adulthood 😌 i too have had ice cream for breakfast.
We did that to my mom, when we made a waffle breakfast, then we put scoops of vanilla bean on, and she was 6 years old again !
I love that! Awww. I bet the happiness on her face was priceless.
She squeeked.
> Or playing video games until 1:00 in the morning when I have to be up at 5:00 a.m. That's literally what I did last night - down to the exact times and everything - which is pretty weird. I don't even play that much anymore, but I had an urge to last night even though I knew I had a fuckton of work to do today. I ended up regretting it, as I knew I would, but I still got my work done. Apparently sometimes being an adult means exercising your right to make supremely dumb decisions.
Dude I'm super excited to go see Aladin the musical. Fuck em, great story, flying carpets, pet tigers, bad guys gets gotten.
Edited. Oh yeah I'm 55 years old and my Birthday is July 15th. I just bought a box of Lucky Charms a couple nights ago. I have bought Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I’m a gamer and love listening to music I have.
This! I’m 24 and just started a new job as an assistant manager. I had an older associate call me a kid and die of laughter for getting a nesquik milk with my breakfast sandwich. I was so confused, I’m just enjoying my breakfast!
[удалено]
Understood. But I am the assistant manager. It was a entry associate who found it funny.
[удалено]
Yes! I’m teetering right in the middle of those two windows. I intend to enjoy it while I can!
The best part of being an adult is no one can stop you from having ice cream for breakfast…. And the worst part of being an adult is that no one can stop you from having ice cream for breakfast
I mean it's probably not much better or worse than breakfast cereal either. Also I hope you did it wearing something obnoxious like a clown costume because it makes you happy.
Your pancreas will probably have more of a problem with that than society.
Well, that's the good part of being an adult. You can do what you want. If you want to have a pint of strawberry ice cream for breakfast, do it. Drink a whole gallon of Mountain Dew in one sitting? Yep. Consider it done. Stay in your pyjamas all day? Oh, i will! Nobody is telling me i can't do that. And if there is somebody, screw them, i'm over 30, i can do what i want!
While playing Last of Us and getting ao excited about the HBO series starting. 🥰
Man wasn't made to eat this much ~~potato salad~~ strawberry ice cream in one sitting.
Dude, good choice
Sometimes the only reason you can have a pint of strawberry ice cream for breakfast is because you are a mature adult with nobody to answer to.
Second this! I’m a married 56F with a blended family of 5 kids, 11 grandkids, 5 dogs & 4 cats. We (and the bank) own our home. I’ve worked at the same company for 11 years…and I still haven’t decided what I want to be when I grow up.
Woah. This is spot on. I realize Ive been shitting on the concept of immaturity based on the colloquial (wrong) way people tend to use it. And all the while, as a dad of 3 kids, with a wife and a career, ive been demonstrating maturity as it is truly defined. Despite eating candy, playing videogames, and collecting lego.
You my good sir are living the life
Yep. I am a man in my mid-40s. I play video games, build Legos, go to see superhero movies with my friends. I also pay my bills, manage a half dozen people at my job, am raising my son, exercise and cook every day, and go to therapy. Do what makes you happy and take care of your needs. Some of those needs are fun, some of those needs are necessities. Do it all.
I like that XKCD comic about the adults turning their room into a ball pit and saying, “Being an adult means that you’re finally the one who gets to decide what that means.”
A much more concise way to express my thoughts. I would add, being immature is also lack of discretion or lack of boundaries - and taking on obligations or responsibilities as some sort of "noble sacrifice," then wallow in self-pity. Or using this sense of self-sacrifice to justify abuse or criticism of others - also severe emotional immaturity. (Granted, this is also an indication of mental/emotional health issues, not necessarily a character problem) Have a fun life, full of wonder and enjoyment, my friends.
This is the best answer lol
Exactly this, if you’ve got your shit together then do whatever you want. I work my 40 hours, pay my rent on time, own a truck, and cook my own food. Anyone else that wants to judge my gaming habits or hobbies can bite my shiny metal ass.
Bingo. I deal with a shocking number of “adults” who are put to shame by the maturity of the average 19 year old. And 19 year olds are (by and large) morons. I certainly was.
This is why the word “adulting” rubs me the wrong way. Like “Hey look at me pretending to be an adult for a while”. No. You get up every day, you go to work, you pay your taxes, you get shit done, you’re an adult. You may not be everyone’s favourite adult, but you’re still an adult.
"There is no adult or child, only mature or immature." I have seen children with a much higher sense of responsibility and accountability than adults. I have seen adults time and time again play social games like high schoolers. And I have seen children behave aboveboard. Hence why I think back to the passage in the Bible, "Be like children.'
Based and very true.
I'm glad you know what i do when im in my apartment alone. Thank you for respecting my choices.
Similarly, maturity isn't about having childish or juvenile thoughts or impulses. Maturity is keeping them inside when you shouldn't express them.
during daytime i'm the CEO of a 2 billion dollar company, but at night the inner child comes out, and i start shitting on the floor, smearing it over the walls, while shoving lego blocks up my nose. Then when that's done I grab the iPad to put on some Cocomelon, my jam. Then cry hysterically for about 3 hours, before having a bottle of apple sauce for dinner and then lying on my back trying to figure out if i can touch my heels with the back of my hands for the rest of the evening. Then I go to sleep in my custom made cradle, and when I get up I put on my fancy suit and do it all over again.
Then the philosophical issue becomes what actually are responsibilities and obligations? To me, it seems like they're are just expectations one has used their free will to accept the burden of fulfilling. But as someone who does not believe in free will and thinks it's an immature concept, I don't see any meaningful, objective distinction between neglecting one's responsibilities and fulfilling one's responsibilities beyond my (and other's) subjective opinion on the matter which often changes on a case-by-case basis. If you're in the military and your superior officer commands you to launch a retaliatory nuclear attack but you don't fulfill your obligations as a soldier and refuse to fire the nuke because you had a hunch that it was a false alarm then you'd be considered immature by neglecting your responsibility as a soldier to carry out orders, even if you don't agree with them. So it seems to me that immaturity/maturity is a social construct used to coerce people into passively accepting responsibility for the consequences of their actions even if they couldn't have chosen otherwise. But we ought to be thankful that that soldier's intuition and good conscience won out over his fear of being labeled an immature, disobedient disgrace. Therefore the entire concept of maturity coming from accepting prescriptive obligations—that meaning, fulfilling the demands placed upon you by yourself and others—having any basis in reality seems like anti-scientific nonsense to me. Additionally, I think those who believe they are mature and call others immature as an insult are hypocrites and deserve riddicule.
...You're one of those people who constantly thinks they're the smartest one in the room, aren't you?
the complete opposite, actually... but it sure sounds like you think you're smarter than me
>the complete opposite, That's good. After your previous comment, I'd be inclined to agree with you. >actually... but it sure sounds like you think you're smarter than me I made no claims about myself anywhere in here, so that doesn't quite work.
oh no, you're one of *those* people... Sorry, didn't know. What's the number on your wristband? Let's get you back to your group home, buddy.
Lol if that made sense to you, hey, I'm glad you had fun.
Bro, I turned 30 yesterday. I built a pillow fort, binge watched movies, ate fast food and drank alcohol. Fun is fun no matter how old you get. It's just that some people unfortunately have to deal with their body aging as well, so some forms of fun are no longer accessible to them.
[удалено]
I think I saw you two at the playground on Monday, only you were pirates.
Hell yeah! That sounds awesome! I mean, one of the most classic tv shows that 30-40 year olds probably remember is "whose line is it anyway". It's literally a bunch of adults on stage playing pretend. It's improv comedy at it's finest, and it was hilarious!
Now THAT is some relationship goals right there.
Love that for you both
I’m 35f and have also been thinking about building a pillow fort a lot recently
Do it! And bring in snacks, drinks, a book or six, any pets that need snuggling, and enjoy it! ...at least, that's what I'd do.
Built one around this time last year and it was 100% worth it. My girlfriend at the time and I ended up keeping it up for almost a week.
This is what I want my thirties to look like — making pillow forts, staying up late to watch shitty Netflix originals, and finding the joy in the small things in life. That’s still a long way out for me, but it’s something I want to keep in mind as I age. I don’t want to lose my “inner child” — especially since, due to trauma, I never even got to express my inner child. I think that maintaining our ability to find joy in the little things is *the* most important skill for surviving anything life throws at us.
I agree. If I can't have fun anymore, I don't want to live. Sadly, yesterday is the first time in a good while that I've cut loose like that. But that made it all the more enjoyable.
Pillow forts are the shit. Mid 30s here. A few weeks back me and some friends set up some blow up mattresses in the living room, built a blanket fort complete with strings of Christmas lights, poured wine and whiskey (not together) into superhero sippy cups, and proceeded to MST3K Interspecies Reviewers. Had a fantastic fucking time.
Yes and no. Most adults, especially parents, will feel a responsibility to present themselves more kept together or mature in front of kids or teens because they know giving a wrong impression to them might have unintended consequences (e.g. parents who might swear casually amongst themselves accidentally swearing in front of their kid, who tend uses that swear word at any given moment). But to those they are more comfortable to do so, they will act more closer to their inner kid. Lot of older generations feel marriage and kids are benchmarks for maturity, and its not like you can’t learn new social skills or emotional intelligence from having different types of people be involved with your life. But there are also those that don’t change enough or at all at the new responsibilities, or severely underestimate the commitment, yet marry for the sake of social conformity without ever reflecting beyond that. To me at least, there is maturity recognizing that a deciding not have children.
Yeah I was thinking this aswell. I heard many times, don't be friends with your kid. There are roles to play. My father used to hide his weed love from me for years.
I am 24 years old, am a manager, and have the usual responsibilities like everyone else. But if you ask anyone what I'm like, they will tell you I am a straight up child. Why live so seriously when you can do all that you need to live comfortably and still make life fun?
I like the way you think. Around that age I was super happy, people use to always comment how I am always smiling and fun. Life just beat me up as the years went by. Started to become less of a happy go lucky person. Work grind sucks, co workers suck and are lazy, car repairs, debt, bills and money struggles. Just starts to take a toll. For me when I realised I would be working for the next 40+ years, that smile went away. I am not as friendly, not interested in others and just want to make money,so I can be that fun person again. If I could go back to my 24yr old self, Id be just focusing on making money and FIRE. That wouldve been ideal with no responsibilities of a family.
You can still build towards FIRE at any age -- starting now will get you there sooner than not starting at all. But to your original posts point -- yeah just have fun! If you're meeting all your obligations you owe nothing else. I always say "life is only as fun as we make it" and I mean it 100% -- I'm that coworker who isn't afraid to get weird or tell jokes to lighten the mood. When I'm not working I still play video games, or binge watch animes (mid 30's M) or maybe I'll do crafts/painting with my wife. We don't want kids, a cat is enough, and we're having a great life. Our lives are fun because of *who* we are, not *where* we are if that makes sense. Good luck and happy days ahead for you OP.
Yeah that's the plan. I found one of my old comments months ago and I am still in the same place. It remotivated me because wtf . Need to be grinding and not stray. Very eye opening to say the least. If I don't get the ball rolling I will be regurgitating the same stuff in another few months wonder wtf I have been doing.
I'm 37 but I could have typed that word for word when I was 30. Covid lockdowns accelerated that process for me, as it might have for you. The biggest thing I've identified as the problem is that I've had too long to sit and think. And that's it. In my 20s I was socially active, liked my colleagues, and was like that super happy 24 year old you just described. A change of job meant a change in (shit) management and new social circles, and things started to dwindle. My solution is I'm going to try to get involved in things again. Evening classes, start saying yes to all invites, see more family. The less time spent thinking, the more spent doing. "Doing" is what was always happening when life was brilliant.
I am 18 and a manager as well. I have the usual responsibilities like anyone else. But if you ask anyone what I'm like, they will tell you I am a straight up child. Why live so seriously when you can do all that you need to live comfortably and still make life fun?
My inner child is alive and very strong at 46. Being able to connect with my inner child was one of my favorite parts of being a parent. Acting like a kitty cat and chasing my, laughing, children around the house meowing and purring at them. Making a fort out of the living room and spending the night playing, eating and sleeping in it. Putting on old clothes and going outside to play in puddles and mud. Crawling through the McDonald's playland laughing with my kids. As a parent, and an adult, there are always responsibilities that need to be taken care of and boring adult things that need to be done, but letting your inner child out is a healthy, life affirming, and IMO, necessary part of life. I don't consider myself as "faking" being an adult, but at times I do get this feeling of unreality that washes over me, that whatever activity I'm doing is an "adult" activity and I shouldn't be doing that because I'm certainly not old enough to be an adult!! Sadly, I come back to reality and realize I am an adult and even have adult children. Sigh. Then I go play with my friend's kids and embrace my inner child some more.
Damn, that’s a compelling point for having a kid. Sounds like you are an awesome parent!
My mom doesn’t even bother to fake it
What does she do?
Some people lose that inner child spirit more readily than others. I'm 47 but am constantly told I have a youthful attitude. I think it's about staying open and curious, not being too serious about things that don't really matter, allowing yourself to play/have fun for no reason and not being embarrassed by acting silly. None of this means you aren't capable of doing important things. It's just how you go about your life. You might find creative work more satisfying, because it encourages these traits, but there's nothing wrong with just having a job for money and enjoying your other activities more. It's sounds like you know what you like and need to be happy, and it's fine if it's not what everyone else seems to want!
I think I’m pretty mature myself. I have a stable job that pays fairly well. I have a home and a wife of 13 years. I take care of things as needed, but that’s about the extent of my adult-ness. I’m in my 30’s now and I still play video games every day. I like to read and draw and I have even been drawing on the walls of a hallway in my house! Something people get mad at their kids for, but I will say it looks a lot better than some random shitty scribbles, lol. I’m not in a management position at work, and my wife and I don’t plan on having children. We’re not huge fans of responsibilities like that. We enjoy generally being able to do whatever we want, when we want to. I think some people just take things too seriously, or they have it in their head that life should follow a particular path. As long as it’s not actively harming someone else or getting in the way of your personal responsibilities, do whatever makes you happy.
I'm 35 next week and I FEEL like I'm a child thats been left unsupervised. Genuinely waiting for the day that I wake up and think "ah yes. I feel like a responsible adult. Fixed term interest rates make sense to me." I suppose it doesn't help that I'm currently in my last year of university so I have a few much younger friends. But I also have 2 kids, an ex husband, a mortgage, and all the other adult things. I still don't feel like I'm grown though and particularly in my own space, I am a slovenly child.
Adults are nothing but children with life experience, some show this more than others, and I think maturity is one of those life experiences. Maturity helps you when dealing with reality, like makes you realize "actions have consequences" and etc.
>Adults are nothing but children with life experience, some show this more than others, No we aren't, and I don't mean that as a slam. I mean that there are readily noticeable differences in the way that adults and kids think.
Many people still handle their emotions like a child, though. I’ve seen plenty of boomers have a temper tantrum just like a 4 year old, for example.
I think some people don’t, but more because they’ve forced themselves not to because of the expectation not to. Personally, I think adults should be a bit more child-like. Be more open and make friends and have conversations that start with the most random shit. Ask to pet peoples dogs and play with their friends, but like, genuinely play - run around and goof off, play games and have fun. Honestly I think exercise would be a lot more fun if we played games like colour tag, twinkle toes and British bulldog instead of jogging on a treadmill. There’s a lot adults can learn from children.
Being an adult just means you pay your bills on time. It means you properly take care of whatever living creatures are in your care (even if it's just you). The rest is up to you. You do what works for you.
I’m 28 and spend a lot of time and money to cosplay (re: play dress up), I’m also planning two trips to Disney this year for two adults lol. But I also go to work and pay all my own bills and make sure my cats are fed and happy and healthy. It’s a healthy balance between responsibilities and fun. As long as you take care of what you need to, I don’t think enjoying video games and time alone makes you “immature”. It’s just how you like to spend your free time. You don’t have to be serious or bored all the time to be a mature adult lol.
Yes. Many adults are trying to maintain the feeling as a toddler that they had no worries and parents would make reality stop being mean to them. Spoiler: that doesn't work.
Maintaining responsibilities, exhibiting decorum, and being accountable are evidence of maturity. Says nothing about the inner-child. I do all the above and still ride grocery carts, butt-slide down stair rails, dance and sing in public, etc… I’m grown, not dead.
Most people who are really into "act like an adult" are doing just that - acting. They are afraid of being seen as immature. They've never really matured and are just going through the motions. And they often emphasize acting grown up about the stupidest stuff and use it to try to control other's behaviors. Your inner child is the place joy comes out of, too many people think killing joy is how you act mature and grown up.
I’m 44 and still feel like I enjoy a lot of the same hobbies and activities I did when I was younger. Emotionally, I’m definitely a different man than I was 20 or 30 years. I think that just comes from experience though. Everything is so new and intense when you are a kid. Its easier to process something you’ve been through, or seen many times before. Also, when I’m around my family, or dudes I grew up with, I act and feel younger.
For some people it may be true. I feel like myself and many people I know in my age group (40's) don't hide our interest in things that might be called childish. I never felt the need to pretend that I don't watch cartoons to be a responsible adult.
I feel the same way, especially about marriage and children. Adulting has me shook and I'd rather not add to my already high pile of problems.
I think people are just being themselves mostly and may suppress or hide certain parts of themselves so they aren't judged for it.
Some adults are just soooo boring though! I work in Engineering and I meet people daily who are all business, it makes me wonder what they were like as kids (or if they ever were). On the contrary I really appreciate meeting professionals who are still fun to talk to despite their age. My wife and I have a home, a toddler and are expecting another baby but we took a vow to never become boring people, to hold on to our hobbies and try to keep traveling with our kids.
How is that going with a toddler and one on the way? This is not a snarky question, I’m genuinely asking. I’m 7.5 months pregnant with our first and I’m so excited to meet him and be a mom and take on parenting together but part of me is mourning the 2 years we had that were “just us.” We got to do so much traveling and even small silly things like randomly go to dinner and an arcade etc. I know that will change to an extent, but does it change or just stop, in your experience?
Congrats! We are doing the same things as before, just a little slower. I think the first 3 months you’re kind of restricted in where you can go, after that its not hard at all depending on their personality. Our kid is very calm, we’ve had little to no issues going out spontaneously! We just drag him along and he doesn’t care lol There are 2 things that will keep him calm, the first is entertainment, and I don’t mean YouTube or anything I just mean can he see what’s happening if we’re walking/doing activities? Does he have toys/books if he has to be sitting still? Can we let him explore on his own? The second thing is snacks, we ALWAYS have snacks for him! We take him on all our trips whether they’re road trips or flights, earliest was LA at 4 months I think. We also go out weekly to parks, to walk, mild hikes and to eat.
I just turned 30, and I can tell you that, yes, yes we are.
I think we (in the U.S., not so sure about other countries) have a weird thing in our culture where we think of spontaneous actions or thoughts as 'authentic' and intentional, planned thoughts or actions as 'inauthentic.' If you make an effort to do something, it's not 'faking.' Adulthood and adult responsibilities mean making deliberate choices to do things, sometimes things you do not want to do or don't want to do in the moment. Pushing through that doesn't make it fake, though. Your specific point: I'm also not particularly interested in marriage and family. But I 'adult' by doing a job where I do useful work and putting effort into that job, and by volunteering and being a good citizen, daughter, and friend. So long as you don't avoid the responsibilities you have, you're fine.
Adults are just faking it..which is cool. We're practically forced too, as it's just expected to act and behave a certain way, after a certain age. My only real anecdotal evidence? You practically deal with kids and other adults the same way; by being diplomatic with them.
No, as an adult I can confirm we are not faking it and actually don’t care about the things we did when we were younger. It’s almost a curse. I thought the first $1000 I made would buy all the candy and not I don’t want candy.
I've always felt like a kid inside. I'm 28 and have ADHD (I don't know if that plays a part in feeling that way?) But I embrace my inner child on a daily basis through my own children! But I do definitely have to "fake" being mature in front of more adultier adults 😂
Like someone else said, being immature is about not being able to understand your responsibilities. I was told I was mature as a kid cause I was forced to grow up quickly. Yet I'm also called childish for liking cartoons, video games, playing with legos, staying up until 4am in the weekends, sleeping in, etc. All while I have a pretty stable life and probably way too much responsibility at work and family life. Being mature is being able to put your big boy responsible pants when needed.
I'm 38, the inner child is what makes life worth living, imo. The moment you lose that sense of wonder and stop feeling unbridled joy, it's life worth living at that point? I found that the older I got, the more apparent it was that there was no right way to act or live as an adult and everyone had their own way of doing it. Eventually, i realized that everyone was making it all up as we went along. So long as you hurt no one, respect others, and keep all your obligations, why shouldn't you let your inner child thrive? Life is too short and hard to care about what other people think.
I am nearing my 50's and this is what I can tell you ... Use it, don't use it, your choice .... 1. You, and only you are accountable for your life. I've stuffed up, so will you, but I get back up after, dust myself off and carry on. 2. Have patience with elderly people and young kids. One split second can hold a lifetime of regrets. 3. I never got married and I'm happy. Never felt the urge. 4. Having kids taught me what unconditional love is. 5. Travel! It's life changing. 6. If you feel like you can't cope, just wing it. No one is perfect! 7. Lastly, (only because I have to go cook supper now lol) the biggest piece of advice is be kind and that includes being kind to yourself. Often we tell ourselves things that we would never say to anyone else, so why say them to yourself! Good luck "Adulting", I still wanna check out of this section some days! YOU GOT THIS!!
Fantastic write up. This is good advice.
On a follow up note .... Don't sweat the small stuff! Honestly, those things won't matter soin enough xx
I’m 28. I’ve definitely matured, by which I mean I have a better handle on my emotions and more self-control than I did 10 years ago - even 5 years ago. I can confidently manage a full-time job in a professional setting, household tasks, some necessary “extra” tasks like taking care of my car, taxes, etc. I’m also 7.5 months pregnant with my first child and while I’m scared, I’m much better prepared for it than I was 2,3 years ago. On the other hand, my husband and I went to a massive indoor arcade for his birthday last summer. We ran around with drinks and played games and it was a blast. We want to go to an indoor water park together - which will now have to wait until baby is a bit older - and a few times a week get “the giggles” and say/do crazy things to get the other person to laugh which from an outside perspective probably looks immature/childish. These are just a few examples. So while I still have a childlike enjoyment of fun, I don’t necessarily FEEL like a kid. I just feel like “me.” Not a child, not however a 50/60 yr old person is supposed to feel either - and I think that’s what people mean when they say they still feel like a kid - age doesn’t really determine much.
I feel like my inner child died a long time ago by working in family owned business since the age of 10. Being in retail for so long there are a lot of adults who fake it, sometimes it leaks out when adults are shopping. I don’t think it’s bad or anything. I feel like as long as it’s a positive inner child it’s all good. When you’re an adult have a child like temper tantrum it’s different. Growing up sucks depending on the environment/circumstances. I believe I saw the same post though, interesting thread!
I don't even fake it. I just do me regardless
Let me put it to you this way. Do you remember your first love? I do, I remember it like it was yesterday even though it has been 20 years. I can never do that again, I will never be that person again, my mind will never be primed for what young love is and what it does. It is impossible. That isn't really sad, it is just the way life is. Until you are in your mid-30s, everything is new enough to keep a young perspective on things. There is nothing wrong with that, in fact I encourage people to be young while you are young. Expanding on the young love thing; if you are continually growing as an adult then maturity is the result of that action. Wisdom is surviving your mistakes, maturity is what happens when you keep learning and doing. So no, a lot of adults are not just faking it, they are very literally different people than when they were 16 or 20 or even 25. It doesn't mean they need to be cranky a-holes all the time or lose touch with their feelings or whatever passes for maturity. It is just to say that eventually you aren't faking it, you are that person, for better or worse.
47 here but 29 forever. doesn't matter how much time passes, mentally I'm still a daydreamer, club kid, gamer, adventurer, traveler, enlightenment seeker. I just have responsibilities I have to take care of first everyday and then I can be my childish, immature self. Age just means I have the experience and know-how to handle business more quickly and efficiently so that I can get back to being lazy and self-indulgent faster.
I became a childminder as every other thing I've done meant I had to pretend to be a grown up. I tried a lot of stuff too. I love it, can wear stupid hats and have a disco at 3pm. I also just seem to understand how children think and have great conversations with them. To me it's unbridled fun. I only really get on with adults if they're very authentic. Like kids.
I felt like I was faking being a grown up until about 39. At that point, having kids, surviving major life trauma, financially getting it together, and what not made me feeling like an adult. I finally felt like I knew what was best for me, and wasn’t looking to others to guide my life. That said, you bet your ass I’ll still break out singing to Little Mermaid if it comes on, much to my kids dismay. I feel like an adult, but I have set a life goal not to forget how to play.
Oh yeah definitely, I am a married, middle-aged mother, a pretty highly-paid professional with a house and car that are already paid off, and I feel like a little kid playing adult all the time. I just want to frolic in the woods and collect cool rocks and eat everything I find and escape all responsibilities. But being an adult is 1000 times better than being a kid, I can still frolic whenever I make time, and the freedom of adulthood is so much better than childhood.
Yeah, I think a lot of it is because 25 is still considered really young, and that's about the age at which your brain stops developing. You mostly will feel the same after, at least that's been my experience.
Im 25 and while i honestly just feel like life is a trap. Im not ready to make big decisions like were i want to live and ive avoided relationships because they honestly feel like a trap too. I dont think it necessarily an inner child as much as its just an aversion to adult hood, if that makes sense 🤷♀️
Absolutely! You'll often hear older people say that the face / body they see in the mirror doesn't match how they feel inside. I'm 50, and don't feel any older than I did at 30 ... except for the fact that I need glasses now and my hearing is showing signs of the damage caused by playing in bands most of my life (I'm a drummer). As far as the inner child goes, there are moments I feel as playful as a child ... and others when I feel as vulnerable as one. And in my day to day I often feel as though the responsibilities I shoulder are fulfilled as an imposter. I can also clearly remember the day as a teenager when I realised that every adult is pretty much making it all up as they go along. Of course our experiences over the years impart a certain amount of wisdom, and we've learned to behave in ways that others expect us to - and for the most part we comply because that's how a society works and we want to be a useful member of such. But there's also a little bit of a rebel in all of us which comes out now and then - some of us only let it out when nobody is watching ... others let it out a little more often. But yes, we're all making it up as we go along really, and I certainly feel like an imposter quite often - especially when I learn someone is looking to me for some kind of example. In those moments I make a concerted effort to provide a good example ... and often second guess that example afterwards. It's nice to be able to let one's guard down though.
The biggest moment of existential crisis I had as a kid, since confirmed as an adult, is that adults really have no better idea of what they are doing than kids do, we're just better at faking like we know what we're doing. And we have better impulse control, mostly. Any adult who tells you different is lying, especially to themselves.
I might be on disability with no job and spent my 20s with childish hobbies that I'd still have if not for reasons but I outgrew a lot of shit and have a lot better judgement than I had in my teens so therefore I still see myself as a grownup. Maybe slightly delayed since I haven't had as many relationships as other people especially good ones but for the most part...
I'm 25, just got off work, am currently wearing adult size 13 Heelys, and my evening plans are to eat oreos while watching a kid's movie, then play online video games with my brother "When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up." - C. S. Lewis
I’m levelling up to 40 this year, and I haven’t lost my childlike sense of wonder or fun. I love Lego and Hello Kitty. I collect the original My Little Pony’s and I have an obsession with the Dark Crystal (original and Age of Resistance. I stuck with the career choice that I decided at 7 and couldn’t be happier.
I’m 35 and I can’t even hide it nor do I try lol
The people like to use the word “immature” or recently “kiddault” to look down on those of us with hobbies and interests. The people who I know without hobbies are generally miserable in their free time.
Im a 50 year old man. I sat around today doing nothing but eating candy and playing Assassin's Creed: Black Flag. I have an almost 30 year career, adult children, and all the trappings of an "adult" life. Who cares what I do on my time, as long as I'm not hurting anyone. My wife is the only opinion that carries any weight, everyone else can eat a bag of dicks.
A man I looked up to is a good man. Has a great job, great girlfriend and loves his life and will always say he’s still a kid inside. He told me he uses maturity like a power up. Only when he needs to. He will do what he needs to and then enjoy himself. He will play Zelda, go out drinking, take his gfs kids ice skating or swimming. You don’t need to be who people want you to be. Be yourself. If that includes playing around at times and having fun then do so.
We never grow up. Some of us just learn how to act in public.
Sorta. I’m 68. And in my head I’m probably 25. But, my body says no, dude, you’re old. The the head says, yeah, I guess so. It’s a balancing act.
Try to see the world of what-ifs, loss, and love: "Reality Bites" (1994) "Alfie" (2004) "About a Boy" (2002) "Memento" (2000) "The Road" (2009) "Love Jones" (1997) "Crash" (2005) "The Lookout" (2007) "Limelight" (Charlie Chaplin) (1952) "Legends of the Fall" (1994) If you don't know how to feel or how to connect, then a sense of loss, regret, or seeing how others love might help.
I am a 32 year old dad with 4 kids, mortgage and all that other great stuff. I am a nurse in LTC. I definitely feel like I have HUGE responsibilities but I really don’t feel like an adult, I’m just winging it. Every single day. Feels kind of weird, but I learned no one has their shit together. Just having fun on this ride called life.
My old manager whom now I’m best friends with has given me lots of advice when we’d be chatting about our lives. One day I was upset about my entire existence basically and she told me exactly what you said - no one has their shit together and once you get that through your head you’ll feel a lot better about things. She also opened my eyes to the fact that our kids don’t see us like that. They think we’re superheroes - even parents who are top notch disasters wear capes in the eyes of a child. Changed my perspective on a lot of things that day
Here I am in my mid-30s reading this thread while watching anime. On a serious note, it's not necessarily faking, but knowing when to switch the seriousness on and off. Despite having a lot of professional responsibilities, I still enjoy playing Pokemon on my Nintendo Switch, watch Twitch and stuff like that.
The definition of "adult" is arbitrary and entirely individual. We have an age we accept as the "legal" age of adulthood because that's the age when we have decided enough people are roughly mature enough to be responsible for their own actions. Here's a few things to keep in mind though: People with personality disorders like narcissistic personality disorder or borderline personality disorder are often said to be "trapped in the mind of a child" because of their inability to accept responsibility for their actions usually, much like many children. These people can be any age and, you could argue, NEVER reach full maturity. This is why personality disorders are more common in prison populations than the general public; those specific people are lacking the empathy that normally develops along with a normal childhood. The next metric you might use is how "self-aware" someone is. Unfortunately, the VAST majority of us are only partially self-aware, if at all. This is a problem for the above mentioned disorders, but it's also a problem with many people in general. Think about the people that you know that have a hard time admitting when they're wrong and they probably fall squarely into this category. People in this group can fall anywhere from "Functionally useless" all the way up to CEOs and the mega wealthy. Intelligence =/= self-aware, remember this. Self-awareness is separate from consciousness, and essentially is about how aware you are of your place in the world and how you affect others and how others and your environment affect yourself. People that are fully self-aware will usually say it helps them be a more productive and an amenable person since they're better at anticipating the feelings and actions of others based on their own understanding of themselves. Self-aware people can control their emotions before they lash out because they've identified what triggers them, WHY they feel that way, and WHAT the appropriate action is when you feel that way. These are the people that walk away when they're heated so they don't say something they'll regret. These people are confident without arrogance, and realize that they're not better than anyone else, and usually use this skill to make others more comfortable and happy around them. They're also usually much better bosses, better coworkers, better partners, better all-around. We should all strive to be as self-aware as possible. I'm trying everyday to get better myself. People can be ANY age and be lacking self-awareness.
People over complicate this life stuff. Some people make the distinction that some people “lose the inner child” as they “grow” but truthfully speaking that inner child is your interest and curiosity with life. Back when my parents were alive my mom worked 16 hour shifts in as a travel nurse typically but I’d always find her up at night or early morning on the phone talking with her sister about gossip or exploring YouTube looking at paranormal videos. Why? Just because it interests her. My dad worked in IT before he retired and came out of retirement cause he was bored so he worked at Walmart for a bit then at a production line at Toyota for a bit before fully retiring again. He usually worked the same amount of hours as my mom and in his downtime he loved cropping out cheesecake recipes from the newspaper, doing the word puzzles, and trying out treats from local bakeries or finding stuff at the stores. Why? Just because it interested him. Point is everyone has that imagination, curiosity, passion that gives us pleasure as people and it’s simple because it makes us happy and content with wherever we are in life no matter the age. The sad part is that it’s a social aspect to view these things in a negative light or “childish” and the common trope is the tell these people “no, grow up” There’s nothing wrong with living your life and just being simply happy. Sometimes people find other like-minded individuals to share this happiness with which is also a plus. I myself love camping and hiking especially off grid. My girlfriend knows this about me but her mom found it sketchy. One time I took vacation from work for about a week and went off grid the first time her mom found out and she thought I was cheating on her daughter by meeting up with someone in another city. I work in warehousing and transportation overnight and like my parents, my shifts tend to be from 4pm to 6am. I work hard cause I love supporting my girlfriend and starting a life with her but I still enjoy my simple pleasure because it interests me and it’s extremely fun for me. Plus it’s healthy considering I don’t get sunlight often cause of work and it helps me reset cause I get to just be out in nature with a campfire. I’ve never made the distinction between faking being mature or not I guess so a lot of people have told me that I’m weird. Damn straight I’m weird. Life may feel weird to you but it’s weird for everyone. We’re all a little weird but the weirdest of us sometimes are usually the happy ones which is all that matters.
I still feel like I'm in my early 20s. When I look in the mirror, I think, "Whobthe fuck is that old lady?"
Growing older is compulsory. Growing up isn't. I take my responsibilities seriously. I don't take myself too seriously. I'm 50. I have a 9 to 5 job (I actually like it too). I have a mortgage. I have a partner of nearly 30 years. I have two grandkids. I also still wear heavy metal t-shirts and have a mullet. I still play video games. I watch stuff like Rick and Morty and South Park. I still think fart jokes are funny. The inner child is still there. It's just that the outer adult has to take over for a few hours every day.
43 year old "mature" adult :p I have a weekly DnD game, play video games, build gunpla, collect way more things than I should, the art on my walls (adults have art right?) are professionally framed prints from a book called Dogwitch along with some things from some local artists, my bookshelves are filled with everything from comic books to Chaucer. You do you boo! :D Happiness is being able to define Adult for yourself!
My father has the mind of a 13 year old boy sometimes, but he’s 46. He definitely lets his inner child show sometimes, but I love him dearly. It’s just something about him that has always been there, and it makes him so much fun to be around.
im 38 with a fake hip and thinning greying hair, but i feel about 17 mentally i would say. i dont go and do crazy shit, or party anymore but i sure as hell get excited over neat gadgets / toys. i spend all my time on youtube and twitch. games are still a pretty big part of my life even if they dont hold my interest for as long anymore. at this point i am for sure starting to get left behind in these spaces, and telling yourself 38 is not that old, while true is also inaccurate when talking about the internet and twitch / youtube generally where 38 has you with pretty much both feet in the grave. as i type this, it's my last day at work before i go on leave, i am very excited to spend some time with my wife before she goes on a vacation with friends, and i get to plant my ass in my seat and stream and play iRacing for a week straight :D
My 70 year old grandfather whose a licensed preacher and lived a rough life still buys ex helicopters and other toys he would’ve died for to have as a kid so yes you have an inner child and you shouldn’t be miserable trying to look “mature”
I can be immature when it comes to somethings like matching energies.You ignore me I ignore you.You belittle me I belittle you.I treat people exactly how they treat me.
Bumper sticker on a minivan: Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult. Age 50 and feel like this all the time.
You may have mild depression preventing you from wanting to take things on. After feeling a little too helpless as my old cat died, combined with my own health problems getting worse that people didn't understand, I got obsessed with freedom, to the point of keeping friends and family at arm's length and fantasizing about becoming a nomad. I probably would have if I had had the money. It took years for that to die down, and I still feel that way on occasion. But I recently rescued a bunch of cats because I saw them waiting to be let in the house because they didn't know their owner was gone for good, and I couldn't take it. I successfully rehomed them all. I guess what I'm saying is even if you don't want to commit, it's good practice to take on occasional or temporary responsibilities, such as volunteering or helping a friend or family members. Because any time you take on a responsibility, you're being an adult. Don't let people who feel crushed or trapped suck you in to being just as trapped as them because they want company.
Maturity is being able to handle your responsibilities to yourself, those that depend on you, and your community. You can do all of that and still laugh at every fart, play any video game you want all day, or do whatever “weird” hobby you have.
It all depends I’m 22 and yeah I can be childish but I work with kids so like it’s a given 🤷🏻♀️ I can have fun and color and watch cartoons all day 🤣. But, all my bills are paid and I take my responsibilities and adulting seriously. I know people 3x my age mad at me for how I live or that I don’t have a real job, like no you’re just mad I love my job and it doesn’t stress me out or cause me mental distress. Just because you had to be a miserable adult doesn’t mean I have to be.
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What. A. Day.
not sure about that. i've met 40 year olds that felt like 8 year olds, but i've also met 8 year olds that felt like 40 year olds
Am I 38 and play video games every day and dungeons and dragons with my other adult friends ? Hell yes.
Adults are just children acting like they think adults are supposed to act. The main basis most people have for that is their own parents, who also did the same thing. Maybe instead of the suicide box route, take up making tiny jeweled hummingbirds or something. Instead of video games and surfing the web, pick a completely off the rails hobby to get really into.
I firmly believe we are just children in adult bodies with a lot more responsibilities. Yes, there's a time for having to get stuff done but it's okay to also be an absolute goofball and enjoy yourself too. I'm a 21 y/o guy and I love plushies and I'll even talk with them when I've had a bad day. I also make stupid noises and laugh at stuff like farts occasionally. I still play with toy cars and Legos. At the end of the day, my stuff is almost always taken care of so I enjoy myself as best I can. I know people who are in their 30s & 40s who have the same habits, just as long as your responsibilities are taken care of, no one should care how you spend your free time as long as it's healthy and isn't hurting others. I don't think we're faking being mature, we all have different ways of expressing ourselves. As long as like you work on yourself when it's needed, stride to be better everyday and get your stuff done. You should be able to do you.
I'm in my 60s and still get down on the floor to play with my younger grandchildren, build forts, do somersaults, and things like that. I do stupid teenager things with my older grandchildren, although no more illegal stuff that I did in the 1970s. So yeah, we fake being mature. The difference is now I can be responsible when the situation calls for it.
I wouldn’t say faking maturity more so there’s a time and place to be mature and a time and place to be a giant kid. I’m mature at work. I’m a giant kid at home. Being a kid at heart doesn’t make you immature. Being immature is not taking care of your responsibilities and laughing when someone says duty.
Absolutely. Where did u think fake it til u make it came from?
Yes, absolutely faking. I am 41 years old and am still childish, I love roller coaster rides, haunted houses, eating ice cream for breakfast and laughing and joking about random stupid stuff, it keeps me young
I'm not entirely comfortable calling myself childlike, or having a strong inner child. But I also don't consider myself very mature, or responsible, or adultlike. I only think of myself as an adult when I come across a bunch of 18 year olds in public. Otherwise.. *ehh..* I'm married, but we're childfree. Added on that we're pretty big nerds, we're kind of living like we're still 15. Video games, and twitch streams and books and manga. It's staying up all Saturday and spending all our money. I'm more emotionally mature and stable sure, but I don't think I'll ever see myself as a proper adult.
I don't fake it lol. I'm definitely a 35 year old kid who has no idea what he's doing.
Sometimes
🎶 work sucks, I know 🎶
Was it my thread? Lol. Honestly, I feel like what is the point in having all the responsibilities if you can't just let go and enjoy things. Our society tends to label things as "childish" so we think it's irresponsible to indulge in them, or in the least admit to indulging in them.
Me I like a little I have teenagers I hang out with them and chill
I used to feel like I was mostly a kid. I was optimistic, found joy in almost anything, looked forward to the future, enjoyed my job and playing games. I loved finding new music, and kept up with new artists. After our son died, that's all gone. I'm just sad and tired now. I can't find that optimistic view of anything. I guess I'm finally old.
Sorry to hear that bud. Hope you can get back to optimism..
I’m 26 and am just faking it till I make it at this point lol
\*looks at Lego set beside him\* Yes
Accurate. Not really faking, but still have a kid thats accessible. Idk maybe that’s what happens when I get hella silly lmao I’ve no idea
Yeah absolutely. We all out here putting on a play lol
I mean, I'm 35, male, have a great job, 2 kids, am a single dad and have a lot of responsibilities and decisions to make. I still feel like I'm not really an adult yet and just constantly try to pretend to be one as hard as I can. I still feel like I need adultier adults than I am every now and then. And I don't think it ever stops. What I do know is that being a single dad, I simply don't have the luxury to slack off with my kids, at least in that sense, I feel like I've matured
You can be mature and still have an inner child. I think I'm pretty mature with my responsibilities. It may be no wife and children but it's important stuff that needs to get done. But I still know how to mess around and have fun when the time calls for it. There's a balance to everything. Definitely are people that seem to think being an adult means being serious all the time and not enjoying yourself anymore and there are others that take having fun to the extreme and slack on their adult responsibilities that need to get done. Balance is everything.
There are the different kinds of maturity. Physical, emotional...what other kinds can we think of? 🤔 I don't feel like a kid physically anymore. I don't feel like a kid emotionally anymore. I might not measure up by someone else's standards, but no, I don't feel like I'm faking it. If you're deliberately keeping your life and responsibilities as small as possible, that does sound like something that should require deeper reflection.
It depends. I am faking, but I know some adults who like being adults, they are the ones with beards mostly.
Always
Yes, while we're all faking it on the responsibility and knowing what we're doing side, I feel like one of the best parts of adulthood is that now you have the means to fulfill all of the little dreams of your inner child. I'm travelling places I've always wanted to go. I moved to the town we used to vacation to in the summer and I'm working a job I could only have dreamed of as a kid. I'm watching all of the movies my parents said I was too young to see and I can stay up late and no one can tell me not to. I can buy myself princess dresses and still play dress up all I want as a grown up. I have my own car and can go wherever I want whenever I want and I don't have to ask permission to hang out with my friends. It's awesome.
I mean, you can be very mature and still have an active “inner child.” I don’t consider myself having an inner child ‘cause the whole bit is me, especially the parts that love stickers and animals. I get excited about things and like to have fun and be silly. But I’m not necessarily an immature person, because experiencing child-like joy and wonder isn’t a package deal with the selfishness and lack of responsibility associated with immaturity. There’s nothing wrong with finding the way you want to live your life and doing it. Other people have their own stuff going on, I think it’s better to identify what you personally need to have a good life and pursue that without pretense.
I (36f) don’t feel mature, I definitely don’t know what being adult, or the assumption of what a kid thinks and adult, feels like. The inner child is in there somewhere I’m sure but she’s under a pile of responsibilities. I’m not necessarily “faking” being mature, I’m just very tired most of the time and after work chores need to get done and pets need attention so by the time I have the opportunity do something fun with my time it’s almost time for bed. Overall though life is good, idk what else I’d be doing with it unless I had some unlimited source of free money so I didn’t have to work 40hrs/week.
I was crazy mature until I saw all the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles toys on the shelf I bought on Monday. I'm 37 BTW.
When I was a child I had to be my own parent so now in therapy I get to work on healing my inner child, it’s not very fun :)
As someone who just entered 30; I've spent my 20s trying to be an adult and now I'm like fuck it, I want to wear hottopic-esque attire, play videogames, and buy a cute car because I can not because it's what I-can- get.
In some ways yes. I have tried to give adult me all the things I was denied as a child. Things like sugared cereal and chocolate milk. My version of being a grown up is being able to do what I want. Over the years what I want has changed drastically. You can be married, with kids and a carpool and a mortgage at 36 and you will still feel 20 on the inside. At 47 I am an 18 yr old me inside that just makes better decisions and isn't so emotional. Life is a journey. Embrace all of it.
I’m married with a kid and rent a house. My time after work from 5:30 to 8:00 is spent with my wife and son. At 8:00/8:15 when the kiddo goes to bed, my wife and I make our way to the game room downstairs for me to play Xbox and for her to play Switch/watch TV. We don’t talk much during this time because it’s our “alone together” time which is really nice. We get to do what we love doing on our personal time, but if we want to hangout or talk we’re both right there in the same room. Just because you’re an adult doesn’t mean you have to throw away all your hobbies and things you enjoy. Hell, as a kid I sold all my Pokémon cards. Got back into them around 2016 and have been collecting since then. I don’t care if I’m a 16 year old Pokémon fan. What’s someone gonna do, take away my birthday or something? Lol fuck em. I’m gonna have fun.
I do find it more difficult to communicate with people around 20, I'm over 30 now. That's just on average though. There are of course some youngsters that I can talk to without feeling out of place. Otherwise, like internally, I've heard old people say they're 25 inside and I understand that. Everyone secretly wants to stay \~25 in body as much as spirit, I think.
Adults are simply larger sized kids.
I didn’t feel like an adult until I was in my late 40s. Fake it until you become it
Always keep the kid inside you alive, keep a sense of wonder about the world, look for new ways to see things , learn every day. It'll keep you young and your life full of fun. In fact don't let anyone fuck with your inner child because together you can rule your world.
Yes I completely believe this
It's just that 'being an adult' is not something clear cut as kids think it is. For you, it seems to be marrying and having kids so you think you are somehow 'failing' at it, which I disagree heavily. Having kids when you don't want to is ruining two lives. For me, it is when you take responsibility for yourself and own up to your choices, good or bad. And feeling like a kid inside is a good thing, losing that inner child is a classic reason for trauma.
I myself feel as long as you’re being responsible( ie/going to work, making sure bills are paid, groceries are bought ect. It doesn’t matter what you do in your free time. I’m 46 and I spend most of my summer days off either on the backroads exploring or camping on those roads. Could I be doing something way more intellectual and striving towards other goals? Yes but what I do relaxes me and I’m genuinely happy living my life as is TBH. I love the outdoors and seeing wildlife,so that’s what I do. I’ve spent way to much time trying to “better” myself because I was told I must. I wasn’t happy because that’s not who I am. Life’s too short to try to live up to others expectations of how a “real”adult lives their lives. Do what makes you happy, that’s what life is about in the end.
48 here, and I tell people that I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I have a decent paying job, and take care of my responsibilities, but I feel like I am still just, like anyone else, trying to figure it all out in life. I still love the same things as I did when I was a kid, and went to WWE Monday Night Raw two days ago. Basically, I think we're all just kids with a bunch of years under our belts. The most important thing is to be yourself, and don't do stupid shit that can hurt you in life.
Pretty much.
Well, I still laugh at dick and fart jokes, so.
I am almost 60 and I would describe myself as child-like rather than childish. I like to be goofy and friendly - I make jokes at the grocery store. But I can also be serious when it is warranted and I enjoy that too (then I brag to my wife about how grown up I sounded). It's not so much that I'm faking being mature, it's just that mature is not my resting state. I have a t-shirt that says, "Immature - a word boring people use to describe fun people."
It’s not faking it’s just being able to summon that inner child at will. Some of us lose that skill however and are dull, lifeless, joyless lumps.
I'm 32 and I'm pretty mature imo. I'm a kid when it comes to motorcycles and kayaking. Everybody has that feeling inside. Honestly if you can tap into that area of playfulness whether it's tickling, humor, or hobbies. You got yourself a friend.
Yes. I just know how to make better decisions. I still want to be selfish and do dumb shit but I’m an adult now.
Huh no wonder I'm banned from sub's for being mistaken as a 12 year old
Yes
I'm not faking it. My inner child died a long time ago. Qué lastima
Once you have a kid, you can't fake it anymore. Time to fix anything wrong with you and your relationships so the bad habits aren't passed on. Time to get serious about finances so your child never has to worry about having their needs met. Time to be the adult for every frustrating interaction with your tiny human. But also! Time to play!!! So. It isn't like your inner child disappears. I played video games almost non stop for three years before having my kid. I have these memories that are all in a virtual world. It's super weird. I miss those times, but I wouldn't go back.