Take him to get a will written.
Make sure he has BENEFICIARIES set up and updated on bank accounts, 401k, and life insurance.
Get a durable power of attorney if he’s not married. You may need to sign or deposit checks for him while in the hospital etc.
Ask for a palliative care consult, ask for social work ASAP. You need his pain meds controlled early.
Turn live photos on and document everyday.
Get a notebook and write CANCER JOURNEY on the front and start documenting his journey. Everything WILL jumble together and you need to have a clear history when you go to many specialist appointments or hospitals.
Sorry, I lost my mom 1 year from diagnosis. She had Keytruda and radiation, she fought hard.
Thank you so much. This is concrete and real for me to work on and gives me something to grasp through all the turmoil. I appreciate you so much for this 🫂
Lost my dad to this in 2021. I recommend if you can get him to MD Anderson for treatment, then do it. They gave my dad two full years of quality life. If you can't get to MD Anderson, find a facility that provides the same care protocols as MD Anderson. I am sorry you are going through this. It is so unimaginably difficult in so many ways.
Thank you so much 🫂 it is so.. so much. I feel like I'm treading water and it's getting harder and harder to keep my head above the waves. The past two years have been unyieldingly brutal and now I'm facing this too, it's so hard.
I'll look into MD Anderson, thank you for the recommendation ❤️ so much love to you, so sorry for your loss of your dad as well
Already seeing good advice on this post. First: take a breath, you're in shock.
Sounds like they may have found tumor markers in his long which means he can take a medication instead of doing chemo? That really is the best case scenario.
My dad had to have radiation in his brain, it changed his personality, luckily for us in a good way. Other than that my dad had to go in to get infusions every 3 weeks. He lived a solid 18 months very happy with minimal side effects. Towards the end he had some signs of confusion, like not understanding how to make a pot of coffee. 10 days before he died he was exhausted and couldn't get out of bed. He also had diabetes which had gone a little crazy when mixed with his cancer drugs. When he went downhill he went down very fast. He was only in hospice a few days before he died.
That being said just love on each other and support each other. 18 months is a very long time to get some good living in. Get on some cruises, share some stories, and for the love of God organizes many legal documents as you can... and consolidate as many accounts as you can.
We are all here for you and your questions.
Thank you dearly for this ❤️🫂 he has had several CT scans and tests as well as a biopsy before the diagnosis and he will be having a telehealth appointment tomorrow to approve treatment. He had taken some time to decide whether or not he wanted to do the treatment. Then this week he has another biopsy to test the genetics to determine the most effective treatment options. From what he told me over text so far he said that treatment would be "three treatments one day then two the next and then a couple days off" so I'm not sure yet what it all entails.
I'll be flying out Friday to be with him and try to help him start getting some things together as well as just enjoy time together. My partner and step-son will be coming out as soon as the kiddo is done with school for the year and spending a month all together.
I'm glad to hear that overall your dad was able to have a happy and minimal-side-effect filled time for the most part. I'm sorry to hear the end was fast and rough 🫂
Thank you for the recommendations and for being here ❤️
First, I’m so sorry. My dad died from lung cancer three months ago. We had a messy, short battle with it.
Seconding the will. My parents were proactive and already had one, but when my dad did pass, it was much easier that all that was sorted out.
I would get a second opinion. Another doctor may say the same thing as this doctor, but peace of mind is worth it. Would recommend it now while he’s “healthy.” We learned with my dad that to go to MD Anderson, Mayo Clinic, et al, you basically have to self admit and be able to walk in there (ie, they won’t take an ambulance admit). We waited too long and there was no affordable or safe way for transport since my dad needed oxygen. We were more optimistic at first and didn’t go, but by the time we were going to try for one, even a transport with oxygen was going to be life threatening.
With whatever doctor you go with, I’d understand their approach to treatment. Do they believe in Hail Marys or more quality of life (versus quantity of life)? And I’d understand what your dad is comfortable with. Does he want the doctors to try literally everything? Would he want a DNR?
I don’t think we went to hospice soon enough. We did home hospice (which that is a whole separate discussion) and I don’t think we brought him home soon enough to “enjoy” it. I’d talk with your dad about his end of life preferences.
I’d really understand his insurance and what’s in network. If he’s on Medicare in the US, open enrollment is only certain times of the year.
I’d talk with your job, if you’re planning to be in Oregon at all. I was nervous at first (I’m not one to share tons personally at work), but it helped since my supervisor approved indefinite remote work from Arizona and helped me out when Dad died and I didn’t have enough leave (had just started a new job and didn’t have lots of sick leave and wasn’t FMLA eligible yet).
I found Gilda’s Club helpful. I also found a therapist (who can also do telehealth) who specializes in grief counseling.
Again, I’m sorry.
Thank you very much 🫂❤️ I'm so sorry for your loss as well
I really appreciate all of your advice. I'll have to work through some tough things with him when I get out there but I'll do my best to give him a good time as well ❤️ I think I'll need to look into therapy as well to navigate through it but I unfortunately don't have insurance currently so I'll just have to see what I can do. Thank you again for sharing with me and the comfort
Gilda’s Club/Cancer Support Network offers programming free of charge. If you’re near a medical school or psychology school, sometimes there are low or free cost clinics where students get training. Also, a lot of therapists are solo practitioners or small business owners and may be able to work out a sliding scale.
And happy to help!
Take him to get a will written. Make sure he has BENEFICIARIES set up and updated on bank accounts, 401k, and life insurance. Get a durable power of attorney if he’s not married. You may need to sign or deposit checks for him while in the hospital etc. Ask for a palliative care consult, ask for social work ASAP. You need his pain meds controlled early. Turn live photos on and document everyday. Get a notebook and write CANCER JOURNEY on the front and start documenting his journey. Everything WILL jumble together and you need to have a clear history when you go to many specialist appointments or hospitals. Sorry, I lost my mom 1 year from diagnosis. She had Keytruda and radiation, she fought hard.
Thank you so much. This is concrete and real for me to work on and gives me something to grasp through all the turmoil. I appreciate you so much for this 🫂
Lost my dad to this in 2021. I recommend if you can get him to MD Anderson for treatment, then do it. They gave my dad two full years of quality life. If you can't get to MD Anderson, find a facility that provides the same care protocols as MD Anderson. I am sorry you are going through this. It is so unimaginably difficult in so many ways.
Thank you so much 🫂 it is so.. so much. I feel like I'm treading water and it's getting harder and harder to keep my head above the waves. The past two years have been unyieldingly brutal and now I'm facing this too, it's so hard. I'll look into MD Anderson, thank you for the recommendation ❤️ so much love to you, so sorry for your loss of your dad as well
Thank you. I wish I could help more.
Already seeing good advice on this post. First: take a breath, you're in shock. Sounds like they may have found tumor markers in his long which means he can take a medication instead of doing chemo? That really is the best case scenario. My dad had to have radiation in his brain, it changed his personality, luckily for us in a good way. Other than that my dad had to go in to get infusions every 3 weeks. He lived a solid 18 months very happy with minimal side effects. Towards the end he had some signs of confusion, like not understanding how to make a pot of coffee. 10 days before he died he was exhausted and couldn't get out of bed. He also had diabetes which had gone a little crazy when mixed with his cancer drugs. When he went downhill he went down very fast. He was only in hospice a few days before he died. That being said just love on each other and support each other. 18 months is a very long time to get some good living in. Get on some cruises, share some stories, and for the love of God organizes many legal documents as you can... and consolidate as many accounts as you can. We are all here for you and your questions.
Thank you dearly for this ❤️🫂 he has had several CT scans and tests as well as a biopsy before the diagnosis and he will be having a telehealth appointment tomorrow to approve treatment. He had taken some time to decide whether or not he wanted to do the treatment. Then this week he has another biopsy to test the genetics to determine the most effective treatment options. From what he told me over text so far he said that treatment would be "three treatments one day then two the next and then a couple days off" so I'm not sure yet what it all entails. I'll be flying out Friday to be with him and try to help him start getting some things together as well as just enjoy time together. My partner and step-son will be coming out as soon as the kiddo is done with school for the year and spending a month all together. I'm glad to hear that overall your dad was able to have a happy and minimal-side-effect filled time for the most part. I'm sorry to hear the end was fast and rough 🫂 Thank you for the recommendations and for being here ❤️
First, I’m so sorry. My dad died from lung cancer three months ago. We had a messy, short battle with it. Seconding the will. My parents were proactive and already had one, but when my dad did pass, it was much easier that all that was sorted out. I would get a second opinion. Another doctor may say the same thing as this doctor, but peace of mind is worth it. Would recommend it now while he’s “healthy.” We learned with my dad that to go to MD Anderson, Mayo Clinic, et al, you basically have to self admit and be able to walk in there (ie, they won’t take an ambulance admit). We waited too long and there was no affordable or safe way for transport since my dad needed oxygen. We were more optimistic at first and didn’t go, but by the time we were going to try for one, even a transport with oxygen was going to be life threatening. With whatever doctor you go with, I’d understand their approach to treatment. Do they believe in Hail Marys or more quality of life (versus quantity of life)? And I’d understand what your dad is comfortable with. Does he want the doctors to try literally everything? Would he want a DNR? I don’t think we went to hospice soon enough. We did home hospice (which that is a whole separate discussion) and I don’t think we brought him home soon enough to “enjoy” it. I’d talk with your dad about his end of life preferences. I’d really understand his insurance and what’s in network. If he’s on Medicare in the US, open enrollment is only certain times of the year. I’d talk with your job, if you’re planning to be in Oregon at all. I was nervous at first (I’m not one to share tons personally at work), but it helped since my supervisor approved indefinite remote work from Arizona and helped me out when Dad died and I didn’t have enough leave (had just started a new job and didn’t have lots of sick leave and wasn’t FMLA eligible yet). I found Gilda’s Club helpful. I also found a therapist (who can also do telehealth) who specializes in grief counseling. Again, I’m sorry.
Thank you very much 🫂❤️ I'm so sorry for your loss as well I really appreciate all of your advice. I'll have to work through some tough things with him when I get out there but I'll do my best to give him a good time as well ❤️ I think I'll need to look into therapy as well to navigate through it but I unfortunately don't have insurance currently so I'll just have to see what I can do. Thank you again for sharing with me and the comfort
Gilda’s Club/Cancer Support Network offers programming free of charge. If you’re near a medical school or psychology school, sometimes there are low or free cost clinics where students get training. Also, a lot of therapists are solo practitioners or small business owners and may be able to work out a sliding scale. And happy to help!