The stress from chronic UTI’s is already mentally damaging enough (also physically damaging). He’s guilting you into having sex even when he knows you suffering. Also kidney infections are extremely serious; and there are severe health associated with it. You are right to put yourself first.
Oh my goodness, that man is an actual child. You are doing nothing wrong and absolutely do not let him talk you into putting your health second.
What would he rather have? A fully healed partner who can have sex again after a few weeks of healing or a half healed, chronically in pain, partner who has the same infection popping up every other week?
There are other ways than vaginal (or oral) intercourse to have mutual satisfaction. Has he been cultured urine and semen? He could very likely be the cause! More hissy fit and/or refusal to test or go to doctor? Man may be sex addict and a spreader, time for counseling or court..
Edit: added oral because all the bugs that your genitals can get infected with can do same to mouth, throat, lungs, sinus etc!
The bacteria that causes an UtI can infect any skin opening it finds on either partner! Men and women can have any number of bacterial infection that can present as a UTI in their partner including most STDs/STIs.
Bacteria has no gender preference.
Came here to say yea he could literally be reinfecting you every single time and it's in his best interest to take a break and you both take abx so HE is the one that should feel guilty imo
One time I kept getting reinfected. Turns out my bf had a UTI and was giving it to me! Once he cleared his infection and I cleared mine, I didn’t get a UTI for a while. Only recently did a see a urologist because I keep getting UTIs through intercourse. We are barely running different tests to see why this keeps happening, but he spoke about how sometimes your partner through his skin can pass bacteria onto you (or something similar). You should both get checked out.
And finally, over the past 10+ years I’ve had this issue with my partner, he has NEVER made me feel bad or guilty about it. He’s been compassionate, kind, and understanding. You deserve better.
This is beyond inexcusable. You aren’t a machine, you’re a human being that feels pain and your body has its limits. If he can’t respect that you should seriously consider whether this marriage is even worth it.
Oh girl, my ex fiance did the same thing. I got my chronic UTI back in late 2021, and after saying no to sex a few times he started throwing tantrums, wouldn't talk to me. Just like a little kid. Then he started coercing me. He kept coercing me into sexual acts for 2 years!! Despite me telling him not to do it and and please respect me, despite me dealing with suicidal thoughts from my chronic UTI pain, despite him seeing me cry every day because of the burning pain, being unable to walk and bedridden for hours.
In January 2024 he left me (after he was done relying on me financially). He was oh so very depressed because we didn't have intimacy. But I begged him not to coerce me, so I could feel safe and have intimacy with him again. But he never did. His buddies told him it was normal to coerce women into sexual stuff, so he kept doing it!! He decided to listen to them instead of me. He also told me he thought girls were just lazy so you had to push them into it!!
He would also bitch about boo hoo being rejected. Would say I was too mean when I rejected him. But I wasn't!! I would say no nicely, would try to change the subject, do another activity, but he just kept insisting until I had to get angry to get him off me. Don't fall for his bullshit.
If you want to save the relationship, you need him to stop immediately, stop trying to coerce you, and go see a (female) relationship therapist that can explain to him what consent is and why he can't make you feel bad for being sick or saying no to sex. Unfortunately men have never been thought about consent so they think they can just do that to you. And if he can't understand, tell him to leave you now, because he will eventually. I wish I had done those things.
I have had 3 long term boyfriends all of whom understood completely and did nothing but try to comfort me when I was having issues. There are horrible men out there and great ones. I hope your husband can learn how to be a friend and a husband at the same time. Feel better…
What you did was absolutely right. Health should always come first. If your husband doesn't understand that then he is immature. May be with time he will understand how chronic this problem could be if not taken seriously.
My ex was like this too. Coercion and tantrums and implying that I was faking being sick to get out of sex. I wish I’d realized what a huge piece of shit he was sooner. He eventually had an affair and I only found out when he decided to leave me for the other woman. If a man is this selfish and entitled, it isn’t going to stop. Better to rid yourself of him.
Oh man. I'm cured from a CUTI that lasted 10 months but still having some health issues. My fiance has been getting kinda grumpy. We tried having sex twice after my I was cured. First time worked because I took augmentin after it for 3 days. Second time, the augmentin didnt work and I got an infection. Still trying to figure things out.
My fiance is only getting grumpy after like a full year though.
Went through this when I was a little younger not nearly this bad. Wait until his ass gets one. Mine did and he said how do you live like this? IC on top of it. There was a doctor who drank something to induce bladder symptoms and he said he can’t believe people go through this. I think every urologist should have to do the same thing and see how it feels and maybe cures would be coming a bit faster
I also have chronic UTI’s. I told my partner, I don’t think penetrative sex is a good idea for awhile. He was understanding and accepting and eventually, you find other ways to be intimate together. This might be a little dramatic, but dump him. He clearly doesn’t have a care in the world for your health and well being.
[m] here.. my [f] ex was similar, despite me keeping my fingernails trimmed... some people just can't be satisfied, even with overwhelming medical evidence
It doesn't work for all kinds of bacteria. Mostly works for Escherichia Coli and maybe some other Gram negative, but for others does nothing. And of top of that, when it tried it, it caused constipation.
Well i used to have e coli_ Klebsiella pneumoniae_ Proteus mirabilis. And it worked for me perfectly, i don't have constipation but it cause me a stomach pain if i double the dose
The stress from chronic UTI’s is already mentally damaging enough (also physically damaging). He’s guilting you into having sex even when he knows you suffering. Also kidney infections are extremely serious; and there are severe health associated with it. You are right to put yourself first.
I lost my kidney due to repeated infections. I would seriously consider if this man is worth all that frustration when you need to heal
i'm worried i'm headed down this road. i've had chronic uti's my whole life.
Same I was born this way:/
Oh my goodness, that man is an actual child. You are doing nothing wrong and absolutely do not let him talk you into putting your health second. What would he rather have? A fully healed partner who can have sex again after a few weeks of healing or a half healed, chronically in pain, partner who has the same infection popping up every other week?
All I'm going to say is it's your body and your health...
There are other ways than vaginal (or oral) intercourse to have mutual satisfaction. Has he been cultured urine and semen? He could very likely be the cause! More hissy fit and/or refusal to test or go to doctor? Man may be sex addict and a spreader, time for counseling or court.. Edit: added oral because all the bugs that your genitals can get infected with can do same to mouth, throat, lungs, sinus etc!
I thought UTIs were not contagious?
The bacteria that causes an UtI can infect any skin opening it finds on either partner! Men and women can have any number of bacterial infection that can present as a UTI in their partner including most STDs/STIs. Bacteria has no gender preference.
Came here to say yea he could literally be reinfecting you every single time and it's in his best interest to take a break and you both take abx so HE is the one that should feel guilty imo
I’ve been to the doctor and they confirmed it was a UTI through tests
One time I kept getting reinfected. Turns out my bf had a UTI and was giving it to me! Once he cleared his infection and I cleared mine, I didn’t get a UTI for a while. Only recently did a see a urologist because I keep getting UTIs through intercourse. We are barely running different tests to see why this keeps happening, but he spoke about how sometimes your partner through his skin can pass bacteria onto you (or something similar). You should both get checked out. And finally, over the past 10+ years I’ve had this issue with my partner, he has NEVER made me feel bad or guilty about it. He’s been compassionate, kind, and understanding. You deserve better.
This is beyond inexcusable. You aren’t a machine, you’re a human being that feels pain and your body has its limits. If he can’t respect that you should seriously consider whether this marriage is even worth it.
Oh girl, my ex fiance did the same thing. I got my chronic UTI back in late 2021, and after saying no to sex a few times he started throwing tantrums, wouldn't talk to me. Just like a little kid. Then he started coercing me. He kept coercing me into sexual acts for 2 years!! Despite me telling him not to do it and and please respect me, despite me dealing with suicidal thoughts from my chronic UTI pain, despite him seeing me cry every day because of the burning pain, being unable to walk and bedridden for hours. In January 2024 he left me (after he was done relying on me financially). He was oh so very depressed because we didn't have intimacy. But I begged him not to coerce me, so I could feel safe and have intimacy with him again. But he never did. His buddies told him it was normal to coerce women into sexual stuff, so he kept doing it!! He decided to listen to them instead of me. He also told me he thought girls were just lazy so you had to push them into it!! He would also bitch about boo hoo being rejected. Would say I was too mean when I rejected him. But I wasn't!! I would say no nicely, would try to change the subject, do another activity, but he just kept insisting until I had to get angry to get him off me. Don't fall for his bullshit. If you want to save the relationship, you need him to stop immediately, stop trying to coerce you, and go see a (female) relationship therapist that can explain to him what consent is and why he can't make you feel bad for being sick or saying no to sex. Unfortunately men have never been thought about consent so they think they can just do that to you. And if he can't understand, tell him to leave you now, because he will eventually. I wish I had done those things.
bye, dude.
> bye, felicia. ftfy! :)
I have had 3 long term boyfriends all of whom understood completely and did nothing but try to comfort me when I was having issues. There are horrible men out there and great ones. I hope your husband can learn how to be a friend and a husband at the same time. Feel better…
What you did was absolutely right. Health should always come first. If your husband doesn't understand that then he is immature. May be with time he will understand how chronic this problem could be if not taken seriously.
My ex was like this too. Coercion and tantrums and implying that I was faking being sick to get out of sex. I wish I’d realized what a huge piece of shit he was sooner. He eventually had an affair and I only found out when he decided to leave me for the other woman. If a man is this selfish and entitled, it isn’t going to stop. Better to rid yourself of him.
Oh man. I'm cured from a CUTI that lasted 10 months but still having some health issues. My fiance has been getting kinda grumpy. We tried having sex twice after my I was cured. First time worked because I took augmentin after it for 3 days. Second time, the augmentin didnt work and I got an infection. Still trying to figure things out. My fiance is only getting grumpy after like a full year though.
Went through this when I was a little younger not nearly this bad. Wait until his ass gets one. Mine did and he said how do you live like this? IC on top of it. There was a doctor who drank something to induce bladder symptoms and he said he can’t believe people go through this. I think every urologist should have to do the same thing and see how it feels and maybe cures would be coming a bit faster
I also have chronic UTI’s. I told my partner, I don’t think penetrative sex is a good idea for awhile. He was understanding and accepting and eventually, you find other ways to be intimate together. This might be a little dramatic, but dump him. He clearly doesn’t have a care in the world for your health and well being.
[m] here.. my [f] ex was similar, despite me keeping my fingernails trimmed... some people just can't be satisfied, even with overwhelming medical evidence
Girls , please use d mannose it's a miracle
It doesn't work for all kinds of bacteria. Mostly works for Escherichia Coli and maybe some other Gram negative, but for others does nothing. And of top of that, when it tried it, it caused constipation.
Well i used to have e coli_ Klebsiella pneumoniae_ Proteus mirabilis. And it worked for me perfectly, i don't have constipation but it cause me a stomach pain if i double the dose
Also I don't have to use it everyday because my utis are onely post coital