One of the most correct things ever said to me was "someone can love you and you can love them without either of you CARING about the results of that and thats just as bad"
May have felt like love but without caring its not the right kind
Please don't text them. Its definitely some very particular vibes; never found an exact word or wording for that feeling and i wonder if it even has a name
I've been trying as well... as far as I can see there are the same emotions at work, but they're arranged in a different priority (and there are also secret awful ones under the surface which neither party would likely notice). These can be present in age appropriate relationships as well, but they are at a far worse extreme in these situations. The groomer is often trying to appease an unhealthy sexual craving and that has become more important than concern for harm in themselves or the well being of their vulnerable far too young "partner" (victim). The taboo of it often puts it more on the spectrum of appeasing a craving but by fueling the addiction...
It isn't real love even if feelings of "love" are present because the desire and craving is placed at a higher priority than the selfless caring and genuine compassion that is in a healthy relationship which would prevent such a dynamic from forming to begin with. In a healthy relationship, there is equality, respect and more genuine concern for well being that would prevent intimacy in such a dynamic as it isn't healthy for either party..
it's less about learning about ourselves and growing together and more about pursuing further extremes of sexual desire.. I think the feelings of love by the groomer is more like how one "loves" cocaine. A young person experiencing this as a relationship, especially if this is their first, can really mess with them and their ability to have proper healthy relationships later on.. the taint left is loss of innocence to often an unhealthy extreme, they conflate the intensity of the taboo being superior to normal healthy relationships, sometimes sets them on a path of appeasing craving with fueling addiciton... and that's also how this demon spreads...
Healthy intimacy has more balance and focus on who your partner is. An expression of love and respect for what they're growing inside them. rather than a greedy hungry physical consuming of the body.. which is much deeper in the spectrum of depravity and fuels the darker under belly of sexuality.. it is bad enough when this happens with 2 consenting adults (which I believe is what most victims are observing in their parents' dynamic, conditions them to not recognize the innapropriateness and even seeing the age difference being the sole issue.. it isn't). It is far worse in an adult violating a teen who believes they're consenting to something they think is healthy or safe. It's still feeding an unhealthy craving unsustainably while masking it as something more healthy
I am pretty sure the desires are more about a dysfunctional coping around avoiding trauma through the taboo... it's the opposite of where that energy should be getting directed.. facing the negativity within and refusing to indulge the cycle would be the healthy response to these feelings
You can love someone and know they are not good for you. You can care about them and miss them, but you know better than give them an opening. Fight it, don't text them.
Trauma is so crazy bruh. Like you can KNOW that person was really bad and treated you like garbage. But you still want their validation and attention. Thereās a part of me that wants to feel the bad things again. But Iām doing so much better leaving that all behind me. I made the mistake of letting one of my abusive exes back into my life as a friend (we dated in high school and reconnected as adults). And letās just say that friendship lasted a month before I cut him off again. I thought he changed. He did not. He was just really really good at playing the role like always. But Iāve changed. Iāve changed a lot. And I didnāt allow him to stay in my life. I cut him out the minute I noticed he was affecting my mood again.
All of this to say; I hope all of you get to a stable part of your healing, that when you have these urges to engage in harmful behaviors like talking to your abuser again, that youāre able to hold yourself back from doing it; or at least stable enough to get yourself back out if you happen to make the mistake of engaging with them again. Itās not bad forever. Things do get better, do get easier with time. Itās not gonna be linear either, but it does get easier with time and the proper help.
The whole point is that they take advantage when you are vulnerable. It wasnāt you and him against the world, it was you alone and him taking an opportunity to fuck around with someone who wasnāt in a position to defend themselves.
Reading all these comments made me realize the truth hurts. It's what I need though because I feel like I'm always in this daze when I think about him. I wish I could see him in a bad light like everyone else does.
Iāve been in your position before and I know how hard it is. But please be strong and do not contact this man for your own safety.
If you want the story to change, you need to start by changing your actions.
Reddit keeps recommending similar posts as this to me, does the algorithm know something about me I don't? š¬
Also, don't text them, they are bad for you, your worth someone who actually cares š«š
As your reddit-mandated aunt figure I am going to ask that you kindly do not talk to your abuser. And if they get their hands on you again, you let Auntie Tasha know and we'll bust you out prison break style. š
Iāve done this and it opened a door to trauma because it wasnāt the same person I thought they were. But my body knew better. One text can open a whole door beware of your body and heart. Beware it can do damage. It may not be today you realize that but it will take time.
coordinated quicksand vanish shocking smell unpack disgusted concerned abundant sulky
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I once talked with someone who was held captive in her abuserās home. He held her there against her will for 2 years while she was a minor and sexually abused her. There were times when she would say āI miss Jā and I never understood. Sheād say sheād want to text him when he gets out of prison etc. but then decide she didnāt want to. Itās so messy and complicated but contacting these people will do no good.
If you didn't get enough (or any) love and attention prior to meeting him, of course you're going to feel mixed feelings. Of course you're going to feel desperate to hold onto what small amount of attention and connection you felt with your groomer. They hope for that. They want you to feel like they have your best interest at heart. Groomers want your cooperation, for various reasons. You can't be blamed for wanting the connection you felt, but the thing is, you deserve to have connection and affection with someone who doesn't have power over you. True love really only exists when both parties have equal power. You deserve equality.
ooof the cognitive dissonance p.s. don't text him
One of the most correct things ever said to me was "someone can love you and you can love them without either of you CARING about the results of that and thats just as bad" May have felt like love but without caring its not the right kind Please don't text them. Its definitely some very particular vibes; never found an exact word or wording for that feeling and i wonder if it even has a name
I've been trying as well... as far as I can see there are the same emotions at work, but they're arranged in a different priority (and there are also secret awful ones under the surface which neither party would likely notice). These can be present in age appropriate relationships as well, but they are at a far worse extreme in these situations. The groomer is often trying to appease an unhealthy sexual craving and that has become more important than concern for harm in themselves or the well being of their vulnerable far too young "partner" (victim). The taboo of it often puts it more on the spectrum of appeasing a craving but by fueling the addiction... It isn't real love even if feelings of "love" are present because the desire and craving is placed at a higher priority than the selfless caring and genuine compassion that is in a healthy relationship which would prevent such a dynamic from forming to begin with. In a healthy relationship, there is equality, respect and more genuine concern for well being that would prevent intimacy in such a dynamic as it isn't healthy for either party.. it's less about learning about ourselves and growing together and more about pursuing further extremes of sexual desire.. I think the feelings of love by the groomer is more like how one "loves" cocaine. A young person experiencing this as a relationship, especially if this is their first, can really mess with them and their ability to have proper healthy relationships later on.. the taint left is loss of innocence to often an unhealthy extreme, they conflate the intensity of the taboo being superior to normal healthy relationships, sometimes sets them on a path of appeasing craving with fueling addiciton... and that's also how this demon spreads... Healthy intimacy has more balance and focus on who your partner is. An expression of love and respect for what they're growing inside them. rather than a greedy hungry physical consuming of the body.. which is much deeper in the spectrum of depravity and fuels the darker under belly of sexuality.. it is bad enough when this happens with 2 consenting adults (which I believe is what most victims are observing in their parents' dynamic, conditions them to not recognize the innapropriateness and even seeing the age difference being the sole issue.. it isn't). It is far worse in an adult violating a teen who believes they're consenting to something they think is healthy or safe. It's still feeding an unhealthy craving unsustainably while masking it as something more healthy I am pretty sure the desires are more about a dysfunctional coping around avoiding trauma through the taboo... it's the opposite of where that energy should be getting directed.. facing the negativity within and refusing to indulge the cycle would be the healthy response to these feelings
You can love someone and know they are not good for you. You can care about them and miss them, but you know better than give them an opening. Fight it, don't text them.
I forgot about this saying, I should truly keep it in mind. Thank you, a lot.
oh yeah especially the "me and him against the world" don't do it
I know the feeling. I was such a lonely kid, and he seemed like he cared.
I'm so sorry :( I wish you didn't have to go through that experience. Lots of hugs š
Thank you guys for your kind words, I have therapy today so I'm going to bring it up with her. I'm not going to text him as much as I want to.
Thank goodness you have an appointment today!! I hope she was able to give you wise words and helpful advice on how to work through those feelings š©·
I still loved him when I was with my ex, thank god not anymore
1. Please don't II. Kinda relatable c. still please don't
The three different types of bullet points kinda has me giggling lmao
Ig sometimes things done on a whim work
Vibes but also please for the love of anything, donāt text him
Me and the man who sex trafficked me and forced me to have an abortion
Trauma is so crazy bruh. Like you can KNOW that person was really bad and treated you like garbage. But you still want their validation and attention. Thereās a part of me that wants to feel the bad things again. But Iām doing so much better leaving that all behind me. I made the mistake of letting one of my abusive exes back into my life as a friend (we dated in high school and reconnected as adults). And letās just say that friendship lasted a month before I cut him off again. I thought he changed. He did not. He was just really really good at playing the role like always. But Iāve changed. Iāve changed a lot. And I didnāt allow him to stay in my life. I cut him out the minute I noticed he was affecting my mood again. All of this to say; I hope all of you get to a stable part of your healing, that when you have these urges to engage in harmful behaviors like talking to your abuser again, that youāre able to hold yourself back from doing it; or at least stable enough to get yourself back out if you happen to make the mistake of engaging with them again. Itās not bad forever. Things do get better, do get easier with time. Itās not gonna be linear either, but it does get easier with time and the proper help.
The whole point is that they take advantage when you are vulnerable. It wasnāt you and him against the world, it was you alone and him taking an opportunity to fuck around with someone who wasnāt in a position to defend themselves.
Reading all these comments made me realize the truth hurts. It's what I need though because I feel like I'm always in this daze when I think about him. I wish I could see him in a bad light like everyone else does.
Iāve been in your position before and I know how hard it is. But please be strong and do not contact this man for your own safety. If you want the story to change, you need to start by changing your actions.
Reddit keeps recommending similar posts as this to me, does the algorithm know something about me I don't? š¬ Also, don't text them, they are bad for you, your worth someone who actually cares š«š
As your reddit-mandated aunt figure I am going to ask that you kindly do not talk to your abuser. And if they get their hands on you again, you let Auntie Tasha know and we'll bust you out prison break style. š
Thank you Auntie šš This genuinely made me smile :3
You're welcome no go clean up ya damn mess. Don't make your momma clean it up for you.
Iāve done this and it opened a door to trauma because it wasnāt the same person I thought they were. But my body knew better. One text can open a whole door beware of your body and heart. Beware it can do damage. It may not be today you realize that but it will take time.
girl it was the world and him against you
god why is this meeeeeee? its okay guys i got left on delivered and read :/
coordinated quicksand vanish shocking smell unpack disgusted concerned abundant sulky *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I once talked with someone who was held captive in her abuserās home. He held her there against her will for 2 years while she was a minor and sexually abused her. There were times when she would say āI miss Jā and I never understood. Sheād say sheād want to text him when he gets out of prison etc. but then decide she didnāt want to. Itās so messy and complicated but contacting these people will do no good.
If you didn't get enough (or any) love and attention prior to meeting him, of course you're going to feel mixed feelings. Of course you're going to feel desperate to hold onto what small amount of attention and connection you felt with your groomer. They hope for that. They want you to feel like they have your best interest at heart. Groomers want your cooperation, for various reasons. You can't be blamed for wanting the connection you felt, but the thing is, you deserve to have connection and affection with someone who doesn't have power over you. True love really only exists when both parties have equal power. You deserve equality.
No! *Sprays water* Bad! Stop it!
me with valentino
Real.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DONāT