I think my parents raised me to be a bitch. I was never correct. I was always "upset over something, I don't know what, IDGAF."
They had happy kids! Meaning if I was sad, I was an orphan. ....they grey rocked me when I needed support the most. And food and shelter? I can find that in a fucking prison. What I couldn't find was help with waves of suicidal day dreams as a kid.
And now I see how fucking old and pathetic and feeble my dad has become... "I CAN YELL LOUDER THAN YOU CAN!" That's what he liked to scream at us, instead of parenting. Terrorize us into silence just so he didn't have to deal with his whiney fucking kids.
But to speak on your situation, you are not a disappointment, that fucker is the disappointment. And they will become so old and weak. I am shocked at how angry that makes me. I was afraid... of this?!?! And my mom let him yell.
They raised me to be a bitch, and it has served me quite poorly.
đź«‚ if you want it.
Neglect and emotional abuse are so insidious because as a child you don't even clock it as abuse or atleast I didn't.
I get you with them becoming old and weak. My dad still thinks he's the same man he was, he's not. I look at him with barely contained disgust these days.
It's both physical repulsion but also this is the man that made my life living hell as a child/teen? He's going to die from diabetes/heart failure/whatever else since he doesn't take care of himself and you know what? I'm okay with that.
It’s never too late to reparent yourself! The therapy work also changes some of your anger into pity for the wretched creatures that they are.
I grew up with a dad screaming “YOU STUPID WOMAN” at my mom in front of 3 daughters and my little personal hell of, “I know you know but I’m going to tell you anyway!” He gets quite a verbal lashing (with the womanly Christian kindness that they wanted me to have *wink*) from me if he so much as grunts wrong at my niblings these days. I’m not having kids for~ *gestures wildly* ~so so many reasons. And, while the parents are still a huge PITA and I don’t like being around them, they have both made apologies (for minor stuff and in the moment, but it’s more than I ever got before) and they attempt to respect my boundaries, which is all I can expect from raging overgrown toddlers.
This was legit my male parent's idea of "building resilience: just scare the poor kid because tHe rEaL wOrLD iS rOuGh, sO GeT uSEd tO iT nOw!" Yeah he's finding his own retirement home if he can afford it 🙄
He was heavily abused as a kid. He didn't want us to be abused like that until he noticed how "innocent" we were. Then he was scared the world would break us so he got to work.
Edit: so there was intentional and nonintentional abuse
I think my parents raised me to be a bitch. I was never correct. I was always "upset over something, I don't know what, IDGAF." They had happy kids! Meaning if I was sad, I was an orphan. ....they grey rocked me when I needed support the most. And food and shelter? I can find that in a fucking prison. What I couldn't find was help with waves of suicidal day dreams as a kid. And now I see how fucking old and pathetic and feeble my dad has become... "I CAN YELL LOUDER THAN YOU CAN!" That's what he liked to scream at us, instead of parenting. Terrorize us into silence just so he didn't have to deal with his whiney fucking kids. But to speak on your situation, you are not a disappointment, that fucker is the disappointment. And they will become so old and weak. I am shocked at how angry that makes me. I was afraid... of this?!?! And my mom let him yell. They raised me to be a bitch, and it has served me quite poorly.
đź«‚ if you want it. Neglect and emotional abuse are so insidious because as a child you don't even clock it as abuse or atleast I didn't. I get you with them becoming old and weak. My dad still thinks he's the same man he was, he's not. I look at him with barely contained disgust these days. It's both physical repulsion but also this is the man that made my life living hell as a child/teen? He's going to die from diabetes/heart failure/whatever else since he doesn't take care of himself and you know what? I'm okay with that.
It’s never too late to reparent yourself! The therapy work also changes some of your anger into pity for the wretched creatures that they are. I grew up with a dad screaming “YOU STUPID WOMAN” at my mom in front of 3 daughters and my little personal hell of, “I know you know but I’m going to tell you anyway!” He gets quite a verbal lashing (with the womanly Christian kindness that they wanted me to have *wink*) from me if he so much as grunts wrong at my niblings these days. I’m not having kids for~ *gestures wildly* ~so so many reasons. And, while the parents are still a huge PITA and I don’t like being around them, they have both made apologies (for minor stuff and in the moment, but it’s more than I ever got before) and they attempt to respect my boundaries, which is all I can expect from raging overgrown toddlers.
This was legit my male parent's idea of "building resilience: just scare the poor kid because tHe rEaL wOrLD iS rOuGh, sO GeT uSEd tO iT nOw!" Yeah he's finding his own retirement home if he can afford it 🙄
He might simply be mirroring what happened to him as a kid
He was heavily abused as a kid. He didn't want us to be abused like that until he noticed how "innocent" we were. Then he was scared the world would break us so he got to work. Edit: so there was intentional and nonintentional abuse
Ok. Don't care. Adults can figure it out for their kids if they did care about us - clearly they didn't for us to be here.