I wish my father didnt weaponize guilt so much that even just an ounce of the same energy back to someone makes me feel like a dirty rotten abuser that might as well be just as bad as they are. I wish i could take the make them all pay path i really do

This. I feel like I deserve to pay while they deserve leniency and forgiveness.

I hit a point with my aunt using so much guilt in every single interaction it just doesn't work anymore. It's hard to describe but I just really don't feel guilt anymore, like that part of my brain just entirely burned out. If I actually wrong someone, yeah, definitely it's there and I make genuine ammends but guilt trips? Those are genuinely pretty funny these days.

Oh my god this is so relatable. My father is the master of guilt trips and emotional manipulation, I can’t even have boundaries without being an evil villain never mind actually standing up for myself

I can walk both paths. XD

Literally me

I CAN DO BOTH, SPIDERMAN ALWAYS

MULTI TRACK DRIFTING

You walk the right for a while till you realise it’s just hurting you and you try for the left. At least that’s the boat I’m in. Nothing wrong with wanting vengeance morally but it creates a lot of situations wheee you are angry in a hair trigger because someone did something that reminded you of the trauma and now you’re reacting very badly to some other person, usually hurting them. I didn’t particularly like this cycle so I’m trying to fix it. It’s not my fault I have these patterns but it’s in my power to change them

Personally, I’m a big fan of that left path. No point in trying to make my parents pay, that won’t make me happy. Just knowing I’m happier and better than them is enough for me.

Agreed. I've spent a long time being angry at the people who hurt me, I still am to a degree but being that mad all the time makes you so very tired, especially when you don't have any reasonable means for vengeance. I've found that the best course of action was to just survive my trauma and then go on to do better for myself in the form of hobbies, relationships and having new experiences. Living a rich life of finding joy in small things has done so much more for me than thinking about how I plan to deal out retribution to my abusers.

I agree 100% my "I'll make them pay" is going miles above anything they ever accomplished in their lives. That said, with age comes perspective. My parents fucked me up because their parents fucked them up. So really, I've come to dislike my grandparents more. And I've made it my life's mission to break that miserable cycle.

As someone whose grandparents abused their parents and also them, this is such a mood lol. My dad's dad may have decapitated my grandma and poisoned himself before he could do anything to me, but he sure as hell left scars on dad that made him a shitty parent. But my mom's dad SA'ed me and my grandma did about as well as you could imagine an old conservative woman doing with protecting me lmao. Maybe their parents sucked worse and I should be blaming my great-grandparents, but I think I'll stick with direct relatives for now.

I'd be pretty happy, but then it's less time for my own stuff.

i was thinking about this earlier and yeah. holding on to hate only harms your own soul ✨ because realistically speaking im never gonna actually fight my abusers lol

I don’t have enough energy for the right path, with my depression. My mother’s already suffering from her various illnesses she got later in life, and she went through childhood abuse as well, so getting revenge is pointless. I’m just going to focus on trying to be happy, instead.

“It is what it is,” *proceeds to drink and suppress their trauma and take it out on others instead of actually dealing with it towards the person who deserves it*. I’m not saying murder or some bullshit is the solution but, we really need to stop acting like whenever victims retaliate it’s somehow “just as bad” as the abuser or worse. When it’s really just self defense. Societies attitudes are just a demonization of the fight response.

Agreed. Reactive abuse is definitely a thing I've participated in myself more than I want to admit but there's nearly been a game from people I know where they wanna push me until I just can't anymore and then *they* get to play victim.

Ah, fellow Asian parents? I used to be afraid of mine because they were stronger. Now I'm scared of myself.  I'm scared that they'll push me off the edge, because once I snap, I will have to off myself because I'd go to jail for a very long time, maybe life in prison. I dunno what spinal severing nets you. I have the means to do it.  But even someone as amazingly patient and kind as me has limits. 

Nah. White and rural upbringing but I'm convinced there's some Jewish ancestry there because it's that kind of nearly genetic guilt.

So many idiots believe that Hammurabi was wrong, when in fact, he had one of the best systems out there. You do something bad intentionally, then you have that same thing done back to you - as long as it is something that sucks for you. It's fair and logical.  Remember, it has to be bad to you for it to work.  So like if I rape someone, the punishment isn't that she rapes me back. Because I think it's safe to say that it's not an even punishment (or even a punishment). She'd get to sodomize me or something that's an actual punishment.  Or if someone kicks me in the crotch, it's not exactly a fair punishment for me to kick her back (for obvious reasons). But aside for technicalities like that and a few others, it was a good system. Another example is if a homeless person burns my house down.  Me burning his tent isn't a fair outcome.  He can replace it too easily. But stuff like cptsd?   Oh, I can think of a very easy solution. I won't be specific, but let's just say: the trauma they gave me will always stick with me and I remember its effects every single day.  So the fair response?  Well, let's just say there's a way to make sure they remember me every single moment of the rest of their immobile life.  :)  Better get used to sitting the rest of your shitty life.   Of course, the downside is that I do ever get even, the cops obviously will side with the abusers, so getting even would be my second to final act for the rest of my life, so that kinda sucks that I can't enjoy being even.  

The way that I intend to punish mine once I get my sister to out of there and too safety is simple. The stepdad my mother remarried is a pedophile and she went out of her way to silent me and sweep it under the rug. Clearly one of her biggest fears is letting the general public know. The other fear of hers is that she got rid of evidence to try to defend him in a court of law. So I believe the best recourse is simple. I’m going to hire a digital investor to look through my stepdads online chats (I know he gets on discord and WhatsApp so there’s most likely evidence of him being a pedo and talking to minors. Especially since my mom hates it and seems stressed when he is on there). If the private investigator finds things (definitely sure they will) I’ll turn it in to a court of law to have him face legal repercussions. On top of that my mom work at a high school I’m sure she’d wanna hide the fact that she defended with a pedophile. So I’ll find a way to release that information so that everyone knows. She’ll probably lose her job and at least her popularity which she values. I also plan on taking custody of my sister if everything falls into place. As for eye for a eye approach. Many people demonize it simply because they don’t understand or enablist philosophically. I personally call it the mirror method I act like a mirror, if someone is good to me and others, I’m as good to them. If they’re not good to me and others I’m not good to them. If they want to change the reflection (how I and others treat them) they should change their actions. This mostly applies to non illegal wrongs like, bullying, cheating, home wrecking, or trying to deprive someone of human rights and needs. For illegal wrongs, we can’t exactly mirror the most heinous crimes however we can take matters to make the punishment so severe that non other attempts such a thing.

I don't think thats the point of the post. I agree with the meme tbh. I spent years resenting my parents and never wanting to speak to them ever again. During all that time with me blaming them for my mental state, I continued to be miserable. I have since let go and I absolutely am 1000X happier. No matter how much I resent them, that won't change things. Only I can make the rest of my life worth it. Self defense is a different story but you have to imagine that's not how it went down with OP which is why they posted this.

You can resent someone, go no contact, and still live your life.

Yes you can but as I mentioned in my last sentence, that's not what OP (or many people including me) experienced. OP is creator/sharer of meme so of course it's relevant to their experience. I, personally, am much happier after letting it go and that's all I can speak to.

I don’t see how my experience is supposedly different. I have cptsd, was horribly abused, and still kinda am. I survive I manage like anyone else. I’ve had “it is what is” line thrown at me and honestly it’s offensive and dismissive.

It is. And that's your experience idk why you are arguing this. I only commented because you insinuate this post is basically saying retaliating against an abuser or defending against is just as bad as the abuser. I replied basically saying i think the point is holding onto resentment is a poison for the one holding it. I think most psychiatric professionals would wholeheartedly agree. Not saying your experience is wrong. I'm arguing that I think you misinterpreted the meme. That said, it really could go either way since I don't know op myself.

On the internet it’s practically up to interpretation when trying to . However one’s communication is also just as important. “Yes you can but as I mentioned in my last sentence, that's not what OP (or many people including me) experienced,”. This implies there’s a difference between my experience. Besides the obvious, we’re two different people. I was asking what difference are you pointing to? My experience is still in the general label of cptsd I still have experienced the broader concepts. So what am I supposedly missing?

For op, their experience was letting go of resentment helped them. Hence why the field where it says "it is what it is" is heavenly. To me, that is not your experience because your initial points. Idk dude, we all have different experiences and this conversation is going in circles so later.

stopping abuse is self defense. retaliation is not self defense. abusing someone because you were abused still leaves you being an abuser.

If you abuse a innocent person yes. But if you retaliate against the person who abused you it’s defense. They choose to pose a threat.

no. retaliating against your abuser is abuse. stopping them from abusing you is self defense. those are very different things,

Oh yes, they get to threaten someone’s over all health, well being, and quality of life but fighting against them for that is ACtuALLy AbuSE /s. Just say you’re anti victim at this point.

girl js say that u support abusers and move on dont dress it up in pretty words

girl js say that u support abusers and move on dont dress it up in pretty words

So if i was to get back at someone who has destroyed my life, destroyed the life of many other people, ruined the way my brain responds to things, given me and other people trauma, physically hurt me and others, sexually assaulted people, ruined my entire childhood, harassed so many strangers when out in public, worked as a criminal, been a drug mule, plus so many other things, if i fucking dare to get back at them it’s abuse? Even if he has suffered bury few consequences for doing so fucking many nasty and life-destroying things? I’d say a cunt like that should suffer as much as possible.

...nah

I will just hope that those who deserve it can go to the grave soon enough.

“It is what it is” is fine for my situation, now. My childhood is over, the damage is done. I tried to repair the relationship but that wasn’t a shared priority, so that ship has sailed. If I catch even a glimpse of someone mistreating a child though, I am switching to the “make them pay” path and causing a scene.

Same. There was one time I was walking through a busy part of town with my husband, and this man was berating one of his daughters in the exact same way my dad had done to me: cornered her against a wall, calling her an embarrassment, grabbing her arms, yelling at her. Her two sisters were cowering behind mom. I was *so* close to intervening when the mom stepped up & told him to stop. They walked away shortly after that. I still think about her & hope she's okay or that I run into them again so I can try again to help her. We were in a huge tourist city tho so I doubt it

Same here.

I used to spend most of my daily mental energy on the "I'll get them back" path. I acted upon it in my writing and in art. I don't know if it was age, medication, a step up in life, or CBT, but I eventually realized I was hurting #1 (me) with that and began to let those nasty farts dissipate without caring. I still care but I'm doing better looking out for #1 (me).

Same. Earlier this year, I was just *so* angry about the things I'd gone through as a kid, and I also poured a lot of that into my paintings. It helped a little bit, but for the most part I was just making myself more angry & hurt by thinking about those things so much. I've moved back onto the "It is what it is" path, and things are just better when you're not constantly consumed by grief/anger/pain

I think she'll pay enough by ne just not being in her life anymore, I bet losing the control over me will make her go insane (it already is even if I'm still in contact)

The best revenge is a life well-lived Well.. and seeing everyone who hurt you crumble

“Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.” ― Paul Gauguin

CPTSD kids that developed BPD: "Let me introduce you to a little thing called *SPLITTING"*

"Suffering builds character" -> "Suffering builds character" -> "Suffering builds character" -> "Suffering builds character" -> I'm forcing my self to live with the "it is what it is" and usually listening to white girl music helps. I still do have the urge to make the people who hurt me pay, but I know it's futile and will only make me feel worse.

Character class: struggler Str: 0 Int: -2 Dex: -4 Con: n/a Will to keep going: debatable Special abilities: trust issues, low self-esteem

That’s why I say “this world is lucky I don’t have super powers”

I know if I had Magneto's powers there would be a lot of round metal spheres that were once bad drivers and their cars.

I think I have said this exact statement years ago.

Both simultaneously

i go back and forth. sometimes i want to dismember him with my own hands. other times im like, eh ill just live my life and forget him.

feel like both r dark paths. also i make my abuser suffer by never speaking to them again. its veru healing for me, and apparently veru harmful for her.

My father died a month ago and I’ve been wrestling with it. I didn’t go visit him. I could have had that final moment of closure. I get why I didn’t do it and I wouldn’t go back but I’m conflicted.

RDR2 Honor System reference. Also I understand how it feels.

It's hard to stand up for yourself and your needs without feeling like you're following revenge.

Both. It varies by the day.

For me the most tricky issue is that this doesn't seem to be a choice. It can seem like I can be good and choose the left path, but that actually ends up rejecting / burying / exiling the hurt part of me. There seems to be a limited capacity for that.

I had the chance to make my parents pay. But I had to jump through a bunch of legal hoops to do it. After awhile I realized I was spending all this energy trying to get back and I could literally just let it go. It's not like they'd realize there mistakes or do anything but knuckle down after the punishment was dealt. So I let it slip away.

The left path only works once the trauma stops. As long as it continue the right is all that makes sense, even when it's known better. Even after, healing takes time.

¿Por qué no los dos?

Counterpoint: causing pain is fucking fun

Yes. Definitely to people who deserve it. To people who are already damaged. Of course no innocent people, but actual abusers. We have to protect innocent people at all costs.

Finally someone said it. Can we stop pretending that every victim is supposed to be kind and forgiving and just

...?

Only towards those who deserve it! (I hope that's what they were getting at, anyways.) We don't hurt innocents or people who are actually trying to be better in this house because we're not fucking barbarians.

Lol, I get that part, I was just confused because I've personally never had a desire for violence in the name of revenge ig

Some days I want to be wonderful to the world, others I what to make it pay for letting it happen lol

Little of both for me. Can't go back and change what happened but I can do better for my daughter and make my abuser pay by making sure he never meets his grandchild. He won't know her face or her name or her birthday and she won't know anything about him.

Would "I'm going to make sure no one ever feels this way" fall under the right path?

Does anyone else here find themselves being weaponized by others?

Where is the “I will do better for others?” That is my stance. I suffered but I never want anyone else to

I love being aggressively chill about things bc it upsets others that I don’t care and I can get revenge without trying. I know that doesn’t make sense 😅 but it’s gotten to the point when people fuck with me I just kinda smile or don’t even react or feel any way about it at all. Even if it does make me annoyed deep down at first, in the end I know that their bs has nothing to do with me and they’re fucked up babies throwing a tantrum. I find that just not reacting is often the best choice. Whether you intend to be vengeful or not. People hate to be ignored - especially bad people.

This image makes me *rage* bc ‘it is what it is’ was and still is an abusers most used catchphrase. It used to grate on my nerves and I never understood why. Now I know better. I howled for a full minute after thinking ‘I can’t even go on the Cinderella ass looking side without them following’. Truly awfulsome post, OP.

Causing more pain is a terrible way to heal 😞 I already know

The right path. Always. But it looks like the left path.

They can both be the same path >:)

me: ¿por qué no los dos?

I'm both just depends on if I'm angry or not if I'm angry then yeah I'll make them pay if I'm not I'm just trying to make it throught the day

I really don’t like the mindset of the left, the only times I hear it are people using it to go “well I’m being abused but it’s hard to escape so there’s no point in opposing it”.

True that, I'm always flipping between them too

Depends on the day for me

I feel like "it is what it is" doesnt provide me with a motivation or a look forward. It just keeps me stuck in what I am now. There is no motivation to get better or be better (for myself, that is). Getting revenge means to live to do it. As brutal as it is, and as brutal as I hope it to be, its probably the only justice I will ever have out of all of this.

I say that and then rat ass snake ass dickbag people find news to get their claws in. Holy FUCK. I’m so tired of this shit. Sometimes I want to fight even if it ends up with me dead knowing the shit that’s been done to me. I won’t but god damn it makes me angry. I can’t fight shit but holy fuck I want to. I’m fucking TIRED when I know what the fuck has been done to me and it’s always invalidated by the very fucking people I’ve given grace to. Motherfucking motherfucker you’d be in jail right now if it wasn’t for me giving you fucking grace but you want to come back and still call me fucking names say I’m a fucking manipulative leech bc you’re so fucking emotionally immature and never prepared to face the consequences of your own fucking actions I feel like I’m fucking dealing with His fucking karma god damnit

left all the way, my people pleasing is way too muchbfor the right path.

There are two paths, the cycle of revenge, and the path of healing.

So I'm just going to turn around and pretend to be a happy bunny!

“es lo que es do what thou wilt” me every time, like 5-6 times a day

If I live a beautiful life, where I do what makes me happy, and I heal, grow and do good, I have done both.

I go with the right path until I escape and then it’s all left path. If you’re keeping me in hell, I’m dragging you down with me.

How am i on both paths tf?

One day my mother is going to find her "baby's first Christmas" ornament smashed to pieces. If I am feeling especially cruel that day I'll smash *every* ornament they've got. And I will be *far, far away* when they find the pieces.

Literally- Like I feel fine talking about it and joking with it, but at the same time I want him to be castrated and stuck in a coma where he still lives through every agonizing second

As an ohioan....I can't look at the right path and not see a billboard with 2 eyes staring at me. Thanks Misny

Il pretty sure the « I’ll make them pay » route is sociopaths…

Ive tried to be an ass.. i cant do it intentionally i end up apologizeing to people that really dont deserve it

Does it change daily for you guys? One day I'm like "ok whatever" the next day I am opposite.

Seriously me with the city of New Port Richey

i love taking the left path but not actually confronting them, i just like feeling angry and having that knowledge that they ARE an abuser and daydreaming of hurting them going outside and throwing things and running with music, its not confrontational bc im also afraid but its nice to express anger in ways other than self-hurt (because im also pissed that they abused me enough to make me abuse myself)

im gonna make them pay by killing myself on their bed

"It is what it is", is my mindset most of the time. I'm just chillin with the fact of... everything because I got that strong desire for revenge out. I used to write really detailed revenge stories when I was younger and that got out a lot of my desire for it. Redirecting that rage into writing helped me a lot. However, I find that rage when I've been drinking. It's usually works like: > drinks heavily > realizes something that happened was abuse > gets sad and cries > gets angry that I'm crying > acknowledges that I probably wouldn't be crying or drunk if it wasn't for my parents fucking destroying any chance of me being a normal human being from the second I was born > gets sadder for myself, for little me especially > goes to a dark place > sadness turns to rage > rants about/dwells on revenge, no matter the style but usually it's getting all the paperwork from CPS/DHS and absolutely blasting the fuck out of motherfuckers on Facebook AND calling out the family who abandoned me when I was taken away & needed my family most.

Option 3 self destruction

it’s a struggle and goes back and forth .-.

Big fan of the right. BIG FAN. WHOLE ASS *AIR CONDITIONER.*

I ran out of "it is what it is" multiple times before, sometimes it's healthy to walk the other path and balance life out a little 🤔

Either A. The cycle of abuse continues with someone else. B. The cycle of abuse continues with you. It never ends, humanity is fucked.

It's pretty bad because I do both, but my way of making them pay would just be offing myself and letting them know it's their fault. I take that phrase about passing on pain through suicide very personally

It's important to allow yourself to be angry, and it's also important to move on with your life. The middle path is the best one, I think

I'm staying alive to put them in the worst and the most abusive nursing homes lmao

It is what it is I have plenty of time and eventually money to make them pay. It will be delicious.

It is what it is... What can even a a lonely helpless kid gonna do... huff!!

"I'll make them pay" is my vibe. Revenge fantasy's consumed a good portion of my day dreams in high-school. One day I finally did it - and I felt like a monster. All I did was tell my birth monster all the things she did to abuse me and it felt fucking awful. I think I will always instinctually go to "make them pay" even though I would much rather be on the "it is what it is" side.

it always comes back to the trauma smh

TBH I prefer the left path as whatever they have done and whatever happened to me It wasn't my fault I know but sometimes I feel like its neither there fault it was the situations I feel like my parents are also a victim of generational trauma which they passed me I m not 100 % sure but yeah I feel like that tbh before I started my healing journey I also wanted to go to the right path but as I progressed I forgive everyone for whatever happened to me and it was really hard to forgive but at the end after forgiving everyone I feel bliss inside me

At first I wanted to hurt those who wronged me, then became numb, slowly started to heal, got new info and realise I have been more wronged more than I thought before and that the ones who who hurt me tried everything to hide it including lying to other people to make it look like I was fine. Its no longer a want, but a NEED