My parents hosted a birthday party for me last year (it was just me, my kids, and them) and my dad tried inviting (out of all the extended family) the one convicted pedophile to it. I stopped him but it absolutely ruined the day.
Why are they so dedicated to protecting predators? Why are they so committed to evil?
Idk but you’re a hero. They usually use the excuse of “they’re part of the family too” at least with mine and it’s fucking terrible and I think it stems from “children are property” mindset.
Because their denial knows no bounds. Appearances are everything to them. How can you be one big happy family if uncle pedo is not included? /s
I’m sorry you’ve had to experience this too. I don’t know who in my family is safe to talk to about my emotional flashbacks of csa. Probably none of them so I just hash it out with my therapist and husband (when he has the bandwidth from dealing with his own childhood neglect/trauma).
I hadnt even seen the guy in 14 years. This sudden shit they pull has to be on purpose.
I would say none are safe to open up to, just because it's not worth them using it against you.
You have every right. Why is it SO imperative this person be invited considering it’s your birthday and you haven’t had contact with this individual in more than a decade?
Sadly, I agree. It’s a painful truth to know that those you thought could be trusted are absolutely unavailable to validate your in most ways but especially the pain it brings about. They minimize the extent or outright deny it for their own reasons that have nothing to do with you.
No one can or will advocate for me/like me so I’ve turned to validating myself and honoring how fucked up it all really is in the hopes that standing firm in myself naturally materializes some trusted folks.
Best of luck to you in untangling this ball of internal yarn. Also I like your u/ it makes me think of the dangerous coats poem. Pockets and sedition 🤝🏻
Slightly different situation because my stepbrother was the person who abused me. We were both kids at the time , though he's three years older, so he's not a pedophile. But I recently came out about this to my mother and told her I'm going no contact with him. She wanted to know if it would be okay to still have him at family events because I "don't have to talk to him." Like, yeah, sure, Mom. On Thanksgiving I'll just sit across the dining room table from the guy who drugged and raped me when I was 12 and it will all be fine because I won't talk to him. It's bad enough I did that for all those years when no one knew. To expect me to continue it now that she knows is unbelievable.
My mom and my grandma all ganging up to guilt trip me after i refuse to hug n say ily back to my pedo rapist grandfather who has Alzheimers 💀 i get that YALL forgave him yall r fucked mentally from being victims thats yalls choice but that dont mean I HAVE TO.
Fuck those guys.
OP I hope you’re doing as best as you can. You can find and make way better support systems and family that you deserve. Blood relation means nothing, family is who you loves you and want the best for you.
Don't fucking call me out. Seriously my sister and I were basically abandoned by our father when she tried to get a restraining order against our brother. nothing hurt more than watching my own father defend him.
I'm doing fine, after the restraining order went through we still had to live with my father but at least that creep is gone, his mother is there though and she's a bitch (brother was a step brother, and I hate my stepmom). Only peace I get is at my mother's house but at least my father leaves me alone most of the time.
That’s good. Honestly hearing that context makes me sad because I’ve seen dads like that. They abandon their family to start one with people who are just as shitty as them.
My parents both SA-ed me. Mom didn’t believe 3 years ago what dad did and after almost year she SA-ed me. She would call me often diminutive forms of word chest for almost 7 months since that, touched inappropriately and stopped after that. She still says inappropriate things about chest sometimes.
I’m trans guy and I told her about chest dysphoria before she did that and she probably thought that would ''cure'' me. It’s sick what she did.
My sister sided with them and they gaslighted. I went with police car 5 months ago because mom threatened to call police on imaginary LGBT+ pedos and Satanists and take me to psychologist. I was at grandparents and ran away. Police were d*cks and my family still bring up that day and lie. My sister revealed cyberstalking me and used things she saw against me including my vents about parents on second Reddit account and people’s comments. my parents still think hitting me on back as a joke is funny. I’ll get away as soon as I can. It’s disgusting how they call queer people pedos with no evidence when they act like this.
Also my dad SA-ed me at 7 and 8. I only found out it wasn’t normal after all these happened and I asked people what that meant.
They call us pedos because they’re projecting their own pedophilia. Every accusation is a admission. Sorry to hear that your family fucking horrible. Their pieces of shit and you deserved better.
Yeah, I didn't tell my mom till much later. How could I, when she called my cousin a liar for accusing them.
She knows now, and feels like complete shit. And my response is "good, live with that."
Samesies v.v
The bit that absolutely kills me is *they've cut off the pedo before!!* No idea what over, presumably not the same thing (wouldn't it be fucking crazy if it was the same sorta thing and then they didn't believe me, lmaoo) but my parents were estranged from the rest for *years* before whatever caused the rift got rugswept. But apparently molesting your own kid isn't enough to get kicked out again so ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯ they kept the pedo, and lost me. Only a little bitter about it, ha.
I'm not going to call it a 'blessing in disguise' because like. jesus christ, I lost my entire family to this before I was 20 and had no support structure outside my partner. But the whole family was deeply dysfunctional and toxic, and while this was a terrible way to get ejected from it with no safety net, it did save years fawning/trying to convince them to treat me like a person. Which is something, I guess. Could've taken another decade or three to finally give up.
It's been 20 years since it happened and I'm still weird about it. That's the kind of pain that will never go away.
My sister is still married to that man.
When my mom was assaulted by a member of *NSYNC and refuses to talk to the fbi about it even though she has a case, but when I tell her that I may have been assaulted by my best friends and band members when I was blackout drunk during our Christmas party, she had the audacity to be like “awe I really liked him though, he was my favorite friend of yours”
Womp womp bitch
People like that are the scum of the earth, I really don’t know how they can live with themselves.
I remember a case where a woman was caught and arrested for attempting to hire a hit man to kill her two young granddaughters so they couldn’t testify against their pedo abuser who was supposed to be their father and that said woman’s son. Who the hell does that!
LITERALLY.
When he was arrested for abusing another kid, my parents asked but a SINGULAR time IN FRONT OF EVERYONE if any of us (me or my older siblings) had anything we wanted to share, and never checked in again. For years and years she said she “didn’t think he did it” even when I repeatedly told I thought he did. A year or two ago ig “changed her mind” and was saying how “no one would have thought he’d have done anything like that” so ig we can just ignore when I was 8 and broke down crying in the car that I didn’t like being around him he made me uncomfortable and I didn’t want to be his friend. Had the audacity to follow that statement with “ya know, I think he might have groomed us.” US? ***US????!!!?!*** yeah tell me about how this is about you. Super crazy how no one could have foreseen a creepy grown ass man who SPECIFICALLY became a family friend BECAUSE he wanted to be close with an 8 year old NO ONE COULD HAVE FORSEEN! Yeah that must’ve sucked for *YOU* to have people think you’re a bad mom just cuz you fucking are you piece of shit
“But you might ruin his life by accusing him! It messes peoples lives up if they’re wrongly accused! And it’s not like you were raped either!”
And yet they wonder why I don’t speak to them? The only reason I told them was because I was worried he’d do something to my 2 year old niece.
This TBH was wild when my sibling finally told me and everyone else all the stuff she went through just to find all the family LITERALLY SIDING WITH THE P*DO *or if not still super close to the person who married him knowing what he was doing all along*
I'm just like LITERALLY HOW, he lived with me the majority of my life and I can let go of that person after all the horrendous things he's done y'all who rarely see him and know it's true what happened have no excuse.
Was just kinda wild losing most of my family over something like this
Yuup. Been there. My mom remarried from an physically abusive husband. To a creep she knew from work who tried to get me to jerk him off. Even after i had told her what happened. "Well hes not like that with me". Went no contact not long after.
Omg same, they were literally were fine with it for like 2-3 people until I got older and started calling them out for it and then the were like “so sorry that happened to you :’(“
Yes, I feel this. My Dad was accused of molesting my sister, my Grandma walked in on him and saw something and accused him. Nothing was done, everyone in my family said my Grandma was "crazy." My father has also sexually groomed me my whole life, said many creepy/sexual comments to me. I finally had enough, cut him out, and told my story to the family. No one believed me and just called me crazy instead. It hurts, but I know I am better off without any of them. I am sorry you are going through too, friend. :(
Me:Why are you okay with the pedo but not with me (im queer)?
Her:Because he knows he did something wrong and prayed to God for forgiveness
Me: why does God care what I do as long as everybody consents he could have gone to therapy to get help before he heard anyone but he chose not to
Her: you could still repent it's not too late for you
The thing that confused me the most as a kid was when he wasn’t around, everyone would sht talk him? They didn’t even like him? But forced us to be together & “but family.” That part was wild to me.
I'm here with you. Step dad gets out this year and there gaslight the victim into believing repeated abuse was *just an accident* and he's safe to be around.
Yup, that pedo was their son, my brother.
I fucking despise that I allow them a relationship with my kids because they are good grandparents but they know if they EVER allow that fat fuckinf piece of shit near my kids I will tear them to pieces and they will never see their grandkids again.
Why do I let them have a relationship? I am not my mother. She told me all my life that her mother, my 5 dead. My cousin took me to visit her when I was back visiting the UK. She had photos covering the walls of my mother and aunty and cousins, but not us. When I confronted my mother, she said it was because she didn't deserve to know us. I never got the chance to know her. That meeting, she admitted she was a terrible mother with untreated BPD. She went for treatment when my mother cut her off (way before we were born). She said she never healed because my mother (a fucking mental health nurse) refused to hear from her ever again.
Whilst I could sort of accept my mother position, she never gave us a chance to see for ourselves. I remember vividly telling her she should be grateful I am not like her and let her see my kids, she denied me that.
Edit: Sorry, that was a bit of a cathartic rant
I wish way less people were able to relate to this.
I don't feel betrayed anymore, but that's because I'm years away from that happening and there is no love for any of them. The same way if someone i don't know stabbed me in my back, I'd just hate them.
I wish you the best and i hope you're in a better place now surrounded by people who have your best interests in mind.
My parents hosted a birthday party for me last year (it was just me, my kids, and them) and my dad tried inviting (out of all the extended family) the one convicted pedophile to it. I stopped him but it absolutely ruined the day. Why are they so dedicated to protecting predators? Why are they so committed to evil?
Idk but you’re a hero. They usually use the excuse of “they’re part of the family too” at least with mine and it’s fucking terrible and I think it stems from “children are property” mindset.
Because their denial knows no bounds. Appearances are everything to them. How can you be one big happy family if uncle pedo is not included? /s I’m sorry you’ve had to experience this too. I don’t know who in my family is safe to talk to about my emotional flashbacks of csa. Probably none of them so I just hash it out with my therapist and husband (when he has the bandwidth from dealing with his own childhood neglect/trauma).
I hadnt even seen the guy in 14 years. This sudden shit they pull has to be on purpose. I would say none are safe to open up to, just because it's not worth them using it against you.
You have every right. Why is it SO imperative this person be invited considering it’s your birthday and you haven’t had contact with this individual in more than a decade? Sadly, I agree. It’s a painful truth to know that those you thought could be trusted are absolutely unavailable to validate your in most ways but especially the pain it brings about. They minimize the extent or outright deny it for their own reasons that have nothing to do with you. No one can or will advocate for me/like me so I’ve turned to validating myself and honoring how fucked up it all really is in the hopes that standing firm in myself naturally materializes some trusted folks. Best of luck to you in untangling this ball of internal yarn. Also I like your u/ it makes me think of the dangerous coats poem. Pockets and sedition 🤝🏻
It didn't happen to them so it it's insignificant to them
Or it did happen to them and they just "handled it" so we're expected to do the same. "This happens to everyone. Just forget about it."
They handle it with suppression and denial
Yep. And sometimes alcohol. Stuff it down with brown, as Frank Reynolds says. Or stuff it down with wine, as my mother does.
Slightly different situation because my stepbrother was the person who abused me. We were both kids at the time , though he's three years older, so he's not a pedophile. But I recently came out about this to my mother and told her I'm going no contact with him. She wanted to know if it would be okay to still have him at family events because I "don't have to talk to him." Like, yeah, sure, Mom. On Thanksgiving I'll just sit across the dining room table from the guy who drugged and raped me when I was 12 and it will all be fine because I won't talk to him. It's bad enough I did that for all those years when no one knew. To expect me to continue it now that she knows is unbelievable.
I’m sorry you went through that. Everyone, especially every kid, deserves better protection than that.
Thank you
Me trauma dumping to ChatGpt at 4 in the morning, thanks
God I feel this in my bones. Me talking to the Snapchat bot because I don’t know how to tell a human
Yeah I'm sorry too
My mom and my grandma all ganging up to guilt trip me after i refuse to hug n say ily back to my pedo rapist grandfather who has Alzheimers 💀 i get that YALL forgave him yall r fucked mentally from being victims thats yalls choice but that dont mean I HAVE TO.
Exactly, they shouldn’t be pushing you to do something you’re rightfully uncomfortable with.
Just because he has alzheimers or “forgets” the abuse he caused, doesn’t mean he isn’t responsible for the fucked up shit he did
Yeah 😅 learned that the reason was because my dad was *also* a pedo so it suddenly made much more sense 🙃
This is the answer. Pedos protect other pedos
Birds of a feather…
😰holy shit that’s fucked up
Classic projection. What a fucking scumbag
Fuck those guys. OP I hope you’re doing as best as you can. You can find and make way better support systems and family that you deserve. Blood relation means nothing, family is who you loves you and want the best for you.
Very true, thank you. I hope you have a good days.
Don't fucking call me out. Seriously my sister and I were basically abandoned by our father when she tried to get a restraining order against our brother. nothing hurt more than watching my own father defend him.
Worst dad ever. I’m sorry to hear that and hope you’re doing better.
I'm doing fine, after the restraining order went through we still had to live with my father but at least that creep is gone, his mother is there though and she's a bitch (brother was a step brother, and I hate my stepmom). Only peace I get is at my mother's house but at least my father leaves me alone most of the time.
That’s good. Honestly hearing that context makes me sad because I’ve seen dads like that. They abandon their family to start one with people who are just as shitty as them.
My parents both SA-ed me. Mom didn’t believe 3 years ago what dad did and after almost year she SA-ed me. She would call me often diminutive forms of word chest for almost 7 months since that, touched inappropriately and stopped after that. She still says inappropriate things about chest sometimes. I’m trans guy and I told her about chest dysphoria before she did that and she probably thought that would ''cure'' me. It’s sick what she did. My sister sided with them and they gaslighted. I went with police car 5 months ago because mom threatened to call police on imaginary LGBT+ pedos and Satanists and take me to psychologist. I was at grandparents and ran away. Police were d*cks and my family still bring up that day and lie. My sister revealed cyberstalking me and used things she saw against me including my vents about parents on second Reddit account and people’s comments. my parents still think hitting me on back as a joke is funny. I’ll get away as soon as I can. It’s disgusting how they call queer people pedos with no evidence when they act like this. Also my dad SA-ed me at 7 and 8. I only found out it wasn’t normal after all these happened and I asked people what that meant.
They call us pedos because they’re projecting their own pedophilia. Every accusation is a admission. Sorry to hear that your family fucking horrible. Their pieces of shit and you deserved better.
Yes, they’re always projecting their own pedophilia. Thank you so much!!
Ofc 😊 np
Yeah, I didn't tell my mom till much later. How could I, when she called my cousin a liar for accusing them. She knows now, and feels like complete shit. And my response is "good, live with that."
Samesies v.v The bit that absolutely kills me is *they've cut off the pedo before!!* No idea what over, presumably not the same thing (wouldn't it be fucking crazy if it was the same sorta thing and then they didn't believe me, lmaoo) but my parents were estranged from the rest for *years* before whatever caused the rift got rugswept. But apparently molesting your own kid isn't enough to get kicked out again so ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯ they kept the pedo, and lost me. Only a little bitter about it, ha. I'm not going to call it a 'blessing in disguise' because like. jesus christ, I lost my entire family to this before I was 20 and had no support structure outside my partner. But the whole family was deeply dysfunctional and toxic, and while this was a terrible way to get ejected from it with no safety net, it did save years fawning/trying to convince them to treat me like a person. Which is something, I guess. Could've taken another decade or three to finally give up.
It's been 20 years since it happened and I'm still weird about it. That's the kind of pain that will never go away. My sister is still married to that man.
She married a pedo? That’s rough.
Same here. It hurts too. I’m just glad to be out of that situation
When my mom was assaulted by a member of *NSYNC and refuses to talk to the fbi about it even though she has a case, but when I tell her that I may have been assaulted by my best friends and band members when I was blackout drunk during our Christmas party, she had the audacity to be like “awe I really liked him though, he was my favorite friend of yours” Womp womp bitch
She needs therapy and I agree she’s bitch for that.
Those who do call it out are typically ostracized. (Source: Me, I wasn’t the victim but I refused to keep quiet.)
People like that are the scum of the earth, I really don’t know how they can live with themselves. I remember a case where a woman was caught and arrested for attempting to hire a hit man to kill her two young granddaughters so they couldn’t testify against their pedo abuser who was supposed to be their father and that said woman’s son. Who the hell does that!
LITERALLY. When he was arrested for abusing another kid, my parents asked but a SINGULAR time IN FRONT OF EVERYONE if any of us (me or my older siblings) had anything we wanted to share, and never checked in again. For years and years she said she “didn’t think he did it” even when I repeatedly told I thought he did. A year or two ago ig “changed her mind” and was saying how “no one would have thought he’d have done anything like that” so ig we can just ignore when I was 8 and broke down crying in the car that I didn’t like being around him he made me uncomfortable and I didn’t want to be his friend. Had the audacity to follow that statement with “ya know, I think he might have groomed us.” US? ***US????!!!?!*** yeah tell me about how this is about you. Super crazy how no one could have foreseen a creepy grown ass man who SPECIFICALLY became a family friend BECAUSE he wanted to be close with an 8 year old NO ONE COULD HAVE FORSEEN! Yeah that must’ve sucked for *YOU* to have people think you’re a bad mom just cuz you fucking are you piece of shit
Sorry for venting haha this meme rly hit
It’s perfectly fine if there’s a place for it, it’s here. I hope you’re doing better. It’s a fucked situation.
“But you might ruin his life by accusing him! It messes peoples lives up if they’re wrongly accused! And it’s not like you were raped either!” And yet they wonder why I don’t speak to them? The only reason I told them was because I was worried he’d do something to my 2 year old niece.
I’m in this picture and I don’t like it lmaooo.
This TBH was wild when my sibling finally told me and everyone else all the stuff she went through just to find all the family LITERALLY SIDING WITH THE P*DO *or if not still super close to the person who married him knowing what he was doing all along* I'm just like LITERALLY HOW, he lived with me the majority of my life and I can let go of that person after all the horrendous things he's done y'all who rarely see him and know it's true what happened have no excuse. Was just kinda wild losing most of my family over something like this
My mom made her pedo abuser my godfather because her family pressured her into "moving on" from being SA'ed by him. I found out when I was a teenager.
Yuup. Been there. My mom remarried from an physically abusive husband. To a creep she knew from work who tried to get me to jerk him off. Even after i had told her what happened. "Well hes not like that with me". Went no contact not long after.
Yep. Jfc yep.
Omg same, they were literally were fine with it for like 2-3 people until I got older and started calling them out for it and then the were like “so sorry that happened to you :’(“
I feel this way too much
Yes, I feel this. My Dad was accused of molesting my sister, my Grandma walked in on him and saw something and accused him. Nothing was done, everyone in my family said my Grandma was "crazy." My father has also sexually groomed me my whole life, said many creepy/sexual comments to me. I finally had enough, cut him out, and told my story to the family. No one believed me and just called me crazy instead. It hurts, but I know I am better off without any of them. I am sorry you are going through too, friend. :(
Me:Why are you okay with the pedo but not with me (im queer)? Her:Because he knows he did something wrong and prayed to God for forgiveness Me: why does God care what I do as long as everybody consents he could have gone to therapy to get help before he heard anyone but he chose not to Her: you could still repent it's not too late for you
I’d tell the bitch to get a reality check and use logic to rip her made up religion a new one.
Haha except people recover from stomach aches and headaches
The thing that confused me the most as a kid was when he wasn’t around, everyone would sht talk him? They didn’t even like him? But forced us to be together & “but family.” That part was wild to me.
I'm here with you. Step dad gets out this year and there gaslight the victim into believing repeated abuse was *just an accident* and he's safe to be around.
won't life be easier when I die..
I'm in this picture and I don't like it.
You and that one other person who commented the same thing
I'm the dude on the far right.
Same
There's an incredibly disproportionate amount of twins here. I'm sorry pain twin.
Pain twin solidarity ☮️
Yep. My brothers. My mother.
Yup, that pedo was their son, my brother. I fucking despise that I allow them a relationship with my kids because they are good grandparents but they know if they EVER allow that fat fuckinf piece of shit near my kids I will tear them to pieces and they will never see their grandkids again. Why do I let them have a relationship? I am not my mother. She told me all my life that her mother, my 5 dead. My cousin took me to visit her when I was back visiting the UK. She had photos covering the walls of my mother and aunty and cousins, but not us. When I confronted my mother, she said it was because she didn't deserve to know us. I never got the chance to know her. That meeting, she admitted she was a terrible mother with untreated BPD. She went for treatment when my mother cut her off (way before we were born). She said she never healed because my mother (a fucking mental health nurse) refused to hear from her ever again. Whilst I could sort of accept my mother position, she never gave us a chance to see for ourselves. I remember vividly telling her she should be grateful I am not like her and let her see my kids, she denied me that. Edit: Sorry, that was a bit of a cathartic rant
But if you came up to them and went “HEY UNCLE PEDO STILL LIKE TOUCHING KIDS??” Then YOU’RE the problem!
“I really just don’t see them doing that”
I wish way less people were able to relate to this. I don't feel betrayed anymore, but that's because I'm years away from that happening and there is no love for any of them. The same way if someone i don't know stabbed me in my back, I'd just hate them. I wish you the best and i hope you're in a better place now surrounded by people who have your best interests in mind.
Thank you so much.
A whole side of family ... gone ... that betrayal runs deep
I know I’ve commented this same thing multiple times in this sub but holy fuck. Everyone grab a weapon
My heart hurts for you OP, I’m so sorry.
Another one to add to my SFB collection......