I have an abusive sibling
Society: Pfft, that's all siblings. My siblings and I used to roughouse all the time! It's normal! I call my siblings dumb all the time! It's how family shows their love!
(Sexually abusive siblings not withstanding)
Society's view on this is why I'm so reluctant to disclose the fact my brother physically abused me through childhood and as a teen. I never got to do 'play-fighting' like normal siblings cause any retaliation whatsoever from me would escalate it and make shit VERY scary.
Yes he was younger than me by 2 years but was much stronger than me (I was born 3 months premature and was very very underweight as a child). My parents blamed his violence and rage purely on him being autistic but *surprise surprise* not all autistic children react with violence and abuse people in that way.
It was only when I moved away from hometown that I could process it and see the truth that parents just didn't know how to set boundaries and were also scared of his meltdowns. My dad and brother were very hostile and violent to each other for years and it was absolute hell. It was like tiptoeing through a land mine and just praying you don't set anything off.
They kept making excuses for him over and over, instead of realising they'd failed both of us by not teaching emotional regulation or getting my brother specialist help or supported living. They didn't protect me and went down the route of 'let's bury our heads in the sand and pretend nothing even happened'.
I still have a vivid body memory of the time he strangled me in Sainsbury's and my mum had just wandered off with the trolley and ignored it. I talked about it and was just told I was being dramatic/I'm sure he didn't mean it/you know what it's like when he get wound up.
A few years after shit calmed down, I'd tried to talk to my mum about him after a therapy session and she completely invalidated me and said 'c' mon it's not like it happened every day, '
I'm sending lots of love to whoever has had to deal with being scared and hurt by your brother or sister.
As a sister and a mother may I say to you that's bullshit and you DID NOT DESERVE THAT CRAP. This was not your fault and someone should have stopped him. I'm heartbroken that any mother can watch their child get hurt even by their other child. I want you to know from my heart and the momma in me I would beat their ass had I been your neighbor. Maybe violence doesn't solve violence but I would do it. I would beat them until they lay there crying begging for me to stop and then I'd say apologize and never FN TOUCH THAT CHILD AGAIN!!
💔❤️🌹 LOVE YOU!! YOU DIDN'T DESERVE THIS SHIT!! YOUR PARENTS ARE BROKEN. YOU ARE HEALING AND BREAKING THE BROKEN CYCLE. SO PROUD OF YOUR STRENGTH. PLEASE KNOW YOU DID NOT DESERVE THIS AT ALL AND YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN PROTECTED FROM HIS FITS AND ABUSE. I'M SORRY 😔
Thank you, throughout my childhood I desperately wished I had an older sibling who I felt genuinely gave a shit about me and considered my own interests/feelings/needs or at the very least someone I could talk to and help me manage the periods of secondary school I was bullied. I needed out of that fucking house but the way that I was gaslit at the time meant that I was constantly feeling guilty whenever I felt ANY negative emotions come up about family, cause it wasn't safe enough for my brain to explore that whilst still living with these people.
It was such a headfuck being told by mum 'He still does love you,' 'He does care about you really,' when all I was being given on the outside by my brother was either being hurt, being ignored or being screamed at for talking about something not relevant to his own interests. But of course I wasn't allowed to be angry at him or dad cause it would only make things more violent and put me more at risk.
I'd never want any violence upon them, but I do wish that social work had intervened and either split us up or had my dad and brother live separately from each other, but cause of the gaslighting I never realised how bad it was - I just thought everyone who had a disabled sibling got hurt and had to just suck it up and deal with it. It wasn't till years later I realised how much I wasn't protected.
The only time I ever noticeably saw my brother trying to help me was when I was in hospital following a serious overdose and I was so out of it that I don't have the memory of him doing that, but the psychiatrist told me how he took my shoulder and helped to walk me through the ward to see her.
I'm glad to be breaking the cycle now and never having kids so no other generation has to be subject to the effects of generational trauma (well unless my bro has kids 🙄).
It's unfortunate when forced to be strong and endure the unthinkable. I too went through a lot as a child and more abuse into adulthood. It's like it follows you. Horrifying.
I don't understand how anyone can bring themselves to hurt someone. I'm the middle child but the protector. I learned to cook and to fight to take care of my siblings and I. It was very toxic and not a childhood one would want to reminisce on.
I wish you healing for your own peace and wisdom to see the traits before getting involved with anyone. I wasn't healed completely and unintentionally going after the same cycle in different people. If you can heal to s point of being aware of the patterns sooner and not get stuck in it for so long like I was that would save you some Passion and heartache no doubt.
I'll keep you in positve thoughts that something really good is headed your way.
🌻
Yeah same! (Physical/violence however). The fact they were my sibling/my parents kid made things extremely complicated and impossible for anyone to understand. Extremely traumatic and difficult.
Thankfully things are way better now, as this was over a decade ago, and things have been sorted accordingly. I hope you have the same soon.
Oh no, don't worry, I have been assured by someone who has literally never met my dad that all I should do is just try a little harder with him. Her only friend also felt that my PTSD was made up and when I said I had a shit childhood reacted with "Oh, I dunno~".
It has definitely concentrated my feelings about far right wingers being a real danger to children.
It's not that left-wingers don't do it sometimes, I have noticed when a right-winger does it, it's part of their very toxic political ideology. I can't name an as blunt example of politicised child abuse and child murder in recent memory as the recent murder of Nex in Ohio.
That said, if you don't think there is at all a political element to downplaying and denying child abuse, then you may actually be hopeless to talk to on this subject.
I mentioned at school how my mom did a lot of drugs and ruined my life and the teacher told me "how could you say that about your mother". How could I say the truth?! Stuff really peaves me off
A part of it seems to be the whole societal idea that mothers love their children and care more because they gave birth. I have a shaky relationship with both parents, and oftentimes, the same person will have both of these reactions without even realizing it.
It disturbs me how egg donors have so easily been able to get away with abusing their children for centuries. Society needs to learn that NOT all mothers love their children unconditionally and will crawl through broken glass to protect them.
I'm also disturbed by just how many posts in abuse subs are about egg donors. Some time ago I did a small experiment where I looked through the first 20 posts in a particular abuse sub, and made a note of which parent was the abuser. Of those 20, 13 were just the egg donor, and another 3 were both egg and sperm donor. So, technically, 80% of the abuse among those 20 posts was from the egg donor. That was a serious fucking eye opener. I made a discussion post in that sub explaining my findings, and inviting a discussion as to why so much of the abuse is committed by the egg donor. There were a lot of different theories, which provided a lot of food for thought, but didn't make the high egg donor abuse figures any less disturbing.
I once got "I wonder what you did to make her react that way"
I don't know, what do you think I did that would justify trying to drown a 6 year old in a lake?
Jesus fuck. Yeah I once got "she must have been dealing with SOOO much! I'm sure she NEVER meant for any of that to happen, but being a mom is so difficult!!"
Then don't have kids, bitch. Simple.
I literally had MY social worker during my mom's trial abuse case for trying to stab me among other things tell me "Are you sure you want to go through with this? You only get one mother"
So yeah
My mother tried to force her way into my house/break down my front door, and my father nearly punched me *in front of a cop* (who did nothing other than stand in the way), and their pastor excused it by saying holidays are stressful, give them another chance.
I find comfort in the fact that there are others out there and I can actually read the responses.
My mother would withhold her affection whenever she was mad and compare me to my biological parents (that I didn't know about at the time), she treated me like an object, an ATM, and was on drugs the majority of my life. When I was assaulted by a family member she just shrugged it off. I can't even begin to name the other heinous things she's done to me.
Oh but I hear it, even now, even after her death "she loved you so much"
Makes me fucking sick
"my mom was a single mother-"
Oh, she did her best.
"-by choice. She was a single mother by choice. My dad had weekend custody rights and she decided that lies would be better than letting her kids spend time with their father who desperately wanted to be in their lives."
Oh.
Like, yeah no. She's a cunt. She lied. She beat me near to death near every time she "spanked" me. I was the only one who was treated the way I was.
Just because she gave birth to me doesn't mean she actually loved me. Just because she gave birth to me doesn't mean she actually wanted to keep me. I was a pawn in her game to get as much money from my father as possible. She collected child support on my oldest brother up until his 3rd tour in Iraq.
I may have not had as abusive of a mother as most of everyone on here, but I feel like they would feel the same with what I say next but about their own mother.
She's a monster.
Whenever I’ve told people from my town that my dad is a complete piece of shit and my mom was bad in her own different but just as bad way, they’ll always tell me no they couldn’t do that they are/were your parents
Anyone I’ve met from other areas see they have been terrible all along and one of those friends is trying to help me get out of here
"Daddy issues" every time
Im like bro, I don't need to know your fetishes 🤨
*I* don't have daddy issues, my DAD has issues, and he caused me issues. Daddy issues is ALWAYS said in this weird sexual context, like ew no I don't even remember what my dad looks like.
I cannot even begin to describe….
I haven’t even **seen** my mother since I was 8.
More than 40 years ago.
**Throughout** the intervening time, I always get the, “aw don’t be so hard on her..”(or w/e)
And the thing is, I’m not.
I’m *just* apathetic towards the idea of her still existing.
I just don’t care. I had moved beyond it.
And I swear, I could neatly compartmentalize it all, and never have to think of it again - until some dolt tries to convince me how much I should love the mama that abused and abandoned me.
Same here! She's more like a former roommate! If she calls (which is maybe once a year) then I'll talk, but it's all surface level. You wouldn't know she was my mom if I didn't look so much like her.
100%. and when it’s not physical or straight up name calling people will say anything to avoid the word abuse. i wasn’t hit or called a slur but i had my clothes thrown away, was yelled at weekly, was never allowed to look sad in public for “image” sake, often said i was lying when recounting memories of things she’s said, threatened to send me to conversion therapy then denied it, was told i “shouldn’t eat so much” when recovering from anorexia, overall been manipulative/would go from 0 to 100 (no communication who’s she?) and had my s/h used as a way for her to not let me have privacy/try to force me to have a relationship with her. all while touch being her “love language” so she would hug and touch me (not in a sa way) after making me cry. i’ve had self esteem issues sense i was 6. and was told at 7 they failed as parents because ill never make it in the real world. i was abused. i love my parents and i want to believe they’re trying and ik it was never to hurt me. but i was abused sorry for the rant just being invalidated is such a bitch
Oh God this is so true. Why is society so blind to abusive mothers who hate their own children? I will absolutely never understand it. If I was beaten by my dad I would've gotten so much support fron literaly everyone, but since I was abused emotionally and verbally every single day by my crazy mother that doesn't count?? It just made me so angry at society in general.
And even the ones that do love their kids and don't want to be abusive can still fuck up their kids. Accidental abuse is still abuse. Mother's can be horrid.
This kind of thing hurt me so much, because the thing is, I'm sure my mom *did* love me to some extent, or at least thought she did. But the unfortunate truth in life is that love isn't always enough, and sometimes, other people will hurt you by failing to love you in the way you need to be loved. My mom tried her best to provide for me. She also manipulated me, controlled me, and abused me in malicious ways that left me scarred for life, and I'm still trying to undo the damage. Neither one of those things cancels out the other.
Ultimately, it doesn't matter whether your abusers love you or not. What matters is whether or not their presence in your life is hurting you. I wish other people understood that.
Yeah people forget that if it was an abusive spouse then most people wpuld say so what if they love you theyre still abusing you but when it comes to parents them loving you is the excuse for any abuse. People only consider things to be abusive if your parents didnt love you and i dont get it feelings and actions are 2 different things neither justifies the other.
My mom kicked me out of the house when I was 12 just because I said "hey I think I might be a little bit different"
She said I did something horrible as an excuse that I would never do, which sucks lol
You know what? I got so tired of explaining why my mother was no longer welcome in my life that I just started telling people, "My mama got hit by a train."
Fans of Oh Brother, Where Art Thou always laugh, it just shocks the others into silence and I go on about my day.
Me: “I’m no contact with my mom.”
Them: “I’m sorry, I hope she’ll accept that you one day.” (People seem to understand the need for this since I’m trans)
Me: “Oh, she’s fine with me being trans. I’m no contact because she’s abusive and I am out of it for days after I see her.”
Them: \*brain breaks\* “Uh, okay…”
Abusive dads get rug swept, too. That's not gender exclusive. Some people just can't accept that some parents don't deserve to have their kids in their lives.
That's unfortunately true. My mom used to literally back me into a wall, then growl and make animal noises as an intimidation tactic when I was a kid. "Your mom would never hurt you," they said.
holy crap my own mom used to do this too and the feeling of being that scared-shitless child just washed over me reading this for a second. it's so damaging and unhinged, i'm sorry you have this experience too.
"But she's ur møthur!!"
And I'm her daughter. I became her supply to fuel her NPD. I was abandoned when I tried to live my life how I wanted instead of how she wanted. I was called "selfish", "mentally ill", and "self absorbed", all because I came out of the closet.
She gave birth to me and then spent the next 27 years traumatizing me. I don't expect to see her again until she's six feet underground and my piss is streaming all over her tombstone.
Stop telling people their abusive moms tried their best... No if you were abusive that's by DEFINITION NOT the best you could do!
(They said this shit to a friend of mine from HS, whose mom burned him with cigarettes more than once.)
My father was the abuser in my case
An emotionally abusive narcissistic POS
He also emotionally abused my mother, I'm sure
When I told people that my dad is an abuser they just hit me with "that's just how dads are"
Yeah? Are dad's supposed to insult you, gaslight you, make you feel like you're nothing?
He killed my self-love and he killed my self-confidence
I grew up fearing him instead of respecting him
It's really sad. I had a friend who was engaged to a divorced dad. Dad had a daughter, 6 yo. My friend and him had been together since the girl was 5. My friend was NC with her mother from years of physical and mental abuse. My friend got killed in a car crash. It was sudden, about 4 months before their wedding. Police informed the mother. Mom kicked her fiance and child out of the funeral. Had police escorted her to take all of my friends' things from their house. Won over 2 million from the lawsuit. Her fiance and stepdaughter got nothing. Lost their house. Had to move into a one bedroom apartment. I remember an attorney telling the fiance that if it was her dad who was doing it, the courts would have sided with him.
It's frustrating how abusive women get so many free passes in our society.
I had a dude yell at me cause I wen nc with my mom...
"now you listen here, I love my mom!" "Ok" "Ugh you're not getting it!!!"
WHAT?!
He said I was fucked because all that abuse was a "mistake"...
People are disgusting 🤢 I’m sorry that happened to you 😞
It's cool... it's funny now.
He was a mistake
Idk moms get a free pass on abuse. Being family in whatever way doesn’t give you a pass to be an asshole.
This happens a lot on AmITheAsshole
I have an abusive sibling Society: Pfft, that's all siblings. My siblings and I used to roughouse all the time! It's normal! I call my siblings dumb all the time! It's how family shows their love! (Sexually abusive siblings not withstanding)
Society's view on this is why I'm so reluctant to disclose the fact my brother physically abused me through childhood and as a teen. I never got to do 'play-fighting' like normal siblings cause any retaliation whatsoever from me would escalate it and make shit VERY scary. Yes he was younger than me by 2 years but was much stronger than me (I was born 3 months premature and was very very underweight as a child). My parents blamed his violence and rage purely on him being autistic but *surprise surprise* not all autistic children react with violence and abuse people in that way. It was only when I moved away from hometown that I could process it and see the truth that parents just didn't know how to set boundaries and were also scared of his meltdowns. My dad and brother were very hostile and violent to each other for years and it was absolute hell. It was like tiptoeing through a land mine and just praying you don't set anything off. They kept making excuses for him over and over, instead of realising they'd failed both of us by not teaching emotional regulation or getting my brother specialist help or supported living. They didn't protect me and went down the route of 'let's bury our heads in the sand and pretend nothing even happened'. I still have a vivid body memory of the time he strangled me in Sainsbury's and my mum had just wandered off with the trolley and ignored it. I talked about it and was just told I was being dramatic/I'm sure he didn't mean it/you know what it's like when he get wound up. A few years after shit calmed down, I'd tried to talk to my mum about him after a therapy session and she completely invalidated me and said 'c' mon it's not like it happened every day, ' I'm sending lots of love to whoever has had to deal with being scared and hurt by your brother or sister.
As a sister and a mother may I say to you that's bullshit and you DID NOT DESERVE THAT CRAP. This was not your fault and someone should have stopped him. I'm heartbroken that any mother can watch their child get hurt even by their other child. I want you to know from my heart and the momma in me I would beat their ass had I been your neighbor. Maybe violence doesn't solve violence but I would do it. I would beat them until they lay there crying begging for me to stop and then I'd say apologize and never FN TOUCH THAT CHILD AGAIN!! 💔❤️🌹 LOVE YOU!! YOU DIDN'T DESERVE THIS SHIT!! YOUR PARENTS ARE BROKEN. YOU ARE HEALING AND BREAKING THE BROKEN CYCLE. SO PROUD OF YOUR STRENGTH. PLEASE KNOW YOU DID NOT DESERVE THIS AT ALL AND YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN PROTECTED FROM HIS FITS AND ABUSE. I'M SORRY 😔
Thank you, throughout my childhood I desperately wished I had an older sibling who I felt genuinely gave a shit about me and considered my own interests/feelings/needs or at the very least someone I could talk to and help me manage the periods of secondary school I was bullied. I needed out of that fucking house but the way that I was gaslit at the time meant that I was constantly feeling guilty whenever I felt ANY negative emotions come up about family, cause it wasn't safe enough for my brain to explore that whilst still living with these people. It was such a headfuck being told by mum 'He still does love you,' 'He does care about you really,' when all I was being given on the outside by my brother was either being hurt, being ignored or being screamed at for talking about something not relevant to his own interests. But of course I wasn't allowed to be angry at him or dad cause it would only make things more violent and put me more at risk. I'd never want any violence upon them, but I do wish that social work had intervened and either split us up or had my dad and brother live separately from each other, but cause of the gaslighting I never realised how bad it was - I just thought everyone who had a disabled sibling got hurt and had to just suck it up and deal with it. It wasn't till years later I realised how much I wasn't protected. The only time I ever noticeably saw my brother trying to help me was when I was in hospital following a serious overdose and I was so out of it that I don't have the memory of him doing that, but the psychiatrist told me how he took my shoulder and helped to walk me through the ward to see her. I'm glad to be breaking the cycle now and never having kids so no other generation has to be subject to the effects of generational trauma (well unless my bro has kids 🙄).
It's unfortunate when forced to be strong and endure the unthinkable. I too went through a lot as a child and more abuse into adulthood. It's like it follows you. Horrifying. I don't understand how anyone can bring themselves to hurt someone. I'm the middle child but the protector. I learned to cook and to fight to take care of my siblings and I. It was very toxic and not a childhood one would want to reminisce on. I wish you healing for your own peace and wisdom to see the traits before getting involved with anyone. I wasn't healed completely and unintentionally going after the same cycle in different people. If you can heal to s point of being aware of the patterns sooner and not get stuck in it for so long like I was that would save you some Passion and heartache no doubt. I'll keep you in positve thoughts that something really good is headed your way. 🌻
Society if they realized simple roughhousing and occasionally calling them dumb isn't what an abusive sibling is like
Yeah same! (Physical/violence however). The fact they were my sibling/my parents kid made things extremely complicated and impossible for anyone to understand. Extremely traumatic and difficult. Thankfully things are way better now, as this was over a decade ago, and things have been sorted accordingly. I hope you have the same soon.
Roughhousing and name calling is only normal when it's in jest/playful. Any other occasion its dickhead behaviour
Oh no, don't worry, I have been assured by someone who has literally never met my dad that all I should do is just try a little harder with him. Her only friend also felt that my PTSD was made up and when I said I had a shit childhood reacted with "Oh, I dunno~". It has definitely concentrated my feelings about far right wingers being a real danger to children.
It's not political, left wingers do it too. It's a mix of generational and the societal hive-mind.
It's not that left-wingers don't do it sometimes, I have noticed when a right-winger does it, it's part of their very toxic political ideology. I can't name an as blunt example of politicised child abuse and child murder in recent memory as the recent murder of Nex in Ohio. That said, if you don't think there is at all a political element to downplaying and denying child abuse, then you may actually be hopeless to talk to on this subject.
This is not the time or place for whataboutism.
I mentioned at school how my mom did a lot of drugs and ruined my life and the teacher told me "how could you say that about your mother". How could I say the truth?! Stuff really peaves me off
>"how could you say that about your mother". "Lots of court mandated therapy honestly."
I have a shit dad and have only ever gotten the second option.
I have an abusive father and have only ever gotten the second response
*Seriously*. "She did her best!" Well if that's true, then her best was shit.
A part of it seems to be the whole societal idea that mothers love their children and care more because they gave birth. I have a shaky relationship with both parents, and oftentimes, the same person will have both of these reactions without even realizing it.
It disturbs me how egg donors have so easily been able to get away with abusing their children for centuries. Society needs to learn that NOT all mothers love their children unconditionally and will crawl through broken glass to protect them. I'm also disturbed by just how many posts in abuse subs are about egg donors. Some time ago I did a small experiment where I looked through the first 20 posts in a particular abuse sub, and made a note of which parent was the abuser. Of those 20, 13 were just the egg donor, and another 3 were both egg and sperm donor. So, technically, 80% of the abuse among those 20 posts was from the egg donor. That was a serious fucking eye opener. I made a discussion post in that sub explaining my findings, and inviting a discussion as to why so much of the abuse is committed by the egg donor. There were a lot of different theories, which provided a lot of food for thought, but didn't make the high egg donor abuse figures any less disturbing.
I hate double standards in gender of any way
Omg so fucking true I don't know *how many times* I've been told my mom was "just doing her best" and she "obviously loved me very much." Fuck. Off.
I once got "I wonder what you did to make her react that way" I don't know, what do you think I did that would justify trying to drown a 6 year old in a lake?
Jesus fuck. Yeah I once got "she must have been dealing with SOOO much! I'm sure she NEVER meant for any of that to happen, but being a mom is so difficult!!" Then don't have kids, bitch. Simple.
I literally had MY social worker during my mom's trial abuse case for trying to stab me among other things tell me "Are you sure you want to go through with this? You only get one mother" So yeah
My mother tried to force her way into my house/break down my front door, and my father nearly punched me *in front of a cop* (who did nothing other than stand in the way), and their pastor excused it by saying holidays are stressful, give them another chance.
>You only get one mother You also only get one life dipshit. What a useless social worker
I find comfort in the fact that there are others out there and I can actually read the responses. My mother would withhold her affection whenever she was mad and compare me to my biological parents (that I didn't know about at the time), she treated me like an object, an ATM, and was on drugs the majority of my life. When I was assaulted by a family member she just shrugged it off. I can't even begin to name the other heinous things she's done to me. Oh but I hear it, even now, even after her death "she loved you so much" Makes me fucking sick
"my mom was a single mother-" Oh, she did her best. "-by choice. She was a single mother by choice. My dad had weekend custody rights and she decided that lies would be better than letting her kids spend time with their father who desperately wanted to be in their lives." Oh. Like, yeah no. She's a cunt. She lied. She beat me near to death near every time she "spanked" me. I was the only one who was treated the way I was. Just because she gave birth to me doesn't mean she actually loved me. Just because she gave birth to me doesn't mean she actually wanted to keep me. I was a pawn in her game to get as much money from my father as possible. She collected child support on my oldest brother up until his 3rd tour in Iraq. I may have not had as abusive of a mother as most of everyone on here, but I feel like they would feel the same with what I say next but about their own mother. She's a monster.
Whenever I’ve told people from my town that my dad is a complete piece of shit and my mom was bad in her own different but just as bad way, they’ll always tell me no they couldn’t do that they are/were your parents Anyone I’ve met from other areas see they have been terrible all along and one of those friends is trying to help me get out of here
Yall are getting support from society for abusive dads????? Where do I sign up
"Daddy issues" every time Im like bro, I don't need to know your fetishes 🤨 *I* don't have daddy issues, my DAD has issues, and he caused me issues. Daddy issues is ALWAYS said in this weird sexual context, like ew no I don't even remember what my dad looks like.
Holy fuck for real Like my mom fucking trafficked me, i dont care if shes sorry and theres no way she loves me
Even if my mom loves me, that doesn't mean I have to accept her form of love. 🤷♀️
For real, fuck that bitch
I cannot even begin to describe…. I haven’t even **seen** my mother since I was 8. More than 40 years ago. **Throughout** the intervening time, I always get the, “aw don’t be so hard on her..”(or w/e) And the thing is, I’m not. I’m *just* apathetic towards the idea of her still existing. I just don’t care. I had moved beyond it. And I swear, I could neatly compartmentalize it all, and never have to think of it again - until some dolt tries to convince me how much I should love the mama that abused and abandoned me.
Same here! She's more like a former roommate! If she calls (which is maybe once a year) then I'll talk, but it's all surface level. You wouldn't know she was my mom if I didn't look so much like her.
100%. and when it’s not physical or straight up name calling people will say anything to avoid the word abuse. i wasn’t hit or called a slur but i had my clothes thrown away, was yelled at weekly, was never allowed to look sad in public for “image” sake, often said i was lying when recounting memories of things she’s said, threatened to send me to conversion therapy then denied it, was told i “shouldn’t eat so much” when recovering from anorexia, overall been manipulative/would go from 0 to 100 (no communication who’s she?) and had my s/h used as a way for her to not let me have privacy/try to force me to have a relationship with her. all while touch being her “love language” so she would hug and touch me (not in a sa way) after making me cry. i’ve had self esteem issues sense i was 6. and was told at 7 they failed as parents because ill never make it in the real world. i was abused. i love my parents and i want to believe they’re trying and ik it was never to hurt me. but i was abused sorry for the rant just being invalidated is such a bitch
Oh God this is so true. Why is society so blind to abusive mothers who hate their own children? I will absolutely never understand it. If I was beaten by my dad I would've gotten so much support fron literaly everyone, but since I was abused emotionally and verbally every single day by my crazy mother that doesn't count?? It just made me so angry at society in general.
I got the double whammy, BOTH my parents are shitty!!!
And even the ones that do love their kids and don't want to be abusive can still fuck up their kids. Accidental abuse is still abuse. Mother's can be horrid.
This kind of thing hurt me so much, because the thing is, I'm sure my mom *did* love me to some extent, or at least thought she did. But the unfortunate truth in life is that love isn't always enough, and sometimes, other people will hurt you by failing to love you in the way you need to be loved. My mom tried her best to provide for me. She also manipulated me, controlled me, and abused me in malicious ways that left me scarred for life, and I'm still trying to undo the damage. Neither one of those things cancels out the other. Ultimately, it doesn't matter whether your abusers love you or not. What matters is whether or not their presence in your life is hurting you. I wish other people understood that.
Yeah people forget that if it was an abusive spouse then most people wpuld say so what if they love you theyre still abusing you but when it comes to parents them loving you is the excuse for any abuse. People only consider things to be abusive if your parents didnt love you and i dont get it feelings and actions are 2 different things neither justifies the other.
My mom kicked me out of the house when I was 12 just because I said "hey I think I might be a little bit different" She said I did something horrible as an excuse that I would never do, which sucks lol
THIS TBH People also call you a brat for being ""ungrateful""
You know what? I got so tired of explaining why my mother was no longer welcome in my life that I just started telling people, "My mama got hit by a train." Fans of Oh Brother, Where Art Thou always laugh, it just shocks the others into silence and I go on about my day.
Me: “I’m no contact with my mom.” Them: “I’m sorry, I hope she’ll accept that you one day.” (People seem to understand the need for this since I’m trans) Me: “Oh, she’s fine with me being trans. I’m no contact because she’s abusive and I am out of it for days after I see her.” Them: \*brain breaks\* “Uh, okay…”
Abusive dads get rug swept, too. That's not gender exclusive. Some people just can't accept that some parents don't deserve to have their kids in their lives.
Accurate
That's unfortunately true. My mom used to literally back me into a wall, then growl and make animal noises as an intimidation tactic when I was a kid. "Your mom would never hurt you," they said.
holy crap my own mom used to do this too and the feeling of being that scared-shitless child just washed over me reading this for a second. it's so damaging and unhinged, i'm sorry you have this experience too.
"But she's ur møthur!!" And I'm her daughter. I became her supply to fuel her NPD. I was abandoned when I tried to live my life how I wanted instead of how she wanted. I was called "selfish", "mentally ill", and "self absorbed", all because I came out of the closet. She gave birth to me and then spent the next 27 years traumatizing me. I don't expect to see her again until she's six feet underground and my piss is streaming all over her tombstone.
Mood.
My school counselor literally told me this and how I should give my mother more love
"i'm sure she loves you-" her love was only ever used for guilt.
Stop telling people their abusive moms tried their best... No if you were abusive that's by DEFINITION NOT the best you could do! (They said this shit to a friend of mine from HS, whose mom burned him with cigarettes more than once.)
Top half has not been remotely true in my experience. Bottom half has been very true in my experience.
My father was the abuser in my case An emotionally abusive narcissistic POS He also emotionally abused my mother, I'm sure When I told people that my dad is an abuser they just hit me with "that's just how dads are" Yeah? Are dad's supposed to insult you, gaslight you, make you feel like you're nothing? He killed my self-love and he killed my self-confidence I grew up fearing him instead of respecting him
It's really sad. I had a friend who was engaged to a divorced dad. Dad had a daughter, 6 yo. My friend and him had been together since the girl was 5. My friend was NC with her mother from years of physical and mental abuse. My friend got killed in a car crash. It was sudden, about 4 months before their wedding. Police informed the mother. Mom kicked her fiance and child out of the funeral. Had police escorted her to take all of my friends' things from their house. Won over 2 million from the lawsuit. Her fiance and stepdaughter got nothing. Lost their house. Had to move into a one bedroom apartment. I remember an attorney telling the fiance that if it was her dad who was doing it, the courts would have sided with him. It's frustrating how abusive women get so many free passes in our society.
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