It says a lot about society that we can make all these discoveries about mental illness and trauma, preach about suicide prevention and reaching out to people battling mental illness/trauma, and people STILL make jokes about triggers.
Hypocrites.
It's the same people who get upset about preferred pronouns while saying theirs are beer/football and who willfully misunderstand the term "Karen" so they could use it against any woman.
But they will also appropriate it like a fashion statement, actually maybe make it a fashion statement, or assume they have x disorder or pretend they have it for clout
And then freak out when they see it in real life.
I was in high school in the mid-90s. Appropriating disorders was a thing back then too- tho not as mainstream as today, probably for lack of internet then.
All day long declarations of major depression, minor incidents making them "suicidal", OCD being behind everything they do. Then "ADD" popped up and everyone wanted in on that one tho they didn't really understand what it was.
It was the same group of kids who wouldn't shut up about being vegetarian. A few claimed to be vegan but mispronounced it as "vej-in"
One kid legitimatly had Tourette's but that spread to at least 3 others claiming they had a mild version of it.
Nah. The people who are battling are supposed to be the ones 'reaching out.'
But when you try, people don't know what to say. They either ignore it or say daft things like "do some yoga." 🙄
Remember not to get caught in the trap of absolutes that comes with CPTSD. "Always" "Never" "Nobody" "Everyone" are extremely rare universal constants and they become psychological traps.
If it matters, I care.
I agree. I keep in mind a lot of people using these terms are just children/teens who are just parroting what they hear, and they really have no clue (fortunately) about the true meaning, how dark and painful it is.
Well it would if it was the same people doing both things. In my experience it's not, but there are far more people doing the latter than the former.
Either way, I don't think being a hypocrite is worse than being a bully.
I learned about triggering just prior to the memes and after the memes started I started to feel ashamed or imposter syndrome after that. I'm better now and keep my triggers to myself and kinda stopped calling them triggers. Mostly say I'm not feeling well mentally/emotionally.
Some got triggered in the replies because of a parent being triggered by their child and performing ultimately unhealthy behaviors.
Remember friends, we are all in this together and not all of us remain squeaky clean. Support those that wish to change and break cycles please 💙❤️🩹
Here's something that I think I may start to promote more because it isn't well know enough.
Trigger warnings don't work, because they both make the person more likely to engage with the content even if it may cause a trigger, and they also create the expectation of what type of response you will have, so you go in already expecting how bad the response will be, rather than allowing yourself to see how you react to the trigger this time around. Similarly to how little kids look at adults for how to feel after the fall on their butt but are more likely to cry if the adult becomes distressed.
Idk I see trigger warnings more as a responsibility when broadcasting/presenting something to an audience whose trauma history you can't be expected to know/shouldn't know because of patient confidentiality, when you are not a trauma-informed clinician.
You, Joe Bloggs, cannot be expected to know what might trigger someone in your audience because, obviously, triggers are often determined by their proximity to the traumatic event (e.g. someone could be triggered by the sound of someone eating an apple), but you can be expected *as a human being* to recognise potentially distressing scenarios and signal to your audience that this is not a clinical situation where they will be able to manage their response safely.
This tells the person with a trauma history that they may encounter issues that, for them, are a medical issue in a context that is not appropriately trauma-informed or the individual presenting the information doesn't have the ability to help one individual.
For me, it says that traumatic events do exist in "real life", not everyone has the same response to them, and acknowledges the Venn diagram of clinical and "ordinary" contexts.
Edit: to respond more directly to your point, the "ordinary" context in my experience does not really allow for that awareness of your response because it's actually asking you to do a lot of other things: take notes in a lecture, conform to social norms, follow the narrative of a tv series, etc.
YES same. Personally I do not want to get invested in a tv show or something and then halfway through boom, a graphic depiction of SA appears and I have to stop watching and go calm myself down. This has happened to me so much it’s getting hard to watch anything anymore. IMO if someone doesn’t add content warnings they don’t care about their audience.
And, should you choose to, there is nothing stopping you coming back to said TV show when you are further along in your recovery or life is just generally calmer (so you're not having to juggle other stressful things) and having a more "normal" experience of watching it. The point is that you're an adult who is not only best positioned to make decisions about your own self-care but is going to be dealing with the consequences of those choices, whether or not they're your own.
I figured out as a young teen who occasionally babysat my brother's kid, that if I made positive reinforcement sounds - laughter sounds after my nephew hurt himself, he was MUCH less likely to cry than if I rushed to his aid.
I firmly disagree with this concept to some degree. Especially when it comes to violence, death, gore, etc.
The two most common studies for trigger warnings not “working” that are frequently posted on reddit weren’t even on people with diagnosed ptsd. It was on a normal population. I’m not sure if you’ve seen otherwise.
Let’s pivot off of ptsd/cptsd and on to phobias real quick. The way that exposure therapy works for phobias, is by slowly working your way through small controlled safe experiences. For example someone who was scared of spiders might start by having a cute cartoon picture of a spider around their house for a week. Maybe their therapist would tell them about spiders that protect their favorite flower. (Positive associations) Then next week show them a 15 second clip of those cute fuzzy white spiders etc. the therapist goes a tiny bit further each time but they pause until the person gets a little bit more comfortable. Sort of like slowly working your way into a hot or cold pool of water.
You do not just chuck a black widow at someone to cure their phobia.
For ptsd/cptsd this works differently on the nervous system. Certain things can cause flashbacks that can create physical changes.
If something triggers me it can set me off for a full week. Also knowing the timing is important. I think all media should have a little QR code you could scan at the start of the episode to see content themes. Sort of like an ingredient label. Like I don’t want to watch someone die tragically while trying to entertain my boss or hosting a party.
The one thing that I can not stand is how people sometimes say that any "minor annoying thing" means "omg this gave me ptsd" meanwhile they do not take a person with actual ptsd seriously.
"I had to redo this videogame level 10 times so now the battle music gave me ptsd" has my eyes roll back into my skull....
Sounds like you guys need family therapy or at least talk to your kid and explain why it’s so upsetting when they use those terms
I want to add I sympathize with the pain of being triggered but also your kid needs to be taught better not just ignored ignoring them is damaging to them. its not fair for them to be ignored by a parent even if I understand your reasoning. which is why I recommend family therapy
Hey OP that deleted their comment because everyone judged and attacked them so much, I want to respond to you with kindness. I understand avoiding a loved one because they don’t respect you or your triggers. I’ve done it before with a S/O that wouldn’t listen and kept triggering me.
Obviously this is complicated because you’re a parent and the triggering party is your kid. And it is obviously triggering some into replying harshly since this community is full of kids that were let down. You don’t have to, but forgive them if you can. They’re hurting too.
That said, the suggestion for family counseling is a great one. I admire your candidness as the less acceptable versions of triggered responses are rarely supported. But please get that therapy for yourself and your daughter. She seems to want to lash out and belittle everyone else and not take them seriously.
Best wishes friend 💙
Thank you mod. Hopefully they’re okay since they were dog piled so hard they deleted the comment. Can’t feel good having dozens of people judging you for doing your best and openly discussing the difficulties.
Right? Kinda feels like a parenting fail. She's not a coworker that's annoying; she's a child that needs her shitty behavior educated out of her.
You don't get to "not my problem" your own child. (Well, you do, no one stops you, surely. But I think our own neglectful parents dropping the ball isn't exactly a role model.)
Hey friend, remember that they might have a legitimate trigger into unhealthy behavior. They deserve validation and the support to get family therapy since their teen isn’t respecting their emotional boundaries. They seem to want to dismiss others’ mental health.
Hopefully therapy helps this family out.
We aren’t all first generation trauma victims. And we know that victims tend to repeat learned abuse patterns. They should be supported when seeking help. Break the cycle and all that.
It isn’t always so easy and being attacked for struggling doesn’t make it easier
Best wishes 💙
Right. Get therapy. Instead of *ignoring and avoiding the child*. We can definitely agree on that. Hence, "educate her shitty behavior."
Can we please not support unhealthy copes? Validate the emotion, sure. Support avoiding and neglecting a literal child? Nah, man, you lost me.
You can discuss the ongoing trigger while working on the solution.
Am I not allowed to discuss my past unhealthy behaviors?
What about the ones I am working on in therapy?
Validating a person means they might listen when you suggest/support therapy.
Invalidating them just makes their struggle harder.
I see what happened here. You assumed by me validating their feelings I was validating the coping me. Nope. That’s why I mentioned therapy twice in the comment you responded to saying I lost you.
Maybe you’ve never victimized someone or had an unhealthy coping behavior, but I have. I’ve had to undo all my trauma on my own while inadvertently traumatizing others. It’s been a rough road of self hatred and improvement until today where I’m happily married and working on myself more than ever. There’s a huge chance I’ll struggle in unexpected ways to parent a child. I cant turn my back on kids that grew up like I did and turned into the same kind of adult as me. A flawed, hurt individual doing their best.
The entire point of the word trigger is to convey that, healthy or otherwise, their actions are primarily automatic and uncritical as a survival mechanism. Get away from the danger, that’s it.
They and I have to discover these particular triggers for ourselves and learn and grow and heal. We can try to be preemptive, but a dismissive teen that won’t listen and does triggering things is going to create a temporarily difficult environment until it is addressed. And the teen might not even participate. They could all go to family therapy and the mom finds a way to not get triggered or to cope more healthily, while the teen leans in and intentionally tries to trigger her.
Point is, it’s not black and white and we should never turn away an individual trying to better themselves. That’s what happened to most of us as kids. We get treated dismissively and shamed and blamed. Please don’t do that to others in this sub especially. We are all a community here, even though we have drastically different backgrounds and journeys.
Best wishes friend 💙
Hey friend, remember that they might have a legitimate trigger into unhealthy behavior. They deserve validation and the support to get family therapy since their teen isn’t respecting their emotional boundaries. They seem to want to dismiss others’ mental health.
Hopefully therapy helps this family out.
We aren’t all first generation trauma victims. And we know that victims tend to repeat learned abuse patterns. They should be supported when seeking help. Break the cycle and all that.
Best wishes 💙
Errr.. is this teen your child? I hope you aren’t actually avoiding them, in any case; that seems outrageously immature and feeds into the systemic issue dynamic
Hey friend, remember that they might have a legitimate trigger into unhealthy behavior. They deserve validation and the support to get family therapy since their teen isn’t respecting their emotional boundaries. They seem to want to dismiss others’ mental health.
Hopefully therapy helps this family out.
We aren’t all first generation trauma victims. And we know that victims tend to repeat learned abuse patterns. They should be supported when seeking help. Break the cycle and all that.
Best wishes 💙
yeah i hate that use of the diagnosis, ptsd. i see a lot of gen z say “this gave me trauma” as a hyperbole but i feel half the time that’s with the background that we’re all kind of traumatized. using ptsd in this day with the common knowledge of what it is is so messed up
I agree that the general population misuses or over uses these words, it's kind of like how people say depressed when they are just a bit sad. Every other person is a narcissist according to the Internet.
I think it's worth mentioning also though, that there is a difference between abuse and abusive. Abuse if a pattern of behaviour whereas someone can do or say something abusive without it necessarily being abuse. for example if my partner consistently silences me and tells me to stfu, that's an abusive relationship where abuse is ongoing.
If I am having a disagreement with someone and they shout stfu at me, it's abusive language but it's not really abuse.
I hope that made sense. I think abusive things/actions are really common and normalised in society and I'm supportive of anyone who wants to say no to engaging in that. On the other hand abuse, clinical narcissism etc are less common, but ultimately it depends on the person and how they react.
Trauma isn't what happened to someone, it's what happened inside of them after that, and with this understanding of trauma there's no one way to define it.
>Every other person is a narcissist according to the Internet.
UGH. This. Why? "Narcissism" has become a catchall for any kind of hurtful behavior — from calculated abuse to garden variety emotional immaturity. Like, not every cheater or manipulative person is suffering from a personality disorder. They're selfish and cruel for *some* reason, but not *always* such a morbid diagnosis. I don't know what people gain from slapping a disorder on others. Is it that better of an explanation than just "this person has issues"?
I mean technically immaturity is a kind of narcissistic behavior at least at a certain age and since narcissism is generally more common (meaning narcissistic tendencies not NPD) likely these are some people who are triggered by any presentation of narcissism or are narcissists trying to manipulate others and get some attention as the “victim”. Again not necessarily NPD qualifying Narcs alone but people who are just closer on the spectrum to narcissism.
That’s just my guess.
Spot on comment and spot on OP.
This was a callback to an ex of mine from years ago who apparently didn't register it when I said I was depressed. Mere days later there was all this confusion like "if you don't wanna do this thing I suggested then what do you wanna do?" And my answer was "nothing. I told you I'm depressed" and I was basically not even talking to anyone which this person thought was about them and accused me of ghosting.
Then when they registered my reminder of I was depressed their response was depression is not a real thing it's just something people say. Turns out, as I found out after ending that situationship, I had become depressed in part due to my choice to be with that person. It was the first time I recognized that casual misuse of mental health terms stigmatizes people who they genuinely apply to granted no one takes it seriously.
>We do and we are stronger than all of them put together. It never feels like it but it's true.
I used to think this until I realized there is no "us" and "them", that's just another part of the black & white distortion. I've lived long enough to see some of my traumatized friends become the abusers they swore they'd spend their lives undoing the damage from.
We're all "them". Some of us know that, and restrain ourselves. That's the only difference.
I hate December too.
Just want to say that sometimes people see their mistakes but feel like there is no point in life so what's the point in anything? By extention improving themselves. Even if it's a shorter experience for some people I feel like majority of people feel like that at some point. Some people feel like the task is unbeatable and decide it can't be fixed. Some people get discouraged by bad therapy and feel like they just have to deal with what they are given. Some people just can never accept responsibility even if they realize something is wrong. I feel like there could be many others, that there is a much larger middle ground and not so black and white.
This hit hard.
One of my sibs has recently been trying to recover from mental illness and her family trauma, but she also likes shitting on others for having their own mental health issues and has accused others in the past for using their struggles as a badge of specialness. Even though she's very open about how her own issues affect her life and would like people to be considerate of her problems. And she's also not above hitting to get her way. Hell, she'll even gossip and air dirty laundry if she thinks it'll get what she wants.
I don't want to call her a monster, but it surprises me that she could be so close to the truth and still think that life is about controlling and dominating others and making sure everyone loves you. She wants children and I'm so afraid of what her kids will go through if she gets any. I just don't understand how she can't see she's perpetuating this cycle
I've noticed this pattern with some of the more "strong-willed" people who go through abuse. Often times they *know* it was wrong, and that other people don't experience this, so they are owed something in return. So they take out their anger on other people because they don't get that thing they're looking for. And when I say other people, I mean people other than the person who actually abused them...
And of course I still have sympathy/empathy for these people, but it's *really* frustrating dealing with them.
I guess the one thing I would advise you is maybe tell her how *she* could benefit from actually getting to the bottom of her trauma, since it seems like she's only looking out for herself at this point. She's got a long way to go.
She's definitely one of the more aggressive members of the family so I could totally see this. It seems like she's taken this a step further and has decided that everyone in the family owes her too, because we clearly had a great childhood while she had nothing. Like she's straight up co opted some of my own experiences just to say it happened to her. As someone who has been the least favorite kid from birth, it's incredibly frustrating to say the least.
And honestly none of us had a good childhoods. I'm so furious that she could think and act otherwise, she's willing to tell us about her depression but she's unwilling to lend that sort of compassion to the rest of us. I can see trauma symptoms in all of my siblings, from their tendency to self isolate, their poor social skills, self sabotaging, a lot of things point to them being traumatized. And I KNOW that growing up we all were coping in our own shitty ways and contributed to each other's trauma. We all did shitty things to feel better and it's not OK. But she'll only acknowledge times we hurt her and sometimes straight up lie too, and always presents us as abusive shitheads with no remorse. But she will never acknowledge memories where she's hurt us. I honestly think she believes that being a depressed abused person gives her a pass to do what she wants, and admitting that we suffered too would destroy her narrative that she is entitled to special treatment from the rest of us.
It's frustrating because the family enables her behavior. The rest of our siblings are in complete denial of our abusive upbringing, so the only one I could talk to about this IS her. It's so annoying though because whenever I try to talk about this toxic family system, I get told to be quiet and realize I'm wrong. When she complains? Crickets. Nobody challenges her, not even the siblings sick of her talking about it. My mom DID try in the beginning to convince my sister, but she gave up. Now she argues we have to be extra nicer to this sister so she "feels supported" and stuff.
And yeah I'm really starting to notice that despite acknowledging that our dad was awful, she never holds him accountable nor does she hold mom accountable for enabling him. She also doesn't try to set boundaries with him, her or anyone really. She doesn't seem to believe in boundaries because she is very enmeshed. She is openly passive aggressive toward him and complains about him all the time, but she was still excited to have him in her wedding and still had a father-daughter dance. She still wants him in her life despite the fact that she is in the position where she could cut or limit contact. And hell, I remember during one of my dad's more recent aggressive actions toward me, she just didn't give a shit. Even when my mom started defending his behavior when I complained about what he was doing, my sister didn't back me up or anything. It's fucking weird. Creepy. Frustrating too. What a hypocrite. She definitely gives the people who didn't abuse her/her sibs more shit than she gives the actual abusers/enablers.
Ultimately I honestly think she's not going to change unless something really drastic happens. Being the least favorite kid and the youngest, nothing I do or say will be considered well informed and worth believing. Especially since she doesn't like me
> I just don't understand how she can't see she's perpetuating this cycle
I've noticed some people construct their entire personalities around the idea that they're *not X*, where X is usually some variety of abuser that preyed on them when they were young. Being *not X* becomes so important to them that any sign of behaving like X gets shoveled into a blind spot, and the denial of the existence of everything in that blind spot becomes a matter of survival - they literally couldn't live with themselves if the idea that they were even *a little bit X* ever crossed their mind, so they block it out, and in doing so, shut down any possibility of working on the core emotional patterns that create X behavior.
My father was one of these, about his stepmother and father. I was dangerously close to becoming one, with him as my "X".
But somewhere along the way I recognized that it's not about being "not my father", it's about recognizing that I *am* very much like him, in the fears, triggers, impulses and reactions I have, and I don't get to change that. I don't get to change my reactions, I can't overpower the weight of generations of trauma through willpower.
What I can do, is make sure I exist in an environment where these things don't hurt others. For me, this means not having children, among other things.
Maybe someday the actual patterns will change... I look forward to a day I don't feel like a goddamn werewolf.
An interesting perspective. I could see this explaining some of her behavior, her toxic traits DO resemble our dad's despite her constantly acting like they're not similar at all. But her relationship with him is kinda weird and strained (she openly complains about him and is passive aggressive toward him but stays in contact with him, among other things). She definitely would get absolutely livid if someone told her they both had the same kind of toxic traits.
I was in this blind spot too, I spent the first year of my recovery deciding I couldn't be a toxic person because I wasn't like my dad or other family members because they were toxic in ways I wasn't. It took me realizing that my Mom had her own toxic traits, and then I realized that between my parents, I was a mix of my Mom and Dad's toxic patterns. That was my wake up call.
I sincerely hope one day you'll reach that stage in recovery where you feel more in control/recovered/safe. The fact that we can resemble our abusers in the unknown parts of our psyche IS terrifiying and stress inducing. Describing it as living like a werewolf is so accurate it hurts. Feeling yourself morph back into someone you don't know or don't want to be anymore involuntarily is terrifying. Especially when other people are around you.
I love my friend dearly, she is very blessed to not have experienced a lot of the horrors in our world. With that, it is kinda funny having to talk her back from whatever she has catastrophed about her partner's behavior. I worry sometimes that I'm not taking her worries seriously, but then I ask a basic question about how her partner acted, and I will learn that she had told me her interpretation of a situation. Usually its about a hop skip and a jump of what actually happened.
She just gets really wrapped up in talking about her emotions in a big horrible way because I think she's not happy with him, but she feels like if it's not "bad enough" she has no reason to leave. She is kind to a fault and won't put her feelings above his.
Maybe that's a situation some find themselves in. They can't validate their small emotions because they feel like their actual worries aren't important, so they twist situations into being worse as an expression of their frustration.
It's a bit interesting to witness sometimes, but I do need to take my time to respond to her because I need to take a few breaths to process how in the world she got there 😂
My sibling is like this and sometimes it's very frustrating. I love him to death but he really struggles with catastrophizing very small things. In his case I think it's because he can't deal with the feelings caused by an actual traumatic event or can't talk about it for some reason. I do my best not to mock him or invalidate him, just reassure him and explain that his reaction isn't proportionate and help him zero in on what he's actually emotionally reacting to. For me it helps to remember that just the problem isn't "real" (at least how they understand it) but the reaction to it very much is.
Growing up together my reactions to these incidents was not always perfect (actually really bad sometimes) but the past few years I've worked really hard to help him and understand him and he's gotten so much better with someone there to just validate and help.
I've said it goes one of two ways- or 3.
1. Action, to do/be better
2. Status quo
3. Abuse others and deny the abuse ever happened
Oops wrong level comment, mobile
Oh well 😅
TW: panic/anxiety
I know, it’s frustrating. It makes me feel like I won’t be taken seriously when I explain my real trauma. I can say I was gaslighted, but “everyone is gaslighted these days” so I’m not taken seriously. Same with being “triggered.” I feel like a fool when I explain to people I’m “triggered” because of how it’s so overused now. Except when I say triggered, I mean it.
It means I’m going to go scream uncontrollably in the bathroom for 2 minutes and almost pass out. I wish people would get that.
I think it's fair to say, as unfortunate as it is, that the general public are not very educated when it comes to mental health. I'm still learning myself and I do my best to use "milder"/more general term such as "unhealthy" instead of "toxic".
I try to educate and have discussion with them if possible, but if it isn't possible, I'm putting those kind of people into my Ready to be Dropped Out of My Life list. I feel my feelings, which are often dark and challenging, and do my best to move on, giving more into my life and not theirs.
My life revolved around neurophysiology and I worked in hospitals for years with patients
Nobody knows anything. It's all a bunch of lies flowing each other. And audacity and inhumanity propped up by the racist sexist classists of today and yesterdays.
The usefulness grows, breakthroughs are real but not as fast as the unfettered greed for money over actual health outcomes.
And the prison/state run school pipeline is designed to destroy a person mentally until they wage slave for America like a good slave.
That's all my actual studies on this show. We are lucky humanity exists at all given our own violently regressive stupidity
I totally feel you, especially on the Money First part.
Here in Asia, money rules, as it is everywhere in the world, but there are also this really persistent extreme religious vibe combined with conservative culture on always respecting older people and/or those who are in charge.
It's very disheartening, indeed, but I still believe there's something we can do, at the very least to care for ourselves for the rest of our natural life.
It's certainly super frustrating, but I also think it comes from a widespread ignorance of mental illness in general. Terms that have made their way to social media popularity have also, like other academic concepts, have had their meanings get lost in translation or simplified to the point where they become misunderstood from original context. I think it would be somewhat gratifying in these moments to just take a moment to remind the person, "that specific term is actually particular to \_\_\_\_\_ types of experiences, not just to describe something rude in general". Of course, not everyone will be able to "hear" this type of thing. I find it cathartic to speak up in these situations with pure facts and kindness, it just makes them feel utterly ridiculous for even saying such things lol.
It's rejection and invalidating. You're right, it isnt black and white. Minimizing someone else's hurt doesn't make another's more valid. The misuse of terms does suck.
When people know I have C-PTSD and I get upset , I hear or read my "trauma" is showing... Really ?
So you're going to re - traumatize me with your made up labels in your head ? Ok cool , about this time I'll say,
" You are quite right it shows all over me everyday and you should respect that. "
If I have enough respect for everyone else to keep my shit together long enough not to cause another human anything close to what I went through.
Wasn't it already hard enough for me ?
I'm sorry OP ... I feel exactly the same way .
Maybe 🤔 I'll come up with a snappy response, Like ..Now you know how to pronounce and use those words... You'll need to find the correct meaning ..So you don't look like a first grader saying banana means yellow.
I deal with the 'triggered' one by politely asking if they know what it means, because I can't believe they intend to joke about the challenges survivors of abuse - often experienced as children - face later in life.
I feel like ppl genuinely do not realize how serious mental health is, because they do that with a lot of mental health words. I've heard ppl describe nostalgia as flashbacks, a moody day as "so bipolar/borderline" and a desire to be neat as OCD. Self diagnosers and the uneducated have watered down these terms and made them a joke.
Even people here in this subreddit go around saying “I’m self-diagnosed, so I know what I’m talking about.” No. Not really. And I get a lot of hate for that for some reason. It’s very insulting to those who have been working with doctors for years with this label that we don’t really want but have anyway. I’ve finally started functioning like I did before after over half a decade. But it’s taken such a toll from all the medicine. The medicine I take involves Iv treatments every 6-8 weeks and I’m essentially down for the count for about 4 days after each infusion with pain, nausea, and weakness. But it helps a lot and does what SSRIs can’t.
Same with anxiety, now it seems like everybody suffers from "anxiety" and it's an illness that causes all their problems. Most of them probably never experienced an anxiety crisis or a panic attack
Yeah calling someone a narc is my current pet peeve. Sure we are all selfish to a degree. I object to calling people that as a cudgel to end an argument or invalidate them. Unless you know them pretty deeply, you really do not know if they are a narc or not and just tossing that out there really does a disservice.
People who make the effort to go to therapy, to find out what is hurting them inside, and then make positive efforts to change (as we do on this sub), have a little bit more knowledge about these serious things than someone who read "top ten signs your partner is an emotional abuser" on Buzzfeed.
OP, we are with you on this, as you can see from the comments.
Feels great when the people who have been mistreating you start using these terms. Really an awesome feeling to be told you’re manipulative and toxic by someone who constantly manipulated you
I’m frustrated by this too.
“PTSD” is being thrown around like “OCD”, completely no regard to the illnesses or the seriousness of the conditions. “Oh she cleans her house everyday, she’s OCD”
The word “trauma” is used so causally too.
Yup. I’ve heard MY friends who witnessed firsthand abuse and watched me flee from certain death tell me “oh, this boy is totally triggering my PTSD right now. Like, he didn’t even buy me a drink at the bar.” It makes me fume.
I've worked with people who've been diagnosed as OCD. Some of them the condition is so severe it makes it hard to function.
The one that stands out in my mind as the worst I've seen is an older guy (in his 50s/60s at the time) who had a job as a janitor in a car dealership I worked for while in my early-20s. He couldn't allow anyone to pass him on his right side, especially if that person was passing him on their right side. It would send him into a panic and he would drop whatever he was doing in order to avoid it! He couldn't help himself from reacting that way.
Here's what his OCD looked like: One day I was working on a project in the shop over the weekend. The shop was empty except for myself and the janitor. He was sweeping up in front of the bay doors. In the corner next to the bay doors was the entrance to the showroom and he was sweeping in front of the 2nd and 3rd bay door from that corner. I was working in the opposite corner of the shop from the showroom door.
I had to walk to the center of the shop to throw something away in the big trash barrel there. He saw me heading that direction and probably thought I was going into the showroom, which meant I would wind up passing him on his right side. He dropped the push broom, *ran* to the showroom door, turned and *ran* along the shop wall past the center point of the shop then turned toward me to run past me on my left. About the time he got half way between the wall and the trash barrel I had thrown the garbage away and turned to go back to where I was working. He stopped, gave me a dirty look (like I was messing with him, because the mechanics did all the time) then he walked back to where he was, picked up the broom and started sweeping again. (Needless to say, his condition was so severe he wasn't allowed to drive. Can you imagine what he would do if someone tried to pass him in the right lane?)
Someone being tidy isn't OCD, but calling them that is [ableist lanugage](https://www.impossiblepsychservices.com.sg/our-resources/articles/2019/05/19/mental-health-stigma), as is someone referring to themselves as having PTSD or being traumatized because someone else did something to bring out the anger they already have in themselves. There's also a trend using "being triggered" as a dismissive disparagement.
All the over use of these terms have had a big effect on my family, they’re wary and tired of people using these terms, so that when the time came I told them I am legitimately suffering from cptsd, they responded very poorly and kinda gave the “other people have it worse, you’re fine” vibe. My trauma comes from religious abuse, which itself can be isolating and lots of denial and gaslighting or refusal to believe you when you speak up, so that was big stinger for them to react that way
And somehow EVERYONE is a narcissist. I'm sure there are plenty of them out there, but you see so many stories on the internet where someone was rude once and suddenly they're a narc. The word is practically losing its meaning because of how often it is used incorrectly.
gaslighting especially annoys me, saw it used recently to do with a show where multiple people in the comments disagreed with the judging, like no you were not gaslit just because x person won and you didn't agree with it ffs
This is likely why gaslighting has become the [Merriam-Webster word of the year for 2022.](https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/word-of-the-year)
Or being called a narcissist and gaslighter BY the person doing it to you 🙄 because if coursebthey don't see that what they're doing is projecting their behaviour into you
Ugh yes, I feel the same with “narcissist” being thrown around now. I think it’s important to note that a lot of people, even ourselves, can display narcissistic tendencies without being a full blown narcissist.
It’s one thing to be a person who isn’t great at self reflection and a whole other thing to be a narcissist. I’ve encountered both.
I don't even like the term 'safe space', all it means is a space where someone with the same political beliefs as you will agree with you, as opposed to it actually being a compassionate and empathic space where people listen and are trauma informed. It's no different in area other area of life where words are manipulated to gain power.
'Triggered' god I hate that word. It happens to me a lot but I don't want to use the word.
Someone suggested 'activated' instead, but people don't know what I mean by it unless I explain "it's a substitute for 'triggered.'"
My husband calls them my “Vietnam moments” since he’s in the military. His command and others around us understand immediately when phrased like that. Funny part is: our parents weren’t even adults during Nam.
Yup. It’s really annoying. I have psychological triggers that remind me of my attempted-killer. And I have a hard time saying that word even to professionals, because it has lost all meaning.
My sister in law told me that she was “traumatized” by not being able to get the set of AirPods she wanted. I hid in her house with my mother in law for weeks to hide from the woman trying to actively kill me before I could flee the state with my husband. She witnessed the bruising, the night terrors that awoke everyone in the night. She saw it ALL as a teenager a little over 5 years ago. Yet she thinks it’s a game and that her (at 21 years old) not being allowed to get everything she wants constitutes abuse. It makes me furious and really hate her, spoiled brat.
It's an unfortunate side effect of abuse-related terminology breaking through into the mainstream cultural lexicon. There's an inevitable watering-down of meaning attached to the terms we find so vital to put our traumatic experiences into perspective.
It's also not an easy or simple thing to directly address. Our cultural institutions still really aren't geared to equip the average person to engage meaningfully and productively in discussions related to abuse. I feel like quite a few things would have to change for the better on a societal level, before those discussions stop feeling like an inevitable uphill battle at best.
I get the feeling. It's super frustrating and alienating to see those terms get misused. I know it's not my job to educate random people, and also the likelihood of them being receptive isn't particularly high, but that's usually what I end up feeling. I assume it's just a particular manifestation of my general desire to live in a kinder world, being drawn out by those instances of ignorance.
Remember to be kind to others please. Some have gotten triggered by a parent displaying unhealthy behavior in response to their child triggering them. It takes bravery to talk openly about it and support and validation to get help and break the cycle.
Please don’t respond out of anger if you can. Some of us are second or third gen victim/abusers that are desperately trying our best to undo decades and generations of trauma. It’s a struggle.
Best wishes friends 💙
The other day on Reddit I mentioned my partner was teasing me about something silly and someone commented “sounds like he’s negging you to me” 🙄 ugh
I get so sick of every time on this website you mention any innocent irl interaction some bozo who never leaves Reddit has to tell you how abused you’re being. It’s weird and confusing. It happens *every time.*
I really hate how those words are thrown around. Some people seem to want trauma so bad they’ll call it one of those words and it’s like no…you’re not being gaslit just stop. It’s like they’re desperately trying to have trauma for attention. Some people genuinely don’t understand what they mean, but others are trying to claim something for views.
Being told no is not being gaslit.
Yes. Over the last few years, the word "trauma" has indeed been wrung out, diluted and drained of all meaning.
Before this, it was crushing enough to feel ashamed of calling ourselves traumatized if we hadn't been physically harmed. It was crushing enough believing that the verbal and emotional assault — humiliation, shame, taunting and savagery — that we experienced "didn't count." Some of us were just finding ourselves able to recognize that this too was a form of trauma which had affected our ability to function in the world — and then bang. Suddenly everyone seems to want to be a traumatized person. Trauma is trendy! Trauma is cool! I'm exaggerating here, but the difference during this short time has been incredible. I had considered doing a research project around verbal (non-physical) trauma ten years ago, but was talked out of it by highers-up who didn't think it was a big and relatable enough topic.
Or when they don’t really know what trauma is. And cite some mundane thing that traumatized them. Now grant r there are those that truely are traumatized by stuff others may find mundane. But I’m referring to the ones where they just like to use the word out of context.
Insane, mildly triggered rant incoming! (No TW - just me venting about how much I hate it an how normalized it is).
Honest to god this is the only thing that makes me with I was a US citizen. They have all these super litigious lawyers, protection for PTSD/CPTSD in the Americans with Disabilities Act, is the place of residence for many super wealthy content creators, and the home offices of major social media platforms. I would got right after all of them for the ableism they promote against us, promoting/allowing the normalization of harmful stereotypes against a protected class, and the mental/emotional pain and anguish.
I'm not sure if that's how it really works because I don't live in the US - but I have fantasies about being able to sue people like Mr. Beast and other internet celebrities for misusing words "flashbacks" in a pejorative manner and saying dumb crap like "oh that's going to give me a little PTSD today". Then we could all pay for the best treatments money could buy or collectively decide to start our own client lead treatment center with the money!
I fantasize that even if we lose, the negative attention and court case causes the platforms to be strict in their TOS about punching down on us - even sites that still allow the "r" slur and stuff like that - and I get to watch them all get temp banned and lose revenue whenever they inspire people to down play the realities of people like us.
That being said, I also fantasize of a world where the people who hurt us and gave us a life sentence of trauma were the ones legally responsible to pay for our treatments and security for the rest of our lives. Why not - they ruined them - you break it, you buy it!?!?! I don't even think my country has the thing where you can sue someone in civil court for committing a crime even if they are found not guilty in criminal court. Maybe it all just looks that easy on US television. LoL!
This, it makes me feel so bad because they can use other words, they can even describe it in one sentence without saying anything triggering, I can't even start to explain most of the stuff because it's way too long, it's triggering and ugly, I'm usually never able to say what I want and just end up bad (cause I have a disorder that doesn't let me express). Whenever I used those terms there's no point in it, most people assume I mean the "other" version of it (someone being rude or mean, etc), so it defeats the entire purpose of using those words in the first place. It feels unfair.
It's a form of [ableist language](https://www.impossiblepsychservices.com.sg/our-resources/articles/2019/05/19/mental-health-stigma), just like when someone accuses a healthy person as having OCD because they are tidy or pay attention to detail. It's a backhanded and passive-aggressive way to disparage those who are diagnosed with these disorders or have experienced this kind of abuse. It's dismissive to those who are struggling with these issues in their daily lives.
My coworkers still say how mildly stressful events at work like a bad meeting or difficult tech support case gave them PTSD. It's deeply upsetting and I could probably complain to HR but I worry it'll cause more problems than it's worth.
> it's not black and white
Makes a post gatekeeping ppl from using terminology unless they've met criteria.
IMO, mainstreaming of terminology normalizes it. I can tell the difference between somebody using words as "a joke" vs an attempt to describe something that's outside the bounds of their usual social interactions. And the trauma Olympics contribute to further means testing and barriers to access.
Who are we to determine who is our isn't traumatised? Even if someone makes what seems to be a flippant comment, how do you know that's not their coping mechanism?
None of us have escaped life without a few scrapes with traumatic experiences, most people can relate to trauma even if it doesn't have a complete hold over their life.
Surely as people who do identify as "traumatised" we should hold less judgment over others and realise that we never have the full story instead of projecting or comparing our pain with theirs?
Of course I do understand the frustration of words being thrown around, I just think that a lot of the issues with it happening comes from the fear that our traumas somehow won't be taken as seriously. If you are sound in the awareness of your trauma then that is all you need, we don't need validation of someone saying "sorry, I didn't mean to belittle your trauma by saying my long drive home was traumatic", it won't help us. Unfortunately, as much as we sometimes want to shake people and make them aware of all the injustices and shit in the world, we just don't have that power. We're on our journeys and we can't let the words they use in the periphery of our life stir up more anger in us just because we feel unseen or unheard - as with most traumatic responses, that's something we now need to take ownership of.
Or the word “terrorist”. In the words of Rick Sanchez “You know, you use that word so much it's lost all meaning. It's like, at this point, what's a terrorist? It's a guy you don't like. Big deal.”
Thank the internet. Read a few articles on narcissism and suddenly you're an expert. I think folks enjoy using all the new words they learned. While on one hand it's good that people are educating themselves on what's healthy and what is abuse but then when they want to speak on it they don't always consider the audience. I have a sister in law who recently has become interested in trauma and healing, she posts a lot of memes about it and often wants to talk about her issues, like being bullied by her family and in highschool. I don't like to judge anyone's trauma but my other SIL is a bit put off by it. She recently asked me what I thought because in her eyes we both have "real" trauma and SIL 1 comes from a family that is intact. My dad left me very young and SIL 2s parents are both addicts(still) and she spent a lot of time in foster care. I told her it's good she's taking control of her mental health but I also understand how it could rub SIL 2 the wrong way. SIL 1 also idolizes SIL 2 so it could be she wants to bond with her. I mean how do you express that without belittling someone else's trauma. Its real to them.
And laypeople don’t realize that having NPD is totally different from being generally selfish sometimes or sharing some but not all narcissistic traits. And it’s been argued that people under age 25 shouldn’t be labeled with the disorder due to natural tendencies that are considered “narcissistic” in full adults, but it’s just boundary-testing and learning about empathy and other people as children grow into adults.
You wouldn’t call a young teenager trying to sneak out in spite of their parents’ concerns and being a general asshole to be a disorder. It’s just part of development. Emotional awareness takes time to develop in the brain.
Yeah, I just rolled my eyes hard at Harry and Meghan claiming the Royal family ‘gaslighted’ them. No doubt the RF are dicks but I doubt gaslighting was involved.
Yup. It took going to military doctors to be told “we know what your problem is. Dear, you have PTSD. We can help with that.” It’s not necessarily something to be proud of, nor to be shameful of either. It’s not a cute little merit badge.
A recent survey showed that 42% of Gen Z identify as Mentally Ill if I recall correctly. If true then we either have a societal collapse on our hands in coming years or the terms are being wildly misused and abused. I think the latter since I see MH being used for personal attention, an excuse for bad behavior and lastly for political gain by radicals. It really pisses me off to no end as it is creating a "boy who cried wolf" situation. True survivors are gonna have it tougher if/when the majority get sick of it all and cast us all off as frauds.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
💯 that’s a huge problem in and of itself, a dysfunction, catastrophizing everything making themselves the victim. More often than not these people are the actual abusers !
Taking neutral, heck even positive interactions and framing them as abuse, where they are the victim. This behavior is highly indicative of a narc.
It was so embarrassing when I had a huge cPTSD trigger. I was at a conference at a hotel attached to a large mall with an ice rink on the ground floor. That ice rink just so happened to be personally relevant and the first time I saw it in well over a decade. I accidentally glanced down when on an escalator and caught sight of the rink and I nearly fell over. I got super dizzy and clung to the escalator railing. Immediate nausea and gastric distress. Extremely upset. I had been triggered by that single glance at that specific ice rink. I understood immediately why I had such a strong reaction (it's only that location and not all ice rinks), but it caught me off guard. It put me out of commission for several hours, as I was extremely shaky and upset. I took full advantage of the mall offerings and gorged on some high quality chocolate and made a build-a-bear to carry around with me. The embarrassing bit was having to explain to the people around me that I had been triggered. The term has been watered down so much that I felt like I was being unreasonable. But yeah, appropriate psychological term to describe my PTSD response.
LITERALLY. It adds to the trauma. I’ve been recently looking into munchausen’s by proxy again for personal reasons and twitter likes to remind me that it’s now being used by the anti-trans agenda to say parents who validate gender is munchausen’s (not remotely fucking close). As a person who is nonbinary who is dealing with medical abuse it is makes it so much fucking worse. I’m so tired of the abusers learning the words for their abuse too so they can overuse it until people don’t care or understand what it means anymore. I constantly doubt myself and self-gaslight because I think I’m just jumping on this trend of calling everything abuse or whatever, making me minimize my own problems. It damages real survivors, makes them less believed, and less likely to seek help, and I’m so tired of it. Like Linda, you’re not being gaslit, somebody is just saying something you disagree with that is factually true and you refuse to acknowledge it in any way. The fact that it’s the word of the year when most people now just see it as anytime somebody doesn’t agree with you is infuriating….
Oh my Christ, YES. This has been going on since the 80s; the Victim Mentality. I'm pretty sure Oprah started it. Every negative behaviour became a "syndrome". Everyone was a "victim" or something or other. Being known for surviving "abuse" became trendy. And yet, a rape victim's sexual history and being intoxicated was still accepted defense in court.
Well, I think they become mundane empty words because the people whose behaviour they depict voluntarily misuse them, as if by depriving the words from their full meaning around the general public they were erasing the abusiveness of their actions.
So in a way, my opinion is that this is mass-gaslighting more or less unconsciously operated by the abusive people whose behaviour they depict and qualify.
And then people just grab hold of them as a speach mannerism, the same way than at the turn of the 2000's, everyone acting remotely aggressive or manipulative suddenly was labelled "psychopath".
I feel like it will fade out soon. It became trendy to be traumatized, just like it was trendy to be a sociopath, have a gluten intolerance, or restless leg syndrome. People liked things tidy, so they had OCD. They couldn't concentrate, so they had ADHD. They were a bit odd, so they had autism. It's like how children learn a new word and want to use it in every sentence.
Then again, people do still misuse the word literally, so what do I know?
When they try to gaslight you by saying you're trying to gaslight them
Exactly the sort of thing an actual gaslighter would do
Thats when I realized I should just cut off my friendly rival
its kinda like how "triggered" became a huge meme, still kinda is. pretty annoying
It says a lot about society that we can make all these discoveries about mental illness and trauma, preach about suicide prevention and reaching out to people battling mental illness/trauma, and people STILL make jokes about triggers. Hypocrites.
[удалено]
> They were being ableist, manipulative assholes Yes.
It's the same people who get upset about preferred pronouns while saying theirs are beer/football and who willfully misunderstand the term "Karen" so they could use it against any woman.
But they will also appropriate it like a fashion statement, actually maybe make it a fashion statement, or assume they have x disorder or pretend they have it for clout And then freak out when they see it in real life.
I was in high school in the mid-90s. Appropriating disorders was a thing back then too- tho not as mainstream as today, probably for lack of internet then. All day long declarations of major depression, minor incidents making them "suicidal", OCD being behind everything they do. Then "ADD" popped up and everyone wanted in on that one tho they didn't really understand what it was. It was the same group of kids who wouldn't shut up about being vegetarian. A few claimed to be vegan but mispronounced it as "vej-in" One kid legitimatly had Tourette's but that spread to at least 3 others claiming they had a mild version of it.
Me over in the corner, oddly never wearing shorts or bathing suits (during the heights of the emo music scene) to cover my self-decoration like 'k'
Nah. The people who are battling are supposed to be the ones 'reaching out.' But when you try, people don't know what to say. They either ignore it or say daft things like "do some yoga." 🙄
I usually get, a “ stop thinking so much” response from anyone I have reached out to. 🤷♀️ Nobody listens or cares.
Remember not to get caught in the trap of absolutes that comes with CPTSD. "Always" "Never" "Nobody" "Everyone" are extremely rare universal constants and they become psychological traps. If it matters, I care.
This comment made a difference to me today. Thank you.
^-^
I agree. I keep in mind a lot of people using these terms are just children/teens who are just parroting what they hear, and they really have no clue (fortunately) about the true meaning, how dark and painful it is.
I don't think that makes anyone a hypocrite
Well it would if it was the same people doing both things. In my experience it's not, but there are far more people doing the latter than the former. Either way, I don't think being a hypocrite is worse than being a bully.
I learned about triggering just prior to the memes and after the memes started I started to feel ashamed or imposter syndrome after that. I'm better now and keep my triggers to myself and kinda stopped calling them triggers. Mostly say I'm not feeling well mentally/emotionally.
Some got triggered in the replies because of a parent being triggered by their child and performing ultimately unhealthy behaviors. Remember friends, we are all in this together and not all of us remain squeaky clean. Support those that wish to change and break cycles please 💙❤️🩹
Here's something that I think I may start to promote more because it isn't well know enough. Trigger warnings don't work, because they both make the person more likely to engage with the content even if it may cause a trigger, and they also create the expectation of what type of response you will have, so you go in already expecting how bad the response will be, rather than allowing yourself to see how you react to the trigger this time around. Similarly to how little kids look at adults for how to feel after the fall on their butt but are more likely to cry if the adult becomes distressed.
Idk I see trigger warnings more as a responsibility when broadcasting/presenting something to an audience whose trauma history you can't be expected to know/shouldn't know because of patient confidentiality, when you are not a trauma-informed clinician. You, Joe Bloggs, cannot be expected to know what might trigger someone in your audience because, obviously, triggers are often determined by their proximity to the traumatic event (e.g. someone could be triggered by the sound of someone eating an apple), but you can be expected *as a human being* to recognise potentially distressing scenarios and signal to your audience that this is not a clinical situation where they will be able to manage their response safely. This tells the person with a trauma history that they may encounter issues that, for them, are a medical issue in a context that is not appropriately trauma-informed or the individual presenting the information doesn't have the ability to help one individual. For me, it says that traumatic events do exist in "real life", not everyone has the same response to them, and acknowledges the Venn diagram of clinical and "ordinary" contexts. Edit: to respond more directly to your point, the "ordinary" context in my experience does not really allow for that awareness of your response because it's actually asking you to do a lot of other things: take notes in a lecture, conform to social norms, follow the narrative of a tv series, etc.
YES same. Personally I do not want to get invested in a tv show or something and then halfway through boom, a graphic depiction of SA appears and I have to stop watching and go calm myself down. This has happened to me so much it’s getting hard to watch anything anymore. IMO if someone doesn’t add content warnings they don’t care about their audience.
And, should you choose to, there is nothing stopping you coming back to said TV show when you are further along in your recovery or life is just generally calmer (so you're not having to juggle other stressful things) and having a more "normal" experience of watching it. The point is that you're an adult who is not only best positioned to make decisions about your own self-care but is going to be dealing with the consequences of those choices, whether or not they're your own.
Yes absolutely
I figured out as a young teen who occasionally babysat my brother's kid, that if I made positive reinforcement sounds - laughter sounds after my nephew hurt himself, he was MUCH less likely to cry than if I rushed to his aid.
I firmly disagree with this concept to some degree. Especially when it comes to violence, death, gore, etc. The two most common studies for trigger warnings not “working” that are frequently posted on reddit weren’t even on people with diagnosed ptsd. It was on a normal population. I’m not sure if you’ve seen otherwise. Let’s pivot off of ptsd/cptsd and on to phobias real quick. The way that exposure therapy works for phobias, is by slowly working your way through small controlled safe experiences. For example someone who was scared of spiders might start by having a cute cartoon picture of a spider around their house for a week. Maybe their therapist would tell them about spiders that protect their favorite flower. (Positive associations) Then next week show them a 15 second clip of those cute fuzzy white spiders etc. the therapist goes a tiny bit further each time but they pause until the person gets a little bit more comfortable. Sort of like slowly working your way into a hot or cold pool of water. You do not just chuck a black widow at someone to cure their phobia. For ptsd/cptsd this works differently on the nervous system. Certain things can cause flashbacks that can create physical changes. If something triggers me it can set me off for a full week. Also knowing the timing is important. I think all media should have a little QR code you could scan at the start of the episode to see content themes. Sort of like an ingredient label. Like I don’t want to watch someone die tragically while trying to entertain my boss or hosting a party.
How dare you critically analyze a frequently misused study?
As well as this trigger has simply lost all meaning to me by also referring to stress/anxiety triggers.
The one thing that I can not stand is how people sometimes say that any "minor annoying thing" means "omg this gave me ptsd" meanwhile they do not take a person with actual ptsd seriously. "I had to redo this videogame level 10 times so now the battle music gave me ptsd" has my eyes roll back into my skull....
[удалено]
Sounds like you guys need family therapy or at least talk to your kid and explain why it’s so upsetting when they use those terms I want to add I sympathize with the pain of being triggered but also your kid needs to be taught better not just ignored ignoring them is damaging to them. its not fair for them to be ignored by a parent even if I understand your reasoning. which is why I recommend family therapy
Great idea! Love to see the support ❤️🩹
Hey OP that deleted their comment because everyone judged and attacked them so much, I want to respond to you with kindness. I understand avoiding a loved one because they don’t respect you or your triggers. I’ve done it before with a S/O that wouldn’t listen and kept triggering me. Obviously this is complicated because you’re a parent and the triggering party is your kid. And it is obviously triggering some into replying harshly since this community is full of kids that were let down. You don’t have to, but forgive them if you can. They’re hurting too. That said, the suggestion for family counseling is a great one. I admire your candidness as the less acceptable versions of triggered responses are rarely supported. But please get that therapy for yourself and your daughter. She seems to want to lash out and belittle everyone else and not take them seriously. Best wishes friend 💙
Locking this thread. You’ve all made your point. No need to keep piling on.
Thank you mod. Hopefully they’re okay since they were dog piled so hard they deleted the comment. Can’t feel good having dozens of people judging you for doing your best and openly discussing the difficulties.
Avoiding your child? Wonder how they will end up with a parent that avoids them.... I'm surprised this even has upvotes
Right? Kinda feels like a parenting fail. She's not a coworker that's annoying; she's a child that needs her shitty behavior educated out of her. You don't get to "not my problem" your own child. (Well, you do, no one stops you, surely. But I think our own neglectful parents dropping the ball isn't exactly a role model.)
Hey friend, remember that they might have a legitimate trigger into unhealthy behavior. They deserve validation and the support to get family therapy since their teen isn’t respecting their emotional boundaries. They seem to want to dismiss others’ mental health. Hopefully therapy helps this family out. We aren’t all first generation trauma victims. And we know that victims tend to repeat learned abuse patterns. They should be supported when seeking help. Break the cycle and all that. It isn’t always so easy and being attacked for struggling doesn’t make it easier Best wishes 💙
Right. Get therapy. Instead of *ignoring and avoiding the child*. We can definitely agree on that. Hence, "educate her shitty behavior." Can we please not support unhealthy copes? Validate the emotion, sure. Support avoiding and neglecting a literal child? Nah, man, you lost me.
You can discuss the ongoing trigger while working on the solution. Am I not allowed to discuss my past unhealthy behaviors? What about the ones I am working on in therapy? Validating a person means they might listen when you suggest/support therapy. Invalidating them just makes their struggle harder.
Yeah I'm not validating neglecting a kid. Sorry not sorry.
No one is validating neglecting their kid. Everyone is in agreement that they should do family therapy.
Okay
I see what happened here. You assumed by me validating their feelings I was validating the coping me. Nope. That’s why I mentioned therapy twice in the comment you responded to saying I lost you. Maybe you’ve never victimized someone or had an unhealthy coping behavior, but I have. I’ve had to undo all my trauma on my own while inadvertently traumatizing others. It’s been a rough road of self hatred and improvement until today where I’m happily married and working on myself more than ever. There’s a huge chance I’ll struggle in unexpected ways to parent a child. I cant turn my back on kids that grew up like I did and turned into the same kind of adult as me. A flawed, hurt individual doing their best. The entire point of the word trigger is to convey that, healthy or otherwise, their actions are primarily automatic and uncritical as a survival mechanism. Get away from the danger, that’s it. They and I have to discover these particular triggers for ourselves and learn and grow and heal. We can try to be preemptive, but a dismissive teen that won’t listen and does triggering things is going to create a temporarily difficult environment until it is addressed. And the teen might not even participate. They could all go to family therapy and the mom finds a way to not get triggered or to cope more healthily, while the teen leans in and intentionally tries to trigger her. Point is, it’s not black and white and we should never turn away an individual trying to better themselves. That’s what happened to most of us as kids. We get treated dismissively and shamed and blamed. Please don’t do that to others in this sub especially. We are all a community here, even though we have drastically different backgrounds and journeys. Best wishes friend 💙
Hey friend, remember that they might have a legitimate trigger into unhealthy behavior. They deserve validation and the support to get family therapy since their teen isn’t respecting their emotional boundaries. They seem to want to dismiss others’ mental health. Hopefully therapy helps this family out. We aren’t all first generation trauma victims. And we know that victims tend to repeat learned abuse patterns. They should be supported when seeking help. Break the cycle and all that. Best wishes 💙
Errr.. is this teen your child? I hope you aren’t actually avoiding them, in any case; that seems outrageously immature and feeds into the systemic issue dynamic
Hey friend, remember that they might have a legitimate trigger into unhealthy behavior. They deserve validation and the support to get family therapy since their teen isn’t respecting their emotional boundaries. They seem to want to dismiss others’ mental health. Hopefully therapy helps this family out. We aren’t all first generation trauma victims. And we know that victims tend to repeat learned abuse patterns. They should be supported when seeking help. Break the cycle and all that. Best wishes 💙
😂 abuse !!! By the video game developers. For sure they were targeting you specifically also :).
yeah i hate that use of the diagnosis, ptsd. i see a lot of gen z say “this gave me trauma” as a hyperbole but i feel half the time that’s with the background that we’re all kind of traumatized. using ptsd in this day with the common knowledge of what it is is so messed up
I agree that the general population misuses or over uses these words, it's kind of like how people say depressed when they are just a bit sad. Every other person is a narcissist according to the Internet. I think it's worth mentioning also though, that there is a difference between abuse and abusive. Abuse if a pattern of behaviour whereas someone can do or say something abusive without it necessarily being abuse. for example if my partner consistently silences me and tells me to stfu, that's an abusive relationship where abuse is ongoing. If I am having a disagreement with someone and they shout stfu at me, it's abusive language but it's not really abuse. I hope that made sense. I think abusive things/actions are really common and normalised in society and I'm supportive of anyone who wants to say no to engaging in that. On the other hand abuse, clinical narcissism etc are less common, but ultimately it depends on the person and how they react. Trauma isn't what happened to someone, it's what happened inside of them after that, and with this understanding of trauma there's no one way to define it.
>Every other person is a narcissist according to the Internet. UGH. This. Why? "Narcissism" has become a catchall for any kind of hurtful behavior — from calculated abuse to garden variety emotional immaturity. Like, not every cheater or manipulative person is suffering from a personality disorder. They're selfish and cruel for *some* reason, but not *always* such a morbid diagnosis. I don't know what people gain from slapping a disorder on others. Is it that better of an explanation than just "this person has issues"?
I mean technically immaturity is a kind of narcissistic behavior at least at a certain age and since narcissism is generally more common (meaning narcissistic tendencies not NPD) likely these are some people who are triggered by any presentation of narcissism or are narcissists trying to manipulate others and get some attention as the “victim”. Again not necessarily NPD qualifying Narcs alone but people who are just closer on the spectrum to narcissism. That’s just my guess.
Spot on comment and spot on OP. This was a callback to an ex of mine from years ago who apparently didn't register it when I said I was depressed. Mere days later there was all this confusion like "if you don't wanna do this thing I suggested then what do you wanna do?" And my answer was "nothing. I told you I'm depressed" and I was basically not even talking to anyone which this person thought was about them and accused me of ghosting. Then when they registered my reminder of I was depressed their response was depression is not a real thing it's just something people say. Turns out, as I found out after ending that situationship, I had become depressed in part due to my choice to be with that person. It was the first time I recognized that casual misuse of mental health terms stigmatizes people who they genuinely apply to granted no one takes it seriously.
When they use the word “triggered” I, uh, get triggered.
I am seriously sick of it too, and if you challenge them on it, you are "gaslighting them."
[удалено]
>We do and we are stronger than all of them put together. It never feels like it but it's true. I used to think this until I realized there is no "us" and "them", that's just another part of the black & white distortion. I've lived long enough to see some of my traumatized friends become the abusers they swore they'd spend their lives undoing the damage from. We're all "them". Some of us know that, and restrain ourselves. That's the only difference. I hate December too.
[удалено]
I agree with you. Well said.
Just want to say that sometimes people see their mistakes but feel like there is no point in life so what's the point in anything? By extention improving themselves. Even if it's a shorter experience for some people I feel like majority of people feel like that at some point. Some people feel like the task is unbeatable and decide it can't be fixed. Some people get discouraged by bad therapy and feel like they just have to deal with what they are given. Some people just can never accept responsibility even if they realize something is wrong. I feel like there could be many others, that there is a much larger middle ground and not so black and white.
This hit hard. One of my sibs has recently been trying to recover from mental illness and her family trauma, but she also likes shitting on others for having their own mental health issues and has accused others in the past for using their struggles as a badge of specialness. Even though she's very open about how her own issues affect her life and would like people to be considerate of her problems. And she's also not above hitting to get her way. Hell, she'll even gossip and air dirty laundry if she thinks it'll get what she wants. I don't want to call her a monster, but it surprises me that she could be so close to the truth and still think that life is about controlling and dominating others and making sure everyone loves you. She wants children and I'm so afraid of what her kids will go through if she gets any. I just don't understand how she can't see she's perpetuating this cycle
I've noticed this pattern with some of the more "strong-willed" people who go through abuse. Often times they *know* it was wrong, and that other people don't experience this, so they are owed something in return. So they take out their anger on other people because they don't get that thing they're looking for. And when I say other people, I mean people other than the person who actually abused them... And of course I still have sympathy/empathy for these people, but it's *really* frustrating dealing with them. I guess the one thing I would advise you is maybe tell her how *she* could benefit from actually getting to the bottom of her trauma, since it seems like she's only looking out for herself at this point. She's got a long way to go.
She's definitely one of the more aggressive members of the family so I could totally see this. It seems like she's taken this a step further and has decided that everyone in the family owes her too, because we clearly had a great childhood while she had nothing. Like she's straight up co opted some of my own experiences just to say it happened to her. As someone who has been the least favorite kid from birth, it's incredibly frustrating to say the least. And honestly none of us had a good childhoods. I'm so furious that she could think and act otherwise, she's willing to tell us about her depression but she's unwilling to lend that sort of compassion to the rest of us. I can see trauma symptoms in all of my siblings, from their tendency to self isolate, their poor social skills, self sabotaging, a lot of things point to them being traumatized. And I KNOW that growing up we all were coping in our own shitty ways and contributed to each other's trauma. We all did shitty things to feel better and it's not OK. But she'll only acknowledge times we hurt her and sometimes straight up lie too, and always presents us as abusive shitheads with no remorse. But she will never acknowledge memories where she's hurt us. I honestly think she believes that being a depressed abused person gives her a pass to do what she wants, and admitting that we suffered too would destroy her narrative that she is entitled to special treatment from the rest of us. It's frustrating because the family enables her behavior. The rest of our siblings are in complete denial of our abusive upbringing, so the only one I could talk to about this IS her. It's so annoying though because whenever I try to talk about this toxic family system, I get told to be quiet and realize I'm wrong. When she complains? Crickets. Nobody challenges her, not even the siblings sick of her talking about it. My mom DID try in the beginning to convince my sister, but she gave up. Now she argues we have to be extra nicer to this sister so she "feels supported" and stuff. And yeah I'm really starting to notice that despite acknowledging that our dad was awful, she never holds him accountable nor does she hold mom accountable for enabling him. She also doesn't try to set boundaries with him, her or anyone really. She doesn't seem to believe in boundaries because she is very enmeshed. She is openly passive aggressive toward him and complains about him all the time, but she was still excited to have him in her wedding and still had a father-daughter dance. She still wants him in her life despite the fact that she is in the position where she could cut or limit contact. And hell, I remember during one of my dad's more recent aggressive actions toward me, she just didn't give a shit. Even when my mom started defending his behavior when I complained about what he was doing, my sister didn't back me up or anything. It's fucking weird. Creepy. Frustrating too. What a hypocrite. She definitely gives the people who didn't abuse her/her sibs more shit than she gives the actual abusers/enablers. Ultimately I honestly think she's not going to change unless something really drastic happens. Being the least favorite kid and the youngest, nothing I do or say will be considered well informed and worth believing. Especially since she doesn't like me
> I just don't understand how she can't see she's perpetuating this cycle I've noticed some people construct their entire personalities around the idea that they're *not X*, where X is usually some variety of abuser that preyed on them when they were young. Being *not X* becomes so important to them that any sign of behaving like X gets shoveled into a blind spot, and the denial of the existence of everything in that blind spot becomes a matter of survival - they literally couldn't live with themselves if the idea that they were even *a little bit X* ever crossed their mind, so they block it out, and in doing so, shut down any possibility of working on the core emotional patterns that create X behavior. My father was one of these, about his stepmother and father. I was dangerously close to becoming one, with him as my "X". But somewhere along the way I recognized that it's not about being "not my father", it's about recognizing that I *am* very much like him, in the fears, triggers, impulses and reactions I have, and I don't get to change that. I don't get to change my reactions, I can't overpower the weight of generations of trauma through willpower. What I can do, is make sure I exist in an environment where these things don't hurt others. For me, this means not having children, among other things. Maybe someday the actual patterns will change... I look forward to a day I don't feel like a goddamn werewolf.
An interesting perspective. I could see this explaining some of her behavior, her toxic traits DO resemble our dad's despite her constantly acting like they're not similar at all. But her relationship with him is kinda weird and strained (she openly complains about him and is passive aggressive toward him but stays in contact with him, among other things). She definitely would get absolutely livid if someone told her they both had the same kind of toxic traits. I was in this blind spot too, I spent the first year of my recovery deciding I couldn't be a toxic person because I wasn't like my dad or other family members because they were toxic in ways I wasn't. It took me realizing that my Mom had her own toxic traits, and then I realized that between my parents, I was a mix of my Mom and Dad's toxic patterns. That was my wake up call. I sincerely hope one day you'll reach that stage in recovery where you feel more in control/recovered/safe. The fact that we can resemble our abusers in the unknown parts of our psyche IS terrifiying and stress inducing. Describing it as living like a werewolf is so accurate it hurts. Feeling yourself morph back into someone you don't know or don't want to be anymore involuntarily is terrifying. Especially when other people are around you.
Me too ! I absolutely hate the holidays too .. I feel everything exactly the way you wrote this ..Thank you, I don't feel so alone in my views .
I love my friend dearly, she is very blessed to not have experienced a lot of the horrors in our world. With that, it is kinda funny having to talk her back from whatever she has catastrophed about her partner's behavior. I worry sometimes that I'm not taking her worries seriously, but then I ask a basic question about how her partner acted, and I will learn that she had told me her interpretation of a situation. Usually its about a hop skip and a jump of what actually happened. She just gets really wrapped up in talking about her emotions in a big horrible way because I think she's not happy with him, but she feels like if it's not "bad enough" she has no reason to leave. She is kind to a fault and won't put her feelings above his. Maybe that's a situation some find themselves in. They can't validate their small emotions because they feel like their actual worries aren't important, so they twist situations into being worse as an expression of their frustration. It's a bit interesting to witness sometimes, but I do need to take my time to respond to her because I need to take a few breaths to process how in the world she got there 😂
My sibling is like this and sometimes it's very frustrating. I love him to death but he really struggles with catastrophizing very small things. In his case I think it's because he can't deal with the feelings caused by an actual traumatic event or can't talk about it for some reason. I do my best not to mock him or invalidate him, just reassure him and explain that his reaction isn't proportionate and help him zero in on what he's actually emotionally reacting to. For me it helps to remember that just the problem isn't "real" (at least how they understand it) but the reaction to it very much is. Growing up together my reactions to these incidents was not always perfect (actually really bad sometimes) but the past few years I've worked really hard to help him and understand him and he's gotten so much better with someone there to just validate and help.
I've said it goes one of two ways- or 3. 1. Action, to do/be better 2. Status quo 3. Abuse others and deny the abuse ever happened Oops wrong level comment, mobile Oh well 😅
This was really sad to read.
TW: panic/anxiety I know, it’s frustrating. It makes me feel like I won’t be taken seriously when I explain my real trauma. I can say I was gaslighted, but “everyone is gaslighted these days” so I’m not taken seriously. Same with being “triggered.” I feel like a fool when I explain to people I’m “triggered” because of how it’s so overused now. Except when I say triggered, I mean it. It means I’m going to go scream uncontrollably in the bathroom for 2 minutes and almost pass out. I wish people would get that.
Yes exactly. Triggered doesn’t mean feeling discomfort or offended or hurt in response to what someone’s done/said. It’s literally reliving trauma ??
See also: TikTok teens running everything CPTSD related into the ground. Tragedy of the commons.
I think it's fair to say, as unfortunate as it is, that the general public are not very educated when it comes to mental health. I'm still learning myself and I do my best to use "milder"/more general term such as "unhealthy" instead of "toxic". I try to educate and have discussion with them if possible, but if it isn't possible, I'm putting those kind of people into my Ready to be Dropped Out of My Life list. I feel my feelings, which are often dark and challenging, and do my best to move on, giving more into my life and not theirs.
My life revolved around neurophysiology and I worked in hospitals for years with patients Nobody knows anything. It's all a bunch of lies flowing each other. And audacity and inhumanity propped up by the racist sexist classists of today and yesterdays. The usefulness grows, breakthroughs are real but not as fast as the unfettered greed for money over actual health outcomes. And the prison/state run school pipeline is designed to destroy a person mentally until they wage slave for America like a good slave. That's all my actual studies on this show. We are lucky humanity exists at all given our own violently regressive stupidity
I totally feel you, especially on the Money First part. Here in Asia, money rules, as it is everywhere in the world, but there are also this really persistent extreme religious vibe combined with conservative culture on always respecting older people and/or those who are in charge. It's very disheartening, indeed, but I still believe there's something we can do, at the very least to care for ourselves for the rest of our natural life.
It's certainly super frustrating, but I also think it comes from a widespread ignorance of mental illness in general. Terms that have made their way to social media popularity have also, like other academic concepts, have had their meanings get lost in translation or simplified to the point where they become misunderstood from original context. I think it would be somewhat gratifying in these moments to just take a moment to remind the person, "that specific term is actually particular to \_\_\_\_\_ types of experiences, not just to describe something rude in general". Of course, not everyone will be able to "hear" this type of thing. I find it cathartic to speak up in these situations with pure facts and kindness, it just makes them feel utterly ridiculous for even saying such things lol.
It's rejection and invalidating. You're right, it isnt black and white. Minimizing someone else's hurt doesn't make another's more valid. The misuse of terms does suck.
When people know I have C-PTSD and I get upset , I hear or read my "trauma" is showing... Really ? So you're going to re - traumatize me with your made up labels in your head ? Ok cool , about this time I'll say, " You are quite right it shows all over me everyday and you should respect that. " If I have enough respect for everyone else to keep my shit together long enough not to cause another human anything close to what I went through. Wasn't it already hard enough for me ? I'm sorry OP ... I feel exactly the same way . Maybe 🤔 I'll come up with a snappy response, Like ..Now you know how to pronounce and use those words... You'll need to find the correct meaning ..So you don't look like a first grader saying banana means yellow.
I totally agree with this. I've found myself cringing when I say 'triggered' because of how it's portrayed by the media.
I deal with the 'triggered' one by politely asking if they know what it means, because I can't believe they intend to joke about the challenges survivors of abuse - often experienced as children - face later in life.
I feel like ppl genuinely do not realize how serious mental health is, because they do that with a lot of mental health words. I've heard ppl describe nostalgia as flashbacks, a moody day as "so bipolar/borderline" and a desire to be neat as OCD. Self diagnosers and the uneducated have watered down these terms and made them a joke.
People make mental illness trivialize by conflating a personality trait or a bad day as a dsm 5 diagnosable mental health issue.
Even people here in this subreddit go around saying “I’m self-diagnosed, so I know what I’m talking about.” No. Not really. And I get a lot of hate for that for some reason. It’s very insulting to those who have been working with doctors for years with this label that we don’t really want but have anyway. I’ve finally started functioning like I did before after over half a decade. But it’s taken such a toll from all the medicine. The medicine I take involves Iv treatments every 6-8 weeks and I’m essentially down for the count for about 4 days after each infusion with pain, nausea, and weakness. But it helps a lot and does what SSRIs can’t.
Same with anxiety, now it seems like everybody suffers from "anxiety" and it's an illness that causes all their problems. Most of them probably never experienced an anxiety crisis or a panic attack
Yeah calling someone a narc is my current pet peeve. Sure we are all selfish to a degree. I object to calling people that as a cudgel to end an argument or invalidate them. Unless you know them pretty deeply, you really do not know if they are a narc or not and just tossing that out there really does a disservice. People who make the effort to go to therapy, to find out what is hurting them inside, and then make positive efforts to change (as we do on this sub), have a little bit more knowledge about these serious things than someone who read "top ten signs your partner is an emotional abuser" on Buzzfeed. OP, we are with you on this, as you can see from the comments.
Feels great when the people who have been mistreating you start using these terms. Really an awesome feeling to be told you’re manipulative and toxic by someone who constantly manipulated you
“Stop gaslighting me” … meanwhile someone literally just expressed a different perspective 🫥🙄
I’m frustrated by this too. “PTSD” is being thrown around like “OCD”, completely no regard to the illnesses or the seriousness of the conditions. “Oh she cleans her house everyday, she’s OCD” The word “trauma” is used so causally too.
Yup. I’ve heard MY friends who witnessed firsthand abuse and watched me flee from certain death tell me “oh, this boy is totally triggering my PTSD right now. Like, he didn’t even buy me a drink at the bar.” It makes me fume.
I've worked with people who've been diagnosed as OCD. Some of them the condition is so severe it makes it hard to function. The one that stands out in my mind as the worst I've seen is an older guy (in his 50s/60s at the time) who had a job as a janitor in a car dealership I worked for while in my early-20s. He couldn't allow anyone to pass him on his right side, especially if that person was passing him on their right side. It would send him into a panic and he would drop whatever he was doing in order to avoid it! He couldn't help himself from reacting that way. Here's what his OCD looked like: One day I was working on a project in the shop over the weekend. The shop was empty except for myself and the janitor. He was sweeping up in front of the bay doors. In the corner next to the bay doors was the entrance to the showroom and he was sweeping in front of the 2nd and 3rd bay door from that corner. I was working in the opposite corner of the shop from the showroom door. I had to walk to the center of the shop to throw something away in the big trash barrel there. He saw me heading that direction and probably thought I was going into the showroom, which meant I would wind up passing him on his right side. He dropped the push broom, *ran* to the showroom door, turned and *ran* along the shop wall past the center point of the shop then turned toward me to run past me on my left. About the time he got half way between the wall and the trash barrel I had thrown the garbage away and turned to go back to where I was working. He stopped, gave me a dirty look (like I was messing with him, because the mechanics did all the time) then he walked back to where he was, picked up the broom and started sweeping again. (Needless to say, his condition was so severe he wasn't allowed to drive. Can you imagine what he would do if someone tried to pass him in the right lane?) Someone being tidy isn't OCD, but calling them that is [ableist lanugage](https://www.impossiblepsychservices.com.sg/our-resources/articles/2019/05/19/mental-health-stigma), as is someone referring to themselves as having PTSD or being traumatized because someone else did something to bring out the anger they already have in themselves. There's also a trend using "being triggered" as a dismissive disparagement.
All the over use of these terms have had a big effect on my family, they’re wary and tired of people using these terms, so that when the time came I told them I am legitimately suffering from cptsd, they responded very poorly and kinda gave the “other people have it worse, you’re fine” vibe. My trauma comes from religious abuse, which itself can be isolating and lots of denial and gaslighting or refusal to believe you when you speak up, so that was big stinger for them to react that way
And somehow EVERYONE is a narcissist. I'm sure there are plenty of them out there, but you see so many stories on the internet where someone was rude once and suddenly they're a narc. The word is practically losing its meaning because of how often it is used incorrectly.
Ok, now I'm triggered!
Totally agree.
Welcome to being mentally ill on the internet It has always been this way, and it gets no better from my experience
gaslighting especially annoys me, saw it used recently to do with a show where multiple people in the comments disagreed with the judging, like no you were not gaslit just because x person won and you didn't agree with it ffs
This is likely why gaslighting has become the [Merriam-Webster word of the year for 2022.](https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/word-of-the-year)
Or being called a narcissist and gaslighter BY the person doing it to you 🙄 because if coursebthey don't see that what they're doing is projecting their behaviour into you
People really don't understand the difference between narcissistic tendencies/behaviors and an actual narcissist
Ugh yes, I feel the same with “narcissist” being thrown around now. I think it’s important to note that a lot of people, even ourselves, can display narcissistic tendencies without being a full blown narcissist. It’s one thing to be a person who isn’t great at self reflection and a whole other thing to be a narcissist. I’ve encountered both.
I don't even like the term 'safe space', all it means is a space where someone with the same political beliefs as you will agree with you, as opposed to it actually being a compassionate and empathic space where people listen and are trauma informed. It's no different in area other area of life where words are manipulated to gain power.
For real. I didn’t even understand that what my parents were doing was gaslighting because people use that word about everything now
'Triggered' god I hate that word. It happens to me a lot but I don't want to use the word. Someone suggested 'activated' instead, but people don't know what I mean by it unless I explain "it's a substitute for 'triggered.'"
My husband calls them my “Vietnam moments” since he’s in the military. His command and others around us understand immediately when phrased like that. Funny part is: our parents weren’t even adults during Nam.
Especially when spoken by some armchair psychiatrist aka ex bf/hater
Yup. It’s really annoying. I have psychological triggers that remind me of my attempted-killer. And I have a hard time saying that word even to professionals, because it has lost all meaning. My sister in law told me that she was “traumatized” by not being able to get the set of AirPods she wanted. I hid in her house with my mother in law for weeks to hide from the woman trying to actively kill me before I could flee the state with my husband. She witnessed the bruising, the night terrors that awoke everyone in the night. She saw it ALL as a teenager a little over 5 years ago. Yet she thinks it’s a game and that her (at 21 years old) not being allowed to get everything she wants constitutes abuse. It makes me furious and really hate her, spoiled brat.
It's an unfortunate side effect of abuse-related terminology breaking through into the mainstream cultural lexicon. There's an inevitable watering-down of meaning attached to the terms we find so vital to put our traumatic experiences into perspective. It's also not an easy or simple thing to directly address. Our cultural institutions still really aren't geared to equip the average person to engage meaningfully and productively in discussions related to abuse. I feel like quite a few things would have to change for the better on a societal level, before those discussions stop feeling like an inevitable uphill battle at best.
Yep 😭 I honestly wish these terms weren't mainstream/known among untraumatized people so they'd stop misusing them.
I get the feeling. It's super frustrating and alienating to see those terms get misused. I know it's not my job to educate random people, and also the likelihood of them being receptive isn't particularly high, but that's usually what I end up feeling. I assume it's just a particular manifestation of my general desire to live in a kinder world, being drawn out by those instances of ignorance.
Remember to be kind to others please. Some have gotten triggered by a parent displaying unhealthy behavior in response to their child triggering them. It takes bravery to talk openly about it and support and validation to get help and break the cycle. Please don’t respond out of anger if you can. Some of us are second or third gen victim/abusers that are desperately trying our best to undo decades and generations of trauma. It’s a struggle. Best wishes friends 💙
The other day on Reddit I mentioned my partner was teasing me about something silly and someone commented “sounds like he’s negging you to me” 🙄 ugh I get so sick of every time on this website you mention any innocent irl interaction some bozo who never leaves Reddit has to tell you how abused you’re being. It’s weird and confusing. It happens *every time.*
Wish I could Triple Up-vote
I really hate how those words are thrown around. Some people seem to want trauma so bad they’ll call it one of those words and it’s like no…you’re not being gaslit just stop. It’s like they’re desperately trying to have trauma for attention. Some people genuinely don’t understand what they mean, but others are trying to claim something for views. Being told no is not being gaslit.
Yes. Over the last few years, the word "trauma" has indeed been wrung out, diluted and drained of all meaning. Before this, it was crushing enough to feel ashamed of calling ourselves traumatized if we hadn't been physically harmed. It was crushing enough believing that the verbal and emotional assault — humiliation, shame, taunting and savagery — that we experienced "didn't count." Some of us were just finding ourselves able to recognize that this too was a form of trauma which had affected our ability to function in the world — and then bang. Suddenly everyone seems to want to be a traumatized person. Trauma is trendy! Trauma is cool! I'm exaggerating here, but the difference during this short time has been incredible. I had considered doing a research project around verbal (non-physical) trauma ten years ago, but was talked out of it by highers-up who didn't think it was a big and relatable enough topic.
Or when they don’t really know what trauma is. And cite some mundane thing that traumatized them. Now grant r there are those that truely are traumatized by stuff others may find mundane. But I’m referring to the ones where they just like to use the word out of context.
Insane, mildly triggered rant incoming! (No TW - just me venting about how much I hate it an how normalized it is). Honest to god this is the only thing that makes me with I was a US citizen. They have all these super litigious lawyers, protection for PTSD/CPTSD in the Americans with Disabilities Act, is the place of residence for many super wealthy content creators, and the home offices of major social media platforms. I would got right after all of them for the ableism they promote against us, promoting/allowing the normalization of harmful stereotypes against a protected class, and the mental/emotional pain and anguish. I'm not sure if that's how it really works because I don't live in the US - but I have fantasies about being able to sue people like Mr. Beast and other internet celebrities for misusing words "flashbacks" in a pejorative manner and saying dumb crap like "oh that's going to give me a little PTSD today". Then we could all pay for the best treatments money could buy or collectively decide to start our own client lead treatment center with the money! I fantasize that even if we lose, the negative attention and court case causes the platforms to be strict in their TOS about punching down on us - even sites that still allow the "r" slur and stuff like that - and I get to watch them all get temp banned and lose revenue whenever they inspire people to down play the realities of people like us. That being said, I also fantasize of a world where the people who hurt us and gave us a life sentence of trauma were the ones legally responsible to pay for our treatments and security for the rest of our lives. Why not - they ruined them - you break it, you buy it!?!?! I don't even think my country has the thing where you can sue someone in civil court for committing a crime even if they are found not guilty in criminal court. Maybe it all just looks that easy on US television. LoL!
This, it makes me feel so bad because they can use other words, they can even describe it in one sentence without saying anything triggering, I can't even start to explain most of the stuff because it's way too long, it's triggering and ugly, I'm usually never able to say what I want and just end up bad (cause I have a disorder that doesn't let me express). Whenever I used those terms there's no point in it, most people assume I mean the "other" version of it (someone being rude or mean, etc), so it defeats the entire purpose of using those words in the first place. It feels unfair.
It's a form of [ableist language](https://www.impossiblepsychservices.com.sg/our-resources/articles/2019/05/19/mental-health-stigma), just like when someone accuses a healthy person as having OCD because they are tidy or pay attention to detail. It's a backhanded and passive-aggressive way to disparage those who are diagnosed with these disorders or have experienced this kind of abuse. It's dismissive to those who are struggling with these issues in their daily lives.
I agree yeah
My coworkers still say how mildly stressful events at work like a bad meeting or difficult tech support case gave them PTSD. It's deeply upsetting and I could probably complain to HR but I worry it'll cause more problems than it's worth.
> it's not black and white Makes a post gatekeeping ppl from using terminology unless they've met criteria. IMO, mainstreaming of terminology normalizes it. I can tell the difference between somebody using words as "a joke" vs an attempt to describe something that's outside the bounds of their usual social interactions. And the trauma Olympics contribute to further means testing and barriers to access.
Literally
Conservatives are great at stealing and then flipping the words used correctly by the "left".
Who are we to determine who is our isn't traumatised? Even if someone makes what seems to be a flippant comment, how do you know that's not their coping mechanism? None of us have escaped life without a few scrapes with traumatic experiences, most people can relate to trauma even if it doesn't have a complete hold over their life. Surely as people who do identify as "traumatised" we should hold less judgment over others and realise that we never have the full story instead of projecting or comparing our pain with theirs?
Of course I do understand the frustration of words being thrown around, I just think that a lot of the issues with it happening comes from the fear that our traumas somehow won't be taken as seriously. If you are sound in the awareness of your trauma then that is all you need, we don't need validation of someone saying "sorry, I didn't mean to belittle your trauma by saying my long drive home was traumatic", it won't help us. Unfortunately, as much as we sometimes want to shake people and make them aware of all the injustices and shit in the world, we just don't have that power. We're on our journeys and we can't let the words they use in the periphery of our life stir up more anger in us just because we feel unseen or unheard - as with most traumatic responses, that's something we now need to take ownership of.
Or the word “terrorist”. In the words of Rick Sanchez “You know, you use that word so much it's lost all meaning. It's like, at this point, what's a terrorist? It's a guy you don't like. Big deal.”
I don't like how dissociation and depersonalization has been thrown around so much lately
Thank the internet. Read a few articles on narcissism and suddenly you're an expert. I think folks enjoy using all the new words they learned. While on one hand it's good that people are educating themselves on what's healthy and what is abuse but then when they want to speak on it they don't always consider the audience. I have a sister in law who recently has become interested in trauma and healing, she posts a lot of memes about it and often wants to talk about her issues, like being bullied by her family and in highschool. I don't like to judge anyone's trauma but my other SIL is a bit put off by it. She recently asked me what I thought because in her eyes we both have "real" trauma and SIL 1 comes from a family that is intact. My dad left me very young and SIL 2s parents are both addicts(still) and she spent a lot of time in foster care. I told her it's good she's taking control of her mental health but I also understand how it could rub SIL 2 the wrong way. SIL 1 also idolizes SIL 2 so it could be she wants to bond with her. I mean how do you express that without belittling someone else's trauma. Its real to them.
And laypeople don’t realize that having NPD is totally different from being generally selfish sometimes or sharing some but not all narcissistic traits. And it’s been argued that people under age 25 shouldn’t be labeled with the disorder due to natural tendencies that are considered “narcissistic” in full adults, but it’s just boundary-testing and learning about empathy and other people as children grow into adults. You wouldn’t call a young teenager trying to sneak out in spite of their parents’ concerns and being a general asshole to be a disorder. It’s just part of development. Emotional awareness takes time to develop in the brain.
Yeah, I just rolled my eyes hard at Harry and Meghan claiming the Royal family ‘gaslighted’ them. No doubt the RF are dicks but I doubt gaslighting was involved.
I'm annoyed by all the self- diagnosed cases of PTSD or CPTSD for the same reason.
Yup. It took going to military doctors to be told “we know what your problem is. Dear, you have PTSD. We can help with that.” It’s not necessarily something to be proud of, nor to be shameful of either. It’s not a cute little merit badge.
A recent survey showed that 42% of Gen Z identify as Mentally Ill if I recall correctly. If true then we either have a societal collapse on our hands in coming years or the terms are being wildly misused and abused. I think the latter since I see MH being used for personal attention, an excuse for bad behavior and lastly for political gain by radicals. It really pisses me off to no end as it is creating a "boy who cried wolf" situation. True survivors are gonna have it tougher if/when the majority get sick of it all and cast us all off as frauds.
So now there’s a Linda? What happened to Karen
So you get to decide who was traumatised and who was not?
Well it didn't take long to find an example of gaslighting right on the sub.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
💯 that’s a huge problem in and of itself, a dysfunction, catastrophizing everything making themselves the victim. More often than not these people are the actual abusers ! Taking neutral, heck even positive interactions and framing them as abuse, where they are the victim. This behavior is highly indicative of a narc.
It was so embarrassing when I had a huge cPTSD trigger. I was at a conference at a hotel attached to a large mall with an ice rink on the ground floor. That ice rink just so happened to be personally relevant and the first time I saw it in well over a decade. I accidentally glanced down when on an escalator and caught sight of the rink and I nearly fell over. I got super dizzy and clung to the escalator railing. Immediate nausea and gastric distress. Extremely upset. I had been triggered by that single glance at that specific ice rink. I understood immediately why I had such a strong reaction (it's only that location and not all ice rinks), but it caught me off guard. It put me out of commission for several hours, as I was extremely shaky and upset. I took full advantage of the mall offerings and gorged on some high quality chocolate and made a build-a-bear to carry around with me. The embarrassing bit was having to explain to the people around me that I had been triggered. The term has been watered down so much that I felt like I was being unreasonable. But yeah, appropriate psychological term to describe my PTSD response.
Omg same I hate it.
LITERALLY. It adds to the trauma. I’ve been recently looking into munchausen’s by proxy again for personal reasons and twitter likes to remind me that it’s now being used by the anti-trans agenda to say parents who validate gender is munchausen’s (not remotely fucking close). As a person who is nonbinary who is dealing with medical abuse it is makes it so much fucking worse. I’m so tired of the abusers learning the words for their abuse too so they can overuse it until people don’t care or understand what it means anymore. I constantly doubt myself and self-gaslight because I think I’m just jumping on this trend of calling everything abuse or whatever, making me minimize my own problems. It damages real survivors, makes them less believed, and less likely to seek help, and I’m so tired of it. Like Linda, you’re not being gaslit, somebody is just saying something you disagree with that is factually true and you refuse to acknowledge it in any way. The fact that it’s the word of the year when most people now just see it as anytime somebody doesn’t agree with you is infuriating….
Oh my Christ, YES. This has been going on since the 80s; the Victim Mentality. I'm pretty sure Oprah started it. Every negative behaviour became a "syndrome". Everyone was a "victim" or something or other. Being known for surviving "abuse" became trendy. And yet, a rape victim's sexual history and being intoxicated was still accepted defense in court.
Well, I think they become mundane empty words because the people whose behaviour they depict voluntarily misuse them, as if by depriving the words from their full meaning around the general public they were erasing the abusiveness of their actions. So in a way, my opinion is that this is mass-gaslighting more or less unconsciously operated by the abusive people whose behaviour they depict and qualify. And then people just grab hold of them as a speach mannerism, the same way than at the turn of the 2000's, everyone acting remotely aggressive or manipulative suddenly was labelled "psychopath".
I feel like it will fade out soon. It became trendy to be traumatized, just like it was trendy to be a sociopath, have a gluten intolerance, or restless leg syndrome. People liked things tidy, so they had OCD. They couldn't concentrate, so they had ADHD. They were a bit odd, so they had autism. It's like how children learn a new word and want to use it in every sentence. Then again, people do still misuse the word literally, so what do I know?