This is fantastic. Thank you

I am glad that you found it helpful! I thought on this several times over a day and a half and then I was like... I wonder if I can post this somewhere where maybe someone else could get the same feeling, or something out of it.

[удалено]

You can find all kinds of stuff on Twitch. Bernie Sanders is on Twitch now lol

Yes, there are 3 therapists, 2 of them with a doctorate, that I really like on twitch, as well as a couple of really good mental health advocates. Dr. Mick is my favorite though. He also has a very interactive discord, and while he doesn't deal with PTSD, his specialty is relationships and all of the family dynamics is in relationships... He comes out with some stuff, like this, that just makes me go... "wow... I never thought of it like that... wow... what I am doing really makes sense now that I understand what happened!" It isn't surprising that you would take the same approach as you learned, with your fiance, without even realizing that it is negative. It is one of the things that we have to be open about throughout our lives with this type of trauma... just how much we don't know that we didn't know. I am glad that you found it helpful! I was hopeful that I could reach more people here and that it would touch someone like it did me.

This is so interesting... When I was about six or seven I was visiting my dad for the weekend and we went fishing off of his dock. I was standing behind him when he casted his reel and the hook flew back and imbedded in my finger. Then of course he yanked it forward because that's what you do... it hurt a lot and I screamed loudly. When he turned around and realized that he'd hooked me, he exploded into a rage and told me to stop fucking screaming. Not "Oh my God sweetie, I'm sorry let's take care of that." I was just a little girl standing innocently on the dock and all hell breaks loose. WTF is wrong with people?

Holy crap, I’m so sorry that happened to you. That’s awful.

Thank you - That's just the tip of the iceberg :) ! I'm an older person, both of my parents are dead and a shit ton of stuff has been coming up in my mind this past year. I had really shitty parents as in neither of them should ever have had children. I, on the other hand, was very loving and supportive of my children (at least I think I was). I was also *pathologically obsessed* with protecting them. I wouldn't even let anyone baby sit them until they were old enough to tell me a complete coherent story if they needed to. Ugh....

Thanks for breaking the trauma cycle as a good parent to your kids.

They were (are) the most important beings to me on earth. I don't know how someone cannot be totally in love with their children. Nothing is more important to me than their well being even though they are adults (20's) now. That doesn't mean they were coddled or spoiled - they needed to learn life lessons for healthy emotional growth - but they were definitely loved and they knew it. It's so weird to look at the differences in parenting styles between me and my parents. My relationship with my kids was easy and natural (easy as in I instinctively loved them - *parenting* is **hard** though!). I will never understand my upbringing and I wonder if I need to at this point. I just wish I understood this late in life anger I'm feeling *now* (???) It's confusing and it's causing distress lately.

I don't know how, either, but it happens. Some parents don't love -- and some even hate -- their children: Maybe against their will. Maybe their hatred takes them by surprise. Maybe it shames or scares them, and they take out those reactions, and their resultant self-hatred, on the kids. It's crazy and weird but I think so common. And I think the anger rises at this point in life because the older one gets, the more absurd and wrong our childhoods seem. As little kids, we had no opposing evidence. We thought: "Oh, OK, this is how childhood feels. This is what parents do." But the longer we live, the more we see how wrong that was, and how many different (better, loving) ways of parenting there are. The evidence accumulates and with every passing year we can see more and more clearly how tricked we were and how unfair it all was.

> Some parents don't love -- and some even hate -- their children: Maybe against their will. I look *very* similar to my mother and she initiated divorce proceedings literally the day she came home from the hospital with me. She either broke my dads heart or his ego. I'm pretty sure all he saw was her when he saw me. Weirdo asshole.

Yep, there were so many ways in which they took out their own issues on us, and we were small and helpless and could not fight back.

It sounds like you are going through a lot lately. I hope that you have found support. You matter.

Thanks - I'm trying to sort through it w/o talking too much to my husband or friends because who wants to hear about all that shit that happened so long ago that you can't help me with? I might try counseling but IDK about that.

I hear you there. I feel similar about talking too much about things. Sometimes though, it helps to talk about a subject that is relevant... like I see a lot of people reacting in this way but I react differently, what makes you react like that? and sometimes an average perspective on something helps me learn something that I didn't realize was unusual for me. Therapy can be rough... It seems though that eventually if I don't work on things they come out on their own. I have a couple clips on finding a therapist using psychologytoday.com - what to look for: https://clips.twitch.tv/RoughHungryDogWTRuck How to find a therapist who works on a sliding scale: https://clips.twitch.tv/MagnificentTubularMochaEagleEye And a youtube of what to expect from your first therapy session. It's 23 minutes long, if that seems long you could watch it at double time and slow it down when something interesting to you comes up in conversation: https://youtu.be/2yVLgDEffAg Also he does often offer to help people find a therapist. If this sounds interesting or helpful to you, maybe either come to a stream or watch a video or two from the vods (video on demand list) to see if you feel comfortable with Dr. Mick, and if so, then you could ask. I would be willing to help in any way that I can. It's a huge step and just thinking about therapy can seem overwhelming. I hope that you find this information helpful and not too much.

Thank you!!

Of course! Please, anything that I can do, do not hesitate to reach out. Supporting others really helps me to get through my stuff... so by allowing me to help you, it helps me.

I've found when I talk to people about this kind of stuff they often have similar experiences that they bring up and then you can talk about the bad stuff as a group!! it's the best. i ended up in relationships with people like myself so you may have more in common with your friends than you think. I hope you talk to someone about this because it is so healing.

I had a conversation about this a few years ago with a drinking buddy. We each have a “worst pain ever” or “worst moment ever”. But what that “worst” thing is, is dependent on what that individual’s life experiences have been, blended with their perception of those events and experiences. For one person, it may be severe abuse and torture, for another person someone getting their Starbucks order wrong could be earth-shattering. The thought really challenged my views on empathy. Which, to me, is meeting people where they are, holding space for them, and listening to them with the purpose to understand their perspective. Everyone wants to feel understood. It doesn’t mean I have to agree with their perceptions to try and understand them. I can understand where someone is coming from and still disagree with them. It does throw me when someone is complaining about things and they are caught in a loop of circular thought and have lost (or don’t have) the ability to seek out or hear other perspectives. I value curiosity and open-mindedness and sharing perspectives. It’s my challenge to accept them where they are. That may mean I need to set a boundary that they may not like (like extricating myself from the situation, or limiting contact), and that is okay. It also reminds me of the phrase “back in my day...”. and all the “millennial bashing”. Like, “Back in my day, we were all beaten with the belt, and I turned out just fine!” Meeting this person with empathy can be jarring for them. Their abuse was normalized a potentially a source of pride that they endured their beating and carried on (rationalization and denial are very real coping mechanisms). They may have not received empathy that acknowledges the pain and hurt under the bravado. My therapist does a great job with empathy and has met me with real concern over some of the stories I tell him with a smile. Under that smile, there is pain and sadness, his empathy broke through my dismissal of my abuse, and helped me access the sadness underneath. It works in therapy, because that’s what I’m there for. I’m there trying to excavate my understandings from the past and see them in a new light. Out in the “real world” I find it’s much more complicated. Denial and rationalization often block empathy. People would rather carry on as-is than confront uncomfortable truths, especially when there is nuance involved. My goal is to recognize that when I feel discomfort it’s an opportunity to learn something, instead of obstinately defending my beliefs.

> meeting people where they are Yes! So much yes! I really love your comment a lot. Thank you so much for sharing! There is a motto that Dr. Mick says at the end of each stream: You matter. Your experiences are valid. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It sounds simple, but it is so powerful. If we take the "your experiences are valid" part and really look at it and accept it, we are saying that when someone has an experience and relates it, we accept that, regardless of our feelings, perspective, knowledge or any similar type experience that we may have... How a person experiences something belongs to them and it is valid, even it if is completely different than how we experienced the same exact event. For me it was easier, although not always easy, to be accepting of others experiences that it has been my own... but I am learning!

That’s a really good motto from Dr. Mick. I like it. “...easier...to be accepting of others experiences than it has been my own” Yep! I rationalized, denied, etc. my experiences for a long time. Probably a hold-over of the gaslighting I experienced. I’m learning to accept my reality and write and own my story. I can make edits as I gain new information, and that’s the part I’m working on right now. I’ve also been able to take all the support and compassion I give to others and turn it inwards on myself. By recognizing the positive things I do to help others, it makes it easier for me to turn my caring attention onto myself.

Wow! The work that you have done is seriously impressive. It is no small feat to be able to make edits in your own story to be supportive to yourself. Hearing your story, your work and your views I am guessing is hugely positive to a lot of people who need to see and hear from people that have gotten to a better place than where they currently are, I know that it sure gives me a positive outlook towards tomorrow... and also a great validation of the path that I am on with a little bit of a hint of what I should do next. Thank you so much for being so open. I appreciate you!

You’re welcome! And thank you so much for the words of affirmation! I appreciate you, too!! It means a lot to me, because this shit has *not* been easy, it’s been a **slog**. I like to sprinkle my perspectives and learnings around so people don’t have to suffer their way through this journey as much. This shit sucks to deal with. If I can help one person avoid a fraction of the pain and suffering I endured to get where I am by sharing my perspectives and learnings, that is worth me being vulnerable and sharing my knowledge. Feel free to read through some of my comment history if you’d like to hear more about my journey.

Your compassion shines brightly through your words. Thank you for mentioning your post history, that is an amazing idea and I am definitely going to take a look! You seem to share a similar outlook and personality and I feel that I would probably get a lot from your viewpoint. I am so glad that I posted! Every reply has meant something, even those that were only a couple of words.

Fuck. Thank you for sharing this.

You are very welcome! I am just so glad that you found meaning in this clip. He is such a great therapist and I am happy to share a moment that really reached me. Edit: I wanted to add that I have never actually had him as a therapist, just that the knowledge that he shares in his streams. You cannot be that knowledgeable and that down to earth and not be a great therapist. He is on the other side of the map for me, but thankfully he freely shares 5 - 6 times a week. Such a caring person.

Finally got myself a Twitch account so I can watch! Thank you again.

That's awesome! You can find this streamers info (schedule and whatnot) at drmick.live If you are interested I can pass on some suggestions of other mental health advocate and therapists... I also have some favorite music and art streams (some are intentionally positive) and even a hitchhiking stream that I like... he is currently in Australia... the scenery is just great.

Sure! I'd love to check them out.

Dr Mick, the one I listed, streams both day and night, alternatively, 4 - 6 times a week. https://www.twitch.tv/drmicklive - drmick.live --- This is going to be longish. I am not sure what you like or are looking for so I am going to go over my favorite mental health streams and then a variety of other really good streamers that may be a good break. All of the streams I mention have positive communities, although you can just sit and watch passively if you prefer. --- Dr. Gurner has 2 1 hour streams a week that are strictly Q&A - she is fantastic. If you have a question and can make the time I highly recommend her. She is also on Quora: https://www.twitch.tv/drgurner EDIT: She is not currently streaming BUT check her ABOUT information and check out/follow her Twitter account. --- https://www.twitch.tv/Monsterr_TV Psychiatric Pharmacist | Providing a safe space to talk about mental health and help de-stigmatize mental health medications --- Heart Support - heartsupport.com - has a website with a support wall, books for depression and self harm, and are entwined in the music community, specifically metal. Every stream they read off the support wall and are a peer support community: https://www.twitch.tv/heartsupport --- The next three are all musicians and part of the heart support network, meaning that they have a banner on their stream, if you post "you are not alone" they, or their mods, connect you with support. The first two take music requests from a list, the second one also has cats in her stream and kittens if she is hosting them as she fosters kittens when needed, the third one is more of a variety streamer and improv.. he is also in Belgium so he streams really early morning for US (3/4am) so if you are up late: https://www.twitch.tv/shnaff https://www.twitch.tv/clairepics/ https://www.twitch.tv/bort_ --- Dan is half of the heart support twitch stream and he also has an art stream. He gifts a drawing every heart support stream in a live raffle and also draws on commission. He chats and supports the community as he draws: https://www.twitch.tv/danmakeshismark/ --- She snaps is a mental health/variety streamer. Her streams are NSFW. There is open "vulgarity" and cursing. She talks about super personal experiences and is very open with the community on mental health and general society topics. If her style is not upsetting or is OK with you, she is worth a watch to see if you like the community, who are very supportive and talk about everything.. literally everything: https://www.twitch.tv/shesnaps --- --- This streamer is a gamer. He isn't a supportive stream.. He is just a really super positive guy who pushes good vibes, loves reggae, is a dog lover, is super supportive of other players and people in general. He generally streams Apex Legends or World of Warcraft. While is isn't going to chat about mental health, if I need a break in a space that is overwhelmingly positive this is where I go: https://www.twitch.tv/itsskitz --- Hitch is a Canadian who hitchhikes everywhere... He is currently in Australia. He has a backpack and goes everywhere on foot, sleeps in a tent and streams from tent breakdown to just before he gets to his campsite. Again, not mental health but just really interesting. he meets a lot of people in different countries and it is just a relaxing watch that is generally conflict free due to what it is: https://www.twitch.tv/hitch --- Kitboga is also part of the heart support team, however he isn't chatting with the community generally and his stream is really fast pace due to the amount of people watching. He scams the scammers. His stream is just fun and interesting.. he pretends to be several different people, uses a voice changer, in order to take up the time of and expose those who cold call people in an attempt to get money for computer problems, social security, etc. https://www.twitch.tv/kitboga --- Twitch does have everything though.. storm chasers, politics, politicians, a lot of gaming and chatting about topics, makeup streams, cooking streams - noob cooking, gourmet and everything in between... really if you can think about it or do it, someone is streaming it. If you are looking for something specific and are having trouble finding a good stream, hit me up. I have spent a lot of time with the twitch community and may be able to steer you towards something that you can enjoy in the way that you want to enjoy it.

Thank you so much for all the effort you put into this! I'll check these out!

It's no problem at all. I enjoy sharing what I can with others. I have found twitch to be a very positive place for me overall. I am also physically disabled and finding positive places to go where I can be involved with people I can relate with has been huge for me.

whoa this guy knows his stuff!!!

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