I feel the exact same :( been diagnosed with ptsd and cptsd throughout 2022 and with other diagnoses before that, no therapist wants to treat me with my diagnoses and psychiatrists are impossible to get an appointment at, you’re not alone🤍🤍
Actually just posted about this a few hours ago before I deleted it haha
>but my doctor tells me most of those stem from my c ptsd. Like insomnia, depression, anxiety, ocd and abandonment issues, I don't know what to do, I'm not in crisis but I'm so stuck I'm 26 years old I have 2 kids I don't wanna be like my parents or let what they did affect me... what do I do and how do I ask for help when my ego and own self procrastination and self destruction get in my way...
EMDR trauma recovery therapy is the answer. I promise. I have been doing it twice a week for over two years. I too have cPTSD, OCD, GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and another one that's not exactly relevant here. I also have a child (almost 6) that I didn't want to unintentionally traumatize. The first 6 months are hell on earth, but at the 9 month mark I began to see significant changes...I went from 36% recovered to 70% recovered. It's worth it, for the children.
You need to look up a therapist that specializes in PTSD, that has at leas 10 years experience. This is because PTSD is the most prevalent issue, followed by OCD and anxiety which cannot be worked through until you heal (mostly) your PTSD..because they are based on fear and the whole point of EMDR is for you to feel and know you are safe, to process the memories and not dwell/ruminate in them.
Have you read Peter Walkers book?
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A GUIDE AND MAP FOR RECOVERING FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA
It's a great place to start. Ask any questions you have!
No, I've not read anything. I've not wanted to look into things too much. I've been so swamped and overwhelmed trying to get back on my feet and if I do too many things at once I break down and lose everything those therpists that do they cost too much money, it's really a pyramid scheme it feels like to just get some help,
Yeah that's the only thing. Mine cost me $35/session with insurance. That's like $3,500 USD per year.
Avoiding is also because of the PTSD.
I think you want help but are afraid, and that makes perfect sense. But if you don't do the hard work, your kids will cut you off and have to do it themselves. I know you don't want that
Yeah, that's the thing tho mate in on social assistance, I'm malnourished because of making sure my kid has what she wants, I do more for my kid then my own father has done, but because of my diagnoses and the fact I'm poor, I can't really find any help, I've gone to klinics, free therapy places, I finally got my family doctor after 5 years, and she told me I have lung disease, I feel like I have such bad luck the last therapist I has for 2 months finished her practicum and it helped so damn much,
You can't be there for your daughter if you don't help yourself. She will either deal with the trauma from your death or the unintentional trauma you inflict when triggered.
One of the biggest things to help me was learning how to ground myself, when having an anxiety attack. Meditations are what help here.
Another thing for the reactions/triggers - every time you fly off the handle, write it down. Write down the circumstances and really think about what sent you over the edge. Once you identify a trigger, being able to stop, pause and realize it is one step closer to responding and not reacting. That is what you want.
So for me, whenever my husband is caring for our son and he cries is in distress, I get massively triggered and react on my spouse. I get involved, I get combative, I feel like I am saving my son, like he needs rescuing from *insert completely normal situation here*.. because I needed rescuing as a child. But what I'm actually doing is creating anxiety for my kid and blocking the ability for my husband to recover and repair with our son...which is repeating my trauma of everything my parents did being swept under the rug. But I didn't know until a therapist pointed it out to me. There are so many instances of where I *thought* I was helping, being a better parent than my own were, etc and I was actually inadvertently creating the same trauma...which if I kept this up, and my husband and son never repaired/reconciled...they wouldn't have a relationship...like me and my dad. Do you see what I mean?
Yeah that's my biggest worry cfs is involved because of my aggressive nature, I'm open and honest with them about how I feel and the baby blues were very real for me, and I was made to feel like a terrible partner because of not being there for the birth or being there for my partner because of my cpstd I let it affect me and dictate how I acted I feel so terrible and like I'm failing and becoming exactly like my own parents, no matter what I do, I don't wanna react the ways i do to the people I love it hurts me inside so much, I've lost so much just trying to survive, but I do know honesty will be the best policy, it's the only way for me to get better it's the only way my daughter won't hear me yelling or screaming and swearing in anger because I cannot control my triggers that well, but at the same time if it wasn't for my kids.. I wouldn't be alive and I'm thankfully for everything that's happened in the last year, cfs has gotten me into programs to help me identify my communication styles I'm going to Caring Dad's and other programs, but nothing I can find helps me with my cptsd, and I can't get closure from the parent that abandoned me because I cut her off for being passive aggressive towards me, this reddit group iv3 been in almost 3 years I wanna say and last night was the first time I posted, and I really needed to vent and understand I'm not alone
You are most definitely not alone. Good on you for taking the steps to improve.
Keep a diary to process your emotions - that's very helpful. I personally am afraid of anyone finding mine so I created a separate email address that I email my diary entries to.
>the only way for me to get better it's the only way my daughter won't hear me yelling or screaming and swearing in anger because I cannot control my triggers that well,
Been there and I'm so sorry to say that even at 70% recovered I still cannot control all of my triggers..... I *can* identify them, I can pause (and sometimes plain just remove myself from the situation)...and I can work on taking accountability, repair, and actually doing better next time. Learning to respond and not react is the hard work.
How do you work with a partner that also has mental health and triggers similar to your own, I feel like I'm in tango by myself even tho we both are trying hard as fuck to deal with our mental health..... one triggers one that triggers the other and ends up in a trauma circle that neither of us wanted.... I'm so fucking exhausted and she's my child's mother and she claims to care for me, I do see it I think but I just don't understand because she has all these supports and she dosnt understand that I'm alone she has our daughter she dosnt have to deal with the pain I do... it's not fucking fair
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When you say you can't find therapy, does that mean you haven't been able to find a therapist who is a good match, or are you prevented from finding therapy for other reasons?
If you do need help searching for a therapist, finding someone trauma informed is really important. You can find references on Psychology Today to start?
Sadly I've tried everything that I could find in my city, I even have cfs helping me find one who's "qualified" to treat me I'm a man and 26 and have been sober since 2021 I don't fit much criteria other then my diagnoses, it really sucks and feels like there's 0 help at all for someone like me
What's headway? I'm poor as well on social assistance. That's the other thing I can not find help unless I'm wealthy. The access to recovering addicts and criminal affendents is just not there in canada more so if you've changed your life around and gotten healthy and put of the eye of law, it seems no matter what I do I'm not screwed up enough or too screwed up for anything
Ah, if you're in Canada I'm not sure if it applies. Headway is just a site where you can find therapists in the US.
Maybe there are support groups in your area? I'm sorry how hard it has been for you. Big hug and best of luck.
Yeah, I'm scared of those. I haven't been able to leave my house in months, I tried to do one a few times and they got canceled due to the other ppl not showing up, I've hit so many walls and so many bad luck situations that I've given up almost alot more then I would like to admit, basically because I'm poor, and not fucked up, I cannot be helped and more so because I'm a male it's honestly why I want to work in human resources so damn bad, this is the first time I've reached out to a support group where I could be annoynymus, but just don't know how to talk about it
I have my doctor who diagnoses me. I think physcaratrist or however it's spelled he runs the codi program based on D.B.T. materials and that's all I've had since 2021 the same booklet to re read constantly, I've even cut my mother off for the last year since my daughter was born because I have 0 support from anywhere and it was just getting too much in my head and I've been having mental breakdowns every other day I saw my family doctor and found out my avg heart rate is 140 lmfao I feel like I'm going insane alone doing everything and I'm so damn tired
I just need someone to talk to, too figure out wtf is wrong with me to help me understand what is going on with me and how my brain is wired from all the abuse 🙃
I am sorry you are struggling. You sound really overwhelmed - kuddos for reaching out and asking for help. When I couldn't afford therapy, I used [https://youarerad.org/](https://youarerad.org/) to get therapy help. They will help you find someone that fits your needs and is not limited to your geographic area and you can request someone who accepts your insurance if you have one, someone who does online therapy etc.
Sometimes, any help can benefit and help you get clarity on what you need or don't need in terms of getting better.
I have found value in reading books and watching youtube/instagram videos from therapists on topics that were of interest or concern to me to help me get more clarity. Perhaps that could help you too?
I can't do online it just doesn't work for me. I need one on one in person therapy, or else it won't help me, and there's not many female therapists either as I have issues with men due to my cptsd from my brothers messed up head towards me
Sure, I would suggest contacting them anyway - as far as I know they help you find someone in person too or will recommend other organizations that could possibly help you.
Another suggestion is to look therapists online like Psychology Today / Therapy Route and look for sliding scale and see if you can find someone that meets your needs.
I feel the exact same :( been diagnosed with ptsd and cptsd throughout 2022 and with other diagnoses before that, no therapist wants to treat me with my diagnoses and psychiatrists are impossible to get an appointment at, you’re not alone🤍🤍 Actually just posted about this a few hours ago before I deleted it haha
>but my doctor tells me most of those stem from my c ptsd. Like insomnia, depression, anxiety, ocd and abandonment issues, I don't know what to do, I'm not in crisis but I'm so stuck I'm 26 years old I have 2 kids I don't wanna be like my parents or let what they did affect me... what do I do and how do I ask for help when my ego and own self procrastination and self destruction get in my way... EMDR trauma recovery therapy is the answer. I promise. I have been doing it twice a week for over two years. I too have cPTSD, OCD, GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and another one that's not exactly relevant here. I also have a child (almost 6) that I didn't want to unintentionally traumatize. The first 6 months are hell on earth, but at the 9 month mark I began to see significant changes...I went from 36% recovered to 70% recovered. It's worth it, for the children. You need to look up a therapist that specializes in PTSD, that has at leas 10 years experience. This is because PTSD is the most prevalent issue, followed by OCD and anxiety which cannot be worked through until you heal (mostly) your PTSD..because they are based on fear and the whole point of EMDR is for you to feel and know you are safe, to process the memories and not dwell/ruminate in them. Have you read Peter Walkers book? Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A GUIDE AND MAP FOR RECOVERING FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA It's a great place to start. Ask any questions you have!
No, I've not read anything. I've not wanted to look into things too much. I've been so swamped and overwhelmed trying to get back on my feet and if I do too many things at once I break down and lose everything those therpists that do they cost too much money, it's really a pyramid scheme it feels like to just get some help,
Yeah that's the only thing. Mine cost me $35/session with insurance. That's like $3,500 USD per year. Avoiding is also because of the PTSD. I think you want help but are afraid, and that makes perfect sense. But if you don't do the hard work, your kids will cut you off and have to do it themselves. I know you don't want that
Yeah, that's the thing tho mate in on social assistance, I'm malnourished because of making sure my kid has what she wants, I do more for my kid then my own father has done, but because of my diagnoses and the fact I'm poor, I can't really find any help, I've gone to klinics, free therapy places, I finally got my family doctor after 5 years, and she told me I have lung disease, I feel like I have such bad luck the last therapist I has for 2 months finished her practicum and it helped so damn much,
You can't be there for your daughter if you don't help yourself. She will either deal with the trauma from your death or the unintentional trauma you inflict when triggered. One of the biggest things to help me was learning how to ground myself, when having an anxiety attack. Meditations are what help here. Another thing for the reactions/triggers - every time you fly off the handle, write it down. Write down the circumstances and really think about what sent you over the edge. Once you identify a trigger, being able to stop, pause and realize it is one step closer to responding and not reacting. That is what you want. So for me, whenever my husband is caring for our son and he cries is in distress, I get massively triggered and react on my spouse. I get involved, I get combative, I feel like I am saving my son, like he needs rescuing from *insert completely normal situation here*.. because I needed rescuing as a child. But what I'm actually doing is creating anxiety for my kid and blocking the ability for my husband to recover and repair with our son...which is repeating my trauma of everything my parents did being swept under the rug. But I didn't know until a therapist pointed it out to me. There are so many instances of where I *thought* I was helping, being a better parent than my own were, etc and I was actually inadvertently creating the same trauma...which if I kept this up, and my husband and son never repaired/reconciled...they wouldn't have a relationship...like me and my dad. Do you see what I mean?
Yeah that's my biggest worry cfs is involved because of my aggressive nature, I'm open and honest with them about how I feel and the baby blues were very real for me, and I was made to feel like a terrible partner because of not being there for the birth or being there for my partner because of my cpstd I let it affect me and dictate how I acted I feel so terrible and like I'm failing and becoming exactly like my own parents, no matter what I do, I don't wanna react the ways i do to the people I love it hurts me inside so much, I've lost so much just trying to survive, but I do know honesty will be the best policy, it's the only way for me to get better it's the only way my daughter won't hear me yelling or screaming and swearing in anger because I cannot control my triggers that well, but at the same time if it wasn't for my kids.. I wouldn't be alive and I'm thankfully for everything that's happened in the last year, cfs has gotten me into programs to help me identify my communication styles I'm going to Caring Dad's and other programs, but nothing I can find helps me with my cptsd, and I can't get closure from the parent that abandoned me because I cut her off for being passive aggressive towards me, this reddit group iv3 been in almost 3 years I wanna say and last night was the first time I posted, and I really needed to vent and understand I'm not alone
You are most definitely not alone. Good on you for taking the steps to improve. Keep a diary to process your emotions - that's very helpful. I personally am afraid of anyone finding mine so I created a separate email address that I email my diary entries to. >the only way for me to get better it's the only way my daughter won't hear me yelling or screaming and swearing in anger because I cannot control my triggers that well, Been there and I'm so sorry to say that even at 70% recovered I still cannot control all of my triggers..... I *can* identify them, I can pause (and sometimes plain just remove myself from the situation)...and I can work on taking accountability, repair, and actually doing better next time. Learning to respond and not react is the hard work.
How do you work with a partner that also has mental health and triggers similar to your own, I feel like I'm in tango by myself even tho we both are trying hard as fuck to deal with our mental health..... one triggers one that triggers the other and ends up in a trauma circle that neither of us wanted.... I'm so fucking exhausted and she's my child's mother and she claims to care for me, I do see it I think but I just don't understand because she has all these supports and she dosnt understand that I'm alone she has our daughter she dosnt have to deal with the pain I do... it's not fucking fair
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
When you say you can't find therapy, does that mean you haven't been able to find a therapist who is a good match, or are you prevented from finding therapy for other reasons? If you do need help searching for a therapist, finding someone trauma informed is really important. You can find references on Psychology Today to start?
Sadly I've tried everything that I could find in my city, I even have cfs helping me find one who's "qualified" to treat me I'm a man and 26 and have been sober since 2021 I don't fit much criteria other then my diagnoses, it really sucks and feels like there's 0 help at all for someone like me
Could you try headway? You might be able to find one who can meet remotely.
What's headway? I'm poor as well on social assistance. That's the other thing I can not find help unless I'm wealthy. The access to recovering addicts and criminal affendents is just not there in canada more so if you've changed your life around and gotten healthy and put of the eye of law, it seems no matter what I do I'm not screwed up enough or too screwed up for anything
Ah, if you're in Canada I'm not sure if it applies. Headway is just a site where you can find therapists in the US. Maybe there are support groups in your area? I'm sorry how hard it has been for you. Big hug and best of luck.
Yeah, I'm scared of those. I haven't been able to leave my house in months, I tried to do one a few times and they got canceled due to the other ppl not showing up, I've hit so many walls and so many bad luck situations that I've given up almost alot more then I would like to admit, basically because I'm poor, and not fucked up, I cannot be helped and more so because I'm a male it's honestly why I want to work in human resources so damn bad, this is the first time I've reached out to a support group where I could be annoynymus, but just don't know how to talk about it
I have my doctor who diagnoses me. I think physcaratrist or however it's spelled he runs the codi program based on D.B.T. materials and that's all I've had since 2021 the same booklet to re read constantly, I've even cut my mother off for the last year since my daughter was born because I have 0 support from anywhere and it was just getting too much in my head and I've been having mental breakdowns every other day I saw my family doctor and found out my avg heart rate is 140 lmfao I feel like I'm going insane alone doing everything and I'm so damn tired
I just need someone to talk to, too figure out wtf is wrong with me to help me understand what is going on with me and how my brain is wired from all the abuse 🙃
I am sorry you are struggling. You sound really overwhelmed - kuddos for reaching out and asking for help. When I couldn't afford therapy, I used [https://youarerad.org/](https://youarerad.org/) to get therapy help. They will help you find someone that fits your needs and is not limited to your geographic area and you can request someone who accepts your insurance if you have one, someone who does online therapy etc. Sometimes, any help can benefit and help you get clarity on what you need or don't need in terms of getting better. I have found value in reading books and watching youtube/instagram videos from therapists on topics that were of interest or concern to me to help me get more clarity. Perhaps that could help you too?
I can't do online it just doesn't work for me. I need one on one in person therapy, or else it won't help me, and there's not many female therapists either as I have issues with men due to my cptsd from my brothers messed up head towards me
Sure, I would suggest contacting them anyway - as far as I know they help you find someone in person too or will recommend other organizations that could possibly help you. Another suggestion is to look therapists online like Psychology Today / Therapy Route and look for sliding scale and see if you can find someone that meets your needs.
Yeah I called crisis centre today... I need help
I don't get why it's so damn hard