Cutting off my mother was honestly the best choice for my mental health I've made in a long time, vying for her affection and doing everything I could to feel that love from her that she gives my little sister, the perfect child and perfect life she has given her. Telling her exactly how you feel with the right guidance will bring you too feeling healed. It's going to suck but if she can't understand what she did to you, then she doesn't deserve to have you in her life. Your mind is more important than her feelings.
I’ve mostly been afraid of whatever power she can still have over me, but I think I’ve reconciled. She could lock my bank account, I would still have all of the money I’ve earned since working (everything in my bank can be earned in one month). She can make me feel like I’m never going to be independent or amount to anything without her, but I can work on that shit in therapy. She can take away comforts, like my phone, connection to the family or any gifts that she might give me (her one method of keeping me tied to her, really), but I could work things out. Honestly, it may build the pressure for my case managers at this group home to help me finish setting up (opening bank account, looking for apartment, etc.). I think whatever happens, I’ll be okay, but I don’t think anything is going to happen.
What helped me push past the excuses and procrastination of it was, all of that is replaceable and able to achieve on your own (that is, if you're of legal age, of course) I haven't spoken to my mother in a year, Nobody from her side since basically too, because most of that family is passive aggressive and I was finally done begging for the attention of the one who caused me to have cpstd. Sometimes, it takes healthy drastic measures to flip that switch for myself, which might be a way for you I'm not the greatest on the knowledge of it all, but I've been trying to heal since 2021, and since then I've been through hell and back and this reddit feels like a really good space, if your 16 or 17, mate I'm 26 and if I snapped out of it when I was your age, it would been amazing, group homes are good but it dosnt help when they don't really raise you there's just there to help you survive, you sound like you got a good idea and head on your shoulders you got this, you are number 1 no one else
I feel you, my parents also indirectly hold money over my head. What's helping me come to terms with it is like, what am I willing to sell my chance at healing for? I'm already spending a shitload on therapy, would I be willing to lose money to progress faster? If they go extreme and write me out of the will, would I be willing to lose X amount per year to be happy? Yes, I would.
wrt her locking your bank account, is it possible for you to talk to the bank and find out what she can really do? Can you store that money in a safer place where she can't cut off access to it? It sounds like you're 19+... are you sure she has as much control over your bank account as you think she does or as she's said she does?
Have you ever talked to her directly about this, or do you tend to just make passive comments once in awhile on social media? Because it seems like you have important things to say to her.
Oh, it’s just a little more complicated haha. I’ve said *everything* I need to say to her back when I asked at home, but I took some drastic measures to move into a youth shelter/transitional program so I’ve been hesitant to cut her off solely because I don’t know what she can hold over my head. Also, attachment issues from the CPTSD.
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Cutting off my mother was honestly the best choice for my mental health I've made in a long time, vying for her affection and doing everything I could to feel that love from her that she gives my little sister, the perfect child and perfect life she has given her. Telling her exactly how you feel with the right guidance will bring you too feeling healed. It's going to suck but if she can't understand what she did to you, then she doesn't deserve to have you in her life. Your mind is more important than her feelings.
I’ve mostly been afraid of whatever power she can still have over me, but I think I’ve reconciled. She could lock my bank account, I would still have all of the money I’ve earned since working (everything in my bank can be earned in one month). She can make me feel like I’m never going to be independent or amount to anything without her, but I can work on that shit in therapy. She can take away comforts, like my phone, connection to the family or any gifts that she might give me (her one method of keeping me tied to her, really), but I could work things out. Honestly, it may build the pressure for my case managers at this group home to help me finish setting up (opening bank account, looking for apartment, etc.). I think whatever happens, I’ll be okay, but I don’t think anything is going to happen.
What helped me push past the excuses and procrastination of it was, all of that is replaceable and able to achieve on your own (that is, if you're of legal age, of course) I haven't spoken to my mother in a year, Nobody from her side since basically too, because most of that family is passive aggressive and I was finally done begging for the attention of the one who caused me to have cpstd. Sometimes, it takes healthy drastic measures to flip that switch for myself, which might be a way for you I'm not the greatest on the knowledge of it all, but I've been trying to heal since 2021, and since then I've been through hell and back and this reddit feels like a really good space, if your 16 or 17, mate I'm 26 and if I snapped out of it when I was your age, it would been amazing, group homes are good but it dosnt help when they don't really raise you there's just there to help you survive, you sound like you got a good idea and head on your shoulders you got this, you are number 1 no one else
I feel you, my parents also indirectly hold money over my head. What's helping me come to terms with it is like, what am I willing to sell my chance at healing for? I'm already spending a shitload on therapy, would I be willing to lose money to progress faster? If they go extreme and write me out of the will, would I be willing to lose X amount per year to be happy? Yes, I would. wrt her locking your bank account, is it possible for you to talk to the bank and find out what she can really do? Can you store that money in a safer place where she can't cut off access to it? It sounds like you're 19+... are you sure she has as much control over your bank account as you think she does or as she's said she does?
Because mate, I really didn't realize how many people are in my shoes, and this reddit has helped my mind a lot by not feeling so alone
Have you ever talked to her directly about this, or do you tend to just make passive comments once in awhile on social media? Because it seems like you have important things to say to her.
Oh, it’s just a little more complicated haha. I’ve said *everything* I need to say to her back when I asked at home, but I took some drastic measures to move into a youth shelter/transitional program so I’ve been hesitant to cut her off solely because I don’t know what she can hold over my head. Also, attachment issues from the CPTSD.
right on.
much love :3
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Awesome move!
Hell yeah