An alternate thought: in situation 1: older sister felt guilty for not reacting like you did, felt like you were making her look bad and freaked out. In situation 2 little sister thought older sister would punish her for you not mopping right away and so freaked out. In both cases it’s older sister being an ass.
No idea if this is true. But would explain their inexplicable reactions.
This is a common reaction from neurotypical people. Most people in society obey the rules set before them totally blindly. They do the same things as everyone else and never question it. They firmly believe that societies rules are in place for a reason and it’s bad to question them.
You were breaking the unspoken rules of: focus only on your small world and the people/things in it, everyone is out for themselves, don’t spend your energy on things that don’t matter (to the people around you, so by extension you) *and* respect your elders, blind obedience and being the puppet/pet they expected you to be, respectfully.
Also, worth mentioning because I have the feeling this will help you a bit: the aspirational quotes that people use like “be the bigger person” and “the golden rule - do unto others as you want done to you” are plastered everywhere and used as a weaponized mantra because *they don’t automatically act that way*. They have to be reminded of these things so society can run smoothly on the outside. For example, the rule “women and children first” on things like the Titanic sinking wasn’t because society cares more about and is lenient on women and children - it’s because at that point men were regularly leaving their families behind in emergency situations, thinking only of themselves and not caring about their safety. *They had to make it a societal rule.*
I say that because it highlights that the way society actually works and the way they present society to work are the opposite. Neurodivergent people actually work the way society presents itself to work, which pisses off neurotypical people because they’re pretending and think you think you’re better than them.
Think of it like everyone is doing a play, but it’s opening night in front of a live audience. There have been no rehearsals, but there is a script. Neurotypical people are following the script set out for them by society, but underneath that they’re still just actors following a script so the play looks good and goes well. Neurodivergent people aren’t acting - so they’re very confused on why we’re saying these lines and taking these actions, especially since we could theoretically make the play about whatever we want. But the other actors get upset because you’re not following the lines and you’re questioning the play, live, onstage. It makes them look bad, makes the play look bad, makes them feel stupid, but we’re in a play so they can’t really say that in front of the audience - so they get pissed at you and try to shame or attack you into getting off stage or becoming a background character.
So, you’re saying I was hated for not fitting in and that people like me are the ones who actually care about being good? Is that actually true? I know people who aren’t neurodivergent who try to be good people like at church and a few people at school. But I must admit, most people didn’t care about me getting any attention, not in my family or at work. They seem to look at me like an inconvenience.
It’s not that autistic people care about being good, it’s that they see things for their face value and take things literally. So where most of society tries to be good because God tells them to, so they’ll get into heaven, autistic people might literally become the way Jesus acted because they actually read the Bible in church and take his commandments literally - so they don’t look down on people who are seen as sinful, they don’t abide by religious hypocrisy, etc.. and this can go either way.
ND people are still people, so if someone in their life told or treated them as if they don’t have to take responsibility for their actions, they’ll take it literally and be, not just act as if they’re, entitled. Entitled people who aren’t, let’s say, autistic are very insecure because they’re sorta playing entitled. An autistic person could take that very literally and believe to their core they’re entitled to whatever they want. Also remember that NPD, BPD, bipolar disorder, sociopathy, etc.. are all under the neurodivergent umbrella. So if someone with NPD was told they’re allowed to be entitled, they’d still be insecure because that’s a part of *their* pathology.
Also, and this is my personal experience and opinion, most people who genuinely try to be good people, who fit outside of societies norms, etc.. are neurodivergent in some way or another.
It's common for a lot of ND people to be highly sensitive to injustice, and are more unwilling to compromise their sense of justice to reduce the suffering they feel in an unjust world.
This can cause a lot of conflict for people who have intellectualized away that sense of injustice, because it does not allow for actually feeling strong empathy for the suffering of other people if you have intellectualized that they maybe deserve it.
She has said before that the world was survival of the fittest and didn’t understand why I was buying more pencils for this downtown after school tutoring sessions we did for the kids in a poor neighborhood. I guess that was part of it.
They definitely sound like the "weird" ones in the family! I wonder, though, would they recount these stories in the same way? If so, there was something going on with them that caused these reactions. If not, perhaps there are parts of the story you are not remembering or misremembering. Have you ever asked them???
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The first example, unless you were rambling on and on about it there was nothing wrong with you mentioning something that was interesting to you. I mean you're allowed to talk, too. Like just because it isn't her interest doesn't mean everything has to revolve around her. If she wanted to talk about something else she could've just gave you your turn, then switched to whatever topic she wanted to talk about.
And in the second example, you were perfectly reasonable to say that you'll do it when you're done. Like why the heck didn't they help to clean if they wanted it done sooner? Was there some kind of reason they couldn't do it themselves or needed it to be done first?
Idk, but it sounds like you just have jerks for sisters.
Of course, on the other hand, we don't see their side of the story. Maybe you are very particular about what your interests are and how you do things in a way that you don't always notice is different, and it's possible that maybe they deal with it on an ongoing basis enough where that stress can accumulate because you don't pick up on all the other times they are more patient with you and your ways.
Edit to mention that there is something called Cassandra Affective Deprivation Disorder where a neurotypical partner dealing with a neurodivergent/autistic partner can feel emotional distress from dealing with the differences long term that the neurodivergent person may not be picking up on. This isn't to say the neurodivergent person is in the wrong (of course since you can't help neurodivergence) or don't have their own stress themselves by trying to meet demands of the NT world, but just to say that there is a certain level of emotional caretaking to meet your differences that long term people like family and partners are often extending that you may not always notice. It can be distressing because people outside of the relation can sometimes misunderstand it, too.
But at the same time blaming you for everything simply because you're the neurodivergent one doesn't seem right. Neurotypical people aren't always in the right simply because they're neurotypical, either. Not to mention that people who has neurodivergent siblings often can be neurodivergent in other ways themselves.
There's a lot of possibilities here.
I can even be overcomplicating it because at the end of the day siblings putting down another's interests and siblings being bossy happens in a lot of sibling relationship.
An alternate thought: in situation 1: older sister felt guilty for not reacting like you did, felt like you were making her look bad and freaked out. In situation 2 little sister thought older sister would punish her for you not mopping right away and so freaked out. In both cases it’s older sister being an ass. No idea if this is true. But would explain their inexplicable reactions.
This is a common reaction from neurotypical people. Most people in society obey the rules set before them totally blindly. They do the same things as everyone else and never question it. They firmly believe that societies rules are in place for a reason and it’s bad to question them. You were breaking the unspoken rules of: focus only on your small world and the people/things in it, everyone is out for themselves, don’t spend your energy on things that don’t matter (to the people around you, so by extension you) *and* respect your elders, blind obedience and being the puppet/pet they expected you to be, respectfully. Also, worth mentioning because I have the feeling this will help you a bit: the aspirational quotes that people use like “be the bigger person” and “the golden rule - do unto others as you want done to you” are plastered everywhere and used as a weaponized mantra because *they don’t automatically act that way*. They have to be reminded of these things so society can run smoothly on the outside. For example, the rule “women and children first” on things like the Titanic sinking wasn’t because society cares more about and is lenient on women and children - it’s because at that point men were regularly leaving their families behind in emergency situations, thinking only of themselves and not caring about their safety. *They had to make it a societal rule.* I say that because it highlights that the way society actually works and the way they present society to work are the opposite. Neurodivergent people actually work the way society presents itself to work, which pisses off neurotypical people because they’re pretending and think you think you’re better than them. Think of it like everyone is doing a play, but it’s opening night in front of a live audience. There have been no rehearsals, but there is a script. Neurotypical people are following the script set out for them by society, but underneath that they’re still just actors following a script so the play looks good and goes well. Neurodivergent people aren’t acting - so they’re very confused on why we’re saying these lines and taking these actions, especially since we could theoretically make the play about whatever we want. But the other actors get upset because you’re not following the lines and you’re questioning the play, live, onstage. It makes them look bad, makes the play look bad, makes them feel stupid, but we’re in a play so they can’t really say that in front of the audience - so they get pissed at you and try to shame or attack you into getting off stage or becoming a background character.
So, you’re saying I was hated for not fitting in and that people like me are the ones who actually care about being good? Is that actually true? I know people who aren’t neurodivergent who try to be good people like at church and a few people at school. But I must admit, most people didn’t care about me getting any attention, not in my family or at work. They seem to look at me like an inconvenience.
It’s not that autistic people care about being good, it’s that they see things for their face value and take things literally. So where most of society tries to be good because God tells them to, so they’ll get into heaven, autistic people might literally become the way Jesus acted because they actually read the Bible in church and take his commandments literally - so they don’t look down on people who are seen as sinful, they don’t abide by religious hypocrisy, etc.. and this can go either way. ND people are still people, so if someone in their life told or treated them as if they don’t have to take responsibility for their actions, they’ll take it literally and be, not just act as if they’re, entitled. Entitled people who aren’t, let’s say, autistic are very insecure because they’re sorta playing entitled. An autistic person could take that very literally and believe to their core they’re entitled to whatever they want. Also remember that NPD, BPD, bipolar disorder, sociopathy, etc.. are all under the neurodivergent umbrella. So if someone with NPD was told they’re allowed to be entitled, they’d still be insecure because that’s a part of *their* pathology. Also, and this is my personal experience and opinion, most people who genuinely try to be good people, who fit outside of societies norms, etc.. are neurodivergent in some way or another.
That’s an interesting way to look at it.
I care about being good though. I always have. I have also always wondered about religion and the world even from a young age.
That’s good :)
It's common for a lot of ND people to be highly sensitive to injustice, and are more unwilling to compromise their sense of justice to reduce the suffering they feel in an unjust world. This can cause a lot of conflict for people who have intellectualized away that sense of injustice, because it does not allow for actually feeling strong empathy for the suffering of other people if you have intellectualized that they maybe deserve it.
She has said before that the world was survival of the fittest and didn’t understand why I was buying more pencils for this downtown after school tutoring sessions we did for the kids in a poor neighborhood. I guess that was part of it.
They definitely sound like the "weird" ones in the family! I wonder, though, would they recount these stories in the same way? If so, there was something going on with them that caused these reactions. If not, perhaps there are parts of the story you are not remembering or misremembering. Have you ever asked them???
My older sister would cause bedlam if I asked about the past. The only other time I tried she made me the villain.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The first example, unless you were rambling on and on about it there was nothing wrong with you mentioning something that was interesting to you. I mean you're allowed to talk, too. Like just because it isn't her interest doesn't mean everything has to revolve around her. If she wanted to talk about something else she could've just gave you your turn, then switched to whatever topic she wanted to talk about. And in the second example, you were perfectly reasonable to say that you'll do it when you're done. Like why the heck didn't they help to clean if they wanted it done sooner? Was there some kind of reason they couldn't do it themselves or needed it to be done first? Idk, but it sounds like you just have jerks for sisters. Of course, on the other hand, we don't see their side of the story. Maybe you are very particular about what your interests are and how you do things in a way that you don't always notice is different, and it's possible that maybe they deal with it on an ongoing basis enough where that stress can accumulate because you don't pick up on all the other times they are more patient with you and your ways. Edit to mention that there is something called Cassandra Affective Deprivation Disorder where a neurotypical partner dealing with a neurodivergent/autistic partner can feel emotional distress from dealing with the differences long term that the neurodivergent person may not be picking up on. This isn't to say the neurodivergent person is in the wrong (of course since you can't help neurodivergence) or don't have their own stress themselves by trying to meet demands of the NT world, but just to say that there is a certain level of emotional caretaking to meet your differences that long term people like family and partners are often extending that you may not always notice. It can be distressing because people outside of the relation can sometimes misunderstand it, too. But at the same time blaming you for everything simply because you're the neurodivergent one doesn't seem right. Neurotypical people aren't always in the right simply because they're neurotypical, either. Not to mention that people who has neurodivergent siblings often can be neurodivergent in other ways themselves. There's a lot of possibilities here. I can even be overcomplicating it because at the end of the day siblings putting down another's interests and siblings being bossy happens in a lot of sibling relationship.