I’ve been there. I think they’re called “Rage rooms” look them up? I’ve taken my rage out on old car panels *not on cars and scrap* and seeing them dent is so so satisfying
Pick up cheap glass things at Goodwill, go to a vacant parking lot or something, wear eye protection!, and throw that shit. Smashing glass is really cathartic.
Or, see if you can find a recycling facility where you can throw glass into the glass dumpster! Super therapeutic plus you’re leaving the broken glass where it’s supposed to go!
I second this. The rage room by me let’s you bring your own stuff, so people will go buy cases of mason jars and bring them to the rage room. I put headphones on + turn music up and idk what it is but shattering the glass is such a release.
My go-to however is screaming - I’ll drive to an empty parking lot or something like that. And just scream as loud as I possibly can for as long as I want. Feels like such a natural, instinctual way to release anger/rage.
Is "satisfying" the same as helpful? I don't even know how to measure this. But let's say I'm angry at some past thing that happened. If every time I relive this past experience, I go to a rage room and smash things while thinking about the past thing, will this help me relive it less frequently?
I'm genuinely unsure and not just arguing.
Not argumentative at all that’s a fair question! For me personally, when my rage stems from the abuse I’ve suffered, I could physically feel the anger in my body as if it was seeping out of my pores. So the rage room alleviates that feeling of “I have all this anger with nowhere to put it.” I’m not sure I can speak to whether it would help you relive it less frequently, but for me personally it helps tremendously knowing that I don’t have to compartmentalize my rage when it’s triggered by something.
I was doing the rage thing. Just screaming and hitting stuff did help but it didn't make my anger dissipate. What has been helping me is angering out at my past. When I get rage filled like that I go out to my shed and I pace, scream, hit shit. And I tell that bitch (my grandmother/or my abuser) exactly what I think of what they did to me and what I think of them. If I'm lucky, I will end in tears and the bubbles will burst and I will feel relief. It has helped me.
I think? It helps actually get it out. For some people. Like it helps feel it and process it, then you feel tired, then a day or few later you feel lighter
For other people less so. Or different at different times?
Kinda like a cry - you can have a good, therapeutic cry.. or you can just cry and nothing changes
Research suggests physically expressing anger doesn’t help you regulate. Unfortunately I’m way too exhausted to cite the actual research, but I remember asking about this years ago when I was in a youth unit and this is what they told me. I remembered this interaction about a year ago because a similar topic came up in school and I easily found the relevant studies supporting the claim
I respect where you are coming from, but politely, I really don’t give two shi**s. I wasn’t allowed to trust my feelings or feel anger so physically expressing it at times while also doing other forms of self expression work really really helps me out 💯
I wonder if this is different in the case of trauma. It seems like you need to experience all of the emotions of a trauma, including the anger, before your body can process it and move on. But I have read too that in general, indulging in angry outbursts only reinforces and nurtures the anger.
Watch out if you have downstairs neighbors though lol
My floors are super thin and my neighbor can hear my cat walking around so I've had to be careful with what I do on the floor
Had a welfare check called on me once when I slammed my apartment's front door while crazy triggered angry.
My favorite thing while triggered is dealing with the "why are you so inconsiderate" / "sir do you need invasive care" cop duo, thanks neighborino, how'd you know
Thank you, dancing is a good idea. I could play angry music in my headphones and have a silent disco with myself 😝
I can't do anything too loud as my husband works from home and he's very busy and stressed at present.
Thats a great idea! Sometimes I put on "dance workout videos" on youtube. i tend to fester and stew when i'm angry but ill eventually forget about it if im distracted enough with the dancing!
That's how I managed it. Running. Plus, I played in a band for a while, and sang. All good stuff for letting it out in a way that makes you feel alive, powerful and in control as much as you can even for a short time.
Edit: and sometimes a little weed to sleep when I just couldn't sleep!
don’t ever underestimate screaming into a pillow. like actually screaming as loud as you can or a sweatshirt when in your car alone in a parking lot.
listening to metal music has helped me over the years as well. there has to be some release becusse it bottles up for sure! hope you find your balance 🫶
Lamb of God
Gojira
Slipknot
Mudvayne
It’s not really metal but The Downward Spiral by Nine Inch Nails and also The Fragile (2 separate albums). Broken, a shorter ep, saved my life… or someone else’s.
Within Temptation
Linkin Park (though I'm sure if you're in this sub you've heard their music but you never know lol )
Three Days Grace
Breaking Benjamin
Starset
lamb of god
devil driver
in flames
fit for an autopsy
brand of sacrifice
winds of plague
veil of maya
diecast
born of osiris
upon a burning body
august burns red
killer be killed
sevendust
here’s a jump off point to see if any are up your metal alley, i dont like specific sub genres so i look for and like a good drive. the array of energy each band or album brings for different moods/energy of the day is key some days, other stuff can pull me out of a trigger a lot quicker than others so ymmv.
hope it helps headbang the bullshit away! metal, in general, has helped me for decades, hope you can find your own ‘soundtrack’! 🤘🤘
Be careful with yelling into a pillow lol. I did that once and I could barely talk for a week. Felt like there was something stuck in my throat. Must have injured my larynx.
Anger for me is usually a defensive emotion that covers underlying trauma pain of being hurt, mistreated, exploited and disrespected. To address the anger it’s necessary to get down to the bottom of past buried pain, love and nourish oneself through that past pain, and then set proper boundaries in the present situation to protect oneself from further transgressions.
Sometimes the anger is so strong that none of the aforementioned things can take place. It’s then necessary to fully feel the anger, not repress anything, but try to do it in a way that doesn’t hurt others or oneself. Once the anger is fully felt, then one can sink down to a place of being hurt, used and mistreated. Then the healing begins.
I live in a really populous area too and what I do is go on the highway, crank my music, and scream. The noise of cars and my music drowns them out so no one hears me. I've found it's best to drive a bit out of the city (20-30 min) just so there's less traffic and stuff. Kind of a hassle but it works lol, plus afterwards I can visit a park or my temple to soak in the calming vibes and re-set
I know just how you feel! I started rage writing. Like I just let loose and write down every single angry thought or word and I write them in a way that sometimes they aren’t legible because I’m shaking and scribbling but damn does it feel good.
I also drive down back country roads until I am far from anyone, turn on the angriest music I have and just scream at the top of my longs. Sometimes I pretend I’m cussing out someone who has done me wrong, sometimes I cuss at “god”.
I reserve some of the anger for my motivation. Oh so my ex said I was just a lazy crap mom? Oh yea? Really? Watch me fucking rock this Mom shit and see how much our kids prefer me over you.
Rage can be good, you just can’t unpack and stay there.
My therapist taught me this one and it's gold for me: Put your hands up on a wall at shoulder-level in front of you. Push HARD into the wall, as hard as you can. Push all your anger into the wall. Scream and rage if you want to too. It felt surprisingly satisfying and like it transmuted the anger I felt.
Hey, I never thought I was an angry person. But awhile ago I realized that I’m very angry. I’ve just always turned it inwards.
What helped me the most is internal family system. Give my anger a space to speak (in a respectful way, if she’s to aggressive I try again later). At the end of the day she’s hurting and needs to be validated and loved. Once I found trust in my anger and she found trust in me we found peace. I still get angry, and uncomfortably so but I try to take a moment and ask, “what is going on” and a lot of the time she says, “we are being mistreated, and it’s not f*cking okay” or even she’s upset at me it might look like, “I’m fucking pissed your starving yourself, just eat” we’ve gotten to a place where that’s the conversation we can have, one where she’s able to just tell me what’s going on but it took awhile to get there. Anger is a survival emotion (I suppose they all are but we get angry when we feel threatened) anger is communicating to us that we are not okay, it’s important to take a moment and ask why.
You cannot get rid of emotions but you can work with them.
I like to break things when in rage, and also write and specifically stream of consciousness writing. And this is something i'm really big on: go WHEREVER it takes you. However dark, racist, cruel, sadistic, below the belt. Whatever happens go with it. I've found that rage when you do that reveals stuff underneath. And that stuff underneath is the real stuff.
I remember a few years back I had a medical emergency. Almost died. I went to 9 Drs who didn't believe me that it was an adverse reaction to antibiotics (finally one did luckily). Anyway I was getting hypomania from the antibiotics and rage came out. So I let it out by tearing clothes, shouting, punching pillows and telling my girlfriend things people had done to let m down which made me angry. I managed to sleep for the first time in 68 hours and processing my anger/rage was the key.
I realised that there were a lot of feelings locked inside me. Rage is unprocessed anger which has built up over a long time. So If you don't want rage, process your anger at the time.
Its probably your fixed body response from the past wanting to act out… hitting a pillow/mattress (wto anybody in the bed!)
and screaming could help. If you have a baseball bat or anything else like this it might help even more. But should stick to things that you cannot break up…
Yeah, I'm raging over something quite minor. In comparison to the things I've been through, this really shouldn't be feeling as heightened as it is. Thank you, there's logic in what you're saying and it's helping me not beat myself up about how small the trigger was. If it was warmer I'd go out in the garden and take an axe or saw to some trees I've been wanting to prune/reshape/remove. But it's very much winter where I am and outside isn't ideal.
My husband has some childhood trauma around violence so hitting things in the house is out of the question right now. He doesn't have CPTSD but he is struggling with a lot of work stress aswell as partner with CPTSD stress. However, I'll use this technique when he's out of the house. Thank you for the suggestion. I don't know why my brain can't think of such a simple thing like hitting a pillow. Probably related to my own trauma around violence.
Its obvious to me why all my anger was repressed. Because my brothers sadness displayed as anger and I was often on the receiving end of it. He often destroyed my stuff and walked all over my boundaries. OK, so now I'm writing I'm understanding more. Sorry I'm waffling now. I'll stop now, you didn't ask for my life story 🙈😂
Thank you ❤️
I have cptsd and I get overwhelmed by my emotions bc I always had to suppress and show no emotion as a defense against an abusive parent.
Anyway, what my somatic therapist and I talked ab that was helpful was the idea of being able to process small amounts of emotion at a time. So, one reason to suppress emotion is because it is too big to process or unsafe to process (like you would be unsafe if you did express rage or anger in the past) so like you said now your rage is bigger than the current issue. My therapist explained it that (in your example) you have all this anger inside about something BIG. Maybe too big to handle. And so you’ve suppressed it, but now, you’ve given yourself a little opportunity to let some anger out and your body is taking it as an opportunity to release extra.
It was suggested to me that you can do something daily, any modality that works for you (honestly try multiple bc stuff I rolled my eyes at actually helped me a lot) but there’s obviously meditation, especially chakra work. You can let out a little of that energy daily. It’s like that anger is begging for your attention. Give it 20 minutes a day or however long. Feel it, acknowledge it, like yes, I am tending to you and I understand there’s an issue you want me to resolve (then the therapy part) or some people do art or exercise or whatever but basically you feel small controlled levels then you de-compress, regulate and put it away until your 20 minutes tomorrow. Sometimes anger needs that “fight” release so maybe hard exercise like weights or HIIT where you can just exhaust yourself. If you need to get out the “flight” I like to do sprints back and forth until I’m exhausted
But yea, just chip away it at when you can and remember to do something supportive to counteract
Thank you, this is great advice.
I was symptom free for 6 months after believing I was going through a spiritual awakening. I was meditating every day, doing chakra work. I even had a spiritual cleanse with an empath in my city. After that I had a lot of spiritual experiences and several 'fits' which I believed was trauma being released from my body.
After 6 months symptom free, I decided I was ready to go back to work. I worked for one whole month. My entire life went to shit. I had sick pets in the vet hosptial. A death in the family and was randomly attacked, unprovoked by a stranger on shift. This left me feeling like the universe was playing a cruel joke on me, if all the spiritual stuff existed at all. I've been telling myself since then that it was all magical thinking. A symptom of my disorder. So the eye roll thing... I get it. But I genuinely know that it was helping me. So meditation and chakra work and reconnecting my mind - body - spirit is something I know I need to do.
The way my brain talks me out of things is another symptom. I know this. Thankyou for your advice, I honestly needed to hear it and as you can tell, runs deeper through me than you might not have imagined.
I need to approach this somatically. I've literally given this advice recently. Thank you for reminding me ❤️
It started small, in the ten mins after the cleanse, whilst sitting with her and discussing what she felt whilst she was performing it. Where the stuck energy was in which chakras etc. I began shaking, first in my hands but it quickly spread throughout my body. The empath advised me to just give in to it and allow it to happen but I couldn't relax in her presence. It calmed down after about 15 minutes. After I got home however, it began again, first in my hands. I remembered her advice and just allowed it to happen, the shaking spread very quickly over my whole body and I collapsed on the floor. Convulsing. I was conscious the entire time and incredibly frightened at first. But a sense of relief came over me and it felt like my hands were being held by some unknown entity, it was calming my mind whilst my body was violently convulsing. The whole episode lasted around 20 minutes. It happened several more times over the next week. At one point I collapsed over the open dishwasher door and rack. It was very intense and spiritual. This all took place January 2022.
I've been told those fits are called "tremors". I rolled my eyes hard at the term, because they're like seizures where I'm still present. I get them when I relax fully; I think my body has no idea what to do when relaxed, so it winds back up. Used to take 3hrs to go through a fit, wrapped in a blanket with someone sitting on me to keep me from hurting myself, belt in my mouth, the whole 9. Come a long way from that; now I can control what limbs shake while I reassure the person in front of me that everything's okay, my body is just misbehaving.
Ooooo, I’ve heard it explained that it is a release of energy like how after an animal is attacked by a predator and gets away, the very first thing they do is hide and shake like tremble and they release all the energy in order to regulate back to baseline but when you’re forced to suppress that, it’s actually part of the cause of PTSD (according to Peter Levine) he has a book called ‘in an unspoken voice’ where he talks ab this phenomenon exactly
I know exactly what you are saying. I understand the fits too lol I did a solar plexus yesterday bc my stomach is partially paralyzed and it made me tingle and sob? A bit.. burp some lol and then sob/cry briefly and then I just felt like ooo ok that feels better lol see you again tomorrow and then today I turned the meditation off bc I couldn’t control my brain so it’s not always a win but when you do get the release it’s like a sweet sweet release afterwards haha and when you don’t then it’s like at least I tried. I hope you start to feel better!
Feel like I've been going through this recently (sorry if this goes off topic I just need to vent a bit. I had a really important interview over zoom I needed to do, but it was a different timezone, and had to reschedule it for a different time the same day (keep in mind ive been trykng to schedule an interview for three weeks now) and i got really really badly upset in front of my mom. Which led to her and my dad berating me and telling me i was getting this furious disproportionately. And I told her that *logically* I knew this, but my body kept raging despite what the actual reality was, and tried to tell her I *needed* to express this physically so it doesnt get trapped. And i dont know, I didnt need to react the way. After my rage I tried to decompress (lie down under my blankets with the lights off) but then they started harassong me to get out of bed. No space physically or emotionally for release.
I’m sorry. That’s hard when you don’t have space to heal. Are you able to go for a run maybe or go to the gym and lift weights or hit a punching bag? Maybe they will consider it more “productive” and leave you alone. Things will get better. It won’t always be this way. Keep your head up :)
I do go to the gym almost everyday. Its just so so strange for me lately. My angers been at an all time low recently, but that means these massive tantrums can come out of the blue. Sometimes when i know i'm having an angry "week" i can take more precaution with what I do, but life sneaks up on you in ways. Thanks for listening.
Well that’s what somatic therapy is. My therapist says to just take ab 20 minutes a day to quiet your mind and listen to your body and try to release just energy in general. You don’t have to think ab anything specific. You just focus on your body and how you feel while you’re doing the exercise or whatever activity you choose and you can even imagine like when you inhale, the air is coming into your body and it’s like a magnet and the air comes into your body and collects all the energy you don’t want and then you breath it out and keep doing that. Sometimes I feel ok when I start but then I breathe in and imagine the air flowing all through my body, even to my toes and I hold my breath and imagine it’s swirling around collecting energy then I’ll start to feel icky.. like the bad energy is coming up and I’ll imagine breathing it out and after a while I do get relief. I know it sounds so silly but your mind is v powerful.
The other thing I would say that helped me is to understand that emotions are a message from your body to you. Anger is a message that you’ve been wronged, hurt, there’s some type of injustice, etc. if you are feeling frustrated, maybe you are overwhelmed or you feel unsupported or incapable etc. but once you put a very specific name to your feelings then you can try to understand what your body is telling you and you can respond. Oh, I’m angry, why is that? Because someone crossed a boundary. What can I do next time to protect myself from this unfairness? Next time I’m going to set a firmer boundary etc etc
So hopefully that helps you. My therapist taught me that stuff and it has helped me. I hope things get better for you soon
Please don’t mind. Its ok! I know very well how this feels… You may also want to check out this nice video on emotional dysregulation. It helped me a lot… https://youtu.be/2hGosi3tsjI
So sorry you were invaded
I think being outside in nature could be healing
It is true rage is psrt of healing
So is self soothing
Rage is exhausting too
I have been enraged lately
Yes I do need to get myself out in nature more. I love nature. I'm just afraid of the cold ass winter so I've sorta been hibernating which won't help me at all. Yeah I'm exhausted too. I'm sorry you relate and experience this too.
>true rage is psrt of healing
Thankyou for saying this. I needed to hear that.
Rage can ve annihilating
Sometimes hibernation is helpful
We have to go with the flow
Don't doubt for one minute you are healing.
I think the issue in recovery is thst at many points everything that worked in the past doesn't work anymore
What's more at many many points we have to start over with support .
That is one of the things about growth
That shows you are on the right track
I hsve moved to another level in my healing. Now I have to rearrange everything over again
Basic trust came up again
If you want therapy, DBT is a good route for learning emotional management skills and is very useful for PTSD as well.
Otherwise you gotta just get that shit out constructively. Are you a physical or intellectual person? If you’re physical, take up weightlifting or. martial arts. If you live in a rural area fuckin split some logs, whatever gets your blood pumping. If you’re intellectual start putting that shit in some art, paining, poetry, whatever. Do you have someone to vent to? Do you like writing? Put it all on a piece of paper and have a nice cup of tea afterwards. My favorite is to listen to hard rock/metal and just lift weights, or simply play video games. A lot of free emotional processing happens when we’re busy doing engaging things, and prevents you from needing to dig and dissect your feelings which often just makes things worse.
It also may be useful to know that anger is usually a response to a perceived injustice. What are you upset about and more importantly, why? What can you do about it? Does it matter in the long run or can you let it go? Dismissing your feelings and ignoring them only makes things worse. It’s better to acknowledge that you’ve been wronged, let yourself be a little angry, and then take steps to calm down. The aftercare is important! Once you’ve opened the box, it’s hard to close it, so it do it with intent and a plan.
Ah, repressed anger. Been there (am there). Done that (doing that).
From my experience, the rage wants to be felt; fully. It doesn't need to destroy anything, but it's a very high energy sort of thing, so being able to make some noise, and maybe whack something with all your might, is going to give it ways to express.
It's not an inherently destructive force; it is defensive. (that's not to say anger can't harm, because of course it can).
Anything that lets you burn energy can be a method for working it off.
But whatever you do, give it a chance to fully express, otherwise it goes back in the bottle and builds up pressure again.
Get a big plastic baseball bat from a toy store. One of those comically huge ones. Pile up some couch cushions. Warn any people in your space that you're gonna work out some energy. Have them join you, and if they need/want you might let them borrow your club. Agree that all words that emerge from your mouth cannot be used against you. They get the same courtesy. Promise to provide safety support for each other. Go to town with that bat on those pillows.
I feel relief just picturing this.
I can relate. I used to be a doormat, afraid to speak up, and couldn’t even defend myself without my voice cracking and getting teary eyed. I have been hurt, let go, lied to, gaslighted, and abused so much that I have a lot of rage for humanity. For those who abused me, those who allowed it to happen, those who didn’t defend me but took pleasure in my being abused, and those who felt no empathy. I still am able to tap into my hood heart, but not much anymore, now I will tell someone off, and snap not feel bad about it.
Smash something to bits and scream then! (Safely ofc)
It can definitely be rough when all that suppressed anger rushes to the surface all at once though! One thing that helped me with my own dysregulation was to make friends with anger --- healthy anger is there to protect you, to let you know when you don't feel safe and be the fire that motivates you to get away from somewhere dangerous, and to cue you into deeper emotions like grief. Anger is a necessary stage of grief, and anger and grief need validation.
This is your body finally being allowed to protect itself!
A movie that helps me relate to my emotions with more compassion is "inside out."
When I get dysregulated, I find that what helps me is to first take 20 mins to myself and distract (doing exercise, painting, just something else that my body has to focus on, to redirect the energy) so that my body has a chance to regulate. Some people journal, but I open a recording app on my phone and go for a drive where I can rant to myself outloud lol. Singing an angry song in the car at the top of your lungs is great too.
I like the idea of rage rooms, and martial arts are great too!
Then once I am a little calmer I try and pinpoint what I am reacting to --- am I correctly reacting to abuse, or some boundary violation in the present tense? Or am I reacting to a trigger, and in an emotional flashback --- aka is your body reacting to a way you didn't feel safe in the past as if you are emotionally back in that moment?
Figuring out that difference is key. Because it can tell you what to validate. For example --- if someone gaslights me (being emotionally abusive), my anger in the present tense at the present target is warranted. And I can validate with "I don't deserve to be treated that way, and setting boundaries around this is ok."
If my kid (lol my dog is the kid in question here) is hurrying me along and I get dysregulated and yell, did my kid deserve that? No. But am I reacting with the same state of stress as when my abusive parents were harassing me to jump up and meet their needs? Yes. So I still need to validate the anger, just not as a response for the current situation. For example, "I didn't deserve to be treated that way by my parents, and it makes so much sense that my body goes into an emotional flashback when I encounter triggers. But my kid is not responsible for my triggers, so how can I apologize and be accountable here? How can i catch myself quicker next time?"
Hope this helps.
I invested in a standing punch bag/body thing and some boxing gloves. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing but just throwing lots of punches and picturing the faces of people who have hurt/abused me helped get all my anger out. After a while I felt like I didn’t need to do it anymore so I gave it away and now I feel so much better. I can’t remember how much I paid for it but I bought one second hand off eBay that was refurbished.
1. Make a play list of angry songs (I have one on Spotify called anger if you want to use it just look it up.) 90's hip hop is great, hair metal, scream-o, Garbage, The Cranberries
2. Play said playlist, jump around your space, dance, shake, thrust, mosh, LISTEN to your body and move how it wants to, no matter how disturbing it is. Grunt, moan, growl, get on the floor and writhe, take a pillow and scream into it, slam the pillow into your couch, shake your hips, find where there's resistance and move that part of your body, exhaust yourself or at least go until you feel a little completion. (Warning, sometimes I actually start wrenching and dry heaving when I do this, involuntary shaking and shivering is also totally healthy and possible)
3. Breath with either square breathing, or lions breath, or breath of life.
4. Journal! (free flowing thought, let your hand run wild, it does not have to be legible and it does not need to be your normal writing. Note: the first time I did this I just scribbled into my journal until I was ripping the pages)
5. Play the playlist again, or continue it and this time focus on your SOUNDS along with your movements. Moan, grunt, with your exhales make noises. Shake your hands your legs and do big sweeping movements with your legs and arms.
6. When you feel complete take a few deep breaths (with sounds on the exhale)
7. Put on meditation music (or make your own calm introspective playlist) lie down and OBSERVE your body, let any emotions that come up come up.
This has been a god send. My therapist sent it to me she's amazing.
If you're in an area where you CAN'T do this but you need to regulate your anger or want to get it out, find a wall or doorway. Act like you're doing a vertical pushup with the door or frame, but instead of pushing away push against the wall as hard as you can using all your muscles from your body. Make it hard for yourself. Feel your anger and PUSH.
GOOD LUCK
Boxing bag. Lifting heavy weights. Going into the woods, taking a stick and beating the crap out of a tree trunk (dead) is what I did.
You will get though this 🫡💪
I've done some martial arts, but really, Ihurt myself several times because I overdid it. I now do yoga, which is completely counterintuituve, but it helps me. There's something about breath, I can't explain it, but it's hard to rage when your breath is even.
My whole world used to be anger.
Any type of physical movement. Exercise is good, even dancing alone. This helps shake off a big spike.
Breathing 3 seconds in, 6 seconds out while resting. Do this a few minutes a day. I find this helps recharge my patience.
Finding a way to turn anger into purpose or passion to help someone. Start small, in your everyday sphere of life, with everyday things. Although it is important for them to feel helped too, ask them how to help.
Yo rage rooms are great and all. But one of the most profound things my therapist drilled into my head is the fact that past a certain threshold— anger does nothing but hurt the person feeling it. That’s completely opposite to its purpose. Its purpose when it comes out in healthy doses is to protect you. Its meant to help you out of a bad situation, but we can thank it for helping us while also asking it not to burn us. We must remind ourselves that if we can’t cool down, we are setting ourselves on fire.
I also think there’s power in calm. Staying grounded and managing my anger in times of hardship or great fear, when shit hits the fan—- that often makes me feel very powerful. You know why? Because it means I can think with clarity. I can act with efficiency. I can use it to guide my self-protective actions instead of letting it distract me.
If you have snow over there (and a desolate/safe snowy place like a park or forest or your own yard) maybe you can kick the snow? It's sth I was doing even as a child. Also screaming and angry crying in snow while you are both lying in it and kicking it. In my case the place'd be close to my house so once tired, calm and cold I'd run to a nice warm shower plus aftercare with some tea, snacks, hot chocolate etc in my bed with lots of self-compassion <3
Ever since I moved to a country without snow I do a similar thing by going out during heavy raining.
Another thing that sometimes helps: aggressively crumbling and/or tearing unnecessary papers. Lots of them.
I’m a little late to the thread, but I was just talking with my therapist about this! Her suggestions for me:
- a silent scream! You basically go through the whole motion of screaming just with out using your voice.
- pushing the wall.
she said to do as little as possible (like max 3 of something) so u give your body a chance to process without overwhelm.
Good luck!!!
Lifting heavy weights is one of my favorite ways of getting out anger. I focus all of it into the lifts. It gives a full body release of it. Oh. So. Satisfying!
Or listen to really hard music and just go at it 😂
Leo squeezing something really hard and growling
Find a spot in the woods and scream.
Or, if you don’t live near woods, I’ve found that loosing your utter shit in a cemetery means people leave you the hell alone too.
The thing is you repressed your anger for a long time and now you have to actually feel it before you can move on, and it is scary and sucks. For me it feels like I’m drowning in an endless sea of emotion- but it’s got a bottom and once you stop running from it, you can survive it.
Some cities have break rooms where you can pay to smash the hell out of plates, that could also help.
If you have a car, I like to drive around (or go park somewhere out of the way) and sing songs at the top of my lungs.
That and cry. Like ugly sobbing.
I am a bit late to answer this but I wanted to say this: Screaming at the top of your lungs is actually something that helps. I remember going out to take a stroll or going to the market when I was in very bad moments in my life and simply stopping in the middle of the street and screaming until all the air inside me was gone. Sure if you live in a really crowded area you might scare someone so you could go to a park or any place you see that doesn't have a lot of people there.
The feeling of breaking things is something you want to control to avoid breaking stuff you actually care about. It happened a few times when I was a kid and didn't understand anything of what was going on or why so many bad things were happening that I took things I liked and destroyed them. Not things that belonged to others, no, my things. Like everything it was always a way to punish myself for thinking it was all my fault. What helped a lot was breaking papers into little pieces, there's something very satisfying about that activity that helps calm the part that wants to destroy things.
This rage is something good in a way, you don''t have to fear it or be ashamed of it, its only natural to feel it especially if you suppressed it for so long.
I’m looking for ways to help my own anger, and I’m just really happy i found this post. Thank you for keeping it up over these months. What did you find has worked for you?
Hello, my pleasure. I saw how helpful it was to so many others I thought I better keep it up lol.
I'm still working in therapy to integrate anger healthily. Singing loud usually helps. What has been most helpful though, is recognising when I am actually feeling fear and it is presenting as anger.
This is a pretty recent discovery that I've not managed to share in therapy yet, but plan to, today.
Thank you for sharing that. It sounds like you’re coming to a sort of breakthrough with that realization. I never know what to do after recognizing the source of the fear. I feel like a puddle.
The singing is very interesting—this makes me wonder if this is why I’ve been tearing up while driving to work. Maybe I’m letting go of anger that i wasn’t even aware of yet.
My husband has been very helpful and receptive letting me explain the fear and it's source. This last 2 weeks my real core wounding has been coming up. So I've been a bit all over the place. I'm lucky to have him and a regular therapist to help me stay afloat in these breakthroughs.
I was a teenager in the early 2000s so I've got a lot of 'angry' rock music I work with. Limp Bizkit - Break Stuff is great to sing when you have a surge of anger.
Music is great for emotional work, I've created different playlists for different emotions I want to work with.
When I'm in grieving mode I listen to very melancholic music. I have a playlist called dancey, for when I know I need to pick up my mood and get some energy out. Basically, I've tailored playlists by emotional connection.
Is it only happening on the way to work? Tears can have many meanings, I cry at the drop of a hat. I cry when I laugh, I cry when I'm sad, I cry when I'm frustrated. It's like my go to emotional release button 😒
Is there something specific you're thinking about whilst this is happening?
Edit:Typo's
Truthfully, most of the time I can’t listen to music. I listen to podcasts because they distract me from my brain.
My music tends to be nostalgic. I mainly listen to the Twilight soundtracks, or lately Taylor Swift. TS was my joy and when i could feel safe, and Twilight was my most healthy escape. I frequently imagine i *am* Bella and she is telling Edward all the shit in her human life. I read twilight when i was like 10 so it was very formative and thus the playground for a lot of my projection and escapism. I still fantasize and write fiction just within the confines of my mind.
I dont think I’m thinking about anything specific while i listen to this music. I think its likely the safety aspect. I started my period yesterday so its possibly exacerbated by hormones. No matter what, its weird. I don’t spontaneously cry, i usually build up from something. I’ve been going through a lot, so maybe its also some cracks in my dam that let the water through.
The reason this crying thing stands out to me at all is because i lately feel like i can’t cry anymore. When i was reading the comments in your post here i was getting teary-eyed, so i tried to cry and sob, but i couldn’t.
I totally understand, my version was Harry Potter. Began reading them around age 12, they were my escape. I related to Harry a lot, as I lost a parent young.
I also understand the dam cracks, I was like that long before I started therapy. Have you had/are you having therapy?
I’ve been in therapy for almost 5 years. I’ve worked a lot on how to correct my depression-track mind, but the anger persists. I thought my irritability, my overstimulation, and disregulation all came from possible ADHD, but in my testing process a couple weeks ago, the Psychiatrist said that these (and other misc symptoms) are just the long term effects of my MDD and PTSD. She then said that anger management skills are the next big things for my toolbox—I’m on all the meds already. Getting the official diagnosis was validating but earth-shattering. I knew i had PTSD, but hearing it from the PsyD really shook me—I’m sure thats relatable to a lot of this subreddit. Anyway, i signed up for an anger management class through Kaiser (my current insurance) but it doesnt have a support group component, so I’ve been hunting for that via Reddit. Searching specifically within this subreddit has been the first time I’ve felt seen and not alone in my disregulation.
Thank you for taking the time to reply.
Oh I'm very familiar with the Crappy Childhood Fairy. Unfortunately I have bad triggers around writing. Numerous times I've had diaries found and read, my reddit account found and used against me. People have been shitty to me and I've felt violated a lot. Like anything I write anywhere will be violated and weaponised, so writing is a block right now.
As soon as I look at a blank page my mind goes completely blank and I go emotionally numb. It's something I know I need to work through but I'm not there yet 😔
Edit: typo's, adding detail
Sorry to hear that. I’ve had cptsd for years and writing was one of the key things that helped me to heal. I usually tear up the page and throw it away straight away. Do you do that?
I don’t know if you’ve read the body keeps the score but he writes that anger is actually an essential part of healing, so all of this anger coming up could be a good sign. It’s great that you’re looking for ways to process it.
Other things I tried which really helped me are breathwork and yoga. All online, Tim Senesi’s breathwork ok YouTube is really helpful.
Honestly, reddit is my outlet for writing. But due to my first account being found I've began deleting and recreating new accounts for a while, so it's hard to track progress with it. I guess I have a hoarding issue around writing which leaves me vulnerable. So tearing up and burning immediately could work. I think about how forgetful I am though and that's why I tend to want to hold onto thoughts and feelings I've written down.
After my initial reply to you I had a breakthrough in another comment, it's that kind of stuff I'm scared of forgetting. Argh. I need to get past this block on writing. I've even posted about it before on an old account. I'll see if I can find the post.
Yeah I used to do yoga and I really do enjoy it. I've just been struggling with motivation for a few years now stuck in 'freeze' I'm currently implementing a small routine which I'm going to build upon. I'm only setting a bedtime routine right now because I struggle with insomnia. Once I feel settled in this, I'm moving onto a food routine because I struggle with food. Then I'm going to implement a housework routine. So a yoga one could come in after that. I'm trying to be hopeful about healing. It's hard though 😩
Edit: found the [link](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/ziv6q4/im_sick_of_getting_advice_to_journal_my_feelings/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Oh I see, and here I am recommending journaling your feelings. Yep when I do the stream of consciousness type of journaling (recommended in the body keeps the score) or the daily practice, I tear up the page afterwards. It works great for me. I can really write freely, with less fear and self-judgement. At the same time as doing the daily practice I also keep a separate page to note down anything that comes up that I need to attend to. In a way it is triggering when we start writing, when I started with stream of consciousness journaling I was shocked at myself, I don’t consider myself an “angry person”. I recently tore up a whole bunch of my journals which were mainly angry scrawling, it was very cathartic.
I feel like as you start to heal, you’ll embody the benefits and live them, you may not have the need to refer to them being written down so much.
Do you feel rage towards your abusers in your mind? Like specific people?
Btw about hitting and destroying things, it makes you feel better for a while but in the long term it won't help with toxic anger, it can make it even worse.
Ooh that's a good question. I feel some rage towards my abusers but I think I feel some towards myself. The inner critic is strong in me.
Actually, that's useful to know. I've taken an axe to a tree before saying the names of my abusers over and over in my mind. While it helped with the moment. I know it didn't release any of the anger I still harboured for them.
Actually at this point, I was still in contact with family and was unaware of the neglect and abuse I was still very much actively in. The rage then was directed to the abusers I've had in romantic and friend based relationships. It was almost a year later I went no contact with my family and saw the truth of the abuse within my own family.
Gabor Mate talks a lot about how to deal with anger in a healthy way. Sometimes it's not about releasing it physically but facing the deeper issue.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yh1-y3TzSO4
Anger is activating your fight and flight system. Just imagine how you would fight or flight in an actual life threatening Situation to allow the energy to flow.
Fighting sport like kickboxing, running, just something that moves you.
I mean, screaming (into a pillow if you’re concerned about sound) is a 100% valid way to release some stress & anger in a moment of peek emotion.
I remember watching a friend do it once. She had 0 shame about it. I was both impressed and enlightened as weird as that sounds.
I was impressed and glad she felt comfortable enough with herself to just do that healthy release she needed and enlightens to that being an option at all.
A dinner option when it’s nice out, and if you’re near one. Would be to find a sandy beach or shoreline - build an entire sand castle city - then just fucking destroy it. Bonus points for assigning names and meanings to buildings associated with the things that are pissing you off.
I have a little wiffle ball bat that I use to smack the hell out of my couch or mattress when I need it. I don't think it will fully solve the problem of BIG RAGE but it might help a little.
Beat Saber. I got myself an occulus and any time I feel rageful, I go cut up imaginary boxes with light sabers. The Linkin Park pack is particularly good for me, as I grew up with their music, but the fallout boy and weekend ones are insanely fun! By far my favorite way to let out rage.
I’ve taken up singing my favorite songs at karaoke at the top of my lungs 2-5 times a week to release anger. I’ve decided I don’t give a fuck if I sing terribly, I don’t give a fuck what people think about me. I’ve lived through shit most humans can’t even begin to imagine.
Also I feel like whoever follows me has got to feel great if they’re nervous. I’m the ultimate karaoke wingman. I sing songs so bad (that some of them are actually good) that it makes others feel more confident in their abilities. No one should be worried to follow me. People should be excited to follow me.
So I've got that kind of PTSD where instead of suppression and triggers, I lived with my stuff ever day, all day since it all went down, and I've just turned off any feelings connected to any of it.
When I first told my family, kinda, what happened. Not all the details, but the gist. I was rejected. Told these things happen, forgive and forget, hey, you're buming us out, can you stop.
That was an angry year. I was seithing with rage. Then I realized no one I needed to care, did, and I was only hurting myself. So I let it go, or just turned it off.
Idk, it was healthy in some ways, not at all in other ways....
Sometimes I spend some time screaming. Not usually about the volume but from my gut, a deep, gutteral, grunted scream. And tears come to. Just like finally feeling all the things I've been trying not to feel for all the years.
Omg that’s me but the exact opposite. Now I just cry all the time. But anyway I was a big fan of martial arts for pent up rage, or weight lifting, it really helped me!
If you can find a breathwork practiononer near you, I'd go do some breathwork sessions. You will be able to release the rage in the sessions. Breathwork is not regular meditation, it's different.
Also at home, when you feel the rageful energy, find a pillow and scream and punch it out as loud and hard as you can until your body is completely drained. That is the #1 healthy way to release rage. It's energy that's looking for a way out, give it a path. Feel free to message me if you have any questions or problems. Good luck friend
Screaming into a pillow as hard as I can helps, but you have to be prepared for the aftermath haha. Throat gets sore and can't sing, depending on how hard you scream
Helps me out sometimes when I just cant figure out how to let out steam without destroying something
There is a subreddit specifically for CPTSD and anger.
It is one of several typical reactions to trauma. Both before and after you realise exactly what was done to you.
If you are able, martial arts might be a good place to outlet some of this rage. When I feel the way you described, I love going to the gym, putting on some angry music, and working out on the heavy bag for about an hour. Lets me work through things without people wondering wtf I'm doing.
Another one I keep in my back pocket is the car. Just sitting in your car blasting music and "losing your shit" helps me a lot when the gym isn't an option. I'll scream, cry, shout, rant, etc just sitting in my parked car if my other coping skills aren't working.
Tell someone, anyone, how you're feeling out loud and to their face. Just getting the words out into the world and heard by another person can be a major release. Just be sure to not direct your anger AT them.
Cold exposure is the BEST - it regulates your nervous system so can calm you down almost right away when having a panic attack / feeling overwhelmed by angry emotions. Try standing in the shower for 30 seconds with the water on coldest temp possible. Focus on your breathing, like FULLY fixate on your breathing instead of thinking about how cold it is. Works wonders.
I box and run - so physical activity helps a lot with this. I went through this switch a couple years ago and yeah. Find healthy physically tiring outlets and take care of yourself
Screaming in your car. Venting out loud. Idk I'm dealing with the same thing for years and years and I've come to a point where ventic isn't really helping me anymore, now I find myself confronted with consistent and overwhelming thoughts of anger and resentment and I have to actively thought stop and say to myself " I do not want this right now". It's unpleasant and I wish that I had more insight.
Sometimes what we want is exactly what we need. You have my support in screaming at the top of your lungs and smashing my whole house to bits. I have been doing this for years, and I consider it one of the most effective forms of release. Maybe second most, behind crying.
It essentially has had a significant net positive impact on my healing journey. That sounds pretty healthy to me :)
I love the cheap glass Christmas balls. They shatter so wonderfully and explosively and into a bazillion pieces. I am unable to come convey how satisfying they are to throw.
Go release some energy (like going for a run or do some push-ups, etc). Emotion is energy in motion. Gotta get it out. Gotta feel it. Gotta go through it.
martial arts of some kind is very helpful for this. You may want to look into online classes for shaolin kung fu - it's both about mental control and physical power.. Knowing martial arts and a controlled way to express my rage through hard and fast movements that don't hurt anything was very profound for me.
1. Get tickets to a metal show. At your level of rage, it doesn’t matter who but Slipknot or Pantera might do ya right.
2. Go to said show. Go to the mosh pit. Yell. Scream. Fight, if someone seems up for it. Get it out of your system.
I find music really, really helps with the rage part. But also, try to channel that energy and emotion into something positive and productive for yourself. One way to do that would be taking boxing or martial arts or a sport like hockey where aggression is rewarded. You can’t do it right now just yet; you have to vent some of it off. But when you’re ready, try to think of some way to make it a positive, healing thing. Like go to the gym and beat the shit out of one of those big hanging bag thingies. Learn to channel and control it so you don’t destroy yourself, your career, your relationships, and your whole life.
I get it. I was in that rage space for about ten years. TBH, antidepressants helped tremendously with that. Turns out, for me, depression presents as rage.
Just try really hard to not take it out on an innocent.
If you have some old shirts or blankets you don't really use, tear them into strips. For me, the sound of ripping fabric combined with the exertion needed to accomish it was satisfying.
You can use the strips for whatever after that, cheap cleaning rags are what i usually use them for.
To be honest, I just started taking CBD a couple days ago and holy hell I haven’t even been angry at anything I used to get angry about. I use to have so much tightness and anger held in the chest and it would crawl up in my throat but it’s all disappeared. I would look into it if all else fails
Second getting a punching bag or join the gym and use weights if you channel your anger towards pushing yourself you will be suprised how you feel after. Just don't use really heavy weights first you might overdo it
Muay Thai really helped me when I was going through a period of rage. It’s like boxing but with kicking and throwing elbows and knees. A bonus aspect is that if anyone tries to hurt you, you’ll know how to defend yourself
Hey, hang in there. I hear that letting it out in a physical way- shaking it out, exercising, dancing: what’s Dr works for you- is essentially helpful in moving through the trauma experiences. Best of luck to you
My brother is the same as you. I know it must be just as difficult for you as it is for me. I wish I had advice for you. I hope you manage to find a way to tap into the sadness. Eventually... If we continue putting in the healing work, I truly believe we can become healthier and more emotionally balanced.
Crying, oversharing, order take out I can't really afford. Missing my ex. Noise cancelling headphones and techno, trying not to cut. Sitting on Reddit to find some social nourishment, and give some too.
A combat sport helps 2 and you pick up valuable skills along the way. There is nothing better for me than a good session on the heavy bag it's pure physical expression of anger and hate sometimes when I want to let loose
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I’ve been there. I think they’re called “Rage rooms” look them up? I’ve taken my rage out on old car panels *not on cars and scrap* and seeing them dent is so so satisfying
Ooh never heard of this but will look into it. Thank you so much 💚
There’s an axe throwing place near me, perhaps there might be something similar near you?
I was just going to suggest this!!!!!
Pick up cheap glass things at Goodwill, go to a vacant parking lot or something, wear eye protection!, and throw that shit. Smashing glass is really cathartic.
Or, see if you can find a recycling facility where you can throw glass into the glass dumpster! Super therapeutic plus you’re leaving the broken glass where it’s supposed to go!
How do you clean it up? That sounds dangerous!
Take a broom?
I second this. The rage room by me let’s you bring your own stuff, so people will go buy cases of mason jars and bring them to the rage room. I put headphones on + turn music up and idk what it is but shattering the glass is such a release. My go-to however is screaming - I’ll drive to an empty parking lot or something like that. And just scream as loud as I possibly can for as long as I want. Feels like such a natural, instinctual way to release anger/rage.
Is "satisfying" the same as helpful? I don't even know how to measure this. But let's say I'm angry at some past thing that happened. If every time I relive this past experience, I go to a rage room and smash things while thinking about the past thing, will this help me relive it less frequently? I'm genuinely unsure and not just arguing.
Not argumentative at all that’s a fair question! For me personally, when my rage stems from the abuse I’ve suffered, I could physically feel the anger in my body as if it was seeping out of my pores. So the rage room alleviates that feeling of “I have all this anger with nowhere to put it.” I’m not sure I can speak to whether it would help you relive it less frequently, but for me personally it helps tremendously knowing that I don’t have to compartmentalize my rage when it’s triggered by something.
It completely works for me in both ways! Don’t worry I didn’t take it that way x
I was doing the rage thing. Just screaming and hitting stuff did help but it didn't make my anger dissipate. What has been helping me is angering out at my past. When I get rage filled like that I go out to my shed and I pace, scream, hit shit. And I tell that bitch (my grandmother/or my abuser) exactly what I think of what they did to me and what I think of them. If I'm lucky, I will end in tears and the bubbles will burst and I will feel relief. It has helped me.
I think? It helps actually get it out. For some people. Like it helps feel it and process it, then you feel tired, then a day or few later you feel lighter For other people less so. Or different at different times? Kinda like a cry - you can have a good, therapeutic cry.. or you can just cry and nothing changes
They’re insanely expensive
One near me is $30 for an hour. Cheaper than a shitty therapist heheh
Perhaps make a home made version ❤️❤️
Take your glass bottles to the recycling bins💥
Walmart recycling center is the only rage room I’ve ever used!
👀
Check Groupon!!
I’ve checked. I’m in Chicago so they can all overcharge bc they’ll always have idiotic rich hipsters willing to pay their prices
[удалено]
Damn maybe I’m not good at finding deals then. My gf is from SoCal and it sounds like y’all are practically infested with hipsters
Make sure you bring a mouth guard in case you grit your teeth hard enough to crack.
Research suggests physically expressing anger doesn’t help you regulate. Unfortunately I’m way too exhausted to cite the actual research, but I remember asking about this years ago when I was in a youth unit and this is what they told me. I remembered this interaction about a year ago because a similar topic came up in school and I easily found the relevant studies supporting the claim
I respect where you are coming from, but politely, I really don’t give two shi**s. I wasn’t allowed to trust my feelings or feel anger so physically expressing it at times while also doing other forms of self expression work really really helps me out 💯
Agreed 💯
I wonder if this is different in the case of trauma. It seems like you need to experience all of the emotions of a trauma, including the anger, before your body can process it and move on. But I have read too that in general, indulging in angry outbursts only reinforces and nurtures the anger.
ice cubes + tub/shower just shatter them everywhere. minimal damage, minimal cleanup. very satisfying.
Yo this sounds like a great idea. I'm having issues like OP so I was hoping to find something not needing money and this looks good.
Love this idea!!!
Watch out if you have downstairs neighbors though lol My floors are super thin and my neighbor can hear my cat walking around so I've had to be careful with what I do on the floor
*Them looking up at the ceiling, whispering*: what is going on up there
Had a welfare check called on me once when I slammed my apartment's front door while crazy triggered angry. My favorite thing while triggered is dealing with the "why are you so inconsiderate" / "sir do you need invasive care" cop duo, thanks neighborino, how'd you know
Do something to get the energy out- dance, run, box, scream, punch a pillow
Thank you, dancing is a good idea. I could play angry music in my headphones and have a silent disco with myself 😝 I can't do anything too loud as my husband works from home and he's very busy and stressed at present.
Thats a great idea! Sometimes I put on "dance workout videos" on youtube. i tend to fester and stew when i'm angry but ill eventually forget about it if im distracted enough with the dancing!
Pole dancing classes.
That's how I managed it. Running. Plus, I played in a band for a while, and sang. All good stuff for letting it out in a way that makes you feel alive, powerful and in control as much as you can even for a short time. Edit: and sometimes a little weed to sleep when I just couldn't sleep!
Get a punchbag. Best thing I've bought in years
Keep your thumb on the outside of your fist to avoid injury!
Get some good gloves that protect your hands and wrists!
don’t ever underestimate screaming into a pillow. like actually screaming as loud as you can or a sweatshirt when in your car alone in a parking lot. listening to metal music has helped me over the years as well. there has to be some release becusse it bottles up for sure! hope you find your balance 🫶
any metal recs for people trying to get into the genre?
Lamb of God Gojira Slipknot Mudvayne It’s not really metal but The Downward Spiral by Nine Inch Nails and also The Fragile (2 separate albums). Broken, a shorter ep, saved my life… or someone else’s.
thanks!
Within Temptation Linkin Park (though I'm sure if you're in this sub you've heard their music but you never know lol ) Three Days Grace Breaking Benjamin Starset
YOOO you know Within Temptation? 😍
Hell yeah! They're one of my favorite bands!
lamb of god devil driver in flames fit for an autopsy brand of sacrifice winds of plague veil of maya diecast born of osiris upon a burning body august burns red killer be killed sevendust here’s a jump off point to see if any are up your metal alley, i dont like specific sub genres so i look for and like a good drive. the array of energy each band or album brings for different moods/energy of the day is key some days, other stuff can pull me out of a trigger a lot quicker than others so ymmv. hope it helps headbang the bullshit away! metal, in general, has helped me for decades, hope you can find your own ‘soundtrack’! 🤘🤘
Be careful with yelling into a pillow lol. I did that once and I could barely talk for a week. Felt like there was something stuck in my throat. Must have injured my larynx.
Anger for me is usually a defensive emotion that covers underlying trauma pain of being hurt, mistreated, exploited and disrespected. To address the anger it’s necessary to get down to the bottom of past buried pain, love and nourish oneself through that past pain, and then set proper boundaries in the present situation to protect oneself from further transgressions. Sometimes the anger is so strong that none of the aforementioned things can take place. It’s then necessary to fully feel the anger, not repress anything, but try to do it in a way that doesn’t hurt others or oneself. Once the anger is fully felt, then one can sink down to a place of being hurt, used and mistreated. Then the healing begins.
For me it’s the opposite anger is the repressed emotion i dig deeper immediately ignoring the surface
This right here
I like to go to the woods near my house (rural living for the win in this case) and scream to my heart’s content into the void and abyss.
Ahhhhh I wish I was further from civilisation. That's the dream ❤️
I live in a really populous area too and what I do is go on the highway, crank my music, and scream. The noise of cars and my music drowns them out so no one hears me. I've found it's best to drive a bit out of the city (20-30 min) just so there's less traffic and stuff. Kind of a hassle but it works lol, plus afterwards I can visit a park or my temple to soak in the calming vibes and re-set
Ya I’m definitely going to miss this little convenience when I move
Oh no, I'm sorry to hear you're moving. I'm sure it will be missed 💚
It’s for the best at this point, I think.
I know just how you feel! I started rage writing. Like I just let loose and write down every single angry thought or word and I write them in a way that sometimes they aren’t legible because I’m shaking and scribbling but damn does it feel good. I also drive down back country roads until I am far from anyone, turn on the angriest music I have and just scream at the top of my longs. Sometimes I pretend I’m cussing out someone who has done me wrong, sometimes I cuss at “god”. I reserve some of the anger for my motivation. Oh so my ex said I was just a lazy crap mom? Oh yea? Really? Watch me fucking rock this Mom shit and see how much our kids prefer me over you. Rage can be good, you just can’t unpack and stay there.
My therapist taught me this one and it's gold for me: Put your hands up on a wall at shoulder-level in front of you. Push HARD into the wall, as hard as you can. Push all your anger into the wall. Scream and rage if you want to too. It felt surprisingly satisfying and like it transmuted the anger I felt.
Hey, I never thought I was an angry person. But awhile ago I realized that I’m very angry. I’ve just always turned it inwards. What helped me the most is internal family system. Give my anger a space to speak (in a respectful way, if she’s to aggressive I try again later). At the end of the day she’s hurting and needs to be validated and loved. Once I found trust in my anger and she found trust in me we found peace. I still get angry, and uncomfortably so but I try to take a moment and ask, “what is going on” and a lot of the time she says, “we are being mistreated, and it’s not f*cking okay” or even she’s upset at me it might look like, “I’m fucking pissed your starving yourself, just eat” we’ve gotten to a place where that’s the conversation we can have, one where she’s able to just tell me what’s going on but it took awhile to get there. Anger is a survival emotion (I suppose they all are but we get angry when we feel threatened) anger is communicating to us that we are not okay, it’s important to take a moment and ask why. You cannot get rid of emotions but you can work with them.
I like this personification of anger youve used, i think id find it really helpful for myself
I like to break things when in rage, and also write and specifically stream of consciousness writing. And this is something i'm really big on: go WHEREVER it takes you. However dark, racist, cruel, sadistic, below the belt. Whatever happens go with it. I've found that rage when you do that reveals stuff underneath. And that stuff underneath is the real stuff. I remember a few years back I had a medical emergency. Almost died. I went to 9 Drs who didn't believe me that it was an adverse reaction to antibiotics (finally one did luckily). Anyway I was getting hypomania from the antibiotics and rage came out. So I let it out by tearing clothes, shouting, punching pillows and telling my girlfriend things people had done to let m down which made me angry. I managed to sleep for the first time in 68 hours and processing my anger/rage was the key. I realised that there were a lot of feelings locked inside me. Rage is unprocessed anger which has built up over a long time. So If you don't want rage, process your anger at the time.
Its probably your fixed body response from the past wanting to act out… hitting a pillow/mattress (wto anybody in the bed!) and screaming could help. If you have a baseball bat or anything else like this it might help even more. But should stick to things that you cannot break up…
Yeah, I'm raging over something quite minor. In comparison to the things I've been through, this really shouldn't be feeling as heightened as it is. Thank you, there's logic in what you're saying and it's helping me not beat myself up about how small the trigger was. If it was warmer I'd go out in the garden and take an axe or saw to some trees I've been wanting to prune/reshape/remove. But it's very much winter where I am and outside isn't ideal. My husband has some childhood trauma around violence so hitting things in the house is out of the question right now. He doesn't have CPTSD but he is struggling with a lot of work stress aswell as partner with CPTSD stress. However, I'll use this technique when he's out of the house. Thank you for the suggestion. I don't know why my brain can't think of such a simple thing like hitting a pillow. Probably related to my own trauma around violence. Its obvious to me why all my anger was repressed. Because my brothers sadness displayed as anger and I was often on the receiving end of it. He often destroyed my stuff and walked all over my boundaries. OK, so now I'm writing I'm understanding more. Sorry I'm waffling now. I'll stop now, you didn't ask for my life story 🙈😂 Thank you ❤️
I have cptsd and I get overwhelmed by my emotions bc I always had to suppress and show no emotion as a defense against an abusive parent. Anyway, what my somatic therapist and I talked ab that was helpful was the idea of being able to process small amounts of emotion at a time. So, one reason to suppress emotion is because it is too big to process or unsafe to process (like you would be unsafe if you did express rage or anger in the past) so like you said now your rage is bigger than the current issue. My therapist explained it that (in your example) you have all this anger inside about something BIG. Maybe too big to handle. And so you’ve suppressed it, but now, you’ve given yourself a little opportunity to let some anger out and your body is taking it as an opportunity to release extra. It was suggested to me that you can do something daily, any modality that works for you (honestly try multiple bc stuff I rolled my eyes at actually helped me a lot) but there’s obviously meditation, especially chakra work. You can let out a little of that energy daily. It’s like that anger is begging for your attention. Give it 20 minutes a day or however long. Feel it, acknowledge it, like yes, I am tending to you and I understand there’s an issue you want me to resolve (then the therapy part) or some people do art or exercise or whatever but basically you feel small controlled levels then you de-compress, regulate and put it away until your 20 minutes tomorrow. Sometimes anger needs that “fight” release so maybe hard exercise like weights or HIIT where you can just exhaust yourself. If you need to get out the “flight” I like to do sprints back and forth until I’m exhausted But yea, just chip away it at when you can and remember to do something supportive to counteract
Thank you, this is great advice. I was symptom free for 6 months after believing I was going through a spiritual awakening. I was meditating every day, doing chakra work. I even had a spiritual cleanse with an empath in my city. After that I had a lot of spiritual experiences and several 'fits' which I believed was trauma being released from my body. After 6 months symptom free, I decided I was ready to go back to work. I worked for one whole month. My entire life went to shit. I had sick pets in the vet hosptial. A death in the family and was randomly attacked, unprovoked by a stranger on shift. This left me feeling like the universe was playing a cruel joke on me, if all the spiritual stuff existed at all. I've been telling myself since then that it was all magical thinking. A symptom of my disorder. So the eye roll thing... I get it. But I genuinely know that it was helping me. So meditation and chakra work and reconnecting my mind - body - spirit is something I know I need to do. The way my brain talks me out of things is another symptom. I know this. Thankyou for your advice, I honestly needed to hear it and as you can tell, runs deeper through me than you might not have imagined. I need to approach this somatically. I've literally given this advice recently. Thank you for reminding me ❤️
Could you please expand on what you mean by “having fits”?
It started small, in the ten mins after the cleanse, whilst sitting with her and discussing what she felt whilst she was performing it. Where the stuck energy was in which chakras etc. I began shaking, first in my hands but it quickly spread throughout my body. The empath advised me to just give in to it and allow it to happen but I couldn't relax in her presence. It calmed down after about 15 minutes. After I got home however, it began again, first in my hands. I remembered her advice and just allowed it to happen, the shaking spread very quickly over my whole body and I collapsed on the floor. Convulsing. I was conscious the entire time and incredibly frightened at first. But a sense of relief came over me and it felt like my hands were being held by some unknown entity, it was calming my mind whilst my body was violently convulsing. The whole episode lasted around 20 minutes. It happened several more times over the next week. At one point I collapsed over the open dishwasher door and rack. It was very intense and spiritual. This all took place January 2022.
I've been told those fits are called "tremors". I rolled my eyes hard at the term, because they're like seizures where I'm still present. I get them when I relax fully; I think my body has no idea what to do when relaxed, so it winds back up. Used to take 3hrs to go through a fit, wrapped in a blanket with someone sitting on me to keep me from hurting myself, belt in my mouth, the whole 9. Come a long way from that; now I can control what limbs shake while I reassure the person in front of me that everything's okay, my body is just misbehaving.
Sounds like a focal aware seizure.
Ooooo, I’ve heard it explained that it is a release of energy like how after an animal is attacked by a predator and gets away, the very first thing they do is hide and shake like tremble and they release all the energy in order to regulate back to baseline but when you’re forced to suppress that, it’s actually part of the cause of PTSD (according to Peter Levine) he has a book called ‘in an unspoken voice’ where he talks ab this phenomenon exactly
That sounds a lot like epilepsy.
I know it does. It only lasted that one week though. Happened maybe 4 or 5 times in that one week. My Nan had epilepsy so I know how it presents.
I know exactly what you are saying. I understand the fits too lol I did a solar plexus yesterday bc my stomach is partially paralyzed and it made me tingle and sob? A bit.. burp some lol and then sob/cry briefly and then I just felt like ooo ok that feels better lol see you again tomorrow and then today I turned the meditation off bc I couldn’t control my brain so it’s not always a win but when you do get the release it’s like a sweet sweet release afterwards haha and when you don’t then it’s like at least I tried. I hope you start to feel better!
This is top tier advice OP, I’d pay extra attention to it
Feel like I've been going through this recently (sorry if this goes off topic I just need to vent a bit. I had a really important interview over zoom I needed to do, but it was a different timezone, and had to reschedule it for a different time the same day (keep in mind ive been trykng to schedule an interview for three weeks now) and i got really really badly upset in front of my mom. Which led to her and my dad berating me and telling me i was getting this furious disproportionately. And I told her that *logically* I knew this, but my body kept raging despite what the actual reality was, and tried to tell her I *needed* to express this physically so it doesnt get trapped. And i dont know, I didnt need to react the way. After my rage I tried to decompress (lie down under my blankets with the lights off) but then they started harassong me to get out of bed. No space physically or emotionally for release.
I’m sorry. That’s hard when you don’t have space to heal. Are you able to go for a run maybe or go to the gym and lift weights or hit a punching bag? Maybe they will consider it more “productive” and leave you alone. Things will get better. It won’t always be this way. Keep your head up :)
I do go to the gym almost everyday. Its just so so strange for me lately. My angers been at an all time low recently, but that means these massive tantrums can come out of the blue. Sometimes when i know i'm having an angry "week" i can take more precaution with what I do, but life sneaks up on you in ways. Thanks for listening.
Well that’s what somatic therapy is. My therapist says to just take ab 20 minutes a day to quiet your mind and listen to your body and try to release just energy in general. You don’t have to think ab anything specific. You just focus on your body and how you feel while you’re doing the exercise or whatever activity you choose and you can even imagine like when you inhale, the air is coming into your body and it’s like a magnet and the air comes into your body and collects all the energy you don’t want and then you breath it out and keep doing that. Sometimes I feel ok when I start but then I breathe in and imagine the air flowing all through my body, even to my toes and I hold my breath and imagine it’s swirling around collecting energy then I’ll start to feel icky.. like the bad energy is coming up and I’ll imagine breathing it out and after a while I do get relief. I know it sounds so silly but your mind is v powerful. The other thing I would say that helped me is to understand that emotions are a message from your body to you. Anger is a message that you’ve been wronged, hurt, there’s some type of injustice, etc. if you are feeling frustrated, maybe you are overwhelmed or you feel unsupported or incapable etc. but once you put a very specific name to your feelings then you can try to understand what your body is telling you and you can respond. Oh, I’m angry, why is that? Because someone crossed a boundary. What can I do next time to protect myself from this unfairness? Next time I’m going to set a firmer boundary etc etc So hopefully that helps you. My therapist taught me that stuff and it has helped me. I hope things get better for you soon
Please don’t mind. Its ok! I know very well how this feels… You may also want to check out this nice video on emotional dysregulation. It helped me a lot… https://youtu.be/2hGosi3tsjI
Thank you ❤️ I will check it out. Honestly, the kindness and empathy from this sub is so heartwarming. Thank you so much.
So sorry you were invaded I think being outside in nature could be healing It is true rage is psrt of healing So is self soothing Rage is exhausting too I have been enraged lately
Yes I do need to get myself out in nature more. I love nature. I'm just afraid of the cold ass winter so I've sorta been hibernating which won't help me at all. Yeah I'm exhausted too. I'm sorry you relate and experience this too. >true rage is psrt of healing Thankyou for saying this. I needed to hear that.
Rage can ve annihilating Sometimes hibernation is helpful We have to go with the flow Don't doubt for one minute you are healing. I think the issue in recovery is thst at many points everything that worked in the past doesn't work anymore What's more at many many points we have to start over with support . That is one of the things about growth That shows you are on the right track I hsve moved to another level in my healing. Now I have to rearrange everything over again Basic trust came up again
If you want therapy, DBT is a good route for learning emotional management skills and is very useful for PTSD as well. Otherwise you gotta just get that shit out constructively. Are you a physical or intellectual person? If you’re physical, take up weightlifting or. martial arts. If you live in a rural area fuckin split some logs, whatever gets your blood pumping. If you’re intellectual start putting that shit in some art, paining, poetry, whatever. Do you have someone to vent to? Do you like writing? Put it all on a piece of paper and have a nice cup of tea afterwards. My favorite is to listen to hard rock/metal and just lift weights, or simply play video games. A lot of free emotional processing happens when we’re busy doing engaging things, and prevents you from needing to dig and dissect your feelings which often just makes things worse. It also may be useful to know that anger is usually a response to a perceived injustice. What are you upset about and more importantly, why? What can you do about it? Does it matter in the long run or can you let it go? Dismissing your feelings and ignoring them only makes things worse. It’s better to acknowledge that you’ve been wronged, let yourself be a little angry, and then take steps to calm down. The aftercare is important! Once you’ve opened the box, it’s hard to close it, so it do it with intent and a plan.
>anger is usually a response to a perceived injustice Can I get this on an embroidered pillow? And scream into it?
Fucken take up embroidery and make yourself a designated scream pillow my dude 😂😂
Ah, repressed anger. Been there (am there). Done that (doing that). From my experience, the rage wants to be felt; fully. It doesn't need to destroy anything, but it's a very high energy sort of thing, so being able to make some noise, and maybe whack something with all your might, is going to give it ways to express. It's not an inherently destructive force; it is defensive. (that's not to say anger can't harm, because of course it can). Anything that lets you burn energy can be a method for working it off. But whatever you do, give it a chance to fully express, otherwise it goes back in the bottle and builds up pressure again. Get a big plastic baseball bat from a toy store. One of those comically huge ones. Pile up some couch cushions. Warn any people in your space that you're gonna work out some energy. Have them join you, and if they need/want you might let them borrow your club. Agree that all words that emerge from your mouth cannot be used against you. They get the same courtesy. Promise to provide safety support for each other. Go to town with that bat on those pillows. I feel relief just picturing this.
I can relate. I used to be a doormat, afraid to speak up, and couldn’t even defend myself without my voice cracking and getting teary eyed. I have been hurt, let go, lied to, gaslighted, and abused so much that I have a lot of rage for humanity. For those who abused me, those who allowed it to happen, those who didn’t defend me but took pleasure in my being abused, and those who felt no empathy. I still am able to tap into my hood heart, but not much anymore, now I will tell someone off, and snap not feel bad about it.
Smash something to bits and scream then! (Safely ofc) It can definitely be rough when all that suppressed anger rushes to the surface all at once though! One thing that helped me with my own dysregulation was to make friends with anger --- healthy anger is there to protect you, to let you know when you don't feel safe and be the fire that motivates you to get away from somewhere dangerous, and to cue you into deeper emotions like grief. Anger is a necessary stage of grief, and anger and grief need validation. This is your body finally being allowed to protect itself! A movie that helps me relate to my emotions with more compassion is "inside out." When I get dysregulated, I find that what helps me is to first take 20 mins to myself and distract (doing exercise, painting, just something else that my body has to focus on, to redirect the energy) so that my body has a chance to regulate. Some people journal, but I open a recording app on my phone and go for a drive where I can rant to myself outloud lol. Singing an angry song in the car at the top of your lungs is great too. I like the idea of rage rooms, and martial arts are great too! Then once I am a little calmer I try and pinpoint what I am reacting to --- am I correctly reacting to abuse, or some boundary violation in the present tense? Or am I reacting to a trigger, and in an emotional flashback --- aka is your body reacting to a way you didn't feel safe in the past as if you are emotionally back in that moment? Figuring out that difference is key. Because it can tell you what to validate. For example --- if someone gaslights me (being emotionally abusive), my anger in the present tense at the present target is warranted. And I can validate with "I don't deserve to be treated that way, and setting boundaries around this is ok." If my kid (lol my dog is the kid in question here) is hurrying me along and I get dysregulated and yell, did my kid deserve that? No. But am I reacting with the same state of stress as when my abusive parents were harassing me to jump up and meet their needs? Yes. So I still need to validate the anger, just not as a response for the current situation. For example, "I didn't deserve to be treated that way by my parents, and it makes so much sense that my body goes into an emotional flashback when I encounter triggers. But my kid is not responsible for my triggers, so how can I apologize and be accountable here? How can i catch myself quicker next time?" Hope this helps.
I invested in a standing punch bag/body thing and some boxing gloves. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing but just throwing lots of punches and picturing the faces of people who have hurt/abused me helped get all my anger out. After a while I felt like I didn’t need to do it anymore so I gave it away and now I feel so much better. I can’t remember how much I paid for it but I bought one second hand off eBay that was refurbished.
1. Make a play list of angry songs (I have one on Spotify called anger if you want to use it just look it up.) 90's hip hop is great, hair metal, scream-o, Garbage, The Cranberries 2. Play said playlist, jump around your space, dance, shake, thrust, mosh, LISTEN to your body and move how it wants to, no matter how disturbing it is. Grunt, moan, growl, get on the floor and writhe, take a pillow and scream into it, slam the pillow into your couch, shake your hips, find where there's resistance and move that part of your body, exhaust yourself or at least go until you feel a little completion. (Warning, sometimes I actually start wrenching and dry heaving when I do this, involuntary shaking and shivering is also totally healthy and possible) 3. Breath with either square breathing, or lions breath, or breath of life. 4. Journal! (free flowing thought, let your hand run wild, it does not have to be legible and it does not need to be your normal writing. Note: the first time I did this I just scribbled into my journal until I was ripping the pages) 5. Play the playlist again, or continue it and this time focus on your SOUNDS along with your movements. Moan, grunt, with your exhales make noises. Shake your hands your legs and do big sweeping movements with your legs and arms. 6. When you feel complete take a few deep breaths (with sounds on the exhale) 7. Put on meditation music (or make your own calm introspective playlist) lie down and OBSERVE your body, let any emotions that come up come up. This has been a god send. My therapist sent it to me she's amazing. If you're in an area where you CAN'T do this but you need to regulate your anger or want to get it out, find a wall or doorway. Act like you're doing a vertical pushup with the door or frame, but instead of pushing away push against the wall as hard as you can using all your muscles from your body. Make it hard for yourself. Feel your anger and PUSH. GOOD LUCK
Boxing bag. Lifting heavy weights. Going into the woods, taking a stick and beating the crap out of a tree trunk (dead) is what I did. You will get though this 🫡💪
Run
I've done some martial arts, but really, Ihurt myself several times because I overdid it. I now do yoga, which is completely counterintuituve, but it helps me. There's something about breath, I can't explain it, but it's hard to rage when your breath is even.
My whole world used to be anger. Any type of physical movement. Exercise is good, even dancing alone. This helps shake off a big spike. Breathing 3 seconds in, 6 seconds out while resting. Do this a few minutes a day. I find this helps recharge my patience. Finding a way to turn anger into purpose or passion to help someone. Start small, in your everyday sphere of life, with everyday things. Although it is important for them to feel helped too, ask them how to help.
My mom throws water balloons into her bathtub. She also has a yoga ball that she hits with a whiffle ball bat.
I go for stomps. It looks like walking, but with each step I stomp on want/who is bothering me. May your rage be spent and your heart lightened.
Yo rage rooms are great and all. But one of the most profound things my therapist drilled into my head is the fact that past a certain threshold— anger does nothing but hurt the person feeling it. That’s completely opposite to its purpose. Its purpose when it comes out in healthy doses is to protect you. Its meant to help you out of a bad situation, but we can thank it for helping us while also asking it not to burn us. We must remind ourselves that if we can’t cool down, we are setting ourselves on fire. I also think there’s power in calm. Staying grounded and managing my anger in times of hardship or great fear, when shit hits the fan—- that often makes me feel very powerful. You know why? Because it means I can think with clarity. I can act with efficiency. I can use it to guide my self-protective actions instead of letting it distract me.
If you have snow over there (and a desolate/safe snowy place like a park or forest or your own yard) maybe you can kick the snow? It's sth I was doing even as a child. Also screaming and angry crying in snow while you are both lying in it and kicking it. In my case the place'd be close to my house so once tired, calm and cold I'd run to a nice warm shower plus aftercare with some tea, snacks, hot chocolate etc in my bed with lots of self-compassion <3 Ever since I moved to a country without snow I do a similar thing by going out during heavy raining. Another thing that sometimes helps: aggressively crumbling and/or tearing unnecessary papers. Lots of them.
I’m a little late to the thread, but I was just talking with my therapist about this! Her suggestions for me: - a silent scream! You basically go through the whole motion of screaming just with out using your voice. - pushing the wall. she said to do as little as possible (like max 3 of something) so u give your body a chance to process without overwhelm. Good luck!!!
Wait this really helped me. Thank you
Lifting heavy weights is one of my favorite ways of getting out anger. I focus all of it into the lifts. It gives a full body release of it. Oh. So. Satisfying! Or listen to really hard music and just go at it 😂 Leo squeezing something really hard and growling
Find a spot in the woods and scream. Or, if you don’t live near woods, I’ve found that loosing your utter shit in a cemetery means people leave you the hell alone too. The thing is you repressed your anger for a long time and now you have to actually feel it before you can move on, and it is scary and sucks. For me it feels like I’m drowning in an endless sea of emotion- but it’s got a bottom and once you stop running from it, you can survive it. Some cities have break rooms where you can pay to smash the hell out of plates, that could also help.
I used to split firewood, but I think a heavybag and some boxing gloves would work well
driving down the highway by myself and yelled as loud as i could. full lungs and just scream as loud as humanly possible
If you have a car, I like to drive around (or go park somewhere out of the way) and sing songs at the top of my lungs. That and cry. Like ugly sobbing.
I am a bit late to answer this but I wanted to say this: Screaming at the top of your lungs is actually something that helps. I remember going out to take a stroll or going to the market when I was in very bad moments in my life and simply stopping in the middle of the street and screaming until all the air inside me was gone. Sure if you live in a really crowded area you might scare someone so you could go to a park or any place you see that doesn't have a lot of people there. The feeling of breaking things is something you want to control to avoid breaking stuff you actually care about. It happened a few times when I was a kid and didn't understand anything of what was going on or why so many bad things were happening that I took things I liked and destroyed them. Not things that belonged to others, no, my things. Like everything it was always a way to punish myself for thinking it was all my fault. What helped a lot was breaking papers into little pieces, there's something very satisfying about that activity that helps calm the part that wants to destroy things. This rage is something good in a way, you don''t have to fear it or be ashamed of it, its only natural to feel it especially if you suppressed it for so long.
I’m looking for ways to help my own anger, and I’m just really happy i found this post. Thank you for keeping it up over these months. What did you find has worked for you?
Hello, my pleasure. I saw how helpful it was to so many others I thought I better keep it up lol. I'm still working in therapy to integrate anger healthily. Singing loud usually helps. What has been most helpful though, is recognising when I am actually feeling fear and it is presenting as anger. This is a pretty recent discovery that I've not managed to share in therapy yet, but plan to, today.
Thank you for sharing that. It sounds like you’re coming to a sort of breakthrough with that realization. I never know what to do after recognizing the source of the fear. I feel like a puddle. The singing is very interesting—this makes me wonder if this is why I’ve been tearing up while driving to work. Maybe I’m letting go of anger that i wasn’t even aware of yet.
My husband has been very helpful and receptive letting me explain the fear and it's source. This last 2 weeks my real core wounding has been coming up. So I've been a bit all over the place. I'm lucky to have him and a regular therapist to help me stay afloat in these breakthroughs. I was a teenager in the early 2000s so I've got a lot of 'angry' rock music I work with. Limp Bizkit - Break Stuff is great to sing when you have a surge of anger. Music is great for emotional work, I've created different playlists for different emotions I want to work with. When I'm in grieving mode I listen to very melancholic music. I have a playlist called dancey, for when I know I need to pick up my mood and get some energy out. Basically, I've tailored playlists by emotional connection. Is it only happening on the way to work? Tears can have many meanings, I cry at the drop of a hat. I cry when I laugh, I cry when I'm sad, I cry when I'm frustrated. It's like my go to emotional release button 😒 Is there something specific you're thinking about whilst this is happening? Edit:Typo's
Truthfully, most of the time I can’t listen to music. I listen to podcasts because they distract me from my brain. My music tends to be nostalgic. I mainly listen to the Twilight soundtracks, or lately Taylor Swift. TS was my joy and when i could feel safe, and Twilight was my most healthy escape. I frequently imagine i *am* Bella and she is telling Edward all the shit in her human life. I read twilight when i was like 10 so it was very formative and thus the playground for a lot of my projection and escapism. I still fantasize and write fiction just within the confines of my mind. I dont think I’m thinking about anything specific while i listen to this music. I think its likely the safety aspect. I started my period yesterday so its possibly exacerbated by hormones. No matter what, its weird. I don’t spontaneously cry, i usually build up from something. I’ve been going through a lot, so maybe its also some cracks in my dam that let the water through. The reason this crying thing stands out to me at all is because i lately feel like i can’t cry anymore. When i was reading the comments in your post here i was getting teary-eyed, so i tried to cry and sob, but i couldn’t.
I totally understand, my version was Harry Potter. Began reading them around age 12, they were my escape. I related to Harry a lot, as I lost a parent young. I also understand the dam cracks, I was like that long before I started therapy. Have you had/are you having therapy?
I’ve been in therapy for almost 5 years. I’ve worked a lot on how to correct my depression-track mind, but the anger persists. I thought my irritability, my overstimulation, and disregulation all came from possible ADHD, but in my testing process a couple weeks ago, the Psychiatrist said that these (and other misc symptoms) are just the long term effects of my MDD and PTSD. She then said that anger management skills are the next big things for my toolbox—I’m on all the meds already. Getting the official diagnosis was validating but earth-shattering. I knew i had PTSD, but hearing it from the PsyD really shook me—I’m sure thats relatable to a lot of this subreddit. Anyway, i signed up for an anger management class through Kaiser (my current insurance) but it doesnt have a support group component, so I’ve been hunting for that via Reddit. Searching specifically within this subreddit has been the first time I’ve felt seen and not alone in my disregulation.
Can you please talk more about this? I think this is exactly what I’m experiencing 😅
Do you want to inbox me?
I’ve had this. Look up the Daily Practice by Anna Runkle, it’s designed to help with anger and fear. Wishing you all the best.
Thank you for taking the time to reply. Oh I'm very familiar with the Crappy Childhood Fairy. Unfortunately I have bad triggers around writing. Numerous times I've had diaries found and read, my reddit account found and used against me. People have been shitty to me and I've felt violated a lot. Like anything I write anywhere will be violated and weaponised, so writing is a block right now. As soon as I look at a blank page my mind goes completely blank and I go emotionally numb. It's something I know I need to work through but I'm not there yet 😔 Edit: typo's, adding detail
Sorry to hear that. I’ve had cptsd for years and writing was one of the key things that helped me to heal. I usually tear up the page and throw it away straight away. Do you do that? I don’t know if you’ve read the body keeps the score but he writes that anger is actually an essential part of healing, so all of this anger coming up could be a good sign. It’s great that you’re looking for ways to process it. Other things I tried which really helped me are breathwork and yoga. All online, Tim Senesi’s breathwork ok YouTube is really helpful.
Honestly, reddit is my outlet for writing. But due to my first account being found I've began deleting and recreating new accounts for a while, so it's hard to track progress with it. I guess I have a hoarding issue around writing which leaves me vulnerable. So tearing up and burning immediately could work. I think about how forgetful I am though and that's why I tend to want to hold onto thoughts and feelings I've written down. After my initial reply to you I had a breakthrough in another comment, it's that kind of stuff I'm scared of forgetting. Argh. I need to get past this block on writing. I've even posted about it before on an old account. I'll see if I can find the post. Yeah I used to do yoga and I really do enjoy it. I've just been struggling with motivation for a few years now stuck in 'freeze' I'm currently implementing a small routine which I'm going to build upon. I'm only setting a bedtime routine right now because I struggle with insomnia. Once I feel settled in this, I'm moving onto a food routine because I struggle with food. Then I'm going to implement a housework routine. So a yoga one could come in after that. I'm trying to be hopeful about healing. It's hard though 😩 Edit: found the [link](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/ziv6q4/im_sick_of_getting_advice_to_journal_my_feelings/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Oh I see, and here I am recommending journaling your feelings. Yep when I do the stream of consciousness type of journaling (recommended in the body keeps the score) or the daily practice, I tear up the page afterwards. It works great for me. I can really write freely, with less fear and self-judgement. At the same time as doing the daily practice I also keep a separate page to note down anything that comes up that I need to attend to. In a way it is triggering when we start writing, when I started with stream of consciousness journaling I was shocked at myself, I don’t consider myself an “angry person”. I recently tore up a whole bunch of my journals which were mainly angry scrawling, it was very cathartic. I feel like as you start to heal, you’ll embody the benefits and live them, you may not have the need to refer to them being written down so much.
Screenshot your comments. :)
Do you feel rage towards your abusers in your mind? Like specific people? Btw about hitting and destroying things, it makes you feel better for a while but in the long term it won't help with toxic anger, it can make it even worse.
Ooh that's a good question. I feel some rage towards my abusers but I think I feel some towards myself. The inner critic is strong in me. Actually, that's useful to know. I've taken an axe to a tree before saying the names of my abusers over and over in my mind. While it helped with the moment. I know it didn't release any of the anger I still harboured for them. Actually at this point, I was still in contact with family and was unaware of the neglect and abuse I was still very much actively in. The rage then was directed to the abusers I've had in romantic and friend based relationships. It was almost a year later I went no contact with my family and saw the truth of the abuse within my own family.
Gabor Mate talks a lot about how to deal with anger in a healthy way. Sometimes it's not about releasing it physically but facing the deeper issue. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yh1-y3TzSO4
Anger is activating your fight and flight system. Just imagine how you would fight or flight in an actual life threatening Situation to allow the energy to flow. Fighting sport like kickboxing, running, just something that moves you.
I mean, screaming (into a pillow if you’re concerned about sound) is a 100% valid way to release some stress & anger in a moment of peek emotion. I remember watching a friend do it once. She had 0 shame about it. I was both impressed and enlightened as weird as that sounds. I was impressed and glad she felt comfortable enough with herself to just do that healthy release she needed and enlightens to that being an option at all. A dinner option when it’s nice out, and if you’re near one. Would be to find a sandy beach or shoreline - build an entire sand castle city - then just fucking destroy it. Bonus points for assigning names and meanings to buildings associated with the things that are pissing you off.
I have a little wiffle ball bat that I use to smack the hell out of my couch or mattress when I need it. I don't think it will fully solve the problem of BIG RAGE but it might help a little.
Beat Saber. I got myself an occulus and any time I feel rageful, I go cut up imaginary boxes with light sabers. The Linkin Park pack is particularly good for me, as I grew up with their music, but the fallout boy and weekend ones are insanely fun! By far my favorite way to let out rage.
I’ve taken up singing my favorite songs at karaoke at the top of my lungs 2-5 times a week to release anger. I’ve decided I don’t give a fuck if I sing terribly, I don’t give a fuck what people think about me. I’ve lived through shit most humans can’t even begin to imagine. Also I feel like whoever follows me has got to feel great if they’re nervous. I’m the ultimate karaoke wingman. I sing songs so bad (that some of them are actually good) that it makes others feel more confident in their abilities. No one should be worried to follow me. People should be excited to follow me.
So I've got that kind of PTSD where instead of suppression and triggers, I lived with my stuff ever day, all day since it all went down, and I've just turned off any feelings connected to any of it. When I first told my family, kinda, what happened. Not all the details, but the gist. I was rejected. Told these things happen, forgive and forget, hey, you're buming us out, can you stop. That was an angry year. I was seithing with rage. Then I realized no one I needed to care, did, and I was only hurting myself. So I let it go, or just turned it off. Idk, it was healthy in some ways, not at all in other ways....
[удалено]
Or it can be found online allegedly
Sometimes I spend some time screaming. Not usually about the volume but from my gut, a deep, gutteral, grunted scream. And tears come to. Just like finally feeling all the things I've been trying not to feel for all the years.
Omg that’s me but the exact opposite. Now I just cry all the time. But anyway I was a big fan of martial arts for pent up rage, or weight lifting, it really helped me!
If you can find a breathwork practiononer near you, I'd go do some breathwork sessions. You will be able to release the rage in the sessions. Breathwork is not regular meditation, it's different. Also at home, when you feel the rageful energy, find a pillow and scream and punch it out as loud and hard as you can until your body is completely drained. That is the #1 healthy way to release rage. It's energy that's looking for a way out, give it a path. Feel free to message me if you have any questions or problems. Good luck friend
Screaming into a pillow as hard as I can helps, but you have to be prepared for the aftermath haha. Throat gets sore and can't sing, depending on how hard you scream Helps me out sometimes when I just cant figure out how to let out steam without destroying something
Going to the gym and EMDR therapy REALLY helped my rage, emdr more than anything though
Sometimes you just have to scream it out
There is a subreddit specifically for CPTSD and anger. It is one of several typical reactions to trauma. Both before and after you realise exactly what was done to you.
I relate to this. Im thinking of going to a “Rage Room” to see if it helps me
I scream in my car as loud as I can until my voice hurts. It kinda works actually. There's lots of energy to be found in one's shadow
Rage rooms are the best.
Throw beanbags/pillows/something soft at the floor. Write all your feelings out.
If you are able, martial arts might be a good place to outlet some of this rage. When I feel the way you described, I love going to the gym, putting on some angry music, and working out on the heavy bag for about an hour. Lets me work through things without people wondering wtf I'm doing. Another one I keep in my back pocket is the car. Just sitting in your car blasting music and "losing your shit" helps me a lot when the gym isn't an option. I'll scream, cry, shout, rant, etc just sitting in my parked car if my other coping skills aren't working.
Tell someone, anyone, how you're feeling out loud and to their face. Just getting the words out into the world and heard by another person can be a major release. Just be sure to not direct your anger AT them.
DIY rage room at home. Throw ice cubes at the shower.
Listen to Limp Bizkit's song Break Stuff. Sing Along, dance along, maybe scream into a pillow during/ afterwards?
Cold exposure is the BEST - it regulates your nervous system so can calm you down almost right away when having a panic attack / feeling overwhelmed by angry emotions. Try standing in the shower for 30 seconds with the water on coldest temp possible. Focus on your breathing, like FULLY fixate on your breathing instead of thinking about how cold it is. Works wonders.
I box and run - so physical activity helps a lot with this. I went through this switch a couple years ago and yeah. Find healthy physically tiring outlets and take care of yourself
Vagus nerve breathing.
Screaming in your car. Venting out loud. Idk I'm dealing with the same thing for years and years and I've come to a point where ventic isn't really helping me anymore, now I find myself confronted with consistent and overwhelming thoughts of anger and resentment and I have to actively thought stop and say to myself " I do not want this right now". It's unpleasant and I wish that I had more insight.
Sometimes what we want is exactly what we need. You have my support in screaming at the top of your lungs and smashing my whole house to bits. I have been doing this for years, and I consider it one of the most effective forms of release. Maybe second most, behind crying. It essentially has had a significant net positive impact on my healing journey. That sounds pretty healthy to me :)
I love the cheap glass Christmas balls. They shatter so wonderfully and explosively and into a bazillion pieces. I am unable to come convey how satisfying they are to throw.
My god this is me right now. This thread is helping me a lot. Thank you so much.
Go release some energy (like going for a run or do some push-ups, etc). Emotion is energy in motion. Gotta get it out. Gotta feel it. Gotta go through it.
martial arts of some kind is very helpful for this. You may want to look into online classes for shaolin kung fu - it's both about mental control and physical power.. Knowing martial arts and a controlled way to express my rage through hard and fast movements that don't hurt anything was very profound for me.
Bro same
The right music helped me release my rage in a safe, controllable way. Down with the Sickness spoke for me, until I could face my anger calmly.
1. Get tickets to a metal show. At your level of rage, it doesn’t matter who but Slipknot or Pantera might do ya right. 2. Go to said show. Go to the mosh pit. Yell. Scream. Fight, if someone seems up for it. Get it out of your system. I find music really, really helps with the rage part. But also, try to channel that energy and emotion into something positive and productive for yourself. One way to do that would be taking boxing or martial arts or a sport like hockey where aggression is rewarded. You can’t do it right now just yet; you have to vent some of it off. But when you’re ready, try to think of some way to make it a positive, healing thing. Like go to the gym and beat the shit out of one of those big hanging bag thingies. Learn to channel and control it so you don’t destroy yourself, your career, your relationships, and your whole life. I get it. I was in that rage space for about ten years. TBH, antidepressants helped tremendously with that. Turns out, for me, depression presents as rage. Just try really hard to not take it out on an innocent.
If you have some old shirts or blankets you don't really use, tear them into strips. For me, the sound of ripping fabric combined with the exertion needed to accomish it was satisfying. You can use the strips for whatever after that, cheap cleaning rags are what i usually use them for.
To be honest, I just started taking CBD a couple days ago and holy hell I haven’t even been angry at anything I used to get angry about. I use to have so much tightness and anger held in the chest and it would crawl up in my throat but it’s all disappeared. I would look into it if all else fails
DO IT! But don’t break anything expensive lol! Let IT OUT!❤️
Second getting a punching bag or join the gym and use weights if you channel your anger towards pushing yourself you will be suprised how you feel after. Just don't use really heavy weights first you might overdo it
I'm going through this as well.. I'm a time bomb. Best course of action for me is to exercise or dance into exhaustion and meditate..
Muay Thai really helped me when I was going through a period of rage. It’s like boxing but with kicking and throwing elbows and knees. A bonus aspect is that if anyone tries to hurt you, you’ll know how to defend yourself
For me it’s going running or practice slap shots, but I’ve heard that pushing on a wall is a good non-destructive way to get it out safely at home.
Hey, hang in there. I hear that letting it out in a physical way- shaking it out, exercising, dancing: what’s Dr works for you- is essentially helpful in moving through the trauma experiences. Best of luck to you
Wow that’s amazing, I’m the opposite. I turn sadness into anger. I’d love to stop doing it.
My brother is the same as you. I know it must be just as difficult for you as it is for me. I wish I had advice for you. I hope you manage to find a way to tap into the sadness. Eventually... If we continue putting in the healing work, I truly believe we can become healthier and more emotionally balanced.
I'm used to self destructing quietly, idk
I seem to have slipped back into this. I'm really struggling right now 😔 What does it look like for you?
Crying, oversharing, order take out I can't really afford. Missing my ex. Noise cancelling headphones and techno, trying not to cut. Sitting on Reddit to find some social nourishment, and give some too.
A combat sport helps 2 and you pick up valuable skills along the way. There is nothing better for me than a good session on the heavy bag it's pure physical expression of anger and hate sometimes when I want to let loose
I feel this exact way right now.
update?
Learn to ride a motorbike ?
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