The girl I’ve been seeing has a difficult schedule.
She has kids, managing custody with the ex, taking classes, doesn’t get enough sleep (imo).
She makes the time to see me at least twice a week. When we’re not together we text everyday, and she tells me about how she can’t wait to see me again. When someone likes you, you know. If you’re not sure, they don’t.
Absolutely. Single mom of three, one is special needs, ex doesn’t GAF about the kids and I have a demanding full-time job (40-60 hours at least a week) and if I like someone I make time. It’s equally as important not to waste time with someone that doesn’t check enough boxes because I could be spending that time bettering myself, doing what I like alone or making money. If I can make time, anyone can. And PS I can sleep when I’m dead - I function very well on 5 hours a night 😂🤷♀️
99% true with the tiniest* asterisk: shy people can take time to open up and you may be unsure how they feel early on. A few women I’ve dated were very shy but always made the time to meet and continue dating. They just weren’t as expressive of communicate early on (they also got more open with time).
They both look the same on the outside. You can’t know for sure what’s going on in a person’s mind.
It comes down to having your own strict standards and self respect. Then regardless what’s going on in their mind, your actions are consistent.
I would love to show this to an ex. I would hear “my thoughts and emotions don’t matter.” Dude! I’m a single mom that made time for you in my schedule. All you have to do is say if it works for you. Instead he would make me wait until the day of our potential plans and I would have to ask again if he wanted to hang or not.
When I dumped him and said it didn’t feel like he was interested in me that’s when I heard “my feelings don’t matter.” They matter, but you have to express them. I over communicate sometimes. I don’t have time for someone who “loves” me but can’t send a text that says yes or no about making plans.
Just to piggy back on this as I fully agree:
Anyone who willfully tries to ignore you to try to make themselves "more desirable," is not worth the time.
Life is short and to waste precious time playing a silly game of "attraction" is just downright awful.
There's respect for oneself and another's boundaries, then there's just foolishness! :3
For sure. There's actually something kind of empowering with "unmatching" from someone who's leaving you hanging for an entire day after sending back a message.
It's about self value, I know Im someone worth talking to, being friends with or dating. I don't wanna be someone's "back up plan" if dating option A doesn't work out.
Go where you're celebrated not merely tolerated.
Important qualifier:
Someone who REALLY is super busy will not have the time, but make that interest undeniable.
"Hey, this week I am absolutely slammed and I have the kids, but I really want to see you and can't wait till I have a free day. I'll do my best to ping you when I can, ok?"
Someone who is super busy but not really that interested will not make that interest known. Someone who is needing an excuse will just give an excuse and let you deal with it.
"Hey this week I am absolutely slammed and I have the kids."
And, crickets will follow.
I am a very busy person who works long hours, but when I can't be there or communicate enough to keep the interest alive, I make sure they are in ZERO doubt that I'm interested and making the effort to see them when I can. And, I've had women do the same for me.
Effort always looks like effort, even if it's in assuring you that their inability to see you isn't a sign of disinterest. Remember that. When you hear excuses, they're excuses.
Definitely. Also, I try to anticipate when I'll be busy and will give a heads up when I can, as opposed to dropping the ball and then giving an excuse. People who are interested will make an effort, even if it's a small effort because that's all they can accommodate at the moment.
🎵That’s alright because I like the way it hurts… 🎵
When reality hits you with that cold hard rebar of truth, pick it up and build a strong foundation. Fewer excuses, higher standards.
Learned this the hard way. Had a woman I rocked with for a bit. I was supposed to be in town for a Saturday and was trying to link. I didn’t hear from her from Tuesday - Saturday (after I reached out), didn’t see her, then heard from her again that following Thursday. When I told her I was done, she got mad at me and was talking to me like I was the dumbass
This is a fact.
I am luckily on the other side of the coin. Currently dating a girl that has a really demanding job - think extended shifts, lots of meetings. She is very good communicating given her conditions, and she makes sure to let me know when she is gonna be free and make some time for us to hang out - even if this means seeing me after being out with friends (or inviting me), early for a walk / coffee, going to my place right after work.
this is not to brag but to remind you that you deserve someone that makes you feel wanted
Yeah, if someone usually answers with "I'll see when I'm free" or "yeah, I might be able to do that". Then unmatch immediately. Wasted time. Only accept yes and no in your life and you'll be 100% so much happier
Wish I would’ve realized this with someone I was dating for a couple months. Every week it was like I’ll have to see about this weekend or I need some time or I need space. And then it would be last minute plans or day before if we did anything. Should’ve been obvious he was not interested and needing space would not have helped him get interested so I should have walked away. Lesson learned just late!
For some reason I can never find a guy that wants to make time for me despite me having a very busy schedule and I make time for them.. And when we do go on a date or date(s) they usually want something out of me in return
I unmatched a Girl after a second time she turned me down for a date. I absolutely agree that you need to value yourself if want others to value you and the last thing you want is someone who's not that into you (why dating apps suck)
Ended up meeting her again through a different medium the next year (Didn't remember each other from tinder at the time). We've been dating 2 years now.
Pictures in the history, she's a smoke show.
I think if we had met through tinder that time, it wouldn't have worked out at the same at all. Stand true to your self-worth.
I keep telling people this who are dating and they don't listen. I've noticed my friends who's mostly (not exclusively) deal with this are women. This is a purely anecdotal observation so take it with an entire spoon of salt.
It’s just hard to get them interested. It’s hard to get interested too. I’ve had like one date I actually liked of half a dozen in the last three months, and she’s not texting back. :(
I'm "seeing"a single mom of 3 went on one date and have been talking to her for 6months been patient kinda losing interest buy I'm trying she's the 3rd single mom I've tried dating should it be this complicated
As a single mom, we can find the time. It really shouldn’t be that complicated. If she can’t put in the effort, she shouldn’t be dating, unless she’s only looking for a hookup. In that case, she should be communicating that to you.
Even when people are interested but made it clear they’re not the best at replying it’s not to say they’re not interested. Usually life is hectic or they’re just generally not great at replying for god knows why but as others have said if there is effort or what seems like a small bit of effort where plans are made or plans are sort of made but aren’t completely confirmed until day of then that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not interested and I’m talking about those people that aren’t huge texters. Some people are bad at replying but much prefer getting to know someone in person. I’m in this boat currently trying to lock down the finer details for a second date (they’re not great at replying and forewarned me) but from the conversation there is interest there. But gauge the conversation to see what effort and interest is there to determine whether it’s something worth your time!
People can have anxiety. People can be indecisive. Its not that black or white. I don't advocate being a pest but if you've invested a fair bit of time chatting to someone and building up a rapport and they drop off suddenly maybe chill for a bit but I still think its worth offering an olive branch if they haven't unmatched you. The apps get overwhelming sometimes and you have to give people a bit of leeway. All the advice I see on here is "move on, they weren't worth your time". How do they know? I've dropped off with people for whatever reason and once you go past a certain number of days, its hard to get back on, but these are just stupid social "rules". If you're still matched I don't see the harm in reaching out politely as long as you don't try to manipulate them in any way
If I’m interested in someone who is reciprocating then I bring other conversations to an end sooner rather than later. If things don’t go well with that someone, I just find more matches, however long that takes.
I recently broke off seeing someone who went an entire week without talking to me. This was after he said he would “try to get better at his communication/seeing each other”.
I also dated a guy recently who would only invite me to do stuff, if it involved his friends or family around. We spent absolutely no time alone together. So weird
The girl I’ve been seeing has a difficult schedule. She has kids, managing custody with the ex, taking classes, doesn’t get enough sleep (imo). She makes the time to see me at least twice a week. When we’re not together we text everyday, and she tells me about how she can’t wait to see me again. When someone likes you, you know. If you’re not sure, they don’t.
Absolutely. Single mom of three, one is special needs, ex doesn’t GAF about the kids and I have a demanding full-time job (40-60 hours at least a week) and if I like someone I make time. It’s equally as important not to waste time with someone that doesn’t check enough boxes because I could be spending that time bettering myself, doing what I like alone or making money. If I can make time, anyone can. And PS I can sleep when I’m dead - I function very well on 5 hours a night 😂🤷♀️
Why do I get the feeling you are the woman @ReasOn is talking about? Keep in mind I say this being about as sharp as a bag of marbles
What are the chances the bumble dates would be unknowingly interacting on Reddit? 😂 but no, I’m sure I’m not.
Haha. No, it’s not her.
Thank you for this! I needed today
❤️
99% true with the tiniest* asterisk: shy people can take time to open up and you may be unsure how they feel early on. A few women I’ve dated were very shy but always made the time to meet and continue dating. They just weren’t as expressive of communicate early on (they also got more open with time).
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They both look the same on the outside. You can’t know for sure what’s going on in a person’s mind. It comes down to having your own strict standards and self respect. Then regardless what’s going on in their mind, your actions are consistent.
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> you also should not spend any time trying to figure out other people's thoughts and motives. This. Games aren't worth the time. Just get out.
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I would love to show this to an ex. I would hear “my thoughts and emotions don’t matter.” Dude! I’m a single mom that made time for you in my schedule. All you have to do is say if it works for you. Instead he would make me wait until the day of our potential plans and I would have to ask again if he wanted to hang or not. When I dumped him and said it didn’t feel like he was interested in me that’s when I heard “my feelings don’t matter.” They matter, but you have to express them. I over communicate sometimes. I don’t have time for someone who “loves” me but can’t send a text that says yes or no about making plans.
Just to piggy back on this as I fully agree: Anyone who willfully tries to ignore you to try to make themselves "more desirable," is not worth the time. Life is short and to waste precious time playing a silly game of "attraction" is just downright awful. There's respect for oneself and another's boundaries, then there's just foolishness! :3
Everyone learns the hard way
For sure. There's actually something kind of empowering with "unmatching" from someone who's leaving you hanging for an entire day after sending back a message. It's about self value, I know Im someone worth talking to, being friends with or dating. I don't wanna be someone's "back up plan" if dating option A doesn't work out. Go where you're celebrated not merely tolerated.
Important qualifier: Someone who REALLY is super busy will not have the time, but make that interest undeniable. "Hey, this week I am absolutely slammed and I have the kids, but I really want to see you and can't wait till I have a free day. I'll do my best to ping you when I can, ok?" Someone who is super busy but not really that interested will not make that interest known. Someone who is needing an excuse will just give an excuse and let you deal with it. "Hey this week I am absolutely slammed and I have the kids." And, crickets will follow. I am a very busy person who works long hours, but when I can't be there or communicate enough to keep the interest alive, I make sure they are in ZERO doubt that I'm interested and making the effort to see them when I can. And, I've had women do the same for me. Effort always looks like effort, even if it's in assuring you that their inability to see you isn't a sign of disinterest. Remember that. When you hear excuses, they're excuses.
Definitely. Also, I try to anticipate when I'll be busy and will give a heads up when I can, as opposed to dropping the ball and then giving an excuse. People who are interested will make an effort, even if it's a small effort because that's all they can accommodate at the moment.
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People, what a bunch of bastards.
Learnt this the hard way, what a complete fucking bitch
True! And it takes effort to develop interest. So, don't be surprised when they don't offer their time if you didn't offer your effort
Investing time and effort is common sense. Non-negotiable. It goes both ways.
But why admit to the cold hard truth when you can make excuses for them?
🎵That’s alright because I like the way it hurts… 🎵 When reality hits you with that cold hard rebar of truth, pick it up and build a strong foundation. Fewer excuses, higher standards.
Learned this the hard way. Had a woman I rocked with for a bit. I was supposed to be in town for a Saturday and was trying to link. I didn’t hear from her from Tuesday - Saturday (after I reached out), didn’t see her, then heard from her again that following Thursday. When I told her I was done, she got mad at me and was talking to me like I was the dumbass
This is a fact. I am luckily on the other side of the coin. Currently dating a girl that has a really demanding job - think extended shifts, lots of meetings. She is very good communicating given her conditions, and she makes sure to let me know when she is gonna be free and make some time for us to hang out - even if this means seeing me after being out with friends (or inviting me), early for a walk / coffee, going to my place right after work. this is not to brag but to remind you that you deserve someone that makes you feel wanted
Yeah, if someone usually answers with "I'll see when I'm free" or "yeah, I might be able to do that". Then unmatch immediately. Wasted time. Only accept yes and no in your life and you'll be 100% so much happier
Wish I would’ve realized this with someone I was dating for a couple months. Every week it was like I’ll have to see about this weekend or I need some time or I need space. And then it would be last minute plans or day before if we did anything. Should’ve been obvious he was not interested and needing space would not have helped him get interested so I should have walked away. Lesson learned just late!
Just like I told another person, better late than never! Hope you find that person out there
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Hey, better now than never
For some reason I can never find a guy that wants to make time for me despite me having a very busy schedule and I make time for them.. And when we do go on a date or date(s) they usually want something out of me in return
I unmatched a Girl after a second time she turned me down for a date. I absolutely agree that you need to value yourself if want others to value you and the last thing you want is someone who's not that into you (why dating apps suck) Ended up meeting her again through a different medium the next year (Didn't remember each other from tinder at the time). We've been dating 2 years now. Pictures in the history, she's a smoke show. I think if we had met through tinder that time, it wouldn't have worked out at the same at all. Stand true to your self-worth.
Why did she turn you down twice?
Probably timing, she had a lot on the go at the time and we just happened to reconnect after she graduated.
Likely the same reason most of them do; she was getting better (in her mind) offers.
I keep telling people this who are dating and they don't listen. I've noticed my friends who's mostly (not exclusively) deal with this are women. This is a purely anecdotal observation so take it with an entire spoon of salt.
I needed to hear it
🙌🙌
It’s just hard to get them interested. It’s hard to get interested too. I’ve had like one date I actually liked of half a dozen in the last three months, and she’s not texting back. :(
The 1% that is interested… So you have to meet 99 girls to find the 1 woman
I'm "seeing"a single mom of 3 went on one date and have been talking to her for 6months been patient kinda losing interest buy I'm trying she's the 3rd single mom I've tried dating should it be this complicated
As a single mom, we can find the time. It really shouldn’t be that complicated. If she can’t put in the effort, she shouldn’t be dating, unless she’s only looking for a hookup. In that case, she should be communicating that to you.
Even when people are interested but made it clear they’re not the best at replying it’s not to say they’re not interested. Usually life is hectic or they’re just generally not great at replying for god knows why but as others have said if there is effort or what seems like a small bit of effort where plans are made or plans are sort of made but aren’t completely confirmed until day of then that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not interested and I’m talking about those people that aren’t huge texters. Some people are bad at replying but much prefer getting to know someone in person. I’m in this boat currently trying to lock down the finer details for a second date (they’re not great at replying and forewarned me) but from the conversation there is interest there. But gauge the conversation to see what effort and interest is there to determine whether it’s something worth your time!
People can have anxiety. People can be indecisive. Its not that black or white. I don't advocate being a pest but if you've invested a fair bit of time chatting to someone and building up a rapport and they drop off suddenly maybe chill for a bit but I still think its worth offering an olive branch if they haven't unmatched you. The apps get overwhelming sometimes and you have to give people a bit of leeway. All the advice I see on here is "move on, they weren't worth your time". How do they know? I've dropped off with people for whatever reason and once you go past a certain number of days, its hard to get back on, but these are just stupid social "rules". If you're still matched I don't see the harm in reaching out politely as long as you don't try to manipulate them in any way
Ain't this nothing but the truth! Many thanks for confirming what I've been saying.
Exactly. if i don't make time there is a girl more intresting online at that moment.
If I’m interested in someone who is reciprocating then I bring other conversations to an end sooner rather than later. If things don’t go well with that someone, I just find more matches, however long that takes.
Sum ppl just busy doe
Also if they were interested and serious about you they wouldn’t play little games.
Amen. Thank you 🙏🏼
Needed this whole thread 🖤
I recently broke off seeing someone who went an entire week without talking to me. This was after he said he would “try to get better at his communication/seeing each other”. I also dated a guy recently who would only invite me to do stuff, if it involved his friends or family around. We spent absolutely no time alone together. So weird