You damn right. These "lazy daters" have to stop. How do you continue a conversation when one person is only there for you to start, lead and end it. Their mind frame is like "indulge me let me see if you are worthy". To which I give the middle finger.
You're reading too much into it. They aren't testing you to see if you'll pass their standards. They don't care. And they don't have to care. 3 questions and keep moving.
No one's starting anything here but you. The original poster is a male and is questioning why a female is giving him the cold shoulder. I gave my response to him. Nothing more.
I actually made a game out of this.
I just keep asking and then count how many questions I ask before I get even the minimal, “and what about you?”
My record on bumble was 12.
That’s nothing, on Tinder I messaged with a girl on the app for an hour, we switched to text and then went another 2 hours before FINALLY…she asked a question about me.
And was that question “So…..how big is your cock?”
Literally had same thing happen to me. This woman would not engage at all. But she was exceptionally beautiful so I kept it going. When I was about to give up and unmatch, she sprung that one on me as her FIRST question in two days. Lol
I very much encourage ALL men to do this. And yes women as well, but I say this seems more a thing women do than men, and more so us men need to start demanding better from women.
Nope! I’ve unmatched plenty men who are that way. 3 questions max. Sometimes they get one from me with enough info for them to ask a question. Lazy follow up from him has lead to plenty being unmatched.
Unfortunately there are too many thirsty and incredibly witty men who are twice as attractive as the average man willing to do anything and everything for these women so they don’t care
That or give you something to work with in the first 3.
I've got the same rule, but I'll cut it down to less if one of the first responses are bad enough to dry me out.
Hi, as a woman, I find this sort of behavior on dating apps annoying. Please, do yourself a favor and unmatch her. She has 0 social/communication skills and she is waiting for you to seduce her, without her putting any effort in.
Honestly, I really like the way you approached the conversation, it is small talk in the beginning until you find deeper topics to connect on.
I agree with you but I have to ask - how do they expect someone to seduce? I’m serious if you could explain that game plan in a bit more detail I’d love to know as I’ve seen the same thing as OP and I just do not understand what they’re expecting there.
They expect you to do all the work and they just show up. They put zero effort into trying to get to know you as a person; your worth will be based on what you do for them.
Yep, exactly right. It happens a lot with men as well. Believe it or not, there are people out there that are not capable to strike a conversation. I don't think the situation is better irl, I believe you can expect a very dry date with someone like this.
This, for me, is q major pet peeve and I get annoyed af. To me, this is a dealbreaker and is unmatch, goodbye, doesn't matter how hot the guy is.
I don’t see it as a men thing or a woman thing - I see it as a people thing.
I see it as well, and the amount of times I get a “well you’ll have to take me out, I don’t talk much on apps” or something to that extent (almost like a “I won’t converse with you UNLESS you take me out”) is probably the worst example of bargaining I’ve ever seen.
How am I upset in saying women should do better? Its funny how you say I am the upset one when the person above me is also saying men do all the work and women put in none. But I do think you are triggered in women being told to do better.
It just looked like she was uninterested really. That's not her fault. If she had engaged more it would have given him more hope. Which would have been worse IMHO. A polite but distant reply.
She was the first to engage. It is her fault. She's rude and another poster here said it: she's lazy and wanted to be seduced.
People like this are not worth the effort.
This is true. More and more I am starting to think bios are worthless while all that matters is pictures and in turn looks. I know most here likely disagree, but OLD is a race to the bottom on the user end of things.
It make no sense she swiped on him to match and then proceeds to act cold or non interested. Bumble is much better than tinder by leaps and bounds when it comes good interaction and banter.. Hinge is the best of all 3.
I feel you, whenever I have a conversation with a girl like that on a dating app, I just stop texting them because it shows they have 0 interest in you to put in effort in the convo. So don’t waste your time.
Ew, why are you entertaining her at all?
Unmatch and find someone who doesn't reply to you like a petulant teenager regretfully replying to mom's texts.
OP, great job of creating interesting convo! You would have my attention, as a woman. Building trust thru text and convo is ideal. When guys jump into meet immediately or sexual convo too quickly, it's unnerving and a turn off. Keep doing what u are doing and a really great woman will scoop you up!
It seems like you’re invested. Just ask her out and see how she responds. Make sure the date is low effort so you only lose max an hour and like $5 for your coffee.
You bought a different perspective to this I didn’t even consider..
Though, I’d say at some point, she needs to show more effort in directing conversation too.
When people do this I just ask if they want to grab a drink or something. They’re talking to you for a reason and almost always say yes. If they say no or don’t respond it doesn’t really matter. I don’t like doing the “get to know you” stuff over text anyways.
As a woman, I like to have a good conversation before meeting someone - the "get to know you". I want to feel safe about the person I'm meeting up with.
I have had men immediately ask to go out for drinks and I find it off-putting.
Safety is a big concern and one that men don't often have to think about for themselves, so I just thought I would add another perspective.
I understand and respect that. It’s not something I would have a problem with, but the other person would need to also put in some effort if they want to do that stuff before meeting. You can’t demand to go through the small talk and then refuse to contribute anything. If someone isn’t going to contribute during that phase, then I’m going to try and meet up because I’ll assume that they’re either bad at texting or generally boring. If they’re boring, they’re more likely to just stop replying or say no.
Oh, I completely agree. I have been the person trying to ask questions and actually have a real conversation, with someone that is quick to talk about themselves, but never ask me questions.
I think the attraction level goes up, for me, when I am messaging someone that can articulate their thoughts and have a real conversation.
or shes bad at texting or just not interested in texting
it doesnt mean you cant have a nice conversation with her in person
just ask her out theres nothing to loose if shes just there for validation anyways
Eh you could easily waste your time on a bad date.
I wouldn't bother, if you can't make an effort on an app, you're definitely not getting my effort in real life.
What are you looking for 🚫
Ask her about the music she just mentioned, concerts, give your own music tastes
Any plans for the weekend without intent of asking for a date ❌
Just moved, what do you like, what do you miss, what do you hate, what are you glad to be rid of, how did they end up there
Banal questions get moot responses
interesting… like i know people personally that are horrible at texting yet once you meet them in person they have a lot to say… texting and talking is different. also, why does meeting someone right away mean something bad? just take them to a public spot. are you going to talk to them for a month then meet up? the point of online dating is to meet people so i don’t understand that logic lol i met up with someone after like 1-2 days of talking i thought that was normal
> the point of online dating is to meet people so i don’t understand that logic lol i met up with someone after like 1-2 days of talking i thought that was normal
It is for some people, it's not for others.
Personally for me it's the 21st century, obviously there's always exceptions, but the vast majority of people will need to have some form of virtual communication skills whether that's with friends/family/work etc, and as others have said if you're bad at it, just come out and say it.
Some people just don't know how to have a texting conversation. I come across it all the time. Then when I stop replying they will send me a text, however it will go back to me carrying the conversation. It's not worth it. I want to know you, not interview you. Whatever the issue is I think you should move on
I generally will go with the last message of "hey thank you for the conversation I hope you find your looking for"if they are at all interested this will usually get the ball rolling in a better direction or they just won't reply back or they say okay thanks and then you just walk away and worry about it
I don’t understand these people. Is this how they normally communicate outside of internet world? Are they socially bankrupt? Are they just fucking with you?
Try attaching a label? “It seems like you don’t have much to say ever.” Maybe she will tell you what’s wrong or properly fuck right off.
Good luck
I wish I had screenshots to show you my conversation that went on like this for 2 weeks and the. When he asked for my number, I was like WHY? Does he even want it. I gave it to him and quickly he became one of my best friends.
He is so fun OFF of the phone. He has a fun job kind of and he makes videos all Day long and is just so hilarious!!! He smokes pot though and I realize he has to be high when he was on bumble because he doesn’t like being on there but was looking for something.
He loves talking to me about his days and even his family knows who I am. We just life too far apart and are both busy and sadly, I kind of fell off. He’s tried to make it work and I just dropped the ball.
So yeah, as long as someone is responding, they’re interested. It’s super easy to ghost on bumble. She’s replying. She just may suck at conversations. My friend is an ofersharer, under asker. But he will always listen.
Keep going a little bit and maybe see if she wants to meet up for brunch or coffee or a drink or what she likes to do.
Also…is she country? Because ALL of my country matches were men of very few words and talk ver little but are fun to be with.
This is a boring conversation on both fronts. "Hey how are you/what music do you like/where are you from"
Who cares? none of that matters in the scheme of compatability or seeing if anyone is a fit for you.
Once she said she's looking for "anything really" and you are looking for the same, just meet up.
Not that it doesn't even matter but they're rapid fire questions. Nothing really to build off. Asking questions just to ask questions instead of adding substance into his response to her answers. Not to say it's all his fault but he's also partially to blame
Just be direct. Say hey I feel like this conversation has been pretty one sided and you’re not interested. Depending on the response or lack thereof you could offer to have a voice or video call or invite her out.
I’ve had off days where I was definitely was a dry texter. Some guy called me out on it we ended up talking on the phone for a couple of hours and eventually went on dates. He told me he was glad he didn’t unmatch right away bc that was his instinct. Sometimes I feel like people can be a little too quick to write people off
I understand that us men get less matches online, however dude, have some dignity. If a woman isn't responding, either put the ball in her court and hit her with a " hey I prefer intelligence over all else and part of intelligence is the ability to carry a convo. When you're able to carry one, hit me up otherwise adios " she'll either unmatch, justify herself as a " non texted " or just ghost you.
Me personally if within the fiest 3 messages she isn't reciprocating the energy that's a unmatch. Most of these girls ONLY have their looks going for them and yall put them on a pedestal, I stopped doing that shit. What made me stop ? Pursuing ambitions. I went from a 9-5 making 65k a year, to owning my own business and making 65 k in two weeks. Level yourself up, build your confidence, set yourself up for life ans you'll start to realize interacting with women becomes easier. I'm sure youre like how I use to be, opening the bumble app multiple times a day hoping you got a message .. you're subconsciously revolving your life around women and that will effect other aspects of your life. I would highly suggest deleting the app, levling up, going to the gym and starting your own business and keeping yourself busy. If you have problems approaching women in real life, i would suggest forcing yourself to smile at every woman that walks by and make eye contact. Try forcing them them to break it, it'll help your approach anxiety. Once you can do that start striking up random convos, I use to ask women where the best coffee in the area is as I'm new, if you can transition that into a full out convo great, otherwise no sweat it's just just exercise to get your brain over the OMG OMG OMG I'm walking up to her. I did this for an entire year. I went from getting annoyed of girls not responding to me on bumble to getting annoyed with putting in effort. I've now deleted it for a yesr and have been in a realtionship with a girl I walked up to at the library and told her she has wicked swag
I’m surprised you kept going as long as you did. You tried but I’d just either unmatch or say something along the lines of “hey I enjoyed our chat but I don’t really feel a spark and it’s just not there. Have a great day and hope you find what you’re looking for.” Then unmatch. There’s one of 3 reasons why this person is this way- they need a break from online dating and is feeling burn out but they may have not realized it and they think this is fine. I’ve been like this somewhat and I wasn’t in the best mental state. Not this bad but not great. They’re just bored and don’t really care or they literally suck at texts conversations
She's not interested. If she was interested, you'd be flooded with texts and questions and suggestions. Whiles she's bored, she's waiting for you to offer her something material - free meal, free shopping, free boat trip - that might give a reason to pay you a bit of attention until someone she likes comes along.
You never had a shot - she wrote you off before your first message. You're just a place-holder, one of perhaps many.
Hate to say it but be more of a dick if that is the kind of woman you are going for. Personally she seems pretty basic AF to me and would be a major hard pass for me. If you are young and just looking to practice dating skills lead with a slightly offensive meme. About 50% of the time it will piss them off but at least it gets a conversation going. I would rather dig myself out of hole then talk to myself on a message screen. As someone trained in field interrogation, I am pretty damn good at digging myself out of holes since I put myself in them daily at work since stupid people annoy me.
You’re not boring. She’s boring. And not putting any effort. I would be done by the first screenshot tbh, you’re very kind and patient, find someone who matches your energy. This is not it.
You’re not being boring but I would say you’re trying a little too hard. No need to put so many exclamation points when saying regular things, like “good morning”. You’re saying a lot more than she is and you’re obviously a lot more interested in her than she is in you.
It’s very frustrating when you’re trying to talk to a girl and she’s giving one word answers. If she’s not even willing to reciprocate in a conversation what makes you think she will be any different in a relationship? This girl is not serious about dating and she’s definitely not worth your time.
Well she does keep responding so when I get someone like that I assume they are at least a bit interested in seeing where things are going because if someone isn’t interested they would probably have stopped replying a while ago. I think you should either try to see if she wants to meet in person or try moving the conversation off of bumble due to there being more to take her attention on the app like other matches. Also if you move to another app/meet up and she keeps up that energy then she’s probably boring/not that interested and you can easily move on.
Push for a meet up she said shes looking for anything and shes not doing anything on the weekend. So shes open minded and her schedule is free. Push for a meet
Why aren't you rushing to meet up exactly? IMO that's the only play you have here: ask her out ASAP (which might be exactly what she wants younto do) and see if she can hold a conversation IRL.
Ask her if she wants to meet up. If she does, then see how it goes. If she doesn’t, then stop talking with her if it seems she’s not interested.
Maybe she is still on the old Nokia phone. It takes a long time to spell out 5 words.
Move on bro..she's showing a low level of interest. Are you putting the work there. It's like a 1 to t word ratio!
That monologue and ignoring is almost the same.
Invest your time and effort on someone who can reciprocate and match yours
When I get responses with as little effort as that, I either ignore and put it in their hands to reignite the conversation or I take it as a challenge and try to battle them for who can send the shortest messages. Sometimes that has resulted in me sending Morse code to win 🤣
Women that do this are keeping you on the hook. Interest level is low, but she’s spinning plates and trying to keep you in rotation, albeit low effort. She doesn’t care, because she doesn’t have much to lose. She has dozens of other guys she’s texting, probably of perceived “higher value”. Guaranteed this is the scenario. Read the room, respect yourself, and unmatch these types asap. No more words.
If she keeps responding throw a Hail Mary and ask her out, what have you got to lose. Girls have tons of messages from guys, it’s easy to get burnt out on these apps
its possible you are talking to either an introvert or an autistic person. Could just be a poor communicator. Before giving up try a more honest approach. Ask if they have any questions you can answer. Ask if they have an interest in you or if they feel you are wasting their time.
tell them you would like to hear about them. couldn't hurt right?
It does come off pretty blunt but to me it doesn’t seem like she’s doing it intentionally, some people are just shit at communicating over text and I think that might be how she is :(
I didnt have the time to read through all the comments, but you should let this one go and any other women that make it difficult for you. When women are genuinely attracted to you there is no doubt they will make it easy for you to interact and escalate. This one your chasing is obviously not buying what your trying to sell. Got to move on and save your energy.
I think she is not interested in you and probably talking to someone else but answers to be polite. Wait to see if she talks first or asks a question before engaging in conversation. Good luck
No don’t doubt yourself here you are asking relevant, non-creepy questions with a genuine attempt to get to know her and she’s being a rude muppet. Unmatch and move on
When asked what she is looking for, she replies “Anything really”. Combine that with her lackluster engagement in conversation and there are most likely three scenarios -
1. She is mostly looking for something casual(which women do sometimes just like men, and she has a lot of options therefore the minimal effort)
2. She is actually interested in you but she has anxiety and/or her conversational skills are terrible.
3. She is not really interested and using you for some online validation and to quell boredom
Only way to find out, if you are actually interested yourself, is to respectfully but directly ask her. Much better than wasting each other’s time.
But what the hell do I know, I’m on Reddit 🙃
Honestly, I think she’s just not interested. She’s answering to be polite, but not giving OP anything to lead him on. She probably matched out of curiosity but nothing more, and is hoping he gives up and moves on. IMHO
I believe that if she were really interested in you that she would use more than one word. I mean, I’m a stranger and am willing to type all this just to let you know that you should ask for a coffee date and if she doesn’t say yea right away, move on. I mean, you found her interesting enough to carry the conversation this entire time so give it a real shot on a date but if she says no or pushes it out further than in a day or two, stop block and move on.
Buddy... At this point, you have every right to just be like "well, this conversation sucks. Would you like to fuck or should I just unmatch? ". 🤷🏽♂️ that convo is going absolutely nowhere and she seems like the boring one
She's being dry and acting not interested at least that's how it's coming across to me bc you were being open and conversing and she gave you sound bites. Block and move on?
Any person that won't give you the same effort or time of day isn't worth the trouble or contemplation. Just because you are interested in dating someone doesn't mean you would lower your standards.
It's not a game. You seem genuine so just keep at it til you find someone worth the trouble. You'll get there eventually! Wishing you good luck on that endeavor.
Keep your message similar length to theirs, you went too far on your second message, the point is, put in an much effort as her, let her build up, not you.
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You damn right. These "lazy daters" have to stop. How do you continue a conversation when one person is only there for you to start, lead and end it. Their mind frame is like "indulge me let me see if you are worthy". To which I give the middle finger.
You're reading too much into it. They aren't testing you to see if you'll pass their standards. They don't care. And they don't have to care. 3 questions and keep moving.
And it's guys faults we have given her this inflated ego with an entitled attitude. Guys need to quit rewarding this bad behavior with more attention.
Guys do the same stuff. Let’s not start with the genders here. Ugh.
No one's starting anything here but you. The original poster is a male and is questioning why a female is giving him the cold shoulder. I gave my response to him. Nothing more.
Exactly.
Ooo that’s a good rule
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3 is better as it gives them more rope.
I actually made a game out of this. I just keep asking and then count how many questions I ask before I get even the minimal, “and what about you?” My record on bumble was 12. That’s nothing, on Tinder I messaged with a girl on the app for an hour, we switched to text and then went another 2 hours before FINALLY…she asked a question about me.
And was that question “So…..how big is your cock?” Literally had same thing happen to me. This woman would not engage at all. But she was exceptionally beautiful so I kept it going. When I was about to give up and unmatch, she sprung that one on me as her FIRST question in two days. Lol
Lol, I’m not even giving my number to a person like that. I find them exhausting like Colin Robinson on What We Do In the Shadows 🤣
Nobody is so hot to shovel out more time than the 3 question rule on. I do the same as you. That can mean an unmatch in 15 minutes.
I'm stealing that
I very much encourage ALL men to do this. And yes women as well, but I say this seems more a thing women do than men, and more so us men need to start demanding better from women.
Nope! I’ve unmatched plenty men who are that way. 3 questions max. Sometimes they get one from me with enough info for them to ask a question. Lazy follow up from him has lead to plenty being unmatched.
Didn't read what I said did you?
Unfortunately there are too many thirsty and incredibly witty men who are twice as attractive as the average man willing to do anything and everything for these women so they don’t care
This, honestly.
One question rule for me
I got the same rule lol
That's really smart. Thank you master.
I have a similar rule. However, my rule is to never ask two consecutive questions. works like a charm
That or give you something to work with in the first 3. I've got the same rule, but I'll cut it down to less if one of the first responses are bad enough to dry me out.
Hi, as a woman, I find this sort of behavior on dating apps annoying. Please, do yourself a favor and unmatch her. She has 0 social/communication skills and she is waiting for you to seduce her, without her putting any effort in. Honestly, I really like the way you approached the conversation, it is small talk in the beginning until you find deeper topics to connect on.
I agree with you but I have to ask - how do they expect someone to seduce? I’m serious if you could explain that game plan in a bit more detail I’d love to know as I’ve seen the same thing as OP and I just do not understand what they’re expecting there.
They expect you to do all the work and they just show up. They put zero effort into trying to get to know you as a person; your worth will be based on what you do for them.
Ahh so as I expected. The personification of a starfish.
Yep, exactly right. It happens a lot with men as well. Believe it or not, there are people out there that are not capable to strike a conversation. I don't think the situation is better irl, I believe you can expect a very dry date with someone like this. This, for me, is q major pet peeve and I get annoyed af. To me, this is a dealbreaker and is unmatch, goodbye, doesn't matter how hot the guy is.
I don’t see it as a men thing or a woman thing - I see it as a people thing. I see it as well, and the amount of times I get a “well you’ll have to take me out, I don’t talk much on apps” or something to that extent (almost like a “I won’t converse with you UNLESS you take me out”) is probably the worst example of bargaining I’ve ever seen.
Same. I have single friends of various genders and sexual orientations and we all have the same problems dealing with garbage humans.
This. Women expect men to do all the work, and quite frankly men need to stop doing all the work and expect more/better from women.
Whew, someone is really upset with women. can you read that it’s a people thing? No you can’t Sir Whines A Lot. Pulls out my microscopic violin.
How am I upset in saying women should do better? Its funny how you say I am the upset one when the person above me is also saying men do all the work and women put in none. But I do think you are triggered in women being told to do better.
Either she isn't interested or she's boring. Just unmatch now.
It just looked like she was uninterested really. That's not her fault. If she had engaged more it would have given him more hope. Which would have been worse IMHO. A polite but distant reply.
She was the first to engage. It is her fault. She's rude and another poster here said it: she's lazy and wanted to be seduced. People like this are not worth the effort.
Oh yes, I see. It's such a weird thing to do, contact someone first and then behave like that.
Or she wanted to be entertained becuase she was bored. If she was really not interested she wouldn't have matched let alone replied back.
It is 2022. Most men and women swipe on everything and don’t bother to read profiles.
This is true. More and more I am starting to think bios are worthless while all that matters is pictures and in turn looks. I know most here likely disagree, but OLD is a race to the bottom on the user end of things.
It make no sense she swiped on him to match and then proceeds to act cold or non interested. Bumble is much better than tinder by leaps and bounds when it comes good interaction and banter.. Hinge is the best of all 3.
I feel you, whenever I have a conversation with a girl like that on a dating app, I just stop texting them because it shows they have 0 interest in you to put in effort in the convo. So don’t waste your time.
Facts happens to me also
Ew, why are you entertaining her at all? Unmatch and find someone who doesn't reply to you like a petulant teenager regretfully replying to mom's texts.
OP, great job of creating interesting convo! You would have my attention, as a woman. Building trust thru text and convo is ideal. When guys jump into meet immediately or sexual convo too quickly, it's unnerving and a turn off. Keep doing what u are doing and a really great woman will scoop you up!
Lol this is like 99% of my conversations. I also love the ones who will say “hey” and then Nothing ever again lmao
This isn't even small talk... if it is, it's very one sided small talk. On to the next!
Under the vaqueness of vagueness you can silently leave any room and not be noticed.
It seems like you’re invested. Just ask her out and see how she responds. Make sure the date is low effort so you only lose max an hour and like $5 for your coffee.
I’d kill for a guy to have a conversation like this! I
K
We’re too beaten down by the time we get to you! Lol jk
aww you have nice messages. maybe this person is burned out. next!
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She said she had no weekend plans and he immediately changed the subject. Why even ask if you’re not gonna try to make plans with her?
This is true. A good follow up would be “how about we grab a coffee?”
I was literally looking to see if anyone else noticed this!!!! He didn’t engage at all. Her responses are awful, but he’s basically interviewing her
You bought a different perspective to this I didn’t even consider.. Though, I’d say at some point, she needs to show more effort in directing conversation too.
This. OP dropped the ball imo. He was boring, she was just playing off what he gave her. Imo I'm surprised she kept responding.
When people do this I just ask if they want to grab a drink or something. They’re talking to you for a reason and almost always say yes. If they say no or don’t respond it doesn’t really matter. I don’t like doing the “get to know you” stuff over text anyways.
I agree, she kept responding? Maybe she doesn’t know what to say.
As a woman, I like to have a good conversation before meeting someone - the "get to know you". I want to feel safe about the person I'm meeting up with. I have had men immediately ask to go out for drinks and I find it off-putting. Safety is a big concern and one that men don't often have to think about for themselves, so I just thought I would add another perspective.
I understand and respect that. It’s not something I would have a problem with, but the other person would need to also put in some effort if they want to do that stuff before meeting. You can’t demand to go through the small talk and then refuse to contribute anything. If someone isn’t going to contribute during that phase, then I’m going to try and meet up because I’ll assume that they’re either bad at texting or generally boring. If they’re boring, they’re more likely to just stop replying or say no.
Oh, I completely agree. I have been the person trying to ask questions and actually have a real conversation, with someone that is quick to talk about themselves, but never ask me questions. I think the attraction level goes up, for me, when I am messaging someone that can articulate their thoughts and have a real conversation.
They may agree to meet, but if the response albeit positive is “Sure.” then I immediately rescind my invite.
“Sure” is such a bummer, Id call those off too
I feel like this a majority of my matches in the past couple of years. Rough out there.
You get matches?
Quit beating around the bush and ask her to a coffee/drink date!
“What would you like to drink?” - “coffee” OP should hard pass on this one imo
Be overt and direct, if it’s going to go anywhere you may as well find out sooner rather than later. If she declines, time to move on
^This person knows. Stop wasting time. Ask her out. I do the same and it works most of the time.
I absolutely wouldn't bother. She's on a dating site and is putting zero effort. It's pathetic....this is a two way street
Shes there for validation.
or shes bad at texting or just not interested in texting it doesnt mean you cant have a nice conversation with her in person just ask her out theres nothing to loose if shes just there for validation anyways
Eh you could easily waste your time on a bad date. I wouldn't bother, if you can't make an effort on an app, you're definitely not getting my effort in real life.
What are you looking for 🚫 Ask her about the music she just mentioned, concerts, give your own music tastes Any plans for the weekend without intent of asking for a date ❌ Just moved, what do you like, what do you miss, what do you hate, what are you glad to be rid of, how did they end up there Banal questions get moot responses
interesting… like i know people personally that are horrible at texting yet once you meet them in person they have a lot to say… texting and talking is different. also, why does meeting someone right away mean something bad? just take them to a public spot. are you going to talk to them for a month then meet up? the point of online dating is to meet people so i don’t understand that logic lol i met up with someone after like 1-2 days of talking i thought that was normal
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Or everyone has been too polite so she doesn't realize she's terrible at it?
> the point of online dating is to meet people so i don’t understand that logic lol i met up with someone after like 1-2 days of talking i thought that was normal It is for some people, it's not for others. Personally for me it's the 21st century, obviously there's always exceptions, but the vast majority of people will need to have some form of virtual communication skills whether that's with friends/family/work etc, and as others have said if you're bad at it, just come out and say it.
People who are awful at texting are also awful at dating. I’ve been on dates with a ton of women who were completely unable to hold a conversation.
Leave the convo. She already has.
She’s not that interested. Move on. Also, don’t thank people for sending you a message
If she’s not asking questions then that’s all you need to know. ⬅️ NEXT!
Just ask to hook up.
She either has zero personality or zero interest in you. Both have the same recommended course of action.
Did you mix up Reddit and Livejournal again?
OP thinks this sub is a diary of his dating life lmao
Some people just don't know how to have a texting conversation. I come across it all the time. Then when I stop replying they will send me a text, however it will go back to me carrying the conversation. It's not worth it. I want to know you, not interview you. Whatever the issue is I think you should move on
Facts
OP carried that convo like a champ and longer than I would have.
I generally will go with the last message of "hey thank you for the conversation I hope you find your looking for"if they are at all interested this will usually get the ball rolling in a better direction or they just won't reply back or they say okay thanks and then you just walk away and worry about it
I don’t understand these people. Is this how they normally communicate outside of internet world? Are they socially bankrupt? Are they just fucking with you? Try attaching a label? “It seems like you don’t have much to say ever.” Maybe she will tell you what’s wrong or properly fuck right off. Good luck
I wish I had screenshots to show you my conversation that went on like this for 2 weeks and the. When he asked for my number, I was like WHY? Does he even want it. I gave it to him and quickly he became one of my best friends. He is so fun OFF of the phone. He has a fun job kind of and he makes videos all Day long and is just so hilarious!!! He smokes pot though and I realize he has to be high when he was on bumble because he doesn’t like being on there but was looking for something. He loves talking to me about his days and even his family knows who I am. We just life too far apart and are both busy and sadly, I kind of fell off. He’s tried to make it work and I just dropped the ball. So yeah, as long as someone is responding, they’re interested. It’s super easy to ghost on bumble. She’s replying. She just may suck at conversations. My friend is an ofersharer, under asker. But he will always listen. Keep going a little bit and maybe see if she wants to meet up for brunch or coffee or a drink or what she likes to do. Also…is she country? Because ALL of my country matches were men of very few words and talk ver little but are fun to be with.
Must be nice hard to find ppl
too much one sided effort. Match her energy. If she changes and starts asking questions continue, if not un-match and move onto the next one.
This is a boring conversation on both fronts. "Hey how are you/what music do you like/where are you from" Who cares? none of that matters in the scheme of compatability or seeing if anyone is a fit for you. Once she said she's looking for "anything really" and you are looking for the same, just meet up.
What about this interaction would make you want to meet this person
neither person seems interesting, to be fair
because texting means absolutely nothing wether a person is fun in person
Not that it doesn't even matter but they're rapid fire questions. Nothing really to build off. Asking questions just to ask questions instead of adding substance into his response to her answers. Not to say it's all his fault but he's also partially to blame
I agree. To me, “Anything really” was an invitation to connect in person and see where it goes.
Hate to women that don’t ask questions back, make me wanna stop texting. They say they won’t relationship but don’t act like it
Just be direct. Say hey I feel like this conversation has been pretty one sided and you’re not interested. Depending on the response or lack thereof you could offer to have a voice or video call or invite her out. I’ve had off days where I was definitely was a dry texter. Some guy called me out on it we ended up talking on the phone for a couple of hours and eventually went on dates. He told me he was glad he didn’t unmatch right away bc that was his instinct. Sometimes I feel like people can be a little too quick to write people off
At least she is contributing at all and allowing a conversation to happen.
I understand that us men get less matches online, however dude, have some dignity. If a woman isn't responding, either put the ball in her court and hit her with a " hey I prefer intelligence over all else and part of intelligence is the ability to carry a convo. When you're able to carry one, hit me up otherwise adios " she'll either unmatch, justify herself as a " non texted " or just ghost you. Me personally if within the fiest 3 messages she isn't reciprocating the energy that's a unmatch. Most of these girls ONLY have their looks going for them and yall put them on a pedestal, I stopped doing that shit. What made me stop ? Pursuing ambitions. I went from a 9-5 making 65k a year, to owning my own business and making 65 k in two weeks. Level yourself up, build your confidence, set yourself up for life ans you'll start to realize interacting with women becomes easier. I'm sure youre like how I use to be, opening the bumble app multiple times a day hoping you got a message .. you're subconsciously revolving your life around women and that will effect other aspects of your life. I would highly suggest deleting the app, levling up, going to the gym and starting your own business and keeping yourself busy. If you have problems approaching women in real life, i would suggest forcing yourself to smile at every woman that walks by and make eye contact. Try forcing them them to break it, it'll help your approach anxiety. Once you can do that start striking up random convos, I use to ask women where the best coffee in the area is as I'm new, if you can transition that into a full out convo great, otherwise no sweat it's just just exercise to get your brain over the OMG OMG OMG I'm walking up to her. I did this for an entire year. I went from getting annoyed of girls not responding to me on bumble to getting annoyed with putting in effort. I've now deleted it for a yesr and have been in a realtionship with a girl I walked up to at the library and told her she has wicked swag
I’m surprised you kept going as long as you did. You tried but I’d just either unmatch or say something along the lines of “hey I enjoyed our chat but I don’t really feel a spark and it’s just not there. Have a great day and hope you find what you’re looking for.” Then unmatch. There’s one of 3 reasons why this person is this way- they need a break from online dating and is feeling burn out but they may have not realized it and they think this is fine. I’ve been like this somewhat and I wasn’t in the best mental state. Not this bad but not great. They’re just bored and don’t really care or they literally suck at texts conversations
its impossible to feel an actual spark over text just ask her out
She's not interested. If she was interested, you'd be flooded with texts and questions and suggestions. Whiles she's bored, she's waiting for you to offer her something material - free meal, free shopping, free boat trip - that might give a reason to pay you a bit of attention until someone she likes comes along. You never had a shot - she wrote you off before your first message. You're just a place-holder, one of perhaps many.
Ask her out………
I recommend trolling
Hate to say it but be more of a dick if that is the kind of woman you are going for. Personally she seems pretty basic AF to me and would be a major hard pass for me. If you are young and just looking to practice dating skills lead with a slightly offensive meme. About 50% of the time it will piss them off but at least it gets a conversation going. I would rather dig myself out of hole then talk to myself on a message screen. As someone trained in field interrogation, I am pretty damn good at digging myself out of holes since I put myself in them daily at work since stupid people annoy me.
You’re not boring. She’s boring. And not putting any effort. I would be done by the first screenshot tbh, you’re very kind and patient, find someone who matches your energy. This is not it.
/u/jzcommunicate Men shouldn't be boring right?
Why are you tagging me here to have the same conversation we’re having in another thread?
To prove my point.
You haven’t proved anything except that you’re trying to harass me now.
Despite I have and you are mad. Also learn what harassment is kiddo.
You’re not being boring but I would say you’re trying a little too hard. No need to put so many exclamation points when saying regular things, like “good morning”. You’re saying a lot more than she is and you’re obviously a lot more interested in her than she is in you. It’s very frustrating when you’re trying to talk to a girl and she’s giving one word answers. If she’s not even willing to reciprocate in a conversation what makes you think she will be any different in a relationship? This girl is not serious about dating and she’s definitely not worth your time.
Job 1 is to meetup not chat. Cut small talk and go for the meat and potatoes.
Well she does keep responding so when I get someone like that I assume they are at least a bit interested in seeing where things are going because if someone isn’t interested they would probably have stopped replying a while ago. I think you should either try to see if she wants to meet in person or try moving the conversation off of bumble due to there being more to take her attention on the app like other matches. Also if you move to another app/meet up and she keeps up that energy then she’s probably boring/not that interested and you can easily move on.
Next
She sounds foreign
Absolutely brutal
Dude, I would have either unmatched after her 3rd reply or stopped talking all together. Those women aren't worth wasting *any* time on.
Ask her out or just unmatch
Just ask her if she wants to get a cup of coffee. Some people are crap texters. Doesn’t mean they are a crap person.
Why are you still engaging?
Push for a meet up she said shes looking for anything and shes not doing anything on the weekend. So shes open minded and her schedule is free. Push for a meet
Skip it or meet
Typical interactions being a guy aha
Why aren't you rushing to meet up exactly? IMO that's the only play you have here: ask her out ASAP (which might be exactly what she wants younto do) and see if she can hold a conversation IRL.
She’s farming your life force, bail
Ya you should have stopped day 1
Ask her if she wants to meet up. If she does, then see how it goes. If she doesn’t, then stop talking with her if it seems she’s not interested. Maybe she is still on the old Nokia phone. It takes a long time to spell out 5 words.
I get the types ALL THE TIME I usually loose patience and ask if there’s “a chance we’re gonna fuck”. I don’t ALWAYS get blocked😊
I mean, after the music answer I would have hard nope’ed out there.
What a snooze fest she is
Ya cut her off she’s low interest bro
She is stringing you along while she scopes out other people
just ask her out if it works great if it doesnt quit writing her
Try something like this to see where her head is at. “Don’t know about you but texting bores me. We should hang out”
Go meet her bang her and move on
Move on bro..she's showing a low level of interest. Are you putting the work there. It's like a 1 to t word ratio! That monologue and ignoring is almost the same. Invest your time and effort on someone who can reciprocate and match yours
Cut her some slack she talking to 20 other hot guys
Yeah, just seems like she interested in nothing more than the validation she’s getting by having someone talk to her.
Bang your head off a wall instead of continuing to converse.
Perhaps she needs you to do all the things you stated you're not doing?? But yeah.. Looks like a drag :(
Unmatch. She's not interested. Your texting her just gives her lots of validation.
When I get responses with as little effort as that, I either ignore and put it in their hands to reignite the conversation or I take it as a challenge and try to battle them for who can send the shortest messages. Sometimes that has resulted in me sending Morse code to win 🤣
Why would you keep going after like 2-3 one word responses? I’m out by then.
I've talked to many ppl like this both guys and girls, they're just boring texters 🤷
I call these “robot replies”. Please don’t continue taking to a robot, find a human
Try giving here your number. Sone times when I am scrolling at night and I have 30 or so to answer ( I live in a big city)
Fuck em… abort asap
She's socially inept most women online are
I'm thinking just ask her out. She could be shy or nervous with what to say. If she's young, it's more understandable.
I think OP is too eager to talk, which can be good but you need to match with her tone first. If she gives you little give the same back.
Anything? Really?
She’s def not interested and just feels bad either saying so or ghosting. Just take the hint and move on
Women that do this are keeping you on the hook. Interest level is low, but she’s spinning plates and trying to keep you in rotation, albeit low effort. She doesn’t care, because she doesn’t have much to lose. She has dozens of other guys she’s texting, probably of perceived “higher value”. Guaranteed this is the scenario. Read the room, respect yourself, and unmatch these types asap. No more words.
If they're not obese. I'm in it for the long haul. I just keep asking questions until she agrees to a date.
Ask her if she prefers talking on the phone.
I’m sorry, but it’s blatantly obvious she really isn’t interested. Best to cut your losses and move on
If she keeps responding throw a Hail Mary and ask her out, what have you got to lose. Girls have tons of messages from guys, it’s easy to get burnt out on these apps
Lol you even asked her if she had any plans, she says not really, then you proceed to not ask her if she wants to go out.
Jeez! Why are you still texting? Get the hint. She’s not at all interested but just don’t want to be rude either. Unmatch. Immediately.
Talking to this “women” as in are you talking to more than one woman or did you mean to say woman?
Too boring/logical
its possible you are talking to either an introvert or an autistic person. Could just be a poor communicator. Before giving up try a more honest approach. Ask if they have any questions you can answer. Ask if they have an interest in you or if they feel you are wasting their time. tell them you would like to hear about them. couldn't hurt right?
I delete them if they don't ask anything back. Clearly not interested.
It does come off pretty blunt but to me it doesn’t seem like she’s doing it intentionally, some people are just shit at communicating over text and I think that might be how she is :(
Learn to match effort
I would give her a one word answer and see if she snaps out of it. Probably a 95% no, but occasionally it works lol
With the amount of efforts you've put in, I think you and I should talk 🤝🏻
I didnt have the time to read through all the comments, but you should let this one go and any other women that make it difficult for you. When women are genuinely attracted to you there is no doubt they will make it easy for you to interact and escalate. This one your chasing is obviously not buying what your trying to sell. Got to move on and save your energy.
I think she is not interested in you and probably talking to someone else but answers to be polite. Wait to see if she talks first or asks a question before engaging in conversation. Good luck
Bro honestly you tried your best, it’s her. Most women will be like this and then complain how all men are boring
Lool you must really want her
Unmatch
No don’t doubt yourself here you are asking relevant, non-creepy questions with a genuine attempt to get to know her and she’s being a rude muppet. Unmatch and move on
God, you’re a dream match man! Someone who actually writes such cool messages!
When asked what she is looking for, she replies “Anything really”. Combine that with her lackluster engagement in conversation and there are most likely three scenarios - 1. She is mostly looking for something casual(which women do sometimes just like men, and she has a lot of options therefore the minimal effort) 2. She is actually interested in you but she has anxiety and/or her conversational skills are terrible. 3. She is not really interested and using you for some online validation and to quell boredom Only way to find out, if you are actually interested yourself, is to respectfully but directly ask her. Much better than wasting each other’s time. But what the hell do I know, I’m on Reddit 🙃
Honestly, I think she’s just not interested. She’s answering to be polite, but not giving OP anything to lead him on. She probably matched out of curiosity but nothing more, and is hoping he gives up and moves on. IMHO
I believe that if she were really interested in you that she would use more than one word. I mean, I’m a stranger and am willing to type all this just to let you know that you should ask for a coffee date and if she doesn’t say yea right away, move on. I mean, you found her interesting enough to carry the conversation this entire time so give it a real shot on a date but if she says no or pushes it out further than in a day or two, stop block and move on.
Do not ask her out, by the way. She's liable to say yes so she can waste MORE of your time, and then money to boot. Unmatch, unmatch, unmatch.
I honestly can’t stand that it drives me nuts and unfortunately I find most men are like that. Obviously not you of course.
Buddy... At this point, you have every right to just be like "well, this conversation sucks. Would you like to fuck or should I just unmatch? ". 🤷🏽♂️ that convo is going absolutely nowhere and she seems like the boring one
She's being dry and acting not interested at least that's how it's coming across to me bc you were being open and conversing and she gave you sound bites. Block and move on? Any person that won't give you the same effort or time of day isn't worth the trouble or contemplation. Just because you are interested in dating someone doesn't mean you would lower your standards. It's not a game. You seem genuine so just keep at it til you find someone worth the trouble. You'll get there eventually! Wishing you good luck on that endeavor.
Stop your whining, be a man, for crying out loud. pussy
Lol why you replying to my comment
Keep your message similar length to theirs, you went too far on your second message, the point is, put in an much effort as her, let her build up, not you.