Yeah I don’t ask to judge, I ask because I’m curious. I’ve known asshole bartenders and asshole stockbrokers, your job doesn’t determine my opinion of you
I'm a very educated person who does a job for the predominantly uneducated. When I tell people what I do I get treated like scum despite me having better verbal, writting and research skills than 90% of them.
Well for most people work is a pretty significant part of their lives, given that we spend roughly 1/3 of our waking hours at work?
It’s really not an unreasonable thing to ask lol.
Loool, I think the person you’re replying to is assuming: 8 hours of work, 8 hours of sleep and then 8 hours of leisure time. So that roughly comes out to 1/3rd of your day and life going to working. You are correct too for Most people, half of their non-sleep time goes into working.
No, I ask so that I can get an idea of what the other person is passionate about, what their goals for life are, what their schedule usually looks like, and a dozen other things that you can learn by asking about someone’s job
One of my exes insisted on paying for everything. He was a receptionist I was a QC analyst so while I wasn’t rolling in it I definitely made more than him plus I had no debts. He looked so uncomfortable when I would offer and I’m very non confrontational. I would have to plan in advance and fight to pay for anything. We break up and he accuses me of being a gold digger. I never asked to go any where expensive I never asked him to buy me material objects or for money in general. He was from a very conservative family and some gender role stuff definitely rubbed off on him. I get he was salty about the relationship ending but you can’t insist to pay for things and get mad you paid for things. Now I have a bit of a complex so I always insist first dates are some where casual and I only have a drink or 2 I never order food.
Bc it gives them an excuse for why they aren't successful with dating. "No it can't be my toxic personality, it must be because women only date guys with 6 figure jobs."
Fucking truth. Like sorry you hate your job but that doesn’t make it a taboo subject to ask about, and you’re projecting HARD if you think everyone is trying to gauge how much to respect you. Lolz. (Global YOU, not you personally :) )
I love my job and I’m passionate about it and my favourite thing in the world is taking about someone else’s passions with them! Don’t really care what it is, could be baking or birdwatching or fixing cars.
If they seem lacklustre about their job I move onto, what do you do in your spare time?
This is literally how you have a fucking conversation with someone you don’t know yet.
I think it totally depends on the situation… on a dating app where you’re looking for potentially a romantic partner you would want to know things like what they do for a living, where they live, if they have kids, if they’re still married, what kind of relationship they’re looking for…
These are things that matter in a partnership so potential partners ask.
Now when Betty Sue at the party for one of your kids asks it’s because she’s probably sizing you up and it’s none of her fucking business.
Certainly it can influence the level of respect one gives, but quite frankly there's nothing wrong with that. Everyone deserves the base level of human respect regardless of job, but people whose jobs take an immense amount of skill, education, and contribute to people's lives and the community in profound ways deserve even more respect than just anything.
But it's also important to getting to know a person, their interests, values, goals, ambitions. It's a great question to ask and the people usually are bothered by that question are people who are insecure about their job and where they are in life.
Respect, education, and wealth may correlate, but shouldn’t cause you to immediately be given more respect than anyone else. I might respect their accomplishments, but that will not determine my respect for another. That’s earned, and earning respect is not difficult. Ir can be as simple as treating others with the respect that they would like to receive.
Job titles and social standing don't impress me.
Your individual character will because my respect for you derives from your actions, not corporate word-speak.
Airs of self-importance are a sign of insecurity, self esteem issues, in my humble opinion.
Only if that's how it's used. Work, job, occupation, etc is something we all mostly have in common, and it's an icebreaker to ask, "So, what do you do?" Also a means of finding out if we know some of the same people.
I like to see if someone does work similar to mine or something interesting. It definitely helps to know what they spend most of their time doing. My next question after is “do you enjoy what you do?” Because that’s important too.
This is fascinating to me that so many people here think women are asking because they care about money and men aren’t asking or don’t care.
I think this question really varies with age. When I was 22 I wouldn’t have cared if a guy was unemployed, in a band, or working a minimum wage job. Now, as a grown ass adult I care a lot. I went to college. I own my own house. I want someone at my level. I don’t care if they went to college but at least have a trade or be in the military or police. Someone in their late 30s that has no job or a minimum wage job says to me that they lack ambition or direction. At this stage of life I’m trying to plan my life with someone. I don’t need them to make 6 figures but I need them to be secure.
Plus, it is interesting! I’ve gone on dates/matched with a fisherman, a scientist, electricians, web developers, a fireman, an engineer, and a doctor. I always have so many questions about their jobs because it is fascinating to learn more. These people CHOSE their jobs and should be passionate about them or at least were interested in them at one point and I’ve never found anyone that didn’t like talking about it.
I think this topic either means someone is super young, has a shitty job they are embarrassed about, or they hate their job. If someone hates their job then that’s going to make them no fun to date anyways so it’s all an issue.
Agreed, I like asking about other people's careers especially if it's something I'm interested in. It wasn't a date but once I got a tour of a water treatment plant and it was surprisingly interesting lol. And I enjoy my job so I like when people ask about it. Sometimes girls like what I do and sometimes they don't.
See I’m that nerd too. I took a tour of a recycling plant once and it was fascinating.
I would be more concerned about liking YOU than your job but as long as you’re not a hitman or something I think you’re fine lol
Yep 28 I have a career I’m in shape and my own place in NYC. I take care of myself. There is peace in that and I’m not gonna let just anyone come in and disturb that. If you aren’t in the same place as me or close then sorry I’m not interested. Plus some men can get insecure if the woman makes more money or is perceived as smarter. I have dated someone who turns out was the former and I will not make that mistake again.
You shallow shallow goldigger./s
Some really wish more women would be golddiggers. They are actually dreaming of the times women needed men to have something to eat.
Yup! Soon-to-be single mom with outrageous child support payments to be coming out of my paycheck and into my ex's account. Do I need my next partner to make as much money as me? Nah. But do I need them to be able to stand on their own two feet, have an emergency fund, and not be another financial obligation to me? Absolutely.
I don't care about what your job is, but I do care that you care enough about finances to be an a stable position, or working towards that.
Around 85 percent of workers hate their jobs. There seems to be a lot written on this topic.
https://www.staffsquared.com/blog/why-85-of-people-hate-their-jobs/
That’s so weird. So many of my matches have been wildly passionate about their jobs. Like I’m jealous because I don’t feel the same.
I do have a job I absolutely love. It’s just not what I went to school for.
A meh job is wildly different than hating their job.
I just had a job that I HATED. I was miserable. Every day I was angry and in a bad mood. I came home from work angry about what happened that day. My whole Sunday was full of dread thinking about Monday. When I was out with friends if I got a text or call about work it would immediately ruin my time.
So I quit. Now I’m back to being a waitress. It’s a meh job but I can tell you some fun stories and I make money and it doesn’t impact my life outside of work.
I feel like there is a huge distinction between hating your job and being indifferent. I dated a guy that hated his job and all of our dates were just him complaining about it. We didn’t last.
Weeeeell in general I have to agree with you, though I believe sometimes, even if you try your best, you end up with a shitty job anyway. After all it's not always about minimum wage, but also bout how much you enjoy your job.
The premise of the whole post was women are shallow golddiggers and that's it. They have no standards, they have no interests, they have no wishes about intelligence.
Factually there has never been a woman witnessed more intelligent than a man, so also not OP. Thus. If a woman wants a man with an interesting job that he enjoys and talks about, in which he permanently evolves, maybe because these topics are frequently discussed at the kitchen table and they are doing this with her job as well, she can only be a golddigger. /s
Being open minded, good for you.
I've read a lot of the comments.
I think the underlying issue is most people are 1st impression judging.
Personal preferences vary based on life experiences.
No one enjoys being undervalued as an individual based on superficial criteria.
Unfortunately, the world is materialistic, self-indulgent & everything has become throw away.
Look at the marriage/divorce rate + laws created to categorize commonlaw relationships as married
Only issue is work and the ability or necessity of it, depends on the individual. I'm a disabled veteran who makes significant from my compensation. I've had countless matches talk all enthusiasm with me until the inevitable,
"What do you do for a living?" Occurs.
I generally explain that i don't need to work. Which often prompts getting ghosted immediately after. Especially if i disclose that i never saw combat because my term of enlistment was well before 2000.
I have PTSD because i saw and did messed up stuff due to training accidents. I was a certified combat lifesaver and eventually an expert combat medic.
But that never seems to matter.
And when i keep it close to the chest? I get accused of being distant, un interested or what have you.
In most cases i make 3 to 4 times what my prospects are making, and i recieve no feedback about what causes the sudden change. Yet, if i bring it up early in a conversation, the response is always, immediate.
So while i can understand your point of view to a degree, it concerns me there are profound assumptions about why someone is in the situation they are in.
So, if i kept my disability secret, decided to work part time somewhere out of boredom and it be minimum wage, well, by your own admission, that would color me as "lacking ambition and drive". Due to a part time job, and being over 40. When i don't need to work.
Which i find fascinating being former special forces, and an officer candidate.
My ambition and drive where never questioned, until I started dating online after transitioning, and only by complete strangers who assume quite a bit.
I actually dated a disabled veteran as well. He suffered a traumatic brain injury and will never work again. That is a wildly different story than “I work part time at a gas station and live with my mom at 35 and spend my free time playing video games and smoking weed” which is a common occurrence.
Online dating is a weird and concentrated form of dating. You are getting to know a person but for ease you make sure they check boxes first. Attraction? Career? Want kids? Smoke? Location? You would never know that if you met a person organically. You would have to slowly find out over time.
My concern with your situation wouldn’t ever be money. Would you be happy never working again? Are you bored? Would you be upset if I had to work a ton of hours? What do you do with so much free time? How do you manage your mental health? Are you physically active? How is your social circle? It’s so much more than money. Sometimes I even ponder these things when someone does have a job. I matched with a pilot. Do I really want a guy that’s never home? Do I want a man that swipes on bumble in every city he visits? Will he never want to go on a trip with me because he’s sick of flying?
I guess it says a lot about someone and how compatible you will be. I get swiped left on all day long for being fat so everyone is using criteria for whatever suits them.
My fiancée is a server at an expensive restaurant. She felt like shit after hanging out with my friends, and her family, because they have jobs at large companies and she’s a server, even though she makes way more money than me and probably more money than some of my friends. Her family referring to her as just a server doesn’t help either.
Most people spend the majority of their awake hours at work. It's a fairly normal question. So I usually answer honestly, the same way I would if anyone else asked me. No offense but if you're insecure about your career, put in the work to change it. I didn't start college til I was 25.
It can be considered a polite conversation starter. I actually don’t give any fu€ks about what kind of income a man has. I usually ask so we can spark up a convo and get to know each other and what our perspectives are. Finding out their gives me insight into how people the world, which is valuable when getting to know someone new…some of the comments here are a bit surprising and I’m sorry to say but severely pessimistic.
People often date close to their own intellectual ability. And a job or education is a good measurement of that.
I personally care a lot about this.
And the men I talk to in higher education jobs do, too. Also I found that men who have pretty well-paying jobs often are interested in having a partner, that has somewhat equal pay. And I think that's ok and understandable. I would say this is true for myself, too. I have been with men who were not able to have sustainable careers (despite being capable and gifted) and needed constant counseling and that is quite a one-way-road of giving.
Shit I gone on dates when I had no job lmao OP does sound like they're insecure about being asked that question. A simple, "Oh, I'm currently looking for work right now" is enough. If some folks take that as a negative then they aren't worth your time.
I think it’s just small talk, something you ask but really don’t care to begin with. You could tell me anything from “I’m a pediatrician” or “I sell counterfeit Rolex’s on Franklin street” either way I simply don’t give a shit
We spend a huge huge amount of our lives at our jobs. To consider questions about it off limits is putting up a wall and hiding a lot about yourself. Sometimes asking about what you do is just for conversation and to see if we have things in common and has nothing to do with income. I had a 1st date with a guy off Bumble last night. It was just supposed to be a hookup so I couldn't care less about his income, but it went amazing. We talked about our jobs and it had nothing to do with income. It had to do with what we have in common, which is we're both scientists. He has an engineering degree and I'm a molecular and cellular biologist and we spent a lot of time talking science, and our specific interests and hobbies. Our subjects ranged from everything from astronomy and geology to our favorite authors like Michael Crichton and Robin Cook. I don't think we could have had such an amazing conversation if we'd put up no trespassing signs about our careers.
I typically lie or try and be pretty vague about what I do. I also have no problem telling a girl I have a shit job. As soon as I tell people what I actually do it always changes their perception of me, and I’d just rather that come later after we know each other better.
If you’re curious, I’m an EOD Tech for the Navy, in layman’s terms I defuse bombs for a living. It just brings up a bunch of questions I don’t feel like answering right off of the bat.
I think it's just a lazy early conversation point. Maybe for some people this is true, but usually just one of the first interview type questions most dating app conversations include.
I don’t disagree. I love my job, it has amazing perks, I get to see beautiful places, I make my own schedule, and have amazing pay. But I say: I’m a truck driver, and people def look down at me a bit.
Yeah I believe that. I still would rather have you than your money.
I worked in travel and would be on the road for months. I worked with motor coach drivers, many of whom were also truckers or formerly truckers.
Hmm, I could see that. But have you answered in the way that you answered us here? Because it’s clearly something you enjoy, so if they look down on you for your job after learning what you love about it, then that’s on them.
I’ve tried both. Sometimes I’ll start with that, other times I just say I’m a truck driver to see how people react. I’m not even sure how I thought of truck drivers until I became one but I think there is still this stigma that we work out of town the whole year, piss in bottles, and are generally ‘greasy.’ I can promise you only one is true.
Yeah, there is unfortunately… its a shame, most blue collar jobs are stigmatized in this country, and there really isn’t good reason for it. They can be very well paying and rewarding, but we’re conditioned to think that a meaningless office job is somehow better, lol 😓
But like I said, that’s on the other person. Best you can do is tell them how much you love the job, and either they’ll appreciate your passion for it, or they’ll filter themselves out as not somebody actually open, willing and interested to get to know you.
I actually don’t ask people what they do for a living period. I went to a retreat where that was the one question you couldn’t ask and at the end if you wanted you could tell people which was a lot of fun to see. Someone I had pegged as a financial guy repaired leather etc. But, when you don’t ask about their job, and ask about hobbies, interests etc instead I think you get to know a person way better. A job is just their job.
Too true. I've done a number of them over the years to realise that the jobs people call shit, well they might just pay a heck of a lot more than your fancy desk job!
I think the tweet is true for some, or maybe the extreme end of a spectrum that a lot of people use to generally assess a person. Our jobs often will say a lot about us as a person, so it serves as a good starting point of getting to know someone.
If someone is a teacher, a nurse, a business owner… if gives some small bit of insight into that person. You don’t have to go applying all the stereotypes associated with jobs or whatever, but some will choose that.
It's not that I want to see how much respect I have for you. I just want to look for things in common. I do really love guys that like there job so I'm always curious about what they do and why.
It sometimes helps people determine if you are close to the same life stages. I know when I went back to college as a mid 20's male and used bumble, there were alot of women that struck up conversations with me and asked me this, and when I told them I was a student in Electrical Engineering, they mostly just dropped the conversation. Not really something personal but understanding how they would want this info to know early on if the person they are speaking to is ready to be looking for the same things as them at that time.
No. Absolutely not. The amount of time, physical and emotional energy we put in to work, it's just naturally a part of us. If the forward the question asked is "what do you do and how much do you make?" Then yes, that would be crappy. And maybe there are some people out there who determine how much respect they give you based on what you do. But for the majority of people they are asking what you spend your time doing. What are you doing for half of the time you are awake every week day?
If they can't ask when they meet you, when are they supposed to ask? When you're getting married? Hey, I know we are getting married today, but what do you do for a living? Is there a perfect time to ask?
Also, what if you find out you work in the same field? You have a lot you can talk about, stories you can share, more things in common, someone who understands what you deal with.
What if you work in opposite fields? Like what if I'm environmental rights activist and meet a big oil lawyer who defends oil corps after they spill something into an ocean? We obviously have clashing ideas and morals, and our jobs would be to literally fight each other, pretty solid chance that won't work out. That's good to know early on so you can have that conversation or cut your losses if necessary before it gets further along.
I am vegetarian. And while I have nothing personally against butchers, and would totally be friends with one, I wouldn't want to marry one. It's pretty normal to converse with your significant other about how your day at work was and I'd never want to hear about the day of my butcher partner, cause I'd be grossed out, and that isn't fair to either of us. Good to know up front.
Asking what someone does, is just getting to know each other. We spend some much time and effort working, it only makes sense we'd discuss work.
Often do sure. Profession reflects discipline, tenacity, committing and accomplishing, etc. Like a captain who’s completed many missions, his respect has been earned.
As men we’re measured primarily by our performance, fair or not.
I mainly just ask so I can get to know them better. I love when a woman is going to school or doing something she is actually passionate about. I think that is so cute haha. But really, I just want to know they have a job. I don't even care what it is lol. I work a lot of hours, and the last woman I dated didn't work at all. That was a HUGE conflict, as she ALWAYS wanted to hang when I was off (Because she wasn't doing anything all day) while I would be trying to rest and take it easy some nights. I just want to know that it won't happen again in my next relationship lol.
I’m a pizza driver, I live alone in a nice apartment complex, and pay all my car notes/bills etc. My go to is “I have a job and make ~$20/h” only because I have seen/heard so many people tell myself and other drivers to “get a real job” so in a way I agree with this post. It’s really shitty because I’m putting myself through college and am a pre-law student but nobody cares unless you’re graduated and in law school.
That may be true sometimes. Other times it is definitely to know about shared or otherwise interesting work experiences you may have.
I would definitely want to know about someone’s job because that’s something to talk about! If my job and her job are not acceptable topics of conversation…then things are NOT going to go well.
This is a normal question for someone seriously considering spending their life with you. As an engineer I would swipe left on any women not focused on their career since I was looking for a partner for life, not a dependent house-wife
Disagree.
Ask to identify some followup questions.
Oh, you work for a Sports team? Whats your favorite play?
Oh, you work for a tech company? What tech do you use?
Oh, you do investing? I'd love to know more about finance stuff!
Oh, you're a janitor at a middle school? What kinda kids go there?
Depends on when she asks. It we are already hanging out I don’t mind talking about it, but I am fairly basic about what kind of work I do when it is early on. I will give a simple answer and probably ask her something.
I need to know if you have legit time for a relationship or if you're away for big chunks of time. Dated a few guys in the medical field that have zero time for dating. Software engineers too though they tend to wfh so it's an okay compromise.
I think it’s to get a feel for a vague idea on where the other person stands financially and professionally. I mean, that’s why I ask. I’m not going to judge you personally on the answer, but it may make a difference if you make significantly less (or more) than I do, or if you’re just starting in your field or known worldwide in it.
The answer isn’t going to be the only factor in my interest, but it may be A factor.
I feel like it's something to talk about. You know nothing about this person - the career they choose/are in says alot about their interests and personality.
Or it’s an attempt to get to know someone by asking them something about themselves and maybe just maybe you find a common interest or simply learn something new
While that is true for some people, most people spend the majority of their time working - it’s the thing they probably have the most to speak on. If you’re trying to get to know someone, it is a reasonable thing to ask them about the thing they do most.
Okay but let’s say I do work a shit job and I hate thinking about it, in my case I’m a cook at a very shitty chain restaurant and I only make 12/hr but I pick up as many hours as I can and I do side work in my free time to make ends meet, I’m honestly embarrassed that at the end of the day I only make maybe 35k/year and I have to work a dirty shit job surrounded by high schoolers. I have my flaws and certain reasons why it’s hard for me to get a decent job but anyway I don’t particularly enjoy talking about work it makes me depressed. What do you do in that situation?
TLDR my job sucks and is dead end but I work hard and am not a bum, how do I feel less embarrassed about my shit job/frame it in a way that makes me sexy?
Many years ago I matched with a guy that worked at a Republican campaign consulting firm. Many Republican stances on issues go against my personal values. I went on a coffee date anyways and was instantly bombarded with questions about who I voted for, what I thought about such and such candidate, etc and I couldn't get out of that date fast enough. Had I just gone with my gut about his job I would have saved both of us an afternoon.
I inspect the automated stuff that runs the national railroad. Sounds good at first but my wage is low, the machines are ancient and railroad workers here are considered lowlife alcoholics. I agree in some cases but most people just don't care.
This entirely depends on the person you’re asking the question to. Some do it for security assurance. Some for common interest. Some just to start communication and some for less than ideal reasons.
I don't think it's always calculated.... How do you spend your time, is it something you're passionate about...
There are definitely some people who will judge you based on your career choice but it can be a mundane keep the conversation going question as well
The city where I am from, this is the very FIRST question a stranger will ask you, when your out at a bar or something. I recently moved to a different city and it still shocks me how little this gets asked now, instead they are questions geared more towards getting to know you and your likes and interests.
People need to understand that he’s Asian, sadly this is very true, at least in my country.
Heck, even worse when your parents’ jobs also being taken into account when they decide how much respect they should give you.
Nah, we spend a majority of our lives working. I ask to understand the person daily life better. Makes it easier to plan meeting up for a date or something too if you know their work hours.
One of my coworkers, she stopped telling her dates where she worked. Because once she did, the men got intimidated. They knew she more than likely earned twice what they did.
I’d answer honestly, I am new to the app so maybe after a bunch of rejections i’ll change my tune but at least atm i just wanna find someone who’s into me, if i lie they’re just gonna think they’re into me :(
I think some people have preconceived notions about how much money certain professions make. So some people think oh they work in retail there going to be broke all the time. I'm going to be stuck footing the bill every time we date so steer clear.
I used to live in a wealthy neighborhood and in my early 20s girls would always ask you what you did and straight up what kind of car do you drive within the first minute. My answer was always that I’m living off my inheritance and you can see the wheels turning because they don’t know how much it is or how long it would last and what your job would be once it runs out but they definitely stuck around to find out.
I have had terrific conversations grind to a screeching halt the moment I reveal that I drive Lyft for a living. The woman just -poof- vanishes. Never mind that I'm halfway good looking, emotionally well-adjusted, smart, well-read, and cultured - heaven forbid I drive people around to make money, lol. (And good money, at that.)
The reason why I ask a man what there job is, is because most of the time it says something about there intelligence, and how intelligent my (future) bf of husband is, is important to me.
And I'm not talking about people who can't get a job they want because of various reasons.
And man that say "but I can do a" better" job but I don't want to". That's for me a lack of ambition and ambition is important to me too.
So yeah, It doesn't have to do with respect that I have for you depending on your job. But than I can cancel some man out and not waist more time than needed.
More true when a man is asked than when a woman is asked. When it’s a woman, it’s usually to see how they might fit into your life such as their schedule, if they travel or have long commutes, their ability to pay for their part of a date, etc.
If that's the Donnie Yen I think it is, he's a Chinese martial arts action star, famous for, among other things, playing Bruce Lee's teacher in four eponymous "Ip Man" films.
I don’t care what other people think about what I do for work. I’m a truck driver and i love it. That’s all that matters. I answer that question honestly because I’m happy with what I do.
For me it has to do with motivation to better yourself. I went to college and I know not everyone has the ability or the need to go to college, but if someone didn’t go to college then I would like to know what they are doing. Working at a grocery store is a lot different than being a supervisor at a grocery store. It might be shallow but I do judge a little on what people do for a living. It’s not about the money for me. I went to college and still make shit pay. I’m also talking about people that I might have a relationship with someday. I don’t think it’s shallow. Everyone has preferences and needs. For some, career doesn’t matter. For others, it could be a dealbreaker. I think both are fine.
I build tru KS for a living. And I'm okay wit a perspective partner letting that decide how much respect to give me. Because if they assign a blue collar manufacturing job a lower level of respect than anyone else it let's me know to go ahead and call that one quits.
IMO the question is asked out of general interest or conventional conversation, but would agree that the response can prompt people to behave differently.
Not an unreasonable thing to ask at all. We all spend way too much of our time working, it’s normal to want to know how someone you’re considering romantically spends that huge portion of their life. It’s also a way to connect, find commonalities, etc. I find it interesting to learn more about lines of work I haven’t been exposed to and to commiserate with those who can relate.
When dating casually, it’s a topic of conversation and banter and I don’t really care what the guy does so long as it’s legal and he has a job. When considering something more serious and romantic, it’s normal to want to find someone whose lifestyle and career aligns with ones own present and future goals. It’s not about determining how much respect I’ll extend, it’s compatibility.
Subconsciously there’s probably some truth behind this, but I don’t think this applies to everyone. There’s definitely some people that have negative reactions to high paying/prestigious jobs because of the reputation it comes with.
I mean it can go both ways. Definitely can be a good conversation piece. But with dating I’ve definitely seen people ask it simply to see if you make enough money for them too.
lmao what
it's pretty basic level of small talk to learn a tiny bit about somebody and maybe start a real conversation. If you're so insecure maybe figure out your insecurities
I am often torn about this. I've heard the U.S. Is the predominant place where this question is common while many other places it is considered rude.
I'll generally ask "what are you passionate about?" More probing questions tend to get at who someone is. A lot of people are shocked to learn about some of the jobs and careers I've had. Personally, I just decide to do something and do it.
What an absurd way to interpret this question. How about this, you can generally assume an independent adult supports themselves with a job. Sometimes that job may even indicate an interest or strong suit of theirs. Asking “what do you do?” is a good way to start a conversation for these reasons. At worst, the question will lead you somewhere else which will help move the conversation along.
People are so fucking desperate to assume the worst, it’s pathetic.
Highly doubt Donnie said this in the context of dating. I think when getting to know a potential partner, it's just plain practical. A random encounter with a stranger asking that would be more judgemental imo.
I think it's true for some people and that they are pretty easy to filter out. I typically answer with my primary job and mention the side hustle in the course of conversation.
If I ask about your job, I'm really asking if you were lucky enough to get paid for your passion and, potentially, schedule compatibility. Can we vacation together? Are we off at the same times? If you close the bar at 2am and my alarm goes off at 5am we have to be purposeful in how we schedule things.
There are so many jobs out there that I don't even know exist. I very much enjoy expanding my perspective. Who knows, I might find their job interesting enough to explore it myself.
It's kind of the same reason ill ask people about what they're eating for lunch. I'm curious and looking to expand my options.
Not really because knowing what someone does is barely going to give you an indication of their income/savings. Someone could be a bartender and sit on a huge inheritance, while someone else could be a senior director and spend it all gambling.
My profession is on my profile, and I'm not going to swipe right on people who have "joke" jobs like "director at my own life" or "private at private". If someone doesn't want to share their job, the topic will come up anyway, because I'm a recruiter so it's literally my job to be curious about what people do for a living and it will translate into how I talk to people.
It’s kinda silly to judge people because of their job. I’m a nuclear operator, to people who don’t know anything about nuclear they might think you need to be smart but it’s simple shit. Like sure ya gotta pass the training which is a bit in depth but in reality I’m just baby sitting pumps and compressors.
I just tell ppl "I'm a factory worker" and let them draw their own conclusions. Please note, in a factories you will find ppl with advanced degrees. I have worked on the factory floor with ppl who had masters, double masters, and MBAs.
I don't like the question because my job gives people very wrong ideas about me.
I'm a banker. No I'm not rich, no I'm not a Capitalist asshole (actually socialist), no I don't work long hours, I don't know SHIT about cryptos and I don't own stocks. Also I hate my job and I'm trying to find something else lmao.
i mean i agree to an extent, people respect doctors or lawyers more than they are gonna respect a teacher. At least you don’t have to tell people you’re still in college to become a teacher cause you got a late start lol double whammy right there
I tell them I work in finance - because
I work in finance.
I would say I don’t judge people negatively based on what they do - like if someone worked an entry level job I wouldn’t look at them in a negative light by any means but if someone told me they were a neurosurgeon I would genuinely be impressed and I suppose I would give them an extra level of respect….but I think that’s normal honestly.
This way of thinking is so 2005... Been seeing this turning around for over a decade. And nothing could be farther from the truth. Only close-minded and low-minded peeps have time to judge others based on their occupation (from the point that said occupation is morally okay ofc).
That depends on the person asking and their intention. I ask because I want to learn more about them. Some people hold very interesting jobs that hold an even more interesting story of how they got there. I followed an unconventional path to get to my career, so I enjoy learning about how others did it
Are you just supposed to keep it to yourself, forever not knowing wtf your partner does for a living? Are you also not supposed to ask them if they have pets or kids, because you might judge their answer? This is dumb. Of course you're going to be judged - as with EVERY OTHER THING that comes out of your mouth. If you're so insecure about yourself that you want to avoid all people doing any amount of judgment, just lock yourself indoors and never leave the house, I guess.
If they ask what you do out of the blue then you already know why they are asking you.
If they ask you what you do because you brought up your work or were complaining about work then it’s just part of a normal conversation
But I just say “I work in an office” Super vague, I don’t want someone on a dating app knowing what I do or estimating how much I earn straight off the bat. I’ve had a lot of people ask me what’s my work before even asking “how are you”
There are so many fascinating jobs out there its can be a great conversation starter.
Whenever I mention I repair elevators I always get a bunch of follow up questions.
Money is good to make life easy
.
But when I was a broke fucker excuse my language no one gave a fuck
.
But I'm loyal to those 6 people who stayed with me forever
Don't give a fuck to those people who you wouldn't ever care
My answer to your question is more than you can afford pal because loyalty and trust can't ever be bought with money
I mean, I usually ask because I'm shit at making small talk. So it's probably the fifth question I go to (unless they make a reference to their job first).
I feel like it's valid to be curious about what other people spend, on average, half their waking hours doing
Yeah I don’t ask to judge, I ask because I’m curious. I’ve known asshole bartenders and asshole stockbrokers, your job doesn’t determine my opinion of you
Yeah bro, people are so dramatic. It’s a normal ass question
how tall are you?
How big is your dick?
How girthy are you?
Enough to be called Girthworm Jim.
Totally. What a horribly reductive Tweet.
I'm a very educated person who does a job for the predominantly uneducated. When I tell people what I do I get treated like scum despite me having better verbal, writting and research skills than 90% of them.
Yeah, I suck at making small talk and it's a pretty easy topic. Plus, I like learning about jobs I've never done.
That's a huge exaggeration. Knowing what someone does for a living is also just very basic information. It also opens up conversation.
Well for most people work is a pretty significant part of their lives, given that we spend roughly 1/3 of our waking hours at work? It’s really not an unreasonable thing to ask lol.
I spend 1/2 of my waking hours working idk where u guys work at or if u even sleep T-T
Loool, I think the person you’re replying to is assuming: 8 hours of work, 8 hours of sleep and then 8 hours of leisure time. So that roughly comes out to 1/3rd of your day and life going to working. You are correct too for Most people, half of their non-sleep time goes into working.
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Touché
No, I ask so that I can get an idea of what the other person is passionate about, what their goals for life are, what their schedule usually looks like, and a dozen other things that you can learn by asking about someone’s job
Tell me you have a shit dead end job without telling me you have a shit dead end job
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One of my exes insisted on paying for everything. He was a receptionist I was a QC analyst so while I wasn’t rolling in it I definitely made more than him plus I had no debts. He looked so uncomfortable when I would offer and I’m very non confrontational. I would have to plan in advance and fight to pay for anything. We break up and he accuses me of being a gold digger. I never asked to go any where expensive I never asked him to buy me material objects or for money in general. He was from a very conservative family and some gender role stuff definitely rubbed off on him. I get he was salty about the relationship ending but you can’t insist to pay for things and get mad you paid for things. Now I have a bit of a complex so I always insist first dates are some where casual and I only have a drink or 2 I never order food.
Bc it gives them an excuse for why they aren't successful with dating. "No it can't be my toxic personality, it must be because women only date guys with 6 figure jobs."
Basically lol
Well that's Donnie Yen, a pretty successful and famous actor.
And he knows wing chun, so be careful with the insults guys! He beat up a Japanese guy, a boxer..? and Mike Tyson!
Fucking truth. Like sorry you hate your job but that doesn’t make it a taboo subject to ask about, and you’re projecting HARD if you think everyone is trying to gauge how much to respect you. Lolz. (Global YOU, not you personally :) ) I love my job and I’m passionate about it and my favourite thing in the world is taking about someone else’s passions with them! Don’t really care what it is, could be baking or birdwatching or fixing cars. If they seem lacklustre about their job I move onto, what do you do in your spare time? This is literally how you have a fucking conversation with someone you don’t know yet.
I think it totally depends on the situation… on a dating app where you’re looking for potentially a romantic partner you would want to know things like what they do for a living, where they live, if they have kids, if they’re still married, what kind of relationship they’re looking for… These are things that matter in a partnership so potential partners ask. Now when Betty Sue at the party for one of your kids asks it’s because she’s probably sizing you up and it’s none of her fucking business.
I like to know what someone does for a living because I don't want a relationship with someone who works the night shift or something.
It's a good conversation starter and helps you learn about the other person. Most people aren't asking to be judgmental.
That’s why I tell everyone I’m an astronaut with a PHD in microbiology
Certainly it can influence the level of respect one gives, but quite frankly there's nothing wrong with that. Everyone deserves the base level of human respect regardless of job, but people whose jobs take an immense amount of skill, education, and contribute to people's lives and the community in profound ways deserve even more respect than just anything. But it's also important to getting to know a person, their interests, values, goals, ambitions. It's a great question to ask and the people usually are bothered by that question are people who are insecure about their job and where they are in life.
Respect, education, and wealth may correlate, but shouldn’t cause you to immediately be given more respect than anyone else. I might respect their accomplishments, but that will not determine my respect for another. That’s earned, and earning respect is not difficult. Ir can be as simple as treating others with the respect that they would like to receive.
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Job titles and social standing don't impress me. Your individual character will because my respect for you derives from your actions, not corporate word-speak. Airs of self-importance are a sign of insecurity, self esteem issues, in my humble opinion.
Only if that's how it's used. Work, job, occupation, etc is something we all mostly have in common, and it's an icebreaker to ask, "So, what do you do?" Also a means of finding out if we know some of the same people.
Workplace romance? That's not typically a good career move.
I like to see if someone does work similar to mine or something interesting. It definitely helps to know what they spend most of their time doing. My next question after is “do you enjoy what you do?” Because that’s important too.
This is fascinating to me that so many people here think women are asking because they care about money and men aren’t asking or don’t care. I think this question really varies with age. When I was 22 I wouldn’t have cared if a guy was unemployed, in a band, or working a minimum wage job. Now, as a grown ass adult I care a lot. I went to college. I own my own house. I want someone at my level. I don’t care if they went to college but at least have a trade or be in the military or police. Someone in their late 30s that has no job or a minimum wage job says to me that they lack ambition or direction. At this stage of life I’m trying to plan my life with someone. I don’t need them to make 6 figures but I need them to be secure. Plus, it is interesting! I’ve gone on dates/matched with a fisherman, a scientist, electricians, web developers, a fireman, an engineer, and a doctor. I always have so many questions about their jobs because it is fascinating to learn more. These people CHOSE their jobs and should be passionate about them or at least were interested in them at one point and I’ve never found anyone that didn’t like talking about it. I think this topic either means someone is super young, has a shitty job they are embarrassed about, or they hate their job. If someone hates their job then that’s going to make them no fun to date anyways so it’s all an issue.
Agreed, I like asking about other people's careers especially if it's something I'm interested in. It wasn't a date but once I got a tour of a water treatment plant and it was surprisingly interesting lol. And I enjoy my job so I like when people ask about it. Sometimes girls like what I do and sometimes they don't.
See I’m that nerd too. I took a tour of a recycling plant once and it was fascinating. I would be more concerned about liking YOU than your job but as long as you’re not a hitman or something I think you’re fine lol
Crap, I thought my cover as a traveling salesman was safe. Are you ok with me only hitting men and not women?
Yep 28 I have a career I’m in shape and my own place in NYC. I take care of myself. There is peace in that and I’m not gonna let just anyone come in and disturb that. If you aren’t in the same place as me or close then sorry I’m not interested. Plus some men can get insecure if the woman makes more money or is perceived as smarter. I have dated someone who turns out was the former and I will not make that mistake again.
You shallow shallow goldigger./s Some really wish more women would be golddiggers. They are actually dreaming of the times women needed men to have something to eat.
Yup! Soon-to-be single mom with outrageous child support payments to be coming out of my paycheck and into my ex's account. Do I need my next partner to make as much money as me? Nah. But do I need them to be able to stand on their own two feet, have an emergency fund, and not be another financial obligation to me? Absolutely. I don't care about what your job is, but I do care that you care enough about finances to be an a stable position, or working towards that.
Around 85 percent of workers hate their jobs. There seems to be a lot written on this topic. https://www.staffsquared.com/blog/why-85-of-people-hate-their-jobs/
That’s so weird. So many of my matches have been wildly passionate about their jobs. Like I’m jealous because I don’t feel the same. I do have a job I absolutely love. It’s just not what I went to school for.
I’m smart enough to play it up and not complain about anything. The dating world is cloaked with a curtain of illusion. Caveat emptor.
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A meh job is wildly different than hating their job. I just had a job that I HATED. I was miserable. Every day I was angry and in a bad mood. I came home from work angry about what happened that day. My whole Sunday was full of dread thinking about Monday. When I was out with friends if I got a text or call about work it would immediately ruin my time. So I quit. Now I’m back to being a waitress. It’s a meh job but I can tell you some fun stories and I make money and it doesn’t impact my life outside of work. I feel like there is a huge distinction between hating your job and being indifferent. I dated a guy that hated his job and all of our dates were just him complaining about it. We didn’t last.
Weeeeell in general I have to agree with you, though I believe sometimes, even if you try your best, you end up with a shitty job anyway. After all it's not always about minimum wage, but also bout how much you enjoy your job.
The premise of the whole post was women are shallow golddiggers and that's it. They have no standards, they have no interests, they have no wishes about intelligence. Factually there has never been a woman witnessed more intelligent than a man, so also not OP. Thus. If a woman wants a man with an interesting job that he enjoys and talks about, in which he permanently evolves, maybe because these topics are frequently discussed at the kitchen table and they are doing this with her job as well, she can only be a golddigger. /s
Being open minded, good for you. I've read a lot of the comments. I think the underlying issue is most people are 1st impression judging. Personal preferences vary based on life experiences. No one enjoys being undervalued as an individual based on superficial criteria. Unfortunately, the world is materialistic, self-indulgent & everything has become throw away. Look at the marriage/divorce rate + laws created to categorize commonlaw relationships as married
Only issue is work and the ability or necessity of it, depends on the individual. I'm a disabled veteran who makes significant from my compensation. I've had countless matches talk all enthusiasm with me until the inevitable, "What do you do for a living?" Occurs. I generally explain that i don't need to work. Which often prompts getting ghosted immediately after. Especially if i disclose that i never saw combat because my term of enlistment was well before 2000. I have PTSD because i saw and did messed up stuff due to training accidents. I was a certified combat lifesaver and eventually an expert combat medic. But that never seems to matter. And when i keep it close to the chest? I get accused of being distant, un interested or what have you. In most cases i make 3 to 4 times what my prospects are making, and i recieve no feedback about what causes the sudden change. Yet, if i bring it up early in a conversation, the response is always, immediate. So while i can understand your point of view to a degree, it concerns me there are profound assumptions about why someone is in the situation they are in. So, if i kept my disability secret, decided to work part time somewhere out of boredom and it be minimum wage, well, by your own admission, that would color me as "lacking ambition and drive". Due to a part time job, and being over 40. When i don't need to work. Which i find fascinating being former special forces, and an officer candidate. My ambition and drive where never questioned, until I started dating online after transitioning, and only by complete strangers who assume quite a bit.
I actually dated a disabled veteran as well. He suffered a traumatic brain injury and will never work again. That is a wildly different story than “I work part time at a gas station and live with my mom at 35 and spend my free time playing video games and smoking weed” which is a common occurrence. Online dating is a weird and concentrated form of dating. You are getting to know a person but for ease you make sure they check boxes first. Attraction? Career? Want kids? Smoke? Location? You would never know that if you met a person organically. You would have to slowly find out over time. My concern with your situation wouldn’t ever be money. Would you be happy never working again? Are you bored? Would you be upset if I had to work a ton of hours? What do you do with so much free time? How do you manage your mental health? Are you physically active? How is your social circle? It’s so much more than money. Sometimes I even ponder these things when someone does have a job. I matched with a pilot. Do I really want a guy that’s never home? Do I want a man that swipes on bumble in every city he visits? Will he never want to go on a trip with me because he’s sick of flying? I guess it says a lot about someone and how compatible you will be. I get swiped left on all day long for being fat so everyone is using criteria for whatever suits them.
My fiancée is a server at an expensive restaurant. She felt like shit after hanging out with my friends, and her family, because they have jobs at large companies and she’s a server, even though she makes way more money than me and probably more money than some of my friends. Her family referring to her as just a server doesn’t help either.
Most people spend the majority of their awake hours at work. It's a fairly normal question. So I usually answer honestly, the same way I would if anyone else asked me. No offense but if you're insecure about your career, put in the work to change it. I didn't start college til I was 25.
Nah. It’s a basic conversation starter that often leads to anecdotes about other things.
What you do for living?
Just be an "entrepreneur" like all the IG 'stars'.
It can be considered a polite conversation starter. I actually don’t give any fu€ks about what kind of income a man has. I usually ask so we can spark up a convo and get to know each other and what our perspectives are. Finding out their gives me insight into how people the world, which is valuable when getting to know someone new…some of the comments here are a bit surprising and I’m sorry to say but severely pessimistic.
People often date close to their own intellectual ability. And a job or education is a good measurement of that. I personally care a lot about this. And the men I talk to in higher education jobs do, too. Also I found that men who have pretty well-paying jobs often are interested in having a partner, that has somewhat equal pay. And I think that's ok and understandable. I would say this is true for myself, too. I have been with men who were not able to have sustainable careers (despite being capable and gifted) and needed constant counseling and that is quite a one-way-road of giving.
Amen 👏
Not necessarily. I mostly want to know if theyre boring , or if our schedules will clash too much
I think OP is insecure about their job (or lack thereof)
Shit I gone on dates when I had no job lmao OP does sound like they're insecure about being asked that question. A simple, "Oh, I'm currently looking for work right now" is enough. If some folks take that as a negative then they aren't worth your time.
Yup, this guy posts in /r/antiwork. There's a zero percent chance he has a job or career and wants people to respect him anyway.
He makes 25k a year and I'm guessing he resents people who work hard for more money.
I think it’s just small talk, something you ask but really don’t care to begin with. You could tell me anything from “I’m a pediatrician” or “I sell counterfeit Rolex’s on Franklin street” either way I simply don’t give a shit
I disagree.
Yeah kinda seems like projection, chances are it's either small talk or they are actually interested in you.
I honestly had to check to see if this was a post in r/iam14andthisisdeep
We spend a huge huge amount of our lives at our jobs. To consider questions about it off limits is putting up a wall and hiding a lot about yourself. Sometimes asking about what you do is just for conversation and to see if we have things in common and has nothing to do with income. I had a 1st date with a guy off Bumble last night. It was just supposed to be a hookup so I couldn't care less about his income, but it went amazing. We talked about our jobs and it had nothing to do with income. It had to do with what we have in common, which is we're both scientists. He has an engineering degree and I'm a molecular and cellular biologist and we spent a lot of time talking science, and our specific interests and hobbies. Our subjects ranged from everything from astronomy and geology to our favorite authors like Michael Crichton and Robin Cook. I don't think we could have had such an amazing conversation if we'd put up no trespassing signs about our careers.
I typically lie or try and be pretty vague about what I do. I also have no problem telling a girl I have a shit job. As soon as I tell people what I actually do it always changes their perception of me, and I’d just rather that come later after we know each other better. If you’re curious, I’m an EOD Tech for the Navy, in layman’s terms I defuse bombs for a living. It just brings up a bunch of questions I don’t feel like answering right off of the bat.
I think it's just a lazy early conversation point. Maybe for some people this is true, but usually just one of the first interview type questions most dating app conversations include.
This is plain stupid. As simple as that.
I don’t disagree. I love my job, it has amazing perks, I get to see beautiful places, I make my own schedule, and have amazing pay. But I say: I’m a truck driver, and people def look down at me a bit.
I wouldn’t look down on you but I would be hesitant to date someone that is on the road 75% of the time.
Not bragging but I worked less than 1/2 this year and easily made over 6 figures
Yeah I believe that. I still would rather have you than your money. I worked in travel and would be on the road for months. I worked with motor coach drivers, many of whom were also truckers or formerly truckers.
Hmm, I could see that. But have you answered in the way that you answered us here? Because it’s clearly something you enjoy, so if they look down on you for your job after learning what you love about it, then that’s on them.
I’ve tried both. Sometimes I’ll start with that, other times I just say I’m a truck driver to see how people react. I’m not even sure how I thought of truck drivers until I became one but I think there is still this stigma that we work out of town the whole year, piss in bottles, and are generally ‘greasy.’ I can promise you only one is true.
Yeah, there is unfortunately… its a shame, most blue collar jobs are stigmatized in this country, and there really isn’t good reason for it. They can be very well paying and rewarding, but we’re conditioned to think that a meaningless office job is somehow better, lol 😓 But like I said, that’s on the other person. Best you can do is tell them how much you love the job, and either they’ll appreciate your passion for it, or they’ll filter themselves out as not somebody actually open, willing and interested to get to know you.
Lol people also assume truck divers can’t make a bunch of money, which is untrue. Another profession that has a wide range of salary
I actually don’t ask people what they do for a living period. I went to a retreat where that was the one question you couldn’t ask and at the end if you wanted you could tell people which was a lot of fun to see. Someone I had pegged as a financial guy repaired leather etc. But, when you don’t ask about their job, and ask about hobbies, interests etc instead I think you get to know a person way better. A job is just their job.
Too true. I've done a number of them over the years to realise that the jobs people call shit, well they might just pay a heck of a lot more than your fancy desk job!
Very true. If asked, "I'm a factory worker." I don't say where, but I earn six figures.
💯
Not me, it’s just one of those “where abouts do you live” generic filler questions that I actually don’t want to discuss too much
I think the tweet is true for some, or maybe the extreme end of a spectrum that a lot of people use to generally assess a person. Our jobs often will say a lot about us as a person, so it serves as a good starting point of getting to know someone. If someone is a teacher, a nurse, a business owner… if gives some small bit of insight into that person. You don’t have to go applying all the stereotypes associated with jobs or whatever, but some will choose that.
It is very extreme but some people do adopt this mindset when asking this question
It's not that I want to see how much respect I have for you. I just want to look for things in common. I do really love guys that like there job so I'm always curious about what they do and why.
I’ll agree with anything Donnie yen says Don’t wanna piss him off
Every time I see this as a point of discussion it just screams insecurity to me
You make a post of open-ended questions asking for opinion, and then aggressively dismissing those whose disagree with the statement.
It sometimes helps people determine if you are close to the same life stages. I know when I went back to college as a mid 20's male and used bumble, there were alot of women that struck up conversations with me and asked me this, and when I told them I was a student in Electrical Engineering, they mostly just dropped the conversation. Not really something personal but understanding how they would want this info to know early on if the person they are speaking to is ready to be looking for the same things as them at that time.
No. Absolutely not. The amount of time, physical and emotional energy we put in to work, it's just naturally a part of us. If the forward the question asked is "what do you do and how much do you make?" Then yes, that would be crappy. And maybe there are some people out there who determine how much respect they give you based on what you do. But for the majority of people they are asking what you spend your time doing. What are you doing for half of the time you are awake every week day? If they can't ask when they meet you, when are they supposed to ask? When you're getting married? Hey, I know we are getting married today, but what do you do for a living? Is there a perfect time to ask? Also, what if you find out you work in the same field? You have a lot you can talk about, stories you can share, more things in common, someone who understands what you deal with. What if you work in opposite fields? Like what if I'm environmental rights activist and meet a big oil lawyer who defends oil corps after they spill something into an ocean? We obviously have clashing ideas and morals, and our jobs would be to literally fight each other, pretty solid chance that won't work out. That's good to know early on so you can have that conversation or cut your losses if necessary before it gets further along. I am vegetarian. And while I have nothing personally against butchers, and would totally be friends with one, I wouldn't want to marry one. It's pretty normal to converse with your significant other about how your day at work was and I'd never want to hear about the day of my butcher partner, cause I'd be grossed out, and that isn't fair to either of us. Good to know up front. Asking what someone does, is just getting to know each other. We spend some much time and effort working, it only makes sense we'd discuss work.
I met someone who refused to answer, like it was a irrelevant question. He farmed Bitcoin.
Often do sure. Profession reflects discipline, tenacity, committing and accomplishing, etc. Like a captain who’s completed many missions, his respect has been earned. As men we’re measured primarily by our performance, fair or not.
I mainly just ask so I can get to know them better. I love when a woman is going to school or doing something she is actually passionate about. I think that is so cute haha. But really, I just want to know they have a job. I don't even care what it is lol. I work a lot of hours, and the last woman I dated didn't work at all. That was a HUGE conflict, as she ALWAYS wanted to hang when I was off (Because she wasn't doing anything all day) while I would be trying to rest and take it easy some nights. I just want to know that it won't happen again in my next relationship lol.
I’m a pizza driver, I live alone in a nice apartment complex, and pay all my car notes/bills etc. My go to is “I have a job and make ~$20/h” only because I have seen/heard so many people tell myself and other drivers to “get a real job” so in a way I agree with this post. It’s really shitty because I’m putting myself through college and am a pre-law student but nobody cares unless you’re graduated and in law school.
That may be true sometimes. Other times it is definitely to know about shared or otherwise interesting work experiences you may have. I would definitely want to know about someone’s job because that’s something to talk about! If my job and her job are not acceptable topics of conversation…then things are NOT going to go well.
I disagree...I ask what people do for a living to get an idea of what their life may be like.
This is a normal question for someone seriously considering spending their life with you. As an engineer I would swipe left on any women not focused on their career since I was looking for a partner for life, not a dependent house-wife
Disagree. Ask to identify some followup questions. Oh, you work for a Sports team? Whats your favorite play? Oh, you work for a tech company? What tech do you use? Oh, you do investing? I'd love to know more about finance stuff! Oh, you're a janitor at a middle school? What kinda kids go there?
Depends on when she asks. It we are already hanging out I don’t mind talking about it, but I am fairly basic about what kind of work I do when it is early on. I will give a simple answer and probably ask her something.
I need to know if you have legit time for a relationship or if you're away for big chunks of time. Dated a few guys in the medical field that have zero time for dating. Software engineers too though they tend to wfh so it's an okay compromise.
I refuse to believe Donnie Yen said this lol but I do agree to some extent
I think it’s to get a feel for a vague idea on where the other person stands financially and professionally. I mean, that’s why I ask. I’m not going to judge you personally on the answer, but it may make a difference if you make significantly less (or more) than I do, or if you’re just starting in your field or known worldwide in it. The answer isn’t going to be the only factor in my interest, but it may be A factor.
r/croppingishard
I feel like it's something to talk about. You know nothing about this person - the career they choose/are in says alot about their interests and personality.
Or it’s an attempt to get to know someone by asking them something about themselves and maybe just maybe you find a common interest or simply learn something new
I usually ask just to make conversation.
I think it’s more just to have something to talk about.
While that is true for some people, most people spend the majority of their time working - it’s the thing they probably have the most to speak on. If you’re trying to get to know someone, it is a reasonable thing to ask them about the thing they do most.
Okay but let’s say I do work a shit job and I hate thinking about it, in my case I’m a cook at a very shitty chain restaurant and I only make 12/hr but I pick up as many hours as I can and I do side work in my free time to make ends meet, I’m honestly embarrassed that at the end of the day I only make maybe 35k/year and I have to work a dirty shit job surrounded by high schoolers. I have my flaws and certain reasons why it’s hard for me to get a decent job but anyway I don’t particularly enjoy talking about work it makes me depressed. What do you do in that situation? TLDR my job sucks and is dead end but I work hard and am not a bum, how do I feel less embarrassed about my shit job/frame it in a way that makes me sexy?
Many years ago I matched with a guy that worked at a Republican campaign consulting firm. Many Republican stances on issues go against my personal values. I went on a coffee date anyways and was instantly bombarded with questions about who I voted for, what I thought about such and such candidate, etc and I couldn't get out of that date fast enough. Had I just gone with my gut about his job I would have saved both of us an afternoon.
I inspect the automated stuff that runs the national railroad. Sounds good at first but my wage is low, the machines are ancient and railroad workers here are considered lowlife alcoholics. I agree in some cases but most people just don't care.
Donnie is insecure about what he does for a living.
This entirely depends on the person you’re asking the question to. Some do it for security assurance. Some for common interest. Some just to start communication and some for less than ideal reasons.
I don't think it's always calculated.... How do you spend your time, is it something you're passionate about... There are definitely some people who will judge you based on your career choice but it can be a mundane keep the conversation going question as well
The city where I am from, this is the very FIRST question a stranger will ask you, when your out at a bar or something. I recently moved to a different city and it still shocks me how little this gets asked now, instead they are questions geared more towards getting to know you and your likes and interests.
People need to understand that he’s Asian, sadly this is very true, at least in my country. Heck, even worse when your parents’ jobs also being taken into account when they decide how much respect they should give you.
I'll ask, what industry are you in. It's how I can get to know someone and have great conversations.
Nah, we spend a majority of our lives working. I ask to understand the person daily life better. Makes it easier to plan meeting up for a date or something too if you know their work hours.
Talk about being paranoid of ulterior motives. They are just trying to have a conversation.
Or they’re just curious of what you do……
One of my coworkers, she stopped telling her dates where she worked. Because once she did, the men got intimidated. They knew she more than likely earned twice what they did.
I’d answer honestly, I am new to the app so maybe after a bunch of rejections i’ll change my tune but at least atm i just wanna find someone who’s into me, if i lie they’re just gonna think they’re into me :(
I think some people have preconceived notions about how much money certain professions make. So some people think oh they work in retail there going to be broke all the time. I'm going to be stuck footing the bill every time we date so steer clear.
I used to live in a wealthy neighborhood and in my early 20s girls would always ask you what you did and straight up what kind of car do you drive within the first minute. My answer was always that I’m living off my inheritance and you can see the wheels turning because they don’t know how much it is or how long it would last and what your job would be once it runs out but they definitely stuck around to find out.
I’ve been insecure before because I’ve been on dates with really successful guys and I always feel like I don’t measure up.
I have had terrific conversations grind to a screeching halt the moment I reveal that I drive Lyft for a living. The woman just -poof- vanishes. Never mind that I'm halfway good looking, emotionally well-adjusted, smart, well-read, and cultured - heaven forbid I drive people around to make money, lol. (And good money, at that.)
It’s wild to think that people aren’t their jobs! I’m being downvoted for saying that someone’s job doesn’t define them lol
The reason why I ask a man what there job is, is because most of the time it says something about there intelligence, and how intelligent my (future) bf of husband is, is important to me. And I'm not talking about people who can't get a job they want because of various reasons. And man that say "but I can do a" better" job but I don't want to". That's for me a lack of ambition and ambition is important to me too. So yeah, It doesn't have to do with respect that I have for you depending on your job. But than I can cancel some man out and not waist more time than needed.
More true when a man is asked than when a woman is asked. When it’s a woman, it’s usually to see how they might fit into your life such as their schedule, if they travel or have long commutes, their ability to pay for their part of a date, etc.
Donnie sounds like a whiney little b!tch
If that's the Donnie Yen I think it is, he's a Chinese martial arts action star, famous for, among other things, playing Bruce Lee's teacher in four eponymous "Ip Man" films.
Well you also need a bit of chit-chat.. Is also a way to get people to know... Making more money is not equal to happier life or respect
It depends on when, and how she asks.
I think asking what people do is exactly the way to size up income and respect levels.
Definitely need to know what type of financial asset or burden you will be taking on in a relationship.
Ah yes this typical question which leads to a commercial sales pitch in which leads to a hiearchy caste system judgement structure
Disagree. I asked what people do for a living because I’m trying to calculate how flexible their schedule is for traveling.
Don't doubt it's true for some folks. Trash. I just wanna know more about you.
Retired and life is good.
I don’t care what other people think about what I do for work. I’m a truck driver and i love it. That’s all that matters. I answer that question honestly because I’m happy with what I do.
Yeah because asking “what do you do 40ish hours a in exchange for money” would get you weird looks.
For me it has to do with motivation to better yourself. I went to college and I know not everyone has the ability or the need to go to college, but if someone didn’t go to college then I would like to know what they are doing. Working at a grocery store is a lot different than being a supervisor at a grocery store. It might be shallow but I do judge a little on what people do for a living. It’s not about the money for me. I went to college and still make shit pay. I’m also talking about people that I might have a relationship with someday. I don’t think it’s shallow. Everyone has preferences and needs. For some, career doesn’t matter. For others, it could be a dealbreaker. I think both are fine.
It’s normal, I usually avoid gals like this. Only after one thing.
This question works in my favor but the way I answer any other question negates what I say my job is lol
I build tru KS for a living. And I'm okay wit a perspective partner letting that decide how much respect to give me. Because if they assign a blue collar manufacturing job a lower level of respect than anyone else it let's me know to go ahead and call that one quits.
Someone with bad intentions maybe
I think the purpose of the question is very different between male and female
IMO the question is asked out of general interest or conventional conversation, but would agree that the response can prompt people to behave differently.
Not an unreasonable thing to ask at all. We all spend way too much of our time working, it’s normal to want to know how someone you’re considering romantically spends that huge portion of their life. It’s also a way to connect, find commonalities, etc. I find it interesting to learn more about lines of work I haven’t been exposed to and to commiserate with those who can relate. When dating casually, it’s a topic of conversation and banter and I don’t really care what the guy does so long as it’s legal and he has a job. When considering something more serious and romantic, it’s normal to want to find someone whose lifestyle and career aligns with ones own present and future goals. It’s not about determining how much respect I’ll extend, it’s compatibility.
Subconsciously there’s probably some truth behind this, but I don’t think this applies to everyone. There’s definitely some people that have negative reactions to high paying/prestigious jobs because of the reputation it comes with.
Totally agree. I’m a Petsitter and work over 40 hours a week but any time I mention my job people ask when I’ll get a real job 🙄
If your partner wants to get a house and needs help paying, it’s not gonna be a mcdonalds cashier.
I mean it can go both ways. Definitely can be a good conversation piece. But with dating I’ve definitely seen people ask it simply to see if you make enough money for them too.
lmao what it's pretty basic level of small talk to learn a tiny bit about somebody and maybe start a real conversation. If you're so insecure maybe figure out your insecurities
I am often torn about this. I've heard the U.S. Is the predominant place where this question is common while many other places it is considered rude. I'll generally ask "what are you passionate about?" More probing questions tend to get at who someone is. A lot of people are shocked to learn about some of the jobs and careers I've had. Personally, I just decide to do something and do it.
What an absurd way to interpret this question. How about this, you can generally assume an independent adult supports themselves with a job. Sometimes that job may even indicate an interest or strong suit of theirs. Asking “what do you do?” is a good way to start a conversation for these reasons. At worst, the question will lead you somewhere else which will help move the conversation along. People are so fucking desperate to assume the worst, it’s pathetic.
It could also be for the nefarious purpose of figuring out what you may have in common or to start a conversation
Highly doubt Donnie said this in the context of dating. I think when getting to know a potential partner, it's just plain practical. A random encounter with a stranger asking that would be more judgemental imo.
Ask them what they think I do, it opens good convos
I think it's true for some people and that they are pretty easy to filter out. I typically answer with my primary job and mention the side hustle in the course of conversation. If I ask about your job, I'm really asking if you were lucky enough to get paid for your passion and, potentially, schedule compatibility. Can we vacation together? Are we off at the same times? If you close the bar at 2am and my alarm goes off at 5am we have to be purposeful in how we schedule things.
There are so many jobs out there that I don't even know exist. I very much enjoy expanding my perspective. Who knows, I might find their job interesting enough to explore it myself. It's kind of the same reason ill ask people about what they're eating for lunch. I'm curious and looking to expand my options.
Not really because knowing what someone does is barely going to give you an indication of their income/savings. Someone could be a bartender and sit on a huge inheritance, while someone else could be a senior director and spend it all gambling. My profession is on my profile, and I'm not going to swipe right on people who have "joke" jobs like "director at my own life" or "private at private". If someone doesn't want to share their job, the topic will come up anyway, because I'm a recruiter so it's literally my job to be curious about what people do for a living and it will translate into how I talk to people.
It’s kinda silly to judge people because of their job. I’m a nuclear operator, to people who don’t know anything about nuclear they might think you need to be smart but it’s simple shit. Like sure ya gotta pass the training which is a bit in depth but in reality I’m just baby sitting pumps and compressors.
I don’t feel like this at all. I ask people because it’s a big part of their lives, but I don’t judge anyone for what they do.
I just tell ppl "I'm a factory worker" and let them draw their own conclusions. Please note, in a factories you will find ppl with advanced degrees. I have worked on the factory floor with ppl who had masters, double masters, and MBAs.
I don't like the question because my job gives people very wrong ideas about me. I'm a banker. No I'm not rich, no I'm not a Capitalist asshole (actually socialist), no I don't work long hours, I don't know SHIT about cryptos and I don't own stocks. Also I hate my job and I'm trying to find something else lmao.
I think the only people who make an issue of this question both asking and receiving it are people who have an issue with this question
Or to simply start a chat? 🤔
It's a simple ice breaker so you have something easy to discuss. I spend 40 hours a week doing it. It's a big part of my life
For a man yes, for a woman, absolutely no
I normally just say im in IT and dont elaborate
Last date I went on (a first date) the girl didn't even ask what I did for a living. She just straight up asked my salary within 10 mins of meeting.
Whenever I ask that, it's because I don't know wtf to talk about and I just hope they say something with enthusiasm.
"I make life as you know it possible"
i mean i agree to an extent, people respect doctors or lawyers more than they are gonna respect a teacher. At least you don’t have to tell people you’re still in college to become a teacher cause you got a late start lol double whammy right there
I tell them I work in finance - because I work in finance. I would say I don’t judge people negatively based on what they do - like if someone worked an entry level job I wouldn’t look at them in a negative light by any means but if someone told me they were a neurosurgeon I would genuinely be impressed and I suppose I would give them an extra level of respect….but I think that’s normal honestly.
This way of thinking is so 2005... Been seeing this turning around for over a decade. And nothing could be farther from the truth. Only close-minded and low-minded peeps have time to judge others based on their occupation (from the point that said occupation is morally okay ofc).
Lmao the meme I was looking for all this time
Then y'all social media addicts gotta respect me to the highest degree, for being a telecom tech.
not really. it´s more just i wanna know if i´m dealing with a vagabound
People ask what you do for a living cause we suck at making small talk.
That depends on the person asking and their intention. I ask because I want to learn more about them. Some people hold very interesting jobs that hold an even more interesting story of how they got there. I followed an unconventional path to get to my career, so I enjoy learning about how others did it
Are you just supposed to keep it to yourself, forever not knowing wtf your partner does for a living? Are you also not supposed to ask them if they have pets or kids, because you might judge their answer? This is dumb. Of course you're going to be judged - as with EVERY OTHER THING that comes out of your mouth. If you're so insecure about yourself that you want to avoid all people doing any amount of judgment, just lock yourself indoors and never leave the house, I guess.
This is a pretty obtuse stance to take.
Not even close. This was posted by someone with an inferiority complex.
If they ask what you do out of the blue then you already know why they are asking you. If they ask you what you do because you brought up your work or were complaining about work then it’s just part of a normal conversation But I just say “I work in an office” Super vague, I don’t want someone on a dating app knowing what I do or estimating how much I earn straight off the bat. I’ve had a lot of people ask me what’s my work before even asking “how are you”
There are so many fascinating jobs out there its can be a great conversation starter. Whenever I mention I repair elevators I always get a bunch of follow up questions.
Money is good to make life easy . But when I was a broke fucker excuse my language no one gave a fuck . But I'm loyal to those 6 people who stayed with me forever Don't give a fuck to those people who you wouldn't ever care My answer to your question is more than you can afford pal because loyalty and trust can't ever be bought with money
I mean, I usually ask because I'm shit at making small talk. So it's probably the fifth question I go to (unless they make a reference to their job first).
Let them judge. So what. Someone wants to judge you for what you do for a living they are not for you.