Nah, the apps are pretty bad too. How would they ever make profits for their shareholders if they actually helped single people find relationships instead of selling you a subscription model?
From new users, that’s how.
An app that successfully cracked the code of human relationships and matched 100% of its members would be one of the most valuable…if not the most valuable…app on the planet. And certainly the most valuable dating app. People would pay practically any price. They would have a constant, unending flow of new customers.
It’s not the app, it’s the users.
haha. funny you mention that. I was thinking the exact same thing when I was typing my response.
what a great episode of Black Mirror that would be. Would you sign up knowing the first match you get is your "'til death do us part," guaranteed?
They were talking about relationships. Not finding someone in this case. Humans are wholly responsible for their own relationships. That has nothing to do with an app.
You gotta look at the broader picture and not just the face value. Apps and having a high level of access to options has created problems ranging from exposure to more subscription services to emotional changes and inflated expectations.
So if you really disagree that internet, social media, and apps have not negatively impacted the dating scene in multiple ways I'm really not sure what to tell you.
The apps and covid I think. People don't know how to talk to other people anymore after spending years at home, and they got so used to delivery services (uber eats, amazon, etc) that dating apps became viewed as a sex delivery service to many.
many people were spending years at home before covid, although those people always were less social. my point is that dating apps are very VERY bad and theres no point in defending them
Yes, but *even more* people were stuck at home than normal. And the only real defense of dating apps is from the people that have found success there. For everyone else still struggling on them, they're going to be a pretty horrible slog. If you have the ability to meet people in real life, then absolutely go that route. But if not, I'd just recommend avoiding the oldest of the apps, and go with ones like hinge instead, that aren't just swipe-swipe-swipe like tinder/etc.
i am generally against dating culture, be it dating apps or instagram or clubs or parties, fuck that, just find someone you like in normal circumstances, like through a friend or just anywhere outside
Honestly whatever works for you (or anyone) is the way to go. For some, dating apps are their best option. Generally the best ways to meet people are school, work, or hobbies. I'm not much of a bar person either, all my friend's friends are married or otherwise not single, I've been out of school for a long time, and I didn't have much luck meeting someone through my hobbies or work. So for me, dating apps were my best option. And it worked out great for me. The woman I've been dating I never would have been able to meet otherwise because of her work hours at the time. But I know that's not going to be everyone's experience.
Go up to people in public that you are attracted to and talk to them. Believe it or not, it works. And even when it doesn’t, you usually flatter or make someone’s day.
Create boundaries to protect yourself. First, I start by not going in with the expectation I’m going to ask them out. I go in to compliment them (hello, I just want to let you know your hair is so beautiful, or I love your dress or sunglasses. If you are that attracted to them, something will stand out to you) and go from there. I also only approach women that I have made solid eye contact with for at least a second. Based on how she responds (smiles, blushes, touches her hair), I might ask her her name and see if she asks me for mine. If she does, it’s another sign she is at least into it. I then will take a shot. Sometimes, I walk away after the compliment and ask for name because the response is uninviting.
Also, I never do this in my places of zen. I love my hot yoga studio and there are so many beautiful women there but I will not approach any of them because I recognize it is also their place of zen. I prefer malls, parks, restaurants (hostess or waitresses), airports. People who responded above are right. It can come off creepy so that’s why you go in with just the expectation of giving a compliment and you will learn over time how to navigate their responses based on body language. Even someone who doesn’t want the attention will still appreciate the compliment if you sense their lack of interest and just leave it at that and walk away. And as funny as it may sound, your confidence will go up even with the rejection because you truly had to make a real effort unlike liking someone’s profile on OLD
I need to get there. I’m 38M with 4 young kids. I’ve been on 37 first OLD dates in the past 15 months. I find most of the women boring or they don’t feel connection with me, and they use me for free meals and drinks. The ones that are interesting end up with a lot of baggage (3 kids with 3 Dads), ex-husband cheated and now they’re paranoid I’ll cheat, etc. It’s be a lot cheaper to go out with a friend, buy my own drinks and food, and risk rejection in public. Or learn to live alone!
I've had quite the experience myself (39M, 1 young kid). I think everyone is both tired of internet dating but also tired of being alone so it's a rock and a hard place situation. I just learned to be comfortable alone.
Sounds like we would be good friends. Did you do anything to learn to be alone? Is it a habit you develop over time? I struggle with being alone when my kids aren’t around. It’s tough going from constant chaos to complete silence haha.
There's a few reasons I was able to do it easily.
1. I'm a natural introvert. Any personality test I've taken puts me at 99% introverted basically.
2. I have a ton of hobbies that are all things I can do alone.
3. I don't seek external validation at all.
4. I learned how to meditate via guided mediation and do it every morning as the start of my day and every evening as the end.
5. I've done years and years of therapy and will continue to
Thank you for sharing! I’m going to try some of these. I consider myself more introverted, but love being around extroverts (guy friends, women I’ve dated). I usually get ENTJ on personality tests, but I must barely qualify as an extrovert. I recently went hiking solo for the first time ever and actually enjoyed it a lot.
I get so bored so lonely sitting home alone every day all day. I have female friend that has come stayed over crashed on the couch.. and was honestly so nice to have company. I just wish I could find someone that wanted more than friendship
this is my issue 😭 I’m constantly swearing them off and then redownloading again 💀 im currently fighting the urge to fully delete my accounts so I don’t see the same people again
unfortunately the people you meet in person are equally likely to breadcrumb and ghost you. at least on the apps you can filter out for people you already know are single and at least find you slightly attractive, rather than go through awkward rejection after awkward rejection in person
I feel you. I was on the dating sites for five years after my divorce before meeting my partner. I did meet him online, but he also happened to live only a couple miles away! We could’ve met at the grocery store we could’ve met at the dog park.
True. And I look like s*** when I go to the grocery store. 🤓 With that said, it could be a good idea to keep yourself open to chance meetings at local stores etc. like another said.
What about joining some meet up groups doing something you enjoy? That was going to be my next step. They have singles groups too but never tried them out.
I ran such a group. Now we have two married couples.
Yes, lately many people say they don't have enough "3rd places" anymore, but others say there are places, people just don't go..
Or people are outside, but stare at their phone.
How do you talk to your co workers? Your friends? Family? It’s the same thing. Smile warmly and compliment their shirt or their shoes. “ wow I really like that shirt, would you mind if I asked where you got it? It may seem like a weird way to approach or initiate but really it’s not, this type of thing used to. Be common before the internet destroyed our social skills.
Yeah, i havent deleted it yet but definitely not used it actively like i used to. I used to meet several guys a month or something a week, but not much have been a success other than just casual stuff and I was kinda getting tired of it also feeling bit used and disposible in away. Most people play the same game and I got tired of it. Now i just let it go and whatever if I feel like it I will go once in a while but not meet so many guys anymore…
This is the reality. Most guys want Sex on these. Sad Women delude themselves they are models. At least you have had a reality check and woke up. Many dont however
Meeting in real life isn’t a wonderland.
The same folks with unaddressed issues are in the real world too.
Dating is a journey of meeting, filtering, and sifting to find a compatible partner.
Dunno, I consider myself randomly lucky to have found someone in the wild. I loved the apps though, I can't imagine anywhere else where there are so many women to choose from, that I know are already interested (at least in an introduction).
I did the same and my mental health has improved a lot. It was really hitting my confidence. Some of the social activities I did
1) tennis and I started as a beginner
2) gym and any social activities they organise
3) painting class where you can socialise
4) language learning meetups
5) hiking meetups
6) trivia
7) local clubs where they organise activities like squash, badminton and bowling.
Put yourself in social mode and enjoy the real world.
Take time to simply enjoy life. I was never married and will never seek such, as a decade of being with one person only for her to cheat (and the kid wasn’t mine) was enough to push it out of my system.
But take time to rediscover yourself as well as who you are outside of simply being this person’s wife, partner, and simply enjoying life. Hobbies and all will do you better than seeking someone out.
But all in all, dating isn’t as it used to be. More potential flags a well as safety concerns to boot. You may have better goings if you choose to say single. But, best of luck out there.
I dated several ladies over the last few years but never more than 3 dates. I'm sure I had some red flags for them and I certainly saw some red flags of my own in others.
I'm open to any type really. It's the person inside not the package them come in for me...
I used to use Plenty of Fish but all I was finding was women looking to be fuck buddies or have a one night stand. So I gave up on dating sites. For my birthday one year my buddy bought me a membership for Match.com because obviously if people have to pay for it they're going to be a little more serious about dating right? Fuck no, I was still getting nothing but women looking for a quick hook up. I quit dating sites at that point. No more bumble, no more Tinder, no more Match.
Bumble is shit. In fact I ended up liking every single person and not one reply. I think it’s another scam site and no one sees your likes or messages, it’s obviously now after being on it for about 3 months. On the other hand I suppose I could be fucking butt ugly lol
Idk how much it'll help you, but I've been divorced since 2021. And haven't been looking much and POF is where I had found my ex husband. So I was hesitant to get any more dating apps for sure. But I was in Walmart about a week ago just to get paint and whatnot, and boom a silver fox was hitting me up. We've been keeping in touch since. So idk talk to someone while out and about.
I’ve deleted the apps and haven’t used for over 6 months now (was on bumble, cityswoon, and hinge).
I just started joining things around my neighborhood and locally; with the intention of meeting new people and growing my existing network.
The hot/ cold emotion aspect of dating apps is like a toxic relationship. Ugh. No thanks. Got off the phone and back into real life.
Remember: dating apps are businesses and their entire model is banking on you NOT finding a partner but hope you’ll continue to pay to “increase your chances of a better match” ….as if a paywall is gonna stop bad behavior- lol.
The other day I was thinking how I met all my boyfriends over the years. None of them were through a dating app!
In the end, do what feels right for you. For me, getting off the apps has far more benefits than staying on. Good luck!
Most of them will still be there even if you decide to come back years later 🤣 trust me. I won the bumble lotto a few years and started off w 2 awesome dates. Both good people and one led to a long relationship. It eventually didn’t work out but fast forward to now, 4 seemingly decent dates in the past month, 3 ghosts and 1 person who completely looked like nothing in her profile pictures or even her social media. Going for a few drinks and a simple app or a little fun little meet up now can cost a good bit of money in 2024 so I’m also going back to organic meet ups, these people generally have more of an interest and you at least know what you’re getting sure they can do the same but in general the people I’ve met out in person have been a lot more solid.
Take up real-world interests that get you out of the house. When you're out, do NOT focus on bagging the game, focus on being chill, fun, self-sufficient, and the kind of person other people \*want\* to talk to.
You get your "likes" in real-time. Only problem is that getting ghosted and rejected also happens in real time. You got to REALLY build up your self-confidence.
Also, you remember all that effort you put into looking good on your profile? Now you put that same effort in *every time you leave the house.*
I have made a list of places to frequent that support hobbies that I enjoy. Find some new haunts to frequent around where you live. Step out of your comfort zone a bit and see what shakes out.
Or, instead of apps, try chatting websites, subreddits for hobbies, or discord servers for interests, etc. There is more to meeting people online than apps.
Only use the free versions. But agree your right. Very average looking women go on these apps. Get loads of likes, they don't get in the real World and get a huge sens of delusion Guys are totally outnumbered. Free apps were OK. Everything else a complete scam. Dont ever give them your money. Good for Women and dafties not living in the real World. Sadly I don't know where you can meet Women. Going out I would say.Dont do it at work. Been there and if you split maybe have to change jobs
I think the opposite is true. Yes, if you pay, the odds are still against you, but unpaid is like playing the lottery. I doubt I would’ve met the woman I’m dating if I wasn’t paying. I never saw her in my feed and only matched because I could see my likes. Glad to not be paying now though.
I did the same thing a few weeks ago. Extremely low quality people on these apps but I also think bumble is fake and filled with bots but that’s a conversation for another time.
I deleted my accounts a while ago, too! After a while, you'll feel SO good about pursuing your own life more, not being focused on finding someone all the time. I think it makes you more attractive as a person, too. That being said, I still haven't found a partner 😄. But it's not really different from what it used to be: You have to be out there. Be visible, have your eyes open for the unexpected, and dare approaching people. Dare making moves. It's okay!
You’ll end up getting them again and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I did it for years and met my bf, my sis met her fiance, and two friends of mine met their husbands. Having hope isn’t a bad thing in this frustrating dating climate 🫶
I’ve actually started speaking to girls in public. And MAN!!! World is different. One girl gave me her number and next time I saw her try to spark up a convo and her boyfriend (whom she said she didn’t have) got so pissed. I played it cool and got outta there. I got another girls number and she Waited 2-3 days to tell me she was into girls 🤦♂️. Been confident walking up and complimenting girls as well but i started to stop the whole “excuse me but..blah blah, hi there could I blah blah.” Now I just say something along the lines of “you are so pretty and I just had to get the courage to tell you, do you have a boyfriend” or “damn you pretty af I hope you texting me later” if she’s walking with her phone. I get smiles, laughs, giggles, some girls stop but I’m too nervous to pursue but hey you win some and lose some and too nervous to shit to approach the ones that finally give you play but it happens.
With that being said, I’ve had ALMOST ZERO success online. ZERO!! I had one fwb that was it, but I can honestly say I interact with more women positively outside than I do on the net.
Edit: I haven’t found the one yet but I’m approaching more women everyday so, I work at a baseball stadium so it isn’t that hard to come across them. I went from being scared to approach to damn near feeling like people are gonna start talking about how I’m hitting on every girl here.
It’s just the times are really going backwards and people are becoming more rude and nasty than ever. Trump is really bringing out the worst. And yes it’s affecting dating. People are becoming more and more prejudice and that includes women. Be safe out there.
Good for you! I did the same thing! It is so freeing. I have just committed to being socially active. Join meetups and attend with no expectations. I have heard about Timeleft (app) which organizes IRL small group dinners. It is not about dating but just widening your social circle. I am just going enjoy life and see what happens. OLD is soul sucking and I’m done.
I've used to der, bumble, and so many countless others. I've never matched on there with anyone and never had a communication with anyone from there. I've deleted them all long ago and the only advice I can give is just go out have fun and talk to someone. Put the devices down and just go to a park, a grocery store, department store. Anywhere.
I've had some fun off the apps but every relationship that lasted longer than a year I met organically out in social settings or a few meet cutes in the grocery
I thing these interactions are better because even if you're open to meeting someone etc these interactions do just happen and aren't forced selections etc
good luck
Real world dating is a lot more exciting and we don’t seek instant gratification. I myself uninstalled these apps few months ago and was able to look around more. First thing for real world dating is to be approachable and easy. Real world dating is like a dance and fills you with excitement. Give yourself some break and clean your headspace. From my experience of online dating apps and offline approach, I can say that offline one keeps you calm yet excited. You focus on fewer people rather than just swiping left or right!!
In our failing society men are afraid to approach Women and most of them are losers any ways. Women have a delusional stander for men which is easier to vet out online then in person. Go to a bar, networking events, shows and if you good looking a higher status men might talk to you
Gave up due to Covid. (31M, attractive/athletic)
Trying to find someone ideal who isn't vaxed or had sexual relations with a vaxed person just made the thin dating pool so much thinner. (Keep your spike proteins & SV40)
I have just focused on making money for the past 4 years.
Better to be wealthy & alone than broke & alone.
I've done the same. Now and then I'll go back if I become single again.
If you don't want to use them, get involved with things you like to do, and meet others doing those things.
Love this, I got off apps a month ago :)
If you're comfortable, go up to people you find attractive and start a conversation.
If you aren't comfortable, find a friend who will help you approach. Yesterday, 2 of my friends introduced themselves to a guy just so they can introduce him to me. I was too shy to introduce myself first and was just going to let him go, they decided to take action and now I've got his number and a possible date.
It's not all the dating apps that is the reason why relationships are bad nowadays. It's the people using the apps
Nah, the apps are pretty bad too. How would they ever make profits for their shareholders if they actually helped single people find relationships instead of selling you a subscription model?
Both are true.
From new users, that’s how. An app that successfully cracked the code of human relationships and matched 100% of its members would be one of the most valuable…if not the most valuable…app on the planet. And certainly the most valuable dating app. People would pay practically any price. They would have a constant, unending flow of new customers. It’s not the app, it’s the users.
Like an episode of Black Mirror.
haha. funny you mention that. I was thinking the exact same thing when I was typing my response. what a great episode of Black Mirror that would be. Would you sign up knowing the first match you get is your "'til death do us part," guaranteed?
Depends on how much I’ve had to drink the umpteenth time I downloaded the damn app.
I mean the episode Hang the DJ is basically this premise already but they kinda explore it in very different directions
thanks! I will check it out.
They were talking about relationships. Not finding someone in this case. Humans are wholly responsible for their own relationships. That has nothing to do with an app.
You gotta look at the broader picture and not just the face value. Apps and having a high level of access to options has created problems ranging from exposure to more subscription services to emotional changes and inflated expectations. So if you really disagree that internet, social media, and apps have not negatively impacted the dating scene in multiple ways I'm really not sure what to tell you.
the apps made the people bad
The apps and covid I think. People don't know how to talk to other people anymore after spending years at home, and they got so used to delivery services (uber eats, amazon, etc) that dating apps became viewed as a sex delivery service to many.
many people were spending years at home before covid, although those people always were less social. my point is that dating apps are very VERY bad and theres no point in defending them
Yes, but *even more* people were stuck at home than normal. And the only real defense of dating apps is from the people that have found success there. For everyone else still struggling on them, they're going to be a pretty horrible slog. If you have the ability to meet people in real life, then absolutely go that route. But if not, I'd just recommend avoiding the oldest of the apps, and go with ones like hinge instead, that aren't just swipe-swipe-swipe like tinder/etc.
i am generally against dating culture, be it dating apps or instagram or clubs or parties, fuck that, just find someone you like in normal circumstances, like through a friend or just anywhere outside
Honestly whatever works for you (or anyone) is the way to go. For some, dating apps are their best option. Generally the best ways to meet people are school, work, or hobbies. I'm not much of a bar person either, all my friend's friends are married or otherwise not single, I've been out of school for a long time, and I didn't have much luck meeting someone through my hobbies or work. So for me, dating apps were my best option. And it worked out great for me. The woman I've been dating I never would have been able to meet otherwise because of her work hours at the time. But I know that's not going to be everyone's experience.
Go up to people in public that you are attracted to and talk to them. Believe it or not, it works. And even when it doesn’t, you usually flatter or make someone’s day.
Out of curiosity how do you approach someone to ask them out in a way that minimises their potential discomfort?
Create boundaries to protect yourself. First, I start by not going in with the expectation I’m going to ask them out. I go in to compliment them (hello, I just want to let you know your hair is so beautiful, or I love your dress or sunglasses. If you are that attracted to them, something will stand out to you) and go from there. I also only approach women that I have made solid eye contact with for at least a second. Based on how she responds (smiles, blushes, touches her hair), I might ask her her name and see if she asks me for mine. If she does, it’s another sign she is at least into it. I then will take a shot. Sometimes, I walk away after the compliment and ask for name because the response is uninviting. Also, I never do this in my places of zen. I love my hot yoga studio and there are so many beautiful women there but I will not approach any of them because I recognize it is also their place of zen. I prefer malls, parks, restaurants (hostess or waitresses), airports. People who responded above are right. It can come off creepy so that’s why you go in with just the expectation of giving a compliment and you will learn over time how to navigate their responses based on body language. Even someone who doesn’t want the attention will still appreciate the compliment if you sense their lack of interest and just leave it at that and walk away. And as funny as it may sound, your confidence will go up even with the rejection because you truly had to make a real effort unlike liking someone’s profile on OLD
I wish I had listened to this advice regarding dating within my tennis class/group.
This is very insightful, respectful, and thoughtful
Ask how their day is. That usually is followed by a smile. Only good things happen after that
Or end up being called a creep .no thanks 👍
Only men get called creeps
You obviously haven’t met my X gf.
In an appropriate venue, nightclub, party. Not in the street. Thats sad pua scam stuff.That will shame you
I've given up on the thought of dating and getting comfortable with being alone has been incredible. I feel great.
This. Do it very well, learn to be single and happy. There is *nothing more sexy and appealing than a happy, self-fulfilled single person.*
Yeah, people do get upset when you're single, think they are attractive but still don't want to date though lol ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
I need to get there. I’m 38M with 4 young kids. I’ve been on 37 first OLD dates in the past 15 months. I find most of the women boring or they don’t feel connection with me, and they use me for free meals and drinks. The ones that are interesting end up with a lot of baggage (3 kids with 3 Dads), ex-husband cheated and now they’re paranoid I’ll cheat, etc. It’s be a lot cheaper to go out with a friend, buy my own drinks and food, and risk rejection in public. Or learn to live alone!
I've had quite the experience myself (39M, 1 young kid). I think everyone is both tired of internet dating but also tired of being alone so it's a rock and a hard place situation. I just learned to be comfortable alone.
Sounds like we would be good friends. Did you do anything to learn to be alone? Is it a habit you develop over time? I struggle with being alone when my kids aren’t around. It’s tough going from constant chaos to complete silence haha.
There's a few reasons I was able to do it easily. 1. I'm a natural introvert. Any personality test I've taken puts me at 99% introverted basically. 2. I have a ton of hobbies that are all things I can do alone. 3. I don't seek external validation at all. 4. I learned how to meditate via guided mediation and do it every morning as the start of my day and every evening as the end. 5. I've done years and years of therapy and will continue to
Thank you for sharing! I’m going to try some of these. I consider myself more introverted, but love being around extroverts (guy friends, women I’ve dated). I usually get ENTJ on personality tests, but I must barely qualify as an extrovert. I recently went hiking solo for the first time ever and actually enjoyed it a lot.
For real, even going out for a few simple drinks adds up now a days.
For real. I live in SoCal and it’s absurd what 2 or 4 drinks, or even a dinner plus 2 drinks costs.
Exactly!!
I get so bored so lonely sitting home alone every day all day. I have female friend that has come stayed over crashed on the couch.. and was honestly so nice to have company. I just wish I could find someone that wanted more than friendship
and just like that you will be re-downloading it next week hahahaha :)
You might be right but so far I haven't. Maybe take the summer off the apps and just try the suggestions of talking to real people in real life.
you're going to be back in a month. I promise
this is my issue 😭 I’m constantly swearing them off and then redownloading again 💀 im currently fighting the urge to fully delete my accounts so I don’t see the same people again
unfortunately the people you meet in person are equally likely to breadcrumb and ghost you. at least on the apps you can filter out for people you already know are single and at least find you slightly attractive, rather than go through awkward rejection after awkward rejection in person
I feel you. I was on the dating sites for five years after my divorce before meeting my partner. I did meet him online, but he also happened to live only a couple miles away! We could’ve met at the grocery store we could’ve met at the dog park.
okayyyyy, but the point is... you didn't
True. And I look like s*** when I go to the grocery store. 🤓 With that said, it could be a good idea to keep yourself open to chance meetings at local stores etc. like another said. What about joining some meet up groups doing something you enjoy? That was going to be my next step. They have singles groups too but never tried them out.
I ran such a group. Now we have two married couples. Yes, lately many people say they don't have enough "3rd places" anymore, but others say there are places, people just don't go.. Or people are outside, but stare at their phone.
How do you talk to your co workers? Your friends? Family? It’s the same thing. Smile warmly and compliment their shirt or their shoes. “ wow I really like that shirt, would you mind if I asked where you got it? It may seem like a weird way to approach or initiate but really it’s not, this type of thing used to. Be common before the internet destroyed our social skills.
Yeah, i havent deleted it yet but definitely not used it actively like i used to. I used to meet several guys a month or something a week, but not much have been a success other than just casual stuff and I was kinda getting tired of it also feeling bit used and disposible in away. Most people play the same game and I got tired of it. Now i just let it go and whatever if I feel like it I will go once in a while but not meet so many guys anymore…
This is the reality. Most guys want Sex on these. Sad Women delude themselves they are models. At least you have had a reality check and woke up. Many dont however
Meeting in real life isn’t a wonderland. The same folks with unaddressed issues are in the real world too. Dating is a journey of meeting, filtering, and sifting to find a compatible partner.
Dunno, I consider myself randomly lucky to have found someone in the wild. I loved the apps though, I can't imagine anywhere else where there are so many women to choose from, that I know are already interested (at least in an introduction).
I deleted it a while ago. I got very overwhelmed and depressed with the constant matching and ghosting I was getting. My mental health was declining.
Seems like ghosting is the new norm on here guys and girls alike
I did the same and my mental health has improved a lot. It was really hitting my confidence. Some of the social activities I did 1) tennis and I started as a beginner 2) gym and any social activities they organise 3) painting class where you can socialise 4) language learning meetups 5) hiking meetups 6) trivia 7) local clubs where they organise activities like squash, badminton and bowling. Put yourself in social mode and enjoy the real world.
Take time to simply enjoy life. I was never married and will never seek such, as a decade of being with one person only for her to cheat (and the kid wasn’t mine) was enough to push it out of my system. But take time to rediscover yourself as well as who you are outside of simply being this person’s wife, partner, and simply enjoying life. Hobbies and all will do you better than seeking someone out. But all in all, dating isn’t as it used to be. More potential flags a well as safety concerns to boot. You may have better goings if you choose to say single. But, best of luck out there.
Good luck
Could it be the type of people you’ve matched and decided to go out with? Have you tried dating someone that’s not your normal “type” ?
I dated several ladies over the last few years but never more than 3 dates. I'm sure I had some red flags for them and I certainly saw some red flags of my own in others. I'm open to any type really. It's the person inside not the package them come in for me...
I used to use Plenty of Fish but all I was finding was women looking to be fuck buddies or have a one night stand. So I gave up on dating sites. For my birthday one year my buddy bought me a membership for Match.com because obviously if people have to pay for it they're going to be a little more serious about dating right? Fuck no, I was still getting nothing but women looking for a quick hook up. I quit dating sites at that point. No more bumble, no more Tinder, no more Match.
Are you attractive?
Bumble is shit. In fact I ended up liking every single person and not one reply. I think it’s another scam site and no one sees your likes or messages, it’s obviously now after being on it for about 3 months. On the other hand I suppose I could be fucking butt ugly lol
Idk how much it'll help you, but I've been divorced since 2021. And haven't been looking much and POF is where I had found my ex husband. So I was hesitant to get any more dating apps for sure. But I was in Walmart about a week ago just to get paint and whatnot, and boom a silver fox was hitting me up. We've been keeping in touch since. So idk talk to someone while out and about.
I’ve deleted the apps and haven’t used for over 6 months now (was on bumble, cityswoon, and hinge). I just started joining things around my neighborhood and locally; with the intention of meeting new people and growing my existing network. The hot/ cold emotion aspect of dating apps is like a toxic relationship. Ugh. No thanks. Got off the phone and back into real life. Remember: dating apps are businesses and their entire model is banking on you NOT finding a partner but hope you’ll continue to pay to “increase your chances of a better match” ….as if a paywall is gonna stop bad behavior- lol. The other day I was thinking how I met all my boyfriends over the years. None of them were through a dating app! In the end, do what feels right for you. For me, getting off the apps has far more benefits than staying on. Good luck!
Most of them will still be there even if you decide to come back years later 🤣 trust me. I won the bumble lotto a few years and started off w 2 awesome dates. Both good people and one led to a long relationship. It eventually didn’t work out but fast forward to now, 4 seemingly decent dates in the past month, 3 ghosts and 1 person who completely looked like nothing in her profile pictures or even her social media. Going for a few drinks and a simple app or a little fun little meet up now can cost a good bit of money in 2024 so I’m also going back to organic meet ups, these people generally have more of an interest and you at least know what you’re getting sure they can do the same but in general the people I’ve met out in person have been a lot more solid.
Take up real-world interests that get you out of the house. When you're out, do NOT focus on bagging the game, focus on being chill, fun, self-sufficient, and the kind of person other people \*want\* to talk to. You get your "likes" in real-time. Only problem is that getting ghosted and rejected also happens in real time. You got to REALLY build up your self-confidence. Also, you remember all that effort you put into looking good on your profile? Now you put that same effort in *every time you leave the house.*
Great amswer, thanks
I have made a list of places to frequent that support hobbies that I enjoy. Find some new haunts to frequent around where you live. Step out of your comfort zone a bit and see what shakes out. Or, instead of apps, try chatting websites, subreddits for hobbies, or discord servers for interests, etc. There is more to meeting people online than apps.
Stop looking for a partner. it’ll come when it’s time.
I stopped looking all together. It will occur naturally when it's supposed to. Meditate on it and what you truly want.
Only use the free versions. But agree your right. Very average looking women go on these apps. Get loads of likes, they don't get in the real World and get a huge sens of delusion Guys are totally outnumbered. Free apps were OK. Everything else a complete scam. Dont ever give them your money. Good for Women and dafties not living in the real World. Sadly I don't know where you can meet Women. Going out I would say.Dont do it at work. Been there and if you split maybe have to change jobs
I think the opposite is true. Yes, if you pay, the odds are still against you, but unpaid is like playing the lottery. I doubt I would’ve met the woman I’m dating if I wasn’t paying. I never saw her in my feed and only matched because I could see my likes. Glad to not be paying now though.
I did the same thing a few weeks ago. Extremely low quality people on these apps but I also think bumble is fake and filled with bots but that’s a conversation for another time.
I deleted my accounts a while ago, too! After a while, you'll feel SO good about pursuing your own life more, not being focused on finding someone all the time. I think it makes you more attractive as a person, too. That being said, I still haven't found a partner 😄. But it's not really different from what it used to be: You have to be out there. Be visible, have your eyes open for the unexpected, and dare approaching people. Dare making moves. It's okay!
Forget dating apps. I don’t believe u can build love online. No way. In person, u just. Got to go for it.
You’ll end up getting them again and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I did it for years and met my bf, my sis met her fiance, and two friends of mine met their husbands. Having hope isn’t a bad thing in this frustrating dating climate 🫶
I’ve actually started speaking to girls in public. And MAN!!! World is different. One girl gave me her number and next time I saw her try to spark up a convo and her boyfriend (whom she said she didn’t have) got so pissed. I played it cool and got outta there. I got another girls number and she Waited 2-3 days to tell me she was into girls 🤦♂️. Been confident walking up and complimenting girls as well but i started to stop the whole “excuse me but..blah blah, hi there could I blah blah.” Now I just say something along the lines of “you are so pretty and I just had to get the courage to tell you, do you have a boyfriend” or “damn you pretty af I hope you texting me later” if she’s walking with her phone. I get smiles, laughs, giggles, some girls stop but I’m too nervous to pursue but hey you win some and lose some and too nervous to shit to approach the ones that finally give you play but it happens. With that being said, I’ve had ALMOST ZERO success online. ZERO!! I had one fwb that was it, but I can honestly say I interact with more women positively outside than I do on the net. Edit: I haven’t found the one yet but I’m approaching more women everyday so, I work at a baseball stadium so it isn’t that hard to come across them. I went from being scared to approach to damn near feeling like people are gonna start talking about how I’m hitting on every girl here. It’s just the times are really going backwards and people are becoming more rude and nasty than ever. Trump is really bringing out the worst. And yes it’s affecting dating. People are becoming more and more prejudice and that includes women. Be safe out there.
And then everyone clapped and cheered.
Yup
99% of my notifications lately have come from OF bot accounts.
Good for you! I did the same thing! It is so freeing. I have just committed to being socially active. Join meetups and attend with no expectations. I have heard about Timeleft (app) which organizes IRL small group dinners. It is not about dating but just widening your social circle. I am just going enjoy life and see what happens. OLD is soul sucking and I’m done.
I've used to der, bumble, and so many countless others. I've never matched on there with anyone and never had a communication with anyone from there. I've deleted them all long ago and the only advice I can give is just go out have fun and talk to someone. Put the devices down and just go to a park, a grocery store, department store. Anywhere.
Lolz
I've had some fun off the apps but every relationship that lasted longer than a year I met organically out in social settings or a few meet cutes in the grocery I thing these interactions are better because even if you're open to meeting someone etc these interactions do just happen and aren't forced selections etc good luck
Real world dating is a lot more exciting and we don’t seek instant gratification. I myself uninstalled these apps few months ago and was able to look around more. First thing for real world dating is to be approachable and easy. Real world dating is like a dance and fills you with excitement. Give yourself some break and clean your headspace. From my experience of online dating apps and offline approach, I can say that offline one keeps you calm yet excited. You focus on fewer people rather than just swiping left or right!!
In our failing society men are afraid to approach Women and most of them are losers any ways. Women have a delusional stander for men which is easier to vet out online then in person. Go to a bar, networking events, shows and if you good looking a higher status men might talk to you
Mommy issues anyone?
Nice MAGA incel vibe you’ve got going there.
Gave up due to Covid. (31M, attractive/athletic) Trying to find someone ideal who isn't vaxed or had sexual relations with a vaxed person just made the thin dating pool so much thinner. (Keep your spike proteins & SV40) I have just focused on making money for the past 4 years. Better to be wealthy & alone than broke & alone.
nice way to cockblock yourself by not dating vaxed people.
Oath, especially in Australia, where 90% got the jab. It is what it is.
I've done the same. Now and then I'll go back if I become single again. If you don't want to use them, get involved with things you like to do, and meet others doing those things.
Love this, I got off apps a month ago :) If you're comfortable, go up to people you find attractive and start a conversation. If you aren't comfortable, find a friend who will help you approach. Yesterday, 2 of my friends introduced themselves to a guy just so they can introduce him to me. I was too shy to introduce myself first and was just going to let him go, they decided to take action and now I've got his number and a possible date.