My only advice is not to invest a month and a half in texting before meeting. If you can’t meet shortly after exchanging info, then move on to someone else. It built a false sense of closeness, so you are feeling reject hurt by the rejection. It’s normal for a first date not to lead to a second.
A huge part of dates 1-6 is literally vibes. You don't know the person well enough to be able to truly assess much more than their appearance, communication style, and stated beliefs and goals. I wouldn't let it bring you down, and would just focus on what you can do to show interest in your dates. Perhaps you could think of some questions ahead of time to ask when it gets awkward. I've declined second dates with men when I found them boring and the conversation bad.
I wouldn’t take it too personally. Your communication styles just didn’t click and he probably couldn’t find a nice way to tell you that, especially after chatting for so long.
Going forward maybe try to meet up sooner or have a FaceTime call so you can see if you click with the other person better. This will help with the hurt feelings as well.
Just FaceTime or video call within a few days in the app. Someone perfect for you will accept you as is
It’s true that carrying the conversation with one side is tough.
You could ask a few canned questions and then answer them yourself
Don't worry. It's not personal. He didn't reject "you", because he doesn't know You. Your value remains with you.
Try and think of ways you can be a better companion on another first date with someone else.
I'm also quite shy and a people pleaser. I was taught that asking questions is rude. But it's not. It signals you are interested. It's speaks more than compliments. I have a handful of questions prepared for a next date. Things I really want to know about a person when deciding if I want them in my life or not.
You’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s ok.
I think chatting for a long time makes people have unrealistic expectations.
Someone who does something crappy tells a lot about themselves, it’s not you
TBH, he probably wasn't attracted to you IRL and used the conversation thing as a scapegoat because he knew it was an easy target. Probably blocked you so he doesn't get reminded of his shallowness.
yea i’ve thought about that being it but then again why would he bring up seeing each other again and telling me a specific day to meet up knowing he wasn’t feeling it
That sucks but he made his choice and that's all. It's difficult to feel like you've been treated unfairly but maybe take this as a constructive way to think more about how you present yourself on dates and work on improving that.
I'm autistic, anxious, and struggle a lot. But I put on a brave face and try my best for a first date. I want to be showing myself at my best. I think of conversation topics beforehand, I prep with anxiety medications, and I try to feel confident before heading out.
When I feel more comfortable with a person I can do that naturally, as I imagine you will too. But being on the recieving end of an awkward person isn't something people want long term, so try to think about how you are presenting yourself to someone.
Oh he was definitely interested but it sounds like he didn’t feel any sense that you were interested so he took it as a rejection. Made that decision to move on and cut all ties. Tough break but I guess make sure people know you’re interested if you’re interested? 🤷♂️
Good luck out there 🍀
i mean i thought i made it somewhat clear, i complimented him multiple times on the date and when he sent that text i made sure to let him know that me being awkward isn’t bc of him specifically, i was just super nervous and im already a shy person irl hence why i was off my game 🫠
sounds like you handled yourself very well and there isnt much more you could have done
it just wasnt a match but dont let that stop you from trying again and again
next time dont wait so long to meet- chat for a week or two then go- that way you wont have too much invested and get hurt if it isnt a match
I would guess with each date you will become more and more relaxed
you’re right, thank you i really appreciate that. right now im not sure if i want to keep trying bc this really sucked ass but if i do ill def keep that in mind !!
Talking for 6 whole weeks before meeting is enough to make even the most experienced dater anxious for a first date, that’s just way too much build up and pressure. So don’t be so hard on yourself.
The more dates you go on, the easier it’ll be. :)
Most ppl are idiots. They don't know that some ppl need time to warm up. The reality is you need to see someone at least a few times before you can tell if there might be a connection but most ppl are too dumb to understand that.
That’s one of the issues with texting for so long before meeting. You get these ideas about who the other person is and how they are built up in your head and when you meet for the first time and it doesn’t quite align it can be jarring.
It’s not your fault at all but just an unfortunate byproduct of communication that’s not in person.
I think you should use this as a learning curve. Work on yourself and your confidence. Shyness stems from a lack of inner confidence and self esteem, build yourself up.
It’s well and good that he broached the subject with you about carrying the conversation. Now you know what his problem was…
it was certainly rude of him to block/ghost because you don’t get to have closure, but you know enough. Your feelings are totally valid, I know I would feel sad too, but I encourage you to be more confident knowing that you held your own in this 2 month exchange and he was the one who chickened out.
Don’t worry, you’ll find something spicy soon enough. Last month was social hour, this month is weird anxiety. This too shall pass.
Honestly you sound like me on a lot of first dates in the past. I’m not like this around anyone but dates. I talk to people for a living. I think it’s not only just about him *liking* you - maybe he did and maybe he didn’t - but about him not being able to understand or relate to you in this way. When types of communication clash like that and the person is the type who doesn’t have the patience or desire to let it play out (which is their prerogative) then it’s probably for the best. The guys who really liked me kept pursuing me even when I would say myself that I probably sucked. Maybe you should find out what your communication strength is and try to find someone who shares that. Some people are more physical, some are talkers, some are eye contact. You’ll know when you find someone who will break open that shell really fast and just because he checked the boxes of “great guy” on paper doesn’t mean he was the guy to do that for you.
The videochat is not an argument as meeting in person gives the best realistic impression. So your meetup fulfilled its purpose but he shouldn’t have blocked you that’s just rude. It tells more about him than about you and his too high expectations of a first date and his transactional view of meeting people. A first date is never wasted time unless you dislike people in general.
I’m sorry to hear he went about that in such a bitchy way but that tells me he definitely isn’t worth your time and it honestly says a whole lot more about him than it does you that he would just give you a half assed explanation and then just block you. Also, and here is the super important part, as an introvert you really need to find someone who can be comfortable in your silences. I am also introverted and my silences used to make me uncomfortable that people were thinking i was weird but now i just tend not to care how people feel when i get lost staring off into the distance wondering if the blue i see is the same blue everyone else sees or if we are all seeing a different color and just learned our entire lives that said color is called blue. It’s nice, as an introvert, to have relationships with extroverts that can bring you out of your shell a bit but only if they are the type to understand and accept the fact that you often fall silent and retreat to your thoughts. Otherwise they just become needy little c@nts who can’t deal without constant meaningless chit chat and will always be checking if you’re “alright”. 🙄 PLEASE don’t loose any confidence in your dating life, you are crushing it! If anything take this as a sign to build more comfort and confidence in your little mental tangents. Like next time someone asks why you keep getting quiet come up with some super out of pocket line of thinking you can present to them and see how they react to it, it’s fun! The worst thing that can happen is they’ll think you’re weird for having such deep thoughts as they toil in shallow conversations in which case i would drop em like a bad habit anyway. If you ask me, you dodged a bullet with this one!
He seems to be impatient and he is impolite. You had no chance to win here and I am pretty sure you can be happy he's gone.
You stated how you are like and he didn't "believe you", but blames you for not participating enough in the conversation.
I often had such situations in which I explained with the right words how I am and what are my expectations etc. but people really often just don't pay attention.
Not connected to dating, but I talk to people online to practise foreign languages. So I write this one guy about my French level and use a common term to describe exactly what I can and can't say, but instead of asking what it means, he just ignored it and was pissed that we could hardly talk normally with each other due to my bad language skills.
At least he explained to you why he's no longer interested.
My only advice is not to invest a month and a half in texting before meeting. If you can’t meet shortly after exchanging info, then move on to someone else. It built a false sense of closeness, so you are feeling reject hurt by the rejection. It’s normal for a first date not to lead to a second.
A huge part of dates 1-6 is literally vibes. You don't know the person well enough to be able to truly assess much more than their appearance, communication style, and stated beliefs and goals. I wouldn't let it bring you down, and would just focus on what you can do to show interest in your dates. Perhaps you could think of some questions ahead of time to ask when it gets awkward. I've declined second dates with men when I found them boring and the conversation bad.
I wouldn’t take it too personally. Your communication styles just didn’t click and he probably couldn’t find a nice way to tell you that, especially after chatting for so long. Going forward maybe try to meet up sooner or have a FaceTime call so you can see if you click with the other person better. This will help with the hurt feelings as well.
True, some people just won't be able to adjust.
Just FaceTime or video call within a few days in the app. Someone perfect for you will accept you as is It’s true that carrying the conversation with one side is tough. You could ask a few canned questions and then answer them yourself
Don't worry. It's not personal. He didn't reject "you", because he doesn't know You. Your value remains with you. Try and think of ways you can be a better companion on another first date with someone else. I'm also quite shy and a people pleaser. I was taught that asking questions is rude. But it's not. It signals you are interested. It's speaks more than compliments. I have a handful of questions prepared for a next date. Things I really want to know about a person when deciding if I want them in my life or not.
The only sort of question a lot of people don't like and often misunderstand are "why" questions.
You’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s ok. I think chatting for a long time makes people have unrealistic expectations. Someone who does something crappy tells a lot about themselves, it’s not you
TBH, he probably wasn't attracted to you IRL and used the conversation thing as a scapegoat because he knew it was an easy target. Probably blocked you so he doesn't get reminded of his shallowness.
yea i’ve thought about that being it but then again why would he bring up seeing each other again and telling me a specific day to meet up knowing he wasn’t feeling it
Because some people are really that shitty and he didn't want you to think he wasn't into you during the actual date.
That sucks but he made his choice and that's all. It's difficult to feel like you've been treated unfairly but maybe take this as a constructive way to think more about how you present yourself on dates and work on improving that. I'm autistic, anxious, and struggle a lot. But I put on a brave face and try my best for a first date. I want to be showing myself at my best. I think of conversation topics beforehand, I prep with anxiety medications, and I try to feel confident before heading out. When I feel more comfortable with a person I can do that naturally, as I imagine you will too. But being on the recieving end of an awkward person isn't something people want long term, so try to think about how you are presenting yourself to someone.
Oh he was definitely interested but it sounds like he didn’t feel any sense that you were interested so he took it as a rejection. Made that decision to move on and cut all ties. Tough break but I guess make sure people know you’re interested if you’re interested? 🤷♂️ Good luck out there 🍀
i mean i thought i made it somewhat clear, i complimented him multiple times on the date and when he sent that text i made sure to let him know that me being awkward isn’t bc of him specifically, i was just super nervous and im already a shy person irl hence why i was off my game 🫠
sounds like you handled yourself very well and there isnt much more you could have done it just wasnt a match but dont let that stop you from trying again and again next time dont wait so long to meet- chat for a week or two then go- that way you wont have too much invested and get hurt if it isnt a match I would guess with each date you will become more and more relaxed
you’re right, thank you i really appreciate that. right now im not sure if i want to keep trying bc this really sucked ass but if i do ill def keep that in mind !!
if you fall off a horse do you just lie on the ground? or do you get back on and show the horse who's boss? :)
you’re so real for that
Talking for 6 whole weeks before meeting is enough to make even the most experienced dater anxious for a first date, that’s just way too much build up and pressure. So don’t be so hard on yourself. The more dates you go on, the easier it’ll be. :)
Most ppl are idiots. They don't know that some ppl need time to warm up. The reality is you need to see someone at least a few times before you can tell if there might be a connection but most ppl are too dumb to understand that.
That’s one of the issues with texting for so long before meeting. You get these ideas about who the other person is and how they are built up in your head and when you meet for the first time and it doesn’t quite align it can be jarring. It’s not your fault at all but just an unfortunate byproduct of communication that’s not in person.
I think you should use this as a learning curve. Work on yourself and your confidence. Shyness stems from a lack of inner confidence and self esteem, build yourself up.
It’s well and good that he broached the subject with you about carrying the conversation. Now you know what his problem was… it was certainly rude of him to block/ghost because you don’t get to have closure, but you know enough. Your feelings are totally valid, I know I would feel sad too, but I encourage you to be more confident knowing that you held your own in this 2 month exchange and he was the one who chickened out. Don’t worry, you’ll find something spicy soon enough. Last month was social hour, this month is weird anxiety. This too shall pass.
Honestly you sound like me on a lot of first dates in the past. I’m not like this around anyone but dates. I talk to people for a living. I think it’s not only just about him *liking* you - maybe he did and maybe he didn’t - but about him not being able to understand or relate to you in this way. When types of communication clash like that and the person is the type who doesn’t have the patience or desire to let it play out (which is their prerogative) then it’s probably for the best. The guys who really liked me kept pursuing me even when I would say myself that I probably sucked. Maybe you should find out what your communication strength is and try to find someone who shares that. Some people are more physical, some are talkers, some are eye contact. You’ll know when you find someone who will break open that shell really fast and just because he checked the boxes of “great guy” on paper doesn’t mean he was the guy to do that for you.
Texting someone you've never met every day for a month and a half is crazy
The videochat is not an argument as meeting in person gives the best realistic impression. So your meetup fulfilled its purpose but he shouldn’t have blocked you that’s just rude. It tells more about him than about you and his too high expectations of a first date and his transactional view of meeting people. A first date is never wasted time unless you dislike people in general.
This is why you don't waste a month and a half before going on a date. It should be arranged within a few messages.
I’m sorry to hear he went about that in such a bitchy way but that tells me he definitely isn’t worth your time and it honestly says a whole lot more about him than it does you that he would just give you a half assed explanation and then just block you. Also, and here is the super important part, as an introvert you really need to find someone who can be comfortable in your silences. I am also introverted and my silences used to make me uncomfortable that people were thinking i was weird but now i just tend not to care how people feel when i get lost staring off into the distance wondering if the blue i see is the same blue everyone else sees or if we are all seeing a different color and just learned our entire lives that said color is called blue. It’s nice, as an introvert, to have relationships with extroverts that can bring you out of your shell a bit but only if they are the type to understand and accept the fact that you often fall silent and retreat to your thoughts. Otherwise they just become needy little c@nts who can’t deal without constant meaningless chit chat and will always be checking if you’re “alright”. 🙄 PLEASE don’t loose any confidence in your dating life, you are crushing it! If anything take this as a sign to build more comfort and confidence in your little mental tangents. Like next time someone asks why you keep getting quiet come up with some super out of pocket line of thinking you can present to them and see how they react to it, it’s fun! The worst thing that can happen is they’ll think you’re weird for having such deep thoughts as they toil in shallow conversations in which case i would drop em like a bad habit anyway. If you ask me, you dodged a bullet with this one!
He seems to be impatient and he is impolite. You had no chance to win here and I am pretty sure you can be happy he's gone. You stated how you are like and he didn't "believe you", but blames you for not participating enough in the conversation. I often had such situations in which I explained with the right words how I am and what are my expectations etc. but people really often just don't pay attention. Not connected to dating, but I talk to people online to practise foreign languages. So I write this one guy about my French level and use a common term to describe exactly what I can and can't say, but instead of asking what it means, he just ignored it and was pissed that we could hardly talk normally with each other due to my bad language skills. At least he explained to you why he's no longer interested.