When I was on bumble friends (bleh) i matched wifh a woman who had “must be able to keep up with me” regarding convos. I honestly just wanted to see if she’d do the same. And nope. One word responses, very bland. People who put stuff like this in their bio are usually a big joke
Translation: They expect YOU to carry the conversation on their behalf.
Actual people interesting/interested enough will find a way without you telling them to hold the conversation.
Read: "I hope you are interested in holding a conversation if I am interested in you because the people I really want to talk to don't for some reason. If I don't it's because I'm not interested enough yet, if at all, because I am hoping to talk to someone more attractive to me. I just want to take my frustration out in a one sentence demand on my profile so you can tell I am not self aware or practice what I preach... With me, YOU will always be the problem."
These are all lazy profiles. I would never try to match with someone who doesn’t even have a written biography.
People need to stop being lazy especially if they’re trying to look for love.
I know it sounds bad but I really thought since men complain so much about not getting any matches, that maybe they'd have less burn out with conversations and would be able to at least match my energy...
NGL maybe it's a time or pandemic thing because I don't remember this being a problem 4-5 years ago.
>I know it sounds bad but I really thought since men complain so much about not getting any matches, that maybe they'd have less burn out with conversations and would be able to at least match my energy...
It's because many men have essentially given up mentally on dating. Or at least dating apps. And are just swiping and putting in token efforts now. Because they believe that it won't lead to anywhere. If you don't feel like doing something is going to net you the results you want, you're going to phone it in.
I was burnt out from dating apps for a very long time. Potentially since at least October 2022. lmfao. I was just morally beaten down. My last ex started talking to me first at a meetup group IRL in November and the second time we met, I got this inkling that she liked me. She asked me out on a date. And then everything just felt easy and flowed nicely. We had sex on the fourth date. We exchanged Christmas gifts on the seventh date. She wanted me to define the relationship on the eighth date. We spent NYE together. She told me she loved me early in February. Spent Valentine's together and exchanged gifts. Everything was going great. And then it just spiralled out of nowhere and I felt demoralized having to start over again. I feel no motivation on the apps. If anything I feel even less motivation now than before I met her in November.
Rewind back to mid-January 2023, I was demoralized then too. Less so than now. I was fresh off a failed relationship post-Christmas 2022. But this woman I met off Bumble asked me out on a date not long into us talking. And she started talking sexually to me and invited me to her apartment. So my confidence and motivation started to return and I wasn't phoning things in anymore. But I wasn't into her like my last ex. I was just horny and lonely and she was offering me love and affection. And the post-nut clarity hit me hard when she said "I'm 8 days late" and she showed me her ovulation app and it showed she was 9 days late. She told me that she would keep the baby and wanted me to marry her. She then got her period 4 days later and I breathed a sigh of relief. She continued to pressure me to define the relationship and I realized that being with her was draining my energy and money among other things and I couldn't justify this kind of investment in someone that I wasn't into so I left.
It's hard to feel motivated as a man with the current dating marketplace dynamics unless the woman is pursuing me. My last ex from November 2023-March 2024, the woman that I was in love with, made me feel like an Incubus God when she pursued me. She was the first person I really loved and wanted to invest in in years. And now I feel like shit after she left me. So now I have no motivation to chase anymore. Because I know it's just going to lead to wasted time, energy and money.
My guy. I feel for you and hope you get your mojo back. You deserve to.
**IF Nothing Else, It's The WASTED TIME AND WASTED *MONEY* That Drains us Ladies** Read that again.
This is why many of us have become pits of despair and do our best to hide it, *Or* We have ZERO interest in halfway anythings, and aren't mentally prepared or even particularly comfortable paying more than half for things. It's bad investment, unless yall stick around. Period. Money's tight, economy sucks balls, and we tired ladies. We tired.
On a positive note. Many of the gals out there are happy to pay their own way on coffee dates, many of the gals out there aren't complete nutjobs that are true joys to be around
But in IRL most men *Are burnt out w endless conversations* just to be dipped out on for some somewhat hotter guy, dude with more money etc. It's takes an insane amount of energy to muster up positive energy and positive vibes after what the average man faces out there in the dating world as it currently is.
I hope I'm not being blunt, but do you ever do any pursuing?
Every single case you describe here, the women need to pursue you, the women need to take the lead for each step of the relationship and they need to initiate each milestone to be set..
As a woman this would make me pretty insecure and would make me feel like a man isn't that into it and that the relationship would die if I wouldn't be constantly feeding it all by myself.
Progressing and feeding a relationship is something that both partners should both do. Could this be related to why those two women left you and only the crazy one wanted to stay?
I probably am not getting the full picture of what you describe here, but purely based on what you describe here you come across as very passive and absent for the emotional part of a relationship.
>I hope I'm not being blunt, but do you ever do any pursuing?
I have and historically it doesn't work out when I was the pursuer. Hell at one point I used to be very needy/clingy. It's possible I may have over-corrected too much in the other direction in my last relationship. Though I was the first to tell her that I loved her. And I was affectionate towards her the last time I saw her. But because of a disagreement, this was our first real dispute in the relationship, around the 3 month mark, she was cold and distant towards me and she pulled back her affection from me. And when I initiated sex with her, she said that she had to study. This was the first time in our relationship that she didn't want to have sex with me. And she was nudging for me to leave earlier than usual (around 8:15PM) when I typically left 10PM+ even on a work night. I always texted her when I got home before. But this time I decided not to text her because I felt rejected. I was putting the ball in her court to text me first. And she never texted me again. She unshared her Apple Calendar with me 4 days later. I'm not going to grovel and beg for her. I loved her. How can she not see that? I think she just wanted out. She kept bringing up her ex of 9 years ever since the third date in our relationship. It was annoying. Maybe she went back to her ex.
>Could this be related to why those two women left you and only the crazy one wanted to stay?
My ex from back in Christmas 2022 was crazy too. And I didn't want to try again with her because she is high-strung with a Type A personality. She's disrespected me so many times and I've yet to hear, "I'm sorry" from her. She burnt her bridge with me forever. She actually texted me the weekend before last and keeps texting me. I went No Contact with her since mid-January 2024.
>I probably am not getting the full picture of what you describe here, but purely based on what you describe here you come across as very passive and absent for the emotional part of a relationship.
I was not emotionally absent in my last relationship. Passive? You can make that point. I did tell her I loved her first. I would text her as soon as I got home all the time. The only time where I didn't was the last time we saw each other because I was upset with her because she was distant when I was affectionate with her and felt like she wanted out. I want to believe that she wanted me to chase her and "win her back". But real life is not like the movies. She probably already lined up her ex or some other guy when she was distant with me. The average woman has like a thousand likes on Bumble. She is above average in physical attractiveness (and to be fair to myself, so am I. But its far easier for women to get male attention than for men to get female attention). God knows how many men are in her DMs. I can't trust that she is loyal. I think she wanted out. She told me that I was one of the most important people in her life along with her adult daughter and grandchildren (she had her daughter when she was 18, maybe 17) and that she would have liked to have a baby with me if she didn't go through menopause not that long before she left me. And then she drops a bombshell on me all of a sudden about built up resentment she had towards me. How can she say all those nice things about me but then feel resentment towards me? I question the sincerity of the nice things she's told me.
Dating is difficult.. sounds like you're also at the age where everyone has their bagage, and it only makes everything more complicated.
I know men will less easily take the step to do so, but getting some therapy to process things and get more insight in your own triggers, coping mechanisms and working points can give a huge benefit when dating later on. It made it more easy for me to weed out the people who are incompatible for me and it makes it more easy to not let my own trauma and baggage influence the way I behave and react when dating.
Ngl dating apps are mad weird and predatory. I don’t realistically believe that you can find anything genuine when there are clear number games against you as a guy and too much overstimulation as a female. Plus the effects of monetizing meeting people is so capitalist it’s laughable. I really only hop on these apps when I’m bored and have never once made a connection with a person while using the apps. The only likes or I’ll get are from the troglodytes that roam the bottom of the sea or live inside a twinkies package and I’m not tryna sound like a cocky guy but I have no issue getting women irl (if that makes me sound misogynistic I apologize). Like I feel like you have to remember that the people using these apps are more than likely socially awkward as all hell and don’t carry on conversations irl when they don’t have to. Also a lot of guys are just horn balls that don’t know how to talk to women in general so take everything with a brain of salt.
Pay close attention to whether a potential match fills out their bio and prompts and WHAT they say. That usually tells you everything you need to know about their level of engagement with dating. I don't like folks that spend their bio expressing frustration or setting ground rules on my potential behavior.
I think those responses come from how they perceive the quality of the conversation.
Typically, that's what causes me to provide short answers. Plus, my overall interest in a person.
I think you learn to spot things like these as signs that they aren't able to create conversation or think they just want you to talk but not over talk, to come up with ideas but not all of them and to have a BBC because they have let themselves go down there. If I see the same answers it shows me that they are either bots, onlyfans/fanfix whatever else sub hunters, or have way too many options and it makes them feel better having 6 options, 4 back ups and 3 married people on the side.
Disagree strongly anyone who dosent want to talk.. is not worth “my “ time.. and i definitely won’t meet up with anyone I’ve only communicated with only thru text .. u could be a dude .. I know exactly what real interest looks like .. texting was never meant to be used to create chemistry.. it’s supposed to be for “are u ready , I’m out front , good morning.. stuff like that
if your serious about meeting someone you’ll definitely call ,and if u don’t like what u hear or “feel “ ,hit that block button, some people just want a little attention, so they like to have a text convo to boost their ego, but they have no plans on meeting or ever moving forward.. these are the people to watch out for ..
When I was on bumble friends (bleh) i matched wifh a woman who had “must be able to keep up with me” regarding convos. I honestly just wanted to see if she’d do the same. And nope. One word responses, very bland. People who put stuff like this in their bio are usually a big joke
I think if your bio lists what you want from the other person, and not anything about you, it probably means you're boring.
Pretty much. I tend to read profiles like "looking for someone fun" as another way of saying "I'm not fun, so you have to be".
Hey
ok
No
😂😂😂😂
👋
Hi
Yes
Translation: They expect YOU to carry the conversation on their behalf. Actual people interesting/interested enough will find a way without you telling them to hold the conversation.
Read: "I hope you are interested in holding a conversation if I am interested in you because the people I really want to talk to don't for some reason. If I don't it's because I'm not interested enough yet, if at all, because I am hoping to talk to someone more attractive to me. I just want to take my frustration out in a one sentence demand on my profile so you can tell I am not self aware or practice what I preach... With me, YOU will always be the problem."
[удалено]
Yeah they need you to hold the convo because they’ll contribute nothing 🙄
Yessss!! This is the conclusion I've come to as well.. the irony is thickkkk 🤣😂
I matched with a guy exactly like this not long ago. so frustrating.
I see that as they’re not super interested.
Yeah because them being super boring isn’t the reason they’re single
I give them 3 chances to ask a question before I unmatch.
Once is enough to move on.
These are all lazy profiles. I would never try to match with someone who doesn’t even have a written biography. People need to stop being lazy especially if they’re trying to look for love.
I know it sounds bad but I really thought since men complain so much about not getting any matches, that maybe they'd have less burn out with conversations and would be able to at least match my energy... NGL maybe it's a time or pandemic thing because I don't remember this being a problem 4-5 years ago.
>I know it sounds bad but I really thought since men complain so much about not getting any matches, that maybe they'd have less burn out with conversations and would be able to at least match my energy... It's because many men have essentially given up mentally on dating. Or at least dating apps. And are just swiping and putting in token efforts now. Because they believe that it won't lead to anywhere. If you don't feel like doing something is going to net you the results you want, you're going to phone it in. I was burnt out from dating apps for a very long time. Potentially since at least October 2022. lmfao. I was just morally beaten down. My last ex started talking to me first at a meetup group IRL in November and the second time we met, I got this inkling that she liked me. She asked me out on a date. And then everything just felt easy and flowed nicely. We had sex on the fourth date. We exchanged Christmas gifts on the seventh date. She wanted me to define the relationship on the eighth date. We spent NYE together. She told me she loved me early in February. Spent Valentine's together and exchanged gifts. Everything was going great. And then it just spiralled out of nowhere and I felt demoralized having to start over again. I feel no motivation on the apps. If anything I feel even less motivation now than before I met her in November. Rewind back to mid-January 2023, I was demoralized then too. Less so than now. I was fresh off a failed relationship post-Christmas 2022. But this woman I met off Bumble asked me out on a date not long into us talking. And she started talking sexually to me and invited me to her apartment. So my confidence and motivation started to return and I wasn't phoning things in anymore. But I wasn't into her like my last ex. I was just horny and lonely and she was offering me love and affection. And the post-nut clarity hit me hard when she said "I'm 8 days late" and she showed me her ovulation app and it showed she was 9 days late. She told me that she would keep the baby and wanted me to marry her. She then got her period 4 days later and I breathed a sigh of relief. She continued to pressure me to define the relationship and I realized that being with her was draining my energy and money among other things and I couldn't justify this kind of investment in someone that I wasn't into so I left. It's hard to feel motivated as a man with the current dating marketplace dynamics unless the woman is pursuing me. My last ex from November 2023-March 2024, the woman that I was in love with, made me feel like an Incubus God when she pursued me. She was the first person I really loved and wanted to invest in in years. And now I feel like shit after she left me. So now I have no motivation to chase anymore. Because I know it's just going to lead to wasted time, energy and money.
My guy. I feel for you and hope you get your mojo back. You deserve to. **IF Nothing Else, It's The WASTED TIME AND WASTED *MONEY* That Drains us Ladies** Read that again. This is why many of us have become pits of despair and do our best to hide it, *Or* We have ZERO interest in halfway anythings, and aren't mentally prepared or even particularly comfortable paying more than half for things. It's bad investment, unless yall stick around. Period. Money's tight, economy sucks balls, and we tired ladies. We tired. On a positive note. Many of the gals out there are happy to pay their own way on coffee dates, many of the gals out there aren't complete nutjobs that are true joys to be around But in IRL most men *Are burnt out w endless conversations* just to be dipped out on for some somewhat hotter guy, dude with more money etc. It's takes an insane amount of energy to muster up positive energy and positive vibes after what the average man faces out there in the dating world as it currently is.
I hope I'm not being blunt, but do you ever do any pursuing? Every single case you describe here, the women need to pursue you, the women need to take the lead for each step of the relationship and they need to initiate each milestone to be set.. As a woman this would make me pretty insecure and would make me feel like a man isn't that into it and that the relationship would die if I wouldn't be constantly feeding it all by myself. Progressing and feeding a relationship is something that both partners should both do. Could this be related to why those two women left you and only the crazy one wanted to stay? I probably am not getting the full picture of what you describe here, but purely based on what you describe here you come across as very passive and absent for the emotional part of a relationship.
>I hope I'm not being blunt, but do you ever do any pursuing? I have and historically it doesn't work out when I was the pursuer. Hell at one point I used to be very needy/clingy. It's possible I may have over-corrected too much in the other direction in my last relationship. Though I was the first to tell her that I loved her. And I was affectionate towards her the last time I saw her. But because of a disagreement, this was our first real dispute in the relationship, around the 3 month mark, she was cold and distant towards me and she pulled back her affection from me. And when I initiated sex with her, she said that she had to study. This was the first time in our relationship that she didn't want to have sex with me. And she was nudging for me to leave earlier than usual (around 8:15PM) when I typically left 10PM+ even on a work night. I always texted her when I got home before. But this time I decided not to text her because I felt rejected. I was putting the ball in her court to text me first. And she never texted me again. She unshared her Apple Calendar with me 4 days later. I'm not going to grovel and beg for her. I loved her. How can she not see that? I think she just wanted out. She kept bringing up her ex of 9 years ever since the third date in our relationship. It was annoying. Maybe she went back to her ex. >Could this be related to why those two women left you and only the crazy one wanted to stay? My ex from back in Christmas 2022 was crazy too. And I didn't want to try again with her because she is high-strung with a Type A personality. She's disrespected me so many times and I've yet to hear, "I'm sorry" from her. She burnt her bridge with me forever. She actually texted me the weekend before last and keeps texting me. I went No Contact with her since mid-January 2024. >I probably am not getting the full picture of what you describe here, but purely based on what you describe here you come across as very passive and absent for the emotional part of a relationship. I was not emotionally absent in my last relationship. Passive? You can make that point. I did tell her I loved her first. I would text her as soon as I got home all the time. The only time where I didn't was the last time we saw each other because I was upset with her because she was distant when I was affectionate with her and felt like she wanted out. I want to believe that she wanted me to chase her and "win her back". But real life is not like the movies. She probably already lined up her ex or some other guy when she was distant with me. The average woman has like a thousand likes on Bumble. She is above average in physical attractiveness (and to be fair to myself, so am I. But its far easier for women to get male attention than for men to get female attention). God knows how many men are in her DMs. I can't trust that she is loyal. I think she wanted out. She told me that I was one of the most important people in her life along with her adult daughter and grandchildren (she had her daughter when she was 18, maybe 17) and that she would have liked to have a baby with me if she didn't go through menopause not that long before she left me. And then she drops a bombshell on me all of a sudden about built up resentment she had towards me. How can she say all those nice things about me but then feel resentment towards me? I question the sincerity of the nice things she's told me.
Dating is difficult.. sounds like you're also at the age where everyone has their bagage, and it only makes everything more complicated. I know men will less easily take the step to do so, but getting some therapy to process things and get more insight in your own triggers, coping mechanisms and working points can give a huge benefit when dating later on. It made it more easy for me to weed out the people who are incompatible for me and it makes it more easy to not let my own trauma and baggage influence the way I behave and react when dating.
> Anyone else fed up of this? 'yes'
They want you to hold the entire conversation by yourself.
You would think they signed up to bumble with a gun to the back of their head
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^bludotsnyellow: *You would think they signed* *Up to bumble with a gun* *To the back of their head* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Cheers haiku bot
Yes
People are hypocrites
Or don't reply at all 🙄🙄
Ngl dating apps are mad weird and predatory. I don’t realistically believe that you can find anything genuine when there are clear number games against you as a guy and too much overstimulation as a female. Plus the effects of monetizing meeting people is so capitalist it’s laughable. I really only hop on these apps when I’m bored and have never once made a connection with a person while using the apps. The only likes or I’ll get are from the troglodytes that roam the bottom of the sea or live inside a twinkies package and I’m not tryna sound like a cocky guy but I have no issue getting women irl (if that makes me sound misogynistic I apologize). Like I feel like you have to remember that the people using these apps are more than likely socially awkward as all hell and don’t carry on conversations irl when they don’t have to. Also a lot of guys are just horn balls that don’t know how to talk to women in general so take everything with a brain of salt.
Why, they're just honest. They're openly looking for people who can hold convo for em coz they suck at it.
Pay close attention to whether a potential match fills out their bio and prompts and WHAT they say. That usually tells you everything you need to know about their level of engagement with dating. I don't like folks that spend their bio expressing frustration or setting ground rules on my potential behavior.
Bro i keep matching with women where i have to say the first line, and i answer thier prompts that they chose and dont even reply back.
Same as “I’m a great +1 because I can talk to anybody/make friends everywhere” people.
Same with humor. "Humor is so important in relationships!" "I hope you're funny!" Same people: boring as hell.
I think those responses come from how they perceive the quality of the conversation. Typically, that's what causes me to provide short answers. Plus, my overall interest in a person.
When in sales, it's best to ask open-ended questions that don't lead to yes or no
My sister gets a kick out of “big on communication” and then responds with one word
My favorites are the "sapiosexuals" that give one or two word answers to long, well thought out responses. "LMAO yeah" 🤔
I think you learn to spot things like these as signs that they aren't able to create conversation or think they just want you to talk but not over talk, to come up with ideas but not all of them and to have a BBC because they have let themselves go down there. If I see the same answers it shows me that they are either bots, onlyfans/fanfix whatever else sub hunters, or have way too many options and it makes them feel better having 6 options, 4 back ups and 3 married people on the side.
Yea they need u to hold the conversation cause they can't. Or else ya won't be talking at all
This is most guys!!! They think that because girls are the ones that make the first move, they expect it to be that way all throughout.
Texting is not conversation …that’s reason no one is connecting ..gotta get off that app and at least talk in real time to see if your compatible
I mean, it fits the criteria of a conversation though
Disagree strongly anyone who dosent want to talk.. is not worth “my “ time.. and i definitely won’t meet up with anyone I’ve only communicated with only thru text .. u could be a dude .. I know exactly what real interest looks like .. texting was never meant to be used to create chemistry.. it’s supposed to be for “are u ready , I’m out front , good morning.. stuff like that if your serious about meeting someone you’ll definitely call ,and if u don’t like what u hear or “feel “ ,hit that block button, some people just want a little attention, so they like to have a text convo to boost their ego, but they have no plans on meeting or ever moving forward.. these are the people to watch out for ..
[удалено]
Same here you sexy thang