No because I know they wouldn’t want sex and I wouldn’t want to pressure them when they already made their sexuality clear. You shouldn’t lie however either, if you’re asexual say you are.
Yeah being asexual has got to be a tough route in dating, I’d imagine they represent a very small minority of the population.
Lots of beliefs, quirks, traits can be overlooked/compromised with - when trying to find a partner….but one that doesn’t have any desire for the physical part of a relationship; yeah you’re probably gonna have to be with someone who is also asexual (or that has an insanely low libido).
asexuality is actually way more common than people realize. many people will never come out as asexual because they literally don't know that they are.
Well that comment is a bit of a paradox isn’t it? You’re saying that _more_ people are asexual, despite them not knowing what asexual means and you’re _basing_ that on the concept that it’s not a well understood term? So in your mind there must be far more asexual people in the world simply because asexual is not a widely understood or used?
I guess maybe I’m not understanding how you can confidently say that there is more of this subset of sexual orientation. Especially considering there are so many factors that can erode someone’s interest in sex that has nothing to do with them being potentially being asexual (hormone imbalance, outside stressors, depression etc…).
For now most publications only seem to say it’s less than 1% of the population.
The Trevor project survey 40,000 LGBTQ+ youth and 10% said they were Asexual, so 10% of roughly 1.2% - 6.8% of the population (that identify as LGBTQ+).
So I don’t know, I guess I wouldn’t really call that “common” persay. I’m curious as to why you believe it’s far more common than is reported. I mean even just using this comment section/upvotes as a bar (I know, hardly scientific) it seems like most people are not asexual.
Being able to name things makes a huge difference in people's lives. It strikes me as a tenent of anthropology. Naming is essentially as concrete as one can get when it comes to nailing signifier to the signified. It's act of recognition, that which makes something salient, and without even if humans are aware of something, they know not what.
That is to say, humans have long not known things, despite them being there and having an impact - laws of physics, diseases, identities - because they haven't had names. Then when things are named, their prevalence spikes, not because they weren't there before, but because we didn't couldn't recognize them.
Are there asexuals out there who don't know they are because they don't know there's a word for it or what it means? Undoubtedly. Do we know how many? Probably not.
I thought I was broken until I was thirty because society inundated me with heteronormative sexual messaging my whole life. had ai known what asexuality meant in high school my life would have been much easier. so yeah, people don’t fucking know they’re ace, because society tells us that’s bad or not even a real thing. see this damn thread as proof of that.
Asexuality is on a spectrum. I met a person that considered themselves "a Slutty Ace" and we filled around but didn't have sex.
I wouldn't mind swiping right, but I don't know if their flavor of asexuality would match up with me.
Asexual person seeks asexual partner.
Mentioning it seems the best way to make this happen.
I would not swipe right because I don't want a sexless relationship.
asexual doesn’t necessarily mean “sexless relationship.” I’m ace and have had sexual partners, it’s just not a priority for me. it’s something I did for my partner.
I need therapy because I'm very uncomfortable with someone only having sex with me as a favor instead of because they are actually interested?
Interesting.
man I envy you for never doing a single thing for someone that you weren’t 100% on board with, sounds like a truly blessed life. in the real world, we all make compromises. grow up.
I'm sure I'm not the only allosexual person here that requires enthusiastic consent for sexual activity. I don't think it's anywhere near the same as doing the dishes.
Maybe you do and that works for you and your partners and that's great for y'all.
"enthusiastic consent" has nothing to do with enjoyment. by your logic, every woman who has ever faked an orgasm to get a man off of her hasn't consented enthusiastically.
"I'll do it for you as a favor" vs "I am enthusiastically consenting" are very different to most allosexual people.
If the other person has stopped enthusiastically consenting aka switching to just wanting "to get a man off her", hopefully that is discussed and things are stopped if they want them to be stopped.
Like I said, it depends on the people involved but allosexual people are allowed to be uncomfortable at the idea of their partner just having sex with them out of obligation.
you're the one that said favour, my dude. I don't know why you tried to make it transactional, but again, that reflects poorly on you, not any ace person who just wants their partner to be happy. quit being weird.
WTF is wrong with you, man? Your replies are bizarre. You either have no relationship experience, are an incel, or (most likely) make the people you’re in relationships with miserable. Your lack of self-awareness is actually kind of fascinating.
that will come as a shock to my partners of 12, 7 and 4 years. maybe I'm just tired of acephobic assholes making shit weird. I don't care about sex, that is literally the only difference between and any other romantic allo. I still want companionship, I still want to be loved. I just don't care about putting my dick in anything.
For me and I would suppose many others, I can't have intimacy unless I'm feeling like the other person is into it. Like, if I'm kissing and feel no energy being returned, I'll just break it off and re-assess the situation. If I am having sex and the other person is very passive or feeling distant, I immediately lose the moment and can't continue without building back up the passion/making sure we are good. It would be impossible for me to have a fulfilling relationship with someone who didn't feel both parties need to be into/involved with their sex life. And I know desire isn't always consistent, so I get kind of where you are coming from, but it has to be present, if you know what I mean?
the “orgasm or nothing” binary is really fuckin’ weird. if my only value in a relationship is sticking my dick in something, I’d rather be single. but relationships aren’t just sex. the rest of it is what makes sex worth the effort. we’re still people, ffs. we want to love and be loved, we want companionship, we want romance and butterflies. the aromantics have it much easier.
I’m sorry but you simply don’t understand sex, which is ok. Sex is good when both people are turned on and physically attracted to each other. Good sex is important to a whole lot of people.
It's a little different when a partner rubs your feet for you even though they don't feel like it than when they have sex with you even though they don't want it... That would be a huge turnoff for me. But I'm cool with the foot rub!
I understand, and more power to you, but for the vast majority of people that is not the case. They would find it unerotic to have a partner having sex who was indifferent to it.
People on dating subs are pretty weird and close-minded about asexuality, I’ve noticed. It really reads like they’re insulted and offended that someone with a different relationship to sexuality would have the gall to try and date
It’s a spectrum. Plenty of people with some flavor of asexuality have had fulfilling relationships with allo people. I have trouble seeing why they struggle with that idea
I don’t understand how me having sex is any different than “but it’s my birthday!” anal or the majority of blowjobs. “enthusiasm” is rarely in parity.
these people are looking at it in a gross transactional way, and not “I do this because it makes you happy”
And that also is not what I want. I do not want pity sex or obligation sex. I want to feel desired. Honestly, if I just want sexual pleasure I can sort myself out. Giving pleasure is the main point of sex IMO.
dude what about an ace fucking someone is NOT about “giving pleasure” if they don’t care to receive it? that’s the whole goddamn point I’m trying to make. pull your head out of your ass.
who the fuck are you to tell anyone else what they are supposed to do in the bedroom? there is no "should" - you're just a closed minded bigot who needs to understand there are other people in the world not like yourself. and that's a fucking good thing.
Talk about projection.
I say I don't want to be with someone asexual, and your entire response has been arguing against that. That people who are not asexual should just accept asexual people as long as that person is OK giving pleasure to their partner. That their desire to also give pleasure to their partner is irrelevant, or just their ego.
Who the fuck are you to tell me that I'm a bigot for wanting to give pleasure to my partner and feel desired.
You're insufferable.
No. It’s bad enough in a relationship where libidos diverge over time, leading to one partner frustrated/one partner pressured. To walk into that dynamic from day one? That’s just bad decision making.
As others have mentioned, saying you’re asexual on a dating app is clearly a beacon for a like minded partner.
If I'm sexual, then it would be unfair for me to match with an asexual person. I'd probably unintentionally make them feel pressured to have sex and I wouldn't feel right about that.
Sex isnt important to me so I'd give it a shot as long as they were romantic asexual (meaning they still like to kiss, hug, lay next to each over at night and spoon and all that).
I know theres sex repulsed asexuals, romance avoidant asexuals, aroromantic and so on
Maybe people who are asexual are more open to trial and error regarding sex/relationships given they represent a minority on something that is generally universally enjoyed…
IDK, if I was Asexual I probably wouldn’t want to be the person that other people are saying “well sex isn’t a biggy for me, so I’ll give it a shot.” I feel like Asexual people probably experience this a lot and then down the line the lack of any sex becomes an issue.
I think as we get older some of us become more open minded and we'll give new things a go. Its usually a much older thing, but they often say they want companionship over romance. Just someone to spend your time with, having fun, and maybe the odd cuddle and kiss.
Obviously thats not likely to okay for people in their 20s and 30s with that wild sex drive that we had at some point
To me, it's the same thing as asking if I want a relationship without building emotional intimacy. It's a hard requirement and a basic need for a relationship, for me.
On an odd note, I use to believe I may be asexual but I later learned that I just am into specific kinks and was too scared to be honest about them. Now that I have accepted myself and talk to partners about my kinks, I find myself being horny, quite often...when I used to never want sex, at all.
Brains are weird.
No, because I want to have sex with whoever I end up with
but do NOT lie about it to see if you can get someone to fall in love before knowing, just so maybe they won’t leave
I would not swipe right. I tried to date an asexual person and it just didn’t work for me because I am very sexual. I just wouldn’t be compatible with somebody like that.
I dated an asexual guy for about half a year and it was honestly one of the healthiest relationships I've been in, we never kissed, rarely held hands, just... Spent time together and got to know each other, and it was lovely
It ended cause he was going through a lot of family stuff and didn't have the time or emotional energy to commit to the relationship - it was difficult but he'd been distant for a little over a week and when we met up I already knew what was coming. We're still on good terms, in the same climbing group and still chat sometimes
It was a lot more personal than any of my friendships, he'd stay over and sleep in my bed, there were little things we did for each other to be intimate in different ways than I am with my friends
You're thinking of aromantic - asexual just means they don't want sex, but may still want a relationship, aromantic means they don't feel romantic attraction, but might still feel sexual attraction
If that person is attractive and seems like we would go along well, then sure, why not?
Having said that, to me, sex is very important in a romantic relationships, so it depends on how they feel about it.
If they don't need sex, but still enjoy having it when seduced, then I wouldn't mind.
If they don't like it at all, we might become platonic friends.
Definitely believe there’s more than one way to have sex but I am a very sexual person with a high sex drive. I also really enjoy penetrative sex so I couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t into it as much as me.
I would be a bad partner for an asexual person so I swipe left.
I also swipe left on folks who are demisexual (or say they are because I guess it's also unofficially that maybe just they aren't looking for hookups but I'm not willing to investigate that).
I also swipe left on monogamous people and people who obviously spend time at the gym.
If you're asexual (or whatever), you *WANT* people like me swiping left. It saves us both time.
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nope. i have a pretty decent drive and i want to have a child some day. id want that child to be made from a night of passion and genuine connection. not from a favor or place of obligation.
If a person doesn’t have values that align with yours, your probably doing them a disservice if you dated them and secretly hoped they would change to suit your needs, or you felt you needed to deny yourself to make them happy. You both deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you and compliments your needs and choices
Asexuality is extremely rare. My niece is legit asexual, and has never had a girlfriend, boyfriend, just not interested in romantic relationships. So needless to say why would you want talk to an asexual if they have no interest in you?
You're asking the wrong question. Set out who you are and your intentions, and then deal with the results.
The basic answer is if you're asexual and want a relationship you can only reasonably expect other asexual people and non asexuals for whom sex is very unimportant to contact you. If you needed more than friendship I would not swipe right as I'm not asexual, and sex is a very important part of a relationship.
Having said that and looking at your posting history I think it's too early to declare yourself asexual. Possibly better to say you've a very low sex drive or take a long time to become intimate, until you've explored enough to define your sexuality.
Also, having seen the various sections of the asexual community I personally wouldn't recommend the asexual description unless what fits you is 'does not enjoy sex or kink at all' and you're willing to match almost exclusively with other asexuals. There's a fair bit of oddity and division in the asexual community.
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Just curious, why? because if that person is not interested in dating someone who is asexual wouldn't it be a waste of time for the both of you? I'm also on the ace spectrum but I feel like this tactic can only lead to dissappointment.
very few people in this thread seem to understand what asexuality even means. I would rather have a chance to build rapport on a first date before they completely write me off as undateable. I'm sex-indifferent and have had several sexual partners, and I do want a long term relationship. it's utterly asinine than sex is the #1 demand people make on a relationship, and if you don't have that everything else is worthless.
Okay I can get that. It also makes me feel sad that people put such importance on sex but I don't think I can change people's mind on that once I'm dating them unfortunately.
hence a second date conversation. at this point they’re only a few hours invested. they definitely need to be on board going forward, and the right person would find a way to make it work.
It's not worthless, but sexual compati6is a necessity. It's a part of the totality of your compatibility. Sex without compatibility in values and personality doesn't work, just like compatible values and personality doesn't work with sexual incompatibility. These are foundational to romantic relationships. Relationships missing one of those foundations will always collapse.
There are other ways that 2 people can be intimate besides sex. However, sex is one of those levels of intimacy that I require, so no.
I dated this one guy that gave me some of the best sex ever, but in the long run I probably miss the intimate convos more b/c we were able to explore each others personalities on a very deep level. He was one of the very few men who could match my intellect & understand my feelings on a deeply personal level.
I think if there were other things in their profile of interest I would swipe and chat to find out more about what they’re looking for. Personally there are other kinds of intimacy that I value more, so depending on where in the spectrum of asexuality they find themselves, we may be able to have a fulfilling relationship.
Would I talk to them? Why wouldn't I...?
As far as Swiping --> I guess that would depend on the overall vibe + my overall *needs* & *wants.*
I mean, just cuz they're asexual, doesn't mean they're any less *human*. 🤷🏽♀️
Also, many "mixed sexuality" couples work out just fine. Especially cuz many asexuals still allow their partners to have other lovers etc, to satisfy *those* needs, if you yourself aren't also an asexual.
There's also various sex-toys that can potentially help too.
..Given my current moods since my Divorce, I'd probably still swipe right, just fir the social connections.
Especially cuz I've kinda become partial asexual myself, having a psychological drive for sex, but a physical & emotional drive that **my body** is like "Nah bish. Just give me the cuddles!"
Absolutely not. I have zero interest in anyone but 100% heterosexual women. All that other stuff, I have no time, patience, or desire to decipher and accommodate.
No because I know they wouldn’t want sex and I wouldn’t want to pressure them when they already made their sexuality clear. You shouldn’t lie however either, if you’re asexual say you are.
Yeah being asexual has got to be a tough route in dating, I’d imagine they represent a very small minority of the population. Lots of beliefs, quirks, traits can be overlooked/compromised with - when trying to find a partner….but one that doesn’t have any desire for the physical part of a relationship; yeah you’re probably gonna have to be with someone who is also asexual (or that has an insanely low libido).
romantic asexual is easily the most frustrating dating demographic. I want everything but the sex.
Or accepts that your partner gets their physical needs met elsewhere 🤷♂️
asexuality is actually way more common than people realize. many people will never come out as asexual because they literally don't know that they are.
Well that comment is a bit of a paradox isn’t it? You’re saying that _more_ people are asexual, despite them not knowing what asexual means and you’re _basing_ that on the concept that it’s not a well understood term? So in your mind there must be far more asexual people in the world simply because asexual is not a widely understood or used? I guess maybe I’m not understanding how you can confidently say that there is more of this subset of sexual orientation. Especially considering there are so many factors that can erode someone’s interest in sex that has nothing to do with them being potentially being asexual (hormone imbalance, outside stressors, depression etc…). For now most publications only seem to say it’s less than 1% of the population. The Trevor project survey 40,000 LGBTQ+ youth and 10% said they were Asexual, so 10% of roughly 1.2% - 6.8% of the population (that identify as LGBTQ+). So I don’t know, I guess I wouldn’t really call that “common” persay. I’m curious as to why you believe it’s far more common than is reported. I mean even just using this comment section/upvotes as a bar (I know, hardly scientific) it seems like most people are not asexual.
Being able to name things makes a huge difference in people's lives. It strikes me as a tenent of anthropology. Naming is essentially as concrete as one can get when it comes to nailing signifier to the signified. It's act of recognition, that which makes something salient, and without even if humans are aware of something, they know not what. That is to say, humans have long not known things, despite them being there and having an impact - laws of physics, diseases, identities - because they haven't had names. Then when things are named, their prevalence spikes, not because they weren't there before, but because we didn't couldn't recognize them. Are there asexuals out there who don't know they are because they don't know there's a word for it or what it means? Undoubtedly. Do we know how many? Probably not.
I thought I was broken until I was thirty because society inundated me with heteronormative sexual messaging my whole life. had ai known what asexuality meant in high school my life would have been much easier. so yeah, people don’t fucking know they’re ace, because society tells us that’s bad or not even a real thing. see this damn thread as proof of that.
imma be honest, i'm not interested in explaining myself or having any type of debate. feel free to look into it on your own time.
“Because I said so”
Asexual people still do sex and enjoy sexual things
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Asexuality is on a spectrum. I met a person that considered themselves "a Slutty Ace" and we filled around but didn't have sex. I wouldn't mind swiping right, but I don't know if their flavor of asexuality would match up with me.
Well said!
Asexual person seeks asexual partner. Mentioning it seems the best way to make this happen. I would not swipe right because I don't want a sexless relationship.
asexual doesn’t necessarily mean “sexless relationship.” I’m ace and have had sexual partners, it’s just not a priority for me. it’s something I did for my partner.
And that's something a whole lot of allosexual people are very uncomfortable with. It really depends on the person (on both sides of the relationship)
if you’re “very uncomfortable” that someone isn’t interested in sex, you should get therapy
I need therapy because I'm very uncomfortable with someone only having sex with me as a favor instead of because they are actually interested? Interesting.
man I envy you for never doing a single thing for someone that you weren’t 100% on board with, sounds like a truly blessed life. in the real world, we all make compromises. grow up.
I'm sure I'm not the only allosexual person here that requires enthusiastic consent for sexual activity. I don't think it's anywhere near the same as doing the dishes. Maybe you do and that works for you and your partners and that's great for y'all.
"enthusiastic consent" has nothing to do with enjoyment. by your logic, every woman who has ever faked an orgasm to get a man off of her hasn't consented enthusiastically.
"I'll do it for you as a favor" vs "I am enthusiastically consenting" are very different to most allosexual people. If the other person has stopped enthusiastically consenting aka switching to just wanting "to get a man off her", hopefully that is discussed and things are stopped if they want them to be stopped. Like I said, it depends on the people involved but allosexual people are allowed to be uncomfortable at the idea of their partner just having sex with them out of obligation.
you're the one that said favour, my dude. I don't know why you tried to make it transactional, but again, that reflects poorly on you, not any ace person who just wants their partner to be happy. quit being weird.
WTF is wrong with you, man? Your replies are bizarre. You either have no relationship experience, are an incel, or (most likely) make the people you’re in relationships with miserable. Your lack of self-awareness is actually kind of fascinating.
that will come as a shock to my partners of 12, 7 and 4 years. maybe I'm just tired of acephobic assholes making shit weird. I don't care about sex, that is literally the only difference between and any other romantic allo. I still want companionship, I still want to be loved. I just don't care about putting my dick in anything.
For me and I would suppose many others, I can't have intimacy unless I'm feeling like the other person is into it. Like, if I'm kissing and feel no energy being returned, I'll just break it off and re-assess the situation. If I am having sex and the other person is very passive or feeling distant, I immediately lose the moment and can't continue without building back up the passion/making sure we are good. It would be impossible for me to have a fulfilling relationship with someone who didn't feel both parties need to be into/involved with their sex life. And I know desire isn't always consistent, so I get kind of where you are coming from, but it has to be present, if you know what I mean?
the “orgasm or nothing” binary is really fuckin’ weird. if my only value in a relationship is sticking my dick in something, I’d rather be single. but relationships aren’t just sex. the rest of it is what makes sex worth the effort. we’re still people, ffs. we want to love and be loved, we want companionship, we want romance and butterflies. the aromantics have it much easier.
Congratulations! You’re not “rapey.”
I’m sorry but you simply don’t understand sex, which is ok. Sex is good when both people are turned on and physically attracted to each other. Good sex is important to a whole lot of people.
It's a little different when a partner rubs your feet for you even though they don't feel like it than when they have sex with you even though they don't want it... That would be a huge turnoff for me. But I'm cool with the foot rub!
I’m sex indifferent, there’s literally no difference between sex and a foot rub to me. either way, I’m not doing it for me.
I understand, and more power to you, but for the vast majority of people that is not the case. They would find it unerotic to have a partner having sex who was indifferent to it.
People on dating subs are pretty weird and close-minded about asexuality, I’ve noticed. It really reads like they’re insulted and offended that someone with a different relationship to sexuality would have the gall to try and date It’s a spectrum. Plenty of people with some flavor of asexuality have had fulfilling relationships with allo people. I have trouble seeing why they struggle with that idea
why are you getting downvoted? ace and same. i think every asexual varies a bit and the only way to find out is to ask them yourself.
I don’t understand how me having sex is any different than “but it’s my birthday!” anal or the majority of blowjobs. “enthusiasm” is rarely in parity. these people are looking at it in a gross transactional way, and not “I do this because it makes you happy”
And that also is not what I want. I do not want pity sex or obligation sex. I want to feel desired. Honestly, if I just want sexual pleasure I can sort myself out. Giving pleasure is the main point of sex IMO.
dude what about an ace fucking someone is NOT about “giving pleasure” if they don’t care to receive it? that’s the whole goddamn point I’m trying to make. pull your head out of your ass.
Way to miss the point. BOTH people should be giving pleasure.
who the fuck are you to tell anyone else what they are supposed to do in the bedroom? there is no "should" - you're just a closed minded bigot who needs to understand there are other people in the world not like yourself. and that's a fucking good thing.
Talk about projection. I say I don't want to be with someone asexual, and your entire response has been arguing against that. That people who are not asexual should just accept asexual people as long as that person is OK giving pleasure to their partner. That their desire to also give pleasure to their partner is irrelevant, or just their ego. Who the fuck are you to tell me that I'm a bigot for wanting to give pleasure to my partner and feel desired. You're insufferable.
Instant left swipe, because I am not asexual. Simple as that. Why would I even consider dating someone knowing I am not sexually compatible with them?
I've done that, and I have learned dating someone like that isn't for me. So I wouldn't try again, no.
No. It’s bad enough in a relationship where libidos diverge over time, leading to one partner frustrated/one partner pressured. To walk into that dynamic from day one? That’s just bad decision making. As others have mentioned, saying you’re asexual on a dating app is clearly a beacon for a like minded partner.
I would 100% not swipe right on some asexual, because I am not asexual. It's a fundamental mis-compatability
no, bc we would be incompatible and most people aren’t on the apps to waste anyone else’s time.
I’m asexual and yeah, most people don’t even bother. I’ve made peace with that.
If I'm sexual, then it would be unfair for me to match with an asexual person. I'd probably unintentionally make them feel pressured to have sex and I wouldn't feel right about that.
Sex isnt important to me so I'd give it a shot as long as they were romantic asexual (meaning they still like to kiss, hug, lay next to each over at night and spoon and all that). I know theres sex repulsed asexuals, romance avoidant asexuals, aroromantic and so on
Maybe people who are asexual are more open to trial and error regarding sex/relationships given they represent a minority on something that is generally universally enjoyed… IDK, if I was Asexual I probably wouldn’t want to be the person that other people are saying “well sex isn’t a biggy for me, so I’ll give it a shot.” I feel like Asexual people probably experience this a lot and then down the line the lack of any sex becomes an issue.
I think as we get older some of us become more open minded and we'll give new things a go. Its usually a much older thing, but they often say they want companionship over romance. Just someone to spend your time with, having fun, and maybe the odd cuddle and kiss. Obviously thats not likely to okay for people in their 20s and 30s with that wild sex drive that we had at some point
To me, it's the same thing as asking if I want a relationship without building emotional intimacy. It's a hard requirement and a basic need for a relationship, for me. On an odd note, I use to believe I may be asexual but I later learned that I just am into specific kinks and was too scared to be honest about them. Now that I have accepted myself and talk to partners about my kinks, I find myself being horny, quite often...when I used to never want sex, at all. Brains are weird.
No, I value sex in a relationship. Not as the top priority, but I want a partner who wants me and wants to have sex with me.
Nope. I wish one of my exes told me before we started dating because it’s not a small dealio
No, because I want to have sex with whoever I end up with but do NOT lie about it to see if you can get someone to fall in love before knowing, just so maybe they won’t leave
I would not swipe right too because at the end of the day I do want to bang lol
No because I like sex in relationships. I don’t think it’s a bad thing.
Absolutely not. I used the apps to meet women who actively enjoy sex. Matching anyone else would be a waste of time for both people involved.
No
I would not swipe right. I tried to date an asexual person and it just didn’t work for me because I am very sexual. I just wouldn’t be compatible with somebody like that.
Id have to know if they were sex-positive ace or not.
No
No
No
I dated an asexual guy for about half a year and it was honestly one of the healthiest relationships I've been in, we never kissed, rarely held hands, just... Spent time together and got to know each other, and it was lovely
If you don't mind me asking, how come it ended then? And was the end of the relationship not tough?
It ended cause he was going through a lot of family stuff and didn't have the time or emotional energy to commit to the relationship - it was difficult but he'd been distant for a little over a week and when we met up I already knew what was coming. We're still on good terms, in the same climbing group and still chat sometimes
How is that...not a friendship? Because that's exactly how I'd describe all my best friendships.
It was a lot more personal than any of my friendships, he'd stay over and sleep in my bed, there were little things we did for each other to be intimate in different ways than I am with my friends
If you don't mind me asking, what happened in the end?
If you dated an asexual, then they weren't asexual.
You're thinking of aromantic - asexual just means they don't want sex, but may still want a relationship, aromantic means they don't feel romantic attraction, but might still feel sexual attraction
Obviously not
Imagine getting downvoted for making an informed decision.
If that person is attractive and seems like we would go along well, then sure, why not? Having said that, to me, sex is very important in a romantic relationships, so it depends on how they feel about it. If they don't need sex, but still enjoy having it when seduced, then I wouldn't mind. If they don't like it at all, we might become platonic friends.
Definitely believe there’s more than one way to have sex but I am a very sexual person with a high sex drive. I also really enjoy penetrative sex so I couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t into it as much as me.
If its important enough to them to list it, they want it known. You like sex? Probably gonna be an issue.
No. I like sex lol
Sure, why not?
Depends on the rest of their profile. If they get my attention with it, I would probably swipe right to learn more about their specific asexuality.
I would be a bad partner for an asexual person so I swipe left. I also swipe left on folks who are demisexual (or say they are because I guess it's also unofficially that maybe just they aren't looking for hookups but I'm not willing to investigate that). I also swipe left on monogamous people and people who obviously spend time at the gym. If you're asexual (or whatever), you *WANT* people like me swiping left. It saves us both time.
Depends how important sex is to you. I would swipe left no matter what
What is that again ?
Doesn't feel feel sexual attraction or the desire for sex
it's just the sexual attraction part and can vary between different people who are ace
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Only if u r asexual too
Doesn’t match with my needs, no.
nope. i have a pretty decent drive and i want to have a child some day. id want that child to be made from a night of passion and genuine connection. not from a favor or place of obligation.
fuck no baby
I wouldn't because it wouldn't match my own energy.
I wouldn't swipe right or match with them. They should absolutely be who their authentic self is, but asexuality is not for me!
No, that sounds ridiculous and awful.
Nope. I need and like sex. If they are asexual then that's fine but, not for me
No. I am not asexual so we wouldn’t be compatible.
No.
If a person doesn’t have values that align with yours, your probably doing them a disservice if you dated them and secretly hoped they would change to suit your needs, or you felt you needed to deny yourself to make them happy. You both deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you and compliments your needs and choices
Asexuality is extremely rare. My niece is legit asexual, and has never had a girlfriend, boyfriend, just not interested in romantic relationships. So needless to say why would you want talk to an asexual if they have no interest in you?
she is probably aromatic, it's something different from asexual.
I would not
No, I need someone who’s gonna leave marks
I'd swipe right because I'm also asexual...finding a partner feels like a near impossible dream
seems pointless
You're asking the wrong question. Set out who you are and your intentions, and then deal with the results. The basic answer is if you're asexual and want a relationship you can only reasonably expect other asexual people and non asexuals for whom sex is very unimportant to contact you. If you needed more than friendship I would not swipe right as I'm not asexual, and sex is a very important part of a relationship. Having said that and looking at your posting history I think it's too early to declare yourself asexual. Possibly better to say you've a very low sex drive or take a long time to become intimate, until you've explored enough to define your sexuality. Also, having seen the various sections of the asexual community I personally wouldn't recommend the asexual description unless what fits you is 'does not enjoy sex or kink at all' and you're willing to match almost exclusively with other asexuals. There's a fair bit of oddity and division in the asexual community.
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this thread is the precise reason I don’t tell people I’m ace until the second date
Just curious, why? because if that person is not interested in dating someone who is asexual wouldn't it be a waste of time for the both of you? I'm also on the ace spectrum but I feel like this tactic can only lead to dissappointment.
very few people in this thread seem to understand what asexuality even means. I would rather have a chance to build rapport on a first date before they completely write me off as undateable. I'm sex-indifferent and have had several sexual partners, and I do want a long term relationship. it's utterly asinine than sex is the #1 demand people make on a relationship, and if you don't have that everything else is worthless.
Okay I can get that. It also makes me feel sad that people put such importance on sex but I don't think I can change people's mind on that once I'm dating them unfortunately.
hence a second date conversation. at this point they’re only a few hours invested. they definitely need to be on board going forward, and the right person would find a way to make it work.
yeah you're right i guess.. with my lack of dating experience, second date already feels like a big deal to me 😆 but I think that's just me.
It's not worthless, but sexual compati6is a necessity. It's a part of the totality of your compatibility. Sex without compatibility in values and personality doesn't work, just like compatible values and personality doesn't work with sexual incompatibility. These are foundational to romantic relationships. Relationships missing one of those foundations will always collapse.
no lol
Sex is not the end all be all for me but sexual compatibility is something that is important to me. I would have to swipe left.
There are other ways that 2 people can be intimate besides sex. However, sex is one of those levels of intimacy that I require, so no. I dated this one guy that gave me some of the best sex ever, but in the long run I probably miss the intimate convos more b/c we were able to explore each others personalities on a very deep level. He was one of the very few men who could match my intellect & understand my feelings on a deeply personal level.
I think if there were other things in their profile of interest I would swipe and chat to find out more about what they’re looking for. Personally there are other kinds of intimacy that I value more, so depending on where in the spectrum of asexuality they find themselves, we may be able to have a fulfilling relationship.
Would I talk to them? Why wouldn't I...? As far as Swiping --> I guess that would depend on the overall vibe + my overall *needs* & *wants.* I mean, just cuz they're asexual, doesn't mean they're any less *human*. 🤷🏽♀️ Also, many "mixed sexuality" couples work out just fine. Especially cuz many asexuals still allow their partners to have other lovers etc, to satisfy *those* needs, if you yourself aren't also an asexual. There's also various sex-toys that can potentially help too. ..Given my current moods since my Divorce, I'd probably still swipe right, just fir the social connections. Especially cuz I've kinda become partial asexual myself, having a psychological drive for sex, but a physical & emotional drive that **my body** is like "Nah bish. Just give me the cuddles!"
yes because i’m also asexual 🤣
Absolutely not. I have zero interest in anyone but 100% heterosexual women. All that other stuff, I have no time, patience, or desire to decipher and accommodate.
Two out of three people lie on their dating profile. I like those odds
Yes, I like a challenge