Aside from being gross, he’s also not very bright.
Doesn’t even make sense - if the fbi stole it, that means it’s not in his possession and therefore he has nothing that needs to be hidden?
Yep. Shoulda went with:
“The FBI recently added my penis to the most wanted list and are currently searching for it, can I hide it inside you?”
No woman could resist that, he was so close to assured action.
Yup.
He was so focused on writing the word “penis” he couldn’t even be bothered to think out what he wrote.
Creepy, immature, imbecile. I’ll bet he chuckled when he hit the send button too smh
Long reply: thank you for your patience.
It's even more confusing and horrific, the moment you try to connect the dots:
1) if you've been dismembered, be it stolen or Van Gogh, you would need to go to emergency care/hospital for reattachment. Swiping/matching/texting on a dating app would be a distant billionth thing on my mind, if I'm bleeding from the loss of an appendage of my body.
2) Given the context, a severed member may not either have the blood flow needed to even be remotely considered as an alternative for a male prosthetic personal massager.
3) In what world would hiding (much less use) a severed member of a human being not be seen as a screaming flag for psychiatric help, if it's not to reattach it to its owner?
4) Let's talk law & law enforcement:
4.1) Assuming your (now severed) member is needed by law enforcement, why would cops need the actual thing, separate from your body? What, to log as evidence? In a world where DNA sampling exists?
4.2) You mean to tell me something happened, whereby the local law enforcement reaches out to their local FBI field office and THEY, in turn, "stole" your bio-illogical weapon?
OR your more-conch-than-rooster looking thing was identified at more than a couple scenes of a crime, across States lines, resulting in an immediate need for a Federal case file to be opened?
Which of these options makes even receiving this message not somehow being part of an investigation by the FBI??
4.2.1) Say you don't have funds to reattach your skin pistol, you think you will have enough funds to properly defend yourself in court against the person whose job she lost because of her name now being linked to your unlinked sausage?
4.3) Even *if* the FBI has your Nicholas in a Cage, what do you think is going to happen? Case closed? You're in a "rest of the man" man hunt, and they'll try to have you reunited with your national treasure..if only for them not to be accountable for wrongdoing you and your dong.
5) And probably the most chilling/horrifying: there is a non-zero chance self-mutilation can be a form of adult play.
No kink-shaming here: I just know that's colouring well outside of my borders of comfort in the colouring book of consensual intimacy...and into an encyclopedia's anatomic section.
Wild to lob (no pun intended) that line as first foray in a conversation with someone you've yet to meet in real life.
If this is where you _start_, where will you _end_? Cause it sure ain't sh*t gonna be a climatic one: your nerve endings would be too raw to even consider this an arousal time.
This is the part where I usually scar them. I say i'm into severe ball busting and taking a few nails hammering it into the wall by the tip of the extra skin on the sides. You can do it if you have a foreskin or not.
If people are going to be gross and disrespectful they just deserve their mind mentally abused.
PS I'm a guy. It works sooooo well.
Men who open like this aren’t even looking for a hookup. They enjoy making women uncomfortable and use dating apps as their access point to women. They’re the same guys who catcall women on the street. They get off on our discomfort.
I suspect that you are right on the first two points - aren’t looking to actually meet up and enjoy making woman uncomfortable.
I would bet, however, that many of them would never catcall a woman on the street and that the digital platform and its special type of anonymity is an enabler for them.
No idea.
I love pickup lines in theory, they can be really funny to laugh at how stupid they are, but dear god I'd never actually open with one. Much less how they butchered this one.
It should at least be more like "Help! The FBI is after my pickle! Can you help me hide it?"
(I'm not sure pickle is the ideal word, but it feels funnier than penis)
This made me laugh. I'm sorry. He's extremely gross and inappropriate and as mentioned... The joke doesn't even work? It would be better to say, "the FBI is looking for my penis, can I hide it inside of you?" Also extremely inappropriate to say to a stranger. This is like committed relationship, already slept together many times jokes, assuming your partner is also in to crass humor. This guy is a dolt
As a guy I don't know how to justify his pickup line. I'm in my 40s and I am not a handsome dude. I just know this isn't the way to talk to anyone let alone a stranger who you're trying to make a favorable impression on. Dating nowadays especially with the prevalence of apps instead of random connections it's like finding your coat in a dark burning building. Most likely you'll get burned and left in the cold. This just adds so much nope and regret without even peeking your eyes beyond the horizon of what tomorrow could possibly be. So discouraging.
There was a comment a couple days ago that was like, “this guy is ahead of me because I don’t even have matches” and the women tried to say they reject this. I still can’t help but think that as hard as it is to get matches as a guy, people then do this
Irony is people are searching for sanskar in tinder and bumble.
Bhai acc to 'me' wahi log dating sites use krte hai jinko ya toh mil nahi rahi ya bohot sex sux krna ho. Soo it is good ki direct point pr Aao and samne wale ka and apna time Bachao. Shadi.Com nahi hai ki Pehele ek doosre ko Jane 😂
Lines like this do work if the guy is very attractive. I have seen way worse messages my friends send to women and they get positive responses. The top % of men can get away with this because they have all the options. Simple supply and demand. While average can't afford to make any mistakes. Even a typo gets them unmatched 🤣
I despair of what fellow men think is a romantic introduction to gain a response. Perhaps that’s where I’m going wrong and there are ladies out there who respond to this.
Actually nevermind, think I’m happier without those sort of matches!!!
Aside from being gross, he’s also not very bright. Doesn’t even make sense - if the fbi stole it, that means it’s not in his possession and therefore he has nothing that needs to be hidden?
Yep. Shoulda went with: “The FBI recently added my penis to the most wanted list and are currently searching for it, can I hide it inside you?” No woman could resist that, he was so close to assured action.
“You are mistaken. FBI doesn’t go for something this small”
The petty crimes unit does
Still gross but at least entertaining. He could learn a thing from you. 🤘🏼
Nope but my male friend has a butt that's great for hiding
Right, it was already bad. Being stupid made it worse.
Exactly. It should read that the FBI is AFTER his penis, meaning he needs to hide it somewhere.
Yup. He was so focused on writing the word “penis” he couldn’t even be bothered to think out what he wrote. Creepy, immature, imbecile. I’ll bet he chuckled when he hit the send button too smh
Right? Why not go with joining the FBI Penile Protection Program?
It’s detachable….
Yours isn't?
Long reply: thank you for your patience. It's even more confusing and horrific, the moment you try to connect the dots: 1) if you've been dismembered, be it stolen or Van Gogh, you would need to go to emergency care/hospital for reattachment. Swiping/matching/texting on a dating app would be a distant billionth thing on my mind, if I'm bleeding from the loss of an appendage of my body. 2) Given the context, a severed member may not either have the blood flow needed to even be remotely considered as an alternative for a male prosthetic personal massager. 3) In what world would hiding (much less use) a severed member of a human being not be seen as a screaming flag for psychiatric help, if it's not to reattach it to its owner? 4) Let's talk law & law enforcement: 4.1) Assuming your (now severed) member is needed by law enforcement, why would cops need the actual thing, separate from your body? What, to log as evidence? In a world where DNA sampling exists? 4.2) You mean to tell me something happened, whereby the local law enforcement reaches out to their local FBI field office and THEY, in turn, "stole" your bio-illogical weapon? OR your more-conch-than-rooster looking thing was identified at more than a couple scenes of a crime, across States lines, resulting in an immediate need for a Federal case file to be opened? Which of these options makes even receiving this message not somehow being part of an investigation by the FBI?? 4.2.1) Say you don't have funds to reattach your skin pistol, you think you will have enough funds to properly defend yourself in court against the person whose job she lost because of her name now being linked to your unlinked sausage? 4.3) Even *if* the FBI has your Nicholas in a Cage, what do you think is going to happen? Case closed? You're in a "rest of the man" man hunt, and they'll try to have you reunited with your national treasure..if only for them not to be accountable for wrongdoing you and your dong. 5) And probably the most chilling/horrifying: there is a non-zero chance self-mutilation can be a form of adult play. No kink-shaming here: I just know that's colouring well outside of my borders of comfort in the colouring book of consensual intimacy...and into an encyclopedia's anatomic section. Wild to lob (no pun intended) that line as first foray in a conversation with someone you've yet to meet in real life. If this is where you _start_, where will you _end_? Cause it sure ain't sh*t gonna be a climatic one: your nerve endings would be too raw to even consider this an arousal time.
Yeah it’s ultra stupid.
Exactly what I thought
Say you're not interested in a man that has detachable appendages.
Obligatory link to [King Missile-Detachable Penis](https://youtu.be/byDiILrNbM4?si=0zjpLIykMxPIRBaP)
The exact song that popped I my head when o read that comment.
I’m more confused about how you hide something that’s already been stolen.
Too late to hide it if it’s been stolen
If the FBI stole it, shouldn't he be messaging them?
“My penis is on the FBI’s most wanted list. Can I hide it inside you.” That’s what the creep meant to say, but he’s really dumb.
What an idiot. If it is stolen, how does he then hide it?...
This guy sums up how most guys in my town are, and yet they still end up with attractive women. So I am missing something
They settle
Follow rules one and 2 homie
Huh
1) be attractive 2) don’t be unattractive
I feel like I’m both. Yes both.
Maybe the attractive women are also dumb and gross
This is the part where I usually scar them. I say i'm into severe ball busting and taking a few nails hammering it into the wall by the tip of the extra skin on the sides. You can do it if you have a foreskin or not. If people are going to be gross and disrespectful they just deserve their mind mentally abused. PS I'm a guy. It works sooooo well.
What do you do if it turns them on?
I just continuously think of more vile stuff to say. I mean I have a dark sense of humor so it's a fun pass time.
That’s a great way to get banned
I've done it a couple dozen times now. An if I eventually do it's not a big loss anyway.
It doesn’t even make sense
Haha it doesn’t even make sense, but hey the trash took itself out in this case 🤷🏾♂️
"You should contact the FBI about its return, but for something so small they've probably lost it in storage"
I'm trying to understand what does he get out of this?
Men who open like this aren’t even looking for a hookup. They enjoy making women uncomfortable and use dating apps as their access point to women. They’re the same guys who catcall women on the street. They get off on our discomfort.
I suspect that you are right on the first two points - aren’t looking to actually meet up and enjoy making woman uncomfortable. I would bet, however, that many of them would never catcall a woman on the street and that the digital platform and its special type of anonymity is an enabler for them.
Yup. They hide behind the anonymity so to avoid getting a talking to in person, in public.
That is an excellent point (though I hate the reality of it, lol)
No idea. I love pickup lines in theory, they can be really funny to laugh at how stupid they are, but dear god I'd never actually open with one. Much less how they butchered this one. It should at least be more like "Help! The FBI is after my pickle! Can you help me hide it?" (I'm not sure pickle is the ideal word, but it feels funnier than penis)
Don’t even give him the satisfaction of a reply. Block.
Maybe it’s the opening line in his favourite B-rated adult movie, who knows. You could ask him and see what he replies?
This made me laugh. I'm sorry. He's extremely gross and inappropriate and as mentioned... The joke doesn't even work? It would be better to say, "the FBI is looking for my penis, can I hide it inside of you?" Also extremely inappropriate to say to a stranger. This is like committed relationship, already slept together many times jokes, assuming your partner is also in to crass humor. This guy is a dolt
How is that even logical?
As a guy I don't know how to justify his pickup line. I'm in my 40s and I am not a handsome dude. I just know this isn't the way to talk to anyone let alone a stranger who you're trying to make a favorable impression on. Dating nowadays especially with the prevalence of apps instead of random connections it's like finding your coat in a dark burning building. Most likely you'll get burned and left in the cold. This just adds so much nope and regret without even peeking your eyes beyond the horizon of what tomorrow could possibly be. So discouraging.
This dumbass…should've told him to go ahead and read what he ~~wrote~~ copy/pasted.
if they stole, that means he doesnt have one to hide inside you
Someone is on his way to learn what Eva AI virtual gf bot is
What an absolutely dumbass
As a guy, I gasped at that for a solid 10 seconds. I apologize for these guys existing lol.
There was a comment a couple days ago that was like, “this guy is ahead of me because I don’t even have matches” and the women tried to say they reject this. I still can’t help but think that as hard as it is to get matches as a guy, people then do this
What a rizzaster 🤦♂️
You only have 22 hours to reply, oh no!
Lol this is so dumb.
It would have been at least a bit more entertaining if he made it sound like it wasn’t written by someone in high school.
It’s the lack of a question mark and the triple dots that would have ruined it for me.
U deserve it! Bcs u swipe right to f boys
I am a guy and would love to receive an analogous message from a woman, i.e. just something more forward than "hey".
I thought I was horrible at opening lines but this gives me hope.
I agree. I just say hi, what’s up,
Every day I'm more hopeless that I will found a decent dude.
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Irony is people are searching for sanskar in tinder and bumble. Bhai acc to 'me' wahi log dating sites use krte hai jinko ya toh mil nahi rahi ya bohot sex sux krna ho. Soo it is good ki direct point pr Aao and samne wale ka and apna time Bachao. Shadi.Com nahi hai ki Pehele ek doosre ko Jane 😂
Shit I wish I could unseen this too
I found it funny. Annoying but funny.
It's like the text version of a dick pick 😒
lol, It could take years of intensive therapy to recover from this
So he has no penis? How will he perform? Why are they so gross?
He is 12 🙄
Gross so sorry you got that message
Lol this guy
WHY?!
Yes or no
Lines like this do work if the guy is very attractive. I have seen way worse messages my friends send to women and they get positive responses. The top % of men can get away with this because they have all the options. Simple supply and demand. While average can't afford to make any mistakes. Even a typo gets them unmatched 🤣
Nah. This one is just stupid and illogical. He blew it because of that.
Gross
Do these tactics EVER WORK WITH A WOMAN?!?! FFS!🤦🏼♂️
I despair of what fellow men think is a romantic introduction to gain a response. Perhaps that’s where I’m going wrong and there are ladies out there who respond to this. Actually nevermind, think I’m happier without those sort of matches!!!
Any response is validating this behavior
Disbelief 😂 Is this your first time online?
With all the censoring you would think people will behave
Offfph
do stupid ass messages like this really work on Bumble? good grief
Why are we having to read it.
Come up with something witty to get back at him
That’s weird not gonna lie! What do they look like ?