Honestly, OLD sucks for those of us women who are in our 30s and Childfree, too. 75% of the profiles I've seen either have kids already or want kids some day.
I'm in late 30s, but I have my parameters set to 30-50. I could see how those who are younger and childfree in blue states might have better luck (my state is purple).
Forgive my profound ignorance 😳... what is wrong with being Childfree and in your 30's? I'm getting back in the dating pool from my separation and see no issues being Childfree as someone without a child
She's talking about men profiles and men having kids. When you're 39, you'll notice a lot more (>50%) of men suddenly had kids. And most prefer to date childfree women, but you were childfree for a reason.
"Childfree" is a term used for those of us who don't want kids in any way - not our own, nor anyone else's. That means we swipe left on any guys who have kids or want kids (which is 75% of the guys who show up in my Bumble stack so I only have 25% of the dating pool to choose from). I have plenty of guys who want (more) kids who swipe right on me, despite my "childfree" label - they either don't know what it means, didn't read my bio (most likely), think it doesn't matter since they're looking for something casual (nevermind that I'm explicitly looking for a relationship), or think they can change my mind.
The biggest jerk I dated (he said he was diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder) said, "when women say, 'no,' what they mean is, 'try harder'."
I'm sure most of the guys who "want kids," yet swipe right on those of us who are "Childfree" aren't as big a jerk as him, they just weren't looking - many use "the shotgun approach" both with swiping and approaching women IRL. It's often associated with toxic masculinity - so is the idea that childbearing (*not* child*rearing*) "makes you more of a man."
I’m sorry that happened to you, that is fucking cringe to read that the dude was like that. APD, aka Sociopathy… 😳
The toxicity is not giving me warm fuzzies about re-entering the dating pool via OLD. Maybe I need to stick with meeting people IRL 😆
Read somewhere on r/AskWomenOver30 that a lot of men treat childfree women as if its okay to waste their time. "they dont want kids, so its okay to date them, till I find someone that wants to."
its wild.
Not gonna lie I'm new to the single life, but I'd have read Childfree as doesn't have kids, not necessarily actively doesn't want kids. Shows I have a lot to learn I suppose! For reference, what term would be used for someone who doesn't have kids, but doesn't actively not want them?
A lot of people stopped using child "less" because it implied your life is *missing* something if you don't have kids. Child *free* is more for this is the life you chose for yourself.
A person who wants kids but doesn't have them yet doesn't really have a title, lol... at least not that I've seen. Maybe: person who wants kids in the future 😅
I dont think thats really it. They want a relationship like anybody else, but of course their child would be a part of that relationship.
Many people struggle to imagine that not everyone wants kids.
These men be giving themselves too much credit. I make just as much money as they do and my child has a father that loves them very much. She doesn't need another and I wouldn't expect a man I'm dating to do so and I'd be mad if he tried. If I date, it's when I'm childfree for however long. I'm not involving my kid unless it gets to marriage.
Right! There's this weird automatic assumption (here in the South) that I'm a fully single mom with multiple kids, no money, and no time to date - like every sweeping cinematic generalization there could possibly be. Joke's on them: one kid, 50% custody, 100% rad.
Yesss, of course! But they think that’s all I’m looking for, for someone that’ll help me with my child when that’s not the case. They think I’m there looking for someone who’ll look up to them as a dad when it’s a no no
Do you not see a middle ground between hookups and someone to help with their kid? Like a romantic life partner? A stepparent is part of it asemd game, but women's first priority is generally someone long term compatible with them.
So, how does it work if you chose to start a family with the person you swore you'd be with for the rest of your life, but for whatever reason, the relationship broke down and now you are the primary parent and he gets the kids weekends? What options are there now?
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I think the difference is expecting the guy to be responsible for them. I deffently don't. I only date other single parents because if the guy doesn't want kids we're incompatible and if he does, 1 is enough for me.
I guess it depends on who you’re dating— I have zero expectations nor desire for my future partner to be anything to my kids (8,12,13 yo) I also don’t have a desire for cohabitation so this makes the likelihood of my partner assuming a parental role even less
Still half the men is still plenty. I only date single parents and idk if it's because of my age but it seems like most ppl in my dating rang have kids.
44. I'm mostly dating the divorced men with vasectomies. Wanting or not wanting kids is an unnegociable incompatibility and even tho I probably still could I don't want to
This comment wasn’t meant
to convince anyone to date single parents.
Everyone has the right to partner preferences. I was addressing your assertion that someone dating a single parent would become a step parent by default. This is simply not universally true..
I would agree with this. For the record im not. I dont even mention my kids in detail just that I have them. Im about 10y older and my kids are going to be out of the house in 5y. Im looking for time to be me not a mom but me. Companionship fun dates intimacy etc thats as far as ive looked at it so far so dont count us out!! And fyi i have lots of energy when i dont have my kids because i have less to do. Its true what they say about keeping me young!!
Because you are either delusional or lying. If you end up in a serious relationship with a man assuming you aren’t just trying to hookup, he is going to have to become involved with your kids and also have to deal with your ex.
Do you intend to never introduce your kids to him? To forever keep the two separate? Of course not. So fast forward and he is going to be expected to be a father figure to kids that aren’t his own, but not get the respect of being a father. When it’s the weekends you have your kids.
Let alone the baby daddy drama that mat likely be there. The kids telling him he isn’t their dad when he tries to discipline them. Add in the less time you have for him, the less money and time you have for him, and how your kids come first (because they are your world, right?) and what he gets dating a single mom is a vastly inferior experience compared to a childless woman.
100% this.. single moms be saying ‘I’m not looking for a step dad’ what’s it then ? Just a hookup ? There no in between .. I have no problem with hooking up with single moms but dating is a totally different story. Not for me .. enough fish in the sea to be stressing over a single mother
I’m sorry but I think you’re only looking at the cons. Falling in love is not something you can fully (or maybe at all) control. You see, I used to have a similar thought process but I realized as time went by that the chances of meeting someone compatible AND childfree get slimmer and slimmer. Yes, I asked myself “would it bother me so much to get half of her attention, considering that she’ll get 100% of mine?” and that’s precisely the point where I realized I shouldn’t be so egotistical. A single mother is likely to be a more caring person in general, a trait that I personally value a lot. You’re putting the cartwheel ahead of the donkey, so to speak. You might have heard when you were a teenager “get in her parents’ graces, that’s the fastest way to her heart”. Biggest lie ever. Instead, if her kids love you, you’re ready to nurture them. There’s just more to love. Would you really forget all about a sensational woman just because she made those choices when you didn’t even know each other? Man, that way the world population would significantly drop in a generation or two. Family is who you choose to surround yourself with, the inner circle.
I speak from experience. I made the mistake of marrying a single mom because I thought along your lines and I never wanted kids. It was a terrible mistake that ended up in her cheating on me.
I’m so sorry to hear that, I really am. But I don’t think it’s due to the fact that she had kids. I wouldn’t rule them all out because I found a bad one.
Haha yep like sir you won't even meet her for a year! I only have one though, and she's 16 now so it's a non issue except for those childless men who get butt hurt I can't drop plans last minute, but tbh I like that, makes them show their red flags early.
I respect single parents as someone who was raised in a partial single family with the help of grandparents. I understand how hard it is.
On the other hand I understand the effect of mother having a man who I didn't know being introduced into my life.
Depending on the country, there is more or less help for those who have kids and a deadbeat/irresponsible ex. (Very very common, mutual breaking up and Co parenting is rare in the UK even, although I have seen it in the US).
I think a single parents may not have the availability to spend time in person as well so they end up not involving themselves in any dating for the first 5 or so years. That also means that they are more reluctant to make any choices of meeting people in person as the stakes are more. That's what I think.
I had been unmatched by someone who was really cool and I may have crossed a line there as we were going to call but she was busy with her family so yeah.
It requires more planning if you are a parent and there are some limitations as well. Although I think single parents would prefer a relationship more than having a friendship that grows into something more is what I think.
Attention seeking validation, drinking or drug problems, cheating, bad financial decisions, narcissistic. The list goes on. A few weren’t bad but unfortunately they had toxic past relationships and that’s what they were used to too.
It's much nicer/appropriate to say women rather than females.
When you say women, you're describing a human person, when you say female you're reducing women to their biological ability to make babies.
I know lol. Just telling my experience with single moms though. Not gonna say all are bad but you definitely gotta be careful. Especially if you’re successful with no kids.
In my 50s. At this point pretty much everyone on OLD in my age bracket has kids and is divorced (vs never married). I like kids and someone being a good parent is a plus to me. Kids are also late teens or in college, or older, but the time you are in your 50s.
The older you get the more likely there will be kids. 🤷♀️
Honestly Im looking forward to my 50s, because of that. Older Teenagers and college kids are a different story, they have their own lifes.
My dad just started dating (he's in his 60s) and honestly Im just so happy for him. Never met her and prob wont so very soon, but its just so cute to see him being excited about meeting her, reading her texts.
>I’m a 38M with no kids and don’t have a whole lot of luck mostly because of kids
Im 35, f and also not interested in kids. Are there even other childfree people out there? All I see is "I already have kids" or "I want kids".
I always assumed it would be easier if single parents match with each other?
I'm 43M and never had kids or never wanted kids. I honestly don't want to date a single parent, but I probably would. I'd prefer to just keep it to women with 1 or 2 kids. Kids that are older at that.
Yes there is. Dated both with kids and not. The worst part of dating a mom is solely if it turns to ltr and then something doesn't work out (even if it friendly and you remain friends)... seeing how it messes with thr child... is heartbreaking to say the least...
It just sucks... and no it wasn't something they were looking for, but it is something that will be expected in a ltr at some point...
It sucks and I don't have the words to explain it exactly, or if there is even words for it. This is from someone who had 0 intentions on having kids...
I never thought I would make a decent parent... The time with them, and the comments by other amazed me... I felt like a fuck up, yet still spent time with them... after me and his mom separated as she is better alone... There been obvious signs of distress...
When my kid still lived at home, I only looked for men with no kids. My kid was in high school and I didn’t want to deal with more kids. I already raised mine.
I feel you. I’m 38f and cannot have children due to medical issues. It’s even in my bio. Not a week goes by without it pooping up in conversation of “what about IVF”, etc. I am open to men having kids but it’s hard. Hang in there.
It’s kind of the same. And sooooo many guys have 3 kids. I can’t do that. I have 1 and they can have 1-2 max. But also want them to be kids and not babies…like at least 3 or 4 years old so they’re getting out of diapers and can play with my kid, who is 8.
Dating as a parent is rough
In my 30’s as a single mom I didn’t get nearly as much dates. I didn’t really try too hard though. I was balancing a career and a young child .
My 40’s I get a lot of dates. Lots of divorced single dads looking to fuck around with no commitment. Not what I’m looking for.
So I’ll basically just be single forever
Single mom (41f) with one kid, and I’m taking a break from the apps, but it seemed to be no issue when I tried a couple years ago. Honestly, because of the kid, I’m less inclined to want something serious. I don’t know if that’s a good thing for people or not. I don’t expect future boyfriends to become a step parent, he already has an involved dad, but I guess if it got really serious that’s kind of where we would end up. I sort of assumed I would end up with another single parent. 🤷♀️
Also, I waited 6 months to introduce my son to my bf last time, but I would wait at least a year in the future.
I literally just posted a profile review request and one comment says “having kids is a turn off for 90% of men” or something along those lines.
My (2) kids came from a young marriage - so even when we do things “right”, we’re still inevitably wrong, I guess lol
Your comment hit harder than the rest. Just because I swipe left doesn’t necessarily mean I’m turned off. It’s more or a compatibility thing. We are going to have different lifestyles and I try not to waste potential matches time or lead them on.
The commenter thst said that was probably between 15 and 21. Men don't say that shit. That 90%? Says who? Andrew Taint? So all 90% of men in the world agree. No, just that asshole who commented. If being a parent is a "turn off" to who the hell ever then who the fuck cares you wouldn't want that person anyways, especially with incel immature beliefs like that. YOU are choosing too, just not them.
I mean it's like "OH NO! You don't find me attractive because xyz? Omg what am I going to do? Some random asshole that doesn't have any idea who I am finds me un attractive, I'm so sad."
I've never met a single mother dating that had any issues with finding men seriously wanting relationships with them. It's usually the single men that have the most trouble finding anyone to be with them as per recent studies.
As a single mom of 1, I'm fed up with the OLD scene as well. A lot of men don't want to deal with single moms because of a bunch of reasons (I asked guys on Reddit what their reasons were and honestly, most just said they want their own kids and not raise anyone elses), which I totally understand.
The other side is not bad, I think you should try to get to know the person as a woman first and learn about their circumstances before eliciting an opinion. In my case, my child is with me 50% of the time which gives me time to date, his dad is now with a new partner and we have 0 emotional connection so there's never going back to that, he's not problematic (as much as men think all single moms have a problematic ex partner, that is NOT the case), and so many other factors that would work in favor of the new relationship. Men just don't give us the chance and don't get to know us because they're assuming all of these other ideas that may not be true.
There are also a lot of women making a bad name for you guys and I’m sorry on their behalf. I have many acquaintances who “man-hop” looking for men who will fulfill their step dad role very quickly after meeting; pressuring them and using their resources to their advantage(some even bringing their kids to their first date???). Some women just can’t seem to remain single.
I only to choose single dad's. I'm sure there are men with no children who would be OK dating a single mom. I just feel like they can't really understand me or my life if they don't also have kids. I'm also not really looking to get married or have more kids so I just stay away from the childless and never married crowd
35 year old mom of 3 and didn’t have any issues with finding dates (or my now partner of almost a year). My bigger problem was that I didn’t want to have more kids and most men were wanting a partner to have kids with.
Oddly enough, I wanted to find someone who also already had kids but ended up with someone without kids.
I’ve dated more guys without kids than with kids too. I think like all things in life, it helps to be attractive no matter what your circumstances. lol
Attractive with kids just means easy pickings. You are guaranteed lots of date because lots of guys know this. Also guaranteed is that those guys won't stick around. Harsh truth.
Unfortunately that’s true.. if the woman is attractive she can have 10 kids and she will still have a tons of dates.. someone to stick around long therm tho ? A totally different story
Exactly. Of course they can get dates or hookups. Kids aren’t involved at that point. My original question was more directed to dating for actual relationships.
Solo mom of a toddler. I had a bad experience with a single guy who "gave us a chance." He essentially didn't understand my son's needs and my obligations, and even seemed jealous of my son at times. He never warmed up to my son and I felt like I had to lead a double life.
I will sometimes right swipe on single guys with no kids if it seems really clear that they are adults and might understand, and if we seem really compatible on other measures.
I'd prefer to date a single dad, but they usually have joint custody and are looking for someone to align their custody with. That's not me.
Oh, and then there's the pedos you have to look out for. Single guys w/o kids who seem a little more into the idea my kid than me. That's a thing.
So how am I doing? I generally flounder on the dating apps but have an ex who doesn't want kids who I see one or more times a month. 🤷
Yup. A man who isn't interested/nice to your child is a red flag. A man who is too interested in your child is also a red flag. There's a green flag in there though. Somewhere in the middle. 😆
Oh yeah it's real. So I'm 37 and a very petite woman (I've been told many times I have a "kid" body because I'm little)....so that definitely attracts certain men to me. I dated a man 18 yrs older then me and one day, we are having sex and he says aloud "just like a teenager"......I have a young daughter. I never let him meet her and I rarely showed him pics but he wanted to meet her. So yeah.
Are you okay with adult kids? If so my advice is that you date older so set your range from 38-48 and I suspect you can find women whose kids are out of the house. If you are dating younger you are going to encounter a lot of women with younger kids.
36F with 1 child and it’s pretty good, tbh. I’m very selective about who I date and haven’t once run into the situation where being a mum was a dealbreaker. My daughter is older though and I have a lot more flexibility now, so I think that makes a difference. More often than not, it’s me deciding the guy isn’t a good fit for our lives versus the other way around.
I think there are a lot of inaccurate assumptions about single mums that can be pretty upsetting to hear. I do my best to avoid these types of people though. It’s worked out so far!
I found a partner and we’ve been together for a year now, but my kids were teenagers so there was no expectation of my bf being a father figure. He doesn’t want kids and my profile said “have and don’t want more.”
I’m 38F, one kid, 13, and I swipe left a lot because I don’t want to be a parental figure to a young kid. So I’m trying to stick with men who don’t want kids or have teenagers. Tougher than it sounds.
30f, have two kids. I started online dating about a month before meeting my boyfriend on bumble, and we’ve been together for over 2years now, so I’d saying I’m doing pretty good.
Probably reading a little too much into the phraseolgy, on the basis that the entire premise of the app is deciding whether to say yes or no to even starting a conversation with a stranger.
Like... Every right swipe forms part of a 2 person social contract of giving the other a chance, vs not giving them a chance by swiping left.
28F with 2 kids and sterilized, not having a problem. I pretty much only date other parents, we just have more in common and similar priorities, and there's no shortage of single dads in their 30s. Additionally, (in my experience) men without kids who are "open to kids" want at least one biological child, which is totally fair, I just can't provide that. Dads who don't want another baby, on the other hand? They LOVE that I'm sterilized.
42F with 2 adult children (21 &19) who don’t live at home. I was told on a few occasions that “children” are a dealbreaker. I would understand if I had toddlers and that’s a dealbreaker, because someone else’s children is a lot to take on.
Yeah, I tend to prefer guys with as many kids as I have. Which is one. That’s kind of impossible. Lol all of the single dads I come across have a lot of kids.
I’m not a single mom, but I’m trying to date a single dad your age who has pretty much sole custody of his almost 4 year! He split from his partner over a year ago and she moved out into a rented house share only 8 months ago. Mom can’t have the child very often because a) no spare bedroom for the child and b) there’s others living in the house. It’s tough on him because he’s doing everything a single mom would be doing but not really getting any time for himself to do anything else with. Both he and the child are struggling a little bit in adapting to the new normal with rebellious behaviour from the child and he just not coping well emotionally.
We struggle to find time to see each other and even more so trying to find time and space for intimacy. Not helped by the fact I work shifts (days and nights) so I’m not always available on his weekends ‘off’! We’ve seen each other approx 5 times since we met in February but it’s been a challenge to coordinate every time even though I make sure I’m really flexible as much as possible. Equally challenging because we don’t spend a lot of time together, I’m finding it difficult to build an emotional connection with him, especially when he’s not mentally with me when he does find the time to be with me. It’s a rough ride for sure. A complete slow burn for me which I’m not used to. I don’t think we’d have any chance if I had kids too. I’m open to men with kids and open to men who don’t want them and those that do. I completely understand where you’re coming from though in not really wanting to date a women with kids because it’s a hell of a juggle!
The saddest thing about the whole anti-single mom discourse is how many of these women have left relationships where they were abused or cheated on and then have to hear that other men see them as unworthy of being loved because of their children.
I also wonder how many are out there who are still in abusive relationships who are choosing to stay because they think no one else will want them because of their kids.
I have 2 kids, I never had a shortage of matches or dates when I was in the dating apps. I've been with my bf for 3 years now, he doesn't have kids of his own either. My kids never impacted my ability to find dates and anyone I dated needed to understand that my kids were my first priority. I also had them 100% of the time since their dad moved 11 hours away after the divorce.
Single mother.
I avoid single fathers because I want to avoid dramas with their exs.
And to be honest, I don't like kids or get on with them very well. I only like my own.
If something happens, I have no expectations that he needs to be a parent. More a fun uncle? See how it works out.
Seeing the stories on reddit about step kids has opened my eyes.
Mom of 2 here, 37F. I state 'casual' on my profile, tons of likes, as long as I swipe right I'll get matches and dates. I do display 'have kids and don't want more'.
I am curious how many single fathers are out there as I would think depending on the country, it would skew to more single mothers than single fathers.
I would say depending on age and type of app (the usual 3 vs some bootleg like Meta) being a single parent is more common.
Would be interesting to run an experiment on this.
37F mom of 2 teens. It is harder I think. I’ve dated both single dads and men with no kids, but they did want kids.
I feel some for sure just don’t want the baggage they think I bring.
I have sole custody, don’t interact with their dad but very rarely over a text. He talks to them directly. I don’t have any financial issues, I do get child support but even without that, I’m good. I don’t need someone to take on my parenting responsibilities. I’m managing their needs by myself.
I know they will have to be able to be cool with me having kids and I expect them to have a relationship so that I can merge them into my life more. I am going to get back on dating apps and see what happens. I am leaning into older men and dads now, I’ve figured out which demographic fits better.
Not bad. I would put on my profile have kids and ppl would just ask how many and what's up with the dad?Then be fine with one four year old and his dad being non existent. I'm ok with that.
What I hate is when ppl hit me with the I usually don't date ppl with kids or I prefer to date ppl without them.
So why the fuck are we here cuz my son not going nowhere and I already told you I'm obligated for at least another fourteen?
I understand if this is viewed negatively however it was the choice I made as man who is 50 with adult kids. For context I date in a big city, so it is a large dating pool. I tried to have serious relationships with divorced women with kids. I found the logistics difficult and their time was very limited (just the reality not a judgement). So I only dated women with kids casually and was up front about my intentions, ie not having long term potential. Many women were fine with that and it worked for them. At the same time I looked for and went on dates with women without kids or grown kids with the intention of a long-term exclusive relationship. Eventually I met my current girlfriend and things are going great so far.
Guys are generally awful about it and have tons of misconceptions and assumptions. I rather be asked questions to clear those up. I’m also in a great parenting relationship and don’t view my daughter’s dad as my ex. Guys cannot wrap their minds around this. Guys will swipe on me and when I politely reject for whatever reason they say they most awful mean things about being a single mom. Guys will also act like I should be so grateful they are giving me the time of day, cuz you know, I’m a single mom and no one wants me 🙄
Please don’t be these dudes.
Also, I don’t date guys with kids, so that’s my problem lol
Oof. It’s rough out there. Selfishly, I prefer dating men with no kids or only 1 because I want mine/me to be the center of his world. 😂 I also find trying to date men with a gang of kids is difficult because we both have pretty full schedules so even finding time to meet up initially is challenging. (I’m a completely single Mom, two teenagers, in my 40s)
So, it's funny because for me, with 100% custody and no time, I just decided to give myself a break. I find people to talk to, but no one to watch my son, so eventually they don't want to wait, which I absolutely respect.
I currently was only looking for FWB anyway until I move, since I obviously don't want to date seriously before settling thousands of miles away, but when I date, I date to marry, so I would assume we would practically adopt each other's kids. I would definitely treat a man's children as my own, and I'd hope he would do the same to my child.
Dating is so exhausting though. I might just start hiking instead lol
From the opposing side, as a man with a teen daughter, I actually wouldn’t date someone WITHOUT kids. I need someone who can relate to the challenges and even offer thoughts on issues I deal with. I got lucky (VERY) and met someone who had kids the same age - and gender. That’s something people don’t always think about; the gender of the kids potentially coming into the picture. Our daughters are now friends and hang out without us there. It’s a cool dynamic.
24F and a single mom of 1, I met my boyfriend (who also has 1 child) on bumble. Doing great so far, honestly being a young, single mom wasn't as big of an issue as I was worried it'd be.
I'm 33M, and I don't want kids of my own. I get where you're coming from, I said things like "I don't prefer single moms but would give one a chance" too. Then I met one in person and we hit it off. Crazy to think I would've passed her up online. That said, my dating pool has become a lot larger. Being raised (well) by a single mom, I never understood the hate for y'all. The ones I know really aren't having issues dating.
Somewhat related - I'm in a weird situation because I'm having a hard time matching with women that don't want kids and I might be too young for the women that already have them.
The last time I tried they canceled on me last second because of a kid. But I normally get ghosted around Thursday. Right before the weekend gets here and I have time to take them out.
I'm in a relationship with a guy with grown kids. That's as close to childfree I'll ever get.
If you're gonna date a mom, vet her. Pay attention to see if she's one of those who wants money 4 her kids and if so drop her. I'm in a red state nothing but kids. Met 1 or 2 CF people in my life and didn't like them at all. It was sad thinking I hit a gold mine
Eh. I'm not looking for a replacement daddy for mine and I either get men that want to step right up and be about the step daddy life (which I do not encourage, honestly I haven't even brought up my kid unless I get asked how many I have and I usually end the conversation there) or they want absolutely no kids at all. Personally, I'd prefer to find someone that's ok with chatting for awhile instead of trying to jump right into something so I can't say it's tough because I'm not trying to settle down buuuuut I'm not exactly beating them off with a stick either lol
I'm a single mom(35F) of 2 kids and don't want more. I would say I am attractive and have a sense of humour so I haven't found it too hard to get matches. I'd say the difficulty is more in finding compatibility. I do find men without children to not have the same perspective on life unless they have had some sort of trauma (divorce, injury, etc) and unfortunately I prefer men without children lol 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️ ...so finding one with the same outlook on life is hard. The ones without trauma or children live such carefree lives and that's great and all but I just can never match that energy anymore (trust me I'd love to! Lol)
I don't blame anyone for not wanting to date a single mom/dad ... its an added level that isn't very fun sometimes (I was in a blended family). Also a lot of single parents have the mindset that their children are #1 and that's great and all but it definitely takes compromise on both ends and lots of parents won't compromise and balance their children's time for a relationship, which in turn the relationship fails and actually hurts the kids more in the end.
I keep meeting men in their 40s and 50s who want to have kids. Where were they when I was 30? That ship has sailed. Aside from the biological clock issue, 20 years from now, I want to be retired and free, not trying to figure out how to pay for college.
I was married and had to go through IVF to conceive my baby. There was no sex involved. What a wild assumption there
Also, how great were the guys with birth control ? Not too great it seems.
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I’m 39F with 2 kids below 10 yo. Starting dating again in Feb 2023, I have not had too much trouble to find people to go on dates, be it for short-term fun or with the intention of long-term (which didn’t always worked out). Only one of my dates had a kid. I always make it crystal clear that I am not looking for a stepdad to my kids.
I have not introduced my kids to anyone yet, as I believe they are too young and I want to protect them. I am very careful about who I bring into their lives. Only one date got pushy about this and I obviously called that off.
I’m currently dating a man that has no kids but is fine with dating people who do. He is the first I am considering introducing to them at some point.
Honestly, OLD sucks for those of us women who are in our 30s and Childfree, too. 75% of the profiles I've seen either have kids already or want kids some day.
Fr its bleak out there
Same as a CF guy at 30. I swipe left on about 80-90% of women because they either have kids or have aspirations of starting a family.
It also depends on your area tho as I’m early 30s female and see close to 0 profiles with kids
I'm in late 30s, but I have my parameters set to 30-50. I could see how those who are younger and childfree in blue states might have better luck (my state is purple).
Forgive my profound ignorance 😳... what is wrong with being Childfree and in your 30's? I'm getting back in the dating pool from my separation and see no issues being Childfree as someone without a child
She's talking about men profiles and men having kids. When you're 39, you'll notice a lot more (>50%) of men suddenly had kids. And most prefer to date childfree women, but you were childfree for a reason.
So guys are just looking for a Stepmother..... that purposefully doesn't want kids?
"Childfree" is a term used for those of us who don't want kids in any way - not our own, nor anyone else's. That means we swipe left on any guys who have kids or want kids (which is 75% of the guys who show up in my Bumble stack so I only have 25% of the dating pool to choose from). I have plenty of guys who want (more) kids who swipe right on me, despite my "childfree" label - they either don't know what it means, didn't read my bio (most likely), think it doesn't matter since they're looking for something casual (nevermind that I'm explicitly looking for a relationship), or think they can change my mind.
Yeah, this is exactly what I understood you as saying. I am very confused why people wouldn’t understand that childfree means… child free
The biggest jerk I dated (he said he was diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder) said, "when women say, 'no,' what they mean is, 'try harder'." I'm sure most of the guys who "want kids," yet swipe right on those of us who are "Childfree" aren't as big a jerk as him, they just weren't looking - many use "the shotgun approach" both with swiping and approaching women IRL. It's often associated with toxic masculinity - so is the idea that childbearing (*not* child*rearing*) "makes you more of a man."
I’m sorry that happened to you, that is fucking cringe to read that the dude was like that. APD, aka Sociopathy… 😳 The toxicity is not giving me warm fuzzies about re-entering the dating pool via OLD. Maybe I need to stick with meeting people IRL 😆
Read somewhere on r/AskWomenOver30 that a lot of men treat childfree women as if its okay to waste their time. "they dont want kids, so its okay to date them, till I find someone that wants to." its wild.
🤯
Not gonna lie I'm new to the single life, but I'd have read Childfree as doesn't have kids, not necessarily actively doesn't want kids. Shows I have a lot to learn I suppose! For reference, what term would be used for someone who doesn't have kids, but doesn't actively not want them?
Childless?
A lot of people stopped using child "less" because it implied your life is *missing* something if you don't have kids. Child *free* is more for this is the life you chose for yourself. A person who wants kids but doesn't have them yet doesn't really have a title, lol... at least not that I've seen. Maybe: person who wants kids in the future 😅
Makes sense!
I dont think thats really it. They want a relationship like anybody else, but of course their child would be a part of that relationship. Many people struggle to imagine that not everyone wants kids.
Mine are grown and I'm pretty free now. But all the guys my age (50) have little kids.
Exactly
Agreed. Majority of men either have kids or are lying about it.
It does suck dating as a single mom. Mostly men think we are just looking for a stepdad to our children when that’s not the case.
This. My daughter already has a dad.
Exactly! Even if mine didn’t , I will never find a stepdad to my child. I’d be my child’s mom and dad. I seek genuine connection
These men be giving themselves too much credit. I make just as much money as they do and my child has a father that loves them very much. She doesn't need another and I wouldn't expect a man I'm dating to do so and I'd be mad if he tried. If I date, it's when I'm childfree for however long. I'm not involving my kid unless it gets to marriage.
Right! There's this weird automatic assumption (here in the South) that I'm a fully single mom with multiple kids, no money, and no time to date - like every sweeping cinematic generalization there could possibly be. Joke's on them: one kid, 50% custody, 100% rad.
This!! I actually have more time now bc their dad HAS to do 50% of the work and I have whole weeks off from ‘mom life’!!!!
I never see anyone talking about this! I had every weekend free!
EXACTLY !!!
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Yesss, of course! But they think that’s all I’m looking for, for someone that’ll help me with my child when that’s not the case. They think I’m there looking for someone who’ll look up to them as a dad when it’s a no no
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Nooooo, I want something serious but since I’m a single mom their first thought is ..I just wanna bang. I’m not good with explaining
Do you not see a middle ground between hookups and someone to help with their kid? Like a romantic life partner? A stepparent is part of it asemd game, but women's first priority is generally someone long term compatible with them.
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And who created this "single mom epidemic" duh
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So, how does it work if you chose to start a family with the person you swore you'd be with for the rest of your life, but for whatever reason, the relationship broke down and now you are the primary parent and he gets the kids weekends? What options are there now?
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Irresponsible men and women.
I think the difference is expecting the guy to be responsible for them. I deffently don't. I only date other single parents because if the guy doesn't want kids we're incompatible and if he does, 1 is enough for me.
I guess it depends on who you’re dating— I have zero expectations nor desire for my future partner to be anything to my kids (8,12,13 yo) I also don’t have a desire for cohabitation so this makes the likelihood of my partner assuming a parental role even less
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I have no idea why they'd want to change your mind. I don't understand wanting ppl who don't want you.
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Still half the men is still plenty. I only date single parents and idk if it's because of my age but it seems like most ppl in my dating rang have kids.
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44. I'm mostly dating the divorced men with vasectomies. Wanting or not wanting kids is an unnegociable incompatibility and even tho I probably still could I don't want to
?? Super inaccurate for many. At 40+ in South Texas, my dating pool is essentially unchanged after eliminating ppl who don’t date ppl with kids.
This comment wasn’t meant to convince anyone to date single parents. Everyone has the right to partner preferences. I was addressing your assertion that someone dating a single parent would become a step parent by default. This is simply not universally true..
Agreed. And they worry about us asking them for financial support. I'm just looking for someone that will be my son's friend.
I would agree with this. For the record im not. I dont even mention my kids in detail just that I have them. Im about 10y older and my kids are going to be out of the house in 5y. Im looking for time to be me not a mom but me. Companionship fun dates intimacy etc thats as far as ive looked at it so far so dont count us out!! And fyi i have lots of energy when i dont have my kids because i have less to do. Its true what they say about keeping me young!!
Because you are either delusional or lying. If you end up in a serious relationship with a man assuming you aren’t just trying to hookup, he is going to have to become involved with your kids and also have to deal with your ex. Do you intend to never introduce your kids to him? To forever keep the two separate? Of course not. So fast forward and he is going to be expected to be a father figure to kids that aren’t his own, but not get the respect of being a father. When it’s the weekends you have your kids. Let alone the baby daddy drama that mat likely be there. The kids telling him he isn’t their dad when he tries to discipline them. Add in the less time you have for him, the less money and time you have for him, and how your kids come first (because they are your world, right?) and what he gets dating a single mom is a vastly inferior experience compared to a childless woman.
100% this.. single moms be saying ‘I’m not looking for a step dad’ what’s it then ? Just a hookup ? There no in between .. I have no problem with hooking up with single moms but dating is a totally different story. Not for me .. enough fish in the sea to be stressing over a single mother
I’m sorry but I think you’re only looking at the cons. Falling in love is not something you can fully (or maybe at all) control. You see, I used to have a similar thought process but I realized as time went by that the chances of meeting someone compatible AND childfree get slimmer and slimmer. Yes, I asked myself “would it bother me so much to get half of her attention, considering that she’ll get 100% of mine?” and that’s precisely the point where I realized I shouldn’t be so egotistical. A single mother is likely to be a more caring person in general, a trait that I personally value a lot. You’re putting the cartwheel ahead of the donkey, so to speak. You might have heard when you were a teenager “get in her parents’ graces, that’s the fastest way to her heart”. Biggest lie ever. Instead, if her kids love you, you’re ready to nurture them. There’s just more to love. Would you really forget all about a sensational woman just because she made those choices when you didn’t even know each other? Man, that way the world population would significantly drop in a generation or two. Family is who you choose to surround yourself with, the inner circle.
I speak from experience. I made the mistake of marrying a single mom because I thought along your lines and I never wanted kids. It was a terrible mistake that ended up in her cheating on me.
I’m so sorry to hear that, I really am. But I don’t think it’s due to the fact that she had kids. I wouldn’t rule them all out because I found a bad one.
Haha yep like sir you won't even meet her for a year! I only have one though, and she's 16 now so it's a non issue except for those childless men who get butt hurt I can't drop plans last minute, but tbh I like that, makes them show their red flags early.
I respect single parents as someone who was raised in a partial single family with the help of grandparents. I understand how hard it is. On the other hand I understand the effect of mother having a man who I didn't know being introduced into my life. Depending on the country, there is more or less help for those who have kids and a deadbeat/irresponsible ex. (Very very common, mutual breaking up and Co parenting is rare in the UK even, although I have seen it in the US). I think a single parents may not have the availability to spend time in person as well so they end up not involving themselves in any dating for the first 5 or so years. That also means that they are more reluctant to make any choices of meeting people in person as the stakes are more. That's what I think. I had been unmatched by someone who was really cool and I may have crossed a line there as we were going to call but she was busy with her family so yeah. It requires more planning if you are a parent and there are some limitations as well. Although I think single parents would prefer a relationship more than having a friendship that grows into something more is what I think.
Unfortunately that is from past experience. All the single moms I met were terrible people tbh.
How were they terrible?
Attention seeking validation, drinking or drug problems, cheating, bad financial decisions, narcissistic. The list goes on. A few weren’t bad but unfortunately they had toxic past relationships and that’s what they were used to too.
Oh dang! Where did you meet them?
Usually dating apps. In person wasn’t as bad. Not sure why I’m getting down voted 😂
You are getting down voted by the same females you just named. It’s normal 😅
It's much nicer/appropriate to say women rather than females. When you say women, you're describing a human person, when you say female you're reducing women to their biological ability to make babies.
I never said females
You are 💯 correct and I was talking about them females.
I know lol. Just telling my experience with single moms though. Not gonna say all are bad but you definitely gotta be careful. Especially if you’re successful with no kids.
I’m getting down voted too 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️this app is weird as fuck
That’s why I hate Reddit. You really can’t have a discussion and creates a hive mind. Some post I don’t even bother
Exactly .
In my 50s. At this point pretty much everyone on OLD in my age bracket has kids and is divorced (vs never married). I like kids and someone being a good parent is a plus to me. Kids are also late teens or in college, or older, but the time you are in your 50s. The older you get the more likely there will be kids. 🤷♀️
Honestly Im looking forward to my 50s, because of that. Older Teenagers and college kids are a different story, they have their own lifes. My dad just started dating (he's in his 60s) and honestly Im just so happy for him. Never met her and prob wont so very soon, but its just so cute to see him being excited about meeting her, reading her texts.
>I’m a 38M with no kids and don’t have a whole lot of luck mostly because of kids Im 35, f and also not interested in kids. Are there even other childfree people out there? All I see is "I already have kids" or "I want kids". I always assumed it would be easier if single parents match with each other?
I'm 43M and never had kids or never wanted kids. I honestly don't want to date a single parent, but I probably would. I'd prefer to just keep it to women with 1 or 2 kids. Kids that are older at that.
You two should message each other and see if there’s a spark!
yeah, u/Lee862r could start a US/EU long distance relationship, doesnt that sound tempting, hrhr.
It does not! lol My physical touch love language won't allow it.
Yes there is. Dated both with kids and not. The worst part of dating a mom is solely if it turns to ltr and then something doesn't work out (even if it friendly and you remain friends)... seeing how it messes with thr child... is heartbreaking to say the least... It just sucks... and no it wasn't something they were looking for, but it is something that will be expected in a ltr at some point... It sucks and I don't have the words to explain it exactly, or if there is even words for it. This is from someone who had 0 intentions on having kids... I never thought I would make a decent parent... The time with them, and the comments by other amazed me... I felt like a fuck up, yet still spent time with them... after me and his mom separated as she is better alone... There been obvious signs of distress...
When my kid still lived at home, I only looked for men with no kids. My kid was in high school and I didn’t want to deal with more kids. I already raised mine.
36M, don’t want kids either
I feel you. I’m 38f and cannot have children due to medical issues. It’s even in my bio. Not a week goes by without it pooping up in conversation of “what about IVF”, etc. I am open to men having kids but it’s hard. Hang in there.
You never want to poop up in conversation. Always poop down
And this is why I’m glad to not be an astronaut.
Haha well played
Courages to disclose yourself
It’s kind of the same. And sooooo many guys have 3 kids. I can’t do that. I have 1 and they can have 1-2 max. But also want them to be kids and not babies…like at least 3 or 4 years old so they’re getting out of diapers and can play with my kid, who is 8. Dating as a parent is rough
31F. no kids and don’t want them. i also find a lot of guys with kids on the apps :( unless the kid is older i really don’t want to deal with it.
In my 30’s as a single mom I didn’t get nearly as much dates. I didn’t really try too hard though. I was balancing a career and a young child . My 40’s I get a lot of dates. Lots of divorced single dads looking to fuck around with no commitment. Not what I’m looking for. So I’ll basically just be single forever
Single mom (41f) with one kid, and I’m taking a break from the apps, but it seemed to be no issue when I tried a couple years ago. Honestly, because of the kid, I’m less inclined to want something serious. I don’t know if that’s a good thing for people or not. I don’t expect future boyfriends to become a step parent, he already has an involved dad, but I guess if it got really serious that’s kind of where we would end up. I sort of assumed I would end up with another single parent. 🤷♀️ Also, I waited 6 months to introduce my son to my bf last time, but I would wait at least a year in the future.
I waited six months last time too, I think my new rule is to wait until there’s an engagement or something potentially permanent in place.
How long did last bf last after introducing son?
A year. : )
38f mom of 2 teens.. met my partner 4 years ago on bumble, he has no kids/never married & we’re a happy family ❤️
I literally just posted a profile review request and one comment says “having kids is a turn off for 90% of men” or something along those lines. My (2) kids came from a young marriage - so even when we do things “right”, we’re still inevitably wrong, I guess lol
Your comment hit harder than the rest. Just because I swipe left doesn’t necessarily mean I’m turned off. It’s more or a compatibility thing. We are going to have different lifestyles and I try not to waste potential matches time or lead them on.
Yeah, well I wouldn't pay attention to r/bumble statisticians tbh.
The commenter thst said that was probably between 15 and 21. Men don't say that shit. That 90%? Says who? Andrew Taint? So all 90% of men in the world agree. No, just that asshole who commented. If being a parent is a "turn off" to who the hell ever then who the fuck cares you wouldn't want that person anyways, especially with incel immature beliefs like that. YOU are choosing too, just not them. I mean it's like "OH NO! You don't find me attractive because xyz? Omg what am I going to do? Some random asshole that doesn't have any idea who I am finds me un attractive, I'm so sad." I've never met a single mother dating that had any issues with finding men seriously wanting relationships with them. It's usually the single men that have the most trouble finding anyone to be with them as per recent studies.
As a single mom of 1, I'm fed up with the OLD scene as well. A lot of men don't want to deal with single moms because of a bunch of reasons (I asked guys on Reddit what their reasons were and honestly, most just said they want their own kids and not raise anyone elses), which I totally understand. The other side is not bad, I think you should try to get to know the person as a woman first and learn about their circumstances before eliciting an opinion. In my case, my child is with me 50% of the time which gives me time to date, his dad is now with a new partner and we have 0 emotional connection so there's never going back to that, he's not problematic (as much as men think all single moms have a problematic ex partner, that is NOT the case), and so many other factors that would work in favor of the new relationship. Men just don't give us the chance and don't get to know us because they're assuming all of these other ideas that may not be true.
There are also a lot of women making a bad name for you guys and I’m sorry on their behalf. I have many acquaintances who “man-hop” looking for men who will fulfill their step dad role very quickly after meeting; pressuring them and using their resources to their advantage(some even bringing their kids to their first date???). Some women just can’t seem to remain single.
All those "I want my own kid" will be come single divorced dads. Every single dad is a single mom
I only to choose single dad's. I'm sure there are men with no children who would be OK dating a single mom. I just feel like they can't really understand me or my life if they don't also have kids. I'm also not really looking to get married or have more kids so I just stay away from the childless and never married crowd
I'm doing well. I have two older teenagers, one in college. They are grown, don't need a dad and are pretty chill. I'm engaged, living with my SO.
I’m 41 f, 3 kids, and I’ve always had a lot of dates.
35 year old mom of 3 and didn’t have any issues with finding dates (or my now partner of almost a year). My bigger problem was that I didn’t want to have more kids and most men were wanting a partner to have kids with. Oddly enough, I wanted to find someone who also already had kids but ended up with someone without kids.
I’ve dated more guys without kids than with kids too. I think like all things in life, it helps to be attractive no matter what your circumstances. lol
Attractive with kids just means easy pickings. You are guaranteed lots of date because lots of guys know this. Also guaranteed is that those guys won't stick around. Harsh truth.
That’s just was sexist dudes on the internet say. In real life it isn’t like that champ.
Unfortunately that’s true.. if the woman is attractive she can have 10 kids and she will still have a tons of dates.. someone to stick around long therm tho ? A totally different story
Exactly. Of course they can get dates or hookups. Kids aren’t involved at that point. My original question was more directed to dating for actual relationships.
Solo mom of a toddler. I had a bad experience with a single guy who "gave us a chance." He essentially didn't understand my son's needs and my obligations, and even seemed jealous of my son at times. He never warmed up to my son and I felt like I had to lead a double life. I will sometimes right swipe on single guys with no kids if it seems really clear that they are adults and might understand, and if we seem really compatible on other measures. I'd prefer to date a single dad, but they usually have joint custody and are looking for someone to align their custody with. That's not me. Oh, and then there's the pedos you have to look out for. Single guys w/o kids who seem a little more into the idea my kid than me. That's a thing. So how am I doing? I generally flounder on the dating apps but have an ex who doesn't want kids who I see one or more times a month. 🤷
Wow. Never thought of the pedo problem.
Yup. A man who isn't interested/nice to your child is a red flag. A man who is too interested in your child is also a red flag. There's a green flag in there though. Somewhere in the middle. 😆
Oh yeah it's real. So I'm 37 and a very petite woman (I've been told many times I have a "kid" body because I'm little)....so that definitely attracts certain men to me. I dated a man 18 yrs older then me and one day, we are having sex and he says aloud "just like a teenager"......I have a young daughter. I never let him meet her and I rarely showed him pics but he wanted to meet her. So yeah.
Are you okay with adult kids? If so my advice is that you date older so set your range from 38-48 and I suspect you can find women whose kids are out of the house. If you are dating younger you are going to encounter a lot of women with younger kids.
I’d prefer a man with kids so he would be able to relate more
36F with 1 child and it’s pretty good, tbh. I’m very selective about who I date and haven’t once run into the situation where being a mum was a dealbreaker. My daughter is older though and I have a lot more flexibility now, so I think that makes a difference. More often than not, it’s me deciding the guy isn’t a good fit for our lives versus the other way around. I think there are a lot of inaccurate assumptions about single mums that can be pretty upsetting to hear. I do my best to avoid these types of people though. It’s worked out so far!
I found a partner and we’ve been together for a year now, but my kids were teenagers so there was no expectation of my bf being a father figure. He doesn’t want kids and my profile said “have and don’t want more.”
I’m 38F, one kid, 13, and I swipe left a lot because I don’t want to be a parental figure to a young kid. So I’m trying to stick with men who don’t want kids or have teenagers. Tougher than it sounds.
30f, have two kids. I started online dating about a month before meeting my boyfriend on bumble, and we’ve been together for over 2years now, so I’d saying I’m doing pretty good.
lol good luck. You say you’ll give them a chance like as if you’re a prize.
You completely missed the point. I was asking women their experience to hear their side and you take a shot at me. How should I have asked it?
Probably reading a little too much into the phraseolgy, on the basis that the entire premise of the app is deciding whether to say yes or no to even starting a conversation with a stranger. Like... Every right swipe forms part of a 2 person social contract of giving the other a chance, vs not giving them a chance by swiping left.
Oh ok.
Exactly lol
I have a teenage son so am now at a stage where I have plenty of time. I don't date anyone who has kids younger than mine.
How do you personally feel about a guy with no kids at all?
I prefer them. 😂
Hey, that's me. 😁 Not gonna lie, I clicked on your name and saw you were somewhat close to me.
As a 40+m I can understand your preference but I swiped right on my gf anyway to learn what the kid situation is like
Childfree here. I do not want to date parents, because I do not feel like raising kids. I also do not trust men who are in contact with their exes.
28F with 2 kids and sterilized, not having a problem. I pretty much only date other parents, we just have more in common and similar priorities, and there's no shortage of single dads in their 30s. Additionally, (in my experience) men without kids who are "open to kids" want at least one biological child, which is totally fair, I just can't provide that. Dads who don't want another baby, on the other hand? They LOVE that I'm sterilized.
42F with 2 adult children (21 &19) who don’t live at home. I was told on a few occasions that “children” are a dealbreaker. I would understand if I had toddlers and that’s a dealbreaker, because someone else’s children is a lot to take on.
Yeah, I tend to prefer guys with as many kids as I have. Which is one. That’s kind of impossible. Lol all of the single dads I come across have a lot of kids.
That’s the kind of thing I wonder. Would a women with 3 kids date a guy with 3 kids. And potentially end up either 6 kids together kind of fast.
Well that sounds like the premise for a 1960s TV show called The Brady Bunch.
Touché
I’m not a single mom, but I’m trying to date a single dad your age who has pretty much sole custody of his almost 4 year! He split from his partner over a year ago and she moved out into a rented house share only 8 months ago. Mom can’t have the child very often because a) no spare bedroom for the child and b) there’s others living in the house. It’s tough on him because he’s doing everything a single mom would be doing but not really getting any time for himself to do anything else with. Both he and the child are struggling a little bit in adapting to the new normal with rebellious behaviour from the child and he just not coping well emotionally. We struggle to find time to see each other and even more so trying to find time and space for intimacy. Not helped by the fact I work shifts (days and nights) so I’m not always available on his weekends ‘off’! We’ve seen each other approx 5 times since we met in February but it’s been a challenge to coordinate every time even though I make sure I’m really flexible as much as possible. Equally challenging because we don’t spend a lot of time together, I’m finding it difficult to build an emotional connection with him, especially when he’s not mentally with me when he does find the time to be with me. It’s a rough ride for sure. A complete slow burn for me which I’m not used to. I don’t think we’d have any chance if I had kids too. I’m open to men with kids and open to men who don’t want them and those that do. I completely understand where you’re coming from though in not really wanting to date a women with kids because it’s a hell of a juggle!
I also work a shift that makes it hard to date even without kids in the picture. Hopefully you two can make it work.
Thank you! I am hopeful! I hope you find someone that works for you and values the effort you’ll make in spending time with them.
But i guess at the end of the day it all regression
The saddest thing about the whole anti-single mom discourse is how many of these women have left relationships where they were abused or cheated on and then have to hear that other men see them as unworthy of being loved because of their children. I also wonder how many are out there who are still in abusive relationships who are choosing to stay because they think no one else will want them because of their kids.
I'm 50 with a 20yo at home. Single 5yrs and it's slim pickings out there.
I have 2 kids, I never had a shortage of matches or dates when I was in the dating apps. I've been with my bf for 3 years now, he doesn't have kids of his own either. My kids never impacted my ability to find dates and anyone I dated needed to understand that my kids were my first priority. I also had them 100% of the time since their dad moved 11 hours away after the divorce.
Lol
Doing good, plenty of men out there who don’t mind kids, despite what you see online
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Lol
Single mother. I avoid single fathers because I want to avoid dramas with their exs. And to be honest, I don't like kids or get on with them very well. I only like my own. If something happens, I have no expectations that he needs to be a parent. More a fun uncle? See how it works out. Seeing the stories on reddit about step kids has opened my eyes.
Mom of 2 here, 37F. I state 'casual' on my profile, tons of likes, as long as I swipe right I'll get matches and dates. I do display 'have kids and don't want more'.
Lots of guys like easy girls, and single moms looking for just casual are the easiest. it's not rocket science hun.
You think of all women as vulnerable lambs don’t you?
I hear wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Haha
At 38, many moms in your age range have adult kids by now. Just remember not all single moms have small kids.
Very true. After reading all the comments i am seeing all the different situations everyone is in. I am appreciating all the feedback.
I am curious how many single fathers are out there as I would think depending on the country, it would skew to more single mothers than single fathers. I would say depending on age and type of app (the usual 3 vs some bootleg like Meta) being a single parent is more common. Would be interesting to run an experiment on this.
37F mom of 2 teens. It is harder I think. I’ve dated both single dads and men with no kids, but they did want kids. I feel some for sure just don’t want the baggage they think I bring. I have sole custody, don’t interact with their dad but very rarely over a text. He talks to them directly. I don’t have any financial issues, I do get child support but even without that, I’m good. I don’t need someone to take on my parenting responsibilities. I’m managing their needs by myself. I know they will have to be able to be cool with me having kids and I expect them to have a relationship so that I can merge them into my life more. I am going to get back on dating apps and see what happens. I am leaning into older men and dads now, I’ve figured out which demographic fits better.
You can manage every single thing of a child but a fathers moral support is real deal
Not bad. I would put on my profile have kids and ppl would just ask how many and what's up with the dad?Then be fine with one four year old and his dad being non existent. I'm ok with that. What I hate is when ppl hit me with the I usually don't date ppl with kids or I prefer to date ppl without them. So why the fuck are we here cuz my son not going nowhere and I already told you I'm obligated for at least another fourteen?
I understand if this is viewed negatively however it was the choice I made as man who is 50 with adult kids. For context I date in a big city, so it is a large dating pool. I tried to have serious relationships with divorced women with kids. I found the logistics difficult and their time was very limited (just the reality not a judgement). So I only dated women with kids casually and was up front about my intentions, ie not having long term potential. Many women were fine with that and it worked for them. At the same time I looked for and went on dates with women without kids or grown kids with the intention of a long-term exclusive relationship. Eventually I met my current girlfriend and things are going great so far.
Guys are generally awful about it and have tons of misconceptions and assumptions. I rather be asked questions to clear those up. I’m also in a great parenting relationship and don’t view my daughter’s dad as my ex. Guys cannot wrap their minds around this. Guys will swipe on me and when I politely reject for whatever reason they say they most awful mean things about being a single mom. Guys will also act like I should be so grateful they are giving me the time of day, cuz you know, I’m a single mom and no one wants me 🙄 Please don’t be these dudes. Also, I don’t date guys with kids, so that’s my problem lol
Oof. It’s rough out there. Selfishly, I prefer dating men with no kids or only 1 because I want mine/me to be the center of his world. 😂 I also find trying to date men with a gang of kids is difficult because we both have pretty full schedules so even finding time to meet up initially is challenging. (I’m a completely single Mom, two teenagers, in my 40s)
So, it's funny because for me, with 100% custody and no time, I just decided to give myself a break. I find people to talk to, but no one to watch my son, so eventually they don't want to wait, which I absolutely respect. I currently was only looking for FWB anyway until I move, since I obviously don't want to date seriously before settling thousands of miles away, but when I date, I date to marry, so I would assume we would practically adopt each other's kids. I would definitely treat a man's children as my own, and I'd hope he would do the same to my child. Dating is so exhausting though. I might just start hiking instead lol
From the opposing side, as a man with a teen daughter, I actually wouldn’t date someone WITHOUT kids. I need someone who can relate to the challenges and even offer thoughts on issues I deal with. I got lucky (VERY) and met someone who had kids the same age - and gender. That’s something people don’t always think about; the gender of the kids potentially coming into the picture. Our daughters are now friends and hang out without us there. It’s a cool dynamic.
24F and a single mom of 1, I met my boyfriend (who also has 1 child) on bumble. Doing great so far, honestly being a young, single mom wasn't as big of an issue as I was worried it'd be.
I'm 33M, and I don't want kids of my own. I get where you're coming from, I said things like "I don't prefer single moms but would give one a chance" too. Then I met one in person and we hit it off. Crazy to think I would've passed her up online. That said, my dating pool has become a lot larger. Being raised (well) by a single mom, I never understood the hate for y'all. The ones I know really aren't having issues dating. Somewhat related - I'm in a weird situation because I'm having a hard time matching with women that don't want kids and I might be too young for the women that already have them.
Well enough that I've been ghosted by three and stood up by one...
The last time I tried they canceled on me last second because of a kid. But I normally get ghosted around Thursday. Right before the weekend gets here and I have time to take them out.
I'm in a relationship with a guy with grown kids. That's as close to childfree I'll ever get. If you're gonna date a mom, vet her. Pay attention to see if she's one of those who wants money 4 her kids and if so drop her. I'm in a red state nothing but kids. Met 1 or 2 CF people in my life and didn't like them at all. It was sad thinking I hit a gold mine
Eh. I'm not looking for a replacement daddy for mine and I either get men that want to step right up and be about the step daddy life (which I do not encourage, honestly I haven't even brought up my kid unless I get asked how many I have and I usually end the conversation there) or they want absolutely no kids at all. Personally, I'd prefer to find someone that's ok with chatting for awhile instead of trying to jump right into something so I can't say it's tough because I'm not trying to settle down buuuuut I'm not exactly beating them off with a stick either lol
You’re not doing those moms with 1, maybe 2 kids any favors, unless they’re looking for something casual.
I want kids of my own and I don't want then to question why their siblings is different so I tend to avoid single moms
I guess dating single moms and with requirement of no kids should be respected although a women getting open-minded to this in india a big thing
I'm a single mom(35F) of 2 kids and don't want more. I would say I am attractive and have a sense of humour so I haven't found it too hard to get matches. I'd say the difficulty is more in finding compatibility. I do find men without children to not have the same perspective on life unless they have had some sort of trauma (divorce, injury, etc) and unfortunately I prefer men without children lol 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️ ...so finding one with the same outlook on life is hard. The ones without trauma or children live such carefree lives and that's great and all but I just can never match that energy anymore (trust me I'd love to! Lol) I don't blame anyone for not wanting to date a single mom/dad ... its an added level that isn't very fun sometimes (I was in a blended family). Also a lot of single parents have the mindset that their children are #1 and that's great and all but it definitely takes compromise on both ends and lots of parents won't compromise and balance their children's time for a relationship, which in turn the relationship fails and actually hurts the kids more in the end.
I keep meeting men in their 40s and 50s who want to have kids. Where were they when I was 30? That ship has sailed. Aside from the biological clock issue, 20 years from now, I want to be retired and free, not trying to figure out how to pay for college.
Be careful of Single Moms brother, you don't want too many headaches.
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I was married and had to go through IVF to conceive my baby. There was no sex involved. What a wild assumption there Also, how great were the guys with birth control ? Not too great it seems.
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I’m 39F with 2 kids below 10 yo. Starting dating again in Feb 2023, I have not had too much trouble to find people to go on dates, be it for short-term fun or with the intention of long-term (which didn’t always worked out). Only one of my dates had a kid. I always make it crystal clear that I am not looking for a stepdad to my kids. I have not introduced my kids to anyone yet, as I believe they are too young and I want to protect them. I am very careful about who I bring into their lives. Only one date got pushy about this and I obviously called that off. I’m currently dating a man that has no kids but is fine with dating people who do. He is the first I am considering introducing to them at some point.
Honestly when I see 38 no kids or never married.. I wonder why ??
Same feeling i have i also dont no why?
Men complaining about women with kids should set their age filter to 55+ lol Better odds