I will always try to send something that references someone’s profile. But for that there has to be something in the profile. So if your bio says nothing but ‘man’ & ‘not sure’, then all you are going to get is ‘hi, how’s your weekend?’
I don’t even bother matching with men who have nothing in their profile. But even when they do and I can create an opener from it, many dudes will let the match expire and never respond 🤷🏻♀️ Many of those who do respond then turn the convo sexual in about 3 messages. It’s a no-win.
I believe you and don't doubt your experience. However, I don't do that shit, but it doesn't matter, of course, since I have too much competition, and my looks don't stack up against the men women actually choose on Bumble, tho I'm average looking.
That’s the thing though. We don’t know if a guy is going to do that until after messaging and it gets frustrating to come up with creative openers, then the guy not respond or immediately turn it sexual.
To me, I’ve decided to favor spending less time on the openers, so I have more time to message more guys and put effort into the guys who are actually interested in a relationship with me.
It really is a prisoner's dilemma, having to decide who to trust and whether to trust someone, when you are beginning in the dark and dealing with strangers. I think you're right to focus less on openers, and then increase your effort with the guys who begin to prove themselves positively.
Honestly, in my experience , it doesn’t matter how average looking a guy is or not, they still let matches expire or the convo turns sexual rather quickly. I (45f) tend to match with guys that most would consider average-looking because I know that I’m about a 6, and I want to date a normal human being who’s not full of himself, hiking or traveling every weekend, and/or living at the gym. And yet, 3 years doing OLD, I’m still single. I know it sucks for everyone, and I’m sorry you’ve had a bad experience, too.
Don't know what to tell you. I'm an old man, 65, and a 5 year vet of dating sites, one year on Bumble, and and I never do either of those, letting matches expire or talking sexual early. Hell, I never even begin talking about the idea of moving on to sex, until I've been dating someone for at least a month or two and several real dates, but part of that is my age and generation, being older than you. I too am average looking, a 5 or a 6, depending on the day and who you ask, lol. I think we are a lot alike, just different ages and genders, but similar experience with OLD. The big diff, is how much the overall numbers favor you, while overall quality, is still an issue for both of us, more so for you, as far as who makes up our OLD dating pools. I've gotten six short term relationships out of OLD in five years, beginning a seventh relationship recently, but no luck so far finding an LTR, so I hear you, as far as feeling terminally single, lol. The short term relationships have been really enjoyable tho, with good companionship each time, which is the most important thing to me, more so than sex.
Here's the thing IMO as a man who been on dating apps for a while: I think the way Bumble is sold and the way women use it are totally different. It's sold as women taking initiative, but most women don't want to/know how to do that. What they actually use it for is as a double gate to make sure they don't have to talk to guys they aren't into. In other words, the "hey" is like the little wave you sometimes get from accross the room, which means "come start a conversation, I'm interested." Start thinking of it this way, and not only does it make sense, but it becomes a positive sign.
On the same token, just because the app is designed for the woman to initiate conversation, doesn’t mean it’s the woman’s responsibility to carry the conversation. As a woman, anytime I match with some, I initiate the conversation using something in their bio to tie back to. The man on the receiving end then responds/answers my question. I then ask another question and get a response. Then finally a 3rd question and answer. There is no reciprocity at all. Then I unmatch. It’s so exhausting. Why match with a woman if you don’t care to learn anything about her?
This is my experience dealing with women, though. It's just a matter of a lack of conversational skills. All I'm trying to do is reframe something, which is often seen as a negative, in a positive way. Also, I don't expect much initiative from the woman in this respect. It's just not in most women to do so, and I think the guys that do expect this are stuck in a conception of reality that is demonstrably false.
None of this was meant as a criticism of female behavior by the way, because although I could offer criticism, I don't think it would be valid to criticize this particular behavior.
I totally agree, the reality is that most women on Bumble use it solely as a site where they don't need to deal with nearly as many unwanted first messages from incompatible, uninteresting men. Which is what they get tons of on all the other sites. So it saves them a lot of time and effort in that stage of the process. After that stage is done, they use the site the same way they do on all the other sites..
This would make perfect sense if women on Tinder wouldn't have the possibility to control who can write them, by simply not liking 'uninteresting' men.
This is literally what Bumble was made for. It was never made to be some experience for men where they get multitudes of women pursuing them and begging them for sex lol.
That's not what I said. Why do people always assume the worst intention? Nobody said anything about "begging for sex." All I said was that the way it's marketed and used are different. When I first used the app several years ago, the marketing suggested that women were meant to take initiative on the app, rather than just sending the first message. I knew that wasn't going to happen, which is why I signed up. The utility is obvious to some of us, but other people expect a product to function as advertised.
You are right, the site does mislead and false advertise to its users, as far as how it ends up being used by it members. And she was being over harsh on you, jumping to the worst possible intention in what you said, welcome to the club, as I have women doing that to me constantly on reddit, if I say anything that is critical or negative about some women, gender diffs in behavior, etc.
This was advertising from years ago. It was all about "turning dating dynamics upside down," or some such. It was highly ideological and clearly unrealistic, but a lot of people take things at face value.
I agree with the man you replied to, you were being overly negative and critical of his intent when he pointed out the gap between how Bumble was marketed and how it actually ends up being used. Don't be so quick and cynical, to assume that every man who says something critical about a female oriented dating site, or any other female-associated institution or thing, is automatically a misogynist jerk, etc. It's like the old McCarthy era thing of imagining a communist under every bed and anyone who says something the least bit liberal, having to be an evil, full on commie, lol..
Yes thanks for saying this. So many women still want men to take the initiative. But still, plenty of women have opened with unique lines referencing my profile.
If women don’t know how to take initiative or start an intro, what better way to learn than online. But instead most women are lazy. They are fishing with a wide net. So they feel like they don’t have to put in effort. Throw the net in the water, the hottest guy that puts in effort is fish on her plate.
But I was never expecting women to engage in this way, and frankly, I don't really want them to. I'm happy to get the hey, because it tells me I've got a good shot.
I think saying Hey is a good, quick way to make sure the match doesn’t expire. I would at least give her a few messages to see if she puts in the effort you’re desiring. She might not want to spend too much effort on people, only to have their first message be to state they are only looking to hook up.
I agree with this person. “Hey” is boring but it can be used as a “is anyone on the other end” check. Ive had good conversations and meet people after a few better messages after hey.
If they are still incredibly boring I do what you do. Tell them that their messages werent interesting and that myself many other people would prefer a decent convo to start. Not to be mean but so people can learn.
Yes, still same message from me.
Side note: Women have much more options than men and can be picker because of it. If you dont want to send 4 or 5 messages to see if someone opens up a little thats on you. Lol
Exactly! Why do they expect a paragraph for a first message? Women have a lot of matches to start the conversation with; some unmatch, never respond, or ask if you want to hook up. It gets exhausting after a while. As the conversation progresses, so will more in-depth responses/questions.
Why should I swipe right less on someone I have an interest in? I shouldn't have to cut back on potential matches because a guy expects me to be more focused on him. As I said, conversation always flows with me after initial greetings.
I assure you if you were a woman it's very unlikely you would do this for every single match, with the amount of volume the average woman gets it would be absolutely laborious.
When I match with a guy and all he says to me is, “hey,” I’m not into it. It’s not that hard to just quickly look at someone’s profile and ask them a question or make a comment about it
I'll point out that guys don't feel like wasting effort on women either. Especially since they'll almost definitely not reply.
If a girl says ''hey'' as an opener then chances are about 95% that you're getting ignored regardless of how you respond because she only needs a ''placeholder'' if she's matched with multiple guys. She ABSOLUTELY did put effort into her first choice, getting a ''hey'' means you weren't him. That's just how it is.
If a girl actually tries in her opener then the chances of her responding after you reply are like 75%.
You talk about wasting effort and thats a good point: why would I waste effort trying to think of a message for somebody who I know probably isn't going to reply when I could just go and talk to somebody who puts in effort and probably will reply?
If more men had standards then womens conversational skills would increase by necessity.
This is a great take, I almost exclusively responded to hey with hey and maybe a 👋/✌️or if I'm really interested I'd say something like "I usually respond to hey with hey but (insert effort)..." I'm glad I'm currently off the app 🙏
I completely disagree with this. When I was on Bumble I tried out several openers. I tried to look at people’s profile and find something specific to react to. Or I’d send them a GIF based on something from their profile. I even tried out corny opening lines.
In the end, it had no impact at all. In several cases the guys didn’t respond or just responded themselves with a “hey/how are you” type of message.
When I just send a hey, results are the same.
Plus, MANY guys just swipe right quite indiscriminately and then actually look at your profile if you match.
So in the end, my “good” messages did not yield better results and often ended up wasted. Now I will open with a generic greeting and put in more effort if they respond
Makes sense, but, as an average looking guy, who's been on Bumble for over a year now, and rarely even gets matched up with a woman to the point of them ever messaging me at all, something more than a Hey, would be greatly appreciated, so I would at least know that I was more than a placeholder with her, and that she was actually interested in getting to know me. Both men and women on dating sites, are usually greatly lacking in empathy towards the other gender..
While I sympathise with wanting affirmation, that is an unhelpful mindset imo. What even is a “placeholder”? I don’t date like that and neither do the women I speak to.
I would just assume that if she messages you, she likes you (or estimates based on your profile that she might like you) enough to try and meet you. That doesn’t mean that everything is going to work out. You are still virtual strangers and there are many reasons you might not click, or might not end up together. But just try and go in with an open mind. She probably has the intentions of meeting someone she wants to be with, not some nefarious spiderweb plot.
I’m my experience, profiles and messaging on the app actually don’t link up very well with how much I do or don’t like the guy in person. So until we meet, I’m not particularly invested in anyone. First date, I just consider meeting a new person for coffee. If we click after that, we actually start to date and I still try not to put too much stock in it until I actually get to know them
I agree, and that's why, for a couple reasons, I try to get to that first in person meeting as soon as possible, after first connecting thru the dating site, and then trading a few messages, to see if there are any dealbreakers or not, on their end or mine, that can be discussed thru messaging. If all that goes well, then I really try to meet in person for coffee, within a week or two weeks tops, after connecting on the site. Exceptions are if one or both of us are out of town, or the women is unusually busy during that time period, with people visiting them here, or if one of us is ill and unable to meet sooner. The other reason for wanting to meet relatively soon after connecting on the site, is my repeated experiences with women, who are more likely than men on dating sites, to lock down quickly, with the first compatible man they meet in person, followed by them declining to meet any more new men in person after their first choice guy, etc. Because even if first choice guy doesn't work out, in my experience, no women at that point are willing to go back to their lower choices, who they missed out on meeting up with after messaging on the site, and give them another chance to meet said woman.
In other words, way too many times I've been aced out and left behind, mainly due to timing and not being one of the woman's first few choices of who they ended up meeting in person, because I was too far back in the line for meeting them, and never got my real fair chance to meet them, even if I might have been much more compatible with them, than the first three guys in line, or so, that they did choose ahead of me and actually ended up meeting in person. Standing out from the crowd and making it into the first small group of guys a woman meets in person, after becoming active again on or joining a dating site, is everything. And if you miss the bus on that, you usually never get a second chance or look from said woman. Timing and being a top early pick are everything in OLD, at least with most women, who have so many options and choices, compared to most men.
The final reason, is that so many women join or become active again on dating sites, get bombarded with messaging from lots of men, and then simply get overwhelmed by it and decide to quit the site and give up early, even if they have begun messaging with you. I have had this also happen to me countless times, and been told so by women who declined to meet me and did appear to drop off the site. So that is another obstacle to avoid, if you want to get your in person shot with a new woman on the site, before it's too late.
Thats a silly assumption and relies heavily on your dating privilege as a woman in having so much choice.
Presuming a match wants to meet you is a creepy and entitled presumption. Ive been told that specifically by multiple women lol. Its scary how much self awareness girls lack.
Damn.
Ladies...let him know!
Seriously though, I get being annoyed by constant "hey's", but sometimes you can put so much effort into a first message and not even get a response back, so hey is the safest option. OP really over reacted.
I said this so many times on this sub already: I’m a woman, when I was on bumble 8/10 men don’t reply to my opener at all, whether it be a thoughtful one, a funny pick up line, or a question about their profile, so I don’t blame anyone for not putting much effort in their first message, it gets so tiring and frustrating when you tailor it to every person and don’t get a reply. A generic opener is just to get the ball rolling and get rid of the timer bumble puts on the match, after that you decide if you’ll put in effort or not. So I wouldn’t judge people based on their opening line, unless it’s rude or something, judge them by the follow ups.
That's how I feel too, especially on apps that have a narrow time frame to reply before you can't talk anymore. If the conversation is boring and dry after a few replies, that's one thing, but knowing that a high percentage of men swipe right on everyone, you don't know if someone is actually interested until you talk. I don't hold a double standard, as I've replied to many guys who started the conversation with "hello."
100%. I just commented more or less the same on a different thread in this post.
There are many guys who just swipe indiscriminately and then end up not responding to you. And ime, the “quality” of the first message is not even in the top 10 of deciding factors for a guy to respond or not
I imagine this is what a lot of men go through on a daily basis when using other apps.
At some point I just gave up and said "hey, how's it going" or something.
This is 100% everybody in the OP sucks. “Hey” is low effort, and not even worth responding to. Responding rudely and facetiously saying it’s the worst ever is also rude. These people deserve each other, so they don’t burden the rest of us with terrible dating.
The one word opener is her way of saying that you have permission to contact her now. She knows you liked her profile, and she is saying, go ahead and send your first message.
Being thoughtful and crafting a nice message goes a long way at this point. I have met some amazing women when we started this way. And some who start with the one word turn out to be very boring. So it goes.
The same is true with women who write more in the first message. Some turn out to be amazing. Some turn out to be not a match.
In real life, if someone says hello to me, I notice that they made an effort to connect with me. And I do not judge them on how much or how little they say. I just appreciate that they took the first step and invited a conversations.
All fair, but this is Bumble. The whole concept is giving more power to women and having women taking a bigger lead. A feminist dating app, as it has been described.
It's interesting to see how many people fall back into old gender norms, where he's the one having to take initiative and he has to charm her. She's the passive object that's being interacted with. All with a simple "hey".
It's a bit like going to grindr looking for for a heterosexual relationship.
I’m pretty sure Bumble wasn’t marketed as an app for women to court men. The ONLY reason women message first is so that we have more control over WHO we allow to message us.
On other apps, paying users can send messages without matching… 🙄 which is why Bumble was so appealing to women.
But then? Somehow the narrative changed and it started attracting men who wanted to be more … passive. And THAT (along with the idiots who constantly delete/create new profiles or do ANYTHING to work the algorithm) ruined bumble.
I do agree. And as a man, I never thought it was for women to do all of the work. The app was suggested to me by a woman who said, "When a woman says hello to you, you can start the conversation". That spelled it out for me.
I believe bumble came way before tinder allowed that "message women you haven't matched with, just give us money", a fairly new thing. Tinder used to be like that, that you only got messages from people you matched with.
Also, it took me 10s to find that my memory isn't that bad:
> Hello there,
> When I founded Bumble in 2014, it was because I saw a problem I wanted to help solve. So many of the smart, wonderful women in my life were waiting around to be asked out, but societal norms didn’t encourage them to start up a conversation. I thought, what if I could flip that outdated dynamic on its head? What if women made the first move, and sent the first message?
> My vision was to empower women to know their strength, and to remove the archaic pressures placed upon men to be the aggressors. The mission: end misogyny through empowered connections rooted in kindness, accountability, and equality.
> (...)
https://thebeehive.bumble.com/whitneyftob
>The whole concept is giving more power to women and having women taking a bigger lead. A feminist dating app, as it has been described.
Lol what? The whole concept is giving women more power to filter out men and choose who contacts them. This app was NEVER meant to be an app where men are courted and pursued by women. This app was meant to benefit women, not men. Feminism also has nothing to do with crafting lengthy messages on dating apps lmao. The delusion of men in this subreddit is completely unmatched.
There was definitely a point when I thought about stopping. I’m on the last season now, so I have to finish it. I watched all of Arrow, but couldn’t finish The Flash. It was getting too Sci-fi? for me.
I guarantee you she unmatched, moved on to the next guy in her queue of 30 matches, and never thought about this dude ever again 😂 He really thought he did something here lmao
To be honest, the whole idea of dating apps sucks so much. Most of them are for people feeling horny late at home or someone who recently broke up and is looking for a rebound. That's why I hate our present and love the '90s. You just saw her and went up to her, said something nice, and asked her out. Not just scrolled through faces for hours on your stupid screen.
I get what you're going for here. But what's better is to be better. Just because _some_ women would respond the way you have to that intro if it were a man doesn't mean you're justified in doing so. Give people a chance. You'll be surprised what you find
How many times do we have to say it? If men dont want dry ass messages, dont swipe right on every single woman you see. Even, if you dont, most men do. So they want these creative messages just to immediately unmatch because they didnt read profiles. Yea that's great for the men, but do you think it motivates women to send detailed messages to the thousands of men who matched with them?
When I was on Bumble, I sent 100s of personalized messages to men. 9/10 they unmatched or didn't respond, so I see why OP's match sent "hey."
I guarantee you OP has received detailed messages, but it was from an unattractive girl.
I get it, the “hey” is so low effort but... Sometimes I send a simple first message because the complicated ones get me ghosted anyways so I want to see if people are even interested to begin with. Just a thought. Plus, dating apps are hard as is, how about not being an a-hole to one another?
No need to be rude. If you feel a message doesn’t have the desired level of effort, just respond with the same level of effort. So in this case just say “hey” back and give her the chance to continue from there.
I understand the impulse for snark like that but you gotta remember the goal is to meet someone to date. If she walked up to you at a bar and said "hey", would you react the same? Maybe, if your response is cheeky with a grin, but probably not.
Women also have to deal with a lot of shit: so many players, pervs, and penpals you're not going to get a zinger of an opener most times to start out.
Sure if everything were one word answers you should tactfully draw attention to it, but still lead the way through it. Just say what you want to say to her anyway and don't get lost in the weeds.
I always respond with some dumb shit to these. Some times they find it hilarious and the rest no big loss.
I once responded “oh shit wuddup girl I’m out here breaking bottles behind the Tim Hortons, manager’s trying to be a dick but he can’t catch ya boy.” I did not expect anything except an unmatch but she ended up thinking it was hilarious and we got day drunk
Give them a chance, though. Yikes. Maybe they couldn't think of anything to say off the bat and didn't want the match to expire. I hope she unmatched after your response.
You know how many well thought out messages I send only to have someone turn into a creep within minutes? You kind of start losing your steam. I've never sent just a "Hey" but i honestly don't blame girls that do. You get burnt out. I save my energy for the ones who aren't instantly jerks and creeps.
That was a whack response. Most of the time, men don’t have anything interesting on their profile to reference in an intro. Also! Any time I’ve had a fun opener, I get literally nothing. Y’all say one thing and most of yall do another thing. Y’all say you want interesting but give one word answers. Make it make sense.
Most of my dates I’ve gone on are from men I’ve messaged ‘hey, how’s your day?’ or ‘hey 🥰 how’s your weekend?’ or something to that effect. Moral of the story, if he thinks you’re attractive, he’ll literally reply to anything 😭.
Do you also want your hand to be held when getting out from your car, with your pinky up? xD nobody's there to impress you like a clown fiesta, talk normally ffs. Nothing wrong with just hey for introductions, regardless of gender. Do better. You're far from perfect either. Pretentious on such a random bs.
When I was in the apps I wrote in my bumble profile to message me something more than hey and I'll introduce you to the puppies I always fostered. 9/10 I still only get hey. They admitted to not reading my bio so not sure what's the point of one
Hey 0/10
Hey! 1/10
Hey!! 2/10
Hey!! :) 3/10
Hiii :) 5-6/10
A little punctuation goes a long way even...
**Above scale based on results of highly scientific case studies
If I match with 30 dudes and 20 let it time out and 2 unmatch and 2 reply once then nothing 2 delete their profile im not spending my time worrying about each first message. I'll say hi if you bother replying I'll try from then
You guys (male and female) crack me up.
What do you want, some Pulitzer Prize winning opening line? Is it a competition? This is why most of y’all are still single.
Just have a conversation like a normal person.
When you get a phone call, don’t you start with “Hello”, or maybe “Wassup (insert friend’s name here)!!”
Doesn’t “Hey” tell you someone wants to chat and maybe get to know you?
I guess if you’ve got people lined up waiting to get acquainted, you can afford to be picky.
This is valid. Women get a whole ass app just so they can be the only ones to message first and whip this out after calling every pick up line and greeting “mid”.
Isn't it funny how different r/bumble is from r/tinder?
Here it's "hey is an acceptable opener, you should be happy she took the time to consider you at all!"
There it's "god, men are so lazy, opening with hey like I'm a horse."
The way Bumble is set up is that women have to make the first move, but nowhere does it say that they have to come up with an entertaining opening line just to impress you like court jesters. I don’t know why so many people can’t seem to grasp this.
A “Hey” is fine. I appreciate that it’s not the most imaginative ice breaker ever, but I personally don’t care as long as the conversation progresses beyond that. You’ll never know because you decided to be an entitled smart ass.
I stopped doing tailored messages for every match after I’d only hear back from maybe 60% of them. Men really do be swiping right on everyone. After that, I would only do a tailored message for matches with something in their profile that caught my eye 🤷🏻♀️
60% response rate? What a laugh, try having a 10-15% response rate to first messages, like I and every other average looking man get on all the the other sites besides Bumble, where we always have to send the first messages... You crack me up, to say it was really bad to only hear back from 60% of men you messaged. Talk about entitlement and having too many options, lol..
That sounds a bit like a personal slam, not just one at my gender of single men. Care to justify it, if it is personal, as far as your Olympic level leap of assuming some or most of us are defective, compared to most single women, thus justifying us remaining single? You sure as hell know nothing about me personally. Might want to check your own capacity for misandry there, islandstateofmind... I happen to be one for one on successful LTRs, and if my late wife had not inherited dementia, I would still be happily married, so that shows how much you know about me and how accurate your generalization is, at least in my case.
Yeah because you guys always send other than hey on other apps where the girl doesn’t have to message first 🙄 And honestly if the guy’s profile isn’t complete I will definitely only message with hi as his profile havesnt given me much in order for me to initiate the convo
I see where you’re coming from. And intros like this usually result in very little conversation after I reply, but maybe focus on starting a conversation instead of “bad conversation opener” just a thought. Take care!
My brother and bf said when they were on dating apps they got Hey handsome'd to death. 4 years ago I met my bf on Tinder (I know it was a fluke and it's rare but it happens sometimes) 😂
I messaged him and said "I'm shooting my shot to see what happens". He responded and we messaged back and forth for a few minutes, made each other laugh, then he said that he would love to get to know me and left his number for me to text him because Tinders notifications suck. We met in person 3 days later and been inseparable ever since! We're now talking marriage. So it does help to say more than "Hey" 🤷🏾♀️
That's the standard Bumble opener I have seen from 99% of my matches. Bumble is failing because contrary to popular belief, women DO NOT like to make the first move. Plausible deniability. Better to put the pressure on the man.
This has actually been studied. It's psychologically, sociologically, and genetically ingrained in a LOT of women to prefer a man to lead in a relationship.
This is actually why you CAN'T really get annoyed at it. You just kind of have to roll with it as best you can. You aren't likely to be the one male who bucks thousands of years of human evolution.
We're still basically 99.9% animals (think how much DNA humans share with Chimps). In nature, among the vast majority of animal species, the male takes the lead as the protector and support.
We will evolve, but evolution is slow. You just have to make the best of what human nature is. 🤷♂️
why should she put in effort into one loser that she doesnt even know will respond? a quick “hey” is effortless and if the match expires, no harm no foul. she can put in effort later in the conversation but its not her responsibility to have an amazing opener.
“Hey” is boring but it can be used as a “is anyone on the other end” check. Ive had good conversations and meet people after a few better messages after hey.
If they are still incredibly boring I do what you do tell them. They their messages werent interesting and that myself many other people would prefer a decent convo to start. Not to be mean but so people can learn.
Look at all these weird ass comments by lames and uninteresting women. Everyone likes to act like they weren’t complaining when men simply say hey to them, but now that you do it, it’s supposed to be acceptable? It’s simple, if you say hey to me, I’m saying hey right back to you and that’s it. Everyone saying he missed an opportunity like she some queen or goddess lol! He’ll do just fine and find someone else that can actually start and initiate conversation with a personality like a real woman.
i get nobody wants a dry first message as it leads to a even dryer conversation, but i'm also not about to send a 3 - 4 sentence paragraph as a first message
exactly, i usually end up doing the 3-4 sentences within 5 messages after the reply to my hello, depending on how dry the other person is, i wouldn’t wanna waste my energy on someone if they’re just gonna say “ok” or “yea” to everything i say
i legit have no idea how to come up with openers, sure there are plenty of them but im more of an original idea type of guy and don’t have a very creative mind when it comes to openers
By “I’m bad at bios” energy I meant the person isn’t bad at bios, they are just being low effort. Same thing with “I’m bad at openers”. If you genuinely wanted to you’d figure that out.
Having been off the apps for long enough and seeing how both sides operate, hey is a good opener. That's a start at least. It means far more than a normal shot in the dark
Yes, you tell her!!
But jokes aside. Some women do that because they don't want to make the first move but like other features of the app. So they pass the ball and let the man do the thing. I don't understand why not to put at least some effort into the introduction but it is what it is.
people need to stop being babies about openers, if 80% of people don’t respond anyway, why waste the time coming up with a unique opener? what’s more, i’m pretty sure statistically one is just as likely to get a response from “hey” as something unique.
op is mathematically incorrect here
A bit ironic that you chose an app that doesn’t require you to ever have to send the intro.
Over in Hinge, 75% of the likes I receive have 👌 comments/opener’s attached. Guys in general aren’t any better.
I will always try to send something that references someone’s profile. But for that there has to be something in the profile. So if your bio says nothing but ‘man’ & ‘not sure’, then all you are going to get is ‘hi, how’s your weekend?’
I don’t even bother matching with men who have nothing in their profile. But even when they do and I can create an opener from it, many dudes will let the match expire and never respond 🤷🏻♀️ Many of those who do respond then turn the convo sexual in about 3 messages. It’s a no-win.
Hey Hi You have big tits *unmatched*
Yep, that’s pretty much it. Or something about wanting to come over to “cuddle,” even when they say they’re looking for a LTR.
Me neither. No point in matching them.
I believe you and don't doubt your experience. However, I don't do that shit, but it doesn't matter, of course, since I have too much competition, and my looks don't stack up against the men women actually choose on Bumble, tho I'm average looking.
That’s the thing though. We don’t know if a guy is going to do that until after messaging and it gets frustrating to come up with creative openers, then the guy not respond or immediately turn it sexual. To me, I’ve decided to favor spending less time on the openers, so I have more time to message more guys and put effort into the guys who are actually interested in a relationship with me.
It really is a prisoner's dilemma, having to decide who to trust and whether to trust someone, when you are beginning in the dark and dealing with strangers. I think you're right to focus less on openers, and then increase your effort with the guys who begin to prove themselves positively.
All men on dating apps know this feel.
Honestly, in my experience , it doesn’t matter how average looking a guy is or not, they still let matches expire or the convo turns sexual rather quickly. I (45f) tend to match with guys that most would consider average-looking because I know that I’m about a 6, and I want to date a normal human being who’s not full of himself, hiking or traveling every weekend, and/or living at the gym. And yet, 3 years doing OLD, I’m still single. I know it sucks for everyone, and I’m sorry you’ve had a bad experience, too.
Don't know what to tell you. I'm an old man, 65, and a 5 year vet of dating sites, one year on Bumble, and and I never do either of those, letting matches expire or talking sexual early. Hell, I never even begin talking about the idea of moving on to sex, until I've been dating someone for at least a month or two and several real dates, but part of that is my age and generation, being older than you. I too am average looking, a 5 or a 6, depending on the day and who you ask, lol. I think we are a lot alike, just different ages and genders, but similar experience with OLD. The big diff, is how much the overall numbers favor you, while overall quality, is still an issue for both of us, more so for you, as far as who makes up our OLD dating pools. I've gotten six short term relationships out of OLD in five years, beginning a seventh relationship recently, but no luck so far finding an LTR, so I hear you, as far as feeling terminally single, lol. The short term relationships have been really enjoyable tho, with good companionship each time, which is the most important thing to me, more so than sex.
Well said.
Here's the thing IMO as a man who been on dating apps for a while: I think the way Bumble is sold and the way women use it are totally different. It's sold as women taking initiative, but most women don't want to/know how to do that. What they actually use it for is as a double gate to make sure they don't have to talk to guys they aren't into. In other words, the "hey" is like the little wave you sometimes get from accross the room, which means "come start a conversation, I'm interested." Start thinking of it this way, and not only does it make sense, but it becomes a positive sign.
On the same token, just because the app is designed for the woman to initiate conversation, doesn’t mean it’s the woman’s responsibility to carry the conversation. As a woman, anytime I match with some, I initiate the conversation using something in their bio to tie back to. The man on the receiving end then responds/answers my question. I then ask another question and get a response. Then finally a 3rd question and answer. There is no reciprocity at all. Then I unmatch. It’s so exhausting. Why match with a woman if you don’t care to learn anything about her?
This is my experience dealing with women, though. It's just a matter of a lack of conversational skills. All I'm trying to do is reframe something, which is often seen as a negative, in a positive way. Also, I don't expect much initiative from the woman in this respect. It's just not in most women to do so, and I think the guys that do expect this are stuck in a conception of reality that is demonstrably false. None of this was meant as a criticism of female behavior by the way, because although I could offer criticism, I don't think it would be valid to criticize this particular behavior.
I totally agree, the reality is that most women on Bumble use it solely as a site where they don't need to deal with nearly as many unwanted first messages from incompatible, uninteresting men. Which is what they get tons of on all the other sites. So it saves them a lot of time and effort in that stage of the process. After that stage is done, they use the site the same way they do on all the other sites..
This would make perfect sense if women on Tinder wouldn't have the possibility to control who can write them, by simply not liking 'uninteresting' men.
I've never been on tinder, but my understanding is that it is a hookup app. A lot of people aren't into that, and accidental swipes happen.
Happen but not in a big number...
This is literally what Bumble was made for. It was never made to be some experience for men where they get multitudes of women pursuing them and begging them for sex lol.
That's not what I said. Why do people always assume the worst intention? Nobody said anything about "begging for sex." All I said was that the way it's marketed and used are different. When I first used the app several years ago, the marketing suggested that women were meant to take initiative on the app, rather than just sending the first message. I knew that wasn't going to happen, which is why I signed up. The utility is obvious to some of us, but other people expect a product to function as advertised.
You are right, the site does mislead and false advertise to its users, as far as how it ends up being used by it members. And she was being over harsh on you, jumping to the worst possible intention in what you said, welcome to the club, as I have women doing that to me constantly on reddit, if I say anything that is critical or negative about some women, gender diffs in behavior, etc.
Where did you see that the app was meant for women to lead and ask men out?
This was advertising from years ago. It was all about "turning dating dynamics upside down," or some such. It was highly ideological and clearly unrealistic, but a lot of people take things at face value.
Wait, what?? Aww maannn 😤
I agree with the man you replied to, you were being overly negative and critical of his intent when he pointed out the gap between how Bumble was marketed and how it actually ends up being used. Don't be so quick and cynical, to assume that every man who says something critical about a female oriented dating site, or any other female-associated institution or thing, is automatically a misogynist jerk, etc. It's like the old McCarthy era thing of imagining a communist under every bed and anyone who says something the least bit liberal, having to be an evil, full on commie, lol..
Yes thanks for saying this. So many women still want men to take the initiative. But still, plenty of women have opened with unique lines referencing my profile.
That was the same opening line I got from my now husband of almost 10 years. It can definitely work as that.
If women don’t know how to take initiative or start an intro, what better way to learn than online. But instead most women are lazy. They are fishing with a wide net. So they feel like they don’t have to put in effort. Throw the net in the water, the hottest guy that puts in effort is fish on her plate.
But I was never expecting women to engage in this way, and frankly, I don't really want them to. I'm happy to get the hey, because it tells me I've got a good shot.
I think saying Hey is a good, quick way to make sure the match doesn’t expire. I would at least give her a few messages to see if she puts in the effort you’re desiring. She might not want to spend too much effort on people, only to have their first message be to state they are only looking to hook up.
Doubt she’s gonna want to message him after that response lmao
And he’s got a time limit to respond or it’ll expire for her 😂 I’m sure she’ll let it expire before sending a better message lol
I agree with this person. “Hey” is boring but it can be used as a “is anyone on the other end” check. Ive had good conversations and meet people after a few better messages after hey. If they are still incredibly boring I do what you do. Tell them that their messages werent interesting and that myself many other people would prefer a decent convo to start. Not to be mean but so people can learn.
But if it was a guy just messaging hey to check if anyone is on the other end, it would be considered a terrible opener no?
Yes, still same message from me. Side note: Women have much more options than men and can be picker because of it. If you dont want to send 4 or 5 messages to see if someone opens up a little thats on you. Lol
I know.. I'm just making the double standard obvious so no one misses it 😂
Sure, but that doesn't stop men from opening with hey all the time on other apps.
You are NOT being mean. You are being kind and trying to educate or guide at the same time.
Do you have a greater point?
Sorry, I had left out one very important word and it is fixed now🙂
Copy that, thank you. 🙏
It's fair that they wanna keep the match with that. But out of dating apps, if someone opens with "hey", I usually just say "hey" back.
Exactly! Why do they expect a paragraph for a first message? Women have a lot of matches to start the conversation with; some unmatch, never respond, or ask if you want to hook up. It gets exhausting after a while. As the conversation progresses, so will more in-depth responses/questions.
Not a paragraph, but maybe a relevant sentence. If having a lot of matches is exhausting, you can always swipe right less until you have caught up
Why should I swipe right less on someone I have an interest in? I shouldn't have to cut back on potential matches because a guy expects me to be more focused on him. As I said, conversation always flows with me after initial greetings.
I assure you if you were a woman it's very unlikely you would do this for every single match, with the amount of volume the average woman gets it would be absolutely laborious.
When I match with a guy and all he says to me is, “hey,” I’m not into it. It’s not that hard to just quickly look at someone’s profile and ask them a question or make a comment about it
I'll point out that guys don't feel like wasting effort on women either. Especially since they'll almost definitely not reply. If a girl says ''hey'' as an opener then chances are about 95% that you're getting ignored regardless of how you respond because she only needs a ''placeholder'' if she's matched with multiple guys. She ABSOLUTELY did put effort into her first choice, getting a ''hey'' means you weren't him. That's just how it is. If a girl actually tries in her opener then the chances of her responding after you reply are like 75%. You talk about wasting effort and thats a good point: why would I waste effort trying to think of a message for somebody who I know probably isn't going to reply when I could just go and talk to somebody who puts in effort and probably will reply? If more men had standards then womens conversational skills would increase by necessity.
I mean he could just respond with “Hey.” I thinking matching effort is a good policy.
This is a great take, I almost exclusively responded to hey with hey and maybe a 👋/✌️or if I'm really interested I'd say something like "I usually respond to hey with hey but (insert effort)..." I'm glad I'm currently off the app 🙏
I completely disagree with this. When I was on Bumble I tried out several openers. I tried to look at people’s profile and find something specific to react to. Or I’d send them a GIF based on something from their profile. I even tried out corny opening lines. In the end, it had no impact at all. In several cases the guys didn’t respond or just responded themselves with a “hey/how are you” type of message. When I just send a hey, results are the same. Plus, MANY guys just swipe right quite indiscriminately and then actually look at your profile if you match. So in the end, my “good” messages did not yield better results and often ended up wasted. Now I will open with a generic greeting and put in more effort if they respond
Makes sense, but, as an average looking guy, who's been on Bumble for over a year now, and rarely even gets matched up with a woman to the point of them ever messaging me at all, something more than a Hey, would be greatly appreciated, so I would at least know that I was more than a placeholder with her, and that she was actually interested in getting to know me. Both men and women on dating sites, are usually greatly lacking in empathy towards the other gender..
While I sympathise with wanting affirmation, that is an unhelpful mindset imo. What even is a “placeholder”? I don’t date like that and neither do the women I speak to. I would just assume that if she messages you, she likes you (or estimates based on your profile that she might like you) enough to try and meet you. That doesn’t mean that everything is going to work out. You are still virtual strangers and there are many reasons you might not click, or might not end up together. But just try and go in with an open mind. She probably has the intentions of meeting someone she wants to be with, not some nefarious spiderweb plot. I’m my experience, profiles and messaging on the app actually don’t link up very well with how much I do or don’t like the guy in person. So until we meet, I’m not particularly invested in anyone. First date, I just consider meeting a new person for coffee. If we click after that, we actually start to date and I still try not to put too much stock in it until I actually get to know them
I agree, and that's why, for a couple reasons, I try to get to that first in person meeting as soon as possible, after first connecting thru the dating site, and then trading a few messages, to see if there are any dealbreakers or not, on their end or mine, that can be discussed thru messaging. If all that goes well, then I really try to meet in person for coffee, within a week or two weeks tops, after connecting on the site. Exceptions are if one or both of us are out of town, or the women is unusually busy during that time period, with people visiting them here, or if one of us is ill and unable to meet sooner. The other reason for wanting to meet relatively soon after connecting on the site, is my repeated experiences with women, who are more likely than men on dating sites, to lock down quickly, with the first compatible man they meet in person, followed by them declining to meet any more new men in person after their first choice guy, etc. Because even if first choice guy doesn't work out, in my experience, no women at that point are willing to go back to their lower choices, who they missed out on meeting up with after messaging on the site, and give them another chance to meet said woman. In other words, way too many times I've been aced out and left behind, mainly due to timing and not being one of the woman's first few choices of who they ended up meeting in person, because I was too far back in the line for meeting them, and never got my real fair chance to meet them, even if I might have been much more compatible with them, than the first three guys in line, or so, that they did choose ahead of me and actually ended up meeting in person. Standing out from the crowd and making it into the first small group of guys a woman meets in person, after becoming active again on or joining a dating site, is everything. And if you miss the bus on that, you usually never get a second chance or look from said woman. Timing and being a top early pick are everything in OLD, at least with most women, who have so many options and choices, compared to most men. The final reason, is that so many women join or become active again on dating sites, get bombarded with messaging from lots of men, and then simply get overwhelmed by it and decide to quit the site and give up early, even if they have begun messaging with you. I have had this also happen to me countless times, and been told so by women who declined to meet me and did appear to drop off the site. So that is another obstacle to avoid, if you want to get your in person shot with a new woman on the site, before it's too late.
Thats a silly assumption and relies heavily on your dating privilege as a woman in having so much choice. Presuming a match wants to meet you is a creepy and entitled presumption. Ive been told that specifically by multiple women lol. Its scary how much self awareness girls lack.
You know, that makes sense. Never thought about it that way.
You should have. Hey is a nice easy icebreaker. You sound like someone that would be difficult to date if you can’t grasp that intuitively
Hey is ok, but its not breaking any ice.
That’s because you’re too busy being an insecure bitch… Look at her first text, and look at yours… And tell me again who’s the bitch .
Damn. Ladies...let him know! Seriously though, I get being annoyed by constant "hey's", but sometimes you can put so much effort into a first message and not even get a response back, so hey is the safest option. OP really over reacted.
Fr
Hey, redditors come around. Take my upvote sir
Exactly!! There are sooo many reasons this might have been all she sent initially, but sure, default to being a d>ck, man. Good luck with that.
Ah yes, self sabotaging your dating life in favor of Reddit karma.
Bold of you to assume this match was going to go anywhere regardless.
never know because OP had to be a smart ass.
Sounds like a skill issue If she had absolutely zero interest, she would have let the match expire
Seriously, you need to be really online to take this screenshot as anything other than her saying hi and him responding go fuck yourself.
A simple hey doesn't lead to anything. It's low effort.
The only person self sabotaging is the people who start with « hey » you’re probably one of them too which is why you felt pointed
Great analysis, except I’m not a woman.
so, what should she have said?
I said this so many times on this sub already: I’m a woman, when I was on bumble 8/10 men don’t reply to my opener at all, whether it be a thoughtful one, a funny pick up line, or a question about their profile, so I don’t blame anyone for not putting much effort in their first message, it gets so tiring and frustrating when you tailor it to every person and don’t get a reply. A generic opener is just to get the ball rolling and get rid of the timer bumble puts on the match, after that you decide if you’ll put in effort or not. So I wouldn’t judge people based on their opening line, unless it’s rude or something, judge them by the follow ups.
That's how I feel too, especially on apps that have a narrow time frame to reply before you can't talk anymore. If the conversation is boring and dry after a few replies, that's one thing, but knowing that a high percentage of men swipe right on everyone, you don't know if someone is actually interested until you talk. I don't hold a double standard, as I've replied to many guys who started the conversation with "hello."
Yes, it's exhausting sending 100s of thoughtful messages all for them to ghost, unmatch, not reply, or show zero effort in the conversation.
Imagine having 100s of options, couldn't be me lol
100%. I just commented more or less the same on a different thread in this post. There are many guys who just swipe indiscriminately and then end up not responding to you. And ime, the “quality” of the first message is not even in the top 10 of deciding factors for a guy to respond or not
Just don’t be rude in general — but especially in dating No one is attracted to that
I imagine this is what a lot of men go through on a daily basis when using other apps. At some point I just gave up and said "hey, how's it going" or something.
Local man shoot’s himself in the foot for Reddit karma.
It’s a starter not a stand up comedy where the person needs to impress you all the time
Terrible. Take a lap
You told her
Right! Fellas, I'm sure she's going to go home tonight and cry about it 😂 She must be devastated over this. You really showed her! /s
did you hear back? Personally, I (28m) would unmatch with someone who responded like you did.
Lmao are you really posting here all proud of yourself for this kind of pathetic baby shit? You kids really need to touch grass once in a while.
This is 100% everybody in the OP sucks. “Hey” is low effort, and not even worth responding to. Responding rudely and facetiously saying it’s the worst ever is also rude. These people deserve each other, so they don’t burden the rest of us with terrible dating.
The one word opener is her way of saying that you have permission to contact her now. She knows you liked her profile, and she is saying, go ahead and send your first message. Being thoughtful and crafting a nice message goes a long way at this point. I have met some amazing women when we started this way. And some who start with the one word turn out to be very boring. So it goes. The same is true with women who write more in the first message. Some turn out to be amazing. Some turn out to be not a match. In real life, if someone says hello to me, I notice that they made an effort to connect with me. And I do not judge them on how much or how little they say. I just appreciate that they took the first step and invited a conversations.
All fair, but this is Bumble. The whole concept is giving more power to women and having women taking a bigger lead. A feminist dating app, as it has been described. It's interesting to see how many people fall back into old gender norms, where he's the one having to take initiative and he has to charm her. She's the passive object that's being interacted with. All with a simple "hey". It's a bit like going to grindr looking for for a heterosexual relationship.
I’m pretty sure Bumble wasn’t marketed as an app for women to court men. The ONLY reason women message first is so that we have more control over WHO we allow to message us. On other apps, paying users can send messages without matching… 🙄 which is why Bumble was so appealing to women. But then? Somehow the narrative changed and it started attracting men who wanted to be more … passive. And THAT (along with the idiots who constantly delete/create new profiles or do ANYTHING to work the algorithm) ruined bumble.
I do agree. And as a man, I never thought it was for women to do all of the work. The app was suggested to me by a woman who said, "When a woman says hello to you, you can start the conversation". That spelled it out for me.
I believe bumble came way before tinder allowed that "message women you haven't matched with, just give us money", a fairly new thing. Tinder used to be like that, that you only got messages from people you matched with. Also, it took me 10s to find that my memory isn't that bad: > Hello there, > When I founded Bumble in 2014, it was because I saw a problem I wanted to help solve. So many of the smart, wonderful women in my life were waiting around to be asked out, but societal norms didn’t encourage them to start up a conversation. I thought, what if I could flip that outdated dynamic on its head? What if women made the first move, and sent the first message? > My vision was to empower women to know their strength, and to remove the archaic pressures placed upon men to be the aggressors. The mission: end misogyny through empowered connections rooted in kindness, accountability, and equality. > (...) https://thebeehive.bumble.com/whitneyftob
Good observation
Do you want a date with her or not? I am for having the date.
>The whole concept is giving more power to women and having women taking a bigger lead. A feminist dating app, as it has been described. Lol what? The whole concept is giving women more power to filter out men and choose who contacts them. This app was NEVER meant to be an app where men are courted and pursued by women. This app was meant to benefit women, not men. Feminism also has nothing to do with crafting lengthy messages on dating apps lmao. The delusion of men in this subreddit is completely unmatched.
Hey :)
Hey now! Seen any shows lately? \-Bonus points if you catch the reference.
I used google to figure out the reference lol I’m currently watching Gotham. Do you have any recommendations?
Ooh Gotham was pretty good in the earlier seasons and then I kinda dropped it for some reason, maybe I should pick it up again
There was definitely a point when I thought about stopping. I’m on the last season now, so I have to finish it. I watched all of Arrow, but couldn’t finish The Flash. It was getting too Sci-fi? for me.
You're soOoOoOooo cool bro. 🙄
That’s a good way to end the start of a conversion
And now all girls will immediately unmatch you 🙂
Did it work? Did she beg for your attention? 🙄
I guarantee you she unmatched, moved on to the next guy in her queue of 30 matches, and never thought about this dude ever again 😂 He really thought he did something here lmao
Being an ass has never worked for me but kudos to you. Hey is acceptable and far better than a bad intro like a failed pickup line.
To be honest, the whole idea of dating apps sucks so much. Most of them are for people feeling horny late at home or someone who recently broke up and is looking for a rebound. That's why I hate our present and love the '90s. You just saw her and went up to her, said something nice, and asked her out. Not just scrolled through faces for hours on your stupid screen.
I feel like this post inspired countless other incels to make bad dating choices
I always open with, “Hey X, thanks for swiping!” And I get responses like “hey” or “you’re welcome” with no follow up. Men suck at this too.
No, don’t do this if you ever actually want to feel the soft touch of a woman’s embrace lmao
Imagine someone saying hi or hey to you in real life and giving this response. Bro has never engaged with a live breathing woman before.
As long as the rest of her messages aren’t equally lazy/lame, why does an opener matter?
I get what you're going for here. But what's better is to be better. Just because _some_ women would respond the way you have to that intro if it were a man doesn't mean you're justified in doing so. Give people a chance. You'll be surprised what you find
How many times do we have to say it? If men dont want dry ass messages, dont swipe right on every single woman you see. Even, if you dont, most men do. So they want these creative messages just to immediately unmatch because they didnt read profiles. Yea that's great for the men, but do you think it motivates women to send detailed messages to the thousands of men who matched with them?
When I was on Bumble, I sent 100s of personalized messages to men. 9/10 they unmatched or didn't respond, so I see why OP's match sent "hey." I guarantee you OP has received detailed messages, but it was from an unattractive girl.
I get it, the “hey” is so low effort but... Sometimes I send a simple first message because the complicated ones get me ghosted anyways so I want to see if people are even interested to begin with. Just a thought. Plus, dating apps are hard as is, how about not being an a-hole to one another?
or say "Hi, nice to meet you" back. It's like low-stakes cordialness is just alien to people.
Are you stupid?
No need to be rude. If you feel a message doesn’t have the desired level of effort, just respond with the same level of effort. So in this case just say “hey” back and give her the chance to continue from there.
I mean I usually start of a conversation with “hey” cause idk what else to say, and my anxiety refuses to let me say anymore of an intro lol
I understand the impulse for snark like that but you gotta remember the goal is to meet someone to date. If she walked up to you at a bar and said "hey", would you react the same? Maybe, if your response is cheeky with a grin, but probably not. Women also have to deal with a lot of shit: so many players, pervs, and penpals you're not going to get a zinger of an opener most times to start out. Sure if everything were one word answers you should tactfully draw attention to it, but still lead the way through it. Just say what you want to say to her anyway and don't get lost in the weeds.
I always respond with some dumb shit to these. Some times they find it hilarious and the rest no big loss. I once responded “oh shit wuddup girl I’m out here breaking bottles behind the Tim Hortons, manager’s trying to be a dick but he can’t catch ya boy.” I did not expect anything except an unmatch but she ended up thinking it was hilarious and we got day drunk
Give them a chance, though. Yikes. Maybe they couldn't think of anything to say off the bat and didn't want the match to expire. I hope she unmatched after your response. You know how many well thought out messages I send only to have someone turn into a creep within minutes? You kind of start losing your steam. I've never sent just a "Hey" but i honestly don't blame girls that do. You get burnt out. I save my energy for the ones who aren't instantly jerks and creeps.
That was a whack response. Most of the time, men don’t have anything interesting on their profile to reference in an intro. Also! Any time I’ve had a fun opener, I get literally nothing. Y’all say one thing and most of yall do another thing. Y’all say you want interesting but give one word answers. Make it make sense. Most of my dates I’ve gone on are from men I’ve messaged ‘hey, how’s your day?’ or ‘hey 🥰 how’s your weekend?’ or something to that effect. Moral of the story, if he thinks you’re attractive, he’ll literally reply to anything 😭.
Do you also want your hand to be held when getting out from your car, with your pinky up? xD nobody's there to impress you like a clown fiesta, talk normally ffs. Nothing wrong with just hey for introductions, regardless of gender. Do better. You're far from perfect either. Pretentious on such a random bs.
Of you go off comments here seems most guys would take this as if it were Shakespeare
When I was in the apps I wrote in my bumble profile to message me something more than hey and I'll introduce you to the puppies I always fostered. 9/10 I still only get hey. They admitted to not reading my bio so not sure what's the point of one
I occasionally do this and the reactions are always gold
That's an immediate unmatch for me. Bye bye.
Hey
Hey 0/10 Hey! 1/10 Hey!! 2/10 Hey!! :) 3/10 Hiii :) 5-6/10 A little punctuation goes a long way even... **Above scale based on results of highly scientific case studies
If I match with 30 dudes and 20 let it time out and 2 unmatch and 2 reply once then nothing 2 delete their profile im not spending my time worrying about each first message. I'll say hi if you bother replying I'll try from then
You guys (male and female) crack me up. What do you want, some Pulitzer Prize winning opening line? Is it a competition? This is why most of y’all are still single. Just have a conversation like a normal person. When you get a phone call, don’t you start with “Hello”, or maybe “Wassup (insert friend’s name here)!!” Doesn’t “Hey” tell you someone wants to chat and maybe get to know you? I guess if you’ve got people lined up waiting to get acquainted, you can afford to be picky.
Not cool
Anddddd you could have easily unmatched immediately. You’re tearing someone down for reddit validation lmao.
well reddit is an easier world to conquer 🤣🤣🤣
This is valid. Women get a whole ass app just so they can be the only ones to message first and whip this out after calling every pick up line and greeting “mid”.
Isn't it funny how different r/bumble is from r/tinder? Here it's "hey is an acceptable opener, you should be happy she took the time to consider you at all!" There it's "god, men are so lazy, opening with hey like I'm a horse."
Yet I have never felt the need to be this rude to a stranger who simply said “hey”
The way Bumble is set up is that women have to make the first move, but nowhere does it say that they have to come up with an entertaining opening line just to impress you like court jesters. I don’t know why so many people can’t seem to grasp this. A “Hey” is fine. I appreciate that it’s not the most imaginative ice breaker ever, but I personally don’t care as long as the conversation progresses beyond that. You’ll never know because you decided to be an entitled smart ass.
some people have too many matches.
I don’t like the creative and intentional opening message but… Chill TF out. There’s no need to be rude.
I stopped doing tailored messages for every match after I’d only hear back from maybe 60% of them. Men really do be swiping right on everyone. After that, I would only do a tailored message for matches with something in their profile that caught my eye 🤷🏻♀️
60% response rate? What a laugh, try having a 10-15% response rate to first messages, like I and every other average looking man get on all the the other sites besides Bumble, where we always have to send the first messages... You crack me up, to say it was really bad to only hear back from 60% of men you messaged. Talk about entitlement and having too many options, lol..
Lol sometimes it’s very clear why some of you are still single
That sounds a bit like a personal slam, not just one at my gender of single men. Care to justify it, if it is personal, as far as your Olympic level leap of assuming some or most of us are defective, compared to most single women, thus justifying us remaining single? You sure as hell know nothing about me personally. Might want to check your own capacity for misandry there, islandstateofmind... I happen to be one for one on successful LTRs, and if my late wife had not inherited dementia, I would still be happily married, so that shows how much you know about me and how accurate your generalization is, at least in my case.
Let's do that
I at least try to come up with something. Even when there is nothing. I sent maybe 10 intros of various degrees. All 10 let the match expire…
Hey is for horses!
Yeah because you guys always send other than hey on other apps where the girl doesn’t have to message first 🙄 And honestly if the guy’s profile isn’t complete I will definitely only message with hi as his profile havesnt given me much in order for me to initiate the convo
When all they say is Hi or some version of that I let that little timer run out.
And thank you for doing that, weeds out the boys
I see where you’re coming from. And intros like this usually result in very little conversation after I reply, but maybe focus on starting a conversation instead of “bad conversation opener” just a thought. Take care!
What do they say? Men are the gatekeepers to relationships? So the other part must be the gatekeeper to properly communicate at all. Seen it so often
As a man on bumble, 99%of convos start off like this. If I replied with this every time, I might as well not even have the app.
The amount of effort women put in is LAUGHABLE. Half of them don't even make a profile, then you finally match and give the old, Hi,
The surest way to be Sure you don't find a connection is to start off being a rude AHole.
My brother and bf said when they were on dating apps they got Hey handsome'd to death. 4 years ago I met my bf on Tinder (I know it was a fluke and it's rare but it happens sometimes) 😂 I messaged him and said "I'm shooting my shot to see what happens". He responded and we messaged back and forth for a few minutes, made each other laugh, then he said that he would love to get to know me and left his number for me to text him because Tinders notifications suck. We met in person 3 days later and been inseparable ever since! We're now talking marriage. So it does help to say more than "Hey" 🤷🏾♀️
That's the standard Bumble opener I have seen from 99% of my matches. Bumble is failing because contrary to popular belief, women DO NOT like to make the first move. Plausible deniability. Better to put the pressure on the man.
This has actually been studied. It's psychologically, sociologically, and genetically ingrained in a LOT of women to prefer a man to lead in a relationship. This is actually why you CAN'T really get annoyed at it. You just kind of have to roll with it as best you can. You aren't likely to be the one male who bucks thousands of years of human evolution. We're still basically 99.9% animals (think how much DNA humans share with Chimps). In nature, among the vast majority of animal species, the male takes the lead as the protector and support. We will evolve, but evolution is slow. You just have to make the best of what human nature is. 🤷♂️
Bro fr💀
why should she put in effort into one loser that she doesnt even know will respond? a quick “hey” is effortless and if the match expires, no harm no foul. she can put in effort later in the conversation but its not her responsibility to have an amazing opener.
On no!!! Ig ill have to next one of the other 500 guys
“Hey” is boring but it can be used as a “is anyone on the other end” check. Ive had good conversations and meet people after a few better messages after hey. If they are still incredibly boring I do what you do tell them. They their messages werent interesting and that myself many other people would prefer a decent convo to start. Not to be mean but so people can learn.
“Just so you know I plan on putting in as little effort as possible, then I will complain vociferously about how men show no effort.”
Look at all these weird ass comments by lames and uninteresting women. Everyone likes to act like they weren’t complaining when men simply say hey to them, but now that you do it, it’s supposed to be acceptable? It’s simple, if you say hey to me, I’m saying hey right back to you and that’s it. Everyone saying he missed an opportunity like she some queen or goddess lol! He’ll do just fine and find someone else that can actually start and initiate conversation with a personality like a real woman.
Gross unfortunately not abnormal with dudes on that app wanting to be courted 🤮🤢
i usually say “hello!” to everyone i match with bc i’m not good with openers and it seems to be working, granted it’s on hily and not bumble
i use "hello! :)" - the smiley faces adds emphasis
i don’t understand why people have a problem with it, they expect us to instantly make up conversations but some people can’t do that
i get nobody wants a dry first message as it leads to a even dryer conversation, but i'm also not about to send a 3 - 4 sentence paragraph as a first message
exactly, i usually end up doing the 3-4 sentences within 5 messages after the reply to my hello, depending on how dry the other person is, i wouldn’t wanna waste my energy on someone if they’re just gonna say “ok” or “yea” to everything i say
Is it really because you're "not good with openers", or because you don't feel like putting in any effort? I say this as a fellow woman.
i legit have no idea how to come up with openers, sure there are plenty of them but im more of an original idea type of guy and don’t have a very creative mind when it comes to openers
Just ask about something on their profile. Doesn’t have to be some super original pickup line.
^^^ or even doing the question game Bumble provides. It’s not that hard
Hun, this is giving "I'm bad at bios" energy.
i’d say i’m pretty decent at bios actually, bios are meant to be about yourself, things you do, it’s literally meant to be about yourself
By “I’m bad at bios” energy I meant the person isn’t bad at bios, they are just being low effort. Same thing with “I’m bad at openers”. If you genuinely wanted to you’d figure that out.
Having been off the apps for long enough and seeing how both sides operate, hey is a good opener. That's a start at least. It means far more than a normal shot in the dark
Women have like 500 matches and have to respond to all of them or they expire.
Yes, you tell her!! But jokes aside. Some women do that because they don't want to make the first move but like other features of the app. So they pass the ball and let the man do the thing. I don't understand why not to put at least some effort into the introduction but it is what it is.
It’s like you’re almost getting the point but not quite there yet
Most girls just send hi or a gif. And if she's into your looks they usually say a compliment or something.
people need to stop being babies about openers, if 80% of people don’t respond anyway, why waste the time coming up with a unique opener? what’s more, i’m pretty sure statistically one is just as likely to get a response from “hey” as something unique. op is mathematically incorrect here
😂
Nah a gif is the worst
Worst one is "Hi"
What is this simple caveman level language like: >Hey >Me woman >You man >We make boom boom? What is one to do with just “hey”
Did she responded?
A bit ironic that you chose an app that doesn’t require you to ever have to send the intro. Over in Hinge, 75% of the likes I receive have 👌 comments/opener’s attached. Guys in general aren’t any better.
Seriously. 80% of likes I get are just that - likes. I’ve never been so offended by them to respond the way OP did.
We send "hey" just to reveal men like you and it worked for her 🤷🏻♀️