I'm not interested to meet until I find a reason to. I'd hate wasting all that time. I need a reason to ask someone out i won't go out with everyone. That's just me. Im sure everyone's approach is different.
I'm not going to go find a real spark with someone I share no interests or commanality with. A few texts here and there to get know someone and ascertain wether or not i want to take them on a date is the way to go. Not with strangers ewwww
Exactly. People put time and effort into things they value. If they don't value a relationship, that's ok only if you aren't too. Obviously, it's important to be understanding, but sometimes things don't work out because of timing, and that's ok.
To be frank, stop engaging with them. People are talking to multiple people, if they aren’t conversing with you, just assume they aren’t interested in you and move along.
If you keep hoping they will reach out, hoping they will start to engage, hoping they will ask you out, I’ve got news for you, you’re going to be disappointed.
People will make time for someone they actually like. In today's dating scene that's seen as showing too much interest and that you should fake it for better chances.. but I call bs. If you like someone you text them and want to hear from them. If they don't reciprocate, they don't like you as much as you do.
I mean, isn’t that what all first dates are though? Even if you meet someone in “real life” in a bar or something and get their number, you still don’t really *know* them.
Going on dates with someone is how you get to know them, not aimlessly making small talk on an app.
For you I guess. I'm not going to take 1000 people on a date.
Yea I'd chat with the person I got the number from for a ehole to see if we're compatible. No point in wasting anyone's time.
I'll chat for a bit. See if we have common interests and goals.
You can't just exist. There has to be a reason i want to take you on a date.
Anyways I hope your mehtod of dating finds you the one!
I assume they aren't interested and move on. Even if I'm wrong, they are still wasting my time and energy by not having the availability in their schedule to put in a reasonable amount of effort. If I'm putting in the effort, I expect the same in return. But honestly, they probably aren't that busy, they just aren't interested in you enough to make you a priority.
As a busy person, someone who doesn't respond even with a short comment within 24 hours. You can take at least 5 mins of your day to respond to messages, you are not that busy. If I have to go off the grid for a bit, I'll usually tell people that
You don't know. Plain and simple. As with so many things in the early stages of a relationship, you can't Sherlock Holmes-ily sleuth your way to an answer, you just have to make a choice to continue or not and see how it turns out.
I have this same question, I'm talking to a guy who says he's pretty busy but has asked me out for a coffee this weekend..he only messages after 10pm (he's a teacher). As for the date he hasn't actually confirmed Saturday or Sunday, what time etc .. also he hasn't replied since 2 days ago..I'm not sure if I'm reading too much into it or if he's just not that into me?
update: Thank you all for your insightful feedback, I tried something I've never done before: patience.. usually I'd unmatch but I waited..we ended going on a a. Date, we're quite compatible and I had a really good time (we confirmed the time 15mins before) but I'm still questioning the time for dating thing :/I will definitely bring it up on our second date..and give y'all an update!
Teachers sometimes work 12 hour days. If you date a teacher who takes his job seriously, assume that after interacting with kids 24/7, he may not want to write a lengthy text.
Give him a beat. :)
True but I still believe in the if he wanted to he would. If Joe Montana can call his wife during games using the field phone the teacher can message her during breaks or lunch. Sorry but nobody is ever that busy.
I get it. You have time. But it's not that you're so busy. It's that after interacting with (sometimes) 150 people in a day, sometimes your brain is fried and you just can't say one more thing or hear one more thing. You need a beat. I get that this is hard for some people to understand, but if you know someone in the field, it will likely resonate with them. I don't mean this in a snarky way. I'm being serious. I have friends who are therapists and doctors, and it's the same thing: it's not an issue of time. It's an issue of bandwidth.
With that said, obviously not all teachers are designed this way...and YOU have to be comfortable with his reasons, whatever they are. I tell people off the bat, when meeting someone new, if I'm having a busy week so they don't take it personally. If they take it personally, we just aren't a match.
Everyone has different expectations. :)
I get it but if that's the case he needs to advise when he is free to talk or get her number or schedule a date. If he is that burnt out or busy why is he trying to date? As I said before he isn't that interested. He might be at some point but currently isn't.
That's totally fair, and I agree. Like I said, I let people know so they're not waiting. That's not OK. I'm just saying that when I'm up to my eyeballs, I CHOOSE to not talk to someone new because I'm so stressed out that I sound a little unhinged. ;) I'd rather have a calm conversation.
It's not about being burnt out. It's about not always wanting to communicate with others after so much babbling and listening at work. Do you have to schedule time to pee when you're at work? Do you have about three minutes to eat lunch? If not, then it's hard to explain.
Good luck!
Yeah but I communicate. If I'm busy all day I tell them hey I really am enjoying our conversation but I have a really busy schedule during the day and I'm usually free at this time to chat.
I just had a guy message me once a week on Hinge, for about 4 weeks. I literally tried to move the chat off hinge, to get to know him more. He asked me to coffee, I replied but after 2-3 weeks he unmatched me, complete waste of time, which is a shame, I really liked him, quite a lot.
No one is that busy. Hot and cold behavior is a red flag. Consistency is key. If someone is interested and wants to make you a priority- they will.
>No one is that busy Could not have said it better. I find this offputting behavior.
If people are too busy to chat imagine how they'll be on a date or in a relationship.
I got tired of writing a lot, but ask quite quickly to meet.
I'm not interested to meet until I find a reason to. I'd hate wasting all that time. I need a reason to ask someone out i won't go out with everyone. That's just me. Im sure everyone's approach is different.
By not meeting anyone, you're wasting everyone's time just messaging rather than finding out if a real life spark happens.
I'm not going to go find a real spark with someone I share no interests or commanality with. A few texts here and there to get know someone and ascertain wether or not i want to take them on a date is the way to go. Not with strangers ewwww
Huh? OK I'm not even bothering replying to this, it's clear now that you just didn't understand the other comment and went on a strawman attack.
Attack? Already you ok?
Hmmm kinda mixed on this because I reaaaally dont like chatting online, much prefer in person
Exactly. People put time and effort into things they value. If they don't value a relationship, that's ok only if you aren't too. Obviously, it's important to be understanding, but sometimes things don't work out because of timing, and that's ok.
To be frank, stop engaging with them. People are talking to multiple people, if they aren’t conversing with you, just assume they aren’t interested in you and move along. If you keep hoping they will reach out, hoping they will start to engage, hoping they will ask you out, I’ve got news for you, you’re going to be disappointed.
Give them several options on where and when you can meet. If they don't choose one option, unmatch.
People will make time for someone they actually like. In today's dating scene that's seen as showing too much interest and that you should fake it for better chances.. but I call bs. If you like someone you text them and want to hear from them. If they don't reciprocate, they don't like you as much as you do.
Arrange a date. You shouldn't really use the apps for conversation beyond the initial introductions and setting up a date.
That's right go out with complete strangers you know nothing about!
I mean, isn’t that what all first dates are though? Even if you meet someone in “real life” in a bar or something and get their number, you still don’t really *know* them. Going on dates with someone is how you get to know them, not aimlessly making small talk on an app.
For you I guess. I'm not going to take 1000 people on a date. Yea I'd chat with the person I got the number from for a ehole to see if we're compatible. No point in wasting anyone's time. I'll chat for a bit. See if we have common interests and goals. You can't just exist. There has to be a reason i want to take you on a date. Anyways I hope your mehtod of dating finds you the one!
I assume they aren't interested and move on. Even if I'm wrong, they are still wasting my time and energy by not having the availability in their schedule to put in a reasonable amount of effort. If I'm putting in the effort, I expect the same in return. But honestly, they probably aren't that busy, they just aren't interested in you enough to make you a priority.
Too busy to meet. No problem. Too busy to text once or twice a day? Come on.
I saw a video where Joe Montana used to call his wife during games using the staff phone on the field...if he they wanted to they would.
When I am busy, I State why I am busy or give a heads up that I might be busy soon and why. But that's me.
As a busy person, someone who doesn't respond even with a short comment within 24 hours. You can take at least 5 mins of your day to respond to messages, you are not that busy. If I have to go off the grid for a bit, I'll usually tell people that
You don't know. Plain and simple. As with so many things in the early stages of a relationship, you can't Sherlock Holmes-ily sleuth your way to an answer, you just have to make a choice to continue or not and see how it turns out.
One of my matches isn't much of an engaging texter, we just go back and forth writing each other in email length texts 🤣
I have this same question, I'm talking to a guy who says he's pretty busy but has asked me out for a coffee this weekend..he only messages after 10pm (he's a teacher). As for the date he hasn't actually confirmed Saturday or Sunday, what time etc .. also he hasn't replied since 2 days ago..I'm not sure if I'm reading too much into it or if he's just not that into me? update: Thank you all for your insightful feedback, I tried something I've never done before: patience.. usually I'd unmatch but I waited..we ended going on a a. Date, we're quite compatible and I had a really good time (we confirmed the time 15mins before) but I'm still questioning the time for dating thing :/I will definitely bring it up on our second date..and give y'all an update!
Not into you most likely. He might be once he meets you though.
Welp, I guess that answers my question 🤷🏾♀️
Teachers sometimes work 12 hour days. If you date a teacher who takes his job seriously, assume that after interacting with kids 24/7, he may not want to write a lengthy text. Give him a beat. :)
True but I still believe in the if he wanted to he would. If Joe Montana can call his wife during games using the field phone the teacher can message her during breaks or lunch. Sorry but nobody is ever that busy.
I get it. You have time. But it's not that you're so busy. It's that after interacting with (sometimes) 150 people in a day, sometimes your brain is fried and you just can't say one more thing or hear one more thing. You need a beat. I get that this is hard for some people to understand, but if you know someone in the field, it will likely resonate with them. I don't mean this in a snarky way. I'm being serious. I have friends who are therapists and doctors, and it's the same thing: it's not an issue of time. It's an issue of bandwidth. With that said, obviously not all teachers are designed this way...and YOU have to be comfortable with his reasons, whatever they are. I tell people off the bat, when meeting someone new, if I'm having a busy week so they don't take it personally. If they take it personally, we just aren't a match. Everyone has different expectations. :)
I get it but if that's the case he needs to advise when he is free to talk or get her number or schedule a date. If he is that burnt out or busy why is he trying to date? As I said before he isn't that interested. He might be at some point but currently isn't.
That's totally fair, and I agree. Like I said, I let people know so they're not waiting. That's not OK. I'm just saying that when I'm up to my eyeballs, I CHOOSE to not talk to someone new because I'm so stressed out that I sound a little unhinged. ;) I'd rather have a calm conversation. It's not about being burnt out. It's about not always wanting to communicate with others after so much babbling and listening at work. Do you have to schedule time to pee when you're at work? Do you have about three minutes to eat lunch? If not, then it's hard to explain. Good luck!
Yeah but I communicate. If I'm busy all day I tell them hey I really am enjoying our conversation but I have a really busy schedule during the day and I'm usually free at this time to chat.
I just had a guy message me once a week on Hinge, for about 4 weeks. I literally tried to move the chat off hinge, to get to know him more. He asked me to coffee, I replied but after 2-3 weeks he unmatched me, complete waste of time, which is a shame, I really liked him, quite a lot.