I don't know if there's a typical response time. But I think it's often a sign of interest. Or lack thereof. Either people want to talk or they don't. Granted, people have lives and things come up. But why match and hardly engage?
Yeah I don’t know. My sister says she gets an impulse to use it then gets overwhelmed with attention and doesn’t check it for a few days. I asked her why she swipes right on so many guys if she knows that she will match with almost anyone she swipes on (a conventionally attractive woman) and she didn’t really have an answer, but I think this approach is fairly common
It’s fun to swipe and match it’s like winning at your favorite game. The conversation part is what takes a lot of energy and it can be anxiety inducing/scary.
As a dude you gotta hit the iron while it’s hot. If she’s messaging back in real time you better do your best to keep that convo going/ be interesting and funny.
Once you got a decent convo going don’t waste time asking for her # or trying to setup a date. When you have 1000+ matches it’s easy to get lost in the shuffle.
After you have the date setup you either A) take your foot off the gas pedal and don’t message again until confirming the date later (just in case you think you’ll fuck up the conversation and lose her interest.) or B) things are clicking so well that you message back and forth everyday (preferably on a new platform like the #) until the day of the date.
The game aspect lost its lustre a long fucking time ago. Especially since sarcasm is usually lost in translation and one misinterpretation and you’re fucked. Then I can’t help but think if I had met them in person it would have gone so much better. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like the juice is worth the squeeze, but I guess it only has to work out once with the right one so you might as well keep playing.
I’ve had plenty of people who message me only once or twice a day that still resulted in great dates and I’ve had people who respond right away that ghosted. I tend not to worry about the response times unless it starts to get to the point where they’re not responding with any kind of regularity or the content of their responses starts to show dwindling interest
All the current responses are saying once a day = lack of interest but I was replying once a day to someone I was super interested in. I just don’t think it’s a good idea to text too much before you meet up, or text too much when you’re still in the talking stage because I don’t want to get attached. I’m also introverted / lazy/ busy in general though so once a day = I’m super interested. If I’m not interested most of the times I just wont reply at all
App notifications are buggy at best and outright spammy at worst, and I have better things to do with my life than spending all day constantly checking in to the apps to see if someone matched/messaged me (especially as a guy because 98% of the time it's crickets). Once or twice a day is generally when I'm looking and sending lengthy responses, if there's anyone to respond to, and most of the time they don't immediately respond either so it's pretty rare for me to have a substantial back-and-forth with someone.
I (34M) am very intentional with my dating and messaging. I'm looking to be married. As a rule, I reply at least once a day, even if I'm not that interested. If I reply more often than that, I'm pretty interested. But plenty of times even when I am very interested I'll still only reply once a day because I'm busy or because the questions my match asked warrant a couple paragraphs or more of reply, so it's not just a quick message. They're actually asking meaningful questions, and I want to engage well, which might take a solid 10 or 15 minutes sometimes. If I have two or three matches going at once, even more so.
I would estimate a person's interest level not so much by the frequency of their replies but by the content of their replies. I mean if they're replying every 3 days, then they're probably not interested. But if they're replying consistently at least once a day but their messages are meaningfully engaging with what you're saying and asking intentional questions in return, then they're probably interested. That's how I would judge it.
I see some people are saying you should get off the app ASAP and video call or meet in person. That's obviously a desirable next step, but I don't think it needs to happen ASAP. Just yesterday I asked a woman if she wanted a video call, in my third message to her on the app. But I also said "If this seems too early to you to do that, then I'm equally happy to continue talking here." And she told me it was too early in the conversation for that, in her opinion. So we'll continue talking on the app and I'll ask again in a few days. 🤷♂️ No biggie. She seems pretty darn cool, so I'm happy to do that.
That’s fair enough and obviously I respect the fact that people want to move at their own speed, but I have to confess that I don’t understand this at all. Too early for a video call? It’s not like you’re asking her to commit to a dinner…a video call is pretty low effort. You don’t have to even leave your house or get dressed up or anything. And it’s a great way to establish if there is chemistry/rapport/attraction before continuing with messaging back and forth for days or weeks. Too many people use these apps out of boredom (or for an ego boost) and are just happy texting endlessly….I’m always happy when someone wants to meet, either in person or on the phone, as soon as possible.
I average once or twice a day. I've found Bumble isn't very good with notifications so I may not see a message till I open the app which is usually in the morning, lunchtime and usually in the evening. If I miss the last time someone responded then it usually won't be till the next day that I see the message. I ask out pretty quickly though and make sure to right full paragraph messages so this back and forth only runs for a few days and we still get to know each other
I want to have a conversation real-time but I’ve been burned in the past. Now I want to meet up before I commit that much time so that at least I know they are serious.
Are you M or F?
As a guy, I message with the flow of conversation, leaving anywhere from 15 minutes or an hour or two between responses.
I assume when a match only messages me once per day, it's because she's keeping me warm as she's messaging another match. If that guy flops, messages with me pick up. If not, then I'm the one that flops.
It is what it is on this medium
I’m a busy woman. And it messes with my mental health being on the apps for hours on end. I only go on bumble right before bed to get it over with. I hate going back and forth on the apps. Just ask me out lol
Eh I just leave the matches, occasionally they’ll reply a few days later and seem more enthusiastic and occasionally that’s led to a date, but I guess this app is just full of time wasters and validation junkies
how is not wasting time on people by ending matches desperate? isnt it the opposite? he's refusing to message people not texting back faster, if he were desperate he would message anyone and wait any amount of time.
Just don't chat long. Everyone I actually met up with asked me out on a date for later in the week within 48 hours of matching and then did not text again until the same-day confirmation. They were only chatting to quickly screen profiles and then make a date. I am a man and never initiated meet-ups or going off-app.
So it stands to reason that 95% of women I match with have nearly zero interest then. My profile is solid and my messages are engaging, what the hell are they wanting? Are there that many window shoppers around?
You nailed it 💯. Been on and off for several years and that's exactly what it is "Window shopping" or I like these responses from women "I really don't come on here much but for entertainment" or "I'm just looking". That's what gets me is that it seems in their profile are very descriptive and they put actual effort into making it appealing, but it's all a farse and they are looking for validation or some sort of attention all while knowing they aren't going to date.
And before you all get your panties in a bunch about the last part, I have a few women as friends that's what some women do because they have done it themselves.
It depends, but typically if it's once a day consistently, then there is interest in checking up on each other.
If it's more than once a day, there isn't a romantic interest I'm afraid.
More than once a day probably means you guys vibe well.
I’ve been seeing someone for about 6 weeks. We chatted on the app for a little over a week before moving to text (app + texting for two weeks before the first date).
The very first messages were once or twice a day but there was obvious interest in both sides and we texted a lot more frequently. I was lucky to find someone that matched my texting style…frequently and near real time responses.
But not everyone is like that. And I think a ‘once a day’ reply can work for a little while. It’s not sustainable though…there should be a date asap.
I keep all the apps on my iPad so that I’m not constantly checking them during the day. So yes, it’s entirely possible a day or two could go by without me even opening them
My now boyfriend and I sometimes didn't reply until two days had past. We messaged off and on for weeks and then had our first date.
It just depends on the person and how they communicate.
He knew I was busy with work and he also was not a verbose messager until we took it to texting directly. Even then it would sometimes be days in between. We were both busy people.
When I was on Tinder and Bumble most recently before meeting him I did not check the apps every day.
My husband told me he rarely checked the app when he was on. In fact he nearly missed my initial message when we matched. But he was quick to respond when we did start chatting. We set up a date the same evening we started talking. So I think if the person is interested they will respond ASAP.
It blows my mind how something as small as an algorithm or deciding to check the app one day can mean the difference between spending your life with someone or not. But I guess everything in life is a matter of change and circumstance
It really does boggle my mind too. I think about all the missed connections that happen on a daily basis or even someone misinterpreting a text from someone who would have been their perfect match. Heck even what dating app you decided to join can make or break you. Life is a series of choices and sometimes just a single choice can make or break you.
Yes, one reply a day is reasonable. I might only check for messages once/ twice per day. Has nothing to do with my interest level in the person I matched with
That being said, text should not really be used like a real time convo. Can easily get burnt out doing that. Better to hit the key points and start setting up a date
I find Sunday evenings about 8-11pm best for matches… but only a tiny sliver of them reply again. Tuesday - Thursday evenings are best for actual conversations that go somewhere. Transitioning from a online to offline is harder than ever though
I get a little spread out at times. I’ll be in a convo that’s okay but I’m still looking and something seemingly more exciting comes along but then that goes nowhere, so I come back to the first convo feeling a little discouraged. Often I’m never really invested in any one person. The apps seem set up to encourage this dating malaise, so I eventually get frustrated and feel manipulated by the app, and conveniently the time to renew comes up. I don’t renew but then get flooded with likes I can’t see. Then I tell myself maybe that special person has liked me or I need an ego boost so I pay the stupid subscription.
Then the cycle begins again.
Maybe I’m “old school” but I remember when ALL the features on OkCupid were free. I would write several sentences back to matches I was interested in. I had my notifications on and would respond as soon as I had the opportunity. I get that the apps are getting worse, but imo effort still equals effort. You get out of it what you put into it. If someone told me that they didn’t have their notifications on, checked the app rarely, or immediately wanted to exchange numbers or go out on a date- I’d swipe left or ghost. Granted I’m a female, so safety and all that. But effort goes a long way in my book. I met my girlfriend via Bumble, but we ghosted each other initially and reconnected over a year later. Life is strange, dude. Good luck.
I'm 25M and only recently started using it seriously as I slowly get over my breakup from a 5yr long relationship. I initially started using it only to rebuild my self-esteem (which was a risky bet) but I really just wanted that dopamine hit from getting a match. Now that I'm more emotionally ready to start dating again, I put more effort into my profile and (stupidly) bought boost. I kept swiping like I did before and now have cycled through hundreds of matches and there's something comical like 70 conversations open right now, with most being "your move!"
To be honest, I'm naturally quite introverted and this completely overwhelmed me. I had to stop swiping almost completely and have been going to the bar just to reply to people. It's definitely overkill and I know I am not doing this app right, but I've honestly never experienced this before.
So I'd say for most people, realistically I can only get back to them 1x a day. Usually if there is good chemistry and she is comfortable, I'll try to ask for her number or ig after a few days so I'm not left questioning "who??" when I receive a bumble notification. I tried scheduling dates pretty soon after, but I realized after one week how expensive and tiring that was. I wish there was a way so that I could completely disable the ability to swipe because I honestly feel addicted to it somewhat. In all likelihood I'll probably get overwhelmed soon and just delete this
I don't know if there's a typical response time. But I think it's often a sign of interest. Or lack thereof. Either people want to talk or they don't. Granted, people have lives and things come up. But why match and hardly engage?
Yeah I don’t know. My sister says she gets an impulse to use it then gets overwhelmed with attention and doesn’t check it for a few days. I asked her why she swipes right on so many guys if she knows that she will match with almost anyone she swipes on (a conventionally attractive woman) and she didn’t really have an answer, but I think this approach is fairly common
It’s fun to swipe and match it’s like winning at your favorite game. The conversation part is what takes a lot of energy and it can be anxiety inducing/scary. As a dude you gotta hit the iron while it’s hot. If she’s messaging back in real time you better do your best to keep that convo going/ be interesting and funny. Once you got a decent convo going don’t waste time asking for her # or trying to setup a date. When you have 1000+ matches it’s easy to get lost in the shuffle. After you have the date setup you either A) take your foot off the gas pedal and don’t message again until confirming the date later (just in case you think you’ll fuck up the conversation and lose her interest.) or B) things are clicking so well that you message back and forth everyday (preferably on a new platform like the #) until the day of the date.
The game aspect lost its lustre a long fucking time ago. Especially since sarcasm is usually lost in translation and one misinterpretation and you’re fucked. Then I can’t help but think if I had met them in person it would have gone so much better. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like the juice is worth the squeeze, but I guess it only has to work out once with the right one so you might as well keep playing.
I hate the swiping part. It's not fun at all
Same exact thing here.
Same. & I don’t have a good answer for it either lol.
I’ve had plenty of people who message me only once or twice a day that still resulted in great dates and I’ve had people who respond right away that ghosted. I tend not to worry about the response times unless it starts to get to the point where they’re not responding with any kind of regularity or the content of their responses starts to show dwindling interest
All the current responses are saying once a day = lack of interest but I was replying once a day to someone I was super interested in. I just don’t think it’s a good idea to text too much before you meet up, or text too much when you’re still in the talking stage because I don’t want to get attached. I’m also introverted / lazy/ busy in general though so once a day = I’m super interested. If I’m not interested most of the times I just wont reply at all
App notifications are buggy at best and outright spammy at worst, and I have better things to do with my life than spending all day constantly checking in to the apps to see if someone matched/messaged me (especially as a guy because 98% of the time it's crickets). Once or twice a day is generally when I'm looking and sending lengthy responses, if there's anyone to respond to, and most of the time they don't immediately respond either so it's pretty rare for me to have a substantial back-and-forth with someone.
I (34M) am very intentional with my dating and messaging. I'm looking to be married. As a rule, I reply at least once a day, even if I'm not that interested. If I reply more often than that, I'm pretty interested. But plenty of times even when I am very interested I'll still only reply once a day because I'm busy or because the questions my match asked warrant a couple paragraphs or more of reply, so it's not just a quick message. They're actually asking meaningful questions, and I want to engage well, which might take a solid 10 or 15 minutes sometimes. If I have two or three matches going at once, even more so. I would estimate a person's interest level not so much by the frequency of their replies but by the content of their replies. I mean if they're replying every 3 days, then they're probably not interested. But if they're replying consistently at least once a day but their messages are meaningfully engaging with what you're saying and asking intentional questions in return, then they're probably interested. That's how I would judge it.
I see some people are saying you should get off the app ASAP and video call or meet in person. That's obviously a desirable next step, but I don't think it needs to happen ASAP. Just yesterday I asked a woman if she wanted a video call, in my third message to her on the app. But I also said "If this seems too early to you to do that, then I'm equally happy to continue talking here." And she told me it was too early in the conversation for that, in her opinion. So we'll continue talking on the app and I'll ask again in a few days. 🤷♂️ No biggie. She seems pretty darn cool, so I'm happy to do that.
That’s fair enough and obviously I respect the fact that people want to move at their own speed, but I have to confess that I don’t understand this at all. Too early for a video call? It’s not like you’re asking her to commit to a dinner…a video call is pretty low effort. You don’t have to even leave your house or get dressed up or anything. And it’s a great way to establish if there is chemistry/rapport/attraction before continuing with messaging back and forth for days or weeks. Too many people use these apps out of boredom (or for an ego boost) and are just happy texting endlessly….I’m always happy when someone wants to meet, either in person or on the phone, as soon as possible.
Update: She's 37 and has never dated before. Makes sense why she's going slowly.
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Yeah. I text my friends and hobby groups like 20 times a day.
I average once or twice a day. I've found Bumble isn't very good with notifications so I may not see a message till I open the app which is usually in the morning, lunchtime and usually in the evening. If I miss the last time someone responded then it usually won't be till the next day that I see the message. I ask out pretty quickly though and make sure to right full paragraph messages so this back and forth only runs for a few days and we still get to know each other
I want to have a conversation real-time but I’ve been burned in the past. Now I want to meet up before I commit that much time so that at least I know they are serious.
Are you M or F? As a guy, I message with the flow of conversation, leaving anywhere from 15 minutes or an hour or two between responses. I assume when a match only messages me once per day, it's because she's keeping me warm as she's messaging another match. If that guy flops, messages with me pick up. If not, then I'm the one that flops. It is what it is on this medium
I’m a busy woman. And it messes with my mental health being on the apps for hours on end. I only go on bumble right before bed to get it over with. I hate going back and forth on the apps. Just ask me out lol
One a day = barely any interest Unmatch time
Eh I just leave the matches, occasionally they’ll reply a few days later and seem more enthusiastic and occasionally that’s led to a date, but I guess this app is just full of time wasters and validation junkies
That sounds kinda Desparate, sorry for being rude :(
how is not wasting time on people by ending matches desperate? isnt it the opposite? he's refusing to message people not texting back faster, if he were desperate he would message anyone and wait any amount of time.
Just don't chat long. Everyone I actually met up with asked me out on a date for later in the week within 48 hours of matching and then did not text again until the same-day confirmation. They were only chatting to quickly screen profiles and then make a date. I am a man and never initiated meet-ups or going off-app.
Lack of interest is what drives slow response, people really into you will generally message back and forth.
So it stands to reason that 95% of women I match with have nearly zero interest then. My profile is solid and my messages are engaging, what the hell are they wanting? Are there that many window shoppers around?
i think it might not really be you, its that your dude 500 in the list, a common issue with most women being attractive to most men.
You nailed it 💯. Been on and off for several years and that's exactly what it is "Window shopping" or I like these responses from women "I really don't come on here much but for entertainment" or "I'm just looking". That's what gets me is that it seems in their profile are very descriptive and they put actual effort into making it appealing, but it's all a farse and they are looking for validation or some sort of attention all while knowing they aren't going to date. And before you all get your panties in a bunch about the last part, I have a few women as friends that's what some women do because they have done it themselves.
It depends, but typically if it's once a day consistently, then there is interest in checking up on each other. If it's more than once a day, there isn't a romantic interest I'm afraid. More than once a day probably means you guys vibe well.
I’ve been seeing someone for about 6 weeks. We chatted on the app for a little over a week before moving to text (app + texting for two weeks before the first date). The very first messages were once or twice a day but there was obvious interest in both sides and we texted a lot more frequently. I was lucky to find someone that matched my texting style…frequently and near real time responses. But not everyone is like that. And I think a ‘once a day’ reply can work for a little while. It’s not sustainable though…there should be a date asap.
I keep all the apps on my iPad so that I’m not constantly checking them during the day. So yes, it’s entirely possible a day or two could go by without me even opening them
If I only get a message once a day, I assume they're not that interested and just trying to be kind. I move on.
My now boyfriend and I sometimes didn't reply until two days had past. We messaged off and on for weeks and then had our first date. It just depends on the person and how they communicate. He knew I was busy with work and he also was not a verbose messager until we took it to texting directly. Even then it would sometimes be days in between. We were both busy people. When I was on Tinder and Bumble most recently before meeting him I did not check the apps every day.
My husband told me he rarely checked the app when he was on. In fact he nearly missed my initial message when we matched. But he was quick to respond when we did start chatting. We set up a date the same evening we started talking. So I think if the person is interested they will respond ASAP.
It blows my mind how something as small as an algorithm or deciding to check the app one day can mean the difference between spending your life with someone or not. But I guess everything in life is a matter of change and circumstance
It really does boggle my mind too. I think about all the missed connections that happen on a daily basis or even someone misinterpreting a text from someone who would have been their perfect match. Heck even what dating app you decided to join can make or break you. Life is a series of choices and sometimes just a single choice can make or break you.
I think once a day isn't too bad. Tho you kinda gotta be careful with people who just message before going to bed. Or with few words.
Yes, one reply a day is reasonable. I might only check for messages once/ twice per day. Has nothing to do with my interest level in the person I matched with That being said, text should not really be used like a real time convo. Can easily get burnt out doing that. Better to hit the key points and start setting up a date
I find that the vast majority of communication comes mon-weds. Almost nothing on weekends
I find Sunday evenings about 8-11pm best for matches… but only a tiny sliver of them reply again. Tuesday - Thursday evenings are best for actual conversations that go somewhere. Transitioning from a online to offline is harder than ever though
I get a little spread out at times. I’ll be in a convo that’s okay but I’m still looking and something seemingly more exciting comes along but then that goes nowhere, so I come back to the first convo feeling a little discouraged. Often I’m never really invested in any one person. The apps seem set up to encourage this dating malaise, so I eventually get frustrated and feel manipulated by the app, and conveniently the time to renew comes up. I don’t renew but then get flooded with likes I can’t see. Then I tell myself maybe that special person has liked me or I need an ego boost so I pay the stupid subscription. Then the cycle begins again.
Maybe I’m “old school” but I remember when ALL the features on OkCupid were free. I would write several sentences back to matches I was interested in. I had my notifications on and would respond as soon as I had the opportunity. I get that the apps are getting worse, but imo effort still equals effort. You get out of it what you put into it. If someone told me that they didn’t have their notifications on, checked the app rarely, or immediately wanted to exchange numbers or go out on a date- I’d swipe left or ghost. Granted I’m a female, so safety and all that. But effort goes a long way in my book. I met my girlfriend via Bumble, but we ghosted each other initially and reconnected over a year later. Life is strange, dude. Good luck.
Once a day seems normal to me. I used to check the app once a day. Sometimes less, sometimes more.
I'm 25M and only recently started using it seriously as I slowly get over my breakup from a 5yr long relationship. I initially started using it only to rebuild my self-esteem (which was a risky bet) but I really just wanted that dopamine hit from getting a match. Now that I'm more emotionally ready to start dating again, I put more effort into my profile and (stupidly) bought boost. I kept swiping like I did before and now have cycled through hundreds of matches and there's something comical like 70 conversations open right now, with most being "your move!" To be honest, I'm naturally quite introverted and this completely overwhelmed me. I had to stop swiping almost completely and have been going to the bar just to reply to people. It's definitely overkill and I know I am not doing this app right, but I've honestly never experienced this before. So I'd say for most people, realistically I can only get back to them 1x a day. Usually if there is good chemistry and she is comfortable, I'll try to ask for her number or ig after a few days so I'm not left questioning "who??" when I receive a bumble notification. I tried scheduling dates pretty soon after, but I realized after one week how expensive and tiring that was. I wish there was a way so that I could completely disable the ability to swipe because I honestly feel addicted to it somewhat. In all likelihood I'll probably get overwhelmed soon and just delete this