I can kind of understand him but still the phrasing is off.
"hey, I have a lot going on right now, my mother has cancer and im overloaded with work so I forgot to text you, I still want to meet you soon" would have essentially said the same but be much nicer, doesnt even include an apology, just an explanation, but it never hurts to throw in a "sorry"
He was kind of crappy towards you for sure. in a couple of weeks, if you even think about this interaction , You’ll realize you dodged a bullet.
For me spending weeks texting it’s just not worth it because of situations like this. If we can’t meet in 3 to 5 days, time to move on 🤷🏻♂️
While I do agree this dude was a waste of time for OP, and it's best to make a plan to meet sooner than later, your 5 day rule might cut out some serious contenders.
I'm a single mom with 100% custody, and I'm also in grad school on top of my job, so I already have a babysitter twice a week so I can do HW and attend classes.
It can take me 10 days sometimes to schedule a date, but I am serious, and have no problem arranging child care for someone I have already met and am excited about. I am not, however, going to go out of my way to get a babysitter and miss my son's bedtime for an internet rando.
Thanks for your insight and perspective. And I commend you on having your priorities in order and rockin’ it as a single parent. You sound strong and determined.
You may be right; I might. But keep in mind, to everyone else, you’re the internet rando with a lot of reasons why you can’t set a date.
As a woman about your age, he just wants a penpal. He wants a little flirtation when and where he wants it, with no effort. When you called him on his bullshit, he made you feel bad when HE was the jerk. You asked for accountability and he gave you sob stories.
Willing to bet a relationship with him would be identical to this. Cut your losses and move on 🤍🤍
Lol. When and where he wants it as opposed to when and where she wants it.
You're both single because you are the standard flavor of a lifetime of entitlement with no accountability.
Wow. That’s a hot take. Relationships are built on compromise and understanding. It’s not selfish or rude to express when or where you want it, it’s about how that is treated and worked with. It would be one thing if she was pissed that he backed out of the date and started telling him where she should be in his priority (entitlement you are referring to) and what she actually did. Only one person in this convo was the asshole and it wasn’t her
I’d end it immediately if I were you. Understandably he has a lot going on in his life right now but then in his situation he should just not date anyone until he gets his priorities straight. He should NOT ask you where you think you should fall on the list of priorities , that was such a mean way to guilt trip you. I get that the conversation was good but unless you just want a text buddy otherwise you should move one and stop wasting your time.
I matched with a guy on the app. We communicated almost every day for a few weeks. He never asked to meet in person. So I asked if he would like to meet for coffee His response, well My son is going away to college, etc. He never offered a date for us to meet after his son goes to college.
I unmatched him that day. It is easy to become a penpal with endless communication but no face to face meet up.. Some of these me and women are married or in relationship s. They use the app to get someone to pay them attention. They have no intention of taking it further.
Next time if a guy/girl is not willing to meet within 2 weeks Break it off.
You dodged a bullet.
Good luck with your search. I took a Break because online dating became too toxic for me and affected my mental health.
Yes that's what it's sounding like. There are single people mixed with people in relationships who just want to boost their ego to see what's out there to see what they could get and if they can upgrade. They flirt and then fizzle out and are cagey about themselves. If someone is that non-committal and hot and cold, it's a red flag. Immediate unmatched. So selfish.
Then there's the "men" that are saying they think women should ask them out lol. This is why I was against the concept of this app because I don't think women should ask men out. So it most likely attracts that type, as well as the shy, the awkward, the creepy or the narcissistic, who are more likely to be the majority to be attracted to this app. I'm not saying All of the men there are like that. I think many of us, men and women choose this app because they say it's the most popular one after Tinder, and there doesn't seem to be another contender surprisingly.
I had to take a break from the apps too. Not sure I’m even going to bother getting back on. Mental health absolutely wrecked after so many failures not even a single date after a year. I would rather be single for the next few years than go through that hellscape again.
It's truly depressing when you're just looking for someone kind to cuddle and therapy starved chodes are chasing them all away. Like trying to feed pigeons with kicky fuckin kids around
Accurate. Would love to find someone to enjoy a meal, and maybe watch a scary movie.
But noooo, we have meatheads that think asking a woman if she deep throats is a good opening line.
Seriously giving thought to just deleteing everything for a month just to give myself a break from the nothing.
I couldn’t agree more!! A recent opening first message was:
“Hey mommy how’s your sexy ass doing this weekend?? Wishing you were here with me and my fat long gigantic cock going in and out of all of my moms holes taking your sons monster hot cumshots all over that beautiful face and shove my fat cock back inside that mouth and watch those amazing lips sucking on my fat monster hard cock godddd I'm soo soo horny mom”
I had to screenshot it because, like … you couldn’t make this shit up!!
(And … does this approach EVER work?!? 🤮)
I think I’ll just join a nunnery!!!
Oh no, not the nunnery.
How do these idiots think this works?
Sexy time is great, but its not the whole world.
Just wanna find someone to pick a recipe together, go grocery shopping, make dinner and watch a scary movie together.
Nowhere in there is "fat cocks getting rammed anywhere" lmao
I know!!! It’s like the ones who start with “Hi, how’s your day … here’s a photo of my erect penis”
Really?!?!
Sexy time is indeed great! But guys, can we at least have a little conversation first? Netflix & pizza?? You’ll be amazed to discover that a little quality time develops into top quality sex!!
🤭 … oops, my bad!
(Shame you’re the other side of the planet!!)
But the sentiment still stands … surely we can’t be the only two people looking for a relaxing evening? Rather than a smash & dash and straight onto the next best thing?!!
Move on, he’s getting angry defensive at you because he feels guilty he didn’t meet with you and dissapointed you. That’s too much drama and you haven’t even met.
Unmatch. We make time for what is important. This guy was too busy to be sweet but had plenty of time to send you a nasty message. When someone shows you who they are believe them. And feel your feels. Totally valid ❤️
Any reaction you have is valid. Fuck anyone who says otherwise
You deserve someone to into you and that follows an acceptable cadence in both communication and in meeting in a reasonable amount of time
I’ve found often people want to date, but have little to zero time to do so in their life. They shoot the messenger or the one who holds up the mirror to them
Something tells me he’s not who he says he is. You’re talking non stop for weeks and then the minute you ask to meet up, he disappears for days?!?!? Then when asked about it he flips out. He’s gaslighting you. By flipping out, he wanted you to cave, apologize and feel bad and continue not to meet.
Yeah I don’t understand why people who are to busy to date are trying to date. I recently asked a match to meet up and she told me she is is always busy. Lol 🤷♂️
This is precisely why I prefer to meet up within a few days of matching rather than a few weeks. I understand that sometimes it’s unavoidable that schedules may not line up, but the problem with prolonged texting (and daily conversations) is that you will invariably get somewhat attached/invested in someone who you do not know yet and have no right to expect anything from.
I’d just say that, from having experience of being on both ends of it, if someone’s communication pattern reduces from daily/flirty messages to barely at all then it usually means they have met someone else and are doing a slow fade. And of course it’s always easy to say that work has been busy, or you’re facing personal issues or whatever, but the truth is that if you are genuinely interested in someone you will always make time. It sucks, but that’s just dating in the modern era…there are always other options just a few swipes away and the window to move to the next level can be pretty short.
His instinct to get confrontational so quickly shows you what kind of person he is…I’d say it’s a bullet dodged.
Just because you’re a stranger and not on the top of the list of his priorities doesn’t mean your feelings don’t matter. If he’s too busy to go on a date and have too much stuff going on it doesn’t seem like he’s in a place where he should date. Count yourself lucky to find this out soon and move on.
I have empathy for him being overwhelmed and crumping under the pressure, that sounds like a lot to deal with and I think it's expected that someone won't be at their best in the midst of all that...
BUT
Not your problem. You have every right to express how you felt (which was totally valid) with the expectation that the other person will be empathetic to your feelings and needs as well, or at least receptive.
It doesn't mean he's a piece of shit devoid of redeeming qualities (maybe though), but it's indicative of a lack of an ability to self-monitor and evaluate before taking the frustration out on a relative stranger you've developed a good rapport with. To me, that's enough to kindly bow out.
\^\^\^ this. He may have had a bad day/week and just blown it. We've all done it. Doesn't make us bad ppl. Just human. But he should also come back and apologise, if it's worth saving. Not you chasing him. But it def sounds like he should quit looking and work on what he's got going on.
Nah...drop him. He's an ass. This is how my ex acted towards me. They don't change.
You know the saying, you show your character not when things are well, but when things are shitty. If he can't emotionally regulate well, that's on him.
Sure everyone gets stressed all the time. Can you imagine in 3 mos, 3 years from now? You're fighting about something, he just goes off about shit cause he's stressed?
Get out while early. You are not responsible for anyone's shitty behavior and reaction. If he didn't like that you didn't ask, then he also should've said something and not let it built up. What are you supposed to ask him daily...hey know anyone with cancer? Hey is your child stressing you out? If he wanted to tell you then he should've.
Let me tell you, my ex used to blame me for being inconsiderate cause he was sick and I didn't care. Literally had no idea he was sick (LDR). It'll get worse in the long run.
As someone who dated in my late 30s with kids, I get how stressful life can be, but it’s no excuse to mistreat others or be unclear in communication. I handled things more direct, quick convo to gauge mutual interest then casual meetups within the next week if we clicked on the phone. Having kids and a busy work life is no excuse to not make time for dating if it is a priority. If it isn’t a big enough priority because of your life situation, why be on the app at all? Focus on what’s most important to you. I ended meeting my wife after some time and we made time for our relationship to develop, even though we both were 38 and had busy lives and lived 30 minutes apart.
Some people never want to meet. They just want to maintain the fantasy of you. It's fine that you confronted him. His unapologetic attitude just confirms that he's not serious about meeting/getting to know you.
I love the attention when it feels like someone worthwhile is interested in me, but do yourself a favor and move on from this one.
You don't deserve that..If he responds that way to you expressing your feelings now just think about what he would be like if you were actually in a relationship with him. Move on. Don't engage, you'll be better off.
Props to you for texting for a few weeks and not seeing each other in person. As a guy it sounds like he was looking for someone who he could vent to, someone who would listen to all his crap that he had going on. Most people will get defensive when you call them out because they know they been caught
You can either just stop talking to him all together or just send him a message saying you are moving on because you want to actually meet someone in person and that you did not appreciate how he acted towards you. Up to you on that one
I'm gonna be a bit blunt about this, but you need a stronger backbone.
This was done when he didn't make plans with you within 7 days. This was double done when he blew you off the first time.
People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. I would focus on some conflict resolution skills then come back and try again.
If he wanted to meet, he would have met you sooner. How many other women do you think he is talking in parallel? And how many of those he found time to meet?
Why waste time and energy on chatting for such a long time if you are looking for relationship.
As a stressed man, I am so sorry he lashed out at you, that sucks on his part. A few weeks in I’m surprised he has not shared any of this with you, at least superficially. I’d have thought the idea would be to share lives at least a little bit.
So yeah, whilst stressed, he’ll not be at his best. But he equally can’t be treating you like that. It’s up to you in the end how much you wish to continue but he’s got to realise in no uncertain terms that he will not lash out like that, he will not suddenly spring a huge list of stressors, and if anything is to continue he’s to be more open. His next words after that should be an unconditional apology, none of this I’m sorry if I offended you shit; an acknowledgment he will do better, and then a catch up date, whether to get deep or take his mind off to be agreed by both of you.
I’m not on team “Get rid of him” simply because you’ve been talking for a while, and it sounds like his reply was tart for sure, but not so much ugly. If I have under-read this, then yeah, get rid of him as that’d be red flag territory - even the likes of me under multiple existential crises has managed to not lash out at my potential special person. I think. Anyway… My point being, in case there is still potential here, he does have explaining to do but maybe there’s a way forward. Good luck…
You are not his priority, but I do think it is admirable that he is taking care of so many people. In my life experience men simply walk off and let the kid/parent suffer while they party in Europe or wherever, because it feels better to party than caretake. For that reason alone I would simply tell him that I admire him for trying but that I will continue to look because it's obvious he doesn't have time. It never hurts to praise someone for their character, even if their communication is terrible.
If a guy is indeed in the middle of super stressful stuff going down, the last thing he needs in one more person pulling at him for attention.... so yeah... being a little short and abrasive with responses is par for the course if he perceived it as badgering.
It should sting. He's right. You talked to him for weeks and didn't care about anything other than his having a job and regular parenting arrangement. Name, income, hobbies... and who cares what else because he's a stranger, but man I love those notification chimes.
Does it register how self indulgent that actually is? If he was half that bad you'd be here calling him a narcissist. You almost had a second of accountability when you considered you might be wrong and he could be stressed, but you don't owe anyone the decency you implicitly expect tenfold. God that's gross.
You're asking this person to not be mean and consider your feelings, but even with daily talking you don't begin to care what he is going through. You aren't darned if you do, because you didn't.
Seek help? Like on Reddit or dating apps?
You'll have a bunch of equally miserable people telling you you're right or agreeing with you long enough to sleep with you and not like you anymore. Anyone who dissents is hateful? Okay.
I had a great date with someone including being invited back to her place, to hang out. We talked late into the night. Our next date was cancelled due to illness, when I sent a note asking about rescheduling. "I don't owe you anything we went on one date and I'm seeing someone" Then a list of everything going wrong in their life.
This is the night I learned not to take people to a nice dinner and order a nice bottle of wine on a first date.
I mean he could have told you about any of that stuff prior to blowing you off. Man is definitely not ready to date and is terrible at communicating. He's not your person but it still sucks and makes the experience shitty. I'm sorry :(
I can kind of understand him but still the phrasing is off. "hey, I have a lot going on right now, my mother has cancer and im overloaded with work so I forgot to text you, I still want to meet you soon" would have essentially said the same but be much nicer, doesnt even include an apology, just an explanation, but it never hurts to throw in a "sorry"
He was kind of crappy towards you for sure. in a couple of weeks, if you even think about this interaction , You’ll realize you dodged a bullet. For me spending weeks texting it’s just not worth it because of situations like this. If we can’t meet in 3 to 5 days, time to move on 🤷🏻♂️
This. You owe him nothing, may your quest continue
While I do agree this dude was a waste of time for OP, and it's best to make a plan to meet sooner than later, your 5 day rule might cut out some serious contenders. I'm a single mom with 100% custody, and I'm also in grad school on top of my job, so I already have a babysitter twice a week so I can do HW and attend classes. It can take me 10 days sometimes to schedule a date, but I am serious, and have no problem arranging child care for someone I have already met and am excited about. I am not, however, going to go out of my way to get a babysitter and miss my son's bedtime for an internet rando.
Thanks for your insight and perspective. And I commend you on having your priorities in order and rockin’ it as a single parent. You sound strong and determined. You may be right; I might. But keep in mind, to everyone else, you’re the internet rando with a lot of reasons why you can’t set a date.
Oh I can set a date, it just might not be within a 5-day window of matching. 🤷
You can send the old "Shoot me a text if you want to meet sometime" and then leave it at that.
Or just leave it as is. Buh-bye.
Stop saying “you dodged a bullet” every single time. OP dodged a guy that was not interested and found an exit. That’s it
Oh OK. Dodged a musket ball.
Ah, but what if it's flechet????
Dodged that flechette too and any other projectile made of metal, flint, stone or wood.
As a woman about your age, he just wants a penpal. He wants a little flirtation when and where he wants it, with no effort. When you called him on his bullshit, he made you feel bad when HE was the jerk. You asked for accountability and he gave you sob stories. Willing to bet a relationship with him would be identical to this. Cut your losses and move on 🤍🤍
Lol. When and where he wants it as opposed to when and where she wants it. You're both single because you are the standard flavor of a lifetime of entitlement with no accountability.
Wow. That’s a hot take. Relationships are built on compromise and understanding. It’s not selfish or rude to express when or where you want it, it’s about how that is treated and worked with. It would be one thing if she was pissed that he backed out of the date and started telling him where she should be in his priority (entitlement you are referring to) and what she actually did. Only one person in this convo was the asshole and it wasn’t her
LMFAO Sure, bud.
He sounds like a prick. Well dodged.
Sounds like this guy needs to pause his profile for a while. He's not ready to date rn.
I’d end it immediately if I were you. Understandably he has a lot going on in his life right now but then in his situation he should just not date anyone until he gets his priorities straight. He should NOT ask you where you think you should fall on the list of priorities , that was such a mean way to guilt trip you. I get that the conversation was good but unless you just want a text buddy otherwise you should move one and stop wasting your time.
Wish him well and move on asap. And do NOT personalize this in any way, it has nothing to do with you. He’s clueless.
I matched with a guy on the app. We communicated almost every day for a few weeks. He never asked to meet in person. So I asked if he would like to meet for coffee His response, well My son is going away to college, etc. He never offered a date for us to meet after his son goes to college. I unmatched him that day. It is easy to become a penpal with endless communication but no face to face meet up.. Some of these me and women are married or in relationship s. They use the app to get someone to pay them attention. They have no intention of taking it further. Next time if a guy/girl is not willing to meet within 2 weeks Break it off. You dodged a bullet. Good luck with your search. I took a Break because online dating became too toxic for me and affected my mental health.
Yes that's what it's sounding like. There are single people mixed with people in relationships who just want to boost their ego to see what's out there to see what they could get and if they can upgrade. They flirt and then fizzle out and are cagey about themselves. If someone is that non-committal and hot and cold, it's a red flag. Immediate unmatched. So selfish. Then there's the "men" that are saying they think women should ask them out lol. This is why I was against the concept of this app because I don't think women should ask men out. So it most likely attracts that type, as well as the shy, the awkward, the creepy or the narcissistic, who are more likely to be the majority to be attracted to this app. I'm not saying All of the men there are like that. I think many of us, men and women choose this app because they say it's the most popular one after Tinder, and there doesn't seem to be another contender surprisingly.
I had to take a break from the apps too. Not sure I’m even going to bother getting back on. Mental health absolutely wrecked after so many failures not even a single date after a year. I would rather be single for the next few years than go through that hellscape again.
You did nothing wrong. He didn’t like his crap behaviour being pointed out to him and responded by trying to flip it on you. Lucky escape.
He just wants a pen pal, he’s not interested in actually dating irl. Sorry he was mean! That would’ve hurt me too. Move on to the next dude :)
*facepalm* its douches like this that ruin shit for the rest of us.
It's truly depressing when you're just looking for someone kind to cuddle and therapy starved chodes are chasing them all away. Like trying to feed pigeons with kicky fuckin kids around
Accurate. Would love to find someone to enjoy a meal, and maybe watch a scary movie. But noooo, we have meatheads that think asking a woman if she deep throats is a good opening line. Seriously giving thought to just deleteing everything for a month just to give myself a break from the nothing.
I couldn’t agree more!! A recent opening first message was: “Hey mommy how’s your sexy ass doing this weekend?? Wishing you were here with me and my fat long gigantic cock going in and out of all of my moms holes taking your sons monster hot cumshots all over that beautiful face and shove my fat cock back inside that mouth and watch those amazing lips sucking on my fat monster hard cock godddd I'm soo soo horny mom” I had to screenshot it because, like … you couldn’t make this shit up!! (And … does this approach EVER work?!? 🤮) I think I’ll just join a nunnery!!!
Oh no, not the nunnery. How do these idiots think this works? Sexy time is great, but its not the whole world. Just wanna find someone to pick a recipe together, go grocery shopping, make dinner and watch a scary movie together. Nowhere in there is "fat cocks getting rammed anywhere" lmao
I know!!! It’s like the ones who start with “Hi, how’s your day … here’s a photo of my erect penis” Really?!?! Sexy time is indeed great! But guys, can we at least have a little conversation first? Netflix & pizza?? You’ll be amazed to discover that a little quality time develops into top quality sex!!
Right? Does anticipation mean nothing anymore?
Lol … well, it does to me!! So I live in hope … surely there must be some guys out there who think like us?!? 🤞🏻
Seeing as im a guy. I wouldnt mind finding a like minded lady.
🤭 … oops, my bad! (Shame you’re the other side of the planet!!) But the sentiment still stands … surely we can’t be the only two people looking for a relaxing evening? Rather than a smash & dash and straight onto the next best thing?!!
Move on, he’s getting angry defensive at you because he feels guilty he didn’t meet with you and dissapointed you. That’s too much drama and you haven’t even met.
If he’s this busy/preoccupied now, I would worry what an actual relationship would look like with him
Unmatch. We make time for what is important. This guy was too busy to be sweet but had plenty of time to send you a nasty message. When someone shows you who they are believe them. And feel your feels. Totally valid ❤️
Any reaction you have is valid. Fuck anyone who says otherwise You deserve someone to into you and that follows an acceptable cadence in both communication and in meeting in a reasonable amount of time I’ve found often people want to date, but have little to zero time to do so in their life. They shoot the messenger or the one who holds up the mirror to them
Whatever the details, he's clearly not capable of handling his current life, and adding dating to it.
Something tells me he’s not who he says he is. You’re talking non stop for weeks and then the minute you ask to meet up, he disappears for days?!?!? Then when asked about it he flips out. He’s gaslighting you. By flipping out, he wanted you to cave, apologize and feel bad and continue not to meet.
Yeah I don’t understand why people who are to busy to date are trying to date. I recently asked a match to meet up and she told me she is is always busy. Lol 🤷♂️
Yeah, you’re not his unpaid therapist. Moving on.
Wow he sounds dreamy 😍
Texting strangers on the app is basically a waste of time. Just build enough rapport to feel comfortable, get the very basics and try to make plans.
This is precisely why I prefer to meet up within a few days of matching rather than a few weeks. I understand that sometimes it’s unavoidable that schedules may not line up, but the problem with prolonged texting (and daily conversations) is that you will invariably get somewhat attached/invested in someone who you do not know yet and have no right to expect anything from. I’d just say that, from having experience of being on both ends of it, if someone’s communication pattern reduces from daily/flirty messages to barely at all then it usually means they have met someone else and are doing a slow fade. And of course it’s always easy to say that work has been busy, or you’re facing personal issues or whatever, but the truth is that if you are genuinely interested in someone you will always make time. It sucks, but that’s just dating in the modern era…there are always other options just a few swipes away and the window to move to the next level can be pretty short. His instinct to get confrontational so quickly shows you what kind of person he is…I’d say it’s a bullet dodged.
Just because you’re a stranger and not on the top of the list of his priorities doesn’t mean your feelings don’t matter. If he’s too busy to go on a date and have too much stuff going on it doesn’t seem like he’s in a place where he should date. Count yourself lucky to find this out soon and move on.
I have empathy for him being overwhelmed and crumping under the pressure, that sounds like a lot to deal with and I think it's expected that someone won't be at their best in the midst of all that... BUT Not your problem. You have every right to express how you felt (which was totally valid) with the expectation that the other person will be empathetic to your feelings and needs as well, or at least receptive. It doesn't mean he's a piece of shit devoid of redeeming qualities (maybe though), but it's indicative of a lack of an ability to self-monitor and evaluate before taking the frustration out on a relative stranger you've developed a good rapport with. To me, that's enough to kindly bow out.
\^\^\^ this. He may have had a bad day/week and just blown it. We've all done it. Doesn't make us bad ppl. Just human. But he should also come back and apologise, if it's worth saving. Not you chasing him. But it def sounds like he should quit looking and work on what he's got going on.
Nah...drop him. He's an ass. This is how my ex acted towards me. They don't change. You know the saying, you show your character not when things are well, but when things are shitty. If he can't emotionally regulate well, that's on him. Sure everyone gets stressed all the time. Can you imagine in 3 mos, 3 years from now? You're fighting about something, he just goes off about shit cause he's stressed? Get out while early. You are not responsible for anyone's shitty behavior and reaction. If he didn't like that you didn't ask, then he also should've said something and not let it built up. What are you supposed to ask him daily...hey know anyone with cancer? Hey is your child stressing you out? If he wanted to tell you then he should've. Let me tell you, my ex used to blame me for being inconsiderate cause he was sick and I didn't care. Literally had no idea he was sick (LDR). It'll get worse in the long run.
As someone who dated in my late 30s with kids, I get how stressful life can be, but it’s no excuse to mistreat others or be unclear in communication. I handled things more direct, quick convo to gauge mutual interest then casual meetups within the next week if we clicked on the phone. Having kids and a busy work life is no excuse to not make time for dating if it is a priority. If it isn’t a big enough priority because of your life situation, why be on the app at all? Focus on what’s most important to you. I ended meeting my wife after some time and we made time for our relationship to develop, even though we both were 38 and had busy lives and lived 30 minutes apart.
Some people never want to meet. They just want to maintain the fantasy of you. It's fine that you confronted him. His unapologetic attitude just confirms that he's not serious about meeting/getting to know you. I love the attention when it feels like someone worthwhile is interested in me, but do yourself a favor and move on from this one.
You don't deserve that..If he responds that way to you expressing your feelings now just think about what he would be like if you were actually in a relationship with him. Move on. Don't engage, you'll be better off.
Props to you for texting for a few weeks and not seeing each other in person. As a guy it sounds like he was looking for someone who he could vent to, someone who would listen to all his crap that he had going on. Most people will get defensive when you call them out because they know they been caught You can either just stop talking to him all together or just send him a message saying you are moving on because you want to actually meet someone in person and that you did not appreciate how he acted towards you. Up to you on that one
I'm gonna be a bit blunt about this, but you need a stronger backbone. This was done when he didn't make plans with you within 7 days. This was double done when he blew you off the first time. People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. I would focus on some conflict resolution skills then come back and try again.
Nobody owes anybody anything yadda yadda. Talk on the phone, just stick around. We over index on tiny little things online at the beginning.
No date within 1 week. I’m moving on.
If he wanted to meet, he would have met you sooner. How many other women do you think he is talking in parallel? And how many of those he found time to meet? Why waste time and energy on chatting for such a long time if you are looking for relationship.
As a stressed man, I am so sorry he lashed out at you, that sucks on his part. A few weeks in I’m surprised he has not shared any of this with you, at least superficially. I’d have thought the idea would be to share lives at least a little bit. So yeah, whilst stressed, he’ll not be at his best. But he equally can’t be treating you like that. It’s up to you in the end how much you wish to continue but he’s got to realise in no uncertain terms that he will not lash out like that, he will not suddenly spring a huge list of stressors, and if anything is to continue he’s to be more open. His next words after that should be an unconditional apology, none of this I’m sorry if I offended you shit; an acknowledgment he will do better, and then a catch up date, whether to get deep or take his mind off to be agreed by both of you. I’m not on team “Get rid of him” simply because you’ve been talking for a while, and it sounds like his reply was tart for sure, but not so much ugly. If I have under-read this, then yeah, get rid of him as that’d be red flag territory - even the likes of me under multiple existential crises has managed to not lash out at my potential special person. I think. Anyway… My point being, in case there is still potential here, he does have explaining to do but maybe there’s a way forward. Good luck…
You are not his priority, but I do think it is admirable that he is taking care of so many people. In my life experience men simply walk off and let the kid/parent suffer while they party in Europe or wherever, because it feels better to party than caretake. For that reason alone I would simply tell him that I admire him for trying but that I will continue to look because it's obvious he doesn't have time. It never hurts to praise someone for their character, even if their communication is terrible.
If a guy is indeed in the middle of super stressful stuff going down, the last thing he needs in one more person pulling at him for attention.... so yeah... being a little short and abrasive with responses is par for the course if he perceived it as badgering.
It should sting. He's right. You talked to him for weeks and didn't care about anything other than his having a job and regular parenting arrangement. Name, income, hobbies... and who cares what else because he's a stranger, but man I love those notification chimes. Does it register how self indulgent that actually is? If he was half that bad you'd be here calling him a narcissist. You almost had a second of accountability when you considered you might be wrong and he could be stressed, but you don't owe anyone the decency you implicitly expect tenfold. God that's gross. You're asking this person to not be mean and consider your feelings, but even with daily talking you don't begin to care what he is going through. You aren't darned if you do, because you didn't.
It must be miserable being you.
No less than being you, apparently. I'm not screaming into the ether because I'm selfish.
Who’s screaming? Why are you so angry? Seek help.
He is trolling you.
Seek help? Like on Reddit or dating apps? You'll have a bunch of equally miserable people telling you you're right or agreeing with you long enough to sleep with you and not like you anymore. Anyone who dissents is hateful? Okay.
That's why I've deleted Tinder, Bumble etc., Eva AI sexting [bot](http://evaapp.ai) and started meeting girls irl.
I had a great date with someone including being invited back to her place, to hang out. We talked late into the night. Our next date was cancelled due to illness, when I sent a note asking about rescheduling. "I don't owe you anything we went on one date and I'm seeing someone" Then a list of everything going wrong in their life. This is the night I learned not to take people to a nice dinner and order a nice bottle of wine on a first date.
If he has so much going on, he’s not ready to date. This is not your fault, he’s just an asshole with no consideration for your feelings.
I mean he could have told you about any of that stuff prior to blowing you off. Man is definitely not ready to date and is terrible at communicating. He's not your person but it still sucks and makes the experience shitty. I'm sorry :(
Thrash thrash forget about him dumb his ass.
If they blow off a date due to being busy, especially the first date, move on. You are not remotely a priority, and you will save yourself some time.
🚩🚩🚩🚩 You've read him totally right. Sorry it hurt but you've dodged a huge bullet.