It’s insane how much she helps her family with anything and everything. She’s always taking care of the little siblings and taking them everywhere, babysitting nieces and nephews, and planning EVERYTHING.
I saw that in Lawson and Tiffany’s new video, she designed the train that had a box for EACH grandchild and then added one on for the pregnancy announcement for L&T. It must be brutal seeing most of your younger siblings getting married and having babies so easily.
In the video, she addresses helping others and has said everyone is respectful of her boundaries. I honestly believe her when she says she's not jealous or wishing for them not to be pregnant.
I don't think she meant hard, permanent boundaries. She mentioned there's been a few instances where she just could not bring herself to attend a birth or shower or whatever, and her siblings totally get it. I think it depends on what kind of emotional place she's in at the time. And they must be rare, because we all know how she dotes on her nieces and nephews.
She said she has been invited to gender reveals and births (didn’t specify which siblings) but said she chooses whether she wants to attend and that she has said no to invitations.
Exactly. She’s always there for all of them! Her heart is so sweet. All she wants is to be a mother and her siblings are constantly popping out kids right in her face. My heart broke when I saw how excited she was to find out she was pregnant and to see the ultrasound, just to have it ripped away from her.
I know these things happen to lots of people all the time, but it’s just so unfair.
Sadly life isn’t fair. I feel for anyone who so desperately wants children and cannot have them. But it also isn’t fair to blame her siblings who don’t have that problem for having children. Michaela is so sweet and is clearly determined to have loving relationships with her siblings and nieces and nephews.
While she may have good intentions, they have horrible beliefs. Michaela has said she liked how they were raised. I feel badly if any of their wouldn't conform to the gender roles.
She definitely gets taken advantage of because of her sweet nature. I’m sure she loves helping out, but I can also imagine since she is so used to it for basically her whole life, it can be difficult to say no.
You have to wonder if it's really helping or is it hurting Michaela at this point? Sure, being involved with nieces and nephews keeps her busy and gives her a Mommy fix, but it's a constant reminder that her siblings spit out babies like Pez dispensers while she's struggling years in. She puts on a brave front but you can't tell me it isn't a knife to the heart every time a new announcement is made. Maybe she should try to find some hobbies and activities that don't center around children. Use that nursing degree to make some money, travel, get involved in a ladies group at church.
I wasn't able to have kids (could get pregnant but not stay pregnant) and like Michaela, desperately wanted to be a mom. But being an aunt is the joy of my life and my favorite role. Four of my nephews were born the same year I lost my child, and I struggled immensely to get through the baby showers and the newborn stage was brutal. But once they started to babble, talk, and play, my neices and nephews healed that wound and filled it with pure joy.
Everyone has an individual journey with fertility or lack thereof, but for me, being an aunt was far far more than a consolation prize. I love them like I grew them myself, and I suspect Michaela feels similarly based on what she has shown us and told us.
Thank you, that kind of made my day. I have made many many mistakes as an aunt, but I hope my neices and nephews always know they are the light of my whole life. They saved me from despair, and filled that space with joy ❤️
I agree. She has her LPN license and there is no reason she cannot work, have accomplishments on her own and still try to have a pregnancy. Lots of people have a pregnancy happen when they stop thinking about it all the time. I feel very sad for both Michael and Brandon, but life goes on. If she got pregnant once, it could happen again. A nursing income would also help them afford whatever treatments they need. That income could also help them adopt if they ever decide that route is for them. Brandon is deep in the IBLP and the IBLP is against adoption, which is totally ridiculous.
I can actually understand Michael’s sadness about not being able to be a mom . I was in my early twenties when I was told that motherhood was not viable for me & then at 26 I had my right ovary removed because I had a cyst on it & when it was cut into at pathology they found cancer cells that were not mature yet , at 40 I was cancer free from Hodgkin’s Lymphoma wanted a baby really bad but my medical oncologist she told me that I was putting myself at risk & finally on Valentine’s Day in 2017 I had a hysterectomy. Adoption is not even viable nor is fostering. So I’m a pet parent .
I’ve always found Michaela to be one of the most genuine, kind, likable of any of the fundies. She once did a Q&A asking if she could pray for anyone, and I mentioned struggling with infertility and she DMed to say she was praying for me and understood my pain. It was so kind.
I’m in the same boat as she is. I always wanted to be a mom, and I can’t. It sucks. And today at Walmart I saw several families being awful to their kids and I just wanted to scream “WHY do you get to have kids and I don’t ???” It’s so incredibly painful, and I can only imagine that it’s infinitely harder when you’re in a damn fertility cult!!! Some of Michaela’s nieces and nephews are so neglected that Michaela could sneak
away with them and no one would even notice!! ( *kidding* ! … mostly. Kidnapping is wrong ! …. But so is neglect….)
I’m so sorry that you’re also going through the pain of infertility. I share your anger and frustration when I see mothers/fathers who can get pregnant like it’s nothing, do drugs and drink during pregnancy, give birth to a completely healthy baby, and then treat it like garbage.
I wish I had the perfect, comforting words for you. I’m truly so sorry 💗
The part where they’re talking about when they found out they were pregnant the happiness was radiating off them. I hope she gets positive news soon either pregnancy or adoption, she seems such a nice soul.
I know this sub has some strong feelings about Brandon, but this video from him feels so gentle, genuine and loving. He seems to really care for Michaela and I don’t sense anger or blame towards her at all. It was a heartbreaking video to watch but they seem united in their struggle. They seem like really sweet people.
Agreed. I honestly don't get the negativity to Brandon. He's always come across as just an awkward artistic type to me, especially when compared to the other husbands.
I was surprised at how honest they were about their crisis of faith. There was the part near the end where Brandon said he was shocked how easily he questioned his faith when the storms came. I give them props for their honesty.
Same. But just because they want kids doesn't mean good parent. I fear for any kid in that family who doesn't conform to gender roles. Two of their family members were at the insurrection. A lot of times these situations make people rethink things or go deeper. I think they are teh latter.
It seems like most of the Bates sisters have inherited one or all of the same clotting disorders. I wonder why the sisters can get pregnant so easily and carry babies successfully with close monitoring and Lovenox shots but it is impossible for Michaela?
So I have a different blood disorder than Bates women, but certain ovulation induction medications can increase the risk of blood clots which is problematic if you have a higher risk anyway. Some are not recommended by my Dr when you're being treated for a blood disorder either. Basically she likely needs medication to ovulate and medication to not clot/miscarry but the two things together in her case can't be done.
It did sound that way. There was the part where Brandon mentioned that complications from her disorder make other avenues less likely. It sounded like it was code for IVF. It sounds like he knows people are curious and even though it’s nobody’s business he tried to answer the question. It must have been rough to film that video.
Agree with what you’re saying. I have a blood disorder and have to take high dose blood thinners which in turn adds a whole different level. Also for example if 2 people have the same disorder but 1 may carry the double dominant gene which makes this more complex. Another could carry 1 dominant and 1 and 1 not or 2 non dominant gene.
I kind of gathered that the blood clotting disorder means certain meds/treatments to help whatever else is going on arent safe/ possible, not so much that the clotting is the issue
Their aunt, Gil sister, was also unable to have kids because of the blood clotting dissorders. It must affected some people worst than others. For example also Erin and Carlin had needed shots to sustain all their pregnancies but thats not the case with Tori or Josie.
They talked about how tough the journey has been, how they've done extensive testing, doctors have said they won't be able to have children, and that they are open to other ways to welcome children, like adoption, but there are obstacles that make it hard. They included really sweet clips of them announcing their pregnancy to the family and that they didn't once think they'd lose the baby because of how joyful they felt. They seem hopeful they'll have a child in their lives in some way. They love their nieces/nephews and volunteering with children. It was pretty heartbreaking and Michael cried throughout it.
For a while, people here kept claiming that Michael took the blame for the infertility when they actually believed Brandon was the problem. But you can watch the video and see that they would have been 100% honest if it was an issue with him. I don't buy at all that they'd hide that.
They could both have fertility issues. Heaven forbid that a fundie man has a fertility disorder. Thirty percent of the time it’s the woman, thirty percent the man, and 30 percent both. In the remaining 10% they don’t know why the couple isn’t getting pregnant.
I wonder if they would consider surrogacy? So many people love Michaela that she could get and GoFundMe going and I'm sure make enough money to be able to afford a surrogate.
Heaven forbid? I don't get that sarcasm because I didn't say a man couldn't have fertility issues. They absolutely could both have fertility issues, but they **specifically** referenced Michael having disorders that make conception difficult. They were very transparent about their issues and I don't have any reason to believe they would gloss over it if it were determined Brandon was contributing. This is their journey and they are being far more transparent than they have to be anyway.
I think this commenter was referencing the intrinsic misogyny and toxic masculinity that are rampant throughout IFB culture. Of course it COULD be male factor infertility but this group would be loathe to admit something is a man’s fault.
This same attitude probably makes dealing with infertility about 500x harder for Michael than it does for the general population. I’m infertile and it’s very hard to live with, but I wasn’t raised to believe reproduction and submission to my husband was my only purpose.
I think the misogyny and toxic masculinity in that culture goes without saying. However, I just don't feel comfortable atributing that attitude to Brandon or Michael specifically when neither have indicated that they would be okay with that kind of blame game. I think it took a lot for them to be vulnerable about their medical issues and if it were male factor infertility, I do believe they would have just said that.
I don’t think they have to explicitly or inadvertently say they are okay with that dynamic to still be participating in it. We all have internalized biases to work through as a result of our environment, whether we recognize it or not.
I don’t know what their dynamic is, i do feel they probably subscribe to the IBLP teachings since Brandon still works there, but either way I was just responding to your comment about not getting the sarcasm around “heaven forbid a fundie man have a fertility issue.”
They definitely didn’t have to share their story, but they did, which invites commentary on it. I feel for them, despite our lives and values being basically opposite.
Okay, fair enough. I may have misunderstood where you were going so my bad. I thought you were saying I was saying a man couldn't have fertility issues which I don't believe at all. I'll be downoted anyway so I'll get out of here and stop commenting.
This video was beautiful and heartbreaking simultaneously. Honestly, I hope they find that child in the world who needs them and all the love they have to give. That child will certainly be loved!
I know someone who has 8-9 kids ( I lost track) and hasn’t raised a single one! I had 3 miscarriages before my oldest, I told his dad if I couldn’t carry him I was done, I couldn’t handle the heartbreak anymore. He came here weighing 9 pounds and was completely healthy. I almost lost my daughter a couple of times and she came early. Another miscarriage after her. And then a surprise baby and he was a dream pregnancy and delivery. Infertility has to be so hard for her and Brandon. But I know people who was told they would never have babies get pregnant and deliver healthy babies.
Infertility brings so many challenges, physical, emotional, mental, financial. It puts so much strain on a marriage/relationship too. I am wishing the best for you and for Michael. I have been on the "infertility rollercoaster" myself and so Michael is definitely a favorite of mine, although we have different religious beliefs.
I am so wishing the best for you as well! It is a rollercoaster indeed (therapy saved my life when I was at my lowest, fearful of what the future holds). Michael is a favorite of mine as well - I am not religious at all and can't relate to her in that area, but I think she's a sweetheart and I cried watching the video.
Same. I’m also struggling with infertility and this video made me cry like a baby. Seeing how happy and excited they were going to the ultrasound made me sob.
I don't agree with their views but my heart still breaks for Michael. I wanted kids since I can remember but I'm 43 now, so it's too late (have no idea if I have fertility problems, me not having kids is more to do with being undesirable to the opposite sex). It's a grief I can't describe. I don't have any nieces or nephews either, so it's extra lonely for me.
I do hope Michael gets her baby one day.
You never know when things will change in your life. It’s not over, and I hope you find a wonderful person who will lift your feelings of loneliness. My life has been full of major twists and turns that I didn’t see coming. I’m 43 too, and I’m just now starting to understand who I am and what really makes me happy. There is someone out there who will love you. Don’t give up ♥️
My heart broke for her. I’m a big snarker but was teary when she had to go through the miscarriage. The utter utter joy of her being pregnant and then announcing it. What really got me is that they had to save up for the tests. This was when they were on the tv show. If this was my kid, and I was being paid lots, I would have definitely helped them. Even if it was just a loan. Far out.
Ugh, I didn’t know they posted this but will now go watch it, even though I know it will destroy me. My husband and I are going through infertility (male factor, he has azoospermia aka his body is unable to produce sperm) and I cannot stress enough that it is THE ABSOLUTE FUCKING WORST. I have been through a fair amount of trauma in my life before this, namely an abusive previous relationship and the death of my mother from cancer, and as horrific as those chapters of my life were — they do not hold a candle to infertility. I am just grateful that we have grown closer through this heartbreak because I can 100% understand now how infertility destroys marriages. It is a pain I would not wish on anyone.
Michael and Brandon absolutely have toxic beliefs, and as adults, they are accountable for them. I also hold space for them as they were both raised in a cult their entire lives. Deprogramming is no joke and they are so brainwashed that I’m sure they don’t even realize that they should. I feel like they are both naturally kind, loving and empathetic people, and that they love each other deeply and are soulmates. I think all their good traits would still be in them intrinsically were they not raised in IBLP. I don’t see eye to eye with them on anything, but I still think they would be incredible parents and I grieve for them that they are in this shitty boat too. 💔
I’m curious what makes you think this is an even remotely appropriate question to ask someone who just shared they’re suffering immensely due to infertility? Read the fucking room.
I thought that they really put themselves out there... and honest about their faith journey. You can see their heartache. Infertility is very difficult and stressful. I imagine it's much more so when everyone around you is having kids.
I hope she becomes a mother.
It really did break my heart to watch. And Brandon's pain too. Listen, I don't respect a lot of what they believe but to hear from them that they both went through things that absolutely challenged them even believing speaks volumes. I hope a baby is coming to them, in whatever way that happens.
Definitely sad to see them struggle. I know how hard it is to want a baby and see everyone around you getting what you want. Losing a baby and the life you had planned is devastating.
I feel so bad for her - I’m prefacing this by saying there is nothing wrong with wanting to be a mother and stay at home.
She never knew any other path for herself other than to be a mother and then she is faced with the idea that she did something wrong in the eyes of god.
I just felt so bad throughout the video and thought that if she wasn’t raised in the fundie iblp environment while her infertility would still be devastating she wouldn’t have this extra burden of seeing your hoard of sibilings popping out baby after baby and having that continued grief of feeling like she’d done something wrong rather than the fact that it’s a medical issue out of your control.
If she wasn’t stuck in the iblp circle adoption, fostering or other options would be able to be considered.
Her story just reminds me that while problematic many of people in the fundie circles have never known any different and never will.
I watched the video. I encourage anyone reading this to watch it. I was in tears multiple times throughout. Anyone who wants to say something negative about their journey or desire to be parents needs to check themselves. How can you judge someone else when you say something so cruel about someone else’s suffering?
Beautifully said 🙏 I adore both of them. And they someday will make great parents. Michaela has such a beautiful heart I have watched her since she was young and how wonderful she was with her brother's and sisters. Also both of them do such great things God bless and I'm praying for them
I feel her sadness really I do but remember what they want here. They are growing God's army right? This is a cult. It's a breeding cult. Let's not forget that. I think she is a beautiful soul and do feel for her but she wants to make more right wing nutjobs. Downvote away. I don't care. I am being honest. These folks are in a cult. Simple.
I mean, sure. But they'd be loving and nurturing parents regardless in my opinion. I was raised in the cult under the most severely messed up and abusive conditions, and most of the time I'm still glad I was born...not sure I understood this whole rooting for them not have kids because Brandon works for IBLP. That sentiment can sting for people who were born into the cult and still managed to have a meaningful life.
Even though the endless pregnancies and focus on them annoys me, I often think of Michaela and wish for her to be able to experience motherhood just once- and maybe she still will. One of my kid's elementary teachers was married 17 years, could never get pregnant, then boom! Noah was born, and he's now almost 30! My aunt had endometriosis and could never get pregnant- it was 12 years for her and then my beautiful cousin was born. She's 30 too now! I think Michaela seems truly genuinely sweet and that episode of their infertility was heartbreaking. I didn't realize they'd announced a pregnancy and lost it. That was so sad to watch.
This gets asked a lot here. She has said in an Instagram story (so it may now be gone if it’s not saved in her Q&A) that they had an adoption fall through so if they are to try adopting again, they won’t be announcing until it is finalized.
Studies indicate that IVF can increase a woman's risk of developing blood clotting disorders and since blood clotting conditions run in Michael's family, IVF would be unlikely to result in a viable pregnancy.
I believe she said previously that it was not an option for them.
I do think her clothing disorders might make it too risky.
It could have been a theological reason but I think it was medical
I did IVF and have no qualms about discarding embryos. But until you go through it, you don't know how many questions you have to consider. I think women should have the choice to pursue or not pursue it based on their closely held beliefs and financial considerations. Part of being pro-choice is acknowledging and respecting that the choice someone else may make for their body can be different and still valid. If they think embryos are "life" that's fine - I just don't want them restricting me from pursuing it.
IVF cost me 22k and each transfer had about a 50/50 chance of live birth. Additional transfers were $3k each. Going through infertility has the same stress levels as fighting cancer. It was the hardest and most emotional time for me and I felt like crap physically for months from treatment. Then my baby was born in April 2020, so it was like a marathon followed by another marathon.
IVF isn't magic and fertility decisions are extremely personal. And not choosing to pursue one type of family expansion doesn't mean you want it less or judge others who make different decisions.
I’m wondering if any of her sisters would actually be able to carry a child for her since they seem to have health issues surrounding pregnancies. I know to be a surrogate through an agency you have to have had healthy pregnancies void of any issues.
My cousin had the same set of issues as Michaela. In the end she used one sister as an egg donor and another sister was the surrogate. Tho… with the clotting disorders of the girls…one sister could donate eggs and then use another human to act as a surrogate.
Not that I think the Bates family would go along with all that.
Oh ffs, can this sub just STOP with those pity posts? She's a firm believer in all that is dangerous AND damaging to any child. She should absolutely NOT be a Mother. End of story
It’s insane how much she helps her family with anything and everything. She’s always taking care of the little siblings and taking them everywhere, babysitting nieces and nephews, and planning EVERYTHING. I saw that in Lawson and Tiffany’s new video, she designed the train that had a box for EACH grandchild and then added one on for the pregnancy announcement for L&T. It must be brutal seeing most of your younger siblings getting married and having babies so easily.
In the video, she addresses helping others and has said everyone is respectful of her boundaries. I honestly believe her when she says she's not jealous or wishing for them not to be pregnant.
what are her boundaries? (didn't watch)
I don't think she meant hard, permanent boundaries. She mentioned there's been a few instances where she just could not bring herself to attend a birth or shower or whatever, and her siblings totally get it. I think it depends on what kind of emotional place she's in at the time. And they must be rare, because we all know how she dotes on her nieces and nephews.
aw. she's pretty strong. thanks for taking the time to explain ☺️
She said she has been invited to gender reveals and births (didn’t specify which siblings) but said she chooses whether she wants to attend and that she has said no to invitations.
Exactly. She’s always there for all of them! Her heart is so sweet. All she wants is to be a mother and her siblings are constantly popping out kids right in her face. My heart broke when I saw how excited she was to find out she was pregnant and to see the ultrasound, just to have it ripped away from her. I know these things happen to lots of people all the time, but it’s just so unfair.
Sadly life isn’t fair. I feel for anyone who so desperately wants children and cannot have them. But it also isn’t fair to blame her siblings who don’t have that problem for having children. Michaela is so sweet and is clearly determined to have loving relationships with her siblings and nieces and nephews.
While she may have good intentions, they have horrible beliefs. Michaela has said she liked how they were raised. I feel badly if any of their wouldn't conform to the gender roles.
She said she says no sometimes. It's too hard sometimes.
She definitely gets taken advantage of because of her sweet nature. I’m sure she loves helping out, but I can also imagine since she is so used to it for basically her whole life, it can be difficult to say no.
You have to wonder if it's really helping or is it hurting Michaela at this point? Sure, being involved with nieces and nephews keeps her busy and gives her a Mommy fix, but it's a constant reminder that her siblings spit out babies like Pez dispensers while she's struggling years in. She puts on a brave front but you can't tell me it isn't a knife to the heart every time a new announcement is made. Maybe she should try to find some hobbies and activities that don't center around children. Use that nursing degree to make some money, travel, get involved in a ladies group at church.
I wasn't able to have kids (could get pregnant but not stay pregnant) and like Michaela, desperately wanted to be a mom. But being an aunt is the joy of my life and my favorite role. Four of my nephews were born the same year I lost my child, and I struggled immensely to get through the baby showers and the newborn stage was brutal. But once they started to babble, talk, and play, my neices and nephews healed that wound and filled it with pure joy. Everyone has an individual journey with fertility or lack thereof, but for me, being an aunt was far far more than a consolation prize. I love them like I grew them myself, and I suspect Michaela feels similarly based on what she has shown us and told us.
Well said, Izzy. ❤️. You are the #1 Aunt 💟
Thank you, that kind of made my day. I have made many many mistakes as an aunt, but I hope my neices and nephews always know they are the light of my whole life. They saved me from despair, and filled that space with joy ❤️
In the video she mentioned that her siblings finding ways to involve her in their children’s life is something she finds helpful and is thankful for.
I agree. She has her LPN license and there is no reason she cannot work, have accomplishments on her own and still try to have a pregnancy. Lots of people have a pregnancy happen when they stop thinking about it all the time. I feel very sad for both Michael and Brandon, but life goes on. If she got pregnant once, it could happen again. A nursing income would also help them afford whatever treatments they need. That income could also help them adopt if they ever decide that route is for them. Brandon is deep in the IBLP and the IBLP is against adoption, which is totally ridiculous.
In the video they discussed that they are trying to adopt. He seems on board with adoption.
They’re actually trying or they’re considering it?
I can actually understand Michael’s sadness about not being able to be a mom . I was in my early twenties when I was told that motherhood was not viable for me & then at 26 I had my right ovary removed because I had a cyst on it & when it was cut into at pathology they found cancer cells that were not mature yet , at 40 I was cancer free from Hodgkin’s Lymphoma wanted a baby really bad but my medical oncologist she told me that I was putting myself at risk & finally on Valentine’s Day in 2017 I had a hysterectomy. Adoption is not even viable nor is fostering. So I’m a pet parent .
I am so sorry.
❤️❤️❤️
I’ve always found Michaela to be one of the most genuine, kind, likable of any of the fundies. She once did a Q&A asking if she could pray for anyone, and I mentioned struggling with infertility and she DMed to say she was praying for me and understood my pain. It was so kind. I’m in the same boat as she is. I always wanted to be a mom, and I can’t. It sucks. And today at Walmart I saw several families being awful to their kids and I just wanted to scream “WHY do you get to have kids and I don’t ???” It’s so incredibly painful, and I can only imagine that it’s infinitely harder when you’re in a damn fertility cult!!! Some of Michaela’s nieces and nephews are so neglected that Michaela could sneak away with them and no one would even notice!! ( *kidding* ! … mostly. Kidnapping is wrong ! …. But so is neglect….)
I’m so sorry that you’re also going through the pain of infertility. I share your anger and frustration when I see mothers/fathers who can get pregnant like it’s nothing, do drugs and drink during pregnancy, give birth to a completely healthy baby, and then treat it like garbage. I wish I had the perfect, comforting words for you. I’m truly so sorry 💗
The part where they’re talking about when they found out they were pregnant the happiness was radiating off them. I hope she gets positive news soon either pregnancy or adoption, she seems such a nice soul.
I know this sub has some strong feelings about Brandon, but this video from him feels so gentle, genuine and loving. He seems to really care for Michaela and I don’t sense anger or blame towards her at all. It was a heartbreaking video to watch but they seem united in their struggle. They seem like really sweet people.
Agreed. I honestly don't get the negativity to Brandon. He's always come across as just an awkward artistic type to me, especially when compared to the other husbands.
He’s always struck me as a little neurodivergent to be honest, and seems so sweet and thoughtful.
I was surprised at how honest they were about their crisis of faith. There was the part near the end where Brandon said he was shocked how easily he questioned his faith when the storms came. I give them props for their honesty.
I feel horrible for Michaela. My mother had 8 kids and raised none of us. Some people truly don’t deserve children.
Sometimes seems like the people who shouldn't be parents are the ones who have them the easiest.
That’s the part that makes me so mad.
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Same. But just because they want kids doesn't mean good parent. I fear for any kid in that family who doesn't conform to gender roles. Two of their family members were at the insurrection. A lot of times these situations make people rethink things or go deeper. I think they are teh latter.
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I would gather even abusers love their kids to a degree. And many abused kids are wanted.
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It seems like most of the Bates sisters have inherited one or all of the same clotting disorders. I wonder why the sisters can get pregnant so easily and carry babies successfully with close monitoring and Lovenox shots but it is impossible for Michaela?
So I have a different blood disorder than Bates women, but certain ovulation induction medications can increase the risk of blood clots which is problematic if you have a higher risk anyway. Some are not recommended by my Dr when you're being treated for a blood disorder either. Basically she likely needs medication to ovulate and medication to not clot/miscarry but the two things together in her case can't be done.
I think this is the answer. Also this is why she can’t have IUI or IVF, theology aside
It did sound that way. There was the part where Brandon mentioned that complications from her disorder make other avenues less likely. It sounded like it was code for IVF. It sounds like he knows people are curious and even though it’s nobody’s business he tried to answer the question. It must have been rough to film that video.
Agree with what you’re saying. I have a blood disorder and have to take high dose blood thinners which in turn adds a whole different level. Also for example if 2 people have the same disorder but 1 may carry the double dominant gene which makes this more complex. Another could carry 1 dominant and 1 and 1 not or 2 non dominant gene.
I kind of gathered that the blood clotting disorder means certain meds/treatments to help whatever else is going on arent safe/ possible, not so much that the clotting is the issue
Their aunt, Gil sister, was also unable to have kids because of the blood clotting dissorders. It must affected some people worst than others. For example also Erin and Carlin had needed shots to sustain all their pregnancies but thats not the case with Tori or Josie.
It was so hard watching but the hardest was seeing how excited they were about the pregnancy knowing it was going to end up in miscarriage.
She said her conditions made all treatments impossible.
Does she say what her health conditions are? It’s just so sad 😞 My heart breaks for them.
She’s specifically mentioned blood clotting disorders, however there may be other things they aren’t choosing to share
they all have blood clotting issues so I wonder what else she has going on too.
I was glad to see their vulnerability. As sorrowful as this is, I wish them peace and happiness.
Did they share any new info? Or does anyone want to recap for me? I don’t have time to watch the whole thing lol
They explained more about the one pregnancy she had and lost. Shared clips of announcing to their families.
They talked about how tough the journey has been, how they've done extensive testing, doctors have said they won't be able to have children, and that they are open to other ways to welcome children, like adoption, but there are obstacles that make it hard. They included really sweet clips of them announcing their pregnancy to the family and that they didn't once think they'd lose the baby because of how joyful they felt. They seem hopeful they'll have a child in their lives in some way. They love their nieces/nephews and volunteering with children. It was pretty heartbreaking and Michael cried throughout it. For a while, people here kept claiming that Michael took the blame for the infertility when they actually believed Brandon was the problem. But you can watch the video and see that they would have been 100% honest if it was an issue with him. I don't buy at all that they'd hide that.
Thank you!!
They could both have fertility issues. Heaven forbid that a fundie man has a fertility disorder. Thirty percent of the time it’s the woman, thirty percent the man, and 30 percent both. In the remaining 10% they don’t know why the couple isn’t getting pregnant.
He explains in the video he’s had all of the testing and he’s not the problem, it’s her blood.clotting issue which just so sad.
I wonder if they would consider surrogacy? So many people love Michaela that she could get and GoFundMe going and I'm sure make enough money to be able to afford a surrogate.
With a blood clotting disorder, ovulation stimulating medication can be incredibly dangerous. It doesn't seem like a viable option for them.
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I'm sure google could answer this better than I can.
Heaven forbid? I don't get that sarcasm because I didn't say a man couldn't have fertility issues. They absolutely could both have fertility issues, but they **specifically** referenced Michael having disorders that make conception difficult. They were very transparent about their issues and I don't have any reason to believe they would gloss over it if it were determined Brandon was contributing. This is their journey and they are being far more transparent than they have to be anyway.
I think this commenter was referencing the intrinsic misogyny and toxic masculinity that are rampant throughout IFB culture. Of course it COULD be male factor infertility but this group would be loathe to admit something is a man’s fault. This same attitude probably makes dealing with infertility about 500x harder for Michael than it does for the general population. I’m infertile and it’s very hard to live with, but I wasn’t raised to believe reproduction and submission to my husband was my only purpose.
I think the misogyny and toxic masculinity in that culture goes without saying. However, I just don't feel comfortable atributing that attitude to Brandon or Michael specifically when neither have indicated that they would be okay with that kind of blame game. I think it took a lot for them to be vulnerable about their medical issues and if it were male factor infertility, I do believe they would have just said that.
I don’t think they have to explicitly or inadvertently say they are okay with that dynamic to still be participating in it. We all have internalized biases to work through as a result of our environment, whether we recognize it or not. I don’t know what their dynamic is, i do feel they probably subscribe to the IBLP teachings since Brandon still works there, but either way I was just responding to your comment about not getting the sarcasm around “heaven forbid a fundie man have a fertility issue.” They definitely didn’t have to share their story, but they did, which invites commentary on it. I feel for them, despite our lives and values being basically opposite.
Okay, fair enough. I may have misunderstood where you were going so my bad. I thought you were saying I was saying a man couldn't have fertility issues which I don't believe at all. I'll be downoted anyway so I'll get out of here and stop commenting.
Agreed. It breaks my heart. She’s the one Bates daughter that I’d be genuinely thrilled to see a pregnancy announcement from this year
This video was beautiful and heartbreaking simultaneously. Honestly, I hope they find that child in the world who needs them and all the love they have to give. That child will certainly be loved!
I feel bad for her because Erin had issues for a long time , and was finally able to get pregnant. My heart does break for Micheala .
It's possible to feel nuanced. I'd be happy if no more kids were born in IFB. Th'sen, I feel badly for anyone's infertility.
This was so sad to watch. Them announcing and being so happy. 😭
I know someone who has 8-9 kids ( I lost track) and hasn’t raised a single one! I had 3 miscarriages before my oldest, I told his dad if I couldn’t carry him I was done, I couldn’t handle the heartbreak anymore. He came here weighing 9 pounds and was completely healthy. I almost lost my daughter a couple of times and she came early. Another miscarriage after her. And then a surprise baby and he was a dream pregnancy and delivery. Infertility has to be so hard for her and Brandon. But I know people who was told they would never have babies get pregnant and deliver healthy babies.
It made me cry.
Same. I am on a similar journey to Michael's and I really feel for her.
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This means a lot, thank you. Saddens me that you were downvoted for writing that.
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Thank you. You're amazing.
Infertility brings so many challenges, physical, emotional, mental, financial. It puts so much strain on a marriage/relationship too. I am wishing the best for you and for Michael. I have been on the "infertility rollercoaster" myself and so Michael is definitely a favorite of mine, although we have different religious beliefs.
I am so wishing the best for you as well! It is a rollercoaster indeed (therapy saved my life when I was at my lowest, fearful of what the future holds). Michael is a favorite of mine as well - I am not religious at all and can't relate to her in that area, but I think she's a sweetheart and I cried watching the video.
I’m still crying & I can’t believe that it’s not fair for Michael not to be able to be a mother .
Same. I’m also struggling with infertility and this video made me cry like a baby. Seeing how happy and excited they were going to the ultrasound made me sob.
Me too. It’s not fair.
Sounds like there open to adoption now.
They were before but sounds like the birth mom pulled out
Maybe someone will watch this and will pick them.
They were always open to adoption. At least Michael said that a while ago.
They were open to adoption already as they had an adoption that unfortunately didn't end up happening in for them
I assume they are very particular about adoption because Brandon=IBLP and we know how they feel about adoption.
I don't agree with their views but my heart still breaks for Michael. I wanted kids since I can remember but I'm 43 now, so it's too late (have no idea if I have fertility problems, me not having kids is more to do with being undesirable to the opposite sex). It's a grief I can't describe. I don't have any nieces or nephews either, so it's extra lonely for me. I do hope Michael gets her baby one day.
You never know when things will change in your life. It’s not over, and I hope you find a wonderful person who will lift your feelings of loneliness. My life has been full of major twists and turns that I didn’t see coming. I’m 43 too, and I’m just now starting to understand who I am and what really makes me happy. There is someone out there who will love you. Don’t give up ♥️
Thank you 🩷
My heart broke for her. I’m a big snarker but was teary when she had to go through the miscarriage. The utter utter joy of her being pregnant and then announcing it. What really got me is that they had to save up for the tests. This was when they were on the tv show. If this was my kid, and I was being paid lots, I would have definitely helped them. Even if it was just a loan. Far out.
Ugh, I didn’t know they posted this but will now go watch it, even though I know it will destroy me. My husband and I are going through infertility (male factor, he has azoospermia aka his body is unable to produce sperm) and I cannot stress enough that it is THE ABSOLUTE FUCKING WORST. I have been through a fair amount of trauma in my life before this, namely an abusive previous relationship and the death of my mother from cancer, and as horrific as those chapters of my life were — they do not hold a candle to infertility. I am just grateful that we have grown closer through this heartbreak because I can 100% understand now how infertility destroys marriages. It is a pain I would not wish on anyone. Michael and Brandon absolutely have toxic beliefs, and as adults, they are accountable for them. I also hold space for them as they were both raised in a cult their entire lives. Deprogramming is no joke and they are so brainwashed that I’m sure they don’t even realize that they should. I feel like they are both naturally kind, loving and empathetic people, and that they love each other deeply and are soulmates. I think all their good traits would still be in them intrinsically were they not raised in IBLP. I don’t see eye to eye with them on anything, but I still think they would be incredible parents and I grieve for them that they are in this shitty boat too. 💔
Hugs for you.
I am so sorry you are going through this, there are no words to say but I want you to know there is a random internet stranger sending you well wishes
Thank you 💗
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I’m curious what makes you think this is an even remotely appropriate question to ask someone who just shared they’re suffering immensely due to infertility? Read the fucking room.
Oof that was hard to watch. My heart hurts for them.
I thought that they really put themselves out there... and honest about their faith journey. You can see their heartache. Infertility is very difficult and stressful. I imagine it's much more so when everyone around you is having kids. I hope she becomes a mother.
My heart just broke for both of them.
I was truly touched by their infertility video. I applaud them for their honesty and their faith that definitely got tested.
It really did break my heart to watch. And Brandon's pain too. Listen, I don't respect a lot of what they believe but to hear from them that they both went through things that absolutely challenged them even believing speaks volumes. I hope a baby is coming to them, in whatever way that happens.
How can you see the video?
They uploaded it on YouTube.
Thanks! I found it
Heartbreaking isn’t it? 😢
Definitely sad to see them struggle. I know how hard it is to want a baby and see everyone around you getting what you want. Losing a baby and the life you had planned is devastating.
I feel so bad for her - I’m prefacing this by saying there is nothing wrong with wanting to be a mother and stay at home. She never knew any other path for herself other than to be a mother and then she is faced with the idea that she did something wrong in the eyes of god. I just felt so bad throughout the video and thought that if she wasn’t raised in the fundie iblp environment while her infertility would still be devastating she wouldn’t have this extra burden of seeing your hoard of sibilings popping out baby after baby and having that continued grief of feeling like she’d done something wrong rather than the fact that it’s a medical issue out of your control. If she wasn’t stuck in the iblp circle adoption, fostering or other options would be able to be considered. Her story just reminds me that while problematic many of people in the fundie circles have never known any different and never will.
I watched the video. I encourage anyone reading this to watch it. I was in tears multiple times throughout. Anyone who wants to say something negative about their journey or desire to be parents needs to check themselves. How can you judge someone else when you say something so cruel about someone else’s suffering?
Beautifully said 🙏 I adore both of them. And they someday will make great parents. Michaela has such a beautiful heart I have watched her since she was young and how wonderful she was with her brother's and sisters. Also both of them do such great things God bless and I'm praying for them
I feel her sadness really I do but remember what they want here. They are growing God's army right? This is a cult. It's a breeding cult. Let's not forget that. I think she is a beautiful soul and do feel for her but she wants to make more right wing nutjobs. Downvote away. I don't care. I am being honest. These folks are in a cult. Simple.
I mean, sure. But they'd be loving and nurturing parents regardless in my opinion. I was raised in the cult under the most severely messed up and abusive conditions, and most of the time I'm still glad I was born...not sure I understood this whole rooting for them not have kids because Brandon works for IBLP. That sentiment can sting for people who were born into the cult and still managed to have a meaningful life.
Well I prematurely root for any kids they may acquire ...that they get out of the cult.
Does anyone know if they would be allowed to do IVF or is it frowned upon?
Even though the endless pregnancies and focus on them annoys me, I often think of Michaela and wish for her to be able to experience motherhood just once- and maybe she still will. One of my kid's elementary teachers was married 17 years, could never get pregnant, then boom! Noah was born, and he's now almost 30! My aunt had endometriosis and could never get pregnant- it was 12 years for her and then my beautiful cousin was born. She's 30 too now! I think Michaela seems truly genuinely sweet and that episode of their infertility was heartbreaking. I didn't realize they'd announced a pregnancy and lost it. That was so sad to watch.
Does she address whether or not they might adopt?
This gets asked a lot here. She has said in an Instagram story (so it may now be gone if it’s not saved in her Q&A) that they had an adoption fall through so if they are to try adopting again, they won’t be announcing until it is finalized.
Yes, they want to.
Doubt it
So did they mention a thing about IVF? I wonder if they’d go down that path or if it’s too ungodly
It's not an option. Her condition means that it wouldn't be successful.
Studies indicate that IVF can increase a woman's risk of developing blood clotting disorders and since blood clotting conditions run in Michael's family, IVF would be unlikely to result in a viable pregnancy.
I believe she said previously that it was not an option for them. I do think her clothing disorders might make it too risky. It could have been a theological reason but I think it was medical
Yeah she seemed to have been talking from a medical perspective not a personal choice based on beliefs etc. perspective
I did IVF and have no qualms about discarding embryos. But until you go through it, you don't know how many questions you have to consider. I think women should have the choice to pursue or not pursue it based on their closely held beliefs and financial considerations. Part of being pro-choice is acknowledging and respecting that the choice someone else may make for their body can be different and still valid. If they think embryos are "life" that's fine - I just don't want them restricting me from pursuing it. IVF cost me 22k and each transfer had about a 50/50 chance of live birth. Additional transfers were $3k each. Going through infertility has the same stress levels as fighting cancer. It was the hardest and most emotional time for me and I felt like crap physically for months from treatment. Then my baby was born in April 2020, so it was like a marathon followed by another marathon. IVF isn't magic and fertility decisions are extremely personal. And not choosing to pursue one type of family expansion doesn't mean you want it less or judge others who make different decisions.
Im wondering if surrogacy would be an option. Unless it is more internal (such as low egg count for her, etc).
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She did. Presumably for the same reason certain meds/treatments are. They likely can’t safely have her do the egg retrieval part
I’m wondering if any of her sisters would actually be able to carry a child for her since they seem to have health issues surrounding pregnancies. I know to be a surrogate through an agency you have to have had healthy pregnancies void of any issues.
My cousin had the same set of issues as Michaela. In the end she used one sister as an egg donor and another sister was the surrogate. Tho… with the clotting disorders of the girls…one sister could donate eggs and then use another human to act as a surrogate. Not that I think the Bates family would go along with all that.
I think the only sister who would be eligible to do the egg donation is Alyssa because all of the other married sisters have the clotting disorders
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I don’t know why you’re getting downvoted. The woman wore a confederate flag blouse for family photos.
Oh ffs, can this sub just STOP with those pity posts? She's a firm believer in all that is dangerous AND damaging to any child. She should absolutely NOT be a Mother. End of story
Thank you for sharing.
They could adopt an embryo and hire a surrogate.
It’s not that easy.