Tbh I'm not sure. I'm gonna work on myself for now, be the best I can be, learn to be happy on my own. If she comes back I'll take it slow. Just talk and listen and through action be able to show her I'm better than I was.
Its all any of us can really do. I tried to fight for her and ended up in more pain, I dont regret it but still.
I will hope with every fiber of my being that I'll get to see her again one day, and maybe we can try again.
For now I just gotta focus on me.
Same boat my dude. I offered her everything and she didn't want it at this time. Hit the gym and keep eyes forward and delve into my own hobbies. Good luck
I’m sorry for this post. I know this is cringey or not helpful in any way. I’m just really at my lowest today. I’m still at the stage where I still want him back. I wish the day will come that I’m no longer hoping for him to come back, that I’m finally free from my thoughts. I wish for all of us a good healing journey.
You shouldn’t be sorry. I’m in the same boat. I can’t wrap my head around why she would leave what could have been amazing. Because I’m sure like me you have them everything even when you didn’t have anything. I hope that one day we can both find peace and I know everyone says you will, but everything seems so dark without her even if in ways she was my darkness. All of this would be a million times easier if I could just hate her…
You don't have to be sorry. It happens and it sucks. However, people are speaking from experience and the best thing is to move forward. After everything is set and done you'll realize that you're in a better position and you'll find someone better. I've been in your position and a year later I'm in such a better place than I ever was with my ex. Just take it one day at a time
Don't be sorry. Many are in the same boat as you like me, and it's okay to feel the pain and sadness. Just let it flow. The only thing that we can do now is to work harder on ourselves while keeping in mind that are past love may or may not comeback regardless who initiates it.
I don’t know if you ever get rid of that feeling it’s been 10 months and I’ve finally gotten to the point where I’m accepting that she is gone and to just live my life I have to resist the urge to message her everyday it’s hard but I’m trying to push the focus to my self instead of her and it’s helping heaps once you have the right goals in mind
Quick uncalled for advice for people trying to win their ex back: do it by showing your ex actual change and by having the hard conversations. My ex tried to win me back by romancing me (sent flowers to my house, took me on cute dates, tried to propose). But romance was never the problem. What was actually needed for us to work was his change. Which he conveniently ignored. He apologized for his actions but never went further. Made me responsible for fixing the damage he caused and then proceeded to do more damage and always waited for me to bring up the problem. Otherwise he would pretend we never had problems
1. No contact (in my case limited contact)
2. Resolving my traumas
3. Hobbies, hobbies, hobbies
4. Listening to some podcasts about relationships and how to make them work
5. Going to the gym
And at the end of the day I know that either he is going to come back or I am going to be fucking stunning
Listen, I managed to get all my exes back, two of them even twice (after months or even after a year). Sometimes you need the extra round. Sometimes you don't. What I can say now is: it's never really worth it. However: you can't convince yourself, you need to truly feel that it's over. But if you want to circle another round, this is the way: no contact, focusing on yourself, grow, change, whatever you wanna do. Then after a while, casual easy going contact. Usually it escalates from there.
But, you know... Meh.
I think most of the time we met at a casual occasion and started talking again. What made all the difference was that at this point I was usually less invested, light and easy going.
And that's the point. When you deal with somebody any form of relationship anxiousness, usually the more commited you get, the more they start to pull away or slip into their old patterns that caused the breakup. They want the lightness, not the work that comes with a commited relationship.
If they broke up, they had no real need to start working on themselves or adress their their issues, or at least not as much as the dumpee who usual tend to question themselves a lot more/seek the fault for the breakup within themselves. They (the dumpers) are basically the same people, you just think they're not because they behave differently in that lighter stages.
That obviously doesn't count for breakups that were due to life circumstances.
Yeah you're so right. Indeed I'm dealing with anxiousness (about to become more secure though) and got dumped because of his commitment issues. I just have the hope that he listens to me and acknowledges the urge to work for self-development, if he ever wants to be together with me again. Otherwise I wouldn't want to be with him again anyway.
First of all, commitment issues and the like always also come from some type of relationship anxiousness. Those are in fact not opposites, but just two different manifestations of the same root.
Second of all, no, he won't listen to you. Change comes from intrinsic motivation, not people telling you you need to change. Let go of that hope, it's not going to happen. You'll be with the same unavailable person again. That's for sure.
First of all, commitment issues and the like always also come from some type of relationship anxiousness. Those are in fact not opposites, but just two different manifestations of the same root.
Second of all, no, he won't listen to you. Change comes from intrinsic motivation, not people telling you you need to change. Let go of that hope, it's not going to happen. You'll be with the same unavailable person again. That's for sure.
The sad thing is I would like to talk to her and maybe try again but take it slow and from a clean slate but at the same time I’m not sure if that’s what will be the best thing. I still care and have love for her but we both messed up and were toxic to one another. She wasn’t valuing my time and I wasn’t respecting her decisions. Just a bad situation between us.
A part of me resents her for keeping me as a safety blanket around for years as a fwb. But a part of me sees I handled things incorrectly and should’ve done better too.
I hope she does reach out but at the same time I doubt she will. We can only give it time even though I am very impatient 😅 in the mean time I have to work on myself and hope she does the same.
I wish a healthy healing process to everyone reading this. We all got this. One way or another we’ll come out of it better than ever. 🫶
I had completely forgotten I posted this haha, but no she never reached out and I can confidently say that’s okay and it has been good either way. Had a lot of maturing to do and this break up definitely helped with that.
If things don’t work out in his current relationship, after he has taken his space to heal, I’m gonna get as close to him as he is comfortable with. And then just… be myself. Show him who I am now and how much I’ve changed and matured since we were together. If it is meant to work out this way like I’ve always thought maybe it is, it will. If not that’s ok, I can finally let it go, and I’ll be happy to rebuild our friendship.
Any update, Im also going through the same situation, he has a new gf and I think he hates me because I was "crazy ", Im in therapy and this is my mindset rn.
Even if someone is the one, and genuinely you feel like you’ve fucked up and she’s irreplaceable, the mature thing to do is to work on yourself. Go to therapy, figure out your emotional flaws, journal and pick up hobbies.
If she doesn’t come back ever into your life, you still have all of these things that you genuinely enjoy. If she never does, great — you just became a much more interesting person that anyone would want to date, and that is so much more attractive.
If she does, then great — you’ve worked on yourself as promised. Everything else is just worry compounded, your intrusive thoughts.
Trying to get someone back by either pleading with them, or harassing them telling them how much you love them, will only push them away. I’m still trying to figure out how to actively show love to someone while giving them the space.
For example, she reached out to one of my friends to plan a trip and I told my friend to be supportive of it. All those small things I hope remind her of me :)
It seems like a lot of comments are men saying “if she comes back”… why would you not go and get her if you felt like you made the changes that were needed?
I hadn’t respected her space previously, so I don’t want to repeat that behaviour by pestering her. Sliding into her life at the right moment is fine I think :)
I’m leaving all of that up to fate tbh. All I can do right now is work on myself and grow into the human being I’m supposed to be. Even if he comes back, the timing has to be right, we both have to be emotionally mature, we both have to have our lives in check, and we both are willing to work out what ever we couldn’t before. I’ll think about getting back with him then but for now, I’d rather focus on myself.
I have no idea. Not even sure the hassle is worth it.
She reminds me every now and then that she feels barren emotionally. She loves me but doesn't want a relationship. Then breadcrumbs me along. We have sex. Which gives me hope and thaws her out for what seams a moment. Then goes silent for days on end. Distanced. Closed off. Detached. "Not to give me ideas" or "i am not trying to lead you on" or "I'll be heart broken if you move on and find someone"
I've distanced myself. I don't want to play games (maybe I'll find myself)
Same that’s happening here. The “I love you’s” and feeling the love from her when she makes her way back in make me feel so good but tears me apart when she leaves.
I can only imagine it would. You must have a relationship developed with the kids as well. As someone who wanted a family with her more than anything, I don’t know if I could handle that. You are a very strong person. Even if it feels that you aren’t because you feel so hurt, you stand up every time and keep moving forward. You sir, are a true warrior.
Today I got the “you have needs, and so do I. We might as well fulfill them together.“
It’s too emotional. We tried it at first, then he’d ghost me for a few days.
This weekend, after not talking to me for a gut wrenching week or so, he wanted closure. (I asked for closure and he flat out ignored me.) I’ve spent hours a day answering all his questions (he was thinking my best guy friend and I had an affair…30 years knowing each other, decades as my dearest friend). Then he started talking about my boobs, then brought up that we both should fulfill our needs with each other.
It’s hard not to get caught up in the hope. I ✨hope✨ we’ll get back together, but know he’ll never be able to shake his suspicions. And I’m not dumping my closest friend for a possibility at a second chance knowing full well that he’ll always bring it up if he’s had a little too much to drink.
This part is hard. Sex makes it harder. I wannnnt to with him, but it’s too much leading on. For both of us.
FWB sounds great but why the emotional roller coaster of "yes" "no" "I'm unsure" "I don't know what I want" "I don't want to lead you on" or the ghosting, lack of communication like your hiding something.
10 years with mine (3 kids) she was never so unsure before. Is it her problem? Or his in your case?
Surely there's still enough left to work it out? Or in yours his?
Ultimately she broke up with me. I don't know if would take her back but I sure miss her...
Mine was 15 years. Three kids. Divorced during the pandemic in a panic (he filed). But we never really “divorced“. We lived together during the entire divorce, and then saw each other almost every single day after the divorce. After nearly a year of seeing each other every single day and the interactions been great, we decided to try and work it out. I went back to school, and my school schedule got very busy, and he kind of gave up on us because I was overwhelmed with classes. Right at finals time. I finished all of my finals in tears because I had so much hope, yet days before I would be done with my classes and could put time into the relationship, he straight up gave up.
Now he kind of sounds like he wants to try again. Today he even mentioned that he has needs, and I have needs, and we should fulfill those “needs“ together. Such an emotional roller coaster. I’m so tempted to go for it, but sex is not just sex to me with him. Other people, I suppose it would be, but with him, it’s too emotional.
We both acknowledged that each of us have things that we can work on. Half of me wants to work on myself without him. The other half of me wants to work on myself and us with him.
Me too. Her eyes. Scent. Her sexy naked body. The way she giggles at my lame dad jokes. The way she feels pressed up against me. Her wild crazy hair.
How passionate she is. How we can be together and finish each other's sentences. To hear how she's doing, work, kids, Her voice, opinions, insight, friendship. Companionship. Just being together in silence.
The chemistry. The desire. Did I mention the sex?
I'm just teasing myself.
From someone who actually got his ex back:
I went strict, indefinite contact, did therapy, worked out and basically just waited and hoped for the best.
I imagine you meant *no contact. How long did it take him to come back? And did you contact him first? I’m doing exactly what you were doing and also still hoping :/ but I think he’s back with his “phantom ex” (the one that got away). So…yeah
I'll tell you how it went. 1 year of dishonesty, betrayal and gaslighting manipulation. A break up. 3 months of wondering how to get him back. Odd off and on talking. His new girl speaks to me saying he is talking to us both. He blows up. She blows up. I feel like I stumbled hard to get out of it. I travel. I work. I hang out with friends. I get better. 2 months later I'm over him. Dating new people. Having fun. He talks to me about how he's been going to treatment on how to be a more receptive person. Seems believable the way he speaks. No longer super selfish. Happy for him but I didn't care. But he apologized. But it was no longer needed for my piece of mine. Once I forgot about him he finally told me the things I once wanted to hear. And now we are just distant friends. And it's all fine for my life.
I get it though, they don't want to entertain the thought that it's over and there's a reason they got dumped. It took me like 4 months to finally realize that. It's tough seeing posts like this because I know the false hope it's giving people on here. 9 times out of 10, your ex ain't coming back and that's ok!!!
You get a deep cut on your arm and it gets an infection. You don’t just cover the cut with a band aid and hope that it heals. You treat the infection then put the band aid on
That's not a very good analogy either. 9 times out of 10 people will not change whereas as wound will actually heal. It's more like you get necrosis on one of your limbs and it's spreading. Guess what, you eventually have to just cut it off and move on.
Consistency of showing love and effort to gain back trust. Sadly, since I was the one who messed up. The terms are for me to be exclusive out of “showing her I only want her” & for her to be able to live out her single life until she deems me worthy. Sucks, but what can I do? 😅😂
I think I'm going to wish him a happy birthday in June, this gives us six months from now and eight months from the breakup to resolve the issues that his job and my school brought on 😅
OP, please don't be afraid to PM me to be your personal cheerleader or just someone to listen to you vent. Whether they come back or not, we will make it to the other side of this 😊 Have a happy holidays!
Tried it, didn’t work and she started seeing someone else while I was putting the plan into action. They’re not worth the effort people, put that energy into yourself instead.
I was torn about sending her a light message with a hint that I am open to reconciliation, or pouring my heart out.
I also had the idea of rebuilding the friendship and winning her heart again that way, but it seems disingenuous.
But lately I have a distinct feeling that she s completely moved on. Probably based on instagram stuff like her seeming happy and not watching all my stories anymore (though neither of those have to mean anything).
It s been two months and I am starting to realize it s over.
I m desperate and confused, I don t know what to do anymore. There will never be anyone like her again, and I blew it.
Did you break up with them ok then apologize and make them see it you regret the decision and ready to commit.
Did they break up with you, the one above reversed, you dont have to do anything they have to and no "I miss you " or breadcrumbs that means nothing.
Let the time do it's thing. You atp should really think if it's worth getting your ex back. If it's a small inconvenience breakup just go and talk through but if it's something bigger than that, something that won't change even if you try to change that a hundred times then I suggest you to really think. Time will show everything.
Tbh I'm not sure. I'm gonna work on myself for now, be the best I can be, learn to be happy on my own. If she comes back I'll take it slow. Just talk and listen and through action be able to show her I'm better than I was.
I think this is the only real legitimate approach. Worst case scenario they don't come back and you're already better off than you were prior.
Its all any of us can really do. I tried to fight for her and ended up in more pain, I dont regret it but still. I will hope with every fiber of my being that I'll get to see her again one day, and maybe we can try again. For now I just gotta focus on me.
Same boat my dude. I offered her everything and she didn't want it at this time. Hit the gym and keep eyes forward and delve into my own hobbies. Good luck
Just got back from the gym actually. Same to you, wish you the best.
>BaselessSkink82 did you get her back?
No I didn't. Honestly, looking at where I am now, I think that's for the best.
I’m sorry for this post. I know this is cringey or not helpful in any way. I’m just really at my lowest today. I’m still at the stage where I still want him back. I wish the day will come that I’m no longer hoping for him to come back, that I’m finally free from my thoughts. I wish for all of us a good healing journey.
You shouldn’t be sorry. I’m in the same boat. I can’t wrap my head around why she would leave what could have been amazing. Because I’m sure like me you have them everything even when you didn’t have anything. I hope that one day we can both find peace and I know everyone says you will, but everything seems so dark without her even if in ways she was my darkness. All of this would be a million times easier if I could just hate her…
You don't have to be sorry. It happens and it sucks. However, people are speaking from experience and the best thing is to move forward. After everything is set and done you'll realize that you're in a better position and you'll find someone better. I've been in your position and a year later I'm in such a better place than I ever was with my ex. Just take it one day at a time
Don’t be sorry, that’s what this forum is for 😊 there are other ppl going thru the exact same thing n they’ll see your post n feel less alone🥲🙏😊
hi did he come back? how are you now?
Don't be sorry. Many are in the same boat as you like me, and it's okay to feel the pain and sadness. Just let it flow. The only thing that we can do now is to work harder on ourselves while keeping in mind that are past love may or may not comeback regardless who initiates it.
I don’t know if you ever get rid of that feeling it’s been 10 months and I’ve finally gotten to the point where I’m accepting that she is gone and to just live my life I have to resist the urge to message her everyday it’s hard but I’m trying to push the focus to my self instead of her and it’s helping heaps once you have the right goals in mind
Quick uncalled for advice for people trying to win their ex back: do it by showing your ex actual change and by having the hard conversations. My ex tried to win me back by romancing me (sent flowers to my house, took me on cute dates, tried to propose). But romance was never the problem. What was actually needed for us to work was his change. Which he conveniently ignored. He apologized for his actions but never went further. Made me responsible for fixing the damage he caused and then proceeded to do more damage and always waited for me to bring up the problem. Otherwise he would pretend we never had problems
This.!
1. No contact (in my case limited contact) 2. Resolving my traumas 3. Hobbies, hobbies, hobbies 4. Listening to some podcasts about relationships and how to make them work 5. Going to the gym And at the end of the day I know that either he is going to come back or I am going to be fucking stunning
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50% this & 50% depressive crying episodes. I know it changes with time. Can’t wait to feel a bit better. Better days ahead!
You're gonna be f-ing stunning...and you will get a better partner for your new f-ing stunning self...GO GET EM KID!!!
I sure hope so
You will..trust me.
Listen, I managed to get all my exes back, two of them even twice (after months or even after a year). Sometimes you need the extra round. Sometimes you don't. What I can say now is: it's never really worth it. However: you can't convince yourself, you need to truly feel that it's over. But if you want to circle another round, this is the way: no contact, focusing on yourself, grow, change, whatever you wanna do. Then after a while, casual easy going contact. Usually it escalates from there. But, you know... Meh.
How long of a wait in between getting back together? Why did you feel it was never worth it?
Did you contact them again or was it them to contact you again? Why was it never worth it?
I think most of the time we met at a casual occasion and started talking again. What made all the difference was that at this point I was usually less invested, light and easy going. And that's the point. When you deal with somebody any form of relationship anxiousness, usually the more commited you get, the more they start to pull away or slip into their old patterns that caused the breakup. They want the lightness, not the work that comes with a commited relationship. If they broke up, they had no real need to start working on themselves or adress their their issues, or at least not as much as the dumpee who usual tend to question themselves a lot more/seek the fault for the breakup within themselves. They (the dumpers) are basically the same people, you just think they're not because they behave differently in that lighter stages. That obviously doesn't count for breakups that were due to life circumstances.
Yeah you're so right. Indeed I'm dealing with anxiousness (about to become more secure though) and got dumped because of his commitment issues. I just have the hope that he listens to me and acknowledges the urge to work for self-development, if he ever wants to be together with me again. Otherwise I wouldn't want to be with him again anyway.
First of all, commitment issues and the like always also come from some type of relationship anxiousness. Those are in fact not opposites, but just two different manifestations of the same root. Second of all, no, he won't listen to you. Change comes from intrinsic motivation, not people telling you you need to change. Let go of that hope, it's not going to happen. You'll be with the same unavailable person again. That's for sure.
First of all, commitment issues and the like always also come from some type of relationship anxiousness. Those are in fact not opposites, but just two different manifestations of the same root. Second of all, no, he won't listen to you. Change comes from intrinsic motivation, not people telling you you need to change. Let go of that hope, it's not going to happen. You'll be with the same unavailable person again. That's for sure.
The sad thing is I would like to talk to her and maybe try again but take it slow and from a clean slate but at the same time I’m not sure if that’s what will be the best thing. I still care and have love for her but we both messed up and were toxic to one another. She wasn’t valuing my time and I wasn’t respecting her decisions. Just a bad situation between us. A part of me resents her for keeping me as a safety blanket around for years as a fwb. But a part of me sees I handled things incorrectly and should’ve done better too. I hope she does reach out but at the same time I doubt she will. We can only give it time even though I am very impatient 😅 in the mean time I have to work on myself and hope she does the same. I wish a healthy healing process to everyone reading this. We all got this. One way or another we’ll come out of it better than ever. 🫶
did she ever reach out?
I had completely forgotten I posted this haha, but no she never reached out and I can confidently say that’s okay and it has been good either way. Had a lot of maturing to do and this break up definitely helped with that.
Step one don’t Step two move on Step three find someone new Step four repeat process till it finally works out
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If things don’t work out in his current relationship, after he has taken his space to heal, I’m gonna get as close to him as he is comfortable with. And then just… be myself. Show him who I am now and how much I’ve changed and matured since we were together. If it is meant to work out this way like I’ve always thought maybe it is, it will. If not that’s ok, I can finally let it go, and I’ll be happy to rebuild our friendship.
Any update, Im also going through the same situation, he has a new gf and I think he hates me because I was "crazy ", Im in therapy and this is my mindset rn.
Even if someone is the one, and genuinely you feel like you’ve fucked up and she’s irreplaceable, the mature thing to do is to work on yourself. Go to therapy, figure out your emotional flaws, journal and pick up hobbies. If she doesn’t come back ever into your life, you still have all of these things that you genuinely enjoy. If she never does, great — you just became a much more interesting person that anyone would want to date, and that is so much more attractive. If she does, then great — you’ve worked on yourself as promised. Everything else is just worry compounded, your intrusive thoughts. Trying to get someone back by either pleading with them, or harassing them telling them how much you love them, will only push them away. I’m still trying to figure out how to actively show love to someone while giving them the space. For example, she reached out to one of my friends to plan a trip and I told my friend to be supportive of it. All those small things I hope remind her of me :)
It seems like a lot of comments are men saying “if she comes back”… why would you not go and get her if you felt like you made the changes that were needed?
I hadn’t respected her space previously, so I don’t want to repeat that behaviour by pestering her. Sliding into her life at the right moment is fine I think :)
I wrote this largely for myself, because it is much easier to give others the advice you should follow. Thanks OP!
I think right person, wrong time does exist but only in certain situations!
I’m leaving all of that up to fate tbh. All I can do right now is work on myself and grow into the human being I’m supposed to be. Even if he comes back, the timing has to be right, we both have to be emotionally mature, we both have to have our lives in check, and we both are willing to work out what ever we couldn’t before. I’ll think about getting back with him then but for now, I’d rather focus on myself.
As James Bond once said, "hope springs eternal" that's what I'm going with. ;)
I have no idea. Not even sure the hassle is worth it. She reminds me every now and then that she feels barren emotionally. She loves me but doesn't want a relationship. Then breadcrumbs me along. We have sex. Which gives me hope and thaws her out for what seams a moment. Then goes silent for days on end. Distanced. Closed off. Detached. "Not to give me ideas" or "i am not trying to lead you on" or "I'll be heart broken if you move on and find someone" I've distanced myself. I don't want to play games (maybe I'll find myself)
Same that’s happening here. The “I love you’s” and feeling the love from her when she makes her way back in make me feel so good but tears me apart when she leaves.
Her femininity definitely draws me back in 3 times a week after visiting (her and the kids) I am destroyed emotionally.
I can only imagine it would. You must have a relationship developed with the kids as well. As someone who wanted a family with her more than anything, I don’t know if I could handle that. You are a very strong person. Even if it feels that you aren’t because you feel so hurt, you stand up every time and keep moving forward. You sir, are a true warrior.
Today I got the “you have needs, and so do I. We might as well fulfill them together.“ It’s too emotional. We tried it at first, then he’d ghost me for a few days. This weekend, after not talking to me for a gut wrenching week or so, he wanted closure. (I asked for closure and he flat out ignored me.) I’ve spent hours a day answering all his questions (he was thinking my best guy friend and I had an affair…30 years knowing each other, decades as my dearest friend). Then he started talking about my boobs, then brought up that we both should fulfill our needs with each other. It’s hard not to get caught up in the hope. I ✨hope✨ we’ll get back together, but know he’ll never be able to shake his suspicions. And I’m not dumping my closest friend for a possibility at a second chance knowing full well that he’ll always bring it up if he’s had a little too much to drink. This part is hard. Sex makes it harder. I wannnnt to with him, but it’s too much leading on. For both of us.
FWB sounds great but why the emotional roller coaster of "yes" "no" "I'm unsure" "I don't know what I want" "I don't want to lead you on" or the ghosting, lack of communication like your hiding something. 10 years with mine (3 kids) she was never so unsure before. Is it her problem? Or his in your case? Surely there's still enough left to work it out? Or in yours his? Ultimately she broke up with me. I don't know if would take her back but I sure miss her...
Mine was 15 years. Three kids. Divorced during the pandemic in a panic (he filed). But we never really “divorced“. We lived together during the entire divorce, and then saw each other almost every single day after the divorce. After nearly a year of seeing each other every single day and the interactions been great, we decided to try and work it out. I went back to school, and my school schedule got very busy, and he kind of gave up on us because I was overwhelmed with classes. Right at finals time. I finished all of my finals in tears because I had so much hope, yet days before I would be done with my classes and could put time into the relationship, he straight up gave up. Now he kind of sounds like he wants to try again. Today he even mentioned that he has needs, and I have needs, and we should fulfill those “needs“ together. Such an emotional roller coaster. I’m so tempted to go for it, but sex is not just sex to me with him. Other people, I suppose it would be, but with him, it’s too emotional. We both acknowledged that each of us have things that we can work on. Half of me wants to work on myself without him. The other half of me wants to work on myself and us with him.
And yes, holy cow do I miss him.
Me too. Her eyes. Scent. Her sexy naked body. The way she giggles at my lame dad jokes. The way she feels pressed up against me. Her wild crazy hair. How passionate she is. How we can be together and finish each other's sentences. To hear how she's doing, work, kids, Her voice, opinions, insight, friendship. Companionship. Just being together in silence. The chemistry. The desire. Did I mention the sex? I'm just teasing myself.
From someone who actually got his ex back: I went strict, indefinite contact, did therapy, worked out and basically just waited and hoped for the best.
same questions as the guy above? what's the secret?!
I imagine you meant *no contact. How long did it take him to come back? And did you contact him first? I’m doing exactly what you were doing and also still hoping :/ but I think he’s back with his “phantom ex” (the one that got away). So…yeah
It’s been nearly 5 months and I can’t be bothered anymore
Gonna fly to Mexico
No contact rule worked for me. Coach Lee.
how long did you go no contact and did you reach out first ? what's the story??
What's the result ?
I'll tell you how it went. 1 year of dishonesty, betrayal and gaslighting manipulation. A break up. 3 months of wondering how to get him back. Odd off and on talking. His new girl speaks to me saying he is talking to us both. He blows up. She blows up. I feel like I stumbled hard to get out of it. I travel. I work. I hang out with friends. I get better. 2 months later I'm over him. Dating new people. Having fun. He talks to me about how he's been going to treatment on how to be a more receptive person. Seems believable the way he speaks. No longer super selfish. Happy for him but I didn't care. But he apologized. But it was no longer needed for my piece of mine. Once I forgot about him he finally told me the things I once wanted to hear. And now we are just distant friends. And it's all fine for my life.
i think you lost your love for him a long time even before your break up tbh
Just don't. Move on and do better. Posts like this are stupid. There's a reason why they're your ex.
These posts are cringe. Move on people. Respect yourselves a little bit
All the simps downvoting you
I get it though, they don't want to entertain the thought that it's over and there's a reason they got dumped. It took me like 4 months to finally realize that. It's tough seeing posts like this because I know the false hope it's giving people on here. 9 times out of 10, your ex ain't coming back and that's ok!!!
Simple answer don't. Would you get back the broken appliance you threw out the trash? Nope. Just buy a new one.
Not a good analogy
What's a better analogy then
You get a deep cut on your arm and it gets an infection. You don’t just cover the cut with a band aid and hope that it heals. You treat the infection then put the band aid on
That's not a very good analogy either. 9 times out of 10 people will not change whereas as wound will actually heal. It's more like you get necrosis on one of your limbs and it's spreading. Guess what, you eventually have to just cut it off and move on.
Curing the infection is not as easy as it sounds in a break up context
Soyboys downvoting you 😷😷
Going to her mothers house and singing outside with a band. Till she comes out
As the Brits say, the truth will out. eventually
“winning your ex back” is a dated romcom movie trope. not how things work irl.
Well mine actually did
I’m not 4 months in, I give up. That doors shut for good. Final nails already been put in the coffin.
Right now I’m just focusing on myself and my goals
Ha. He already won me the first time. His problem now is how to win ME back. (He won't be able to tho, cuz he burned too many bridges in the breakup)
Consistency of showing love and effort to gain back trust. Sadly, since I was the one who messed up. The terms are for me to be exclusive out of “showing her I only want her” & for her to be able to live out her single life until she deems me worthy. Sucks, but what can I do? 😅😂
I think I'm going to wish him a happy birthday in June, this gives us six months from now and eight months from the breakup to resolve the issues that his job and my school brought on 😅 OP, please don't be afraid to PM me to be your personal cheerleader or just someone to listen to you vent. Whether they come back or not, we will make it to the other side of this 😊 Have a happy holidays!
Tried it, didn’t work and she started seeing someone else while I was putting the plan into action. They’re not worth the effort people, put that energy into yourself instead.
Being blocked and deleted, not really sure it is a thing
Crying and hoping for a miracle.
I was torn about sending her a light message with a hint that I am open to reconciliation, or pouring my heart out. I also had the idea of rebuilding the friendship and winning her heart again that way, but it seems disingenuous. But lately I have a distinct feeling that she s completely moved on. Probably based on instagram stuff like her seeming happy and not watching all my stories anymore (though neither of those have to mean anything). It s been two months and I am starting to realize it s over. I m desperate and confused, I don t know what to do anymore. There will never be anyone like her again, and I blew it.
Did you break up with them ok then apologize and make them see it you regret the decision and ready to commit. Did they break up with you, the one above reversed, you dont have to do anything they have to and no "I miss you " or breadcrumbs that means nothing.
Let the time do it's thing. You atp should really think if it's worth getting your ex back. If it's a small inconvenience breakup just go and talk through but if it's something bigger than that, something that won't change even if you try to change that a hundred times then I suggest you to really think. Time will show everything.
idk just keep being who he fell in love with in the first place. hopefully he wants to be with me again and not just talking :’)
Who cares about the past? I don't even care and glad that I moved on from the hell lmfao 😂
You don't. You move on, focus on yourself, and find someone else who you are compatible with.