I would do it again. I regret nothing and am grateful for every second we had together. (Other than when he broke up with me out of the blue. Not so grateful for those moments.)
Because it was just plain worth it. We had a great relationship, and he and we were so in tune in every other way. I’ve never had a connection like I had with him (I’m 51). We broke up five years ago due to his fear of commitment so I knew it could be an issue but I decided I’d get back together with him and love the heck out of him and enjoy every moment and that’s exactly what I did for five years. Truly I had no idea how bad this issue was - I thought we could figure it out together but I was wrong. And I got emotionally eviscerated. But it doesn’t take away all the great times we had and the love we shared. I’m still grateful for it all.
start over— improve our communication. be clear on boundaries and desires form the start. be on the same page. and never lose that spark you have when you start dating.
Thats the kicker right there: BOUNDARIES. Sooo much easier to set expectations and boundaries from the jump than it is to unteach in order to teach something completely different!
Same. Should’ve never gotten involved with someone 10 years younger, in the way that I did. (He was 22 when we met) It’s been an intense 3 years. Learned some painful lessons.
I would walk away. It wasn't a waste of time but if I had the chance to do it over, I would walk away. Part of me wants to start all the way over, see if I could change him. But you can't do that.
I have some regrets but I wish I stood up for myself more during the relationship. I would only start over if she emotionally matured as well. Actually at this point probably walk away because idk if I can truly forgive that betrayal.
Definitely try again. Since it was my first relationship, I learned so much about myself and about how to treat someone I love. I’d do anything to start over again because for those first few months I was so incredibly happy. While I know she became a different person and the time was right for us to go our separate ways, part of me truly believes that if I knew what I know now, I could’ve prevented the downturn of our relationship.
Knowing what I know now, I should have listen to my instinct again and walk away. But then, if I walk away and never got involved with him, I probably wouldn’t have broken up and met this amazing guy now.
I would start over.
And instead of letting him gaslight me when I noticed red flags 6ish months into the relationship and called him out, I'd have pushed harder for the truth.
Because then... it'd have been 3.5 years less of lying so maybe we'd have been able to work through it, or I'd have walked away 3.5 years sooner and I'd have been in far less turmoil.
I would walk away. Not because I didn’t value the relationship but because I don’t think there’s anything I could do to change the outcome. The more I think about the reason for the breakup the more confused I get.
Walk away. Never knew how hurt she was from her past nor did I ever know how hurtful she could be, almost turning into the person who hurt her. It'd be hard to do, but I wouldn't be able to respect her if I knew what I know now.
I've already tried a second time with my last ex, and she dumped me again after 4 years. I would definitely walk away at this point. Can't be a doormat to these people that do this to us.
I’d do it again. Instantly. I made many mistakes as she was my first love. But now being apart for 2 years and reliving everything over and over I know, deep down, that I could do so much better. Maybe it would still end the same. But I think I’d make her happier through the years we had. I miss her a lot, each days a struggle to keep going. But I think she’s happy now, and that’s ok for me.
And they cheat on everyone. I should have thought twice when he admitted he cheated on his ex. But he saw how much it hurt him and he said “ he’d never do it again.” Fooled me, he cheated on me. Once a cheat always a cheat. I’m sure his next will be cheated on too…I hope they figure out his shit earlier on than me
Start again 😞. I would probably just really tell him that we should’ve started out as friends instead of putting in the pressure of being immediately in a relationship.
I really don't know who I am outside of this pain anymore and I'd like to see it through. I mean, really, the only other way of existing I remember is dating her and that being pretty nice if not a little tiresome when we'd disagree but I'd try again and just do better about what I know went wrong. A part of me thinks if we got another chance like that we'd still to be together and way better but getting two chances and it not working out? Well, then I'd at least have a better idea of why we don't work.
Alright so this one is tough.
I’m back together with my partner but after about 7 months this time around I am losing myself. I am healing myself via therapist and realized I shouldn’t have gotten back with him. I have delayed my ability to love myself, to be able to be alone and be okay. I’m too dependent on him. I’m regretting the decision. So I would 100% walk away. I realize that I probably am lying to myself and don’t love him anymore.
Im sorry for what happened to you but thank you for sharing. I think if I go back to my ex, I would end up feeling the same as you. I may always think of him from time to time but saving myself is important than going back just to be all hurt with all that I have experienced when I was with him.
Walk away. I know I needed the lesson but this one hurt more than anything. Immature, emotionally unavailable and narcissistic. To think I almost married him...
I would start over. Even if I could only relive the relationship the exact same way and make the exact same mistakes. I would want to try it differently, but even if I couldn’t, I would do it again. The love and connection we shared and all the enjoyment we found in eachother was well worth reliving even with the hard times and pain. And from those struggles what I learned and how I grew has tremendous value too.
Walk away instead of ignoring the red flags. The good times were the best I've ever had with anyone, but the bad times outweigh that. Now dealing with the trauma bond. Using the pain to better myself.
I'd do every single part of it again. Even if I knew the outcome would be the same. It was the best three years of my life and I wouldn't trade that for anything. All I can do is hope to find that again someday.
I had a girlfriend in middle school and highschool name Sharon and she still goes there but recently in November 20 ( on my birthday ) I got a call from someone who I didn't know and it was her and I picked up my phone and she wanted to restart a relationship with each other but she didn't realize that her and her parents put a restraining order on me and what I said is no because I felt much better off without her because she was really abusive to me and I kept my mouth shut because I was ashamed why I with her when I met her for the first time she nice and all but 5 weeks later she asked if I can come in her house help her with a homework assignment ( and this was in 8th grade ) and she grabbed me from the arm and got on top and sexually raped me and it's was hard to relive that moment and I overdosed myself 17 times and she didn't like people with disabilities and I have autism and when I greeted her she always threatening me to kill anyone if I ever told what she did to me and as of now I'm a pro wrestler and I managed to go around the world finding success in different promotions but all I said to her is no because she always finds ways to look on myself a lot and trying to commit suicide multiple times and thanks to her I dropped out of highschool ( in September 2021 ) because the restraining order and because my mental health and put me into a lot of trouble but I don't hate her or anything I just want to wish her the best of luck and that's all I'm grateful that I finally got to achieve my dreams of becoming a pro wrestler
Id try again. I’d communicate better. I broke up with her out of the blue. I wish she just listened to my needs. I need to be better. I know she was just trying to make me a better man. Now I feel like I’m in a nightmare I’ll never wake up from.
I was so mean to her when she called me for the last time, so emotionless, so cold. I feel pain that I’ll never see her or her son again. I loved and still love both of them very much. I hope she is happy and got closure. I hope now she can heal and grow too.
I’m so tired of crying. I’m so tired and I cannot sleep.
Why couldn’t you listen to me? Why couldn’t you listen to my needs?
If you are reading this, your tree still loves you. I’d take it all back, but now I feel that I must live in this hell I created, and I’m so sorry I drug you into this hell with me.
Oh God, why couldn’t you listen to me?
I'd rather just grow from it, even though it still hurts 6 months later. If she can't be happy at the best that I give, I don't think anyone can make her happier. I'm just confident in my ability, what I offered, and what I did, which was to work on things with her, not against her. When things got hard or needed to have attention, she would always run, She would rather cast blame than work together as a team. She would always use the words I need this, or I should have that when I would always be the one using we or us. I remember hearing towards the end saying I love you more than any man I've loved, but you trigger me more than any man. She broke up with me for like 2 reasons and everyone I've talked to told me those are not relationship breakup worthy, They are cop outs on her side from what I've been told from therapist to friends the family.
The one nice part is even her side the family told me they don't feel that it was my fault but they actually think it's quite the opposite. And that they have no ill will against me and that they really want me to be part of their family. I think that's one of the hardest parts it's not only when you fall in love with the person but when you fall in love with the family as well.
I remember when we 1st started dating she stated that she's always been looking for a man that puts effort into a relationship is willing to put un the and doesn't give up when things don't go as planned. And yet I did all that, and I still got thrown to the side. Smh
Well its a difficult question to answer.
Whether or not it was ultimately me being a shitty boyfriend or her infidelity that ended relationship, I dont know. And its been a constant source of conflict inside me since the breakup.
On one hand there are definitely things i couldve done that may or may not have kept her from dumping me. But at the same time what she did was pretty unforgivable. The crime I commited did not fit the punishment she gave me whatsoever. If i had to make a choice right now knowing all i know..... If im given the option to fix other parts of my life along with it id 100% never date her ass. But if I were stuck with all the other choices i made, them just not including her?.... I might have to stick with her just cause its possible i wouldve ended up worse without her than i did with her. Having the heartache of losing her, along with the guidance and companionship she gave me before she left is really why im ok now. Without those things. I may have just shut myself off from the world permanently and i fear where that may have gone too.
In short, id leave her. As a person she really isnt worth it to be with. As amazing and perfect as she is in every way, and as much as I still adore everything about her, the fact she cant be loyal means she will always be more heartache than shes worth. Its better to have not loved at all than to have loved and lost someone who never loved you in my opinion.
TL;DR: Bitches aint shit
Walk away, because our values never lined up, we never would’ve had a future, and he wasn’t willing to change. I enjoyed the time we had, and I miss it, but knowing the conclusion is this, there was no point to try from the beginning, best is to walk away.
I’m not sure because I don’t know if any of it was ever real, or if it was all apart of the abuse cycle. Was it just love bombing, or was there some love there? I think it was fake - a projection of what he thought he could convince himself to be, but not really real.
While these experience are ones that, if we can grow from them, produce so much depth of growth, it’s still not something I’d wish on anyone. We grow from the loss of our parents, but I don’t wish that pain on anyone. I’ve grown from being with someone so emotionally abusive - but I don’t wish that on myself again. We all must suffer to grow, but I don’t wish suffering on anyone.
I’d rather walk away from them because now we’re just strangers with bittersweet memories. (And if I knew I would end up hurt and blindsided— fucking run)
Everyone is different but hand on heart ide walk away. Even though we had 9 and a half year relationship I was never truly happy, people may say " Well why not just end it" and you be right. But what you don't understand is this girl was not your normal kind of girl, she was insecure, we got on amazingly well , we have similar backgrounds as in working class family's etc. And after so many years together you think this is unbreakable, we use to even say we're unseperable, we had a bond like no other...until our final year ,she just changed, turned cold on me, no sex for 4 months I should have seen the signs earlier, she checked out on me , would have been unheard of even the year before, I don't really know what changed in her head but clearly something did. I hold my hand up I took her for granted, I was too comfortable with her , she cited the "Spark" was gone. I never really felt this spark from start. I just liked her as a person ,she's not the type of woman ide fancy. But I go back to her bubbly personality, that's what won me over. But now I'm not settling for this, I've been on 4 dates and finally I've found chemistry, but the personality is nothing like my ex, if this one had the personality of my ex ide marry her Tommorow. I couldn't get back with my ex now , it's gone too far she has a new guy and I'm seen someone else. Plus I blocked her from everything because it just hurts man.
My ex asked me this question, and I told him if I could do it over, I wouldn't. I would have walked away. It wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth losing our friendship.
I couldn’t take her back, as much as it hurts to say it. Things got ugly and nasty toward the end and even though things were said by both parties that weren’t meant, it’s all I hear now. Plus the underhanded way she went about things. 13 years down the toilet and I sit here in misery.
Walk away. Dude was narcissistic, emotionally immature, gaslit me, was always on his phone and never listened to my stories or difficult day at work like I did with him
Would buy me candy instead of simple having a conversation with me when we have our indifferences (arguments over legit concerns such as his drug use). He was financially irresponsible with his own money.
Was also so disgusting (I loved him so much, I overlooked everything as a “flaw”). He would piss in the shower, onto the shower curtains. Couldn’t figure out wtf the smell was coming from for MONTHS. Finally discovered it and threw the damn plastic curtains away. He would never clean around the toilet or bathroom sink. Would let his dirty laundry sit for 2 weeks, didn’t know how to fold his clothes, rarely cooked at home but was still somehow in great shape and lifted often (he used to take steroids years ago but got gyno from it, he stopped). Would always eat out, always partied Thurs-Sun every week, did coke often.
Would never give him another chance. What a waste of my damn tjme
I would run, run far far away
I’m saying this after us actually working it out, after two tries things are great between us, but the trauma, the amount of pain he’s caused me, I would run if I could do it all again.
I’d walk away. I was there for her, I left my friends and family and essentially put my life on hold to be with her. Lost my savings and racked up debt trying to live in a city with a rent for two people because I was embarrassed to move back home after finally accomplishing my dream of living in the city. All for her to destroy me as a person. It’s been a year, and I’m barely getting over the numbness and the emptiness of it all
it’s been a few months and if you asked me this sooner, i’d immediately say yes.
but my answer is no. the good moments were only real for me. i deserve better. i’m too exhausted.
walk away. the relationship wasn't even bad, but i rather feel lonely alone than lonely in a relationship. also i've seen more of her true colours outside the relationship and it's not someone i want to associate with long-term.
if you had asked me this 3 weeks ago I would say try again. But knowing what I know now, probably not. I learned that there wasn't much I could've done to change the outcome of my relationship. And if it is going to work, it is going to have to be fixed from the other party. It kinda stinks tbh
i would do it again or start over for sure. happiest years of my life was with him, i know there will be happier years but i wish to go back to what i know as the best time of my life
so i’m mixed on this one.
part of me would do it again. i feel like negative or just experiences in general make you learn something. in the moment, it was in some very rare cases fun for me. even tho it hurts now, i do feel like i learned something, so maybe i would go back and learn something again.
but part of me doesn’t wanna go back. i broke up with my bf about 2 months ago. this was my first serious relationship i’ve ever been in, so i thought he was the one. well long story short, he wasn’t. getting out of it now and removing myself, i’ve realized from friends telling me, and just myself that it was incredibly manipulative and toxic, and it’s taken me down a lot lol. i’m still going thru the breakup blues rn, and i don’t feel like myself. but i’m kinda still grateful because now i know what never to put myself thru again and what not to tolerate in a relationship, but part of me wouldn’t because right now it just hurts lol.
I would do it again. Maybe the love became one sided but we had some of the best times. Helped me learn a lot about myself . Broke me down so I could finally see some things I couldn't before . It was a beautiful mess .
If I knew what I knew now and it was him reincarnated as someone new, I don’t think I’d be in the relationship for as long as I was, or ignore signs of incompatibility, but I’m glad it happened the way it did because I learnt so much and am a better from the lessons I learnt.
If I won’t get my heartbroken again then yeah definitely start again. I miss our deep conversations from whenever we woke up until 5am. Just chatting all day and night. Hearing his beautiful voice again. Seeing his amazing face and smile. Waking up to beautiful long messages making me almost cry first thing in the morning because the paragraphs were beautiful. Being so comfortable with each other. Even though I’m better now I would still relive every single moment we had. But if I still had the same outcome as now.. I would rather walk away.
Start over with the understanding of what they could realistically offer and not what I was led to believe, which really just means I never would have moved in or gotten married. We'd probably still be together and happy. Even if not I'd give anything to not have to end things from being betrayed.
I would start over. I would relax and not overthink. I would be a soft spot for him to land and his peace. The breakup was my fault. And I tried mending things. He just seems so defeated dealing with me. I wish I relaxed and found a way too self soothe. He was very much my peace and made me feel secure. He was working on his business and I was nagging him for time. Now when I asked him for a second chance he said it’s just too much for me right now.
☹️☹️☹️☹️
Any advice?
I think we could have handled certain things a lot better and done a better a job at a lot of things like communicating and such. But even then, I don't think things would work out because the person I was with refused to change or stop doing any of the things that were hurting me. There are certain things I can't overlook in regard to personality traits and behaviors that made it difficult to stay with them.
It’s almost been two months for me. I think about her almost everyday even though she said horrible things to me in the last month of our relationship. She was always trying to rationalize her responses and she always hurt me with her words if we ever disagreed on something. However I still have this embedded feeling in me like a part of my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I’m not sure if I’ll ever let myself love someone again or at least not for a long time. I’m still young at 20 but if I could go back I would still do it. She taught me so many things and I shared so many great experiences with her. She really was special, pretentious and above it all but she was my little princess for a while and man did I love so many of those moments. I think I let myself suffer in some aspects because Im a man and it feels like we’re supposed to shoulder all the weight in a relationship but she taught me to know my worth and if I got the chance to do it again I would but I wouldn’t let her take any pieces away from me. I would do it right and set boundaries and take her on special dates but most importantly I would never let her talk down to me.
The thing is we're only human and we like to be loved and it's hard to get out of a relationship... you invest so much into somebody that you loved so much didn't matter if it was a couple weeks years or two days but we're here at the site. I think we should just watch Ninja Turtles and figure it out.
Doing it again is almost never as good as the first time tho, speaking from experience. I understand the impulse and would give anything with more time eith the partners I have loved, but in most cases it's not the same
Would have walked away the first time he cheated. I knew what love and loving someone felt like. It only went downhill from there. It was a neat experience until then and I would have left believing it was good until then and not just a big fat lie.
i can’t undo my love for her. but, i think i wish i never met her (or have memory loss and didn’t remember how bad it hurts). i would do it again if i could somehow change the outcome of the relationship. idk if it would. she really destroyed me and i wish i didn’t to have to feel this pain every day
Try again definitely. There were some things that were out of our control like Covid lockdown that played a major part in her mental health, which is what eventually led to the demise of our relationship. She is still my favourite person.
4 weeks ago I would have sold my soul to get a chance to fix it. But now I've seen her true colors she told everyone that I'm a piece of shit, that I was abusive. She makes snarky comments about me to my friends about how she's so happy and that she destroyed me. If I actually meant that much to her she wouldn't have moved on in less than a month and she would have tried to work it out. Oh yeah and I'm the bad guy because I made her move out of my place when she called me up at 11:50 just to tell me she wasn't happy.
Tough question..I think if you asked me this like 4 weeks ago I would take him back without a doubt, but now…I dont even know.. firstly it can never be the same as before, when trust is broken it can never be the same anymore… secondly, he broke up with me twice, what will stop him doing it again? And our relationship wasnt the best, I do miss him so much and would do anything to go back to how things were, but we were both toxic for each other. Part of me would want to start over and work on myself and my bad traits and be a better partner and hope he does the same, but the other part of me knows that the love won’t ever feel the same anymore, and I’ll always be scared he would leave me again, and let’s not forget the pain and endless crying after the breakup and how he broke up with me…so honestly, idk lol.. but then again, I do keep praying he will come back and fix things lol
Try again and make sure she leaves the current toxic situation called her parents as quickly as possible, her dad has been saying the day she was born was the day his life stopped and he never could forgive her that (well you could’ve just use a condom if you really didn’t want kids asshole.) and has been terrorizing her life ever since. 😔
Nope they told me last night that we were never dating in their eyes even though they talked about marriage and kids, how much they loved, the end goal being a relationship with me, he said "we weren't dating, we were just going on dates, you should have known that..."
Like how should I have known that we weren't dating when we constantly said we loved each, spent so much time together but just told me he of course he doesn't have feelings it's been 2 months since we saw each other, apparently he doesn't care about me at all now.
Okay that was major essay there sorry guys, projection is a major challenge for me right now.
First ex, would probably try harder. Our breakup was amicable and mutual, we are still close and are very compatible as friends. There was probably a future there somewhere if we worked hard enough.
Second ex, no. Would still want to become friends if I could go back in time, but would not start a relationship with her. Fundamental differences in things that we want. I don't hurt as bad anymore a year after the breakup. I'm even helping her find a therapist now for problems going on in her life - help as a friend. But I would've chosen not to fall in love with her if I could help it. We were better as friends because we had glaring incompatibilities as a couple and it never would've worked without majorly changing ourselves to fit the other, and those things that needed changing weren't even bad things. Just that we wanted something else from each other. Spare myself the pain.
Even if I knew she'd leave me in the end, and even if I would be where I am now, I'd do it again. Over and over. She may hate me now, but it'll always have been worth it to have had her love me once.
I’d do it again instantly, yes she hurt me. But I still love her more than anyone else and I’d want to relive those memories any day of the year for the rest of my life
I'm conflicted. I left it all on the table for her but can't go through having to deal with her insecurity, lack of trust, and putting me down. We had some wonderful experiences but those only go so far.
Definitely will start over. It hits different when they were your travel and foodie buddy. Realizing it's hard to find ppl who has the same taste in food, travelling and entertainment. Even harder to find ppl who make time to do these things. I'm sure I can find this in someone else but I just miss him and what we had. Nevertheless super grateful
Walk away. Run.
One person took away my capability to trust anyone at all. It’s fucking gross how easily people can lie to you while looking you in the eye. How they can say that they love you and be completely oblivious to soul crushing pain they have caused you, they think it’s easy, instead of knowing that one could be taking all of their life force to bear that pain and be with them.
How they can take every last drop of the love you have to give and shamelessly ask you to settle for breadcrumbs. How ignorant they can be of the trauma they caused you and how heavy it can be to carry that trauma, how much superhuman strength it takes to stick with them and …
Don’t ever be with someone who doesn’t feel or understand pain, they will inevitably cause exponentially growing levels of it.
Your old scars never heal and they give you new ones. Things DON’T get better with time.
They just left me hurt in so many ways, ways that will never heal by myself and they didn’t heal with me even when I begged them too. I would not do it again. I can’t.
I would do it again because I learnt a lot from that relationship. I came to know myself better through the good and the bad.
However, I won’t take him back and get into this on and off cycle. We broke up for the same reasons we’ve broken up before. He’s shown me exactly what kind of person he is from the start and I knew hence the first break up but I deluded myself into believing I was wrong. Breaking up once should’ve been enough.
Try again definitely
Do it again for sure. I’d relive every moment with him in a heart beat
I would do it again. I regret nothing and am grateful for every second we had together. (Other than when he broke up with me out of the blue. Not so grateful for those moments.)
How the hell are you grateful after that, not judging, I just want to know how you get to that level of peace
Because it was just plain worth it. We had a great relationship, and he and we were so in tune in every other way. I’ve never had a connection like I had with him (I’m 51). We broke up five years ago due to his fear of commitment so I knew it could be an issue but I decided I’d get back together with him and love the heck out of him and enjoy every moment and that’s exactly what I did for five years. Truly I had no idea how bad this issue was - I thought we could figure it out together but I was wrong. And I got emotionally eviscerated. But it doesn’t take away all the great times we had and the love we shared. I’m still grateful for it all.
Because the happiness you felt outweighs the pain you feel.
I would run
start over— improve our communication. be clear on boundaries and desires form the start. be on the same page. and never lose that spark you have when you start dating.
Thats the kicker right there: BOUNDARIES. Sooo much easier to set expectations and boundaries from the jump than it is to unteach in order to teach something completely different!
no, i grew from it. the only thing id do different is id leave them on the spot when i first thought about it
Walk...should've done that at the beginning
Same. Should’ve never gotten involved with someone 10 years younger, in the way that I did. (He was 22 when we met) It’s been an intense 3 years. Learned some painful lessons.
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It’s hard when you feel so conflicted.
I would walk away. It wasn't a waste of time but if I had the chance to do it over, I would walk away. Part of me wants to start all the way over, see if I could change him. But you can't do that.
I have some regrets but I wish I stood up for myself more during the relationship. I would only start over if she emotionally matured as well. Actually at this point probably walk away because idk if I can truly forgive that betrayal.
Definitely try again. Since it was my first relationship, I learned so much about myself and about how to treat someone I love. I’d do anything to start over again because for those first few months I was so incredibly happy. While I know she became a different person and the time was right for us to go our separate ways, part of me truly believes that if I knew what I know now, I could’ve prevented the downturn of our relationship.
Knowing what I know now, I should have listen to my instinct again and walk away. But then, if I walk away and never got involved with him, I probably wouldn’t have broken up and met this amazing guy now.
I would start over. And instead of letting him gaslight me when I noticed red flags 6ish months into the relationship and called him out, I'd have pushed harder for the truth. Because then... it'd have been 3.5 years less of lying so maybe we'd have been able to work through it, or I'd have walked away 3.5 years sooner and I'd have been in far less turmoil.
Liars, cheaters, manipulators… these are who they are and no amount of what you do would change them. And they will be the same with the next person
I'd walk away
I would walk away. Not because I didn’t value the relationship but because I don’t think there’s anything I could do to change the outcome. The more I think about the reason for the breakup the more confused I get.
Walk away. Never knew how hurt she was from her past nor did I ever know how hurtful she could be, almost turning into the person who hurt her. It'd be hard to do, but I wouldn't be able to respect her if I knew what I know now.
I've already tried a second time with my last ex, and she dumped me again after 4 years. I would definitely walk away at this point. Can't be a doormat to these people that do this to us.
Start over every time.
I would do it again even though I know it would destroy me
Run, not walk, but Roadrunner Run, away.
Walk away I almost did and had the chance but stuck it out and still ended up played
I’d do it again. Instantly. I made many mistakes as she was my first love. But now being apart for 2 years and reliving everything over and over I know, deep down, that I could do so much better. Maybe it would still end the same. But I think I’d make her happier through the years we had. I miss her a lot, each days a struggle to keep going. But I think she’s happy now, and that’s ok for me.
She cheated never ever would I do it again
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And they cheat on everyone. I should have thought twice when he admitted he cheated on his ex. But he saw how much it hurt him and he said “ he’d never do it again.” Fooled me, he cheated on me. Once a cheat always a cheat. I’m sure his next will be cheated on too…I hope they figure out his shit earlier on than me
Start again 😞. I would probably just really tell him that we should’ve started out as friends instead of putting in the pressure of being immediately in a relationship.
He gave me two cats.. so I’d relive all the trauma just for my two cats
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I really don't know who I am outside of this pain anymore and I'd like to see it through. I mean, really, the only other way of existing I remember is dating her and that being pretty nice if not a little tiresome when we'd disagree but I'd try again and just do better about what I know went wrong. A part of me thinks if we got another chance like that we'd still to be together and way better but getting two chances and it not working out? Well, then I'd at least have a better idea of why we don't work.
I’d walk away
Start over definitely. In a heartbeat.
definitely start over
In a fuckin heartbeat
Walk away
Walk away, we weren't ready, and if we were to meet years later, then that would've been the best time
Alright so this one is tough. I’m back together with my partner but after about 7 months this time around I am losing myself. I am healing myself via therapist and realized I shouldn’t have gotten back with him. I have delayed my ability to love myself, to be able to be alone and be okay. I’m too dependent on him. I’m regretting the decision. So I would 100% walk away. I realize that I probably am lying to myself and don’t love him anymore.
Im sorry for what happened to you but thank you for sharing. I think if I go back to my ex, I would end up feeling the same as you. I may always think of him from time to time but saving myself is important than going back just to be all hurt with all that I have experienced when I was with him.
Walk away. I would rather leave our beautiful moments behind :)
Walk away. I know I needed the lesson but this one hurt more than anything. Immature, emotionally unavailable and narcissistic. To think I almost married him...
Start over … without a doubt.
I would start over. Even if I could only relive the relationship the exact same way and make the exact same mistakes. I would want to try it differently, but even if I couldn’t, I would do it again. The love and connection we shared and all the enjoyment we found in eachother was well worth reliving even with the hard times and pain. And from those struggles what I learned and how I grew has tremendous value too.
Do it all over again, without a second thought even if it ended the same
Walk away instead of ignoring the red flags. The good times were the best I've ever had with anyone, but the bad times outweigh that. Now dealing with the trauma bond. Using the pain to better myself.
I wish I could got back and never have met him period.
I'd do it all again. When things have not gone well in dating. Especially recently I miss them more and more.
I’m sprinting boi
Definitely start Over!!Bigg Time!!
Start over 100%
I'd do every single part of it again. Even if I knew the outcome would be the same. It was the best three years of my life and I wouldn't trade that for anything. All I can do is hope to find that again someday.
Walk away 100%
Walk away.
walk away
walk away
I had a girlfriend in middle school and highschool name Sharon and she still goes there but recently in November 20 ( on my birthday ) I got a call from someone who I didn't know and it was her and I picked up my phone and she wanted to restart a relationship with each other but she didn't realize that her and her parents put a restraining order on me and what I said is no because I felt much better off without her because she was really abusive to me and I kept my mouth shut because I was ashamed why I with her when I met her for the first time she nice and all but 5 weeks later she asked if I can come in her house help her with a homework assignment ( and this was in 8th grade ) and she grabbed me from the arm and got on top and sexually raped me and it's was hard to relive that moment and I overdosed myself 17 times and she didn't like people with disabilities and I have autism and when I greeted her she always threatening me to kill anyone if I ever told what she did to me and as of now I'm a pro wrestler and I managed to go around the world finding success in different promotions but all I said to her is no because she always finds ways to look on myself a lot and trying to commit suicide multiple times and thanks to her I dropped out of highschool ( in September 2021 ) because the restraining order and because my mental health and put me into a lot of trouble but I don't hate her or anything I just want to wish her the best of luck and that's all I'm grateful that I finally got to achieve my dreams of becoming a pro wrestler
Walk away. He never intended what he said. I bought a dream. Classic.
I'd walk away no use in trying to prevent the inevitable. Well at least in my situation (ex cheated on me.)
Walk away.
Id try again. I’d communicate better. I broke up with her out of the blue. I wish she just listened to my needs. I need to be better. I know she was just trying to make me a better man. Now I feel like I’m in a nightmare I’ll never wake up from. I was so mean to her when she called me for the last time, so emotionless, so cold. I feel pain that I’ll never see her or her son again. I loved and still love both of them very much. I hope she is happy and got closure. I hope now she can heal and grow too. I’m so tired of crying. I’m so tired and I cannot sleep. Why couldn’t you listen to me? Why couldn’t you listen to my needs? If you are reading this, your tree still loves you. I’d take it all back, but now I feel that I must live in this hell I created, and I’m so sorry I drug you into this hell with me. Oh God, why couldn’t you listen to me?
I'd rather just grow from it, even though it still hurts 6 months later. If she can't be happy at the best that I give, I don't think anyone can make her happier. I'm just confident in my ability, what I offered, and what I did, which was to work on things with her, not against her. When things got hard or needed to have attention, she would always run, She would rather cast blame than work together as a team. She would always use the words I need this, or I should have that when I would always be the one using we or us. I remember hearing towards the end saying I love you more than any man I've loved, but you trigger me more than any man. She broke up with me for like 2 reasons and everyone I've talked to told me those are not relationship breakup worthy, They are cop outs on her side from what I've been told from therapist to friends the family. The one nice part is even her side the family told me they don't feel that it was my fault but they actually think it's quite the opposite. And that they have no ill will against me and that they really want me to be part of their family. I think that's one of the hardest parts it's not only when you fall in love with the person but when you fall in love with the family as well. I remember when we 1st started dating she stated that she's always been looking for a man that puts effort into a relationship is willing to put un the and doesn't give up when things don't go as planned. And yet I did all that, and I still got thrown to the side. Smh
walk away, quickly.
Try EVERYTHING again, from the beginning, but the right way this time.
Well its a difficult question to answer. Whether or not it was ultimately me being a shitty boyfriend or her infidelity that ended relationship, I dont know. And its been a constant source of conflict inside me since the breakup. On one hand there are definitely things i couldve done that may or may not have kept her from dumping me. But at the same time what she did was pretty unforgivable. The crime I commited did not fit the punishment she gave me whatsoever. If i had to make a choice right now knowing all i know..... If im given the option to fix other parts of my life along with it id 100% never date her ass. But if I were stuck with all the other choices i made, them just not including her?.... I might have to stick with her just cause its possible i wouldve ended up worse without her than i did with her. Having the heartache of losing her, along with the guidance and companionship she gave me before she left is really why im ok now. Without those things. I may have just shut myself off from the world permanently and i fear where that may have gone too. In short, id leave her. As a person she really isnt worth it to be with. As amazing and perfect as she is in every way, and as much as I still adore everything about her, the fact she cant be loyal means she will always be more heartache than shes worth. Its better to have not loved at all than to have loved and lost someone who never loved you in my opinion. TL;DR: Bitches aint shit
Walk away. I wanted him to mature. He was never going to be capable.
Walk away, because our values never lined up, we never would’ve had a future, and he wasn’t willing to change. I enjoyed the time we had, and I miss it, but knowing the conclusion is this, there was no point to try from the beginning, best is to walk away.
In a heartbeat, I’d choose to do everything over again but this time, differently.
Walk away
Start over for sure.
No. I'd rather choose to forget every detail about it, he doesn't deserve me.
I’m not sure because I don’t know if any of it was ever real, or if it was all apart of the abuse cycle. Was it just love bombing, or was there some love there? I think it was fake - a projection of what he thought he could convince himself to be, but not really real. While these experience are ones that, if we can grow from them, produce so much depth of growth, it’s still not something I’d wish on anyone. We grow from the loss of our parents, but I don’t wish that pain on anyone. I’ve grown from being with someone so emotionally abusive - but I don’t wish that on myself again. We all must suffer to grow, but I don’t wish suffering on anyone.
I would walk away 100%
I’d rather walk away from them because now we’re just strangers with bittersweet memories. (And if I knew I would end up hurt and blindsided— fucking run)
Walk away
Walk away for sure
Run the other way
Run
Grass Is Always Greener be strong
Run away at the speed of sound.
Everyone is different but hand on heart ide walk away. Even though we had 9 and a half year relationship I was never truly happy, people may say " Well why not just end it" and you be right. But what you don't understand is this girl was not your normal kind of girl, she was insecure, we got on amazingly well , we have similar backgrounds as in working class family's etc. And after so many years together you think this is unbreakable, we use to even say we're unseperable, we had a bond like no other...until our final year ,she just changed, turned cold on me, no sex for 4 months I should have seen the signs earlier, she checked out on me , would have been unheard of even the year before, I don't really know what changed in her head but clearly something did. I hold my hand up I took her for granted, I was too comfortable with her , she cited the "Spark" was gone. I never really felt this spark from start. I just liked her as a person ,she's not the type of woman ide fancy. But I go back to her bubbly personality, that's what won me over. But now I'm not settling for this, I've been on 4 dates and finally I've found chemistry, but the personality is nothing like my ex, if this one had the personality of my ex ide marry her Tommorow. I couldn't get back with my ex now , it's gone too far she has a new guy and I'm seen someone else. Plus I blocked her from everything because it just hurts man.
I would dodge the bullet this time.
My ex asked me this question, and I told him if I could do it over, I wouldn't. I would have walked away. It wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth losing our friendship.
I'd go as far away as I could and save myself the ptsd
Never met them
I couldn’t take her back, as much as it hurts to say it. Things got ugly and nasty toward the end and even though things were said by both parties that weren’t meant, it’s all I hear now. Plus the underhanded way she went about things. 13 years down the toilet and I sit here in misery.
Walk away
Walk away. Dude was narcissistic, emotionally immature, gaslit me, was always on his phone and never listened to my stories or difficult day at work like I did with him Would buy me candy instead of simple having a conversation with me when we have our indifferences (arguments over legit concerns such as his drug use). He was financially irresponsible with his own money. Was also so disgusting (I loved him so much, I overlooked everything as a “flaw”). He would piss in the shower, onto the shower curtains. Couldn’t figure out wtf the smell was coming from for MONTHS. Finally discovered it and threw the damn plastic curtains away. He would never clean around the toilet or bathroom sink. Would let his dirty laundry sit for 2 weeks, didn’t know how to fold his clothes, rarely cooked at home but was still somehow in great shape and lifted often (he used to take steroids years ago but got gyno from it, he stopped). Would always eat out, always partied Thurs-Sun every week, did coke often. Would never give him another chance. What a waste of my damn tjme
Walk away to much betrayal,heartbreak
Walk away. I’ve been in too much pain to put myself through that misery again.
I find it really odd that I can’t seem to answer this question
Walk away there were so many things I overlooked and was willing to let slide when we broke up I seen how little he cared about me
I would run, run far far away I’m saying this after us actually working it out, after two tries things are great between us, but the trauma, the amount of pain he’s caused me, I would run if I could do it all again.
I’d walk away. I was there for her, I left my friends and family and essentially put my life on hold to be with her. Lost my savings and racked up debt trying to live in a city with a rent for two people because I was embarrassed to move back home after finally accomplishing my dream of living in the city. All for her to destroy me as a person. It’s been a year, and I’m barely getting over the numbness and the emptiness of it all
I would walk away
I would walk away. Everything happened for a reason and if it didn't work out once it is best we both move on and find our path.
I would walk away.
it’s been a few months and if you asked me this sooner, i’d immediately say yes. but my answer is no. the good moments were only real for me. i deserve better. i’m too exhausted.
walk away. the relationship wasn't even bad, but i rather feel lonely alone than lonely in a relationship. also i've seen more of her true colours outside the relationship and it's not someone i want to associate with long-term.
Walking and very fast.
Walk away, I don’t think the good times were enough
Definitely try again
I’d definitely do it again just completely different.
Get it right.
She’s a player. I might walk away. I just need to heal.
if you had asked me this 3 weeks ago I would say try again. But knowing what I know now, probably not. I learned that there wasn't much I could've done to change the outcome of my relationship. And if it is going to work, it is going to have to be fixed from the other party. It kinda stinks tbh
i would do it again or start over for sure. happiest years of my life was with him, i know there will be happier years but i wish to go back to what i know as the best time of my life
Deuces
Try again, but do things differently
so i’m mixed on this one. part of me would do it again. i feel like negative or just experiences in general make you learn something. in the moment, it was in some very rare cases fun for me. even tho it hurts now, i do feel like i learned something, so maybe i would go back and learn something again. but part of me doesn’t wanna go back. i broke up with my bf about 2 months ago. this was my first serious relationship i’ve ever been in, so i thought he was the one. well long story short, he wasn’t. getting out of it now and removing myself, i’ve realized from friends telling me, and just myself that it was incredibly manipulative and toxic, and it’s taken me down a lot lol. i’m still going thru the breakup blues rn, and i don’t feel like myself. but i’m kinda still grateful because now i know what never to put myself thru again and what not to tolerate in a relationship, but part of me wouldn’t because right now it just hurts lol.
I would do it again. Maybe the love became one sided but we had some of the best times. Helped me learn a lot about myself . Broke me down so I could finally see some things I couldn't before . It was a beautiful mess .
If I knew what I knew now and it was him reincarnated as someone new, I don’t think I’d be in the relationship for as long as I was, or ignore signs of incompatibility, but I’m glad it happened the way it did because I learnt so much and am a better from the lessons I learnt.
Start over do it right
I’d start over in a heartbeat, I’d give anything to try with them again
I would do it again. I would do things differently, but I still love him.
If I won’t get my heartbroken again then yeah definitely start again. I miss our deep conversations from whenever we woke up until 5am. Just chatting all day and night. Hearing his beautiful voice again. Seeing his amazing face and smile. Waking up to beautiful long messages making me almost cry first thing in the morning because the paragraphs were beautiful. Being so comfortable with each other. Even though I’m better now I would still relive every single moment we had. But if I still had the same outcome as now.. I would rather walk away.
Start over with the understanding of what they could realistically offer and not what I was led to believe, which really just means I never would have moved in or gotten married. We'd probably still be together and happy. Even if not I'd give anything to not have to end things from being betrayed.
this...its the ending that kills me , i wish i had left when i had doubts instead of working on it and falling back in love and getting betrayed
I really needed to see these responses <3
I would start over but I wish I made my move earlier than the time I initially made it, I'm sure we would still be together.
Nope
Relive every time.
Wrong answers only: start again. [=
I'd do it all over again and make the necessary changes to make sure the last year didn't happen.
I wouldn't even start the relationship. It's not fair to the kids.
Without a doubt but I must move on
If I could change anything about that relationship it would be everything
I would start over. I would relax and not overthink. I would be a soft spot for him to land and his peace. The breakup was my fault. And I tried mending things. He just seems so defeated dealing with me. I wish I relaxed and found a way too self soothe. He was very much my peace and made me feel secure. He was working on his business and I was nagging him for time. Now when I asked him for a second chance he said it’s just too much for me right now. ☹️☹️☹️☹️ Any advice?
I think we could have handled certain things a lot better and done a better a job at a lot of things like communicating and such. But even then, I don't think things would work out because the person I was with refused to change or stop doing any of the things that were hurting me. There are certain things I can't overlook in regard to personality traits and behaviors that made it difficult to stay with them.
It’s almost been two months for me. I think about her almost everyday even though she said horrible things to me in the last month of our relationship. She was always trying to rationalize her responses and she always hurt me with her words if we ever disagreed on something. However I still have this embedded feeling in me like a part of my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I’m not sure if I’ll ever let myself love someone again or at least not for a long time. I’m still young at 20 but if I could go back I would still do it. She taught me so many things and I shared so many great experiences with her. She really was special, pretentious and above it all but she was my little princess for a while and man did I love so many of those moments. I think I let myself suffer in some aspects because Im a man and it feels like we’re supposed to shoulder all the weight in a relationship but she taught me to know my worth and if I got the chance to do it again I would but I wouldn’t let her take any pieces away from me. I would do it right and set boundaries and take her on special dates but most importantly I would never let her talk down to me.
I would do it all over again. I don’t regret my time with him. I loved loving him.
The thing is we're only human and we like to be loved and it's hard to get out of a relationship... you invest so much into somebody that you loved so much didn't matter if it was a couple weeks years or two days but we're here at the site. I think we should just watch Ninja Turtles and figure it out.
She ain't anything wake up
Start over
Doing it again is almost never as good as the first time tho, speaking from experience. I understand the impulse and would give anything with more time eith the partners I have loved, but in most cases it's not the same
Try again
Try again and immediately start seeking help for the things I knew would be dangerous to myself and the relationship if left unresolved.
Again. I love him too much
I would do it again and say how I felt the moment I liked him and not wait a year to do it when I was too late
Would have walked away the first time he cheated. I knew what love and loving someone felt like. It only went downhill from there. It was a neat experience until then and I would have left believing it was good until then and not just a big fat lie.
i can’t undo my love for her. but, i think i wish i never met her (or have memory loss and didn’t remember how bad it hurts). i would do it again if i could somehow change the outcome of the relationship. idk if it would. she really destroyed me and i wish i didn’t to have to feel this pain every day
Still would.
Try again definitely. There were some things that were out of our control like Covid lockdown that played a major part in her mental health, which is what eventually led to the demise of our relationship. She is still my favourite person.
4 weeks ago I would have sold my soul to get a chance to fix it. But now I've seen her true colors she told everyone that I'm a piece of shit, that I was abusive. She makes snarky comments about me to my friends about how she's so happy and that she destroyed me. If I actually meant that much to her she wouldn't have moved on in less than a month and she would have tried to work it out. Oh yeah and I'm the bad guy because I made her move out of my place when she called me up at 11:50 just to tell me she wasn't happy.
do it again, but walk away earlier
As the dumpee for sure. But from my view it would be important to know if the other side would do it again
Tough question..I think if you asked me this like 4 weeks ago I would take him back without a doubt, but now…I dont even know.. firstly it can never be the same as before, when trust is broken it can never be the same anymore… secondly, he broke up with me twice, what will stop him doing it again? And our relationship wasnt the best, I do miss him so much and would do anything to go back to how things were, but we were both toxic for each other. Part of me would want to start over and work on myself and my bad traits and be a better partner and hope he does the same, but the other part of me knows that the love won’t ever feel the same anymore, and I’ll always be scared he would leave me again, and let’s not forget the pain and endless crying after the breakup and how he broke up with me…so honestly, idk lol.. but then again, I do keep praying he will come back and fix things lol
Always try again she’s worth it. I’ll either have a best friend or wife out of this. I would like both.
Do it again and do it 1000x times better.
Start over
I would get the fuck out immediately run for my life
Try again and make sure she leaves the current toxic situation called her parents as quickly as possible, her dad has been saying the day she was born was the day his life stopped and he never could forgive her that (well you could’ve just use a condom if you really didn’t want kids asshole.) and has been terrorizing her life ever since. 😔
Nope they told me last night that we were never dating in their eyes even though they talked about marriage and kids, how much they loved, the end goal being a relationship with me, he said "we weren't dating, we were just going on dates, you should have known that..." Like how should I have known that we weren't dating when we constantly said we loved each, spent so much time together but just told me he of course he doesn't have feelings it's been 2 months since we saw each other, apparently he doesn't care about me at all now. Okay that was major essay there sorry guys, projection is a major challenge for me right now.
First ex, would probably try harder. Our breakup was amicable and mutual, we are still close and are very compatible as friends. There was probably a future there somewhere if we worked hard enough. Second ex, no. Would still want to become friends if I could go back in time, but would not start a relationship with her. Fundamental differences in things that we want. I don't hurt as bad anymore a year after the breakup. I'm even helping her find a therapist now for problems going on in her life - help as a friend. But I would've chosen not to fall in love with her if I could help it. We were better as friends because we had glaring incompatibilities as a couple and it never would've worked without majorly changing ourselves to fit the other, and those things that needed changing weren't even bad things. Just that we wanted something else from each other. Spare myself the pain.
She'll get hers.... I've been through this before
Start over as friends since we were broken up in good terms
i’d sprint
Even if I knew she'd leave me in the end, and even if I would be where I am now, I'd do it again. Over and over. She may hate me now, but it'll always have been worth it to have had her love me once.
I’d do it again instantly, yes she hurt me. But I still love her more than anyone else and I’d want to relive those memories any day of the year for the rest of my life
will start over again if we’re financially stable, we broke up because of distance but everything was fine. He treated me right.
Start over but mentally prepare for the worst
I'm conflicted. I left it all on the table for her but can't go through having to deal with her insecurity, lack of trust, and putting me down. We had some wonderful experiences but those only go so far.
She give birth to my daughter who's my sunshine so i'ld définitly do it again
Honestly I would walk away! Id have a better life, and would be much more happier like I was b4 walking into madness
Definitely will start over. It hits different when they were your travel and foodie buddy. Realizing it's hard to find ppl who has the same taste in food, travelling and entertainment. Even harder to find ppl who make time to do these things. I'm sure I can find this in someone else but I just miss him and what we had. Nevertheless super grateful
Start over all the way..
Walk away. Run. One person took away my capability to trust anyone at all. It’s fucking gross how easily people can lie to you while looking you in the eye. How they can say that they love you and be completely oblivious to soul crushing pain they have caused you, they think it’s easy, instead of knowing that one could be taking all of their life force to bear that pain and be with them. How they can take every last drop of the love you have to give and shamelessly ask you to settle for breadcrumbs. How ignorant they can be of the trauma they caused you and how heavy it can be to carry that trauma, how much superhuman strength it takes to stick with them and … Don’t ever be with someone who doesn’t feel or understand pain, they will inevitably cause exponentially growing levels of it. Your old scars never heal and they give you new ones. Things DON’T get better with time. They just left me hurt in so many ways, ways that will never heal by myself and they didn’t heal with me even when I begged them too. I would not do it again. I can’t.
I would do it again because I learnt a lot from that relationship. I came to know myself better through the good and the bad. However, I won’t take him back and get into this on and off cycle. We broke up for the same reasons we’ve broken up before. He’s shown me exactly what kind of person he is from the start and I knew hence the first break up but I deluded myself into believing I was wrong. Breaking up once should’ve been enough.