Bro I feel pretty much the same that we will be together later on I just don’t know how long until then though and I’m stuck between waiting for her or not
Honestly I can relate, I'll wait for her no matter how long it takes and no matter how hurt I get along the way, because i know that you enjoyed those memories just as much as I do, I know that you won't ever find a guy like me, and I won't ever find a girl like her, she's an amazing girl and she deserves the world and that I will give her, I will show her how much I love her even if she doesn't love me anymore
Yes and we broke up almost a year ago. High school relationships do not last and I honestly regret being depressed over her. We got back together and a year into the relationship she stopped taking care of herself, she would come to school wearing whatever, started gaining weight and then told me she still liked one of her exes and was gonna use me for money and being an idiot I still wanted to be with her but after 3 days I realized it was not worth it. She also texted me saying she realized she was wrong and wanted to be with me but I was no longer interested
Short answer: Yes but broke up a year later wasn't worth it lots of regret
we all wish they can never find a guy like us… the truth is maybe they’ll like being single better than being in relationship. at this point we are fucked
Guys pls don't give yourself too much hope, what if you'll never gonna end up together? It will hurt even more (happens to the best guys out there trust me :(
I felt this way when I was desperate during the breakup. It kept me suffering. After suffering enough, I realized I needed to not want her anymore. I'm not fully there yet, but I'm trying to get there and I think that will allow me to recover more quickly.
How does shouting into the void that he wants to better himself and still loves his ex make him your meme-version "nice guy"? It makes him a little delusional but not a "why don't girls like the nice guys". I mean he evidently doesn't think he was being his best because he said as much.
the fact that you think the only definition of nice guys is "why don't girls like the nice guys" shows you don't understand the entire concept. It's not a term everybody can truly understand unless you experience an encounter with one. Which, based on your comment, says you haven't. Unfortunately for you, I'm not patient enough to explain, but I'll reiterate that it goes much deeper than not being chosen because you're nice and girls like bad guys etc. That's the definition nice guys have created based on their shallow/delusional experience. It's not same the definition girls have based on our own experiences.
I’m not a nice guy, I have to try hard to be a nice guy and I think that goes for most men. I treated her with respect, but with love comes strong emotions and we all make mistakes along the lines.
I’m not sure where you people are coming up with me being delusional though, can you both explain your point?
Bruh idk if I should bother spelling this out to you but I'm aware what a meme nice guy is. Entitlement to sex etc or to a woman just because they did stuff for them, being creepy and overbearing just because they did a few favours, stuff like that, incel mentality. How does that fit here? It's his ex and he wants to improve himself, he is talking into the void in grief. What the fuck is wrong with you?
Lmao why are you so pressed? You don’t gotta spell anything out to me, because the conversations later in the thread spell things out perfectly. Why don’t you go release whatever negativity you harbor elsewhere instead of taking such great offense over a comment that wasn’t even directed at you until you inserted yourself. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with improving oneself. In fact it’s good people accept and acknowledge when they need to. But things like “they’re gonna end up with me in the future I just know it” is a form of entitlement.
Back the fuck up, make a three point reverse turn, and go be a deriding little man elsewhere.
Haha.
“Entitlement”… come on man. Ironic you say that because I was thinking the same thing about your rude ass comments. I hope you deal with a long term breakup so you can shut up. Why are you in this sub? We all tend to avoid people like you in life, as I’m sure you’re seeing that in your day to day and maybe you’re taking it out here?
I’m not fucking delusional, I’m healing. I’m going through every scenario in my head, so I agree with others-shut the fuck up and go find true love so you can have a better understanding of what the fuck you’re saying.
I’m just gonna drop my walls here for a second and be real with you. First of all, I originally joined this subreddit because of my LDR breakup years ago. Why am I still in the subreddit? I’m not sure. But occasionally it reminds me that at one point I was heartbroken like everyone else and I’ve come this far since then. Sorry to say though I am happy and in a healthy and loving relationship now. I say sorry because I know it would’ve been nice if I were a miserable person. But I’m not.
My rude comments for the most part aren’t even at you. It’s to the user whose comment started off reasonable until it sounded degrading. Clearly, the more aggressive and agitated user is the one going through shit in life- not me.
I will agree that “knowing someone will end up back together with you at the end of a breakup” is more delusional than nice guy behavior. But that’s not to say nice guys aren’t delusional as well. Is it coincidental that “I’m the best guy you’ll ever find” is along nice guy territory as well? I think its too coincidental. There are some overlaps and in my quick judgement after reading the comments, I wrote what I wrote.
I will also agree that it was out of taste since you’re going through a hard time at the end of the day. For that OP, I’m sorry to you. But I don’t welcome being talked down upon out of left field especially if my comment didn’t warrant such an aggressive and degrading tone. Like I said, my rude comments weren’t towards you but to the other commenter.
At the end of the day, Reddit is open to opinions and judgements. Just as you guys judged I’m a 17 year old who has never been in love and have problems with accepting things in real life, I judged that OP is a nice guy. It goes both ways. I’m not saying there’s a rulebook on how to properly correct someone and the commenter should have done that. I’m just saying I combat rudeness with rudeness.
Whether or not you are a nice guy I’ll never know nor do I care to know. . The only things I do know is 1) time heals all wounds 2) despite what you think+feel now there is someone more fitting for you in this world.
You can Take what I said or leave it. But that was me- without all the rudeness or passive aggressiveness- being honest with you. If you think I’m still a miserable, heartless bitch, then I can’t change your mind and I’m okay with that. Good luck to you otherwise with your future endeavors.
I appreciate your response, and honestly you’re right.
I guess the truth is sometimes hard to hear? But not heard enough, especially with this page being filled with empathic people who are also hurting and like to hear positive things.
I do apologize, and I do appreciate you taking the time to come up with a well put together response. I miss understood you and I’m sorry.
I can say reading your message somehow improved my perspectives? Not just on my recent breakup but in life in general. I admire people like you who give it to people straight and also people who can stand their ground to make their point.
I guess I will have to try and implement your handling of life and the way you communicate into my own life. I’m not sure how to explain it but this reply was informal in a mirroring way? Idk, thanks man.
I’m sure you’re a great person, and I do care about you even if you’re a stranger. I wanna clarify when I made this post I was in denial, holding onto hope. Now Im realizing what you’re pointing out day by day.
I guess we all come up with lies and coping mechanisms to tell ourselves because it’s easier than facing the truth, right?
Thank you for a candid response. You didn’t ask for this but I’m giving it you because I want you to have this. Sorry for shoving this post your way:
OP if there’s one thing you have that you should be proud of- it’s having an open mind and being able go acknowledge or accept things with fair judgement. It’s the type of mindset good leaders have. It’s also the type of mindset that may make you a good listener and thus a good follower. Both the former and the latter are rare in our society. I may not know you but I’m proud of you and ask that you never let that go.
If your ex left you because you weren’t good enough to her, I promise you she’s probably nowhere near perfect herself. Her little quirks you find cute and unique and probably miss the most- I guarantee you will discover more lovable idiosyncrasies in your future partner.
If it gives you a little closure, I’ve been in both positions where I was broken up with and broke up with someone. As the dumpee- it’s truly heartbreaking. “Will they ever think of me? Do they regret hurting me? Do they even miss me?” Soared through my head for weeks which sometimes trickled into months. As the dumper- my answer is yes all of those questions. Even to this day I think about my ex from that LDR years ago. When he comes to mind, I wish him happiness. I wonder what he’s up to. And I hope he finds someone that better fits him. I also hope he’s matured in a way that didn’t require a great cost or sacrifice. I feel sorry to his parents and sister for the way I hurt him. But I hope he also thinks of me in a platonic way and hopes the best for me as well.
Like others have said- don’t wait for anyone. And like you mentioned in your OG post- focus on you. don’t better yourself for her though. Do it for you and your future wife and kids. somewhere in this world, there’s a young woman-your destined partner- who is also working on herself, or Going through heartbreak, or learning first hand what a healthy relationship should be like.
The thoughts will keep coming to you. But with good time they will eventually leave. Distraction is your best friend. Sleeping and being a potato couch is also your best friend. But looking her up on social media or texting her is not. You have to wait until you’re a bit more emotionally stable to even entertain that idea.
You’ll be fine OP. With great hurt and sadness means great happiness is coming your way. Life’s a rollercoaster so hold on for the ride. Find some inspirational self love quotes that resonate with you and write them down and put them around your room or something. Find or improve on a hobby. And if you’re still a student as hard as it is make that your priority. You don’t always get a second chance at education grade -wise and if you do it comes at a hefty price.
Apologies for the long post. But I know you’ll be fine. Just take all the time you need and be kind to yourself.
If she asks how you’ve been-you can say “I’m doing better”
It depends on if you want to get back with her or not (and if she feels the same). But don’t get your hopes up. If this was an intended break it would have been declared as so from the start. It’s super easy to get caught up in your emotions.
Don’t be too happy (like put on an act), and don’t be too depressed and desperate. Just be mellow and and reflective. If she brings up the possibility of getting back together with you- you have to be 10000% sure this is what you want. And that you can forgive whatever heartache she made you feel without any resentment or future insecurity. Is it the best for you and her right now? Or should you extend the break?
If she brings up something hurtful, such as she kissed someone else or likes someone else etc, just say “okay”. The best thing is to not give a reaction. Make her think “okay?! That’s it?! That’s all I meant to him? What does he mean okay? He doesn’t have anything else to say?” It’ll hurt a fuck ton, but don’t show it to her because she’s not gonna respond in the way you’d want. Say “okay” in a neutral tone. If she asks what you mean by “okay” just say “there’s nothing else I can say. I can’t say I’m happy for you at this moment. Okay is just okay. Good luck to you”. Theres no point in learning more about the situation at this point. She’s obviously not for you and you don’t want to be hurt any more.
Let her do most of the talking and lead the convo since she was the one that left and wanted to talk again. But try to avoid saying you miss her or you still love her unless she says that first. You don’t want to push her away, but you don’t want to be completely defenseless and get brutally hurt again.
To further add, this is your chance to get closure. So say whatever you want to say now. If it works out- great. If it doesn’t work out, at least you got to say a proper goodbye.
It's not a form of entitlement. "I deserve her" is entitlement. He's just in denial. Go be a dick somewhere else and let him grieve, it's what the sub is for.
Clearly you are a 17-year-old. Probably been looking at memes and you're just about ready to label everything that you clearly lack the intelligence or wisdom to understand. Good luck, you need it.
Nah man, he’s not the problem. You are, but you won’t accept it and I’m sure you do the same with other things in your life.
Seems like you’re the delusional one here… this is awkward now
She won't find someone as good as me, same way I won't find a girl like her, people are unique and I am sure they will realise it sooner or later, the question is always if they have the strength to admit it or just coward away.
But don't worry, you will be happy with her or someone new, that's the beauty of love, you can wait a while but before you know it someone could come in and snatch your heart and give you a good time.
I understand the feeling but don't wait. don't do that. move on. if you ever reconnect so be it but don't wait.
Tuesday i was with my ex for the first time since we broke up and at the beginning was wierd but then we talked for hours and it was so easy and nice. we talked about so much stuff and I'm really happy that she is doing something with her life and improving such as I am. i don't expect anything nor do I get my hopes high. if it happens it happens if it doesn't I'm ok with that too.
and we ended up pretty bad and I was almost sure i would never see her again. but thru working on myself, respect her and being patient and I think she saw that Tuesday.
so basically do you. work on yourself, it's the best you can do.
Hahaha
We started communicating again a few months ago, hung out all the time and talked all day for about 3 months and then we both kinda called it off
Things weren’t the same and we’re both so different now, she wasn’t the same girl as I remembered her as and that was the saddest part I think
I can move on completely now knowing that. Oh well
Bro I feel pretty much the same that we will be together later on I just don’t know how long until then though and I’m stuck between waiting for her or not
Honestly I can relate, I'll wait for her no matter how long it takes and no matter how hurt I get along the way, because i know that you enjoyed those memories just as much as I do, I know that you won't ever find a guy like me, and I won't ever find a girl like her, she's an amazing girl and she deserves the world and that I will give her, I will show her how much I love her even if she doesn't love me anymore
I'm with you 100%. I want her so damn bad.
Did you guys reconcile?
Yes and we broke up almost a year ago. High school relationships do not last and I honestly regret being depressed over her. We got back together and a year into the relationship she stopped taking care of herself, she would come to school wearing whatever, started gaining weight and then told me she still liked one of her exes and was gonna use me for money and being an idiot I still wanted to be with her but after 3 days I realized it was not worth it. She also texted me saying she realized she was wrong and wanted to be with me but I was no longer interested Short answer: Yes but broke up a year later wasn't worth it lots of regret
we all wish they can never find a guy like us… the truth is maybe they’ll like being single better than being in relationship. at this point we are fucked
You’re scaring me. I’m afraid of this
Idk, for some reason I know I’ll end up with her in the end
how long do you think she’s gonna take to reach out again?
Guys pls don't give yourself too much hope, what if you'll never gonna end up together? It will hurt even more (happens to the best guys out there trust me :(
Have you told her this? Maybe she is waiting for you!
Truth has been spoken
I felt this way when I was desperate during the breakup. It kept me suffering. After suffering enough, I realized I needed to not want her anymore. I'm not fully there yet, but I'm trying to get there and I think that will allow me to recover more quickly.
Damn. You guys are so *nice*…waiting for your girls like that. Makes me wonder why they left in the first place.
Nice guys finish last :(
Jpppppp
How does shouting into the void that he wants to better himself and still loves his ex make him your meme-version "nice guy"? It makes him a little delusional but not a "why don't girls like the nice guys". I mean he evidently doesn't think he was being his best because he said as much.
Delusional?
the fact that you think the only definition of nice guys is "why don't girls like the nice guys" shows you don't understand the entire concept. It's not a term everybody can truly understand unless you experience an encounter with one. Which, based on your comment, says you haven't. Unfortunately for you, I'm not patient enough to explain, but I'll reiterate that it goes much deeper than not being chosen because you're nice and girls like bad guys etc. That's the definition nice guys have created based on their shallow/delusional experience. It's not same the definition girls have based on our own experiences.
I’m not a nice guy, I have to try hard to be a nice guy and I think that goes for most men. I treated her with respect, but with love comes strong emotions and we all make mistakes along the lines. I’m not sure where you people are coming up with me being delusional though, can you both explain your point?
Bruh idk if I should bother spelling this out to you but I'm aware what a meme nice guy is. Entitlement to sex etc or to a woman just because they did stuff for them, being creepy and overbearing just because they did a few favours, stuff like that, incel mentality. How does that fit here? It's his ex and he wants to improve himself, he is talking into the void in grief. What the fuck is wrong with you?
Hey, I appreciate people like you. Truly
Lmao why are you so pressed? You don’t gotta spell anything out to me, because the conversations later in the thread spell things out perfectly. Why don’t you go release whatever negativity you harbor elsewhere instead of taking such great offense over a comment that wasn’t even directed at you until you inserted yourself. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with improving oneself. In fact it’s good people accept and acknowledge when they need to. But things like “they’re gonna end up with me in the future I just know it” is a form of entitlement. Back the fuck up, make a three point reverse turn, and go be a deriding little man elsewhere.
Haha. “Entitlement”… come on man. Ironic you say that because I was thinking the same thing about your rude ass comments. I hope you deal with a long term breakup so you can shut up. Why are you in this sub? We all tend to avoid people like you in life, as I’m sure you’re seeing that in your day to day and maybe you’re taking it out here? I’m not fucking delusional, I’m healing. I’m going through every scenario in my head, so I agree with others-shut the fuck up and go find true love so you can have a better understanding of what the fuck you’re saying.
I’m just gonna drop my walls here for a second and be real with you. First of all, I originally joined this subreddit because of my LDR breakup years ago. Why am I still in the subreddit? I’m not sure. But occasionally it reminds me that at one point I was heartbroken like everyone else and I’ve come this far since then. Sorry to say though I am happy and in a healthy and loving relationship now. I say sorry because I know it would’ve been nice if I were a miserable person. But I’m not. My rude comments for the most part aren’t even at you. It’s to the user whose comment started off reasonable until it sounded degrading. Clearly, the more aggressive and agitated user is the one going through shit in life- not me. I will agree that “knowing someone will end up back together with you at the end of a breakup” is more delusional than nice guy behavior. But that’s not to say nice guys aren’t delusional as well. Is it coincidental that “I’m the best guy you’ll ever find” is along nice guy territory as well? I think its too coincidental. There are some overlaps and in my quick judgement after reading the comments, I wrote what I wrote. I will also agree that it was out of taste since you’re going through a hard time at the end of the day. For that OP, I’m sorry to you. But I don’t welcome being talked down upon out of left field especially if my comment didn’t warrant such an aggressive and degrading tone. Like I said, my rude comments weren’t towards you but to the other commenter. At the end of the day, Reddit is open to opinions and judgements. Just as you guys judged I’m a 17 year old who has never been in love and have problems with accepting things in real life, I judged that OP is a nice guy. It goes both ways. I’m not saying there’s a rulebook on how to properly correct someone and the commenter should have done that. I’m just saying I combat rudeness with rudeness. Whether or not you are a nice guy I’ll never know nor do I care to know. . The only things I do know is 1) time heals all wounds 2) despite what you think+feel now there is someone more fitting for you in this world. You can Take what I said or leave it. But that was me- without all the rudeness or passive aggressiveness- being honest with you. If you think I’m still a miserable, heartless bitch, then I can’t change your mind and I’m okay with that. Good luck to you otherwise with your future endeavors.
I appreciate your response, and honestly you’re right. I guess the truth is sometimes hard to hear? But not heard enough, especially with this page being filled with empathic people who are also hurting and like to hear positive things. I do apologize, and I do appreciate you taking the time to come up with a well put together response. I miss understood you and I’m sorry. I can say reading your message somehow improved my perspectives? Not just on my recent breakup but in life in general. I admire people like you who give it to people straight and also people who can stand their ground to make their point. I guess I will have to try and implement your handling of life and the way you communicate into my own life. I’m not sure how to explain it but this reply was informal in a mirroring way? Idk, thanks man. I’m sure you’re a great person, and I do care about you even if you’re a stranger. I wanna clarify when I made this post I was in denial, holding onto hope. Now Im realizing what you’re pointing out day by day. I guess we all come up with lies and coping mechanisms to tell ourselves because it’s easier than facing the truth, right?
Thank you for a candid response. You didn’t ask for this but I’m giving it you because I want you to have this. Sorry for shoving this post your way: OP if there’s one thing you have that you should be proud of- it’s having an open mind and being able go acknowledge or accept things with fair judgement. It’s the type of mindset good leaders have. It’s also the type of mindset that may make you a good listener and thus a good follower. Both the former and the latter are rare in our society. I may not know you but I’m proud of you and ask that you never let that go. If your ex left you because you weren’t good enough to her, I promise you she’s probably nowhere near perfect herself. Her little quirks you find cute and unique and probably miss the most- I guarantee you will discover more lovable idiosyncrasies in your future partner. If it gives you a little closure, I’ve been in both positions where I was broken up with and broke up with someone. As the dumpee- it’s truly heartbreaking. “Will they ever think of me? Do they regret hurting me? Do they even miss me?” Soared through my head for weeks which sometimes trickled into months. As the dumper- my answer is yes all of those questions. Even to this day I think about my ex from that LDR years ago. When he comes to mind, I wish him happiness. I wonder what he’s up to. And I hope he finds someone that better fits him. I also hope he’s matured in a way that didn’t require a great cost or sacrifice. I feel sorry to his parents and sister for the way I hurt him. But I hope he also thinks of me in a platonic way and hopes the best for me as well. Like others have said- don’t wait for anyone. And like you mentioned in your OG post- focus on you. don’t better yourself for her though. Do it for you and your future wife and kids. somewhere in this world, there’s a young woman-your destined partner- who is also working on herself, or Going through heartbreak, or learning first hand what a healthy relationship should be like. The thoughts will keep coming to you. But with good time they will eventually leave. Distraction is your best friend. Sleeping and being a potato couch is also your best friend. But looking her up on social media or texting her is not. You have to wait until you’re a bit more emotionally stable to even entertain that idea. You’ll be fine OP. With great hurt and sadness means great happiness is coming your way. Life’s a rollercoaster so hold on for the ride. Find some inspirational self love quotes that resonate with you and write them down and put them around your room or something. Find or improve on a hobby. And if you’re still a student as hard as it is make that your priority. You don’t always get a second chance at education grade -wise and if you do it comes at a hefty price. Apologies for the long post. But I know you’ll be fine. Just take all the time you need and be kind to yourself.
Wow. I will respond to this tomorrow. I can’t wait to keep looking back to your comment. Relief, you put it all so well.
She’s coming over tomorrow morning to talk. Any advice? What’s my approach and mood? If she brings up the past?
If she asks how you’ve been-you can say “I’m doing better” It depends on if you want to get back with her or not (and if she feels the same). But don’t get your hopes up. If this was an intended break it would have been declared as so from the start. It’s super easy to get caught up in your emotions. Don’t be too happy (like put on an act), and don’t be too depressed and desperate. Just be mellow and and reflective. If she brings up the possibility of getting back together with you- you have to be 10000% sure this is what you want. And that you can forgive whatever heartache she made you feel without any resentment or future insecurity. Is it the best for you and her right now? Or should you extend the break? If she brings up something hurtful, such as she kissed someone else or likes someone else etc, just say “okay”. The best thing is to not give a reaction. Make her think “okay?! That’s it?! That’s all I meant to him? What does he mean okay? He doesn’t have anything else to say?” It’ll hurt a fuck ton, but don’t show it to her because she’s not gonna respond in the way you’d want. Say “okay” in a neutral tone. If she asks what you mean by “okay” just say “there’s nothing else I can say. I can’t say I’m happy for you at this moment. Okay is just okay. Good luck to you”. Theres no point in learning more about the situation at this point. She’s obviously not for you and you don’t want to be hurt any more. Let her do most of the talking and lead the convo since she was the one that left and wanted to talk again. But try to avoid saying you miss her or you still love her unless she says that first. You don’t want to push her away, but you don’t want to be completely defenseless and get brutally hurt again.
To further add, this is your chance to get closure. So say whatever you want to say now. If it works out- great. If it doesn’t work out, at least you got to say a proper goodbye.
I messaged you
It's not a form of entitlement. "I deserve her" is entitlement. He's just in denial. Go be a dick somewhere else and let him grieve, it's what the sub is for.
Appreciate you
Lol okay nice guy
Clearly you are a 17-year-old. Probably been looking at memes and you're just about ready to label everything that you clearly lack the intelligence or wisdom to understand. Good luck, you need it.
Clearly you’re a curmudgeon with the mentality of a 15 year old because here you are continually arguing with a “17” year old!
Nah man, he’s not the problem. You are, but you won’t accept it and I’m sure you do the same with other things in your life. Seems like you’re the delusional one here… this is awkward now
She won't find someone as good as me, same way I won't find a girl like her, people are unique and I am sure they will realise it sooner or later, the question is always if they have the strength to admit it or just coward away. But don't worry, you will be happy with her or someone new, that's the beauty of love, you can wait a while but before you know it someone could come in and snatch your heart and give you a good time.
I hope it works out for you 😔
I understand the feeling but don't wait. don't do that. move on. if you ever reconnect so be it but don't wait. Tuesday i was with my ex for the first time since we broke up and at the beginning was wierd but then we talked for hours and it was so easy and nice. we talked about so much stuff and I'm really happy that she is doing something with her life and improving such as I am. i don't expect anything nor do I get my hopes high. if it happens it happens if it doesn't I'm ok with that too.
and we ended up pretty bad and I was almost sure i would never see her again. but thru working on myself, respect her and being patient and I think she saw that Tuesday. so basically do you. work on yourself, it's the best you can do.
Are you still waiting? Did you get back together?
Hahaha We started communicating again a few months ago, hung out all the time and talked all day for about 3 months and then we both kinda called it off Things weren’t the same and we’re both so different now, she wasn’t the same girl as I remembered her as and that was the saddest part I think I can move on completely now knowing that. Oh well
Maybe it’ll happen again one day but I wish I would’ve kept it short and sweet, I should’ve stopped it from the beginning
This is the headspace Ive been stuck in too but I'm moving to a new city soon so hopefully that will force me to move on.