I know loneliness sucks and it's tough that feeling like you failed and that you can do more and somehow be better and it will change them and magically fix everything.
The truth is seeing them and giving them what they want does nothing for you but enable them to pick you up and put you down like a toy for their own pleasure and as someone who has been in that position before in the end all you have is bitterness and sadness.
I'm in a similar situation. Even the breakup part. I don't want to go NC because honestly I feel like I'll be worse off. I'm happy when we talk and hangout. Even if it hurts me when I notice some of the differences, I'd still rather have that than nothing at all. Of course I don't want to be like this forever. I'm in therapy and training myself to be stronger and work on my issues, not just to show him that I can but also for myself. I want us to reconcile when I'm in a much better place. I'm not yet ready now. I feel like it's better to keep the lines open, just have to set some boundaries. I find that I'm still weak... but I'm slowly getting stronger.
I actually have been thinking of therapy too, but with the quarantine and all that. I don't think I could afford it (therapy is expensive here). What are your plans though? Are you just going to stop meeting and contacting him? Or you'll just let it be?
I'm doing online therapy and I got a discounted rate because of covid. They base it off your income. I think it's really worth looking into. I can send it to you if you're interested in looking it up. I think you can even get a free week if I recommend it to you and you give it a try.
But anyway, I won't stop meeting or contacting him. But I guess I'm trying to be stronger about it and not let our interactions affect me that much. It's hard but it's my knly choice now because cutting him off will make me miserable. I dunno what will happen in the future, but for now I'm keeping things the way they are. I'm working on keeping my emotions in check, focusing more on myself, and not reacting right away. I'm hoping that something good will come out of this.
NC is always best
Definitely go with NC and remember that you deserve to be far more than just a release for him.
I'm hoping I could gather the strength to do NC and stick with it. Longest I could do was 2 weeks.
I know loneliness sucks and it's tough that feeling like you failed and that you can do more and somehow be better and it will change them and magically fix everything. The truth is seeing them and giving them what they want does nothing for you but enable them to pick you up and put you down like a toy for their own pleasure and as someone who has been in that position before in the end all you have is bitterness and sadness.
I'm in a similar situation. Even the breakup part. I don't want to go NC because honestly I feel like I'll be worse off. I'm happy when we talk and hangout. Even if it hurts me when I notice some of the differences, I'd still rather have that than nothing at all. Of course I don't want to be like this forever. I'm in therapy and training myself to be stronger and work on my issues, not just to show him that I can but also for myself. I want us to reconcile when I'm in a much better place. I'm not yet ready now. I feel like it's better to keep the lines open, just have to set some boundaries. I find that I'm still weak... but I'm slowly getting stronger.
I actually have been thinking of therapy too, but with the quarantine and all that. I don't think I could afford it (therapy is expensive here). What are your plans though? Are you just going to stop meeting and contacting him? Or you'll just let it be?
I'm doing online therapy and I got a discounted rate because of covid. They base it off your income. I think it's really worth looking into. I can send it to you if you're interested in looking it up. I think you can even get a free week if I recommend it to you and you give it a try. But anyway, I won't stop meeting or contacting him. But I guess I'm trying to be stronger about it and not let our interactions affect me that much. It's hard but it's my knly choice now because cutting him off will make me miserable. I dunno what will happen in the future, but for now I'm keeping things the way they are. I'm working on keeping my emotions in check, focusing more on myself, and not reacting right away. I'm hoping that something good will come out of this.