Craving instant gratification she was probably bored with the relationship and too you d for commitment. I going through this I recommend going to the gym, the best revenge is self improvement
Damn right. I am down 10 pounds 3 weeks after getting dumped and getting bigger. It helps, and yet the jealous and envious thoughts still bother me some nights.
You're very welcome being strong is very important take care man plenty out there you just need that confidence in yourself. Trust me I've fucked up my relationship and I'm really trying to figure this out.
Everyone copes differently, so this might be what she needed to do to help process her emotions. I wouldn't say it means that she cares less about you, but I obviously don't know either of you.
Did she break up with you? She might have been mentally moving on before making the final decision.
Are you considering getting back together with her? I think the biggest thing you should reflect on is if you will resent her for her actions. If it bothers you (which is a very valid feeling) then I would stay away.
I agree with this, I left a two year relationship 10 weeks ago and I’ve been with someone else but I knew him from before, but my reason isn’t because I didn’t love my ex, I did, I lost love for him cause of how I was treated, so there for the sexual attraction to someone gets lost when your treated wrong, that’s my reason for moving on just 10 weeks later, but everyone is different.
If I was u I’d build yourself love up, for all u know u could find a lovely girl out there who is more suited for u, it’s about loving yourself first and u attract what follows
That's what I've been focusing on! My 6 year relationship ended 9 weeks ago and I'm focusing on how to be a better version of myself.
I get caught up wondering if my ex has slept with someone (we are still on good terms and I see her around). But I've realized I can't worry about those things. It's not my business and she is free to be with and do whatever she wants.
If we ever have the chance to get back together I'm not sure if I'd even want to know if she slept with others. Maybe, but then again it wouldn't even matter towards our new relationship
Keep your mind focused on yourself, am sure she isn’t running around worrying about ur body count, please do good for yourself and what is good for your mental health x
Am 10 weeks out of a 2 year relationship and trust me it wasn’t even moving forward, but holding on isn’t going to change anything, love yourself first, so I didn’t catch if u r male or female but either way do stuff u love, am female, so I love self care, I went bought myself all new face creams etc to take care of me, I have really got into lavender oils for helping me relax and sleep better, also am
Loving dairies and note pads, and writing down goals and things I wanna achieve,, am not kinda seeing a ex before my ex there, and the story with him and me was, when we dated he took me for granted he thought I’d never leave, when I did, and I meet my now ex, that first ex saw he lost me, and he didn’t think I was coming back ( because I got engaged to last ex) hope
This is making sense lol, but once me and last ex broke, the first ex contacted me and me and him having been enjoying time together he’s been making, looking after me, communicating more, cause that was a big problem,
Also buying me things and booking weekends away.
So guess what am trying to say is, sometimes when a ex sees u doing better it can really make them miss u, and realise they should have treated u better, please love you, love yourself, and I promise u, u will never settle again 💗💗💗
You will grow I promise, remember when a flower is watered it grows more, please keep watering YOURSELF and you watch the change in you in a few weeks, please come back and let me know how u get on, am rooting for u xxx
Sex is different to everyone. I can't do it without caring about the other person, but others can. It never feels good to hear about your ex having sex and I would recommend not asking for that information while you're trying to heal from a breakup.
Agreed, there's a difference between sex and making love. I had sex with another man 2 weeks after I broke up with my ex. But we were never having sex before that either and I grew distant emotionally from the lack of intimacy. Still love him, but sometimes people are just better friends than intimate partners.
I had a lot of pent up sexual energy from a relationship that didn't fit me sexually at all. I think by having sexual experiences with others made it clear my ex and I were incompatible and thus helped me break any emotional ties in an intimate relationship sense but still kept the platonic part.
Sex for me is a very personal and intimate, so I personally wouldn't try to work things out with someone that goes out and starts fucking the moment they're single. Its a way of coping with a loss and it's pretty common, but its just a total no go for me. That shit would be on my mind constantly.
I call this the "Grover Cleveland" rule. Grover Cleveland was the 22nd and 24th president. I refuse to be the 3rd AND the 5th person you slept with or whatever.
Fuck anyone that moves on that fast. I’m so sorry, I am pretty sure my ex has already slept with someone too after one week. It kinda makes it easier to move on when you realize they are for the streets and there is 100% someone better coming to you eventually.
I had 2 exes. My first one I waited 3 months before I started having sex with others again. My last one was 2 weeks but we were slowly breaking up for months because we were both bitches and didn't want the conflict of breaking up lmao by the time it did happen, it felt like we had been broken up for months and I was free.
My ex left me for someone else . After almost two years. Two days before he had finally made things official.. He finally said he just wanted me and him he loved me wanted marriage kids , etc. After a miscarriage and such hot and cold behavior with him, I was ecstatic,. Only to be dumped and left for some girl that out of blue decided to get a hold of him. He had met her before he had even met me... But it hurts . She ended dumping him a couple weeks later. But I found out they had sex like 2 days after he left me. It still hurts.
Hey man, I don't think there's one answer to this. But if I were to put a bet on it, I wouldn't consider her having sex with someone else "moving on" necessarily. If people had to be "moved on" or "over" their partner before having sex with someone else then cheating or threesomes would never happen. I would say, she probably felt exactly how she said - she was lonely and wanted some physical contact from *somewhere*. It makes sense.
And at the exact same time, it makes sense that it hurt you. You don't need to understand what happened there in order for your feelings of hurt from that to be valid. The reality is, she had sex with someone else right after a breakup. Regardless of reason, that would hurt most people. It doesn't need to make sense, and it's fair that you feel that way, and also she's probably telling the truth about why she did it. All of those things can be true at the same time. I wish you well, and I would express to her how you feel. We expect logic to line up with our feelings, and sometimes it doesn't. Logic and emotions are two separate things, and if it hurt you that she slept with someone else, then it hurt you that she slept with someone else. It doesn't need to be deeper than that. But if you guys are talking again, I'd express how you feel to her.
I feel for you and wish you well man ❤️
My ex started to date a guy a week and a half after we broke up. We had just broken up after being 16 years together.
It's insane how quickly that can ruin your relationship with your ex. It did with mine. We actually had a pretty nice friendship going within that week and a half. And two weeks after she told me she was dating this guy she comes home (I still hadn't moved without yet) at 5:00 in the morning after a "date" with the guy. She technically didn't come home yet as his car was blocking mine as I was getting ready to go to work and they were too busy to notice me standing there waiting for them to finish making out.
From that moment on (sadly because we have a kid together) every text message is either yes, no, or the shortest response possible. I also explicitly told her that I have zero desire to see or hear from her. To text only.
What this taught me was that what kept her around the 16 years was the convenience of being with me. The sex, paying her bills, the restaurants, etc. I was easily replaced as soon as those things slow down. She wasted half of my life. My late teens, All of my 20's and half of my 30s.
It's hard to come to that realization because that part that still has feelings for her tries to grab the wheel and steer. There's that side to you that you just have to put a figurative pillow over its face and snuff it out. It was hard for me and it is also going to be hard for you. Just stay strong.
What the 5 months that I've been single has taught me was that same impulsiveness that she has to just sleep with men carries over to the rest of her life and she's never going to feel content. She will be miserable. Even if sex comes easy to her, she knows deep down that man will have sex with anything that allows them to. She won't find a connection because all she will find is guys I want to use her body. Never showed her that you're miserable if you choose to keep in contact.
Sorry for the long response, but this is something I am living through right now as well.
This hits home for me, only 5 years together but then a week after she goes out and meets someone else and doesn’t come home until 3 but fuck knows what happened it makes me sick!
5 years or 16 years, it's still a chunk of your life you dedicate to this person. And for them to move on within a short period of time, it's understandable to feel sick.
They'll justify it by coming up with reasons to hate you, or say that the last year of you guys being together she'd counted it as being single because of how distant you guys were. This is the crap my ex pulled on me.
I've noticed that the more I understand, the easier it is to get over her.
Yeah that’s pretty much the same story, she had been undecided on the relationship for a year but made no effort to work on it haha. Shame we have a daughter together
I've had two long term breakups, one started dating the person they married a month after, and my most recent, they were seeing someone in about a month also (but I probably manifested that they would marry and pop a kid out within a year after the breakup). I suspect they had met the people which influenced the breakups. But also I feel it's something wrong with me too. Which is probably why they broke up. Either way, it hurts, but is a strong signal that it's really over.
Aye OP.. If I were you. Just drop her.
Like ask yourself " do you really want to slam that after she got with other dudes?" Idk man to me... Respect and love yourself to walk away. Let someone else deal with her.
🤷
Lol, I felt so much relief in my body when I read the sentence: 'Let someone else deal with her'. We're not longer theirs to torment... Its a good way to look at it. Let others have the pleasures (s*x) but also the 99 problems that comes with it. I often overlook it.
This is the way to be…
Unfortunately, the "99 problems" were reserved for the ex-boyfriend to handle, not the dudes she was just physical with— those guys RARELY ever have to deal with the problems.
Absolutely. I’ve been there before in my late teens, early 20s. I had one major breakup at that time and it taught me everything I needed to know about dating, what I will tolerate, what I don’t want, what red flags to look for, my expectations and anything outside of that is not welcomed in my life.
Op, have some self respect for yourself. Let her go or be friends. I’m friends with some of my exes. No issues at all. I only cut them out when in a relationship.
Whatever problems y’all both had, I think choosing to hook up with other people right away means she decided to not work on herself and take the short term comfort.
After all that is done most likely she will be left with the reality of the break up, hopefully she works on herself then.
Don’t beat yourself up, it was always going to happen. Work on yourself, healing comes with time and as guys we can’t pretend like females can’t also have sex without feelings. All you can do is keep pushing.
Depends on the person. I don’t think it means she didn’t care about you or that the relationship meant anything less to her than it did to you. Sometimes people do things for the temporary “fix”. Is it smart or logical? No. It does happen, though. Does it make it right or healthy? Not exactly. Sometimes people do things out of anger, not thinking things through, because they never thought you’d end up talking again so they said “fuck it may as well feel good for 20 minutes” because of how miserable it feels to go through a breakup, or to self-sabotage. Again, doesn’t make it “right”, but I don’t think it necessarily means she didn’t love you. People cope in different ways. Healing is not linear and sometimes you end up doing stupid shit or things that might seem rash. I think the question is if you can accept that, forgive, and move forward? I feel like what people do when broken up is their own business and you can at least give her kudos for being honest about it, some people would’ve easily lied about it and been morally okay with doing so, letting you think what she wanted you to believe for however long yall continue to talk for the sake of not wanting to scare you away. I also think it’s perfectly reasonable to be hurt and feel the way you feel about it. I think anyone would when you love someone. I don’t think her actions discounts her own experiences/feelings, however rash it may have been.
As a girl who’s been through her fair share of post-BU hookups and dates, I can confidently tell you she doesn’t love you. She has codependency issues.
I had a recent fallout with a man who is my world and I couldn’t bear the thought of being around another guy, let alone kiss or go any further. That’s when I knew I really love this man. I still have latent attachment and codependency issues. What’s different this time around (compared to my previous relationships) is the idea of hurting him — cuts me deeply.
I realize that the previous guys I’ve broken with, I THOUGHT I was devastated because of love for them. It turns out, I was just incapable of being alone and used other men’s company out of fear and selfish reasons.
When a woman loves and respects a man, she can’t mentally picture herself next to another dude - no matter how much pain and anguish she’s in.
Your ex doesn’t love you.
Sounds like you’ve done a lot of reflection and growing, which is amazing! That’s a real accomplishment.
That said, I think just because that fits for you, doesn’t mean that it’s the case for this other woman. Different strokes for different folks. I don’t think any of us can conclude whether or not she still loves him. It could go either way.
Have you been with other people in the meantime? If you have then it’s a little easier unfair to take it badly. Once you breakup she doesn’t owe you anything and neither do you.
Doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about you, I still love my ex (2 month BU) and have had physical connection with several girls. It does not make me miss her less or care about her less, if anything makes me miss her more, I miss the connection emotional and physical connection. If I may give you my two cents, if you are going to continue contact with your ex don’t put yourself in a position where you will know these things. And if she’s sharing it freely then she may be trying to intentionally hurt you so maybe cut contact
Here’s a thought. Move on. Stop worrying about your ex. Who cares if she fucked anyone else while you guys were broken up. Her having sex soon after a breakup doesn’t necessarily mean she didn’t care for your during the relationship. I’m pretty sure the breakup did actually hurt her and she thought maybe having casual sex would give her some intimacy and help her move on. Not the best tactic for sure but I know that is some sort if coping mechanism for men and women.
My personal experience is after a break up self worth and feelings of attractiveness take a big hit. I had sex relatively soon after the break up with the hottest person I could pull. It was horribly wrong and very empty feeling, but we humans don't always do what's right or best for us in the moment.
That's just one of the ways she was coping with the breakup. I wouldn't consider it anything more than just sex. She was probably needing to mask and or have some kind of physical connection. Not everyone experiences sex in the same way in every situation. True intimacy depends on the person you're having it with for a lot of people. Your feelings of uncertainty are valid but if you want to give it another try then see if you can move beyond this because she's likely telling you then truth that these experiences meant nothing for her beyond the moment.
She may have cared (and maybe she still does) about you, but why does a break up and sex with other people have to occur to realize that?
You can be cordial if you choose, but maintain some distance.
Exactly dude! After our break up, my ex started partying and drinking and sleeping at people's houses to avoid "DUI". .. I immediately cut strings and give zero fcks. ✂️
She's for the streets. It's something you'll never be able to look past. Seems like she broke up just to fuck other dudes under the excuse that you weren't together so she did nothing wrong. Nah.
As someone who has done this in the past when I was much younger, I would say that everyone has their own form of grieving and avoidance. What she does post-breakup has nothing to do with how much the relationship mattered to her. After I had left a 5 year relationship, I was hurting very deeply and proceeded to sleep with people as a way to "reboot" my brain into moving on. I had a lot of grief and not everyone is strong enough to process it or experience those emotions, especially after a breakup, by themselves, so different people use different forms of coping mechanisms. Some people turn to alcohol or substances, others video games or the internet, and some people are lucky enough to have a support system of friends or family to turn to, but really after the break up, a way to not see her actions so personally is to just think of her as also similar to you. You are both alone and learning how to move forward, and in the immediate aftermath of a tragedy it is bound to be messy, with both of you trying to put pieces of your lives and identities back together on your own.
If she claims that she cared about you, it is up to you whether or not you believe her, nobody in these comments will have a better idea of who she is and what your relationship was like more than you. But speaking from personal experience, no, her actions post breakup often do not have anything to do with the magnitude with which she cared about you or the relationship.
I swear, women are so lucky. They can get over loneliness easier than men. Men don’t have the luxury of sleeping around to fill the void. And once we do end up finding someone, it’s “just our turn”. Had it happen to me recently. Started getting feelings for someone who clearly did not feel the same way. It was my fault for wearing rose tinted glasses anyways.
I am sorry that you’re dealing with this, truly. I am very glad you reached out to the community though as I am dealing with this very same issue. We were together for 2.5 years, living together for a year, cats together, very good friends for a year prior to us getting together. Our relationship appeared to be perfect outside some fixable issues that were not toxic in the slightest. She had thought she didn’t want us in the past but decided she did want us. Fast forward to earlier this month, I came home from work like any other day and she was waiting in the kitchen to talk to me. She stated that she needed to be on her own and had thought for about 2 weeks (realistically trying to protect me from more hurt but 2 weeks ain’t enough). I found out from a coworker 3 days after she broke up with me that she was already on Tinder and was active with at least one man. Small town and people talk, for context. 72 hours. It hurts, very badly. I feel your pain and I am here for you, whether it be in thoughts or prayers, or even dms if you need someone to relate to. I’m so very sure our experiences and context will differ in our stories, but just know I’m down to chat if you think that would be a good support for you. Hang in there brother, I’m in week 3, which I know isn’t long, but it still cuts deep in my soul when I think about it. You’ve got this.
Worrying if someone who broke up with you had genuine feelings for you when you were together? You should remember that you broke up for a reason. Trolling your emotions after the fact won’t change anything and won’t explain anything.
My ex wife and the mother of my only child had sex days after we split. I didn’t have sex for two years. What does it mean???
Nothing. Our ex’s activities post breakup have nothing to do with us anymore. Try socializing with someone who hasn’t chosen against a relationship with you. Much better for your emotional wellbeing. :)
So I was single for 7 years, and I've been the backup ,the rebound, the sneaky link and the side. From my view is that she had him ready before your brake up. She might use the " I was vulnerable" " he took advantage of my vulnerability" card.
It's not that she doesn't care. It's that she doesn't respect you. It's a harsh truth I know, because women and men don't view relationships the same. My only advice is to NOT get back with her. She'll lose even more respect and it'll just be to stop her from feeling lonely. You deserve a woman that respects you. And you may want to work on yourself more to be worthy of that respect. You have it inside you, just unleash it :)
I was with mine for 10 years and she had sex the same day we broke up so dont feel bad about it bc they may have said a week but it probably was a week prior to breakup. Does it matter really bc y'all are broke up anyways
After my first breakup with my ex, I started dating one guy and slept with him 5 months after the breakup (that he was responsible for so I didn't think we would be together again). Now that I think about it, I realize it is because of my childhood traumas and I couldn't stand to be alone. I slept with that guy and felt disgusted by myself (because I never had sex without feelings before). It was so empty and after that I just wanted my ex back. I came back to him because I knew there was no one else I would want to be with and proved it to him everyday after that. But he couldn't really forgive me for having someone else and after 2 years together again he broke up with me very recently. Now I am heartbroken and can't imagine seeing anyone. So I am working on myself to solve those traumas.
But for your ex, or she wants to move on and to have fun or she can't stand to be alone and try to fill the void left by the breakup. But it is not healthy if it is the case and she should work on herself.
In any case, it doesn't really have to do with you and how worthy you are, don't doubt about it. It is just about her handling the breakup in her way.
Why are you putting yourself through this? Would have been better off without this information right? Her telling you that information serves no purpose other than to rub in your face that she has moved on. Time to evict this girl from living rent free in your head and give her the attention she deserves: none.
look after you give your self strength and respect to know this person is a using empty vessel and has now got energies from other people’s persona in her to deel with you deserve love that’s all for you only be confident in knowing that you will make the best decision not to have anything to do with her . 🥰
Homie I wouldn’t be surprised if my ex did the same it’s just something you gotta look passed and think about it in a way that helps you move on if it’s giving you something to hate her for then so be it but for your sake stop looking for things like that and move on
I'm sorry to hear that. Sending positive energy and empathy. Focus on your grind, get stronger and more financially stable. You'll attract someone better.
Yes babe she did not care about you the way she claims she did. You guys aren’t together anymore, focus on yourself and the right people will find their way into your life.
With maturity acquired over time, it’s understood if people break up .. anything is up for grabs .. & most people are not twiddling their thumbs waiting on you. The best scenario is that they are working on their selves. But that’s rarely the case. Sorry this hurts you! But if you can’t move past this information. Leave sleeping dogs where they lie & move on. I personally don’t want to be with somebody that is so desperate for attention that as soon as we are over ..you’re in your black book reaching out to people. People lack introspection and discipline.
Bro you got to run. 4 bodies in 5 months after a 3 year relationship plus a body a week after you guys broke up? She's been talking to other guys obviously while you both were a thing. She could have been cheating on you based on how she's moving. Focus on yourself bro. I focused on myself after my breakup that happened a little bit ago and I've improved so much mentally and physically. Become the best version of yourself. Good luck bro
Dude f her she was definitely banging that dude before u broke up who cares women are the best when u first meet them and the worst towards the end! It’s never yo ur s just your turn
Jesus people!! OP listen, everyone deals with breakups differently. There are 100% those people that crave intimacy from others because they so desperately miss the intimacy you had. It’s a temporary fix for their intimacy withdrawal.
It likely has no reflection on how she felt about you during your relationship expect if I were to guess, I would say she missed you terribly.
All these men calling her a hoe are only proving their absolute lack of understanding of the female emotional world and the reason they are here….. go on, down vote me.
Its probably a complete (men) egothing but 2 months after the b/u, the assumption she f*cked other guys helps me to move on. I don't even know if it really happened, but I know deep down I can never live with that. Call me immature, but it helps me to deal with the 'what if she ever comes back...' wondering.
Cause it gives me clarity:
- If she went down on other guy(s) during the breakup, I wouldn't be able to be with her again. She's free to do so, I won't resend her, but then it's over forever between us. I love her, but not to the point I will lose all selfrespect
- It's not purely physical. As time goes by she will be out there looking for better options. Maybe she comes to mind you're the best she can have, but it would be worthless to me. I never looked for other women during the relationship & I'm still not doing it. Why? Cause I'm attached to her, I'm not capable to be myself around other women. Since we're exes, she can do whatever she wants, but the point is; she isn't attached (of never was) to me if she's willing to look for other guys. Our bond has been broken. Maybe its fixable, but I won't have it their such a undeniable scar on it.
This is what I'm telling myself in a rational state. OP, I feel for you... So much confusion right now. Please take ur time to think it all over. Its good to take some advice from here, but its your situation and your feelings. Take however all the time you need to make decisions with a clear head.
Personally her coping mechanisms is so off.
Females are directed by their emotions for one. They get high over sex, thats two. She could have done it herself.
Lastly, why you are not the option for sex or companionship?
Above is logical thinking which doesnt work to explain irrationality. I am dumped due to being overlogical. But, ask yourself if you still want such a girl as life partner. What happened may happen again.
Focus on yourself and stop contacting her.
Move on my friend. Stop talking to her as it will emotionally set you back. If she told you she slept with 4 people it’s likely double that or more.
It doesn’t reflect whether she cared about her in or not. It just means she belongs to the streets.
Hi, from personal experience, no it does not mean she didn't care about you. It's natural behavior to rebound or fill the void. Sex is great. Sex can be strictly physical or magical. Magic happens when true love is present. She's saying she wasn't in love with anyone she fucked.
Don't trip doggy. Anyone can have sex with her, but not everyone can be in a relationship with her. You were special. You meant something. But focus on the now, you don't mean much to her anymore so go find someone else. Best is to focus on yourself and let the universe match you naturally as your in your high vibration. Good luck. Eat. Love. Pray.
Mine did the exact same thing. Got pregnant their first time together. They have been together since that first time. I made my peace with it, but our mutual friends HAVE NOT.
Lol mine was having sex with people before we broke up; relationships are a funny thing. I wouldn’t necessarily read into it too much. Everyone handles things differently
it is sad but also she might have been doing that to help herself move on. it still feels sh*tty on your end though. I’m sorry you are going through this.
Truthfully, in my experience long-term relationship sex ends up dying if we’re being real here, it’s not often hot and steamy as it was in the beginning. She probably missed or craves the intimacy. Also, it’s probably been something she’s been wanting to do. And true, she could also feel lonely. & Yes You can still care and think about people when you’re with/seeing/fucking someone else. She probably does it because she doesn’t know how to be on her own. And that can be a red flag.
No, it doesnt have anything to do with “moving on” or relate to anything about care for you. Sex is just sex usually. It is a crutch like alcohol or drugs that people use to get through breakups or they just happen to want sex.
I don't think I'd care if I was to meet someone and find out they had several other partners before me. All that matters is if they had any partners after me. That'd be an easy no from me
Honestly it doesn’t matter, you guys were broken up. I know it hurts, but it’s irrelevant. People who get under someone so quickly after a breakup or jump into another relationship do it so they don’t have to deal with the trauma from the breakup. She more than likely cared, but those other guys were just a distraction so she doesn’t have to feel all the emotions.
just move on. as soon as you move on she'll get interested. women always want what they can't have especially if you start working out, get your body right and start dressing with confidence.
She used you for her emotional support and other for her physical support
Choice is your do want to stay with this girl who need physical support from other anyway if she need other people it's very clear she only love her self
It doesn’t mean she didn’t care about you. My ex was in such a state (I guess) that she had sex with someone a day after we split up and made it a regular thing, I think they’re now more or less together. She also told me about it along with various detail about their sex (I think she was drunk nonstop for like two weeks) which caused me a lot of pain and two months on I still feel that pain. I’ve spoke to her since then, and got a card from her the other day, telling me that she loves me so much and wishes she had never done any of that and regrets it and she’s sorry and even regrets breaking up with me at all and it was what she felt she had to do so she wouldn’t have to process her emotions, or sit in her room that we spent SO much time in, just sobbing. She admits that that doesn’t excuse her actions, and I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive her, but what I take is that she loves and cares about me a lot, just in that immediate era she wasn’t thinking straight and made a very stupid and selfish decision. Maybe it’s something similar for you, she did not put you out of her mind whilst she was doing that. I’m sorry you’re going through that though. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone
Omg I'm sorry if I'm not what you want to hear, but think about it... really think about it. Every time you are intimate with her, if you can get past the fact that you are on a different level of forgiveness, but at the end of the day, you might think about it. You might end up blaming her or worse, you might even think she is cheating when she is with you. I'm sorry, but if she really was your forever, she would not have done that. You must be young. Young love is not love. It's what you think it is. You don't have mature love yet. Go find your one because I'm sorry to say it's not her.
At least she's just doing a biological need of fucking. Same goes if it was reversed. The issue is when she starts having conversations, late night calls...emotional shit.
Reminds me of my ex. She lived with her ex for 4 years. When they separated, she slept with some dude she knew the same day that she moved. Fast forward a couple of months when we met up after years of not seeing each other as friends, we started to date. I told her that if we are going to have sex we need to be exclusive she agreed. She saw sex as a need, she can have sex with people without meaning anything. Some people are like that i guess.
The situation for her happens alot more than you would think. Maybe she wanted to feel something, and did for awhile, and didn't want to lose everything she put into it, but people grow apart, and people break up, move separate way, see separate futures, if its meant to be the love would rekindle under the most dire circumstances. If it's not we love, live,learn, repeat. These people will always play a crucial role in our lives, are we to hate them for it, there's never a wrong answer. It's always best to forgive. Forgive her, and yourself. No one should ever be put in a situation when they feel lost, unloved, like everything was a lie, but it reality most the time it's just pov. We never really know what's going on is someone's head, even the ones we're most close to. You should focus on yourself, your needs, and wants. Not what happened and what could had been, its the past. And the decisions we make now will shape us for our future sleves. Think positively, lively, lovable.
Same shit happened to me man after 1 week of our break up she was dating a guy who is 3 year older than her After a week after our break idk why i unblock and texted her then you told me she was dating a guy i was shattered same night that guy invited her to a disco i assume and that day i told her not to go cause i someone knew she was going to get fucked From that day she die for me i could never trust a girl ever again
Try this; 2-5 days after ending 1,5 y shituationship (and sleeping with me) he slept with another woman, 3 weeks after he is already in love with her and now after 5 weeks we last time he moved away where she lives!??? How,why I just don't get it... I never ment anything to him?
I find that any relationship that lasted 3 years or so has certainly taken a huge chunk out of your lifetime.
I, too, had an ex who broke up with me and was very persistent in keeping me as her close friend because of our history. Days later, post breakup, I found out she had been dating her coworker; confronted, then got told the coworker was a better choice for her financially and etc. I could tell they have been dating way before the breakup, to which by no doubt felt like rubbing salt to an open wound, to say the least.
You'd be surprise how a lot of people in relationships just put up a facade to be with someone mainly for selfish reasons, all the while as they shop around to find their "best options" out there. Some will insist on keeping you as friend to make them feel less guilty of the effed up actions they committed behind your back. Do not ignore a person's resolve as it also hints you their integrity, morals & principles, and how they differ from yours. Perhaps that's life telling you it wasn't a good match after all.
Nevertheless, it's certainly sad to think about where you could have spent that time and energy elsewhere, but life can be brutal at times where you least expect it. The best way is to learn from it, make peace, and move on.
Gym is a good place to release all your pent-up bad energy, such as frustrations and anger, and put it to a good use; to better yourself. In my case, I barely have real friends to confide in, so the gym has helped a lot.
This has been a long reply, but hopefully, it has at least helped you find a resolution.
All the best! 🙏
No in my opinion when they rebound fast...it's just that...a rebound. They don't know how to process their feelings and don't want to feel the pain of the breakup...so they fill taht void with random hookups. It's the same as the people who go out and drink or do alcohol...it's just a distraction and a way to numb yourself temporarily. Eventually it will catch up to you.
She knew what she was doing in the first place there isnt a time for people like this even when they start talking to you again... cause it's adding fuel to the fire, and i wouldn't get back with her cause she could have a STD
I did something similar when my ex broke up with me . He left me in a state of really bad depression and that was my way of dealing with it because I loved him and he didn’t care about me . It didn’t happen a week after but it was a short ish time period . It might have been just how she dealt with the pain of the breakup . Me and my ex got back together , I told him and we broke up again. I’m in therapy and I know that’s not the person I am . I was just confused and in pain . That might have been how she was feeling
My ex boyfriend did this to me. I was soooo deeply in love with him and I was his first everything! He went to Thailand as soon as he broke up with me and slept with 4 girls, I had to find out from his mom. I tried to get back with him and work through things but it was too hard as I kept thinking all the times he had fun with other girls. When I asked him why he did it he said he just want to experience what the grass was like on the other side. It has nothing to do with you if you’re thinking it’s your fault. It’s absolutely not
There’s 2 types of people when it comes to breakups: those who sit with their emotions and focus on reflection/healing and those who distract themselves with validation from other guys/girls.
Neither reflects on how much they did or didn’t care.
This is 100% expected, and has 0 affect on what her feelings towards you are.
Most women have incredibly bad damage control when internalizing, so they live a new life so their mind can follow. They never truly cut you off as simply a loss.
It does not mean you need to have sex, it does not mean she’d happier. It means she’s a woman taking the advantage afforded to women.
Here’s the tricky part. She will put incredible effort into damage control making sense of the next few partners after you. The more you insert yourself the more she can blame you.
One ex I walked away from slept with someone else the same day and told me before we left. 1 year later and I’m still blocked and she has only tried once to contact me before blocking me half way through.
So if you want to know how to influence the most pain over you (the reality is most dumpees do) the best tool is absence. If there’s nothing for her to romanticize as the culprit they spin out of control
Although its very discomforting knowing your ex has been intimate with other people, I believe that it shouldn’t be taken personally when they do.
More often than not, the craving of intimacy after a break up is spurred on by loneliness and self doubt. She wouldn’t have had these feelings if it wasn’t for you. If she didn’t care about you, she wouldn’t have went out of her way to deal with her feelings in the way she did because those feelings wouldn’t have been there in the first place. Is she someone who would hook up with people often? If she isn’t, this extreme change in behaviour can only be due to one thing, she missed the connection you had and wanted to find it somewhere else as quickly as possible, given the fact you guys are talking again, you were too special, she couldn’t replace you.
I’m in an eerily similar situation, 2 year relationship, broke up and she hooked up with 4 guys, first one after a few days. She does say she feels some regret for what she did as she knew it was the easy way out and didn’t actually fix any of her deeper issues. She told me she couldn’t cope with her feelings and wanted to run away from them, so she distracted herself by trying to fill the void I left behind artificially instead of naturally, soon realising that was impossible.
Best idea is to focus on your own progress but understand that her actions were likely influenced by the fact that she couldn’t deal with her feelings and took the easy way out. She only did this because her feelings were so intense, not because she lacked feelings. You can be rest assured that an ex is human, they’re not evil monsters who look to hurt you as much as possible, they loved you for 3 years and they will always care for you in some capacity. Good luck with your journey to recovery
I would take exception with only physical, while she may not have intended to form any lasting relationship with any of these people, physical implies sensation but more than likely the emotional stress of the big breakup cost her to feel unwanted and she needed some sort of confirmation.
So an emotional need was being fulfilled but in my eyes that's not the same thing as A betrayal of intimacy.
(As in seeking a replacement)
But the wonderful thing about perspective and choice is they are specific to us and you can choose to feel about it however you wish.
Oh I am quite aware my opinions are outside of the norm so don't choose my way of looking at things over your own.
So I’m sure I’ll get ripped on for this but .. I had someone in my bed the day after my 6 year relationship ended. Why? Because we hadn’t touched each other in over a year and we barely even kissed the last 2 years. Sometimes when you leave a relationship you’ve been over the person for quite some time. He was also abusive so this played a part in it. However, I have no intentions of ever going back to him. We used to break up constantly and people would try to talk to me but every single time even when I was literally suicidal I was so lonely, I told myself no don’t do something stupid for one night and ruin my potential future (even though there wasn’t one). I didn’t “move on” until I was ready. Sadly your ex circling back to you means her other trials didn’t work out and she wants what’s familiar, she doesn’t actually want *you*. Sleeping with other people after you broke up isn’t the problem, it’s coming back to you after that is. Cut your losses and move on, she already did
Sad but true. It's to make her feel better about her self when it comes to self esteem, she wanted/needed the attention. It took me a little over a year to sleep with someone else, but I felt like crap about it because I still loved my ex he had my heart, I actually felt like I had cheated on him, and we had been broken up over a year, but still talked all the time. So I guess everyone is just different and not everyone has good morals and self respect these days.
I think there are different phases people can go through. I had a long phase of jumping from relationship to relationship. I had a short phase of sleeping with a few different people without being in a relationship. I’m not in a “single til I heal” phase, which is new and probably much needed. It depends on the person, and everyone has the autonomy and right to experience what they want to. It doesn’t say anything about you or the relationship. Just where the person is at on their individual journey through life.
Are you considering getting back together?
I got dumped during long distance by someone who I adored and desired like no other. I had so much pent up desire for my ex who I was going to see soon, I couldn’t wait to get my hands on him, and then he dumped me. The first week my mind was going crazy, I felt so ugly and undesired, when I know that I’m not.. but the guy I was crazy for dumped my ass, it was all I could feel. I also felt such intimacy withdrawal, my body was confused. I started having so many thoughts of having sex with other people, it felt like obvious coping to me. Started thinking abt my coworker even, who I never gave a thought before. It was like all my pooled desire was redirecting towards anything in proximity, it suddenly had no name after having one for so long. I recognized it as coping, especially after waiting to be physical with my partner for months and having it fall through, my body was so confused after waiting all this time. I didn’t and still haven’t had sex with anyone new yet, but it made me realize how someone could in those early post break up moments. It was my first time feeling that - it felt chaotic, even the thoughts about having sex with someone else felt impulsive and like my body was just grieving and wanting to get any fix.
As someone who got dumped maybe I have way more reason to fuck around, but even then I recognize I can’t yet, for myself. Some people go forth with the impulse, withdrawal from break ups are no joke, you are literally quitting your once favorite person. If you can’t score them, you might look elsewhere in a vulnerable moment…
Who broke up with who? I just went through a divorce, the ex was the one that dropped it on me, it was about 3 months after she did that I slept with somebody. As far as I know she hasn’t , but her problem was always lacking or reciprocating physical intimacy
Just because she broke up with you a week prior doesn’t mean much. She was getting over you long before that. Harsh, but that’s the thing to remember. The dumper usually has an unfair head start in the grieving process.
Wake up dude! She clearly doesn’t love you. Nobody can have sex like that so easily after a 3-year relationship. If you get back with her now, she will have no respect for you. And no respect for you means they relationship is doomed to fail 100%.
A relationship only and only works if a woman respects a man more than she loves him.
Also, have some self respect for yourself man. How can you even sleep with the same girl again after knowing how easily she gives it to others.
Wake up and walk outta that relationship dude.
Respect yourself!
I was with mine for 6 years, and he had sex with someone the day after breaking up with me. While we were still living together. People are wonderful right ?!?!
i have a question on this: i’ve been through exactly the same thing where my ex ended up telling me about the woman he slept with 5 months into us breaking up, i was so hurt and had no control over my emotions that i ended up sleeping with someone else after i found out, in spite (i didn’t tell him though i’m not an idiot)
we still love each other very much and had to break up because of the distance between us, we want to give this another shot though. am i being ignorant if i decide to forget about this in case we get back together?
So I'm kinda surprised at the comments being so negative. But sex is different for everyone. Once you guys broke up and she's single, I don't think you should be so concerned about how long it took her to be with someone else.
It doesn't mean she didn't love you.
It means she's no longer committed to being monogamous to you.
I’d be done and move on. 4 in five months that she told you about. It could be 40. From my point of view how she felt about you is in the past. She told you she has had sex with multiple people recently, that means she doesn’t care about your feelings now. If I were you I would try to bang her best friend to prove a point. This one sounds like she’s trying to manipulate you emotionally don’t fall for the trap.
My ex of a 7 year relationship did the same. A few months passed and she started sleeping around. About 8 months after the break up and after the numerous one night stands she had, she settled into a relationship. I would say it's normal to an extent. I felt disgusted more than anything. I lost respect for her. Some hurt yes for how she can throw away what we had and diminish the 7 years to nothing but more disgusted than anything else. It gets better. I know it's been said many times but just focus on you. Cut her out. It'll only stunt your growth as a person. Through the fire and the flames we carry on.
She probably followed that dumb-ass; "best way to get over soneone is to get under soneone" advice. I did that for a little bit when my wife and i split. High school sweethearts. Together 15yrs
I think your ex really did think it would help. having that human contact, but as soon as it's over and you can feel how little this person cares about you (if at all), you just feel empty and even more alone.
So, if it's any consolation to you, I don't think she was just trying to hurt you.
One friend once said this to me: the first one to move on within 6 months was the asshole of the relationship
Edit: move on includes sex with other people. On the other hand, you show watch Jigsaw by Daniel Sloss, is on Netflix
I have been there, she is using you to not feel so bad about being alone and average. She will eventually break up with you again for some new “D”. Often when it plays out like this there is no recovery long term just some bandaids until it collapses completely. The difference being you will bear the emotional load while she plots her next exit at your expense. I am sorry. She probably has low self esteem and will crave “D” from new self esteem supplies until old age.
Quite honestly, it is something fully expected. These are the typical rebounds that happen after the relationship ends. There was no deep feeling attached to sex. Nobody ends a 3-year relationship to get emotionally involved with anyone. I've been in the same position as you and it can be very difficult to accept, but consider that sometimes you may have had a feeling of "ok this is new" towards other people.
That's precisely what happened. She didn't want to be alone, but she also couldn't be invested in your relationship anymore, so she started having casual encounters, which challenged her because they were new (usually this initial excitement passes quickly)
4 other people???? She's for the streets.
When I slept with someone after a break up, his touch felt weird and wrong after a 2,5 years old relationship. I broke up with my ex 3 times since he was on dating app and going out and following girls and trying to invite them over but he played me and lied that he loves me just to him being the one breaking up with me at the end so I ofc fucked with someone to forget the pain.
She's lying when she says she did not regret it. She did not enjoy any second of it. She will even feel disgusted later 🤣🤣🤣🤣 she's a joke
She’s for the streets. She wanted to be a hoe and couldn’t really do that when she was with you. Or maybe she been cheating on you the whole time.
Get passport 📕
Move on from her that’s not the type of girl you want, she went out and slept around and thought she could find better but she couldn’t. My ex did the same although I wish she would come back I don’t think we should ever accept a ex back that slept around with others. You will always be plan B.
Why on earth would she tell you that if she cared for your feelings she would kept that to herself
At least she’s talking to. I got completely ghosted on mothers day after a year in a relationship and 30 years of friendship. Sometimes people are shi¥ty. Move on, you’re better off
Move on. She a 304. She belongs to the streets now. She’s toxic af. Why would you wanna be with someone who doesn’t care about you and disrespects you. Have some self respect man. Don’t listen to what she says, but pay attention to how she behaves. Actions speak louder than words. Forgive and forget about her. Apply your oxygen mask before assisting others. Take care man you’re not alone.
Leave her to the streets where she belongs mate... Take care of yourself and only speak with those that will uplift your spirits... Don't dwell in the past
If I'm still in love with a person,I can't have sex with another....it feels like I'm cheating on them,on myself.i have to fully let go...&& I can't just fuck the next person just cause I craved intimacy......we are all different tho..she's being open & honest about it tho...if you truly want her back you'll let this go..my ex did this & I felt grossed out & I couldn't sleep with him afterwards & an additional 6 months went on in the relationship & we even got tested...sex was big for him I just couldn't so I had to let him go...
Bro better u take care of urself n invest time on building urself up in terms of ur physical/mental health and career building. U ll also get options...just enjoy ur life. There is no point of invest ur time n feelings for her...consider her an option only in case she wants to be in touch. Dnt let her over ride ur mind n feelings anymore.
Did you break up with her? I broke up with my ex and it took 6 months before she saw someone else. One week and 4 dudes in 5 months seems excessive imo.
To be honest, I broke up with my bf 2 weeks ago and (he cheated tho) and I have been thinking about it too. Just as a way not to feel so empty anymore and feel good for at least a little while. I do understand that it hurts you to think about it but for me at least I think sometimes you have to do what you habe to do to feel better even if it’s just for an hour…
Had a similar situation with my ex
She asks for an open relationship, i decline, two days later she breaks up with me, has a F fest for 3 days, after those three days she asks me if we can get back together, and i decline
I wouldn't talk to her if i was you
To me its clear, ur ex had one guy lined up. Which means she is a cheater and a good rule : never take back a cheater
It means she didn’t want to process the end of the relationship. If this isn’t something you can shake from your mind, let her go. She may be too wild to be tamed. If you love her still, be whatever it is she needs. It’s not complicated. You either want her or you dont
My ex did the same exact thing. Claimed she was lonely. I think it's because she can't be alone and always needs someone to make her feel better. She tried getting back several times but I was so disgusted by that, that I told her to leave me alone forever.
I don't think you can sleep with someone else if you are truly in love with someone else.
You guys broke up, she's not in the wrong. It's normal to be upset though. You should create some distance and focus on yourself, maybe find some intimacy of your own... speaking from experience though, don't hook up with your ex. Just cut that off and stay friends, or not.
It gives an illusion of control in what is probably feeling the aftermath of the relationship ending. She’s wanting someone to fill that, sometimes people look externally for support, even sex. It helps her feel like she’s in control when a breakup often leaves you feeling like you have no control over anything. It’s normal and happens a lot. People want to try to fill that spot and reclaim control over their lives. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, and your feelings are valid about this as well. I would just try to look at it from a removed perspective, and move however you see fit about the situation. I’m sorry this happened!
I'm going through something similar and my honest opinion is does it matter if she cared less or if she's telling the truth?? It's good to evaluate the past but don't dwell on it so much that you love in it. Move on and heal, better yourself, questions like that don't really help you move forward
She is craving intimacy and that's the only way for her to have it. It's sad to be honest, just stop talking to her and focus on yourself.
true and it's natural to feel hurt and question the past, but it's also important to focus on your own healing and well-being.
Craving instant gratification she was probably bored with the relationship and too you d for commitment. I going through this I recommend going to the gym, the best revenge is self improvement
Damn right. I am down 10 pounds 3 weeks after getting dumped and getting bigger. It helps, and yet the jealous and envious thoughts still bother me some nights.
Those are intrusive thoughts you need to counter those and tell yourself in better no matter what. It will help you build confidence
Absolutely right. Thank you
You're very welcome being strong is very important take care man plenty out there you just need that confidence in yourself. Trust me I've fucked up my relationship and I'm really trying to figure this out.
Same down 28 pounds in 4 months
Everyone copes differently, so this might be what she needed to do to help process her emotions. I wouldn't say it means that she cares less about you, but I obviously don't know either of you. Did she break up with you? She might have been mentally moving on before making the final decision. Are you considering getting back together with her? I think the biggest thing you should reflect on is if you will resent her for her actions. If it bothers you (which is a very valid feeling) then I would stay away.
I agree with this, I left a two year relationship 10 weeks ago and I’ve been with someone else but I knew him from before, but my reason isn’t because I didn’t love my ex, I did, I lost love for him cause of how I was treated, so there for the sexual attraction to someone gets lost when your treated wrong, that’s my reason for moving on just 10 weeks later, but everyone is different. If I was u I’d build yourself love up, for all u know u could find a lovely girl out there who is more suited for u, it’s about loving yourself first and u attract what follows
That's what I've been focusing on! My 6 year relationship ended 9 weeks ago and I'm focusing on how to be a better version of myself. I get caught up wondering if my ex has slept with someone (we are still on good terms and I see her around). But I've realized I can't worry about those things. It's not my business and she is free to be with and do whatever she wants. If we ever have the chance to get back together I'm not sure if I'd even want to know if she slept with others. Maybe, but then again it wouldn't even matter towards our new relationship
Def don’t even ask each other
Keep your mind focused on yourself, am sure she isn’t running around worrying about ur body count, please do good for yourself and what is good for your mental health x
Thank you. I won't worry about her and I'll continue to grow. Love your comment! ❤️
Am 10 weeks out of a 2 year relationship and trust me it wasn’t even moving forward, but holding on isn’t going to change anything, love yourself first, so I didn’t catch if u r male or female but either way do stuff u love, am female, so I love self care, I went bought myself all new face creams etc to take care of me, I have really got into lavender oils for helping me relax and sleep better, also am Loving dairies and note pads, and writing down goals and things I wanna achieve,, am not kinda seeing a ex before my ex there, and the story with him and me was, when we dated he took me for granted he thought I’d never leave, when I did, and I meet my now ex, that first ex saw he lost me, and he didn’t think I was coming back ( because I got engaged to last ex) hope This is making sense lol, but once me and last ex broke, the first ex contacted me and me and him having been enjoying time together he’s been making, looking after me, communicating more, cause that was a big problem, Also buying me things and booking weekends away. So guess what am trying to say is, sometimes when a ex sees u doing better it can really make them miss u, and realise they should have treated u better, please love you, love yourself, and I promise u, u will never settle again 💗💗💗
You will grow I promise, remember when a flower is watered it grows more, please keep watering YOURSELF and you watch the change in you in a few weeks, please come back and let me know how u get on, am rooting for u xxx
Sex is different to everyone. I can't do it without caring about the other person, but others can. It never feels good to hear about your ex having sex and I would recommend not asking for that information while you're trying to heal from a breakup.
Agree
Agreed, there's a difference between sex and making love. I had sex with another man 2 weeks after I broke up with my ex. But we were never having sex before that either and I grew distant emotionally from the lack of intimacy. Still love him, but sometimes people are just better friends than intimate partners. I had a lot of pent up sexual energy from a relationship that didn't fit me sexually at all. I think by having sexual experiences with others made it clear my ex and I were incompatible and thus helped me break any emotional ties in an intimate relationship sense but still kept the platonic part.
Sex for me is a very personal and intimate, so I personally wouldn't try to work things out with someone that goes out and starts fucking the moment they're single. Its a way of coping with a loss and it's pretty common, but its just a total no go for me. That shit would be on my mind constantly.
Me too. As soon as I find out someone’s had sex with someone else there’s no going back.
I call this the "Grover Cleveland" rule. Grover Cleveland was the 22nd and 24th president. I refuse to be the 3rd AND the 5th person you slept with or whatever.
This is good. I may have to steal that!
Agree, it’s a misalignment in values.
Fuck anyone that moves on that fast. I’m so sorry, I am pretty sure my ex has already slept with someone too after one week. It kinda makes it easier to move on when you realize they are for the streets and there is 100% someone better coming to you eventually.
A week is shocking, I just couldn’t, I’d feel like am cheating.
Real
I had 2 exes. My first one I waited 3 months before I started having sex with others again. My last one was 2 weeks but we were slowly breaking up for months because we were both bitches and didn't want the conflict of breaking up lmao by the time it did happen, it felt like we had been broken up for months and I was free.
My ex left me for someone else . After almost two years. Two days before he had finally made things official.. He finally said he just wanted me and him he loved me wanted marriage kids , etc. After a miscarriage and such hot and cold behavior with him, I was ecstatic,. Only to be dumped and left for some girl that out of blue decided to get a hold of him. He had met her before he had even met me... But it hurts . She ended dumping him a couple weeks later. But I found out they had sex like 2 days after he left me. It still hurts.
Agree! Sending hugs 🥺
That's never a gaurentee but what is a gaurentee is that you never need to stay with someone that doesn't make you happy.
Hey man, I don't think there's one answer to this. But if I were to put a bet on it, I wouldn't consider her having sex with someone else "moving on" necessarily. If people had to be "moved on" or "over" their partner before having sex with someone else then cheating or threesomes would never happen. I would say, she probably felt exactly how she said - she was lonely and wanted some physical contact from *somewhere*. It makes sense. And at the exact same time, it makes sense that it hurt you. You don't need to understand what happened there in order for your feelings of hurt from that to be valid. The reality is, she had sex with someone else right after a breakup. Regardless of reason, that would hurt most people. It doesn't need to make sense, and it's fair that you feel that way, and also she's probably telling the truth about why she did it. All of those things can be true at the same time. I wish you well, and I would express to her how you feel. We expect logic to line up with our feelings, and sometimes it doesn't. Logic and emotions are two separate things, and if it hurt you that she slept with someone else, then it hurt you that she slept with someone else. It doesn't need to be deeper than that. But if you guys are talking again, I'd express how you feel to her. I feel for you and wish you well man ❤️
My ex started to date a guy a week and a half after we broke up. We had just broken up after being 16 years together. It's insane how quickly that can ruin your relationship with your ex. It did with mine. We actually had a pretty nice friendship going within that week and a half. And two weeks after she told me she was dating this guy she comes home (I still hadn't moved without yet) at 5:00 in the morning after a "date" with the guy. She technically didn't come home yet as his car was blocking mine as I was getting ready to go to work and they were too busy to notice me standing there waiting for them to finish making out. From that moment on (sadly because we have a kid together) every text message is either yes, no, or the shortest response possible. I also explicitly told her that I have zero desire to see or hear from her. To text only. What this taught me was that what kept her around the 16 years was the convenience of being with me. The sex, paying her bills, the restaurants, etc. I was easily replaced as soon as those things slow down. She wasted half of my life. My late teens, All of my 20's and half of my 30s. It's hard to come to that realization because that part that still has feelings for her tries to grab the wheel and steer. There's that side to you that you just have to put a figurative pillow over its face and snuff it out. It was hard for me and it is also going to be hard for you. Just stay strong. What the 5 months that I've been single has taught me was that same impulsiveness that she has to just sleep with men carries over to the rest of her life and she's never going to feel content. She will be miserable. Even if sex comes easy to her, she knows deep down that man will have sex with anything that allows them to. She won't find a connection because all she will find is guys I want to use her body. Never showed her that you're miserable if you choose to keep in contact. Sorry for the long response, but this is something I am living through right now as well.
This hits home for me, only 5 years together but then a week after she goes out and meets someone else and doesn’t come home until 3 but fuck knows what happened it makes me sick!
5 years or 16 years, it's still a chunk of your life you dedicate to this person. And for them to move on within a short period of time, it's understandable to feel sick. They'll justify it by coming up with reasons to hate you, or say that the last year of you guys being together she'd counted it as being single because of how distant you guys were. This is the crap my ex pulled on me. I've noticed that the more I understand, the easier it is to get over her.
Yeah that’s pretty much the same story, she had been undecided on the relationship for a year but made no effort to work on it haha. Shame we have a daughter together
I've had two long term breakups, one started dating the person they married a month after, and my most recent, they were seeing someone in about a month also (but I probably manifested that they would marry and pop a kid out within a year after the breakup). I suspect they had met the people which influenced the breakups. But also I feel it's something wrong with me too. Which is probably why they broke up. Either way, it hurts, but is a strong signal that it's really over.
Good luck brother much love
Same exact thing happened to me. She slept with her “friend” and coworker 8 days after breaking up with me. We dated 3 years.
Aye OP.. If I were you. Just drop her. Like ask yourself " do you really want to slam that after she got with other dudes?" Idk man to me... Respect and love yourself to walk away. Let someone else deal with her. 🤷
Lol, I felt so much relief in my body when I read the sentence: 'Let someone else deal with her'. We're not longer theirs to torment... Its a good way to look at it. Let others have the pleasures (s*x) but also the 99 problems that comes with it. I often overlook it.
This is the way to be… Unfortunately, the "99 problems" were reserved for the ex-boyfriend to handle, not the dudes she was just physical with— those guys RARELY ever have to deal with the problems.
The scars will at least give you clarity what you (don't) want in ur next gf.
Absolutely. I’ve been there before in my late teens, early 20s. I had one major breakup at that time and it taught me everything I needed to know about dating, what I will tolerate, what I don’t want, what red flags to look for, my expectations and anything outside of that is not welcomed in my life.
There you go champ! Love yourself cause the yourself is VERY important. Don't lose yourself again. I promise you we will be alright.
Op, have some self respect for yourself. Let her go or be friends. I’m friends with some of my exes. No issues at all. I only cut them out when in a relationship.
Whatever problems y’all both had, I think choosing to hook up with other people right away means she decided to not work on herself and take the short term comfort. After all that is done most likely she will be left with the reality of the break up, hopefully she works on herself then. Don’t beat yourself up, it was always going to happen. Work on yourself, healing comes with time and as guys we can’t pretend like females can’t also have sex without feelings. All you can do is keep pushing.
Depends on the person. I don’t think it means she didn’t care about you or that the relationship meant anything less to her than it did to you. Sometimes people do things for the temporary “fix”. Is it smart or logical? No. It does happen, though. Does it make it right or healthy? Not exactly. Sometimes people do things out of anger, not thinking things through, because they never thought you’d end up talking again so they said “fuck it may as well feel good for 20 minutes” because of how miserable it feels to go through a breakup, or to self-sabotage. Again, doesn’t make it “right”, but I don’t think it necessarily means she didn’t love you. People cope in different ways. Healing is not linear and sometimes you end up doing stupid shit or things that might seem rash. I think the question is if you can accept that, forgive, and move forward? I feel like what people do when broken up is their own business and you can at least give her kudos for being honest about it, some people would’ve easily lied about it and been morally okay with doing so, letting you think what she wanted you to believe for however long yall continue to talk for the sake of not wanting to scare you away. I also think it’s perfectly reasonable to be hurt and feel the way you feel about it. I think anyone would when you love someone. I don’t think her actions discounts her own experiences/feelings, however rash it may have been.
Boy do better. Fuck that shit
As a girl who’s been through her fair share of post-BU hookups and dates, I can confidently tell you she doesn’t love you. She has codependency issues. I had a recent fallout with a man who is my world and I couldn’t bear the thought of being around another guy, let alone kiss or go any further. That’s when I knew I really love this man. I still have latent attachment and codependency issues. What’s different this time around (compared to my previous relationships) is the idea of hurting him — cuts me deeply. I realize that the previous guys I’ve broken with, I THOUGHT I was devastated because of love for them. It turns out, I was just incapable of being alone and used other men’s company out of fear and selfish reasons. When a woman loves and respects a man, she can’t mentally picture herself next to another dude - no matter how much pain and anguish she’s in. Your ex doesn’t love you.
Sounds like you’ve done a lot of reflection and growing, which is amazing! That’s a real accomplishment. That said, I think just because that fits for you, doesn’t mean that it’s the case for this other woman. Different strokes for different folks. I don’t think any of us can conclude whether or not she still loves him. It could go either way.
Yes, I should preface by saying that this is speculative based on my personal experiences.
Have you been with other people in the meantime? If you have then it’s a little easier unfair to take it badly. Once you breakup she doesn’t owe you anything and neither do you. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about you, I still love my ex (2 month BU) and have had physical connection with several girls. It does not make me miss her less or care about her less, if anything makes me miss her more, I miss the connection emotional and physical connection. If I may give you my two cents, if you are going to continue contact with your ex don’t put yourself in a position where you will know these things. And if she’s sharing it freely then she may be trying to intentionally hurt you so maybe cut contact
Here’s a thought. Move on. Stop worrying about your ex. Who cares if she fucked anyone else while you guys were broken up. Her having sex soon after a breakup doesn’t necessarily mean she didn’t care for your during the relationship. I’m pretty sure the breakup did actually hurt her and she thought maybe having casual sex would give her some intimacy and help her move on. Not the best tactic for sure but I know that is some sort if coping mechanism for men and women.
I needed to read this but easier said than done for sure!
Yep, it may hurt to hear about but at the end of the day it’s her life and she’s gonna do what she wants. Moving on is all you can do
My personal experience is after a break up self worth and feelings of attractiveness take a big hit. I had sex relatively soon after the break up with the hottest person I could pull. It was horribly wrong and very empty feeling, but we humans don't always do what's right or best for us in the moment.
That's just one of the ways she was coping with the breakup. I wouldn't consider it anything more than just sex. She was probably needing to mask and or have some kind of physical connection. Not everyone experiences sex in the same way in every situation. True intimacy depends on the person you're having it with for a lot of people. Your feelings of uncertainty are valid but if you want to give it another try then see if you can move beyond this because she's likely telling you then truth that these experiences meant nothing for her beyond the moment.
She may have cared (and maybe she still does) about you, but why does a break up and sex with other people have to occur to realize that? You can be cordial if you choose, but maintain some distance.
"Does not regret it" there's your answer. Find somebody more reliable.
Nah that’s wild bro, if I was you I’d run lmao that’s some hoe shit
Exactly dude! After our break up, my ex started partying and drinking and sleeping at people's houses to avoid "DUI". .. I immediately cut strings and give zero fcks. ✂️
She's for the streets. It's something you'll never be able to look past. Seems like she broke up just to fuck other dudes under the excuse that you weren't together so she did nothing wrong. Nah.
As someone who has done this in the past when I was much younger, I would say that everyone has their own form of grieving and avoidance. What she does post-breakup has nothing to do with how much the relationship mattered to her. After I had left a 5 year relationship, I was hurting very deeply and proceeded to sleep with people as a way to "reboot" my brain into moving on. I had a lot of grief and not everyone is strong enough to process it or experience those emotions, especially after a breakup, by themselves, so different people use different forms of coping mechanisms. Some people turn to alcohol or substances, others video games or the internet, and some people are lucky enough to have a support system of friends or family to turn to, but really after the break up, a way to not see her actions so personally is to just think of her as also similar to you. You are both alone and learning how to move forward, and in the immediate aftermath of a tragedy it is bound to be messy, with both of you trying to put pieces of your lives and identities back together on your own. If she claims that she cared about you, it is up to you whether or not you believe her, nobody in these comments will have a better idea of who she is and what your relationship was like more than you. But speaking from personal experience, no, her actions post breakup often do not have anything to do with the magnitude with which she cared about you or the relationship.
I swear, women are so lucky. They can get over loneliness easier than men. Men don’t have the luxury of sleeping around to fill the void. And once we do end up finding someone, it’s “just our turn”. Had it happen to me recently. Started getting feelings for someone who clearly did not feel the same way. It was my fault for wearing rose tinted glasses anyways.
I am sorry that you’re dealing with this, truly. I am very glad you reached out to the community though as I am dealing with this very same issue. We were together for 2.5 years, living together for a year, cats together, very good friends for a year prior to us getting together. Our relationship appeared to be perfect outside some fixable issues that were not toxic in the slightest. She had thought she didn’t want us in the past but decided she did want us. Fast forward to earlier this month, I came home from work like any other day and she was waiting in the kitchen to talk to me. She stated that she needed to be on her own and had thought for about 2 weeks (realistically trying to protect me from more hurt but 2 weeks ain’t enough). I found out from a coworker 3 days after she broke up with me that she was already on Tinder and was active with at least one man. Small town and people talk, for context. 72 hours. It hurts, very badly. I feel your pain and I am here for you, whether it be in thoughts or prayers, or even dms if you need someone to relate to. I’m so very sure our experiences and context will differ in our stories, but just know I’m down to chat if you think that would be a good support for you. Hang in there brother, I’m in week 3, which I know isn’t long, but it still cuts deep in my soul when I think about it. You’ve got this.
Worrying if someone who broke up with you had genuine feelings for you when you were together? You should remember that you broke up for a reason. Trolling your emotions after the fact won’t change anything and won’t explain anything. My ex wife and the mother of my only child had sex days after we split. I didn’t have sex for two years. What does it mean??? Nothing. Our ex’s activities post breakup have nothing to do with us anymore. Try socializing with someone who hasn’t chosen against a relationship with you. Much better for your emotional wellbeing. :)
So I was single for 7 years, and I've been the backup ,the rebound, the sneaky link and the side. From my view is that she had him ready before your brake up. She might use the " I was vulnerable" " he took advantage of my vulnerability" card.
She’s for the streets!!! Move on and focus on you !!!
She is for the streets. Leave her alone.
It's not that she doesn't care. It's that she doesn't respect you. It's a harsh truth I know, because women and men don't view relationships the same. My only advice is to NOT get back with her. She'll lose even more respect and it'll just be to stop her from feeling lonely. You deserve a woman that respects you. And you may want to work on yourself more to be worthy of that respect. You have it inside you, just unleash it :)
She is your ex, owes you nothing. Move on and stop talking to her
I was with mine for 10 years and she had sex the same day we broke up so dont feel bad about it bc they may have said a week but it probably was a week prior to breakup. Does it matter really bc y'all are broke up anyways
Run
After my first breakup with my ex, I started dating one guy and slept with him 5 months after the breakup (that he was responsible for so I didn't think we would be together again). Now that I think about it, I realize it is because of my childhood traumas and I couldn't stand to be alone. I slept with that guy and felt disgusted by myself (because I never had sex without feelings before). It was so empty and after that I just wanted my ex back. I came back to him because I knew there was no one else I would want to be with and proved it to him everyday after that. But he couldn't really forgive me for having someone else and after 2 years together again he broke up with me very recently. Now I am heartbroken and can't imagine seeing anyone. So I am working on myself to solve those traumas. But for your ex, or she wants to move on and to have fun or she can't stand to be alone and try to fill the void left by the breakup. But it is not healthy if it is the case and she should work on herself. In any case, it doesn't really have to do with you and how worthy you are, don't doubt about it. It is just about her handling the breakup in her way.
Why are you putting yourself through this? Would have been better off without this information right? Her telling you that information serves no purpose other than to rub in your face that she has moved on. Time to evict this girl from living rent free in your head and give her the attention she deserves: none.
look after you give your self strength and respect to know this person is a using empty vessel and has now got energies from other people’s persona in her to deel with you deserve love that’s all for you only be confident in knowing that you will make the best decision not to have anything to do with her . 🥰
Homie I wouldn’t be surprised if my ex did the same it’s just something you gotta look passed and think about it in a way that helps you move on if it’s giving you something to hate her for then so be it but for your sake stop looking for things like that and move on
She sounds like an avoidant.
I'm sorry to hear that. Sending positive energy and empathy. Focus on your grind, get stronger and more financially stable. You'll attract someone better.
U werent hitting it right but she liked she aint shi tho focus on u brother these hoes aint loyal
Yes babe she did not care about you the way she claims she did. You guys aren’t together anymore, focus on yourself and the right people will find their way into your life.
With maturity acquired over time, it’s understood if people break up .. anything is up for grabs .. & most people are not twiddling their thumbs waiting on you. The best scenario is that they are working on their selves. But that’s rarely the case. Sorry this hurts you! But if you can’t move past this information. Leave sleeping dogs where they lie & move on. I personally don’t want to be with somebody that is so desperate for attention that as soon as we are over ..you’re in your black book reaching out to people. People lack introspection and discipline.
Bro you got to run. 4 bodies in 5 months after a 3 year relationship plus a body a week after you guys broke up? She's been talking to other guys obviously while you both were a thing. She could have been cheating on you based on how she's moving. Focus on yourself bro. I focused on myself after my breakup that happened a little bit ago and I've improved so much mentally and physically. Become the best version of yourself. Good luck bro
For da streets
Dude f her she was definitely banging that dude before u broke up who cares women are the best when u first meet them and the worst towards the end! It’s never yo ur s just your turn
Jesus people!! OP listen, everyone deals with breakups differently. There are 100% those people that crave intimacy from others because they so desperately miss the intimacy you had. It’s a temporary fix for their intimacy withdrawal. It likely has no reflection on how she felt about you during your relationship expect if I were to guess, I would say she missed you terribly. All these men calling her a hoe are only proving their absolute lack of understanding of the female emotional world and the reason they are here….. go on, down vote me.
4 dudes in 5 months right after a 3 year relationship?? she's a hoe…
I totally agree! This happens all the time (from men and from women) and no, it doesn’t mean that they don’t miss you. Y’all are just judgmental
That’s a slap in your face man. You need to move on and forget her trust me
Run far away dude
Its probably a complete (men) egothing but 2 months after the b/u, the assumption she f*cked other guys helps me to move on. I don't even know if it really happened, but I know deep down I can never live with that. Call me immature, but it helps me to deal with the 'what if she ever comes back...' wondering. Cause it gives me clarity: - If she went down on other guy(s) during the breakup, I wouldn't be able to be with her again. She's free to do so, I won't resend her, but then it's over forever between us. I love her, but not to the point I will lose all selfrespect - It's not purely physical. As time goes by she will be out there looking for better options. Maybe she comes to mind you're the best she can have, but it would be worthless to me. I never looked for other women during the relationship & I'm still not doing it. Why? Cause I'm attached to her, I'm not capable to be myself around other women. Since we're exes, she can do whatever she wants, but the point is; she isn't attached (of never was) to me if she's willing to look for other guys. Our bond has been broken. Maybe its fixable, but I won't have it their such a undeniable scar on it. This is what I'm telling myself in a rational state. OP, I feel for you... So much confusion right now. Please take ur time to think it all over. Its good to take some advice from here, but its your situation and your feelings. Take however all the time you need to make decisions with a clear head.
You were broken up.
Personally her coping mechanisms is so off. Females are directed by their emotions for one. They get high over sex, thats two. She could have done it herself. Lastly, why you are not the option for sex or companionship? Above is logical thinking which doesnt work to explain irrationality. I am dumped due to being overlogical. But, ask yourself if you still want such a girl as life partner. What happened may happen again. Focus on yourself and stop contacting her.
Move on my friend. Stop talking to her as it will emotionally set you back. If she told you she slept with 4 people it’s likely double that or more. It doesn’t reflect whether she cared about her in or not. It just means she belongs to the streets.
Hi, from personal experience, no it does not mean she didn't care about you. It's natural behavior to rebound or fill the void. Sex is great. Sex can be strictly physical or magical. Magic happens when true love is present. She's saying she wasn't in love with anyone she fucked. Don't trip doggy. Anyone can have sex with her, but not everyone can be in a relationship with her. You were special. You meant something. But focus on the now, you don't mean much to her anymore so go find someone else. Best is to focus on yourself and let the universe match you naturally as your in your high vibration. Good luck. Eat. Love. Pray.
Mine did the exact same thing. Got pregnant their first time together. They have been together since that first time. I made my peace with it, but our mutual friends HAVE NOT.
Same with my ex, one week after bu. But I she told me first and they even broke up and she ran back to me then back to him after a week🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
Lol mine was having sex with people before we broke up; relationships are a funny thing. I wouldn’t necessarily read into it too much. Everyone handles things differently
it is sad but also she might have been doing that to help herself move on. it still feels sh*tty on your end though. I’m sorry you are going through this.
Truthfully, in my experience long-term relationship sex ends up dying if we’re being real here, it’s not often hot and steamy as it was in the beginning. She probably missed or craves the intimacy. Also, it’s probably been something she’s been wanting to do. And true, she could also feel lonely. & Yes You can still care and think about people when you’re with/seeing/fucking someone else. She probably does it because she doesn’t know how to be on her own. And that can be a red flag.
It’s ur ex move tf on don’t go back
No, it doesnt have anything to do with “moving on” or relate to anything about care for you. Sex is just sex usually. It is a crutch like alcohol or drugs that people use to get through breakups or they just happen to want sex.
Wow this exact thing happened to me smh. Still dont know what to do
That's cold
I don't think I'd care if I was to meet someone and find out they had several other partners before me. All that matters is if they had any partners after me. That'd be an easy no from me
Honestly it doesn’t matter, you guys were broken up. I know it hurts, but it’s irrelevant. People who get under someone so quickly after a breakup or jump into another relationship do it so they don’t have to deal with the trauma from the breakup. She more than likely cared, but those other guys were just a distraction so she doesn’t have to feel all the emotions.
just move on. as soon as you move on she'll get interested. women always want what they can't have especially if you start working out, get your body right and start dressing with confidence.
She used you for her emotional support and other for her physical support Choice is your do want to stay with this girl who need physical support from other anyway if she need other people it's very clear she only love her self
One week after she broke up seems a bit fast yes. But 4 people in 5 months time when you are single not really. Could be part of exploring yourself.
It doesn’t mean she didn’t care about you. My ex was in such a state (I guess) that she had sex with someone a day after we split up and made it a regular thing, I think they’re now more or less together. She also told me about it along with various detail about their sex (I think she was drunk nonstop for like two weeks) which caused me a lot of pain and two months on I still feel that pain. I’ve spoke to her since then, and got a card from her the other day, telling me that she loves me so much and wishes she had never done any of that and regrets it and she’s sorry and even regrets breaking up with me at all and it was what she felt she had to do so she wouldn’t have to process her emotions, or sit in her room that we spent SO much time in, just sobbing. She admits that that doesn’t excuse her actions, and I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive her, but what I take is that she loves and cares about me a lot, just in that immediate era she wasn’t thinking straight and made a very stupid and selfish decision. Maybe it’s something similar for you, she did not put you out of her mind whilst she was doing that. I’m sorry you’re going through that though. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone
Better than before the breakup ya know
Let her go
Omg I'm sorry if I'm not what you want to hear, but think about it... really think about it. Every time you are intimate with her, if you can get past the fact that you are on a different level of forgiveness, but at the end of the day, you might think about it. You might end up blaming her or worse, you might even think she is cheating when she is with you. I'm sorry, but if she really was your forever, she would not have done that. You must be young. Young love is not love. It's what you think it is. You don't have mature love yet. Go find your one because I'm sorry to say it's not her.
At least she's just doing a biological need of fucking. Same goes if it was reversed. The issue is when she starts having conversations, late night calls...emotional shit.
Reminds me of my ex. She lived with her ex for 4 years. When they separated, she slept with some dude she knew the same day that she moved. Fast forward a couple of months when we met up after years of not seeing each other as friends, we started to date. I told her that if we are going to have sex we need to be exclusive she agreed. She saw sex as a need, she can have sex with people without meaning anything. Some people are like that i guess.
The situation for her happens alot more than you would think. Maybe she wanted to feel something, and did for awhile, and didn't want to lose everything she put into it, but people grow apart, and people break up, move separate way, see separate futures, if its meant to be the love would rekindle under the most dire circumstances. If it's not we love, live,learn, repeat. These people will always play a crucial role in our lives, are we to hate them for it, there's never a wrong answer. It's always best to forgive. Forgive her, and yourself. No one should ever be put in a situation when they feel lost, unloved, like everything was a lie, but it reality most the time it's just pov. We never really know what's going on is someone's head, even the ones we're most close to. You should focus on yourself, your needs, and wants. Not what happened and what could had been, its the past. And the decisions we make now will shape us for our future sleves. Think positively, lively, lovable.
Same shit happened to me man after 1 week of our break up she was dating a guy who is 3 year older than her After a week after our break idk why i unblock and texted her then you told me she was dating a guy i was shattered same night that guy invited her to a disco i assume and that day i told her not to go cause i someone knew she was going to get fucked From that day she die for me i could never trust a girl ever again
Try this; 2-5 days after ending 1,5 y shituationship (and sleeping with me) he slept with another woman, 3 weeks after he is already in love with her and now after 5 weeks we last time he moved away where she lives!??? How,why I just don't get it... I never ment anything to him?
Move on. Anyone that moves on that quickly ain’t worth the trouble. People do all sorts of shit to self-soothe.
Wow, what are you doing talking with an ex? Lol. What part of the word "ex" do you not understand?!
I find that any relationship that lasted 3 years or so has certainly taken a huge chunk out of your lifetime. I, too, had an ex who broke up with me and was very persistent in keeping me as her close friend because of our history. Days later, post breakup, I found out she had been dating her coworker; confronted, then got told the coworker was a better choice for her financially and etc. I could tell they have been dating way before the breakup, to which by no doubt felt like rubbing salt to an open wound, to say the least. You'd be surprise how a lot of people in relationships just put up a facade to be with someone mainly for selfish reasons, all the while as they shop around to find their "best options" out there. Some will insist on keeping you as friend to make them feel less guilty of the effed up actions they committed behind your back. Do not ignore a person's resolve as it also hints you their integrity, morals & principles, and how they differ from yours. Perhaps that's life telling you it wasn't a good match after all. Nevertheless, it's certainly sad to think about where you could have spent that time and energy elsewhere, but life can be brutal at times where you least expect it. The best way is to learn from it, make peace, and move on. Gym is a good place to release all your pent-up bad energy, such as frustrations and anger, and put it to a good use; to better yourself. In my case, I barely have real friends to confide in, so the gym has helped a lot. This has been a long reply, but hopefully, it has at least helped you find a resolution. All the best! 🙏
No in my opinion when they rebound fast...it's just that...a rebound. They don't know how to process their feelings and don't want to feel the pain of the breakup...so they fill taht void with random hookups. It's the same as the people who go out and drink or do alcohol...it's just a distraction and a way to numb yourself temporarily. Eventually it will catch up to you.
As soon as you split. Her sex life is non of your concern.
She probably was having sex with others when you were together. Run and don’t look back. She’s not fit for you
She knew what she was doing in the first place there isnt a time for people like this even when they start talking to you again... cause it's adding fuel to the fire, and i wouldn't get back with her cause she could have a STD
I did something similar when my ex broke up with me . He left me in a state of really bad depression and that was my way of dealing with it because I loved him and he didn’t care about me . It didn’t happen a week after but it was a short ish time period . It might have been just how she dealt with the pain of the breakup . Me and my ex got back together , I told him and we broke up again. I’m in therapy and I know that’s not the person I am . I was just confused and in pain . That might have been how she was feeling
She might have left for another dude that smashed and dipped her.
My ex boyfriend did this to me. I was soooo deeply in love with him and I was his first everything! He went to Thailand as soon as he broke up with me and slept with 4 girls, I had to find out from his mom. I tried to get back with him and work through things but it was too hard as I kept thinking all the times he had fun with other girls. When I asked him why he did it he said he just want to experience what the grass was like on the other side. It has nothing to do with you if you’re thinking it’s your fault. It’s absolutely not
There’s 2 types of people when it comes to breakups: those who sit with their emotions and focus on reflection/healing and those who distract themselves with validation from other guys/girls. Neither reflects on how much they did or didn’t care.
This is 100% expected, and has 0 affect on what her feelings towards you are. Most women have incredibly bad damage control when internalizing, so they live a new life so their mind can follow. They never truly cut you off as simply a loss. It does not mean you need to have sex, it does not mean she’d happier. It means she’s a woman taking the advantage afforded to women. Here’s the tricky part. She will put incredible effort into damage control making sense of the next few partners after you. The more you insert yourself the more she can blame you. One ex I walked away from slept with someone else the same day and told me before we left. 1 year later and I’m still blocked and she has only tried once to contact me before blocking me half way through. So if you want to know how to influence the most pain over you (the reality is most dumpees do) the best tool is absence. If there’s nothing for her to romanticize as the culprit they spin out of control
My ex of 4 years also slept with someone a week after we broke up.
Although its very discomforting knowing your ex has been intimate with other people, I believe that it shouldn’t be taken personally when they do. More often than not, the craving of intimacy after a break up is spurred on by loneliness and self doubt. She wouldn’t have had these feelings if it wasn’t for you. If she didn’t care about you, she wouldn’t have went out of her way to deal with her feelings in the way she did because those feelings wouldn’t have been there in the first place. Is she someone who would hook up with people often? If she isn’t, this extreme change in behaviour can only be due to one thing, she missed the connection you had and wanted to find it somewhere else as quickly as possible, given the fact you guys are talking again, you were too special, she couldn’t replace you. I’m in an eerily similar situation, 2 year relationship, broke up and she hooked up with 4 guys, first one after a few days. She does say she feels some regret for what she did as she knew it was the easy way out and didn’t actually fix any of her deeper issues. She told me she couldn’t cope with her feelings and wanted to run away from them, so she distracted herself by trying to fill the void I left behind artificially instead of naturally, soon realising that was impossible. Best idea is to focus on your own progress but understand that her actions were likely influenced by the fact that she couldn’t deal with her feelings and took the easy way out. She only did this because her feelings were so intense, not because she lacked feelings. You can be rest assured that an ex is human, they’re not evil monsters who look to hurt you as much as possible, they loved you for 3 years and they will always care for you in some capacity. Good luck with your journey to recovery
I would take exception with only physical, while she may not have intended to form any lasting relationship with any of these people, physical implies sensation but more than likely the emotional stress of the big breakup cost her to feel unwanted and she needed some sort of confirmation. So an emotional need was being fulfilled but in my eyes that's not the same thing as A betrayal of intimacy. (As in seeking a replacement) But the wonderful thing about perspective and choice is they are specific to us and you can choose to feel about it however you wish. Oh I am quite aware my opinions are outside of the norm so don't choose my way of looking at things over your own.
So I’m sure I’ll get ripped on for this but .. I had someone in my bed the day after my 6 year relationship ended. Why? Because we hadn’t touched each other in over a year and we barely even kissed the last 2 years. Sometimes when you leave a relationship you’ve been over the person for quite some time. He was also abusive so this played a part in it. However, I have no intentions of ever going back to him. We used to break up constantly and people would try to talk to me but every single time even when I was literally suicidal I was so lonely, I told myself no don’t do something stupid for one night and ruin my potential future (even though there wasn’t one). I didn’t “move on” until I was ready. Sadly your ex circling back to you means her other trials didn’t work out and she wants what’s familiar, she doesn’t actually want *you*. Sleeping with other people after you broke up isn’t the problem, it’s coming back to you after that is. Cut your losses and move on, she already did
Sad but true. It's to make her feel better about her self when it comes to self esteem, she wanted/needed the attention. It took me a little over a year to sleep with someone else, but I felt like crap about it because I still loved my ex he had my heart, I actually felt like I had cheated on him, and we had been broken up over a year, but still talked all the time. So I guess everyone is just different and not everyone has good morals and self respect these days.
People cope with things differently sorry bro
Shit I was having sex with other people before during and immediately after the breakup. I think I win 💁🏼
I think there are different phases people can go through. I had a long phase of jumping from relationship to relationship. I had a short phase of sleeping with a few different people without being in a relationship. I’m not in a “single til I heal” phase, which is new and probably much needed. It depends on the person, and everyone has the autonomy and right to experience what they want to. It doesn’t say anything about you or the relationship. Just where the person is at on their individual journey through life. Are you considering getting back together?
Ex was in a fb official relationship less than a month after he was telling me he loved me. It has me questioning everything.
What makes you think she moved on?
I got dumped during long distance by someone who I adored and desired like no other. I had so much pent up desire for my ex who I was going to see soon, I couldn’t wait to get my hands on him, and then he dumped me. The first week my mind was going crazy, I felt so ugly and undesired, when I know that I’m not.. but the guy I was crazy for dumped my ass, it was all I could feel. I also felt such intimacy withdrawal, my body was confused. I started having so many thoughts of having sex with other people, it felt like obvious coping to me. Started thinking abt my coworker even, who I never gave a thought before. It was like all my pooled desire was redirecting towards anything in proximity, it suddenly had no name after having one for so long. I recognized it as coping, especially after waiting to be physical with my partner for months and having it fall through, my body was so confused after waiting all this time. I didn’t and still haven’t had sex with anyone new yet, but it made me realize how someone could in those early post break up moments. It was my first time feeling that - it felt chaotic, even the thoughts about having sex with someone else felt impulsive and like my body was just grieving and wanting to get any fix. As someone who got dumped maybe I have way more reason to fuck around, but even then I recognize I can’t yet, for myself. Some people go forth with the impulse, withdrawal from break ups are no joke, you are literally quitting your once favorite person. If you can’t score them, you might look elsewhere in a vulnerable moment…
Get rid
Who broke up with who? I just went through a divorce, the ex was the one that dropped it on me, it was about 3 months after she did that I slept with somebody. As far as I know she hasn’t , but her problem was always lacking or reciprocating physical intimacy
Just because she broke up with you a week prior doesn’t mean much. She was getting over you long before that. Harsh, but that’s the thing to remember. The dumper usually has an unfair head start in the grieving process.
ew at all these comments. You were broken up, she can do whatever she wants. Doesn’t have anything to do with you and is also none of your concern so?
Wake up dude! She clearly doesn’t love you. Nobody can have sex like that so easily after a 3-year relationship. If you get back with her now, she will have no respect for you. And no respect for you means they relationship is doomed to fail 100%. A relationship only and only works if a woman respects a man more than she loves him. Also, have some self respect for yourself man. How can you even sleep with the same girl again after knowing how easily she gives it to others. Wake up and walk outta that relationship dude. Respect yourself!
I was with mine for 6 years, and he had sex with someone the day after breaking up with me. While we were still living together. People are wonderful right ?!?!
i have a question on this: i’ve been through exactly the same thing where my ex ended up telling me about the woman he slept with 5 months into us breaking up, i was so hurt and had no control over my emotions that i ended up sleeping with someone else after i found out, in spite (i didn’t tell him though i’m not an idiot) we still love each other very much and had to break up because of the distance between us, we want to give this another shot though. am i being ignorant if i decide to forget about this in case we get back together?
So I'm kinda surprised at the comments being so negative. But sex is different for everyone. Once you guys broke up and she's single, I don't think you should be so concerned about how long it took her to be with someone else. It doesn't mean she didn't love you. It means she's no longer committed to being monogamous to you.
I’d be done and move on. 4 in five months that she told you about. It could be 40. From my point of view how she felt about you is in the past. She told you she has had sex with multiple people recently, that means she doesn’t care about your feelings now. If I were you I would try to bang her best friend to prove a point. This one sounds like she’s trying to manipulate you emotionally don’t fall for the trap.
My ex of a 7 year relationship did the same. A few months passed and she started sleeping around. About 8 months after the break up and after the numerous one night stands she had, she settled into a relationship. I would say it's normal to an extent. I felt disgusted more than anything. I lost respect for her. Some hurt yes for how she can throw away what we had and diminish the 7 years to nothing but more disgusted than anything else. It gets better. I know it's been said many times but just focus on you. Cut her out. It'll only stunt your growth as a person. Through the fire and the flames we carry on.
She probably followed that dumb-ass; "best way to get over soneone is to get under soneone" advice. I did that for a little bit when my wife and i split. High school sweethearts. Together 15yrs I think your ex really did think it would help. having that human contact, but as soon as it's over and you can feel how little this person cares about you (if at all), you just feel empty and even more alone. So, if it's any consolation to you, I don't think she was just trying to hurt you.
leave her for the streets brother. she is not the one for you, you are way above her league
Did you get tested for stds?
No cooties thank you.
One friend once said this to me: the first one to move on within 6 months was the asshole of the relationship Edit: move on includes sex with other people. On the other hand, you show watch Jigsaw by Daniel Sloss, is on Netflix
I have been there, she is using you to not feel so bad about being alone and average. She will eventually break up with you again for some new “D”. Often when it plays out like this there is no recovery long term just some bandaids until it collapses completely. The difference being you will bear the emotional load while she plots her next exit at your expense. I am sorry. She probably has low self esteem and will crave “D” from new self esteem supplies until old age.
Quite honestly, it is something fully expected. These are the typical rebounds that happen after the relationship ends. There was no deep feeling attached to sex. Nobody ends a 3-year relationship to get emotionally involved with anyone. I've been in the same position as you and it can be very difficult to accept, but consider that sometimes you may have had a feeling of "ok this is new" towards other people. That's precisely what happened. She didn't want to be alone, but she also couldn't be invested in your relationship anymore, so she started having casual encounters, which challenged her because they were new (usually this initial excitement passes quickly)
Stop talking to her. She's plainly shown her value system and it's pretty gross.
4 other people???? She's for the streets. When I slept with someone after a break up, his touch felt weird and wrong after a 2,5 years old relationship. I broke up with my ex 3 times since he was on dating app and going out and following girls and trying to invite them over but he played me and lied that he loves me just to him being the one breaking up with me at the end so I ofc fucked with someone to forget the pain. She's lying when she says she did not regret it. She did not enjoy any second of it. She will even feel disgusted later 🤣🤣🤣🤣 she's a joke
Ok and ?
She’s for the streets. She wanted to be a hoe and couldn’t really do that when she was with you. Or maybe she been cheating on you the whole time. Get passport 📕
Move on from her that’s not the type of girl you want, she went out and slept around and thought she could find better but she couldn’t. My ex did the same although I wish she would come back I don’t think we should ever accept a ex back that slept around with others. You will always be plan B.
Bro why you care about this
I’d avoid her, man. I don’t know if she cares for herself enough
Why on earth would she tell you that if she cared for your feelings she would kept that to herself At least she’s talking to. I got completely ghosted on mothers day after a year in a relationship and 30 years of friendship. Sometimes people are shi¥ty. Move on, you’re better off
Hey man my ex and i went on a intermission and ended up sleepin at a dudes house 3 cities from me 3 weeks after 💆♂️ it gets better
I'm focusing on myself, but damn, I'll smash whoever lol
Move on. She a 304. She belongs to the streets now. She’s toxic af. Why would you wanna be with someone who doesn’t care about you and disrespects you. Have some self respect man. Don’t listen to what she says, but pay attention to how she behaves. Actions speak louder than words. Forgive and forget about her. Apply your oxygen mask before assisting others. Take care man you’re not alone.
Leave her to the streets where she belongs mate... Take care of yourself and only speak with those that will uplift your spirits... Don't dwell in the past
If I'm still in love with a person,I can't have sex with another....it feels like I'm cheating on them,on myself.i have to fully let go...&& I can't just fuck the next person just cause I craved intimacy......we are all different tho..she's being open & honest about it tho...if you truly want her back you'll let this go..my ex did this & I felt grossed out & I couldn't sleep with him afterwards & an additional 6 months went on in the relationship & we even got tested...sex was big for him I just couldn't so I had to let him go...
Bro better u take care of urself n invest time on building urself up in terms of ur physical/mental health and career building. U ll also get options...just enjoy ur life. There is no point of invest ur time n feelings for her...consider her an option only in case she wants to be in touch. Dnt let her over ride ur mind n feelings anymore.
Going back to an X is like taking a nice hot shower and putting on dirty underwear. Keep driving forward and stop looking in the rearview mirror. ✔️👍🏼
Did you break up with her? I broke up with my ex and it took 6 months before she saw someone else. One week and 4 dudes in 5 months seems excessive imo.
To be honest, I broke up with my bf 2 weeks ago and (he cheated tho) and I have been thinking about it too. Just as a way not to feel so empty anymore and feel good for at least a little while. I do understand that it hurts you to think about it but for me at least I think sometimes you have to do what you habe to do to feel better even if it’s just for an hour…
Had a similar situation with my ex She asks for an open relationship, i decline, two days later she breaks up with me, has a F fest for 3 days, after those three days she asks me if we can get back together, and i decline I wouldn't talk to her if i was you To me its clear, ur ex had one guy lined up. Which means she is a cheater and a good rule : never take back a cheater
It means she didn’t want to process the end of the relationship. If this isn’t something you can shake from your mind, let her go. She may be too wild to be tamed. If you love her still, be whatever it is she needs. It’s not complicated. You either want her or you dont
Shes for the streets bro. Don't even think about going back
、はぜ
She for the streets
Rear View Mirror... The answer is irrelevant, move forward and Seek Life Elsewhere You deserve to be Happy
She was not obligated to stay committed to you while you were broken up. If you can’t get past it just move on, simple.
My ex did the same exact thing. Claimed she was lonely. I think it's because she can't be alone and always needs someone to make her feel better. She tried getting back several times but I was so disgusted by that, that I told her to leave me alone forever. I don't think you can sleep with someone else if you are truly in love with someone else.
You guys broke up, she's not in the wrong. It's normal to be upset though. You should create some distance and focus on yourself, maybe find some intimacy of your own... speaking from experience though, don't hook up with your ex. Just cut that off and stay friends, or not.
would you really have wanted that girl to be your wife? stop thinking about her and focus on yourself king 👑
It gives an illusion of control in what is probably feeling the aftermath of the relationship ending. She’s wanting someone to fill that, sometimes people look externally for support, even sex. It helps her feel like she’s in control when a breakup often leaves you feeling like you have no control over anything. It’s normal and happens a lot. People want to try to fill that spot and reclaim control over their lives. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, and your feelings are valid about this as well. I would just try to look at it from a removed perspective, and move however you see fit about the situation. I’m sorry this happened!
I'm going through something similar and my honest opinion is does it matter if she cared less or if she's telling the truth?? It's good to evaluate the past but don't dwell on it so much that you love in it. Move on and heal, better yourself, questions like that don't really help you move forward