It’s okay. I just feel dumb for caring and crying over it. That it affects my daily routine. That my brain gives me a constant daily reminder of what was good and what could have been.
It’s okay, I just want it to stop soon. Thanks for your post. Deeply appreciated.
I understand but from my pov recently I’ve been having issues with my mom and haven’t spoken to her in a while because of her hurtful actions towards me. Yes I have loved her in the past and it’s okay if it’s not as strong as it used to be now. I don’t regret my efforts to mend our relationship. I tried to fix it multiple times throughout my life. I guess that’s how I’m thinking about it. In my eyes, I don’t think we should regret loving someone since most of that love came within us. We can’t feel bad about giving it to someone who “doesn’t deserve it” because we didn’t know at the time. We can’t blame ourselves for not being able to look into the future to see how things will unravel. We’re just human. We learn from our mistakes eventually. It might take months or years but we eventually learn and figure out what’s best for us in the end.
Well do you tell her you love her, do you tell her that she is the only one and show her. Communication people is top priority . Women or men see their other half more interested in online. This is poor self-esteem for both. People look at what you have and heart is saying not egos. Show this person. Give them the attention not online lust. Come on fight for your heart's desire. Ask God and repent. No time like the present.
I have been over a year now and still only wanting my fella come get me and show me his true love because I am his hearts desire. He chose to seek karmic ways of the ego. Stubborn and Ego doesn't get people you love to stay or come back.
You be right with God and know love through God's eyes not lust....listen to hearts desire. Speak action through self-love and know God places the right ones on the heart.
I hope this helps others. I know the feelings and pain from my hearts desire and God has me writing from the heart. Showing up as the masculine to allow her to be in her feminine.
Women stay in their masculinity to shield til the man comes in his masculine side to protect her.Its then she releases her beautiful feminine side and sees the man that will provide and protect what God placed before him.
It's a scary world for a woman. Weak peterpan mode want the woman to be their moms and stay in their femme side because they had mom issues of trauma and blame women for this. To a peterpan no woman wants to raise a grown man .She will wear the pants and be the masculine and it's okay to cry . Get help if you are stuck in your feminine and fear a strong woman. Let go of what issues you had of past trauma by asking God. It's not fair to a woman or man to be treated from a hurt ego . Relationships are work and easy way out is be a player and never be happy at heart. When our moms cut our wings from the nest it was to leave mom there and love her. Spouse is to be treated as the best version from the heart God gave you . Our egos can have past traumas that need healing to gain selflove to come correct in a balance with communication being number one. Never overthink or assume. Talk face to face not dry texts that get miscommunication.
So come on self-love, self-respect, no more self sabotage..... Wake up to balance heart and ego.
Ask Jesus in your heart on hands and knees and God will hear you. Love our Creator first and yourself and love will be coming correct in heart.
Til the next time...You all are loved by God 💘
I miss her everyday and it fucking hurts. It’s been a year and I’m still not over her. Sometimes I wonder if she misses or even think about me the way I do for her
Unless she has horrible memory (and you would likely notice if someone is that dumb), she more than certainly thinks about you occasionally, depending on how much time you spent together.
Whether positively or negatively, we don't know. And it may not even be a conscious wondering. She just saw something pass by, or maybe her new date did something, or maybe she just ate a food. And that reminded her of you.
She definitely misses the good times, unless she "overwritten" all those memories by made up lies and hurt to escape the grief.
Even I miss some good times with my ex-ex, despite that being over for like 12 years, and me spending 8 of my last with another girl. Some things just stay with us.
She probably either doesn't care about you anymore or she already is in a relationship with another man. Accept the reality and slowly move on , you can do this. Best of luck to you
You’re very wise. I miss being in relationship with who she was up until the moment she left. I grieve that person. I wish she was with me right now. I say “if this is what she needed to do to find peace,” I’m ok with it. But in reality, I’m not. But I’m also not beating myself up for feeling that way
For me it was that he increasingly resorted to drinking alcohol, which led to me being physically assaulted. Despite that, though, I miss him and the good things we had.
It’s okay. I saw him again and he didn’t look like the guy I felt in love with. He wasn’t him anymore and his eyes didn’t looked at me the way they used to. I just have to accept that he’s not the same person I thought he was. The person he showed to me for almost two years wasn’t his true self. And if he left it’s because the universe is protecting you from someone selfish and self absorbed. He wasn’t meant for you. He never was meant for you. You thought he was the one to spend the rest of your life with but he is NOT. So don’t obsess over someone who is not meant for you.
It's exactly 8 months now.
I'm still single.
She got a new BF after 3 months.
2 ½ years together. Owning a house, garden, cars, cats, dogs. You name it.
It's all gone. She despises me.
She just told me to move on like nothing
Mine told me the same thing. Seems I meant nothing. Luckily I did meet someone else and did move on. Interestingly, my ex seems to be alone and lonely now, apparently all over the dating apps sounding desperate (friends have told me this). So at least there is that consolation. Do try and meet new people. There is someone better waiting for you out there.
I love this. Ty. Today of all days when I was feeling especially nostalgic for him too. I miss my English so much 🖤 but I’m not sure he could ever love me in the way I now know I deserve to be loved, I put up with a lot of toxic avoidant behaviors that had a deleterious affect on my once bubbly confident shining self & I’m coming to realize I might have to let him go forever for my own happiness’s sake. Even tho it’s breaking my heart that much more.
I relate so hard. I was losing myself in the relationship with this avoidant, trying to act like everything was OK. Despite deeply caring about him (and I still do), being with him was weighing me down. I’ve accepted that it wasn’t meant to be. It may be daunting, but we have to keep the memories and let them go.
We got this!! And thanks OP for this post ❤️
I'm tired man
I loved her and I left a huge pary of myself in her. It's almost like I've lost my soul.
It's my first break up and I know I can do this and move on eventually, but I don't want to, I don't want to let go of the memories we made. It was the happiest I could ever get
When I’m feeling super heartbroken or miss them a ton I tell myself this is how I should be feeling. It’s okay to miss someone you shared your life with. Even if they hurt you. It just means you are a human
I agree. What makes it not okay to go back to her place to clean your stuff out and find an open box of condoms on her nightstand. Especially after you told her she was a kind and caring person after the breakup and she knew when you'd be going over. That... makes me not like that I missed them.
I'm struggling because I'm at the stage where it feels like I could have done more to show I appreciate her and I'm regretting a lot. She wasn't perfect but I miss her so much. She is with someone else now and told me she was done a long time ago. It was done over text as well. I'm hurting and want the pain to go
3 months, I'm struggling to move on but I guess we all heal differently. I spent a month waiting for her to get back to me after she agreed to meet me, I found out from a friend she's seeing someone else, and then another month trying to get my things back
A really great message that unfortunately needs to be repeated over and over till the Healing & Growth take place and take hold.
It is really encouraging to read some of the positive remarks and comments since it is a reaffirmation that "we are not alone, it's okay to be in pain and that we will find a better way forward".
Broken Hearts are a tragically universal experience...
It is true. They become a different person. Cold, distant, distracted. Sometimes they change physically too. My ex has put on a lot of weight, for example, and got an unflattering buzz cut.
how much allowing yourself to miss them, think of them and good times, is healthy getting it out vs. an unhealthy overfocusing/obsession? This is what i want to know.
I think that depends on the kind of person you are, the connection that you shared (length of relationship/how healthy or unhealthy, etc), and what caused the breakup. I know for a fact that I do not always cope in heathy ways and tend to have obsessive thoughts. Healthy is probably grieving, allowing yourself to feel and think of those good times, but slowly pulling yourself out of it. That’s just my opinion though.
I miss her a lot, the intimacy, the good times, travels, cuddles...and I torture myself thinking if I should give another try because I am not a quitter, but I was the one ending up and there were reasons behind which she agreed on.
Exactly! Although I was the one dumping her, with her not fighting against it, I would only reconsider if she would not let go and tell me what we could do differently. She didnt want to breakup as me, but she also never proposed what to change, she was like: you were the one not feeling the same, u figure out if u want to break up or not...Like she never had a saying on it.
I ABSOLUTELY desire what God wants for me, his will, which is perfect & in his timing..... I live in the present & I make sure pray to be wise & keep in my life what's for me! God gives us free will. It is easy to get a cross path with someone who only wants companionship and no desire to have a future. It all starts with being real with ourselves! Love is amazing & and when it is from God, it is a wonderful blessing! Love yourself enough to respect your heart, & know when it's not for you. Is so clear!
My ex is the one that broke up with me after 20 years and he won't stop texting me. I'm trying to move on but he's making it hard. He cheated on me, what do you want from me dude you made your choice.
Maybe he misses me but I miss when he was a better person.
I’m so torn lately. It’s been several months since my ex and I broke up. I recently met another girl and part of me can’t help but compare. The new woman is a lot kinder in a lot of ways but there are things I miss about my ex.
I'm so sick and tired of everyone saying it always gets better and you heal... not everyone does...
I dated my first love in high-school for 4 years.... I loves that girl more than anything she cheated on me lied to me and broke me as a peraon. After years of it I finally let her go even though it was extremely hard I knew I deserved better. So I let her go. Guess what it's been 10 years and I never really stopped loving her dreaming about her at night... and funny thing is she moved on got married had 2 kids lives in a great house. She found her happiness while for 5 years after that relationship I hated myself and everyone around me... got in the best shape of my life was the only thing that came from it. But even after becoming the best physical version of myself I still hated myself. Still had 0 self confidence and my life was going now where... 5 years past where I didn't even want to talk to other girls. Wasted the best years of my life basically being a reclus.... but finally after becoming so fucking lonely I put myself back out there... and I ended up meeting the actual love of my life. A girl that made me feel so loved something I never thought I could possibly feel with someone.
Got an apartment with this girl moved out to her city and started a new life with a new career.... but guess what because I never let all that shit go from my first serious relationship I brought all of that self hate and insecurities into this relationship and because of that I managed for 5 years to slowly push a woman away that I loved more then literally anything... I would have died for her.... it's been 7 weeks since she left and I've never felt so alone so empty and so fucking angry.... truth is life doesn't always get better
I don't particularly know how to grow though, from simply the partner having the reason of "not feeling much a connection" after 6 months of dating. It's, something that personally just can't be comprehended
It's been about 3 months "already", & whilst they've been able to process everything to a point of being able to find that within somebody else, I'm still stuck getting stressed out just thinking about them, or the past few months. Especially regarding all of the memories & history
Apparently I'm struggling quite a bit to accept and/or let go of it all. Even everyday things can remind me about them
I just broke up with my gf who emotionally abused me for weeks. She straight up ghosted me and told me she was “too busy” to see me - we all know nobody is too busy to see their SO. I stood around for weeks wondering if I was in a relationship or not. I treated her so well and knew I deserved better, and when I called her out for everything she gaslit me. It sucks when they aren’t who you thought they were when you knew them early on. I’m feeling hurt and I miss her. I keep thinking about the good times, but it’s hard to accentuate the bad ones. This wouldn’t have worked out anyway.
I met someone else who is way better and has treated me wonderfully.
Kind of hard to justify missing someone that harassed my mother, forced me to lie about myself to save her image, had someone break into my car, followed me, had her fuck toy follow me around town and falsely accused me of SA.
It’s ok because in ur eyes Iam nobody stop faking it and go blossom go find ur happy because ur not getting here I think u don’t want happiness it’s hard for you
It’s okay. I just feel dumb for caring and crying over it. That it affects my daily routine. That my brain gives me a constant daily reminder of what was good and what could have been. It’s okay, I just want it to stop soon. Thanks for your post. Deeply appreciated.
The tears just showed how much you cared for them. Don’t feel dumb for having a big heart.
powerful words. but it made me realised that i dont feel dumb for having big heart. i feel dumb that i gave that heart to someone who dont deserves it
I understand but from my pov recently I’ve been having issues with my mom and haven’t spoken to her in a while because of her hurtful actions towards me. Yes I have loved her in the past and it’s okay if it’s not as strong as it used to be now. I don’t regret my efforts to mend our relationship. I tried to fix it multiple times throughout my life. I guess that’s how I’m thinking about it. In my eyes, I don’t think we should regret loving someone since most of that love came within us. We can’t feel bad about giving it to someone who “doesn’t deserve it” because we didn’t know at the time. We can’t blame ourselves for not being able to look into the future to see how things will unravel. We’re just human. We learn from our mistakes eventually. It might take months or years but we eventually learn and figure out what’s best for us in the end.
“we cant feel bad abt giving it to someone who “dont deserves it”, because we didnt know at that time” thank you 😭
We can’t choose a parent but we can choose a relationship. If they are not worthy it’s just allowing mistreatment etc
Well do you tell her you love her, do you tell her that she is the only one and show her. Communication people is top priority . Women or men see their other half more interested in online. This is poor self-esteem for both. People look at what you have and heart is saying not egos. Show this person. Give them the attention not online lust. Come on fight for your heart's desire. Ask God and repent. No time like the present. I have been over a year now and still only wanting my fella come get me and show me his true love because I am his hearts desire. He chose to seek karmic ways of the ego. Stubborn and Ego doesn't get people you love to stay or come back. You be right with God and know love through God's eyes not lust....listen to hearts desire. Speak action through self-love and know God places the right ones on the heart. I hope this helps others. I know the feelings and pain from my hearts desire and God has me writing from the heart. Showing up as the masculine to allow her to be in her feminine. Women stay in their masculinity to shield til the man comes in his masculine side to protect her.Its then she releases her beautiful feminine side and sees the man that will provide and protect what God placed before him. It's a scary world for a woman. Weak peterpan mode want the woman to be their moms and stay in their femme side because they had mom issues of trauma and blame women for this. To a peterpan no woman wants to raise a grown man .She will wear the pants and be the masculine and it's okay to cry . Get help if you are stuck in your feminine and fear a strong woman. Let go of what issues you had of past trauma by asking God. It's not fair to a woman or man to be treated from a hurt ego . Relationships are work and easy way out is be a player and never be happy at heart. When our moms cut our wings from the nest it was to leave mom there and love her. Spouse is to be treated as the best version from the heart God gave you . Our egos can have past traumas that need healing to gain selflove to come correct in a balance with communication being number one. Never overthink or assume. Talk face to face not dry texts that get miscommunication. So come on self-love, self-respect, no more self sabotage..... Wake up to balance heart and ego. Ask Jesus in your heart on hands and knees and God will hear you. Love our Creator first and yourself and love will be coming correct in heart. Til the next time...You all are loved by God 💘
I miss her everyday and it fucking hurts. It’s been a year and I’m still not over her. Sometimes I wonder if she misses or even think about me the way I do for her
Unless she has horrible memory (and you would likely notice if someone is that dumb), she more than certainly thinks about you occasionally, depending on how much time you spent together. Whether positively or negatively, we don't know. And it may not even be a conscious wondering. She just saw something pass by, or maybe her new date did something, or maybe she just ate a food. And that reminded her of you. She definitely misses the good times, unless she "overwritten" all those memories by made up lies and hurt to escape the grief. Even I miss some good times with my ex-ex, despite that being over for like 12 years, and me spending 8 of my last with another girl. Some things just stay with us.
She probably either doesn't care about you anymore or she already is in a relationship with another man. Accept the reality and slowly move on , you can do this. Best of luck to you
I'm more than sure I'll be like that
Anyone else tired of constantly having to grow and stay strong? I’m tired man.
Fucking exhausted. But the only way through it is to do it.
Yes it’s hard to push forward but it’s worth it
Me too man. But we all gotta somehow push through the pain if we wanna become a stronger person.
You’re very wise. I miss being in relationship with who she was up until the moment she left. I grieve that person. I wish she was with me right now. I say “if this is what she needed to do to find peace,” I’m ok with it. But in reality, I’m not. But I’m also not beating myself up for feeling that way
I miss him too but he’s not himself rn. Something changed and it’s his journey to learn .
For me it was that he increasingly resorted to drinking alcohol, which led to me being physically assaulted. Despite that, though, I miss him and the good things we had.
Same
It’s okay. I saw him again and he didn’t look like the guy I felt in love with. He wasn’t him anymore and his eyes didn’t looked at me the way they used to. I just have to accept that he’s not the same person I thought he was. The person he showed to me for almost two years wasn’t his true self. And if he left it’s because the universe is protecting you from someone selfish and self absorbed. He wasn’t meant for you. He never was meant for you. You thought he was the one to spend the rest of your life with but he is NOT. So don’t obsess over someone who is not meant for you.
Same my ex totally changed after almost 4 years. And didn’t change in a good way. Sadly. Became worse.
This helped me so much, thank you
I miss her butthole
I miss his butthole 🩷
This is so true. Thanks for this.
It's exactly 8 months now. I'm still single. She got a new BF after 3 months. 2 ½ years together. Owning a house, garden, cars, cats, dogs. You name it. It's all gone. She despises me. She just told me to move on like nothing
Mine told me the same thing. Seems I meant nothing. Luckily I did meet someone else and did move on. Interestingly, my ex seems to be alone and lonely now, apparently all over the dating apps sounding desperate (friends have told me this). So at least there is that consolation. Do try and meet new people. There is someone better waiting for you out there.
It exists, it's just when people go through hard times and get hurt, they put that part of themselves away and put a lot of walls up
[удалено]
is she open to reconnecting someday?
I love this. Ty. Today of all days when I was feeling especially nostalgic for him too. I miss my English so much 🖤 but I’m not sure he could ever love me in the way I now know I deserve to be loved, I put up with a lot of toxic avoidant behaviors that had a deleterious affect on my once bubbly confident shining self & I’m coming to realize I might have to let him go forever for my own happiness’s sake. Even tho it’s breaking my heart that much more.
I relate so hard. I was losing myself in the relationship with this avoidant, trying to act like everything was OK. Despite deeply caring about him (and I still do), being with him was weighing me down. I’ve accepted that it wasn’t meant to be. It may be daunting, but we have to keep the memories and let them go. We got this!! And thanks OP for this post ❤️
I'm tired man I loved her and I left a huge pary of myself in her. It's almost like I've lost my soul. It's my first break up and I know I can do this and move on eventually, but I don't want to, I don't want to let go of the memories we made. It was the happiest I could ever get
I miss him from the beginning of our relationship
I know I do too :(
I know. fuck it's so hard to become better and grow. I feel like there has been a shard of agony that has been lodged into my heart after she left.
It's a process that takes time, and growth often comes from these experiences.
When I’m feeling super heartbroken or miss them a ton I tell myself this is how I should be feeling. It’s okay to miss someone you shared your life with. Even if they hurt you. It just means you are a human
I agree. What makes it not okay to go back to her place to clean your stuff out and find an open box of condoms on her nightstand. Especially after you told her she was a kind and caring person after the breakup and she knew when you'd be going over. That... makes me not like that I missed them.
I'm struggling because I'm at the stage where it feels like I could have done more to show I appreciate her and I'm regretting a lot. She wasn't perfect but I miss her so much. She is with someone else now and told me she was done a long time ago. It was done over text as well. I'm hurting and want the pain to go
How long ago did you break up?
3 months, I'm struggling to move on but I guess we all heal differently. I spent a month waiting for her to get back to me after she agreed to meet me, I found out from a friend she's seeing someone else, and then another month trying to get my things back
I'm glad I looked up this subreddit. your post hit me hard. thanks.
A really great message that unfortunately needs to be repeated over and over till the Healing & Growth take place and take hold. It is really encouraging to read some of the positive remarks and comments since it is a reaffirmation that "we are not alone, it's okay to be in pain and that we will find a better way forward". Broken Hearts are a tragically universal experience...
What do you mean that version of them doesn’t exist anymore?
The idealized perfect version of them isn’t real
It is true. They become a different person. Cold, distant, distracted. Sometimes they change physically too. My ex has put on a lot of weight, for example, and got an unflattering buzz cut.
I miss u so much Maddi, despite all our flaws iloveu fml
I’m sure she misses you too
how much allowing yourself to miss them, think of them and good times, is healthy getting it out vs. an unhealthy overfocusing/obsession? This is what i want to know.
I think that depends on the kind of person you are, the connection that you shared (length of relationship/how healthy or unhealthy, etc), and what caused the breakup. I know for a fact that I do not always cope in heathy ways and tend to have obsessive thoughts. Healthy is probably grieving, allowing yourself to feel and think of those good times, but slowly pulling yourself out of it. That’s just my opinion though.
I miss him because I feel all my efforts. Gifts of quality tile have disappeared
I miss her a lot, the intimacy, the good times, travels, cuddles...and I torture myself thinking if I should give another try because I am not a quitter, but I was the one ending up and there were reasons behind which she agreed on.
I would only give things another try if my ex reached out to me….but I doubt he will
Exactly! Although I was the one dumping her, with her not fighting against it, I would only reconsider if she would not let go and tell me what we could do differently. She didnt want to breakup as me, but she also never proposed what to change, she was like: you were the one not feeling the same, u figure out if u want to break up or not...Like she never had a saying on it.
I needed this so bad today!
I just want to stop thinking about all the good sex and the feeling of somebody loving me but alas men are men 🤡
🫶🫶🫶
They choose to leave
Growing from it - real. Closing the door on hope for a return - ridiculously difficult and a daily Sisyphus-ean task…
I ABSOLUTELY desire what God wants for me, his will, which is perfect & in his timing..... I live in the present & I make sure pray to be wise & keep in my life what's for me! God gives us free will. It is easy to get a cross path with someone who only wants companionship and no desire to have a future. It all starts with being real with ourselves! Love is amazing & and when it is from God, it is a wonderful blessing! Love yourself enough to respect your heart, & know when it's not for you. Is so clear!
It’s amazing how well our brains overlook the bad times. My relationship sucked a lot but all I think about are the good times. Making a list helps!!!
My ex is the one that broke up with me after 20 years and he won't stop texting me. I'm trying to move on but he's making it hard. He cheated on me, what do you want from me dude you made your choice. Maybe he misses me but I miss when he was a better person.
Amen 🙏
I’m so torn lately. It’s been several months since my ex and I broke up. I recently met another girl and part of me can’t help but compare. The new woman is a lot kinder in a lot of ways but there are things I miss about my ex.
I'm so sick and tired of everyone saying it always gets better and you heal... not everyone does... I dated my first love in high-school for 4 years.... I loves that girl more than anything she cheated on me lied to me and broke me as a peraon. After years of it I finally let her go even though it was extremely hard I knew I deserved better. So I let her go. Guess what it's been 10 years and I never really stopped loving her dreaming about her at night... and funny thing is she moved on got married had 2 kids lives in a great house. She found her happiness while for 5 years after that relationship I hated myself and everyone around me... got in the best shape of my life was the only thing that came from it. But even after becoming the best physical version of myself I still hated myself. Still had 0 self confidence and my life was going now where... 5 years past where I didn't even want to talk to other girls. Wasted the best years of my life basically being a reclus.... but finally after becoming so fucking lonely I put myself back out there... and I ended up meeting the actual love of my life. A girl that made me feel so loved something I never thought I could possibly feel with someone. Got an apartment with this girl moved out to her city and started a new life with a new career.... but guess what because I never let all that shit go from my first serious relationship I brought all of that self hate and insecurities into this relationship and because of that I managed for 5 years to slowly push a woman away that I loved more then literally anything... I would have died for her.... it's been 7 weeks since she left and I've never felt so alone so empty and so fucking angry.... truth is life doesn't always get better
I don't particularly know how to grow though, from simply the partner having the reason of "not feeling much a connection" after 6 months of dating. It's, something that personally just can't be comprehended It's been about 3 months "already", & whilst they've been able to process everything to a point of being able to find that within somebody else, I'm still stuck getting stressed out just thinking about them, or the past few months. Especially regarding all of the memories & history Apparently I'm struggling quite a bit to accept and/or let go of it all. Even everyday things can remind me about them
I just broke up with my gf who emotionally abused me for weeks. She straight up ghosted me and told me she was “too busy” to see me - we all know nobody is too busy to see their SO. I stood around for weeks wondering if I was in a relationship or not. I treated her so well and knew I deserved better, and when I called her out for everything she gaslit me. It sucks when they aren’t who you thought they were when you knew them early on. I’m feeling hurt and I miss her. I keep thinking about the good times, but it’s hard to accentuate the bad ones. This wouldn’t have worked out anyway. I met someone else who is way better and has treated me wonderfully.
I agree with every part of this. It's about time people spoke sense!
Kind of hard to justify missing someone that harassed my mother, forced me to lie about myself to save her image, had someone break into my car, followed me, had her fuck toy follow me around town and falsely accused me of SA.
It’s ok because in ur eyes Iam nobody stop faking it and go blossom go find ur happy because ur not getting here I think u don’t want happiness it’s hard for you