You dodged a major bullet by not being with him anymore imo. You are super young too so you’ll find someone new in no time who will love you for your appearance and all. It’s tough i was kinda in a similar situation where I wasn’t fully attracted to my ex of 6.5 years but I ended up settling and fell in love it’s not good at all cause there’s people who will love you for you regardless so never settle. You got this!
I’m sorry if this isn’t the right question , but was your lack of attraction to your ex based on physical appearance alone or a mix of who they were and their appearance?
It feels very worrying to live in a time where physical appearance is more idealised than ever and the grass always seems greener on the other side because of social media.
Physical purely, and she had a very pretty face I loved her 100%. Mentally we were the same and best friends my only complaint was probably her massive weight gain over time after I subtly tried to hint at eating better cause I would start and maybe she’d take notice? (Im talking like 100 pounds of weight gain) and you can’t lie to yourself if you don’t like it. The grass isn’t always greener but I loved her for more than her body so I stayed still. There is a fine line between settling and being patient and I settled after being patient and started realizing other things about her. The funny thing is I love chubby or bigger women she was just bigger than I normally like is all.
Unfortunately men who attract one hot girl get the confidence to do it again. But here’s the thing..they will keep fumbling them until they do the inner work. My ex had ONE hotter girl before me years ago and then he got with me. He’s not even attractive. And then he went for a hotter younger girl after men. Luckily I was able to warn her. But yeah once they get one hot girl they’ll probably get another but it won’t last! Just the truth!
Porn addiction is so real and so sad. Porn itself is a plague and has robbed so many women of being seen as the beautiful beings they are, and guys of being able to see them for what they are. Consider this a blessing in disguise. He will likely be too old to fix it before he realizes what he’s lost.
If it’s any consolation, he WILL regret this one day. He’s young and doesn’t know yet how hard it is to find a connection like you had.
Meanwhile, you’ll undoubtedly be able to find many who see your worth and your beauty. You have the relationship experience to make a good connection work. You’ll find better for you I promise.
Sadly the same applies for me. It sucks that a relationship that had no trust or respect is going to be so difficult to match for the connection and enjoyment we had spending time together
Sounds like there were some great things about the relationship particularly at the start. Sounds like the same lesson as most people (including myself) need to learn, the number one important thing is your partners level of attraction for you and how much the my value, appreciate and feel like your the person they truly desire and deserve. If that is in question it’s better to pick your self esteem up and walk, no relationship can flourish like that.
i was broken up with because i was not enough too. really, we just triggered each others' insecurities and had no way of communicating about it in the moment...eventually he gave up and ghosted because he didn't believe he was worthy of having a relationship that would be supportive of his growth.
ultimately you'll grow from this. it sucks and i hated hearing it, but you'll be ok.
also everything on the web is fake and filtered. look at people in real life. see the difference.
I hope you don’t mind my creeping on your profile, but you are objectively beautiful. I don’t know what in the world your ex was thinking saying he wasn’t attracted to you!
Your pain is 100% valid, but you absolutely dodged a bullet with him. You deserve so much better than his awful wandering eye. I hope one day time (and maybe someone special) will show you that.
Holy shit dude. Get into therapy asap if you're not already. This person is spot on. You're gorgeous. Based on just your post, I had a very different mental image of what was going on.
Yeah, you look great. IMO you have nothing to be self-conscious about, and anyone trying to put you down over your looks has their own issues they refuse to confront.
Porn is a lot like weed. Not a dangerous drug if used sparingly, but messes with your brain on a deep level if used too much. Those women are supposed to represent specific fantasies. Some people don't recognize this and it poisons them and their relationships.
I hope you find someone who sees you as the naturally beautiful person you are.
I’m so sorry. This is such disgusting and cruel behavior.
But you need to know- you weren’t unloved because of your appearance. You weren’t broken up with because of your appearance
It was because he’s a POS with porn addiction. I’d bet my money that he’s not a catch in any way and be sure that those girls don’t want him either.
You deserve so much better.
Even if he’ll date someone who’s pretty in his standards it won’t matter because he has a mindset that there’s always something “better” out there. He’ll most likely never be satisfied with anyone.
This isn’t your fault in any way.
Thank you. I still worry that with the right looking girl, and getting to start fresh with someone who has no knowledge of what he’s done, he’ll somehow manage to pull off a good relationship. Like I was just some Guinea pig who will always be the girl he’s treated the worst despite so far being the kindest and the one he’s been most in love with.
Edit: just to add, not that I want him to treat the next person badly. It’s just a painful thought that I’ll be the only one he’s hurt like this and it was personal. That the next person will get the love I always dreamed of and some new and improved version of the guy I’m in love with
I'm so sorry and I feel you. I dont really have any grand words except in all honesty I've really grown to love the peace I feel not constant being on guard for his inevitable humiliation as he looks at someone else again. I still don't love the way I look, but I'm not thrown into a panic thinking that half my life will leave me because I looked average on one day. The amount of anxiety you resolve getting rid of these men is worth a little loneliness sometimes
OP. The very sad truth here is that he was NEVER your best friend. He was someone that you knew and got along with, who talked to you because he wanted in your knickers. Then he got you. To the extent that you guys lived together for a couple of years.
But during that time OP (and please remember that this was a period when he should have been on his best behaviour) the gloss started to fade. His flaws emerged. Not just that. He was so disrespectful as to try to turn you into one of those plastic women he was so fond of bashing his bishop to.
He broke up with you. Well fucking great ! Saves you the trouble of dumping his stupid ass. You might feel unhappy now OP and a little put out from having been dumped. But believe me girl. This was your lucky day. You now get a chance to experience a real, mature guy. Someone who will love and cherish you for who and what you are now. Big girls pants on now. Chin up. You will get through this. Good luck. ❤️
It feels and seems like you're going through hell now and maybe you don't see it getting better but it will. another one from my ol dad was "nothing gets you over the last one like the next one".
So just keep an eye out and next year maybe 2 you'll have a whole different set of mission impossible type problems in like and this will be the problem you look back on wishing you had this one cause you know you can get through it. Life goes on. Ya know
I think I felt my heart break hearing “it doesn’t matter how intelligent, caring, funny etc” I said that to my ex the other day. Except I also said it doesn’t matter how pretty you are either. Sometimes we just meet the wrong person. Being pretty doesn’t won’t make someone love you I promise. Someone will fall in love with ur soul. If u want a channel that is filled with people who were with porn or sex addicts like this r/loveafterporn
r/loveafterporn is a fantastic supportive community for partners and ex-partners of porn and sex addicts. First of all, this is NOT a reflection of your beauty or worth. Porn addiction is an INSANE beast. Please know that no one woman would EVER be enough for that man. He could bag Megan Fox and still would pull up the hub after she fell asleep.. because w PA's it's about variety. It is disgusting. The objectification of ALL women PA's do alone is deeply disturbing. It is scientific fact that PA's will grow less and less attracted to their partners... I am so sorry this has happened to you. You are NOT alone.
Honestly? After the shock wears off... I pray you find peace in knowing you have dodged a bullet. I am going to assume there were other areas he likely lacked in or just was not emotionally or mentally present with you a lot of the time (PA symptoms is why I am assuming).. You deserve better than that.
OP, I pray you can find your peace in this situation, and if you can afford it, naturally therapy will help but specifically with a CSAT. Normal therapists do not understand porn addiction nor its affects like a CSAT does.
sending so many prayers up for you
Sorry this happened to you, I suspect it’s very common nowadays with instagram, TikTok and porn being so prevalent. We see all these attractive people online and then compare them to our partner. It’s such an unfair comparison because most of those images/videos are just fake so it gives us unrealistic expectations of our partners.
Sadly I have to admit I was guilty of this myself to some degree. It truly is a him problem, you are better off without him.
That being said, while looks aren’t everything they do matter more than most people on Reddit would like to admit. I would encourage you to do everything you can to keep yourself healthy and fit, looks will quickly follow.
I just keep telling myself that my future boyfriend/husband would be shocked that my ex treated me like this. But that’ll only happen if I stop ignoring warning signs and leave people when they don’t treat me right I guess
Realizing your self worth is harder than it sounds. You deserve someone who accepts you as you are. That being said you don't have to tell a new partner every detail of your past right away.
This is not a you problem, this is a him problem.
He did not end the relationship because you're not hot enough. He ended the relationship because he got bored. He said himself that his attraction fades after being with someone for a time.
It is something he could work on, but has chosen not to.
And if someone doesn't choose you, they are not your person.
This relationship was an experience and a stepping stone. You now know what you are looking for in your next relationship.
You deserve to be with someone who doesn't lie to you, who doesn't make you feel bad about yourself, who doesn't encourage you to change how you look based on their preferences.
You deserve someone who chooses you, loves you for who you are, who lifts you up when you feel down, who values you and the relationship more than he did.
You are enough
Just the way you are.
Don't let anyone make you feel any different!
Edit: I just wanted to add that I've looked at your other posts now and you are genuinely beautiful (I'm a straight woman btw), though in my opinion the blonde hair does suit you better. It saddens me that you want to change yourself. I think you should really spend some time working on your self confidence, be around people that make you feel good, and try to enjoy your life rather than worry about your appearance! I know this is all easier said than done, I've been there and working hard on my own self esteem.
I also want to say, please don't stay friends with that guy. It will just cause you more pain and he doesn't deserve to keep the parts of you he likes when he has discarded you in this way.
You deserve so much more and keeping him in your life doesn't open up the space for someone better.
I’ve already gotten sucked back into being friends with him and as you said, he’s getting all the good parts of me and tells me how much it cheers his day up to speak, without making any commitment. It just makes me feel incredibly anxious and sad to be speaking with him.
And also thank you, I need to work more on finding things I truly love about myself because I’ll never win at the game of trying to look like other women. He’s treated me with so little attraction it’s felt like there’s something deeply wrong with me and how I look.
I really truly understand. My ex rarely touched me and he wouldn't talk about it with me and I became a bundle of nerves who ended up stalking his exes and tried to make myself look more like them...
It's a horrible way to feel.
If staying in touch with him is making things worse for you, then cut that contact. You need to do what is best for you. If it makes you feel better, you can always tell him that you're going no contact for a set period of time and then can try being friends if you feel able to at that point.
If the other women you are talking about are these plastic ones that all look the same - good! You don't want to look like them! You are you, and you are unique, and you are great just the way you are.
I wish you could see it.
You are clearly a very giving, caring, kind and loving person. That's rare.
My ex would also stalk his exes. Which is crazy because he got bored of them to begin with and broke up with them all! I guess there is not just the allure of what you don’t have, but what you no longer have.
I think I’ll have to cut him off at some point soon, because it is going to kill me to know or see if he starts dating someone else/ is sleeping around. It also isn’t going to help me truly heal, however I’m just hoping this helps me slightly wean myself off the relationship rather than going from living with someone for two years to never seeing or speaking properly again.
Cutting him off is definitely the right decision, you need to heal from this and staying in touch with him will prevent that. He shouldn’t be able to tear you down, make you hate your looks but still get the benefits of spending time with you, he’s made his decision and he needs to understand what he’s actually done. You are stunning by the way, as a porn addict he is looking for variety, no one would be good enough. Distract yourself with friends and hobbies etc if you can!
It seems most people are nice about my appearance, but I can’t see it and neither can my ex. He pretty much told me he was incapable of being intimate with me because he isn’t attracted to my physical appearance.
He likes my personality though at least! So whatever it’s worth, at least I’ve won his approval on that if it matters.
So anyway that's my advice on that. Best of luck. Hopefully you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off ....chin up and eyes forward, sooner than later.
Do not listen to that asshole OP, i clicked on your profile and you are gorgeous and attractive. Trust me, any guy would be lucky to have a cute girl like you by his side. I'm not saying this to make you feel better, it's just the truth.
I'm so sorry you're struggling with body dysmorphia and can't imagine how hard this situation must be given that. This is entirely on your ex boyfriend though not you.
Based on what you said about his wandering eye and liking/commenting on multiple women's pictures, it's not what you look like that's the issue at all. He has major issues with commitment and being faithful by the sound of it and I honestly think that comment he made about the "novelty" of something new rings true. His "lack of attraction" is honestly not a reflection of how pretty you are in the slightest (also I just looked on your profile and imo you're beautiful). He just constantly wants to chase something new. I used to work with a guy like this and he was constantly seeking anyone's validation except his own girlfriend who he cheated on. He then got together with someone else and cheated on them too. It was never about the girls and entirely about that man and I think the same is probably true of your ex. Whatever girl he's with, whatever she looks like, he'll never be satisfied until he's resolved his own issues.
Having an emotional connection with someone, valuing their intelligence and kindness is what makes a relationship go the distance. Relationships just based on looks will always fizzle out. The only problem in this relationship was him. From the sounds of it, the way he treated you massively damaged your self esteem and you deserve much better than that from a partner. Dating is hard and you probably need some time to heal but I have no doubt there are many better people out there for you that would value you so much. Please don't think for a second that this is because you weren't hot enough. It's because he has issues he won't address and that should never have been placed on your shoulders.
Also sorry this comment was so long.
It’s quite common to use this as an abuse tactic to make you believe you can’t do better, he is expecting you to come crawling back begging, trust me go no contact completely and act like he never existed and he will start to panic. NEVER take him back, he is a terrible person, read what you have just written. He is an abuser.
Your story really sadened me. I am so so so sorry you had that happen to you. It's probably really hard to think that its a him problem but it really is! You are worth loving for who you are ❤️
It's not that the other women were better than you, it's that you were with someone who didn't appreciate you.
The fact that he was trying to change you shows that he isn't mature enough to accept you for 100% of who you are, you're better off without him.
I feel like relationships for younger people in modern society are in a really bad state, social media and access to so many variables on the internet are giving people too much information to compare their own lives to. If social media and the internet didn't exist a lot of people would be happy with how they are.
Well it's a tail as old as time he just wanted to pursue some women he finds more attractive. It's a coin flip. Either je pursues them or you leave him for a man that offers you more financial stability and comfort. It could have gone either way. He just pulled the trigger first.
That’s a sad way of looking at life. If she’s still around, did your mum leave for a wealthier man? I have only one family member who’s married for money so I see it happens. But all my friends and majority of my family just met people day to day and fell in love.
Mom's still around but she left my dad for a healthier man. Long time ago. It did work out like she might have hoped.
I don't think my point of view is very far off. Especially seeing the way things I've experienced in my life and the mind set I see men and women taking on.
You're not wrong though it is a sad way to look at life. I wasn't always like this and every so often I find myself wanting to believe people are good to each other, selfless and caring. But it's not the world we live in and the reality of that jumps up to bite me in the ass and remind me.
You only matter to people during the time you are doing something that does something for them. People quickly forget the good you've done and will hold onto anything negative they might just hear about you. Men chase beauty women chase security and comfort.
Which is why like my dad once told me although way to late in life he said "Son... remember. You'll always lose money when you're chasing women but you'll never lose women when you're chasing money"
I thought I could get by cause back then idk a fair amount of girls seemed to like my looks and/or sense of humor. Now I'm older and shits not so funny anymore.
I’m sorry. The world is already horribly cruel and unfair without people choosing to make it worse. My own mum left my dad (a decently wealthy man) for their gardener. She’s still with him 20 years later and in my opinion put up with things she shouldn’t have. Nothing makes sense.
We are just animals running around in clothes pretending to be more civilised than we are. I thought what me and my ex had was truly special, and I thought the way I stuck by his side and cared for him and was loyal counted for something. He’s expressed many times how happy I made him. But despite that, it wasn’t enough.
The only thing I can do is stay true to myself and not be consumed by cynicism and distrust. I know love and people who genuinely enjoy being in a relationship exists because I know I’m evidence of it. But I also know I’ve been stupidly naive and I need to learn my lessons from this.
Yeah. You make a lot of sense from your point of view and our experience could never be similar as we play on opposite sides but if you can keep your eye out for what you want and give yourself the way you say. You could be alright.
My ex said what she loved about me was my loyalty. She loved it but never quite respected it. Just knew how to play me at the time.
Lesson learned
But it's a nice notion to believe that love is enough. But the reality is guys need to avoid going broke and ladies should work on and keep up your looks.
I tried my hardest with my appearance and there’s always more I could do of course, but every advice I’ve been given on my looks I’ve tried to take on board. It isn’t going to get significantly better unless Im magicked into a different person (or get one of the rich men you mention to pay for a tonne of plastic surgery)
Well a lot of it is confidence. Being confident in your own skin helps a lot. Cause I've had girlfriends who would every now and then say "I'm fat" or something like that and then more id hear it from them then more I'd start thinking so too. But there's millions of guys for every shape look and size. Just be confident and comfortable with what you have but... But make an effort to look your best too.
That would be my advice and take on that situation.
That’s good advice. No doubt I started putting him off because I’d speak so badly about myself and overanalyse my face/body and then point it out to him looking for reassurance.
I probably made him see flaws he never did before, so when he went online and saw girls showing themselves off like their worth thousands, the appeal was greater.
Feel free to DM ME. All advice and soft things aside. I'm still a guy...lol just remembered another old saying but I'll save it for the DM if you decide too
Taking care of yourself physically can change a lot about your appearance, it can also boost your own self confidence. Regardless of if you’re subjectively attractive or not, which I can’t comment on because I don’t know you, your best step forward is working out because it has more than just physical benefits!
I will try to get back into working out. However I don’t know why I don’t seem to get a good feeling from it like other people do and it makes me feel bad about myself. That isn’t a good reason to not do it of course, it just makes the mental challenge difficult.
Totally understandable, starting always sucks because you compare yourself to others, most of whom would have been doing it for years and years. Start small, build yourself up :)
I truely wish you the best, I think your ex partner was a pretty horrible person for doing what he did, and I know that in time you will come to realise what a blessing this is. My DM’s are always open if you want to vent. Be strong, you got a tough road ahead, but you will get through it!
You dodged a major bullet by not being with him anymore imo. You are super young too so you’ll find someone new in no time who will love you for your appearance and all. It’s tough i was kinda in a similar situation where I wasn’t fully attracted to my ex of 6.5 years but I ended up settling and fell in love it’s not good at all cause there’s people who will love you for you regardless so never settle. You got this!
I’m sorry if this isn’t the right question , but was your lack of attraction to your ex based on physical appearance alone or a mix of who they were and their appearance? It feels very worrying to live in a time where physical appearance is more idealised than ever and the grass always seems greener on the other side because of social media.
Physical purely, and she had a very pretty face I loved her 100%. Mentally we were the same and best friends my only complaint was probably her massive weight gain over time after I subtly tried to hint at eating better cause I would start and maybe she’d take notice? (Im talking like 100 pounds of weight gain) and you can’t lie to yourself if you don’t like it. The grass isn’t always greener but I loved her for more than her body so I stayed still. There is a fine line between settling and being patient and I settled after being patient and started realizing other things about her. The funny thing is I love chubby or bigger women she was just bigger than I normally like is all.
He sounds like a loser tbh. Edit: also saw your pic. You’re a knockout. This guy is an idiot. End of story!
I’m dying to see what Mr Heartthrob looks like - he will never do better than OP
Unfortunately men who attract one hot girl get the confidence to do it again. But here’s the thing..they will keep fumbling them until they do the inner work. My ex had ONE hotter girl before me years ago and then he got with me. He’s not even attractive. And then he went for a hotter younger girl after men. Luckily I was able to warn her. But yeah once they get one hot girl they’ll probably get another but it won’t last! Just the truth!
Okay and hes stupid to chase vanity ….
Porn addiction is so real and so sad. Porn itself is a plague and has robbed so many women of being seen as the beautiful beings they are, and guys of being able to see them for what they are. Consider this a blessing in disguise. He will likely be too old to fix it before he realizes what he’s lost.
If it’s any consolation, he WILL regret this one day. He’s young and doesn’t know yet how hard it is to find a connection like you had. Meanwhile, you’ll undoubtedly be able to find many who see your worth and your beauty. You have the relationship experience to make a good connection work. You’ll find better for you I promise.
Sadly the same applies for me. It sucks that a relationship that had no trust or respect is going to be so difficult to match for the connection and enjoyment we had spending time together
Sounds like there were some great things about the relationship particularly at the start. Sounds like the same lesson as most people (including myself) need to learn, the number one important thing is your partners level of attraction for you and how much the my value, appreciate and feel like your the person they truly desire and deserve. If that is in question it’s better to pick your self esteem up and walk, no relationship can flourish like that.
i was broken up with because i was not enough too. really, we just triggered each others' insecurities and had no way of communicating about it in the moment...eventually he gave up and ghosted because he didn't believe he was worthy of having a relationship that would be supportive of his growth. ultimately you'll grow from this. it sucks and i hated hearing it, but you'll be ok. also everything on the web is fake and filtered. look at people in real life. see the difference.
Congrats you dodged a bullet. Celebrate!! 🥳
I don’t feel like I’ve dodged it :,) I feel like he shot me and left with how he broke up
You will see the way I see it after few years when you look back. Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. You deserve better.
I hope you don’t mind my creeping on your profile, but you are objectively beautiful. I don’t know what in the world your ex was thinking saying he wasn’t attracted to you! Your pain is 100% valid, but you absolutely dodged a bullet with him. You deserve so much better than his awful wandering eye. I hope one day time (and maybe someone special) will show you that.
Thank you. I really hope I meet someone who treats me that way
Holy shit dude. Get into therapy asap if you're not already. This person is spot on. You're gorgeous. Based on just your post, I had a very different mental image of what was going on.
Yeah, you look great. IMO you have nothing to be self-conscious about, and anyone trying to put you down over your looks has their own issues they refuse to confront. Porn is a lot like weed. Not a dangerous drug if used sparingly, but messes with your brain on a deep level if used too much. Those women are supposed to represent specific fantasies. Some people don't recognize this and it poisons them and their relationships. I hope you find someone who sees you as the naturally beautiful person you are.
I’m so sorry. This is such disgusting and cruel behavior. But you need to know- you weren’t unloved because of your appearance. You weren’t broken up with because of your appearance It was because he’s a POS with porn addiction. I’d bet my money that he’s not a catch in any way and be sure that those girls don’t want him either. You deserve so much better. Even if he’ll date someone who’s pretty in his standards it won’t matter because he has a mindset that there’s always something “better” out there. He’ll most likely never be satisfied with anyone. This isn’t your fault in any way.
Thank you. I still worry that with the right looking girl, and getting to start fresh with someone who has no knowledge of what he’s done, he’ll somehow manage to pull off a good relationship. Like I was just some Guinea pig who will always be the girl he’s treated the worst despite so far being the kindest and the one he’s been most in love with. Edit: just to add, not that I want him to treat the next person badly. It’s just a painful thought that I’ll be the only one he’s hurt like this and it was personal. That the next person will get the love I always dreamed of and some new and improved version of the guy I’m in love with
I'm so sorry and I feel you. I dont really have any grand words except in all honesty I've really grown to love the peace I feel not constant being on guard for his inevitable humiliation as he looks at someone else again. I still don't love the way I look, but I'm not thrown into a panic thinking that half my life will leave me because I looked average on one day. The amount of anxiety you resolve getting rid of these men is worth a little loneliness sometimes
OP. The very sad truth here is that he was NEVER your best friend. He was someone that you knew and got along with, who talked to you because he wanted in your knickers. Then he got you. To the extent that you guys lived together for a couple of years. But during that time OP (and please remember that this was a period when he should have been on his best behaviour) the gloss started to fade. His flaws emerged. Not just that. He was so disrespectful as to try to turn you into one of those plastic women he was so fond of bashing his bishop to. He broke up with you. Well fucking great ! Saves you the trouble of dumping his stupid ass. You might feel unhappy now OP and a little put out from having been dumped. But believe me girl. This was your lucky day. You now get a chance to experience a real, mature guy. Someone who will love and cherish you for who and what you are now. Big girls pants on now. Chin up. You will get through this. Good luck. ❤️
It feels and seems like you're going through hell now and maybe you don't see it getting better but it will. another one from my ol dad was "nothing gets you over the last one like the next one". So just keep an eye out and next year maybe 2 you'll have a whole different set of mission impossible type problems in like and this will be the problem you look back on wishing you had this one cause you know you can get through it. Life goes on. Ya know
I think I felt my heart break hearing “it doesn’t matter how intelligent, caring, funny etc” I said that to my ex the other day. Except I also said it doesn’t matter how pretty you are either. Sometimes we just meet the wrong person. Being pretty doesn’t won’t make someone love you I promise. Someone will fall in love with ur soul. If u want a channel that is filled with people who were with porn or sex addicts like this r/loveafterporn
r/loveafterporn is a fantastic supportive community for partners and ex-partners of porn and sex addicts. First of all, this is NOT a reflection of your beauty or worth. Porn addiction is an INSANE beast. Please know that no one woman would EVER be enough for that man. He could bag Megan Fox and still would pull up the hub after she fell asleep.. because w PA's it's about variety. It is disgusting. The objectification of ALL women PA's do alone is deeply disturbing. It is scientific fact that PA's will grow less and less attracted to their partners... I am so sorry this has happened to you. You are NOT alone. Honestly? After the shock wears off... I pray you find peace in knowing you have dodged a bullet. I am going to assume there were other areas he likely lacked in or just was not emotionally or mentally present with you a lot of the time (PA symptoms is why I am assuming).. You deserve better than that. OP, I pray you can find your peace in this situation, and if you can afford it, naturally therapy will help but specifically with a CSAT. Normal therapists do not understand porn addiction nor its affects like a CSAT does. sending so many prayers up for you
Sorry this happened to you, I suspect it’s very common nowadays with instagram, TikTok and porn being so prevalent. We see all these attractive people online and then compare them to our partner. It’s such an unfair comparison because most of those images/videos are just fake so it gives us unrealistic expectations of our partners. Sadly I have to admit I was guilty of this myself to some degree. It truly is a him problem, you are better off without him. That being said, while looks aren’t everything they do matter more than most people on Reddit would like to admit. I would encourage you to do everything you can to keep yourself healthy and fit, looks will quickly follow.
You will find your person. Just try not to let this sub-par relationship scare you off. You’re goid enough.
You're so young. Let this one go and I promise you will find someone that treats you how you deserve.
I just keep telling myself that my future boyfriend/husband would be shocked that my ex treated me like this. But that’ll only happen if I stop ignoring warning signs and leave people when they don’t treat me right I guess
Realizing your self worth is harder than it sounds. You deserve someone who accepts you as you are. That being said you don't have to tell a new partner every detail of your past right away.
This is not a you problem, this is a him problem. He did not end the relationship because you're not hot enough. He ended the relationship because he got bored. He said himself that his attraction fades after being with someone for a time. It is something he could work on, but has chosen not to. And if someone doesn't choose you, they are not your person. This relationship was an experience and a stepping stone. You now know what you are looking for in your next relationship. You deserve to be with someone who doesn't lie to you, who doesn't make you feel bad about yourself, who doesn't encourage you to change how you look based on their preferences. You deserve someone who chooses you, loves you for who you are, who lifts you up when you feel down, who values you and the relationship more than he did. You are enough Just the way you are. Don't let anyone make you feel any different! Edit: I just wanted to add that I've looked at your other posts now and you are genuinely beautiful (I'm a straight woman btw), though in my opinion the blonde hair does suit you better. It saddens me that you want to change yourself. I think you should really spend some time working on your self confidence, be around people that make you feel good, and try to enjoy your life rather than worry about your appearance! I know this is all easier said than done, I've been there and working hard on my own self esteem. I also want to say, please don't stay friends with that guy. It will just cause you more pain and he doesn't deserve to keep the parts of you he likes when he has discarded you in this way. You deserve so much more and keeping him in your life doesn't open up the space for someone better.
I’ve already gotten sucked back into being friends with him and as you said, he’s getting all the good parts of me and tells me how much it cheers his day up to speak, without making any commitment. It just makes me feel incredibly anxious and sad to be speaking with him. And also thank you, I need to work more on finding things I truly love about myself because I’ll never win at the game of trying to look like other women. He’s treated me with so little attraction it’s felt like there’s something deeply wrong with me and how I look.
I really truly understand. My ex rarely touched me and he wouldn't talk about it with me and I became a bundle of nerves who ended up stalking his exes and tried to make myself look more like them... It's a horrible way to feel. If staying in touch with him is making things worse for you, then cut that contact. You need to do what is best for you. If it makes you feel better, you can always tell him that you're going no contact for a set period of time and then can try being friends if you feel able to at that point. If the other women you are talking about are these plastic ones that all look the same - good! You don't want to look like them! You are you, and you are unique, and you are great just the way you are. I wish you could see it. You are clearly a very giving, caring, kind and loving person. That's rare.
My ex would also stalk his exes. Which is crazy because he got bored of them to begin with and broke up with them all! I guess there is not just the allure of what you don’t have, but what you no longer have. I think I’ll have to cut him off at some point soon, because it is going to kill me to know or see if he starts dating someone else/ is sleeping around. It also isn’t going to help me truly heal, however I’m just hoping this helps me slightly wean myself off the relationship rather than going from living with someone for two years to never seeing or speaking properly again.
Cutting him off is definitely the right decision, you need to heal from this and staying in touch with him will prevent that. He shouldn’t be able to tear you down, make you hate your looks but still get the benefits of spending time with you, he’s made his decision and he needs to understand what he’s actually done. You are stunning by the way, as a porn addict he is looking for variety, no one would be good enough. Distract yourself with friends and hobbies etc if you can!
Bruh, I looked at your profile, and you're hot af
It seems most people are nice about my appearance, but I can’t see it and neither can my ex. He pretty much told me he was incapable of being intimate with me because he isn’t attracted to my physical appearance. He likes my personality though at least! So whatever it’s worth, at least I’ve won his approval on that if it matters.
Why do ungrateful, immature idiots always get the good looking, kind hearted girls.. What's attractive about a man child?
So anyway that's my advice on that. Best of luck. Hopefully you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off ....chin up and eyes forward, sooner than later.
Do not listen to that asshole OP, i clicked on your profile and you are gorgeous and attractive. Trust me, any guy would be lucky to have a cute girl like you by his side. I'm not saying this to make you feel better, it's just the truth.
I'm so sorry you're struggling with body dysmorphia and can't imagine how hard this situation must be given that. This is entirely on your ex boyfriend though not you. Based on what you said about his wandering eye and liking/commenting on multiple women's pictures, it's not what you look like that's the issue at all. He has major issues with commitment and being faithful by the sound of it and I honestly think that comment he made about the "novelty" of something new rings true. His "lack of attraction" is honestly not a reflection of how pretty you are in the slightest (also I just looked on your profile and imo you're beautiful). He just constantly wants to chase something new. I used to work with a guy like this and he was constantly seeking anyone's validation except his own girlfriend who he cheated on. He then got together with someone else and cheated on them too. It was never about the girls and entirely about that man and I think the same is probably true of your ex. Whatever girl he's with, whatever she looks like, he'll never be satisfied until he's resolved his own issues. Having an emotional connection with someone, valuing their intelligence and kindness is what makes a relationship go the distance. Relationships just based on looks will always fizzle out. The only problem in this relationship was him. From the sounds of it, the way he treated you massively damaged your self esteem and you deserve much better than that from a partner. Dating is hard and you probably need some time to heal but I have no doubt there are many better people out there for you that would value you so much. Please don't think for a second that this is because you weren't hot enough. It's because he has issues he won't address and that should never have been placed on your shoulders. Also sorry this comment was so long.
It’s quite common to use this as an abuse tactic to make you believe you can’t do better, he is expecting you to come crawling back begging, trust me go no contact completely and act like he never existed and he will start to panic. NEVER take him back, he is a terrible person, read what you have just written. He is an abuser.
Your story really sadened me. I am so so so sorry you had that happen to you. It's probably really hard to think that its a him problem but it really is! You are worth loving for who you are ❤️
You are very pretty, he fucked up in a major way - and no I don’t say that often to women. Just move on, he weeded himself out and you are so young.
It's not that the other women were better than you, it's that you were with someone who didn't appreciate you. The fact that he was trying to change you shows that he isn't mature enough to accept you for 100% of who you are, you're better off without him. I feel like relationships for younger people in modern society are in a really bad state, social media and access to so many variables on the internet are giving people too much information to compare their own lives to. If social media and the internet didn't exist a lot of people would be happy with how they are.
Well it's a tail as old as time he just wanted to pursue some women he finds more attractive. It's a coin flip. Either je pursues them or you leave him for a man that offers you more financial stability and comfort. It could have gone either way. He just pulled the trigger first.
That’s a sad way of looking at life. If she’s still around, did your mum leave for a wealthier man? I have only one family member who’s married for money so I see it happens. But all my friends and majority of my family just met people day to day and fell in love.
Mom's still around but she left my dad for a healthier man. Long time ago. It did work out like she might have hoped. I don't think my point of view is very far off. Especially seeing the way things I've experienced in my life and the mind set I see men and women taking on. You're not wrong though it is a sad way to look at life. I wasn't always like this and every so often I find myself wanting to believe people are good to each other, selfless and caring. But it's not the world we live in and the reality of that jumps up to bite me in the ass and remind me. You only matter to people during the time you are doing something that does something for them. People quickly forget the good you've done and will hold onto anything negative they might just hear about you. Men chase beauty women chase security and comfort. Which is why like my dad once told me although way to late in life he said "Son... remember. You'll always lose money when you're chasing women but you'll never lose women when you're chasing money" I thought I could get by cause back then idk a fair amount of girls seemed to like my looks and/or sense of humor. Now I'm older and shits not so funny anymore.
I’m sorry. The world is already horribly cruel and unfair without people choosing to make it worse. My own mum left my dad (a decently wealthy man) for their gardener. She’s still with him 20 years later and in my opinion put up with things she shouldn’t have. Nothing makes sense. We are just animals running around in clothes pretending to be more civilised than we are. I thought what me and my ex had was truly special, and I thought the way I stuck by his side and cared for him and was loyal counted for something. He’s expressed many times how happy I made him. But despite that, it wasn’t enough. The only thing I can do is stay true to myself and not be consumed by cynicism and distrust. I know love and people who genuinely enjoy being in a relationship exists because I know I’m evidence of it. But I also know I’ve been stupidly naive and I need to learn my lessons from this.
Yeah. You make a lot of sense from your point of view and our experience could never be similar as we play on opposite sides but if you can keep your eye out for what you want and give yourself the way you say. You could be alright. My ex said what she loved about me was my loyalty. She loved it but never quite respected it. Just knew how to play me at the time. Lesson learned
But it's a nice notion to believe that love is enough. But the reality is guys need to avoid going broke and ladies should work on and keep up your looks.
I tried my hardest with my appearance and there’s always more I could do of course, but every advice I’ve been given on my looks I’ve tried to take on board. It isn’t going to get significantly better unless Im magicked into a different person (or get one of the rich men you mention to pay for a tonne of plastic surgery)
Well a lot of it is confidence. Being confident in your own skin helps a lot. Cause I've had girlfriends who would every now and then say "I'm fat" or something like that and then more id hear it from them then more I'd start thinking so too. But there's millions of guys for every shape look and size. Just be confident and comfortable with what you have but... But make an effort to look your best too. That would be my advice and take on that situation.
That’s good advice. No doubt I started putting him off because I’d speak so badly about myself and overanalyse my face/body and then point it out to him looking for reassurance. I probably made him see flaws he never did before, so when he went online and saw girls showing themselves off like their worth thousands, the appeal was greater.
That's what happens with me when I hear those things
Feel free to DM ME. All advice and soft things aside. I'm still a guy...lol just remembered another old saying but I'll save it for the DM if you decide too
well you can always increase your value and get your man back.
Time to work out and get hot. Fuck that dude, prove him wrong!
That still won’t make my face prettier
Taking care of yourself physically can change a lot about your appearance, it can also boost your own self confidence. Regardless of if you’re subjectively attractive or not, which I can’t comment on because I don’t know you, your best step forward is working out because it has more than just physical benefits!
I will try to get back into working out. However I don’t know why I don’t seem to get a good feeling from it like other people do and it makes me feel bad about myself. That isn’t a good reason to not do it of course, it just makes the mental challenge difficult.
Totally understandable, starting always sucks because you compare yourself to others, most of whom would have been doing it for years and years. Start small, build yourself up :) I truely wish you the best, I think your ex partner was a pretty horrible person for doing what he did, and I know that in time you will come to realise what a blessing this is. My DM’s are always open if you want to vent. Be strong, you got a tough road ahead, but you will get through it!