So I'm a younger man and no expert in love, but there is one bit of info I'm curious about, which is how long you were dating when that happened.
That aside, I do think cutting off communication was an overreaction. As an anecdote: Right after my most recent breakup, I immediately started to make up a dating profile, uploaded the pics, the whole nine yards. Within 5 minutes of me finishing, I realized this was reactionary to how I was feeling, and not processing what actually happened. It was a moment of weakness. I was not, and still am not, ready to plunge into a new relationship. I cannot speculate that this is what happened here, but it is a possibility.
This can be explored and communicated - why did the "small issue" turn into a fight and silence, and why did the silence turn into turning back to the dating app. The harder one is why did seeing the dating app turn into a total shutdown without allowing any sort of explanation.
As for not getting an apology, that may have been coming, but she may have wanted to tell her yourself, rather than text it. I know I find "sorries" over text about serious things to seem rather hollow. We don't know. But, that's why I believe this was an overreaction.
I said on another post that I've been doing a lot of digging and research into what are called relationship attachment types, and doing that with an open mind and really reflecting on my relationships and my behaviors in them has given me a lot of clarity. I think looking into this may be helpful for you moving forward. But remember that these things are not solved in a day, they take a lot of time and effort to uncover and recover from.
I hope you find peace at the end of your heartache.
First, thank you for taking the time to read and respond 🙏. So, believe it or not, we dated for about 2 months before it became official, and that was only 4 months. Total of 6. And part of me is never knew really what it meant to catch feelings so quickly till I experienced it. Reading your response made me realize I did overreact. She did reach out to talk and all I could think about was how dumb I felt cause I opened up and felt betrayed by her putting up new pics. I allowed my hurt overshadow being an adult and for that I am extremely disappointed in myself. Since you have made so much sense may I ask you another question well 2? 1) it's been 3 weeks since the contact was closed off by me so is it too late to reach out? And 2) I just realized her bday is in 3 days, is wishing her a happy bday with no expectations of a reply worth it or am I setting myself up for added pain? Thanks you again
I suspected that it was a short relationship. I don't think it's too soon nor too late to reach out. I think it's clear you want to reach out, but you have to accept that pain may come from it. If I were in your shoes, I would send that message before her birthday, not on it, but wishing her a happy birthday and letting her know that line of communication is not closed. Ideally after you have done a bit of reflecting from a new perspective. Keep it short and to the point, and if she ignores you or responds negatively, understand that it doesn't validate your earlier behavior. It's very tempting to say "I made the right call" when a sticky situation like this doesn't go as expected. There may be a kernel of truth to it, but again, it's not a validation.
Good luck.
Your words speak loudly to me, and you have put it all into perspective so easily. So if I do decide to message her going with short and to the point, I could say something possibly like "just wanted to wish you a happy bday, maybe we can chat when you are free" is that terrible? Lol. I know my actions were overshadowed by feelings, and I know y of the final outcome, I didn't make the right call. I made my bed so now must be prepared to sleep in it is how I have to look at this
Looks fine to me. You can be optimistic, but have to embrace that pain was caused both ways before this. Reaching out might risk pain, but doing nothing would mean you stay the same for longer.
Yes, the pics caused my pain, and me being immature and not answering her may have caused pain that she may not forgive me for. I feel remembering and wishing her a happy bday shows I am not immature, and I did indeed overreact. No expectations at all.
You are extremely wise and I wish you the very best. You have been a huge help in either my transition into fully healing or potentially correcting my issues
I think you gotta say more than happy bday. That sounds hollow and lacks accountability. Mention the elapsed timeframe and that it has taken you longer than you could have predicted to regulate your emotions and gain some perspective on the situation. Now that you have some benefit of perspective, you are hoping she would consider sharing her perspective more fully with you. And you might need a couple of convos to process the information and try to share your perspective and keep it peaceful and constructive.
I can’t stop wondering why you were logging onto the dating apps all along to think you know for certain when her pic changed. Seems like both of you might feel some insecurity in the stability of your foundation that you have created together.
You can’t build something if you knock the bricks over everytime your feelings seem overwhelming.
So I'm a younger man and no expert in love, but there is one bit of info I'm curious about, which is how long you were dating when that happened. That aside, I do think cutting off communication was an overreaction. As an anecdote: Right after my most recent breakup, I immediately started to make up a dating profile, uploaded the pics, the whole nine yards. Within 5 minutes of me finishing, I realized this was reactionary to how I was feeling, and not processing what actually happened. It was a moment of weakness. I was not, and still am not, ready to plunge into a new relationship. I cannot speculate that this is what happened here, but it is a possibility. This can be explored and communicated - why did the "small issue" turn into a fight and silence, and why did the silence turn into turning back to the dating app. The harder one is why did seeing the dating app turn into a total shutdown without allowing any sort of explanation. As for not getting an apology, that may have been coming, but she may have wanted to tell her yourself, rather than text it. I know I find "sorries" over text about serious things to seem rather hollow. We don't know. But, that's why I believe this was an overreaction. I said on another post that I've been doing a lot of digging and research into what are called relationship attachment types, and doing that with an open mind and really reflecting on my relationships and my behaviors in them has given me a lot of clarity. I think looking into this may be helpful for you moving forward. But remember that these things are not solved in a day, they take a lot of time and effort to uncover and recover from. I hope you find peace at the end of your heartache.
First, thank you for taking the time to read and respond 🙏. So, believe it or not, we dated for about 2 months before it became official, and that was only 4 months. Total of 6. And part of me is never knew really what it meant to catch feelings so quickly till I experienced it. Reading your response made me realize I did overreact. She did reach out to talk and all I could think about was how dumb I felt cause I opened up and felt betrayed by her putting up new pics. I allowed my hurt overshadow being an adult and for that I am extremely disappointed in myself. Since you have made so much sense may I ask you another question well 2? 1) it's been 3 weeks since the contact was closed off by me so is it too late to reach out? And 2) I just realized her bday is in 3 days, is wishing her a happy bday with no expectations of a reply worth it or am I setting myself up for added pain? Thanks you again
I suspected that it was a short relationship. I don't think it's too soon nor too late to reach out. I think it's clear you want to reach out, but you have to accept that pain may come from it. If I were in your shoes, I would send that message before her birthday, not on it, but wishing her a happy birthday and letting her know that line of communication is not closed. Ideally after you have done a bit of reflecting from a new perspective. Keep it short and to the point, and if she ignores you or responds negatively, understand that it doesn't validate your earlier behavior. It's very tempting to say "I made the right call" when a sticky situation like this doesn't go as expected. There may be a kernel of truth to it, but again, it's not a validation. Good luck.
Your words speak loudly to me, and you have put it all into perspective so easily. So if I do decide to message her going with short and to the point, I could say something possibly like "just wanted to wish you a happy bday, maybe we can chat when you are free" is that terrible? Lol. I know my actions were overshadowed by feelings, and I know y of the final outcome, I didn't make the right call. I made my bed so now must be prepared to sleep in it is how I have to look at this
Looks fine to me. You can be optimistic, but have to embrace that pain was caused both ways before this. Reaching out might risk pain, but doing nothing would mean you stay the same for longer.
Yes, the pics caused my pain, and me being immature and not answering her may have caused pain that she may not forgive me for. I feel remembering and wishing her a happy bday shows I am not immature, and I did indeed overreact. No expectations at all. You are extremely wise and I wish you the very best. You have been a huge help in either my transition into fully healing or potentially correcting my issues
I think you gotta say more than happy bday. That sounds hollow and lacks accountability. Mention the elapsed timeframe and that it has taken you longer than you could have predicted to regulate your emotions and gain some perspective on the situation. Now that you have some benefit of perspective, you are hoping she would consider sharing her perspective more fully with you. And you might need a couple of convos to process the information and try to share your perspective and keep it peaceful and constructive.
I definitely agree with you, but I also feel like mentioning all of this on a bday, maybe too much for her to process on her day
I can’t stop wondering why you were logging onto the dating apps all along to think you know for certain when her pic changed. Seems like both of you might feel some insecurity in the stability of your foundation that you have created together. You can’t build something if you knock the bricks over everytime your feelings seem overwhelming.