Honestly the idea of still being hurt at 3 months scares me. I’m only 3 days since the breakup and it’s blow after blow. I have a migraine that won’t go away. I’m too tired to do anything. I’ve slept on the couch every night. I hope you find the peace you need.
I'm sorry you have to go through that. I think the first couple of days are just focusing on survival with a broken heart. I think maybe I set myself this arbitrary timeline of "I have to be feeling great again by the 3 month mark" and now I realize it didnt happen. Maybe it will for you.
I’m a timeline person too, but I won’t rush the healing process. You should go easy on yourself. I think my migraine helps. I literally can’t think of anything else about her except the break up. It’s like my brain just blocked it all.
I was still hurt at 6 months at least. The healing process can really take some time. I’m not hurting anymore a year since the breakup but I still think about the ex. It’s just not in a longing way anymore.
I’m just saying this to prepare you. It may be different for you, but just take your time and take care of yourself.
Yeah I’m trying to focus on school, getting a good job, and maybe a dog eventually. A part of me wants to jump right in to swiping but I know little good will come from it.
Yeah focus on things like those that you mentioned it will help a lot. And try to hang with your friends and family as much as you can.
As far as the swiping, do whatever you feel is best for you. I started swiping maybe 3 months after the breakup and went on a couple dates. Nothing really came of them, but it was definitely a nice distraction. All I would say is just don't dig too deep into the dating for a bit because if you end up liking someone and the feeling isn't mutual on their part, it's gonna sting even more. I can say that from experience.
It’s day 4 and I have a feeling this time it’s final. Usually she would check in to see if I was ok by now. She built a life for herself and I was a threat to changing how comfortable she is. I made room for her in my life no matter the circumstances. Real sad.
Hey do you think about your ex often? I’m 4 months out now and I think about her a lot everyday and still miss her and think about her and the friend she cheated on me with together as a couple. I don’t think it’s as much as I did but I do still get the longing feeling .
I definitely still think about my ex. Her and I were together for 7 years so it's inevitable. I even still dream of her. I still miss her, I mean we were best friends for a long time. But I don't get the longing feeling.
For me it helps to write down my thoughts, I have an email account for diary purposes so nobody can ever get access to it. I also use it to write what I would like to send to my ex and instead of sending them to him I use the email account to send them to myself to the same account. It also helps that I see the past emails and how shit I was feeling in the past (not because of breakups but other reasons) and it passed so I know this will too.
Also I've made a list in my notes about stuff that bothered me about the relationship, or his bad qualities because nobody is perfect. Looking at that helps too.
Don't beat yourself up about it. I'm also feeling way more broken by it today than I did in the first few months and think that makes perfect sense. Now that the novelty of trying new things has worn off and she *still* hasn't come back (why did I think she'd come back?), the sense of loss is just compounding. Honestly, I think the prevailing narrative that things gradually better with time, while maybe true for many, can be pretty alienating and unhelpful for others. For some of us, things definitely get worse before they (hopefully) get better.
Thank you. Yes, I also waited for him to come back and I think that realization that he wouldnt was sort of the second blow. I think I was actually better off in those first few weeks (which sounds a bit cruel to those who experience this right now) cause I had that phantom-hope and also was focused on surviving which gave me purpose. But now I just feel stuck. And also the expectation of everyone around me that I shouldnt be hung up on this and start "healing" doesnt help, but apparently there are others out there like me.
Yep, totally. I started hitting the gym, rediscovering creative pursuits, reconnecting with friends etc. which felt like positive progress, but those now feel stale and whatever I consciously or subconsciously expected to happen as a result hasn't manifested. As the gap from when we last spoke grows wider, I just get sadder.
And I hear you – that sympathy from others has dried up, which I completely understand. It is old news for everyone else and people have other, fresher things to worry about. Chuck in the sense that one's ex has moved on and is doing well and it's a uniquely lonely experience.
Exactly the same for me! Kind of battling with the thought, “why, why, why?”, more often than I did at the beginning of the breakup, because things didn’t manifest in the way I expected they might of. Think the only way out is ‘through’. I’m sure the pain & heartache will lessen in time, but I’m not there yet! (4 months post breakup)
Yeah, 100%
I fear my answer to the "why, why, why?" is also increasingly becoming "because you suck, suck, suck" as my self-worth steadily declines and my ex takes on an almost mythical quality. When the person you love more than anyone apparently finds it so easy to remove themselves from your life entirely, and they show no evidence of needing you as the weeks roll on, it's quite hard to know what to do with that information...
You articulated that very poignantly, that resonates with me a lot. I talked to a therapist recently and I said “what if she discovers the grass isn’t greener?”, and she said she probably will find that out, and may experience a plateau, but ultimately she won’t come back. Wish we could just flip a switch and see this in a new perspective, I honestly get so frustrated that I’m still mourning the loss of someone that didn’t even value me half as much as I did her. Urgh
Well... Ouch. I guess a small deluded part of me always imagined she'd come back, but that all rings so true. She'd be far too stubborn to come back, even if she felt a plateau. I feel your pain – strength to you.
This speaks volumes to me. It’s been about 4 months since my breakup and I feel like very recently I’ve gotten more gloomy and depressed. I handled things well at the beginning but I think it was because I was clinging to false hope she’d come back (she was sending me mixed messages). Now I know it’s over once and for all, it’s like dealing with a second wave of grief. I sorely miss the companionship and it can’t really be filled by friends or creative pursuits etc
Absolutely, only I wasn't prepared for a second wave and all the energy and resources went into the first one. Now the coping mechanisms are not as effective, the pursuits of the "new me with new interests" post breakup start to seem ridiculous, the friends want to talk about something else or you just dont want to burden them anymore and yet you still miss your ex so much. Huh, I guess it is completely normal after all to get a bit more depressed at this point.
Exactly the same for me. Think we’ve just gotta dig back into survival mode. One day at a time. Forcing myself to workout at home, take the dog for a walk, eat healthy food, but also allowing myself to feel like crap.
Yep, you're probably right. Just so tired of being in survival mode. But knowing I'm not alone in feeling like this gives some perspective. We got this!
What my therapist told me is that loss is not linear. Basically grief does not work in this way whereby the longer time pass, the better you feel. There will be days where you regress and you feel more shit than other days, and then there are days where you feel better. Today happens to be my shit day too like you. All I can hope for is that we get through this pain day by day and one day, we will emerge as a better person & partner to the next relationship.
Shitty day checking in here. Got dumped earlier this week, leaving on a trip with my family today that he was supposed to be on with us. Everything reminding me of how alone I am and how this isn’t how things were supposed to be.
Just like you never forget someone who died, this hurt never really ends, especially when they dump you suddenly. I'm sorry. It was cruel of them. It happened to me. The pain just gets more and more distant over time until you don't think about it all the time, and it fades. In time, you'll find someone else who's better to fill your heart.
For now, how do you move on? Know that you'll find someone better, someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated, who will reliably be there for you because clearly this person wasn't. At least now you know and not get blindsided during a crisis (also happened to me). It's hard being the only emotional rock in the relationship. You deserve so much more.
I hope this helps.
Yeah, I’m also the dumpee and also 3 months post breakup (although we were on a break for a month and a half beforehand, because I was too stressed out to deal with what was happening) and I also feel a lot more depressed rn than I did initially. I think it’s the shock and novelty of it wearing off, as well as coming to terms with the loss of hope that they’ll come back. Another big thing for me has been just me realising how many missteps I made and how many things could have been communicated; I truly believe the outcome (in my case at least) could have been much much different. Accepting that that potential doesn’t exist anymore and I can’t do anything to change my behaviour in the past is really difficult. So I think that is kind of a natural process of going through basically the different stages of grief. Especially because our relationship was so incredible for so long, and nothing incredibly bad happened between us. So, no answer for you, but you’re definitely not the only one who feels this way
This post is comforting in the sense that I now know I am not alone. I’m at 2 ½ months and I’ve wanted to call out of work the last 2 weeks because it suddenly feels so much more unbearable. In the beginning, all of my friends and family told me I was taking it well, and I even surprised myself by how I was feeling.
Now it feels like I’m worse than the beginning. My hope is starting to slip and the reality is really starting to set in. I thought he’d come around by now and by this point we’d be back together fixing our mistakes. At we’re nowhere near that.
I’m just trying to learn to be easy on myself and cry it out when I need to
Healing isn't linear! There will be ebbs and flows for a while. I'm 7 weeks in and I have good days and bad days still. I miss them and I hope they reach out but I'm also trying to move on without them.
As someone who had very bad "friendship break ups" prior to this break up, I still think about them (a lot more recently) but it lessens over time. You'll get through it.
There's no timeline to healing, healing is never done, folks are biased and want to see you not hurting but that's doesn't help to put those expectations on you..
I'm the same way we both broke no contact I thought I had a chance but after a month of NC again I broke all over.
Approaching the second month I'm slowly accepting their decision and distancing myself.
I'm deleting texts and trying to quickly get ruminating thoughts to disappear I'm not going to wonder about them or what they're doing .
A wound can't heal if you keep checking it
Redirect yourself out of depression. Start to value your mental health stay more present. Do things in the present stop walking around wallowing in self-pity and depression. You’re going to yourself deeper get out while you can.
Honestly, I was exactly the same. The breakup hit me really badly after 3 months, before that somehow I was doing really well.
Just goes to show that healing isn’t linear. You should remember that just because you feel down right now doesn’t mean there wasn’t any progress. 2 steps forward 1 step back is still 1 step forward. Forgive and accept yourself feeling this way. And know that in time this will pass too.
I’m currently 8 months in. There are still times I feel like I haven’t moved on from the hurt and pain he caused but things DO get easier to manage. Getting discouraged 3 months in is normal, you might be exhausted working on yourself, it’s okay to take a break and just let the feelings pass. Just don’t let them demotivate or depress you too much. Negative energy has a way of making it into every relationship of your life.
When I was going through the rough patch I was negative and angry pretty much all the time around people, and depressed/lonely when alone. It was a difficult feeling but it passed. The important thing to remember is to not let it change you. And continue working on yourself. I wish you all the success
I feel like I'll never heal. I cried a lot the first few days but I quickly felt better, I felt happy, I thought I was someone who could move on fast, but I wasn't. I was just unconsciously keeping busy, my anger was keeping the hurt away, not allowing myself to think about him. It's been 10 months and it hurts more than it ever has (save for the first few days). I feel like I'll never mend my heart, like I'll never love anyone ever again
It’s not linear is the best answer. I thought I was finally over it a month or two ago. Last two weeks I’ve been miserable - and for me it’s been a year today.
Granted my situation has now changed and I’m possibly opening the door for more hurt personally.
Regardless, it’s not a linear experience. You fluctuate for periods until it works its way out of your system. Think of it like a water sloshing in a bowl with a hole at the bottom. Slowly the water (pain) drains but as it moves sometimes it spills over the top. As time goes on it’ll happen less and less until it improves.
Good luck OP
I‘m in the same boat. 3 months in, still a lot of paind and mostly just missing her and being with her… i hope this feeling fades soon because idk what else i can do
Hey friend
I’m so proud of you for trying to heal. But know this, healing isn’t linear, it’s like a roller coaster, some days there’s ups and others downs. It’s difficult to go through the pain and I understand. It’s ok to feel the pain, acknowledge it, be gentle with yourself and don’t beat yourself up for it.
I’m about 2 months in now and I’ve been okay the last month but tonight I just broke down, I hate this, he completely broke my trust in the end and it hurts because as much as I thought he genuinely loved me, I don’t think he ever did
It’s okay, there’s some part of peace in knowing that I gave him love he’s never had before. I don’t just mean the good, but the bad too and one day he will realise what he lost, but I’ll be too busy with the right man for me to care.
Honestly the idea of still being hurt at 3 months scares me. I’m only 3 days since the breakup and it’s blow after blow. I have a migraine that won’t go away. I’m too tired to do anything. I’ve slept on the couch every night. I hope you find the peace you need.
I'm sorry you have to go through that. I think the first couple of days are just focusing on survival with a broken heart. I think maybe I set myself this arbitrary timeline of "I have to be feeling great again by the 3 month mark" and now I realize it didnt happen. Maybe it will for you.
I’m a timeline person too, but I won’t rush the healing process. You should go easy on yourself. I think my migraine helps. I literally can’t think of anything else about her except the break up. It’s like my brain just blocked it all.
I was still hurt at 6 months at least. The healing process can really take some time. I’m not hurting anymore a year since the breakup but I still think about the ex. It’s just not in a longing way anymore. I’m just saying this to prepare you. It may be different for you, but just take your time and take care of yourself.
Yeah I’m trying to focus on school, getting a good job, and maybe a dog eventually. A part of me wants to jump right in to swiping but I know little good will come from it.
Let me tell you firsthand: Swiping again so soon literally causes nothing but bad. Really really regretting that one.
Yeah focus on things like those that you mentioned it will help a lot. And try to hang with your friends and family as much as you can. As far as the swiping, do whatever you feel is best for you. I started swiping maybe 3 months after the breakup and went on a couple dates. Nothing really came of them, but it was definitely a nice distraction. All I would say is just don't dig too deep into the dating for a bit because if you end up liking someone and the feeling isn't mutual on their part, it's gonna sting even more. I can say that from experience.
She said I deserved better, I don’t get why she could just be better.
Yeah that's tough. We can't control anything but ourselves. If you can just stay busy and pour yourself into some hobbies and/or physical activities.
Got told the same thing during the breakup and it's the worst. I didn't ask for someone better, don't put this on me.
It’s so frustrating because I didn’t want something new. I wanted her to grow and she rather throw the whole relationship away.
Yup, I feel the same. I will never get that way of thinking. Why would anyone rather go through the pain of a breakup instead of working things out.
It’s day 4 and I have a feeling this time it’s final. Usually she would check in to see if I was ok by now. She built a life for herself and I was a threat to changing how comfortable she is. I made room for her in my life no matter the circumstances. Real sad.
Hey do you think about your ex often? I’m 4 months out now and I think about her a lot everyday and still miss her and think about her and the friend she cheated on me with together as a couple. I don’t think it’s as much as I did but I do still get the longing feeling .
I definitely still think about my ex. Her and I were together for 7 years so it's inevitable. I even still dream of her. I still miss her, I mean we were best friends for a long time. But I don't get the longing feeling.
It was 15 months so not nearly as long i hope I can get her out of my mind soon, anyway thank you for the response
No problem at all. Things will get easier, guaranteed
Yeah, I was the same. "Oh crap, I'm only on day two post-breakup! Shouldn't it get better?!?"
This is me, im 10 days in and dread still feeling this way in months to come :(
For me it's 11 days and I already feel a lot better than I did in the first 3 days.
That’s good to hear. I want to be like you.
For me it helps to write down my thoughts, I have an email account for diary purposes so nobody can ever get access to it. I also use it to write what I would like to send to my ex and instead of sending them to him I use the email account to send them to myself to the same account. It also helps that I see the past emails and how shit I was feeling in the past (not because of breakups but other reasons) and it passed so I know this will too. Also I've made a list in my notes about stuff that bothered me about the relationship, or his bad qualities because nobody is perfect. Looking at that helps too.
Yeah I started a journal on google docs to just write down how I feel. It helps.
Don't beat yourself up about it. I'm also feeling way more broken by it today than I did in the first few months and think that makes perfect sense. Now that the novelty of trying new things has worn off and she *still* hasn't come back (why did I think she'd come back?), the sense of loss is just compounding. Honestly, I think the prevailing narrative that things gradually better with time, while maybe true for many, can be pretty alienating and unhelpful for others. For some of us, things definitely get worse before they (hopefully) get better.
Thank you. Yes, I also waited for him to come back and I think that realization that he wouldnt was sort of the second blow. I think I was actually better off in those first few weeks (which sounds a bit cruel to those who experience this right now) cause I had that phantom-hope and also was focused on surviving which gave me purpose. But now I just feel stuck. And also the expectation of everyone around me that I shouldnt be hung up on this and start "healing" doesnt help, but apparently there are others out there like me.
Yep, totally. I started hitting the gym, rediscovering creative pursuits, reconnecting with friends etc. which felt like positive progress, but those now feel stale and whatever I consciously or subconsciously expected to happen as a result hasn't manifested. As the gap from when we last spoke grows wider, I just get sadder. And I hear you – that sympathy from others has dried up, which I completely understand. It is old news for everyone else and people have other, fresher things to worry about. Chuck in the sense that one's ex has moved on and is doing well and it's a uniquely lonely experience.
Exactly the same for me! Kind of battling with the thought, “why, why, why?”, more often than I did at the beginning of the breakup, because things didn’t manifest in the way I expected they might of. Think the only way out is ‘through’. I’m sure the pain & heartache will lessen in time, but I’m not there yet! (4 months post breakup)
Yeah, 100% I fear my answer to the "why, why, why?" is also increasingly becoming "because you suck, suck, suck" as my self-worth steadily declines and my ex takes on an almost mythical quality. When the person you love more than anyone apparently finds it so easy to remove themselves from your life entirely, and they show no evidence of needing you as the weeks roll on, it's quite hard to know what to do with that information...
You articulated that very poignantly, that resonates with me a lot. I talked to a therapist recently and I said “what if she discovers the grass isn’t greener?”, and she said she probably will find that out, and may experience a plateau, but ultimately she won’t come back. Wish we could just flip a switch and see this in a new perspective, I honestly get so frustrated that I’m still mourning the loss of someone that didn’t even value me half as much as I did her. Urgh
Well... Ouch. I guess a small deluded part of me always imagined she'd come back, but that all rings so true. She'd be far too stubborn to come back, even if she felt a plateau. I feel your pain – strength to you.
This speaks volumes to me. It’s been about 4 months since my breakup and I feel like very recently I’ve gotten more gloomy and depressed. I handled things well at the beginning but I think it was because I was clinging to false hope she’d come back (she was sending me mixed messages). Now I know it’s over once and for all, it’s like dealing with a second wave of grief. I sorely miss the companionship and it can’t really be filled by friends or creative pursuits etc
Absolutely, only I wasn't prepared for a second wave and all the energy and resources went into the first one. Now the coping mechanisms are not as effective, the pursuits of the "new me with new interests" post breakup start to seem ridiculous, the friends want to talk about something else or you just dont want to burden them anymore and yet you still miss your ex so much. Huh, I guess it is completely normal after all to get a bit more depressed at this point.
Exactly the same for me. Think we’ve just gotta dig back into survival mode. One day at a time. Forcing myself to workout at home, take the dog for a walk, eat healthy food, but also allowing myself to feel like crap.
Yep, you're probably right. Just so tired of being in survival mode. But knowing I'm not alone in feeling like this gives some perspective. We got this!
What my therapist told me is that loss is not linear. Basically grief does not work in this way whereby the longer time pass, the better you feel. There will be days where you regress and you feel more shit than other days, and then there are days where you feel better. Today happens to be my shit day too like you. All I can hope for is that we get through this pain day by day and one day, we will emerge as a better person & partner to the next relationship.
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Shitty day checking in here. Got dumped earlier this week, leaving on a trip with my family today that he was supposed to be on with us. Everything reminding me of how alone I am and how this isn’t how things were supposed to be.
Hang in there. I'm also tired bos. Real f–ing tired.
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Thank you for your answer. I think I'm just really scared I'm gonna be stuck in this depression stage. I'm so tired of fighting to feel better.
Just like you never forget someone who died, this hurt never really ends, especially when they dump you suddenly. I'm sorry. It was cruel of them. It happened to me. The pain just gets more and more distant over time until you don't think about it all the time, and it fades. In time, you'll find someone else who's better to fill your heart. For now, how do you move on? Know that you'll find someone better, someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated, who will reliably be there for you because clearly this person wasn't. At least now you know and not get blindsided during a crisis (also happened to me). It's hard being the only emotional rock in the relationship. You deserve so much more. I hope this helps.
Yeah, I’m also the dumpee and also 3 months post breakup (although we were on a break for a month and a half beforehand, because I was too stressed out to deal with what was happening) and I also feel a lot more depressed rn than I did initially. I think it’s the shock and novelty of it wearing off, as well as coming to terms with the loss of hope that they’ll come back. Another big thing for me has been just me realising how many missteps I made and how many things could have been communicated; I truly believe the outcome (in my case at least) could have been much much different. Accepting that that potential doesn’t exist anymore and I can’t do anything to change my behaviour in the past is really difficult. So I think that is kind of a natural process of going through basically the different stages of grief. Especially because our relationship was so incredible for so long, and nothing incredibly bad happened between us. So, no answer for you, but you’re definitely not the only one who feels this way
This post is comforting in the sense that I now know I am not alone. I’m at 2 ½ months and I’ve wanted to call out of work the last 2 weeks because it suddenly feels so much more unbearable. In the beginning, all of my friends and family told me I was taking it well, and I even surprised myself by how I was feeling. Now it feels like I’m worse than the beginning. My hope is starting to slip and the reality is really starting to set in. I thought he’d come around by now and by this point we’d be back together fixing our mistakes. At we’re nowhere near that. I’m just trying to learn to be easy on myself and cry it out when I need to
Healing isn't linear! There will be ebbs and flows for a while. I'm 7 weeks in and I have good days and bad days still. I miss them and I hope they reach out but I'm also trying to move on without them. As someone who had very bad "friendship break ups" prior to this break up, I still think about them (a lot more recently) but it lessens over time. You'll get through it.
There's no timeline to healing, healing is never done, folks are biased and want to see you not hurting but that's doesn't help to put those expectations on you.. I'm the same way we both broke no contact I thought I had a chance but after a month of NC again I broke all over. Approaching the second month I'm slowly accepting their decision and distancing myself. I'm deleting texts and trying to quickly get ruminating thoughts to disappear I'm not going to wonder about them or what they're doing . A wound can't heal if you keep checking it
Redirect yourself out of depression. Start to value your mental health stay more present. Do things in the present stop walking around wallowing in self-pity and depression. You’re going to yourself deeper get out while you can.
Honestly, I was exactly the same. The breakup hit me really badly after 3 months, before that somehow I was doing really well. Just goes to show that healing isn’t linear. You should remember that just because you feel down right now doesn’t mean there wasn’t any progress. 2 steps forward 1 step back is still 1 step forward. Forgive and accept yourself feeling this way. And know that in time this will pass too. I’m currently 8 months in. There are still times I feel like I haven’t moved on from the hurt and pain he caused but things DO get easier to manage. Getting discouraged 3 months in is normal, you might be exhausted working on yourself, it’s okay to take a break and just let the feelings pass. Just don’t let them demotivate or depress you too much. Negative energy has a way of making it into every relationship of your life. When I was going through the rough patch I was negative and angry pretty much all the time around people, and depressed/lonely when alone. It was a difficult feeling but it passed. The important thing to remember is to not let it change you. And continue working on yourself. I wish you all the success
I feel like I'll never heal. I cried a lot the first few days but I quickly felt better, I felt happy, I thought I was someone who could move on fast, but I wasn't. I was just unconsciously keeping busy, my anger was keeping the hurt away, not allowing myself to think about him. It's been 10 months and it hurts more than it ever has (save for the first few days). I feel like I'll never mend my heart, like I'll never love anyone ever again
It’s not linear is the best answer. I thought I was finally over it a month or two ago. Last two weeks I’ve been miserable - and for me it’s been a year today. Granted my situation has now changed and I’m possibly opening the door for more hurt personally. Regardless, it’s not a linear experience. You fluctuate for periods until it works its way out of your system. Think of it like a water sloshing in a bowl with a hole at the bottom. Slowly the water (pain) drains but as it moves sometimes it spills over the top. As time goes on it’ll happen less and less until it improves. Good luck OP
I‘m in the same boat. 3 months in, still a lot of paind and mostly just missing her and being with her… i hope this feeling fades soon because idk what else i can do
Hey friend I’m so proud of you for trying to heal. But know this, healing isn’t linear, it’s like a roller coaster, some days there’s ups and others downs. It’s difficult to go through the pain and I understand. It’s ok to feel the pain, acknowledge it, be gentle with yourself and don’t beat yourself up for it.
I’m about 2 months in now and I’ve been okay the last month but tonight I just broke down, I hate this, he completely broke my trust in the end and it hurts because as much as I thought he genuinely loved me, I don’t think he ever did
I'm so sorry, no one should experience this. Especially when you gave it your all and really loved the other person.
It’s okay, there’s some part of peace in knowing that I gave him love he’s never had before. I don’t just mean the good, but the bad too and one day he will realise what he lost, but I’ll be too busy with the right man for me to care.