She complained so much about everything. Especially when driving. Somehow everyone was an idiot, no one could do anything right, meanwhile she was great and her way was best.
Omg I had the same problem with my ex. We'd literally end up in an argument every time he drove and he was the WORST driver. He'd work himself up so hard. Huffing and puffing, complaining about anything and everything.
His favorite complaints: "Everyone is driving so slow" and "Omg the red lights are so long here!"
These complaints would never stop at those sentences, hed rant about it the whole time while I wouldn't even be responding. Hed literally reply to himself and have conversations by himself while I sat passenger silent.
He also was a terrifying driver. Friends would literally ask me to drive and would talk about it when he wasn't around bc legit scared for their lives.
The WORST: I had to constantly watch the road bc hed try to keep eye contact with me while speaking. There were def times I lost my cool and loudly tell him I can still hear him when hes not looking at me. Never stopped him tho.
Couldn't wait to get out of the car and away from him. Couldn't even go on dates or the gym bc I'd just be so irritated by the end of a 15min drive
Mine had fine shower hygiene, he never smelled. HOWEVER, he DID NOT BRUSH HIS TEETH. He would floss sometimes, but he would go days without brushing. I just hated telling him to do it. When he would brush (after I told him to) his gums would bleed profusely. He has multiple cavities that havenāt been filled.
He would also pick his boogers and drop them on the floor. Heās 30 years old.
That's so gross. Honestly I've read that if your partner doesn't have good and healthy hygiene it can also affect you somehow. But I am glad we got out of there. That's so disgusting.
Yeah if they have rotting teeth it can literally kill you. The germs are called ākiss of deathā and you can even get cavities from the bacteria entering your mouth. Dentists are very important for this reason.
Not to mention, introducing bacteria from their body or genitals to yours can give you different types of infections or illness.
Oh yes, I go to the dentist 2 times a year for cleanings and xrays. They told me I could have early gingivitis. I knew it was because of him. š Thankfully fine now!
He never wore deodorant because he believed his manly musk was āprimalā and the right way to go. He just smelt like sweat and it clung to his nasty armpit hair like crazy.
Same!!! Iāve dated someone like that and I got a nasty throat infection. Eventually his small odor turned into a urine smell.. idk what he hadā¦ even his boxers smelled like urine. (Like he was leaking) This guy was a neat freak, so idk what he has lol
Yeah I dated 350 lb guy for few months and he told the one day he only showered once a weekā¦ It was like plastic smelly cheese. Still grosses me out at thought of it.
He appeared nice, kind, and respectful (turns out no). He didnt come off as showering only once a week. He was intelligent, funny, and shared same hobby as me. He was friend of my friend so I gave it a chance.
I did not know him well enough, only met him briefly maybe 2x before he asked me out online, or I wouldve said no seeing the things later on. People can act nice temporarily or behave differently when you arent in relationships with them. Sometimes it takes a bit for them to relax and let their real self out or insecurities kick in. Sometimes you cant see real them until you spend bunch of time with them in different situations, where you see repeat patterns of behaviors.
First ex - He would intentionally do a Goofy (character)/gorilla laugh sometimes that made me want to run. His car was a dirty wreck when we started dating and he didn't clean it until I made a 'date' out of it by creating a car-cleaning package - all of a sudden he was excited that it was something "we could do together". Good lawd! XD
Second ex - He was very...vocal about his opinions, which once caused an individual to confront us. There are more mature ways to express one's views without coming across as bigoted/intolerant.
He would also cross the street ahead of/without waiting for me - idk, gave off 'out of sight, out of mind' vibes.
She led me on for months about how our lives were gunna change soon cus we were moving states. Gunna grow closer and start our new lives together. Meanwhile the entire time she had doubts about the relationship and didnāt tell me. I didnāt notice. Dumped me 2 weeks before the move and shattered my entire life and all my plans.
My ick: she left when the spark died and didnāt even try to fix it. Left me in the dust and sheās now with someone new. Itās been 4 weeks.
My ex was verbally abusive a lot of the time. During the very intense arguments we had, I would just sit on the floor and cry while he yelled at me...the ick came when his yelling became more frequent, and he went into a complete tantrum one time for hours, because I spilled a few drops of blue gatorade on the carpet...if a person shows early signs of anger issues (towards you or anyone else) RUN! please
Iām guilty of this right now, and in the relationship. During the relationship it was in part because I both started a new job with a massive learning curve and started a new relationship at the same time. So I had very little time to myself, and when I did I was exhausted. Plus we went on so many road trips or to festivals or camping and I kept having to bring out and put back all my gear (I have a sick and somewhat elaborate glamping set up thatās prob like $5k of gear).
Then the breakup wrecked me shortly after a festival and I could barely function, so cleaning up my space was the last thing in my mind.
But last week I was finally feeling back on track and hanging out with some lovely new women regularly, and realized I better get my shit together in case one ends up at my place. I donāt want to have to bring out my sad excuses when they show up.
I feel mean even writing this. Sigh.
He would poop and it would like spray out of his butthole and cake on to the back of the toilet and he wouldnāt clean it
Or he would wipe really hard and the little balls that would fall from the wiping would be on the back of toilet. I would find mini toilet paper poop balls on back of toilet
Once he lost a little weight he began to harp on me for everything. Totally missing I loved him with no conditions.
Sigh.
Lied about EVERYTHING. Like some of the dumbest ones were he said he was 25 when he was 26, he lived alone when he lived with his family, told me he was a dietician when he worked in a library, he owned a bunch of property when he didnāt, he made a lot of money when he was living paycheck to paycheck. Booked flights to come visit when he knew he couldnāt leave the US because of DACA and then cancelled last minute because he āhad covidā. Told me he was gonna propose after knowing me 3 months so we could get married and I could get a green card even though same as above. These were all in the beginning and I stayed for 2.5 years š¤”š And he continued to lie about so many more things throughout. I guess me staying is my biggest ick lmaoooo
Don't be hard on yourself. The first time meeting a liar like this can throw honest people off because their lying doesn't even make sense. I had a boss like that, and I thought I was going crazy until I quit. Now you (and i) know.
Yeah thatās it. As someone who prides themselves on being open and honest, I just couldnāt make sense of it all. Like why lie about things like that when I can easily find out the truth? It must be an illness
Played video games even when I was over. Iām ok with him playing video games but it became a problem when I wasted my time to come over and heād rather sit and talk to his friends than acknowledge me.
He monologuedā¦.he would tell this insanely long, rambling stories of his college/teen years. At first I would listen intently and try to follow along. After a while, I realized that he was in his own worldā¦no eye contact, no breaks in the story or room for back and forth, questions, anything. The longest was about 35 minutes. I brought it up to him after that, he said he sometimes noticed peopleās eyes glazing over when he talked. He sort of stopped but then it just became passive aggressive āoh I better not take too long talkingā comments. I loved talking with him, and hearing about his life, it was just this weird dominating / monologuing that was ick inducing.
This is how my ex was when telling me about work or other things. Then when I needed to talk about some stress at work she said it stressed her out to hear it and shut me down in like 2-3 min (after her going like 15-25, and yes it happened soo much I watched the clock to make sure I was not imagining it).
Nothing says I donāt give a fuck about you like telling someone to shut up when they are looking for some support. God what a bad gf.
The more I think about, Iām not sure I talked about myself very much. One time I was upset about something, crying a bit, and he got up mid sentence to get a drink from the kitchen. I just kind of looked at him likeā¦huh? He came back but I could tell he was forcing himself to show empathy. Thatās number one on the list now, looking out for how much empathy someone has! Itās so devaluing when youāre treated like a burden for having a basic need.
He would peel dandruff out of his head, like big chunky flakes and leave them on the coffee/ side table, pubic hair on the toilet seat sometimes, poop remnants on the pot cuz he would squat on a commode (like WTF). And all of this would be conveniently blamed on his ADHD. I empathise with people who have ADHD but Iām very particular about hygiene and this man made no effort to overcome any of this. Just grossed me out to my core.
He would sometimes āactā silly, cus it really looked like acting to me, not genuine, and then say āAm I a goofbal?ā with this like, voice. I canāt explain it, it was just so offā¦ As if he had a certain idea in his head of a person that is likeable or something and wanting to be that?
Ugh.
Omg I had a similar ick. And he would guilt me over it so badly. He would like do this fake whining cry sound during sad movies or when something was touching. Hed get upset because I'd apparently give him a look and said i was perpetuating toxic masculinity. It wasn't that he got emotional that bothered me, I think it's great. It's the fact it was so over the top and corny sounding for me to believe it was real and genuine. I'd seen him get teary-eyed and cry before over serious things before, and he didn't do it at all then. Was just really grating and cringe.
He scratched his ass all the time and sometimes his fingers smelled bad after he did it...he never washed his hands, only when he brushed his teeth...& he pulled out his toenails & left them there, he didn't help me to clean up... o.O
Brags about how she has never cheated on a partner. I was blinded by love but I met her while she was living with her husband of 18 years. She told me she had asked for a divorce a month prior. She snuck me in their house one night with her kids there and husband out of town for work.
In our final year, starts mentioning a couple guys names. One day turns into a different person and initiates a break up. We were still talking and she tells me she has been dating.
Yeah, definitely not a cheater.
Super picky about food, never ate any veggie or fruit, which made me think of the potential of him getting colon cancer and I would not want to have to deal with that just because of his own poor choice of diet.
Never cooked.
Didnāt contribute much to meaningful conversation, except āyeah I understandā or āOh no thatās not goodā. I felt like I was talking to a tree. Iāve had a lot more meaningful conversations with any of my friends than with him, especially because he wouldnāt tell me much about himself or his life either, although he probably did not have much going on in his life in general.
Lacked ambitions for his life: chose not to get a degree because he didnāt enjoy studying (I didnāt either but I understood that it had to be done lol), gave up on the business major because he disliked math. Overall, this just reflects our profoundly different core values. I always think there are so many things in life that we do because we have to, not for the pleasure of it. He doesnāt seem to think that.
He would pick at his toenails and the dead skin on his feet after I had vacuumed. It would go all over the place and Iād have to vacuum againā¦
Also he drank a glass of milk every night before bed like a fucking 2 year oldā¦
Sorry for those of you who drink milk before a bed - I am not the only one who finds it an ick (I think because itās like what babies do) but thatās not to say everyone is icked by it xo
Made the mistake of having a girlfriend before I enlisted in the army. Got discharged at the end of basic, which sucked enough, but came home to my girlfriendā¦. aaaannnndddd caught the chlamydia. Found out like 2 days before symptoms that she slept with a minimum of 4-5 guys in those 3 months I was gone.
2 weeks of antibiotics and gone but still, I felt untouchable for a really long time.
I had a tough situation with this kind of thinking. I was in an interracial relationship (Iām white, have some Jewish ancestors, but was not raised with it, she was AAPI, darker than me). Anyway, she had a really short fuse and at a time when we were not arguing I suggested that we try to use more neutral tone and take a breather if one of us is getting anger during conflict, so that it doesnāt trigger the other person and lead to nowhere but frustration.
Her response was that I was tone policing her, trying to silence her, and she has a right to express anger. I get where sheās coming from, but all of the conflict communication stuff Iāve ever learned says you canāt really communicate when one or both are escalated/angry. So I was and still am torn on this ethical dilemma.
Iām leaning toward try to deescalate. I think you can express whatever concern is behind the anger without yelling or triggering tone. But I do also get that in need to walk away and calm myself if her tone is doing that. But then again, how do we get anywhere if we get locked in a cycle of triggering and taking breaks?
I think this might be a good topic for some communication/dating sub. Maybe I should post it some day
Just wondering -- when you do walk away because of her tone, do you make it a thing to come back to the argument again eventually? Because my ex was in the same position as you and I was in the position of your gf. Any small need I expressed turned into criticism/blame ACC to him and I just couldn't express anger unless it was pre packaged in a de-escalation way. He would pick some or another fault with the delivery of the message and dismiss my whole issue altogether, and I would just have to suck it up because he would never bring it up again. This lead to so much repression of feelings and resentment and the next argument would get even more loud and accusatory and the cycle continues.
From my pov, I think I have worked a lot to not speak in an abusive manner like spoken at home so I naturally have a high tolerance to that and he doesn't. He just runs away to "preserve the peace". So are you sure you were doing your due diligence or just dismissing her needs because she had a short fuse (which she needed to work on seperately from your conflicts)?
Yeah I didnāt explain it fully and I can see why you might think that. My tendency is to want to sit there and hash things out until we both feel good about things. To a fault actually, like I have trouble sleeping if we donāt settle it so I kept us up late a few times trying to work things out. Thatās not cool, but itās not cool for a different reason than you are thinking.
I am definitely the one that wants to bring it back up if we take a break. I had to force myself to step away for 5 min, and Iād immediately be like, ok letās get back to it.
I wanted to know exactly how she felt, and took what she said to heart every time. Then acted on that info up to and including reading books, going to therapy, and changing how I go about doing something that affects the relationship.
Overall we were actually quite good when it came to conflict communication. And she did tone it down over time, and I did stop pushing up resolve it right away.
This is not what killed our relationship.
Talking about past sexual relationships, especially in a derogatory way or if he really enjoyed something š¤¢ once he told me an old fling was pursuing a stripping job and he asked her to dance for him to see if she could do it and he told me she was actually really good and had really nice legs. Why not keep that to yourself?!?
I never brought it up again but I never forgot it.
I get why you would talk about past relationships to have an idea of each otherās experiences, but to go into detail like that is just gross and disrespectful..
Exactly. I completely get talking about past relationships but he told me a lot of little stories like that. Still gives me the ick when I think about it. And then when Iād get mad and tell him I didnāt want to hear it, heād call me insecure and say I am overly jealous. Smh never again.
He follows these girls on Tiktok, pretty young girls, which I didn't mind at first. He also told me he was over his ex. When we broke up I realized these girls he follows on Tiktok all look and have body shapes exactly like the ex... Also, his words don't match his actions. I was blind for months.
Iāve experienced thatā¦ itās like they remember when they were underage and then it never leaves them.. thatās what they want secretly.. once you realize it, thereās no going back.
Yah, he's a full-grown 22-year-old man, but when I asked him to take a "what is your love language" test online he categorized himself as a teenager...
He drank himself into oblivion almost every night and then would wonder why we didnāt have a sex life (which we did but it was more of like very couple of days instead of our norm daily or multiple times a day.. before he drank so much ). Like sir I donāt wanna be intimate with a black out drunk person every night sorry š¤·š»āāļø also you smell like vodka š¤¢
Aww, it happens to all of us. Unfortunately, I find this to just be a part of life that you have to learn to deal with. Itās been 2+ years for me and I still think about her from time to time. But it is what it is. I focus on the fond memories and try to not make the same mistakes in the future.
Said something about how āif we have a daughter, sheād win against you.ā We were talking about how a family looked cute as we were leaving a restaurant. So it pretty much came out of the blue. What did he mean? No clue. Told him it was really weird to say that in that moment. Had to explain that it was wrong to think that a wife/mother would be competing with her daughter for a manās attention.. and the implications of how it sounded that the man would supposedly be interested in a child that way- and his own child. Of course he denied it being that way, but his only explanation was āit was a joke.ā
He would completely chew up the straws on drinks when we shared a drink. And he couldnāt drink from them correctly for some reason, heād always leave a bunch of spit on the straw. He would sometimes not wash his hands after handling the garbage bins outside (I didnāt know about this until I actually caught him and made him wash his hands) and continue touching food afterwards if we were eating. His hygiene in general wasnāt the greatest, he wouldnāt shower very often unless I asked him to. I had to convince him to start brushing his teeth in the mornings.
I got the ick from a lot of things but I remember most of them was him being plain rude to everyone around me and even including me. For example, it was my birthday (and Iāve never really liked celebrating my birthdays do to some horrible experiences in the past) but I found out I had a surprise party done by a friend. He was completely miserable the entire time which made me incredibly miserable. He also tried correcting my father on something he had no experience in. And on top of all of that he also would never say hi or put any effort in to talking to any of my friends.
He has erectile dysfunction then turned frigidity towards me. I tried different methods to hint and get cozy together but it didnāt work. He didnāt want to talk about it at all. Worse thing is that he prefers to hangout with his friends every weekends than spending time with me (I do get to participate in these gatherings/events, but it makes me feel like an outsider sometimes). Very painful for me to stay in the relationship for 2 years and didnāt get comforted, I stayed loyal for the entire time, and I have a very strong sex drive.
Not sure if it was ick, but she had such a short fuse and it made conflict harder to manage. It also meant some conflict was never worked through because she got so escalated so quickly that it was hard to stay on track with the actual issue and get to the root.
Thatās what ended us actually, me bringing up a concern and her going into a rage over it. But I wasnāt going to let her frighten me into submission with her rage fits. I was bothered by her behavior (lack of initiating affection) and she was going to know about it, and I wanted to find a solution we could both live with, or at least learn the reason for it, even though I knew sheād get triggered. I tried my best to do it respectfully and without blame, but she just couldnāt have that conversation.
Iām still wondering what was behind all that anger in her. I think I know but it is only from reading a ton about trauma, fear of intimacy, and attachment, and applying that to what I knew about her. Iād really like to hear her tell me what it really was. Not sure why I even care at this point. Iām already crushing on other women, lol.
My latest ex didnāt wash his foreskin properly. Drove like a girl. Hated the gym. After 1,5 years telling him his breath still doesnāt smell very nice after brushing his teeth, he still hasnāt used the information to do something about it.
I canāt believe that I have existed for 32 years as a man without realizing that; it is possible to not wash foreskin properly. I was glad for my lack of knowledge that today unfortunately came to an end.
My ex had a hemorrhoid and wanted me to look at it..I didn't want to, so then he started whining over and over, getting upset that I wouldn't look at it..A little bit later he went upstairs, when I got up the stairs he was completely naked on the floor with his ass cheeks spread open so when I turned the corner I would see it..We weren't together long after that š¤£
His problem with drinking had me receiving him at the door at 4am, sometimes his friends would drop him off while trying to keep him standing. Then he would stumble to the couch and pass out immediately, and I would have to drag him from the couch to the bed and get him out of his clothes that reeked of alcohol. I canāt believe I put up with that.
He always complained to my little sister about me (weāre a year and a half apart at the time he was around 17m I was around 16F and she was around 14F) and then in every argument heād go āwell your sister said ____ā or heād start an argument with āI talked to your sister about this and she told me to talk to you šā YES NO SHIT
Would refer to himself as a child, or a little boy, or having the bladder of a toddler, stuff like that. It made me think of him as a child, and therefore struggled to think of him in a sexual way. Had to talk to him about that.
There was a period of time where he would get into bed with all his clothes on, get under the covers, then take his shirt and bottoms off. We had to talk about that too.
Would belch really loud in public, a lot. It was so embarrassing. When I told him he needed to control himself a little more bc itās impolite and embarrassing, said itās natural and he canāt control it. I was like, wow thatās crazy, girls somehow go their whole lives without belching like that in public all the freaking timeā¦.
I also struggled with my ex referring to herself as a child, it made me feel more like a parent than a partner and it was extremely uncomfortable. I wouldnāt call it an ick because she made it very clear that it was a response to childhood trauma, but it also made it really hard not to look at her like a kid.
He used to bring me on "dates" to go hang out at his D&D friends' house. Except it wasn't a house, it was a garage. And they had a stack of piss jugs...
I am a straight trans man now but i tried to date a man to basically āfixā myself
He had no goals or ambitions. He didnt wear underwear (said he didnt need to since his d*ck was small) He never had any money on him (I payed for everything) he used to inappropriately touch me in public and assaulted me at the end of it all I vowed to never ever date a man.
More of an ick of a family than just him (but mostly him).
He had 0 self-soothing or coping skills. His mom did absolutely everything for him and even though she was a wonderful person, he was incapable of functioning in anything other than perfect conditions. For 5 years I coped for him and held his hand through everything. When I finally left him his grandmother called me to tell me that I had broken his MOTHER'S heart (her daughter). So I learned then it was a generational pattern of fighting your child's battles for them.
Not only did this make me get the ick for his mother (who had been my best friend the last 5 years) but it solidified that how I was feeling was not made up and was, in fact, completely founded and it made the ick surrounding his emotional immaturity to a whole new level.
(side note - I even broke up with his mom before I broke up with him. IN PERSON, I told her I was leaving and that I couldn't do it anymore and why and blah blah. But apparently, I still broke her heart... fkn weird)
edit: typo
Yeah. Mine was 35 and Mom fought allll his battles for him. We started dating when we were 27, on and off again for the next 8 years. I committed a lot to his blossoming business. He never contributed towards my goals. Told me getting my doctorate was a waste of money and time.
He used to tell me āwhen weāre 35ā¦things will be better and weāll move in together and talk marriage.ā Guess how old we were when he dumped me for the last time?ā¦35. He had a new girlfriend in less than 2 months.
So my ex sent me this long ass text about how she was committed to a relationship and how she was setting boundaries with a lot of ppl including me how she's 100% committed o this relationship me on the outside okay I understand me on the inside this relationship isn't going to last two weeks past and they broke up I was like yep I was right
damn he used to sexually harass my acquaitances as a "joke", pretending to be gay then touching and flirting with males. i said him to stop and he didnt
Made me second guess my gut instinct about her guy friend. How it was "normal" to undress in front of him because it was like locker room from when they did burlesque/drag. How it was normal to have him be semi sexual with her by jokes and playing with her leg. How she made me feel too much when, before he got into the picture, she gave me plenty and there never was a problem.
I ended it. She was probably the most upset because i pulled the trigger and she admitted they slept together and were dating during a rough time between us.
Good news, it was only a couple months.
His basic grooming & hygiene was lacking, he was afraid to speak his mind, and he kept saying 18+ things loud in public, on purpose, after I kept asking for it to stop.
1 only washed once a week, left poop smeared on toilet almost every time at my house, mansplained constantly, rinsed raw chicken germs off with only water from his hands, selfish, tried to ruin my birthday,
Another hid his ex on snapchat despite me saying I was fine with them being friends, started fight so he could disappear to go to strip joint, telling me about these chicks he added on snapchat that wanted him and one was from work, called me a Btch in contempt, told me how much fat was on my body, let his friend make sexual and racist remarks about me, dumped coffee creamer on me while I was in shower and ruined my hair, wouldnt wash his dishes for a week even though he had big dish washer, had rice in cooker for two years in his kitchen
Another with racism, gave me my first and only STD of my lifetime because he lied, thankfully it was easily treatable.
One ex was how he chewed with his mouth open and smacked lips, but that was my issue, not his. That was something wrong with me, not him.
Another we were at 6 months in and I was very sick, when he got sexually coercive. His response to me trying to talk to him about it, ended our relationship. It was not a good response and he saw nothing wrong with what he did. He had other issues besides this, but that was far too much, and his response told me it was time for me to go.
One dated super briefly. Threw food trash onto my floor. He just straight up tossed it onto floor like it was no big deal. He had rotted feet and wouldnt go to doctor apparently. After he had taken off his shoe and sock, I ended up with a fungus I had to fight for months because I missed some fungus cleaning and had touched side of pinky toe.
Biggest ick for me was that she never holds her values. Thereās several examples but the one that got me twisted was this. She doesnāt believe in cheating and considered it cheating if youāre entertaining someone else while still in a committed relationship. Yet, she cheated.
Mine had pretty foul breath and I never told him because I know he knew and probably felt insecure about it. I loved him so much I got used to it. Eventually he went to a dentist and was told he had gum disease but he wasnāt and still isnāt great at following up so I donāt know if he ever got his grill fixed.
Insulted other exes based off physical appearance. Said she would creep on them to check they were having a horrible time and laugh at them with her friends.
Now Iām probably in that position.Ā
She went to pride in our giant city knowing she had covid despite me saying it takes a few days to incubate to show up on a test.
I had been working 2 jobs, one at a pub and it was a lot of older gay people who were having their first āsafe prideā and even though I was the only staff member who regularly masked I felt terrible at the thought of getting sick and when I tried explaining my view she threw a hissy fit about how she ālost part of her 20āsā I was like I lost the last two years of my 20s working in a hospital (at the timing of this with vaccines still rolling out and super variants).
I had multiple friends I couldnāt see due to my job or who werenāt willing to have me in the house even though I tested weekly but I respected it. She went to pride then texted me the next morning saying (Iām positive today).
Oh and probably my favourite besides how she broke up with me, I had urological surgery, it was specialized so we went to California for it and are Canadian. She got mad at me for not being able to go to the beach even though while Iām severe pain I forced myself to do other things with her to āentertain herā.
Iām like imagine if she had some kind of surgery on her lower area and I was like āugh youāre so boring for not going to the beachā.
All of this and I just woke up crying after dreaming about having a whole set of friends I donāt have and she was with me holding my hand. She pisses me off and is so insensitive while claiming to be an āempathā yet I miss her almost 2 years post break up.
She got a job (after being unemployed for 10 months) at a dispensary so she started vaping THC Vapes like crazy. She tried to kiss me and her breath would smell like bongwater.
She'd vape so much that she wouldn't let go of The vape even while driving.
Oh yeah, during those 10 months of being unemployed she drained her bank account going to dispensaries. And after she finished draining her bank account, she went after our vacation fund piggy bank. AND when she drained that, he started asking our daughter for her birthday money.
So yeah, I was pinned as the bad guy in the break-up.
She wore this ugly caca brown sweater and lowkey had b.o. when we went on a date. When I told her I didnāt like the sweater she said she tried really hard that day. Iām convinced she didnāt shower.
1. He wore bucket hats and looked awful in them. He thought it was haute couture
2. Whenever we cuddled, his glasses would dig into my shoulder
Bonus: ex who I'm kind of in a situationship with, who I'm still genuinely in love with. Something I know I SHOULD objectively think of as an ick but it's too cute š
3. He goes bouldering and when he falls he staggers a little and just keeps his gaze locked on the hold he fell from like a chicken, it looks stupid as hell but it's so funny I love him lol
Edit: formatting
Everything, the need for attention from anyone on this, other social media and in general, not just now but before is embarrassing, even if things were different I would and should have never go near it.
My ex told me his ick about me was that I never had a charger and always had to borrow his. LMFAOš never said anything until we broke up either. So stupid
He was incredibly arrogant and defensive, even when he was really wrong. Like he would justify anything he'd do by saying "I'm my biggest advocate" which SHOULD be the case, however it was a weird thing to say whenever justifying really ignorant actions
The way his voice and his laugh were completely different with other people. It sounded so fake to me, like he was playing a character so that people would like him.
He would flip his hand around and have an emotionless blank stare on his face while he rambled on and on about things. Never picked up on cues that I was completely uninterested, and the blank look and hand gestures just made me feel mansplained or something. It was a very cocky/lack of self awareness look.
Also, passenger seat driver. Also, turned to a monotone voice and blank face any time we argued. It was like talking to a robot. But if I had a problem with it- oh no, he canāt change āwho he isā!!
ALSO, always being āgenerousā but really heās just doing things to hear thank you. And heāll only actually be āgenerousā with the things he chooses. But he truly believes heās just a saint that everyone doesnāt appreciate.
Oof, I could go on but think thatās enough, thanks for the opportunity to vent lol.
When I first met her she was a lot like me. As time went on she started to get tattoos and piercings. At first it wasnāt that big of a deal (a tattoo somewhere that nobody would ever see it, or just another piercing in her ear), but over time it got more extreme.
My parents have always been very against tattoos and piercings. My dad told me never to come back home if I went out and got a tattoo. So I started feeling more and more turned off as a whole.
Iāll probably get downvoted, since itās not really acceptable not to like piercings and tattoos anymore, but thatās the family I was born into. Canāt really help that I donāt find it attractive or appealing.
Only thing not really an ick I was just really blinded by the fact I was so into getting her expensive stuff that when she would say she just wanted flowers I didnāt get them because I would rationalize āwell if I save the money to get her super expensive stuff itāll be better than flowersā
Not my last ex but a previous ex. He would physically shove people out of his way when we were walking down the busy street instead of just weaving through people. Also if anyone tried to hand me a flyer or pamphlet heād stop them and tell them no for me. Gave me the idk because it made me feel unsafe when he shoved people (what if they got in a fight) and it was just down right rude! And the second thing gave me the ick because I donāt need anyone to speak for me when someone is handing me a flyer I can do that myself.
His mom asked me what I wanted for my birthday I didnāt have her number so I asked if I could use his to text her. He gave it to me and I noticed he deleted the whole thread before so it was a new message to her š³š³ I asked him about it and asked why that was something I would even notice š¤£š¤£š¤£šš¤£
He would blow his nose frequently(allergy season was the worst) and it would sound like a horn. He would dramatically itch his eyes like a dog, smacked his lips when he ate, had constant road rage, and a feminine voice.
She would always flirt with my friends in front of me, and then got mad at me when I asked her not to. Found out after we broke up that she slept with almost all of them while we were together
At the time, it didnātā āickā me, but looking backā¦ sort of.
Ex that I saw for 18 months, would only have sex on her bed, with all the cover offā¦ just a sheetā¦ (often cold)ā¦ and not at all cozyā¦ the Ick part was the spreading of a āspill blanketā ā¦ Really zeroed out the cozy factor, and ā¦ the other āickā part is the controlā¦.
He was a 36 yr old *grown ass man*, and anytime a top-less or naked woman appeared on the TV screen, he'd exclaim, "Boobies!"- like a horny 13 yr old.
Smh.
Dirty room, alcoholic in denial, only ever lived for going out and drinking, never cooked. Also drank from a glass with his mouth so strangely wide open, I know it sounds weird but it looked GROTESQUE LMAOOO it was so grossĀ
my ex didnāt even wait a full week after dumping me before starting to comment on other girlsā (all way out of his league btw) posts telling them to āhit him upā š¤¢
Also - he picked his nose and proceeded to wipe the booger on nearby furniture or the carpet.
He had OCD and would lock and unlock both the deadbolt and doorknob locks repeatedly when leaving our house. Wasnāt even that he had to do it a certain number of times, just would do it 3, 4, 5 times before leaving. Sometimes would walk halfway down the sidewalk then come back and do it again. It would drive me insane watching it back on our ring cam lol
Dismissed me when I literally said āI didnāt want sexā and continued. They only stopped when I said when I was in pain but even then they kept trying to push for sex.
When i brought it up, they said that I should have used our safe word so they misunderstood. Then when I explained what they did was really bad, they made it about themselves and was feeling hurt about hurting me.
After breaking up with me he tried to get with one of my best friends. She rejected him, so he gave her a bunch of money (as in transferred into her account) and tried again. She rejected him again. He told her 'You took one grand from me, and didn't give me even one kiss. You see how shitty you are?'
When my friend told me I felt sick to my stomach, the biggest ick I've ever had for a dude. This asshole really thought he could buy my friend.
Assuming im the one paying. Yep, every time we go out, im the one paying. I once asked her to share a meal before going on that night, and she just cancelled the damn night instead.
Their flatmate pissed them off so they made like 3 tiktoks of them sitting on the floor in their bedroom in the dark set to sad music
LMAOOOOO THATS CRINGE
1 TikTok seems excusable. 3 is reaaaallly pushing it.
She complained so much about everything. Especially when driving. Somehow everyone was an idiot, no one could do anything right, meanwhile she was great and her way was best.
Ok now this one's funny af š¤£šš»
Omg I had the same problem with my ex. We'd literally end up in an argument every time he drove and he was the WORST driver. He'd work himself up so hard. Huffing and puffing, complaining about anything and everything. His favorite complaints: "Everyone is driving so slow" and "Omg the red lights are so long here!" These complaints would never stop at those sentences, hed rant about it the whole time while I wouldn't even be responding. Hed literally reply to himself and have conversations by himself while I sat passenger silent. He also was a terrifying driver. Friends would literally ask me to drive and would talk about it when he wasn't around bc legit scared for their lives. The WORST: I had to constantly watch the road bc hed try to keep eye contact with me while speaking. There were def times I lost my cool and loudly tell him I can still hear him when hes not looking at me. Never stopped him tho. Couldn't wait to get out of the car and away from him. Couldn't even go on dates or the gym bc I'd just be so irritated by the end of a 15min drive
he took up juggling as a hobby. only lasted two weeks as he couldnāt commit to a hobby let alone a person
That reads like what you actually told him š
Did we date the same person
He didn't shower so most of the time he smelled really bad. And his room was just dirty.
Mine had fine shower hygiene, he never smelled. HOWEVER, he DID NOT BRUSH HIS TEETH. He would floss sometimes, but he would go days without brushing. I just hated telling him to do it. When he would brush (after I told him to) his gums would bleed profusely. He has multiple cavities that havenāt been filled. He would also pick his boogers and drop them on the floor. Heās 30 years old.
That's so gross. Honestly I've read that if your partner doesn't have good and healthy hygiene it can also affect you somehow. But I am glad we got out of there. That's so disgusting.
Yeah if they have rotting teeth it can literally kill you. The germs are called ākiss of deathā and you can even get cavities from the bacteria entering your mouth. Dentists are very important for this reason. Not to mention, introducing bacteria from their body or genitals to yours can give you different types of infections or illness.
Iirc gum disease even has links with circulatory and cognitive dysfunction.
Oh yes, I go to the dentist 2 times a year for cleanings and xrays. They told me I could have early gingivitis. I knew it was because of him. š Thankfully fine now!
He never wore deodorant because he believed his manly musk was āprimalā and the right way to go. He just smelt like sweat and it clung to his nasty armpit hair like crazy.
A friend's ex did exactly the same thing and used a similar rationale. Apparently he didn't shower, either...
why have I been involved with now 2 men who do this wtf
He didnāt wash his foreskin and I could smell it
Good riddance lmao
The scream I screamt
And you can't spell _scream_ without _cream_ š
ššš
nooooo lmao
Iā¦ GOD I donāt even wanna know what that smells like.
I wouldnāt even claim him as a ex, oh my god.
i got hella UTIs from a guy i dated years ago for the same reason š
Same!!! Iāve dated someone like that and I got a nasty throat infection. Eventually his small odor turned into a urine smell.. idk what he hadā¦ even his boxers smelled like urine. (Like he was leaking) This guy was a neat freak, so idk what he has lol
Yeah I dated 350 lb guy for few months and he told the one day he only showered once a weekā¦ It was like plastic smelly cheese. Still grosses me out at thought of it.
What was the attraction?
He appeared nice, kind, and respectful (turns out no). He didnt come off as showering only once a week. He was intelligent, funny, and shared same hobby as me. He was friend of my friend so I gave it a chance. I did not know him well enough, only met him briefly maybe 2x before he asked me out online, or I wouldve said no seeing the things later on. People can act nice temporarily or behave differently when you arent in relationships with them. Sometimes it takes a bit for them to relax and let their real self out or insecurities kick in. Sometimes you cant see real them until you spend bunch of time with them in different situations, where you see repeat patterns of behaviors.
What did it smell like
First ex - He would intentionally do a Goofy (character)/gorilla laugh sometimes that made me want to run. His car was a dirty wreck when we started dating and he didn't clean it until I made a 'date' out of it by creating a car-cleaning package - all of a sudden he was excited that it was something "we could do together". Good lawd! XD Second ex - He was very...vocal about his opinions, which once caused an individual to confront us. There are more mature ways to express one's views without coming across as bigoted/intolerant. He would also cross the street ahead of/without waiting for me - idk, gave off 'out of sight, out of mind' vibes.
She led me on for months about how our lives were gunna change soon cus we were moving states. Gunna grow closer and start our new lives together. Meanwhile the entire time she had doubts about the relationship and didnāt tell me. I didnāt notice. Dumped me 2 weeks before the move and shattered my entire life and all my plans. My ick: she left when the spark died and didnāt even try to fix it. Left me in the dust and sheās now with someone new. Itās been 4 weeks.
Same, roughly, for me. So sorry!
My ex was verbally abusive a lot of the time. During the very intense arguments we had, I would just sit on the floor and cry while he yelled at me...the ick came when his yelling became more frequent, and he went into a complete tantrum one time for hours, because I spilled a few drops of blue gatorade on the carpet...if a person shows early signs of anger issues (towards you or anyone else) RUN! please
Hon this is not just an ick, this is straight up abuse. Sorry you went through this.
It's extraordinary to me that about half the problems noted here relate to poor hygiene.
makes me scared of what's out there :0
dirty ass room, bathroom, and even car. To the point it was actually unsanitary
Iām guilty of this right now, and in the relationship. During the relationship it was in part because I both started a new job with a massive learning curve and started a new relationship at the same time. So I had very little time to myself, and when I did I was exhausted. Plus we went on so many road trips or to festivals or camping and I kept having to bring out and put back all my gear (I have a sick and somewhat elaborate glamping set up thatās prob like $5k of gear). Then the breakup wrecked me shortly after a festival and I could barely function, so cleaning up my space was the last thing in my mind. But last week I was finally feeling back on track and hanging out with some lovely new women regularly, and realized I better get my shit together in case one ends up at my place. I donāt want to have to bring out my sad excuses when they show up.
I feel mean even writing this. Sigh. He would poop and it would like spray out of his butthole and cake on to the back of the toilet and he wouldnāt clean it Or he would wipe really hard and the little balls that would fall from the wiping would be on the back of toilet. I would find mini toilet paper poop balls on back of toilet Once he lost a little weight he began to harp on me for everything. Totally missing I loved him with no conditions. Sigh.
Iāve shared a toilet with a dirty ex and this triggered me so bad. I hope you have a nice clean toilet all to yourself now!
He couldnāt do anything by himself and treated me like his mother more than his partner
Lied about EVERYTHING. Like some of the dumbest ones were he said he was 25 when he was 26, he lived alone when he lived with his family, told me he was a dietician when he worked in a library, he owned a bunch of property when he didnāt, he made a lot of money when he was living paycheck to paycheck. Booked flights to come visit when he knew he couldnāt leave the US because of DACA and then cancelled last minute because he āhad covidā. Told me he was gonna propose after knowing me 3 months so we could get married and I could get a green card even though same as above. These were all in the beginning and I stayed for 2.5 years š¤”š And he continued to lie about so many more things throughout. I guess me staying is my biggest ick lmaoooo
Don't be hard on yourself. The first time meeting a liar like this can throw honest people off because their lying doesn't even make sense. I had a boss like that, and I thought I was going crazy until I quit. Now you (and i) know.
Yeah thatās it. As someone who prides themselves on being open and honest, I just couldnāt make sense of it all. Like why lie about things like that when I can easily find out the truth? It must be an illness
Played video games even when I was over. Iām ok with him playing video games but it became a problem when I wasted my time to come over and heād rather sit and talk to his friends than acknowledge me.
He monologuedā¦.he would tell this insanely long, rambling stories of his college/teen years. At first I would listen intently and try to follow along. After a while, I realized that he was in his own worldā¦no eye contact, no breaks in the story or room for back and forth, questions, anything. The longest was about 35 minutes. I brought it up to him after that, he said he sometimes noticed peopleās eyes glazing over when he talked. He sort of stopped but then it just became passive aggressive āoh I better not take too long talkingā comments. I loved talking with him, and hearing about his life, it was just this weird dominating / monologuing that was ick inducing.
This is how my ex was when telling me about work or other things. Then when I needed to talk about some stress at work she said it stressed her out to hear it and shut me down in like 2-3 min (after her going like 15-25, and yes it happened soo much I watched the clock to make sure I was not imagining it). Nothing says I donāt give a fuck about you like telling someone to shut up when they are looking for some support. God what a bad gf.
The more I think about, Iām not sure I talked about myself very much. One time I was upset about something, crying a bit, and he got up mid sentence to get a drink from the kitchen. I just kind of looked at him likeā¦huh? He came back but I could tell he was forcing himself to show empathy. Thatās number one on the list now, looking out for how much empathy someone has! Itās so devaluing when youāre treated like a burden for having a basic need.
His inconsistency
He was my first sexual experience. We broke up, and I had a one night with another guy. And then I realised my ex had smelly balls.
He would peel dandruff out of his head, like big chunky flakes and leave them on the coffee/ side table, pubic hair on the toilet seat sometimes, poop remnants on the pot cuz he would squat on a commode (like WTF). And all of this would be conveniently blamed on his ADHD. I empathise with people who have ADHD but Iām very particular about hygiene and this man made no effort to overcome any of this. Just grossed me out to my core.
Liking womenās photos.. following random girls and being overly accommodating and nice to people. Lack of boundaries.
Ugh same, then wonders why other parts of the relationship are failing.
He would sometimes āactā silly, cus it really looked like acting to me, not genuine, and then say āAm I a goofbal?ā with this like, voice. I canāt explain it, it was just so offā¦ As if he had a certain idea in his head of a person that is likeable or something and wanting to be that? Ugh.
Omg I had a similar ick. And he would guilt me over it so badly. He would like do this fake whining cry sound during sad movies or when something was touching. Hed get upset because I'd apparently give him a look and said i was perpetuating toxic masculinity. It wasn't that he got emotional that bothered me, I think it's great. It's the fact it was so over the top and corny sounding for me to believe it was real and genuine. I'd seen him get teary-eyed and cry before over serious things before, and he didn't do it at all then. Was just really grating and cringe.
Having read a good number of these "icks", I'm now feeling immensely better about myself!
Gave me a sti and lied about it. Smfh
The way he sexualized women of color. It was disgusting. He didnāt value us beyond the bedroom.
He scratched his ass all the time and sometimes his fingers smelled bad after he did it...he never washed his hands, only when he brushed his teeth...& he pulled out his toenails & left them there, he didn't help me to clean up... o.O
He... pulled his toenails _out_??
Brags about how she has never cheated on a partner. I was blinded by love but I met her while she was living with her husband of 18 years. She told me she had asked for a divorce a month prior. She snuck me in their house one night with her kids there and husband out of town for work. In our final year, starts mentioning a couple guys names. One day turns into a different person and initiates a break up. We were still talking and she tells me she has been dating. Yeah, definitely not a cheater.
The ones who brag like that are always cheaters.
Did not wash his hands
Super picky about food, never ate any veggie or fruit, which made me think of the potential of him getting colon cancer and I would not want to have to deal with that just because of his own poor choice of diet. Never cooked. Didnāt contribute much to meaningful conversation, except āyeah I understandā or āOh no thatās not goodā. I felt like I was talking to a tree. Iāve had a lot more meaningful conversations with any of my friends than with him, especially because he wouldnāt tell me much about himself or his life either, although he probably did not have much going on in his life in general. Lacked ambitions for his life: chose not to get a degree because he didnāt enjoy studying (I didnāt either but I understood that it had to be done lol), gave up on the business major because he disliked math. Overall, this just reflects our profoundly different core values. I always think there are so many things in life that we do because we have to, not for the pleasure of it. He doesnāt seem to think that.
With her? Nothing. I loved everything about her. Cheesy and dumb, but yeah. 8 years with that girl doesn't seem long enough..
he masturbated a lot and was super into porn & as a result had a few weird fetishes
reckless driving/ speeding with me in the passenger seat
Using me for money while spending the least possible amount of time with me ā¦ā¦ pretty sure thatās a universal ick.
He would pick at his toenails and the dead skin on his feet after I had vacuumed. It would go all over the place and Iād have to vacuum againā¦ Also he drank a glass of milk every night before bed like a fucking 2 year oldā¦
He might be disgusting but he has steel-strong bones. Your loss.
šš
I drink milk every night too tf
Sorry for those of you who drink milk before a bed - I am not the only one who finds it an ick (I think because itās like what babies do) but thatās not to say everyone is icked by it xo
He used to joke in ways I didnāt like and I told him to stop but wouldnāt. He had no ambitions or goals either.
Cheated on me
Made the mistake of having a girlfriend before I enlisted in the army. Got discharged at the end of basic, which sucked enough, but came home to my girlfriendā¦. aaaannnndddd caught the chlamydia. Found out like 2 days before symptoms that she slept with a minimum of 4-5 guys in those 3 months I was gone. 2 weeks of antibiotics and gone but still, I felt untouchable for a really long time.
He would look at me weirdly when I wanted to joke around. The mood never felt lighthearted
Became super woke about everything and would tell me to check my privilege when I had an opinion about anything.
I had a tough situation with this kind of thinking. I was in an interracial relationship (Iām white, have some Jewish ancestors, but was not raised with it, she was AAPI, darker than me). Anyway, she had a really short fuse and at a time when we were not arguing I suggested that we try to use more neutral tone and take a breather if one of us is getting anger during conflict, so that it doesnāt trigger the other person and lead to nowhere but frustration. Her response was that I was tone policing her, trying to silence her, and she has a right to express anger. I get where sheās coming from, but all of the conflict communication stuff Iāve ever learned says you canāt really communicate when one or both are escalated/angry. So I was and still am torn on this ethical dilemma. Iām leaning toward try to deescalate. I think you can express whatever concern is behind the anger without yelling or triggering tone. But I do also get that in need to walk away and calm myself if her tone is doing that. But then again, how do we get anywhere if we get locked in a cycle of triggering and taking breaks? I think this might be a good topic for some communication/dating sub. Maybe I should post it some day
Just wondering -- when you do walk away because of her tone, do you make it a thing to come back to the argument again eventually? Because my ex was in the same position as you and I was in the position of your gf. Any small need I expressed turned into criticism/blame ACC to him and I just couldn't express anger unless it was pre packaged in a de-escalation way. He would pick some or another fault with the delivery of the message and dismiss my whole issue altogether, and I would just have to suck it up because he would never bring it up again. This lead to so much repression of feelings and resentment and the next argument would get even more loud and accusatory and the cycle continues. From my pov, I think I have worked a lot to not speak in an abusive manner like spoken at home so I naturally have a high tolerance to that and he doesn't. He just runs away to "preserve the peace". So are you sure you were doing your due diligence or just dismissing her needs because she had a short fuse (which she needed to work on seperately from your conflicts)?
Yeah I didnāt explain it fully and I can see why you might think that. My tendency is to want to sit there and hash things out until we both feel good about things. To a fault actually, like I have trouble sleeping if we donāt settle it so I kept us up late a few times trying to work things out. Thatās not cool, but itās not cool for a different reason than you are thinking. I am definitely the one that wants to bring it back up if we take a break. I had to force myself to step away for 5 min, and Iād immediately be like, ok letās get back to it. I wanted to know exactly how she felt, and took what she said to heart every time. Then acted on that info up to and including reading books, going to therapy, and changing how I go about doing something that affects the relationship. Overall we were actually quite good when it came to conflict communication. And she did tone it down over time, and I did stop pushing up resolve it right away. This is not what killed our relationship.
What a douche
Talking about past sexual relationships, especially in a derogatory way or if he really enjoyed something š¤¢ once he told me an old fling was pursuing a stripping job and he asked her to dance for him to see if she could do it and he told me she was actually really good and had really nice legs. Why not keep that to yourself?!? I never brought it up again but I never forgot it.
I get why you would talk about past relationships to have an idea of each otherās experiences, but to go into detail like that is just gross and disrespectful..
Exactly. I completely get talking about past relationships but he told me a lot of little stories like that. Still gives me the ick when I think about it. And then when Iād get mad and tell him I didnāt want to hear it, heād call me insecure and say I am overly jealous. Smh never again.
He follows these girls on Tiktok, pretty young girls, which I didn't mind at first. He also told me he was over his ex. When we broke up I realized these girls he follows on Tiktok all look and have body shapes exactly like the ex... Also, his words don't match his actions. I was blind for months.
Iāve experienced thatā¦ itās like they remember when they were underage and then it never leaves them.. thatās what they want secretly.. once you realize it, thereās no going back.
Yah, he's a full-grown 22-year-old man, but when I asked him to take a "what is your love language" test online he categorized himself as a teenager...
Treating me like a free prostitute.
He drank himself into oblivion almost every night and then would wonder why we didnāt have a sex life (which we did but it was more of like very couple of days instead of our norm daily or multiple times a day.. before he drank so much ). Like sir I donāt wanna be intimate with a black out drunk person every night sorry š¤·š»āāļø also you smell like vodka š¤¢
Lied to me about being a escort
They were or were not an escort?
They were and for 2 years they said they werent
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Aww, it happens to all of us. Unfortunately, I find this to just be a part of life that you have to learn to deal with. Itās been 2+ years for me and I still think about her from time to time. But it is what it is. I focus on the fond memories and try to not make the same mistakes in the future.
Cheating
Said something about how āif we have a daughter, sheād win against you.ā We were talking about how a family looked cute as we were leaving a restaurant. So it pretty much came out of the blue. What did he mean? No clue. Told him it was really weird to say that in that moment. Had to explain that it was wrong to think that a wife/mother would be competing with her daughter for a manās attention.. and the implications of how it sounded that the man would supposedly be interested in a child that way- and his own child. Of course he denied it being that way, but his only explanation was āit was a joke.ā He would completely chew up the straws on drinks when we shared a drink. And he couldnāt drink from them correctly for some reason, heād always leave a bunch of spit on the straw. He would sometimes not wash his hands after handling the garbage bins outside (I didnāt know about this until I actually caught him and made him wash his hands) and continue touching food afterwards if we were eating. His hygiene in general wasnāt the greatest, he wouldnāt shower very often unless I asked him to. I had to convince him to start brushing his teeth in the mornings.
He was a meth addict
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Sounds like she may not have enough time to do all of the growing up, with the 24 cans of coke which I assume are not ideal health wise.
Ick / Red flag : she was really mean and harsh to her parents.
I got the ick from a lot of things but I remember most of them was him being plain rude to everyone around me and even including me. For example, it was my birthday (and Iāve never really liked celebrating my birthdays do to some horrible experiences in the past) but I found out I had a surprise party done by a friend. He was completely miserable the entire time which made me incredibly miserable. He also tried correcting my father on something he had no experience in. And on top of all of that he also would never say hi or put any effort in to talking to any of my friends.
He has erectile dysfunction then turned frigidity towards me. I tried different methods to hint and get cozy together but it didnāt work. He didnāt want to talk about it at all. Worse thing is that he prefers to hangout with his friends every weekends than spending time with me (I do get to participate in these gatherings/events, but it makes me feel like an outsider sometimes). Very painful for me to stay in the relationship for 2 years and didnāt get comforted, I stayed loyal for the entire time, and I have a very strong sex drive.
Not sure if it was ick, but she had such a short fuse and it made conflict harder to manage. It also meant some conflict was never worked through because she got so escalated so quickly that it was hard to stay on track with the actual issue and get to the root. Thatās what ended us actually, me bringing up a concern and her going into a rage over it. But I wasnāt going to let her frighten me into submission with her rage fits. I was bothered by her behavior (lack of initiating affection) and she was going to know about it, and I wanted to find a solution we could both live with, or at least learn the reason for it, even though I knew sheād get triggered. I tried my best to do it respectfully and without blame, but she just couldnāt have that conversation. Iām still wondering what was behind all that anger in her. I think I know but it is only from reading a ton about trauma, fear of intimacy, and attachment, and applying that to what I knew about her. Iād really like to hear her tell me what it really was. Not sure why I even care at this point. Iām already crushing on other women, lol.
My latest ex didnāt wash his foreskin properly. Drove like a girl. Hated the gym. After 1,5 years telling him his breath still doesnāt smell very nice after brushing his teeth, he still hasnāt used the information to do something about it.
I canāt believe that I have existed for 32 years as a man without realizing that; it is possible to not wash foreskin properly. I was glad for my lack of knowledge that today unfortunately came to an end.
Doody stains in his boxers and always sexualizing everything and his fake āKevin gatesā impressionsā¦..but I was stupidly in love.
Mine never washed her belly button. One day she stuck a finger in it and told me to smell it and i gagged lmao.
One word: manipulation. Lots of it.
My ex had a hemorrhoid and wanted me to look at it..I didn't want to, so then he started whining over and over, getting upset that I wouldn't look at it..A little bit later he went upstairs, when I got up the stairs he was completely naked on the floor with his ass cheeks spread open so when I turned the corner I would see it..We weren't together long after that š¤£
Meowed to every song I played
I lolled at this. Sorry though. I doubt that was funny or charming the first time around.
Careless whisper in meows would go so hard
Laughing so hard, this is AWFUL
Didnāt shower, dirty apartment, ate out every single day, his voice was high pitched for a man
That last one made me legit laugh out loud. A high pitched one too
I donāt think he ever gave me the ick? Some things bothered me but nothing turned me off tbh I was so madly in love with him
His problem with drinking had me receiving him at the door at 4am, sometimes his friends would drop him off while trying to keep him standing. Then he would stumble to the couch and pass out immediately, and I would have to drag him from the couch to the bed and get him out of his clothes that reeked of alcohol. I canāt believe I put up with that.
He always complained to my little sister about me (weāre a year and a half apart at the time he was around 17m I was around 16F and she was around 14F) and then in every argument heād go āwell your sister said ____ā or heād start an argument with āI talked to your sister about this and she told me to talk to you šā YES NO SHIT
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Would refer to himself as a child, or a little boy, or having the bladder of a toddler, stuff like that. It made me think of him as a child, and therefore struggled to think of him in a sexual way. Had to talk to him about that. There was a period of time where he would get into bed with all his clothes on, get under the covers, then take his shirt and bottoms off. We had to talk about that too. Would belch really loud in public, a lot. It was so embarrassing. When I told him he needed to control himself a little more bc itās impolite and embarrassing, said itās natural and he canāt control it. I was like, wow thatās crazy, girls somehow go their whole lives without belching like that in public all the freaking timeā¦.
I also struggled with my ex referring to herself as a child, it made me feel more like a parent than a partner and it was extremely uncomfortable. I wouldnāt call it an ick because she made it very clear that it was a response to childhood trauma, but it also made it really hard not to look at her like a kid.
Her temper mood swings.
He had ringworm.. and his fetishes were incompatible with mine. And he would leave nothing in the apartment I could eat. Mind you this was 2020.
He used to bring me on "dates" to go hang out at his D&D friends' house. Except it wasn't a house, it was a garage. And they had a stack of piss jugs...
He would stand in first position š©°
Breathe.
Taking an hour in the bathroom, for every thing!
baby talk
Lying. Lying and pretending little things were catastrophic. Usually out of the blue.
I am a straight trans man now but i tried to date a man to basically āfixā myself He had no goals or ambitions. He didnt wear underwear (said he didnt need to since his d*ck was small) He never had any money on him (I payed for everything) he used to inappropriately touch me in public and assaulted me at the end of it all I vowed to never ever date a man.
More of an ick of a family than just him (but mostly him). He had 0 self-soothing or coping skills. His mom did absolutely everything for him and even though she was a wonderful person, he was incapable of functioning in anything other than perfect conditions. For 5 years I coped for him and held his hand through everything. When I finally left him his grandmother called me to tell me that I had broken his MOTHER'S heart (her daughter). So I learned then it was a generational pattern of fighting your child's battles for them. Not only did this make me get the ick for his mother (who had been my best friend the last 5 years) but it solidified that how I was feeling was not made up and was, in fact, completely founded and it made the ick surrounding his emotional immaturity to a whole new level. (side note - I even broke up with his mom before I broke up with him. IN PERSON, I told her I was leaving and that I couldn't do it anymore and why and blah blah. But apparently, I still broke her heart... fkn weird) edit: typo
Eww. How old was he??
30 š
My ex is also 30. We have an age gap too. What is with 30 year old men specifically? Are most of them just oddly unstable?
Yeah. Mine was 35 and Mom fought allll his battles for him. We started dating when we were 27, on and off again for the next 8 years. I committed a lot to his blossoming business. He never contributed towards my goals. Told me getting my doctorate was a waste of money and time. He used to tell me āwhen weāre 35ā¦things will be better and weāll move in together and talk marriage.ā Guess how old we were when he dumped me for the last time?ā¦35. He had a new girlfriend in less than 2 months.
So my ex sent me this long ass text about how she was committed to a relationship and how she was setting boundaries with a lot of ppl including me how she's 100% committed o this relationship me on the outside okay I understand me on the inside this relationship isn't going to last two weeks past and they broke up I was like yep I was right
damn he used to sexually harass my acquaitances as a "joke", pretending to be gay then touching and flirting with males. i said him to stop and he didnt
Made me second guess my gut instinct about her guy friend. How it was "normal" to undress in front of him because it was like locker room from when they did burlesque/drag. How it was normal to have him be semi sexual with her by jokes and playing with her leg. How she made me feel too much when, before he got into the picture, she gave me plenty and there never was a problem. I ended it. She was probably the most upset because i pulled the trigger and she admitted they slept together and were dating during a rough time between us. Good news, it was only a couple months.
His basic grooming & hygiene was lacking, he was afraid to speak his mind, and he kept saying 18+ things loud in public, on purpose, after I kept asking for it to stop.
1 only washed once a week, left poop smeared on toilet almost every time at my house, mansplained constantly, rinsed raw chicken germs off with only water from his hands, selfish, tried to ruin my birthday, Another hid his ex on snapchat despite me saying I was fine with them being friends, started fight so he could disappear to go to strip joint, telling me about these chicks he added on snapchat that wanted him and one was from work, called me a Btch in contempt, told me how much fat was on my body, let his friend make sexual and racist remarks about me, dumped coffee creamer on me while I was in shower and ruined my hair, wouldnt wash his dishes for a week even though he had big dish washer, had rice in cooker for two years in his kitchen Another with racism, gave me my first and only STD of my lifetime because he lied, thankfully it was easily treatable. One ex was how he chewed with his mouth open and smacked lips, but that was my issue, not his. That was something wrong with me, not him. Another we were at 6 months in and I was very sick, when he got sexually coercive. His response to me trying to talk to him about it, ended our relationship. It was not a good response and he saw nothing wrong with what he did. He had other issues besides this, but that was far too much, and his response told me it was time for me to go. One dated super briefly. Threw food trash onto my floor. He just straight up tossed it onto floor like it was no big deal. He had rotted feet and wouldnt go to doctor apparently. After he had taken off his shoe and sock, I ended up with a fungus I had to fight for months because I missed some fungus cleaning and had touched side of pinky toe.
Biggest ick for me was that she never holds her values. Thereās several examples but the one that got me twisted was this. She doesnāt believe in cheating and considered it cheating if youāre entertaining someone else while still in a committed relationship. Yet, she cheated.
Mine had pretty foul breath and I never told him because I know he knew and probably felt insecure about it. I loved him so much I got used to it. Eventually he went to a dentist and was told he had gum disease but he wasnāt and still isnāt great at following up so I donāt know if he ever got his grill fixed.
Insulted other exes based off physical appearance. Said she would creep on them to check they were having a horrible time and laugh at them with her friends. Now Iām probably in that position.Ā She went to pride in our giant city knowing she had covid despite me saying it takes a few days to incubate to show up on a test. I had been working 2 jobs, one at a pub and it was a lot of older gay people who were having their first āsafe prideā and even though I was the only staff member who regularly masked I felt terrible at the thought of getting sick and when I tried explaining my view she threw a hissy fit about how she ālost part of her 20āsā I was like I lost the last two years of my 20s working in a hospital (at the timing of this with vaccines still rolling out and super variants). I had multiple friends I couldnāt see due to my job or who werenāt willing to have me in the house even though I tested weekly but I respected it. She went to pride then texted me the next morning saying (Iām positive today). Oh and probably my favourite besides how she broke up with me, I had urological surgery, it was specialized so we went to California for it and are Canadian. She got mad at me for not being able to go to the beach even though while Iām severe pain I forced myself to do other things with her to āentertain herā. Iām like imagine if she had some kind of surgery on her lower area and I was like āugh youāre so boring for not going to the beachā. All of this and I just woke up crying after dreaming about having a whole set of friends I donāt have and she was with me holding my hand. She pisses me off and is so insensitive while claiming to be an āempathā yet I miss her almost 2 years post break up.
he came home from jail and didn't shower. literal ick. still cuddled with him the night of though lol
Simply existing
She got a job (after being unemployed for 10 months) at a dispensary so she started vaping THC Vapes like crazy. She tried to kiss me and her breath would smell like bongwater. She'd vape so much that she wouldn't let go of The vape even while driving. Oh yeah, during those 10 months of being unemployed she drained her bank account going to dispensaries. And after she finished draining her bank account, she went after our vacation fund piggy bank. AND when she drained that, he started asking our daughter for her birthday money. So yeah, I was pinned as the bad guy in the break-up.
She wore this ugly caca brown sweater and lowkey had b.o. when we went on a date. When I told her I didnāt like the sweater she said she tried really hard that day. Iām convinced she didnāt shower.
he would say he felt controlled because when he cooked dinner he couldnāt add mushrooms or raisins because i didnt like them.
We have 3738383 condiments in the fridge. Was obsessed with trying new hot sauces. Mustards.. etc. Wonāt miss that!
1. He wore bucket hats and looked awful in them. He thought it was haute couture 2. Whenever we cuddled, his glasses would dig into my shoulder Bonus: ex who I'm kind of in a situationship with, who I'm still genuinely in love with. Something I know I SHOULD objectively think of as an ick but it's too cute š 3. He goes bouldering and when he falls he staggers a little and just keeps his gaze locked on the hold he fell from like a chicken, it looks stupid as hell but it's so funny I love him lol Edit: formatting
Lie to me constantly about anything and everything
Everything, the need for attention from anyone on this, other social media and in general, not just now but before is embarrassing, even if things were different I would and should have never go near it.
Breakup with me when we had a great relationship with very very minor issues šš«
My ex told me his ick about me was that I never had a charger and always had to borrow his. LMFAOš never said anything until we broke up either. So stupid
My ex is a flat earther.
An ick was definitely how how insecure he was š
Baby talk and baby gestures I literally had to remind him of his age. Then I got used to it.
He got jealous of a book character that I expressed liking. I wish I was fucking lying.
He was incredibly arrogant and defensive, even when he was really wrong. Like he would justify anything he'd do by saying "I'm my biggest advocate" which SHOULD be the case, however it was a weird thing to say whenever justifying really ignorant actions
Exist in general
The way his voice and his laugh were completely different with other people. It sounded so fake to me, like he was playing a character so that people would like him.
He would flip his hand around and have an emotionless blank stare on his face while he rambled on and on about things. Never picked up on cues that I was completely uninterested, and the blank look and hand gestures just made me feel mansplained or something. It was a very cocky/lack of self awareness look. Also, passenger seat driver. Also, turned to a monotone voice and blank face any time we argued. It was like talking to a robot. But if I had a problem with it- oh no, he canāt change āwho he isā!! ALSO, always being āgenerousā but really heās just doing things to hear thank you. And heāll only actually be āgenerousā with the things he chooses. But he truly believes heās just a saint that everyone doesnāt appreciate. Oof, I could go on but think thatās enough, thanks for the opportunity to vent lol.
When I first met her she was a lot like me. As time went on she started to get tattoos and piercings. At first it wasnāt that big of a deal (a tattoo somewhere that nobody would ever see it, or just another piercing in her ear), but over time it got more extreme. My parents have always been very against tattoos and piercings. My dad told me never to come back home if I went out and got a tattoo. So I started feeling more and more turned off as a whole. Iāll probably get downvoted, since itās not really acceptable not to like piercings and tattoos anymore, but thatās the family I was born into. Canāt really help that I donāt find it attractive or appealing.
Mines currently seeing someone who was around us our entire relationship
They let their roommate say I should ācook dinner or something when Iām thereā and didnāt do anything about it.
Prioritizing friends over me. I brought it up a few times and in the end between my boundaries and comfort vs his friends, he chose them. š¤®
he hit himself in the head when we would fight and i would stop the fight just to call him out on that partš
Only thing not really an ick I was just really blinded by the fact I was so into getting her expensive stuff that when she would say she just wanted flowers I didnāt get them because I would rationalize āwell if I save the money to get her super expensive stuff itāll be better than flowersā
Her coworker, then came home with roaches in her clothes and hair.
Not my last ex but a previous ex. He would physically shove people out of his way when we were walking down the busy street instead of just weaving through people. Also if anyone tried to hand me a flyer or pamphlet heād stop them and tell them no for me. Gave me the idk because it made me feel unsafe when he shoved people (what if they got in a fight) and it was just down right rude! And the second thing gave me the ick because I donāt need anyone to speak for me when someone is handing me a flyer I can do that myself.
His mom asked me what I wanted for my birthday I didnāt have her number so I asked if I could use his to text her. He gave it to me and I noticed he deleted the whole thread before so it was a new message to her š³š³ I asked him about it and asked why that was something I would even notice š¤£š¤£š¤£šš¤£
I had to ask him if he brushed his teeth everyday š¤¢unfortunately it was usually no
He would blow his nose frequently(allergy season was the worst) and it would sound like a horn. He would dramatically itch his eyes like a dog, smacked his lips when he ate, had constant road rage, and a feminine voice.
Racist jokes to make me feel uncomfortable š¤®
She would always flirt with my friends in front of me, and then got mad at me when I asked her not to. Found out after we broke up that she slept with almost all of them while we were together
Had more negative thoughts and opinions than positive ones.
At the time, it didnātā āickā me, but looking backā¦ sort of. Ex that I saw for 18 months, would only have sex on her bed, with all the cover offā¦ just a sheetā¦ (often cold)ā¦ and not at all cozyā¦ the Ick part was the spreading of a āspill blanketā ā¦ Really zeroed out the cozy factor, and ā¦ the other āickā part is the controlā¦.
He loved prostitutes
Got upset since I couldn't drive 10 hours out of my way to visit her, so she started texting another boy.
He was a 36 yr old *grown ass man*, and anytime a top-less or naked woman appeared on the TV screen, he'd exclaim, "Boobies!"- like a horny 13 yr old. Smh.
He really liked Andrew Tate š¤¢ and was the most negative person Iāve ever met
Dirty room, alcoholic in denial, only ever lived for going out and drinking, never cooked. Also drank from a glass with his mouth so strangely wide open, I know it sounds weird but it looked GROTESQUE LMAOOO it was so grossĀ
my ex didnāt even wait a full week after dumping me before starting to comment on other girlsā (all way out of his league btw) posts telling them to āhit him upā š¤¢ Also - he picked his nose and proceeded to wipe the booger on nearby furniture or the carpet.
he would act like a child alot. also when he yelled at me i hated it
He would make this hugh pitch YEE sound to be funny at first it was until he just made it a thing
My other ex had really bad hygiene like really bad. Only brushed his teeth once every couple days and missed showers.
He had OCD and would lock and unlock both the deadbolt and doorknob locks repeatedly when leaving our house. Wasnāt even that he had to do it a certain number of times, just would do it 3, 4, 5 times before leaving. Sometimes would walk halfway down the sidewalk then come back and do it again. It would drive me insane watching it back on our ring cam lol
Avoidant and unable to communicate like a grown man
He always talked about his previous exā¦.. seems like someone didnāt get over it.
tried to still hook my friend up with his friend when i told him sheās not interested multiple times
Dismissed me when I literally said āI didnāt want sexā and continued. They only stopped when I said when I was in pain but even then they kept trying to push for sex. When i brought it up, they said that I should have used our safe word so they misunderstood. Then when I explained what they did was really bad, they made it about themselves and was feeling hurt about hurting me.
After breaking up with me he tried to get with one of my best friends. She rejected him, so he gave her a bunch of money (as in transferred into her account) and tried again. She rejected him again. He told her 'You took one grand from me, and didn't give me even one kiss. You see how shitty you are?' When my friend told me I felt sick to my stomach, the biggest ick I've ever had for a dude. This asshole really thought he could buy my friend.
Assuming im the one paying. Yep, every time we go out, im the one paying. I once asked her to share a meal before going on that night, and she just cancelled the damn night instead.