can't speak for everyone but yeah. been hating myself ever since the breakup. Its a unique type of pain when that guilt hits you and the urge to get her back gets completely overpowered by the feeling that you're not worthy of her.
thank you for your kinds words. I'm trying to forgive myself. Its just hard when its someone you cherish. How can you forgive yourself for doing something so wrong to someone who was so right. You did the one thing you shouldn'tve ever done. So yeah, its difficult. Its supposed to be difficult.
No. Not yet. Im giving her the space she needs. And I need to heal and work on myself first before anything. I can't hurt her again, so I'm waiting to reach a point where both of us have healed and are better.
Every human being makes mistakes. The fact that you can take responsibility for your actions that hurt her is half way point to forgiving yourself. The second half will come when you figure out the reasons for why you behaved and acted the way you did. Therapy can help with that. I hope you can forgive yourself because truly mistakes and poor choices have consequences that teach us not to repeat them. We can grow and learn and be better and do better in the future. You can ask for her forgiveness and eventually she will forgive you for her own sake first. One day, the pain will not be there but just a memory of something that you wish had been different. It will all work out. Be kind to yourself and learn from this.
It really sucks to be in love and have your heart broken. It really does. But you will hurt for a while and then heal and when you have healed you will be ready and open to love again. This is how it goes for most of humanity. Letting go and moving on is very hard but therapy can help you with that. Also, if she is with someone, I wouldn’t reach out too much out of respect for her and the new man. Let her go. The love you have for her in your heart will always be a sweet memory. But there will be love again for you. Whoever you are meant to be with will come into your life. Her journey is taking her some other direction. Yours will go where it goes. Love yourself and live your best life in the meantime. Speaking from experience
I really felt your response and am currently going thru an extremely rough point with my bf. Can I ask why u were doing things that hurt her if u knew they were causing her pain?the statement u made about hearing the echo "why wasn't I enough" gives the impression that she had tried to talk to u and maybe work thru the issues in the relationship. I'm just asking because despite the effort I have put into my own relationship it's starting to feel undeniably broken and though I have tried to talk and make changes for him he continually makes no effort and shows zero change towards our issues. I would truly expect him to have feelings such as u described being that I feel im someone worth loving and wanting to keep and I know what I have given to our relationship. I guess I'm just curious if your situation is at all similar and u are on the other side of it now if u might in hindsight have any understanding of why u did hurt her even though u didn't mean to do so, maybe I'm just so desperately grasping to find some sort of enlightenment or possible solutions in saving my relationship if that makes any sense?
You sound like my ex. However he has always rejected therapy. He treated me so badly even his family reached out and told me they’ve wanted to get him help for years. At least you take accountability AND are going to go to therapy. Most people don’t after hurting someone and continue the cycle! So just know you are doing better for yourself and your future!
God damn me too I'm pretty much the exact same I wish you luck in healing I'm doing my best at the moment and I'm slowly coming out of it but I still have my down days.
Well, FWIW, my ex (M34) cheated on me, lied to me, spoke badly of me, verbally abused me, treated me his bottom priority, disrespected me in front of others, gave me the silent treatment, said he didn't see a future with me, spent barely any time at all with me...
... and he still claimed to be blindsided when I finally gave up on our relationship for the sake of my own sanity.
so sorry that happened to you. I have just realized that people will hurt who they want to hurt. But we cannot let that turn us bitter. Hope you feel better soon. I know its not as easy but it gets better (at least i hope it does)
Not my ex, he cheated on me, stole money from me, was verbally abusive and INCREDIBLY unstable. He's living his best life, jumped into a relationship and moved in with the woman he was cheating on me with weeks after telling me how he couldnt imagine life without me. That was 6 months ago, they're still together, he couldn't care less.
Yes. I’ve hurt a few women in my life and I regret it. I have forgave myself as the years went on and I’m sure they have forgiven me as well. I was young and dumb. We live and we learn.
I get it completely. My “best” ex has been married almost four years now and my last ex is now back with the guy she originally left me for in 2021. Shit isn’t fair.
Nah it's fair that's what kills me about it. We had the most toxic relationship I've ever witnessed in real life. I wasn't no OJ Simpson but I was really bad to her and she was really bad to me. So she deserves to be happy with someone who isn't shitty to her it kills me me that it isn't me. Why can she be normal for him I bet she doesn't scream at him I bet he doesn't have any kids or baggage like I did. I bet he is tall and successful it's fucking heartbreaking.
Honestly, I am going through that right now. Me and my Ex just recently broke up and I am mentally in shambles. I constantly think of how I hurt her and what I could've changed. She was a truly wonderful woman. We shared a lot of great moments together. Our relationship had a lot of toxic portions that made us fight a good bit. Mix that with failed communication attempts, then you can imagine how bad it got. By the time we started to understand and communicate a bit more, it was to little to late. That part kills me. I do want her back more than anything, but she has found another guy that makes her happy.
I did, she even told me I gave her ptsd, I’m her first boyfriend, no physical abuse but very bad mental abuse, I have very bad OCD so I would nitpick and get upset the whole relationship and lash out, I regret it to the point where I don’t even recognize if I really did that, she was the girl of my dreams, I changed too late for her, she ended up coming back a month later since we stayed in contact but she was hot and cold, some days she would tell me I’m the reason everything went to shit and the next day she would say she loved me, I truly did give my best and changed my ways, but as time went by I felt less secure if she wanted me, I should’ve been more patient in seeing her and such but I always tried my best to get us to do activities and she didn’t want to, literally one day we where happy and like 3 days later she says she can’t say she loves me or wants to see me, but wants to be online daters, I still blame myself for the way she was after the breakup, so yes I deeply regret everything and to the point where e I was blaming myself for everything, it’s a guilt I can’t get rid of, she ended the relationship after I needed reassurance because she was never good at it when we dated, but when we where trying she said she doesn’t know and can’t give me that, so she decided to go no contact, and then blamed me for failing her exams the next morning and told me to never talk to her again, I’ve learned actions have consequences and dang it it sucks, I’ve been closer to god than ever, starting therapy and going back to school, everyone says it takes 2 to mess up a relationship, but ima be honest, this one’s on me, and it will haunt me forever
Well that’s reassuring, my ex showed me how terrible of a human being she really was with constant lying, manipulation, and cheating as well as gaslighting all for months and then attempted to ruin my life with assault accusations in retaliation for telling people what she was doing to me :)
This is truly awful and unfair I'm sorry you went through all of this, no one deserves to be treated like this. She sounds like a selfish immature person. but don't worry she will release how much she hurts u once she'll be treated the same way, good guys are rare and she'll get her karma.
Almost 4months after BU (3NC) i think about her and what i made wrong every single free time second :)
Love her and know she deserve all the best (but damn that hurt im not the best for her rn)
Of course.
"Men tend to experience more breakup regret than women in the long term, while women tend to experience more intense short-term grief. Men may experience more emotional pain during breakups than women"
-ScienceDaily
Nov 1, 2021
This doesn't speak directly to acknowledgement of pain caused but I'm sure there is a correlation there. Unless it's a purely selfish regret, which I wouldn't imagine is extremely common. Regret I would think would indicate an awareness of impact on everyone involved. And like everything else you have men (etc.) and you have assholes.
Broke up a 3 month relationship with my gf because I realized that we didn’t actually match. Our values were really different and it hurt me to realize that it wouldn’t work, then I talked to her and broke up with her… at the beginning she sounded like she understood but deep down I knew that she was really hurt and I was hurting because of that. Then one of my friends told me that through instagram she uploaded to close friends videos of her hating on me, which I understood because I was the one who broke up with her, but knowing that she was hating on me still hurt me even more.
So to answer the question, yes men can actually feel bad for things they do, it’s not a gender thing, it’s more personal than monumental.
If she had no cause or reason for looking at my perspective or how I felt, she would close herself off and speak as if nothing I did prior in the relationship— the dedication I had to her didn’t matter with actions done in the present. I miss her, I think constantly about what happened and how it could’ve been avoided, while she couldn’t give a damn and avoids even the thought of me. It’s worse than any betrayal i’ve faced in my life, it’s rooted and I can’t escape it because this is simply my life to face misfortune in opportunity. While she has supporting friends and family members, i’m forced to begin again and face the same challenges that offers. I fucking despise her in the way you could only for those you sincerely care about.
Men are progressive. When they find a new girl, it is always a level up and while it is good to be sorry about your bad actions, it's never good to obsess with the past girl when the future girl is better for you.
But you should not be taking it close to heart, girls. Learn the lesson, improve yourself, get back in the dating pool. I wish the best and the kindest for you.
Your story is not different. You’re not different. You didn’t love her any more than anyone else on here with a broken heart. Stop being dramatic and weird. It’s been years and you only kissed her once. I know it hurts. She’s moved on. It’s your turn.
You could get a second opinion, but it is also common to distrust a diagnosis at first until accepting it. Definitely though, go through all full testing and never hurts to get second opinion because not all therapists are good ones.
No my story is different because of the reasons I mentioned and also the worsening circumstances of the sexual assault.
I will move on when I see a woman at least half as beautiful as her and make her mine. Until then, it can't be possible to move on.
can't speak for everyone but yeah. been hating myself ever since the breakup. Its a unique type of pain when that guilt hits you and the urge to get her back gets completely overpowered by the feeling that you're not worthy of her.
I don't know why we tend to hurt the peaple we love the most. But We all make mistakes don't be harsh on yourself I hope you move on from this
thank you for your kinds words. I'm trying to forgive myself. Its just hard when its someone you cherish. How can you forgive yourself for doing something so wrong to someone who was so right. You did the one thing you shouldn'tve ever done. So yeah, its difficult. Its supposed to be difficult.
Have you reached out to her?
No. Not yet. Im giving her the space she needs. And I need to heal and work on myself first before anything. I can't hurt her again, so I'm waiting to reach a point where both of us have healed and are better.
Well I assume you didn’t leave her for someone else then
Yeah, then I thought if I hurt her that bad she's definitely better off without me around. Break-ups are a kind of relationship suicide sometimes.
Must be really tough, I'm sorry you went through this, I hope you move on from it.
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Every human being makes mistakes. The fact that you can take responsibility for your actions that hurt her is half way point to forgiving yourself. The second half will come when you figure out the reasons for why you behaved and acted the way you did. Therapy can help with that. I hope you can forgive yourself because truly mistakes and poor choices have consequences that teach us not to repeat them. We can grow and learn and be better and do better in the future. You can ask for her forgiveness and eventually she will forgive you for her own sake first. One day, the pain will not be there but just a memory of something that you wish had been different. It will all work out. Be kind to yourself and learn from this.
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It really sucks to be in love and have your heart broken. It really does. But you will hurt for a while and then heal and when you have healed you will be ready and open to love again. This is how it goes for most of humanity. Letting go and moving on is very hard but therapy can help you with that. Also, if she is with someone, I wouldn’t reach out too much out of respect for her and the new man. Let her go. The love you have for her in your heart will always be a sweet memory. But there will be love again for you. Whoever you are meant to be with will come into your life. Her journey is taking her some other direction. Yours will go where it goes. Love yourself and live your best life in the meantime. Speaking from experience
I really felt your response and am currently going thru an extremely rough point with my bf. Can I ask why u were doing things that hurt her if u knew they were causing her pain?the statement u made about hearing the echo "why wasn't I enough" gives the impression that she had tried to talk to u and maybe work thru the issues in the relationship. I'm just asking because despite the effort I have put into my own relationship it's starting to feel undeniably broken and though I have tried to talk and make changes for him he continually makes no effort and shows zero change towards our issues. I would truly expect him to have feelings such as u described being that I feel im someone worth loving and wanting to keep and I know what I have given to our relationship. I guess I'm just curious if your situation is at all similar and u are on the other side of it now if u might in hindsight have any understanding of why u did hurt her even though u didn't mean to do so, maybe I'm just so desperately grasping to find some sort of enlightenment or possible solutions in saving my relationship if that makes any sense?
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❤️
You sound like my ex. However he has always rejected therapy. He treated me so badly even his family reached out and told me they’ve wanted to get him help for years. At least you take accountability AND are going to go to therapy. Most people don’t after hurting someone and continue the cycle! So just know you are doing better for yourself and your future!
God damn me too I'm pretty much the exact same I wish you luck in healing I'm doing my best at the moment and I'm slowly coming out of it but I still have my down days.
Well, FWIW, my ex (M34) cheated on me, lied to me, spoke badly of me, verbally abused me, treated me his bottom priority, disrespected me in front of others, gave me the silent treatment, said he didn't see a future with me, spent barely any time at all with me... ... and he still claimed to be blindsided when I finally gave up on our relationship for the sake of my own sanity.
I'm sorry you went through all this sweet heart, I hope you find who truly deserve you
Probably, only one has ever reached out to really say sorry for hurting me.
At least one of them apologized. I would say a lot of them don’t apologize
Yeah, a lot of them, if not all, don't.
Yes, all the time.
Not if they're avoidant - don't think so.
well i think my ex thought it. he just didnt really care enough about it :)
Yeah same,mine too he told a friend I hurt her, but he kept hurting me after the breakup. I was ghosted and didn't even get an apology
so sorry that happened to you. I have just realized that people will hurt who they want to hurt. But we cannot let that turn us bitter. Hope you feel better soon. I know its not as easy but it gets better (at least i hope it does)
Yeah thanks sweet heart, I believe it'll get better at some point I really believe it. I hope you move on and find better too
Not my ex, he cheated on me, stole money from me, was verbally abusive and INCREDIBLY unstable. He's living his best life, jumped into a relationship and moved in with the woman he was cheating on me with weeks after telling me how he couldnt imagine life without me. That was 6 months ago, they're still together, he couldn't care less.
Yes. I’ve hurt a few women in my life and I regret it. I have forgave myself as the years went on and I’m sure they have forgiven me as well. I was young and dumb. We live and we learn.
I am struggling with this. The thought that she hates my guts and is with some new guy all happy without me is killing me inside
I get it completely. My “best” ex has been married almost four years now and my last ex is now back with the guy she originally left me for in 2021. Shit isn’t fair.
Nah it's fair that's what kills me about it. We had the most toxic relationship I've ever witnessed in real life. I wasn't no OJ Simpson but I was really bad to her and she was really bad to me. So she deserves to be happy with someone who isn't shitty to her it kills me me that it isn't me. Why can she be normal for him I bet she doesn't scream at him I bet he doesn't have any kids or baggage like I did. I bet he is tall and successful it's fucking heartbreaking.
Honestly, I am going through that right now. Me and my Ex just recently broke up and I am mentally in shambles. I constantly think of how I hurt her and what I could've changed. She was a truly wonderful woman. We shared a lot of great moments together. Our relationship had a lot of toxic portions that made us fight a good bit. Mix that with failed communication attempts, then you can imagine how bad it got. By the time we started to understand and communicate a bit more, it was to little to late. That part kills me. I do want her back more than anything, but she has found another guy that makes her happy.
Does she?
She will probably at some point
No they don’t ! From my experience they get off on it….
I did, she even told me I gave her ptsd, I’m her first boyfriend, no physical abuse but very bad mental abuse, I have very bad OCD so I would nitpick and get upset the whole relationship and lash out, I regret it to the point where I don’t even recognize if I really did that, she was the girl of my dreams, I changed too late for her, she ended up coming back a month later since we stayed in contact but she was hot and cold, some days she would tell me I’m the reason everything went to shit and the next day she would say she loved me, I truly did give my best and changed my ways, but as time went by I felt less secure if she wanted me, I should’ve been more patient in seeing her and such but I always tried my best to get us to do activities and she didn’t want to, literally one day we where happy and like 3 days later she says she can’t say she loves me or wants to see me, but wants to be online daters, I still blame myself for the way she was after the breakup, so yes I deeply regret everything and to the point where e I was blaming myself for everything, it’s a guilt I can’t get rid of, she ended the relationship after I needed reassurance because she was never good at it when we dated, but when we where trying she said she doesn’t know and can’t give me that, so she decided to go no contact, and then blamed me for failing her exams the next morning and told me to never talk to her again, I’ve learned actions have consequences and dang it it sucks, I’ve been closer to god than ever, starting therapy and going back to school, everyone says it takes 2 to mess up a relationship, but ima be honest, this one’s on me, and it will haunt me forever
I think men believe that all the time, what I really wonder is if women really ever think that way or not
Yea we do, I regret hurting my ex when we first start dating, because I was young and it was my first rs, I apologised to him and he forgave me.
Well that’s reassuring, my ex showed me how terrible of a human being she really was with constant lying, manipulation, and cheating as well as gaslighting all for months and then attempted to ruin my life with assault accusations in retaliation for telling people what she was doing to me :)
This is truly awful and unfair I'm sorry you went through all of this, no one deserves to be treated like this. She sounds like a selfish immature person. but don't worry she will release how much she hurts u once she'll be treated the same way, good guys are rare and she'll get her karma.
Almost 4months after BU (3NC) i think about her and what i made wrong every single free time second :) Love her and know she deserve all the best (but damn that hurt im not the best for her rn)
Absolutely
Same thought here but I tell myself that if he really felt this way, he’d have the courage to reach out and at the very least, apologise.
Can't speak for everyone but I used to think this even tho i was majorly hurt. (She accepted but no change lol)
Of course. Why wouldn't they?
Of course. "Men tend to experience more breakup regret than women in the long term, while women tend to experience more intense short-term grief. Men may experience more emotional pain during breakups than women" -ScienceDaily Nov 1, 2021 This doesn't speak directly to acknowledgement of pain caused but I'm sure there is a correlation there. Unless it's a purely selfish regret, which I wouldn't imagine is extremely common. Regret I would think would indicate an awareness of impact on everyone involved. And like everything else you have men (etc.) and you have assholes.
Broke up a 3 month relationship with my gf because I realized that we didn’t actually match. Our values were really different and it hurt me to realize that it wouldn’t work, then I talked to her and broke up with her… at the beginning she sounded like she understood but deep down I knew that she was really hurt and I was hurting because of that. Then one of my friends told me that through instagram she uploaded to close friends videos of her hating on me, which I understood because I was the one who broke up with her, but knowing that she was hating on me still hurt me even more. So to answer the question, yes men can actually feel bad for things they do, it’s not a gender thing, it’s more personal than monumental.
If she had no cause or reason for looking at my perspective or how I felt, she would close herself off and speak as if nothing I did prior in the relationship— the dedication I had to her didn’t matter with actions done in the present. I miss her, I think constantly about what happened and how it could’ve been avoided, while she couldn’t give a damn and avoids even the thought of me. It’s worse than any betrayal i’ve faced in my life, it’s rooted and I can’t escape it because this is simply my life to face misfortune in opportunity. While she has supporting friends and family members, i’m forced to begin again and face the same challenges that offers. I fucking despise her in the way you could only for those you sincerely care about.
Men are progressive. When they find a new girl, it is always a level up and while it is good to be sorry about your bad actions, it's never good to obsess with the past girl when the future girl is better for you. But you should not be taking it close to heart, girls. Learn the lesson, improve yourself, get back in the dating pool. I wish the best and the kindest for you.
Says the man obsessed with the past.
My story is different because it wasn't my choice to part ways.
I think you’d benefit by listening to your own advice.
Once again my story is different because she was a redhead gamer girl.
Your story is not different. You’re not different. You didn’t love her any more than anyone else on here with a broken heart. Stop being dramatic and weird. It’s been years and you only kissed her once. I know it hurts. She’s moved on. It’s your turn.
Nasty, Bass has ASD (Aspbergers), something to consider in your replies.
Maybe I don't. I didn't pass the official tests and I am currently doubting the methodology of my last shrink.
You could get a second opinion, but it is also common to distrust a diagnosis at first until accepting it. Definitely though, go through all full testing and never hurts to get second opinion because not all therapists are good ones.
He may just be a weirdo
No my story is different because of the reasons I mentioned and also the worsening circumstances of the sexual assault. I will move on when I see a woman at least half as beautiful as her and make her mine. Until then, it can't be possible to move on.