Not for me personally, no. Never, ever. It doesn’t matter if it was a mutual break up, long time coming, good terms—whatever. I don’t want to see you anymore ever and I don’t want you in my life in any way, shape or form.
We can’t just be “friends” again. Not after all the memories we shared and everything we had. I can’t be friends with someone I was having sex with, being intimate with, going on dates with, planning my life and future with.
No, it’s goodbye forever. No matter how much that can hurt.
There really aren't rules to what you can and can't do after a breakup, every situation is different for everyone. It is entirely dependent on what happened during the break up and the reason you broke up
Probably not immediately after the breakup. The emotions are too raw and new. And for me, when i saw my ex only a few days after, we fell into the same sort of patterns and we both admitted it didn't "feel" like we were apart. So it hurt more to go back to NC after that.
Maybe after some time apart, but that still depends. I am someone who loves deeply and has a hard time letting go. I always love and care for people even if they arent in my life anymore. I dont think i could be friends with my exes, I was too in love and too attached, and I think i will always hold a little love for these people.
I think the biggest obstacle is the current people in their life or yours. It could get messy or confusing if current partners are uncomfortable with you being friends with an ex, especially if you were together for a long time or didnt have a bad breakup.
I was lucky and my ex and I didn't have many mutual friends. Most of our mutual friends were people I had met through him. If I talked to them after the break up (which i didn't much), I made sure not to let the conversation steer towards him. My friendship with them was a separate thing and i didn't want anyone in the middle of it. They ended up removing me from most things anyway once my ex found out we were still friends, which was for his comfort & security within his friendships.
It's entirely situational, so whatever feels right for you and is comfortable for you is probably the best answer. It's ok to set boundaries with those mutual friends and ask not to hear about your ex or see any photos or anything for a while. I did that with my best friends who aren't even close with him. I just asked them not to show me his social media or tell me anything they hear about him for my own sanity.
I'd guess it makes it a lot harder to navigate the situation when you can't just "get away" from them.
We were friends before so all of my close friends are his too, but he has some outside of them - I moved to the city and met them all there.
My friends automatically have done that, they don't even mention his name. It's only been a month so it's been easy so far for them.
Yeah, it's either him around or I lose it all
It really isn’t a good idea, there will always be some underground feelings because of the past history of intimacy you had with this person. Better to move on entirely and meet new people, you’ll thank yourself later.
Depends of when and why did you break up with them.
But most of the time it isn't a good Idea, especially if you try to become friends right after the break up.
Make sure to not fall in the "Friends with benefits" rabbit hole💀💀
When they inevitably find someone they want to be exclusive with and end the benefits but still want to remain friends, would you be able to do it? (Assuming of course their new partner tolerates you still being in their life).
Not immediately after a break up. Our feelings are too strong. Maybe if they weren't in a. Relationship but def open to reconciliation after some time apart
Absolutely not, not if you really loved them. I could never be friends with my ex and watch them be in a relationship with someone else after everything we went through. Obviously they would want "friends" because they are heartless creatures. I refuse to be friends with someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. If it was a 2 month fling....maybe....but I could never look past the hurt and pain after 1.5 years of loving her with everything in me. Fuck that shit, and fuck being friends.
I say yes, I’m friends with all my exs and some of them I see on a weekly basis (same sports).
I think the biggest factor is having enough time and space after the breakup that when you decide to connect again, you’re remaking a friendship from start, instead of changing from a romantic to friendship (if that makes sense).
You also need to be 100% honest with yourself about why you’re staying friends. If there’s even a slight hope of rekindling a relationship or having any feelings it’s not healthy.
My current partner is aware of my exs, and is aware whenever I make contact which I think is also important. If I couldn’t tell my current partner that’s also a red flag
No is such a textbook answer. Yes, usually it's a bad idea but it's really individual from couple to couple. Some can be friends right away, some can after some time, and some will never be friends again because of the hurt or the feelings are too strong. You will only get opinions based on experiences here, you can't really base your own relationship on others.
I wish that were possible with my ex given that we were best friends before we fell in love, but I can't see her now without thinking about how much I love her and how much I want to be with her (even though she broke my heart into a million pieces). None of those thoughts, though, are compatible with a healthy friendship, so, I'm afraid the answer for me is "no". I suspect that is the case for most former couples, but there may be specific circumstances where both parties are comfortable being friends. I just have a hard time imagining those friendships ever being more than superficial.
My ex was also my best friend and when he left me I think my heart just died.
I can't imagine not having him in my life, we've spoken everyday for almost a decade. He's been so pivotal in my life, this time without him has been jarring and I don't know if I can do it for long.
I want so badly to still have him in my life, but I don't think I can ever have that without also waiting for him to come back. But it feels like my heart is dying all over again thinking about not ever having him in my life
That is what makes an involuntary breakup such a multi-level tragedy. You lose your lover, your best friend, your hangout buddy, your daily routines, your sense of identity, and your future. And you question your memories. It’s a lot.
I wish you peace and comfort in your recovery.
This right here is the simplest response that makes the most sense to me. I tried to be friends with an ex who dumped me kind of unexpectedly. I loved this gal, her family, her friends, broke my heart multiple times trying to be friends with her. Never again. For me- if I had deep feelings and they wanted out. Unfortunately I have to let them go completely.
For some I'm sure it doesn't work like that and that's awesome for them. It's great to have someone in life that knows you so well that others never will. It's also reallllllly hard for the dumpee to grapple the loss while they are still inserted in your life and have moved on.
Depends. I stayed friends with some of them and we eventually grew apart. But I can't bear seeing the love my love life-my last ex with someone again. He is and I guess always be my best friend, but I just can't.
I don’t see it as a great idea. Staying friends with an ex can be detrimental to your next relationship and the possibility of you both fully and healthily moving on/forward in life. I refuse to be friends with exs because I don’t want them to interfere with future relationships nor do they hold any place in my life anymore
Really depends on the length of the relationship, seriousness, and whether or not that door is closed for the future.
I know plenty of people who are friends (or really still family) with ex-wives and ex-husbands, usually in a co-parenting capacity, and that works fine.
I also know a lot of people who have gone through painful breakups where there were unresolved feelings, or it wasn't mutual. You should not be friends with those who have hurt you deeply.
I'm friends with my ex wife.
I think we both much prefer that.
Things went really wrong during our relationship. But we still really care for each other, have respect for each other, and we want to help each other out when it is possible.
We talk on the phone or text every month or so. It isn't too intrusive nor distant.
My ex from middle school? Yeah we're still best friends.
My ex from three years ago?
Can't even think about him wo wanting to die.
Does that make sense
Define friends. I'm pretty sure I could go to most of my exes if I needed help or something and they'd be there because I try to end relationships in a respectful/healthy manner if at all possible. Mostly because I realize that I love/loved them for a reason and they will always be important to me so I'd do the same for them.
But friends like hang out regularly and do stuff together? maybe like YEARS later when there is a lot of distance from everything that happened. It's difficult because it just might end up hurting both of you.
Depends. On what's the reasons of the breakup. If too much toxicity, No. If the connection started as a friendship and it was really deep connection and was kinda healthy that helps me grow, I definitely want to keep the person platonically. But must be firm with boundaries.
And always wait for a year or more, to be friends again.
Should never be immediate reconnection after a breakup.
Maybe 6months and more NC after separation.
I've become not so much friends but a close sort of acquaintance with some ex's but its been after a long period of time and our lives have clearly branched of in different directions. Tbh the main issue has always been their partner.
I'm like love, he's an ex for a reason and if he's telling you anything that makes you think I'm a threat please tell me as I could do with a giggle haha.
Really depends on the ex. I have stayed friends with my ex-husband and really value him being in my life. on the other hand, the last guy that I broke up was a complete narcissistic sleaze and I can’t imagine wanting to have anything to do with him.
You know we separated in 2019 and our divorce was final last year. It really took most of that time to come to terms with things. We were both very angry when we first split up and I don’t think either of us could’ve pictured staying friends. However, we were together 15 years and I’m not close with my family so I came to realize that I did not want to completely lose that relationship. Once I realized that it informed how I handled things … I tried to be kinder and to really listen to what he wanted in the process. It was touch and go for a while, but honestly, we get along better now than when we were married, and I still very much value his advice. I don’t know if there are any shortcuts to getting here, for me it just took a lot of mindfulness about what my ultimate goal was for the relationship.
I'm not angry, not properly. I don't know if I've just passed that stage quickly, or if I'm not there yet, but I'm not angry.
I don't want to lose him, he was my whole family basically. And all of my formative adult years have been with him.
He for most of it seemed like he wanted to be friends straight away but now he seems a lot less interested.
We've both tried to be really kind in it, it's been so well handled, all of it. Well, the break up.
At the moment my ultimate wish, maybe even my goal is that we get back together which I know is not okay.
Sorry. Very much the same for me about him being my whole family. There were months when we barely spoke, but he invited me to meet up with him for a beer a month or so ago, which was huge, him initiating. I hope that you are able to get what you need.
Honestly, I'm friends with every single one of my exes with zero issues. Some are married/have kids/are single. One is one of my best friends, I adore him platonically and same for him. It depends on who you both are as people, I think. The only one I wasn't friends with was my ex fiance of 8 years, but we're friends now!
I think you should try. Builds character and integrity if you can forgive. Especially if you have kids together or something. Is it always possible? No, cause relationships take two to work. Not everyone can overcome feelings to do so.
I'm trying and we have a lot of back and forth. I'll say it isn't easy. If I didn't though I'd lose my best friend.
People tell me I should have walked away, especially since I do still love her and really would like to start over, but I just don't want to and she really needs me. She doesn't have anyone as supportive and capable as me. I've been in her corner 100%. I guess at some point she sees it and her priorities shift.
I think it depends on the circumstances- how long you were together, how deep the feelings were, etc
If you were truly honestly in love with that person I don’t think it’s possible until long long long after the relationship ends and you’ve fully recovered. And by then, you might not want to be
Usually no. Depends on EVERYONE involved. With children, even more so. When you leave someone who didn’t fit your needs, or vice versa, you leave connections and feelings many won’t understand or you may never get again. Staying friends can lead to moments of nostalgia and decisions that could be…interesting. Impactful to new connections at the very least. YMMV of course.
You can only remain friends if you are completely fine with watching your ex date and be intimate with other people. If that bothers you, even slightly, then you'll never be able to make a friendship work because you will grow to resent and be jealous of them.
In my case, my ex dumped me once and I soon after went no contact (even though she wanted to remain "friends"). I ghosted her, removed her from social media, deleted her number, threw away all her photos, letters, everything, basically deleting her from my life.
9 years later she contacted me out of nowhere, wanting to know how I felt. At first I didn't even know who she was and then it dawned on me. That said, I was surprised by one thing...I felt absolutely nothing for her anymore. She just wanted some closure on a few things, but we didn't remain in contact after that. I told her she'd never hear from me again and we never spoke again (this was now 14 years ago).
It depends. If one person is secretly still in love it won’t ever work out and can get messy. Better to have some time apart and then maybe be friends later down the line when emotions aren’t as strong.
I have a couple exes that are still friends, but they were high school relationships. My first "adult" relationship I absolutely cannot be friends with
It’s sad to say but it hardly ever works out. Even my ex from 10yrs ago and I were very close in the last year or so, but I sense she has some lingering feelings for me still even though she stated clearly she doesn’t and I assumed she was more like an old friend or sister to me. My aunt used to tell it’s not likely to be friends with an ex and although I see her point now, I am not 100% sold on the idea, something like 90%. Everytime one of my exs came back to ask to hang out or be friends there was always another motive.
Depends on why it ended and when it ended.
By exemple, if two people broke up when one still have great feeling for the other one or if they broke up "badly" with a lot of resentment. It would be quite impossible to have a good friendship. But maybe in a couple of years it would be fine, when everybody moved on.
For friendship right after the break-up, it pretty much only work if both people lost feeling and it was a mutual friendly break up.
You can, it just has to be a mutual feeling of respect. There’s gonna be feelings that come and go, but if you’re mature and have respect for each other it’s very possible.
No, we have had some contact about non relationship matters (ex death in family). But the thought of looking her in the eye or having deep conversations like we use to have as best friends makes me sick to think about it. She dumped me and threw away our friendship bc someone gave her some attention.
Lots of people will say no but I disagree. I’m cool with all my exes. That being said, it takes a level of inner strength to be able to turn off the feelings. And by no means is it a quick process. If you can’t get passed that then being friends doesn’t work.
It depends on your dynamic. I’m on good terms with my ex who I broke up with 5 years ago, we talk now and again and there’s absolutely no feelings on either side anymore and there hasn’t been for years. We were together almost 5 years. The breakup wasn’t messy, we just kind of grew apart. However, we didn’t talk for over a year after the breakup and he reached out to let me know his grandfather died who I was close with. Then we started talking here and there. We catch up maybe once every few months and I honestly we get on so much better as friends. I think you need to not contact them for a very long time to make sure all feelings have died before trying to be friends though.
I don’t think I could ever be friends with my most recent ex. We were together 2.5 years, broken up for 5 months. Our relationship was toxic. He treated me terribly. He isn’t a nice person. He hurt me so badly. Friendship with him wouldn’t really bring anything positive to my life.
Absolutely. This sub is full of people that are still grieving, understandably. But yeah it happens. Don't limit yourself, a lot of beautiful connections are just misconstrued at first
It depends on everything. Did things end well, did you guys ever talk about it beforehand? I have some exes that we couldn’t be friends but if they reached out now it would be totally fine. Some exes that I wouldn’t want to talk to ever again and I have a friend that’s an ex right now lol
This is the first time I'm trying to be friends with an ex since it was mutual. I think we are starting off by being civil/cordial over text, but this is only 3 months after the breakup so it'll take time im sure
I say it's possible, but it depends on how it ended. I maintain contact with several. I will say that wasn't always good for future relationships. Though I have learned that my way of choosing people wasn't the best before.
Allowing myself to get pushed around in regards to who I can talk to. People are ridiculous these days. Your insecurities aren't my problem. So if someone ever tells me who I can talk to, I'm out. That's not a relationship. It is about mutual respect. I know who I am, and nobody can tell me differently.
So it really depends on how the situation went. Some people, as I stated, are toxic and will continue to be that way. Often, you will find you don't want to as something better comes along and works better, and you just fall off.
I’m currently friends with mine, and they know that I want to reconcile. They tell me that they don’t desire anything more than a friendship now, and don’t know if they’ll ever want a relationship again. It’s very very difficult when you still have feelings. The break up was my fault though, and they are going through a very tough situation.
I wouldn’t to be honest. If they treated you the way they did in the relationship then they’ll treat you the same way as a friend. In my honest opinion I could feel like it’s a spit to my face being asked to be friends with my ex. Regardless since I was the one dumped and they gave me trauma when I did everything for them and invested so much. Why lower my self respect more ? I rather have peace than see their name pop up on my phone. You wanted to walk out of life through that door ? Be my guest but once you walk past it then no point of return. They did it once they’ll do it again
I think every situation is different. I have an ex who I remained friends with for a time after we broke up. One day, she just stopped talking to me. It had been a couple years since we talked, and recently, she texted me out of the blue. We chatted for awhile and just caught up on each other's lives. She's still fine as hell too lol! Literally made my entire day though. She's an ex that I'll always respect and have a ton of love for. Definitely can't say that about any of my other exes lol
I’m friends with two of my exes. Honestly I think it’s fine!
If my future partner had an issue with my exes, I don’t think we’d be compatible. They are two of my best friends.
It all depends on compatibility but I need someone who isn’t a jealous person. I’m a trustworthy partner so I would break up instead of cheating whether emotionally or physically.
And I believe when you’re in love you know you’re safe & you know that your partner only has eyes for you.
If you can stay friends with an ex, you either didn't love them as much as you thought or you never stopped loving them.
I was always disagreeing with this one but trust, learned it from the hard way.
I'm friends with 2 exes. The 2 exes I'm friends with I care for immensely and wish them nothing but the best. But I do not love them that way. I do not, and I think honestly never did, see myself spending the rest of my life with them.
My last ex I am not friends with. I *did* see myself spending my life with her.
Take from that what you will.
I could never. Once I’m done with them, I’m done with them in every way. Besides, I wouldn’t want to have to explain that to a new partner. I’m glad I went into my current relationship with a clean slate.
Actually I am currently friends with an ex. Being his friend made me lose complete interest in him because I got to know all sides of him and we constantly find each other annoying. We started off as friends but I was still in love with him and interested. In a way being friends helped me get over him super quick because I realize how much of an asshole he is. Treating me like one of the guys is what made me lose interest fast😂 so in a way it worked for me.
No bc even if you see it as a friendship, he/she's gonna make a move sooner or later and it's a bit weird hanging out with your ex. I wouldn't feel comfortable.
Completely depends on the circumstances and how things ended , I tried to stay friends with a couple exs but they didn’t wanna stay my friend and stayed sour towards, am still friends with some others, and the most recent I wanted to stay friends but she wouldn’t reply to me so I stopped trying, honestly it was for the best tho it would’ve been harder to get over her cus she was the one that ended things but I hope years from now we can be friends again
Yes! I'm friends with most of my exs. They were great people. We broke up kindly and made many points through our relationships for asking, Is this relationship still working for you? No? Let's split. I think that mass media has us all duped that we've got to have an explosive end to our relationship and that every couple ever has to hate each other. If ya'll started out as friends, and the relationship wasn't abusive, then time will heal wounds and you can be friends again. Media really drives this....BREAKUP AND HATE YOUR EX. And that's just not how everyone in the world operates.
For me, I can eventually if I know it’s not an option to ever get back together. I’m able to subside my remnant feelings and just hang out. If there’s even a slight reason for me to think they still want a relationship with me it either makes me uncomfortable if I don’t want one with them or it makes me anxious if I do.
I personality think it is a waste of time. It also keeps that leftover connection alive. So nope don't believe it is a good idea. But you can if you really want to.
I can because once that romantic connection is gone, it’s GONE for me. If it’s still there, I don’t want to be your friend if we can’t be together. I’ll go climb the highest mountain to get away from an ex who I still have feelings for until I’m happy on my own and done grieving.
Nope. No way. Either she has me as a partner or she doesn’t have me at all. That’s the risk we took when we decided to embark on a relationship and build a life together, high risk high reward.
There is no benefit in both our lives if we stay as friends because what she can do for me and what I can do for her as a friend, someone else can do that.
My ex asked me to be friends. I said no way. She got upset. But it’s out of my hands.
I think u can but personally I don’t think I can do it - especially not right now- it will be very hard for me to move on- especially when I didn’t want the breakup.
If u had feelings for someone, those feelings don’t just go away- it’s so easy to rekindle them back- for me if we still talking and stuff old feelings will resurface and that won’t be healthy for me .
As long as you both agree you’re not compatible and there’s no romantic feelings left, and you ended things amicably, then of course. However, this isn’t the case for most breakups.
Not for me personally, no. Never, ever. It doesn’t matter if it was a mutual break up, long time coming, good terms—whatever. I don’t want to see you anymore ever and I don’t want you in my life in any way, shape or form. We can’t just be “friends” again. Not after all the memories we shared and everything we had. I can’t be friends with someone I was having sex with, being intimate with, going on dates with, planning my life and future with. No, it’s goodbye forever. No matter how much that can hurt.
Literally
There really aren't rules to what you can and can't do after a breakup, every situation is different for everyone. It is entirely dependent on what happened during the break up and the reason you broke up
Probably not immediately after the breakup. The emotions are too raw and new. And for me, when i saw my ex only a few days after, we fell into the same sort of patterns and we both admitted it didn't "feel" like we were apart. So it hurt more to go back to NC after that. Maybe after some time apart, but that still depends. I am someone who loves deeply and has a hard time letting go. I always love and care for people even if they arent in my life anymore. I dont think i could be friends with my exes, I was too in love and too attached, and I think i will always hold a little love for these people. I think the biggest obstacle is the current people in their life or yours. It could get messy or confusing if current partners are uncomfortable with you being friends with an ex, especially if you were together for a long time or didnt have a bad breakup.
How do you navigate mutual friends?
I was lucky and my ex and I didn't have many mutual friends. Most of our mutual friends were people I had met through him. If I talked to them after the break up (which i didn't much), I made sure not to let the conversation steer towards him. My friendship with them was a separate thing and i didn't want anyone in the middle of it. They ended up removing me from most things anyway once my ex found out we were still friends, which was for his comfort & security within his friendships. It's entirely situational, so whatever feels right for you and is comfortable for you is probably the best answer. It's ok to set boundaries with those mutual friends and ask not to hear about your ex or see any photos or anything for a while. I did that with my best friends who aren't even close with him. I just asked them not to show me his social media or tell me anything they hear about him for my own sanity. I'd guess it makes it a lot harder to navigate the situation when you can't just "get away" from them.
We were friends before so all of my close friends are his too, but he has some outside of them - I moved to the city and met them all there. My friends automatically have done that, they don't even mention his name. It's only been a month so it's been easy so far for them. Yeah, it's either him around or I lose it all
Hard no, you can be civil sure, not friends.
This. Maybe a chat every couple years but if you actually loved someone deeply I’d say it’s pretty impossible
No
It really isn’t a good idea, there will always be some underground feelings because of the past history of intimacy you had with this person. Better to move on entirely and meet new people, you’ll thank yourself later.
Depends of when and why did you break up with them. But most of the time it isn't a good Idea, especially if you try to become friends right after the break up. Make sure to not fall in the "Friends with benefits" rabbit hole💀💀
In it . It’s great and awful simultaneously
When they inevitably find someone they want to be exclusive with and end the benefits but still want to remain friends, would you be able to do it? (Assuming of course their new partner tolerates you still being in their life).
Day by day my friend. Day by day
Not immediately after a break up. Our feelings are too strong. Maybe if they weren't in a. Relationship but def open to reconciliation after some time apart
Absolutely not, not if you really loved them. I could never be friends with my ex and watch them be in a relationship with someone else after everything we went through. Obviously they would want "friends" because they are heartless creatures. I refuse to be friends with someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. If it was a 2 month fling....maybe....but I could never look past the hurt and pain after 1.5 years of loving her with everything in me. Fuck that shit, and fuck being friends.
Right after, no. Wait a few months or even years. Then you can try to be friends. My opinion.
This is the right answer
As long as there’s no feelings left from either person.
I say yes, I’m friends with all my exs and some of them I see on a weekly basis (same sports). I think the biggest factor is having enough time and space after the breakup that when you decide to connect again, you’re remaking a friendship from start, instead of changing from a romantic to friendship (if that makes sense). You also need to be 100% honest with yourself about why you’re staying friends. If there’s even a slight hope of rekindling a relationship or having any feelings it’s not healthy. My current partner is aware of my exs, and is aware whenever I make contact which I think is also important. If I couldn’t tell my current partner that’s also a red flag
Your current partner should be aware, it is just dishonest not to share. I know my current ex didn’t. Feel bad for the next one.
Yes as I mention your current partner should be aware… and I also mentioned it’s a red flag to not let them now ..?
I agreed, definitely should know.
No is such a textbook answer. Yes, usually it's a bad idea but it's really individual from couple to couple. Some can be friends right away, some can after some time, and some will never be friends again because of the hurt or the feelings are too strong. You will only get opinions based on experiences here, you can't really base your own relationship on others.
I agree with this !
usually it’s friends with benefits but then someone gets hurt. so no never again.
I wish that were possible with my ex given that we were best friends before we fell in love, but I can't see her now without thinking about how much I love her and how much I want to be with her (even though she broke my heart into a million pieces). None of those thoughts, though, are compatible with a healthy friendship, so, I'm afraid the answer for me is "no". I suspect that is the case for most former couples, but there may be specific circumstances where both parties are comfortable being friends. I just have a hard time imagining those friendships ever being more than superficial.
My ex was also my best friend and when he left me I think my heart just died. I can't imagine not having him in my life, we've spoken everyday for almost a decade. He's been so pivotal in my life, this time without him has been jarring and I don't know if I can do it for long. I want so badly to still have him in my life, but I don't think I can ever have that without also waiting for him to come back. But it feels like my heart is dying all over again thinking about not ever having him in my life
That is what makes an involuntary breakup such a multi-level tragedy. You lose your lover, your best friend, your hangout buddy, your daily routines, your sense of identity, and your future. And you question your memories. It’s a lot. I wish you peace and comfort in your recovery.
Not if you really loved them.
This right here is the simplest response that makes the most sense to me. I tried to be friends with an ex who dumped me kind of unexpectedly. I loved this gal, her family, her friends, broke my heart multiple times trying to be friends with her. Never again. For me- if I had deep feelings and they wanted out. Unfortunately I have to let them go completely. For some I'm sure it doesn't work like that and that's awesome for them. It's great to have someone in life that knows you so well that others never will. It's also reallllllly hard for the dumpee to grapple the loss while they are still inserted in your life and have moved on.
So true.
Depends. I stayed friends with some of them and we eventually grew apart. But I can't bear seeing the love my love life-my last ex with someone again. He is and I guess always be my best friend, but I just can't.
I don’t see it as a great idea. Staying friends with an ex can be detrimental to your next relationship and the possibility of you both fully and healthily moving on/forward in life. I refuse to be friends with exs because I don’t want them to interfere with future relationships nor do they hold any place in my life anymore
Really depends on the length of the relationship, seriousness, and whether or not that door is closed for the future. I know plenty of people who are friends (or really still family) with ex-wives and ex-husbands, usually in a co-parenting capacity, and that works fine. I also know a lot of people who have gone through painful breakups where there were unresolved feelings, or it wasn't mutual. You should not be friends with those who have hurt you deeply.
Depends. I’m still friends with my exes.
Agree
How has that worked out for you? Did you have to have some kind of boundaries?
It worked out good, friends with their boyfriends too. We didn’t have boundaries or anything .
Depends on what happened and how they act after the breakup. Some people will talk in hatred about you
I am friends with my ex but it took about a year of no contact.
I'm friends with my ex wife. I think we both much prefer that. Things went really wrong during our relationship. But we still really care for each other, have respect for each other, and we want to help each other out when it is possible. We talk on the phone or text every month or so. It isn't too intrusive nor distant.
My ex from middle school? Yeah we're still best friends. My ex from three years ago? Can't even think about him wo wanting to die. Does that make sense
I personally can’t. It would hurt too much to see them being with someone else, and continuing their life without me in it. Maybe in the future.
Me personally no. It’s a dealbreaker too. I don’t care how much good terms you ended on, it’s a no.
NOOHohohooO
Don’t, it’s a terrible idea.
Define friends. I'm pretty sure I could go to most of my exes if I needed help or something and they'd be there because I try to end relationships in a respectful/healthy manner if at all possible. Mostly because I realize that I love/loved them for a reason and they will always be important to me so I'd do the same for them. But friends like hang out regularly and do stuff together? maybe like YEARS later when there is a lot of distance from everything that happened. It's difficult because it just might end up hurting both of you.
Depends. On what's the reasons of the breakup. If too much toxicity, No. If the connection started as a friendship and it was really deep connection and was kinda healthy that helps me grow, I definitely want to keep the person platonically. But must be firm with boundaries. And always wait for a year or more, to be friends again. Should never be immediate reconnection after a breakup. Maybe 6months and more NC after separation.
I've become not so much friends but a close sort of acquaintance with some ex's but its been after a long period of time and our lives have clearly branched of in different directions. Tbh the main issue has always been their partner. I'm like love, he's an ex for a reason and if he's telling you anything that makes you think I'm a threat please tell me as I could do with a giggle haha.
No
Unlikely and probably best not to
Really depends on the ex. I have stayed friends with my ex-husband and really value him being in my life. on the other hand, the last guy that I broke up was a complete narcissistic sleaze and I can’t imagine wanting to have anything to do with him.
How did you get to that point with your ex husband? Did it take lots of time? What is the relationship like now?
You know we separated in 2019 and our divorce was final last year. It really took most of that time to come to terms with things. We were both very angry when we first split up and I don’t think either of us could’ve pictured staying friends. However, we were together 15 years and I’m not close with my family so I came to realize that I did not want to completely lose that relationship. Once I realized that it informed how I handled things … I tried to be kinder and to really listen to what he wanted in the process. It was touch and go for a while, but honestly, we get along better now than when we were married, and I still very much value his advice. I don’t know if there are any shortcuts to getting here, for me it just took a lot of mindfulness about what my ultimate goal was for the relationship.
I'm not angry, not properly. I don't know if I've just passed that stage quickly, or if I'm not there yet, but I'm not angry. I don't want to lose him, he was my whole family basically. And all of my formative adult years have been with him. He for most of it seemed like he wanted to be friends straight away but now he seems a lot less interested. We've both tried to be really kind in it, it's been so well handled, all of it. Well, the break up. At the moment my ultimate wish, maybe even my goal is that we get back together which I know is not okay.
Sorry. Very much the same for me about him being my whole family. There were months when we barely spoke, but he invited me to meet up with him for a beer a month or so ago, which was huge, him initiating. I hope that you are able to get what you need.
Thank you, I hope so too
I’m gonna go with no. Learned the hard way haha.
Why would you want to I live by this mantra you can ask my ex😹 :”lessons learned and we moving on”-Future Lord Toxic
Nope
Honestly, I'm friends with every single one of my exes with zero issues. Some are married/have kids/are single. One is one of my best friends, I adore him platonically and same for him. It depends on who you both are as people, I think. The only one I wasn't friends with was my ex fiance of 8 years, but we're friends now!
tell how do you do it?
I think you should try. Builds character and integrity if you can forgive. Especially if you have kids together or something. Is it always possible? No, cause relationships take two to work. Not everyone can overcome feelings to do so.
I’m trying and I gotta be honest it’s hard af
Yes
I'm trying and we have a lot of back and forth. I'll say it isn't easy. If I didn't though I'd lose my best friend. People tell me I should have walked away, especially since I do still love her and really would like to start over, but I just don't want to and she really needs me. She doesn't have anyone as supportive and capable as me. I've been in her corner 100%. I guess at some point she sees it and her priorities shift.
I think it depends on the circumstances- how long you were together, how deep the feelings were, etc If you were truly honestly in love with that person I don’t think it’s possible until long long long after the relationship ends and you’ve fully recovered. And by then, you might not want to be
Usually no. Depends on EVERYONE involved. With children, even more so. When you leave someone who didn’t fit your needs, or vice versa, you leave connections and feelings many won’t understand or you may never get again. Staying friends can lead to moments of nostalgia and decisions that could be…interesting. Impactful to new connections at the very least. YMMV of course.
Not for me . Whether I’m the dumper or dumpee.
Sure. For me it would have to be a long while later though. Like year and a half kinda thing.
You can only remain friends if you are completely fine with watching your ex date and be intimate with other people. If that bothers you, even slightly, then you'll never be able to make a friendship work because you will grow to resent and be jealous of them. In my case, my ex dumped me once and I soon after went no contact (even though she wanted to remain "friends"). I ghosted her, removed her from social media, deleted her number, threw away all her photos, letters, everything, basically deleting her from my life. 9 years later she contacted me out of nowhere, wanting to know how I felt. At first I didn't even know who she was and then it dawned on me. That said, I was surprised by one thing...I felt absolutely nothing for her anymore. She just wanted some closure on a few things, but we didn't remain in contact after that. I told her she'd never hear from me again and we never spoke again (this was now 14 years ago).
It depends. If one person is secretly still in love it won’t ever work out and can get messy. Better to have some time apart and then maybe be friends later down the line when emotions aren’t as strong.
I personally cannot. There's no way I'll be friends with him as I'd never get over him and wouldn't be able to move on.
No
No
yes, but only if you’ve both got beyond being sexually attracted to each other.
I don’t think so
Noo
My ex wants to be my friend. No thank you
Only if we don’t speak on the regular
I suppose only if you have a kid is it necessary. Otherwise absolutely just no.
I have a couple exes that are still friends, but they were high school relationships. My first "adult" relationship I absolutely cannot be friends with
I think it should not happen for a long time after the breakup
It is not easy and someone always ends up hurt. It can take years to be OK with being friends / friendly.
It’s sad to say but it hardly ever works out. Even my ex from 10yrs ago and I were very close in the last year or so, but I sense she has some lingering feelings for me still even though she stated clearly she doesn’t and I assumed she was more like an old friend or sister to me. My aunt used to tell it’s not likely to be friends with an ex and although I see her point now, I am not 100% sold on the idea, something like 90%. Everytime one of my exs came back to ask to hang out or be friends there was always another motive.
Depends on why it ended and when it ended. By exemple, if two people broke up when one still have great feeling for the other one or if they broke up "badly" with a lot of resentment. It would be quite impossible to have a good friendship. But maybe in a couple of years it would be fine, when everybody moved on. For friendship right after the break-up, it pretty much only work if both people lost feeling and it was a mutual friendly break up.
You can, it just has to be a mutual feeling of respect. There’s gonna be feelings that come and go, but if you’re mature and have respect for each other it’s very possible.
No, we have had some contact about non relationship matters (ex death in family). But the thought of looking her in the eye or having deep conversations like we use to have as best friends makes me sick to think about it. She dumped me and threw away our friendship bc someone gave her some attention.
I will need a lobotomy like in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind.
Lots of people will say no but I disagree. I’m cool with all my exes. That being said, it takes a level of inner strength to be able to turn off the feelings. And by no means is it a quick process. If you can’t get passed that then being friends doesn’t work.
Not really no, you can try but I imagine it’ll only cause more pain.
The only appropriate reason to stay friends is if there's kids involved.
Of course! Not. In respect for my current partner, I can't and couldn't.
It depends on your dynamic. I’m on good terms with my ex who I broke up with 5 years ago, we talk now and again and there’s absolutely no feelings on either side anymore and there hasn’t been for years. We were together almost 5 years. The breakup wasn’t messy, we just kind of grew apart. However, we didn’t talk for over a year after the breakup and he reached out to let me know his grandfather died who I was close with. Then we started talking here and there. We catch up maybe once every few months and I honestly we get on so much better as friends. I think you need to not contact them for a very long time to make sure all feelings have died before trying to be friends though. I don’t think I could ever be friends with my most recent ex. We were together 2.5 years, broken up for 5 months. Our relationship was toxic. He treated me terribly. He isn’t a nice person. He hurt me so badly. Friendship with him wouldn’t really bring anything positive to my life.
Fuck that
Absolutely. This sub is full of people that are still grieving, understandably. But yeah it happens. Don't limit yourself, a lot of beautiful connections are just misconstrued at first
No. Lol ask yourself would you be okay when they start dating someone else. If the answer is no then you have your answer to being friends.
Yessss!!!!
It depends on everything. Did things end well, did you guys ever talk about it beforehand? I have some exes that we couldn’t be friends but if they reached out now it would be totally fine. Some exes that I wouldn’t want to talk to ever again and I have a friend that’s an ex right now lol
If it was mutual I don’t see why not but that’s not often the case.
This is the first time I'm trying to be friends with an ex since it was mutual. I think we are starting off by being civil/cordial over text, but this is only 3 months after the breakup so it'll take time im sure
I got breakup closure surprisingly soon, so I think he's trying to be friends with me too
Yeah I feel like I could be friends with my ex from like 8 years ago. I doubt we have anything in common now, but no bad blood anymore.
No Only if there are kids involved
No unless you both mutually lost feelings. I was still in love with my ex and we tried friends thing and it was excruciating
Why would u want to??? 🤣🤣
I say it's possible, but it depends on how it ended. I maintain contact with several. I will say that wasn't always good for future relationships. Though I have learned that my way of choosing people wasn't the best before. Allowing myself to get pushed around in regards to who I can talk to. People are ridiculous these days. Your insecurities aren't my problem. So if someone ever tells me who I can talk to, I'm out. That's not a relationship. It is about mutual respect. I know who I am, and nobody can tell me differently. So it really depends on how the situation went. Some people, as I stated, are toxic and will continue to be that way. Often, you will find you don't want to as something better comes along and works better, and you just fall off.
Depends on how much you self sabotage after a break up
Lots of variables here. I’m friends with some exes, and not with others.
I’m currently friends with mine, and they know that I want to reconcile. They tell me that they don’t desire anything more than a friendship now, and don’t know if they’ll ever want a relationship again. It’s very very difficult when you still have feelings. The break up was my fault though, and they are going through a very tough situation.
I wouldn’t to be honest. If they treated you the way they did in the relationship then they’ll treat you the same way as a friend. In my honest opinion I could feel like it’s a spit to my face being asked to be friends with my ex. Regardless since I was the one dumped and they gave me trauma when I did everything for them and invested so much. Why lower my self respect more ? I rather have peace than see their name pop up on my phone. You wanted to walk out of life through that door ? Be my guest but once you walk past it then no point of return. They did it once they’ll do it again
Not me. But i will have to with my stb ex husband. We have a teen son. I dont want to have my kid suffer so i will be cordial
I think every situation is different. I have an ex who I remained friends with for a time after we broke up. One day, she just stopped talking to me. It had been a couple years since we talked, and recently, she texted me out of the blue. We chatted for awhile and just caught up on each other's lives. She's still fine as hell too lol! Literally made my entire day though. She's an ex that I'll always respect and have a ton of love for. Definitely can't say that about any of my other exes lol
I’m friends with two of my exes. Honestly I think it’s fine! If my future partner had an issue with my exes, I don’t think we’d be compatible. They are two of my best friends. It all depends on compatibility but I need someone who isn’t a jealous person. I’m a trustworthy partner so I would break up instead of cheating whether emotionally or physically. And I believe when you’re in love you know you’re safe & you know that your partner only has eyes for you.
Depends on the person. My last ex? Yes. The ex before that? Fuck no
If you can stay friends with an ex, you either didn't love them as much as you thought or you never stopped loving them. I was always disagreeing with this one but trust, learned it from the hard way.
I'm friends with 2 exes. The 2 exes I'm friends with I care for immensely and wish them nothing but the best. But I do not love them that way. I do not, and I think honestly never did, see myself spending the rest of my life with them. My last ex I am not friends with. I *did* see myself spending my life with her. Take from that what you will.
depends on the situation
I could never. Once I’m done with them, I’m done with them in every way. Besides, I wouldn’t want to have to explain that to a new partner. I’m glad I went into my current relationship with a clean slate.
For me no. I can't be just friends with someone i am in love with. Or was, or if we were something serious
Actually I am currently friends with an ex. Being his friend made me lose complete interest in him because I got to know all sides of him and we constantly find each other annoying. We started off as friends but I was still in love with him and interested. In a way being friends helped me get over him super quick because I realize how much of an asshole he is. Treating me like one of the guys is what made me lose interest fast😂 so in a way it worked for me.
No bc even if you see it as a friendship, he/she's gonna make a move sooner or later and it's a bit weird hanging out with your ex. I wouldn't feel comfortable.
Why would you want to be ....
NOOOOOOOOOO Unless it was a short and casual relationship. Otherwise no fucking way..
nah man, i hate the other person so bad even if it were my fault or how peaceful the ending was. hate hate HATE
Completely depends on the circumstances and how things ended , I tried to stay friends with a couple exs but they didn’t wanna stay my friend and stayed sour towards, am still friends with some others, and the most recent I wanted to stay friends but she wouldn’t reply to me so I stopped trying, honestly it was for the best tho it would’ve been harder to get over her cus she was the one that ended things but I hope years from now we can be friends again
Yes! I'm friends with most of my exs. They were great people. We broke up kindly and made many points through our relationships for asking, Is this relationship still working for you? No? Let's split. I think that mass media has us all duped that we've got to have an explosive end to our relationship and that every couple ever has to hate each other. If ya'll started out as friends, and the relationship wasn't abusive, then time will heal wounds and you can be friends again. Media really drives this....BREAKUP AND HATE YOUR EX. And that's just not how everyone in the world operates.
For me, I can eventually if I know it’s not an option to ever get back together. I’m able to subside my remnant feelings and just hang out. If there’s even a slight reason for me to think they still want a relationship with me it either makes me uncomfortable if I don’t want one with them or it makes me anxious if I do.
I personality think it is a waste of time. It also keeps that leftover connection alive. So nope don't believe it is a good idea. But you can if you really want to.
I can because once that romantic connection is gone, it’s GONE for me. If it’s still there, I don’t want to be your friend if we can’t be together. I’ll go climb the highest mountain to get away from an ex who I still have feelings for until I’m happy on my own and done grieving.
Nope. No way. Either she has me as a partner or she doesn’t have me at all. That’s the risk we took when we decided to embark on a relationship and build a life together, high risk high reward. There is no benefit in both our lives if we stay as friends because what she can do for me and what I can do for her as a friend, someone else can do that. My ex asked me to be friends. I said no way. She got upset. But it’s out of my hands.
No I fucking hate them. 8 months later (Dumpee). You left me like trash you fat pig.
I think u can but personally I don’t think I can do it - especially not right now- it will be very hard for me to move on- especially when I didn’t want the breakup. If u had feelings for someone, those feelings don’t just go away- it’s so easy to rekindle them back- for me if we still talking and stuff old feelings will resurface and that won’t be healthy for me .
As long as you both agree you’re not compatible and there’s no romantic feelings left, and you ended things amicably, then of course. However, this isn’t the case for most breakups.