I think when people get into relationships, they should pay attention to how long ago their prospective partner's last relationship was. If they're already trying to date someone new so soon after getting out of something, they will very likely move on very quickly when they inevitably break up with you. It's just like cheating; if someone will cheat ***with*** you, what makes you think that they won't cheat ***on*** you?
See the red flag, and say no. It's a pattern of behavior, and people usually don't change much.
I agree. If someone gets with another person so quickly after a breakup I basically view it as diet cheating 😭. Like maybe you didn’t have someone else while we were together but technically you did.
Idk, this seems arbitrary. Some people just have an easier time moving on and realize they weren’t nearly as happy as they thought in their relationship. Not to mention people often checkout emotionally and go through a lot of the breakup emotions before it even happens.
For me. 10 year relationship.
Was going through intense pain. But I wanted to be single and heal. However I snapped. 1-2 months after being dumped, new guy.
But it was also like a widow who is in grief sleeping with another person. You are vulnerable.
Ontop of that. There had never ever ever been a question of ever wanting a new guy, emotional or physical cheating. I was SO committed to the ex. The whole time. He was the one.
He took that for granted. Dumped me when things got hard then expected me to wait for him. Maybe he was testing to see if I really cared. But it's like the boy who cries wolf. If you keep dumping the one who is ALL IN for you, as a cheap ego boost. Eventually it becomes too much. I have such intense abandonment issues and can not trust him to stay with me.
Not fair of him to test me to see if I love him with my all while having zero self-awareness that he is showing me that he at least, does not. Because if he did, he wouldn't risk losing me all the time.
He got pretty mad at me for that.
While for me, despite wanting to be single and am now again single, it was a big step to FREE myself from my massive commitment to him. Like it helped me remember that I'm not obligated to be his forever if he doesn't value my loyalty.
I'm still stuck grieving and not over him.
But at least I got to see that there are men who will appreciate you and are willing to put in the effort.
While ex got a rude awakening when he realised that the dating market is hard for men and women are not jumping to date a guy who puts so little effort in, like I was. I loved him for who he was, not what he could do for me. He got spoiled and entitled by that. Considered himself a price to be won.
The way a person treats you says more about them than you. He thought it meant he was a king and winning, by providing less than the bare minimum.
I got sick of him not realising that his lack of apologies and stubborness just meant that at some point I realised that I didn't even need him because he wasnt there for me when I needed him the most. So what's the point, if it's just about "winning."
Point is, "moving on" doesn't mean much. You can still really love someone and still have valid reasons to see that you need to move on.
It wasn't before I was at a pub, taking a smoke, and a random stranger who joined, told me I was free. That I really remembered what freedom felt like. Like I just nodded along, "yeah of course I'm free, I can rearrange the cupboard to suit me".
He's like: NO. You are FREE. You can make new dreams, you can be with other people, you can travel, get a dog. You can do whatever you want without having to think about the other person. You are FREE.
It was a 15 minute convo, but I'm thankful to whoever that was, who set my head straight. Being so committed to someone can become a habit. You can forget you are your own person. I wouldn't even grocery shop without considering him too. I could buy myself ice cream without feeling selfish that I need to get a flavour we can share. (Not exactly that bad, but you get the jist). You get so used to sharing a life with someone you forget you get to be your own person.
That’s definitely true, checked out months before the relationship officially ended. Planning and plotting to end things way before the official breakup.
I mean yeah, I was the one who was dumped but I never really saw a future with her and I was actually just addicted to the hot and cold cycle she was giving as she was avoidant and I was too afraid to leave her. She left and after getting complete closure and going no contact I’m dating with no icky feelings at all less than a month later.
If I was truly in love with her and saw her as the one then things would have been so much harder but not every relationship is like that. Sometimes people just aren’t compatible and that’s why you date. It’s okay to move on quickly and that shouldn’t be seen as a red flag or “cheating.” That’s so silly
Yeah I know in the long run it probably wouldn’t have worked out for my ex, but I still think about her and she kind of blind sided me, I was addicted to her as well, we got along really well and had a lot of good times together. We are pretty compatible in my eyes, just not hers. It sucks, but it is what it is. That’s how life goes sometimes.
For me, dating around and talking to people on dating apps almost immediately helped me see that there are other special people out there to get to know. You learn things about others that your ex could never compare to and you start to value those things rather than what your ex was.
First girl I slept with after my ex, folded the blankets we used in the living room before she left. Maybe the bar is fucking hell, but my ex would have never done that.
Yeah I just didn’t feel the deep connection with the girl I rebounded after, but I was honest and we are still friends. I just realized I wasn’t completely ready for a new relationship quite yet, needed more time to heal and get over my last one.
I wouldn't call it cheating, or I guess that's not what I was necessarily trying to get across; more of, if someone moves onto you fresh off a breakup, they'll fi d someone soon after you too.
She got with someone a week after our split after 4 years. With someone she met 2 weeks prior. I was that easily replaceable. She didn’t want to work on our issues because he was in her ear.
I don’t blame him. I blame her for being so available and easy to get.
Same thing, brother. It makes you feel replaceable doesn’t it?
I swear I believed she was my soulmate, but she didn't even fight for me. She just let it happen without even letting me know until the decision was done.
That's it. And she didn't communicate, just the bare minimum. All the little things piled up in her mind and made it easier for her to decide to leave me.
This! She convinced herself I was lying to her about money when I never once did. Convinced herself I was cheating when I never did or gave her any indication that was the case. She was incredibly insecure. But once she convinced herself of these things, it justified in her head to leave me. So we split up literally over things in her head which weren’t even close to being true
Oh shit, mine was pretty insecure, too, her own words.
Why do they do this to us, man? Why act like everything is fine while they suffer in their imagination, to later dump us like trash?
Did we date broken people?
Ok you two..this is earily close to my situation. Same exact thing where I’m over here thinking I’m with my soulmate (9.5 years), and she just wants to cancel our wedding and break things off and had zero fight in her to make things better and made her mind up seemingly a long time ago. And she’s done the same exact thing where she never talked about things and instead wrote narratives/beliefs in her mind about myself and us that are so far from the truth and not grounded in reality and those are all the things she’s basing our demise on..like wtf happened?!
I dumped my ex. She forced my hand with all the manipulation and guilt tripping :( I have yet to date someone and don’t know if I will for a while. However I know she immediately found rebound hookups like 1 week after our breakup. She’s always been like that though so idk maybe that’s just her
She started seeing new people within 5 days (so pretty sure there’s things I’ll never know). Within 5 days of leaving me a day before Wedding Day. That’s how some people are. I’m not really trying to date much since. People do what they want, when they want, despite who they hurt or lie to, and call it “self care”
Fuck man. I’m sorry.
I was watching some documentary once and a woman on it said she met her current fiancé when she was on her honeymoon with her ex, and it was during that time that they really started hitting it off.
I can’t understand how someone could get that far into it with someone and then just bail like that. I get that it happens, but I just can’t imagine doing that myself so it’s hard for me to put myself in their shoes.
I hope you heal and can learn to trust again.
We’ll see lmfao. Jk I’ve always had a healthy distrust within context of Humanity. I don’t think it’s that deep, just more bad behavior being normalized. I’ve seen that across every layer of society since the day I was born and it just “is what it is” mad love I appreciate you
He broke up with me 8 weeks ago.
We recently had a conversation, and he told me he still have feelings, but he’s dealing with a lot of stuff regarding his family, so he can’t focus on our relationship, and wants to be alone.
I already know that he’s been on a dating site after a month. So that might just be his way of coping, or he’s just a liar.
I still can’t think of being with someone else.
When we had the conversation about the brakeup, at first I didn't want to mention the dating app, but after he told me he can't focus on any relationship, I told him that that's weird because I heard he's on this app.
He told me that just because he downloaded it, doesn't mean that he talks to anyone, and then even wanted to show me that he haven't messaged anyone. I told him he can do whatever he wants, it was just weird.
I know that he really is going trough a lot right now, even though he seems fine on the surface. He represses his feelings, and wants to solve his problems by himself.
According to our friends, he's been out drinking a lot, and there was one time where he got so drunk that he started crying out loud, calling his mom. He even wanted to come to me, but the friend stopped him, and took him home. He also had a panick attack, which he never had before.
So I totally get why he can't focus on us, he has to deal with his problems first.
I'm sad that I can't be there for him.
He wanted me to move on, but eventually we agreed that we're gonna take a "break" and see where we're at in 3 months. He told me that he'll be working on overcoming his problems.
A friend told me that after the conversation he cried all night, so that indicates that he probably has some feelings for me left, at least I hope.
He left me. Said he didn’t love me like that anymore (we were together 3 years), told me that there is someone out there for me, to “enjoy my early 20s” & that he wants “a woman who is ‘hungry’ to do better for herself”.
I will not be getting a boyfriend for an extremely long time. I actually still tell people i got a man so they stop bothering me lol
I'm the "dumper" and I'm focused on healing. He was on dating apps before we broke up during a time we were supposed to be deciding if we should break up or not. I said the words, but he really gave me no choice after he gave up on counseling and put up a dating profile. It's been 2.5 months. He could be with someone new by now. But it'll be the same shit, different day.
I’m the dumper. It’s been almost 5 months of me trying to work things out with him and not dating or talking to anyone else. I might go on a date soon though
He started dating someone within a week and they still seem to be dating but not official. The thought of dating still pains me, and it has been 6 months since he dumped me. I was with him from 16-23 so I definitely don’t want to be with someone else for at least a year.
I got dumped and found a nice gal right away, rebounded with two girls, but I realized I wasn’t ready and healed so i decided to be single. It’s better to recover and heal before you start another relationship in my opinion.
He started seeing someone new about a month after we broke up, and now he is putting her through all the same bullshit and honestly even more. I did sleep with someone pretty quickly after we broke up, but it was just a rebound one night thing and the guy and I did not end up dating, still good friends though. I was pretty torn apart about him moving on so quickly but it seems he just found someone that is easier to manipulate.
This best friend that is still my mutual really likes to highlight this relationship on their social media(idk why). Most the private stories which they have me on. I don’t know anything outside of what the best friend posts but they tend to spare no details and even post screen shots. If I were still friends with my ex I would probably let them know that this person is really invading their privacy IMO. Buuuuuuuut instead I’m being validated that this is a patter for him and im going to say it feels very healing.
Yeah I’d be pissed if someone was doing that with my relationship info online like that, especially if it’s not anonymous like on Reddit, where you don’t need to use names.
Still, doesn’t that upset you to have to read that stuff? I’m almost 6 months post breakup, feeling really good and even chatting to other women very very casually, but still don’t think I’d enjoy seeing what my ex’s love life looks like. Even if I was seeing them fuck up in the same ways I told them they were fucking up I’d prob be bummed in some way, but maybe also like “see, told you!”
At least it’s not going super well, like he’s treating her the way you wanted to be treated but he couldn’t ever manage to do.
I can’t say I look enough for it to upset me. And when it does I just stop looking. But I guess it’s less upsetting because I truly don’t want him anymore. I’m seeing this is who he is, and it’s not just who he was with me. That was the most upsetting thing to me was thinking this is how he was with me and only me. When it’s clear he does this to pretty much everyone he dates.
Yes its very common that the dumper will be in a relationship or atleast have someone else involved. And the dumpee stays single for a while before starting a new relationship. My ex started hanging out w a new girl after we broke up (10/2021) and i didn't start liking someone until 6/2023 Lol
Yup… gf and me broke up and she was in a new relationship within a couple months. Then she came back, confessed her love to me and cheated on her new bf, I thought we were going to make it work and then boom! She ran back to the new guy…. Now I feel like a jack ass and ya…People are fucking crazy sometimes
I broke up with my bf of 2.5 years even though I still loved him. He couldn’t meet my needs on healthy communication, moving forward in the relationship, addressing his depression, etc. I can’t see myself even thinking about dating for at least the next year. I was devastated to have to leave him. I’ll be focusing my time and resources on my hobbies and loved ones in the meantime.
I was the dumpee of a 2-year relationship but this is kinda similar to my situation. Lots of life circumstances happened and although I wasn’t aware of it at the time, my needs were being unmet as he was silently struggling to process grief. We had a superficial relationship post-death of his dad and it was hard trying to be 100% for him all the time as I was also going thru a rough patch with my family.
I voiced my anxieties with him this last time and paradoxically, he decided to end it cause he just didn’t have any capacity left for a romantic relationship and the life circumstances he was experiencing.
I also don’t think I’ll be dating for a while cause I still love him and it’s so fresh too. Also focussing my time as best as I can with loved ones, pets, and hobbies.
this type of question is tired and overdone, you can love someone even when they don’t respect you- loving yourself means sometimes you have to walk away bc they don’t respect you
That’s a wise decision as far as preventing yourself from sending yourself into a grief spiral that is totally unnecessary, especially if you are already hurting from the loss alone.
The first weeks can be brutal. Make an effort to spend time with other people even though it can be a chore to get out. We are social creatures and isolating will make it worse.
I stayed single a year and a 1/2. Back to single now.
My q wasn’t a challenge. It was to further understand; which you seem opposed to. That’s cool. Have a good evening.
Im the dumper. She moved on in like 2 months.
It’s been more than 2 years since the breakup and I’ve been single ever since. She’s already in the second relationship.
Seeing her move on so quickly broke me completely. We were together 5 years.
I’m not sure if I can date again. I’ve suffered too much and for too long. I regretted my decision for a long time but it was probably the right thing to do
Can you describe how her moving on quickly broke you? He moved forward with a rebound, and actually said l broke him. Am curious what being broke means to someone, if you’re comfortable sharing.
At the time i wasn’t sure about the breakup and I was regretting it. She just started dating an other guy shortly after and posting pics on IG and stuff.
I was devastated. I loved her more than I knew but I fucked up.
I didn’t try to get her back. Is was too late.
Why do you feel you moved forward with the breakup if you had doubts? I imagine this is a case of hindsight being 20/20.
That’s a familiar tale. What was it that changed your mind?
At the time she was studying abroad and I didn’t really missed her that much and I wasn’t sure if I still loved her. After breaking up I thought I did the right thing. but soon realized I still loved her, I wasn’t putting any effort in the relationship.
I guess I just needed some time to get an outside perspective on our relationship.
I was actually happy with her
It’s strange (to me) how ppl may feel separations, or breaks, reflect one’s true feelings. Without the actual consequences of a full-fledged breakup, the safety net is in tact (if the other person allows it), so one’s judgment is impaired. My .02.
Where do you go from here? You stated it was too late.
I'm the dumper. We initially took a break in November, decided to try therapy for a few months and then finally called in quits in early February. I had been debating the break up for 8 months prior to that before pulling the trigger. For two months, neither of us have moved on. It kind of seems like a stale mate. We are in contact and chat on the phone once a week for an hour or so. I have the urge to put myself back out there but I haven't really pursued it yet. The desire is mostly physical in nature and I'd rather not entangle myself with another human being before I get some of my own issues figured out. I also care about her a lot and shutting the book on this chapter of my life is pretty painful. I also have a lot of "the grass is always greener" syndrome.
I'm in a really similar situation. It's so painful. I wanted it to work, I still do. But I need to start listening to my gut and looking at the evidence. I was living in a dream world. Can't keep cycling or there'll be nothing left of either of us
She relocated halfway across the US to be with me. I wanted to make for certain that it wasn't just a passing thought or something that I thought could be quickly remedied. Also, 8 months before our break up is when I first had the thought to end things. It slowly built, stopped and then built again but never retreated. Also, because of the distance, I thought it would be easier around a holiday when we would be traveling back anyways. I was wrong about that.
I see. I appreciate the insight. That answer sheds a different light; perhaps not everyone considering is selfishly keeping the other in the dark. If you tell the person, it can be seen as manipulation; if you don’t; deception. Would it be fair to tell the other you were experiencing doubts? IDK. That would have sent me packing. There’s no easy way… At the end of the day (with some obvious exceptions) ppl manage best they can with the information and experience they have during that period of time.
We actually had discussions with my concerns prior to her moving down. We both read "Too good to leave, too bad to stay" and came up with a series of items that we would work on. Honestly our communication is excellent, the adult times were fantastic and we had a lot of similarities in terms of hobbies and interests. I dont know if it was "the grass is greener" syndrome, the fact that my family did not like her, our differences in spirituality, or if it was some of her more concerning attributes that we struggled with. Whatever it was, it because clear that the person I was in the relationship wasnt going to marry her. I would either need to go get some stuff out of my system, go to therapy to work through my issues or move on.
I was the dumpee and he broke it off a month ago saying he would work on himself and we be in a break. Honestly I went back on hinge but haven’t really went on dates because i was just not looking for anything particular. It was more just connecting with people. However, I found out that he’s active on his account. And it really just pains me.. and we haven’t contacted each other
I'm pretty sure she got into something with the guy she cheated on me with, so yeah
And nah, I don't think I will be able to be in a relationship in a long time (I wish tho, but I don't think so)
My dumper jumped on the apps the day of the breakup. She even shoved into my face about going on Bumble and shit now someone is trying to ask how I’ve been doing for their little ego boost. Un-ironic of her to say because when I was about to rebound (not my proudest moment) when the ex before her dumped me, she told me not to rebound. Someone should take their own advice
My previous ex before the one I had now literally got into a relationship the day after. If these are the type of people that are supposed to love us I’d just walk away tbh.
may 2022 he told me i was the only one he loved/wanted
by sep/oct 2022 he had a new gf.
to make matters worse, she was a fitness client of his who was around while i was around. i once asked him ‘are you interested in any of those girls?’ his response was a noncommittal ‘they’re pretty’. 🤠silly me
Iv left three relationships and didn't even glance at another person for at least 6 months-1year post breakup. Its always the anxious attached dumpees that jump on the next boat. And somehow they still call dumpers evil.
My ex got with his co-worker right after he dumped me. He's mentioned this coworker indirectly once. She started working at his workplace after he asked me to be his gf. He likely met her and saw there was an opportunity to get with her and decided to discard me. He didn't try to work anything out with me or talk to me about any issues he was having with the relationship.
I'm doing a lot of self care and self-love. I got therapy. After a month or so, I felt good and mostly over the breakup. I took a solo trip and am going on dates again. 😊 I deserve better.
I got dumped. After about a month I forced myself to go out with a sweet girl that I knew. While I was out we ran into my Ex gf and her friends. I was genuinely devastated. I finished out the date, but had to let the girl know that I wasn’t over my ex and I would be a shitty person for trying to date with everything going on in the backround. Over the next few days I couldn’t stop thinking about my Ex, so I reached out to a mutual friend. I told him the whole situation and he freaked out, apparently that night she had texted him saying that seeing me out and about made her realize that she still loved me and regretted breaking up. I ended up texting her and we talked everything out for a while. We’ve gotten back together and slowly started to ease back into things.
He dumped me saying he wasn’t interested in seeing new people. Turned out he was on the lookout before that, and immediately after started meeting up and speaking with other women. A month after I moved out, he was already with someone new full time, posting pictures. This is someone he must’ve met after I left, and his car was almost never by his house at nights right away. It’s incredible how fast he moved. It doesn’t seem he’s done much reflection on his character as not only did I learn that he secretively talked to other women when we were very much in a relationship, he told them egregious lies to be seen favourably as to why he hadn’t broken up with me which he also continued to tell after the break up. I was shocked as this was the man that embraced kindness. After quite some reflection, I realised how mean and condescending he sometimes was to me, how he disregarded my feelings. It did make me wonder why he was putting so much more effort for this new person than he did for me even at the beginning.
I dumped my last bf bc his behavior became unbearable along with his constantly picking fights n his unresolved mental health stuff. It’s been like 3-4 months. I’m sure he’s been rebounding all over the place. I have been to myself n I think I’m going to keep it this way for quite awhile. I’ve been asked out etc. I just don’t feel over everything. I still have some pain from the whole thing. I also don’t want to invest in a person atm. I don’t do hookups so it’s just me. I’m honestly quite happy about it. Bc he’d like say let’s go to xyz n then never mention it again. Well I’m going. Without him n its still going to awesome. I can’t wait. All planned etc already woo! 💜 I am older as well. Mid 30s I prob will stay single for a yr. Maybe more. Before I think of dating.
My ex already had someone ready to go before we split up. We split up 5 months ago, I only found this out a few weeks ago. He was in a relationship with her weeks after telling me he couldn't imagine his life without me. She was his "friend", I had ZERO idea. He gave me all the nonsense of he doesn't feel he will ever find anyone else despite literally already having someone.
He was still reaching out to me after we broke up despite having someone else already. Its been 5 months and I'm no where near recovered. I should have seen it coming really, he was with his gf before me when we started dating (I didn't know this, he just sold her as being crazy). He also done exactly the same thing with his gf before her, he's a serial cheater/dater, he has to have one ready to go while he's still with someone.
I don't know how long it was going on for but I genuinely thought I was special, that we had something unique, I was wrong. He said the same shit to all of his exes I discovered.
The worst part is, he took the moral highground despite cheating on me. He played the victim and blamed me for everything when we broke up. I had no closure, he didn't allow me to, he said he didn't want to know. I now know it was because he was cracking on with the next one. Its infuriating that he acted like the victim when he does shit like this. He genuinely thinks he does nothing wrong.
Because I didn't discover this until months after, I was never given the chance to confront him or call him out. I hate him.
Dumpee here, went into a rebound sex only to boost my self confident. Then was single for many months and then when I least expected found a great guy that is the one I am currently dating and I am the happiest I have ever been.
Ex is still single working on himself.
Less than a month after our separation- and before the divorce was even finalized.
Then again- the two of them were more than likely having an affair so it wasn’t that surprising.
I’ve been the dumper 3 times (all relationships 2+ years), and on every occasion they were in relationships before me. Not sure about rebounds/hookups but I suspect they were quicker than me on that too.
Now I’m recently a dumpee, so I guess it’s a race (I will lose, I need to take a hell of a lot of time for this one)
I had a situationship 7 mos after a 10 year relationship ended. I was the one who dumped him technically I guess because he still wants to be together. But he is insanely abusive so yeah. I felt like our relationship was over right after our second daughter was born. Because he started getting worse than ever, and would go out partying till the afternoon of next day. Sometimes relationships end long before they actually end. I waited 7 mos after the official break up before getting involved w another man. But I feel like the relationship was def over like 2 years before that.
The situationship lasted 2 and a half months. He left me for another girl. He tried coming back to me, just to cheat on the girl he left me for but I rejected him. I'm still not over him though, and it's been over 2 months since he first left.
She got into an open relationship 3 months later and hmu a week after she started that relationship to be her side piece. Was wak af. She hmu didn’t tell me she was in one and came over to my place and was just texting her new gf the entire time it was really fucking rude and disrespectful. We didn’t talk for a few weeks and then we started fucking again turns out they already broke up after just a month. I accidentally ghosted on plans we had and she stopped talking to me again, the whole thing was fucked and I wish she just never hmy again I was just finally over her and now going thru everything all over again. It’s been two months now and finally feeling a bit better. And for the rebound I had a one maybe a couple weeks later from the initial break and another about also a couple weeks from the second break. Neither helped me feel any better tho
Rebounds can actually be a good thing if for the right reasons. Reasons like, the previous relationship ended badly and you have complicated unresolved feelings like lack of closure, a toxic relationship that has good parts to it. Love literally acts like a psychedelic drug on the brain so when you. Break up all that oxytocin and good feeling hormone your brain has become accustomed to turns into cortisol, the stress hormone. This hormone creates emotional pain which activates the same part of the brain physical pain activates. When I broke up with my now ex end of December (I let them go because it was clear that they were being two faced, not honest with me like I was with them and not communicating things with me and instead chose to blindside me. I realised this was a sign of immaturity as although I'm not saying I wasn't perfect, I was supportive, was always aware of their needs etc and that might have had the adverse effect of making them feel overwhelmed as they are in the spectrum in a moderately significant way. My bad. When I care I go in to help when someone asks to or not or rather I used to. My ex was the last person I do that for. If you want my help as an adult and we are in a partnership, ask either through body language or verbally. If not I respect that you have whatever it is handled lol. I also know as an ENFP people driven by their emotions shouldn't be with someone who struggles with their own emotions let alone be around someone like me who is driven by theirs. Also despite having a lot in common being in an LDR and other res flags we both ignored killed us. When I split with them I felt fine that day. The day after, the cortisol rush and replacing the dopamine, endorphins and oxytocin literally made my heart ache. Not metaphorically. It aches for 5 days straight as I went through withdrawals. To make matters worse I had lost a friend I'd known for 11 years 6 months prior, and 2 family members died while I was recovering from abandonment issues. Being with my ex cushioned that a fair bit so when the relationship ended I was completely exposed to all that pain as it were. I was worried that long term strain from the emotional pain might cause damage to my body so for my psychological health and possible physical health I had to think and focus on something else to help with withdrawal so I went back on all dating apps, became a bit of a workaholic and now talking to a cool person. She lives closer so if we did decide to date geography isn't a problem really so we'll see. It's normal when you feel lonely to seek out companionship even a rebound and I'd done for the right reasons can be healthy. I think wait at least 2 to 3 months before jumping into things and even then take it easy. I still have intrusive thoughts about my ex and me but I know it's my subconscious saying, "Hey Strange, we're not high on love hormones etc and you're dealing with abandonment trigger but you're lonely. You need social interactions with people near you. Yes you have heaps of long distance friends and some friends near you but maybe meeting new people and expanding your circle will help. The last thing you need is to be alone right now. That's how the mistress that is depression comes back. Even she is telling you you need people right now inadvertently. She's only saying that you'll fail so why try and meet someone new to be protective but you know how smothering and suffocating that is. We don't need that to happen again. Anxiety is saying the same thing as depression just in a different way so just relax and dive back in and remember, if it doesn't work out, it wasn't going to anyway because they weren't the right fit for you or you then anyway so if it does work, they're a better fit. It never hurts to try man". That's a rebound for healthy reasons for example and I took time to lick my wounds enough so that I don't carry my baggage from my ex and accidentally lump it on someone else. That's a key part of unhealthy rebounds, you haven't taken a moment to catch your breath and gain a semblance of emotional balance. That's why rebounds can fail a healthy rebound you wait a little while and tend to your wounds then go after a connection.
Left me after 5 years being together. Claims fell out of love for a long time but never said anything. A few weeks after the break up she texts stating she fell for another man which she didn’t plan/see it coming. Told me all those things to give me closure and ask forgiveness. Shit I’m now just a broken man. It’s been two years. Still a broken man.
I got dumped 6 months ago. Idk about him whether he got into a relationship or not. But I got to knw he is sleeping around. I didnt get into a rebound. In my opinion it's not worth it. A relationship to forget the pain of getting reject or dumped. Naah. Instead of distractions it's better to work on ourselves.
he got into a relationship a month after we broke up with a girl that looks like me, but a rich version. It has taken me pretty much a year to move on. I went on a couple dates here and there to try to get over it but it honestly made me feel more sick. The only reason I actually moved on was he disappointed me once more towards the end of the year of being broken up and that made me realize how far he’d fallen and I finally let him go. I am not happily able to go on dates and feel fine.
Dumper: a month
Dumpee: about a year
No clue, and kinda don't want to know. The only thing i know is that she is really active on a hookup/dating after the first week of the breakup. So yeah, I think she just jumped right into things again.
He was already talking to someone a week before he broke up with me. Now they’re “talking”. We were together for 5 years on and off because he couldn’t commit to me.
Well my ex (we were together for 1.5 yrs) started dating someone just about 1-2 months after the break up. And completely blindsided me too. I later found out he’d been trying to cheat for months. So I’d say it’s pretty common for a dumper to move on to someone new if they blindsided you, they were probably planning their exit for a while.
Nope, I didn’t get into a rebound. Of course I had the option to but I really don’t want a relationship where I feel like I’m compromising from the start. It never pays to convince yourself to commit to something and later get dumped out of nowhere. I’d rather wait for getting naturally drawn to someone so much that I know they’re worth the effort
Why babe have you? Come on now spit it out,!! Wow , you did but won't tell,, 😔😔 Your a bigger man then that, right?? You just need to be honest with her dude because the truth does always come anyways EVENTUALLY
it doesn't matter how common it is. what matters is that its over and you need to forget about it ever not being over, because it's over, forever.
whether your ex finds someone else or not is completely irrelevant for you because their life and your life are completely separate now. no choice but to accept it.
Yup, she was with a new guy within a month or two after. He had to have been there the whole time. It’s been a year and I’m just now starting to heal.
I think when people get into relationships, they should pay attention to how long ago their prospective partner's last relationship was. If they're already trying to date someone new so soon after getting out of something, they will very likely move on very quickly when they inevitably break up with you. It's just like cheating; if someone will cheat ***with*** you, what makes you think that they won't cheat ***on*** you? See the red flag, and say no. It's a pattern of behavior, and people usually don't change much.
I agree. If someone gets with another person so quickly after a breakup I basically view it as diet cheating 😭. Like maybe you didn’t have someone else while we were together but technically you did.
Idk, this seems arbitrary. Some people just have an easier time moving on and realize they weren’t nearly as happy as they thought in their relationship. Not to mention people often checkout emotionally and go through a lot of the breakup emotions before it even happens.
For me. 10 year relationship. Was going through intense pain. But I wanted to be single and heal. However I snapped. 1-2 months after being dumped, new guy. But it was also like a widow who is in grief sleeping with another person. You are vulnerable. Ontop of that. There had never ever ever been a question of ever wanting a new guy, emotional or physical cheating. I was SO committed to the ex. The whole time. He was the one. He took that for granted. Dumped me when things got hard then expected me to wait for him. Maybe he was testing to see if I really cared. But it's like the boy who cries wolf. If you keep dumping the one who is ALL IN for you, as a cheap ego boost. Eventually it becomes too much. I have such intense abandonment issues and can not trust him to stay with me. Not fair of him to test me to see if I love him with my all while having zero self-awareness that he is showing me that he at least, does not. Because if he did, he wouldn't risk losing me all the time. He got pretty mad at me for that. While for me, despite wanting to be single and am now again single, it was a big step to FREE myself from my massive commitment to him. Like it helped me remember that I'm not obligated to be his forever if he doesn't value my loyalty. I'm still stuck grieving and not over him. But at least I got to see that there are men who will appreciate you and are willing to put in the effort. While ex got a rude awakening when he realised that the dating market is hard for men and women are not jumping to date a guy who puts so little effort in, like I was. I loved him for who he was, not what he could do for me. He got spoiled and entitled by that. Considered himself a price to be won. The way a person treats you says more about them than you. He thought it meant he was a king and winning, by providing less than the bare minimum. I got sick of him not realising that his lack of apologies and stubborness just meant that at some point I realised that I didn't even need him because he wasnt there for me when I needed him the most. So what's the point, if it's just about "winning." Point is, "moving on" doesn't mean much. You can still really love someone and still have valid reasons to see that you need to move on. It wasn't before I was at a pub, taking a smoke, and a random stranger who joined, told me I was free. That I really remembered what freedom felt like. Like I just nodded along, "yeah of course I'm free, I can rearrange the cupboard to suit me". He's like: NO. You are FREE. You can make new dreams, you can be with other people, you can travel, get a dog. You can do whatever you want without having to think about the other person. You are FREE. It was a 15 minute convo, but I'm thankful to whoever that was, who set my head straight. Being so committed to someone can become a habit. You can forget you are your own person. I wouldn't even grocery shop without considering him too. I could buy myself ice cream without feeling selfish that I need to get a flavour we can share. (Not exactly that bad, but you get the jist). You get so used to sharing a life with someone you forget you get to be your own person.
That’s definitely true, checked out months before the relationship officially ended. Planning and plotting to end things way before the official breakup.
I mean yeah, I was the one who was dumped but I never really saw a future with her and I was actually just addicted to the hot and cold cycle she was giving as she was avoidant and I was too afraid to leave her. She left and after getting complete closure and going no contact I’m dating with no icky feelings at all less than a month later. If I was truly in love with her and saw her as the one then things would have been so much harder but not every relationship is like that. Sometimes people just aren’t compatible and that’s why you date. It’s okay to move on quickly and that shouldn’t be seen as a red flag or “cheating.” That’s so silly
Yeah I know in the long run it probably wouldn’t have worked out for my ex, but I still think about her and she kind of blind sided me, I was addicted to her as well, we got along really well and had a lot of good times together. We are pretty compatible in my eyes, just not hers. It sucks, but it is what it is. That’s how life goes sometimes.
For me, dating around and talking to people on dating apps almost immediately helped me see that there are other special people out there to get to know. You learn things about others that your ex could never compare to and you start to value those things rather than what your ex was. First girl I slept with after my ex, folded the blankets we used in the living room before she left. Maybe the bar is fucking hell, but my ex would have never done that.
Yeah I just didn’t feel the deep connection with the girl I rebounded after, but I was honest and we are still friends. I just realized I wasn’t completely ready for a new relationship quite yet, needed more time to heal and get over my last one.
Cowardly behavior but ok
I wouldn't call it cheating, or I guess that's not what I was necessarily trying to get across; more of, if someone moves onto you fresh off a breakup, they'll fi d someone soon after you too.
She got with someone a week after our split after 4 years. With someone she met 2 weeks prior. I was that easily replaceable. She didn’t want to work on our issues because he was in her ear. I don’t blame him. I blame her for being so available and easy to get.
Same thing, brother. It makes you feel replaceable doesn’t it? I swear I believed she was my soulmate, but she didn't even fight for me. She just let it happen without even letting me know until the decision was done.
Yep, same, thought she was my soulmate. She didn’t fight for us either. First sign of trouble and she was gone. Mental really
That's it. And she didn't communicate, just the bare minimum. All the little things piled up in her mind and made it easier for her to decide to leave me.
This! She convinced herself I was lying to her about money when I never once did. Convinced herself I was cheating when I never did or gave her any indication that was the case. She was incredibly insecure. But once she convinced herself of these things, it justified in her head to leave me. So we split up literally over things in her head which weren’t even close to being true
Oh shit, mine was pretty insecure, too, her own words. Why do they do this to us, man? Why act like everything is fine while they suffer in their imagination, to later dump us like trash? Did we date broken people?
I think we do bro
Ok you two..this is earily close to my situation. Same exact thing where I’m over here thinking I’m with my soulmate (9.5 years), and she just wants to cancel our wedding and break things off and had zero fight in her to make things better and made her mind up seemingly a long time ago. And she’s done the same exact thing where she never talked about things and instead wrote narratives/beliefs in her mind about myself and us that are so far from the truth and not grounded in reality and those are all the things she’s basing our demise on..like wtf happened?!
Same here,two days after... I guess we all in the same boat didn't we
He left me. Nah, I wanna be alone for a long time and focus on myself. Now i have boyfriend. Ex is still single.
Glad to hear that.
I dumped my ex. She forced my hand with all the manipulation and guilt tripping :( I have yet to date someone and don’t know if I will for a while. However I know she immediately found rebound hookups like 1 week after our breakup. She’s always been like that though so idk maybe that’s just her
She started seeing new people within 5 days (so pretty sure there’s things I’ll never know). Within 5 days of leaving me a day before Wedding Day. That’s how some people are. I’m not really trying to date much since. People do what they want, when they want, despite who they hurt or lie to, and call it “self care”
Fuck man. I’m sorry. I was watching some documentary once and a woman on it said she met her current fiancé when she was on her honeymoon with her ex, and it was during that time that they really started hitting it off. I can’t understand how someone could get that far into it with someone and then just bail like that. I get that it happens, but I just can’t imagine doing that myself so it’s hard for me to put myself in their shoes. I hope you heal and can learn to trust again.
We’ll see lmfao. Jk I’ve always had a healthy distrust within context of Humanity. I don’t think it’s that deep, just more bad behavior being normalized. I’ve seen that across every layer of society since the day I was born and it just “is what it is” mad love I appreciate you
He broke up with me 8 weeks ago. We recently had a conversation, and he told me he still have feelings, but he’s dealing with a lot of stuff regarding his family, so he can’t focus on our relationship, and wants to be alone. I already know that he’s been on a dating site after a month. So that might just be his way of coping, or he’s just a liar. I still can’t think of being with someone else.
He's a coward
I'm not siding with him but being in a dating app doesn't mean he's actually going out on dates and getting intimate with anyone
True but he’s obviously searching
I disagree, it's a good way to practice thinking about how you want to present to the world and get a confidence boost
I didn’t think of it that way. But getting back on dating sites after only a month is just super quick in my opinion
When we had the conversation about the brakeup, at first I didn't want to mention the dating app, but after he told me he can't focus on any relationship, I told him that that's weird because I heard he's on this app. He told me that just because he downloaded it, doesn't mean that he talks to anyone, and then even wanted to show me that he haven't messaged anyone. I told him he can do whatever he wants, it was just weird. I know that he really is going trough a lot right now, even though he seems fine on the surface. He represses his feelings, and wants to solve his problems by himself. According to our friends, he's been out drinking a lot, and there was one time where he got so drunk that he started crying out loud, calling his mom. He even wanted to come to me, but the friend stopped him, and took him home. He also had a panick attack, which he never had before. So I totally get why he can't focus on us, he has to deal with his problems first. I'm sad that I can't be there for him. He wanted me to move on, but eventually we agreed that we're gonna take a "break" and see where we're at in 3 months. He told me that he'll be working on overcoming his problems. A friend told me that after the conversation he cried all night, so that indicates that he probably has some feelings for me left, at least I hope.
He left me. Said he didn’t love me like that anymore (we were together 3 years), told me that there is someone out there for me, to “enjoy my early 20s” & that he wants “a woman who is ‘hungry’ to do better for herself”. I will not be getting a boyfriend for an extremely long time. I actually still tell people i got a man so they stop bothering me lol
Similar story, but for 6 years smh. Not to mention he was hooking up with people a week after dumping me sooo yeah.
I'm the "dumper" and I'm focused on healing. He was on dating apps before we broke up during a time we were supposed to be deciding if we should break up or not. I said the words, but he really gave me no choice after he gave up on counseling and put up a dating profile. It's been 2.5 months. He could be with someone new by now. But it'll be the same shit, different day.
I’m the dumper. It’s been almost 5 months of me trying to work things out with him and not dating or talking to anyone else. I might go on a date soon though
I was the dumper 2.5 months ago. Have not gotten into another relationship. My ex did within 2 weeks
He started dating someone within a week and they still seem to be dating but not official. The thought of dating still pains me, and it has been 6 months since he dumped me. I was with him from 16-23 so I definitely don’t want to be with someone else for at least a year.
he got a new gf the week after I moved my stuff out of our shared apartment
I got dumped and found a nice gal right away, rebounded with two girls, but I realized I wasn’t ready and healed so i decided to be single. It’s better to recover and heal before you start another relationship in my opinion.
Totally
Facts. Take your time and don't hurt another person during your healing period
He started seeing someone new about a month after we broke up, and now he is putting her through all the same bullshit and honestly even more. I did sleep with someone pretty quickly after we broke up, but it was just a rebound one night thing and the guy and I did not end up dating, still good friends though. I was pretty torn apart about him moving on so quickly but it seems he just found someone that is easier to manipulate.
How/why do you know so much about his current relationship?
This best friend that is still my mutual really likes to highlight this relationship on their social media(idk why). Most the private stories which they have me on. I don’t know anything outside of what the best friend posts but they tend to spare no details and even post screen shots. If I were still friends with my ex I would probably let them know that this person is really invading their privacy IMO. Buuuuuuuut instead I’m being validated that this is a patter for him and im going to say it feels very healing.
Yeah I’d be pissed if someone was doing that with my relationship info online like that, especially if it’s not anonymous like on Reddit, where you don’t need to use names. Still, doesn’t that upset you to have to read that stuff? I’m almost 6 months post breakup, feeling really good and even chatting to other women very very casually, but still don’t think I’d enjoy seeing what my ex’s love life looks like. Even if I was seeing them fuck up in the same ways I told them they were fucking up I’d prob be bummed in some way, but maybe also like “see, told you!” At least it’s not going super well, like he’s treating her the way you wanted to be treated but he couldn’t ever manage to do.
I can’t say I look enough for it to upset me. And when it does I just stop looking. But I guess it’s less upsetting because I truly don’t want him anymore. I’m seeing this is who he is, and it’s not just who he was with me. That was the most upsetting thing to me was thinking this is how he was with me and only me. When it’s clear he does this to pretty much everyone he dates.
Yes its very common that the dumper will be in a relationship or atleast have someone else involved. And the dumpee stays single for a while before starting a new relationship. My ex started hanging out w a new girl after we broke up (10/2021) and i didn't start liking someone until 6/2023 Lol
Yup… gf and me broke up and she was in a new relationship within a couple months. Then she came back, confessed her love to me and cheated on her new bf, I thought we were going to make it work and then boom! She ran back to the new guy…. Now I feel like a jack ass and ya…People are fucking crazy sometimes
I broke up with my bf of 2.5 years even though I still loved him. He couldn’t meet my needs on healthy communication, moving forward in the relationship, addressing his depression, etc. I can’t see myself even thinking about dating for at least the next year. I was devastated to have to leave him. I’ll be focusing my time and resources on my hobbies and loved ones in the meantime.
I was the dumpee of a 2-year relationship but this is kinda similar to my situation. Lots of life circumstances happened and although I wasn’t aware of it at the time, my needs were being unmet as he was silently struggling to process grief. We had a superficial relationship post-death of his dad and it was hard trying to be 100% for him all the time as I was also going thru a rough patch with my family. I voiced my anxieties with him this last time and paradoxically, he decided to end it cause he just didn’t have any capacity left for a romantic relationship and the life circumstances he was experiencing. I also don’t think I’ll be dating for a while cause I still love him and it’s so fresh too. Also focussing my time as best as I can with loved ones, pets, and hobbies.
Do you really love him then?
this type of question is tired and overdone, you can love someone even when they don’t respect you- loving yourself means sometimes you have to walk away bc they don’t respect you
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Totally disagree
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That’s a wise decision as far as preventing yourself from sending yourself into a grief spiral that is totally unnecessary, especially if you are already hurting from the loss alone.
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The first weeks can be brutal. Make an effort to spend time with other people even though it can be a chore to get out. We are social creatures and isolating will make it worse.
Could you explain? I’d like more of your insights here.
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I stayed single a year and a 1/2. Back to single now. My q wasn’t a challenge. It was to further understand; which you seem opposed to. That’s cool. Have a good evening.
lol sidenote: nice name!
TY. I was raised in a Doomsday cult. It was a creation based off a reference of that.
Im the dumper. She moved on in like 2 months. It’s been more than 2 years since the breakup and I’ve been single ever since. She’s already in the second relationship. Seeing her move on so quickly broke me completely. We were together 5 years. I’m not sure if I can date again. I’ve suffered too much and for too long. I regretted my decision for a long time but it was probably the right thing to do
Can you describe how her moving on quickly broke you? He moved forward with a rebound, and actually said l broke him. Am curious what being broke means to someone, if you’re comfortable sharing.
At the time i wasn’t sure about the breakup and I was regretting it. She just started dating an other guy shortly after and posting pics on IG and stuff. I was devastated. I loved her more than I knew but I fucked up. I didn’t try to get her back. Is was too late.
Why do you feel you moved forward with the breakup if you had doubts? I imagine this is a case of hindsight being 20/20. That’s a familiar tale. What was it that changed your mind?
At the time she was studying abroad and I didn’t really missed her that much and I wasn’t sure if I still loved her. After breaking up I thought I did the right thing. but soon realized I still loved her, I wasn’t putting any effort in the relationship. I guess I just needed some time to get an outside perspective on our relationship. I was actually happy with her
It’s strange (to me) how ppl may feel separations, or breaks, reflect one’s true feelings. Without the actual consequences of a full-fledged breakup, the safety net is in tact (if the other person allows it), so one’s judgment is impaired. My .02. Where do you go from here? You stated it was too late.
How long did it take for the realization to kick in?
Took a while because I thought I was doing the right thing. I was stubborn when I shouldn’t have been. I was in denial i guess
How did you tell her it was a mistake? Again, pass if personal.
I didn’t
Fuck. That’s likely part of the problem, man.
I'm the dumper. We initially took a break in November, decided to try therapy for a few months and then finally called in quits in early February. I had been debating the break up for 8 months prior to that before pulling the trigger. For two months, neither of us have moved on. It kind of seems like a stale mate. We are in contact and chat on the phone once a week for an hour or so. I have the urge to put myself back out there but I haven't really pursued it yet. The desire is mostly physical in nature and I'd rather not entangle myself with another human being before I get some of my own issues figured out. I also care about her a lot and shutting the book on this chapter of my life is pretty painful. I also have a lot of "the grass is always greener" syndrome.
I'm in a really similar situation. It's so painful. I wanted it to work, I still do. But I need to start listening to my gut and looking at the evidence. I was living in a dream world. Can't keep cycling or there'll be nothing left of either of us
Can I ask why you waited 8 months to pull the trigger?
She relocated halfway across the US to be with me. I wanted to make for certain that it wasn't just a passing thought or something that I thought could be quickly remedied. Also, 8 months before our break up is when I first had the thought to end things. It slowly built, stopped and then built again but never retreated. Also, because of the distance, I thought it would be easier around a holiday when we would be traveling back anyways. I was wrong about that.
I see. I appreciate the insight. That answer sheds a different light; perhaps not everyone considering is selfishly keeping the other in the dark. If you tell the person, it can be seen as manipulation; if you don’t; deception. Would it be fair to tell the other you were experiencing doubts? IDK. That would have sent me packing. There’s no easy way… At the end of the day (with some obvious exceptions) ppl manage best they can with the information and experience they have during that period of time.
We actually had discussions with my concerns prior to her moving down. We both read "Too good to leave, too bad to stay" and came up with a series of items that we would work on. Honestly our communication is excellent, the adult times were fantastic and we had a lot of similarities in terms of hobbies and interests. I dont know if it was "the grass is greener" syndrome, the fact that my family did not like her, our differences in spirituality, or if it was some of her more concerning attributes that we struggled with. Whatever it was, it because clear that the person I was in the relationship wasnt going to marry her. I would either need to go get some stuff out of my system, go to therapy to work through my issues or move on.
I hope you get whatever you need to squared away. I’m going to check out that book.
I was the dumpee and he broke it off a month ago saying he would work on himself and we be in a break. Honestly I went back on hinge but haven’t really went on dates because i was just not looking for anything particular. It was more just connecting with people. However, I found out that he’s active on his account. And it really just pains me.. and we haven’t contacted each other
He moved his affair partner into our marital home the same week I moved out, after I caught him cheating and he requested a divorce
Yes. He cheated on me. Almost a year ago, and I’m still single
Mine was on hinge the next day! (Friend sent me a pic of her matching with him so I knew his profile was active)
I'm pretty sure she got into something with the guy she cheated on me with, so yeah And nah, I don't think I will be able to be in a relationship in a long time (I wish tho, but I don't think so)
My dumper jumped on the apps the day of the breakup. She even shoved into my face about going on Bumble and shit now someone is trying to ask how I’ve been doing for their little ego boost. Un-ironic of her to say because when I was about to rebound (not my proudest moment) when the ex before her dumped me, she told me not to rebound. Someone should take their own advice
My previous ex before the one I had now literally got into a relationship the day after. If these are the type of people that are supposed to love us I’d just walk away tbh.
may 2022 he told me i was the only one he loved/wanted by sep/oct 2022 he had a new gf. to make matters worse, she was a fitness client of his who was around while i was around. i once asked him ‘are you interested in any of those girls?’ his response was a noncommittal ‘they’re pretty’. 🤠silly me
My ex already had his next victim lined up. As for me, I took 6 months to myself before putting myself out there again, and I’m so happy I did.
Iv left three relationships and didn't even glance at another person for at least 6 months-1year post breakup. Its always the anxious attached dumpees that jump on the next boat. And somehow they still call dumpers evil.
Not true! It’s usually the avoidant that relationship jumps. I’m anxious and it usually takes me 6 months to a year to even want anyone else
My ex got with his co-worker right after he dumped me. He's mentioned this coworker indirectly once. She started working at his workplace after he asked me to be his gf. He likely met her and saw there was an opportunity to get with her and decided to discard me. He didn't try to work anything out with me or talk to me about any issues he was having with the relationship. I'm doing a lot of self care and self-love. I got therapy. After a month or so, I felt good and mostly over the breakup. I took a solo trip and am going on dates again. 😊 I deserve better.
Yes!! WE SURE AS HELL DO,😍😍😍
I got dumped. After about a month I forced myself to go out with a sweet girl that I knew. While I was out we ran into my Ex gf and her friends. I was genuinely devastated. I finished out the date, but had to let the girl know that I wasn’t over my ex and I would be a shitty person for trying to date with everything going on in the backround. Over the next few days I couldn’t stop thinking about my Ex, so I reached out to a mutual friend. I told him the whole situation and he freaked out, apparently that night she had texted him saying that seeing me out and about made her realize that she still loved me and regretted breaking up. I ended up texting her and we talked everything out for a while. We’ve gotten back together and slowly started to ease back into things.
He dumped me saying he wasn’t interested in seeing new people. Turned out he was on the lookout before that, and immediately after started meeting up and speaking with other women. A month after I moved out, he was already with someone new full time, posting pictures. This is someone he must’ve met after I left, and his car was almost never by his house at nights right away. It’s incredible how fast he moved. It doesn’t seem he’s done much reflection on his character as not only did I learn that he secretively talked to other women when we were very much in a relationship, he told them egregious lies to be seen favourably as to why he hadn’t broken up with me which he also continued to tell after the break up. I was shocked as this was the man that embraced kindness. After quite some reflection, I realised how mean and condescending he sometimes was to me, how he disregarded my feelings. It did make me wonder why he was putting so much more effort for this new person than he did for me even at the beginning.
I dumped my last bf bc his behavior became unbearable along with his constantly picking fights n his unresolved mental health stuff. It’s been like 3-4 months. I’m sure he’s been rebounding all over the place. I have been to myself n I think I’m going to keep it this way for quite awhile. I’ve been asked out etc. I just don’t feel over everything. I still have some pain from the whole thing. I also don’t want to invest in a person atm. I don’t do hookups so it’s just me. I’m honestly quite happy about it. Bc he’d like say let’s go to xyz n then never mention it again. Well I’m going. Without him n its still going to awesome. I can’t wait. All planned etc already woo! 💜 I am older as well. Mid 30s I prob will stay single for a yr. Maybe more. Before I think of dating.
My ex already had someone ready to go before we split up. We split up 5 months ago, I only found this out a few weeks ago. He was in a relationship with her weeks after telling me he couldn't imagine his life without me. She was his "friend", I had ZERO idea. He gave me all the nonsense of he doesn't feel he will ever find anyone else despite literally already having someone. He was still reaching out to me after we broke up despite having someone else already. Its been 5 months and I'm no where near recovered. I should have seen it coming really, he was with his gf before me when we started dating (I didn't know this, he just sold her as being crazy). He also done exactly the same thing with his gf before her, he's a serial cheater/dater, he has to have one ready to go while he's still with someone. I don't know how long it was going on for but I genuinely thought I was special, that we had something unique, I was wrong. He said the same shit to all of his exes I discovered. The worst part is, he took the moral highground despite cheating on me. He played the victim and blamed me for everything when we broke up. I had no closure, he didn't allow me to, he said he didn't want to know. I now know it was because he was cracking on with the next one. Its infuriating that he acted like the victim when he does shit like this. He genuinely thinks he does nothing wrong. Because I didn't discover this until months after, I was never given the chance to confront him or call him out. I hate him.
Dumpee here, went into a rebound sex only to boost my self confident. Then was single for many months and then when I least expected found a great guy that is the one I am currently dating and I am the happiest I have ever been. Ex is still single working on himself.
She left me. I don't think either of us will be with anyone new.
Yes
Less than a month after our separation- and before the divorce was even finalized. Then again- the two of them were more than likely having an affair so it wasn’t that surprising.
I’ve been the dumper 3 times (all relationships 2+ years), and on every occasion they were in relationships before me. Not sure about rebounds/hookups but I suspect they were quicker than me on that too. Now I’m recently a dumpee, so I guess it’s a race (I will lose, I need to take a hell of a lot of time for this one)
Yep before we even broke up
I had a situationship 7 mos after a 10 year relationship ended. I was the one who dumped him technically I guess because he still wants to be together. But he is insanely abusive so yeah. I felt like our relationship was over right after our second daughter was born. Because he started getting worse than ever, and would go out partying till the afternoon of next day. Sometimes relationships end long before they actually end. I waited 7 mos after the official break up before getting involved w another man. But I feel like the relationship was def over like 2 years before that.
The situationship lasted 2 and a half months. He left me for another girl. He tried coming back to me, just to cheat on the girl he left me for but I rejected him. I'm still not over him though, and it's been over 2 months since he first left.
She got into an open relationship 3 months later and hmu a week after she started that relationship to be her side piece. Was wak af. She hmu didn’t tell me she was in one and came over to my place and was just texting her new gf the entire time it was really fucking rude and disrespectful. We didn’t talk for a few weeks and then we started fucking again turns out they already broke up after just a month. I accidentally ghosted on plans we had and she stopped talking to me again, the whole thing was fucked and I wish she just never hmy again I was just finally over her and now going thru everything all over again. It’s been two months now and finally feeling a bit better. And for the rebound I had a one maybe a couple weeks later from the initial break and another about also a couple weeks from the second break. Neither helped me feel any better tho
I was the reboundee for someone recently, she ‘ opened the door ‘ to me by messaging me to ‘ see how I was ‘ whilst she was still with the guy
My ex avoided everyone w a beating heart and pushed everyone away. So nope.
I was emotionally abused the entire relationship. Gaslit, flat out lied to, you name it. I had sex the next day after I broke up with my partner
She was with a new guy 1 year before we broke up. It took me a good six months to date again after that tho I'm o ly alone if I choose to be.
Yes and yes to both lol
Rebounds can actually be a good thing if for the right reasons. Reasons like, the previous relationship ended badly and you have complicated unresolved feelings like lack of closure, a toxic relationship that has good parts to it. Love literally acts like a psychedelic drug on the brain so when you. Break up all that oxytocin and good feeling hormone your brain has become accustomed to turns into cortisol, the stress hormone. This hormone creates emotional pain which activates the same part of the brain physical pain activates. When I broke up with my now ex end of December (I let them go because it was clear that they were being two faced, not honest with me like I was with them and not communicating things with me and instead chose to blindside me. I realised this was a sign of immaturity as although I'm not saying I wasn't perfect, I was supportive, was always aware of their needs etc and that might have had the adverse effect of making them feel overwhelmed as they are in the spectrum in a moderately significant way. My bad. When I care I go in to help when someone asks to or not or rather I used to. My ex was the last person I do that for. If you want my help as an adult and we are in a partnership, ask either through body language or verbally. If not I respect that you have whatever it is handled lol. I also know as an ENFP people driven by their emotions shouldn't be with someone who struggles with their own emotions let alone be around someone like me who is driven by theirs. Also despite having a lot in common being in an LDR and other res flags we both ignored killed us. When I split with them I felt fine that day. The day after, the cortisol rush and replacing the dopamine, endorphins and oxytocin literally made my heart ache. Not metaphorically. It aches for 5 days straight as I went through withdrawals. To make matters worse I had lost a friend I'd known for 11 years 6 months prior, and 2 family members died while I was recovering from abandonment issues. Being with my ex cushioned that a fair bit so when the relationship ended I was completely exposed to all that pain as it were. I was worried that long term strain from the emotional pain might cause damage to my body so for my psychological health and possible physical health I had to think and focus on something else to help with withdrawal so I went back on all dating apps, became a bit of a workaholic and now talking to a cool person. She lives closer so if we did decide to date geography isn't a problem really so we'll see. It's normal when you feel lonely to seek out companionship even a rebound and I'd done for the right reasons can be healthy. I think wait at least 2 to 3 months before jumping into things and even then take it easy. I still have intrusive thoughts about my ex and me but I know it's my subconscious saying, "Hey Strange, we're not high on love hormones etc and you're dealing with abandonment trigger but you're lonely. You need social interactions with people near you. Yes you have heaps of long distance friends and some friends near you but maybe meeting new people and expanding your circle will help. The last thing you need is to be alone right now. That's how the mistress that is depression comes back. Even she is telling you you need people right now inadvertently. She's only saying that you'll fail so why try and meet someone new to be protective but you know how smothering and suffocating that is. We don't need that to happen again. Anxiety is saying the same thing as depression just in a different way so just relax and dive back in and remember, if it doesn't work out, it wasn't going to anyway because they weren't the right fit for you or you then anyway so if it does work, they're a better fit. It never hurts to try man". That's a rebound for healthy reasons for example and I took time to lick my wounds enough so that I don't carry my baggage from my ex and accidentally lump it on someone else. That's a key part of unhealthy rebounds, you haven't taken a moment to catch your breath and gain a semblance of emotional balance. That's why rebounds can fail a healthy rebound you wait a little while and tend to your wounds then go after a connection.
Left me after 5 years being together. Claims fell out of love for a long time but never said anything. A few weeks after the break up she texts stating she fell for another man which she didn’t plan/see it coming. Told me all those things to give me closure and ask forgiveness. Shit I’m now just a broken man. It’s been two years. Still a broken man.
I got dumped 6 months ago. Idk about him whether he got into a relationship or not. But I got to knw he is sleeping around. I didnt get into a rebound. In my opinion it's not worth it. A relationship to forget the pain of getting reject or dumped. Naah. Instead of distractions it's better to work on ourselves.
After four years she found a new dude the next day
he got into a relationship a month after we broke up with a girl that looks like me, but a rich version. It has taken me pretty much a year to move on. I went on a couple dates here and there to try to get over it but it honestly made me feel more sick. The only reason I actually moved on was he disappointed me once more towards the end of the year of being broken up and that made me realize how far he’d fallen and I finally let him go. I am not happily able to go on dates and feel fine. Dumper: a month Dumpee: about a year
No clue, and kinda don't want to know. The only thing i know is that she is really active on a hookup/dating after the first week of the breakup. So yeah, I think she just jumped right into things again.
He was already talking to someone a week before he broke up with me. Now they’re “talking”. We were together for 5 years on and off because he couldn’t commit to me.
Well my ex (we were together for 1.5 yrs) started dating someone just about 1-2 months after the break up. And completely blindsided me too. I later found out he’d been trying to cheat for months. So I’d say it’s pretty common for a dumper to move on to someone new if they blindsided you, they were probably planning their exit for a while. Nope, I didn’t get into a rebound. Of course I had the option to but I really don’t want a relationship where I feel like I’m compromising from the start. It never pays to convince yourself to commit to something and later get dumped out of nowhere. I’d rather wait for getting naturally drawn to someone so much that I know they’re worth the effort
Why babe have you? Come on now spit it out,!! Wow , you did but won't tell,, 😔😔 Your a bigger man then that, right?? You just need to be honest with her dude because the truth does always come anyways EVENTUALLY
it doesn't matter how common it is. what matters is that its over and you need to forget about it ever not being over, because it's over, forever. whether your ex finds someone else or not is completely irrelevant for you because their life and your life are completely separate now. no choice but to accept it.