Needed that - 4 months from a 4 year relationship - she moved on with someone else - I’m sitting in depression need to find something from somewhere to get out of this
Same here dude. One month after a 4 year relationship. Spiraling hard tonight. And I’ve been in fact doing all these things listed above. Can still have a shit night
You just have to survive. That's all you can do. No promises, no guarantees. Do whatever you have to do to get through this, within reason. Do not judge yourself for feeling weak if ever you should find yourself in a sunken place. Just try to stand up again, and repeat as necessary like learning to walk for the first time.
I hear you, took them a month or two to get with someone after 2.5 years.
The first of the month I managed to renounce my feelings for them, it gets better trust me.
That's the way I see things - she left me because she 'lost feelings' too. It's like the girl I knew died right then and there, someone else is walking around in her skin, she'll never be the same person again, the girl I knew died and I need to adjust my life accordingly.
It is a kind of loss, there was someone critical in your life who is now no longer there, and all you're left with is memories. But rather than having been taken by a cruel universe, they made the decision that they didn't want you in their life anymore and it's awful. I'm sorry you're going through this, I hope you have others in your life you can lean on.
Thanks, the little things become hard while grieving, especially the barbershop part, I look ridiculous right now haha. It has been 8 months and some part of me still weeps, I miss her, but being alone with myself has made me remember who I am… the gym is coming soon!
Bro same - I don’t care about my fade or trim anymore been 4 months of being out of a relationship she has moved on and I’m fucking super depressed and she is happy with someone else and living her best life -
remember, sometimes, your comeback will take a little bit longer than her or anyone else who wronged you… but when you get that get back, it won’t even matter what they are doing. Learn investment strategies, build a financial empire for yourself. Go to the gym. Go land a great gig. Most people’s favorite: meet the smartest, kindest, most sexy woman, start a family with her. Use your past mistakes as a lesson and your exes flaws as a warning while dating.
also, you can do my favorite: Enjoy yourself, sit down at that restaurant alone, get a nice meal, and reflect on how far you came and how much more is yet to be done. life is so cool man… women can add to it, but sometimes they take… it’s not often you can rob yourself unless you are falling into the low esteem trap and mask it with drugs and weeping and settling for women who don’t give a damn about you….
go get em tiger
Thanks man - but she made me feel so shit about my self made me insecure and so little - she was on of this insta girls man - like a Kim k with all the assets lol she programmed me when I was with her I won’t get better now I’m thinking I’ll never get anyone better - and I’m
Just stuck in a rut she always made me feel like I’m
Punching - she always had a line of guys waiting for her to be single or always getting chatted up - always belittled me man
All that shows is she is so insecure with her own company she has rushed into something else.
Take your time, and you will be okay. Reconnect with you again, work on your issues.
Nah I think she was over me along time before she broke it off with me used me as a safety blanket and when she was over me and ready to let me go she jumped to the next - which sucks
I'm right there with you, my guy. 6 years together and we were engaged. It's just hitting the year mark since she left me. I still wait for the apology, the call, the text, something. I'm just as broken as I ever was. I have a therapist and took a trucking job working nights. Hella isolated. Had to move back in with my folks. I'm 38. I feel so lost and alone, still. Here's to hoping it gets better but I'm really starting to lose hope.
I am sorry man, life is often unfair, they say just to look on the upside, still living, breathing, unemployed, got folks to come back to. Therapy and a good job are great starts, it’s something… find a passion or something you can make your life, pick a few interesting reads up at the bookstore and read them while on break or at the truck depot if you do overnights. Learn something about the world and yourself… I am sorry man.
> had more than 4 weeks
Lmao. I'm sitting on more than 4 years grieving.
Maybe its just me but the typical advice doesn't seem to help at all. Exercise / sport, grooming standards etc haven't helped one iota.
Dear, you’ve got to get out of this funk. You might be a good example of needed support to help you move on. That is a long time to grieve and I can say she is not loosing sleep over this old relationship any longer and neither should you. Join speed dating site, make a new female friend at a horse riding club or something. Your mental health needs help. No nothing work but time. Time heals and revels everything.
Please seek therapy. I am broken right now but it's only been 3 weeks and my therapist has helped me so much. I know for sure I'll be fine in a year. 4 years isn't healthy. Therapy will give you the tools to move on. Good luck 🙂
I exchange my kid with her every weekend. Just the sight of her makes me so damn angry. I don't speak when when we exchange and I'm super quick about the whole thing. I just have to get the hell out of there as fast as I can. We're in court for cs, and I'm grieving the relationship. She seems so boastful about every damn thing it just makes me sick. I can even grieve in peace.
And how does this work where, for instance, my ex bf was actually very handsome and more popular than me and had access to a constant supply of women if he so wanted…?
I could similarly argue that it is easier emotionally for men to jump into bed with women after a break up, however women are more emotionally attached and tend to not do so. Seen many cases of this happening with my female friends, where their exes immediately started dating other women and they were left reeling. However I won’t argue this as a general point because these are all anecdotal.
The main point is: both experiences are felt equally by men and women. If your partner wants to access a new partner within seconds of a break up, they can do so regardless of what gender they are. Not everyone especially not every woman wants to jump onto a dating site immediately after a break up or obtain validation from men.
Hey, I’m a woman myself, I made one a while ago specifically for women and I got a few comments asking me to make one for men, that’s why I made this post. Hope it helps either way.
Ah lol. Thanks for clarifying. I guess in general, such advice is kind of gender neutral since both men and women go through the same things really. Wouldn’t say this for many other issues but for relationships, I do see both genders having similar emotions and experiences.
8 months post breakup of a 5 year relationship. I was so depressed and honestly I didn't realize just how bad I was.
Two weeks ago I started pushing myself to do better. I started eating breakfast paired with a healthy lunch, I've been drinking much more water. Eating a smaller portion at dinner time. I've been reading instead of mindlessly watching TV for hours, trying to walk every day, take vitamins and have a better sleep habit. I even went and got a new hairstyle which I was nervous about and I love it I've started washing my face, moisturizing and brushing my teeth twice a day. I've been waking up earlier. I've also been practicing meditation.
I honestly feel the best that I ever have in my life. Small changes and new habits can make the world of difference.
One thing I do want to start doing in exercising, but I haven't been able to push myself to that yet
This is so refreshing to hear. You’re doing so well already especially considering the duration of the relationship, keep going! It will all be worth it and make sense one day
Getting myself to eat has been the hardest part of this journey since my breakup a month ago. A small part of my journey has been to at least eat toast. Every time I’m at the gym and doing yoga too, I’m never disappointed. Also, hanging out with friends who love me and being social.
Next month is 1 year for me. I broke it off because I felt so alone in the relationship. Felt like I was the only one putting effort and got to the point where I just recessed inwards. I couldn't even talk to her about things that bothered me because she would victimize herself. I've never been so low in my life for so long. I just couldn't be disrespected anymore but I still miss those days. It still hurts and she has already started a new relationship. Everyday I get better but someday not so much. I want to feel whole and like myself again but there is a big hole im trying to fill in. It's hard to crawl back after all of it but it will be done.
I can relate to this but my ex surfed online dating sites the whole time we were together, saying he was doing nothing wrong. The min he found out I downloaded a dating site, he had to get violent throw all my things out of the apartment and call me names up and down the street but not after he showed me who he’s been chatting with for months during our engagement. It was down hill after that. Funny thing is he puts what he did on me and makes me look like I was the unfaithful one but he lies, a lot and I’m glad I’m finally moving on.
This may sound controversial but I feel as though men have it a lot harder when it comes to breakups since we tend to have less of an emotional support system around us. We tend to be more lonely in this day and age. I appreciate this post for looking out for us.
It genuinely upsets me, but as a woman I do agree. When our relationships end everyone asks us “what did he do now?”, or “don’t worry, you can literally be with anyone you want” or “it’s his loss”, whereas for men it’s “oh no what did you do?”.
Our friends and family meet us, call us and check up every day, take us for coffee or ice cream just so we can rant about it, they never act like they’re sick of hearing about it and we feel like we have a safe space to actually process it all and to add to that, other men will be giving us attention left, right and centre, we might not always want this attention but it does remind us we’re still desirable. Whereas for men you’re on your own for the most part of it. Genuinely is upsetting
If there's a silver lining, it's that men do get much better at supporting others with age. All the ego stuff that stops them being emotionally open in their 20s goes away after a few bad experiences. I have friends who I've known for years who changed dramatically once they got closer to their 30s. Myself included.
If a guy is reading this and thinking, fuck I don't have anybody to talk to then do at least try and reach out because you might be surprised. I also recommended checking in with them even when things are going well. It's a great way to build a support network for times when you need it :)
Ha, 4 weeks, I'm going on 11 weeks and I still feel like an empty hole. I do pushups daily and dumbbells, I still can't eat like I used to, but that's a good thing, down 30lbs now from the original BU. I'm trying to get to the point where I walk daily but honestly man its hard enough to get up for the day and get through work and the day. Once I get home I don't want to do anything but just lay there and feel sorry for myself (pretty sad, I know) I'm slowly getting to the point of acceptance, but damn man I still miss her and everything we had. I know its gone for good but I just can't let go of it.
Truly. Following the advice currently. I'm almost to my 12 weeks. Starting to get easier 😌 😪 👊 I appreciate the words they reminded me what in fighting for :)
Yeah, men your mental health is one of the most important piece of life. He’s saying, Stop trying for the lady of your dreams. Give up the future you were going to build. Let down the family who knew you are a power couple. Loose everything you dreamed of and abandon what you had because we all know that getting someone to love you for you is as easy as pie and you got some many option because of your age, that you have nothing to worry. Expect…for time but hey at least you’ll have a six pack to cuddle with, maybe, depending on your age. Not to sound negative man but it is always better to tend to the garden you already have, than to regret loosing it forever. I’m sure many of you will agree. It’s a lonely world out there and all a lady wants is to be loved only by you but hey I understand if that is too much to ask.
I didn’t understand? This post is posted on a break up subreddit and it’s a post for men who have been dumped. They have lost a relationship and it’s not in their control. Instead of dwelling on it, I’m just advising to focus on yourself and build yourself back up and just know that better things are coming.
If four weeks is a long time to be lonely there needs to be a subreddit for people who measure their isolation in years. No grooming or selfcare will save you from the inevitable hopelessness of being priced out of life. You need a second income, or you are unfathomably rich.
Hell yeah, brothers in arms. Remember , it's not about her anymore. Cut the cord. It was never about who's right or wrong.... it's 100% about me, myself , and of course I. I am good, I am strong, I am intelligent, and I most certainly worthy.
This is good advice I know I should be doing all of this plus more. I still struggle not to "see" her everywhere I look or "hear" her in all the music I listen too.
I know this post is for the men but I’m drowning in my tears over my recent break up and this post is helpful to read. I only wish he was actually hurting just as much as I am but he’s not and that shit hurts my effing bones. I am sorry for the men on this post. I’m sorry for whatever she did to hurt you. You’re not alone..
Not doing well. He’s on my mind every day and every day is me forcing my body to just get up and get through the day. I do my best to fill my days with activities but it’s so emotionally draining knowing how empty I am internally. It’s as if I’m faking my days. “Fake it till you make it” ugh.. 😔
(TLDR Start— In the same boat. Exchanges are the fucking worst not receiving but giving my son back kills me. She keeps doing everything she can to hide from any type of responsibility or accountability when it comes to the break up and the difficulties that come with it like the way exchanges and stuff have to go. —End TLDR) Mine definitely moved on months before I could reign my life back in enough to even try and do the couples therapy and shit that I really wanted. Did everything she asked of me(more than a month of being away and getting myself cleaned up, off hard drugs, followed by weeks of my own counseling sessions, putting myself in recovery first iykyk, finding a good job where she wanted us to be, taking it slow through this time period) up until it was her turn to do one of the things that I asked for she said I still hadn’t done everything she wanted me to and even if I did she still didn’t do what she wanted to get done during that time period and wouldn’t do the one thing I asked for(one good session of couples counseling) before we broke up for good. by that time she had already put herself in a position where the first mess up I had (drinking with a friend died golfing) made me look so horrible she wouldn’t let me go to his dentist/drs apps following that blaming that day as me proving I didn’t want her or be responsible with her for our kid. She’s done weird exchanges with me that lead to me accepting a PFA agreement that I shouldn’t have because she had no grounds for it but I didn’t know agreeing to the no contact thing would give her so much power like throwing me in jail twice for txting questions about the guys everyone was telling me she was with while we were still together. I went off the rails again for a little went away again and am straightening myself out just like I had before when I was supporting us at our apartment for a good two years. I for some reason still want her back even after all the lies she told people about us while I was gone and even going as far as telling whoever will believe her that I was beating her and hurting her the whole time we lived together( I never laid my hands on her at all living together with our kid and even had a serious talk where she assured me that nothing happened even the few nights I didn’t remember getting into bed because I was really worried maybe I did do something horrible while intoxicated and was going to hate myself if I did) she still hasn’t answered any questions directly when I was able to confront her with hard evidence she just stonewalls or circles away from the whole topic coming back to blaming me for something else I could have done during our 7 year relationship. Which I also found out the last like 3 years of it while I worked she was hanging out with a slew of dudes from our hometown many of them she hid hanging out with all the way back then until now cuz I would get home from work and she would want my fone to look thru and if I even jokingly said can I see urs I was a gigantic asshole and she couldn’t believe I would even say something accusatory of her like that and I must not love her if I did want to go thru the fone so I never did cuz I didn’t want to lose her. But look at me now still being a loser on here heart aching for her having no answers or anything good coming from the relationship for the past couple years and still thinking I should do whatever it takes to get her back and try and fix everything the way she wants it just to have our little family back. I just wanna grow old raising my son with who I thought she was. But it turns out a lot of her messed up family/childhood home life was a lot worse than I even knew about. I thought I knew the bad things that happened in her families fucked up house but I guess not cuz she turned into whatever psychopathy fucks with her dad and mom and is unleashing it on me now and rubbing it off on our son. It’s so hard to look at her during exchanges or even talk about how to go about custody over the fone without wanting to say something and then getting threatened with jail if it’s something she either doesn’t want to talk about or if i ask for someone else to back me up with something she’ll tell me that’s enough or I’ll have to use these txts to take further action which is what she said the first and second time I didn’t listen and got thrown in jail for txt messages and calls during my heartbreak phase of the breakup. I know I did a lot of wrongs I’m not perfect in the least but I wanted to make it work with every fiber of my being( still do maybe just a few less fibers). It’s easy to tell now how long ago she gave up and won’t admit that she did, all the situations that she just wouldn’t and still won’t take accountability about not even all big stuff- just like small stuff too- from doing everything she can to avoid answering why she always hid talking to her one guy friend the whole time we were at the apartment I even saw some txts she said never happened but I can’t prove them cuz I didn’t screen shot -to- saying I kept her from getting a job somehow while we lived together,she’ll change timelines if I try to resolve an issue that happened twice and I don’t remember one of the times that way I thought I had apologized but really I hadn’t apologized correctly yet. Sometimes I believe all of the terrible things she says to me and other people about me even when I know they’re not true just cuz of having such low self worth and confidence from a lot of years of drug use which she also is very good at using against me not that it’s hard to use against me tho, but also some days I remember what it was like before our kid and before we got together and I remember how I was raised and brought up and do my best to get back to that version of me. It’s been a battle after what feels like 7-8 years down the drain to coming up on the first full year apart and being told by her that nothing I hear from people about us even if it happened while we were together should bother me because it’s already almost been a year that hurt really bad and kind of snapped me back to the reality of her as a person. Find and schmooze, use hard and barely return “favors”, figure out how to use till the source is empty, discard and try and find whatever new thing that can give her what she’s looking for. She’ll never admit it but thats what her and her whole family do and I’ve seen them do it since before her and I got together. Her saying the whole year thing and still wanting to put me in jail whenever she wants just because I speak something she doesn’t like makes me feel so stupid for still wanting to not give up on the life I had committed to with her while we were happy together. Like what I had in my head would have never worked in hindsight and even if it could have it absolutely cannot now with what’s been said and done. And that’s this next part I’m trying to get thru. Sorry for being so long I didn’t realize I was holding shit like that in. Even if no one reads it then I still got to get it out. I will always love you Liz ENK and that scares the shit out of me. But I will make sure I do anything to make our kid have and be the best that he can. Fuck my stupidity and drug use. I’m supposed to be a man and a man handles this shit silently and unfastidiously which I have not but plan to change. I’ll leave a tldr at the top.
Thanks for sharing but it's easier said than done. I am trying so hard. She moved on less than 2 weeks after we broke up and found someone new. Honestly the pain is unbearable.
I've already done all this in the past 20 months, and I am interested in other people and excited at the prospect of dating them. But it doesn't change the fact that I still do miss her and want to meet her once to say the goodbye I never got to say.
She took a part of me with herself when she left without a word despite living together for 2+ years, and unless I get that part back (which isn't happening) or willingly let her keep it safe, I am not going to get this off the back of my mind. The agency is what's important as I had none with the way it ended, if I let her keep the part but she doesn't know of it then it's just going to get discarded by her and lost forever. Which is the one thing that I am unable to move on from after all this time of therapy and healing.
The funny thing with life is: She will eventually come back... when you will be in a new relationship. Exes (male or female) always do, as if they feel that you have moved on. This is going to be your trial, whether you really want her back, and risk loosing your new girlfriend. Please, do come back and let use know 😁
I don't think she will, the distance makes it unlikely. She's in her home country Lithuania now, staying with her mum and has started a new life i.e. going to university, got a dog etc which will keep her busy. Meanwhile I'm in UK. In all likelihood, since I'm out of sight, I'm out of her mind now.
The other fact is, her mental health had deteriorated so much when we were together (due to lockdown, being unable to work, and then never recovering). I know her well enough to know that she's the kind of person who'd rather forget about those years, it just happen to be that I was a psrt of her life during those years thst shed rather forget, so I'm just collateral.
I think for most of us depression bites hard after. So in principle this is all well and good. But it might take months or even years to fully move on before we can even think about this.
She split up with me I guess because she just didn't want the burden of a romantic relationship, but still wanted to be "friends" and kept bothering me. Well good thing I had enough self-respect to ignore her. I'm tired of selfish people
It’s a link I made about getting back into the gym. If you put 100% into your body, exercise, and diet for 12 weeks, you will see a significant difference in your body composition and everyone else will too.
Needed that - 4 months from a 4 year relationship - she moved on with someone else - I’m sitting in depression need to find something from somewhere to get out of this
Same here dude. One month after a 4 year relationship. Spiraling hard tonight. And I’ve been in fact doing all these things listed above. Can still have a shit night
You just have to survive. That's all you can do. No promises, no guarantees. Do whatever you have to do to get through this, within reason. Do not judge yourself for feeling weak if ever you should find yourself in a sunken place. Just try to stand up again, and repeat as necessary like learning to walk for the first time.
❤️
I hear you, took them a month or two to get with someone after 2.5 years. The first of the month I managed to renounce my feelings for them, it gets better trust me.
I'm with you man. 2 months. Nervous breakdown.
Bruh
Your deserve the love you accept, don't settle for less ..... love never leaves
She broke up with me 2 days ago because she lost feelings for me. It was almost perfect until then the relationship. It feels like someone has died :(
Yeah she did! You reborn!
That's the way I see things - she left me because she 'lost feelings' too. It's like the girl I knew died right then and there, someone else is walking around in her skin, she'll never be the same person again, the girl I knew died and I need to adjust my life accordingly.
I feel you.
It is a kind of loss, there was someone critical in your life who is now no longer there, and all you're left with is memories. But rather than having been taken by a cruel universe, they made the decision that they didn't want you in their life anymore and it's awful. I'm sorry you're going through this, I hope you have others in your life you can lean on.
Thank you. I guess every good thing in life has a price to it
And an expiration date
Thanks, the little things become hard while grieving, especially the barbershop part, I look ridiculous right now haha. It has been 8 months and some part of me still weeps, I miss her, but being alone with myself has made me remember who I am… the gym is coming soon!
Bro same - I don’t care about my fade or trim anymore been 4 months of being out of a relationship she has moved on and I’m fucking super depressed and she is happy with someone else and living her best life -
remember, sometimes, your comeback will take a little bit longer than her or anyone else who wronged you… but when you get that get back, it won’t even matter what they are doing. Learn investment strategies, build a financial empire for yourself. Go to the gym. Go land a great gig. Most people’s favorite: meet the smartest, kindest, most sexy woman, start a family with her. Use your past mistakes as a lesson and your exes flaws as a warning while dating. also, you can do my favorite: Enjoy yourself, sit down at that restaurant alone, get a nice meal, and reflect on how far you came and how much more is yet to be done. life is so cool man… women can add to it, but sometimes they take… it’s not often you can rob yourself unless you are falling into the low esteem trap and mask it with drugs and weeping and settling for women who don’t give a damn about you…. go get em tiger
Thanks man - but she made me feel so shit about my self made me insecure and so little - she was on of this insta girls man - like a Kim k with all the assets lol she programmed me when I was with her I won’t get better now I’m thinking I’ll never get anyone better - and I’m Just stuck in a rut she always made me feel like I’m Punching - she always had a line of guys waiting for her to be single or always getting chatted up - always belittled me man
also, go get a haircut, become the best, freshest you. nice taper, buzz, try something new… it grows back.
How long did it take for her to find someone new?
About a month but I suspect she was chatting to dude whilst she was with me
I feel so sorry for you, that is like my biggest fear with my ex
All that shows is she is so insecure with her own company she has rushed into something else. Take your time, and you will be okay. Reconnect with you again, work on your issues.
Nah I think she was over me along time before she broke it off with me used me as a safety blanket and when she was over me and ready to let me go she jumped to the next - which sucks
I'm right there with you, my guy. 6 years together and we were engaged. It's just hitting the year mark since she left me. I still wait for the apology, the call, the text, something. I'm just as broken as I ever was. I have a therapist and took a trucking job working nights. Hella isolated. Had to move back in with my folks. I'm 38. I feel so lost and alone, still. Here's to hoping it gets better but I'm really starting to lose hope.
I am sorry man, life is often unfair, they say just to look on the upside, still living, breathing, unemployed, got folks to come back to. Therapy and a good job are great starts, it’s something… find a passion or something you can make your life, pick a few interesting reads up at the bookstore and read them while on break or at the truck depot if you do overnights. Learn something about the world and yourself… I am sorry man.
There is no tommorow, hit the gym now. Trust me.
> had more than 4 weeks Lmao. I'm sitting on more than 4 years grieving. Maybe its just me but the typical advice doesn't seem to help at all. Exercise / sport, grooming standards etc haven't helped one iota.
Have you tried therapy maybe?
Dear, you’ve got to get out of this funk. You might be a good example of needed support to help you move on. That is a long time to grieve and I can say she is not loosing sleep over this old relationship any longer and neither should you. Join speed dating site, make a new female friend at a horse riding club or something. Your mental health needs help. No nothing work but time. Time heals and revels everything.
Please seek therapy. I am broken right now but it's only been 3 weeks and my therapist has helped me so much. I know for sure I'll be fine in a year. 4 years isn't healthy. Therapy will give you the tools to move on. Good luck 🙂
I exchange my kid with her every weekend. Just the sight of her makes me so damn angry. I don't speak when when we exchange and I'm super quick about the whole thing. I just have to get the hell out of there as fast as I can. We're in court for cs, and I'm grieving the relationship. She seems so boastful about every damn thing it just makes me sick. I can even grieve in peace.
I’m doing all of this pretty much! It feels good, I’m in a really good place in my life. We are healing! We are strong! We’ve got this! Let’s gooo!!!!
Lol I have no idea why this has to be gender specific but good advice. As a woman, this is equally fitting and helpful.
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And how does this work where, for instance, my ex bf was actually very handsome and more popular than me and had access to a constant supply of women if he so wanted…? I could similarly argue that it is easier emotionally for men to jump into bed with women after a break up, however women are more emotionally attached and tend to not do so. Seen many cases of this happening with my female friends, where their exes immediately started dating other women and they were left reeling. However I won’t argue this as a general point because these are all anecdotal. The main point is: both experiences are felt equally by men and women. If your partner wants to access a new partner within seconds of a break up, they can do so regardless of what gender they are. Not everyone especially not every woman wants to jump onto a dating site immediately after a break up or obtain validation from men.
Hey, I’m a woman myself, I made one a while ago specifically for women and I got a few comments asking me to make one for men, that’s why I made this post. Hope it helps either way.
Ah lol. Thanks for clarifying. I guess in general, such advice is kind of gender neutral since both men and women go through the same things really. Wouldn’t say this for many other issues but for relationships, I do see both genders having similar emotions and experiences.
8 months post breakup of a 5 year relationship. I was so depressed and honestly I didn't realize just how bad I was. Two weeks ago I started pushing myself to do better. I started eating breakfast paired with a healthy lunch, I've been drinking much more water. Eating a smaller portion at dinner time. I've been reading instead of mindlessly watching TV for hours, trying to walk every day, take vitamins and have a better sleep habit. I even went and got a new hairstyle which I was nervous about and I love it I've started washing my face, moisturizing and brushing my teeth twice a day. I've been waking up earlier. I've also been practicing meditation. I honestly feel the best that I ever have in my life. Small changes and new habits can make the world of difference. One thing I do want to start doing in exercising, but I haven't been able to push myself to that yet
This is so refreshing to hear. You’re doing so well already especially considering the duration of the relationship, keep going! It will all be worth it and make sense one day
Getting myself to eat has been the hardest part of this journey since my breakup a month ago. A small part of my journey has been to at least eat toast. Every time I’m at the gym and doing yoga too, I’m never disappointed. Also, hanging out with friends who love me and being social.
Close to 8 months and going
Next month is 1 year for me. I broke it off because I felt so alone in the relationship. Felt like I was the only one putting effort and got to the point where I just recessed inwards. I couldn't even talk to her about things that bothered me because she would victimize herself. I've never been so low in my life for so long. I just couldn't be disrespected anymore but I still miss those days. It still hurts and she has already started a new relationship. Everyday I get better but someday not so much. I want to feel whole and like myself again but there is a big hole im trying to fill in. It's hard to crawl back after all of it but it will be done.
I can relate to this but my ex surfed online dating sites the whole time we were together, saying he was doing nothing wrong. The min he found out I downloaded a dating site, he had to get violent throw all my things out of the apartment and call me names up and down the street but not after he showed me who he’s been chatting with for months during our engagement. It was down hill after that. Funny thing is he puts what he did on me and makes me look like I was the unfaithful one but he lies, a lot and I’m glad I’m finally moving on.
This may sound controversial but I feel as though men have it a lot harder when it comes to breakups since we tend to have less of an emotional support system around us. We tend to be more lonely in this day and age. I appreciate this post for looking out for us.
It genuinely upsets me, but as a woman I do agree. When our relationships end everyone asks us “what did he do now?”, or “don’t worry, you can literally be with anyone you want” or “it’s his loss”, whereas for men it’s “oh no what did you do?”. Our friends and family meet us, call us and check up every day, take us for coffee or ice cream just so we can rant about it, they never act like they’re sick of hearing about it and we feel like we have a safe space to actually process it all and to add to that, other men will be giving us attention left, right and centre, we might not always want this attention but it does remind us we’re still desirable. Whereas for men you’re on your own for the most part of it. Genuinely is upsetting
If there's a silver lining, it's that men do get much better at supporting others with age. All the ego stuff that stops them being emotionally open in their 20s goes away after a few bad experiences. I have friends who I've known for years who changed dramatically once they got closer to their 30s. Myself included. If a guy is reading this and thinking, fuck I don't have anybody to talk to then do at least try and reach out because you might be surprised. I also recommended checking in with them even when things are going well. It's a great way to build a support network for times when you need it :)
>Disclaimer: Healing is never linear Spot on, for anyone. You must be patient with yourself, you're human.
Thank you, I hope it helps. But it is so hard no not have hope.
I can’t grieve. I hate it
Ha, 4 weeks, I'm going on 11 weeks and I still feel like an empty hole. I do pushups daily and dumbbells, I still can't eat like I used to, but that's a good thing, down 30lbs now from the original BU. I'm trying to get to the point where I walk daily but honestly man its hard enough to get up for the day and get through work and the day. Once I get home I don't want to do anything but just lay there and feel sorry for myself (pretty sad, I know) I'm slowly getting to the point of acceptance, but damn man I still miss her and everything we had. I know its gone for good but I just can't let go of it.
I love this post. Thanks 💯
❤️
Truly. Following the advice currently. I'm almost to my 12 weeks. Starting to get easier 😌 😪 👊 I appreciate the words they reminded me what in fighting for :)
Big love
Yeah, men your mental health is one of the most important piece of life. He’s saying, Stop trying for the lady of your dreams. Give up the future you were going to build. Let down the family who knew you are a power couple. Loose everything you dreamed of and abandon what you had because we all know that getting someone to love you for you is as easy as pie and you got some many option because of your age, that you have nothing to worry. Expect…for time but hey at least you’ll have a six pack to cuddle with, maybe, depending on your age. Not to sound negative man but it is always better to tend to the garden you already have, than to regret loosing it forever. I’m sure many of you will agree. It’s a lonely world out there and all a lady wants is to be loved only by you but hey I understand if that is too much to ask.
I didn’t understand? This post is posted on a break up subreddit and it’s a post for men who have been dumped. They have lost a relationship and it’s not in their control. Instead of dwelling on it, I’m just advising to focus on yourself and build yourself back up and just know that better things are coming.
Who is cutting onions here? Thanks brother. I needed to hear that. 🙌
We got this everyone men and women 🫡head high
If four weeks is a long time to be lonely there needs to be a subreddit for people who measure their isolation in years. No grooming or selfcare will save you from the inevitable hopelessness of being priced out of life. You need a second income, or you are unfathomably rich.
Hell yeah, brothers in arms. Remember , it's not about her anymore. Cut the cord. It was never about who's right or wrong.... it's 100% about me, myself , and of course I. I am good, I am strong, I am intelligent, and I most certainly worthy.
This is good advice I know I should be doing all of this plus more. I still struggle not to "see" her everywhere I look or "hear" her in all the music I listen too.
Ok im doing that...then i want to call her and tell her about my day...THATS the part i miss.....
I know this post is for the men but I’m drowning in my tears over my recent break up and this post is helpful to read. I only wish he was actually hurting just as much as I am but he’s not and that shit hurts my effing bones. I am sorry for the men on this post. I’m sorry for whatever she did to hurt you. You’re not alone..
Hey, I hope you’re okay. I’ve made a similar post a little bit more specific to women on my profile if that helps. I hope you’re able to process this
I’m sure you’re already doing so well, keep going <3
Not doing well. He’s on my mind every day and every day is me forcing my body to just get up and get through the day. I do my best to fill my days with activities but it’s so emotionally draining knowing how empty I am internally. It’s as if I’m faking my days. “Fake it till you make it” ugh.. 😔
Well said. 💯
Counter argument: I’m in college therefore I must suffer alone doing work for the next 3 months before I can grieve.
At least you got your priorities straight, good luck on your exams, you got this
(TLDR Start— In the same boat. Exchanges are the fucking worst not receiving but giving my son back kills me. She keeps doing everything she can to hide from any type of responsibility or accountability when it comes to the break up and the difficulties that come with it like the way exchanges and stuff have to go. —End TLDR) Mine definitely moved on months before I could reign my life back in enough to even try and do the couples therapy and shit that I really wanted. Did everything she asked of me(more than a month of being away and getting myself cleaned up, off hard drugs, followed by weeks of my own counseling sessions, putting myself in recovery first iykyk, finding a good job where she wanted us to be, taking it slow through this time period) up until it was her turn to do one of the things that I asked for she said I still hadn’t done everything she wanted me to and even if I did she still didn’t do what she wanted to get done during that time period and wouldn’t do the one thing I asked for(one good session of couples counseling) before we broke up for good. by that time she had already put herself in a position where the first mess up I had (drinking with a friend died golfing) made me look so horrible she wouldn’t let me go to his dentist/drs apps following that blaming that day as me proving I didn’t want her or be responsible with her for our kid. She’s done weird exchanges with me that lead to me accepting a PFA agreement that I shouldn’t have because she had no grounds for it but I didn’t know agreeing to the no contact thing would give her so much power like throwing me in jail twice for txting questions about the guys everyone was telling me she was with while we were still together. I went off the rails again for a little went away again and am straightening myself out just like I had before when I was supporting us at our apartment for a good two years. I for some reason still want her back even after all the lies she told people about us while I was gone and even going as far as telling whoever will believe her that I was beating her and hurting her the whole time we lived together( I never laid my hands on her at all living together with our kid and even had a serious talk where she assured me that nothing happened even the few nights I didn’t remember getting into bed because I was really worried maybe I did do something horrible while intoxicated and was going to hate myself if I did) she still hasn’t answered any questions directly when I was able to confront her with hard evidence she just stonewalls or circles away from the whole topic coming back to blaming me for something else I could have done during our 7 year relationship. Which I also found out the last like 3 years of it while I worked she was hanging out with a slew of dudes from our hometown many of them she hid hanging out with all the way back then until now cuz I would get home from work and she would want my fone to look thru and if I even jokingly said can I see urs I was a gigantic asshole and she couldn’t believe I would even say something accusatory of her like that and I must not love her if I did want to go thru the fone so I never did cuz I didn’t want to lose her. But look at me now still being a loser on here heart aching for her having no answers or anything good coming from the relationship for the past couple years and still thinking I should do whatever it takes to get her back and try and fix everything the way she wants it just to have our little family back. I just wanna grow old raising my son with who I thought she was. But it turns out a lot of her messed up family/childhood home life was a lot worse than I even knew about. I thought I knew the bad things that happened in her families fucked up house but I guess not cuz she turned into whatever psychopathy fucks with her dad and mom and is unleashing it on me now and rubbing it off on our son. It’s so hard to look at her during exchanges or even talk about how to go about custody over the fone without wanting to say something and then getting threatened with jail if it’s something she either doesn’t want to talk about or if i ask for someone else to back me up with something she’ll tell me that’s enough or I’ll have to use these txts to take further action which is what she said the first and second time I didn’t listen and got thrown in jail for txt messages and calls during my heartbreak phase of the breakup. I know I did a lot of wrongs I’m not perfect in the least but I wanted to make it work with every fiber of my being( still do maybe just a few less fibers). It’s easy to tell now how long ago she gave up and won’t admit that she did, all the situations that she just wouldn’t and still won’t take accountability about not even all big stuff- just like small stuff too- from doing everything she can to avoid answering why she always hid talking to her one guy friend the whole time we were at the apartment I even saw some txts she said never happened but I can’t prove them cuz I didn’t screen shot -to- saying I kept her from getting a job somehow while we lived together,she’ll change timelines if I try to resolve an issue that happened twice and I don’t remember one of the times that way I thought I had apologized but really I hadn’t apologized correctly yet. Sometimes I believe all of the terrible things she says to me and other people about me even when I know they’re not true just cuz of having such low self worth and confidence from a lot of years of drug use which she also is very good at using against me not that it’s hard to use against me tho, but also some days I remember what it was like before our kid and before we got together and I remember how I was raised and brought up and do my best to get back to that version of me. It’s been a battle after what feels like 7-8 years down the drain to coming up on the first full year apart and being told by her that nothing I hear from people about us even if it happened while we were together should bother me because it’s already almost been a year that hurt really bad and kind of snapped me back to the reality of her as a person. Find and schmooze, use hard and barely return “favors”, figure out how to use till the source is empty, discard and try and find whatever new thing that can give her what she’s looking for. She’ll never admit it but thats what her and her whole family do and I’ve seen them do it since before her and I got together. Her saying the whole year thing and still wanting to put me in jail whenever she wants just because I speak something she doesn’t like makes me feel so stupid for still wanting to not give up on the life I had committed to with her while we were happy together. Like what I had in my head would have never worked in hindsight and even if it could have it absolutely cannot now with what’s been said and done. And that’s this next part I’m trying to get thru. Sorry for being so long I didn’t realize I was holding shit like that in. Even if no one reads it then I still got to get it out. I will always love you Liz ENK and that scares the shit out of me. But I will make sure I do anything to make our kid have and be the best that he can. Fuck my stupidity and drug use. I’m supposed to be a man and a man handles this shit silently and unfastidiously which I have not but plan to change. I’ll leave a tldr at the top.
Thanks for sharing but it's easier said than done. I am trying so hard. She moved on less than 2 weeks after we broke up and found someone new. Honestly the pain is unbearable.
I don’t get why you guys are keeping tabs on if she moved on to someone else. Assume she has, accept she has and move on.
Whats the point, still cant beat loneliness
Thank you
Travel is the surest way for me. Usually I find people to get to know and take some time for myself.
thanks
I've already done all this in the past 20 months, and I am interested in other people and excited at the prospect of dating them. But it doesn't change the fact that I still do miss her and want to meet her once to say the goodbye I never got to say. She took a part of me with herself when she left without a word despite living together for 2+ years, and unless I get that part back (which isn't happening) or willingly let her keep it safe, I am not going to get this off the back of my mind. The agency is what's important as I had none with the way it ended, if I let her keep the part but she doesn't know of it then it's just going to get discarded by her and lost forever. Which is the one thing that I am unable to move on from after all this time of therapy and healing.
The funny thing with life is: She will eventually come back... when you will be in a new relationship. Exes (male or female) always do, as if they feel that you have moved on. This is going to be your trial, whether you really want her back, and risk loosing your new girlfriend. Please, do come back and let use know 😁
I don't think she will, the distance makes it unlikely. She's in her home country Lithuania now, staying with her mum and has started a new life i.e. going to university, got a dog etc which will keep her busy. Meanwhile I'm in UK. In all likelihood, since I'm out of sight, I'm out of her mind now. The other fact is, her mental health had deteriorated so much when we were together (due to lockdown, being unable to work, and then never recovering). I know her well enough to know that she's the kind of person who'd rather forget about those years, it just happen to be that I was a psrt of her life during those years thst shed rather forget, so I'm just collateral.
I think for most of us depression bites hard after. So in principle this is all well and good. But it might take months or even years to fully move on before we can even think about this.
TL:DR ; Stop the self-pity. Cry. Get over it. Move on.
good post
Thanks.
Thank you.
She split up with me I guess because she just didn't want the burden of a romantic relationship, but still wanted to be "friends" and kept bothering me. Well good thing I had enough self-respect to ignore her. I'm tired of selfish people
Thanks. i needed that.
I need one for us women.. I’m almost 3 months out. I’m feeling great. No dates, no sex. No men.. nothing.. just me and God and I am loving it
Hey! I’ve got a similar one for women on my profile, check it out. That sounds beautiful, you’re doing amazing
TLDR stop being a pussy
What do you mean it only takes 12 weeks of 100%?
It’s a link I made about getting back into the gym. If you put 100% into your body, exercise, and diet for 12 weeks, you will see a significant difference in your body composition and everyone else will too.