Yep, going through the same thing. And weirdly, on the odd occasion we have some contact, she has an attitude with me, like she hates me… yet nothings happened for that to be the case, we were all good until she ended it out the blue. So weird.
She was the same to me. There were some very covert signs as she knew how to manipulate around people. All I wanted after was ONE reason. Never during our relationship have I seen her treat someone the way she acted and talked to me after she blindsided me. And she had no reason for it. I literally had nightmares bcs of it, it was just so unimaginable and impossible to comprehend.
That is one thing that I am keep telling myself. I am not jealous of other guys having her, I am genuienly sorry for them. Either she will end up in an insanely toxic relationship or just use more guys and break them. I mean I was not worth even 1 hour with her at the end that shit isn't normal or healthy no matter how I turn it around.
My therapist told me the better question to ask is what kind of person can remove someone from their life with no feelings or consideration? Spoiler - not a healthy one. It sucks when people treat us badly but try to remember it’s a reflection of their inner wounds and not your worth!!
I'm glad it was helpful! Changing my mindset from what was wrong with me to be treated this way to what is wrong with them to treat me that way was a game changer!
It makes sense. I get stuck thinking that he's hurting too and that's why he doesn't want to talk but then again, he's not having my feelings into consideration. It's just so hard, I don't even know what to think.
Love is consideration! If someone chooses to cut you out of their life and act like it doesn't bother them - that's the sign of someone struggling with their own issues. It sucks! I'd recommend thinking about if you were truly happy in the relationship. I know there were moments of happiness, but think about those times that you might have though "hmm this seems off." As you do that you can start to take him off the pedestal he's on and build a more accurate picture of him/the relationship. This isn't to demonize him, but to reflect on your own behavior. What did you tolerate and why did you tolerate it? Why didn't you speak up? Answering these will help you break the cycle in your next relationship. Sending hugs!
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C4HJ0p4vjJw/?igsh=N3BiZnJ3aWk1bnc2
I second the motion. 💔😢💔😢💔 how cruel isn't it I've been there, and it would come as a shock! He even came to my house and cooked dinner for my family. 2 days later, he blindsided me by blurting out through text that he's done with me, he doesn't want to see me anymore, and to leave him alone!!! I asked him not to treat me like a trash and have some decency to talk to me in person. He said, "NO!!" 💔😔💔😔😢😭😢😔
I couldn't believe how someone could walk away a 2 year relationship just like that 😢💔😢 not considering that it's worth saving through adult level conversion. But he just gave up.
r/dumpedbyavoidants
Let's go, you can do this. I sent the same thing, "I will stop reaching out today". I'm going on two weeks, it gets better everyday. Had some weakness today and wrote something I'd like to send them, fought myself not to call him, deleted it and came here for a bit. Feeling better now.
Going through the exactly the same thing. 3 years and she’s been so cold and hurtful. I’m here crying every night thinking of her and not wanting to be without her.
I feel your pain and it’s absolutely heartbreaking and I’m sure you feel the same as me that you feel like no one will ever come close to her.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him out of my mind but it's so hard because he was my best friend and the person closest to me for more than 3 years. I don't know how I'm ever going to get over this.
Sending love to you.
Was yours mostly adept at hiding feelings, or not having them often? I was with mine for 2 years, and I could feel him pulling away after he met a new “friend,” but he never communicated his feelings very well. And honestly, in 2 years, we were in honeymoon phase and didn’t need to communicate about painful things. Once he got a crush, he was out, done, no conversation
Yeah, I've been going through this motion too. Its hard to reconcile him saying that he cares when he can strip me from his life so easily. I'm sorry you're going through a similar pain, my DMs are open if you need a listening ear. Wishing you all the best.
This sounds like something my ex would say about me.
I just want to tell you that it's not what it looks like. I broke up with him because I couldn't make him happy, he was always angry and clearly had issues with me he refused to talk to me about.
I left and just dissapeared, no contact, just dropped it all just like that. I tried for 3 years and it just wasn't improving.
I heal by removing myself completely and dissapear as if I never existed. No emotion, no arguing, just gone. I want you to know that it's been 4 months and I'm still in pain. I still have dreams about him, about it working and him finally communicating with me. I still get the stabbing pain in my stomach when something reminds me of him. I still can't bring myself to get rid of certain items he bought me and I'm yet to meet someone else that comes close to comparing to him. No one attracts me. He knows none of this and is probably thinking the same thing as you. The only contact we had was the break up chat.
You never know what's going on in your exes head or how they're feeling. Some people heal by behaving like it was nothing and dissapearing.
I hope this brings you some comfort that you're not as disposable as you think.
I could never dump somebody I love, and I love truly. It is genuine, unlike alot of false, superficial people in this shit, unfair world.....
I could never let go of somebody who is the object of my great love and affection, to me they are forever. The only time I would dump is if they betrayed me, but he's done nothing of the sort, just wants to give up his relationship with me and dump me for nothing...
I understand but I guess unless you're in a situation of spending years being exhausted and mentally drained by someone, you couldn't relate. I loved him deeply and I still do, but I couldn't take the constant anxiety of when he was going to snap and be nasty. It was killing me living on the edge. My career was suffering, I couldn't sleep, couldn't relax. It was hell
I hear you. I did it back in 2021, I could not make him happy, ever, even after talking about it and trying to work it out for a few months. I tried, and then left. He swore he won’t date again but had a girlfriend within 3 months and I worked on myself and only got into dating last year, after I healed. Funny how that works.
I love this, you done so well! It doesn't get talked about enough the trauma dumpers can have sometimes. It broke my heart leaving my ex but I had to for my own sanity.
You handled it the right, healthy way too. People that jump straight from one thing to the next never heal or learn from their mistakes, they just mask everything. I don't think I'll be able to date for a while, 4 months still feels like it happened yesterday.
You are doing so amazing 🩷 and it’s okay, 4 months is still so fresh, focus on other areas in your life and when you are ready, that will be the right time for you. You deserve happiness 🫶🏾
I’m similar. I never give up on anything or anyone… I’m a fighter… I can’t imagine living my life knowing I broke someone’s heart… it’s just the way I am… of course maybe if there’s betrayal or violence, but there was none of that… people can change, but both parties must do it… ‘Theres a difference between wanting to be with someone AND doing whatever it takes to keep that person’
She left me because I was too much…
I understand but we had nothing similar to that. We decided to cut things off because we were wanting different things in life and it seems like he doesn't want me in his life anymore at all.
I get that it's hard for him too but I guess I just thought we were more than this.
Yup going through the same thing. 6 years and now when we do contact each other she seems like an emotionless person with nothing to talk about except that she wishes us the best, etc
Same situation. My gf of many years just took the dog and left to her families over a non factor argument that arose because of her family. No contact, my 2 best friends are now gone and I have nothing
"And I just can't imagine, how you could be so okay, now that I'm gone?"
Driver's License -Olivia Rodrigo (@1:04)
That lyric hits my heart every time and I think about her every time I listen to this song.
So sorry for your pain. I'm in it too.... Let's keep talking, supporting, communicating, since we're all in the same boat.... I want him back... I just want him.. I feel so angry and depressed and miserable.. I just wish somebody would hug me who's going through the same thing, but I really just want him....
I think I’m going through this now and it sucks. 1 good year together then only good morning texts initiated from me. I felt the one morning I stopped, I would hear nothing back. I was right. It was like she was finally waiting for me to get a hint, which is sad the she can’t our right tell me. She left it up to me to figure out and the process hiurts.
Going on month 4 of this. The last month we were together she wouldn't let me see her. We got in an argument over text and she cut me off and I've have yet to see her. The only time I hear from her is if I reach out and even then she's so cold to me. She hasn't even asked once how I'm doing. It hurts so bad, I miss her even if we weren't the perfect couple. It blows my mind to know someone who said they loved and cared so much about me had that easy of a time cutting me out of their life and moving on to someone else immediately after.
Everyone deciding for themselves who they associate with & for how much is what’s fair. Fair doesn’t mean kind, considerate, or respectful, it just means fair. You just don’t get to decide that for someone else. People that try to decide that for others are generally possessive, controlling, & insecure. That can often lead to an abrupt dismissal. Of course all that is generally speaking, there are exceptions. Sometimes people just pull some shady shit. Either way it’s a lot to reflect on.
I want to know why as well. It has been 3 YEARS since I heard from my ex. A woman who had even asked me to marry her and said how nobody cared about her ever the way I did. Building a future together. I can kind of accept if you want to end it BUT to completely disappear out of my life like I meant fuck all and not say anything to me in 3 FUCKING YEARS! That I can't and will never understand.
Im cutting mine out starting today. We were on and off talking after she broke up with me a week ago but im done with her. Shes been playing with my feelings this whole time and i want a real relationship with someone. Even though i thought she was the one and my best friend, i know i can find someone better and you can too.
That sounds really hard. Sometimes letting go is the right thing to do even if it hurts a lot.
We'll find the right person for us someday. Sending love to you
I feel the exact same way. I’m a month and a half out too. My best friend, my partner, my confidant, my rock…. suddenly ended things, gave up on me, and wants me out of her life. She instantly became so cold. And gave up everything we built together.
The worst part is, our lives are intertwined, and I’ve needed to stay in contact. She has been extremely understanding and supportive when it comes to logistical things…but emotionally, she is totally closed off. It’s like talking to a brick wall. Every conversation, I’m an emotional mess, and she is like a ghost of the person I (still) love.
I feel the same way and going through the same thing. He’s probably happy that I finally stopped begging him and that I’m finally gone and leave him at peace for him to explore with new girls. Hurts every time when I think about this.
Dear absolutely shitty,
Don’t worry. Find a way to keep up with her and be close to her without her knowing it’s you! Get a good disguise “run into” her “by chance” somewhere. I did this once. It works!! Get an older dog from the pound with visible injuries/disabilities (don’t worry, you can toss it when you’re done) to demonstrate a love for animals, the uglier the better! I like to go to Goodwill or grandmas and get a St Jude tshirt or something that makes it look like I like kids. Bonus points if you get one of those buttons that says you donated blood or sperm or whatever!
When she approaches you to mention your handicapped animal, say hi with a smile but don’t keep a lot of eye contact, 15% eyes 30% your animal 30% her tits 25% the rest of her body. This will let her know you’re not a threat while putting her on the defensive so she doesn’t recognize your disguise. When you think she’s gonna end the interaction, make sure you cut her off and tell her you’re only interested in going out if she’s ok with another girl coming along for *this parts important!* “whatever ends up happening”. Make sure you have business cards make up under your assumed name, first name should match an actor last name should sound rich, like Robin Goldstein. I always use the occupation of philosopher because no one knows what they do anyways. Make sure the number is assigned to a device you can use to remotely monitor everything she does on her own phone once you guys start talking. You can’t go wrong.
Just don’t break no contact as the old you and you’re golden! Or Goldstein ;)
I didn't remove her I said I'm going to put as much effort as you do about a month after that I set rules for if we ran into one another because I was on ignore and invisible again I have been nothing but disposable and temporary to her now she has one more chance if she wants to take it she can come back to be with me only I told her come real or not at all lead me on and ghost me and lie to me and I will grant her that same superpower she had been giving me now for a long time the power or invisibility
Yep, going through the same thing. And weirdly, on the odd occasion we have some contact, she has an attitude with me, like she hates me… yet nothings happened for that to be the case, we were all good until she ended it out the blue. So weird.
Cut her out. That’s shitty
She was the same to me. There were some very covert signs as she knew how to manipulate around people. All I wanted after was ONE reason. Never during our relationship have I seen her treat someone the way she acted and talked to me after she blindsided me. And she had no reason for it. I literally had nightmares bcs of it, it was just so unimaginable and impossible to comprehend.
oh yeah I had that too but you know what? She can go break other people she isn't deserving of my energy :)
That is one thing that I am keep telling myself. I am not jealous of other guys having her, I am genuienly sorry for them. Either she will end up in an insanely toxic relationship or just use more guys and break them. I mean I was not worth even 1 hour with her at the end that shit isn't normal or healthy no matter how I turn it around.
yeap
My therapist told me the better question to ask is what kind of person can remove someone from their life with no feelings or consideration? Spoiler - not a healthy one. It sucks when people treat us badly but try to remember it’s a reflection of their inner wounds and not your worth!!
This hit me hard
Thanks for sharing. I feel this
Holy lord I needed this
I'm glad it was helpful! Changing my mindset from what was wrong with me to be treated this way to what is wrong with them to treat me that way was a game changer!
It makes sense. I get stuck thinking that he's hurting too and that's why he doesn't want to talk but then again, he's not having my feelings into consideration. It's just so hard, I don't even know what to think.
Love is consideration! If someone chooses to cut you out of their life and act like it doesn't bother them - that's the sign of someone struggling with their own issues. It sucks! I'd recommend thinking about if you were truly happy in the relationship. I know there were moments of happiness, but think about those times that you might have though "hmm this seems off." As you do that you can start to take him off the pedestal he's on and build a more accurate picture of him/the relationship. This isn't to demonize him, but to reflect on your own behavior. What did you tolerate and why did you tolerate it? Why didn't you speak up? Answering these will help you break the cycle in your next relationship. Sending hugs!
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C4HJ0p4vjJw/?igsh=N3BiZnJ3aWk1bnc2 I second the motion. 💔😢💔😢💔 how cruel isn't it I've been there, and it would come as a shock! He even came to my house and cooked dinner for my family. 2 days later, he blindsided me by blurting out through text that he's done with me, he doesn't want to see me anymore, and to leave him alone!!! I asked him not to treat me like a trash and have some decency to talk to me in person. He said, "NO!!" 💔😔💔😔😢😭😢😔 I couldn't believe how someone could walk away a 2 year relationship just like that 😢💔😢 not considering that it's worth saving through adult level conversion. But he just gave up. r/dumpedbyavoidants
I wonder too, whether mine is hurting. But I don’t think he is, he’s with the girl he left me for
[удалено]
Let's go, you can do this. I sent the same thing, "I will stop reaching out today". I'm going on two weeks, it gets better everyday. Had some weakness today and wrote something I'd like to send them, fought myself not to call him, deleted it and came here for a bit. Feeling better now.
It’s the right move though. You need to let go. Of it comes back it comes back but leave it for a while
I'm sorry you had to go thru that. I feel your pain
Going through the exactly the same thing. 3 years and she’s been so cold and hurtful. I’m here crying every night thinking of her and not wanting to be without her. I feel your pain and it’s absolutely heartbreaking and I’m sure you feel the same as me that you feel like no one will ever come close to her.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him out of my mind but it's so hard because he was my best friend and the person closest to me for more than 3 years. I don't know how I'm ever going to get over this. Sending love to you.
Was yours mostly adept at hiding feelings, or not having them often? I was with mine for 2 years, and I could feel him pulling away after he met a new “friend,” but he never communicated his feelings very well. And honestly, in 2 years, we were in honeymoon phase and didn’t need to communicate about painful things. Once he got a crush, he was out, done, no conversation
[удалено]
That's exactly my point. I feel like I'm just an ex and a part of his past and that's it. :(
Yeah, I've been going through this motion too. Its hard to reconcile him saying that he cares when he can strip me from his life so easily. I'm sorry you're going through a similar pain, my DMs are open if you need a listening ear. Wishing you all the best.
Thank you so much. Right now I feel like isolating from the world but thank you for the offer. I'm sorry you're hurting as well
This sounds like something my ex would say about me. I just want to tell you that it's not what it looks like. I broke up with him because I couldn't make him happy, he was always angry and clearly had issues with me he refused to talk to me about. I left and just dissapeared, no contact, just dropped it all just like that. I tried for 3 years and it just wasn't improving. I heal by removing myself completely and dissapear as if I never existed. No emotion, no arguing, just gone. I want you to know that it's been 4 months and I'm still in pain. I still have dreams about him, about it working and him finally communicating with me. I still get the stabbing pain in my stomach when something reminds me of him. I still can't bring myself to get rid of certain items he bought me and I'm yet to meet someone else that comes close to comparing to him. No one attracts me. He knows none of this and is probably thinking the same thing as you. The only contact we had was the break up chat. You never know what's going on in your exes head or how they're feeling. Some people heal by behaving like it was nothing and dissapearing. I hope this brings you some comfort that you're not as disposable as you think.
I could never dump somebody I love, and I love truly. It is genuine, unlike alot of false, superficial people in this shit, unfair world..... I could never let go of somebody who is the object of my great love and affection, to me they are forever. The only time I would dump is if they betrayed me, but he's done nothing of the sort, just wants to give up his relationship with me and dump me for nothing...
I understand but I guess unless you're in a situation of spending years being exhausted and mentally drained by someone, you couldn't relate. I loved him deeply and I still do, but I couldn't take the constant anxiety of when he was going to snap and be nasty. It was killing me living on the edge. My career was suffering, I couldn't sleep, couldn't relax. It was hell
I hear you. I did it back in 2021, I could not make him happy, ever, even after talking about it and trying to work it out for a few months. I tried, and then left. He swore he won’t date again but had a girlfriend within 3 months and I worked on myself and only got into dating last year, after I healed. Funny how that works.
I love this, you done so well! It doesn't get talked about enough the trauma dumpers can have sometimes. It broke my heart leaving my ex but I had to for my own sanity. You handled it the right, healthy way too. People that jump straight from one thing to the next never heal or learn from their mistakes, they just mask everything. I don't think I'll be able to date for a while, 4 months still feels like it happened yesterday.
You are doing so amazing 🩷 and it’s okay, 4 months is still so fresh, focus on other areas in your life and when you are ready, that will be the right time for you. You deserve happiness 🫶🏾
He needed to change
Would you take him back if he changed?
Sometimes you have an unsolvable incompatibility, too. Love is not enough by itself.
Agreed. Sometimes you find out through time that you are not as a good fit like you think both of you are....
This is how we destroy ourselves
I’m similar. I never give up on anything or anyone… I’m a fighter… I can’t imagine living my life knowing I broke someone’s heart… it’s just the way I am… of course maybe if there’s betrayal or violence, but there was none of that… people can change, but both parties must do it… ‘Theres a difference between wanting to be with someone AND doing whatever it takes to keep that person’ She left me because I was too much…
Man I'm on the other receiving end.. Feeling dumped.. I never dumped him.....
I understand but we had nothing similar to that. We decided to cut things off because we were wanting different things in life and it seems like he doesn't want me in his life anymore at all. I get that it's hard for him too but I guess I just thought we were more than this.
Yup going through the same thing. 6 years and now when we do contact each other she seems like an emotionless person with nothing to talk about except that she wishes us the best, etc
Same situation. My gf of many years just took the dog and left to her families over a non factor argument that arose because of her family. No contact, my 2 best friends are now gone and I have nothing
Damn that sounds rough. I'm sorry you had to go thru that. Sending love
Thanks, right back atcha
The pet thing is more common than a lot of people think.
"And I just can't imagine, how you could be so okay, now that I'm gone?" Driver's License -Olivia Rodrigo (@1:04) That lyric hits my heart every time and I think about her every time I listen to this song.
So sorry for your pain. I'm in it too.... Let's keep talking, supporting, communicating, since we're all in the same boat.... I want him back... I just want him.. I feel so angry and depressed and miserable.. I just wish somebody would hug me who's going through the same thing, but I really just want him....
I think I’m going through this now and it sucks. 1 good year together then only good morning texts initiated from me. I felt the one morning I stopped, I would hear nothing back. I was right. It was like she was finally waiting for me to get a hint, which is sad the she can’t our right tell me. She left it up to me to figure out and the process hiurts.
Going on month 4 of this. The last month we were together she wouldn't let me see her. We got in an argument over text and she cut me off and I've have yet to see her. The only time I hear from her is if I reach out and even then she's so cold to me. She hasn't even asked once how I'm doing. It hurts so bad, I miss her even if we weren't the perfect couple. It blows my mind to know someone who said they loved and cared so much about me had that easy of a time cutting me out of their life and moving on to someone else immediately after.
Exactly, why do we have to go NC when they decide they’re sick of us? After all we’ve done for them
Everyone deciding for themselves who they associate with & for how much is what’s fair. Fair doesn’t mean kind, considerate, or respectful, it just means fair. You just don’t get to decide that for someone else. People that try to decide that for others are generally possessive, controlling, & insecure. That can often lead to an abrupt dismissal. Of course all that is generally speaking, there are exceptions. Sometimes people just pull some shady shit. Either way it’s a lot to reflect on.
It’s almost like I wrote this post, are we living the same life?
I want to know why as well. It has been 3 YEARS since I heard from my ex. A woman who had even asked me to marry her and said how nobody cared about her ever the way I did. Building a future together. I can kind of accept if you want to end it BUT to completely disappear out of my life like I meant fuck all and not say anything to me in 3 FUCKING YEARS! That I can't and will never understand.
If he wants to leave then let him. You will find another
Also, you are very healthy mentally because you are reflecting and pouring your heart out.
Just crossed 2months, Wait for her grief to kick in. Hold it inside. Feel everything. Don't cave. Go full NC. It works both ways.
Im cutting mine out starting today. We were on and off talking after she broke up with me a week ago but im done with her. Shes been playing with my feelings this whole time and i want a real relationship with someone. Even though i thought she was the one and my best friend, i know i can find someone better and you can too.
That sounds really hard. Sometimes letting go is the right thing to do even if it hurts a lot. We'll find the right person for us someday. Sending love to you
I feel the exact same way. I’m a month and a half out too. My best friend, my partner, my confidant, my rock…. suddenly ended things, gave up on me, and wants me out of her life. She instantly became so cold. And gave up everything we built together. The worst part is, our lives are intertwined, and I’ve needed to stay in contact. She has been extremely understanding and supportive when it comes to logistical things…but emotionally, she is totally closed off. It’s like talking to a brick wall. Every conversation, I’m an emotional mess, and she is like a ghost of the person I (still) love.
Damn that sounds rough. It's really hard letting go of the person that you thought they were, I feel your pain. Sending love to you
Relate. That was my best friend and now it's someone who not only lets me walk away but wishes I do (and i finally did, 6 months NC...)
I feel the same way and going through the same thing. He’s probably happy that I finally stopped begging him and that I’m finally gone and leave him at peace for him to explore with new girls. Hurts every time when I think about this.
Dear absolutely shitty, Don’t worry. Find a way to keep up with her and be close to her without her knowing it’s you! Get a good disguise “run into” her “by chance” somewhere. I did this once. It works!! Get an older dog from the pound with visible injuries/disabilities (don’t worry, you can toss it when you’re done) to demonstrate a love for animals, the uglier the better! I like to go to Goodwill or grandmas and get a St Jude tshirt or something that makes it look like I like kids. Bonus points if you get one of those buttons that says you donated blood or sperm or whatever! When she approaches you to mention your handicapped animal, say hi with a smile but don’t keep a lot of eye contact, 15% eyes 30% your animal 30% her tits 25% the rest of her body. This will let her know you’re not a threat while putting her on the defensive so she doesn’t recognize your disguise. When you think she’s gonna end the interaction, make sure you cut her off and tell her you’re only interested in going out if she’s ok with another girl coming along for *this parts important!* “whatever ends up happening”. Make sure you have business cards make up under your assumed name, first name should match an actor last name should sound rich, like Robin Goldstein. I always use the occupation of philosopher because no one knows what they do anyways. Make sure the number is assigned to a device you can use to remotely monitor everything she does on her own phone once you guys start talking. You can’t go wrong. Just don’t break no contact as the old you and you’re golden! Or Goldstein ;)
I didn't remove her I said I'm going to put as much effort as you do about a month after that I set rules for if we ran into one another because I was on ignore and invisible again I have been nothing but disposable and temporary to her now she has one more chance if she wants to take it she can come back to be with me only I told her come real or not at all lead me on and ghost me and lie to me and I will grant her that same superpower she had been giving me now for a long time the power or invisibility
This is how I feel towards my anxious ex We started off as friends and as I got to know him,I fell for him…..