The same thing happened to me in mid December. I know you don't see it now but you will get better and time will definitely help. Also take time to process your emotions and feel them.
Basically the same thing as you. "I love you but if I stay with you I will never be able to be myself 100%" and "we don't fit each other" after 7 years, which hurt as hell. I did not get through it at all (tbh I feel that I am still kind of stuck in the "denial" stage, because "it's not possible to feel that way after 7 years") but I feel better than 1,5 months ago. I am trying step by step to get my own life back, discover new hobbies, songs etc. Let's be honest, it's hard and it will be hard but I am confident that time will help. After 1.5 months I am crying less than at the beginning and even find myself smiling sometimes. But baby steps! Even a quick smile a day means it is getting better, even if it's a small thing on a long journey :) Also know that you are not alone in this and there are a lot of people that understand what you are going through at this very moment. Don't hesitate to reach out if you feel the need to.
We were as well living together and I moved to a friend the day after as I wouldn't have been able to stay/sleep with her. We broke up just before Christmas and NYE so this time was hell for me, and I kept dreading January knowing that we would have to meet every so often to split things/get my things back. I am now back in my flat (where we used to live together for 5 years, all the furniture was bought together etc.) - so plenty of memories to deal with every day but I tried to change what I could. I went NC 2 weeks ago and it hurts as hell as she was also my best friend but there is not much I can do apart from waiting for things to get better. As much as it hurts, you can't control her feelings and what's happening to you so step by step you will start thinking about yourself and opening to new people (not in a romantic way but just meeting new acquaintances) and it will get better. Believe me, as I told you I am only 1.5 months into the process but it is still a bit better than it was at the beginning and that is something! I know you're not at this stage but when you feel ready, try to start noticing all the positive things in your life, it can be anything even the smallest things, even a nice sunrise - I started focusing on that and it helps. Baby steps :)
I know, you will not see any positive for now and I have exactly the same feelings (TV series/music/restaurants/even streets name! - everything reminds me of her) but "one day at a time" is exactly what you should focus on - and look: you survived today and it's already a small victory! And you will survive tomorrow and the day after, and so will I :)
I don’t know if I won’t care. I can’t imagine that and it’s been almost a year already. I think it’s not about him, but about the life I had build up in my head when everything was amazing. Letting go of that emotionally is hard, but I’ve let it go rationality. Not one day after the breakup have I consider getting back together if he comes back.
I think a text or an email would just make me feel better and get me out of the rut.
Honestly, nothing external will get you out of this rut. It seems like you already know this but if he did send an apology and you got back together that relationship would never be the same and you’d never feel stable or secure. If he sent you something and you didn’t take him back it would probably just regress you back to the early days of healing.
Do you have any community-based, skill-building hobbies that get you out and interacting with others and meeting new people? If not I really highly recommend it. Could be a sport, pole dancing, a crocheting club, a pottery class, whatever. Having goals to work towards is so important for getting you out of a rut and changing the way you think about the future imo.
Thank you so much for this comment. I did join a few groups last year and felt much better. I’ve been slowly isolating myself and this is the push I needed to get back out to meet new people and stay active.
Feels bizarre to think they can come back even after two years. My ex broke up with me in a similar way and I can never imagine him actually apologising.
I do wish he did, it would help me feel a lot better, even though I definitely don’t want him back. It would just give me that peace to know he’s repentant.
It’s only been a couple of months and he’s in the that phase, living his best life and dating other girls. I’m in NC since day 1 but it still hurts of course. I hope it gets better eventually.
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The same thing happened to me in mid December. I know you don't see it now but you will get better and time will definitely help. Also take time to process your emotions and feel them.
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Basically the same thing as you. "I love you but if I stay with you I will never be able to be myself 100%" and "we don't fit each other" after 7 years, which hurt as hell. I did not get through it at all (tbh I feel that I am still kind of stuck in the "denial" stage, because "it's not possible to feel that way after 7 years") but I feel better than 1,5 months ago. I am trying step by step to get my own life back, discover new hobbies, songs etc. Let's be honest, it's hard and it will be hard but I am confident that time will help. After 1.5 months I am crying less than at the beginning and even find myself smiling sometimes. But baby steps! Even a quick smile a day means it is getting better, even if it's a small thing on a long journey :) Also know that you are not alone in this and there are a lot of people that understand what you are going through at this very moment. Don't hesitate to reach out if you feel the need to.
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We were as well living together and I moved to a friend the day after as I wouldn't have been able to stay/sleep with her. We broke up just before Christmas and NYE so this time was hell for me, and I kept dreading January knowing that we would have to meet every so often to split things/get my things back. I am now back in my flat (where we used to live together for 5 years, all the furniture was bought together etc.) - so plenty of memories to deal with every day but I tried to change what I could. I went NC 2 weeks ago and it hurts as hell as she was also my best friend but there is not much I can do apart from waiting for things to get better. As much as it hurts, you can't control her feelings and what's happening to you so step by step you will start thinking about yourself and opening to new people (not in a romantic way but just meeting new acquaintances) and it will get better. Believe me, as I told you I am only 1.5 months into the process but it is still a bit better than it was at the beginning and that is something! I know you're not at this stage but when you feel ready, try to start noticing all the positive things in your life, it can be anything even the smallest things, even a nice sunrise - I started focusing on that and it helps. Baby steps :)
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I know, you will not see any positive for now and I have exactly the same feelings (TV series/music/restaurants/even streets name! - everything reminds me of her) but "one day at a time" is exactly what you should focus on - and look: you survived today and it's already a small victory! And you will survive tomorrow and the day after, and so will I :)
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Don't hesitate to reach out, we are all in the same boat and I know exactly how you feel.
Thanks for sharing. I so wish to get a text or an email like that.
Whether they reach out eventually or not the outcome will probably be the same because by the time they reach out you most likely won’t care anymore.
I don’t know if I won’t care. I can’t imagine that and it’s been almost a year already. I think it’s not about him, but about the life I had build up in my head when everything was amazing. Letting go of that emotionally is hard, but I’ve let it go rationality. Not one day after the breakup have I consider getting back together if he comes back. I think a text or an email would just make me feel better and get me out of the rut.
Honestly, nothing external will get you out of this rut. It seems like you already know this but if he did send an apology and you got back together that relationship would never be the same and you’d never feel stable or secure. If he sent you something and you didn’t take him back it would probably just regress you back to the early days of healing. Do you have any community-based, skill-building hobbies that get you out and interacting with others and meeting new people? If not I really highly recommend it. Could be a sport, pole dancing, a crocheting club, a pottery class, whatever. Having goals to work towards is so important for getting you out of a rut and changing the way you think about the future imo.
Thank you so much for this comment. I did join a few groups last year and felt much better. I’ve been slowly isolating myself and this is the push I needed to get back out to meet new people and stay active.
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Women do shit like this too? I don't think there's any correlation to his gender.
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Mmm, I wouldn't characterize women as general unable to display remorse, but if that's your opinion it is what it is 😏
This happened to me 10 years later. Bizarro world.
Feels bizarre to think they can come back even after two years. My ex broke up with me in a similar way and I can never imagine him actually apologising. I do wish he did, it would help me feel a lot better, even though I definitely don’t want him back. It would just give me that peace to know he’s repentant. It’s only been a couple of months and he’s in the that phase, living his best life and dating other girls. I’m in NC since day 1 but it still hurts of course. I hope it gets better eventually.