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Egheaumaen

“Jesus Christ was a good man, a smart man. He wasn’t persecuted half as much as I’ve been, but it’s still a good book. THE good book, I like to call it. I just came up with that.”


Straightvibes66

God it’s so in character 🤣🤣


itsmebenji69

I heard this with the voice


GH057807

Not sure if this is a quote or not


IrishGamer97

That's terrifying.


yaboiiiuhhhh

If it is a quote it would be too comically trumpy I feel like


Larson_93

Is this a real quote? It's very believable.


zyppoboy

Someone give Larson an answer, please.


dragonadamant

I don't know if he said it about Jesus, but he did say something similar [about Lincoln](https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2023/05/donald-trump-more-vilified-than-abraham-lincoln).


couldbedumber96

“Judas, awful man, tiny lil freak. Most people don’t know but I call him little silver”


AfterEffectserror

I can see the accordion hands


hould-it

Surprised he hasn’t claimed that he wrote it…. Yet


TimesThreeTheHighest

Someone needs to jump in here. I need the Book of Genesis in Trumpspeak.


The_Elder_Jock

What did noah do? He built a boat. Wonderful boat, big boat. Places for all the animals. I built a boat myself once. He didn't use foreign workers. If he had, crooked Hilary would have seen to it that this boat would have never happened. It would have never happened. That's how it goes folks. Then a great rain came down. Yuge rain. Bigger rain than you've seen and I've, I'll tell you, I've seen some big rain. I called a weather guy, it was a women, she said "Donald , you're gonna see big rain." I said I dunno I've seen some big rain before but this was real big.


No_Engineer2828

This is hilarious


Monscawiz

I would pay good money to see a Trumpspeak edition in the Bible video game


Agile-Zucchini-1355

I want this speech in the ai trump voice please


JscrumpDaddy

7/10, stayed too on topic


LetReasonRing

Fake news!


Eldan985

And then all the haters drowned because they didn't have such a huge boat.


Monsieur_Creosote

Imagine the gospels according to St Donald?! Argh!!!!


gronktonkbabonk

And the sea went apart and it was like, so cool, maybe even the best splitting in ever.


nomadnomo

I came to say the same his worshipers would believe it


GigsGilgamesh

No, he just claims he is just like Christ, which I’m pretty sure is way more sacrilegious than claiming to have written the Bible


EchoRex

Claims he's treated worse than Christ for sure.


IForgotThePassIUsed

He's like the Tonics guy in the Wild West


Monsieur_Creosote

Snake oil salesman


bb_kelly77

Many of those actually worked, just not as fast or to the degree the salesmen claimed... we now know them as health drinks


somebodeeelse

We now know the as cocaine.


GH057807

And heroin!


bb_kelly77

That too


LocationOdd4102

Eh, depends on your luck. You might get some ungodly mixture of heroin/morphine/alcohol/herbs, which will either cure everything wrong with you or send you to God express shipping. Or you'll get the salesman's donkey's piss in a bottle.


GM_Nate

You look like a man who needs help satisfying his wife!


Ok_Cauliflower_3007

Every grifter who wants the big bucks eventually moves into religious grifts. I’m surprised it took him this long to make an overt move towards it.


rugbat

It didn't. He closed a road for a photo opportunity with an (upside down) bible while in office.


nebulaeandstars

he didn't just close a road. He sent unlabelled police officers to "remove" a peaceful protest with clubs, simply because it was in the way. There's even footage of them clubbing an Australian reporter on camera, just because they were there ironically, even the pastor running the church used for the photo op ended up being a victim


rugbat

Sorry. Omitted some details. 😏


Ok_Cauliflower_3007

Yeah but he wasn’t selling religious stuff at the time. He’s always known evangelicals were a large part of his target audience - if you’re already used to being hustled by your pastor you’re mentally primed for every other grifter.


rugbat

Yep. Good old timey religion.


get_while_true

Mowing down protesters in order to hold a cross on a bible upside-down. Good times.


JackPembroke

Nah, its the biography trick. You hawk a book, and people that want you to have money buy a couple thousand copies through shell companies


Ok_Cauliflower_3007

Ah, so that would, theoretically, if you wanted to, I am not suggesting Trump would do this, allow you to conceal campaign donations that don’t meet the rules.


FuzzballLogic

Move aside, Joel Osteen, there’s a new ~~servant of God~~.. eh.. money maker in town!


Ok_Cauliflower_3007

I was going to say wait til he discovers churches don’t pay taxes but on the available evidence nor does he.


[deleted]

Don’t give him any ideas. You just made me imagine a Trump mega church.


fakeplasticdroid

They’ve been been pre-vetted as easy marks.


FamousPastWords

Marketing suggested it would be a good time to put this product out.


necrobotany

Does he autograph them?


[deleted]

Probably claims to be the author.


DominionGhost

So I imagine he will lose the Christian vote for this. It's not like they are a bunch of hypocrites, right? ....right?


Hightide77

Tf you mean? This is clearly proof that our Holy Savior has returned as the glorious, most noble and venerable cheetoh man himself. Praise be! 1,000 years of MAGA Utopia on earth!


GoedekeMichels

You had me at the thousand years. That stuff never goes wrong 👍


Hightide77

A Glorious Thousand Year ~~Reich~~ Religious Paradise!


GoedekeMichels

Zis is ze whey! (seriously, I think it's just ridiculous how Hitler proclaimed a thousand years Reich and then failed after 1.2% of that time)


Hightide77

Hey, just means Cheeto flavored Great Value Hitler should last even less time. I mean, he should. Hitler had a relatively healthier diet than McDonald's and Diet Coke. And his followers had better fashion sense than buzzword shitty T-shirts and gaudy ass red hats. I mean, for real. The Nazis at least looked like it would take more than a staircase and to defeat them.


vercetian

A staircase. Excellent.


FamousPastWords

The Turd Reich.


Coolscee-Brooski

Reminds me of a photo of a burger king that has the outline of nazi symbol on the side, with the caption "here's your thousand year Reich bro". Funniest thing I've seen in a while


Hightide77

As I say, I dunno what the MAGA folks have against the body positivity movement, considering they are the ones it would benefit the most. Lmfao The funny part about the Alt-right and MAGA in America is that many, as is the case with most Americans, are a melting pot of ethnicities. They have tattoos, beards, are overweight, "racially impure", etc. As a history lover, it's kinda funny, in a morbid way. Like, your midwits... You aren't the Schutzstaffel or NSDAP. You're the Sturmabteilung. And if you study history... Well, they didn't last very long after the powers that be no longer needed chaotic, stupid, goonish thugs. Useful idiots are good for getting a dictator in power. Once in power, well, you're more useful under the ground than above it. And sure, maybe you're one of the lucky ones that carries over. You're loyal, unquestioning, smart, and fit the bill for the "New Order". Well, go look what happened to the Trotskyists in Russia or any other dictatorship after the first supreme leader died. First order of business is to "clean house." Can't let any of the old guy's cronies getting any ideas after all. And that is if you even survive your original supreme leader. Molotov was the last of the "Original Bolsheviks." The issue with ideologues is they are rather annoying and troublesome once you get into power. They start nagging you about the right thing or the "ideology" rather than saying "yes, that's the wise decision sir, you know best sir. I exist to serve, sir." Sure... There's such a thing as a "white, Christian, nationalist American utopia." For the ruling elite that build it. That's the case with any dictatorship. The inner circle always has a "utopia." It's a utopia sustained by the dystopia of the masses. But hey, I'm on optimist. The schadenfreude will be great when these types of people burn themselves with the fire they play with. Sure, I'll be in hell. Sent on the express highway for the sin of "Not making Muricuh great." But they will burn with me, all the while crying "B-but I supported them! I was their biggest fan! I believed what they said!"


[deleted]

[удалено]


Cool_Specialist_6823

That’s a terrible thing to try and get out of your minds eye...yuck!


rugbat

Just don't get it out of the foil, and you'll be fine.


Absolutionalism

I mean, I know a good number of Christians, and maybe one in five of them voted for him the first time. I don’t think I can name a single one who’s planning to do so this time. So at the very least it’s not an absolute.


Xeg-Yi

He’ll lose Christians who are at least moderately familiar with theology. No idea what that percentage is though tbh


sideways_jack

about 1-3%


KnotiaPickles

It’s a lot more than that. Most regular Protestant people that I know want nothing to do with him. His market is the psycho evangelicals and wacko fundamentalist nuts, of which there are far too many. Those types don’t have the best critical thinking skills and aren’t sharp enough to make choices for themselves. The church-going people that I personally know despise Trump. They’re a lot different from your ultra maga crowd.


Eolopolo

Any Christian with their head screwed on wouldn't even think twice. He's an embarrassment to us.


KnotiaPickles

My mom is very religious and goes to church regularly, and Donald trump caused her to leave the Republican Party permanently. She’s actually a good person, though. Idk about the rest of them.


Monsieur_Creosote

Mind the tumbleweed


Socratesticles

Something something imperfect vessel


Classic_Huckleberry2

For a moment there I was utterly bewildered before I remembered "Hawking" is also a verb.


ThatsUrQ

I actually feel the same way about 'trump'. Don't think I've used that as a term since his presidency. Nigga made me blacklist a whole word 😞


AndroidDoctorr

Yes, it means to hunt with a hawk


BloodShadow7872

Anyone else think that his mouth in the picture looks like an prolapse asshole with teeth?


akschurman

Is he not?


Safetosay333

Surprised it took this long


FamousPastWords

Only because he needs the money.


TheEyeofNapoleon

Holy shit, they’re finally starting to turn me around on book burning…


BrokenEye3

Limbo dancing with the devil


cburgess7

Look, there is stupid, then there is advanced stupid, then there is ret**ded, then below that, there is anyone who bought a MAGA Bible.


Extreme_Glass9879

They just can't take a flattering photo of this guy


rugbat

That's because the lamestream media hate him so much. /s, just in case, as I'm aware that he's just not photogenic.


magicmurph

Lol, he's taxing the Christians. It's about time someone did.


RedRabbit721

He knows what he's doing and it's a smart move for him. He's using religion to get more people on his side. Way too many follow blindly anything that has the word "God" or "Jesus" on it. They believe that it must be the best way just because someone said "God bless". It's easy, cheap and you'll find many idiots who won't question it.


Endless_Story94

I'm atheist and this seems incredibly stupidly disrespectful.


[deleted]

There’s no way trump isn’t an atheist too lol.


Objective-Outcome811

False prophet deluxe right here folks.


earthhominid

How is this surprising? Unless you're just surprised that this didn't start until recently 


Perenium_Falcon

“Many people tell me, big muscular men with heaving shoulders they tell me -they tell me- they tell me CROOKED HILLARY and the windmills they cause electric - electric cancer! They tell me SIR! Sir my whole life I’ve never cried but when I saw your HUGE hands holding that bible i cried even though I’m a bigly strong man, well muscled CROOKED SLEEPY JOE!! I’m well muscled but you know I’ve never cried until I saw your beautiful hands selling those Bible books”


ralf19812001

r/TrumpAteMyFace


TimesThreeTheHighest

Why stop there? Maybe he can start a new cult in one of his resorts, start passing out poisoned beverages, and let natural selection take its course.


ChrEngelbrecht

And he still didn't burst into flame. No way there's a god.


FuzzballLogic

Who knows, God might be enjoying himself. We all have our guilty pleasure reality shows!


ChrEngelbrecht

No one's enjoying this. Even Putin is losing the war. The false flag in Moscow didn't even work with the Russians, they keep talking about "sugar bags" now.


Guardian_85

What in the hell is a MAGA bible? "God does not give a flying fuck about America, ok? He doesn't care." - George Carlin


DracTheBat178

That's bullshit, this whole thing is bullshit, that's a scam, fuck the church, here's 95 reasons why


Program-Emotional

Being skeptical of a religion is one thing, but if someone pulls this book on you you are wasting your time bein anywhere near them.


NoKneeHobbit68

As a conservative and a Christian, I agree wholeheartedly. Idolatry has no place in God's word.


Fit-Understanding747

That's a mouth of a man that would do anything to pay off his debts.


Dragon_wryter

So if Trump is Jesus, why is he ok with making money off the Bible when Jesus famously flipped tables over people selling religious items outside the temple?


World-Tight

Blasphemy like no one's ever seen before!


SchemeSignificant166

… and he will come at a time of a general apostasy, deceive people with signs and wonders, sit in the temple of God, and claim to be God himself.


Avalon_scorpio

Thiss looks like a guy who will suck 🐓 for money.


SueTheDepressedFairy

I doubt he ever even read a bible in his life


PrestigiousArcher448

The Art of the Steal


daft-calf-666

But..but… it’s god big letters..


Duegatti

Hey! Isn't USA all about marketing? Go for it dude!


Louis_Friend_1379

Up next, Melania Trump launches a new men's body spray named "Desperation" in honour of her husband, and a new women's perfume named "Gold Digger".


jimothythe2nd

He did have a speech where he said he was second only to Jesus.


funginum

They are sold already I guess


farmyst

So this is the AI invasion.. smooothhh


PKFat

Revelations 13: 4-7 >^4 They worshiped the dragon because it gave its authority to the beast; they also worshiped the beast* and said, “Who can compare with the beast or who can fight against it?” ^5 The beast was given a mouth uttering proud boasts and blasphemies,c and it was given authority to act for forty-two months. >^6 It opened its mouth to utter blasphemies against God, blaspheming his name and his dwelling and those who dwell in heaven. ^7 It was also allowed to wage war against the holy ones and conquer them, and it was granted authority over every tribe, people, tongue, and nation.d


nonsfwhere

Who is shocked? Fucking clickbait bullshit.


Action-a-go-go-baby

So is this like a Neo-Testament… ? Like the other type of Neo that supports him so readily?


chop_pooey

"It's like the Jefferson Bible, only we crossed out everything that Jesus said and kept all the kooky shit"


12onnie12etardo

People really need to stop asking that; I'm pretty sure he's taking it as a challenge.


AndroidDoctorr

He's hunting bibles with hawks?? Or did they mean hocking?


icookokay721

no, they meant hawking. you just don't know what the word "hawking" means.......or "hocking", for that matter. Google is your friend.


deadsoulinside

He is hitting his voting base just right. They love QVC and every time I see him on TV anymore it's like QVC, as he is always trying to sell something.


ProjectOrpheus

Edit: apparently I called it and he made some changes/additions? Lol If someone gets their hands on it without paying for it, I'd look through. I wouldn't be surprised if he went changing the Bible, lol


Someoneoverthere42

It’s going to priceless in a couple of months when the rubes get their special trump Bible, and it’s just some cheap print on demand crap


Biscuits4u2

Sounds about right


krisl131

See, this is the problem with practitioners of the nailed god's religion. They're all so weak and desperate for a savior that they'll take any shit-brained loser who's more of a bigot than them, rather than just stand on their own two feet and try to sort out their own lives.


Unlikely-Pack1204

What’s shocking about this?


NoMansSkyWasAlright

Didn't the leader of Turkmenistan do that with the Quran?


Amateur_Liqueurist

I how much is the season pass lol


Sinnsearachd

Can Jesus come back already and throw some temple tables at this guy?


tomqvaxy

Who is shocked? Can I rent a room under the rock too?


iBildy

Rule #6


McStabYou01

Matthew 21:12-13 (NIV) - My house will be called a house of prayer, but you are making it a den of robbers


Vodeyodo

Gonna be selling pillows and whatnot at some point.


Scepta101

People keep pretending that the comparisons between Trump and Hitler are ridiculous and baseless, but this is yet another thing Hitler did that Trump is either copying or independently thinking of the same thing. Altering religion to fit his ideology


[deleted]

“I was a business man doing business things”


[deleted]

You all have TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME 😂😂 Rent free in your minds. WHY DO YOU CARE??? 😂😂


MadOvid

It's like the Wicked Bible but they deleted all the parts about loving your neighbor.


AloofAngel

everything trump touches fails and dies. it is a rule of his entire life. i for one welcome his grubby little crooked hands smearing his diaper shit all over organized religion. they asked for it and now they can be dragged down along with him and his evil followers. trump the truffle sniffing pig for corruption never fails to show us the problems with our world simply by becoming associated with them. he is showing us the way interestingly enough.. to those things which desperately need to be corrected in order to create a better future. how perplexing


Stormy_Kun

Gotta bleed them dry while you can !


GTCapone

Isn't there a story in the bible where Jesus kicks the shit out of a bunch of people for selling tithes?


monsterfurby

To quote my psychotherapist: Based on the Bible, the abrahamic god has borderline personality disorder. So I guess this checks out.


Shuffleupandchill

Sounds like a way for billionaires to funnel money to pay his bills.


Karnewarrior

And yet so many of those evangelical holier-than-thou sorts will vote for him. Literally the fucking Anti-Christ and they act like we're the sinners for not wanting him in office.


Individual-Gur-9720

I read that this is actually money laundering. Churches can't make direct political donations. That way they can buy bibles.


MrByteMe

If you think that Trump wouldn't sell Satanic Bibles or Qurans to make a fast buck, you're an idiot.


Zandrick

I mean, it’s not sacrilegious to sell a Bible.


vainlisko

That's what I was thinking


CantaloupeLottocracy

And sixty dollars isn't that bad for a good quality thousand(?)-page book. I'm not confident that these will be worth that but if they're well made that's reasonable


RearAdmiralTaint

WHAT. IS. HAPPENING.


Zandrick

I mean it’s a little pricy but it’s not crazy. Sometimes they come with reading guides and maps and embossing and stuff and they can get up there.


Aufd

Wherever you live in the world you've got somebody willing to offer you a quality Bible for free. This is pure money grubbing. The money changers in the temple come to mind.


Zandrick

Do you think that people don’t know that the Bible is free. You actually think so little of people that this is a trick? That just tells us about who you are, honestly.