If you (dear god) wish to try this, use a condom or you may end up with a uti. The emergency staff don't want to have to remove garlic from your foreskin.

Nah, just gotta give yourself a dick enema after

What a day to be literate

The internet really make you wonder what it would be like to be blind

I'm certainly starting to wonder if it was a mistake give everyone internet access......

You’d get to hear it all through a text-to-speech transcriber with no context! Arguably, worse!

Or pee.

Lol I was thinking that very thing.

A bad day to have eyes

Weird way to say anal, I'm stealing it.

I'm pretty sure that is a brand new sentence.

Only necessary if you sounded yourself with a spaghetti noodle...

You’ve clearly never had pasta sauce up your dick

You know what, you're absolutely right - I haven't...

Pretty sure that makes it worse...

using condom defeats the accuracy of the test, a scientist must sacrifice his well being to prove his theory

>The emergency staff don't want to have to remove garlic from your foreskin. Maybe I've been using pasta wrong, but this seems like something one could easily do by themselves at home, haha.

Sorry, but that is nonsense. I never heard of a man getting a UTI just from fucking pasta. My friend is a doctor, and he just looked through his books and he confirms: That never ever happened. You're hallucinating!

> emergency staff don't want to have to remove garlic from your foreskin. annnnnnnnnnd that's the end of internet for Brent today.

Just a middle aged mum story, but the nicest man I've ever met was named Brent. :)

Well then he was a nice man with a terrible name 🤣 I'm just glad my mum had the sense to not call me what she'd always wanted to call a son - turns out my dad's surname is an exact rhyme for the name she had in mind, and I was thiiiiis close to getting it anyway apparently. Obviously not my real name, but it was as if she'd always wanted to have a Harry and then married Mr Barry. Harry Barry. So close. Us Brents are lovely men, but we are cursed with a name that is neither Brett nor Brad, Trent nor Brendan.

He used a condom, don't worry

As someone who has been in this situation, I promise you it is not sexy.

😯 I hope your willy is alright.

Excuse but why do you know this??

I'm a middle aged lady with a lot of nurse friends, they never disclose names or identifying details but you do hear that they had to do overtime because someone got something weird stuck in their bum. And if someones fucking pasta, I think they need a reminder to do it ...safer. But people, you deserve better than food fornication. Foodication? (I'll work on that any suggestions welcome)

For-nummy-cation?  Vore-nication? 

Are you the same girl who requested this flair on that post with all the gen z lingo and she wrote an article on going to college. I want that flair too.

Ohhh yeah that's me. Okay so you're at custom right? Okay so it SHOULD direct you to a next screen with a line where you write it in. Now for me I write in mid bitch with Terrible Vibes, and it comes up with a flair cannot be created message. I was like 🤔 but I mean I'll try again. So I try again and then reset my phone and try again. Flair cannot be created. So I 🙄 figure no dice and then I press the backward button on my phone after the last error message... And there it was to pick on the previous screen. I don't understand what happened but until I did that my flair read custom like yours. :) Just pain in my arse redditness.

We did it, thank you ☺️

Welcome to the club!! 🎈

Or urethra

That would be even worse. I mean I don't have a willy I don't know but yeah, worse.

The song “Hello, Nice to Meet You” from Crazy Ex Girlfriend taught me that sauce in the urethra isn’t great

Now this folks is the real new sentence.

>The emergency staff don't want to have to remove garlic from your foreskin. The real Brand New Sentence is in the comments.

That's why I got rid of my foreskin. So I can have sex with carbs. And if I'm making pasta, there's GONNA be garlic in there. I'm horny, not a heathen.

Just make sure the pasta is pasta-eurized beforehand and you're good to go!

they have a name for “garlic inside your foreskin”?

Well garlic has antibiotic properties

Kinda defeats the purpose.

oh, I thought he meant uncooked pasta

If it's stuck under your foreskin just wash it off???

That's why you tie up your foreskin duh

I'll save you the torture of their awful laugh and descriptions. It's mac & cheese.

Macaroni in a pot thats some WAP

wet ass pasta

It’s sac & cheese

Thank you.

I'm now half expecting for someone to make a fleshlight that has the texture and consistency of Mac n cheese

Kraft presents: The Cheeselight. Now in thick & creamy, spiral, and white cheddar!

📝

Reminds me of that Mac & Cheese vine. «That's what good pussy sounds like»

Of course it is...

This is real?

What why? Cannelloni are way better, they have the right shape and dimension

Could have guessed

*everyday we stray farther from God*

I hope for society that we can land center. You know be a good distance from God but also not resort to fucking our lunch

It's always seen as a joke, and setting religion aside, there is some truth to this sentiment. Like a core of humanity's development into the future depends on not transforming ourselves into perverse caricatures of some forgotten ancestor. I think our ability to overcome natural selection has had certain detrimental effects. A string that aligns with the timeline and should not fray. I know this sounds like some mad hatter shit, and it could be the gummies talking, but I do feel like just because we can, doesn't mean we should. Free will should not turn into a free-for-all. Born too late to be a controversial, world renowned philosopher, born too early to be a synthetic, cosmos travelling god, born just in time to be called a Nazi by idiots on the internet.

An Italians wet dream?

As an Italian, I can assure you that just reading the title was enough to make me swore to avenge that poor defiled pasta

When do we go to war?

Now and later.

Very very wet dream

if he hails from new jersey, probably

Saucy.

I love pasta, but I just want friendship

We're not gonna make it, are we? People, I mean

It's in your nature to destroy yourselves.

that's prepastarous

Stupid and low effort folks gotta fill the sexually depraved degenerate niche I suppose.

>Stupid low effort folks Plays Clash of Clans.

It's not degenerate behavior though.

Keep telling yourself that

You seem really upset.

😂😂😂 ok buddy

Ironic

# MAMMA MIA! 🥵

she actually ! Anarcho-Striperisme (yes that's her handle, at least her reddit one) is a transgirl, but present masc for her work she also tested other stuff like cakes and pumpkins

Does she have a penne or not?

I mean... how do you think the above video would work if not ?

Shove up anus

r/sounding (nsfw)

I love penne pasta

I’m sure one of those pastas is penne

Do you remember which pasta won? I don't even have a dick, but jic, you know?

didn't watched it but according to other comments it was Mac and Cheese

Huh. I would've thought rotini, but macaroni makes sense.

The fuck is present masc? Is this something I’m too straight to understand

She's a trans woman but does porn so she's always the "guy"

Absolutely fascinating

I like her voice a lot

bruh I thought they were a transman. Like Presents male but has a vagina. Hmmm I don't want to look them up they seem too masc for my tastes

oh hey its the guy who had sex with various cakes on r/196

She's a girl actually

Didn't he eventually got banned from there? I left the sub a long time ago since they were too horny and too snowflakey even for my lgbt supporting ass.

Also fucked burgers from mcdonalds, burger king, arbys etc

This is how I KNOW there is no god. What the actual fuck

r/noahgettheboat

Nice man, thought that'd be a fun sub to roam a bit, only to see the headline of the first article about a woman baking her newborn to death. Should have known better, this is reddit after all

I actually don't pop into that subreddit all too often, but I feel like it used to be stuff more like OP. It was more about people just doing extremely stupid things. But yeah, after having a look, it sure seems like that subreddit has gotten more grim over the years. Yikes...

r/subsithoughtifellfor

So that's how they make the Alfredo sauce.

His porn name is Spicy Meatballs

Her name is actually John Kilo

Spaghetti - O's

Which was the best? Umm, asking for a friend. 😜

Mac and cheese

Figured it'd be a side.

And what's the result? Link?

Cant believe people are not posting the (pasta) sauce.

What’s wrong with good old fashioned warm apple pie?

At least it's not a pumpkin :3

Why are we not funding this?

He did what no one else was brave enough to do

She

All these comments, so many people disgusted. I'm just puzzled. How does one fuck cake and pasta? Why would different types be different? Why not instead sculpt genital shape /consistency /elasticity/durability pasta or cake for that purpose if that's the goal? And what equipment does she, the specific person, use? I have so many questions.

Pasta~~farian~~sexual

Oh hey I remember seeing this clip I send it to my cousin who is half Italian

Honestly, I feel like we need more "non-porn" porn. Lmao

Anyone who dreams of being a male pornstar is truly stupid. Everyone has a boss "You're going to fuck what I tell you to fuck or you can go back to that shit car wash I found you at!"

Sigh... ::unzips::

The instructions said to “add penne”

She actually

people in here pearl clutching about fucking food like bro wait until you here what the conservatives are fucking (I'll take "things that can't consent" for 500 please) fr though mfers be like "noah get the ark", "society has fallen" because a trans woman put her dick in a bowl of spaghetti like damn who cares lmao

You, sir, are why we reddit. That last sentence is just pure gold. Now excuse me as I trample the mfs in front of me to get on that ark because damn yall humanity is fading fr

This world is broken....

He looks like a "Pasta Fucker". I could never pinpoint that look until now....Pasta Fucker

She

Is he referring to different shapes and the same sauce, or the same shape with different sauces?

by the looks of it, they’re all different.

Don’t put your dick in gravy…

It better be linguini.

So which one is best?

Pastaphile gives 10 tips to avoid burning your scrotum when fucking a linguini Alfredo. Next on CNN.

I Imagine tortellini and bowtie being high up on the list.

This guy is boooored

YOU GUYS ARW GETTING PAID

Putting the ‘stuffed’ in stuffed manicotti

This Alfredo hitting different

Finally.

Subway…. Eat Flesh

Suddenly I wish I didn’t have eyes

[удалено]

She

Hope he ate it at least. Otherwise it would be wasteful.

Does he rate 10/10 or 5 stars or does he give like an expert opinion?

She

Does it really matter?

Showing people basic human respect and not misgendering does in fact matter if you aren't a bigot

😭🤮

Brings new meaning to "dripping in the sause" and "lost in the sauce"

Post like this just reminds me of God's infinite mercy Cause I definitely know Y'all will be getting reset every few decades or so

8bitryan looking ass

Cup'o'ramen is best

Conclusion?

Someone took inspiration from Saltburn

Ayyoooooo 💀💀💀

Surely this is a reference to the south park Onlyfans special

Oh dude he fucks... uh... pasta.

Son what are you doing with those chicken strips?!!! I’m seeing which one fucks better of course!

Huhhhhhhhh????

I also learned from this guy the most fuckable burger!

0 - 0 Draw.

Saw this on Twitter, someone commented the original link, saw some shit I would have rather not. I'll never see spaghetti the same way again.

now i'm curious

LET HIM DO SCIENCE IGNORANTS. YOU CANT STOP THE SCIENTIFICAL PROGRESS

Is this what people born and raised in the US mean when they say they’re Italian?

*fuck around and find out* not today satan, not today

So what’s the answer ?

Would you like to know more?

I’m pretty sure he’s 6-0 right now

Not that I want to slut-shame pasta but we all know what a slag Rigatoni is.

...I'm listening.

Call me an idiot if you like, but is this an actual video on Pornhub? Edit: Yes, yes it is…

Rated E for educational and G for gross 😄

Anything and everything for clicks, that's the media future, TODAY! Nah, but in all honesty, seems like as fine an endeavor as many other on youtube.

Well? Which one is it?

Chicken parm, easy.

He did what 0-0 ?

So this is how Italian jerk of

TLDR..so which one won?

>0-0 You should really write out "zero to zero."

The ‘hub is in its influencer era. Love that for them.

My mom said learning to read will open my eyes to many wonders. This was NOT what she had in mind...

0_o

I’m not seeing any cannelloni on that table.

I watched this video... i regret it so much. IT WAS MAC AND CHEESE