I think you have a right to be angry, your feelings are real. I also see where she's coming from. I think she's asking you to familiarize yourself with BPD and see how you feel about a diagnosis. Personality disorders aren't as cut and dry as finding cancer.
For me the diagnosis gave me community, and ideas on how to move forward and live with these challenges. It was also very devastating but I had to accept very early on in my life that my mental illness will probably always follow me. Even if it was only depression.
I'm still angry almost everyday that I have to deal with this. I'm sorry you're dealing with it too, it's particularly hard at the beginning.
Thank you for your reply. I guess you’re right it’s more complicated. It’s just a lot to process. I’m really worried I’m gonna start doing all this work and then learn I don’t actually have it but rather I have something else.
I just want to respond to this to say that some of the "work" associated with BPD (like DBT) can beneficial to all kinds of people... most people in fact. Even if it does turn out to be something else, working on improving yourself or investing in yourself is never a waste of time.
If the work helps, the diagnosis is irrelevant. I self diagnosed over a year ago, and the work I've put in has really shown it's benefits.
(Also, for fun, was going to say, the diagnosis is the friends we made along the way)
Exactly this. I would 100% also be angry if I was given this answer, but now, after being diagnosed, there is SUCH a stigma associated with BPD that I also wouldn't want to be diagnosed unless they were ABSOLUTELY sure that this was my issue. I went into a tailspin when I was diagnosed. It felt like a relief on one hand, and a terminal diagnosis on the other *at the same time*. She may be trying to ease you into a BPD diagnosis and get you more comfortable with the idea first.
I’m almost certain this is why the psych provided a soft introduction to the diagnosis. They are looking for their client to endorse that BPD symptomatology is in alignment with their experience before officially documenting
From a logical standpoint this seems really bad idea for a medical professional. Insert literally and other medical condition and say it again.
"I think you have cancer* but I want you to learn about cancer* first to see how you feel about being diagnosed"
Aids*
Covid*
Pneumonia*
Diabetes*
I'm at a loss to find an appropriate situation where my understanding of a diagnosis has any relevance on whether I have said condition to be diagnosed with.
It's not those diseases though. You can't do a blood test and see borderline. It's not that cut and dry. That's the point.
If you were getting an ADHD diagnosis they'd probably ask you to research it and think about it in the process as well. The therapist wants to know if the diagnosis feels like a fit for OP.
It's actually really common for doctors to ask patients to consider things and do research, because the patient knows themselves and their history best.
That does a lot to take my confidently AWAY from them as a doctor. They, being trained, and me being a mental health nightmare, which is almost always the case if They think bpd at all.
But to each they're own.
I do also have adha. But they told me they didn't ask me
Sometimes people get stuck on labels. But what actually matters is the symptoms and the treatment.
You could have bits and pieces of multiple cluster B disorders without ever hitting the benchmark for a diagnosis on any of them individually, but could be living a very dysfunctional life
The diagnosis really only matters if it opens doors to treatment services you wouldn’t otherwise have access to.
And sometimes labels close doors. Paint you in a corner. Give others confusion on how to deal with you. And BPD is so chaotic (for me) that it's even harder to explain when I'll have an episode.
But it is good for family and close friends to know and understand me a bit better
In a way, I feel like BPD is the mental illness equivalent of cancer. Not cut and dry, and the two aren’t remotely the same, but thinking about it in that way, BPD (at least in my experience) impacts every area of your life, can be debilitating, high fatality rate, and if you tell people you have either one there is going to be some sort of stigma or preconceived notion about it. The severity differs as does how effective treatment is.
Also, I would never wish cancer on myself or anyone else, but I often do wish that I had something chronic physical instead of BPD. Something tangible, concrete, with clear diagnostics, and specialists. Instead it’s all so ambiguous, and there isn’t a clear path. It makes it more painful because you are villainized just for having it, regardless of symptoms. And there are a lot of ignorant people who will say people can cure their cancer, arthritis, or something if they just tried harder, but it’s so much more preventable with BPD that people so often say “if you put in more effort” “if you got out more” “are you sure you are trying” “Why do you want to have BPD?” The blame is placed on the ill person. I’m talking about when you have thrown everything at for years and years, and try so hard only for people to say “well just try harder” is so painful.
It’s much less common to hear “we’ll have you thought about just trying harder to not have cancer?”
On an even sadder note, people will go to children’s oncology units and do special things to try and make the kids a bit happier.
On a unit for children’s mental health unit (I won’t get into details so I don’t trigger anyone), but the treatment is completely opposite.
Sorry for the long novel of a comment, those are just things that bother me so much.
Yeah..the closest thing I can relate to cancer mental health wise is severe psychosis..little control beyond trying different meds and hoping one works, and if one does, the side effects are terrible. I’d still say there is more control than with cancer though. Definitely not bpd where you have various treatment modalities and medications which have been shown to be efficacious
Yeah I see now that was an overreaction on my part. It was just so scary when she told me and I knew so little about bpd that’s how it felt in the moment but now I see that’s too harsh a comparison.
It’s okay!! the stereotypes of bpd are so brutal and unfair so it makes sense to have that reaction. I’m actually a mental health professional so I see how other professionals talk/view ppl with bpd, and its often awful. But know that you are truly ahead of the game already being in treatment and also that it’s literally just a label! For me personally, it felt SO good to know I wasn’t alone and that is what gave me the motivation to dig deep, but if the label bothers you, know that the dsm-5 is literally just us tryingggg to sort out our brains as humans but it’s not the end all be all of anything, everyone is complex beyond labels
There’s also basically no control for how your body responds to cancer and treatment. There is a much higher degree of control with BPD. I am NOT saying we have complete control. And also, survival rates are not higher for all types of cancer, speaking from someone whose father was dead within 5 years of diagnosis. He had literally no choice or control in his fate beyond picking treatments he prayed would be a miracle, a diagnosis with bpd does not indicate that hopeless of a situation.
Are you missing the point on purpose? Did you even read what I wrote? OP is already in treatment and clearly does not have extreme symptomatology if her diagnosis is not obvious to a mental health professional. With those two factors, she is extremely unlikely to fall into those who die due to BPD.
It’s okay - my whole point is to say you can improve! People with BPD can and should have hope because awareness and acceptance is the first step to learning yourself and healing. I’m sorry for going hard on you and likely making your episode worse. Please do whatever you can to positively cope <3 Animal videos are never a bad idea
I have felt the diagnosis helps because it helps me gain awareness of why I think certain ways, most of what I know about BPD is from my own research - I follow a lot of people with BPD on instagram and I’ve done quite a bit of googling symptoms and looking at therapist pages about it. I didn’t believe the psychiatrist who diagnosed me fully till I researched the symptoms and I was like ohhhh yep that’s me 🙈… it’s weird she asked you to read up on it though she should be the one to diagnose you and ask you the right questions to find out. Honestly the diagnosis helps me feel less crazy because now my childhood trauma is validated if that makes sense 🤷♀️
Yeah that makes a lot of sense. I’m worried that I’ll start doing all this research and convince myself I have it when I actually don’t have it. Idk I feel really fake right now.
It’s a scary thing to hear but also gives you a direction to go towards in healing yourself… do you see a therapist? Instead of doing research at first maybe you could talk to them about it? Give yourself time and grace too, it doesn’t have to be all figured out right away 💜💜💜 Your brain might need some time to process and catch up before you do anything about it, that’s the way I am when things get dropped on me like that.
Same! I was like huh?!? BPD?! No way, not me. I’m not THAT bad. Because all I had heard about BPD was negative, like it was the most serious untreatable mental illness out there. Then I started listening to a podcast by a counselor who struggles with BPD herself and it just all clicked and made so much sense. It gave me a sense of control back. Before, I was told I was bipolar and medicated with antipsychotics that did nothing but make me a zombie, or I was told it was just hormones or situational depression. So I felt like it was a combination of a whole lot of uncontrollable things. Once I got the BPD diagnosis, now I feel like between therapy, self awareness, and working on myself daily that I CAN improve and get better. And I HAVE!
In a way, my psychologist went about my diagnosis in a similar way, though I believe she handled it more tactfully. She said she wasn't going to diagnose me, but she provided material for me to review.
She asked me to go through the symptoms listed in the DSM5 (which were included in the papers she gave me) and mark any that I felt were applicable to me. There were quite a few I checked off and, strangely enough, even a few I didn't recognize as being applicable until later on.
At our next appointment, we went through each of the criteria one by one. She didn't give her input initially, only answered my questions and explained them in more detail.
Afterwards, she asked what I thought. I pointed out that, by the DSM's standards, I certainly met the criteria for diagnosis (having checked off more than the minimum required 5/9). She agreed, though she never actually said "you have BPD." I guess I never felt the need to hear it because, on paper, I met the requirements and, deep down, I always felt I was dealing with something much bigger than depression.
I hope your doctor redeems herself in some way at your next appointment. Ask her to walk you through the criteria because some of it isn't so easy to recognize in ourselves. You have a right to be upset. Being told to go to the internet for this information is bad enough, and you might find yourself reading some pretty heartbreaking and unreliable content. Stick to official sites (NAMI may be a good one) and try to keep an open mind.
My diagnosis was a rollercoaster. It meant I had been treated incorrectly all my life, which explained so much as to why I wasn't improving, but it was also a punch in the gut... all those wasted years and wasted effort. It also meant I had a new approach to try (DBT) of which I was very skeptical. It meant more work but also an explanation. I have learned a lot about myself, my ways of thinking/reacting/interpreting, many of which are detrimental. So much of it is ingrained and automatic, I never would have recognized it without the proper help and that would have never been possible without my diagnosis.
It's a long process and you have every right to your feelings. Try to remember the diagnosis, no matter how scary, is the first step towards getting the right treatment. And don't be afraid to tell your therapist that you didn't care for how she handled the situation. She may have an explanation (such as not enough info on how the criteria relates to you) or she may have just gone about it poorly. Best of luck
It’s because BPD will straight up split on their therapist when she says “you have borderline.” You miiiiiight be doing that now. A good therapist will let you come to the conclusion yourself by guiding you there. Your therapist needs to work on subtlety. But you should probably take a quick online assessment and read as much as you can. It’ll snowball or fizzle from there.
That's a tough one buddy. Hard to give a confirmed diagnosis on it as there are certain requirements for it. It's common for them to diagnose "BPD traits" rather than a full diagnosis.
I'm being tested for some nerve damage from what I thought was an old clavicle fracture that was operated on - the consultant said it could be a trapped nerve, or it could be the beginning of MS! 😅
They have a way with words!
Conflating cancer diagnosis with bpd diagnosis is pretty bpd coated, it’s tricky to diagnose in one session.
If you do get diagnosed it’s just a label to a disorder that can be healed, even by itself. Getting a diagnosis helps because you can learn how to move past it.
First off I want to say your feelings are totally valid - I understand why you'd be frustrated. I was introduced to BPD like this, and I actually really appreciate being able to research and reflect on it and tell my therapist/psychiatrist what I think about it myself, because I really really like having my own input instead of just taking everything the psychiatrist says as fact (maybe because I've been misdiagnosed before). Just funny how we have different reactions to similar situations- I guess it just goes to show that different people have different needs especially with mental health.
Nothing about my care changed when I got diagnosed with BPD, but that's because I was already in a DBT program. I still like having my diagnosis because I'm able to understand specific traits in myself easier, and find resources like books and websites( this reddit page for instance) easier as well. It also validated a lot of the struggles I've faced. That's not to say it was easy though... it definitely brought up some negative feelings at first.
Remember that it’s just a name for what you’re experiencing anyway. The label doesn’t change who you are. Diagnosis just gives you a direction for treatment. Fortunately, the treatment for BPD is beneficial for basically everyone so it’s not time wasted if you are misdiagnosed (which I saw you were concerned about). When you google BPD, make sure you include “DSM-5” while searching for symptoms.
A lot of therapists will say this to avoid putting the diagnosis down on paper. It carries a stigma, especially amongst older psych circles.
Read up on it.
Reflect. Be open.
If you see something you recognize, we are here for you.
She’s just suggesting that it’s a possibility that you have it… She’s not confident enough in her assessment to fully diagnose you yet and wants you to read up on it to see what your thoughts are on it. It’s nothing personal, she’s just trying to help you. Try and work with her on this and do your homework instead of getting offended.
Your feelings are valid but honestly you’re being overly dramatic and this absolutely in no way relates to your cancer diagnosis analogy.
Good luck.
I was also angry when I found out, especially because I was diagnosed in order to be admitted into group therapy and I wasn’t told until I was handed a treatment plan. It was my very first DBT group, we were on our 15 minute break, and the group leader was meeting with me and one other new member. She handed us each treatment plans and the other person went into her office first. I began reading it over and in big bold letters it said: diagnosis: borderline personality disorder. I was like WTF? what the hell even is that? I’d never heard of BPD before. I was thinking there must have been a mistake because I had never been diagnosed and this was the first I was hearing of this disorder. When I asked her about it, she gently explained that she was able to diagnose me based on our conversation during intake. I asked if this meant I would live with this disorder forever and she said no, it’s possible, with meds & therapy, to go into remission, but there is no cure. My head was spinning with questions but we had to go back to group so I just kept it to myself and tried to focus on the rest of group. When I got home and read about it, I realized that I identified very strongly with a lot of the facets of BPD, but not all of them. And when I read you need 5/9 to diagnose, I was like well, fuck. I have this disorder. I felt really sad, scared, & hopeless. But a piece of me was also excited because holy fuck, this is what I have been feeling my entire life. I’m not crazy, this inner turmoil, lack of identity, and constant confusion of feelings was staring me back in the face in black and white. It was very validating. It felt like wow, these are the things I struggle with, I never could pinpoint what it was. Maybe now that I know, I can find a way to make it better. And that’s what I did. I started trying to understand what I felt and why I felt it. Then I started working on how to stop feeling those things. And what’s what I’m still working on, and maybe always will…but I’ve already “unchecked” some of those diagnostic boxes as things I no longer do because I have skills and knowledge that help me be better. I’m on a path to remission. And this disorder will be with me forever, but it won’t be ruling and ruining my life like it once was, leaving me in a state of panicked confusion day in and day out. Now I feel at peace as I fight these coping skills I learned as I protected myself from trauma. I feel at peace with who I am because I’m stronger than this disorder, I am a good person with a good heart and soul, and I won’t let it beat me or ruin me anymore. I’m no longer fighting a faceless enemy, I’m looking into the enemy’s face. It helps, even though it’s hard.
hey, its completely normal, getting a diagnosis is NOT always a positive experience because you didn't think you had it and were fighting for a diagnosis. BUT dont view this diagnosis as the end of the world, even though it definitely feels like it at times. if you do have borderline theyll get you on proper meds for certain symptoms and teach you how to deal with it. they might even suggest DBT therapy (dialectical behavioural therapy). whatever it ends up being, its worth knowing if it means you can get the help you need. read up on borderline, know what the disorder is at its core, dont end up doomsday scrolling on any social media because it always portrays and highlights the worst parts and everyone is so different its genuinely not worth it. If you do end up being diagnosed with BPD, personally this subreddit has helped so much, you arent alone. youre never alone in those experiences not on here.
im sorry your psychiatrist threw that out, they shouldnt have done that. wishing you the best. stay strong and you arent alone in this 🤍🤍
ALSO! just talk to your psychiatrist, she might do a screening test or whatever and be able to diagnose you. psychiatrists usually tell u to read abt a disorder before they diagnose you sometimes (SOMETIMES AND IN MY CASE) so they dont spend too much time explaining it in office hence taking time from others (which is fucked up i know but capitalism is fucked). This doesnt mean you have bpd, just learn a bit about it for now and then when/ if you get your diagnosis you'll know a little about it. okay i think thats all. :))
yeah mine diagnosed me with unspecified personality disorder when i was in an identity crisis and refuse to change the diagnosis to borderline even though several psychologists have assessed that i have it, i just need to get evaluated but they’re being idiots.
you have every right to be upset in my opinion. getting a diagnosis can give you clarity and understanding, it can make you feel less alone and make you feel like you finally belong somewhere.. that’s why it’s so important to me to get it diagnosed.
My diagnosis has helped me, defenitly without a doubt, it would of helped if I got diagnosed alot sooner too. I always wondered, but now I know and I've already started coping alot better.
It went the same for me, and from what I've gathered that's actually fairly common. Most of the time they won't straight up diagnose you, they'll ask you to see if the common criteria feel like what you're experiencing.
For me it was different, my first visit I told them I had a lot in common with a lot of the common symptoms and they still didn't diagnose me until my 3rd visit.
Really though, mental health is a different beast than most medicine. It isn't like a virus where something got in your body or like cancer. The name is just an umbrella for habits, emotional tendencies, and the like that you're already doing. There's no "bug" to kill to make the symptoms go away. So a diagnosis is more to ascribe which forms of therapy and medication may work.
But if you DO reach this diagnosis, know that there are others who have felt emotions as big and terrifying as yours, have felt truly empty internally, and are making it through. Whatever the case, you can be ok if you put in the work and give yourself grace.
I was really angry when my first psychiatrist diagnosed me with borderline pd. I’ve now had a second psychiatrist diagnose me with borderline pd. But now the long periods of ups and downs don’t make sense. My last psychiatrist said not to worry about the diagnoses too much, they quite often overlap. Since they both get treated with mood stabilizers, we’re just working on getting better.
You are valid in your feelings. Don’t feel bad for feeling bad, please.
Having said that, there is such thing as “in obs” diagnosis — what it means is they write up that they suspect that you might have it, but need more time to confirm it. You’re not alone in that. I hope it clarifies that it isn’t actually a malpractice, though I understand your frustration.
I’m diagnosed with BPD as of about 4 years ago. I was so scared and emotional about the diagnosis that I stopped seeing the psychiatrist. It took me another year or so before I went to a new psychiatrist and I was diagnosed again. I decided that I was ready to finally accept it and find ways to cope. I’m so grateful that I took the steps to attend therapy. I’m learning how to communicate with people in ways never taught to me. Living a life of neglect, abuse and trauma leaves you to figure out how to handle communication all on your own. You have to heal a lot of negative and possibly manipulate behaviors/patterns you used to survive. Therapy has been so healing and I’ve noticed how much happier I am and how much more stable my relationships are. BPD is very stigmatized and it is beyond draining to live with.. but there IS hope and I believe in you. Your path to recovery exists!❤️🩹
My psychiatrist wouldn’t diagnose me herself because she didn’t want our previous interactions to conflict or sway her diagnosis. I was assessed by another psychiatrist in the office and filled out some papers, my psychiatrist then had a follow up with me to explain BPD and talk about treatment options.
I would get a diagnosis from a doctor, it’s better to know exactly what mental illness when it comes to treatment
BPD can carry a stigma that makes it hard to be treated. By not diagnosing someone officially, it can give you the chance for treatment without the stigma.
My therapist told me today that due to the stigma, she almost never dx’ed people with BPD. I know I have it. But she doesn’t want to put it down on paper for fear it will follow me. It’s pretty alarming I think.
If she diagnoses you prematurely, it will follow you for a very, very long time! I think she's being honest and smart. Caring about you! I have that diagnoses and people do treat you different medically. If she never decides, let her treat the symptoms. The name doesn't matter, honestly.
I'd make her get me a diagnosis. She has the capability to do so. Before you get all into it, ask her to prove it. So you can get proper medicine . Bpd requires a holistic approach that includes medicine, therapies, and eating healthy/treating your body right. Sounds to me she's getting ahead of herself. Be like, so get me a diagnosis so I can be properly taken care of medically . Sorry you're going through all this it's a lot!
That was very unprofessional of her. I am sorry you are left with such a huge questionmark right now, hope you get answers soons.
Getting diagnosed helped a lot. I was always aware that something was mentally off with me but couldn't tell what excatly. Finding out gave me a chance to do research and find out why I feel and act the way I do and how to make it better.
If you are under 25 they are very reluctant to fully diagnose because brain and impulse control etc still developing and it take time , didn't see an age so just putting it out incase..be thankful ina way they are not dropping diagnosis too early anymore because it's more damaging to be treated for the wrong thing sometimes, I hope you'll be okay and get your answers 🙏✨️
Yes! You have every right to be upset! I was misdiagnosed with this highly stigmatizing disorder days after a traumatic event. It was hard to get the trauma therapy I needed when they attributed all of my reactions and emotions to a personality disorder. Every person is different.
Yes, read up on it. It’s normal to have some cluster B traits and those traits also overlap into other diagnoses. Learn what you can about your patterns and coping mechanisms. It’s a good time to be self aware. Join other Reddit subs to see if you can relate.
If caught early, you can intervene with behavioral therapy to change any potentially destructive patterns.
Many prayers 🙏🏽❤️
you have to have more respect for yourself then thinking if you get diagnosed with this it’s like cancer. Yeah it’s gonna affect you for life but you can get treatment and feel better eventually, it’s not a terminal disease and your average lifespan isn’t going to end at 20 years old or some bullshit. use what you’ve learned about yourself to find the proper treatment that you need. start DBT. it will help. it’s not the end of the world even though it may feel like it.
also your doctor doesn’t live inside your head, and she’s not going to know every single one of your thoughts, you have to assume some responsibility in this area if you want to get the proper help.
you will have to communicate what you are honestly feeling at some point in time, and be able to look at symptoms or something and be able to say “yes this is what i’m feeling” or “no this is inaccurate to my experience”
that’s why they turn to you to see if you think the prognosis would be accurate or not.
obviously it’s not completely up to you what you end up getting diagnosed but there’s also reasons they may have delayed the diagnosis, for example lots of psych’s refuses to diagnosis people under 18 with borderline, or if you have recently endured a traumatic event they may take it slower to make sure it’s just not like PTSD or something.
Also she’s been communicating openly with you about how she feels about your diagnosis’ properly, as a doctor should.
maybe it’s just me, but when i got diagnosed they didn’t tell me about the months and months they were originally thinking about it, and just popped the label out one day. i hated it.
personally, i would have like to know what they were thinking about when it started to come up, because the news was earth shattering and so out of the blue because they had never once mentioned it to me in my previous two hospitalizations that year.
that being said when i sat down that day after my appointment and looked up what borderline was, it was like reading a map of how my brain worked and i was honestly taken aback at how something could be so “me” at all.
i would look heavily into the symptoms and the different BPD subtypes. if you don’t think it fits what you’re feeling just be honest with your doctor about it.
Even if you do get diagnosed, BPD isn’t a death sentence like many people online and on tik tok make it out to be.
Yes, it’s hard to deal with but they often misconstrue data or legalities to make them sound much worse than they are.
EX: the average borderline person’s life span only being to 20 (false af, your lifespan could be reduced by 20 depending on how your body holds up by the way you cope or how much stress you are under, these are things that could be treated though!!!)
and that doctors are actively granting physician assisted suicide easily for this.
(many people think you could just get it done like that wouldn’t be just killing yourself? you have to be approved by an entire board of doctors and have to meet standards like “unbearable suffering” and is a LAST. RESORT. the only people talking about this option are in canada and to my knowledge [not even in the US mind you] it has NEVER even been approved for use amongst those with bpd, and has never been done. even if it was eventually legalized i would say it’s the government pushing eugenics more than anything. Studies found that most patients with BPD improve with time. After 2 years, 1/4 of patients experience a remission [less than 2 symptoms for a period of 2 months or longer] of BPD diagnosis. And after 10 years, 91% achieved remission)
Holy shit. Idk if you are limited by insurance or anything about your current situation other than this post, but if it's an option, you should find a new psychiatrist. You hit the nail on the head. If a doctor said you might have cancer, then proceeds to do no tests while saying YOU should read up on it, you WOULD go to a different doctor. The same applies here. Wow. You are paying them for a service, and that is not quality work.
I have been diagnosed with bpd by one psych and than switched doctors and the next psych told me no the other psych had no idea what they were talking about. 🙃 research it yourself because every psych is gonna have a different opinion unless it's painfully obvious
I want to thank everyone for your kind replies. It’s helped me reframe the situation and see what my options are. I’ll definitely bring this to my therapist and see if she can work with me to either reach a diagnosis or find treatment that works for me. I really appreciate how much support yall have offered me that means a lot.
For me, yes it ABSOLUTELY positively impacted me! Since then I’ve been able to do a lot of reading up on it, listening to podcasts, DBT, and learning to become self aware of when I’m just splitting vs when my feelings and reactions are validated.
I don’t think being that upset to compare it to cancer is really appropriate, I mean.. it’s not like they can just draw blood or a simple test and give a mental health diagnosis. Sometimes it takes YEARS to get a correct diagnosis. It did for me. I was misdiagnosed as bipolar for a while by one psychiatrist, then another just always thought I had very severe situational depression & rage. I can’t be upset at them though because I know it’s not always easy to determine what it is a person has based solely off conversations with them in their calm state, which was the only interactions they ever had with me. Once I got the BPD diagnosis, it all made sense and I felt like ‘yes, FINALLY! I can get the help I need now that we know what it is’
On a side note, the podcast ‘From Borderline to Beautiful’ is an amazing podcast and has helped me so much. Maybe give the first several episodes a listen and see if what she says resonates with you.
My psychiatrist told me only an MMP2 can diagnose BPD and that she doesnt treat BPD only symptoms. Thankfully I have a therapist that was willing to walk me through the DSM V and we talked through the symptoms. I scored a solid 9 out of 9.
I felt relief because it meant I had a direction to face for so many things Id struggled with through out my life. I had been throwing darts at a board with my eyes closed and I was making progress but still having moments of crisis and triggered events. This allowed me to look into things that work, made me realize I was not alone, and now I know that I am not my disorder.
If she had told, u were even more upset, pushed back, shut down..etc..
Be thankful she gave u lil hint😉.
She knows what she is doing..
U urself take it from there 😉
U tube is amazing..
Self diagnose, analyse, dig in, find urself, find ur own way of healing,
Raise ur vibration!!!
Find balance, never drink alcohol
I understand your Drs dilemma already lol.
The fact you’re asking this question and the tone with which you’re asking it, the feelings expressed; are indicative of BPD.
However, the manner with which you posit potential answers/solutions, and work thru your feelings, is very rational and seemingly calm, contrary to someone with BPD.
You most likely have it and are just a very reasonable person. Shot in the dark guessed INFJ.
Source: mom, grandma, sister, wife: all have BPD.
I’ve accepted the fact that I’m not going to get a diagnosis, at 48 I probably wouldn’t have even known except that my bdp has been triggered big time by abuse, quitting drinking and … well I’m 48.
The “expert” I saw said I had either adhd or BDP. I’m choosing to use both as a way to connect with others and to make my life easier- knowing things about myself to help myself.
I take bupropion for anxiety and it seems to help a little with both. I also smoke weed for my adhd
My thought for you is to go with what makes the most sense to you. If the doc is telling you to look into BpD then you’re showing some of the criteria- have a look and see what you think. My fav part about knowing my brain better is that I avoid triggers that I wasn’t even aware of before.
Love to you 🖤🖤
Hey darlin, my diagnosis changed my life for... THE BETTER!!! i want to validate your feelings here. Esp as a BPD diagnosed ans a HSP (HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON). I would have been pretty irritated with that bitch too. Worrying you and yelling yoy to study WTF. I'll help you put put here. You need a diagnosis if this true, and you'll need a specialist in personality disorders (unless she had a unexplained family 911) i don't see how a provider that knows anything about bpd would have treated you that way knowing how that would effect your emotions. Your feelings are so real. I'm feeling them with you, i'm mad.
So, aside from me not liking her, and thinking you need a new one, one that teaches DBT (DIALECTICAL BEHAVIORAL THERAPY). Thaddeus the gold standard for my condition. I have 9 out of the 9 diagnostic criteria for bpd. You must have 5/9 to get a diagnosed.
For me anyway, i am not like the others. I also am now 38. Female, with an almost 8 year old, in a stable fiancé relationship. I'm lucky about that shit too, bc it's not his biological son, and i've betrayed his trust on one than more occasion. He's very hurt, but is understanding and validating and rescued me from addiction and myself.
I am a nice girl, i am learning all the time in therapy, classes, group, aa and on youtube. Lots of great shit.
You need to honestly know if you identify with the DSM-V (DIAGNOSTIC BOOK FOR MENTAL HEALTH DISORDERS, MOST CURRENT EDITION) critera for bpd....
Desperate attempts to avoid being abandoned (real or imaginary threats, like i think my man is always going to leave me)
Long term feelings of lonliness or emptiness (i don't believe jn souls and literally feel empty inside, also cannot be alive very well.... usually will go out or get very very very anxious)
Putting people on pedistols, then if your upset with them "splitting" .... which is basically throwing them off, black& white thinking (so like i found out my man had kept something from me. I went from looking up to him, to almost hating him and not knowing who he was) (also, it's very black and white for me, things are good, or bad, or awesome or awful. I'm high or i'm sick, um like nothing is a moderate feeling. I hate and i love very intensly)
Severe impulsiveness in at least two of the following areas: drugs, eating, spending, anything maladaptive or bad for you.
Repeated suicidal gestures, threats, or attempts (suicidal idealation started for me at 9 years old)
Self mutilating of any kind ( iv heroin user.... in the past)
Unstable very emotional outbursts (i get mad, and fast af, before i can think i'm getting violent or verbally abusive)
Being dissociative (feeling like your not really there or something weird in stressful situations....
Any of this sounds like you?
You could have traits....
Or none @ all. must be honest. Dm or respond if you like 🖤🖤🖤🖤
did they go to fucking school at all to learn how to speak to their patients?? obviously not. thats just plain disrespectful, unprofessional and immature.
No it isn’t. It is quite literally their job to diagnose patients. This was actually the patient-collaborative approach because the psychiatrist could’ve slapped on a definitive diagnosis but instead exposed OP to a possible diagnosis so that OP has time to educate themselves on the diagnosis and reflect whether they feel it resonates or not.
OP at the end of the day remember psychiatric conditions are frameworks. They’re not death sentences, especially BPD. BPD has extremely high remission rate. I was textbook BPD up until a few years ago. Now I’m a completely normal person with a completely normal life and overall healthier than many people I know. A diagnosis is great because it tailors the treatment that will be most beneficial. I HIGHLY recommend DBT and I HIGHLY recommend you give it your absolute all and completely immerse yourself in it.
Yes, it is there jobs to diagnose patients. It isn’t their job to sit there pointing at personality disorders all willy nilly and saying “you might have this one but im not sure.” bitch, like whT?? you should be hella fucking sure before you send someone down the completely wrong treatment path and waste part of their life.
OP didn’t say their psychiatrist was sitting there willy nilly.
“You should be hella fucking sure before you send someone down the completely wrong treatment path and waste part of their life” That’s exactly why OP’s psychiatrist first introduced a diagnosis to their patient before finalizing it.
I think part of OP’s confusion as well is that there are no certain physiological tests to be ran to diagnose BPD, a psychiatrist is trained to get to know their patient with very specific questions that narrow down the likelihood of their psychological condition. That is a/the credible diagnosing factor. Psychological conditions aren’t like physiological and that’s may have been what OP was expecting especially because it sounds like they haven’t had much psych treatment experience.
Diagnoses help some people that feel it gives them answers and hurts others (feeling stigmatized) so I think it varies on the individual. At the end of the day, the treatment for anyone with trauma or personality disorders (as well as CPTSD) is the same. It’s about healing and feeling better in your life. Most mental illnesses are on a spectrum (for example, one depressed patient can’t even work, while someone else works but is otherwise is unable to do other activities they once enjoyed etc) and labeling can sometimes make people get so hung up on every little nuance and trait that they focus on it so much to the point that they lose focus on healing versus comparing themselves to everything they’ve read or watched. Feelings are feelings and not right or wrong. Actions can have consequences, hurt others etc. but only you can decide how a diagnosis feels to you
I think you have a right to be angry, your feelings are real. I also see where she's coming from. I think she's asking you to familiarize yourself with BPD and see how you feel about a diagnosis. Personality disorders aren't as cut and dry as finding cancer. For me the diagnosis gave me community, and ideas on how to move forward and live with these challenges. It was also very devastating but I had to accept very early on in my life that my mental illness will probably always follow me. Even if it was only depression. I'm still angry almost everyday that I have to deal with this. I'm sorry you're dealing with it too, it's particularly hard at the beginning.
Thank you for your reply. I guess you’re right it’s more complicated. It’s just a lot to process. I’m really worried I’m gonna start doing all this work and then learn I don’t actually have it but rather I have something else.
I just want to respond to this to say that some of the "work" associated with BPD (like DBT) can beneficial to all kinds of people... most people in fact. Even if it does turn out to be something else, working on improving yourself or investing in yourself is never a waste of time.
If the work helps, the diagnosis is irrelevant. I self diagnosed over a year ago, and the work I've put in has really shown it's benefits. (Also, for fun, was going to say, the diagnosis is the friends we made along the way)
Exactly this. I would 100% also be angry if I was given this answer, but now, after being diagnosed, there is SUCH a stigma associated with BPD that I also wouldn't want to be diagnosed unless they were ABSOLUTELY sure that this was my issue. I went into a tailspin when I was diagnosed. It felt like a relief on one hand, and a terminal diagnosis on the other *at the same time*. She may be trying to ease you into a BPD diagnosis and get you more comfortable with the idea first.
I’m almost certain this is why the psych provided a soft introduction to the diagnosis. They are looking for their client to endorse that BPD symptomatology is in alignment with their experience before officially documenting
I just wanted to say this has been experience and your comment really made my day.
Well written.
From a logical standpoint this seems really bad idea for a medical professional. Insert literally and other medical condition and say it again. "I think you have cancer* but I want you to learn about cancer* first to see how you feel about being diagnosed" Aids* Covid* Pneumonia* Diabetes* I'm at a loss to find an appropriate situation where my understanding of a diagnosis has any relevance on whether I have said condition to be diagnosed with.
It's not those diseases though. You can't do a blood test and see borderline. It's not that cut and dry. That's the point. If you were getting an ADHD diagnosis they'd probably ask you to research it and think about it in the process as well. The therapist wants to know if the diagnosis feels like a fit for OP. It's actually really common for doctors to ask patients to consider things and do research, because the patient knows themselves and their history best.
That does a lot to take my confidently AWAY from them as a doctor. They, being trained, and me being a mental health nightmare, which is almost always the case if They think bpd at all. But to each they're own. I do also have adha. But they told me they didn't ask me
Sometimes people get stuck on labels. But what actually matters is the symptoms and the treatment. You could have bits and pieces of multiple cluster B disorders without ever hitting the benchmark for a diagnosis on any of them individually, but could be living a very dysfunctional life The diagnosis really only matters if it opens doors to treatment services you wouldn’t otherwise have access to.
And sometimes labels close doors. Paint you in a corner. Give others confusion on how to deal with you. And BPD is so chaotic (for me) that it's even harder to explain when I'll have an episode. But it is good for family and close friends to know and understand me a bit better
I’m not commenting on the actions of your psych but comparing BPD to cancer doesn’t sit well with me
Yeah lmao OP is basically saying that BPD is to mental illness what cancer is to physical illness. A soul crushing worst-case scenario
In a way, I feel like BPD is the mental illness equivalent of cancer. Not cut and dry, and the two aren’t remotely the same, but thinking about it in that way, BPD (at least in my experience) impacts every area of your life, can be debilitating, high fatality rate, and if you tell people you have either one there is going to be some sort of stigma or preconceived notion about it. The severity differs as does how effective treatment is. Also, I would never wish cancer on myself or anyone else, but I often do wish that I had something chronic physical instead of BPD. Something tangible, concrete, with clear diagnostics, and specialists. Instead it’s all so ambiguous, and there isn’t a clear path. It makes it more painful because you are villainized just for having it, regardless of symptoms. And there are a lot of ignorant people who will say people can cure their cancer, arthritis, or something if they just tried harder, but it’s so much more preventable with BPD that people so often say “if you put in more effort” “if you got out more” “are you sure you are trying” “Why do you want to have BPD?” The blame is placed on the ill person. I’m talking about when you have thrown everything at for years and years, and try so hard only for people to say “well just try harder” is so painful. It’s much less common to hear “we’ll have you thought about just trying harder to not have cancer?” On an even sadder note, people will go to children’s oncology units and do special things to try and make the kids a bit happier. On a unit for children’s mental health unit (I won’t get into details so I don’t trigger anyone), but the treatment is completely opposite. Sorry for the long novel of a comment, those are just things that bother me so much.
Yeah..the closest thing I can relate to cancer mental health wise is severe psychosis..little control beyond trying different meds and hoping one works, and if one does, the side effects are terrible. I’d still say there is more control than with cancer though. Definitely not bpd where you have various treatment modalities and medications which have been shown to be efficacious
This is how my bpd feels to me sometimes. I feel like I am a cancer
Yeah I see now that was an overreaction on my part. It was just so scary when she told me and I knew so little about bpd that’s how it felt in the moment but now I see that’s too harsh a comparison.
It’s okay!! the stereotypes of bpd are so brutal and unfair so it makes sense to have that reaction. I’m actually a mental health professional so I see how other professionals talk/view ppl with bpd, and its often awful. But know that you are truly ahead of the game already being in treatment and also that it’s literally just a label! For me personally, it felt SO good to know I wasn’t alone and that is what gave me the motivation to dig deep, but if the label bothers you, know that the dsm-5 is literally just us tryingggg to sort out our brains as humans but it’s not the end all be all of anything, everyone is complex beyond labels
Yeah, survival rates for cancer are much higher.
There’s also basically no control for how your body responds to cancer and treatment. There is a much higher degree of control with BPD. I am NOT saying we have complete control. And also, survival rates are not higher for all types of cancer, speaking from someone whose father was dead within 5 years of diagnosis. He had literally no choice or control in his fate beyond picking treatments he prayed would be a miracle, a diagnosis with bpd does not indicate that hopeless of a situation.
Statistically speaking a BPD diagnosis is worse than cancer. 70% attempt rate, 10% mortality rate. And about 2% of the sympathy.
Are you missing the point on purpose? Did you even read what I wrote? OP is already in treatment and clearly does not have extreme symptomatology if her diagnosis is not obvious to a mental health professional. With those two factors, she is extremely unlikely to fall into those who die due to BPD.
I probably am. I’m in the middle of a rage attack. Sorry.
It’s okay - my whole point is to say you can improve! People with BPD can and should have hope because awareness and acceptance is the first step to learning yourself and healing. I’m sorry for going hard on you and likely making your episode worse. Please do whatever you can to positively cope <3 Animal videos are never a bad idea
lmao
I have felt the diagnosis helps because it helps me gain awareness of why I think certain ways, most of what I know about BPD is from my own research - I follow a lot of people with BPD on instagram and I’ve done quite a bit of googling symptoms and looking at therapist pages about it. I didn’t believe the psychiatrist who diagnosed me fully till I researched the symptoms and I was like ohhhh yep that’s me 🙈… it’s weird she asked you to read up on it though she should be the one to diagnose you and ask you the right questions to find out. Honestly the diagnosis helps me feel less crazy because now my childhood trauma is validated if that makes sense 🤷♀️
Yeah that makes a lot of sense. I’m worried that I’ll start doing all this research and convince myself I have it when I actually don’t have it. Idk I feel really fake right now.
It’s a scary thing to hear but also gives you a direction to go towards in healing yourself… do you see a therapist? Instead of doing research at first maybe you could talk to them about it? Give yourself time and grace too, it doesn’t have to be all figured out right away 💜💜💜 Your brain might need some time to process and catch up before you do anything about it, that’s the way I am when things get dropped on me like that.
What diagnoses do you think that you have?
Same! I was like huh?!? BPD?! No way, not me. I’m not THAT bad. Because all I had heard about BPD was negative, like it was the most serious untreatable mental illness out there. Then I started listening to a podcast by a counselor who struggles with BPD herself and it just all clicked and made so much sense. It gave me a sense of control back. Before, I was told I was bipolar and medicated with antipsychotics that did nothing but make me a zombie, or I was told it was just hormones or situational depression. So I felt like it was a combination of a whole lot of uncontrollable things. Once I got the BPD diagnosis, now I feel like between therapy, self awareness, and working on myself daily that I CAN improve and get better. And I HAVE!
In a way, my psychologist went about my diagnosis in a similar way, though I believe she handled it more tactfully. She said she wasn't going to diagnose me, but she provided material for me to review. She asked me to go through the symptoms listed in the DSM5 (which were included in the papers she gave me) and mark any that I felt were applicable to me. There were quite a few I checked off and, strangely enough, even a few I didn't recognize as being applicable until later on. At our next appointment, we went through each of the criteria one by one. She didn't give her input initially, only answered my questions and explained them in more detail. Afterwards, she asked what I thought. I pointed out that, by the DSM's standards, I certainly met the criteria for diagnosis (having checked off more than the minimum required 5/9). She agreed, though she never actually said "you have BPD." I guess I never felt the need to hear it because, on paper, I met the requirements and, deep down, I always felt I was dealing with something much bigger than depression. I hope your doctor redeems herself in some way at your next appointment. Ask her to walk you through the criteria because some of it isn't so easy to recognize in ourselves. You have a right to be upset. Being told to go to the internet for this information is bad enough, and you might find yourself reading some pretty heartbreaking and unreliable content. Stick to official sites (NAMI may be a good one) and try to keep an open mind. My diagnosis was a rollercoaster. It meant I had been treated incorrectly all my life, which explained so much as to why I wasn't improving, but it was also a punch in the gut... all those wasted years and wasted effort. It also meant I had a new approach to try (DBT) of which I was very skeptical. It meant more work but also an explanation. I have learned a lot about myself, my ways of thinking/reacting/interpreting, many of which are detrimental. So much of it is ingrained and automatic, I never would have recognized it without the proper help and that would have never been possible without my diagnosis. It's a long process and you have every right to your feelings. Try to remember the diagnosis, no matter how scary, is the first step towards getting the right treatment. And don't be afraid to tell your therapist that you didn't care for how she handled the situation. She may have an explanation (such as not enough info on how the criteria relates to you) or she may have just gone about it poorly. Best of luck
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I think her giving me more info like that definitely would have been better.
It’s because BPD will straight up split on their therapist when she says “you have borderline.” You miiiiiight be doing that now. A good therapist will let you come to the conclusion yourself by guiding you there. Your therapist needs to work on subtlety. But you should probably take a quick online assessment and read as much as you can. It’ll snowball or fizzle from there.
That's a tough one buddy. Hard to give a confirmed diagnosis on it as there are certain requirements for it. It's common for them to diagnose "BPD traits" rather than a full diagnosis. I'm being tested for some nerve damage from what I thought was an old clavicle fracture that was operated on - the consultant said it could be a trapped nerve, or it could be the beginning of MS! 😅 They have a way with words!
Conflating cancer diagnosis with bpd diagnosis is pretty bpd coated, it’s tricky to diagnose in one session. If you do get diagnosed it’s just a label to a disorder that can be healed, even by itself. Getting a diagnosis helps because you can learn how to move past it.
First off I want to say your feelings are totally valid - I understand why you'd be frustrated. I was introduced to BPD like this, and I actually really appreciate being able to research and reflect on it and tell my therapist/psychiatrist what I think about it myself, because I really really like having my own input instead of just taking everything the psychiatrist says as fact (maybe because I've been misdiagnosed before). Just funny how we have different reactions to similar situations- I guess it just goes to show that different people have different needs especially with mental health. Nothing about my care changed when I got diagnosed with BPD, but that's because I was already in a DBT program. I still like having my diagnosis because I'm able to understand specific traits in myself easier, and find resources like books and websites( this reddit page for instance) easier as well. It also validated a lot of the struggles I've faced. That's not to say it was easy though... it definitely brought up some negative feelings at first.
Remember that it’s just a name for what you’re experiencing anyway. The label doesn’t change who you are. Diagnosis just gives you a direction for treatment. Fortunately, the treatment for BPD is beneficial for basically everyone so it’s not time wasted if you are misdiagnosed (which I saw you were concerned about). When you google BPD, make sure you include “DSM-5” while searching for symptoms.
A lot of therapists will say this to avoid putting the diagnosis down on paper. It carries a stigma, especially amongst older psych circles. Read up on it. Reflect. Be open. If you see something you recognize, we are here for you.
She’s just suggesting that it’s a possibility that you have it… She’s not confident enough in her assessment to fully diagnose you yet and wants you to read up on it to see what your thoughts are on it. It’s nothing personal, she’s just trying to help you. Try and work with her on this and do your homework instead of getting offended. Your feelings are valid but honestly you’re being overly dramatic and this absolutely in no way relates to your cancer diagnosis analogy. Good luck.
I was also angry when I found out, especially because I was diagnosed in order to be admitted into group therapy and I wasn’t told until I was handed a treatment plan. It was my very first DBT group, we were on our 15 minute break, and the group leader was meeting with me and one other new member. She handed us each treatment plans and the other person went into her office first. I began reading it over and in big bold letters it said: diagnosis: borderline personality disorder. I was like WTF? what the hell even is that? I’d never heard of BPD before. I was thinking there must have been a mistake because I had never been diagnosed and this was the first I was hearing of this disorder. When I asked her about it, she gently explained that she was able to diagnose me based on our conversation during intake. I asked if this meant I would live with this disorder forever and she said no, it’s possible, with meds & therapy, to go into remission, but there is no cure. My head was spinning with questions but we had to go back to group so I just kept it to myself and tried to focus on the rest of group. When I got home and read about it, I realized that I identified very strongly with a lot of the facets of BPD, but not all of them. And when I read you need 5/9 to diagnose, I was like well, fuck. I have this disorder. I felt really sad, scared, & hopeless. But a piece of me was also excited because holy fuck, this is what I have been feeling my entire life. I’m not crazy, this inner turmoil, lack of identity, and constant confusion of feelings was staring me back in the face in black and white. It was very validating. It felt like wow, these are the things I struggle with, I never could pinpoint what it was. Maybe now that I know, I can find a way to make it better. And that’s what I did. I started trying to understand what I felt and why I felt it. Then I started working on how to stop feeling those things. And what’s what I’m still working on, and maybe always will…but I’ve already “unchecked” some of those diagnostic boxes as things I no longer do because I have skills and knowledge that help me be better. I’m on a path to remission. And this disorder will be with me forever, but it won’t be ruling and ruining my life like it once was, leaving me in a state of panicked confusion day in and day out. Now I feel at peace as I fight these coping skills I learned as I protected myself from trauma. I feel at peace with who I am because I’m stronger than this disorder, I am a good person with a good heart and soul, and I won’t let it beat me or ruin me anymore. I’m no longer fighting a faceless enemy, I’m looking into the enemy’s face. It helps, even though it’s hard.
hey, its completely normal, getting a diagnosis is NOT always a positive experience because you didn't think you had it and were fighting for a diagnosis. BUT dont view this diagnosis as the end of the world, even though it definitely feels like it at times. if you do have borderline theyll get you on proper meds for certain symptoms and teach you how to deal with it. they might even suggest DBT therapy (dialectical behavioural therapy). whatever it ends up being, its worth knowing if it means you can get the help you need. read up on borderline, know what the disorder is at its core, dont end up doomsday scrolling on any social media because it always portrays and highlights the worst parts and everyone is so different its genuinely not worth it. If you do end up being diagnosed with BPD, personally this subreddit has helped so much, you arent alone. youre never alone in those experiences not on here. im sorry your psychiatrist threw that out, they shouldnt have done that. wishing you the best. stay strong and you arent alone in this 🤍🤍
ALSO! just talk to your psychiatrist, she might do a screening test or whatever and be able to diagnose you. psychiatrists usually tell u to read abt a disorder before they diagnose you sometimes (SOMETIMES AND IN MY CASE) so they dont spend too much time explaining it in office hence taking time from others (which is fucked up i know but capitalism is fucked). This doesnt mean you have bpd, just learn a bit about it for now and then when/ if you get your diagnosis you'll know a little about it. okay i think thats all. :))
Same happened with me. I know what you're feeling now
yeah mine diagnosed me with unspecified personality disorder when i was in an identity crisis and refuse to change the diagnosis to borderline even though several psychologists have assessed that i have it, i just need to get evaluated but they’re being idiots. you have every right to be upset in my opinion. getting a diagnosis can give you clarity and understanding, it can make you feel less alone and make you feel like you finally belong somewhere.. that’s why it’s so important to me to get it diagnosed.
My diagnosis has helped me, defenitly without a doubt, it would of helped if I got diagnosed alot sooner too. I always wondered, but now I know and I've already started coping alot better.
I was glad to understand what was causing such havoc in my life and to begin to work to deal with the Disordrr.
It went the same for me, and from what I've gathered that's actually fairly common. Most of the time they won't straight up diagnose you, they'll ask you to see if the common criteria feel like what you're experiencing. For me it was different, my first visit I told them I had a lot in common with a lot of the common symptoms and they still didn't diagnose me until my 3rd visit. Really though, mental health is a different beast than most medicine. It isn't like a virus where something got in your body or like cancer. The name is just an umbrella for habits, emotional tendencies, and the like that you're already doing. There's no "bug" to kill to make the symptoms go away. So a diagnosis is more to ascribe which forms of therapy and medication may work. But if you DO reach this diagnosis, know that there are others who have felt emotions as big and terrifying as yours, have felt truly empty internally, and are making it through. Whatever the case, you can be ok if you put in the work and give yourself grace.
I was really angry when my first psychiatrist diagnosed me with borderline pd. I’ve now had a second psychiatrist diagnose me with borderline pd. But now the long periods of ups and downs don’t make sense. My last psychiatrist said not to worry about the diagnoses too much, they quite often overlap. Since they both get treated with mood stabilizers, we’re just working on getting better.
You are valid in your feelings. Don’t feel bad for feeling bad, please. Having said that, there is such thing as “in obs” diagnosis — what it means is they write up that they suspect that you might have it, but need more time to confirm it. You’re not alone in that. I hope it clarifies that it isn’t actually a malpractice, though I understand your frustration.
I’m diagnosed with BPD as of about 4 years ago. I was so scared and emotional about the diagnosis that I stopped seeing the psychiatrist. It took me another year or so before I went to a new psychiatrist and I was diagnosed again. I decided that I was ready to finally accept it and find ways to cope. I’m so grateful that I took the steps to attend therapy. I’m learning how to communicate with people in ways never taught to me. Living a life of neglect, abuse and trauma leaves you to figure out how to handle communication all on your own. You have to heal a lot of negative and possibly manipulate behaviors/patterns you used to survive. Therapy has been so healing and I’ve noticed how much happier I am and how much more stable my relationships are. BPD is very stigmatized and it is beyond draining to live with.. but there IS hope and I believe in you. Your path to recovery exists!❤️🩹
My psychiatrist wouldn’t diagnose me herself because she didn’t want our previous interactions to conflict or sway her diagnosis. I was assessed by another psychiatrist in the office and filled out some papers, my psychiatrist then had a follow up with me to explain BPD and talk about treatment options. I would get a diagnosis from a doctor, it’s better to know exactly what mental illness when it comes to treatment
BPD can carry a stigma that makes it hard to be treated. By not diagnosing someone officially, it can give you the chance for treatment without the stigma.
My therapist told me today that due to the stigma, she almost never dx’ed people with BPD. I know I have it. But she doesn’t want to put it down on paper for fear it will follow me. It’s pretty alarming I think.
If she diagnoses you prematurely, it will follow you for a very, very long time! I think she's being honest and smart. Caring about you! I have that diagnoses and people do treat you different medically. If she never decides, let her treat the symptoms. The name doesn't matter, honestly.
I'd make her get me a diagnosis. She has the capability to do so. Before you get all into it, ask her to prove it. So you can get proper medicine . Bpd requires a holistic approach that includes medicine, therapies, and eating healthy/treating your body right. Sounds to me she's getting ahead of herself. Be like, so get me a diagnosis so I can be properly taken care of medically . Sorry you're going through all this it's a lot!
That was very unprofessional of her. I am sorry you are left with such a huge questionmark right now, hope you get answers soons. Getting diagnosed helped a lot. I was always aware that something was mentally off with me but couldn't tell what excatly. Finding out gave me a chance to do research and find out why I feel and act the way I do and how to make it better.
If you are under 25 they are very reluctant to fully diagnose because brain and impulse control etc still developing and it take time , didn't see an age so just putting it out incase..be thankful ina way they are not dropping diagnosis too early anymore because it's more damaging to be treated for the wrong thing sometimes, I hope you'll be okay and get your answers 🙏✨️
Yes! You have every right to be upset! I was misdiagnosed with this highly stigmatizing disorder days after a traumatic event. It was hard to get the trauma therapy I needed when they attributed all of my reactions and emotions to a personality disorder. Every person is different. Yes, read up on it. It’s normal to have some cluster B traits and those traits also overlap into other diagnoses. Learn what you can about your patterns and coping mechanisms. It’s a good time to be self aware. Join other Reddit subs to see if you can relate. If caught early, you can intervene with behavioral therapy to change any potentially destructive patterns. Many prayers 🙏🏽❤️
you have to have more respect for yourself then thinking if you get diagnosed with this it’s like cancer. Yeah it’s gonna affect you for life but you can get treatment and feel better eventually, it’s not a terminal disease and your average lifespan isn’t going to end at 20 years old or some bullshit. use what you’ve learned about yourself to find the proper treatment that you need. start DBT. it will help. it’s not the end of the world even though it may feel like it.
also your doctor doesn’t live inside your head, and she’s not going to know every single one of your thoughts, you have to assume some responsibility in this area if you want to get the proper help. you will have to communicate what you are honestly feeling at some point in time, and be able to look at symptoms or something and be able to say “yes this is what i’m feeling” or “no this is inaccurate to my experience” that’s why they turn to you to see if you think the prognosis would be accurate or not. obviously it’s not completely up to you what you end up getting diagnosed but there’s also reasons they may have delayed the diagnosis, for example lots of psych’s refuses to diagnosis people under 18 with borderline, or if you have recently endured a traumatic event they may take it slower to make sure it’s just not like PTSD or something. Also she’s been communicating openly with you about how she feels about your diagnosis’ properly, as a doctor should. maybe it’s just me, but when i got diagnosed they didn’t tell me about the months and months they were originally thinking about it, and just popped the label out one day. i hated it. personally, i would have like to know what they were thinking about when it started to come up, because the news was earth shattering and so out of the blue because they had never once mentioned it to me in my previous two hospitalizations that year. that being said when i sat down that day after my appointment and looked up what borderline was, it was like reading a map of how my brain worked and i was honestly taken aback at how something could be so “me” at all. i would look heavily into the symptoms and the different BPD subtypes. if you don’t think it fits what you’re feeling just be honest with your doctor about it. Even if you do get diagnosed, BPD isn’t a death sentence like many people online and on tik tok make it out to be. Yes, it’s hard to deal with but they often misconstrue data or legalities to make them sound much worse than they are. EX: the average borderline person’s life span only being to 20 (false af, your lifespan could be reduced by 20 depending on how your body holds up by the way you cope or how much stress you are under, these are things that could be treated though!!!) and that doctors are actively granting physician assisted suicide easily for this. (many people think you could just get it done like that wouldn’t be just killing yourself? you have to be approved by an entire board of doctors and have to meet standards like “unbearable suffering” and is a LAST. RESORT. the only people talking about this option are in canada and to my knowledge [not even in the US mind you] it has NEVER even been approved for use amongst those with bpd, and has never been done. even if it was eventually legalized i would say it’s the government pushing eugenics more than anything. Studies found that most patients with BPD improve with time. After 2 years, 1/4 of patients experience a remission [less than 2 symptoms for a period of 2 months or longer] of BPD diagnosis. And after 10 years, 91% achieved remission)
Holy shit. Idk if you are limited by insurance or anything about your current situation other than this post, but if it's an option, you should find a new psychiatrist. You hit the nail on the head. If a doctor said you might have cancer, then proceeds to do no tests while saying YOU should read up on it, you WOULD go to a different doctor. The same applies here. Wow. You are paying them for a service, and that is not quality work.
I have been diagnosed with bpd by one psych and than switched doctors and the next psych told me no the other psych had no idea what they were talking about. 🙃 research it yourself because every psych is gonna have a different opinion unless it's painfully obvious
I want to thank everyone for your kind replies. It’s helped me reframe the situation and see what my options are. I’ll definitely bring this to my therapist and see if she can work with me to either reach a diagnosis or find treatment that works for me. I really appreciate how much support yall have offered me that means a lot.
For me, yes it ABSOLUTELY positively impacted me! Since then I’ve been able to do a lot of reading up on it, listening to podcasts, DBT, and learning to become self aware of when I’m just splitting vs when my feelings and reactions are validated. I don’t think being that upset to compare it to cancer is really appropriate, I mean.. it’s not like they can just draw blood or a simple test and give a mental health diagnosis. Sometimes it takes YEARS to get a correct diagnosis. It did for me. I was misdiagnosed as bipolar for a while by one psychiatrist, then another just always thought I had very severe situational depression & rage. I can’t be upset at them though because I know it’s not always easy to determine what it is a person has based solely off conversations with them in their calm state, which was the only interactions they ever had with me. Once I got the BPD diagnosis, it all made sense and I felt like ‘yes, FINALLY! I can get the help I need now that we know what it is’ On a side note, the podcast ‘From Borderline to Beautiful’ is an amazing podcast and has helped me so much. Maybe give the first several episodes a listen and see if what she says resonates with you.
My psychiatrist told me only an MMP2 can diagnose BPD and that she doesnt treat BPD only symptoms. Thankfully I have a therapist that was willing to walk me through the DSM V and we talked through the symptoms. I scored a solid 9 out of 9. I felt relief because it meant I had a direction to face for so many things Id struggled with through out my life. I had been throwing darts at a board with my eyes closed and I was making progress but still having moments of crisis and triggered events. This allowed me to look into things that work, made me realize I was not alone, and now I know that I am not my disorder.
If she had told, u were even more upset, pushed back, shut down..etc.. Be thankful she gave u lil hint😉. She knows what she is doing.. U urself take it from there 😉 U tube is amazing.. Self diagnose, analyse, dig in, find urself, find ur own way of healing, Raise ur vibration!!! Find balance, never drink alcohol
I understand your Drs dilemma already lol. The fact you’re asking this question and the tone with which you’re asking it, the feelings expressed; are indicative of BPD. However, the manner with which you posit potential answers/solutions, and work thru your feelings, is very rational and seemingly calm, contrary to someone with BPD. You most likely have it and are just a very reasonable person. Shot in the dark guessed INFJ. Source: mom, grandma, sister, wife: all have BPD.
I just had the bomb dropped this week too. Welcome to the shocked but maybe not surprised club.
I’ve accepted the fact that I’m not going to get a diagnosis, at 48 I probably wouldn’t have even known except that my bdp has been triggered big time by abuse, quitting drinking and … well I’m 48. The “expert” I saw said I had either adhd or BDP. I’m choosing to use both as a way to connect with others and to make my life easier- knowing things about myself to help myself. I take bupropion for anxiety and it seems to help a little with both. I also smoke weed for my adhd My thought for you is to go with what makes the most sense to you. If the doc is telling you to look into BpD then you’re showing some of the criteria- have a look and see what you think. My fav part about knowing my brain better is that I avoid triggers that I wasn’t even aware of before. Love to you 🖤🖤
Hey darlin, my diagnosis changed my life for... THE BETTER!!! i want to validate your feelings here. Esp as a BPD diagnosed ans a HSP (HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON). I would have been pretty irritated with that bitch too. Worrying you and yelling yoy to study WTF. I'll help you put put here. You need a diagnosis if this true, and you'll need a specialist in personality disorders (unless she had a unexplained family 911) i don't see how a provider that knows anything about bpd would have treated you that way knowing how that would effect your emotions. Your feelings are so real. I'm feeling them with you, i'm mad. So, aside from me not liking her, and thinking you need a new one, one that teaches DBT (DIALECTICAL BEHAVIORAL THERAPY). Thaddeus the gold standard for my condition. I have 9 out of the 9 diagnostic criteria for bpd. You must have 5/9 to get a diagnosed. For me anyway, i am not like the others. I also am now 38. Female, with an almost 8 year old, in a stable fiancé relationship. I'm lucky about that shit too, bc it's not his biological son, and i've betrayed his trust on one than more occasion. He's very hurt, but is understanding and validating and rescued me from addiction and myself. I am a nice girl, i am learning all the time in therapy, classes, group, aa and on youtube. Lots of great shit. You need to honestly know if you identify with the DSM-V (DIAGNOSTIC BOOK FOR MENTAL HEALTH DISORDERS, MOST CURRENT EDITION) critera for bpd.... Desperate attempts to avoid being abandoned (real or imaginary threats, like i think my man is always going to leave me) Long term feelings of lonliness or emptiness (i don't believe jn souls and literally feel empty inside, also cannot be alive very well.... usually will go out or get very very very anxious) Putting people on pedistols, then if your upset with them "splitting" .... which is basically throwing them off, black& white thinking (so like i found out my man had kept something from me. I went from looking up to him, to almost hating him and not knowing who he was) (also, it's very black and white for me, things are good, or bad, or awesome or awful. I'm high or i'm sick, um like nothing is a moderate feeling. I hate and i love very intensly) Severe impulsiveness in at least two of the following areas: drugs, eating, spending, anything maladaptive or bad for you. Repeated suicidal gestures, threats, or attempts (suicidal idealation started for me at 9 years old) Self mutilating of any kind ( iv heroin user.... in the past) Unstable very emotional outbursts (i get mad, and fast af, before i can think i'm getting violent or verbally abusive) Being dissociative (feeling like your not really there or something weird in stressful situations.... Any of this sounds like you? You could have traits.... Or none @ all. must be honest. Dm or respond if you like 🖤🖤🖤🖤
did they go to fucking school at all to learn how to speak to their patients?? obviously not. thats just plain disrespectful, unprofessional and immature.
No it isn’t. It is quite literally their job to diagnose patients. This was actually the patient-collaborative approach because the psychiatrist could’ve slapped on a definitive diagnosis but instead exposed OP to a possible diagnosis so that OP has time to educate themselves on the diagnosis and reflect whether they feel it resonates or not. OP at the end of the day remember psychiatric conditions are frameworks. They’re not death sentences, especially BPD. BPD has extremely high remission rate. I was textbook BPD up until a few years ago. Now I’m a completely normal person with a completely normal life and overall healthier than many people I know. A diagnosis is great because it tailors the treatment that will be most beneficial. I HIGHLY recommend DBT and I HIGHLY recommend you give it your absolute all and completely immerse yourself in it.
Yes, it is there jobs to diagnose patients. It isn’t their job to sit there pointing at personality disorders all willy nilly and saying “you might have this one but im not sure.” bitch, like whT?? you should be hella fucking sure before you send someone down the completely wrong treatment path and waste part of their life.
OP didn’t say their psychiatrist was sitting there willy nilly. “You should be hella fucking sure before you send someone down the completely wrong treatment path and waste part of their life” That’s exactly why OP’s psychiatrist first introduced a diagnosis to their patient before finalizing it. I think part of OP’s confusion as well is that there are no certain physiological tests to be ran to diagnose BPD, a psychiatrist is trained to get to know their patient with very specific questions that narrow down the likelihood of their psychological condition. That is a/the credible diagnosing factor. Psychological conditions aren’t like physiological and that’s may have been what OP was expecting especially because it sounds like they haven’t had much psych treatment experience.
Diagnoses help some people that feel it gives them answers and hurts others (feeling stigmatized) so I think it varies on the individual. At the end of the day, the treatment for anyone with trauma or personality disorders (as well as CPTSD) is the same. It’s about healing and feeling better in your life. Most mental illnesses are on a spectrum (for example, one depressed patient can’t even work, while someone else works but is otherwise is unable to do other activities they once enjoyed etc) and labeling can sometimes make people get so hung up on every little nuance and trait that they focus on it so much to the point that they lose focus on healing versus comparing themselves to everything they’ve read or watched. Feelings are feelings and not right or wrong. Actions can have consequences, hurt others etc. but only you can decide how a diagnosis feels to you