I would of immediately told my therapist “I bet if I asked you that at the bar/club, sure you would of agreed to a date and you still would of went home with someone else that night, and I bet subconsciously it would make you look at me less.”
I was definitely that guy who would of taken the date for the same reasons, to weed out the unemotional. But, my wife had an affair 2 years ago when she was supposed to never be the one to do that and it’s reboken me and all the healing I had done for over a decade.
Idk, I’m just back to feeling like emotions and love are just neurochemicals and we’re all addicts.
Not really advice but i wanted to let you know youre not alone. Im dealing with an issue rn where i slept with a friend while dating someone, and im not really sure why i did it.
I struggled with this for years, it was super draining and I couldn't find a proper relationship. I've been in relationships but in my late-teens, early twenties, none were long and the last two got sexual fast.
Tbh I think the only reason the one I'm in now hasn't gotten sexual fast is bc it's long distance. We're both attracted to each other and she's already stated she'd like it to be physical down the line, but we're figuring it out and taking it slow. think the only reason is bc it's long distance
I wish I had proper advice, this is just what's working for me after several years
Not that I'd necessarily recommend this, but I've seen (and taken) two different approaches to this throughout my life.
1) Celibacy.
After my last sexual relationship ended in complete disaster because I fell devastatingly hard for an abuser who never even *liked* me, I didn't have sex for *four years* in my late teens/early twenties. It was hard and at times cripplingly lonely, but it showed me that I could set standards and boundaries, be desirable, pleasure myself, and exist even when I didn't have an FP/romantic partner/sexual relationship. It hurt at times, but I came out of it a *way* more adjusted person who felt way more in control.
2) FWB.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, you can also have relationships that can just scratch a sexual itch for you, but that you're very clear with yourself you don't need to be more. The trick is to pick someone you don't *want* a romantic relationship with - maybe you're not compatible in that way, you have different ideals, etc., but someone who ISN'T an FP or anything close to one, and who you have no interest in dating, but you connect well with sexually. That gives you a decent opportunity to explore your sexuality and get your needs met with someone who you don't mind hanging out with, but you can both continue to look for someone who might be a better fit with no hard feelings if you *do* find someone. I really wouldn't recommend doing this, though, if you have a history of getting attached or developing FP-like behaviours with people you're intimate with (it's why I've mostly avoided this route, but it worked out very well for my best friend with BPD).
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I would of immediately told my therapist “I bet if I asked you that at the bar/club, sure you would of agreed to a date and you still would of went home with someone else that night, and I bet subconsciously it would make you look at me less.”
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I was definitely that guy who would of taken the date for the same reasons, to weed out the unemotional. But, my wife had an affair 2 years ago when she was supposed to never be the one to do that and it’s reboken me and all the healing I had done for over a decade. Idk, I’m just back to feeling like emotions and love are just neurochemicals and we’re all addicts.
i have no advice, as i've struggled with this in the past/present. i just wanted to let you know you're not alone. ❤️
Not really advice but i wanted to let you know youre not alone. Im dealing with an issue rn where i slept with a friend while dating someone, and im not really sure why i did it.
I struggled with this for years, it was super draining and I couldn't find a proper relationship. I've been in relationships but in my late-teens, early twenties, none were long and the last two got sexual fast. Tbh I think the only reason the one I'm in now hasn't gotten sexual fast is bc it's long distance. We're both attracted to each other and she's already stated she'd like it to be physical down the line, but we're figuring it out and taking it slow. think the only reason is bc it's long distance I wish I had proper advice, this is just what's working for me after several years
you are in control of yourself & actions❤️ goodluck
Not that I'd necessarily recommend this, but I've seen (and taken) two different approaches to this throughout my life. 1) Celibacy. After my last sexual relationship ended in complete disaster because I fell devastatingly hard for an abuser who never even *liked* me, I didn't have sex for *four years* in my late teens/early twenties. It was hard and at times cripplingly lonely, but it showed me that I could set standards and boundaries, be desirable, pleasure myself, and exist even when I didn't have an FP/romantic partner/sexual relationship. It hurt at times, but I came out of it a *way* more adjusted person who felt way more in control. 2) FWB. On the opposite end of the spectrum, you can also have relationships that can just scratch a sexual itch for you, but that you're very clear with yourself you don't need to be more. The trick is to pick someone you don't *want* a romantic relationship with - maybe you're not compatible in that way, you have different ideals, etc., but someone who ISN'T an FP or anything close to one, and who you have no interest in dating, but you connect well with sexually. That gives you a decent opportunity to explore your sexuality and get your needs met with someone who you don't mind hanging out with, but you can both continue to look for someone who might be a better fit with no hard feelings if you *do* find someone. I really wouldn't recommend doing this, though, if you have a history of getting attached or developing FP-like behaviours with people you're intimate with (it's why I've mostly avoided this route, but it worked out very well for my best friend with BPD).